07-24-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 07-24-25 | Release Date: July 24, 2025 Host: John Holmberg | Co-hosts: Brady Bogan, Brett Fessley, Dale Hellestrae, Dick Toledo

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1. Introduction

The show kicks off at 5:45 AM, with John Holmberg welcoming listeners alongside Brady Bogan, Brett Fessley, and Dick Toledo. The hosts establish a lively and humorous atmosphere, setting the tone for a blend of entertainment, candid discussions, and comedic interactions.

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2. Real ID Struggles

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Brett Fessley's frustrations with obtaining a Real ID. Brett shares his tumultuous experiences at the DMV, expressing skepticism about the program's efficacy and motives.

• Brett Fessley [04:11]: "I'm getting there. And it's not in a car or a boat or a train, but I'm getting there. That Real ID thing's a scam."

The hosts debate the necessity and drawbacks of Real ID, touching upon issues like increased costs and bureaucratic hurdles.

• Brett Fessley [12:34]: "So the TSA agents down at Sky Harbor are... No kidding. I still kind of indignant about it."

John Holmberg offers a contrasting viewpoint, suggesting that obtaining a Real ID might be beneficial despite the challenges.

• John Holmberg [18:25]: "Or just get your passport updated."

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3. Operation Hydration Charity Drive

"Operation Hydration" emerges as a heartwarming segment where the hosts discuss their progress in collecting water bottles for those in need. The goal is to reach one million bottles, and the team is surprisingly close, having amassed 880,000 bottles by mid-show.

• Brett Fessley [40:10]: "We just jumped up to 880,000. We're blowing past our million bottle goal."

The team expresses gratitude towards donors and highlights upcoming efforts to reach the target, emphasizing community support and the impact of collective action.

• Brett Fessley [41:09]: "That's incredible. We're saying thanks to everyone who contributed."

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4. Celebrity News and Humorous Takes

The hosts delve into recent celebrity passings, including Hulk Hogan and Ozzy Osbourne, blending humor with genuine reactions.

• Brett Fessley [163:44]: "Pete's passing is hard to handle, but we can celebrate his legacy."

They humorously critique the eccentricities of these figures while acknowledging their contributions to entertainment.

• Brady Bogan [175:45]: "A badass loverboy from Metal Earth."

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5. Governor Katie Hobbs' Unexpected Visit

In a surprising twist, Governor Katie Hobbs joins the show, engaging in playful banter and addressing the Real ID topic with a comedic flair.

• Katie Hobbs [32:48]: "I want Brett to show me a real D... and get on. You get a free flight."

Her interactions add an unexpected layer of humor and spontaneity, with the hosts creatively responding to her antics.

• Brett Fessley [34:06]: "She's a great gal. Get on any flight you want."

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6. Comedic Banter and Light-Hearted Topics

The show's dynamic thrives on the playful ribbing among hosts, covering a range of topics from Mexican food to unusual medical trends like "bocox."

• Brett Fessley [68:33]: "Home injections of Vaseline into penises? Stop it."

This segment underscores the hosts' knack for turning mundane or bizarre subjects into comedic gold.

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7. Guest Appearance: Billy Gardell

Comedian Billy Gardell makes an appearance, bringing his unique humor to the show. The interaction is marked by light-hearted jokes, personal anecdotes, and mutual appreciation.

• Billy Gardell [117:12]: "I love that we got Metcalf because we need a big love..."

Their chemistry is evident as they joke about past experiences, upcoming events, and the absurdities of the entertainment industry.

• Brett Fessley [138:34]: "You're nuts. Billy Gardell is here. Desert Ridge Improv. Tomorrow, Saturday, my birthday."

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8. Conclusion

As the show wraps up, the hosts reiterate their gratitude towards donors for "Operation Hydration" and tease upcoming segments and events. The blend of heartfelt initiatives and humor encapsulates the essence of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, leaving listeners entertained and informed.

• Brett Fessley [189:58]: "Failing a Super Bowl isn't the end, but Operation Hydration is a milestone we're proud of."

The episode concludes with a playful farewell, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and community spirit.

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Notable Quotes:

• Brett Fessley [04:11]: "That Real ID thing's a scam."
• John Holmberg [18:25]: "Or just get your passport updated."
• Brett Fessley [40:10]: "We just jumped up to 880,000. We're blowing past our million bottle goal."
• Katie Hobbs [32:48]: "I want Brett to show me a real D... and get on. You get a free flight."
• Billy Gardell [117:12]: "I love that we got Metcalf because we need a big love..."

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to blend humor with real-world issues, fostering a unique connection with its Arizona audience. This episode, filled with candid discussions, charitable efforts, and unexpected guest appearances, exemplifies the show's commitment to entertaining and engaging its listeners.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to.

[Brett Fessley]

Let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastsiders the Tempe Improv has two very.

[Brady Bogan]

Funny guys and Mike Vecchione and comedian CP Downtown at Stand Up Live you've got the always entertaining John Dela Cruz, AKA Nurse John. And up north at Desert Ridge features comedy vet and friend of the show, Steve Byrne.

[Brett Fessley]

For the complete live and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com planning a summer getaway the App Store has everything you need to elevate your travels and outdoor experiences. Start with ChatGPT to plan the perfect itinerary, from destination recommendations to unique activities. Learn the local lingo with Duolingo and organize your trip with Tripsy your all in one travel planner for nature lovers. AllTrails is your personal guide to hikes and secret spots. Impress your friends with Night sky by identifying constellations and track every step of your adventure. With Strava. Turn your journey into a cinematic story with relief because that epic mountain view deserves a soundtrack. And for those long flights or spotty connections, don't worry. Download offline games like Farm Heroes, Saga, Wordscapes or Retro bowl before you go from planning to exploring. The App Store has apps and games to make your summer unforgettable. Download them today and let the adventures begin. Dinner time. It's where little moments are cherished. With Blue cash preferred. Get 6% cash back at US supermarkets and bring everyone together. I did say everyone. Learn [e-mail] Explore bcp terms and cashback Cap Apply with Blue Cash preferred. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? To you, P.T. good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. Good morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett Fessley. Five years and a day. Yes, there's Toledo back there far too long. And another day. Look at that breakf in his fifth year. I've got an email about that. As we mentioned it yesterday, you. You've influenced some guys. I don't know if I have. I don't know if I printed that one. You influenced some lady's husband and he.

[John Holmberg]

It'S got to be a good thing.

[Brett Fessley]

They listen together in the car And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, he said something to the effect of keep this up. You get five across the face. And she goes, all right. He goes, you never said that before. And she's like, where did you get that? He fessed up. He goes, I didn't. Morning guys say that. I'm like, no, they don't. The morning guys. Yes, they. No. One of the guys on the show says that. And I'll still call him the overnight guy, but the overnight guy says five across the face. I don't hit the ladies as a threat. I don't threaten to hit the ladies as a threat. I laugh when Brett does it. That's my role. That is my role. Yeah. And, yeah, I've got a story on my. I have to humbly step away and say, sometimes when you take a stand against oppression, when you. When you look at something and call it for what it is, you see the wrongdoings to society and you say, no more. I will be the leader of the movement against this terrible, terrible oppression. Sorry about that. I really that up because that whole Star ID thing, that's a real deal, man. They're very upset about that. I am struggling. I thought, you know, they make you pay and it is a scam still. I still stand against it, but if you want to fly, it is. It's really not. It's not.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You better get.

[Brett Fessley]

Just get the goddamn id. Just pay them. They're just paying. They're winning. I was. I was in that camp of like, if I'm loud enough, because I've had it. I've won. Doing this a couple of times. We got two or three times on this show. We had the Attorney General at one point. Terry Goddard. Was that his name? Yeah. Yeah, he was. Yeah. Terry sounded wrong for some reason, but he was. He heard my plight.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You're thinking of Steve Goddard.

[Brett Fessley]

Steve Goddard, awesome guy. Baldies. Nobody better than Steve Goddard. He's got to be 300 years old, and I hope he lives to be 500, because as a radio guy who hates most all other radio people, Steve Goddard, you go, Is as smooth today as he was when I was a kid and he was on kzdp. That dude is great. He's still alive, right? Just making sure. No, no. We're not just running old tapes to Steve, are we? I don't know. I. I don't remember. You never see him. He's never here. He just.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's AI.

[Brett Fessley]

Is it AI? Steve Goddard. It's still fantastic. It works. God. Afternoon, Steve. Got it Terry Goddard did not. Steve Goddard did afternoons at KZP when I was a kid and was just so, like, he's one of the re. He may not know this. He's one of the reasons I liked the idea of this business. He was just cool.

[John Holmberg]

He's been everywhere.

[Brett Fessley]

JD But Holmes was another one.

[John Holmberg]

That dude had the voice of God.

[Brett Fessley]

It was the greatest voice I've ever heard in my life. But he had that special voice. So you're like, if I don't get that, I can't be him. Because that dude, I don't know what he looked like in his prime. He had a massive drug and alcohol issue.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Both guys have travel IDs.

[Brett Fessley]

We'll get to that in a second. Freddie. Jesus. Focus in on how I'm not focused, please. But yeah, J. David Holmes would come on Mario PD instead of at home. Like, you can't.

[John Holmberg]

You just want to go gargle with glass.

[Brett Fessley]

Exactly. I can't compete. I can't a. I can't do that. Sustained. Eventually the real me is going to come out, so I know he's not faking it. Dude was awesome. Steve Goddard was amazing. Anyway, kudos to Steve. If, like oldies. Oldies like Herman's Hermits and crap like that. I think they play that over there. 92.7 is a Hubbard station. All the other. The other ones suck, but that one is really good. The other ones are awful. Terrible. Anyway, Terry got it years ago. I had my issue at the car wash where I took my car over to that Danny's car wash. Remember that? They were going to sue me because they. They rifled through my car. They used my boxing gloves on. And I look over and there's two people wearing my Cleto Reyes boxing gloves, which are not cheap, and they're punching a cement wall with them. I got a guy standing out there with a golf club and I go over to the. This is years ago. And I went over to the desk and I said, hey, what's going on over there? We'll have your car for you in a minute, sir. What's going on over there? It's been three hours and it had already been like an hour and a half. And they. And then my electronic. It was a Nissan Armada when those first came out, and it was an Electro of back gate. You hit a button to shut it. Yeah. I look out there and you got half of Guadalupe, Mexico, hanging off the back of it, trying to pull it down. None of them were tall enough. They're literally off the ground, laughing, hanging onto the Gate pulling down. And it's just. I'm like, hit the button. I'm like, hey, give me my keys back. I'm getting out. We're not done with your car. I'm like, give me my goddamn keys back. You're done, and I'm not paying for this. Sir, we have your keys. We'll get you your car when we're done. And I was helpless. I'm like, so my exact phrase was, do you listen, Ton? I learned something from this guy's like, no. And I said, do it tomorrow at 7:15, because sometimes you screw around with the bull that has horns. And I was furious. So I technically kind of made a threat that I would attack them on the air. And. And there's some law against that, evidently. I don't know. Well, the rule is that they can sue you for defamation if you say, hey, I'm going to use my. I'm going to use this platform against you tomorrow. And you won't have any chance to, you know, you get no chance to defend your. Just. And so. And then Brady said something about the owner having herpes. And that's true. And when we laughed and laughed, like, because. And I was saying, put your hands in my gloves. You don't know where my hands have been. And they said something about herpes. And we. And they sued us or tried to sue us.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then if someone had something on their hands.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And putting that glove on.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. We weren't that nice about it, but you're right. That's essentially the message. And then we were awful, but rightfully so. And then we got hundreds of emails from people that said, I've had things stolen from my car there. Turned right around and said, hey, this got stolen. They're like, what you. Guns, jewelry, insurance cards, money, you know, anything that was in your glove box. And there was a sign over up until that point that said, whatever's in your car, we're not responsible for it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Clear it out.

[Brett Fessley]

It was basically a license to steal. Say, if you leave anything in here, we're taking it and you can't do a thing about it. And then one time they had all the employees lined up and said, take this. So we make this big stink and had hundreds of emails. I get a letter from the attorney General's office thinks, send us those emails. Send every one of those and hundreds of them. Because the dude had the nervous system. It was huge. And we sent it over there and they changed that rule that there is no longer a thing that if you leave it in your car and it comes up missing. They are. If you can prove that you had it. I mean, you can't go in there and go, hey. But if you say, hey, there was a gun in here and that the employee, one of them has your gun, which they did have a couple of incidents where a guy went back and said, that kid washed my car. I want you to look through his pockets. And he pulled out his insurance card and like a weapon. And it was. They caught him. And so, I mean, it was bad. And that whole thing. There was a lot going on at that car wash at the time with immigration and. Yep. Rehiring of immigration, all that. And they're. They're called Jacksons now for a reason, I think. And then all on the up and up. But back then there was like. So Terry Goddard comes in, changes that rule. I'm still convinced the speed cameras going away were because of us. We wouldn't shut up about it. I know for a fact that in surprise, the recycling went from what they were doing to do it yourself. We're not. They finally admitted that. Everything I've been saying about that is we don't take that anywhere. There's a recycling thing. But we can't keep up. You guys don't do it right. It's just we're wasting everybody's time and money. So they stopped out there. I'm convinced I was right about that. This one, I still think I'm right. But I lost. I lost this. I'm three and one is what I'm looking at now. I didn't know I was in a fight before. The star ID a bad record, though. That is pretty good. You know what? You know, sometimes Paul Skins takes a loss now and again. You know, Nolan Ryan didn't win them all. Speaking of unfocused, I watched a thing the other day about Nolan Ryan. There was a game where he had 10 walks and 14 strikeouts. And remember, you know that the magic number in baseball to throw 100 pitches. And then right after that, you turn into a. Like a small farm animal or your arm falls off or. Yeah. You can't go over 100 pitches in this game. Nolan Ryan threw 261 pitches. It went extra innings. Andy threw again three days later. Oh, yeah. I don't know what happened to the human body in baseball compared to Nolan Ryan throwing gas for 200.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Do that, you're taking 15 days off.

[Brett Fessley]

You're gonna month.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Any pitcher that does that today, every ligament is Tommy John dies again. Like, you can't it won't even be a surgery. The real Tommy John feels it in his groin anyway, so I try to. I try to just skate through with no. With my real ID, right? No real ID not doing it. $30 money grab by the state who. I knew they'd pull something 20 years ago when they said, hey, your driver's license is good for 35 years. You never have to do anything about it. I'm like, that can't work. Like, I'm not gonn same in 35 years as I do today. Turns out I kind of do. It's being bald. You always look like you're 60. So I'm catching up to my actual. Anyway, I'm like, this real ID thing's a scam. Talked to a friend of mine who just skated through the airport without one the other day, and he's like, they give you a little reprimand and they go through your bags. He goes. And then they tell you better go get that ID got. Right. On a Southwest flight. He's like, we're. So the TSA agents down at sky harbor are. Thing got an email from a guy the other day that said, john, you have seriously got to reconsider your approach to the real id, especially if you're flying jsx. Why? I said, brent and I both had the opinion JSX gonna let you sail through. They don't care.

[John Holmberg]

You got a bomb? No. Okay, go ahead.

[Brett Fessley]

You know, I mean, no, opposite. They're stricter because they don't have TSA agents at Scottsdale Airport. The employees of the airport are the last line of security. So evidently. And I don't.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They're the bouncers.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't know. Yeah, they're the ones at the Velvet Rope. And they don't want to be, but they have to be in order to keep that thing flowing the way it flows. So they have a very, as far as I understand, a very fragile relationship with the tsa. It's a fine line of, don't screw up or we're coming in. Don't screw up or your pilots lose their ability to fly people around. Because we don't, you know, we're not going to back these flights. The government would. So as far as I get, TSA is basically saying, you're doing just fine, zero leeway. So guy emails me, says, you're flying on jsx, they will flat turn you away and give you a refund. I'm like, no kidding. I'm still kind of indignant about it. I'm like, I'm called jsx. I'm like, hey, got an emergency. This was two things that. Two mistakes Johnny made here called up, and I'm like, I've got an emergency. I've got to fly out Thursday night and gotta get to Vegas. I have a. There's a family member that I have to go, but I don't have a real id. Well, sir, you don't. If you don't have a real id, you cannot fly with us. And I'm like, I. I can't. I. I don't have time. I'm playing the. Playing the sad guy card, right? And she goes, I see here you booked this flight four weeks ago. Well, of course. I saw the writing on the wall. I mean, he wasn't looking too good. All right, you got me. She goes. She goes, we can give you a full refund. That's it. There are. We will not. We will not let you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No messing around.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, no. So go to the DMV with my birth certificate, which I. Good lord. Finding that. Who knew my birth cert. A bunch of, like, a bill with my address on it down there. And the girl takes me, and she goes. She goes, what, do you think we can just do this now? Like, I would hope that that would be nice. And, you know, $100 in my hand kind of slides through that little glass door. Like, maybe we could expedite the process a little bit. You got to get an upgrade in Vegas.

[John Holmberg]

Here you go.

