07-10-25 - Maryvale Baby Shot Proving Our Point That Girl Goons In Gilbert Are Overblown - John Sides w/Goodyear HOA When Man Fined For Giving Out Free Water To People In His Front Yard

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: July 10, 2025
Episode Title: Maryvale Baby Shot Proving Our Point That Girl Goons In Gilbert Are Overblown - John Sides w/Goodyear HOA When Man Fined For Giving Out Free Water To People In His Front Yard

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Introduction

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS) on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo delve into a series of local Arizona news stories, blending humor with sharp commentary. The episode primarily focuses on a disturbing incident in Maryvale, a second incident involving local teenagers in Gilbert, and a peculiar controversy surrounding a Goodyear resident fined for distributing free water in his front yard.

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Maryvale Baby Shooting: An Overlooked Tragedy

The episode opens with a critical discussion about a tragic event in Maryvale where a baby was shot. Holmberg expresses frustration over the minimal media coverage, emphasizing the lack of substantial follow-up on the incident.

• John Holmberg [04:21]: "A baby in Maryvale was shot, and they're kind of like, all right, I got to go to work. Two blonde girls at the In-N-Out got into a fight at Gilbert, and they want to have the police chief on TV."

Holmberg is particularly irked by the disparity in media attention, highlighting that while a baby's life was endangered, more sensational stories about local teens receive undue focus.

• John Holmberg [05:08]: "I didn't see the Maryvale story. It wasn't an eight-minute story. They couldn't wait to get out of the story on Channel Three."

Brady echoes these sentiments, questioning the community's prioritization of news.

• Brady [04:25]: "A baby going to work got shot on his way to work."

The discussion underscores a broader critique of media priorities and community responses to violence.

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Gilbert Teen Fights: Spotlight on Local Youth

Transitioning from the heavy topic of the baby shooting, the hosts pivot to lighter yet still concerning news about teenage behavior in Gilbert.

• John Holmberg [02:37]: "Blonde chicks with long hair wrestling each other is newsworthy, and it's fun to watch no matter what."

The hosts debate the authenticity and impact of these reported teen altercations, suggesting that such stories might be overblown or staged for entertainment value.

• Brady [07:00]: "I think the Gilbert moms are going to strike back at In-N-Out. Maybe your menu is too aggressive."

Holmberg sarcastically compares the severity of teenage fights to the neglect shown in the Maryvale shooting incident, highlighting a perceived imbalance in societal concerns.

• John Holmberg [08:19]: "But they sure will watch a couple of 15-year-old blondes tugging on each other's hair in a parking lot."

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Goodyear HOA Controversy: Free Water or Suspicious Activity?

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a contentious issue in Goodyear involving a homeowner fined for distributing free water to passersby.

• John Holmberg [14:01]: "There's a guy in Goodyear that stands outside his house and he gives out water. He was on the news too last night and he was like, and the HOA is like, go inside."

The hosts express skepticism and suspicion towards the man's motives, equating his actions to potential grooming behaviors.

• John Holmberg [14:04]: "Anybody that's like, yeah, I don't have any kids of my own. I want to make friends with yours. Nope, nope. That's called stranger danger."

Brady and Holmberg discuss the broader implications of such actions within the community and criticize the Homeowners Association (HOA) for enforcing regulations that, in their view, stifle personal expression and foster mistrust among neighbors.

• John Holmberg [15:07]: "I don't like HOAs. I made my stance on HOAs in a huge way. I hate them. I won't never live in it."

The segment highlights tensions between individual freedoms and community regulations, using the water distribution case as a focal point.

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Inappropriate Relationships: A Sensitive Topic

Towards the latter part of the episode, the conversation takes a more serious turn as the hosts discuss instances of inappropriate relationships between adults and minors.

• John Holmberg [24:30]: "Emergency rape is what it was. The guy was inside just waiting for one. That was the last place that was."

Holmberg recounts a personal anecdote involving a teacher engaging in illicit communication with a 12-year-old student, emphasizing the dangers and societal repercussions of such actions.

• John Holmberg [25:49]: "Megan Holmberg caught with a 12-year-old boy. My boy. That's coming back on me."

