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Matthias
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Movie thing hits a nerve. I said, dated a girl whose favorite movie was Donnie Darko. And she said, seriously, if you don't get this or like it, we can't date. I watched it. I didn't get it or liked it. And I was fine with never seeing her again. Yeah, you realize right then and there there's something on it as Matthias has the same taste, so to speak, in movies as Brett, but to her, they all taste like blood and sound like ringing ears. You don't like all these movies? My movie taste always has blood in my mouth. And Thunder Horse, our black listener, has. He's up.
Brett
He's up.
Matthias
What? And he's settled. The. When did black guys really start liking fatter white women? Okay, he has it like, down to a big booty white girl loving black here. I believe it was between 2002 and 2005 when we blacks took notice to white girls. Big asses because of college volleyball. That took off around 2007. I would have never. I'd have never gotten that Jeopardy. Question right. College volleyball. Yeah, but the ones we've watched weren't. College volleyball might be different. I don't know where I looked. That's his answer. No. Is that a special on bet? I never. When do you even see college volleyball? Huh? Anyway, have to go back to the.
Brett
Videos from some of these teams. Notice the audience.
Matthias
Yeah, it's all African Americans. Oregon taking on Fresno State. And they've. They've sold out all of the arenas. I have no idea. Well, thank you, Thunder Horse. That's. That's not my opinion. That's from the community itself. If you guys disagree and you're of that persuasion, well, then you need to hash it out amongst each other. Don't blame me. Anyway, it's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade Concepts, All Pro Shade. 20 years of throwing shade, two decades of quality custom installed patio shades, awning, sunscreens, all that stuff right there for you. Putting shade on your patio is a great idea right now. And if you're thinking about it and you got a spot, all you need to do is go to their website, allprochet.com and get that done. All prochet.com Brady report.
Brett
Good Friday morning to Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it.
Matthias
Yes. Friday.
Brett
Big day. It's the national 711 day.
Matthias
Yeah.
Brett
And National French Friday, why is that? Is it Best Deal French fries?
Matthias
When's Best Deal Day? That's got to be coming up. Yeah. Excellent answer. That was an excellent answer. Thank you, Senator. You've won the debate.
Brett
I thought you said, why shut it down.
Matthias
I did say, why is that? And you answered it like you were four. I'm going to take a lap. Yeah. Not because we love French fries or every day would be French Fry Day. Brady. Why would they specifically have 711 beats?
Brett
It's pretty close to every day.
Matthias
Because we just say, I don't know.
Brett
Six billion pounds of fries.
Matthias
I know, but it's why 711 is national French Friday was the simple question. It's not because we love French fries.
Brett
Guess what tomorrow is.
Matthias
I like turtles. Yeah. We're gonna still have French fries on the 12th. Why not the 12th?
Brett
Don't ask questions.
Matthias
I'm just asking. Like, it doesn't say on there. It's like, this is the reason why. That's why I said.
Brett
Oh, the reason why it's celebrated on the 12th.
Matthias
On the 11th. What did you think I was asking?
Brett
I don't know why National French Friday is also celebrated on the 11th.
Matthias
Yeah, I said, why is today National French Friday?
Brett
It doesn't say.
Matthias
Oh, that's all I needed to hear. Because people love him. Yeah. Because everybody loves fries. Well, duh. Yeah. But why today?
Brett
Oh, you want to know why?
Matthias
What do you mean?
Brett
Oh, don't go changing.
Matthias
No, no, never. Well. And he thinks he can manipulate someone at 26. You. This is. You've been this way the whole time I've known you. Somebody's got to know. Toledo. Look it up.
Brett
Okay.
Matthias
Why is today the day they chose? And that's why I asked what I thought was a fairly clever question. Is it Bastille Day? Is there some sort of French holiday involved in French Fry Day? I don't know.
Brett
You and your trickery. This year's Slurpee day marks the 90th 90th anniversary of 711 98.
Matthias
Yep, we're getting close.
Brett
Were convenient stores opened in 1927. It was called the Southland Ice Company. The name then was changed to Totem Stores.
Matthias
UMS. Remember?
Brett
UT.
Matthias
Utums were all over the. I don't know if that's the same place, but ums were everywhere.
Brett
This just says totem.
Matthias
Um was racist. 7 11s. So the even out. Remember the signs. So it was just a totem pole with a big U and in like Indian wood letters. T, O, T E, M. You told them because you'd go in and grab it and leave with it. Nobody's going to help you. Basically, the sign says you're on your own. You do. It was the name of the store, but it was written in Indian language. You totem.
Brett
The reason why, you know, 7 11. Because their original hours were 7am till 11pm The Slurpee was invented by an accident. 1958. A soda fountain, Dairy Queen store.
Matthias
There's the old utotem and had a totem next to it. They even put an apostrophe over the M. You totem. You totem. And that was essentially do it yourself. You got one guy behind the counter and he's not boxing up a thing. You do it. There was a Pac man in the utotum in Poway, California. When I lived there. We used to run to that utotum and it was loaded. And I don't mean to sound racist, but the store was racist. So you'd go in there and you would hear immediately the dinging of the ding, ding, ding when the door would open. And then out of any corner of that utotem. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everybody out. We are not here all day for video games. And my one friend Tony's like, we've got tons of quarters. No, no, no, no, no. Get out. Why do. And we'd have to stand outside while one guy played Pac man or whatever game he had. And he had a couple of brand. And keep in mind this is like 1982. It was a big deal, like in and out. Stand inside. And if his game was over and he was out of quarters, then you'd go next.
Brett
Wow.
Matthias
And that was the only way this dude would do it. I swear to God. He could be home and you'd go down there and swing that door. Ding, ding, ding. And you'd hear car door would shut. No, no, no, no, no. He knew when we went in that store to play only video games, he hated us. But he put a video game thing in there.
Brett
He was going to make a deal making money.
Matthias
He hated us in there. We'd ride our stupid bikes just across the street, right across the road. Poway Road.
Brett
Apparently he didn't get a cut of the Pac man proceeds.