[Brett Fessley]

And I wanted to say to her, I'm like, you know, like, your eyebrows. Let's just draw a star on here and make this look kind of like. It's not natural, but we can. Your face has drawings on it. Why can't you do it to my id? And so she basically was like, you're screwed. You're. You're not getting anywhere with this. You. We've been talking about this for eight years. Like, you have. She goes, yeah, we had a hard push last year, but eight years we've been doing this. I reissued my license in 2023. We had a box you could have checked. Like, why don't you just give it to me? Why are you giving away the dumb ones? Why. Why even make it an option to have the bad one? That is not my problem, sir. And you're driving to Las Vegas. Walk out with my burst of it and got to make an appointment. I'm like. I'm standing right in front of you. You got nothing to do. There was no one there. It's a dmv. That no one was at. I'm like, just. Can we just do it and start? Nope, you got to make an appointment. And I'm like, I'd like to make an appointment. We have an opening on Tuesday next. You have an opening right now.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And you need your birth certificate, which you have. I had a couple of beals.

[Brett Fessley]

I got everything. So she even said, I can do this, but I'm going to give you a temporary id. You can't travel with it. And she goes, and the second I give you that, your driver's license becomes null and void, so it won't run through the little strip. So I'm like, jesus, I'm getting killed on this real ID thing. This is no good at all. So it became a mad scramble. I've made arrangements I'm not gonna talk about until Monday. So I don't get anybody in trouble. Getting. I'm getting there. And it's not in a car or a boat or a train, but I'm getting there. That real ID thing's, folks, it's John Holmberg here for real id. You should do it. It's great. Don't. Don't be like me. I tried so hard to make this like an. I wanted. I was even at KTAR Wednesday or Tuesday to talk about Ozzy. Cause Bruce and Larry to come down, just talk about it for a minute. So I did. And I'm like, is the governor coming in by chance today, or is she calling? And he's like, no, no, she doesn't come in until, like, watch every month on Tuesday. I'm like, all right, calm down, Bruce. I just asked one question. All right? Let him run around. Somebody get him some feed. And so I was gonna ask Katie Hobbs, the real one, if I could. If I could have that thing try to end. He goes, well, that's a federal issue. That's not her. I'm like, she's got. Is Mark Kelly coming in? Who can I talk to at this dump?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Who's got the juice?

[Brett Fessley]

Who's got the juice in ktr? Make a phone call from. I hear you guys talking about McCain's and Kelly's and Hobbs's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, the other option you had, too, is the passport you get. You could have driven down to Tucson.

[Brett Fessley]

So Tucson is. I. I don't. My passport expired because I don't leave the country because I love America, God damn it. And so they're like, you could get a same day passport. Like, well, how do I do that? You got to go to the consulate. Okay, where's that, and I'm thinking the avenues. I'm nervous. I think she's gonna send me to the Avenue.

[John Holmberg]

59Th Avenue.

[Brett Fessley]

Camel. I'm just saying I got a consulate, so they're never in a good sp. That was worse than I imagined in Tucson. Like, What? Yeah, it's $1,000 for a same day passport. And maybe they can get it to you by tomorrow or the next day. That's not same day. That's a lie. And they give them a thousand bucks. I'm like, I gotta drive all the way to Tucson, find this dump, give them a thousand bucks, get my picture took and hope it's overnight and hope it works, and then hope that they get it done to get my passport at times.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Mm.

[Brett Fessley]

And I'm like, or I could just drive to Vegas. Vegas? Well, those are your options. I'm like, I hate this real ID nonsense. My idea is the same with or without the star.

[John Holmberg]

That's what they said in Germany back in the day.

[Brett Fessley]

That's exactly. And how do you feel? Hey, State of Arizona. How do you think Larry feels when they put a star on his identification? His people have had that before. Dropping stars on people as their. Their papers. Let's see your papers. Do you have the star? Yeah. Huh. All right. I'm still. I'm still not for this program, but God damn it, you've got to get that id. It's just a nightmare. Jump through that hoop.

[John Holmberg]

Or just get your passport updated.

[Brett Fessley]

There's that. I mean, yeah, that's true.

[John Holmberg]

Then you can still fight the good fight. No star for you.

[Brett Fessley]

You know what? God damn it. Brett's right. I'm not getting that stupid idea. I don't want to upgrade my passport. Not doing that same day, thousand dollar nonsense. No. But yeah, I looked at my passport and the lady goes, well, how far has her. How many years has your passport expired? And I'm like, 2011, I think. Are we close? Are we still in? She goes, you'd let it go for 15 years? I'm like, where have I gone? You don't know me. I didn't go anywhere. Not even Mexico. Like, we've got Maryvale. Why would I drive all the way to Mexico? We've got tons of it around here. We've been to New Mexico. And if that's the new version, I don't want to see the old one. Good Lord. If that's the upgrade, welcome to New Mexico. Yuck. What's wrong with old Mexico? That this is the upgrade. No wonder they bombed it. We bombed our Own country. And we started New Mexico. And it made sense anyway. Real ID do it. Don't listen to me about that thing. I was telling Brady and Dale. I'm sailing, though. You two. You gotta listen to the government, Johnny. No, I don't, Dale. Government's always full of crap. They're liars. They're just after your money.

[Brady Bogan]

How are you gonna fly, Johnny?

[Brett Fessley]

I'll fly D. You'll watch me walk right through. And I would have if I was willing to fly with poor people over there on those airlines at Sky Harbor. I'm not doing that. JSX ruined me.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Spirit.

[Brett Fessley]

So I called. I called the former CEO of setjet, Tom Smith. Remember, he was the one that flew us up to Vegas for our anniversary a few years ago. And I said, you may or may not remember me. I dressed as Evel Knievel and did a video on your plane. And shortly thereafter, your company went out of business. I'm sorry. And he goes, of course I remember you. And you didn't have anything to do with that. And I'm like, feel a little bit responsible because once I started talking about it, you guys shut up shop. And I called him and I said, how do I get like, how do I get out of here? You still got that plane. I'll pay you. He goes, let me talk to him. So give me a lady who does chartered flights, right? And I'm like, they're not going to need a real ID well, it's even more strict because the pilot that flies you is now under TSA rule, and he's the last line of defense, and he will lose his ability to take people around the country if you. If you don't. If it's through a charter, like, basically, I have to buy my own plane. That's what I have to do. So. But then. And then the charter to Vegas, here's. That'll be $12,000. I'm like, Jesus, that's a little heavy. Six grand each way. And she goes, oh, you wanted round trip? Yeah, I'm gonna need. Go both ways there. She goes, okay, that's 12 each way.

[Dale Hellestrae]

One way, I'm gonna u haul back.

[Brett Fessley]

$24,000 for me to fly to Vegas and back. And then the girl in the line goes, that does seem a little heavy, doesn't it? And I'm like, it's crazy. She goes, how many people are going? I'm like, what? All the rest of my friends have the id oh, you don't have a real id? No, we can't help you. God damn it. I would love somebody from the government to tell me what it does. And then another thing. If you don't have a passport, the only other IDs that they accept are all from people who snuck in. You have some i5515 immigration pipeline, like all these immigrant paperworks that come in.

[Dale Hellestrae]

She's listing off once. Unless you have this.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm like, yeah, I don't. Who has that? I'm an American citizen. Listen, like I just have this and my birth certificate.

[John Holmberg]

Could have got you one of those. Just go down to Desert Sky Mall there. Right by the. The shed. You know Maryville?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Go to Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

20 bucks.

[Brett Fessley]

20 bucks they'll print you ins. Mr. Holmberg, how long have you lived here? Oh no. No English. Where are you from? Stockholm. Sweden. Sweden. But it was a very long swim. Cold. Real.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How does it work for like your one friend that says I'm no longer a citizen?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Can they fly?

[Brett Fessley]

Great question. Yeah. The sovereign citizen. Yeah. I have no idea if they're. Because their IDs. The only thing he does for his ID is writes the commercial code number next to his signature which then clears him. Gives him the right to question all. All of the. Again. He taught me this. When you go get your driver's license, you're just excited to get it. They give you a giant piece of paper to sign and there's like a. It's the Apple itunes agreement and it's all these.

[John Holmberg]

Just skip to the bottom and just.

[Brett Fessley]

And you sign it. And then they take that signature and they plop it onto your license and give it to you. But what you just signed is basically like. You're right to like the. We're allowed to kind of post a sign anywhere we want. You don't have a say in this. Lawful or illegal are defined differently. And gets weird.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They skirt all of that by just distracting with you. Are you going to donate your organs?

[Brett Fessley]

You want your organs? Yeah. That's a tough one for me. Every time. Like I do want to help, but I sure do like having my organs. Sorry, just staying in. I'm sorry. Not. It's not for me to give you my stuff like that. I do have the organs of a teen boy too. They keep telling me that every time I get a blood test or those ultrasounds and stuff. Your organs are amazing. Like a teen boy. Great. My skeleton's like a 9,000 year old man. So it's a battle to see which one gives up. Cuz it's not good. Anyway, get your travel id. Don't be like me. I lost the fight. I put up a fight for you folks. I tried. I tried to be loud about it. I tried to make it silly, and I tried to make it so where everybody recognized how dumb it was. And then it was just a. A $30 tariff on you because they blew it with the idea. And then this is a real quick. Think about it. Everybody in America that wants to travel has to get this. That's 30 bucks ahead. If I could get, you know, 280 million of the 350 million people that live here to throw 30 bucks into a hole, it's a pretty nice day. Good revenue, and all you had to do is just kind of go, you know, go get a new ID. It costs us 2 cents to make one of these things. We're gonna. 30 bucks on each of you. That's garbage. And make you jump through hoops. It's terrible. Prior to that, they were so concerned about your id, you could renew it online. You're just going, I lost my id. I need a new one. Click, click, click. Got an id. It shows up at your house in two seconds. No. No paper. One work, no nothing. Now it's like, ah, security. This security. It's not for security. There's nothing to do with anything. It's for immigration. It is. No, it's not. And they say that it's for immigration because that's the current thought. If they've been at this for eight years, fighting whether or not they should have legal immigration, open borders, all this stuff, they never cared about that. It was always about money, Period. End of story. And you know what? They won. I'm screwed.

[John Holmberg]

Throwing up the white flag, huh?

[Brett Fessley]

Tip the cap sometimes. Sometimes the. Sometimes the pitcher puts one by you, and you're like, man, I had big, bad. I had an eyeball on you. I thought I had you figured. And three and one's still good. Thanks, Brad.

[John Holmberg]

Not a bad record.

[Brett Fessley]

Appreciate that, buddy. I appreciate that. Appreciate support. I'm sitting on the bench a little down. I felt pretty good about it, but this three in one thing sucks.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

28.

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Go get him, kid.

[Brett Fessley]

God damn it. Brett's giving me some hope for the next one. What am I mad at? That I can fight back in there? You know what I'm still hoping for, though? My three in one gets review. And later on down the line, they basically say, that homework guy was right. If you don't and, you know, they kind of give back A little bit on some, but I don't think this is. This is it. Everybody keeps emailing me about the third party dmv. That's where I went. I get it. The third party DMVs will get you fast. That real ID, they have to go through a process. You can't have it the same day. Can't be done. You can get temp. You can't get the picture. One, evidently. That's what I was thinking. I tried right there, anyway. Yeah, Brett, Maybe they'll call. Maybe the government be like, john was right. We really screwed people on this deal. Maybe we'll get a governor in there eventually and not this Katie Hobbs who comes out and goes, something has to be done about this. We. You, you, every one of you citizens just got robbed and I'm going to give you 30 bucks back. @ the very least, you can travel with whatever ID you've got. We're letting America. God damn it. We're letting American citizens struggle to get from A to B. Be. And meanwhile, we've been letting people cross that border like nobody's business over I don't know how many months and years. This is garbage. I'm an American, damn it. I should be able to go where I want.

[John Holmberg]

To get Trump on this.

[Brett Fessley]

Yes. Yes. That's what we need. Trump. That's what I want.

[John Holmberg]

He got sugar back in Coke.

[Brett Fessley]

He could do this. Sugar back in Coke.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Not yet. It's gonna happen.

[Brett Fessley]

Shut up. Brady's sugar back in Coke. He's fighting the real idea. I mean, if you don't have a turban, why. Why do I even care? Literally, your last name is Gutierrez. That's as good as not having a star. I'm going to look into that. Holmberg. Come on, guys. Not doing it. The rug. He's not getting the plane. He's not. Britney's not going to bomb a plane. He's not that guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's a good guy.

[Brett Fessley]

He's a good guy. I like him. I like him. People talk about embalming planes. I say no. A lot of people say, he's probably going to bomb a plane. He doesn't know. He. He's not. You're not even allowed to say those words. Don't do it. Get a star on your idea and you won't do it. You'll have that turban. Goddamn America. That's what I say. America. They're making it tough on me.

[John Holmberg]

An American, for God's sake.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right. I'm gonna spend $30 to prove I'm more American. So Larry can have a star on his id. We've seen this movie, it's called Schindler's List, and we hated it. We liked the movie. We hated what they were doing in it. I'm trying. I'm trying, folks. Bro, I lost this one. The real idea is it's very. They're very strict and they're kind of rude, but maybe a governor will come on and say that maybe something like that could happen.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That is amazing, though.

[Brett Fessley]

Eight years. They said eight years. Nobody knew about that for eight years. And my ID, what's the issue date on your ID? I said 2023. I just got a new one.

[Katie Hobbs]

Well, he didn't check the box for the new id.

[Brett Fessley]

When I got the new id, I figured that would be the only option. Why are you giving out old IDs? Why? Because it's like $17 for the old ones, 30 for the new one. So basically, I'm in at $47 for one that's expiring and it's terrible. Don't I get grandfathered in for your first stupid rule if my license won't expire till 2037. You're the one who put those parameters. I'm not going to get enough. Oh, you start me again. You start me again. Here we go again. American, goddammit. I followed the rules and I got burned. All right, I'll buy your id, but you have to do something for me. You have to suck my Mr. Seriously, I'm an American and that's the only way I'm doing it anyway. What are you gonna do? I have no. I have no answers. I tried. I gave it my all. And then you see people with real IDs getting arrested for having sex on a JetBlue plane a couple of days ago in front of kids. A little star on their ID didn't stop him from boning on a JetBlue.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Mommy, why is her head bobbing on his lap?

[Katie Hobbs]

They're watching a TV show. The technology is very amazing here. They have little screens and, oh my.

[Brett Fessley]

God, they're having sex. You start boning on a plane. I can't get on because I don't have a star. I don't have the Jewish star, the terrible one. You got a tattoo. My arm. My id, my flight number on my arm. Arm. You sons of.

[John Holmberg]

They'll learn eventually.

[Brett Fessley]

But two people on a JetBlue start boning. JetBlue is the one who invented the technology of TVs in the screen and the seat in Front of you and DirecTV at that. I know they gold, baby. You got multiple channels. Way back in like 2000, they came up with this. JetBlue is the future.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's a picture.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, we got a picture of the two bank.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Not bad.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Heard the complaint and he walks down there and checks it out. Sure enough, head's bobbing.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, she blowing him or she bent? Oh, that was. She was just a sex act. Oh. So she was under first and then.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You know, they were adjusting.

[Brett Fessley]

How did no one say candy and oral. Oral.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Start out, dude had it out jerkin.

[Brett Fessley]

She's a keeper. She's a great gal.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Another honeymoon.

[Brett Fessley]

What are the real Americans right there. I'd give her a travel id. She's great. Get on any flight you want. Fly for free. I, I, yeah, I didn't know that it was. He had it out. He had to for oral. You can't do that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, but she's blocking it with her head.

[Brett Fessley]

She's got a lot, but it's kind of obvious. Yeah, something's going to get a little exposed. You gotta edge the ending for a little while. The whole thing's been out for. If you can't keep it in there the whole time, it'll start to prune.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Row 25 too. Pretty deep back.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but still, still I don't think it's the.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not the backpack.

[Dale Hellestrae]

30.

[Brett Fessley]

30 plus would be like we're pretty. What? Depends. It's like if it's the JetBlue 7. Yeah. Probably about 35, 40.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, that one's Sarasota to.

[Brett Fessley]

Maybe it was one of their baby jet blues. But still. 25th row.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like it was the, you know, express.

[Brett Fessley]

They said it was in front of children too, which means of course it was. It's a Jet Blue. They have deals. They make deals to where your kids fly cheaper. Don't fly that air. If they make it easier for kids to get on. I, I avoid it. Yeah. So you got that their real id. Didn't you know? It's not stopping a thing. Planes are this thing. Can't stand it anyway. What are you gonna do? I can't. I can't save the world. Although I've tried. It seems like nobody's listening. Oh, no. Jesus. Katie Hoff summoned her.

[Katie Hobbs]

Oh, my God. Hi, you guys.

[Brett Fessley]

Hi, Brad. Hey, Katie. How are you?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hey, Katie.

[Brett Fessley]

Hi.

[Katie Hobbs]

I'm Governor Katie Hobbs of Arizona and I, I wanted to, I wanted to talk about some issues.

[Brett Fessley]

What do you want to talk about?

[Katie Hobbs]

Hi, Brett.

[Brett Fessley]

Hi.

[Katie Hobbs]

I want Brett. Have you ever been in the Mile High Club?

[Brett Fessley]

No, I haven't.

