07-04-25 - On Bike Ride John Might've Witnessed A Private Eye Following A Woman And Now He's Going Through All Possible Scenarios Of Why He Was - BO

Summary

Summary of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona" Episode (07-04-25)

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Introduction

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness aired on July 4, 2025, host John Holmberg and his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo dive into a captivating and somewhat unsettling story narrated by co-host Maddie Akupd. The episode primarily revolves around Maddie's bike ride where she potentially witnesses suspicious activity involving a private investigator trailing a woman. The discussion blends humor, speculation, and suspense, characteristic of Holmberg's aim to entertain and provoke thought among listeners.

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The Bike Ride Incident

Timestamp: [01:09] - [08:22]

Maddie recounts her experience from the previous day while preparing for the biking season. While riding up Dreamy Draw, a popular biking trail, she decides to engage in some cardio by ditching her bike to jog up a hill. Approximately halfway up, she realizes her shoe is untied, prompting her to tie it before continuing.

As she reaches the top, Maddie observes a man exiting a car with a sizable camera lens, approximately 8-10 inches in size, suggesting he might be a private investigator or someone with ulterior motives. The man sets up his equipment near a pool area, prompting Maddie to slow down her descent on the hill. She notices a woman across the street walking with a duffel bag, seemingly unaware of the photographer's presence.

Notable Quote:

Maddie Akupd [03:17]: "He goes crazy. You can't hear him. He's far away, but he's going nuts."

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Speculations and Possible Scenarios

Timestamp: [08:22] - [16:43]

The co-hosts engage in lively speculation about the nature of the incident. Maddie considers various possibilities:

1. Nature Photographer: The man might simply be taking pictures of the environment or wildlife.
2. Private Investigator: He could be tracking the woman for personal or professional reasons, possibly related to fraud or other investigations.
3. Stalker or Ex-Boyfriend: There's a chance the man is obsessively following the woman, potentially leading to dangerous outcomes.
4. Criminal Activity: Maddie hypothesizes about drug transactions or other illicit activities, drawing parallels to TV shows and movies like "Magnum PI."

Notable Quotes:

Maddie Akupd [05:18]: "I could see you. It was so obvious that you were."

Maddie Akupd [06:10]: "He might have just been a nature photographer."

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Maddie's "What If" Scenarios

Timestamp: [16:43] - [26:37]

The conversation shifts to Maddie's imaginative "what if" scenarios, inspired by the incident:

• Assuming a Detective Role: Maddie fantasizes about approaching the woman, declaring herself a former private investigator to warn her about being followed.
• Involvement in a Sting Operation: She considers the excitement of being part of a drug sting but also acknowledges the dangers involved.
• Creating a Heroic Narrative: Maddie expresses a desire for her actions to culminate in a dramatic, heroic story rather than a mundane or tragic outcome.

Humorous Interjections: The hosts inject humor into the discussion, referencing pop culture (e.g., "Adriana from the Sopranos") and making light-hearted remarks about potential outcomes of Maddie's interventions.

Notable Quotes:

Maddie Akupd [22:53]: "I'm telling you, don't believe a second of that. A girl walks by, and she seems a little bit confused. Can I help you out?"

Brett [22:54]: "Now what if she said, you know, the bag was heavy and you could see it partially open."

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Reflecting on Past Experiences

Timestamp: [26:37] - [32:25]

Maddie reflects on previous encounters during her bike rides that involved suspicious activities:

• Meth Busts in Arcadia: She recalls witnessing a significant drug bust near her residence, emphasizing the prevalence of such activities in her area.
• Confrontations with Armed Officers: Maddie describes an intense situation where she saw multiple armed officers surrounding a house, adding to the suspense of her narrative.

These memories underscore the unpredictable nature of her biking trails and the blend of everyday life with unexpected dramatic events.

Notable Quotes:

Maddie Akupd [16:43]: "With your robe on. And a pipe."

Maddie Akupd [28:15]: "The wind kept catching them. I'm like, I might as well have had a bikini on."

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Community and Listener Engagement

Timestamp: [18:00] - [29:21]

The episode highlights interactions with listeners and community members:

• Listener Ben's Offer: Maddie mentions a listener named Ben who gifted her a handcrafted Steelers-themed knit hat made from old beer cans, showcasing community support and creativity.

• Humorous Banter: The hosts engage in playful exchanges about the incident, blending real-life events with fictional and comedic elements to entertain the audience.

Notable Quotes:

Maddie Akupd [19:25]: "'Putting your nose where you don't belong.' This one's I understand. It's good you didn't get involved, John."

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Concluding Thoughts and Reflections

Timestamp: [29:21] - [32:25]

As the episode draws to a close, Maddie and the co-hosts reflect on the day's events and the intriguing nature of unexpected encounters:

• Desire for Adventure: Maddie expresses a longing for more exciting and meaningful experiences, contrasting her current routine with the adrenaline of potential heroic deeds.