Matthias
Evidently it was somebody else's deal and he was tired of it. All it's done is bring in a bunch of teen kids And I don't like any of them. They are 82. They never buy anything. No, no, no. That's probably where I get that. No, it isn't. All Indians do that. Yeah.
Brett
Yeah. You ready for an answer to your French fry question?
Matthias
Yes, please.
Brett
In 2022, checkers and rallies, fast food restaurants went on a mission and petitioned the National Day calendar people to change the date of the national French Friday, which was celebrated every year on July 13th. They. They changed it to the second Friday in July.
Matthias
Oh, so it's not the 11th.
Brett
Not the 11th. It's always the second Friday Friday.
Matthias
Because my only other answer would have been the 11s. Looks like two fries does. Yeah, but why seven? It's a question. It's a reasonable question.
Brett
So it's the second Friday in July.
Matthias
No other special meaning.
Brett
Here's a good story. Guy in France finally.
Matthias
Hope so.
Brett
He's in the news after he went on a road trip with his wife and. And daughter and he forgot her at a gas station. Did he?
Matthias
Oops.
Brett
His name. Was his name. 62 years old and his wife was 60. Their 22 year old daughter was also with them, but fell asleep in the back seat. They left Paris for Morocco last Friday, which is a 27 hour drive. Oh, they made it. Made several stops during the first leg. Pulled into a gas station around 4:30 in the morning, apparently fueled up and he left without her. Didn't realize it until 186 miles later.
Matthias
No, he realized every second of it. Someone else realized it when she started calling the authorities. And then they found him. By the way, better than what happened to Gabby Petito. What? I always say, a road trip that lasts longer than 13 hours, you're risking murder. So he did the right thing by saying, I'm at my wit's end. I'm gonna leave you here at the U totem and I'm just gonna drive on to Morocco. You figure it out. No, no, no, no. Do not leave your fat old wife here. My friend, he called bonjour. But no, no, no. Bon. George, mon frere. No, no, no, no. Take the fat woman away from here. Monfre. He speaks a little French.
Brett
Of course he does. He assimilates.
Matthias
Yeah, he's in there. He's got. He look, he's a businessman.
Brett
It's not clear if she had been sleeping in the back or what. Or maybe she got out. He didn't realize it, but he called the cops at 8:30am to report it.
Matthias
To turn himself in.
Brett
He couldn't remember which gas station he stopped at.
Matthias
Of course not.
Brett
Or even the city it was in.
Matthias
Very vague details.
Brett
His daughter was sleeping during this whole episode. So cops eventually tracked her cell phone. Cops thought there was a chance that she left her. He left her there on purpose, but decided it was an honest mistake. So he's not in any legal trouble, just trouble with his wife.
Matthias
180 miles and it's a mistake.
Brett
It's on both.
Matthias
The wife can't be pissed, right? Exactly. 180 miles. Isn't that like Flagstaff?
Brett
Wouldn't she call? That's further than that. It's almost gallop, isn't it?
Matthias
Well, I don't know where you're going now. You're heading east. But like you go past Flagstaff about four. You got something on your lip. It's driving me nuts. What is that? Food? Yuck. It was white and it was globbily.
Brett
It was. It was the Ted Cruz.
Matthias
He did it to himself. Yeah. Wasn't a booger, but it was something. So, 189 miles of not noticing, you're the only other person in the car awake with you.
Brett
Yeah.
Matthias
And then to give vague details, somewhere along the line, I left her. Can't really pinpoint what I last saw her. You're turning yourself in. You're trying to get away with one. And I give you. Give you a for effort. No, no, no, no, no.
Brett
Got a couple in West Virginia. They're behind bars after while driving a stolen RV and having sex behind the wheel. It happened last Wednesday in Bluefield, West Virginia. This is the better story, Brett.
Matthias
Yeah, that's a good one.
Brett
Cop saw this 48 year old dude, Matthew McDonald behind the wheel. 35 year old Shannon Bryant straddling him. Both were naked. He pulled them over about a half mile down the road. Shannon was behind the wheel somehow. He basically was sitting on the seat and she was straddling him. But she was the one driving.
Matthias
Oh, she was. Reverse calendar.
Brett
Yeah.
Matthias
Yeah. Like what? Well, I don't want to say it this way, but like what your dad used to do. Yeah. Put you on your knee. But yeah, different in its own way.
Brett
They admitted they were getting it on. He also admitted he was the original driver, but then she took over.
Matthias
Well, she took over the wheel.
Brett
Paraphernalia. A bag filled with white powdery substance.
Matthias
Okay.
Brett
And they ran the plates and saw the RV was stolen. They both got busted for drugs and the rv. And indecent exposure. She also failed a sobriety test.
Matthias
No.
Brett
He also had several warrants out for his arrest. Did you say this was a couple? Yeah, West Virginia.
Matthias
I'm surprised, dude. Oh, yeah, he's pure Western. He looks like.
Brett
There's this lady.
Matthias
Oh, she's 90, but she's not. Oh, he looks like Billy Bob Thornton's brother. And so does she. Morning sickness. Why don't you take off all your clothes there and climb on top of me while we drive around this RV for a little while? I have to try and make myself have some sort of orgasm to your disgusting face, head and body. But I need you to face the other way because I can't look right at you because you look like this. Oh, Christ. We should do it this way. No, I prefer doing it where you're facing away from me.
Brett
Oh, don't take your shirt off.
Matthias
You're just like Billy Bob Thornton. Well, so are you. And that's why I need you to face that way. You know, why don't you steer the car, make yourself useful while I try to anally penetrate you. Slam on the brakes and throw her through the windshield, for Christ's sake. I'll work the pedals, don't worry. Yeah, take your seatbelt off. He's trying to kill her. You trying to seduce me? Yeah, exactly. Don't worry about it. Just hop on here and ride me. Seems so dangerous. You haven't seen anything yet.
Brett
And now it's time for some science news.
Matthias
Come on, get excited.
Brett
By the Good Stu.