[Katie Hobbs]

I have a plane.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah?

[Katie Hobbs]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

All right.

[Katie Hobbs]

If you want to go up to Las Vegas.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have my star id.

[Katie Hobbs]

One friend. That's okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Can we all go?

[Katie Hobbs]

I'm. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It only seats Brett. And you can take one guest, but it can't be an invalid that lives with you that your mother can't go. I saw pictures again. I want to call and say. Or come in and tell you guys about the real id.

[Brett Fessley]

What's happening?

[Katie Hobbs]

That in certain cases, I get to take the picture. And it's from the waist down, so that's the only way we can identify.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, yeah.

[Katie Hobbs]

People. So, Brad, I'll start with you alphabetically. Be serving bread. Oh, it's you. Your first time. Take a photo of that. You can just send me one. Send me a couple of pictures and I'll. I'll pick the best one, and then you can send a picture if you have a Gorlok living at home with you. That's that dog from last week, right? Gorlok. Is that cute?

[Brett Fessley]

Cute?

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Katie Hobbs]

I saw Fred adopted Gorlok and taught it to walk on two feet in less than a week. Did you change its name, though? Cause it said me and my thighs. My thick, thick thighs.

[Brett Fessley]

Thick.

[Katie Hobbs]

Thia. Diarrhea. I forgot her name. What's her name? Diarrhea. What's the methy. Mathiarhea. Mathiarhea, sorry. Say, I saw that you adopted that dog and you. She shaved it and you let her walk on two feet. And it got a job and everything.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Dog's an earner.

[Katie Hobbs]

Shut up, dad. Talking back. I was here for the real id.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gonna take care of John?

[Katie Hobbs]

Are you going? Sure, I'll go with. Yeah, we can put him in the luggage. Also, I wanted to start my new program called the Real D, where I get to like. You can show me a real D. Oh, yeah. And get on. You get a free flight.

[Brett Fessley]

You don't need to start, huh?

[Katie Hobbs]

I'll just. That's. I'm just dealing with issues.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'll do that.

[Katie Hobbs]

Can't imagine how horrible I just pictured that. Brady makes me want to just stop air Travel like it's the 12th of September. I want you. Do planes even fly with you in them or you just drive the whole way with wings?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I sit on one side.

[Brett Fessley]

Huh.

[Katie Hobbs]

He is such. Hi, Brad.

[Brady Bogan]

Hi.

[Katie Hobbs]

Wanna go in the hallway and.

[Brett Fessley]

Sure.

[Katie Hobbs]

Is your dog here or do you just leave it in its cage at.

[Brett Fessley]

Home where it belongs.

[Dale Hellestrae]

My dog takes the real governor.

[Katie Hobbs]

It's no wonder your wife tries to drown herself to bowl sounds. I do the same thing. All right, I gotta go.

[Brett Fessley]

Bye, Brett. Bye, Katie.

[Katie Hobbs]

Give your dog a kick in the butt for me.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Good to see you.

[Brett Fessley]

She just. She's very angry about Messiah. I don't think we got anywhere with Katie in the real idea. I'm pretty sure she just wants to see your dick.

[Dale Hellestrae]

She's throwing a star on your license right there.

[Brett Fessley]

She could have a gold starred. My license?

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

What are you gonna do? Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585 9, 800. As my battle has been fought and lost But I fought the good fight.

[John Holmberg]

Should we play Taps a little bit later maybe?

[Brett Fessley]

For my old idea, we're gonna have to play some taps. Give us that wake up song. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[Brady Bogan]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brett Fessley]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? To heal. To heal, pd. I just made myself laugh. So stupid. I just cartooned myself into my. I'm sorry. Just give me a second, guys. I had a really funny moment with me a second ago. Brett's gonna go out for the operation hydration just now. And you're going to Signal Butte and baseline. That's a haul. We'll get you out there. But before you go, yesterday we had a function with the Arizona Diamondbacks. And thanks to the hospitality and the crew up there at the Diamondback Suite. And Susan Hitler, our sales manager, amazing job putting that all together. Even Moynihan, who we tease him a lot. And he. He goes, john, come in my office. Like, what is it? And he goes, my brother in law, listen to you guys talking about Susan with the Hitler posters. I'm like, right? Yeah. Because that happened. And then he goes, my brother in law said they were. You were beating me up pretty good. I listened. I thought it was funny. I'm like, yeah. And he goes. But then my brother in law's like, do they even like you? And I'm like, of course we do, Steve. I said, you take the beating because you'll forever be known as the guy who was asked to be the before in a video. And you said, yes. That's what they think of you. So I'm the one standing up for you. I'm not. When they said we need a before picture for the very handsome Dustin, for this video, we're doing Moynihan. You do it. Okay. And all I said was do that to the women. Hey, we've got a hot broad popping out of the car. Gardener, you're hired. We need a pig or a gross woman to be the before to when she morphs into this beautiful blonde lady. Any volunteers? They pointed right at Steve when they did it with men. You're good. Get your schlub ass in that car. You're the before. So I give him. I give him. He was great. Yesterday. All the client, Doug Hopkins was up there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Scott the bot rolled in. Of course, the first bathrooms are right over there.

[Brett Fessley]

I know. Wreck the can.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They said the same thing last year.

[Brett Fessley]

We had Scott show and try to defend his photo of being Hitler because he's the model for the Hitler posters that are downstairs. And I call them Hitler posters, and they deny that's what it is. But everyone. I'm like, just peripherally. Look at the thing he's about to show you. And not one person reacted differently. Everyone went, oh, man, no, you can't have that. Every single person. Like, oh, yeah, that's Hitler. It is not. I'm pointing like. Nobody points like that. Anyway, a great thing yesterday. We had a ton of clients up there, a ton of sales people. We had a good time, a lot of fun. And one of the people that were there was Jason from the Phoenix Rescue Mission, and that is the beneficiary of our Operation Hydration. Our goal this year is a million bottles. Last week, week and a week and a half ago, we were told we are already at 500,000. So we got super excited that halfway through. We're halfway there. This is right on target. Jason said, I got an announcement for you, buddy. Yesterday. I'm like, what do we do? Yeah, what do we you doing? And he goes, yeah. He said, we. We had 500,000 bottles of water. That was confirmed. I'm like, that's amazing. And he goes, there's a new number now. And I'm like, really? And he goes, we had a couple of people step up. One wants to remain anonymous. They just joined in. But it's a big. It's a big organization. And they're like, we're going to help you guys out. So for the last few weeks, this organization has dropped off a check. And so he said, with those checks, because of KUPD and this net, that we are now at 880,000 bottles of water.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[Brett Fessley]

We just jumped up 300,000. And I'm like, 880 and he said, yeah. I'm like, we can quit. Like Brett. I'm saying we can skate. And he started laughing. I'm like, seriously, let's throttle back here. This is done. And he goes, no, we're gonna keep going. We're gonna blow that million out of the way. Like, look, we're breathing heavy. Getting to a million. This is awesome news. So a couple of people have stepped up, dropped off. Not only that, just raw donations from kupd. All those. Every time Sayad comes by and drops up. All these companies have been helping us out. Every time you go out to Brett's van, just know that each bottle has already been counted. The money part has been added in later. So everything CUPD's got. We're probably close to 6, 650 from just this, this, and then the donations that are coming in from the side. And this big money guy that just dropped off checks a couple times. He said, we bought water with those. I don't know what that. That's got to be, like, $10,000 donations each time. I don't know how you get 250,000 bottles of water.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I think a pallet at Costco is, like, 430 bucks.

[Brett Fessley]

So, I mean, that's a lot of.

[John Holmberg]

People out of jack.

[Brett Fessley]

You drop a check for five grand if that's what they're doing. Yeah, you're getting. I mean, we've loaded up. So since they counted and gave me the number, which was probably hit about a month ago, and said 500, since then, they've been able to purchase nearly a quarter of that, and we're now at 880.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's amazing.

[Brett Fessley]

That's incredible.

[John Holmberg]

Let's hit it today. So let's go out next week.

[Brett Fessley]

Let's see if we can get 120,000 bottles, and then Brett can take August off. No, we're going way past it. It's all gravy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that means that those numbers. We get hit again next year and even more.

[Brett Fessley]

I know. No, we'll be doing well. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's it. We hit this number, and we're like, guys, we're out. Make it last. Then we have to start something where we just solve this problem where the people that need the water get. You know, we just give them a hose. Listen, everybody gets a hose. You just walk around with a little mini hose and tie it to a bunch of. And you're allowed to do it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So we'll have you end it with a new song. You'll Never drink alone like Jerry Lewis.

[Brett Fessley]

You'll never drink. Have a good one, folks. Bye.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Bye.

[Brett Fessley]

We're here at the telethon. Would love to help out. Brett's done a great job out there at the van, hasn't he? He's so close to Tripp, it's painful.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What about his cousin?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, his cousin. The. Oh, that's why I got removed from the telephone. I said the homo f. Anyway, good job, Brad. Thank you. He's heading out this morning. All right, I'm out to a Safeway or Albertsons. I'm not sure which Safeway. Albertsons is a huge helper in this. They've been amazing. Amazing. So one of them. Safeway Albert. So we don't go out that direction. Safeway Albertsons has. Is that right? Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

100.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's Safeway today.

[Brett Fessley]

Let's take a look. It's a Safeway. Brett wins. It's a Safeway. So it's a Safeway out there at signal button. Based on Hilgard out there in a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

I have CDs to give away too.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, people love those.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Pretty good ones.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. He also has feather pens and Betamax tape. I'm ready to roll. Yep. I believe he has an iron lung and some stuff for folks with polio. Got the vaccine out there, if you're interested.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's got the best of five finger death punch.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. This is the weirdest email I got. Three strange, super strange emails I'll get to. This one was strange because I don't know what it is says, and I'm kind of in on this, so. Say holmberg, my special day and your special day are the same. Oh, he's talking about my birthday, Brady, which is coming up July 26th on Saturday. My special day and your special day are the same birthday besties. This guy said from Dick from fish. No, he is. It's his birthday too. Right? So we should exchange pictures of each other's dicks to see who gets full ownership of the day. Terry.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Wow.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm kind of in on this. All right, Terry. Deal. But it has to be taken by Brady, so we know you're not just ripping one off the Internet.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Send yours to D. No.

[Brett Fessley]

No. Oh, yeah. If you want to. If you have a July 26th birthday and you want to show me your dick, D. Toledo98kupd.com I'd love to see it. Please. God. Even if Your birthday's not July 26, send Toledo Dick pics. Loads of them.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Added to.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just subject Toledo's dick gallery.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, Toledo's requested dick gallery. And let the let the HR people up there try to figure out what's going on in his work email. I got this email too. It says and I'm in on that. If you, I mean guy with the biggest. I'm not going to win the July 26th dick off. I'll just like normal in my life. I'd be somewhere in the middle.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Congratulations, you win.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I mean if I have the biggest July 26th dick. That's sad. I'm in the middle somewhere. If I was in the percentile, if I was guessing, it'd be like the high 50s, low 60s. There's plenty of guys with bigger ones and most guys normal like me. And then the rest are sad and pathetic and why they're alive, I don't know. This one says Holmberg, you magnificent son of a bitch. I'm taking a class at a college of note here in southern California. I'm 38 years old and I'm starting life over. I moved back home with my parents after being in Phoenix for 26 years. All those years I spent listening to you morons all the way through high school up to today. I was never a fan of Eric. Back when he was on he was fun to do. Like every friend group has an obnoxious, loud drunk. So we related. Then he left the show and I thought that's going to be tough to fix that with you and Brady and the stone man. Enter Brett fastly and he is why I'm writing. You said today it was yesterday. He said it was his five year anniversary of having Brett on the show. And in my class at school we have had it revealed to us how to have successful personality marketing traits of the show. I now know you are a manufactured show and none of it's real. The first character you must have is a strong opinionated person, unafraid to speak his mind. Must be charming in quotes. The devil with a twinkle in his eye, that's you. The underdog, the weak one with a heart of gold that's easy to root for. That's Brady, the dangerous outsider. Character traits that are that they are proud of, but they are not traits to be proud of. He represents something in all of us, no matter if we like it or not. Some will, some will not. The other one is the safety character. Usually a balancing force of innocuous thought and emotion. A blank man, so to speak. He said, john, you have created each of these characters in a lab somewhere and called it Holmberg's morning sickness. It's not a question. Question. Which one of you represents each category? There are fifth and sixth options as well. The heroine and the hero. Doesn't seem to apply since the show has no girl except Brady. And no real need for a hero. You guys should be studied for the ages. Each of you are what marketing wizards are trying to mold and sell. Nothing in Los Angeles Radio is close. There are all attempts to be one of these characters, and it's all fake. You guys seem like you've actually figured it out. And this speaks to the pure judge genius of John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Brett Vestley. Close. And the Toledo man.

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

Thanks for everything, Ryan with an eye. Well, thank you, Ryan. And I didn't know that, but, boy, that kind of makes me feel bad that a textbook somewhere in a college in California says, here's four things for a show that works here. You characters put them together, and everybody can relate. We didn't do this through some textbook. We don't know what we're doing. Maybe they studied us, Brady. Maybe they looked at us and said, that's it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's gotta be this.

[Brett Fessley]

Got a loud jackass, kind of winks and nods at you when he says crazy stuff. He got kind of a lovable. A fun, lovable underdog that takes a little bit of a punch now and again and smiles and walks right through it. The quote, as I like to call it, that'll happen, guy. Did you just see that? That's horrible. Nap. That'll happen. That ain't gonna hurt you. That's Brady's phrase. That pays on the golf course. That ain't gonna hurt you. Worst shot I've ever hit in my life. Don't worry about it. That ain't gonna hurt you. You're right. It won't. You got Toledo, who just represents stale but stale necessity. A stale necessity city. And then Brett, guy that seems proud of things you shouldn't be proud of. It's like, wait a minute, What? But all of us have that inside of us. How about that? We're. We've been studied, Brady, and put into a textbook.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I can see how if, you know, you're taught this. This is a formula kind of thing. And in the radio biz, you know, they try to. Now they try to fit people in that formula.

[Brett Fessley]

Yep, yep.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And you got your consultants and.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, a consultant. Years ago, when I was at the Zone and I did that show with Stephanie Duran and we were doing. Well, I was new. I. Look, I still don't know what I'm doing. But back then, I really didn't know what I was doing. I just knew that being the jackass in school had gotten me to this part. So just keep doing that. Figure it out. And the consultant, because suddenly the station wanted to aim for a female audience. But they really.

[Katie Hobbs]

We really like what you're doing.

[Brett Fessley]

And I've told you this before, they sat down and they said, can you give Stephanie more of the funny lines? Like, you think we script this for every. Do other shows do that? Oh, a lot of them do. They do wild. And I'm like, I don't even know how. I don't even know how to do that. And I would read the script and go, this is stupid. And I'd start something new. Oh, my God. Well, can you. Can you. When you think it's something funny, can you just fire it down and give it to Stephanie? Well, that's gonna be a weird funny when she starts talking about her balls itching. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Katie Hobbs]

You know what we mean?

[Brett Fessley]

I don't. This morning, for instance, and this was back when who Wants to Be a Millionaire? You were doing the Regis Philbin thing, which was great.

[Katie Hobbs]

Can you let her do some of that?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, that's as easy as me just spitting impressions into a woman. Have you ever heard a woman doing impressions? That's good. Never.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Hey, Regis.

[Brett Fessley]

Hey. Anyway, here I am. Regis filled in the woman like, this is terrible. And that just proved to me that was. Look, I got introduced to this business by a bunch of dumb people in suits. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me because it took the veneer off. It took that beautiful shine off of what I thought would have. Respecting all these people because they had gotten to that job. Must have been through hard work.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was a learning curve.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah. And they must have all gotten that job because they're incredibly experienced in of years, a couple accomplished. And what I learned was, no, they'd just been fired so often that their resume looked like they had experience. So they had 14 different jobs at 14 there. And, oh, you worked at WIRX and WLLM and wbl. These are big stations. We gotta get you. And. And they can't do anything but talk about where they've been fired like a hundred times. And most of them were kind of.

[Dale Hellestrae]

This is how we did it in Kalamazoo.

[Brett Fessley]

And I remember sitting there at age 28, not having any idea what I was doing doing. Looking at my general manager at the time and saying, why do we need consultants if you have so much experience? He had no answer for me. Marv. Loser. No answer for me. Consultants are here to help. For the. I can't do your show. Like, well, what are you in charge of? I was getting pissed because he had, like, six people telling me six different things. And they were all experts. And I'm like, they're all dumb. The guy just asked me if I could give the funny lines to her. What funny lines? Find my script. Oh, you know what he means, John. If you come up with something funny, you plan that out. Show preparation. Like, that's not fun. I can do this without writing it down the day before. That's called talent, you sons of bitches. I'm out. And, boy, are they all screwed because they kept going through with the prep the show the day before. And then the Internet came along and said, you can't do yesterday's show today. That's called the newspaper. You need people that can do it on the fly, and there aren't many. And that's not because there aren't many that can do it. There aren't many that are willing to stand up to the idiots telling them, you shouldn't. Consultants.

[Katie Hobbs]

Can you give the girl the funny lines? Why don't you let Toledo make a.