• Acknowledgment of Everyday Boredom: Despite the riveting incidents, there's a recognition of the mundane aspects of daily life, prompting a humorous take on balancing excitement with routine.

Notable Quotes:

Maddie Akupd [31:13]: "It's all so convoluted and fun. There I am in a pair of shorts that were way too short for a bike ride yesterday."

Maddie Akupd [32:25]: "I just r word my way through this thing."

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully combines storytelling with lively discussions, offering listeners a blend of suspense, humor, and relatable musings. Maddie's encounter on her bike ride serves as a catalyst for exploring themes of curiosity, heroism, and the allure of the unknown. The hosts' engaging banter and speculative insights keep the audience entertained while pondering the mysteries that can unfold in everyday life.

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Note: The episode contains humorous and speculative content that blends real-life observations with fictionalized scenarios for entertainment purposes. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

[Patrick Riley]

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[Maddie Akupd]

The best of Homburg's Morning sickness. I'm Maddie Akupd. Speaking of doing something weird and dirty, thinking about this, I rode my bike yesterday. Not that I wasn't. Brett. Let me just. Let me start over. Let me start over. I was masturbating publicly. Well, you know, I understand that. Let me start all over. I was riding my bike yesterday and Brett knows the area well. So I'm riding up Dreamy Draw. Yeah. So what I'm doing right now is just to get my legs back in shape for biking season because I don't like the bees and the snakes and they seem to be everywhere right about now. Although we're coming out of that time. I ride up Dreamy Draw. There's this little section where you're going through a neighborhood and then you stop and there's mountain I can run up, just kind of jog up the hill and then come back. So I ditch my bike and I run up right there by some condos and some and it's not like a condo complex but like townhouses I guess. So I ditched the bike in the bushes, hit the thing, run up the hill. And about halfway up the hill I realized my Shoe's untied. I'm like, I got a mess on my hands. I stopped, tie my shoe and kind of walk lazily up the rest of the hill. I'm paying attention to what's going on behind me because there's some, like, a car parked, and I don't think he saw me at all. So I get up on the top of the hill, and I looked down. The guy's getting out of the car, and he's got this bag. And he goes by. There's this, like, section where there's, like, a pool for a comp. It's like, on the mountainside. I'm on top of the hill. He kind of hides behind this bush. And he's got a camera, like a lens, but probably about the size of this microphone. Maybe, like, 8, 10 inches.

[Brett]

Big old zoom lens.

[Maddie Akupd]

Not big, but big enough to notice that it's a zoom lens, right? And he gets behind this bush and sets up shot. I'm like, maybe he's a nature photographer. So I come humping it down the hill a little bit, and I see a lady parked across the street from where I got my bike in the bush. I see her parked across the street. She gets out, gets in the back of her car bag. I look back at the photographer. He's going crazy. You can't hear him. He's far away, but he's going nuts. Like, he's moving. And I know exactly where he is. She has no idea he's there. And then she walks with this bag from where she parked.

[Brett]

She.

[Maddie Akupd]

She passes, like, nine houses and then turns left down the street to walk to a house with a whole bunch. Something terrible was happening. I think I witnessed a private investigator or. I don't know what was going on, but, like, I wanted to tell her. I almost. I almost went over. And so not for nothing, but whatever you're doing, somebody's photographing it. And I'm on my bike, and she's still walking. And I'm like, I kind of want to let her know. And I didn't. I was too afraid to be involved in it.

[Patrick Riley]

Stay out of it.

[Maddie Akupd]

One of the coolest things I've ever seen.

[Patrick Riley]

Thought you're gonna tell me you lost another pivot up there.

[Maddie Akupd]

No, no.

[Patrick Riley]

Here we go again.

[Maddie Akupd]

I know My. My bike is fine. All points bulletin would have been that if somebody stole my pivot, I'm like, hey, picture man, let's get on this. The. I've never seen that before. I've never seen it in action. He didn't like he didn't see me at all. Which makes him either bad at it or didn't care. Or maybe not a private investigator, maybe just trying to bust this cash or drug transaction. What is going on? So I.

[Patrick Riley]

Somebody.

[Maddie Akupd]

That's what I thought too. Like is she. But how bad is she at that? And what's in the bag? I mean it was like a duffel bag.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's not with a transaction of some sort.

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, maybe, but. But she was kind of dressed nicely. Yeah, that's right.

[Brett]

Going in for an overnighter.

[Maddie Akupd]

Maybe at 4:30, 5 o'. Clock. I mean at 5 o' clock she starts the overnighter.

[Brett]

The summer I'm at the airport, catch my flight. She stays here.

[Maddie Akupd]

But she parked way down the road.