Matthias
Yeah, sorry. He was enamored by the idea. Hillbillies banging away on each other West Virginia road. And by the way, if you're gonna have behind the wheel sex, it's not a full nudity thing. It's a lift the skirt, move the underwear to the side deal. It's not a you don't take off all your clothes. What are you crazy? I remember years ago, maybe they just.
Brett
Woke up in the RV and decided to drive.
Matthias
I don't even know how this happened.
Brett
From the bedroom back there.
Matthias
Remember Brian Hanson's wedding where you made me accidentally fake blow you? One of the greatest stories in my life. That I swear to God, Stephen Hawking was stronger than me. For 18 seconds while that happened, I weakened so badly. We were at a wedding. An old dying man was giving a speech to his granddaughter. It was his last week on the planet, by the way. And I dropped my fork at the table. It's all on videotape.
Brett
Oh, my God. It was too. He died like.
Matthias
Like a week later. It was the last days. He's emphysema. He's in a wheelchair. He's got the oxygen. You can barely hear. I love my girl so much. And I dropped my fork, and as I bent down to pick it up, Bray smacked my bald head and pushed it into his genitals and started. I mean, violently smashing my face into his balls. And it was so goddamn funny that my body shut down.
Brett
And we were. We were right there.
Matthias
Oh, you were. You were with us.
Brett
Yeah, No, I know, but we were right. The table was near.
Matthias
Oh. Oh. We were in the heart of the machine. Yeah. This was like the wedding. We were prominent. And I hit.
Brett
This sound has to be on the video.
Matthias
It was. So that was the thing we didn't know. And I. We. And we. I was laughing so hard, and I couldn't release from his grip of death. And my head is bam, bam, bam. Into his balls. Over and 120, 130 times. It felt like I never thought I'd ever.
Brett
I finished.
Matthias
I thought I was in the gravitational. Yeah, a couple of times. I looked like Toledo's lip a minute ago. I was, like, in the gravitational pull of Brady's balls forever, and I couldn't move. So then later. Yeah, the smack in the back of the head. So the guy whose wedding it was brings the video to work and says, I gotta play something for you guys. And you hear the smack and the thing and then the laughing. I don't know why I was telling that story. What was I telling that story? What were you talking about before that? Now I'm just distracted. What was the story we just told that brought that on? You just. It's in your hands, Brady. Look down.
Brett
You're talking about the West Virginia story. No, Toledo said, I love the good stories.
Matthias
I can't remember why I was going with that. Anyway, that reminded me of that. Damn it. I had another place I was going with that. See, again, this is the. That was the. How powerful that story is. It weakens me to this day. Never lived a worst 18 seconds of my life. I know what it's like to be paralyzed is. Because once his chubby little hand hit the back of my head and made that noise and pushed the first bounce into his balls, I was in hysterics. I'm like, oh. But I couldn't laugh. So my whole body's like, just close it up. Close it up.
Brett
One of those words. All right, that's shut her down.
Matthias
Shut her down. And bam, bam, bam. Right into the. Oh, it was awful.
Brett
Now it's time for some science news.
Matthias
I have no idea why I was telling that story. It had something else.
Brett
Hello, my friends. Science news. We'll get there.
Matthias
Well, I'll figure it out.
Brett
In Monkey News, a study found monkeys prefer watching videos of their friends over other videos of strangers.
Matthias
I watched a special on, on this the other day where they were shown. This was crazy. Chimpanzees were in a room with a TV strangers were on. Didn't care.
Brett
Yep.
Matthias
Filmed another group that they hang out with.
Brett
Wow.
Matthias
They. And the thing that the scientist was trying to figure out is can they recognize themselves?
Brett
Are they self aware?
Matthias
Yeah, well, they are self aware to a certain degree. Not like we are, like whether we understand life and death. Although they think maybe they might, they might understand that it's not forever, but they're not sure. But they, they don't know. Like they know when, when a primate looks in a mirror, it's pretty sure it knows that it's them. They're pretty sure because at first they'll look and then they realize it pretty quickly. On tv they didn't even know for sure if they would recognize the surroundings. But all of them, they're like five. They filmed them all day long hanging around and they showed them like movies of other like gorillas. No entrance. They didn't care at all. And then when it was them on tv, all five heads were on the tv. Like, hey, that's us.
Brett
Didn't pay attention to hellcats.
Matthias
It was weird. It was crazy. It was insane.
Brett
Researchers in Zambia found chimps might be using blades of grass as fashion accessories. They like to shove the long blades of grass in their ears and butts.
Matthias
Okay.
Brett
In Zambia, for no apparent reason, they say they, they dangle them out of there. Experts say it's like humans and other animals, but they copy the behaviors and they try to display plugs with feathers, accessories. Yeah.
Matthias
All right. Everybody likes a little ass play.
Brett
Not tons, but you know, space news.
Matthias
Tease it. You put a blade of grass in my ass, I might like that.
Brett
I look good.
Matthias
Well, I don't know if it looks good, but it's. I mean I'm certainly not.
Brett
What.
Matthias
I'm certainly not visually appealing, but it's doesn't look good.
Brett
That looks good to me.
Matthias
No, it doesn't. I mean the idea of it me like, oh, that tickled me. I'm not saying that I want to watch. I'm not cucking that.
Brett
You've got the best responses this morning.
Matthias
Something wrong with them.
Brett
In space news, an object from the outside. Our solar system will zip bias. 135 mile or 135,000 miles an hour this fall. Is that right, John? Is that how fast we're going?
Matthias
I can't get into that again.
Brett
It's probably a comet, but some say aliens. It's just. It's just the third interstellar object we've seen, we've ever seen. The first time we saw One pass was 2017.
Matthias
Yeah, I don't know what. I don't know what we do with those things anymore. I just. We watch them go by.
Brett
It seems like that's all we do.
Matthias
It's like star traffic.
Brett
Like we're sitting there with a radar gun. Oh, this one's going 40,000 miles.
Matthias
There's a couple hillbillies having sex in the front.
Brett
And pet news. Most cats prefer sleeping on their left side.
Matthias
Okay.
Brett
We've never known why, but a new study analyzed 408 YouTube videos and found it might be a survival thing. It lets them see better out their left eye because their body doesn't block their field of vision as much. It's important because their left eye is controlled by the right hemisphere of their brain.