The hosts express disdain and concern over the exploitation and grooming of minors, highlighting the importance of vigilance and community responsibility in preventing such abuses.

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with hosts Holmberg, Brady, Bret, and Dick Toledo reflecting on the discussed topics, reiterating their concerns over community safety, media priorities, and the effectiveness of HOAs. They blend humor with critical insights, aiming to both entertain and provoke thought among their listeners.

• John Holmberg [31:01]: "It's Ronnie's new side piece. The first maybe. I don't know. What would be like a month?"

As always, the show maintains a balance between light-hearted banter and serious commentary, encouraging listeners to stay informed and engaged with local issues.

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Notable Quotes

• John Holmberg [04:21]: "A baby in Maryvale was shot, and they're kind of like, all right, I got to go to work."

• Brady [02:37]: "They're trying everything."

• John Holmberg [14:04]: "Anybody that's like, yeah, I don't have any kids of my own. I want to make friends with yours. Nope, nope. That's called stranger danger."

• John Holmberg [25:49]: "Megan Holmberg caught with a 12-year-old boy. My boy. That's coming back on me."

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This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness provides a mix of humor and hard-hitting discussions on pressing local issues, encouraging listeners to question media narratives, community regulations, and societal behaviors.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. All right, HMS Podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. All right, just a Note that the three venues will all be closed on July 4th. That's Friday night. That doesn't mean there's a lack of comedy, though, because we have Francisco Ramos coming in on Saturday at Stand Up Live run on Hirshberg and Camp Bertrand, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday at Tempe Improv. And John Heffron is going to be at the Desert Ridge Improv on Thursday, Saturday, Saturday and Sunday as well. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. If you're driving around with a damaged windshield, you're playing with fire. Who knows what dominoes fall just from not calling New Vision Auto Glass and getting that glass replaced? It's really easy. You can get up to $375 back just for using New Vision Auto glass. Go to nuvisionautoglass.com and see what you qualify for. And of course, you'll get dinner at the Brazilian steakhouse Rodizio Grill. I couldn't mean it more. When I get your windshield repaired, call them now. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday 5:45. Good morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Bret. Here's Big Dick Toledo. We're off and running and I'm already scrambling for. I've got several emails out of nowhere, people telling me that Sophie Cunningham and Jimmy Fallon got into a fight. I'm trying to find him. Like, I got into a real fight on the show. She tweeted out. I found this as don't invite me on your show to speak and then expect me to smile through the censorship. You kind of agreed to the parameters of it, didn't you, Spicy? I mean, I'm all on Spicy's side. I have no problem whatever Jimmy Fallon did, even if it was Bashing the wnba. He would wrong Jimmy Fallon. You don't talk Sophie Cunningham like that, Will. We'll get more on that as the story develops. But finally, Jimmy Fallon's show is interesting.

[Brady]

They're trying everything.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and it wouldn't surprise me if this was all staged, that Sophie is now known as an enforcer. Where Here. She never stood up for any of the lesbians on her team. And then she went to Indiana and stood up for Caitlin Clark once, and suddenly she's got a title of enforcer. She was just the hot chick while she was here.

[Brady]

You got to pick the right enforcer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I gu. Yes. I mean, she's not the toughest girl in the WNBA on the map. That's all it took. 600,000. Excuse me, 600,000 different people found Sophie Cunningham on social media. She added 600,000 people. Boom. Just because she wrestled a girl poorly for soap for Caitlyn Clark. And here she had Diana Taurasi never defended her once. She had, I don't know, the rest of the team, but she had other lesbians she could have fought for here. Never once did it. And just that's the key. And it goes back to what we're talking about yesterday with Gilbert. Blonde chicks with long hair wrestling each other is newsworthy, and it's fun to watch no matter what.

[Brady]

So wonder how many followers any of those girls picked up.

