07-09-25 - Neil DeGrasse Tyson Vids Have John Realizing How Small We Are And How Much We Are Too Dumb To Understand - Not Knowing How Things Work And How Kids Live w/Parents Til 25 Now Brings Out Brady's Foster Fam Failures

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: July 9, 2025 Episode Title: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Vids Have John Realizing How Small We Are And How Much We Are Too Dumb To Understand - Not Knowing How Things Work And How Kids Live w/Parents Til 25 Now Brings Out Brady's Foster Fam Failures

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1. Introduction to the Impact of Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Videos

The episode kicks off with a deep dive into how Neil DeGrasse Tyson's scientific discussions have profoundly affected the hosts, particularly John Holmberg. John shares his experience of his phone malfunctioning after binge-watching Tyson's content, leading him to question humanity's place in the universe.

John Holmberg [02:00]: "Don't do anything in mass in a day watching anything Neil DeGrasse Tyson does. Your phone changes completely and starts messing with you."

2. Earth's Velocity and Our Cosmic Insignificance

Brady Bogen takes center stage as he elaborates on the staggering speeds at which Earth and our solar system are moving through the Milky Way. This revelation leads to a broader discussion about the insignificance of human endeavors in the vastness of space.

Brady Bogen [02:15]: "We are currently going 1.3 million miles an hour as a galaxy right now. On top of that, our solar system is orbiting the sun at 87,000 miles an hour."

The conversation emphasizes the relentless motion of our planet and galaxy, fostering a sense of awe and existential contemplation among the hosts.

3. Reflections on Human Intelligence and Significance

The hosts grapple with feelings of inadequacy and the realization of how little humans understand despite technological advancements. Brady humorously compares human intelligence to primates, highlighting our limited grasp of complex cosmic phenomena.

Brady Bogen [04:32]: "We're just a couple of monkeys. It's unreal. We're spinning literally right now."

This segment underscores the theme of human limitations in comprehending the universe's vast mechanics.

4. Personal Anecdotes: Vasectomies and Understanding Biology

Transitioning to more personal topics, Brady discusses common misconceptions about vasectomies. The conversation reveals a lack of understanding about male reproductive health, even among the hosts themselves.

Brady Bogen [22:11]: "I've had a vasectomy, and I still throw goop. There's just nothing in it."

This humorous yet insightful exchange highlights the gap between medical procedures and public knowledge.

5. Foster Family Dynamics and Challenges

A significant portion of the episode delves into Brady's experiences with foster families. He recounts the difficulties and chaos that ensued when foster kids moved in, including instances of unwanted guests and behavioral issues.

Brady Bogen [35:06]: "I'm the only one that asked questions. We had a drug addict on the roof and foster kids doing terrible things."

Brett Vesely adds his perspective, sharing similar challenges and emphasizing the strain foster care can place on families.

6. Parental Responsibilities and the "Empty Nest"

The hosts reflect on the dynamics between parents and their adult children who remain or return home. They discuss the frustrations and adjustments parents face when children live at home until their mid-20s, often leading to a return of erstwhile family tensions.

Brady Bogen [30:31]: "When they go to school, happiest days I've ever seen in parents' lives. But then they become human again."

This conversation highlights the cyclical nature of family relationships and the impact of extended cohabitation.

7. Conclusion: Navigating Human Existence in a Vast Universe

Wrapping up, the hosts return to the theme of human insignificance in the cosmos, juxtaposing it against their personal struggles and societal observations. They ponder the balance between existential awareness and daily life's absurdities.

Brady Bogen [28:36]: "We're all just a speck on another speck going a million and a half miles an hour through something. Enjoy that fun fact."

This closing thought encapsulates the episode's blend of cosmic wonder and grounded, relatable discussions.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [02:00]: "Don't do anything in mass in a day watching anything Neil DeGrasse Tyson does. Your phone changes completely and starts messing with you."

• Brady Bogen [02:15]: "We are currently going 1.3 million miles an hour as a galaxy right now. On top of that, our solar system is orbiting the sun at 87,000 miles an hour."

• Brady Bogen [04:32]: "We're just a couple of monkeys. It's unreal. We're spinning literally right now."

• Brady Bogen [22:11]: "I've had a vasectomy, and I still throw goop. There's just nothing in it."

• Brady Bogen [35:06]: "I'm the only one that asked questions. We had a drug addict on the roof and foster kids doing terrible things."

• Brady Bogen [28:36]: "We're all just a speck on another speck going a million and a half miles an hour through something. Enjoy that fun fact."

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Key Takeaways:

• The hosts explore profound scientific concepts introduced by Neil DeGrasse Tyson, leading to existential reflections.
• Discussions intertwine cosmic insignificance with personal and familial challenges, offering a humorous yet thoughtful narrative.
• Personal anecdotes about medical misunderstandings and foster care provide a humanizing contrast to the overarching theme of cosmic vastness.

This episode masterfully blends high-level scientific discourse with relatable personal stories, inviting listeners to ponder their place in the universe while sharing laughs over everyday struggles.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

You to actually board a flight. From Group 8 now boarding Premier altitude elite club members. You could have bought a Hyundai on Amazon. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details. Limited availability pickup through participating Hyundai dealer and select markets. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just rude. 98. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness for yet another day. My name's John, there's Brady, there's Brett. Big Dick Toledo's here. The whole show's ready to go and it's gonna be awful outside. 116, 117 today. But suck it up, buttercup. It's July. You knew that was coming. I don't want to hear. Was pretty good. I'm pretty sure though I'm for the last. I don't know before bed. And then this morning I think my phone took acid and it's just messing with me and I think it dropped a little while I was asleep. I am spinning literally right now. I've gotten a bunch of stories and because I clicked on one and then did a search afterwards last night, now my phone is. And here's the other thing I used to tell people. This is a good idea. Don't do it. Don't. Don't do anything in mass in a day watching anything Neil DeGrasse Tyson does. Your phone changes. Your phone completely changes and it starts effing with you. So I get a thing today that says the earth is going to spin faster today than normal. Right?

