07-17-25 - BR - THU - Avg Dog Dumps 270lbs Of Poop Each Year Making Us Wonder How Much Brady Poops - Poll Asks Would You Leave Your Partner For 1Mil And Other Pay Stunts - Pregnant Love Triangle Gone Bad

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: July 17, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Guests: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo Release Date: July 17, 2025

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1. Opening Banter and Light-Hearted Conversations (00:00 - 05:48)

The episode kicks off with the usual light-hearted banter among the hosts. John Holmberg introduces a humorous segment about a song titled "Mud Shovel," sparking a playful debate about its age. Bret Vesely humorously guesses the song's age, leading to a comical revelation that "Mud Shovel" is 29 years old, surprising everyone (00:00 - 01:13).

John Holmberg jokes, "Holy smokes, that song's 30. I just look at that and see that. Holy Moses." (00:45)

The conversation swiftly transitions to discussing morning routines and the challenges of early mornings, setting a relaxed and engaging tone for the episode.

2. Operation Hydration Update (03:05 - 05:48 & 35:54 - 37:03)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Operation Hydration, a philanthropic effort spearheaded by Bret Vesely. John praises Bret's dedication, highlighting the success of the campaign so far.

John Holmberg states, "Operation Hydration ... halfway through the year ... 500,000 bottles donated." (03:19)

Bret provides an update from the field at Safeway on Broadway and Rural, emphasizing the overwhelming support and donations received:

Bret Vesely: "We got pretty much the truck, the bed full. I'm working on the cab next. We've been getting slammed out here. A lot of people rolling in." (35:54)

The team expresses gratitude towards sponsors like Safeway, Albertsons, Learner Row, and Amco, acknowledging their crucial role in the campaign's success. They aim to reach a million bottles of water by the end of the year, celebrating the collective effort and community support.

3. Fun Facts and Trivia Segment (11:17 - 18:29)

Brady introduces a segment filled with intriguing and amusing facts:

• Dog Waste: "The average dog creates 274 pounds of poop a year." (13:06)

  The hosts engage in a humorous debate about the implications of this statistic, with John exaggerating the potential accumulation to 2,196 pounds annually (17:51).

• Probability of Dice Rolls: "If you rolled 1000 dice, the odds of rolling exactly 500 even numbers and 500 odd numbers is only 2.5%." (11:56)

• Baseball Trivia: Brady shares an astonishing fact about Mike Baxik Sr. and Mike Baxik Jr., who each faced legendary home run hitters in their careers, connecting past and present baseball milestones (12:18).

Brady: "A pitcher named Mike Baxik senior pitched against Hank Aaron ... his son threw the pitch where Barry Bonds hit his record-breaking 756th home run." (12:20)

4. Poll Discussion: Financial Incentives and Personal Choices (19:02 - 23:38)

The hosts delve into a thought-provoking poll discussing whether individuals would make significant life changes for financial gain:

• Leaving a Partner for $1 Million: 43% of Americans would consider it, though they acknowledge the complexities involved in divorce finances.

  John Holmberg reflects, "I get 33 million and I can leave. That's fair." (19:35)

• Real-Life Squid Game Participation: 46% would join despite a high death rate for a million dollars. The hosts debate the morality and feasibility of such a choice.

• Giving Up Sex or Technology for Money:

  • 41% would forgo sex entirely for $1 million.
  • 59% would abandon technology and live off the grid for the same amount.

• Framing a Friend for a Crime: 15% would do so for $1 million, raising ethical concerns.

• Parental Control Over Money: 54% would reject money if parents controlled it, highlighting the importance of financial autonomy.

This segment is filled with humorous yet introspective exchanges, allowing listeners to reflect on personal values and financial motivations.

Brady: "43% of Americans said they would leave their partner for a million dollars." (19:02)

5. Baby Name Trends (24:16 - 25:36)

Brady and John discuss recent trends in baby names, noting the popularity of classic names like Olivia, Liam, Emma, Noah, Hayden, and Caden. They share a humorous anecdote about an unconventional baby name suggestion:

A woman considers naming her child "Vaseline" but decides to modify it to "Vaselineia" after her mother's suggestion, leading to playful mockery.

Brady: "A lady shared a text online where her older cousin told her she settled on a baby name for her girl. Vaseline." (24:35)

6. Love Triangle Story from West Virginia (25:36 - 28:58)

The hosts narrate a dramatic and bizarre love triangle involving two women, Clarissa Moser and Maggie Denham, and a man named Chaz Suarez in West Virginia. The situation escalates when one woman claims to be pregnant, causing tension and leading to a confrontation involving threats and a concealed pink Glock.

Brady explains, "They all three hooked up at one time. And then the one girl says she's pregnant. That angered the other girl and Chaz as well." (25:58)

The story unfolds with accusations, physical altercations, and police involvement, ultimately resulting in charges of murder and wanton endangerment.

John Holmberg humorously summarizes the situation: "They were in cahoots to pin down the hot girl and say, get rid of that pee on this thing." (27:34)

7. Miscellaneous News Stories (28:58 - 33:47)

The episode features a variety of short, entertaining news snippets:

• Serial Butt Slapper in Boise, Idaho: Police are on the lookout for a mysterious individual attacking women with his dirt bike, described as wearing dark clothing and ski masks (29:20).