[Brett]

Doesn't want anyone else to know.

[Maddie Akupd]

Right, but if you don't want anybody else to know, you don't park where she parked and then walk in broad daylight with a duffel bag all the way down the street. Doesn't want anyone else to know. I knew. I'm an idiot and I knew.

[Patrick Riley]

So you were by the houses over there.

[Maddie Akupd]

You know what I'm talking. No, no, no, no. It was way up close to where the bridge goes over 51 to Northern. That road we take, that is mountain on the right.

[Patrick Riley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Maddie Akupd]

And then. But it's not like mountain yet. It's just a butte. Yeah, that's the mountain. I jumped up, I ran up. It was weird. And I really can't stop thinking about all the things that was there. Murder, she cleaning something up. Are they in on it together? Was this some sort of duffel bags? Right.

[Patrick Riley]

I went to meet Sancho up there, you know, kind of like that's what.

[Maddie Akupd]

I like to think. But then I want it, but. So I stopped my ride for a second. Just kind of rode around. On my map, my ride app, there's this section where I was kind of meandering around the neighborhood real slow. Like I normally like 12 to 15 miles an hour just flying along. This one is a 3. Barely move and I'm going in and out if I'm looking for. But I just went all the way down the road and went back. I don't know where she ended up, but it was. And to the private investigator, you know, keep an eye open, man, I could see you. It was so obvious that you were. If you're a PI maybe he's just a stalker and he's going to kill her. Or maybe he's a weirdo ex boyfriend and he's building one of those walls of her, you know, like in a one hour photo where he just takes a thousand photos and then makes a big picture out of all those photos of her. It was creepy. I've never seen that before. I was kind of like, what if.

[Brett]

He'S filming for her too? She's taking pictures to record everything just in case something happens or goes down.

[Maddie Akupd]

I don't know, like long distance pictures to say she's doing it. Like she's. He's proving he's providing evidence to the cartel. Yeah. That she's actually doing what they asked her to do. It could be. I like that. I don't know. It was weird. And I'm. I don't.

[Brett]

So many times you see those, you know, Nat Geos locked up abroad or whatever, they're delivering packages.

[Maddie Akupd]

That's the thing I thought of too is those TV shows that I watch where there's always.

[Brett]

Just drop it off at this address.

[Maddie Akupd]

There's like a thousand photographs of the bad guy or the girl or the, you know, whoever's going in with Sancho and whatever. Somebody's got like a hundred pictures of them walking forward. I've never seen a private investigator actually in action. And I think that's what it was. But again, maybe not. Maybe a horrible murder is about to happen and this guy's been following her around. There's a restraining order. He can't get enough of her. She was a little thick in all the right ways, you know.

[Patrick Riley]

Oh, nice.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. Pair of jeans, flowery top.

[Patrick Riley]

I'm going with horror.

[Maddie Akupd]

I think so too. Horror seems to be the most reasonable one. Especially at five in the afternoon. Just got off work by the houses.

[Patrick Riley]

And she's got, you know, she walked.

[Maddie Akupd]

To a house, she kind of, you know, nonchalant, but also didn't park in the right spot. But again, when her car was in, like, if she's trying to hide her car, she did a terrible job. It was on the. Was the busiest road. She could have parked way far away and then walked. But she parked like a little bit from the road. I don't know. It was good stuff though. The whole rest of the ride I was thinking about like, what's going on. It's like a murder. Is she now in the throes of passion and that guy's gonna go bust in and tell her he knows or is he going to take it home? I'm kind of hoping he's the husband. And then he took the pictures and then when she comes home, he's got them just laid out all over the place.

[Brett]

What were you doing here?

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah, what are you doing? I thought. What were you following? What were you doing first? And then on the news later, I did watch, just in case there was, like, a somebody was killed. And on Dreamy draw because it looked bad. It doesn't look good.

[Patrick Riley]

Stay out of it.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah, probably stay out of it.

[Patrick Riley]

Could be another Jodi Arias thing.

[Maddie Akupd]

That's. I thought of her, too. Brett, you and I are on the same page here. But I wanted.

[Brett]

Curious to see how long she stayed in there.

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, see, now, that's why I wanted to roll up. I wanted her reaction when I just want to roll by. And in my brain, I came up with all these things that I would say. I would roll by and go, hey, I'm a former private investigator, and I just noticed that you're being followed. I don't know what you're doing, and I don't care. And see if she keeps going, if she laughs or if she goes back to her car. And then my. Then my brain would have run wild with what could have happened if she'd have turned around.

[Brett]

It's off. It's off.

[Patrick Riley]

And then I'm delivery.

