07-16-25 - BR - WED - John Struggles Dealing w/Customer Service For His Outdoor Umbrella After Leaving 3 Star Review - 4 In 10 Americans Can't Get Through Day w/o Cussing At Least Once

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: July 16, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

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1. John's Frustrating Umbrella Purchase Experience

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg sharing his exasperating encounter with customer service after purchasing an outdoor umbrella. John highlights the pitfalls of inadequate product descriptions and poor customer service, leading to his dissatisfaction and eventual two-star review.

• Brady Bogen (@01:02): "I should have just gone to All Pro Shade and just had this done."

• Brady Bogen (@04:16): "You can't hold it. You got to buy the handle separate. Well, then it's not an umbrella yet, is it?"

John details ordering a large cantilever umbrella from Purple Reef, only to discover that the base was sold separately. This oversight forced him to incur additional costs and face incompatible parts, exacerbating his frustration.

• Brady Bogen (@05:17): "I just spent $650 to get an umbrella shipped to me that doesn't stand up."

• Brady Bogen (@05:34): "I want it to be mobile. Screw that."

The conversation captures the essence of consumer frustration when product expectations aren’t met, especially concerning essential components that are omitted from the initial purchase.

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2. Swearing Habits Among Americans

Transitioning from product woes, the hosts delve into a revealing survey about swearing habits in America. The discussion sheds light on how pervasive swearing has become in daily interactions.

• John Holmberg (@14:27): "A new survey found that 39% of Americans can't get through an average day without swearing at least once."

• Brady Bogen (@14:41): "So the five appropriate times to swear is now. A little later. Just after that, tonight. And then when I go to bed."

The hosts debate the appropriateness of swearing in various contexts, such as alone, with friends, at sporting events, and on social media. They humorously categorize and critique the societal norms surrounding profanity.

• John Holmberg (@15:03): "The top five. It's not okay to swear."

• Brady Bogen (@15:25): "At church they say Jesus Christ in front of children."

This segment explores the fine line between acceptable and offensive language, reflecting on personal habits and societal standards.

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3. KFC's New Fried Pickles Promotion

Brady introduces a quirky segment about KFC's latest promotional offer: fried pickles accompanied by a free bucket of chicken with a $15 purchase. The hosts dissect the deal's value and practicality with their characteristic humor.

• Brady Bogen (@19:03): "I mean Brett's doing the math right. I don't think that's good."

• John Holmberg (@20:02): "They can't wait around for the chickens to get bigger."

The banter highlights the absurdity of the promotion, questioning the logic behind bundling fermented vegetables with fried chicken, and poking fun at the portion sizes.

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4. Entertaining and Bizarre Video Clips

In the latter part of the episode, the hosts share and discuss a series of humorous and odd video clips. These descriptions range from skateboarders mishaps to peculiar behaviors involving everyday objects.

• Brady Bogen (@26:01): "Look at that. She's feeding herself her own milk. Is that..."

• Brady Bogen (@31:00): "That's an ass moto. All right. Fitz is having a Pringles out of his ass."

The vivid and exaggerated narrations serve as comedic relief, showcasing the hosts' ability to find humor in the strangest of scenarios.

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5. Listener Interactions and Final Thoughts

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage with fictional listener scenarios, offering exaggerated and humorous responses. This interactive element maintains an engaging atmosphere, keeping listeners entertained with their witty exchanges.

• Brady Bogen (@33:30): "Smell it. Oh, Fitz, you're not bringing another can."

• John Holmberg (@33:33): "His covered Pringles can wasn't in your butt, was it?"

These playful interactions emphasize the show's dynamic and light-hearted approach to discussing everyday frustrations and oddities.

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends relatable consumer frustrations with humorous takes on societal habits and bizarre entertainments. Through engaging storytelling and sharp banter, John, Brady, and the team create an entertaining morning routine for their Arizona listeners.

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Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogen (@04:16): "I want it to be mobile. Screw that."

• John Holmberg (@14:27): "A new survey found that 39% of Americans can't get through an average day without swearing at least once."

• Brady Bogen (@19:03): "I mean Brett's doing the math right. I don't think that's good."

• Brady Bogen (@31:00): "That's an ass moto. All right. Fitz is having a Pringles out of his ass."

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and humorous exchanges from the episode, providing a clear and engaging overview for those who haven't listened.