  Brady: "Police in Boise, Idaho are looking for a serial butt slapper." (29:20)

• AI Ordering at Taco Bell: A humorous experiment where ordering a large, absurd number of items (1,000 bottles of water) at Taco Bell's drive-through reveals the presence of actual human workers behind the AI system.

  John Holmberg: "A real worker. In the window. Oh, I thought you were one of those AI guys." (31:07)

• Construction Site Fight in Malaysia: A violent altercation between employees at a construction site in Malaysia, resulting in injuries due to a head impact (32:15).

  Brady: "In Malaysia, all the hard hats and sticks ... one guy got thrown down on his head." (32:15)

• Donkey Riding Mishap: A comical incident where a rider loses control of a donkey, leading to a harmless but funny collision (33:13).

  John Holmberg: "He had a plan. Oh, donkeys are so much smarter than we give him credit for." (33:30)

These stories add variety and humor to the episode, keeping listeners engaged with a mix of local and international news.

8. Final Operation Hydration Push (33:47 - 37:03)

Returning focus to Operation Hydration, John and Bret provide a final update, reiterating the campaign's momentum and the importance of community involvement. Bret shares real-time success stories, including significant donations from individuals and businesses.

Bret Vesely: "I'm working on the cab next. We've been getting slammed out here. A lot of people rolling in." (35:54)

John emphasizes the campaign's goal of ensuring no one in Phoenix goes thirsty, highlighting the collective impact of the community's generosity.

John Holmberg: "And it’s just standing that swampy weather. But he's ... he's killing it." (05:44)

The episode concludes with heartfelt appreciation for the listeners' support and a call to action for continued participation in Operation Hydration.

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Notable Quotes

• John Holmberg: "Holy smokes, that song's 30." (00:45)
• Brady Bogen: "43% of Americans said they would leave their partner for a million dollars." (19:02)
• Bret Vesely: "We got pretty much the truck, the bed full. I'm working on the cab next." (35:54)
• John Holmberg: "Grab some water, donate. It's all for a good cause." (36:35)

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humor, community engagement, and thought-provoking discussions. From updates on philanthropic efforts like Operation Hydration to intriguing trivia and entertaining news stories, the hosts maintain an engaging and dynamic atmosphere. Notable interactions and memorable quotes add depth and relatability, making the episode both informative and enjoyable for listeners.

Whether you're a regular follower or new to the show, this episode offers a comprehensive look into the hosts' diverse range of topics, all while emphasizing the importance of community support and generosity.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's John Holberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. If I told you I had an idea for a project and said to you, in order to finish the project, We've got about 10 steps to go through, and seven or eight of them are time consuming and could ruin the entire thing. Doug Hopkins, he offers you cash for your home as is right now, and that process is over. He doesn't change that price or you get $5,000 guaranteed, your house is sold. Start the purch process online right now@dough hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins. 1800 now. Morning sickness. Mud shovel that's stained. I love that one right there. That's good stuff. Mud shovel. Holy smokes, that song's 30. I just look at that and see that. Holy Moses. That just popped up on my screen. 1996, 29 years old. Wow, Brett, did you. Would you have guessed mud shovel is 29 years old?

[Brett Vesely]

I would have guessed maybe 20, maybe, but no, not. Not that old. Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I would have thought. Yeah, I thought maybe 2002 or three. Yeah, yeah. Wow. No, 96. How about that? Suck on that one time. Ah, got it. Got. I gotta. I gotta stop. 93. 3. Those phrases you hear over there quite a bit. So it's gonna normalize when the owners here suck on that one time. If it's Katie kb, They're like, oh, yeah, that makes sense if I'm saying it. Next thing you know, there's meetings and all sorts of stuff. Gotta be careful. I gotta be on our. On our toes today with the ownership group in town. Safeway is where Brett is this morning doing wonderful philanthropic things.

[Brady]

How was the traffic, Brett?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, how was it? This one give us a traffic report.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, thank God I got a traffic report from you guys. It got me here that much faster. My late start.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see other cars?

[Brett Vesely]

Traffic was great on the 101.

[John Holmberg]

What? That you saw other cars? Because that was our traffic report was there's going to be cars out there. Watch out for those.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I saw a couple of them. Thank you so much for that. It got me here in, like, no time at all.

[John Holmberg]

Did you take my advice that when the other cars slow down, you should too?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah, I did, actually. It made the drive so blissful.

[John Holmberg]

How do we not have a traffic report? Sponsored. With this kind of awesome information that we're handing out. It's amazing.

[Brady]

Any broad alerts?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, do you have any hot broad alerts? It's time for Brett's hot broad alert.

[Brett Vesely]

No, they're all. They're all still sleeping. I did drive through ASU to get here, but, yeah, they're still all sleeping. I didn't see any walks of shame.