[Brett]

So it's got it's the shortest day today.

[Brady]

Well, it's the short. It's. Well, technically it's like milliseconds, but it's going to spin faster today. Yeah. Than normal. And it's by like.001 milliseconds and everything else. Then my phone proceeds to tell me how fast the Earth is actually going. And then you start to realize what we are hurtling through space. Milky Way galaxy is. We are currently. Hey, everybody, listen, I'm going to put you on my trip because this is driving me crazy. We are currently going 1.3 million miles an hour as a galaxy right now. Brett, you are going 1.3 million miles an hour. Now, on top of that, our little solar system here is going around the sun at 87,000 miles an hour. So while we're going 1.3 million total as a giant galaxy inside that, we're spinning around the sun, we're going 87,000 miles an hour. And each day we're going 1,037 miles an hour. We keep. We're just hurtling through space at breakneck speeds. And here we are, like just stand here talking about farts and stuff. We're useless. This is pointless. It's the most unbelievably small I've ever felt in my life.

[Brett]

It's like the snowball ride. It's a fair. That circular thing that you sit down.

[Brady]

And rotates around, except for at a million miles an hour. Yeah, sure, yours is going well. I.

[Brett]

Sure you're pressed up against the wall.

[Brady]

Prior to my phone effing with me, I'd have assumed we're going. I don't know, I guess the rotation of the Earth. I had us around 1,000. That seems to make sense, except for when you place your. When you put your head around it and you realize you're going 1000 every single second of your life, you're going at least 1,000 miles an hour on the thing you're standing on.

[John Holmberg]

I think I'm asleep tonight. You're not just hearing this story right now.

[Brady]

And on top of that, you look at the sky, the stars in the sky and all that, and that's going 87,000 miles. We are just on a tiny little speck of whatever the hell this is. Speeding through, by the way. And I know there's a lot of people going. You didn't know this. Look, I'm 53. I paid no attention in school when it came to science. In fact, Brett and I talked about it. We took Home EC to avoid this. I'm learning it now, and I knew I've heard it before, but this just really resonate. 100amil. 1.3 million speed.

[Brett]

And like you said, today is 1.3 milliseconds shorter than normal.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

How do you get that from.

[Brady]

Because they know these people. Pay attention, Neil. He knows they're smarter than you. That's how you like you and I can't. You and I trying to figure that out. We might as well grab the football and start Brady, because that's all we are is a couple of monkeys. It's unreal. This is going to spin faster by 1.11 milliseconds. And who care? How's this news? Let me know when it's cut. Eight hours off my day. That way I don't have to go to work. All right. Yeah. Everybody's looking for a way out. And this is how I used to feel. Empson. I'm with you on that. I mean, you work eight hour days, we'll be out of here in five. But still, it's just. We spin faster than you do at work is basically how it was. But it's just. It really kind of. It started to punch me. Like I was stoned. I felt like I was sitting in one of those, you know, weirdo the kids used to know in high school. You're like, he's cool. He seems right. Then you go to his house and he's. His room was just all pot posters and tie dyed crap.

[John Holmberg]

You know, like Brady's kid or Toledo's kid.

[Brady]

Then basically. Yeah, yeah. Kirby and Alex are there and you're like, oh, wow. You guys have like velvet south park art. This is cool. I like it. 1.3 million miles an hour at all times is how fast we are actually going. And that's what we know of that. We don't know how.

[Brett]

That's our best guess.

[Brady]

No, no, we know that we don't know how fast space is going. I mean, they could be wrong. Yeah, that's the best thing about science is that they'll come back and they'll say, hey, we figured something else out. We're actually doing this. But they've got this down. This isn't like them just figuring out because I did. They've known this for a long time. That that's, you know, they've got that mapped out pretty good. But the speed of the earth, they've got like down to like tenths of miles per hour. It's amazing. But even if you just break it down to the earth spinning on Its own. We're always, you're asleep, you're awake, you're standing, you're sitting, you're laying on. You're always going 1,037 miles an hour. You're always doing that. And we sit and try to figure out how important we are.

[Brett]

We just keep it to 24 hour rotation.

[Brady]

Yeah. And that's not even really accurate, but still the oh, stop. And the only thing I can tell you on this one is if don't. If you're like me and you're kind of dumb, don't start watching Neil DeGrasse Tyson things. It's your phone will change, your phone will change. Follow the Diddy trial. That's what you're qualified for. That's what I'm qualified for. That's it. And that's over. So I don't know what to do.

[Brett]

Just down to sentencing.

[Brady]

And I think I was like one.

[Brett]

Of those gonna be at 1.3 million years.

[Brady]

He didn't get nothing. And that's the best thing about the Diddy trial is like in the beginning you're like, oh, they're trying to convict a pervert for being a wild pervert. And everybody was volunteering. This is going to be an easy one. I didn't think he was going to get in trouble at all. Anyway, back to that. That's what we're qualified to talk about this planet and what it's doing. No clue. How many times have I told you I don't know how Earth's shadows work on the moon? And how come that's not considered an eclipse? How come half moons aren't an eclipse? And people will email me like crazy. And once I read the word refractory or something, I'm out. I'm like, I don't know. You've lost me already. I don't know what a refraction light. You're done. Yeah, well, that's in the pool. Like you put a pole in a pool and it bends.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't know how these microphones work. We've been using them 30 years now. And other than turning the button on.