[Maddie Akupd]

Then I'm in the picture, and he's like, hey, somebody alerted her. Until, yeah, whatever. And I'm the rat. And so that's why Brett says, stay on it. Hey, who? Real loud, and see if she turned around over here. I. You say don't get involved, but for the story I could have had, getting involved would have been great. If I could do it over again, and I know that Jay Ackerman is listening, and he'd be like, no, I. I would totally get involved now that I have it in my head what I would say. Because the whole rest of the bike ride, I'm thinking about scenarios and what I would have said and how I would have done this. And I would have gone over there and said. And that was my big takeaway. I'm a former private investigator, and I even came up with a name with this. I was. I thought of a guy, played baseball, Brendan Jenkins. And I'm like, I'm Brendan Jenkins. I'm a former private investigator. And I'm. I just. And I would ride by real slow. I wouldn't stop. Like, you're being followed. What? You're being followed. There's a guy taking pictures of you back there. And if I. Oh, damn it. I. That's what I want a time machine for now.

[Patrick Riley]

Remember Adriana from the Sopranos?

[Maddie Akupd]

Damn it. Why do you gotta Bring that up. Well, she's just a rat. I'm not a rat.

[Patrick Riley]

That could have been what she was doing too. You never know.

[Maddie Akupd]

I'm an observer.

[Brett]

Well, you know, if you would.

[Maddie Akupd]

I don't know these people. Adriana knew who she was talking to.

[Patrick Riley]

I'm just saying if you would have.

[Maddie Akupd]

Went.

[Brett]

And approached her and said, I'm John Holmberg.

[Maddie Akupd]

No.

[Brett]

She might have said no, you look like Brady Bogan.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah, she might not.

[Patrick Riley]

You know, confused to your.

[Maddie Akupd]

To your scenario there. The sun was out. So if the sun had sunk a little bit lower behind Squaw Peak, formerly known as Squaw Peak Mountain, you might be right. You're Brady. I can't see very well when the sun's half down. You're so similar. So I. I don't know what it was, but if I could do it again. All that stuff I had in my head. I came up with fake names. I. And Brenda Jenks was a good one. That was a solid ending. But.

[Patrick Riley]

Excuse me, ma'.

[Maddie Akupd]

Am. I'm John J. Oh, that's not bad start. I'm John J. No, you're not. You look human.

[Brett]

Agent John J.

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, I just wanted to. And I don't know why I came up with that. That I was the former. I watched way too much TV as a kid. That's what Magnum would have done.

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[Maddie Akupd]

Homburg's morning sickness. Magnum would have ridden by and said something like, hey, something, you're being followed. Follow me.

[Brett]

Now what if she said, you know, the bag was heavy and you could see it partially open. She goes, could you help me get this bag up there? And you saw there's cash in there.

[Maddie Akupd]

There's the other thing.

[Brett]

Would you deliver the bag?

[Maddie Akupd]

Here's the Magnum PI Moment for me in this scenario is that she had that bag. And then I went by and said, you're being followed. Somebody's give me the bag. I'll put it on my shoulder and Right away. We'll shake hands. Laugh. Shake hands. Laughing right away. Then go back to your car. I'll take off. If I see this car follow me any further, I'll just dump it in the woods or something. I came up with every. Like I rode for another hour.

[Brett]

Alive for five more minutes.

[Maddie Akupd]

Oh, and then. Yeah, but how great is that ending? Like, what was John doing? You guys have. Because I'm not really involved in this. But how great would have been the next day that I'm involved in a money drop and I get killed.

[Brett]

Drug sting.

[Maddie Akupd]

And then you guys are like, what the hell? Didn't we know about this?

[Brett]

I knew it the whole time.

[Maddie Akupd]

And then I would be watching from a bubble breeze, like, he let me.

[Brett]

I knew I. I knew I called it.

[Maddie Akupd]

I didn't say anything just to see what his reaction would be. Yeah, you know, you guys all play know it all, even though none of it's real. No, Brad. What if I got no idea what.

[Patrick Riley]

Who's this?

[Maddie Akupd]

Who's this, John? What? Yeah, is Chuck Powell coming in this morning? What's going on?

[Brett]

He's not the guy I work with.

[Patrick Riley]

And this guy Christopher brings up a good point. Could be paying a ransom, but.

[Maddie Akupd]

So then the guy has to take photos of her. But I didn't take pictures of her going to the house. He took pictures of her leaving her car. And I'm not kidding. She walked five or six houses, made a left, and she had another. Because there's no houses where she makes a left. It's all side street that she'd had to go.

[Brett]

Instructed not to park near the place. I mean, obviously that Isn't it more.