[Brett Fessley]

Laugh now and again? Because he's dull as you. He's like talking to a computer screen. You're better than that, Reginald. Worry about it. No, he's not. He was just close. I didn't want him to be offended.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's right behind you.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but now we're a textbook. Now all of a sudden they're like, well, this is how it works. It's just proof they didn't know in the first place. God forbid you read the textbook about a guy girl show. The guy does this, the gal does this. They talk about their home life. They kind of have a will they won't they vibe, but you just don't know. Are they going to have sex? Are they dating? Is their husband know? Is he attracted? I can't tell. You can't manufacture a radio woman and a guy pretending to be in love. Because all radio women are disgusting to look at.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why don't you do this? A pie in the face on the.

[Brett Fessley]

Air and then call your moms.

[Toledo]

Location's wrong.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, it is? Does Brett know? Yeah. Okay, the Safeway is signal Butte and Warner, not baseline. Signal Butte and Warner. That's not even close. Close Two streets. Yeah, it's pretty long distance. A couple Miles away signal. Buton Warner, Brett. That's where he's going this morning for that. Pretty good. I like being in a. I like being the down the line textbook. That's pretty cool. Then I got this email. Brady, this is another one I got loaded up. Hey Holmberg. I know and think that you are gay. You drive me nuts pretending to be some hard ass republican when deep down all you are is a closeted homo who teases Toledo for being a lib. But you, you are one just like him. I hear the joy in your voice when you bash the president. It's a good impression. But why don't you praise him sometimes like he used to with Biden? What? I don't know. Besides that. All the crap you spew about wieners and dudes. I heard you actually say in the air the other day about a guy, he's a great looking man. Who says that about another man? I'll tell you who. John Holmberg, the great radio of Phoenix. So just get it over with. Ditch the beard and a guy already. I like the show but you know when a girl introduces her new boyfriend to people and she seems to be the only one who doesn't see that he's gay? That's you dick smoker. Signed BR. Well, thanks for piling in.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Great letter. I am with him. He is.

[Brett Fessley]

My favorite part of this is it was written at 5:30 in the afternoon yesterday. So the second he got home he's like I got a do this. I got to hit this guy right between the balls. I'm tired of it. I can't take it. I'm tired of him parading around like a heterosexual.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just get it over.

[Brett Fessley]

Just get it over with, would you? Just a guy. Would you please? Just me. I want you to me. I love you so much. Please put it in me. What are you asking for there, br? I don't remember being too kind to Biden.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You were all for you, you know, shooting people in the leg.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I thought that was a great idea. I would bring up things he said. That's the. I don't know. I don't remember. That was really super sweet to him. I suppose compared to Trump, who I'm just evil with. But you know. But deep down it's all because I'm masking this homosexuality. And it's been tough for me, Brady, coming up on a birthday here.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Tough to deal with.

[Brett Fessley]

Reassess your time on the planet.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You'll figure. Figure it out.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, he's already figured it out. Now it's just A matter of whether I'm gonna do it or not. Would you be interested?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, not right now.

[Brett Fessley]

No.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I got too much going on.

[Brett Fessley]

Your mouth looks too small anyway. I just, you know, I think you'd be teethy. You don't have a very big mouth. I think you'd be pretty toothy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't know if I went after it.

[Brett Fessley]

You think you. Well, I think. Look, I appreciate the ambition and I'm gonna give you a chance. But it might not be great, but I'm going to still let you try.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I can base it upon, you know, growing up, playing different sports and stuff.

[Brett Fessley]

Competitive. You're a competitive guy. You don't want somebody to tell you, you couldn't blow me without going to do that. No, you're going to go. You're going to give it your shot, and I'm going to allow it because I admire a go getter. You may not be good at it, but you know what? You're giving it your all. And that's what's important when you're blowing me.

[Toledo]

Hold on. You don't think this man with all his experience knows how to keep his teeth out of the way?

[Brett Fessley]

No, I don't. I think his teeth are very important and they chomp down fast just out of muscle memory.

[Toledo]

I think he gets his cheeks and his lips very well.

[Brett Fessley]

Dude gets a meat stick in his mouth, his teeth are gonna get confused and they're going down on that thing. This is inedible.

[Toledo]

All right, I guess that's fair.

[Brett Fessley]

I bet you at the dentist they're like, stop biting. But it's in my mouth. I said, stop biting.

[Katie Hobbs]

I can't help it.

[Brett Fessley]

You keep stuffing things in my mouth. What do you expect me to do? Naughty.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Eat it. It's a glizzy.

[Brett Fessley]

It's food, I think. It isn't food, it's metal. This. Just don't bite down on it. It's a toothbrush. But it's in my. You don't understand.

[Toledo]

I might love that sound a little too much.

[Brett Fessley]

Too much. You broke another one of our tools. I didn't mean it. Yeah, I guess I'm a wild homosexual. Boys. I guess that guy has branded me. I'm with you now, too. I'm also a Martian Lib. Go, teachers.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I missed you at the meetings.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I know. I get that. I find that to be so, you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Know, epiphany for him, like, you just figured it out. It's about time you figured that out for me.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're telling Me that this guy's letter is growth. For him to finally. At 5:36.

[Toledo]

That's a stretch.

[Brett Fessley]

At 5:36 p. That is a stretch. 5:36. Speaking of stretch, I'm gonna have to work on Brady's lips because they're. It's not. I'm not big but that little tiny slit ain't gonna get it done. Open.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's ah.

[Brett Fessley]

Let me see. Do it. No, I'm. No. You said you were competitive. Come on. You said you'd try. Open your mouth.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I know. Can you get the microphone right now that's just teasing.

[Brett Fessley]

Can you get the whole microphone? It is kind of hot. Squeeze your cans together and go ah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And say thank you.

[Brett Fessley]

And then. And then take your fingers and pry your eyes open because it's happening brother. Can you get the microphone in your mouth?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

No teeth. Look at the teeth that exposed them.

[Toledo]

Johnny's up. You're gonna lez out with a dude. It better be Dale. Then we'll finally find out why he wasn't invited to the cowboys White house.

[Brett Fessley]

That's true.

[Toledo]

Only one ever invited to the rainbow.

[Brett Fessley]

Can you imagine a like getting your gay cherry from Dale?

[Brady Bogan]

Gonna make love to you.

[Brett Fessley]

You like that? You like that Johnny? I do. No, I'm. I am. And you know what? You know he asked the question what kind of guy says that's a very handsome man? About another man. You know what kind of guy says that? One that's incredibly secure with his sexuality.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Or a gay guy. Those are the only choice? Yeah, those are the two.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He made his decision.

[Brett Fessley]

His decision. Two guys say other guys are good looking, secure ones. Flaming ones.

[Toledo]

There's a lot of handsome bastards out there.

[Brett Fessley]

Disney homo right there. Dane Brady, you found a man attractive in the past, right?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, I lied.

[Brett Fessley]

Br. What would it sound like if you weren't using teeth?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, I laughed.

[Toledo]

O. I bet that's good. That's good.

[Brett Fessley]

Anyway, thanks for the email. That was really impressive.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like a sounding bull.

[Brett Fessley]

Is that. No, it's not like a sound. Don't start bringing normal. I'd rather listen to this on a loop forever than a bowl of sad.

[Toledo]

By the way, our sounding bowl instructor has invited us and our spouses out for a session.

[Brett Fessley]

No, I'm ready. Go yourself. Yep. No, thank you though. It's nice. But I have no interest in laying down and having somebody play dishes.

[Toledo]

She laid out her whole resume and all of her qualifications which I immediately question who's charging you for.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And that's why you sent that?

[Brett Fessley]

She sounds like a Lovely person. She does. Look, there's. You're not interested in things I do, and I'm not interested in things you. It has to be okay, and that's fine. And I looked online because somebody sent me a video. So here's what it. Here's what a bowl party looks like. And it's just a bunch of broads laying down. Nothing's happening.

[Toledo]

The sound puts your body in tune.

[Brett Fessley]

I can do that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And it's breathing. Breathing is a big part of it, too.

[Brett Fessley]

Baseball. I breathe every day.

[Toledo]

Breathe without the bulls.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't need Bulls. I can breathe. I'm watching.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Sometimes they do the breathing without the bowls. It's just a. Yeah, I do work out.

[Toledo]

You're being snowed, man.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, Brady, I do.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, no, I haven't done it, boys.

[Brett Fessley]

I do breathing without bowls all day and all night. I don't need bowls to breathe. I've never had. I've never gone, oh, God, I forgot to breathe. I'm like. I'm not on heroin. I don't need Narcan. I remember to breathe. It's involuntary, you know, Deep, relaxing breathing. Yeah. I call that sleep. And I do that every day, too. A lot. Yeah, I do a ton of it. And especially, like, at night when I'm tired, my breath starts going like, oh, I'm super sleepy. And then I yawn, and that's, like, a sign that I gotta breathe. Yeah.

[Toledo]

And your body's notes.

[Brett Fessley]

But I've never once just sat there and went. And somebody. Oh, yeah, breathing. Oh, Jesus. My brain forgot.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Stabilized. I have a CPAP for that.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, Brady's got machines that remind him to breathe.

[Toledo]

Remind. They just do it for me.

[Brett Fessley]

Why does. Why is that a thing? Get rid of the CPAP and just have Ronnie watch over you when you start. Thank you. I thought I was gonna.

[Toledo]

In that case, you're gonna be great. Little Ronnie and Kirby certified in Bulls.

[Brett Fessley]

I have a thing that restricts your breathing. It's a mouthpiece, and. Yeah. You dial it in and you.

[Toledo]

Oh, for training. Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And it's great for that kind of. You put it in your mouth, and it gets harder to, like, inhale and exhale, and it makes your. And then you take your. The thing out of your mouth and you take one breath. It's like I'm gonna float away. Like you did. Like, it's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm high.

[Brett Fessley]

It's. Remember those things when they would hold your arm down and you'd flex and flex and flex and try to push, and then your arm would like you could do anything. Like, it felt like your arm was an ounce. Yeah, same thing with your brakes up. It's kind of neat, but I don't need to be reminded to do it. I do it all the time.

[Toledo]

How do you know?

[Brett Fessley]

I'm doing it right now and I haven't heard. Do you hear any bowls? Nope. Nothing. None. So that lady, you got to breathe for a little bit. Oh, boy. It's all right. But to that lady, we appreciate you. Yeah, yeah, it's very nice, but I have zero interest in just laying down at someone else's house while you. I think you're just rifling through my pocket.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Is she East Valley? You know, Maryvale?

[Toledo]

I'd have to look.

[Brett Fessley]

Do you want to go?

[Toledo]

She might have been in East Valley.

[Brett Fessley]

Maybe you want to just lay down and have some? I mean, it sounds nice, but I can do that without strangers nearby. That's like a hostel.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I could do that without dropping the 50 bucks or whatever.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I lay down at home for free all the time. Doesn't make sense to me.

[Toledo]

Goat yoga. Now, on the other thing.

[Brett Fessley]

Goat yoga is the dumbest thing in the world. Although the goats are adorable, right?

[Toledo]

That's the whole point.

[Brett Fessley]

See, here's my argument about that. And I've told yogis this. If your thing was so great, why'd you have to add the cute animals?

[Toledo]

Right?

[Brett Fessley]

That's a sign that you were losing. It's like a. It's like when TV shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would never. Like a wild tiger yogurt. It's always like, something adorable.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You don't go adult tiger cubs.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, maybe. And that's even still. Like, I might start scratching people up. It's the opposite. Tiger cub is pretty big. Look, puppies bite you with those needle teeth. Least relaxing thing in the world. Goat yoga. It really adds to the. No, it doesn't. It's a gimmick. And you're playing gimmicky weird stuff. Although it does look funny. You know, if yoga. The merits of yoga should not include barnyard animals. That's called illegal porn.

[Toledo]

Great Scott. Did the stein in the room just say, just hold air hostage over the radio?

[Brett Fessley]

What did I do? I haven't done anything like that. I stopped calling me the Stein.

[Toledo]

I just heard air being held hostage over the radio.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, that's. Yeah, kind of. I'm not breathing for people. Doing it for myself. And I'm good at it. I'm real good at it.

[Toledo]

That makes you gay, I think.

[Brett Fessley]

I mean, if those bulls Made you breathe. Just go to a cemetery and impress. Impress me. Bring them back.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[Brett Fessley]

They start crawling out of the earth. Oh, I forgot. Wait, that's the only reason we were down here. Forgot to breathe.

[Toledo]

Hospital wards. Wouldn't you think that that would be.

[Brett Fessley]

A constant thing during COVID There you go. Nobody needs no respirators for you. We're all right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What's amazing is the people that train the opposite way to like holding their breath. Training themselves to hold their breath for over three minutes.

[Toledo]

Deep diversity.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Six minutes. Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

That is free. What? We're capable of free diving, but thanks to that lady for the bulls. But no thanks.

[Toledo]

Got another retort. Did you say that guy's name that emailed you was br? You know what BR stands for in the swinging community?

[Brett Fessley]

No.

[Toledo]

Butt rammer.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, geez, they have that. Come up with a nicer thing and David, I'm a butt rammer. Oh, good.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Pr.

[Brett Fessley]

Come here. Br for short. I'm an A.T. what's that? An ass taker. They're going to get along great.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They list their name and it's like all these college degrees. PhD.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. DDS, BR. Dentist. Oh, there's BRS or Bachelors. BBD.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, read the fine print.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Did you say BVD, Bell BIV. DeVos coming.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

BB. Yeah. I don't know what that. I don't think that's accurate.

[Toledo]

I wouldn't think so.

[Brett Fessley]

Is anybody here a BR? We need one. We need a BR. I'll be a BR tonight. Normally I'm an M guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's room three.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm an M.O. what's an mouth only. But I'll be a BR. But I'm your butt rammer tonight. How are you? Oh, good. At least he's using this.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm in the wrong room.

[Brett Fessley]

He's using the proper Terminator terminology. So BR is good. He keeps it classy and professional. Thanks for that insight. I don't think you're. I think you're making that up.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Rb.

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, rosebud.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, come on, man. That's a result. That's not something you're shooting for.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But that's the room they're in there.

[Brett Fessley]

Hey, look, if you need a rosebud, I'll sit in the corner and wait. All right, bring in the rosebud. They're almost done.

[Toledo]

How long is it gonna take?

[Brett Fessley]

Let me. Let me get ready for that.

[Katie Hobbs]

All right, Rosebud, you have one minute.

[Brett Fessley]

One minute to rose butt bloop. There you go. Go ahead, touch it. It's real. Yeah, let Me suck that back in. And I'm gonna go down the hall to the other swinger room where the BR needs a rosebud. The butt Rammer. I don't think I'd be that classless. Swinging community.

[Toledo]

It's a high class community.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It, it's.

[Brett Fessley]

Look, there's some people in there. They're not old weirdos. They're not. A lot of them are. I'd say the vast majority. But let's, you know. All right, somebody's gonna step up. Look, somebody's gonna step up and go really? We couldn't come up with something better than butt rammer? Come on now, anal specialist. Fine. Butt rammer. Come on.

[Toledo]

As that makes.

[Brett Fessley]

No, you don't need to always do that. It's. And then I saw the thing. This is real, Brady. There's a thing out there called bocox.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yep.

[Brett Fessley]

You know about bocox?

[Toledo]

Bocox?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. How do you know about it?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Where did I hear about it? Did you talk about it earlier?

[Brett Fessley]

It's new to me, my friend. Bocox, it's where people at home are injecting Vaseline into their penises. Stop it. Because it gives them a less wrinkly little thicker. Takes it all out.

[Toledo]

What does it do long term though?

[Brett Fessley]

Well, headline. Yeah. Man has penis amputated after injecting it with Vaseline. Type substance and worrying trend. So evidently it gives you some good.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Wrinkles out of it. You want you to be. It's like you're partially plump tooth.

[Brett Fessley]

You're always a little thicker.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

You're carrying a little bit more. You got game going all the time. If you're in a pair of shorts around the pool, it's, it's, you know, it can.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It can swing the towel.

[Brett Fessley]

You got a solid tube banging into the edges of the towel.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Pendulum effect.

[Brady Bogan]

Hberg morning sickness. Hol's morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

But evidently there are dire consequences.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. I know. If you can only imagine that any home in general injections of household products into your penis. Who would have ever imagined that could go sideways? Didn't see a bad side. Well, a guy had to have his penis amputated. And I just want to be the doctor in that room that comes in and goes, we've taken a look at everything. We have to take it off. It has to go like if they told you about it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just take drink of Vaseline.

[Brett Fessley]

We can't just start over. Like when they tell you you got to lose. Yeah. When a doctor says you got to lose a foot or a toe or Something, it's gotta be just like, oh, this is off. I. My, My friend's brother had his. Got an infected cut on his foot. And then they went and looked and like, the whole bone's gone. We gotta take your foot. Initially it was just the toe, then it was the foot. And then they're like, by the way, some of your shins going, let's get ahead of this. Took him off at the knee. He had a cut on his foot by the toe. Diabetic, wasn't taking care of himself. But still he's the same one that fell asleep and his dog ate his other toe. Cause he can't feel his feet. Remember picture I showed you? Horrible. Does the dog sense that there was like raw meat in there and started to nibble on his toe and he slept right through it. Dog was 100% right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Who's got my toe?