Matthias
There you go.
Brett
The right hemisphere does the heavy lifting, like things sizing threats, Sizing them up. So seeing something out of the left eye causes a better response, quicker reaction.
Matthias
Brady, that might be the most interesting story you've ever done.
Brett
That's your science news.
Matthias
Get out of here. Run before it gets bad again.
Brett
Pittsburgh's naturalists are celebrating their big bowling outing.
Matthias
I mean, nudists.
Brett
Yeah. Balls out. Bowling event will take place on Saturday at the Crafton Ingram Lanes.
Matthias
I get a hand at the Phoenix. We don't really have a naturalist society that pops up, do we? Like it's too hot.
Brett
30 bucks a person.
Matthias
Aranti, you think a city this size, we'd know where the nudes are?
Brett
Oh, yeah.
Matthias
I've lived here for 40 years. I have no idea where the nudes are.
Brett
Only got, like, three good months out of the year to do.
Matthias
Oh, there's good. There's good nudity time. Night time. Look, I'm on this night schedule now. You'd think the nudes would be nocturnal only.
Brett
Clothing allowed for attendees are shoes, which are required, and optional bottoms for the women. But they said, please bring a towel and a bag for your belongings.
Matthias
You don't have any?
Brett
Evidently. Evidently. When you leave, you gotta. You gotta dress before you show it up. Oh, natural. Everyone has to be over 18 years old.
Matthias
Yeah, that's a good rule for nudity.
Brett
Sexual activity is not permitted.
Matthias
Oh, I'm out.
Brett
We're sending violators will be asked to leave.
Matthias
Ooh. I dare you to try to get me out of here. Bray's gonna grease himself up.
Brett
Go ahead, try and throw me out.
Matthias
He'll slide right off. Oh, there's a nudist colony in New river and Tucson. Yeah, I know they're far, but Phoenix doesn't have one. We're a big city. You'd think we'd have some sort of nudie bar, like. Like swimming thing. We got so many pools. You'd think we'd have, like, a skinny dipper. Cave Creek's weird, though. That's like, not even part of us. It's just close. Here's the nudist directory.
Brett
Nudist directory.
Matthias
As far as the city goes, Cave Creek, sort of a dingle bear. It's hanging on, but it's not really part of us. It's a clothing optional bed and breakfast. Where's that? Casa Jardin? I have no idea where any of this stuff is. That's what I'm talking about. It's in the 85004 area. That's right down the street. Yeah. Oh, we're 85008, right? Yeah. That's close.
Brett
Just got a text from Hanson.
Matthias
Burst in. Yeah.
Brett
Love you guys. Great hearing the story again. Hilarious. You can hear it on the video.
Matthias
Yeah, we know, we know, we know.
Brett
You still have it. You got to send it to us just off.
Matthias
No, I never want to see it. I want it to live in my mind. No, my visual of this is perfect. If I don't want to watch the video, I can't hear it. I know what happened. Oh, I lived it. Oh, there's. That's what you see it. Fat slobs at the Shangri La. They got their pants on. At least he don't. I don't think. Is that a woman? Yeah, this one is. Jesus Christ. If I have to ask, you shouldn't be naked. If you're naked and I'm like, is that a woman?
Brett
That's terrible. That wasn't a woman.
Matthias
Yeah, there's no good ones. And you'd think Phoenix, we should start that. It would be the Skinny Dipper Society of Phoenix, where we just have naked pools. I think that would. That's got some legs. Because we don't have any nudity places. We're the fifth largest city in the. Not that I want to see them break free because they're never what you think. You turn into a Lululemon place. Now you're. Put your clothes back on, everybody. You don't belong. You're Too fat.
Brett
John, just so you're aware, naked swimming is allowed in Sun City.
Matthias
Is it allowed or are they just tired of trying to get these people. Oh, look, he's wandered off again.
Brett
Hold up, Holmberg. Let's not encourage more nudity communities with the decent amount of hot people here. There's more. There's more tanks and tortas that don't need their clothes.
Matthias
I agree. There's too many Tortugas out there. Is that what tortas are? I thought that was a food. It's a turtle.
Brett
Tortas is a sandwich. Like, Mexican sandwich.
Matthias
I see. Yuck. But, like, if you put one in Scottsdale over by, like, you know, the Caesar Republic, and you just had a.
Brett
Nudity pool, Maricopa resident here. There's a nudist colony down here.
Matthias
Nobody wants to see you people naked. That's why we put you in Maricopa in the first place. We didn't want to see you with clothes. We built Maricopa for people that we didn't even want to see it. Like in T shirts and jeans.
Brett
I've seen Shangri La, New River. You don't?
Matthias
No. No one wants to go. But in New river. Put it in a cool place. There's one in Tonopah too. There's a hot spring there. Who's going to that? 100% don't recommend all the hot natives that live hundreds of miles from us in Tonopah. We don't want to see that.
Brett
And all of our textures know about Shangri La, Scottsdale.
Matthias
I know, but, like, in the city, there's a market Here, it's an untapped market. I don't want to see it going.
Brett
To be a struggling resort. We could go in and refurbish.
Matthias
No, no. You take a regular one and you make a naked pool. But you have stipulations on that. Oh, yeah. There's a scale at the top, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no men are allowed. I want it to be like Caligula. Just a bunch of hot girls with huge cans wandering around. There you go. And me. All right, ladies. I'm the lifeguard.
Brett
Got a couple of pretty videos. First one's Australian Rules football. Play by play on a fight that happens on the field.
Matthias
Whoops. Aussie rules. Is the Bauchstein. That's your sack still going. All right, here you go. No, hang on. That's not Aussie rules. That's something else. Throwing up. I didn't see that right off the bat. That was a screw up. All right, here we go.
Brett
Oh, look at this. They're going in hard now. This is ridiculous. Avery with a backhanded punch. He's on again. Oh, punch is being thrown. Oh, look out. She's on here.
Matthias
Good.