[Brady]

A single thing in this room I sit in every day in my 20. Let's see, this will be my 29th year in radio. I have no idea how any of this works. None. And have they tried to explain it to me over and over. I've had engineers. And here's the thing though, and if you don't know radio engineers, I've had radio engineers ask me if I want to go to the tower with them. And I said, no, thank you. I'm against rape. Because they're all weird. And if you're a. If you're. If you're in radio and you're a Thai boy and you want a job in engineering, you're hired assistant. I've never met one that hasn't eventually hired a Thai boy with no experience that just ends up being a shadow. So, no, I've never once, like, gone to that tower. I actually did go once with Chuck rt, because he showed. And the only reason I went to show me where the dead guy was. That's the only. Crawled in. Yeah, because there was a dude that went in the South Mountain tower years ago, and he said he died in there. And for whatever reason, when I first started, Chuck wanted to show me all KUPD stuff. And so we drove up to South Mountain. I'm like, that's interesting. He didn't know what he was talking about either. And he ran radio stations for years. We went up there and stood. The engineer was with us. I forgot his name at the time. It wasn't. It was Ray. It was Ray, but Ray was up during the day.

[John Holmberg]

What was going on.

[Brady]

Yeah, he was an eternal. Yeah. He wasn't happy and was mainly because Chuck made him. Because the new guy was popping in. He really didn't want anything to do with me that day. He didn't say a word to me.

[Brett]

Had his rubber bands and peanut shells to fix stuff.

[Brady]

And all I went up there for and asked was, there's legendary story, where's the dead guy? Where was he? And Ray told him, over here, his daddy. And he just leaves. He doesn't want it. Just. I think he went and fell asleep in the tower too. And then Chuck's like, this is the gonculator. And it does that. Like, you don't have any idea what's going on in here. Neither way. Let's go. I wanted to go in there and see if the dead body kind of left a stain. It didn't. It was. It stunk in there. But I think that was just because it's always gross in there. But I don't know how any of this works. Brett. You're right. I know I've got. People think. I'm like. They come in and they look and they're. Oh, my God. You. You manage that entire thing. Like, I know how push like 12 buttons every. You know what I have in front of me? 1, 2, 3. Like 17 different faders, they call them. These are essentially volume knobs. That's all and they turn up, watch. They turn up and they turn way down. And I can do it both ways and I know how to do that. And I know the on off which are labeled beautifully. On is the blue one, off is the white one. And that's my extent of radio knowledge. And I talk into this thing and it goes to you and I don't know how and I still don't know how. And it's technology that was invented in the teens and I don't understand it and even they don't even know who invented it. My ex brother in law years and years ago thought that I was into radio. So for Christmas he bought me a you can build your own little radio kit at home and broadcast throughout like your neighborhood or something. I don't know, it was like 20 watts. You build a little tower and you wires and I just. It's still in the box with tape on it. Like it's. I found it about two months ago in a closet and I looked and I'm like oh yeah. Julian got me my own home radio station because he thought I wanted that. I didn't. I barely want to be here now. Podcasting is a thing, so all you need is your phone and a microphone and you're Good.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Dick Toledo]

Heat and monsoon season to make you see the flaws in your home's exterior. It's Dick Toluto for Robo Painting. My house is nine years old and the ugly builder paint was really beginning to show. Plus F fading and chipping everywhere. Well, Robo Painting's experience crew came out and in two days had my house looking brand new. Nothing freshens up the look of your house like fresh paint. Mention me for a free Robo painting estimate and ask for the HMS discount if you move forward with them with hundreds of five star Google reviews, including mine. Go to robopainting.com and get your house refreshed today.

[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness. You don't need to know anything. But it was. Yeah, it's daunting when your phone starts effing with you like that. And it's got loads of stuff it's doing right now and screwing around with Earth speeds and no thanks. Oh, God. And I, I. And it's my own fault because somebody sent me a Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing, talking about science books and how if you threw them all away right now, just all of them disappeared from history. They were gone. In a thousand years, they'd all be back. It's the one thing that we would rebuild exactly the same way as we had, because science just is what it is. And I started to think about that. That's crazy. You can't have any other religious text, anything else that you just got rid of. And a thousand years, it would be back the exact same way. It would be varied. It would be different. It would be nuanced. There'd be different stories. Science shows up, throw it away. In a thousand years, those books would be exactly the same as they were.

[Dick Toledo]

Have you seen the one where Neil describes atoms?

[Brady]

No. And I don't want. No, don't. No, watch that. No, my phone's listening and it's going to mess with me.

[Dick Toledo]

Watch that one. Because it's about water and water and the amount of water in the oceans.

[Brady]

1.3 million miles an hour. I'm dealing with that right now. I don't have time for water. Oh, I watched a thing. He did a thing about tides. I watched about 16 videos. Yeah. The stretching of the Earth. No such thing as tides. Right. It's just the way the Earth's spinning. We catch. We catch the water. Yeah. Yeah. And the water just moves around. And the moon helps, like, it pulls it. But as we get into where the water is, it kind of r. It's just. It's so. It's because we're always consistently doing the same thing every day. But if you did that to a.

[Brett]

Bathtub, 1.3 miles, but it's steady.

[Brady]

That's the galaxy. Yeah. It's going 1.3 million miles an hour. So we're kind of riding in that. That's the car. And then inside the car, somebody spinning at a thousand miles an hour, that's you. And then the. Those seats and the whole car itself. The car itself inside is spinning at 87,000 miles an hour. And inside that, you're spinning at a thousand. Go yourself. Everybody we're all just. We're useless. Does it ever dawn on you that you woke up and you tried to figure out what's important in your life, and then you're like, oh, yeah, I'm a speck on another spec going a million and a half miles an hour through something. I don't even know where. We are blindly flying through this. Come on, quits. Time to make the donuts. Exactly. Meanwhile, we're like, these damn trannies are going a million miles an hour with us, and I can't stand it. Oh, it drives me bananas.