Transcript

[Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[Brady]

It's very true. It's nirvana right there. It smells like Teen Spirit. I think we'll get that out of the carpet eventually. It is time for 8 o' clock already. My God. Time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. Here's a fun. I just. I just got off customer service. I got to bark about this for a second. So we were just joking about it. Some lady from Thailand or something.

[Brett]

For Papa Reef. You order umbrella from Purple Reef.

[Brady]

I can't understand anything you're saying.

[Brett]

You got an umbrella, you got to order umbrella.

[Brady]

I have to order an umbrella?

[Brett]

No, you're already there.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, no, I got an umbrella. Yeah, I did. Here's the stupid thing about this umbrella I ordered, right? I got one of those big cantilever. They're gigantic squares that. It's awesome. I should have just gone.

[John]

Swings out. Yeah, it opens up.

[Brady]

I should have gone to All Pro Shade and just had this done. But I ordered this a while ago. It shows up. I get like, okay, I got a good spot. It's at this rental house. And I'm, like, putting it in the backyard and trying to figure out where to get it, right? And I'm looking and I'm like, man, this thing. And it was expensive. It was nice. And. And so I get the umbrella, and I get all the tools out because you got to put it on its platform, like, stand it up. Like, what good is an umbrella if it has no base? Well, the base isn't included in the order. So when you get to page 6 of the installation and construction of this thing, it goes, now find the base and put it on there. And then in parentheses, base sold separately. And I'm like, well, that would have been nice to know with the order, because when you showed me the picture of this umbrella, it was standing up. So now I got this thing laying in the backyard. So I ordered the base from that same company. What's the name of that company again? Yeah, that's right. Purple Leaf. So it shows up, and the bolt pattern isn't the same. It's like getting Dodge wheels for a Ford. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't match. And the base is like 300 bucks. So I'm like, crap. So I go over to Lowe's, I look online, I go over to Lowe's, and they're like, we've got purple Leaf umbrella bases. No they don't. They don't. They've got metal boxes that have stick. This doesn't work. So she calls me right now.

[Brett]

You own a property, you give a two star review. What happened?

[Brady]

What happened is it's like ordering an umbrella without the fabric. And you didn't tell me it just have the skeleton of an umbrella. Why would you give me an umbrella? The whole purpose of an umbrella is what? To stand up? To be above me? You didn't sell the base. I know now, but it didn't at the time.

[Brett]

Why? Why you got a two star review?

[Brady]

Because you sold half a product to me and didn't tell me that it wouldn't work without the other. Like now I have to go get more.

[Brett]

You order one.

[Brady]

And then Brett was laughing because she.

[Brett]

Goes, okay, I give you. I give you free base, but you get rid of two star review.

[Brady]

Hey, give me free base. I'll get rid of that review. I don't know how, but do it.

[Brett]

Okay, All I need is invoice number or order number of base. Oh, yeah, I got that handy.

[Brady]

Everybody carries that on a turn of Bill Burr.

[Brett]

I got that handy. I got that. You mean you don't have a base order invoice number on hand?

[Brady]

No, I don't, because you know why? Last time I checked, I'm human and I don't carry my receipts around for everything.

[Brett]

Oh, that gonna be a problem.

[Brady]

Then she had the nerve to tell.

[Brett]

Me, you send back best you order, then we send you free one.

[Brady]

No, no, no, no. That's not how this is gonna work. You send me the free one, and I'm holding the bad one hostage. And Brett was dying.

[Brett]

We have an open box order. Is that okay?

[Brady]

I bet you've got a lot of open boxes over there have been returned because you have a belt, the bolt patterns are wrong, and everybody's screwed on this deal. And then I started to tell her, and this is all your fault.

[Holmberg]

That was the best.

[Brady]

And then she goes. She had no idea what to say to that. Oh, I wanted to kill her.

[John]

I did like the way she ended it.

[Brady]

Yeah, she got fed up.

[Brett]

Okay, bye bye.

[John]

I'll send you a new base box.

[Brett]

I send you my bye bye. Bye bye.

[Brady]

When she showed me I don't deal well with those people. And all it was. And for a three star review, why sell that product? Here. Here's an umbrella. It has no handle. What? Yeah, you can't hold it. You got to buy the handle separate. Well, then it's not an umbrella yet, is it?

[John]

And then you're looking at it and saying, oh, you know, not a bad price for how big this umbrella is and everything. But then you find out, oh, it's missing another 300.