Brett
And look at this. We'll stick with play. They're shaping up to each other. Punches being thrown left, right, and center. She is on out here.
Matthias
Gone down. He's out for the count.
Brett
Look at this. This is ridiculous.
Matthias
There's a man.
Brett
He hasn't moved. The number 11 there. For Linda's fun, it was Turner knocking him out. Gone to the ground.
Matthias
Cheap shot, though.
Brett
Wasn't looking.
Matthias
Yeah, he hits it. I've never seen a guy get cloth lined from behind before. But it closed him. He went out like a light.
Brett
The punters on almanac.
Matthias
Morning sickness, man. When I was in Australia, they love that footy. Getting to the footie match, eh? Like what? You like footy? What are you talking about?
Brett
So it's rugby with kicking.
Matthias
It's Australian rules football footy. It's. It's.
Brett
Yeah, there's like a field goal.
Matthias
It's awesome when you watch it. And then the top three shows in the. In the nation where the footy hour. Let's talk footy. And it's footy time. I'm not kidding. Like, it was all swimming events. I looked in the newspaper when I was there. Top three shows. It's about football. Footie time. It's all about footy. Let's talk footy. And it's like all different people just talking about footy and everything's cute. They can't call it football, footy, brickies. It was great. But then I started to get into it because they were in their playoffs when I was there. Oh, yeah, that place was going bananas.
Brett
Next one's a hot girl trying to stunt standing on the back of one car, being followed by another.
Matthias
Oh, she's trying to do a backflip onto another car that's moving. Oh, these girls are sexy. Oh, she misses the car and then gets run over a little by another hot girl. That did not execute like it did in the planning. I think the blonde girl driving the back, the second car slows down. Play that again. I think she tries to kill the brunette. The brunette's doing the backflip off car one. They're bumper to bumper. But when she does the backflip, the blonde slows down.
Brett
She backed off.
Matthias
So the brunette was gonna die. That's a competition between women. You can't even get them to cooperate in life and death matters.
Brett
What you get for having two women drivers.
Matthias
I don't know about that. I mean, you're probably not wrong, but.
Brett
This is a guy at a soccer match trying to hype the crowd up.
Matthias
But he's got a bullhorn, and he's just puking all. Oh, it looks like Wilford Brimley puking all over. That's you.
Brett
I just saw his face.
Matthias
This is Drew. Hey. Better. You'd still be doing it if you pull this off. What's up, fans?
Brett
Look at how wet.
Matthias
Where's it going?
Brett
I don't know. It's going down below. Those are wood.
Matthias
Oh, my God. Those are W planks. He's throwing up.
Brett
Look, there's people moving under there.
Matthias
You're right. He's throwing up on a wood plank. Second story. And it's leaking through the wood planks.
Brett
Down to the recycling. They're just.
Matthias
Somebody's beat his ass, too. Is this an old 1800s playhouse?
Brett
Yeah, it does look like it's one of the older arenas.
Matthias
Look at. It's all wooden. It would be like if they built the Coliseum on the 16th hole for the Phoenix Open on a wooden commenter.
Brett
Agrees with you. I puke, therefore I am.
Matthias
It looks like an old. It looks like stuff you'd see at the Renaissance Festival, except for Brady's there barfing on everybody. I hate limey theater. Oh, man. Yikes. All right, Friday with Brett. Here we go.
Brett
Sit back.
Matthias
We'll start off easy. All right, number one is a girl in a kitchen. Oh, not a kitchen. And some sort of a. There's a guy with his domination. Oh, she's whipping his. His penis is tied up with a bunch of straps and a rubber band around the ball. Arms on her, though, too. And she works out.
Brett
She's got strong Lou Valentino.
Matthias
It is her former weekender Lou Valentino. And she has a. Or is that a dude? It could be a dude. That's a fellow, right? The fellow with an augmented set of breasts whipping a man's erect penis that's been strapped down. Oh, Brett. All right, this is a lady with her vagina has been. Wow. Violated by a bunch of toys. There's a speculum. There's a sort of strange meat thermometer strapped up in a vibrator. Nipple clamps on.
Brett
She's in there.
Matthias
Oh, and it's working because she just. It worked. See? She peed all over the place. Oh, look at that. Oh, my God. She's got her nipple rings. Honestly, if that what I'm looking at right now, the close up of her genitals was in my fridge, I'd throw it out. Oh, yeah, that's no good anymore. Something happened to that. I'm calling Kansas city meats and I'm gonna say, hey, guys, I got a bad order.
Brett
Are you sure? You're gonna have to. Have to smell it.
Matthias
You gotta smell it. That's a key. All right, here's another one with the guys. He's dig dugging his own testicles. He's got an air.
Brett
It pops.
Matthias
He's got an air pump in his. In his scrotum. And it's.
Brett
It's.
Matthias
It's dig dug size. It's humongous. He's. Oh, it stops right on time. Okay.
Brett
I don't know.
Matthias
He's inflating his scrotum. Oh, it is so close to blowing up.
Brett
Honestly, John, at this age, how big would yours get?
Matthias
Oh, I could float away, Man. That. I am kind of curious as to. My scrotum is way too big.
Brett
There we go, gentlemen.
Matthias
Somebody's butthole. Oh, God. It just. It just burst. An alien. Oh, that's the biggest one.
Brett
Yeah, that's.
Matthias
That's not a rosebud. That's the pageant of roses parade.
Brett
I'm waiting for an alien because.
Matthias
Oh, my God.
Brett
Small intestine.
Matthias
It's. It's an elephant's brain. Brings it back home. Oh, look at the size of his anus. He's gonna. He's gonna blow another bubble. I always wondered what happened to the hubba bubba. Man.
Brett
Unbelievable.
Matthias
That is ridiculous amount of exposed. What mess are you looking at? What did I miss? You know, we're gonna have to watch again.
Brett
Second expansion.
Matthias
He can inhale and exhale. Oh, is he done? Up top? Yes.
Brett
There you go.
Matthias
More, more, more, more.
Brett
Brady, you're concentrating on the rock. I couldn't. Well, it's.