[John Holmberg]

E. Yeah, you didn't. You didn't look over at one of the cars and go, whoa. Oh, the man's trying to eat. Yeah. No, no. All right. Just checking. Yeah. Cause you're right. And you make a good point there, Brett. Accidentally even that the really hot girls aren't getting up right now. They don't have to work if you're really hot, you don't have to work right now. If you're. If you're already at work, you're like a five. You may think you're not, but you're like a five or six. Look, trust me. I'm taught. I'm speaking from experience. I get up at 4 in the morning to go to work. I'm a 2 at best, maybe.

[Brady]

So if you're going still summer break for the walk of shame.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

In the fall, you start seeing them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. If you're, if you're at work right now, I'm sleeping.

[Brett Vesely]

The strip club's closed already.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Yeah. Maybe you're heading home from work. It could still be like an 8. But if you're at work right now, you're. You're a five or a six.

[Brett Vesely]

And every morning when you wake up, you're like, why do I get up this early? And you look in the mirror and you're like, oh, yeah, that's why.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my face. That's keeping me from success. I get it now. Oh, it's me. It's that damn head of mine. It's all of us. I'm surprised, honestly. I look in the mirror and I'm surprised. I, I, I. I'm not at work at 2 in the morning. Nosferatu or something. Anyway, Brett's out there this morning at Safeway, killing it this year so far for Operation Hydration. Just clobbering. All the records are falling halfway through the year of Operation Hydration, and it's just from Memorial Day to Labor day, we have 500,000 bottles donated. That's incredible. Now we have to get another 500,000 to hit our goal, which I stupid. I stupidly brought this up in one of the meetings when we first talked about, like, you know, this, this year and what we're going to do, and let's hit a million. And everybody's like, oh, my God, could we do it? And then they spewed up the numbers from last year. We're at 500,000. So we got halfway through the summer, and we're right on target. But we have to do what seemingly was impossible for the first six weeks, the last six weeks. So, Brett, it's up to you. How's it looking out there at Rural and Broadway today?

[Brett Vesely]

It's looking good. No broads yet, but we are getting tons of donations.

[John Holmberg]

I've had.

[Brett Vesely]

I've had envelopes showing up like crazy. Daniel swung by, threw me a hundred bucks. Ain't got time for this. There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Shopping. Nice.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going shopping for him. Somebody from some lady from the city of tempe dropped by 10 cases for us. I mean, so it's. It's a good start. A late start, but a good start out here. So we'll be hanging out here till, I don't know, almost. Almost nine o', clock right here at Rural and Broadway at Safeway. So. And of course, we got to thank our sponsors, obviously, Safeway and Albertsons, Learner Row, and of course, Amco for helping us make all these shenanigans happen out here. But we'll be signing guys up for all kinds of concerts. I don't know. I just got here, so I'm not even sure what tickets we have to sign up for. I'm figuring out as I go. But we are collecting the water. That is the important part of me being out here.

[John Holmberg]

Glorious. Yes, that's a fact. And you'll be out there for a little while longer, even though you were delayed by stupid, stupid stuff that happens around here quite a bit. Safeway, you got. You figured it out, because you're not an idiot. You figured it out and you found a way to get the truck that actually loads the water to the water site. So the promotion guys didn't load it up in an ultima and make a mess of things. Broadway and Rural. And you're out there with Volbeat and Day to Remember. Brett, we'll check in with you a little while.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, all right.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks, man.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Brett Besley doing what he does best. Well, not what you can tell.

[Brady]

The. The weather's better, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's happy today. He didn't like standing out there at 100 degrees. He is not. This is a lot For Brett, this is truly what charity looks like. He's. He's braving misery to do this. He doesn't like being in that weather at all. He makes no bones about it. But you know what? He does it. It's just standing that swampy weather. But he's. You know what he's. And when he comes back, he's super happy. Like, he's killing it. Like, people like meeting Brett, hanging out with him and bringing him stuff. And I think that envelope idea he had was a good one. So he has to do all the work. It's great. So awesome job by Brett. That's why we like Brett. You know, in about a week and a half, we'll be celebrating five years of Brett. That's hard to believe, too. Five years of Brett being on this. That zoom by.

[Brady]

Didn't it been two days?

[John Holmberg]

Is that what it feels like to you?

[Brady]

Yeah, it feels like two days, 48 hours. That's how quick it's gone.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say it's gone quick, but that seems extreme. Not gonna lie to you.

[Brady]

Maybe a little.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it seems. It seems a lot longer than two days. I don't think we've packed in 48 hours of Brett in five years, man. It goes awesome. It does go quick. It's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts. If you are looking to get like, Brett don't want to stand in the heat. You put some shade on that thing. The house that you have right now is probably missing shade somewhere. A patio you could be using more often. Something off the front of the house or the sides, maybe even one.