[Maddie Akupd]

Obvious if a dummy like me is looking like, why are you carrying a bag that far? Go park in front of his house. I mean, it's not like there was a restricted parking lot or a gate or anything. She could have gone right over if it was not. They made it look a lot worse than it was. Oh, I do it all over. I would just go back right up to her, give her my fake former private investigator name, take the bag, say, I got you. Meet me at the bridge or something. I tell her something stupid like where we would end up meeting. I want to get involved in stuff like that. I want that. It is idiotic, but it is kind of. It's just a better life. Otherwise, I'm just riding around looking like an arm short life. Sure. It's not gonna be that long anyway, the way I'm going, it's. I just r word my way through this thing. And then at the end, it's like, I wanna. I kind of want a magnificent story. I don't want to be a guy that just sits there on his, you know, getting ice chips shoved down his throat. More ice cream, please. Like, I don't want my last few days just some nurse giving me ice cream. And that's it. I want a story.

[Brett]

Detective Broomhead. I just wanna.

[Maddie Akupd]

Mike Broomhead from Detective Tactical. Tactical Detectives. I don't know. Listen to me. You're being followed.

[Patrick Riley]

And Jim Cross will be in the bushes reporting.

[Maddie Akupd]

All right, well, there he goes. The idiot's gonna get shot. Not real sure what he did that for. Jim Cross, go yourself. Kitchen. I would love for. Yeah, I. I blew it. I blew it. Getting involved in that was the right route. I should have done. Damn it. Because it's just so interesting and you need wonder what's going. Like I always say, what's going on out there? Like, what's two houses down from. You don't know what's going on. All this weird stuff. They're going to watch the news just. You're like. And you're always shocked when it's in your neighborhood.

[Brett]

Well, you've seen a pretty good, you know, the hood that you've been living in for a while. You've seen porn shoots, You've seen.

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, that was. That was Arcadia. That was Arcadia. And then that big crystal meth bust over on Bethany and. Well, it wasn't Bethany. It was one street up. I don't remember what that road is.

[Brett]

Didn't you have a house of 25 people, too?

[Maddie Akupd]

No, that was Arcadia too. That was over by the village. Yeah, that was a while ago. But the meth house was the dude I was talking to. Because the day before, again, riding my bike and taking a little breather after my big ride, just do a little whip around. And this guy had the coolest remote controlled cars I've ever seen. That when they jump on these ramps, no matter how they landed, they landed upside down and right side up. The tires were big enough that it was.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Maddie Akupd]

And he's launching these things down the street. Like, that's cool. He's got a kid. Next day they raid this dude's house and he's got like millions of dollars worth of coke and meth and everything else in there. It was like quarter mile from my place.

[Brett]

I wish I would have gotten there early.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, that was a good one. Great one. And then that one time I was just walking my dogs and I See a cop run by with an AR15 out. I'm like, is everything okay? Yep. Fine. Get back to your house. Like, that's not okay. This is not good. And then I am standing with a Labradoodle and a Cairn terrier on the end of my road, and they had some dude holed up in it.

[Brett]

With your robe on. And a pipe.

[Maddie Akupd]

Several guys. Oh, no. What's going on? I don't like this at all. How many of you armed men are there? There were, like, 12 cops with AR15s all surrounding this house. And turned out some guy hold himself up in the house and was threatening to kill himself. They weren't sure anybody else was in there. They had cops, like, everywhere, all guns out. And me, Labradoodle and Cairn terrier guy. Is there anything I can do to help? I mean, tea, anyone? I've seen some stuff. I. I got my head on a swivel. I'm always looking. But this one was really interesting, and it's like a Brian De Palma movie. I wasn't supposed to be involved, but I saw something yesterday and. Like what? Like Brett ran through my mind a few times. Don't call the cops. Nope.

[Patrick Riley]

Keep riding.

[Brett]

Your business.

[Maddie Akupd]

It is, though. Because it is. Yes, I'm in a couple of those pictures. Yes, it is, because there's no way when I was riding slow by when she was still walking that I'm not in a few of those photos.

[Patrick Riley]

It doesn't matter. The guys. It's some cancer patient. Don't worry, he'll be fine.

[Maddie Akupd]

It's not good. Some poor Jew that's got about a month to live. What? Why do you say that? Move your nose. I can't get a good picture. I know where you are.

[Patrick Riley]

You're blocking the light.

[Maddie Akupd]

No. You're killing me, kid. Yeah, wouldn't it be great if, like, the whole transaction was screwed up because my nose got in the way of the last photograph? That was. That killed the drop.

[Brett]

Like an eclipse.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. And then this Juno's got in the way. And by the way, speaking of that, yesterday, one of our listeners, Ben, he emailed me. Or. Yeah, he emailed me a little while ago and said, I got the Steeler stuff. I was curious if you wanted it. It's older, and it was kind of a knit hat, a German knit hat I made out of old Steelers championship beer cans, Iron City beer cans. And I'm like, sure, if you want to drive, that'd be great. So he drops it off yesterday. You know, I go down to Say hi to him. And he goes, whoa, the nose. I'm like, you know what? Everyone can go himself. And I'm just playing. I'm like, no, you're not. But that was generous. I appreciate you, dick. Whoa, the nose. Yeah. All right.