Matthias
Brady. You realize that the guy's not just beating off, right? There's a thing going on underneath. It is a humongous amount of intestine that comes out of his bottom, and then he sucks it back in. We didn't have the sound the first time. Oh, I'm never going to not want to watch this. I want this on a loop in the lobby.
Brett
Oh, my God.
Matthias
Okay, one more time. Oh, man, we got to hear the big. That can't be.
Brett
I mean, sh.
Matthias
Here we go. Here we go. Brace yourselves, feet.
Brett
Oh, God.
Matthias
Oh, he's sucking it back in. He's going back in, and he's going to blow it back out at us. You know what's really Sad. Yeah. Oh, we lost breath. You know who's having nightmares right now? Caitlyn. That's all she heard in the hotel room with Brady this weekend.
Brett
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Matthias
Oh, my God.
Brett
What in the.
Matthias
That's a top tenner. Yeah. Do it again. I'm not. I'm the whole show from. We got what an. We got an hour and 37 minutes left. Guess what's going to. All of it Is this. All of it. I'm not turning this off. Does that have a loop button? Brett, let's go get some breakfast.
Brett
Oh, my God.
Matthias
Oh, it goes back in and then it's just anticipated.
Brett
See?
Matthias
Don't say farts and fun. It's not a fart. That's when a fart is funny. No, if all your insides come out, you're right. It is fine. Oh, my God.
Brett
Oh, my God.
Matthias
Oh, my Lord. Holy cow. Yeah. Do it again.
Brett
You know, Lisa usually asks me how work is when I get home in.
Matthias
The afternoon every day. Show her. Show her. Let me give you a little taste of what I did at work today. So how's your day? Look at the size of what comes out of his bottom. And then when it goes back in, he's got like. Oh, yeah, no, that's never gonna get. That's never gonna get old. That's never, ever gonna get old. Oh, my Lord. How come we didn't have sound the first time through?
Brett
Oh, that's not for nothing, but it sounds like. Did you know the sound before?
Matthias
I didn't either.
Brett
Oh, yeah.
Matthias
It sounded like a bowl of spaghetti. Jesus.
Brett
Is that his lung?
Matthias
It's.
Brett
It could be huge.
Matthias
Your lungs aren't that big. I mean, when he births that, it's.
Brett
Like that when they used to have that, the plastic filled with that slime, and you stick your hand or pull it out, makes that same sound.
Matthias
Did your neighbor make you do that? What are you admitting to right now? Here it is. Oh, I know, I know. I know. When to turn it up. Don't worry about it. I got my eyes. Oh, my God, the aftershocks. Yeah, well, I'm just blown away at this. The thing that's coming out of his butt is the Elephant man's head.
Brett
Yeah, it looks.
Matthias
You know what it looks like? It looks like those new safety helmets in football. The Guardian. The Guardian.
Brett
Guardian.
Matthias
It's the Guardian. Oh, Lord. Oh, Brett, we may need to shut this segment down.
Brett
That's a crande.
Matthias
There's no possible way anything gets better. And the fact that Brady noticed the dude finished of all people to know that this was pleasurable to that guy. I was just waiting for the rest of them to fall. When does your body know that's enough? Because I don't have that.
Brett
That's so funny.
Matthias
Like his doctor. This is.
Brett
This is what, you know, like if you were a veteran in the NFL. This is year six, seven of the Guardian. When he. When he first Guardian helmet, it wasn't going like, no, no.
Matthias
And is he done yet? And when he goes to the doctor, there's a guy like, all right, hey, what's been going on back here? Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Just put my head in there and see what's going around. Anyway, that is a classic. We're finishing. There's no way. I can't. You got nothing else? I don't. I can't top that one. Well, okay, I got one more, but let's have a little cracker after.
Brett
Oh, God.
Matthias
Oh, Jesus. It's a dude.
Brett
I'll just wait. It's a dude going to town.
Matthias
Going to town on what is the thickest penis I've ever seen in my life.
Brett
What in the.
Matthias
Kind of cut in half. And now he's kind of working the scrotum and then back up to that giant thing. Now he's taken his regular size wiener. Oh, and he's in it.
Brett
Oh, reverse sounding.
Matthias
They have opened up the bigger penises. Urethra with surgery. And he is. Yeah, he's docking with him by putting his regular man sized penis into the urethra of the other guy. And they are enjoying it a lot. I didn't know. Again, that's going on right now. City five million Brady. We got at least one or two guys trying that.
Brett
No way.
Matthias
Have you been down on Melrose? You know where that is, The Melrose area? Has this happening regularly? Yes, it is. Yep, it's happening, my friend. Holy smokes. So, John, disturbingly. What? That noise sounded a lot like your impression of the golden bachelor making out with his suitors. That's true. It does. That noise you heard coming out of that dude's butt is strikingly similar to when old people make out. Oh, all right, send it to us one more time, Brett. Let's hit the road with that one. Okay, hang on. Oh, God. Man, oh, man, oh, man. I mean, it's. It's literally indescribable at a certain point. Remember when we were just amazed at the first few beehives, the first few rosebuds? Like, oh, that happens. We're numb to that now. And now you can Literally birth. A full infant sized butthole. Like that's a six pounder at least, wouldn't you say? Like that's a full baby. Infants aren't that big. So, ladies, one thing I know now is childbirth isn't that hard because these guys are loving it. They're actually having orgasms while this happens. But I mean, this is. That isn't a read.
Brett
That might be more than that.