[John Holmberg]

No, they got a few. They got a couple, by the way. Also, breaking news. Hey, Gilbert. Moms listen to this and then shush about how tough your town is. Shush it. Shush. Listen. I know. Shush. A baby in Maryvale got shot yesterday. It's on the news for, like, half a second. Did you hear what I just said? I'm going to repeat, a baby was shot by a gun in Maryvale yesterday. The story's about two lines long, and it says, we'll figure it out. When we figure it out. You're not going to hear another thing about it. And guess what? The baby lived. The parents aren't freaking out on the news. They're not losing it, having town hall meetings. I'm going to say it one more time because this phrase is kind of important. A baby in Maryvale was shot, and they're kind of like, all right, I got to go to work. Two blonde girls at the In N Out got into a fight at Gilbert, and they want to have the police chief on tv.

[Brady]

He's got the rest of the story. A baby going to work got shot on his way to work.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this the baby who was taking care of his kids in Maryvale doing nothing more also shot back and killed the guy who shot at him first. The other baby. That's right. A baby was shot in Maryvale. I didn't see the Maryvale. Does Maryvale have a police chief? They're probably.

[Brady]

It rotates.

[John Holmberg]

Your baby got shot? Yeah. Yeah. You gonna do something about that? Did you see the dude what done it? No. What'd you expect me to do, man? Well, look, you're the one watching the baby. How am I? I wasn't even here. Are you his father? Excuse me, sir, Are you his father? Answer the question. I know you hate this question, but are you the father and. Yeah. Maryvale had a baby get shot?

[Brady]

Yes, I am. I was at work. Well, then that's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Those are. I don't think that's accurate. I don't think you're a representation. I don't think you're a representation of Yes, I am the father and I was at work is accurate in Maryvale. I don't think those two phrases just I am the father and I was going to work early in the morning. I don't think that's a Maryvale thing. Again, I repeat, a baby was shot in Maryvale. I didn't see the police chief. It wasn't an eight minute story. They couldn't wait to get out of the story on Channel three.

[Brady]

Little video.

[John Holmberg]

No, there's no video there.

[Brady]

Babies filming.

[John Holmberg]

They're not rats. I'm putting up ring cams over there. They got them all over Gilbert. That's why we got a seated the story. This is the whole story. Police responded to a baby being shot at 11:30 on 83rd Avenue in Camelback. The lieutenant told Arizona's family the baby PM. Yeah. A police lieutenant at the scene told Arizona. Yeah, up that. What are you talking. Murrayville is not up that. Are you familiar with what we're doing here? Says a police lieutenant at the scene told the Arizona family the baby was shot. First responders took the baby to the hospital. Detectives have responded to investigate. There's no information leading to the shooting. Yeah, the baby. There's information that would have led to the shooting. Baby side eyed me. So take that Gilbert and all your. Hit the Gilbert police chief on what's going at KTR yesterday. Full segments. The Gilbert teens are at it. A baby was shot in Maryvale. We're talking about Gilbert teens getting into fist fights over gorilla style burgers. Stop it. I don't want my town to turn into Maryville that's why we report this stuff. No, I see crying moms with blurred faces because they're afraid of retaliation. Meanwhile, babies are taking bullets at 11:30 at night. Baby doing outside.

[Brady]

I think the Gilbert moms are going to strike back at In n out. Maybe your menu is too aggressive. Animal, Stu.

[John Holmberg]

Animal style. They don't like that.

[Brady]

Promoting violence.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brady, you gotta move. You gotta get out of that. I want you to move to Maryville. Pretty much. We're starting to hate all people who are like, I live in Gilbert. I already kind of have. You're like the last one. You're the last one. When you say I live in Gilbert, I'm like, yeah, I like him, but he's doing his best. He's doing his best. People come from Maryville. I'm like, at least you're real. I understand you've had. You've been through some life experiences I can relate to. Not the baby getting shot at 11:30 at night. I don't want to make fun of a baby getting shot at 11:30 at night, but it's kind of awkward. What was he doing up? You know, he had a deal to make. I don't understand anything anymore. But. So, yeah, keep that in mind while you're watching blonde 15 year olds pull each other's hair in the Gilbert parking lot. Next thing you know I got to listen to Gaydos and Bruce St. James. Well, it's just an epidemic. It's a problem. It's a problem. Come on. No. What were they fighting over? The last. Last bottle of Mac foundation at Sephora or something? I mean, come on. I have no idea.