[John Holmberg]

Out of all the stuff we sent back and forth yesterday, all of us, this is the one thing you're focused on.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You could understand the stuff we were sending.

[Brady]

My second favorite thing I got yesterday, Megan sent me a video. And it said, this song's awesome, but you can't hear it if you're gay. And it's just a guy lip syncing a song and acting like he's singing. You can't hear. And so I immediately text back. I'm like, this song is awesome. Because I pretended I could hear it. And that made me laugh. And then. Yeah. And then the other one of the. The gay smoking thing. I don't know if you guys saw that. It's an old 80s commercial. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, did. Yeah. And don't be gay. Yeah. Two kids. Or did you remember the commercial? No, I don't. Me neither. It's two kids in high school, and they're handsome boys, a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Couple of talents from nowadays.

[Brady]

A couple Gilbert talents. And they've got their blonde hair and they're dressed nice, and they're real close together in the hallway, and one looks at the other and gives them a head nod, and the other one goes, yeah, this is a real commercial in the 80s. This is how awesome America used to be. And head nods, and they look at each other, and one kind of points to his pocket. Yeah, man. And then they go into the bathroom and they look. They look around and they sneak into the bathroom together. They're like, are they smoking or are they gay? And the whole campaign is smoking is gay. And they put it up on the screen like, oh, my God, don't be a. Come on. And they made it seem like if you smoke, people are gonna think you take it in the ass. And that was a campaign in the 80s aimed at kids.

[John Holmberg]

I was waiting to hear Brennaman voice.

[Brady]

That one, but boy, oh, boy, look at these two twinks about to start blowing each other. Put it in your Mouth there, boys. Oral fixations are fun, aren't they? Tom Brennaman, wfgs. Yeah, I. So, yeah, so that was my other. Those were the ones that I'm like, ha ha ha. This is what I'm qualified to look at. And then Neil DeGrasse Tyson comes on. She don't understand the tides. And technically the tides aren't moving. The Earth is moving. We're catching up with the water as it moves. I'm like, oh, my God. And then my phone's like, hey, asshole, you're interested in this kind of stuff? I'm like, not really. You know, we're going a million three miles. Oh, my God. I can't do this.

[Dick Toledo]

So wait, like, your phone was tapping you on the shoulder all night?

[Brady]

Kind of. Wake up, bro. I just found some more stuff. I can't. I can't sleep. I'm scared. What's the matter, phone? You realize we're going 1.3 million miles an hour, man? No, I don't want to think about that right now. I'm tired.

[Brett]

You're gay.

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah. We're just. Yeah. And then I fight with him over that because I'd be like. And I could. I can actually discuss that. This is mind blowing. Mind blowing. Because I've. It broke my brain. It just. It kind of woke me up and said, hey, idiot, feeling important. Here's a way to make you realize you're nothing. And. And then he did a video, Neil DeGrasse Tyson did of what it would look like if aliens had to try to find us. It's amazing. Like, he's like, here's the. Here's what we know. Here's the map of what we know of our galaxy. So let's just put them here. Let's just assume they've made it to our galaxy. Just discount the fact they had to go through all this other stuff. And then they fly this, like, fake drone through the simulation of what our galaxy would be. The odds of them even coming close to finding us, we think we're obvious. It's. There's stuff every. Oh, my God. It was this tiny little dot. And he goes, see if you can see it. See if you can find it. He's flying around. He goes, we went by it four times already. We've gone by. We've been going. We went past your house four times already. What? And the guy goes back and he did another thing. I watched another thing where he kind of did the same experiment, except for he told everybody where it was right away. And he Drives by. Fourth time he just went by it again. He goes, I don't know where any of this is. And he goes, he goes, unless they knew or we were placing a signal, you would never find it. And then he pinpoints in. Even from a few thousand miles away from the planet, he's like, you'd never see it. There's just stuff everywhere. It's amazing. This dude screwed up my mind. Stupid Internet and all of its knowledge. And we just started so many porn.

[John Holmberg]

Pages out there and you're dicking around with this.

[Brady]

Then he did this. Do you know the DNA difference between us and the chimpanzees, man? Seriously, bro, Listen, shut up, you guys. The difference between us and a chimpanzee and DNA percentage, Do you know what it is?

[Brett]

Well, there was a.

[Brady]

Answer the damn question.

[John Holmberg]

Depends on who you ask.

[Brady]

You think 99% difference between us and the chimpanzee. 2. 2% difference. 2% difference. And you. It's a drastic difference between us and a chimpanzee as far as self awareness, you know, knowledge of things, understanding how stuff works, building all that stuff, we're very much more advanced. But there's a 2% difference in DNA. He said, now place that 2% difference on something, a being that's more accelerated than us. And he goes, and now advance that. And he goes, in a thousand years, that's very possible that that will reveal itself as something else and, and, and show other ways. And I'm like, oh my God. A 2% difference is us to chimps. And essentially all we have is kind of like the same.

[Brett]

When I heard our DNA difference, I thought there was a fun fact off to check it again. But it said our DNA difference between.

[Brady]

All of the creatures, oh, it's not that big. Is less than two chromosomal DNA. All this other stuff, we're 2% difference from chimpanzees. It's the closest relative by far to humanity. I mean it is close by far. Like, that's the one that's like all things point back to going, you guys are. You're related in every possible way. There's this tiny little tick that's different and whatever that tick is keeps them hairy and in trees and us building stuff and running around. You add that 2% difference onto a being better than us, it would be an, a massive leap of knowledge. I mean, compared to what we know. What a chimpanzee? Yeah, I mean if you put that on something else and then say, all right, now float that around for a little bit because it's very possible. Like, I hate. I hate this. I can't live my life like this. The Internet. I used to be really. I used to like the old smoking commercial. That was. That was my. Wow, that's cool. And, you know. And then it just doesn't dawn on you that often, while you try to figure out whether or not Superman's an immigration movie, that you're going 1.3 million miles an hour hurtling through the darkness of space every second of your life. Good morning this morning, everybody.