Matthias
Might be bigger than an average human birth. Look at that 12 pound ball. Yeah. If you put three holes in it, that's an 11 pound bowling ball. Oh, it's going back in now. And here we go. That's my favorite one. I threw up watching an Asian lady eat flies. That doesn't bother me at all, man. Which always goes back to my theory on this. I just hate watching Asians eat. Uh, it's 8:28. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It is Friday, quarter to nine already. No matter what kind of fun we have on the show, there's always somebody that wants to make it. Fox, MSNBC related. We listen to that gargantuan beehive butthole popping and out of there. My stomach's six, seven times laughing so hard. That fart noise was hilarious and we all enjoyed it. And I thought, you know what? This is what the world should be about. This is fu. Bible love brings us all together hilarious butthole videos that make us all laugh and not think of our problems. But no, I was wrong. Brady emails comes in, says, imagine that. That's the sound AOC's vagina makes when she drops her panties. Like, if you made that political, how in the world did you make that a political thing? Come on, that's not politics. It's just math. I thought it would make us all join hands and unite going, you know what, liberal cuck. You know what, nut bag conservative? You can be friends again. I also had Toledo create this, and I think this is a pretty great. I haven't heard it yet, but let's just listen, shall we? 93. 3. Oh, he's getting. I had the poop sound in 3. 3Z. I got you. I got 93. 3. We're winning. Can we replace their sweepers over there with that? Oh, that's. Oh. Ultimate radio pranks. Remember when radio pranks used to be fun? You were allowed to do them. 93. 3. All DZ. Guess we know it's still fun all day, Z. 93. 3. Sorry. Ah, don't worry about it, Brady. I'LL take all the beating for this. Get your checkbook out. It'll be fine. Head on home, Brady. I'll take the beating for this. I ain't scared.
Brett
I would tune in over there if those sweepers.
Matthias
Oh, my God. I that literally. People say it all the time. It's the laughing out loud of radio emails. I drove off the road. I think I might if I was listening to that. It's like there's another 21 pilots coming up. More 21 pilots. We'll be back in just a couple seconds right here on your alternative alt AC93.3. I mean, they already hate us. I don't care. Trips is going to come in with a board with nails on it and just take it in the back of the head, you jackass. Yeah, there's Toledo's credit card. I'm need that. Coming up some more St. Vincent. Then we're going to go flashback to the chili pepper. 93. 3. Walt Disney. You enjoy it too much. You're a bad influence. You're a bad influence. Let's just end the show now. No, you're a bad influence on me. This is your faul fault to a certain degree.
Brett
Oh, man.
Matthias
You know, it's fun when a whole radio station hates you and you stop caring. There's something freeing about when everybody in building just can't stand you and you're like, you know what? Watch this effort. Oh, that's great stuff. Thank you very much. See? And how did somebody make that political. Can't we all just have some fun with a guy's butthole falling out? And the noises that makes without thinking about Trump or comma or aoc? Come on. And that's not a fart sound, people. Are you guys laughing at a fart sound? That's not a fart sound.
Brett
Well, pretty close. It's a funny sound.
Matthias
You know what it is? It's just quality radio. And. And they would understand that if they knew what that is. 93. 3. Sorry about that, everybody. It's too funny not to do. Cody agrees. This dude. That is absolute gold. That s is great. I'd reword that. Yeah, radio pranks used to be a great thing. I gotta hand it to old kupd when they used to prank KDKB all the time when they were competing rock stations. Yeah, one of my favorite. I don't know if it was Pratt or not. I'll give credit even to a douchebag when it's good. But when he. When they rented that fire truck and KDKB Tried to do an entire broadcast from Tower Records. And somehow or another KDKB pissed KPD off and got Aerosmith. Like a couple members of Aerosmith were going to show up. And they parked the fire truck in the parking lot. Nobody was any the wiser. And every time they were listening to the station, they kind of got an idea of what, you know, like, dream on would be ending. And, you know, when you're in the world of radio and music, after a while you got like 14 seconds left in this song. Fire up. And so they'd be like, just. Just be ready. Like, you know, I don't know if Dennis McBroom or somebody was about to just. And you see the mics go on. He tells everybody to be quiet for a second. And they would just. I mean, the second you'd be like, 93.3 KDKB get the sirens on and you could not hear them the whole time. Hilarious. Anyway, great job, Brett. Thanks for says. I'm crying. I can't breathe. I'm gasping. That is so goddamn funny. Yeah, it's fine. Anyway, and when I say it's fine, I don't mean, like, by the traditional way. There's gonna be money exchange. It's horrible. Sorry about it. You know, it'd be great if Caitlyn still had the recordings of Brady in the bathroom in the hotel. I bet you it would trump that. I think it might actually. That might be actually a pretty good thought. We've got those volbeat things to give away. Oh, yeah. Stick around all day. Z.93.3. Why? We're children, Brett. We're children. It's your fault we got those volbeat things to give away the goat. Package for Volbeat coming up. Until I see you, you are the worst friend I have. Because I am a child. And I like this. Watching you lose it is making me want to do it more. And it's. It's. It makes me the idiot. You're like a Tickle me Elmo right now. I can't stop. I want to do it over and over and over. And look at him. He's gone. He's gone. That just encourages a guy like me to keep making the thing. And it's not fair to you guys listening. It does just sound like a fart. But if you could see what we saw. Totally. I think we explained it. It'll probably be in the top 10 for this year, if not number one. Still doing that show for sure. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, it's just gonna happen once. This becomes its own podcast. We'll send these out to you. We don't have the HR to worry about. Anyway. Anyway, the Volbeat stuff. July 26th, my birthday. And we're celebrating with Volbeat. They're coming to town. Gonna be a talk to see. We're get you backstage and we're gonna pick a winner later today. So we got two to give away. Yeah. This morning we're gonna do that periodically. So in the 9 o' clock hour we're gonna have a chance for somebody just when we'll just announce it at certain point because we've run out of time because of 53 years old in two weeks. And I've spent an hour making this guy laugh with prolapsing butthole. Oh my God. Brady's reassessing his entire existence.
Brett
He was laughing too.
Matthias
He's blown away that how much you like it. And he's also thinking we're gonna get in trouble for that. Nobody over there is gonna be happy about this. That's fine by me. I mean, they can't stand me out loud. Nobody here can anymore anyway. No one's got my back. I'm gonna go ahead and fight back. It's. They're gonna do the volbeat thing a little bit and then we're gonna do the entertainment drill. If Brady's still here, it's 98k you can.
Brett
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.
Matthias
I have heard enough of this.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 07-11-25 - BR - FRI
Release Date: July 11, 2025
Host: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
The episode kicks off with Matthias jestingly accusing an "agent of Satan" of being deceitful, only to clarify that the person is "just a bit rude." The hosts dive into personal anecdotes about movie preferences, highlighting a humorous take on differing tastes in films like Donnie Darko. Matthias quips, “My movie taste always has blood in my mouth” ([00:45]).