[Brady]

Someone finished the other one's fries.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody had their. Her nails were pointier than the other ones because they do those pointy nails now. I don't know. I have no idea. But it is annoying. And no, Brady, I don't think hot chicks fight each other over fries. You're really. And his world. I do. You are really hyper folk. You must be starving this morning. That's. Anyway, baby shot in Maryville. News to come? I doubt it. They might bring it up a couple more times, but unless they've got. Unless the baby had weaves of long blonde hair and its hair whipped in the wind. The news isn't going to cover. But they sure will watch a couple of 15 year old blondes tugging on each other's hair in a parking lot. And then the poor police chief of Maryvale. Hey, we're calling to talk to you about the baby being shot and his answer Would be which one? And then Maryvale hangs up. Because they're smarter. Never thought I'd say it. Maryvale greater than Gilbert. Ooh. At least the citizens, the residents, they're more fun, you know, better out there. They're not sitting there shaking all the time. Their kids are gonna kill them. But it's better barbecue out there too. Brady. Oh, hey, that's probably true. Yeah, way to play his game, Brett. That spits. I guarantee you that's true. I guarantee you that's a fact. That blond blah. What are they with the bland sauce that they use out there? And oh, spices. Well, couldn't possibly. I have something called silent reflux. So whenever I don't want go to bed and have my heart hurt.

[Brady]

Bring Maryville out to Gilbert. You have to be gone by 5pm.

[John Holmberg]

Be gone when the sun goes down. Yes. So it's breakfast. You want them to bring breakfast? Well, that's not gonna happen. Maryvale breakfast. Yeah.

[Brady]

The babies work later.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, the babies are out cleaning up the kitchen. 11:30. That lazy ass baby doing in bed. It's only 11:30. Maryvale babies go to bed late. Yeah, I gotta find this thing about Sophie anyway, so keep that in mind when you're watch wandering around Gilbert this morning telling each other with, you know, last night's postinos wine breath, that you're just afraid for your child's safety. A baby was shot. We don't live in Maryvale. We don't. You can't be empathetic towards your kids. Only if you're gonna make some sort of stance about violence with kids. You have to be. You have to be. All of it or none of it. Just my kids matter. It's silly. There's another dude on the news last night I watched and I didn't get a good vibe off the ho. I don't like HOAs. I made my stance on HOAs in a huge way. I hate them. I won't never live in it. You don't have your new one. I moved out. You got one. And you've had your issues with HOA stuff. I hate HOAs. I think they're. It's the biggest blackmail mob scam that for some reason people are into that I don't get. Just go knock on your neighbor's door and tell them not to park in the road. Could you not do that on the morning sickness? Maggie? Umpteen. Hi, I'm Richard Carr and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. The brand new pocket hose Copperhead with pocket pivot is here and it's a total game changer. Plus your super light and ultra durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10 year warranty. What could be better than that? For a limited time you can get a free Pocket Pivot and their 10 pattern sprayer with the purchase of any size Copperhead hose. Just go to getcopperhead.com that's getcopperhead.com for your two free gifts with purchase. Get copperhead.com you might get into an argument with him and he has a right to go. I'm going to park on the road. And you have a right to go. Oh, I hate that. And then you either keep the fight alive or he'll move the car or it just is what it is. Tell him to see where he is in person. Right? Yeah. And it's cowardly. I don't like it's the hard tattle tattle on the, on the mob bosses and they fine you for nothing and it's just a scam. But in certain cases usually get a lot of notes. This one's. Yeah. Notes and warnings. And then like they will steal your life from you if you don't pay them, for God's sake. I understand that feeling. There's a guy in Goodyear that stands outside his house and he gives out water. He was on the news too last night and he was like. And the HOA is like, go inside. Like. And I like that HOA that basically wanders around to the, to the neighborhood Brady's and says, get, get in the house. It's hot outside. What are you doing giving out water? To who? There's nobody out here. The kids. And then his thing was, I give it to kids, I give it to delivery workers, I give it to couples holding hands. Like, who? What couple is out walking around in this? Nobody's out there walking around. What you're doing is expressing how insanely lonely you are miserable with the family that lives inside the house and you're trying to make new friends outside that don't want you either get in your house. There are plenty of places that give away water. And if anybody's taking a walk in this 100, 170018 degree days and they don't have any water and they need you, there's a bigger fish to fry with that hoa than there is the guy in front. You got dehydrated people wandering around on lovers walks in the middle of 118 degrees. There's no need for him to stand outside and give away water, I automatically assume two things. Pedophile immediately. First thing in my. If I see a dude outside giving away free things in his yard and nobody asked for it. Grooming. First thing in my mind. Ah, grooming. Anybody that interested in making sure that the neighborhood's kids are okay and none of them are his, he's up to something. Chris Hansen's gonna be walking out. Yeah, I don't trust that dude at all. Anybody that's like, yeah, I don't have any kids of my own. I want to make friends with yours. Nope, nope. That's called stranger danger. And the other thing I was always.