[Brady]

600 bucks for the umbrella. I figured that was all inclusive and nowhere. I went back and looked. Nowhere does it say, you're not getting a base with this. It won't stand up. And it's a very specific base and we're not giving you the code for which base you need. Figure it out on your own, asshole. That's essentially what it said at the bottom of the thing.

[Brett]

Do you not read fine print where it say, figure it out yourself, asshole?

[Brady]

No, I missed that line. I missed that part. I just spent $650 to get an umbrella shipped to me that doesn't stand up.

[Brett]

Well, you need base.

[Brady]

I'm gonna kill you. I don't know where you are, but I'm gonna kill you. Now.

[Holmberg]

If you'd had the jelly bean guys calling you, you'd have been fine again.

[Brady]

We talked about it. Yeah. Toby, you're having a problem with your umbrella.

[Brett]

You want a free one?

[Brady]

I do. And I'm gonna send you a card. I like you.

[Holmberg]

There's a bag of jelly bellies.

[Brady]

Anyway, so she just got under my skin for a second. But it was fun to do with Brett in the room because he giggled hysterically A, at her accent and B, at me telling her, all of this is your f you. Do you have the order number and invoice number of the base? Sure, give me one second. I know exactly where that is. I expect. And I even told her. I'm like, you called me. You have all the information. I didn't expect this. I don't have any information.

[Brett]

You get your stuff together.

[Brady]

So in case this happen again.

[John]

So all you have is my name.

[Brady]

And number and that I did do this and that I threw out a review that said what are you doing? Throw. Throw in the base and charge me an extra three bills. Let me know what I'm getting here. Base not included. Enjoy your umbrella. Umbrella not included. Stupid. I should have just done what I should. I should I known better called the guys at all prochet. This is just an umbrella purchase. This is mobile. I want it to be mobile. Screw that. From here on out it have been done or I'd have been in shade. It would have been. Now I got this thing laying back there. I got a going to be windy tonight. I got to move it because it picks up every once in a while and starts scooting around the backyard. It's about £120 of nothing. So it's an erector. It's. It's hefty. Yeah, you saw it. If you saw it laying back there, you were over there the other day.

[Byron]

That'll be good one day someday when.

[Brady]

That thing's up and about. Right now it's basically the Stephen Hawking of umbrellas. It just sits there. Just does nothing. It's retarded. No, you're rude. Damn it. You're off big brother. Anyway, sorry. I just had to vent a little bit. That lady drove me nuts. But Brett, thank you for being there laughing hysterically at me. Berate that Asian lady. And it might have been a man. To be honest. We don't know.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You couldn't tell for sure. Oh, pretty sure it was a woman. But if that thing came around the corner smoking, dressed like McFeely, I wouldn't have been surprised at all.

[Byron]

Try traveling to that country.

[Brady]

Ever notice that McFeely dresses like one of those cigarette salesmen over there in Bangkok?

[Byron]

Well, he's been bringing that cloud in with him lately.

[Brady]

Even in the summer, he's got long sleeve plaid shirts on a button to the top.

[Brett]

You like Rock?

[Brady]

What, Larry?

[Holmberg]

He looks like Callan in the strip club in hangover too.

[Brady]

It's 180. And I like his shirts, but he's always in long sleeve shirts. Anyway, I digress. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. It's brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts. Oh my God, do I love them more than I used to. 20 years of shade. This is all you need to deal with. Don't go calling that lady over there in where? Eversville. They're right here in town. They show up, they do it right. Free installation on all their products. The estimates are free as well. Custom. I'd listen to all this and when you're done, they don't go. Oh, that doesn't include actually using it. It's done. It's all functional by the end. All pros, just the frame.

[John]

You want the canvas separate?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. We'll build all the electronics, but. Oh, you wanted an actual shade structure. Oh, we just thought you wanted the start of one. I just wanted to dream a little bit. I didn't really want the whole shebang. All Pro Shade Concepts, you are dreamboats in my mind. Allprochade.com Brady Reporter Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John]

Hello world. Happy national Glizzy Day.

[Brady]

Is it hot dog Day.

[John]

Yes.

[Holmberg]

Thought I heard celebrations down the hall.

[Brady]

It's glizzy day. Okay, 93. Three Maltese. It's never gonna be unfunny.

[Byron]

Texters are asking if she also mentioned your generator was on the.

[Brady]

No. Yeah, no, that's different. No, please. That's still in shipping.

[John]

A couple of basic fun facts. The American flag Neil Armstrong planted on the moon in 1969 was knocked over by the engine blast as soon as they lifted the leave. Five more US Flags have been planted on the moon since then, and NASA believes all of them are still standing. There's only one problem. The flags are now completely white from getting bleached by the sun.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Holmberg]

Did they come at a base?