[Brett]

So that was a cool hat.

[Maddie Akupd]

It's a neat little knit hat. It's like a little yarn hat. It's got. It's cool.

[Brett]

Looking at those old highlight reels where they're saying, the Steelers running.

[Maddie Akupd]

You know whose hat it is? It's Woodsy Owl. He wears a similar little hat to that, only it's black and gold. This one says, typical Jew, always wanting to be in someone else's business. Follow Bert's advice. What does that have to do with being Jewish? You know, other people's business.

[Patrick Riley]

Putting your nose where you don't belong.

[Maddie Akupd]

This one's I understand. It's good you didn't get involved, John. It might not be around to tell a story. You never know, bro. But isn't that even better? Doesn't is because watching Dateline NBC is the end. Like, that's the dream ending. I think for almost all Americans. We have a fascination with murder porn. We love it. And I think to be involved in it, like, the murder part would stink. But having that be your legacy and not be the murderer. Nobody ever looks at you. It erases everything.

[Brett]

I'm part of Neighborhood Watch, and I'm just wondering, what are you doing here?

[Maddie Akupd]

No, I've never announced it. You're two. I want to be friends up front. I'm riding back.

[Brett]

I ain't messing with him.

[Maddie Akupd]

I'm gone. Yeah, of all people.

[Patrick Riley]

Exactly.

[Maddie Akupd]

Look at him.

[Brett]

Of all people.

[Maddie Akupd]

Telling you. Don't believe a second of that. A girl walks by, and she seems a little bit confused. Can I help you out? Mamo's looking through the only screen door in Arizona at ya. Let's be new friends. Need help with that bag, madam? No, you don't want anything to do with this. I do. I'm the happiest neighbor you'll ever know.

[Brett]

Got any food in that bag?

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. Smells like pizza. Are you a pizza man? You're very pretty for a pizza man. I'm not a pizza man.

[Patrick Riley]

Is that Chris Brothers?

[Maddie Akupd]

Go away.

[Brett]

I'm not familiar with Hordash.

[Maddie Akupd]

First I got this Jew follow me on a bike, and now this down syndrome kid won't let my bag go. I was always taught by my mom to help a lady in distress. Not in distress. God damn it. Let go of the bag.

[Brett]

Oops. Some Stacks fell out.

[Maddie Akupd]

That's too heavy for you. As a gentleman, I want to be chivalrous. You get involved In a heartbeat. Can I help you out with something? It was weird though, I'll tell you that. I want to go back.

[Brett]

I want to know what the photographer was doing after the East.

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, I didn't fight. Like, I couldn't find him after I. I went down and then kind of cut around the back end of this neighborhood. Started to go back a little bit, and his car was gone. Because I watched him. He didn't see me. I was up on the side of the hill coming out of this. But it wouldn't have mattered if it was me or anyone else. It was as daylight as daylight can be. And he just jumped up behind this little set of like, there's a little set of bushes on this other trail that goes under, under the 51. And he just kind of set up shop back there. I'm watching. What's that guy doing?

[Brett]

What if he had backup?

[Maddie Akupd]

Where's the other.

[Brett]

Some guys been watching you watch me.

[Maddie Akupd]

Oh, you know, to kill me in case I get too close. Well, then they're just dumb because, I mean, there's a lot of people hiking by. This is a very well traveled road for people. Just so. So happened yesterday that it wasn't that. Anyway, it was pretty awesome. And if I do it again, I. I definitely ride by. You're being followed. Meet me at the corner of the bubble and then have her, you know, I don't know what's going on. And if she follows me, then it's more interesting because now she is like, oh, he's helping. It's like a video game. I played way too much Grand Theft Auto and things like that. You get a little helper that comes by. Don't go in that house. Whatever you're doing, you. Somebody knows about it and it's not good.

[Brett]

Then it would end up like, how much you got in there? Got 2 million. That's just you and I take off and go somewhere and hide.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. Yep. Yep. If she had like. If I said, what do you have in the bag? I've got millions in the bag. I don't know what to do. I do. We're getting married. What? You heard me. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

Live on a beach.

[Maddie Akupd]

I'm gonna leave my bike right here. People are gonna think it's me. And we're taking off. We're gone. I love you so much. I know. I'm a hero. Let's go. That's how my scenarios always end. You're just gonna throw it all away? Yeah. $5 million. We're gonna disappear. We're gonna move to ajo for a year, just kind of settle ourselves. No one will look there. And we're gonna plan our plant exactly.

[Brett]

For you, and then we'll make our way back to New Hampshire.