[Brady]

What are you giving out? Yeah, Mike's Hard Lemonade and cookies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the thing I was always told, take nothing from people you don't know. Like, if I was a kid out there, me and Stebbings used to ride our bikes around the middle of 112 degree days in summer, going back and forth to his house and my house and doing whatever we were doing. If there was a dude in the front yard at any given time going, kids, come here. I got some free stuff for you. You. You ride faster the other way. Because we were raised what you're taught. Yeah, Sounds like the old creepy guy from family. It is. You killed. Thirsty. It's hot as hell out here giving away some free water. It's not tainted. You can trust me. You don't, you tell your kids immediately. The HOA is right. It's the only time I'll ever agree with an hoa. Hey, dude. Do Gooder, get back in the house. My wife's in there. I hate it in there. Rather stand in the sun. Get. If people think I'm a pedophile, get in the house, jackass. And lovers that are wandering around a Goodyear neighborhood holding hands in 118 degrees, that to me shouts out, abduction situation. Somebody's doing that against their will.

[Brady]

You want to take an afternoon walk?

[John Holmberg]

No. No one wants to take a walk. Hold my hand. Don't touch me.

[Brady]

He made that up.

[John Holmberg]

We'll start this. What? Of course he did. He's trying to be. He's trying to cover that. He's. He's. He's grooming. He's throwing bait out there for the children. It's for the kids. Anytime a dude in your neighborhood, and nobody asked him to do it, says the phrase, it's for the kids, like, he's just out there with a jump rope. I need a second. No, I'm going in. You're creepy.

[Brady]

He's got the other side of it tied to a pole.

[John Holmberg]

I'm ready to jump. I want to watch you bounce, son. Yeah. It says the violation is $100. The fine started. He goes, I have no idea why they're coming down on him. Another guy. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Here we are in July, the hottest day of the year, and we're still talking about water coolers and free cold water and how wrong it is. You know why we were a tougher, better generation is because. Well, first off, it's my generation that sucks, because this dude's probably one of my. And we've raised the most fragile group of pussies on the planet because we took away their ability to sneak up to any house in the neighborhood, put their head under a hose spigot and get some water. That used to be pretty normal. You knew seven or eight people on your street. Usually they had a kid. You're thirsty. It's like, let's go to Begley's house and get some water. You never knocked on a door or asked the parents. You just turn their spigot on. And sometimes that would happen at your house. You'd look outside and go, oh, Stebbings and Begley are getting water. And you never gotta wait two minutes.

[Brady]

To finally get the cool stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes cancer hose, you know, all the toxic plastic, which is great.

[Brady]

Great taste.

[John Holmberg]

All of your stupid kids are. I can't drink water. Comes from a city farm. I'm thinking plastic bottle made by Coca Cola. Oh, my God. Yeah. I can't have water out of a cat. Too hard. Why? Cause I'll take my tummy or something. How's your tummy doing anyway? You're on 15 different medications. You don't seem to let that bother the inner lining of your stomach. Talon. God, I hate your children so much. Pansies. Meanwhile, I'm looking over at Maryvale, where a baby is nursing its bullet wounds today. And it made it. Nobody's really going, well, he shouldn't drink out of taps. I guarantee you they're going to get their water from a fire. Hydrating. Yeah, that's fine. They play in fire hydrants and they drink from fire. I'm fine with Mary Maryvale. You're winning. He's like Rambo. He's got his knife out and he's sewing himself back up and everything else. What are you doing there? Oh, he's sewing a bullet. A good baby. He's a genius. Nice stitches. He's a goddamn Genius. Look at that little baby. He gonna be back to work tomorrow? I'm gonna get sleep anyway. Yeah, I just hoas serve no purpose in my mind. But that's a good one if you're gonna get any time to rat out a neighbor. The local pedophile handing out free stuff in the front yard. Nope, it isn't Halloween. It doesn't make any sense. And even in Halloween, I'm skeptical of the dude who likes it too much. You know, the childless guy that's got too much going on at his house. Come on, kids. I want to be all your friends.