[Brady]

Yeah. No, they just stuck it in the moon, which is I'm about to do with my umbrella. I need Neil Armstrong's help with this because that flag on the moon is as useful for shade as my umbrella is right now.

[John]

Vanilla sky is a remake of a Spanish movie called Open youn Eyes, which was made only four years earlier. And Penelope Cruz plays the same role in both.

[Brady]

I've seen that before. I saw that on a Cinemax thing years ago when they were talking about that movie that. She did it again. Movie about Vanilla sky is impossible to follow. It's Inception before Inception. There's a lot going on and it's boring. Oh, words. Morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98.

[Holmberg]

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[MMP Guns Representative]

Brett, I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our ma Master trained Craftsman. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[MMP Guns Representative]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live. You can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[Holmberg]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School, or online at MMP gunscustoms.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John]

As of 2009, the average person consumed the equivalent of more than 34 gigabytes of data and information every day. That's roughly a hundred thousand words heard or read every day.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John]

And it's probably. That was 2009. Oh, it's tripled. WI Fi isn't short for wireless fidelity.

[Brady]

And by the way, with that information right there, A high hearty you to radio bobs all over the place who always said, let's talk, less talk. People love words. They can't get enough of them. They left radio because you guys programmed it so poorly and went over to nothing but talk shows while you guys did research, constantly saying, let's talk, let's talk. Dear God. I'm not going to say what station it was, but I heard somebody yesterday and it wasn't KSLX and it wasn't the sports station, but they're in our building. Oh, man.

[Byron]

Arizona Gold.

[Brady]

No. 93. 3 multi Z played a hairdryer on the air and said, guess that sound.

[Holmberg]

That is riveting radio.

[Brady]

And I'm like, I'm doing it wrong. I didn't realize you could phone it in that badly and still catch a check.

[Holmberg]

What are we doing?

[Brady]

We're trying way too hard. Even Brady is trying way too hard. Wow. I'm telling you, Brady could go down the hall and the guy's like, why don't you play a sound like, I don't know, a bathroom makes? I can do that. Guess the sound. And then she's like, guess the sound. And this is like the. Like, if I was a person telling her what to do, she shouldn't listen. But guess the sound.

[Holmberg]

They shouldn't listen.

[Brady]

And then she said, call up and guess the sound. I'm looking for caller number 10. And I'm like, well, which is it? Am I guessing the sound or do I just need to like. Why are the first nine callers not allowed to guess? Yeah, well, start the guesses at 10. Why?

[John]

That's weird.

[Brady]

Cause consultants have confused her beyond belief. Play the sound. Don't make it a fart sound or anything. We're like a weird sound. It says from the bathroom. Here's the sound you might hear in the bathroom that isn't gross and it's just turns it off. That sound again.

[John]

You're calling number one.

[Holmberg]

But I know the answer.

[Brady]

I know it's a hairdryer, but you.

[Brett]

Can'T do it yet.

[John]

Why is there a barrier that everybody knows?

[Brady]

I haven't built a barrier on guessing. You're having a guessing game with luck. And now I gotta be the lucky caller. What if 10 doesn't know? Then it's why did you do that? I'm confused. Too many consultants. I'm getting ear every day by these guys. You don't understand the pressure. Here's a sound that a shoe makes. Name a brand of shoe. I'm looking for color. 30. Huh? Nike. Well, that wins. But you're. You're 12th.

[John]

A new survey found that 39 of Americans can't get through an average day without swearing at least once.

[Brady]

You're right. 100.

[John]

That includes 25 who swear every day. 12%.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John]

Of Americans claim they never swear.

[Brady]

Lies. Liars. They're absolute liars. And why. What. What are you holding off on? What are you doing? Why are you. Why are you doing that?

[Byron]

The Mormons have some forms.

[John]

Starting cussing the top five times. It's okay to swear according to the now. When you. When you're alert alone.

[Brady]

Oh, come on.

[John]

When you're. You've hurt yourself.

[Holmberg]

I do that.

[John]

When you're hanging out with friends.

[Holmberg]

Oh, definitely do that.

[John]

When you're at a sporting event all the time.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

And swearing on social media is fifth.

[Brady]

So the five appropriate times to swear is now. A little later. Just after that, tonight. And then when I go to bed.