[John Holmberg]

David Vasquez says I masturbate quite a bit. I'm still trying to figure out how my boner works.

[Brady]

Oh. I have no idea where my nut seed comes from. I've been told it's my balls. And that's the one thing. Here's the other thing. When you get a vasectomy, I've had countless. You've done it, too. Countless. Amount of people going, nah, I still like firing loads. Like, they think you're just. Shut up.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

Yeah. And I have to explain to them, oh, no, no. I've had that conversation a hundred times. No, you still goop. You still throw it. There's just nothing in it.

[John Holmberg]

They think it's just. Yeah, it's just like air.

[Brady]

What? How is that possible? And then I realize, I don't know, I still shoot stuff.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm not gonna lie, I thought the same thing way back in the day.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like when I first heard about him.

[Brady]

And you know what? In fairness to that argument, I didn't. I thought we still gooped. But the only reason I did is because logically, I thought no man would do this. No man's getting rid of his money shot 100%. Or he just. You just throw out some puffy air.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I thought.

[Brady]

No man's doing.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I was scared of.

[Brady]

No man's doing. That will risk pregnancy, dude. Oh, you'd risk pregnancy? You would rather get rid of all liquids firing out of you if I'm still going to reach.

[John Holmberg]

And I got the air coming out over a kid for 18 years.

[Brady]

Yeah, but you can avoid now these.

[John Holmberg]

Moron kids the next 40 years.

[Brady]

Yes, that's a good point. Yeah. I made Toledo turn paste white yesterday because he was talking about his son. He goes, he's going to move back in with us. And. And I said. I said, Hey, 25 is the new 18. And he goes, don't say that like he got mad at me.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Brady]

Hberg's morning sickness. Anyway, he's going to be there till he's 25. You. You don't have to worry about it, but kirby's going to be in the house for 25 years. That's how they live. Larry's daughter's going to be 21. So no intention of moving. That's too expensive. She's just like, this is easy. Larry doesn't care. 25.

[John Holmberg]

He cooks and cleans, does laundry.

[Brady]

That's the normal thing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna move in with larry.

[Brady]

Yeah, I thought about it. I thought about it. But, yeah. The vasectomy room. The vasectomy, which, by the way, I trusted another human being going at 1.3 million miles an hour to come into a room with me while my pants were down and my balls were hanging out of a. Like a, I don't know, paper towel. They just cut a hole in a paper towel. Suck your balls out of it. It's laying on top of this paper. Unless I don't know if you've got a high and tight. Mine was great. It was splayed out all over the paper. It was. It looked like a. It looked like a jumper off a 14 tight. Now. No, 14 story jumper that splats onto the thing. I pulled my balls through that little slit of the paper towels, and they were everywh. It was hilarious. And for those of you who watched the first six or seven minutes of my vasectomy on facebook before they took it down, all the comments were like, that's disgusting. What did you do to those things? I'm like, they're everywhere. I'm telling you. So I trusted a man to cut that off, put fire on it, Clip a couple of tubes inside there, put fire on that, sew me back up. And you know how much research I did on that? Zero. None. What happens in a vasectomy. He explained it. That's good enough. It makes it so I Don't make babies. Right? And I'm like, yep. But I still fire goop. Uh huh. I'm all in that. I didn't go to. I didn't even explore.

[Brett]

Don't take away the goop, Doc.

[Brady]

I didn't even explore what's in my ball sack. I don't know. In my mind it's a Ren and Stimpy drawing of two balls and two like tubes. And that's it. I don't know what's in there and I don't know how they connect. And I don't know where the sperm one is. I don't know where the goop one is. But they're different and one joins the other.

[John Holmberg]

I'm learning something right now.

[Brady]

Well, there you go. But you still goop. And no, man, I don't think you're right.

[Brett]

Egg whites. You're not the yolk.

[Brady]

Okay, Figure that out. Where am I making yolk. And that's a woman. That's getting too much now. You guys, Brady just described how women work. We don't know how our sperm goes into the thing. We're just firing off again. Good, good comp egg whites. But no man would get a vasectomy if you took away the money shot.

[John Holmberg]

I figured Dr. Lin was good with math, so he knew what he was doing. So I was out of it.

[Brady]

If he looked at you, if he looked up at you, I should say, because he's like four or five. Okay, Brad, no more money shot. Ready? You'd be like, what, what, what? Take away goop. You wouldn't have done it. You would have done it without money shots.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you still, you know, still have the orgasm, just not the splat. You know, if you get a poo.

[Brady]

That'S the fun part.

[John Holmberg]

Look at toledo.

[Brady]

Oh no.

[John Holmberg]

25 is the next 18.

[Brady]

So many examples.

[John Holmberg]

Gonna be 45 is the next 18 by the time it's all said and done.

[Brady]

But there's all sorts of things like abortion and condoms, rubbers, staircases.

[John Holmberg]

Well then if you're using rubbers, it doesn't matter.

[Brady]

I know so. But of course you wouldn't do that. Why? Because it's the goop. It's no fun trying to pull that off and then paint.

[John Holmberg]

Having a 45 year old sit there at your house.

[Brady]

That's a good point. You're making very strong points. But has. I'll counter that with. Has there ever been a porn where a dude isn't Peter North? You're disappointed. Oh yeah. When he's like you. When he just got. When it looks like a sick kid, like a retarded kid throwing up. And it's like, oh, come on, where's the. Where's the COVID That woman, like, you.

[Brett]

Tipped over a bottle.