[Brady]

You don't have to deal with a base.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't deal with that stupid base that I'm dealing with. With the purple leaf umbrella I bought, you got the best options ever. Maybe even want to just kind of create a little space that you didn't know could be, you know, side of your house is getting no use. Put that up there. You can block your neighbor's view of your patio. All sorts of options, and they're all good. And the shade is incredible. Blocks up to 95% of the sun's UV rays with what they do and what the stuff they use, and it cuts down the dust and the wind and the temps drop up to 20 degrees. And we all love that. So get on board right now. I've heard from them, and evidently you guys have attacked all Pro Shade over the last few months, and it's a good idea they're great business. All pro. Shade.com. that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Lottery Day. Oh, and National Tattoo Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Google Trends did a map of the most searched tattoo designs in every state over the past 12 months. And it's pretty basic. Hearts, crosses, flowers and roses. I think they'd put the roses and the flowers, but it's different. I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe flowers in bunches and roses are independent. Yeah.

[Brady]

Their own category. Rosebuds names are number one in 13 states. We're not in that.

[John Holmberg]

Not necessarily.

[Brady]

Arizona, along with nine other states. Hearts are the number one.

[John Holmberg]

We like hearts the most, by the way. Channel 3's Ian Schwartz has just texted and he said F word. I get up at 3:30 in the morning. I must be a negative one. Yeah. Ian, it's not good if you're waking up that early and you're on tv, they're hiding you.

[Brady]

He makes up for it with all the happy hours he goes to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. That's fact. Ian's good with his hands, so he makes up for it in a big way.

[Brady]

The Internet has also ranked ranking of the worst tattoo Trends ever. Number one, super long quotes.

[John Holmberg]

Terribly stupid. Number two, tribal bands.

[Brady]

That was number. Well, you got. Number three is the barbed wire.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

Brand. But number two was bows on your calves or thighs.

[John Holmberg]

Bows like a. Oh, like ribbons.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I was thinking like a bow and no arrow. I'm like, why bows? As in presents like on your calf?

[Unknown]

Yeah, because they're supposed to be like, as part of, like, hosiery that has the little bows on the back. Like women have them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. But I didn't. Never see.

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't know if I.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I've never hung out with meth addict before, so I guess that would be.

[Unknown]

We have. We've done the super bowl party.

[John Holmberg]

Any normal? Yeah, But I didn't pay attention to their bodies that way.

[Brady]

Number four was manual DIY stick and poke tattoos. Were you doing it yourself?

[John Holmberg]

The. Is there any normal woman out there with bows tattooed to her legs? Like she's just making an announcement to unwrap her legs and spread them open. That's essentially like, unwrap this. There's a present inside.

[Unknown]

This isn't exactly the same thing I was talking about, but it's close.

[John Holmberg]

That's bows on thighs.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Unknown]

And then those are ribbons looking like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, most of them are. The poor bows are stacked in cellulite in all these pictures. Oh, God, this is disgusting. Don't untie that, she'll leak out.

[Unknown]

For every one of those you get.

[John Holmberg]

10 of the others. Hot one there and then. Yeah, the other ones are. The majority of them are unappealing.

[Brady]

Number five was Chinese characters.

[John Holmberg]

I told you. My friend drew a little action figure of a man. Got a cool Chinese character that was supposed to say courage or something on his stomach. And then a Chinese guy told him a couple years later that it was the logo in China for Coca Cola. The dude just carved him so he's got Coca Cola across his stomach.

[Brady]

Finally, tramp stamps.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter what it is.

[Brady]

I thought that would have been higher, but.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they were a big deal for a while. And now people who love tramp stamps are 50. It's tough. Saturday Night Live did that thing a long time ago. And 50 years from now, the word cherry bomb above your ass. It's not going to look as good as you thought back when you had a waist. Oof. Holmberg's morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98Upd Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. If you rolled 1000 dice, the odds of rolling exactly 500 even numbers and 500 odd numbers is only 2.5%.

[John Holmberg]

Seems about right.

[Unknown]

Thousand days.

[John Holmberg]

Chance is a. Chance is a very strange mathematical thing.

[Brady]

You might know this baseball fun fact.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

A pitcher named Mike Baxik senior pitched against Hank Aaron in the game where Aaron hit his record 755th home run. Backsick got him out. Another one of his teammates gave up the home run. Later in the game, 31 years later, his son Mike Bax Jr. Threw the pitch where Barry Bonds hit his record breaking 756th home run.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? I didn't know that at all either. How about that? Wow. I wish I could have called that game. But I didn't. Cause it was the Giants and we all know they're a bunch of. Anyway, welcome back all tasty 93.

[Brady]

3 the average dog creates 274 pounds of poop a year.

[John Holmberg]

Average dog is what, 40 pounds? If we're going averages. Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Well that's what I'm saying. If you're averaging between a Chihuahua at.

[Brady]

550 pound or 200 pound Mastiff, most.

[John Holmberg]

Of them are probably 40 or 50, 60 pounds. So probably get into that area and they create 270 pounds of poop a year.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what Brady does.

[Unknown]

Come on now.

[Brady]

You gotta.

[John Holmberg]

If a 50 pound dog drops 270 pounds of poop a year.

[Unknown]

What sound does it make, John?

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's a specific sound we don't like. Let's not play what's that sound? That's not what we're doing. That's a mustard bottle. Sorry. Stop it.

[Brady]

Coco set a record last night on the walk.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

She went four times.

[John Holmberg]

She had a four drop.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Did you bring four bags?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that was probably how many pounds do you think you've. And now the new you that says he holds it for hours, which I don't believe.