[Maddie Akupd]

Oh, yeah. Back to the barn in New Hampshire. Oh, God damn. No one will suspect a thing. This is all good. Yeah. All of my scenarios ended with her thinking, I'm a hero. And, like, how much can I blow you for this? Well, that bill never fully gets paid, madam. But my pleasure. Okay, let's do this. Yeah. But more than likely, she was just dropping off some invalid's laundry. Some stalker was taking photos of her.

[Brett]

Changing a diaper, and she didn't want.

[Maddie Akupd]

The guy to see her car because it's like, ugh, then he'll know what kind of car I've got. So she just walked in. But it's probably a whole lot less interesting than I was making it, but it was pretty neat to see, and private investigators, pretty good gig. I would very much like to watch that again. It says, I hope it was a Mike Broomhead text. I hope it was an undercover operation by Phoenix PD And Homer just exposed it.

[Patrick Riley]

Yeah. Way to go.

[Maddie Akupd]

They're terrible at it. Then, Mike, come on. You can't go undercover as badly as that. The dude walked into bushes while I was hiking within, you know, a couple hundred feet of him. He did not see me at all, and I could see him from his angle because he was just trying to make it so she couldn't see him. I could see him the whole way till I got even with the road when he was hidden behind the bushes from my pers, I walked right down the hill, just looking at him and screwing something onto his camera and then taking this picture. And it was like 1990 with some big, weird, long camera lens, which makes me think also, it might not be anything other than some boyfriend chasing his ex around. She did have a pair of very tight jeans on. That flowery shirt she had on looked fresh, you know, not like it had sat through a day of work. So my other guess is she had a butt plug in, and then butts were in play in about five minutes, and that was what was in the bag. Wigs and toys and giant dildos and stuff. God, I need to get Brad. If we were together, would you have gotten involved? No. Why not?

[Patrick Riley]

I'd have kept riding.

[Brett]

It's a twofer.

[Patrick Riley]

No. Peace out John Jay, I'm not getting involved.

[Brett]

I'm out of here.

[Maddie Akupd]

Why wouldn't you? Oh, you. If you were with me, I would have definitely done on it. If you were with me, I'd have definitely ridden over.

[Patrick Riley]

I wouldn't have known because I'd have been still.

[Maddie Akupd]

Right. You would have stuck around.

[Patrick Riley]

I wrote all the way back to my house on the bicycle.

[Maddie Akupd]

Anyway. Well, it was interesting. I. I can't. I can't live like this with that much interest and then realize how boring everything I've got going on.

[Brett]

Hey, there's a better angle. If you go up about 25 more feet, tell the guy.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. And you know what never crossed my mind talking to him. Never in my life. And in movies, that's what happens. The one guy comes up behind the guy taking pictures, goes, you're terrible at this. What are you doing? Leave me alone. What are you doing? I kind of want to go back. I wish I could go back there and do it again. Brett, we're gonna ride around there for a little. You know what would be interesting? If I went back again today. You didn't.

[Brett]

You did.

[Maddie Akupd]

She was there again.

[Brett]

Stick around to see the exact place that she went into.

[Maddie Akupd]

No, because it would have been real obvious, because by the time I got to the bottom of the hill, she was still walking. So it's. It's like. It must be like four houses, then a turn, and I don't know if it's like a cul de sac or a side street, but there's no houses for a little bit. And then there's another little. I don't know where she went, but had I gone. Had I gone any slower? I'm in on it. I just didn't know what to do. But I did watch her turn. And then she was still walking down that little side road when I blazed by. And then when I tried to go back, I couldn't find anybody.

[Patrick Riley]

Two. Two people have basically said the same thing. Maybe it was some weird fetish thing going on. The bag probably had a bunch of sex toys in it.

[Maddie Akupd]

That's what I.

[Patrick Riley]

Somebody else that ran through my mind.

[Maddie Akupd]

I was like, maybe she's just a hooker with. But why park so far away? Why do you want to get your.

[Patrick Riley]

Car noticed and stuff?

[Maddie Akupd]

By who?

[Patrick Riley]

What if it's. What if a guy's old lady shows.

[Maddie Akupd]

Up, you got a bag full of dildos in his house.

[Brett]

Now you gotta run away, make sure.

[Patrick Riley]

The dog eats them all. Like the underwear story the other day.

[Maddie Akupd]

Just starts shoving him down the German shepherd.

[Patrick Riley]

There's King Dong. Here's whatever dog starts vibrating while it's walking.

[Maddie Akupd]

He's got butt plugs with diamonds in them. And yeah, it doesn't make sense. We're afraid to get caught. So I got a further. Like you find a better route to the car, especially if you're carrying a bag of goods. And if his old lady comes home, as Brett says so delicately about the wife, he just stuffs that under the bed, I suppose. I don't know. The hooker has to bounce out the wind. I don't know. It's all so convoluted and fun. There I am in a pair of shorts that were way too short for a bike ride yesterday, by the way. I had to keep worrying my nuts were coming out of these things. I don't know what happened, but the wind.