[Brett Fessley]

The guy is dry aging his feet right there on the couch and the dog's like, this smells great. So if you're thinking about it, you're holding the needle right now and you want to do a little home box. Well, I'm telling you, don't do it. Evidently it's also helpful for erectile dysfunction. And there are places that will inject into your penis some sort of treatment that makes it so you can get hard again. That's a big thing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I thought it was. I thought too. There was like, Is Botox involved? The actual Botox?

[Brett Fessley]

I have no idea. I think they just call it that because it helps out. But it does increase the procedure, relaxes the muscle in the penal area and allows increased blood flow, which allows the patient to obtain and maintain an erection. But the surgery is not without risk. Right, because anything injected into your wiener can be scary if not done by professionals.

[Toledo]

Give me the Shannon Sharp tablets.

[Brett Fessley]

I'll take. Yeah, Always trust a professional. When there's a needle by your PP Sing Song. There's a. There's a buddy system involved, I think, in that, right? Ask your buddy if the needle's right for you.

[Toledo]

If it's near your people, say, no.

[Brett Fessley]

Don'T do it yourself. Have a friend help. There's a few specialist doctors who can perform cosmetic injection procedures on your genitals. It is not a procedure I would ever recommend to a patient. Injections for erectile dysfunction are fine, but for aesthetic purposes are bad. And backdoor pop up clinics are happening everywhere.

[Toledo]

Hold on. Injections for.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, yeah, they do that.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Of that.

[Toledo]

Like, what are they putting in there?

[Brett Fessley]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

What the.

[Brett Fessley]

Who knows what they put in you every time they shoot. But it's a. There's definitely. That's a definite treatment to the Johnson to treatment. I don't know if game day men's help, though. They do. I was going to say. Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

They even talked about that.

[Brett Fessley]

There's a lot of guys who Viagra just stops working and they got to go a different route. Oh, yeah. I know. Me too. If that's the day, it's like the pills don't work. What's my next option, doc? Well, I can shove this fine needle into. No, I guess I'm done. I guess I'm thick.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They have.

[Toledo]

Alex, I love you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's one that you get. It's one injection and it's supposed to last like six months rather than taking a pill every time. Like, you're ready to go for six months.

[Toledo]

Women that get the birth control shot that lasts like three months.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yep.

[Brett Fessley]

Yikes. Yeah, you're.

[Brady Bogan]

You're.

[Brett Fessley]

You become capable again. But there are also shots you have to do every time you want an erection.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, they're one. If you don't want.

[Toledo]

Hold on, honey.

[Brett Fessley]

I've talked to a couple of guys about that. That's something that I just couldn't do. Well, you wouldn't do a. Hold on, honey. You definitely plan that out of the bathroom. But there's no surprises. Like, there's no midnight.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's the thing about it. They've gotten away from the spontaneity. Like, you know, that's what people say. Like, Oh, I gotta wait.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

In your case, remember the days of your. What would you call them? The midnight raping.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. You can't do. Yeah. The wife rapes. Where you just throw the covers back while she's asleep.

[Brady Bogan]

Ah.

[Brett Fessley]

And stand over. You can't tell if she's crying or laughing.

[Toledo]

You have to retroactively write a check for that one.

[Brett Fessley]

Nope, not at all. I might someday. But that wouldn't be because of the station. I thought she liked it. Your honor. You couldn't tell she was crying? Honestly, I thought she was laughing. I didn't know Joy just saw. Pure joy. She was. I thought it was hilarious. You're a sick monster. I'm sorry. I didn't think you. I didn't think you'd get accused of that with your wife. I thought you could do that to her. She could certainly do it to me. She take a couple swings at me and. Yeah. Against my will. If I say, no. Stop.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No.

[Brett Fessley]

She's going to do it. Harder. It's kind of a game we played anyway. Guilty as charged, sir. But botoxing your own penis again, a lot of DIY health stuff. This is not a. I am not a medical professional professional or a crypto expert. So don't give or take any advice from here as gospel truth. But I do know this. If you go into a place that is normally a hotel or someone's home and you're having any medical procedures done, you're probably going to die from that. I know you're saving a couple bucks, but I like to go. Color me crazy, but I like to go to medical professionals who have offices, not a backyard or would meet me at the day's in Nope.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Even a storage facility.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right, Brady. I draw lines there too. I don't know why.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Remember that one story the guy sure, sure, sure.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah great ad in Doors open. You know we generally covered that if there's still people Blake. If a dude raised his hand said.

[Brady Bogan]

But what about a.

[Brett Fessley]

Like a public storage. No, I'm going to put that on the list too there Todd.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't think that's on there.

[Brett Fessley]

I think that's what again just a medical professional's office building. I If there's a garage that has to open before your procedure. I'm pretty sure in fact if your medical doctor has a carport or a garage attached to his office.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What about a tough shed?

[Brett Fessley]

Tough shed's never good either. Gonna just. I'm gonna ask you to leave because this is pointless. Yeah, there's no way this is. I'm not gonna get through to you. I think you're just gonna go until you. But you never mentioned semi truck. Yeah, okay. Were helpless.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Mobile unit.

[Brett Fessley]

No, again, if you have questions, you're wrong. If there's a question mark at the end of your two words, it's not the one medical facility designated office space. Hospital only basement in a no parking garage. Yes. Everyone leave. I feel like Dr. Rick from the insurance things. All right. None that of of you are getting this. They're all turning into idiots.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just got a message the bocox trailer is going to be here tomorrow.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Any mobile your hoa. Yeah, any mobile truck that's willing to inject stuff into your dick is not a good idea. That's called heroin addict. I remember my cousin was on drugs and my dad he moved out here and my dad told him he'd help him out if he'd stay off the drugs. He's going to glad to pay his rent at his apartment and get him on his feet and get him a job and then get him going on his own. But he'd help out. And my uncle, my cousin, I guess he showed up high as a kite. And my dad went over to his house and brought me with. And the amazing part of this was this same exact exchange happened when the famed Flutie to failin pass of Boston College, 1983 occurred. Or yeah, it was 1880. So I'm sitting there watching. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm sitting there watching Boston College in Miami play. And Doug Flutie has just had the greatest play I'd ever seen in sports with the Hail Mary Flutie to failing Legendary.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yep.

[Brett Fessley]

Right. Hucks this thing. Unbelievable play. Right after that, I hear the phrase, some dude shoot up in their dick. You want to check there too? My dad goes, if you're that goddamn desperate, keep it. Let's go. And I'm like, did you guys just see that play? Guys, get out of here.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm like, they interrupted the whole thing.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh yeah. While they were in the other room, my dad was eyeballing his body for track marks because he had been told somewhere like, you look for between their toes and their arms and then come. And then my cousin hits him with the guy shoot up in their wieners. My dad was, ah, if you're that goddamn desperate, you can have it. And he grabs me, takes me out of the heroin den. I'm watching football with some guy named Mike, who I think was caked out of his brain at the the time. Whoa. And that was amazing, little man. Like, who are you? Where are I? Where am I going here in life? And then we left. My dad grabbed me by my arm and tugged me out of the heroin den cuz he wouldn't check his nephew's dick for track marks.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Let's go. And I learned that day spooning with.

[Brett Fessley]

Mike at a very early age. Needles and penises do not mix unless there's a doctor in the house. And even then I need second, third and fourth opinions. Lots of doctors involved in that. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Toledo? What's in front of you?

[Toledo]

Let me switch here while you.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay. It's brought to you by Action Ride Shop. You want to get on out there, get your bike all repaired up? It's. We've had great weather this July, especially at night. It was 77 when I woke up this morning at 3am I haven't gone out at night, but I got the lights all charged up. You go get lights, you get ready for a night ride. Night riding and night hiking all night are awesome. They've got everything you need for that. They've got the camelbacks to stay hydrated, keep a bunch of water with you. The lights are unreal with the. Unlike I told you last time, the lights on these bikes are better than the lights on my car. They're incredible. And they're adjustable and all that. Outrageous.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So much smaller.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, my God.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Put on the bike.

[Brett Fessley]

Amazing. And they just explode through the desert. You can see everything. So night riding is a thing. If you're, you know, it's too hot to ride in the daytime, grab some. Some lights and get on that bike and work yourself silly and do it with your friends at Action Ride Shop. They're over there on the original, the OG store off the 60 in Gilbert. And then, of course, up there on McDowell and Power. Action Ride Shop. What do you got?

[Toledo]

All right, take a look around for your mission impossible of trying to get a real id Prodigy. Breathe. For the conversation.

[Brett Fessley]

We just. I like that. I haven't heard that in forever. Let's do Prodigy. Breathe. I haven't heard Prodigy in a long time. That lady was very nice, and she said she's been listening to the show for a long time, and she said, you want to come and lay in my backyard? And I played the dishes, and they're like, no. And I think she's, like, offended by it. But I'm like, that's a. That's a tough sell. You're not going to get a ton of people that say yes to that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Speaking of Prodigy is one not breathing. Did we lose one?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah. There's a dead Prodigy. That's right. It's been a while. There's a dead Prodigy. That's why we did Firestarter at the Halloween show last year, which was a blast. Might do Breathe this year, Might do all Ozzy this year as Prodigy. It's your wake up song. It's breathe. It's 98, KUPD, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Vaseline. For all you Bocox guys out there. That's the product they're using. And we highly recommend you don't just list the song. Don't inject it into your genitals, please. Evidently, it's turned into a problem. Brett's out there this morning. It's Signal Butte and Warner. He's standing at the Safeway Operation Hydration. And we gave you the number earlier. We were at 500,000 counted bottles about three weeks ago. Got that news last Thursday. We were all just thrilled beyond belief. 500,000 bottles on our goal of a million in the middle of July. We were way ahead of schedule. Schedule. Talked to Jason yesterday from Phoenix Rescue mission at the baseball game with us. We are at 880,000 bottles of water now. They keep counting and they got a donation from some people that dropped off cash and they went out and bought. Brett, are you there? It doesn't mean you can coast, my man. It does not mean you can coast. No.

[John Holmberg]

It's hot out here.

[Brett Fessley]

We can get to a million today. If you get to a million bottles today, it's over. Nice. You get me 119,000 bottles of water today and Brett doesn't have to go in the van anymore. How about that? That's. I love it. All right, start selling, baby. What do you got?

[John Holmberg]

All right, obviously the book of 100% that we have in studio is completely wrong.

[Brett Fessley]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I'm actually out here on Signal Butte and around Warner.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

On the north west corner. So don't, don't go to Baseline corner. I'm not there. But I finally made it out. Here we are at Safeway collecting those waters, trying to get to that million so I don't have to come back out here, do this again.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So.

[John Holmberg]

But come on by. It is a little light so far today.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It always starts out a little bit light, probably because everybody's at baseline.

[Brett Fessley]

But.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, we are on Warner. But yeah, we're out here taking those water donations, trying to get to the million. And again, like we always say, don't got time to shop. It's not a big deal. Just switch, swing by, drop off some cash, drop off that envelope. I'll go do some shopping for you. And let's just knock this thing silly. Of course we gotta, you know, thank our friends over at Lerner and Row and of course Amco. They're. They're big sponsors along with obviously Safeway and Albertson. And my wife just called me some local legends. She had somebody stop by. Big Mikey Roberts from Rommel Construction just dropped off two bills. So we got 200 bucks that I'll be bringing in tomorrow to buy some more water. So thank you, Big Mikey, and thank you, local legends. And come on out here. We're gonna be hanging out here till just about 9 o'.

[Brett Fessley]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

Water donations, we need it.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And I just caught myself. I said it was Jason, but it was Sean from Phoenix Rescue Mission. I Talked to about 6,000 people yesterday, so I just scrambled names, but there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Was multiple Sean's here.

[Brett Fessley]

Yes, there were a few Sean's. There was two Jason's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There was Wayne from Amco, and Wayne.

[Brett Fessley]

From Amco was there. Yeah, it was great. But, yeah, it was not Jason. It was Sean who I was talking to. But, yeah, he's.

[John Holmberg]

I like Sean's numbers better than Heather's numbers. He's showing us 500,000, you know.

[Brett Fessley]

Come on. Well, again, it was Sean as a man, and Heather is a woman, so she only has two thirds of the numbers that a man can get. That's. It's like a page, like a paycheck, Brett. You're only getting, like 70% of the. That's pretty awesome. And actually matches up percentage wise. And she came up with about 74% of what we're getting. And then a man came in and said, here's what we've really earned. And it was pretty awesome. So thank you, Sean. Thanks Phoenix Rescue Mission, and thanks to Brett. Safeway, Signal Butte, and. And Warner is where he is. Get out there, drop some stuff off an envelope, whatever else. We'll talk to you in a little bit. I just.

[John Holmberg]

I just got 100 bucks right now.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And there we go.

[Brett Fessley]

Another hit right there.

[John Holmberg]

Jason Herrera from Cardinal Plumbing. So thank you, Jake.

[Brett Fessley]

100 bucks goes right in. Go. Brett will do the shopping. Nice job, kid. All right, we'll talk to you in a bit. All right, thanks, man. How about that? Look at that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The other Sean you finally met was from Desert Coatings az.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And you found out that they glazed papers. I just recently, I did my garage.

[Brett Fessley]

I need my garage done. But they glaze pavers, and my pool is pavers. Oh, and you saw a picture.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm like, I'm.

[Brett Fessley]

I gotta get on that. All right. We get to a lot to do, Brady. We had a big day yesterday, and we were making deals, and I'm. I'm throwing money. Like, I'll do that. I want one of those. Cover my driver.

[Billy Gardell]

It's like.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was like a home show there yesterday.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, everything. You had real estate, you had the awnings, you had the shade. All pro shades out there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Get your body in. Excellent action.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, yeah. All the guys from Gate Day Men's Health were there. It was awesome. Mo Money Pond to decorate the inside of the house I just got from Doug Hopkins. Go outside, get the pavers in the driveway. Done by Diamond. Oh, it was great. It was a lot of fun.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Shade.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, The Shade all pro shade and actually talk to them about some stuff. I I'm basically rebuilding the house after yesterday. A lot of day drinking though ends up getting you later. I conked out on the couch about eight body said you're done today son and put me down. I'm fine though.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Game was a little disappointing.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, if you're a Diamondbacks fan, you just realized one thing. You're a seller. So it's time to start selling product. We'll talk about that with Dale in a little bit. Dale's here with us today. Let's get right to the Brady report. It's brought to you by our friends at AllProchade. Talked to them yesterday. Thanks for hanging out with us at the Diamondbacks game and found out that they can come up with things that extend off of a patio that currently exists. Because I've got one that's a steel and it's like lattice. And I'm like I don't know how to put a shade over that and make it work. Dude had three ideas right away. We'll tie right into the steel parts. I'm like, oh it's rush.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You can go above.

[Brett Fessley]

It was awesome. So he just rolled out three or four different ideas. I'm like, you're coming to the house. We're taking a look. All pro shade will take care of you. I've got a spot in my front yard that looks pretty but man oh man that sun hits it wrong. It is just deadly hot and I need to get that shaded. I just can't come up with a beautiful plan. They'll do it for me. I'll pro shade it'll take care of that. Best in the business for a reason. Really good guys to talking with them yesterday. They're actually just nice people. That's a good. That's a. That's a bonus. You're dealing with business people who are actually really nice. All prochet.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Good Thursday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[Brett Fessley]

Hi.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Happy National Drive thru Day and National Tequila Day.

[Brett Fessley]

Too bad you can't combo that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Almost.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's a drive through total wine you can order and they'll pick it up.

[Brett Fessley]

That's curbside a drive thru tequila.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I you don't want to and you don't want to drive through a total wine. It's a mess.

[Brett Fessley]

No, it's illegal. I think you're going to go to jail. A lot of things called domestic terrorists get arrested. Yeah. You're going to definitely. They used to have that place in Mesa. You could drive through and get drinks as a drive through liquor. And they would pour you like a weird blueberry margarita. We found that out when we were underage and they'd. They'd serve you pull up IDs, fake or otherwise. Just show them something and you get one of these blueberry tequila drinks.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. Guests created and sold the first pair of acid wash jeans. Jeans in 1981.

[Brett Fessley]

Yes.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And they were hot.

[Brett Fessley]

They were.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, guess jeans were popular for.

[Brett Fessley]

Boy, were they. They'd pull way up to the lower chest of a woman and the seam would go right up the crack of their butts. Or Guess. Bongo was the other one I couldn't get enough of in high school. Chicks rolling around in bongo shorts looking for that triangle.

[Toledo]

Guess.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, there was a girl named Crystal. That hat. She was tall. I think she had scoliosis because she had this weird kind of. She looked like Kristen Stewart, now that I think about it. But she had. What?

[Toledo]

Transitioned?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Or did she transition?

[Brett Fessley]

Who transitioned? Kristen Stewart. No, she didn't. She's got short hair. That's all. Jesus Christ. Alito. Doesn't mean she's transitioned. These libs, they just want to make everybody the opposite. Cut your hair, he automatically starts parading you around in the LGBTQ community. Which she is. Anyway. Ignore him. I was telling us. Where did he come from? Anyways, Crystal would walk around school and she had this arched back, but it kind of was hot. Her scoliosis worked for her. That's what I'm saying.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Every now and then it would throws.