[Unknown]

The new you.

[John Holmberg]

That's a new Brady. I'm not talking about Coco anymore, buddy. We're on unit. The new you says you clamp it up and maybe go. Well, it's.

[Brady]

It's not necessarily clamping up. It's just going to once a day.

[John Holmberg]

Once you. Four times a day guy. At least.

[Unknown]

So let me ask you this. Do you think going from four times a day to once, is that better for you?

[John Holmberg]

Is it unexplained?

[Brady]

There's a little less volume of consumption so eating less.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

I do. I don't. I don't eat near as much.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Is it glps? Are you doing those? You find those made you more. No, they stop your digestion. Shut up.

[Unknown]

Really? I thought they made you just get rid of it.

[John Holmberg]

No, it sits in your belly longer, keeps you full.

[Brady]

I'm not doing a glp.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Unknown]

He was mad about.

[John Holmberg]

No, I just.

[Brady]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

Not against it. You do whatever you want.

[Brady]

But I have been taking the last month for my kidneys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. You're doing some different Sega.

[Unknown]

Which one of that. I've seen that.

[Brady]

Which is supposed to help the kidney function, but it also can help. They say one of the effects is also helps appetite.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a suppressant.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you're not eating as much so you don't poop as well.

[Brady]

And I. And. But I had been doing that for a little while.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. What is the pounds you think that your peak a day?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Say 10 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

10 years ago. What do you think when you're four at least four times a day and then once in the middle of the night for no reason.

[Brady]

What is the.

[John Holmberg]

What do you think? What do you think the weight of each volume. I think you were dropping 10 pounds a day.

[Brady]

Generally the afternoon one was the heaviest payload.

[Unknown]

Cuz he had two lunches.

[John Holmberg]

He would sometimes have. I got a second lunch.

[Brady]

Was mention second lunch the biggest meal of the day.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cuz it Was multiple times lunch never had an end date.

[Brady]

It was just the appetite was the highest. Right around lunch. You could tell the end of the show. You could feel angry, start getting hangry a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

So let's say you dropped 10 pounds of food.

[Brady]

Well, we have the. And that's what I was trying to remember. We. They also did the fun fact or I did it not too long ago about that human. The average human lays so much a year. I think it was. I thought it was like a thousand pounds or something in there. Well, maybe they did the lifetime.

[John Holmberg]

If you're doing four and each one's a pound and a half.

[Brady]

No. Yeah, each one would be. No, probably pound less than a pound each one.

[John Holmberg]

If dogs. Yeah, Yeah. I don't know.

[Unknown]

That seems light even for me. That seems like.

[Brady]

I. I can tell you I've weighed myself multiple times.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you don't. That has nothing to do with anything. You can't get on the scale before and after a poo.

[Brady]

Just out of curiosity.

[John Holmberg]

Like, man, that seems like no. 1460. Let's say two pounds.

[Unknown]

Two pounds a day.

[John Holmberg]

Two pounds a day.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That's 700 pounds a year.

[John Holmberg]

721 pounds on my math in the leap year. That's terrifying.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's what I was saying. Like people there. So they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

So think of it.

[Brady]

When we were going at what, how much volume?

[John Holmberg]

Well, if I didn't do it right.

[Unknown]

366 days in a leap year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 366 times 30. Well, if you did just go like two times equals times three pounds, we'll say a day.

[Unknown]

Okay. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're 2196 pounds.

[Brady]

What?

[Unknown]

21. Oh yeah. I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now if he's saying what he's saying if like if you want to buy his lies, there's five times two times one pound a day.

[Unknown]

And they call Cal Raleigh the big.

[John Holmberg]

There's only 7:30. But if you're right about that and you're only doing a pound of volume a day and you do that twice a day, 365 days a year.

[Unknown]

Because I guarantee the input is more.

[John Holmberg]

Than £700 every year you crap the same size of what we first met Ralphie May at.

[Brady]

Ralphie May at.

[John Holmberg]

Ralphie was £720 when we first met him. And at the end of the year, if you collected it all, you could build a poop statue of Ralphie accurate to weight. That's not funny, Hallberg.

[Brady]

That's disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

So I'd said I'd step.

[Brady]

Look, chocolate Ralphie.

[John Holmberg]

Chocolate Ralphie. Which doesn't sound so bad at all. £730 of chocolate Ralphie. Put that in my belly.

[Brady]

A new poll asked people, would you leave your partner for a million dollars?

[Unknown]

Yes. And she should too.

[John Holmberg]

Millions low.

[Unknown]

Yeah, millions.

[Brady]

43 of the people tax free. 43 of Americans said they would.

[John Holmberg]

Is it tax free? Well, that's what divorce is.

[Unknown]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

You figure out how much it costs to leave the person. The wives are figuring out how much they're going to get in retirement, and the guys are figuring out how much they're going to lose.

[Brady]

Same poll. 40 of Americans said they'd accept 33 million.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady]

Even if it meant financially ruining someone.

[John Holmberg]

Else to leave their spouse.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You give me $33 million. I.