[Patrick Riley]

Katie KB on the back of them.

[Maddie Akupd]

They might as well. The wind kept catching them. The wind kept catching them. I'm like, I might as well have had a bikini on. The thing was just riding up. Damn it. And I was in a sweatshirt. I look like a big R word on a bike.

[Patrick Riley]

That's probably why they didn't bother with you.

[Maddie Akupd]

He's not. He's not gonna remember this. Look at him.

[Brett]

Bald guy in the Richard Simmons and.

[Maddie Akupd]

Then he pulls the thing down. You know what that might be, Brady. We'll get some close ups of him, but I don't know what's going on. Maybe they were following me and he was trying to make it look like he was following someone else. And they're chasing me around. They got a real show yesterday, that's for sure.

[Brett]

Idiots. Idiots.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah.

[Brett]

So the guys looking at everything he.

[Maddie Akupd]

Just did, he might have just been taking pictures of bugs too. The whole thing might have been just. This guy's a nature photographer and he.

[Brett]

Saw some got a nest of a red belly sapsucker.

[Patrick Riley]

And he's a bigger R word than you.

[Maddie Akupd]

I know baby whales and whatever he doesn't want to skip. And there I am thinking it's like the most intricate drug drop sex. Just. It was a great movie in like a minute and a half of my life. And I made a last minute decision to run up that hill too. I'm like, I'll just ride. And I'm like, no, John, you're in cardio mode. This is what you've decided to do. Drop the bike, hit the hill, come back down, finish this ride. And so I stopped and ran the hill and saw. Anyway, if you're a private investigator and you happen to be up on Dreamy Draw yesterday. A button it up a little bit, let me know what's going on. I won't say. This one says John, my youngest son is a private eye. He does stuff to bust like disability and workman's comp fraud. She might be faking. He doesn't use a camera. Phones these days are much less obvious. Yeah, he. This dude had a thing. He had. It's a. It was about size, this microphone.

[Patrick Riley]

How far was he away from her?

[Maddie Akupd]

Well, I was probably. The bushes to me is probably about 50 yards, 60 yards. She was another 15 across the road. So he was. I don't know. I don't know. It wasn't terribly far. But as she walked away from him she got within 2, 300ft away as he was.

[Brett]

That could be. I mean, you know that workers comp thing where they said oh, I can't.

[Maddie Akupd]

I can't walk, I can't lift anything. I can't. And there she is carrying a bag of dildos into the sex shop. Yeah, that's. I'm keeping the dildo bag for the store. Even if it's just something as simple as workman's comp. That's interesting. Well then if she's. Ah, but where's she going? All right, story adds up, but it doesn't. Unless she's taking time off, getting paid by her job and whoring around with somebody's husband. All of it's good.

[Brett]

I like that one.

[Maddie Akupd]

I like that one too. Says, how do you keep your click clack balls from going in spokes and baby shorts? Shorts. Well I have some compression shorts underneath but those weren't doing me any favors either. I had a bad outfit on you. And then. Look at this. I'll show you this. This was me trying to. Oh no, I deleted it. This was me trying to get like to photograph what was going on and I accidentally took a picture of my own face on the bike because my, my phone's on the handlebars.

[Brett]

Flip it around.

[Maddie Akupd]

I did flip it around. I looked and then it's just me leaning over a phone way too close close, talking about our work. Ah, what are you going to do?

[Brett]

Caption all on film.

[Maddie Akupd]

That guy over there dressed a little like Richard Simmons, taking photos of himself and going, me too involved. Brett, we're going riding today. No, meet me at my house about 4:30. Not there. We're hitting straight up dreamy drawn. We're just going to run the hill. You stay at the bottom, I go at the top. You hide in a bush. If that broad shows up again, we'll know.

[Brett]

Wear the necklace with the. The big Italian horn on it.

[Maddie Akupd]

Yeah. So the photographer mess with us.

[Patrick Riley]

That's right.

[Maddie Akupd]

I bet she's got a big Italian horn in that bag. Anyway, my day yesterday started off so. So bland, so boring. So nothing. And then that. Which is probably. Probably nothing else could have been so much better. And then I'd have met Keith Morrison. And then the innocent bystander showed up out of nowhere. And sometimes that happens. We talked to John about it. What were you doing on that hill? I was just running the hill, Keith. And I thought, you know, what's going on with this guy with the camera? He had no idea what he was about to get into. But he involved himself. And now the authorities had questions. Why were you wearing a butt plug? It's a long ride and there's little joy. Anyway, that's none of your business, Keith. I'd like to talk to my lawyer. And baby shorts and a sweatshirt. This R word ran a hill. Four in the afternoon in 100 degree weather. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.