[John]

The top five. It's not okay to swear.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

At church they say Jesus Christ in.

[Brady]

There all the time. Yeah.

[John]

In front of children.

[Brady]

They say do that. Oh, yeah.

[John]

I like in front of a client at work, swearing at an employee in a store and swearing in front of your boss.

[Brady]

So I don't know if we have a kid running around the building who's like seven or eight. You're seeing. Sanjay's kid is here. Sanjay is our Middle Eastern. He's a photo guy, does a videography for us. And he. And he dropped his kid off at the building.

[Byron]

Get a little my dad in him or what?

[Brady]

Yeah, that's what I said. Ben. Ben. I thought Ben was gonna die because I leaned to the little girl and I said, hey, where's your daddy? He left. I'm like, his last words weren't, you're everything I think about. I have to catch a plane. Goodbye. Are they.

[Brett]

Why would he do that?

[Brady]

Was he saying stuff like goodbye with tears in his eyes and I will never forget you, but I must have a lock bar. And he left the room. Did that happen? And then she just laughed. I'm like, I'm not kidding, kid. I don't like abandoned Middle Eastern kids whose dads just said goodbye out of the blue.

[John]

They looked at 40 different swear words to see how offensive each one was. And the number one.

[Brady]

Wow. Well, the C word is yes, a bomb.

[John]

81.

[Holmberg]

Use it.

[John]

All are offended by it.

[Brady]

I love it. I use it as a 19R friendly. That's me. I don't find it offensive at all.

[John]

I Think it's number two.

[Brady]

Oh this is the N word in. This is a swear.

[John]

No.

[Brady]

Okay. Number two. Yeah. The mother.

[John]

Mother.

[Brady]

F mother.

[John]

Number three. Which surprised me but ass. Nope.

[Brady]

No. God damn. Oh no kidding. Huh.

[John]

Number four is the F word but.

[Brady]

That'S no big deal.

[John]

And number five. The P word.

[Brady]

Which one? The one for cats. Yeah. Yeah. We'll figure it out. Don't worry about it. I don't need your help here doing bad things. There goes your dad. Rick. I'm swearing he's right behind us. And look at that.

[John]

Sanjay.

[Brady]

There he is.

[Brett]

Oh hey dad.

[Brady]

The dude just wandered around in our parking lot. I think he's one of our executives. They've had hard times.

[Byron]

One legged capris on.

[Brady]

I don't know what's going on with us. Too short. I think he's the. I think he's in the programming. Vice president of programming for. He's just. It's a disaster for them. They're. They're. They're a couple inch. They're at the end of Titanic right before the. Yeah. Before the door sinks.

[John]

Got another new report and according to this one says the Average American has 252 good days per year.

[Brady]

104 bad ones. I really. 111 bad.

[John]

That means 69% of days are good.

[Brady]

With a number like that they could all be good.

[John]

The report also broke down the results by state. Some states had up to 50 more good days per year than others. Everyone makes fun of Florida but Florida reported the most good days of any other state. 276 because they're kind of stupid. There are 11 states that aren't that high but are still above average. We're not on that.

[Brady]

The day that the alligator bites your arm off is a good day because it didn't kill you. Like they're. They're a different breed of people. And all their friends had the best day ever watching that alligator bite you.

[John]

You got busted for crab legs in the sweatpants but you got the flat screen.

[Brady]

Exactly. Yeah. It's. They're so positive in Florida. Always looking for the silver lining.

[John]

And finally KFC debuts their new fried pickles. And you get a free bucket of chicken with a 15 purchase. Deal.

[Byron]

What?

[Holmberg]

You have like 15 worth of pickles to get a bucket of chicken. This sounds wrong.

[Brett]

Man.

[John]

That's a lot of pickles.

[Brady]

I mean Brett's doing the math right. I don't think that's good.

[John]

15.

[Brady]

You'll get a 15 of fried pickles.

[John]

With any purchase. 15.

[Byron]

Oh and you don't just have to buy pickles.

[John]

Okay. So they've rolled out the new fried pickles.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

And you can also get a bucket of chicken with a 15 purchase.

[Brady]

Yeah. If I spend 15 on chicken, I'm gonna get chicken.

[John]

Yeah. Or you buy. So the pickles and some mashed.10 pounds of mash.

[Brady]

So I order 15 worth of stuff. They throw in chicken at KFC. Confused. Instead of just spending $15 on a thing of chicken and like 2 bucks on pickles, it's the same.

[John]

Or just get the pickles.