[Brady]

And, and, and someone else. You're financially ruining someone totally unrelated. Someone. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I get 33 million and I can leave. That's fair.

[Brady]

You know, someone's going to be.

[Unknown]

But then angel gets burned his wings.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah. All right.

[John Holmberg]

I'll just cut that dude to check for 4 million and be like, sorry about that. I didn't want to leave you in the lurch.

[Brady]

46% said they'd consider it, depending on who gets destroyed in the process.

[John Holmberg]

33 million. I'll be your hitman.

[Brady]

46% would enter a real life version of Squid Game for a shot at 33 million. Despite the game's 99.8% death rate, there's.

[John Holmberg]

Only one winner and he's the only survivor. Would you do Squid Games for. No, you wouldn't. The. The amount of money that. Well, because in Squid Games they're always like 46 billion. Then I'm like, how much is that in American money?

[Unknown]

I thought a couple of them got paid to leave. I know. Not. Not dead.

[Brady]

You're given your choice.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Brady]

In the first one, I thought, well, they got.

[John Holmberg]

They have the option that the whole team can agree to keep going if you agree to keep going. Or you stop and they'll stop and split it if everybody agrees.

[Brady]

And even though 90 wanted to go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They knew that there'd be a couple greedy ones.

[Brady]

48 would embarrass themselves on live TV for a million bucks.

[John Holmberg]

I do it every day.

[Brady]

But 13 would do it just for 5,000. 4% would do it for 500.

[John Holmberg]

500.

[Unknown]

Ruin their spouse.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on.

[Brady]

Humiliate themselves on that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for $500?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, that's. You're dead broke. You're already humiliating yourself by saying you'll take $500 to be a booze hound. Dancing booze hound.

[Brady]

41% would give up sex entirely for $1 million.

[Unknown]

Dumb.

[John Holmberg]

That's women. We only ask women that.

[Brady]

Broads.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Man said. Yeah, that sounds great.

[Brady]

59% would give up technology and live off the grid for a million bucks.

[John Holmberg]

I. I'm. Yes, in a second. Oh, in a second.

[Brady]

15 would frame a friend for a crime they didn't commit for a million bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Wow.

[Unknown]

I would for a million.

[John Holmberg]

What's the crime?

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's what I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Petty theft. What are we getting a new petty. The murder?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

They don't go away forever. Do they? Murder million dollars. Well, murder you, but I'm just saying. What's the crime? Depends on the crime. The price would move with the crime. If I've got a frame Brady for murder, that's like seven or eight million dollars. A million dollars. I'll. I'll frame Brady for a robbery or grand theft auto or something.

[Brady]

21% would pass on a million if it meant they'd lose access to social media.

[John Holmberg]

You. That's insane.

[Brady]

Crazy.

[John Holmberg]

To me. It's just not that important to me at all.

[Brady]

How about this one? 54% would reject a million dollars if their parents controlled the money.

[John Holmberg]

H. Interesting.

[Brady]

Give you a million bucks, but your parents will control that money.

[John Holmberg]

You have to ask? No. No, I wouldn't. I don't think I'd do that either. Yeah, I don't think I want my mom and dad in charge. You have to ask permission for that money. Homework's morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that? 98 Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

The last one was 38%. Would pause the deal if accepting it meant their enemy would also profit.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, my enemy.

[Unknown]

If you're making Pratt richer, why is.

[John Holmberg]

He automatically my enemy? He's been vanquished.

[Unknown]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that I have an enemy right now. Well, I can say I don't. Yeah, I have enemy. I have enemy light. I don't have anybody that I can remove. Well, no, I'm just saying, like, if people are like, ah, I hope that person loses their job, you just don't care about them enough to like. Like, it's not like you don't want to see them, but you're not against them. If they move on and they have a decent life, you're fine. You just. It just don't like them. You. You're happy when you hear bad news about them, but you don't care if you hear bad news about it. The enemy is somebody you, like, actively want to hear bad news about and you celebrate it.

[Brady]

Every year. We get the list of the most popular baby names. It's pretty standard that the last 10 years, like Olivia, Liam, Emma, Noah, Hayden, Caden. All those. Yeah. Could this be added to the new.

[John Holmberg]

We have a new annoying, maybe a trend.

[Brady]

Yeah. A lady shared a text online where her older cousin told her she settled on a baby name for her girl. Vaseline. The woman sent back a photo of Vaseline and asked, like, this thing, but her mother said, I like that, but I wanna NIA on the end of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Vaselineia.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this didn't happen in Gilbert.

[Brady]

It doesn't say where it happened.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we all know where it happened. We're not allowed to say completely where it happened, but there was a lot of bass in the area. And somebody screamed World Star right after the lady sent the picture.

[Brady]

It was actually in the Hamptons.

[John Holmberg]

Was it really? No, it was on Fire Island. One of the gays named their kids Vaseline. Now that makes some sense. Why? Man.

[Brady]

Okay, we got a love triangle that went. Went the other way. It. There's trouble because this is in West Virginia. You got two women and a. And a man. Clarissa Moser, Maggie Denham, and Chaz Suarez.