[Brett Fessley]

Those bongo shorts on. Oh, it made her ass stick out because her spine was like an upside down question mark. Oh, my God. She was great. She looked like bad punctuation and jeans.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Curvy all around.

[Brett Fessley]

It was delicious. She curved like no other girl. I mean, it went full sideways. See? Came to look like a. It looked like a sickle. Her back. Oh. But her ass would pop out because her spine was so screwed up. And those bongo jeans did her all the favors.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Bongo Play Doh was originally created in the 1930s as a wallpaper cleaner and delicious treat for kids.

[Brett Fessley]

I used to eat it, too.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Basketball in North Korea has different rules. Slam dunks are worth three points.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, they're Korean. Good luck getting one of those shots.

[Dale Hellestrae]

In the final three minutes are worth eight points.

[Brett Fessley]

They should do that for the wnba.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And if it's all net, three pointers are worth four points.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, the WNBA keeps acting like they're North Korean citizens. They're all oppressed and stuff. Give them a couple extra bonus shots for Duncan. And those statisticians are overworked, though, in North Korea.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

How you mean?

[Toledo]

Got to keep track of all the extra stuff.

[Brett Fessley]

They're not easy. Come on. They get one a game. Yeah, but no, they're not.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Three minutes. You can. You can handle that. The other one. This is a pretty good. A good rule. If you shoot an airball.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Free throw.

[Brett Fessley]

You're killed.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They deduct a point.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

That's not a bad idea. I think a blocked shot should be. I've always said that in basketball, block shot should be a point for the defense, that you block a shot cleanly. But the only problem is referees start making that gray area, calling whether it was a hack or a block.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then at least they went to the goaltending part.

[Brett Fessley]

Goaltending. Legitimate rule, though. Like, that's got. You can look at goaltending now, especially because you can review it. You can see when it's on its way down and all that. Or if it's over the rim, but.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

28.

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

That's a. I like North. North Korea's. I never thought I'd say this. I like North Korea's rules. I really do.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's almost like most people are onto something. It's like Papa shot in the last 30 seconds. She got the.

[Toledo]

Oh, if you get the flow going.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, forget it. North Korea, wnba, same thing. A bunch of loudmouths who are getting oppressed by a better version of themselves. And they want to scream and yell, we don't get enough. You know, three points for a dunk, eight points for a three pointer. That's huge. How many air balls there would be. They tried that four point shot in the WNBA All Star game Saturday. And those chicks would stand on those circles. Circles. And with all their might, huck it at the. And not even close. The only one that could have done it is Caitlin Clark. They hate her. And she wasn't playing. But Angel Reese stepped onto one. Kind of arrogant. The girl stepped away like, you're not hitting this. It was the best defense I've ever seen in the wnba, which was like, dismiss that. And then she chucked one up that was about three feet short and to the right. And the audience didn't laugh because they're still pretending it's got validity.

[Dale Hellestrae]

A new poll asked people which country has the most overrated food culture. Not saying that the food is bad, just maybe it's too hyped.

[Brett Fessley]

The French there, you nailed it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

30% of the people say France because.

[Brett Fessley]

There'S not French food is gross.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's 21 said America.

[Brett Fessley]

They knock out the bread pretty good, but other than that, it's butter. That's all it is.

[Dale Hellestrae]

15 said the UK. I'm like, is British food really been hyped?

[Katie Hobbs]

I haven't.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Other than fish and chips.

[Brett Fessley]

Right, right. Their food.

[Toledo]

Curry bubble and squeak or whatever you call it.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but that's leftovers. Yeah, that's leftover fish curry is. Is Indian, isn't it?

[Toledo]

No, it's huge in the uk, Southeast Asia because it's Indian. Like Thai has a lot of curries too.

[Brett Fessley]

But that's not a British. It's there a lot, but it's.

[Toledo]

Well, they eat it because those people are living all right.

[Brett Fessley]

Those people are. That's a phrase we avoid. Who are you today? Why don't you back up? Why don't you take a lap Talking about certain. I know you've done enough. That's enough, that's enough.

[Dale Hellestrae]

14 said Italy, another 14 said Japan and then 7% said Mexico.

[Brett Fessley]

Hard to overrate Mexican food because it's so consistently good. And Mexican food is the best type of food. I'm off of it. I won't do it. Only because Javier's. That's American. Like we did. Yeah, because it's like, I was going to say, outside of Javier's, there's no like high end Mexican. God, that's a tough phrase to say out loud. There's no high end Mexican thing. No, I know, but you were wrong. I fixed it. You, you dug your heels into that terrible those people comment. When I'm talking about Mexicans, I mean, there's no like, place that's like, oh, that's the like incredible. Javier's is like they took wagyu meat and put it in the taquitos and it still tastes like taquitos. It's just presented better. Most part. La pinata, you can.

[Brady Bogan]

It's.

[Brett Fessley]

It's going to be good everywhere you go for the. You gets hard to screw up Mexican food.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Italian food you can screw up because it's so detailed Mexican food. Some of their foods cooked twice on purpose.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We got this woman that reached out to Reddit, posted her story. She was babysitting a family and the mother laid into her because when they were out, she was babysitting. Put the kids down to sleep, she was hungry, she ordered doordash and the mom came back and found out she ordered Doordash and she was upset that she would let a stranger come by and lay food in front of the door while they were out.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, that's not such a big deal by the way.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Evidently it was for the woman.

[Brett Fessley]

Somebody said they just changed their band name to High end Mexican.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We got a dude that got busted illegally fishing. This happened in Oregon. He was fishing for the chinook salmon which is a game fish. And got to have a license.

[Toledo]

You got to have a license to.

[Brett Fessley]

Fish in most places.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

He's an expert on not only that fishing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You have to obey the fishing hours. You're not allowed to fish until hour after.

[Brett Fessley]

Huh.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You can only fish an hour after sunset which would have been 9:57pm at the time he. They caught him at 10:40pm way too late. There was four chinook salmon laying on the bank. Three were gutted, one hadn't yet the guy was catching them. And when the game and fish warden showed up to bust the guy he was wearing a white hat, white sunglasses that were upside down and a shirt that read Master Bader.

[Brett Fessley]

He's a fisherman.

[Toledo]

He's your.

[Brett Fessley]

He's a fisherman. He's Brady the fisherman. Fisherman. You want to explain that shirt sir?

[Dale Hellestrae]

The dude was identified as Garrett Morrison who's 20 years old and he's a popular, well known fisherman in that area.

[Brett Fessley]

Sure, he's funny. He's masturbator. Well, they'll find him. He'll be fishing again tomorrow.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's you know, not only catching the game fish, he's got counts of waste of game, main fish because he got.

[Brett Fessley]

It and left it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Angling with a prohibited method. Dynamite angling during prohibited hours.

[Brett Fessley]

Was he on the res?

[Dale Hellestrae]

He was fishing in a. Near a dam which is then one of the charges. Angling in a prohibited area.

[Brett Fessley]

My dad got in trouble on the reservation once for cleaning his fish in a non designated fish club cleaning area. They hit him hard. It's like 350 bucks. And he had a couple of fish guts and he was like I was going to clean it up. And he goes you're not allowed to clean them here. I didn't know that. You can't do it. And it was like eight feet to his right with like a designated line. It's like you got to go over there. And he's like he, he threw a fit.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I wonder why that is attracting other.

[Brett Fessley]

Like it's to steal money from me because nobody would ever think about it. So they come by and it's like you can't do it. Here they were watching him. Second. He started to cut one open hoping it was over.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Got a Florida man, 25 year old Henry Alvarado. He was at Planet Fitness when they announced that they were closing for the night. For some reason that sent Henry into a frenzy. He stripped off his clothing, ran naked through the gym, crawled into the ceiling, knocked down several tiles throughout the building, and then tried to start a fire in the bathroom. Bathroom. The gym called the police. When they showed up, they found Henry hiding inside a tanning bed and arrested him. Still naked. He was charged with indecent experience.

[Brett Fessley]

You called this a Henry frenzy? He had a Henry.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He had a Henry friends.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh my God, I hope that never happens to me. Oh, feeling a little Henry frenzy. Come on. You just take off all your clothes and start running around. You know, in a weird way, I kind of do hope that someday I experience that. Whatever that euphoria is. I don't know. I want to know where that brain goes to where you're like sans clothes. I'm going to start wrecking some stuff. Just for a minute.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Feel the freedom.

[Brett Fessley]

Just today. I've never done it before today. No, no, no. I'm just saying like that like the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

70S, the whole streaking thing was.

[Brett Fessley]

Streaking is for fun. I'm talking about a dude who goes screw this, takes his clothes off and.

[Toledo]

Then bumps up into the ceiling.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Grand Theft Auto.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. It just starts knocking stuff. It might be from Grand Theft Auto. I might be like inspired by the game. But you just lose it and all your clothes come off and you're just. And you're okay with that. And then you go into the Walmart and you start knocking stuff off shelves and then get chased and you hide somewhere silly.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He did a variety of things. Start a fight.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And he starts fighting. Yeah. Because everything seems like a good idea when you're naked and mad. It's like, all right, you know what? Propane. Everything he saw, he used. I'm going to turn this hose on and I'm going to start a fire and I'm going to go in the tanning bed. No one will ever find me. And then they do. And you're like, that's over. That was fun.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled around 5 million above the ground pools after concluding that they were connected with the drowning deaths of believe nine children. What?

[Toledo]

Wait a minute.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The names of the pools available, you know they're sold at Walmart, Target from 2007 to 2022.

[Toledo]

But can't a kid drown in any pool? Doesn't that mean we should recall all of them?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, the problem is evidently they noticed there is straps on the outside of the kids getting trapped and the kids were grabbing them, getting stuck in there.

[Brett Fessley]

Remember they used to have. That was back in the 90s when they were like touting how awesome the filters that were getting stronger and stronger in your pools were. And then that like a bunch of people started getting their hair caught in them and their hands would stick and they couldn't. It would actually suck you down to the bottom and you couldn't detach pool.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Names if you know you have Best Way Coleman, Intex. Holy Group. They all have re. Been recalled.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, they're temporary pools above the ground. Okay. So this is a poor person's problem. They need to keep.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Pretty much.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, they need to keep an eye on their children or you just can't.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Take the heat anymore.

[Brett Fessley]

Let's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I don't know what they were on. Let's get, you know, spend a couple.

[Brett Fessley]

Hundred bucks, just hose yourself off. Especially in Arizona, there's. It's an above ground pool here. You are the ultimate hillbilly. Anyone with an above ground pool that I'm talking to right now, they know too. They're not like they tuned out. They know. No, they're not mad. They know. I know. He's right. You can't have an above ground pool here.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We did a beach party in college and we put, we went to Walmart, basically bought the above the ground and put it in the basement.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, cool. Until it broke and then it floods everything. Oh, there's a lot of water in there. Oh, my hillbilly family in Indiana has like a couple of them have above ground pools. And by the way, they're like the richest people in this city because of the pool. Like you see their big wide backyards, this giant thing and they built decks and stuff around them like it's. But it's not. It's like they built it all up. Oh yeah, you gotta climb stairs on these wooden decks and they get real slippery. Everybody gets out and flops backwards. There's some head bouncing because they've got a Thompson's water seal it. You're in the Midwest. There's snow, so these things hit water and there are ice rinks and there's a hundred kids in that ugly ass piss circle. Hillbilly Indiana kids just with their ticks and God knows what else is on their gross little Midwestern bodies and. But the deck is extraordinary. It usually is better than the house.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's a Japanese Company that's come up with a new invention for the office workplace. The company's called giraffe nap, and they've developed upright napping capsules that you can sleep in the office. Pretty cool. It looks like a little circular sauna. Here's the setup.

[Brett Fessley]

If you look at the neat and then just go in there and kind of so.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So it kind of puts you in that. Like a. Almost like those massage chairs in a way.

[Brett Fessley]

You're upright. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And it supports your body completely. Yeah, yeah. And you're asleep. Back in the day in high school when you fall asleep at your desk.

[Brett Fessley]

You know how this ends. Yeah. A bunch of dudes are gonna jerk off in here. Somebody's gonna sit in it. It's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, yeah, you could.

[Brett Fessley]

You know, I could do it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I thought you had a couple.

[Toledo]

No, no.

[Brett Fessley]

They're not gonna have sex.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah. Take a little break. I sleepy. He goes, gets in there and the next thing you know, he leaves a little action for the. By the way, Tom is a concerning listener. He's emailed and said, hey, nine deaths over 15 years isn't that bad a ratio. That's a little heavy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It is over time.

[Brett Fessley]

You know, when you're shooting for zero, though, in any time frame, nine is super high.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And if you find out it's all.

[Brett Fessley]

The same way and it's all. They're all tangled up in your bad design.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm gonna go Trench.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Nine. Nine deaths in 15 years. You're right if we're talking about auto accidents. But it's specifically designed to have zero deaths outside of just the water. A mistake. But when the pool is actually killing the kid, not the water, the water's the second problem. That's a pretty high number, Tom.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I only have one radio video.

[Brett Fessley]

All right, let's get to it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's the bull fighting ring. What are they calling. Call it like that.

[Brett Fessley]

It's Mexican poker.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

With women.

[Dale Hellestrae]

With broads.

[Brett Fessley]

There's seven or eight. How many of them are Six of them sitting at a table and they're in the bull ring and. Oh, they're baby bulls. Little bulls. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's a little one. So that's.

[Brett Fessley]

Women are bigger. She's bigger than the bull. Oh, they have no ability to get.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Away from the crowd. Is loving.

[Brett Fessley]

The bull is 30ft and charging right at them. And they stand there. There's a dog that just knocked one the of the lady's over.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You don't need anybody. You don't look at her.

[Brett Fessley]

She's trying to get Out. She can't. It's a. It's a baby.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's adorable.

[Toledo]

It's just me or did she squeeze through those bars?

[Brett Fessley]

You barely got through those bars. And those were thick. Show me that again.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, listen to the reaction.

[Brett Fessley]

Completely unable to move. This big fat one stands up like she's going to tackle.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Dropped it.

[Brett Fessley]

There's a. There's a. Like a German short hair out there that's causing as much trouble as. As the bull. They don't know what they're running from. If it's on four legs, it's gonna kill them. This is hilarious. Have you no lateral movement skill at all? The one girl picked up a folding chair and just held it and got mashed.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But what's funny is your. The reaction that you have is just what they're thinking. It's just a baby bull.

[Brett Fessley]

There's no.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It brings a little fun.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay, But.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but, Brady, these broads volunteered for a bull.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I know.

[Brett Fessley]

You can't be surprised when the bull comes out. It's in. The whole game of Mexican poker is the last person seated. Yeah, I don't know who won none. The bull hit one girl, and they all ran away. They all volunteered for this. Like, I can do that. And the second the bull gets there, they all leave. One girl gets hit by the bull, and then they all get up and leave. The game is over. Over. Yep. Like, everybody stand. Technically the fattest one, she struggles the most to get out of her chair.

[Dale Hellestrae]

So she's the winner.

[Brett Fessley]

And then they go like eight feet away thinking that the game's still a thing. If you're gonna get here's chair defense. Here's another thing. If you're playing Mexican poker and you've decided to stand up, don't just stand in the ring. You're still a target. Do what this one does and run out and slide through the pole. Oh, man, that's a tight squeeze. And those are about two feet apart.

[Brady Bogan]

She barely.

[Brett Fessley]

Barely makes that fat body through there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Your folding chair is not going to hold up against even a baby.

[Brett Fessley]

Just don't stand. Well, the bull knows that the game's over, right? No, it doesn't. It has no idea.

[Toledo]

I got one that was sent in.

[Brett Fessley]

Idiots.

[Toledo]

We might have seen this. Oh, yeah, Kids getting hurt.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah. I'm all over this.

[Dale Hellestrae]

This is great. Watch that.

[Brett Fessley]

He's in this little fake scooter thing, and it goes towards the wall, and then it's slow Moses face, and he rakes down a carpeted wall on his little Manufact. It's a fake car down a ramp. And it hits. They even have a little blanket there to kind of stop the car, but it doesn't work. Oh, and then his face.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just an American history act who carpets.

[Brett Fessley]

Their walls and have wooden floors.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That looks like.

[Toledo]

Not a house. I would guess that's like a school or a play center or something.

[Brett Fessley]

It is.

[Toledo]

This got lines on the floor.

[Brett Fessley]

Somebody's getting sued. Face tracks down the.

[Toledo]

And then somebody sent us the. The.

[Brett Fessley]

Enough of that stuff.

[Toledo]

This is here. This is the avenue side.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, well, there's a ass just being poked out.

[Brady Bogan]

What is that?