[Brady]

You have to walk through the house to get to the candy.

[John Holmberg]

I've said it a million times. Christmas time, you get some people. So that single dude in your neighborhood that's sitting there dressed as Santa Claus, that's. He's getting something out of that your kids aren't and he is. That's weird, but at least it makes sense seasonally. July free water guy whose first words. It's for the children. There are no children. I don't know if you've noticed, but for the last 18 or 19 years, there are no children outside anymore. Even in when the weather's nice, when the we used to have to go play basketball, you have to wait till the other guy guys were done. Get your guys out on the court and like, 25 people and like 18 of them are standing outside the court waiting their turn. That doesn't happen anymore. At all. At all. Pristine nets that very rarely get used to. Hate that. You go to a basketball court you like, and then a few weeks later, they'd put chains up there, and you're like, oh, crap, this thing's gone completely ghetto. I used to like the ones that were at the real nets. Outside. That was outside. Outstanding. There was always a few extra dudes. Not anymore. They don't go outside anymore. So handing water out to the kids. You're handing a water out to a kid who obviously his parents do not care about him at all. Didn't even buy him an iPad to be fat and lazy. Inside, nobody's playing outside. And I want to meet the Gilbert or Goodyear lovers. It's perfect time for a walk, don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. It's the last thing you want to do with your girlfriend if you love her is give her swamp box in the middle of the day and try to be romantic about it. It's disgusting. You got to go home and clean her out. It's like a grease. I thought it was two dudes or something. When you said the Goodyear lovers, I was like, swamp box. What are you talking about? Well, they get swamp box too. It's just different. Different box. It's like a truffle butter thing. They got like a. You still don't want to go walking around and create friction in that area. Yeah. 118 degrees. You're going to of froth down there. You homosexuals would like some free water. It's over here. Yeah, we'll pour down our cracks. That's fantastic. Who are you? Just a guy handed out water to lovers walking around in 120 degrees. Totally normal. Yeah. And I'm. I know. People are like, wasn't it a better time and you could trust your neighbors? No, I watch a lot of murder shows. You can never trust your neighbors. Back in the day when they said, trust your neighbors, your parents told you not to never, ever, ever talk to those weirdos. Like, you can tr To a certain degree. There was always that one dude on the street that you're like, don't. Don't talk to him. He was the one doing weird stuff like had a lawn chair in his front yard watching you play, you know, wiffle ball or something. Like, why is the childless guy reffing the game? We didn't ask him to go, hey, you guys need an umpire? No, thanks, Mr. Hawk. Go back inside. I'll just sit here and watch. I love watching the children play. At one time, my mom gave me away in San Diego to that guy whose kid died. She felt bad for him. And he knocked on the door. Never met him. Knocked on the door. Can I take your son in a whale watching adventure? I lost my boy a couple years ago. He's about your son's age. Sure. Like, what the hell? Next thing you know, I'm in the back of a. An opal going to the ocean with some strange guy with a handlebar mustache. Yeah, he didn't rape me. Holmberg's morning sickness. I was allowed to bring a friend of equal age, and I brought my buddy Tony, and we stood on the whale watching boat just asking each other how come we're here. It's like, his kid's dead and he just wants to look at us. Was this Mr. Carlson from a Different Strokes or what? I mean, you and Dudley were looking at the new bikes. That's exactly what it was. Trust your neighbors. No, live your life without a neighbor touching your butthole. That's what you're. That's all we're all trying to do. They're not all after it. But just, you know, someone says, be careful. Juno's this email. Thanks. Says you might get boycotted for talking smack about Gilbert. You might have all these 40 plus ladies that try to look 25 after you again. Can you imagine them going to the news shoes and those new high heels. They have all new shoes now. That's true. Since the Gilbert Goons thing, they've got all new shoes they need to show off. So they need to get on the TV again. Steve Maddens, Maryvale. Just right now, there's a dude out there putting putty in the hole in his house. That got to his baby patch. Head up. Doug Hopkins sees this, he ain't gonna buy this thing.