[John Holmberg]

Chaz Suarez. Chucky Suarez living up in West Virginia. That's a long walk.

[Brady]

Chaz goes about 6:1. I got a mug shot of him.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Anyway, they all three hooked up at one time. And then the one girl says she's pregnant. That angered the other girl and Chaz as well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So they basically pinned her down and said, prove it by taking a pregnancy test. And she wouldn't. But the one girl was carrying pink Glock camouflage. Camouflaged Glock.

[John Holmberg]

It's like camouflage if it's red.

[Brady]

Brass knuckles.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

To enforce camouflage.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's pink camouflage.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's camouflage to nothing. I see. It's just that pattern. Yeah.

[Brady]

So then when the police showed up, the one girl says, yeah, I had the.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to scare the piss out of her, but I.

[Brady]

They're in my pocket the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

The other girl claimed she had. She yelled it up against take this pregnancy test.

[John Holmberg]

Right. P or else.

[Brady]

And Chaz was holding her down as well. The cops decided after everything said and done, we're gonna charge all three of you with murder with wanton endangerment of the baby.

[John Holmberg]

What's happening in West Virginia?

[Brady]

Well, here's a three. Here's here's Chaz.

[John Holmberg]

So who's holding the stick?

[Brady]

You guess.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You had to hold the stick down by the urethra.

[Brady]

Well, not. Not only stick, but who has the. The Glock in the brass?

[John Holmberg]

Which of the girls.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. Which one has. Which one's pregnant and which one has the Glock?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, he's gonna hand me the picture now. All right, number one is an unattractive, lumpy lady with very greasy hair, and number two is a relatively attractive Kristi. Gnome type. Yeah, sort of, I would say. Yeah. The pretty one's got the gun, and the fat ugly one's pregnant.

[Brady]

Other way around.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. And now I can put it all together. So the fat ugly one and also.

[Brady]

Charged with unlawful detention in conspiracy to commit a felony, and Chaz Suarez.

[John Holmberg]

They were in cahoots to pin down the hot girl and say, get rid of that pee on this thing.

[Brady]

Chaz was upset.

[John Holmberg]

Did they want the baby?

[Brady]

I'm thinking that Chaz is upset that he's. She's. She's. She's trying to cut one out of it by saying I'm pregnant.

[John Holmberg]

Why would that cut her out?

[Brady]

He's got responsibilities.

[John Holmberg]

Still banging the fat one.

[Brady]

I mean, again, I'm throwing that out there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to throw out that the hot pregnant one was saying, I'm not going to keep it. And Chaz and the fat one were.

[Unknown]

Like, chaz and the fat one's a great police.

[John Holmberg]

Chaz and the fat one is an awesome. This fall on Fox, Chaz and the fat one, mystery solved.

[Brady]

Interest out a band name, too, but.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, by the way, I just got an email that said Vaseline has a cousin named Ky Jellian. So, yeah, there's a lot. Kygelia is a really. Would it be Kia Jelly, Kygelia Jelly and Vaseline? Or Vaselinea, as my ex girlfriend used to call.

[Unknown]

Basiline.

[John Holmberg]

Well, baseline Vaseline, but she was also one that thought the word vineyard was vineyard and chaos was chaos. She had some phonetic errors.

[Unknown]

When I first moved here and saw Baseline, my first thought was Vaseline.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like Vaseline.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And why one is? Why isn't. Why isn't it Vaseline? Right.

[Brady]

Police in Boise, Idaho are looking for a serial butt slapper.

[John Holmberg]

All right?

[Brady]

He's been going around on a dirt bike smacking or grabbing women's butts, and he rides by. Several women have filed reports over the past month. All of the butt slaps occurred between June 18 and July 3. They described them as white Male and dark clothing, often wearing all black. He also wears gloves and a ski mask for safety. Cops think it's the either a skull mask from Call of Duty or a Venom mask from Spider man, but he.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of stopped after the third. He hasn't been at it since. Yeah, it's a little window of ass slap and opportunity. And he took advantage of it, and then he's. Now he's quit.

[Brady]

Gone.

[John Holmberg]

He might have gotten away with it. Perfect caper. I don't know anybody in the area who has a cruddy dirt bike. Hey, it's a big deal.

[Brady]

Oh, good. Saya. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. The Saya gang is back again for more water drops. This is beautiful.

[Brady]

By the way. A little hack. If you're not not wanting to go through the AI ordering at Taco Bell.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Brady]

Evidently, they've started doing AI ordering. And the drive through, how does that work? It detects your cars up front. Oh, can I take you Just tell.

[John Holmberg]

A robot and it rings it in for you. Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen that.

[Brady]

And this guy discovered that you can get a real person by ordering a thousand bottles of water.

[John Holmberg]

Because AI will be like, all right. It's like hitting zero on the operator. Yeah, 1,000 bottles of taco water, please. Okay, sure. Hold on just a second. Why are you doing this? This is a terrible order. I wish we'd have kept the Stephen Hawking voice for all of it. I don't need it to sound realistic. Welcome to Taco Bell. They will be helping you with your order. Bottles of water, please. No, no. I am actually a real human being. Oh, sorry.

[Unknown]

Where's my water?