[Brett Fessley]

And this is here, too. This is a. Oh, we're just going through a bunch of hookers. The loop on the west side, 27th Avenue. There's a bunch of hookers out with their. This is our street. And then it cuts to, like, Mexican low riders and then. Asses. Hooker asses. Interesting. Thank you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I noticed that the hookers, you know, walking around. And then there's a little van that says Smart Scrubs, Right?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, there it is. Smart Scrubs gets a free plug. Yes. Smart. Smart Scrubs is always around where the hooker's asses are out because there's usually a leak. Smart Scrubs got to be there with their brushes to clean that stain. And maybe the hookers go to Smart Scrubs and get dolled up for the next client. Hi, Smart Scrubs. I'm all done. All right, spread them. Oh, you got pounded.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Get my ass, too.

[Brett Fessley]

Ah, made an extra 300 tonight, huh? Those broads playing Mexican poker. Who wants to play?

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, we do.

[Brett Fessley]

We have five of them. Okay, what's the rules? You just don't get up, the bull's gonna come charging at the table. Last person standing wins a hundred bucks. Okay.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's easy.

[Brett Fessley]

The bull gets close, and they all say it's a baby bull. In fact, two of you are bigger than the bull. Don't worry about it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Don't tell him.

[Brett Fessley]

I wouldn't be surprised if it happen again if the bull's afraid of you. So just stay at the table. If we get up, the game's over, huh?

[Katie Hobbs]

Okay.

[Brett Fessley]

They all stood up and just stood there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And the dudes at the radio are like, should we send some rodeo text in there? No, the dog will handle the bull.

[Brett Fessley]

And the German short hair chase the bull out. That's the worst version of that. That was the WNBA of Mexican poker. Like, I've seen Mexican dudes sit there, like, with real bulls.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Blow the table up, and the guy just Stays like, wasn't me. There's two guys holding these girls are.

[Katie Hobbs]

Like, I didn't know these were the rules. That bull is almost a hundred pounds.

[Toledo]

You got some challenges to your Mexican food, man.

[Brett Fessley]

Come on.

[Toledo]

Holmberg, los Pinos on 35th Avenue. And Camelback is solid.

[Brett Fessley]

They're all good.

[Toledo]

Across the street from a Mexican sushi place, a Mexican hot dog place, and a questionable massage parlor. But like a formal.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like a steak 44 level. There isn't one.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's one in Gilbert. Is it Bella's?

[Toledo]

Oh, is Bella's. Amore is good.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but they just charge a little extra. You're getting the same thing.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yes.

[Brett Fessley]

It's just presentation. The food's not like you're going to get the best refried beans at a regular Mexican place. You go to a high end Mexican place, they're not doing anything special. They're charging you more because it looks prettier. They don't just slap it on the.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Plate, you know, kind of like a steak or a. Yeah, but they got.

[Brett Fessley]

That at the other. You just don't pay attention. Like, you can go to Lana and get a steak, but. What are you doing? Yeah, it's crazy. I want to watch girl Mexican poker all day. That was the best part, is how dumb they were. After they stood up, they didn't make any attempt to get away from the ring.

[Dale Hellestrae]

The first brushing.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Was a panic.

[Brett Fessley]

The WNBA of Mexican poker is just hilarious. They were so bad at it. And then the dog.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That was my favorite.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, they could have just gotten rid of the bull and just released the hounds and these chicks would have done the same thing. Probably got knocked down, too. They hit the dirt and the two of them fell and didn't even get close to the bull. They just fell over each other. Oh, my God. It is kids chaos in there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Dog's got it.

[Brett Fessley]

Don't worry, I'm not sending a dude in there. Just a baby bull. The dog will scare it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And he did.

[Brett Fessley]

Any of those girls just put their hands in the air and went, ra. That bull would have stopped. Like, geez, she's huge. Well, he thought it was a bear act.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Really big.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, that one. Well, you don't. That one didn't have to. She just was really big. Just put your arms. Ah. That bull would be like, I'm steering clear of that giant broad.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'll put my folding chair out in front and stop him.

[Brett Fessley]

All right, Bosco, get out there and get that bull. Good boy. There you go, Billy Gardell. Is coming.

[Toledo]

Yeah, they're here.

[Brett Fessley]

Are they? Billy Gardell.

[Toledo]

Here you go.

[Brett Fessley]

One of my favorite comedians of all time.

[Toledo]

He might be in his Steelers jersey.

[Brett Fessley]

And he is actually. Yeah, probably one of my favorite comedians of all time. And I've seen him once. That's all you need. But I do know he's one of the most magnificent. Yeah. So smart, so bright. Just makes all the right decisions in life. Steeler fan Billy Gardell joins us in just moments.

[Brady Bogan]

It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brett Fessley]

You thought that was funny. You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Billy Gardell is here. He's at Desert Ridge Improv tonight. Well, actually tomorrow, a Saturday and Sunday. You're here early. You came in on Thursday.

[Billy Gardell]

I came to see you.

[Brett Fessley]

That can't be true.

[Billy Gardell]

Dropped by the backyard. Yeah. Listen, I'm from Earth One. I need to be on TV and the radio.

[Brett Fessley]

All right, I'm from Earth One. I'm with you on that.

[Billy Gardell]

And most of the folks that follow me are. I'm trying to get the younger folks in with the social. I just started that, like, seven months ago. But social media, I'm tried and true. Radio and tv, yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

It's the way it works. It's got some results.

[Billy Gardell]

Back when we weren't insane exactly. Kind of enjoy the written word.

[Brett Fessley]

It's gone a little quick for me, too. And what I love is when I hear somebody who's like 25 going, I know, Don't. I can't keep up. Like, good, because then I don't feel like I'm an idiot.

[Billy Gardell]

My hope is that the Internet just gets so full of crap to the point where no one believes anything. It'll collapse on itself. And we can go back to movies and record stores. That's my dream.

[Brett Fessley]

That's. That is a beautiful dream.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Politics, lack of power. A little bit, you know, you need.

[Brett Fessley]

But I don't know. So it's sort of almost the Sodom and Gomorrah thing, that it would be so disgusting that it will eventually collapse. And then we have to go back.

[Billy Gardell]

To if we just don't believe. If it gets to the point where nobody believes anything, we might say, start talking to each other again.

[Brett Fessley]

But again, I just explained to you yesterday, I talked to a Browns fan, and I realized there's a reason not.

[Billy Gardell]

To engage counting for Browns.

[Brett Fessley]

I mean, there's certain times in your.

[Billy Gardell]

Engagement, you have to show compassion. They. They know not what it's like Talking to animals.

[Brett Fessley]

It's. It's like in the. In the woods, talking to, like, a small. Like a squirrel. I'm like, why am I engaged? This brainless creature and I are now. But it. It learned the power of speech.

[Billy Gardell]

Somehow. It learned to leave the house.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And got out somewhere and talk. It had its bowl of water in front of him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Struggle.

[Brett Fessley]

It was weird. But, yeah, there's. Yeah, I. I think if the Internet's gotten to where it is today and this still isn't enough to collapse it, I'm not sure your dream can come true.

[Billy Gardell]

No, I think it will. It'll be. It'll be the point of misinformation, I think.

[Brett Fessley]

I hope you're right.

[Billy Gardell]

It gets to the point where nobody can believe anything. We're going to have to rely on each other again. I just hope we make it to that point.

[Brett Fessley]

That's a beautiful thought, but we've literally spent day after day in this room getting sent videos of people whose anuses.

[Billy Gardell]

Fall out of their video thing you guys do, and I could never do that.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

God bless you for being able to wade through it. I purposely avoid stuff like that because I don't want to lose my empathy nerve. I think if you.

[Brett Fessley]

That could be.

[Billy Gardell]

If you bang on that too long a little bit, nothing affects you. And I still want to be like, oh, man. Hey, whoa.

[Brett Fessley]

You like being affected by disgusting.

[Billy Gardell]

I like to have. I like to know where my line is.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. You have a game.

[Billy Gardell]

I got no line for anybody else. But I personally don't want to lose my empathy.

[Brett Fessley]

See, my weird one was it got to the point where bodies doing things to each other were like, well, that's their choice. And then a lady ate flies off of fly paper and couldn't stop throwing up. Wow. My line got really weird.

[Billy Gardell]

How bad?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Which surprised me. Out of all the stuff, how bad.

[Billy Gardell]

Do you want to be famous?

[Brett Fessley]

Right.

[Billy Gardell]

Yes. That's what it is, you know?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And I couldn't tell if I was being, like, a bigot or not because it was an Asian lady. And I'm like, is that what I'm upset about? Like, is it because it's some poor country? Maybe this is her meal? And I'm like, now your brain's just being mean.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, you just know what to do. That's the thing. It just splinters your perception. And you're like, what should I be thinking? What should I be thinking? You should be thinking, that lady shouldn't be eating that.

[Brett Fessley]

That's exactly the basics.

[Billy Gardell]

That's simple. No mystery.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. You get down to the base of it, it's like this probably shouldn't be.

[Billy Gardell]

Licking flies off fly pit.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That one. I saw a guy make bat stews.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm not a scientist. I've done no research, but that's where I would fall on this.

[Brett Fessley]

And you know what? Next on the docket, we got a guy whose anus fell out. Probably shouldn't be doing that either. Fell out. It falls out and it looks like a beehive.

[Billy Gardell]

I mean, I've lost my keys. Good Lord.

[Brett Fessley]

And speaking of losing and how do.

[Billy Gardell]

You go back in and talk to somebody about that?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And he says, oh, I die from it. Like that happens to me. I die just laying in the corner. No doctor is ever going to know, hey, this happened. Like, well, you're going to die then because you're not. I'm not touching it. What doctor says I got this. Like, who's trained for that? Nobody should. And that's the thing. They shouldn't even. Even in train because it'll keep us. We'll be more careful. If doctors are like, there's one thing we won't do is put that back in.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a very. You'd have to go to school for a long time. That's a very. You'd have. If I. I would charge so much. I'd only have to do like one of those a year as a doctor. Just like one cost you 3.5 million.

[Brett Fessley]

It's as best.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We'll get you fixed up.

[Brett Fessley]

I would imagine that in doctor school, the anus collapse is probably the last year because you'd lose so many students if you started there. Like, this is going to be something you guys see a lot.

[Billy Gardell]

You got it. That's got to be like.

[Brett Fessley]

That's one of the last midterms. You're wearing the hat with the tassel and. Oh, yeah, I forgot something. And then they. They hit you with that.

[Billy Gardell]

Start with the eyes. Like, better. Worse. Better. Okay, next chapter is going to get a little weird, guys.

[Brett Fessley]

Same. Same exact contraption though to figure it out.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Spent two years.

[Brett Fessley]

Billy Gardell's at the Desert Ridge Improv for my birthday, by the way. Saturday.

[Billy Gardell]

Happy birthday, my man.

[Brett Fessley]

And here's the thing. I don't believe you.

[Billy Gardell]

What?

[Brett Fessley]

Well, now, we talked about this twice.

[Billy Gardell]

Okay.

[Brett Fessley]

First time you were here, you came over to the house, watched Steelers and Bengals, Steeler Vortex.

[Billy Gardell]

That's right. You know, the most impressive thing to me, all that stuff, the fact you had the Enzo music.

[Brett Fessley]

You should come now like, it's.

[Billy Gardell]

It's. It's literally like going to a sports bar to. Yeah, but the thing that blew me away, that I told some of my buddies back in Pittsburgh, is he actually had a rack of Steeler jerseys.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

And different sizes. God forbid somebody forgot their colors.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

You could choose a number off the rack.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Unbelievable.

[Brett Fessley]

It's up to about 80 jerseys.

[Billy Gardell]

Seriously. That is a Yinzer bat cave. You have a Yinzer bat.

[Brett Fessley]

You have no idea how much that means to me. That's an amazing thing. And it's. It's better than. It's like, where you were was the.

[Billy Gardell]

So you've had it on.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, it's disgusting.

[Billy Gardell]

Pretty big when I saw it.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, you got to see it now it's indoors. It's, like, much better.

[Billy Gardell]

The bathroom. The bathroom.

[Brett Fessley]

The bathroom has been upgraded to. Yeah, the bathroom.

[Billy Gardell]

That is the Steeler bathroom.

[Brett Fessley]

It is pretty awesome. Yeah. Look, Billy, you're. You're making me love you a little more. Thank you. But when you were here, you didn't realize I was this type of Steeler fan.

[Billy Gardell]

No, I didn't realize how hardcore you were.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't know that you knew, being from Pittsburgh, that we existed elsewhere in this. Of course I do. Right. Of course I do. But here in Phoenix, you were like, yeah, he says he's a Steeler fan. You're probably a little bit taken back. Like, oh, no, this is legit. And plus, the group of people I've got are equally as into it as I am. And then you had a lot of faith. I realized midway through, you said to me, I'm going to do something for you. We've talked about, oh, yeah, I'm sorry if I don't.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm sorry.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm getting for you.

[Billy Gardell]

And you said, how can I make my amendment?

[Brett Fessley]

You said that you cried openly when you saw the. The chief. The play. I did.

[Billy Gardell]

The video.

[Brett Fessley]

The video.

[Billy Gardell]

I still owe you.

[Brett Fessley]

And you said you're sorry. I talked to you on the phone two years later, and I said, where's my video?

[Billy Gardell]

All right.

[Brett Fessley]

And you said, you know when it's on the way?

[Billy Gardell]

And it never came.

[Brett Fessley]

And of course not. And then after that, not of course.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm usually really good about this stuff. I'm so sorry.

[Brett Fessley]

No, it's all right. And then afterwards, I start seeing it available, and I'm like, I'm gonna get that. No, Billy's gonna get me that.

[Billy Gardell]

I am gonna. I'm gonna make that right. I'm gonna make my amends.

[Brett Fessley]

That's Right.

[Billy Gardell]

I will get Gene Collier, who wrote it, to sign it.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, and I thought that's why Jean's a great guy.

[Billy Gardell]

I know. That's why I wanted to do it for. I'm so sorry.

[Brett Fessley]

I thought that's why you were here on my birthday. I thought this was a big surprise. The remedy. No, it's fine.

[Billy Gardell]

No, no, no, no. But it was a. I owe that plus a vig.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay.

[Billy Gardell]

I will make that right.

[Brett Fessley]

All right. And you got to come back during football season and hit one of these things because the games have got.

[Billy Gardell]

How you feeling about that?

[Brett Fessley]

Well, you know, it's. You know, I'm not like the typical. It's. I think it's a train wreck. I. I think they. Here's the thing though. Nobody's paying attention to it. Everyone else will tune out and I don't care. You and I. More interesting to me what they have done is plan for next year because they got six compensatory picks through their little moves. They have 13 picks next year.

[Billy Gardell]

We do.

[Brett Fessley]

In a quarterback heavy draft.

[Billy Gardell]

We do.

[Brett Fessley]

So we're probably going to move all that to get up.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, how. How. What are your thoughts on Will Howard?

[Brett Fessley]

I think we're all. I have a problem with Ohio State quarterbacks.

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, really?

[Brett Fessley]

Huge.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, the last time we put an Ohio kid behind center that was big and had a bigger Garmin, could be a little mobile. It worked out pretty well.

[Brett Fessley]

An Ohio kid, not an Ohio State kid.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, it's still championship.

[Brett Fessley]

Ohio State had five.

[Billy Gardell]

We got Grandpa Simpson. What are we doing? He's out in space. He's looking at star charts.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, no, that is. He's a little off. It's tough to root for a guy.

[Billy Gardell]

And he's full of it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You hated it from the get go. Okay, I. I don't care for.

[Billy Gardell]

I don't see what the point of this is.

[Brett Fessley]

Things to have here.

[Billy Gardell]

I love that we got Metcalf because we need a big love that like the draft. I'm not sure. I'm not sure that is it Miles. No. Who's. Who's our third receiver? Second.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, we've got. Well, we got two. Well, Robert woods and then Calvin Austin. Austin.

[Billy Gardell]

Austin I really like, but I don't think he's a number two. I think he's a number three.

[Brett Fessley]

Roman Wilson is another one. Nobody knows. So we don't have a good receiver room except for John Smith. Good trades. We've had good moves. I like the team. It's another 10 and 17. Who do.

[Billy Gardell]

You think is Going to start as running back Warren.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh Jalen will start. I like the rookies coming in. So do I. He's four yards of carry.

[Billy Gardell]

Come on. But can he go the. Can he run like that the whole game is the question.

[Brett Fessley]

We'll see. And that's what this runs hard. The kid we got from Iowa is supposed to be like he's going to take the starting job. Like this guy fits the zone scheme and all this other stuff. But I, I look at this and I'm kind of like yeah, this is all a play for not next year.

[Billy Gardell]

I told my wife when they signed Rogers, I said I wonder if I can get an app where I could just watch defense. Can technology help me out?

[Brett Fessley]

So you're struggling. Even cheering for it.

[Billy Gardell]

I just. This is the guy that beat us.

[Brett Fessley]

In the super bowl last.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm supposed to go root for this guy now.

[Brett Fessley]

But what were the better option? Oh, go back to Will Howard though. The Ohio State quarterback problem I have is he won. He won a national championship with Ohio State in the games that mattered leading up to the playoffs. He was. Was not good. And also he was behind a professional line. All five of those guys are going to. The receivers are going in the NFL, the tight ends going to the NFL. Both running backs are in the NFL. And he was okay. So in a college system where your entire offense is going pro and you were just average and that's why he's a six round pick and I think.