[Brady]

Yeah, like, spilled some paint. Oops, sorry. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah. And then it just goes, oh, this thing's no good. That cannon's broken. Anyway, that's what I'm qualified to talk about. But I've had. I don't know how my body works. I don't know the inner workings of any of my stuff. You're right. The vasectomy is a great example. I trusted a guy to just go in there and chop it up. I still don't know how any of.

[John Holmberg]

That stuff good with numbers.

[Brady]

That's. I don't know how it works before. And even afterwards I should have some knowledge on it because I have no idea how it works now. But I do know while it was happening, I was going 1.3 million miles an hour. That's what I now know for sure. And at the. At the very least, I was spinning. Like, I was spinning on a thing that's spinning on a thing that's spinning. And I was at least going 1037 miles an hour. Just. It's crazy. Thanks, Neil Degrasse Tyson, for wrecking my algorithm completely. I'd rather have Brady's algorithm than just a bunch of crippled kids I could laugh at. But I don't have that. I've got so many smart people talking about things I don't understand.

[Brett]

I can fix that.

[Brady]

Fire over more of those. And let me. You know, what I know now is like when Brady sends me over, like retarded Chinese kids that have tongues sticking out of their eyeballs and Brady's like. And just fires that one. After incessantly chasing mentally challenged and physically deformed people and sending them to me. All I need to do is just research it and my phone will start sending me those things. Rather than ten Neil DeGrasse Tyson clips and two or three questions I've got. Now my whole thing just starts. All my stories this morning were all about space. I had a bunch of stuff about the Earth. It's actually kind of a little pear shaped on top. So the equator goes a little faster than the top of the Phantom. I don't understand how any of this works. Don't get it. So. But Brett makes the best point of the day. Kids live with you until they're like 30 now, and they're just. They're useless. Up at. We talked about it yesterday. You don't even want to spend a whole summer with them. You know, you try to get rid of them for a couple weeks at a time at camp so they don't live with you for to see what it's like when you were happy. And there's nothing better than watching a family when their kids move out or when the good Lord. When Fun People have 16 year old kids, they become fun again. It's unreal how different it is. You stop being funny.

[Brett]

There is the one you know the day you become empty nesters. No, when they go. When they go to school.

[Brady]

Yeah. Happiest days I've ever seen in parents lives. And that comes from life experience.

[Brett]

It's actually the other way around as far as when they're leaving to like going to college.

[Brady]

Happiest day I've ever seen. Happiest mothers. Okay for a few hours but then they become human again. And when they're out there they act like they're 19 and in a bar for the first time ever. I've experienced it as friends of people with kids who have. Their kids have either moved out or going to college and stuff. Yeah. They come out from the ground like, you know, like meerkats.

[John Holmberg]

Like Thriller. Yeah, it is just start coming out.

[Brady]

Remember us? No, I don't. Who are you? We disappeared for 18 years with children. We were really annoying like Yeah, I remember you guys. That's why we stopped hanging out. It's because all you talked about was your kids and showed pictures of it. Talked about its recitals. I'm not interested. So we just kind of went away with it. Now you're back and they are more fun. You want to talk about hanging out with fun people, you got to calm them down sometimes. But the people whose kids have left the house are mostly when they turn 16, that's when they get fun again.

[John Holmberg]

I went to baseball camp for a week in Prescott and I remember my. My dad. I don't even think he stopped the car. I think he kicked me out while it's still rolling like five miles an hour. And then the tires squealed away as him and mom took off for a week.

[Brady]

And a glove flew out of the window and hit you in the face.

[John Holmberg]

So excited to get rid of me for an entire week.

[Brady]

Don't die. It's your problem now. All right, birdie, get on it now. Then he just climbed on your mom for us like in your room. I guarantee you that that was a.

[John Holmberg]

Remember 13 years ago before this thing showed up.

[Brady]

And then a few years later, you're out of the house. And they were. Then they were different people. My dad's a different guy. Oh, yeah. My dad growing up in the house. My dad's a different guy. He's just happy. Like, everything's good. He did it. He made it. So I made it to where I was responsible for living and dying. And then he took his hands off. He's like, for years and years, I'd go to jail if you died. And that's all I think he thought about for 17 and a half years. He thought, if this thing dies, the police are going to talk to me first. Keep it alive. I was a sea monkey. And then once I turned 18, he's like, you are on your own. I'm no longer responsible for your life at all. Thank God. And I started to see him having fun again. And I started to see a different lane. Dad and my dad, my friend, My dad's friends used to tell me, your dad's hilarious. And I'm like, no, he's not. That dude doesn't even know what. He doesn't know how to smile. He's hilarious because at work he was happy. He came home. He came home and that bitch and me were in his house all the time, giving him guff, constantly stirring stuff up. And all he was worried about is coming home and making sure there weren't two dead bodies that he would probably been for a few minutes pretty okay with. And then he'd realized, I'm probably gonna get in trouble for this. That's the only thing he's told me that he goes, I was so wound so tight, making sure you guys were still alive every day. That's all I cared about. I'm not built for that. No way.

[Brett]

My dad might have been, but it seemed like the opposite.

[Brady]

No, you were raised in rose colored glasses land and you were a rose colored glasses fall off. I'm sure your dad was in the Cuban revolution. He had all sorts of things going on and just ignore it.

[Brett]

You still managed to fit things in.

[Brady]

Sure, sure. Just ignore it. Nothing bad happens here. Oh, there's a drug addict on our roof. That's normal and that's true.

[Brett]

Now we'll deal with it.

[Brady]

Now my dad sees a drug addict on our roof and he'd lose his mind. Your dad's like, oh, that stranger we let live with us is on drugs and standing on the roof. As long as the neighbors don't see, this is okay.

[Brett]

Let's get him off the roof.