[Brady]

How much is a bucket of chicken, Brady?

[John]

Bucket of chicken right now is what's market price?

[Brady]

Yeah. What's the MKT? Are you looking at your paper piece? Yeah.

[John]

Is 22.9, right? Yeah.

[Brady]

That's.

[John]

Well, that's also. I bet you it's cheaper here. Why 1690? Because that was. Normally they're talking about that 22.99. That's near me in Los Angeles.

[Brady]

Oh, two sticks of chicken. There's a little heavier.

[John]

Just might be a little more expensive.

[Brady]

So you think maybe it's 17 bucks for. Yeah, that's a lot. I guess that's a lot of chicken. But they've shrunk them up pretty good. I remember maybe it was because my hands were smaller when I was a kid. KFC had big chicken. It is much smaller now. But I don't know if that's because I'm bigger. I think it might be that they can't.

[John]

They can't wait around for the chickens to get bigger.

[Brady]

Huh?

[John]

Get older.

[Brady]

Gotta get them. Yeah, they gotta get them on our hands. Don't care how small they are. You're eating a lot of adolescent chicken.

[John]

Got a couple of pretty videos.

[Brady]

Okay, man.

[Holmberg]

16 pieces. 33 bucks.

[Brady]

34 easy. I never would have guessed that. I thought it would have been about 15 bucks for the bucket of chicken in the first place. Little $33 for a bucket of chicken.

[John]

That's got to be a family meal.

[Holmberg]

No, it's just the 16. That's just the 16 piece.

[Brady]

A lot of bucket, but still.

[Holmberg]

Four drums, four thighs, four breasts and.

[Byron]

Four wings ain't feeding your family?

[Brady]

No.

[John]

Most families.

[Brady]

You don't think so? You don't think most families are.

[Holmberg]

Windows are small.

[Brady]

16 pieces.

[Byron]

There's four or five in my hood.

[Brady]

Huh?

[Byron]

There's four or five per family in mine.

[Brady]

In my neighborhood, KFCS. What are you talking about?

[Byron]

The family is five people deep, so.

[Brady]

Oh, right.

[John]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's tight.

[Brady]

That's still two or three pieces of chicken.

[John]

You can do three of those drum sticks.

[Brady]

Well, then you're being a dick because you're eating all the drumsticks. Yeah.

[Byron]

That's like you dipping into the Mac and cheese.

[Brady]

Yeah. Everybody. There we go. Oh, yeah. Everybody gets one of each. You don't go all drumsticks. You're. Unless you're the dad and the kids eat the bread.

[John]

Kids only eat drumsticks.

[Brady]

My dad wouldn't allow anybody to have anything but the drumsticks or the other stuff. He would eat the drums. Those were his. He would take four of them and put them on his plate and walk away. And we were all left. Don't let it pay for yourself. That's basically what he said. I bought it. I get first dibs. And they're like, hey. Got a pretty strong argument there are the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98 KUPD.

[Holmberg]

Hey, Byron. I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[MMP Guns Representative]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock. Stock and ready to ship.

[Holmberg]

Wait, there's no back orders?

[Brady]

Nope.

[MMP Guns Representative]

We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Holmberg]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John]

First one's, dude that decides to try to feed a bull.

[Brady]

Okay. They're in. They're on pavers in, like, a mall. Johnny, like, it's a stripper. He's not trying to feed it.

[John]

Yeah, I don't know when he has.

[Brady]

He's making it rain. He's trying to make it rain to the bull, and the bull picks him up and chucks him.

[Byron]

There goes all these.

[Brady]

Not enough. Where are they? This is like a pavilion. Yeah. Some sort of strange pavered pavilion. It's like a wedding center.

[Byron]

He's got that visceral fat. You were talking about yesterday.

[John]

Was it a contest to see if he could rest the bill on back?

[Holmberg]

It's like he's in the drive at, like, a car dealership or something.

[Brady]

Hey, first things first. Yeah, yeah. It had nothing. Nothing to do with the money. Everybody wearing jean Shorts that small.

[Holmberg]

And look at the referee coming in there at the end.

[Brady]

Yeah. Winner calls off the bull. Yeah. Yeah. Called the fight. Immediately called the fight. Yeah. Don't. Again. I don't know where people don't understand that don't mess with the bull is a very real thing.

[John]

Next one's. I. I think it's a wedding.

[Brady]

It's like a lesbian.

[John]

Looks like the bride is taking drinks over to a table.