Brett and Matthias discuss the complexities of dating someone with specific movie tastes, leading to a playful disagreement about whether all movies "taste like blood" to some. Listener Thunder Horse joins to comment on trends within the community, setting the stage for ongoing playful debates ([01:03]).
Sponsored Segment: The Brady Report is introduced with a promotion for All Pro Shade Concepts, emphasizing patio shade solutions ([02:52]).
Main Segment: Brett and Matthias engage in a humorous debate about National French Fry Day. Matthias questions why July 11th is designated as such, leading Brett to reveal that it was moved to the second Friday in July in 2022 due to a petition from fast-food chains. Matthias jokes, “Looks like two fries does” ([05:00] - [08:19]).
Brett recounts a news story about a 62-year-old man who accidentally left his 22-year-old daughter at a gas station in France during a road trip to Morocco. The story unfolds with humor as Matthias sarcastically comments on the father’s oversight, comparing it to the tragic Gabby Petito case. They poke fun at the vague details provided, laughing over the absurdity of the situation ([08:34] - [11:09]).
The hosts shift to another bizarre story involving a couple arrested in West Virginia for driving a stolen RV while engaging in nude sex behind the wheel. Matthias mocks the scenario, exaggerating the characters' appearances and actions, which leads to a vivid and humorous recount of the incident. They discuss the legal repercussions and the couple's behavior, infusing the narrative with their signature comedic flair ([11:09] - [14:15]).
Matthias shares a personal and hilarious story from a wedding where Bret accidentally faked a blow job, resulting in Matthias getting repeatedly smacked in the genitals. The hosts vividly describe the chaos and laughter that ensued, emphasizing the physical and emotional impact of the incident. This segment is filled with humorous dialogues and relatable wedding mishaps ([14:15] - [17:33]).
Host: Brady presents the science news with Matthias chiming in with humorous remarks.
Monkey Social Preferences: Study shows monkeys prefer watching videos of their friends over strangers. Matthias cynically remarks, “They didn’t care at all” ([17:36] - [19:07]).
Chimp Fashion in Zambia: Chimps reportedly use blades of grass as fashion accessories, mimicking human behaviors. Brett humorously comments, “Everybody likes a little ass play” ([19:07] - [19:42]).
Interstellar Object Passing by Earth: An object, possibly a comet or alien craft, will pass by our solar system at 135,000 miles per hour. Matthias likens it to “star traffic” and makes light-hearted jokes about hillbillies having sex in front of it ([19:42] - [20:37]).
Cat Sleeping Preferences: Research indicates most cats prefer sleeping on their left side for better vision and survival instincts. Matthias quips, “Brady, that might be the most interesting story you've ever done” ([20:37] - [22:15]).
Matthias and Brett discuss nudist colonies, particularly focusing on Phoenix's lack of such establishments. They humorously debate the feasibility of starting a "Skinny Dipper Society" in Phoenix, poking fun at local areas and the challenges of maintaining such communities in a hot climate. They also reference existing nudist spots in Cave Creek and Tonopah, emphasizing their disinterest in joining ([22:15] - [26:31]).
The episode transitions to various video segments:
Australian Rules Football Fight: Brett narrates a fight on the field with Matthias providing humorous commentary on the intensity and absurdity of the altercation ([26:31] - [28:06]).
Stunt Gone Wrong: A video of a girl attempting a backflip between cars ends disastrously, leading to humorous exchanges about the dangers of such stunts ([28:06] - [30:00]).
Soccer Match Vomiting Incident: Brett describes a scene where a man at a soccer match with a bullhorn ends up vomiting on a wooden plank, leading to comical commentary on the situation ([30:00] - [35:55]).
Matthias and Brett delve into a particularly shocking and grotesque video featuring a man with unusual genital anatomy, leading to extensive and humorous reactions. They describe the absurdity and bodily humor involved, pushing the boundaries of comedic storytelling ([35:55] - [38:54]).
The discussion shifts back to radio pranks, reminiscing about classic stunts like renting a fire truck to prank a competitor station, KDKB. The hosts laugh over past antics and segue into promoting a Volbeat giveaway happening on Matthias' birthday, July 26th. They encourage listeners to participate for a chance to win backstage access and other rewards ([38:54] - [44:31]).
Matthias and Brett wrap up the episode with final humorous exchanges, highlighting the chaotic yet entertaining nature of the show. They mention upcoming segments, including a Volbeat talk and future giveaways, maintaining their playful and irreverent tone until the end of the broadcast ([44:31] - [51:12]).
Matthias on Movie Tastes: “My movie taste always has blood in my mouth.” ([00:45])
Brett on National French Fry Day: “Six billion pounds of fries.” ([03:35])
Matthias on the French Gas Station Incident: “You're risking murder.” ([09:18])
Matthias on Wedding Mishap: “I thought I was in the gravitational pull of Brady's balls forever.” ([16:10])
Science News - Cat Sleep Position: “Brady, that might be the most interesting story you've ever done.” ([21:24])
Volbeat Giveaway Promotion: “We're celebrating with Volbeat. They're coming to town.” ([43:00])
Humorous Storytelling: The hosts excel in turning bizarre and often inappropriate stories into comedic gold, keeping listeners engaged through laughter.
Interactive Banter: Continuous back-and-forth between Matthias and Brett creates a lively and entertaining atmosphere.
Listener Engagement: Through discussions on trending topics like National French Fry Day and local stories, the show maintains relevance and relatability.
Variety of Content: From personal anecdotes and news stories to science news and video segments, the episode offers a diverse range of content.
Community and Culture: The show touches on various cultural elements, including dating preferences and local events, fostering a sense of community among listeners.
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and eclectic news segments, all delivered with the hosts' signature irreverent style. Whether it's dissecting the origins of National French Fry Day or sharing outrageous personal mishaps, the show ensures an engaging and entertaining listening experience for its audience.