[Brady]

All it Was. Was making sure.

[Brett]

And hide your model glue.

[Brady]

Your dad's bigger stress was not being talked about at the country club. Blend. Make everybody know that your life is going great. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Hey, Tom, I saw that drug addict on your roof the other. Oh, no, no, no. He's training to be a roofer. Oh, that's great. I hope he would come by and do my house. Probably. Sure. And then it just got ignored forever. And that's almost a better way to live. Your sister had to tell your parents in front of me that she feared for her safety regularly with those foreigners you had in the house. Because I brought it up. I'm like anybody afraid of the weirdo that stood and smoked in the bathroom doorway.

[Brett]

Well, Samad was a nice guy.

[Brady]

Amy. Harry. And she raised her hand. I was horrified. I had to tell because I said, why did it all end? It's because your sister went to your parents and said, no more swarthy Middle Easterners are going to stand in the bathroom right next door in the bedroom next to hers, and smoked and talked to her. Holmberg's morning sickness. She told me she was in the bathroom and he would lean on the door. Where's the party? Will you go to bed, Samad? With you? Anytime. Go to Gah. So she told her parents, like, it's not safe here. You keep bringing these weirdos in. And your mom's like, what? Samad? No, he was wonderful. He only did five years for a few things we didn't even ask.

[Brett]

Samad was not wonderful.

[Brady]

He was his sexual.

[Brett]

He was one of the tougher ones.

[Brady]

Exactly. And this is what we're talking about.

[Brett]

Woman, make me dinner.

[John Holmberg]

Is that before we traded Dr. Death over there? Because it sounds like.

[Brady]

Hey, little Bogan. Hey, Samat. How are you? I'm okay. Hey, you get those schematics at the airport that I asked for? I don't know what schematics are, but I drew some stuff. Okay, I'll ask your sister when she gets ready for date. Is your mother making me dinner? I am hungry. Hello, Mrs. Bogan. I snap. I see you did not take my advice and you still walk around with your whore ankles exposed.

[John Holmberg]

Where did this guy come from?

[Brett]

Bangladesh.

[Brady]

He's a Bangladeshi. And they just showed up. And the Bogans, why did they just show up? They were in a program.

[Brett]

Because God told them to be nice to stranger, basically.

[Brady]

But no, there was no exchange time. They just showed up at your house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did your parents send anything over?

[Brett]

No, there's no exchange oh, what, you mean like us?

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brett]

No, no.

[Brady]

There was no exchange. It was a safe house.

[Brett]

We. I forgot who either. I think my mom got involved in it. But they were social workers from all over the world that came over here to see what it's like in the United States.

[Brady]

Hey, Brady, you know the difference between orphanage and daycare is. No. What is it, Samat? I don't either. I just. Drop the bombs, huh? Just kidding around with you. I kill kids. Thanks, Samat. I'm gonna go outside now. You don't scare me at all. Because that would be dealing with reality, and I'm not gonna do that. You guys had strangers and drug addicts, pregnant girls.

[Brett]

Probably the. The worst of them all. And it wasn't. It's just she didn't. I didn't hang out with him that.

[Brady]

Much because he was.

[Brett]

The other. Other ones were insane fun.

[Brady]

Okay. The drug addict on your roof.

[Brett]

Well, that was a. So that wasn't in that program. That was.

[Brady]

That was worse that you had multiple programs of crazy people. Okay. Still drug addict.

[Brett]

Walt Ducey was a great foster brother.

[Brady]

See, and this is where you and I would have different experiences is that they normalized it. And we'll argue with you that that's okay to have a drug addict on your roof when you come back from Hungry Herman's and you went to Hungry Herman's, had some tots.

[Brett]

Because I was joking on the. It was a great brother, but.

[Brady]

Yeah, but still, you normalize it. Your whole family. I've sat with your whole family and talked about. I'm the only one that asked questions.

[Brett]

Going through what families deal with, other families deal with.

[Brady]

No, they don't know.

[John Holmberg]

They don't know.

[Brady]

They don't. You kick that out. Oh, geez. Drug addict on the roof. Yeah. My dad would have lost his mind. What's that thing doing on my roof? And you've been more mad about the tile potentially breaking.

[Brett]

That was allowed to happen once. Never again.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is it somebody who's a drug addict?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the other one?

[Brett]

We also had foster. We're in a foster program. So I had nine foster brothers and sisters. Not all at the same time. There are different times. The longest one stayed seven years.

[John Holmberg]

You still talk to them, by the way.

[Brett]

Every once in a while.

[Brady]

Yeah. But usually it's when they need money.

[Brett]

One that lived the longest at. At seven years.

[Brady]

Sounded terrible. Yeah.

[Brett]

Mary Jane.

[Brady]

That's right. And Mary Jane was the pregnant teen.

[Brett]

No, no, that was a different teen.

[Brady]

He had a pregnant teen that got Knocked up in two of us. Two of them.

[John Holmberg]

I feel like I'm watching Neil degrasse Tyson.

[Brady]

They were getting knocked up in Brady's house. And you know what? You know how you know the speed. 1.3 million miles an hour. And that's something you. Your family never talked about because I brought it up to your mom, and I'm like, so she was bringing dudes into your house and taken seed. Oh, John, no. They didn't do it in the house. This they did.

[Brett]

No, they.

[Brady]

No, no, no.

[Brett]

None of the boyfriends ever came over the house. Brady, she was in high school with me. There's only one that had boyfriends, and that was Brady.

[Brady]

They were troubled teens. They skirt the rules. They had people boning probably in.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. But not. Not.

[Brady]

Yeah. In your house. Yeah, you. The dude wasn't afraid to do airplane glue and get on your roof. You think he hit. Well, I better stay strict with that. Rule of no girl.

[Brett]

Different story.