[Brady]

Oh, okay.

[John]

Flaming drinks.

[Brady]

Oh, they're on fire.

[Byron]

The comments say it's a quinceanera. Oh, 15 years were hot, so they've.

[Brady]

Ever holding seven or eight flaming beverages. Now her quinceanera dress is on fire. And you know that material isn't flame proof. Oh, here comes. All the Mexican guys have taken their shirts off to beat down the quinceanera girl.

[John]

Now it's getting hot.

[Brady]

Oh, it's getting hot down. Oh, there's no him. It's her quinceanera. She just recovered from giving birth. There's no question about it. This is fat. It's still going. They're rolling around. Roll her around. They saved her. Oh, my God. Jesus. Thank God that mother of four survived that whole thing. Somebody throw something at her.

[John]

It's like a moth or a. Yeah.

[Brady]

It was like a bug. And they caught it. They knew immediately that that dress was super, super flammable.

[John]

She's laughing there.

[Brady]

Oh, she's okay so far, but now.

[John]

Now it's getting.

[Brady]

Now it's getting a little hot. Look at the light. Well, right there is about when the fire hit the episiotomy stitches. And that's when she knew. You're gonna melt those stitches. That's a forever scar, Brett.

[John]

This last one's for you.

[Brady]

All right, skateboarder. Oh, man. Oh. Oh, he tries to hit the rail. Oh, his arm is a Z. His arm is a Z. Look at that. Oh, his arm is a Z. I didn't hear it.

[John]

He needs some milk.

[Brady]

You need some milk. Well, he's not wrong. We'll definitely strengthen up those bones. Anyway, good stuff there. Your arms of Z.

[Holmberg]

All right, Brett, I'm light today, so we'll just go with this one.

[Brady]

Here's a guy I impressed at a gas station. We get the cops, have a guy.

[Holmberg]

Down on his guy saying he's from the press.

[Brady]

I impress. I impress. And they just. Mason right, walk around, just maced him right in the face like, shut up. Shut up, Aladdin. I mean, he hits him with a big spray dead center to the face. I impress. That's like Earl shy. Painting a car. It's like when truly Nolan goes to your house and hits a bug. Direct. Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Holmberg]

There's a broad on a bike.

[Brady]

Girl on a bicycle. And she looks good. Tank top, baby shorts. Oh, she goes over the handlebars.

[John]

Good.

[Brady]

Still does look good, though. She doesn't at all face to the ground. Off the bad jump.

[Byron]

Wow, that hurt.

[Brady]

Well, that'll save on lip injections because those things are pretty swelled up. Nice work.

[Holmberg]

All right, what was this one?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, here we go. The lady with gigantic breasts. And she's milky, squeezing them together, just firing 12, 15 streams of milk. These are the fullest breasts I've ever seen.

[Byron]

You were talking about this morning.

[Brady]

She's feeding herself her own milk. Is that. It's some sort of. Can you get hoof and mouth disease from that.

[John]

That skateboarder for my video gonna use that.

[Brady]

Look at that. Wow. That.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Brady]

A lot of milk and I didn't know it.

[Byron]

Shout out baby in the corner going.

[Brady]

Hello, that baby's fat.

[John]

I didn't realize her nipples are like shower heads.

[Brady]

Yeah, like, but they need clr because they're shower. She needs some of that calcium line and rust stuff.

[Holmberg]

And we don't know what this is.

[Brady]

This is a dude in a case with a mask on and he's got a machine on his pee pee that's giving him. Giving him an old Fashioned, but he's in like a laundry basket.

[Holmberg]

He's at a Slayer concert.

[Byron]

He's like vacuum sealed into something.

[Brady]

He is. He's. He's shrink wrapped into this laundry basket. And this machine has given him a tug in some sort of industrial. Like, this was the lab in Breaking Bad before.

[Holmberg]

I don't know what that is.

[Brady]

Neither did disturbing.

[Byron]

How do you shrink wrap a person into something?

[Brady]

I don't know, but somebody does. All right, here's another.

[Byron]

Is that available at Walmart? Like, yes.

[Holmberg]

All right, Brady, here's some food for you.

[Brady]

Pork roast. That's a chicken. It's a roasted chicken in a rotisserie. It's a. Oh, that's a duck. Oh, it's got its head on.

[Byron]

Didn't have the right build.