[John Holmberg]

Damn. A real worker. In the window. Oh, I thought you were one of those AI guys. Because you sound. Anyway, did you still really want 1,000 bottles of water? No, just a chalupa, please.

[Brady]

Oh, two radio videos. This one's a construction fight. This is a real throwdown.

[John Holmberg]

A fight on site. A site fight. All right. In Malaysia, all the hard hats and sticks. Oh, they're going at it. Oh, one. And it's all that. Now everybody hates one employee. Oh, they just threw him to the floor and his head hit the ground.

[Brady]

All right, break it up.

[Unknown]

Dare you follow the safety rules?

[John Holmberg]

Honestly, this is how I feel at work here. At any given time, the whole place is going to start hitting you with sticks. Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

Still going. Look at. They're looking for implements.

[John Holmberg]

They left the dead guy. That first guy got thrown down on his head.

[Brady]

That slab hit he should have known better. He took his helmet off.

[John Holmberg]

That's his head hitting the ground. Wow. Did they say why this happened?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Amazing. Okay, next.

[Brady]

Is a guy that's gonna ride a donkey.

[John Holmberg]

This always sounds like a good idea. Is this Mexico?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, John, this looks heavy Mexico to me. I don't know. It could be.

[Unknown]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

There they go, riding a wild donkey out into a field. The donkey doesn't care about fences. The donkey dropped its head and ran square into effect. There was no turning. He kn. Donkey's all calm in the pen. He's sitting there like, all right, you want to ride me? Watch this.

[Brady]

The funniest thing is the guy gets up afterwards.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, of course. He doesn't even buck him. He just runs right into the donkey.

[Unknown]

Kind of turns to the side before.

[John Holmberg]

He knows, he knows. He had a plan. Oh, donkeys are so much smarter than we give him credit for. That's a great one. I like that. And because it's Thursday, Brett doesn't have any videos today, which is a nice little day off. And good since our. Our owners are here. We'll talk to Brett in just a little bit. He's out there at the Safeway on Broadway and rural. He's hanging out there for operation Hydration, helping out the Phoenix rescue mission. He's given out volbeat tickets. He's got himself data. Remember tickets, all sorts of stuff for you guys if you'd come by, drop an envelope of cash or even some water, go in there and get a case. Or just like these guys from SIA trucking that keep dropping off tons and tons of water back again, and we're getting closer and closer to our million bottles for the year, which is outstanding. Thank you all. We're not done yet. We're only halfway there. That's beautiful. There goes your Brady report. Holmberg's morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It's a beautiful thing. There you go. It's Lincoln stinking park right there. Crawling. Brett's out this morning, and we are not crawling. We are running. And I mean running through operation Hydration this year. We've been at it for a long time, and you guys have really jumped in. That SIA group just dropped off another giant truck of water here in our lobby. Our lobby is just packed full, which is so great. You love when you put something together, and you're like, maybe people will respond, maybe they won't. I think it's awesome. You guys jump on this, and that means that you, you're. You kind of agree with the stance that's taken. And it's also been proven over the past however many years We've done this 20 plus with the Phoenix rescue mission that they're a stand up operation. So it's even better to have good people in your corner. You guys have been great. Brett is doing his job out at Safeway this morning for Operation Hydration on Rural and Broadway. Brett, how's it going for you this morning?

[Brett Vesely]

It's going great, man. We got pretty much the truck, the bed full. I'm working on the cab next. We've been getting slammed out here. A lot of people rolling in. You know, hey, man, I don't got any cash on me or I don't got any. I don't got time to shop. So here's an envelope. Here's a hundred bucks. Here's, you know, here's 20 bucks. Here's 40 bucks. Everybody's just slamming some money. Of course, I gotta thank our buddies over at Paul Bunyan Firewood over in the old quad.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot about those guys.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, no, they're great. So, yeah, it's going great out here. So come on out here, you know, grab some water, donate. It's all for a good cause. I mean, a city this big, nobody should go thirsty, as you always say. And you know, again, if you don't have time, I'll go do the shopping for you.

[John Holmberg]

Not a problem.

[Brett Vesely]

And while you're out here, we'll sign you up for Volbeat tickets and I believe, a day to remember. And of course, we've got all the swag. So again, it is Broadway and Rural right here in front of Safeway. And we got to thank our friends over, obviously over at Safeway and Albertsons, Amco and of course, Lerner and Rowe.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful. Excellent job, Brett. Bring it back all full up, and then we'll start unloading this truck that's in our parking lot now and fill that lobby up some more as we. Our quest for a million bottles continues. Nice job, man. We'll talk to you in a bit.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks, man.

[John Holmberg]

See you. There you go. It's Brett Vestly out there this morning. Safeway, Broadway, and rural. For another 25 minutes or so, you can go hang out with Brett. Go get your ticket chances and drop off some cash or some water for the Phoenix rescue mission. Mike Vecchione's coming in. I wish Brett was here. You get Vecchion and Vestly in this alphabetically These guys are twins. Mike Vecchion is here. We're going to chat with him next. It's 98, KUPD. It's out of control now. 98, can you PD.