[Brady]

They're all different stories. When you guys left for Hungry Herman's. Entrusted the drug addict.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He turned into a drug addict again. When you went to Hungry Herman's and trusted the. Guess what she did.

[Brett]

We didn't do that.

[Brady]

You. You never left your sight.

[Brett]

She was at school.

[Brady]

She was never trusted alone in the house.

[Brett]

And that was. You'd see her, you know, basically after school.

[Brady]

Did her bedroom have a window? It had to, legally. Yeah. The closet. Stuffed her in a shed. Then she was boning guys in your house. Guarantee it. I know you don't like to think about these things, but that's true. Hi. I'm a pregnant girl.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm 14.

[Brady]

I have lots of sex, and I got knocked up. Can I live with you? Sure. No boys in the house. That's what my parents said anyway. Where's my room? There's a tree next to it. He'll climb that and get in my bedroom. We'll do this. Yeah, you guys. You guys didn't pay attention, but there were times. I'm just gonna stay home for a little while. We're going to Hungry Herman's for tots. And you were so singularly focused on the tots. You never paid attention to leaving them at home. They stayed there. They did terrible things. Terrible things.

[Brett]

Edie. No.

[Brady]

Brady, did you sneak anyone in your house? Did you ever have a girl in the house?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Okay. There you go.

[Brett]

But I was on the first floor.

[Brady]

And you were really not.

[Brett]

A sliding glass door on my bed.

[Brady]

And I'm gonna come over there and pat you on the Head. When I say this. You were a really good boy.

[Brett]

I was.

[Brady]

And you still did it. You think the whore didn't? The multiples.

[Brett]

I know she didn't.

[Brady]

Suddenly she just stopped being that.

[Brett]

She didn't have to sneak anyone in.

[Brady]

She.

[Brett]

Yeah, but she got pregnant time over.

[Brady]

There and still was at your house at night, sleeping. And dudes were in there. She took some.

[Brett]

She had her one suitor.

[Brady]

Why are you so upset about somebody get taking pipe in your house?

[Brett]

I'm not upset about it. I just know it.

[Brady]

You know for sure that didn't happen?

[Brett]

Pretty much.

[Brady]

You think your sister didn't ever have a guy in there doing terrible things to her? She might have, yeah. Why are they different?

[Brett]

Well, one was three or four months pregnant.

[Brady]

So she puts out.

[Brett]

She put out early on.

[Brady]

Oh, no. They do it while they're pregnant.

[Brett]

Convince the guy at the high school I was with that he was the father.

[Brady]

So there were multiple options. Could have been a few days go over their house and prove that it wasn't him.

[Brett]

It's not the father.

[Brady]

I know.

[Brett]

Well, they're gonna get married.

[Brady]

Your. Your mom went to a guy's house under this little angel's direction and said it wasn't you. I know you. The girl in her house. But she. It was another guy's baby. And you think that she was an angel in it? No.

[Brett]

No, I never said she was.

[Brady]

If you had candles or cylindrical objects at all in the house, they were inside. One of your foster sisters?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brady]

Maybe. God, I hate introducing you to reality. It's too late now. It stinks. It stinks. If you were sneaking chicks in, and you were a very good boy. Those slutty foster girls were definitely doing stuff in your house. Guaranteed you couldn't keep the tabs on the entire time. You'd even know where Kirby was a couple times when I was on the phone with you, Construction workers had to bring her back. She's front yard, you know, down the road. Enough for a construction worker to go, this isn't good. If she was just sitting in her front yard, they'd have left her alone. She was wandering down the road. You used to wander around down the street. The drugstore guy used to call your mom and go, he's here again. We met that guy that.

[Brett]

No. The Bobbitts.

[Brady]

Theron Bobbitt, who's dead now, but he met us at an event here. And he goes, I used to live down the road from Brady. I'm like, what a coincidence. He goes, yeah, my mom used to have to call his mom on the regular because he would just stand on our porch like. How old was he? Two. He's in diapers. I was the youngest with a baba hanging out of his mouth and standing on some stranger's porch. Genie. Yeah. You have a third kid? Yeah, he's around here somewhere. No, he's not. He's on our porch. Okay, I can get him. And you know what the excuse was when I asked your mom? Oh, Brady was a wanderer. No, no one was watching him. All kids are wanderers. I didn't care. So you think she was keeping an eagle eye on the sluts? No way. No way. Just turn a blind eye to it. God, I wish I'd have known Brady and his family when I was a teenager. Just come in the front door. They can't see it. They ignore anything horrible that's happening. Yeah, that's right. Just throw tots at the little one and we'll go right into the bedroom. They won't even see you. My tutor's here. Have fun up there in your room. Shut the door and lock it so we don't hear you studying. I remember I had a friend, his family was very religious and they never thought anything bad happened at their house. And the oldest daughter was gorgeous and her boyfriend would come over and his gray Suzuki Samurai had the word lant zzz litten on it. It was always spent Lance with a Z. And they'd sit down and we'd be playing like Colego Vision or something on his tv. And the whole family would gather around and watch. And then she'd go, lance and I are gonna go pray now. It was like three in the afternoon. Yeah, we're gonna go pray. And they'd go in the bedroom of the family's like, isn't that wonderful? And she'd take her boyfriend into the bedroom to, quote, pray, and they both come back with messed up hair. Oh, God. Oh God. Oh, Lord Jesus. God. He'd come out with blood on his fingers. It was awesome. Look, we prayed so hard. I got a stigmata, I think, or something. Do you have any soap? Anyway, reality sucks. Pretty, but that girl wasn't in there. Just so. They're so happy. They moan all night that they're in her house. They're just so happy. 1.3 million miles an hour. That's how fast you're hurtling through space right now. Enjoy that fun fact. Give us a wake up song. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 Kup, wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.