[Brady]

Around the golden goose, right?

[John Holmberg]

Even in your neighborhood, if there was a guy, if you. You do it sometimes, but you've gotten a reputation where you're at least not gonna rape any. You stand outside and give people sauces.

[Brady]

I'm just saying when you talk about it, it's just nice to, you know, if something were. If we weren't home. Growing up with Kirby or whatever felt pretty comfortable that she could go across the street or next door.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's always had people they knew.

[Brady]

Because I think about that, that man, if it turned and it becomes an absolute nightmare, it's the worst. But you're living in a neighborhood and all of a sudden like what this guy's running into the guy giving away water.

[John Holmberg]

But you're talking about people. You know, everybody was. Had neighbors. Like it's okay to go to their house if we're not here. Something bad happened. And I'm talking about the dude down the street when nothing bad has happened and you guys are home and he's outside his house trying to give free things to your kids. Adding, adding teach your kids that that ain't normal. In the hoa, which I've never thought I'd say. Same thing I said yesterday. Two phrases I never thought I'd say. The HOA is right and Dennis Rodman's daughter is beautiful. I never thought those words would ever fall out of my mouth.

[Brady]

And we've talked about it before, but when we're growing up, the worst thing was, even though it's supposed to be a positive thing, the. The safety spot. Like just put that up in the window.

[John Holmberg]

I never liked those. When I was a kid.

[Brady]

Kid lets kids know this is a safety spot.

[John Holmberg]

I had four or five of my own safety spots. But I always thought that that was the best ruse for a child abductor. And I was a child when I realized that I'm like, well, let's put this up here. Who puts the E in their window or whatever letter they give those? Oh, yeah, the ready? And I never wanted to go to that person's house.

[Brady]

That was the hunter Orange.

[John Holmberg]

Ours were red. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we had red E's. And you put them in the windows. And what was the E4? Emergency. Emergency. Emergency rape is what it was. The guy was inside just waiting for one. That was the last place that was. And even as a kid.

[Brady]

Erection.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I got a strong one, big red one sticking out like lipstick. I even as a child looked at that and said, if I was a guy who wanted to hurt kids, I would. I would get one of those. You know, they don't wander around dragging their. Their claws on the ground. They're normal people that fool society and become E houses. No way. You never went to your teacher's house. That was weird. And you never went in one of those E houses. You don't take free stuff from there. HOA is right. That's your teacher is Brittany Zamora. Well, that was different. That was when you were of age, if the hormones were pumping and Brittany was wise enough never to take them home. I don't know how she got away with boning that kid where she. Which was like in the car.

[Brady]

She had E in the hood of her car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there was another one of those the other day where the husband, poor bastard, but he. To his credit, he got. He told on her right away. And I don't know, I. I keep that dead quiet. But he was going through his wife's phone like she's up to something. And the last thing he expected to find was text from one of her students in the sixth grade. Sixth grade again. 12, 13 years old. And immediately called the kids. Parents. I called the kids. You know, I'll show. Who's this bastard saying, I love you, darling. I can't wait to be. Oh, cool. This son of a. And who's this talent guy? Hello. Was your father around? Something's going. No, it's my phone. What the hell is that? Are you Carlos? Yeah. What's it to you, you son of a. Are you having sex with my wife? Probably Lipton. Oh, my God. And he called that kid's found. His kid's parents called immediately. And the parents were like. We saw some text messages we were concerned about too. We didn't know who it was for. Thought it was one of his little girlfriends. It was, but it was also his teacher. And I don't Know if I'd tell on that? We've talked about this a million times. But Megan starts boning a 12 year old, I'm just staying put. I'm not. Nobody's gonna know. I'm never talking about it. I might even give that kid some free water on his way out the door. I'm like, good for you. Nice job, clown. For a 12 year old. I'm not doing it. I'm not telling anyone.