[Brady]

Okay, she's. Now. Now she's naked and she's sitting on the rotisserie chicken. She's. She's okay, It's a goose. Is she farting on the chicken? Why is she farting on the. She's farting all over a rotisserie bird. He's sitting on a rusted chicken and farting for 12 minutes. And it's just. No, she's gonna eat it. It isn't she. Now it's all mashed up on the plate on the table, and she farted on it for half an hour. Oh, thank God it's over. We didn't get to watch her eat it. All right.

[Holmberg]

And, Brady, this is for you in case. Again, in case you ever lose your sauce moto in the car.

[John]

All right.

[Brady]

Here you go. Oh, no. It's a dude or a woman. I don't know what that is. That's a guy with a can of Pringles in his B hole phenomena. He's got a whole can of Pringles all the way. All the way up to the logo, all the way. The mustache.

[Byron]

Man, I hate to do this to him, but that looks a little.

[Brady]

It does look like Fitz. Is that that. Is that a baby can or is that the long. He stuffed the whole can of Pringles in his ass, and now he's reaching in and he's getting one. He's gonna enjoy a Pringles.

[John]

That's an ass moto.

[Brady]

All right. Fitz is having a Pringles out of his ass. That's still sanitary. I still. I'd eat. Still eat the Pringles. So that's all we got. I don't want to be in that guy's house. But just in case, like, there's Pringles available, I'll eat them. As long as they didn't go direct to the bee hole, they were still protected by the Pringles.

[John]

Can turn around and pop the lid.

[Brady]

That's a good. Oh, squeeze it hard enough where the lid pops off like a. Like tennis balls. Okay. Well, there you go. Can I see that lady farting on that chicken again? And you say it's a goose?

[John]

No, I think it's a chick.

[Brady]

Is it just its head still there? I couldn't tell by its face.

[John]

Had such a long neck.

[MMP Guns Representative]

It could have been it.

[Brady]

I've never seen him deep fried a whole head of a chicken. It looks.

[John]

They got long lazy on it. I think they just dropped the bird in.

[Brady]

I thought it was a duck because its neck is so long. Chickens don't have.

[John]

But it didn't have a duck beak.

[Brady]

I mean, they cut that off.

[John]

No, you can see the chicken.

[Brady]

All right, let's see. But the head is. The chickens don't have those crazy long necks like that. That.

[John]

That's why I was thinking.

[Brady]

That's what I'm thinking. Goose. Where's it at, Brad? I'm getting it.

[Holmberg]

I. I deleted it already.

[Brady]

So what? All right, it's just some, like, housewife. Like, she's got a collared shirt on, glasses, looks totally.

[John]

That might be a pheasant.

[Brady]

You think?

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Where do you get that? She just takes her pants off, just starts farting on it. Like, I mean, Gilbert and, like, different positions, too. Putting weight down on it, multiple cuts. So every time she had to fart, they went back in that room and did it again. And then. And then that thing's just ruined. You know what's sad about that? Is that duck, chicken, pheasant, whatever it is, the turducken lived this life in this weird farm. Got shot with antibiotics, went through the whole deal, went in there, got slaughtered, ends up at Safeway in a bucket. And then this lady buys it, farts on, throws it away. Like he lived your God invented his whole life to just exist, get cooked, get farted on, and then thrown in the garbage. That was God's plan for that particular chicken. That's just ridiculous.

[John]

Maybe that was in that pheasant's will.

[Brady]

You think that was his. He went to Trajan and was like, look, I'm dead when I'm deep fried. This is all I want.

[John]

Oh, she's deep. Fry me.

[Brady]

That's my wishes. You want to be scattered over the ocean? No, I don't.

[Holmberg]

John won't eat a pot out of potluck, but he'll eat Pringles out of.

[Brady]

Someone'S ass that's still in the can, so to speak. But if I'm in that situation, I'm already comfortable with what's going on. More than likely, if I'm with a guy and he goes, watch this. And the bottom end of a Pringles, even if he pulls his pants. And I'm probably leaving, but if I see him holding Pringles and his pants are off, and then he gets. He throws his legs over his head like a potato bug. I'm not sticking around, but if I am, I might as well eat a Pringles. But you. We all know I'm not. And that's. He's the reason I don't eat a potlucks. I brought a bunch of chips for everybody. I didn't have time. And he brings his.

[John]

His covered Pringles can wasn't in your butt, was it?

[Brady]

Smell it.

[Holmberg]

Oh, Fitz, you're not bringing another can.

[Brady]

There you go, everybody. That is your Brady report. It's 98. It's out of control now. 88 K U PD.