[Brady]

Looking away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man. Because having been in this business long enough, I know. Names are released and you start. You see that on the news tonight. Megan Holmberg caught with a 12 year old boy. My boy. That's coming back on me. She's already in trouble. Now I gotta live my life. I gotta. I'm expected to go back out there and be normal now. It's impossible. Especially because my name is mostly consonants. It's not common. People will remember that. That two things I'll get from that moment. Are you ready? You're related to that guy that plays for the Maple Leafs? No. Why do I know your name? You don't. Wait a minute. Home. That. You're the dude whose wife had that? Yes. All right. Just give me my Chipotle. I gotta go. Never talking about it again. Ever. Having slumber parties at the house. The kids allowed in. He bring his friends over. I'll play video games with him. Well, he gets it done, no one will know. She can marry him. I'll be the best man. I'll never talk about it ever in my life. I need to talk to you. I was giving out free water the other day and One of the 12 year olds walked by and I noticed the bulge. Oh my God. What's happening? One thing led to another.

[Brady]

I appreciate you being honest.

[John Holmberg]

I just would like you to not turn me into the. I'm never talking about this again. When this conversation over, it dies. You're so much bigger than my husband. Ah, Christ. I'm not. I don't want to be mean, but if we ever have sex again, you're not gonna feel anything. This kid has opened me like a Holland tunnel. What? You're gonna have to just go back door and tell. Do it a few times before I let him do it. Cause once he's back there, it's like those change purses with the elastic. He's ruined it. It's. I'm wide open. Yeah, I am. Shh. Forever. Forever. Forever. Remember Lou Diamond Phillips when his wife left him for Melissa Etheridge and lesbian things started. What do you remember? You Remember Lou Diamond Phillips for La Bamba? Or that first that always comes up.

[Brady]

Young guns.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He had movies, he had a career. Lou Diamond Phillips was a big deal. Wife starts boning Melissa Etheridge and he's like, oh, there's Lou Diamond Phillips. Remember him? He was in Labomba. And also his wife. Immediately the next story is the personal tragedy he had nothing to do with. It's the bridge building rules. Anyway, 12 year old do you leave? You stick that out.

[Brady]

It'D be tough to stick around.

[John Holmberg]

Why? You've been married long enough. You're probably not having sex anyway. What's the big deal?

[Brady]

You found someone else, obviously.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And she wasn't using you anyway, so. So life is the same now. There's just a 12 year old every once in a while that comes by, introduces you to the new gonna hit and then he leaves and you're good, everything's fine.

[Brady]

It was just, I think the tough, you know, if I stuck it out, it'd be the worst. Enough for the video games. I'm trying to get to bed.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. You go to bed at like 8. And then he'd turn to his new girlfriend. Your grandfather's mad a lot. That's my husband, Toby. Is he gonna use our bed? Half of it. Yuck. You hear him splashing around in the pool at night together. He's got his water wings on, never saying a word. And neither should you, Brady, because I will. It would be, oh, could you imagine?

[Brady]

You just know.

[John Holmberg]

You go over the house, oh, and.

[Brady]

There'S a couple of kids playing in the pool.

[John Holmberg]

Did you attend? Did you adopt that? What is this?

[Brady]

Don't ask.

[John Holmberg]

It's Ronnie's new side piece. The first maybe. I don't know. What would be like a month? Brett, maybe. Poor Brady. Poor Brady. We'd be quiet about it and then one of us would bounce a joke back and forth in the hallway and we'd start laughing. It start like the whole Thriller thing started, just kind of like real quiet. And then all of a sudden, boom. All behind his back until we're like, look, we got to talk to you. We've had some real good jokes about how your, your wife is boning that 12 year old. And then, I mean, Toledo's. He's a bastard in a basket. And we've had great fun with that. At first it was a little like, ooh, maybe sensitive. And then once you realize we don't carry sensitive. This is something we. Yeah, that's why you never talk about it ever. So just know they're out there and they're trying to hand you free water. Hoa. Good job. That's what I'll tell you right now. That's the best thing I can say today. The A2A. Nice job. Let's get a Wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. That's the phone number. You give it to us good and strong, and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.