[Billy Gardell]

There'S a little more to him than that.

[Brett Fessley]

I hope you're right.

[Billy Gardell]

I don't know what Rogers was thinking either. Like I mean you want to spend the last couple years or last year.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Why was it strung out so long?

[Billy Gardell]

Well but why? Because he's a drama queen. But why. But why come to the AFC north for your last year like the beat down division. Cleveland since he's got a Cincinnati like those are not nice games.

[Brett Fessley]

If they sign Hendrickson, he's going to hit you three times. The Browns have Miles Garrett.

[Billy Gardell]

That's a tough division to finish your season.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. You're saying he should have come out here to been a Cardinal and played against these Patsy go to Miami. There you go.

[Billy Gardell]

I mean somewhere. But you know.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. It is a. It is hard. It's fingers crossed.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

That it all works. But. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great? Would we. Let me ask you this. He. Let's say he takes you to the promised land.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

And Aaron Rodgers is now in steeler lore as one of our championship quarterbacks. Pipe dream. How do we feel?

[Billy Gardell]

Not me.

[Brett Fessley]

You don't like it. No. No. Even if he's.

[Billy Gardell]

He's hoisting the Lombardi, the guy, he's. I can't get over. Watch. He beat us in a Super Bowl.

[Dale Hellestrae]

What about you?

[Brett Fessley]

I'm fine with it. Just wants the hardware.

[Billy Gardell]

He just wants the hardware.

[Brett Fessley]

I'll give Omar whatever it takes and Mike Tomlin the credit. At that point, I'm like, these guys gotta.

[Dale Hellestrae]

How about if it was a couple of years ago?

[Billy Gardell]

Mike.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Mike Vick.

[Brett Fessley]

I didn't. That's the only time I didn't watch Steeler games in the last 25 years when Vic was the starter. Because I'm a big animal dog guy, and I'm like, there's no reason for me to cheer for this. I couldn't do it. Yeah. So I walked away from those games, and my friends were like, you're not even opening the bar for us. I'm like, nope. Steeler games are out.

[Billy Gardell]

The bar is closed.

[Brett Fessley]

Closing her down.

[Billy Gardell]

We're closed.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm going to play with my five dogs, and I'm going to have fun back down there with them because I read the book about Michael Vick, and that is not rough.

[Billy Gardell]

Really bad.

[Brett Fessley]

Now, let's talk about you. Yes, you were. Of course, you're doing your comedy stuff. You were on Mike and Molly. I was. Bob Hart's Abishola is. That's off. Yeah. No, you're not doing that. Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Bob Hart's Abishola just wrapped last year, and it's. It got into what's left of syndication. You know, it's much smaller now.

[Brett Fessley]

What is that like now?

[Billy Gardell]

Well, and it's not like it was where you would make a lot of money, like Mike and Molly. God bless. That show went monster, and it paid great forever. And residuals, very, very blessed. Nowadays with TV shows, you get a little trickle of that because there's not as many markets. So the advertising dollar isn't as high because of the streamers. And the streamers are. You know, they worked it pretty smart. Slyly. They. First they said it was new media, and then, you know, then they were like, we don't have any commercials. And then it's like two bucks less, and we'll give you commercials. But the thing was, the residuals don't work the same way streamers do. So it cut that down to.

[Brett Fessley]

So it killed it. So Mike and Molly. If I went back and tried to download it. Your numbers are minuscule.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah. You. For. For downloads. We don't really get Much.

[Brett Fessley]

No kidding.

[Billy Gardell]

We don't get much on streaming, and we lost that in the strike.

[Brett Fessley]

I was going to say.

[Billy Gardell]

Okay, I. I'm pretty sure Sir Isaac Newton could explain that side contract to me. Still would not.

[Brady Bogan]

Because you do.

[Brett Fessley]

There are people standing outside in the heat striking for this very reason.

[Billy Gardell]

And we did, and we struck for months. And it just still is not clear to me how any of that works.

[Brett Fessley]

Do you want to do TV again or is it because of this?

[Billy Gardell]

I do. You know, man, now that I've. I've changed my entire appearance.

[Brett Fessley]

You have.

[Billy Gardell]

I did. I. You know, I. About the third year of Bob Hart, Sabbath Shoal, I stopped touring because Covid hit.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

And it was the first. Did they have Covid?

[Brett Fessley]

No, we didn't do it. We skipped it. We skipped it. We went right past it. Like, what are these things where I live that happened?

[Billy Gardell]

And I was. You know, when the first wave hit, when it was really bad, you know, the most dangerous earmarks that they put up, like sleep apnea, obese type. Like, I had them all.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

So I was like, I can't go out and tour. So we were working without an audience and, you know, just testing before work. And I did. I realized then that coupled with the fact that I had developed type 2 diabetes and my heart was. You know, I think my resting heartbeat was like, 135. That was sitting.

[Brett Fessley]

Wow.

[Billy Gardell]

So the warranties were running off, so I had to make a big change. And with that came a lot of cool things. I thought I was done with with Stand Up. And then I finished the show. And then I had some buddies kept annoying me to get back up on stage in the best way. Ian Bag and Titus, probably Steve Burn, Titus Leno, Alonzo Bowden, Ryan Reese. And these guys kept saying, get back up here. And I was like, nah, I think I'm done. And then I actually went down and saw Ian Bag with my wife. We went down to see him in Irvine, and he was having one of those nights where you're just slicing the audience.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, he's great.

[Billy Gardell]

And I got that word weird itch in my shoulder. I was like, well, let me see if there's anything left in the tank here. So I started messing around with open mic nights, and before I knew it, I was back out on the road working on a new.

[Brett Fessley]

What's that? Like when Billy Gardell hits the Wednesday night?

[Billy Gardell]

You know, man, it's very weird, but it's. It's got a very Gen X feel to it, which kind of appeals to me. It's kind of like being in a great band.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Now your band's broken up, but you can still play guitar. But you gotta go figure out what the new thing's gonna. To me, that's inspiring. And now I'm going out for roles. I'm starting to audition for different roles, which I would have never got to play before. I'm older and I look completely different. But now I can slide in hopefully to those roles of, you know, like the. The chief of the police or the bad guy or the crooked politician or the, you know, or maybe, you know, the dad or so. But I also. I'm really interested in doing some drama. You know what I'd really like do to. To reboot. And I'm gonna start talking about this to see if it's possible. I would love to reboot the Rockford Files.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, my God.

[Billy Gardell]

Just for the car, right?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Oh, the theme songs.

[Billy Gardell]

Jim Rockford. Leave a message at the beep. And I would like to play Rockford.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Such a good show.

[Billy Gardell]

That would stand the idea.

[Brett Fessley]

We're rebooting stuff.

[Billy Gardell]

Why not?

[Brett Fessley]

Why not?

[Billy Gardell]

Everybody loves nostalgia. And. And that's a great one. You could update it, make it a little darker.

[Brett Fessley]

Same car.

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, you gotta.

[Brett Fessley]

You gotta have 77.

[Billy Gardell]

77.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, something like that. It was a beautiful. Yeah, gotta have that one. Yep. The Firebird.

[Billy Gardell]

The gold.

[Brett Fessley]

An angel is his kind of annoying comedic relief partner.

[Billy Gardell]

Sleep on the beach.

[Brett Fessley]

Who do we cast there? Who are you looking at? Who's in it with it?

[Billy Gardell]

I don't know yet, but I. I'm in.

[Brett Fessley]

Billy, that's it. You don't have to get me that dvd.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, I was. I was just thinking. I was like, what would be a fun show I would love to do, but I. I'd like to do an hour long, I think is what I really like. I don't know what's gonna happen. Happen, but I'd like to try to do that.

[Brett Fessley]

That's cool. That would be awesome. And do you have, like. Do you want someone to, like, just you pitch the idea and somebody runs with it.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm working. I'm gonna. I'm talking to my manager and we're gonna. You know, I just signed with Levity Entertainment. Judy Marmel, who's been a lifelong friend, my manager stepped on because he's 75 now.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. It's time to quit.

[Billy Gardell]

It was time.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

And. And we're still like. That guy was like a second father. Me, I still talk to him every day. But Judy is this amazing four force And I said, I think I'd really like to do this. So we're going to explore who has the rights and then what kind of writer.

[Brett Fessley]

That's awesome.

[Billy Gardell]

To do it. Right. But look, you. You throw stuff against the wall. You see what happens?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. And it's kind of scary. At a certain point, you get to an age where you're like, I don't want to start anything new.

[Billy Gardell]

No. Well, I. I just.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm. I'm.

[Billy Gardell]

I go the other way with that. I like that because it feels like I'm still growing.

[Brett Fessley]

You're starting to. Yeah. See, I struggle with that.

[Billy Gardell]

If I'm unsure of it and if it scares me a little, then I think that's kind of what I go.

[Brett Fessley]

You run to it.

[Billy Gardell]

Not. Not like the. Not like when I was young. You just run towards danger like a. You learn to differentiate.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But I. Chasing it more.

[Billy Gardell]

I think the things that. That you follow passionately sometimes tend to bloom.

[Brett Fessley]

Interesting. Yeah. Because I have things where if I see something that scares me, I run into the wall.

[Billy Gardell]

Go the other way.

[Brett Fessley]

No, I run towards it. I just miss. And I smash into the wall. Yeah. There's like, my shoulder goes in. I got to smash into the frame. Yeah. But I think that's kind of the fun of it. But also I found that, you know, I get complacent, and those things kind of make me want to.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, complacency feels like safety.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Like, I was. When I got back up on stage, like, you know, I lost 170 pounds.

[Brett Fessley]

I was just gonna ask you. I had to. Wow.

[Billy Gardell]

I had to, like, I, like, my presence was different on stage. I went from, like, a minivan to a coupe, and I'm like, you know, So I had to get used to that, too. Cause I was. At one point I was like, get out of the way, guy. And I'm like, I'm sorry, did I bump you? So, like, I had to downshift.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You're so fragile.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, I'm fragile now, so. But I. I've really enjoyed embracing.

[Brett Fessley]

So you used to use your way to mow people over fairly regularly, and now you're.

[Billy Gardell]

When you're a big force, you can just kind of, you know, people see you coming, you know, but nowadays, a different presence. I feel like Jason. I'm Jason Bourne now. I just disappeared.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

I just. So. But that's been the fun of rebuilding.

[Brett Fessley]

What'S better about being bigger.

[Billy Gardell]

I don't know if any of it's better. I was just lucky enough to be able to Carry my weight for a long time because I played sports in high school, and that's probably the. I could carry the weight that I did for as long as I can. But you can't outrun the clock.

[Brett Fessley]

No.

[Billy Gardell]

At some point, those numbers start climbing, and you're like, I either make a change or no.

[Brett Fessley]

Did you ever get to that point where you're like, I'll never be £305. I'll never be 310?

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, God. Yeah, man. I. I think I topped out at 385.

[Brett Fessley]

Holy smokes.

[Billy Gardell]

And I'm 212 this morning.

[Brett Fessley]

We're the same.

[Billy Gardell]

Isn't that crazy?

[Brett Fessley]

That's incredible. And it was all just, like, life changes.

[Billy Gardell]

I did. Well, no.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm heavier than you.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, well, I'm sorry. Sorry. You know, it starts with loving yourself.

[Brett Fessley]

Brady also yesterday told us he had seven burgers for lunch the other day.

[Billy Gardell]

Which was not down to four baby steps. A little at a time. No, I. What I did was I did bariatric surgery.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, okay.

[Billy Gardell]

I actually. I went on ozempic for type 2 diabetes the first year it was out.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, okay.

[Billy Gardell]

And I was their spokesperson for a while.

[Brett Fessley]

I remember that.

[Billy Gardell]

And last time I saw your car, they didn't. That's right, they didn't. They didn't know know that it was going to be a weight loss drug. Then they were. So the dose I was on was just to help. I think I lost, like, £15 in a year on it.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

But then they started increasing the dose and finding that, oh, this is a weight loss drug now they're seeing that it helps with forms of OCD and addiction. It's pretty amazing. But I didn't know that. And so I did it to manage it for a year. And then I just got to the place where my knee and my hip were hurting so bad. My blood numbers were. Were so bad, I had to do something drastic because I was at the point where I couldn't exercise.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

I hit that point.

[Brett Fessley]

Wow.

[Billy Gardell]

So I elected to get bariatric surgery, which comes with some risks. You know, you really have to maintain this thing. And I got that done. It was four years ago, July 17th, £170. 173. But who's counting, right?

[Brett Fessley]

By the way, Billy, you're going to be here for breaking news.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, what do we got?

[Brett Fessley]

Hulk Hogan just died.

[Billy Gardell]

No rip. Hulk. Yeah, he got a little weird at the end there. He did get a little strange, but, boy, was he fun in the age.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. As a eulogy, an immediate Eulogy. I think you nailed it. But was he. Wasn't he weird the whole time?

[Billy Gardell]

I. I think we found out he was weird.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. I think.

[Billy Gardell]

I think I just always remember him from Rocky. Yeah. It got weirder as it went.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Rocky 3.

[Brett Fessley]

I thought thunder Lips. Yeah. So that's Thunderlips. Sorry. Thunder Lips was the best. Yeah. Was he the one that killed Apollo?

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Brett Fessley]

He beat up Rocky. That's right in the room.

[Billy Gardell]

But the best line is that when they're introing and Rocky goes, what do you think he eats? And Mickey goes, about 232 pounds. Weighing in at 232 pounds, Rocky Balboa.

[Brett Fessley]

That's hilarious. Yeah, that's a. Wow. That's weird that that popped up right as you were talking. I'm sorry. That's a fun thing to do. Talk to the comedian, tell him about who's recently.

[Billy Gardell]

Hey, man, whatever. Yeah, we're still here, right?

[Brett Fessley]

We're still standing still here. But I always think of that. You said that. And it struck me as he was a little weird at the end, but, I mean, we watched a man in, like, red Speedo tights for 40 years and never once said he's weird until he started getting political.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And then that was so.

[Billy Gardell]

Well, no, he had all that weird stuff in Florida.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, all that got weird with his love.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

He just got so, like, what is going on?

[Brett Fessley]

His wife was doing stuff with his friends.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm very glad I'm lame.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Is that something you're proud of?

[Billy Gardell]

I tell my son, now, you want to be punk rock today? You want to be a rebel? Be lame and kind.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, it's different.

[Billy Gardell]

You want to be the rebel. Lame and kind is the way to go.

[Brett Fessley]

That is a really good rebellious move at this point.

[Billy Gardell]

Always going the other direction.

[Brett Fessley]

Completely boring and kind and just hanging around the house being kind. Say thank you and please. Yeah. Hey, how you doing today, sir and ma'? Am?

[Brady Bogan]

What do you mean by that?

[Dale Hellestrae]

What are you going for with bro?

[Billy Gardell]

I tell everybody, man. Keep. Keep lying to your kids. But I think we're almost done here.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Do you want to be here to watch it all check out? That's been my goal.

[Billy Gardell]

No, I don't want to. If. If something horrible happens, I hope it hits my house.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

Oh, I'd like to go nuclear bomb or something.

[Brett Fessley]

Close.

[Billy Gardell]

I've realized I'm too lazy to be foraging for water.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Oh, I'm not doing that.

[Billy Gardell]

I can't. I'm not. I don't need to know which plants I can eat. Just. I'll go out in the pool.

[Brett Fessley]

My dad says that he's always like, you know, he's in Texas now, and that changed his mindse the whole thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh.

[Brett Fessley]

It's just. It's. And he's always like, you need. You need to get ready for. For this. That there's going to be a civil war. And I'm like, I'm not dead. I don't know how to do.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Get ready for an extra 30 days.

[Billy Gardell]

Have you ever thought about how insane that sounds, though? We're all Americans.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

And there's not going to be civil war because what are you going to do? Go door to door looking for people? I mean, it's going to be like, yo, Samity Sam. When he yells, charge. And they run down the street and nobody's there. Then they go back the other way.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Charge.

[Billy Gardell]

Nobody.

[Brett Fessley]

But like you said, if somebody comes to my house, like, I'm gonna kill you unless you feed me. I'm like, come on in. I got soups, whatever you want. When that runs out, I'm closing my own shop.

[Billy Gardell]

So first thing I say to people when they're in house. You hungry?

[Brett Fessley]

All right. I'm not gonna start shooting at you. When I says, whoa, dragon, I means, whoa.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Doors open.

[Brett Fessley]

And my dad's trying to train me for the apocalypse.

[Dale Hellestrae]

And I'm like, I think people enjoy that, though. They think. They love the prepping and that crap. They get in.

[Brett Fessley]

Do you have a skill in the end of the world that you would. I have nothing. Nothing. You'd be the court jester.

[Billy Gardell]

I'm doing anything. Rocks in your pocket, you know, that's all.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I kind of feel the same. I do kind of want to watch the credits roll. Like, watch Earth. Like, it's.

[Billy Gardell]

Just see the final scene, just to see the last. I wonder if there'll be a cut scene. It'd be like a guy popping out of the water, a little nude or something. Like, what's that?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, it's setting up for a sequel. Oh, I see. I want to see if there's anything after the credits, like bloopers, you know, something. Then I'll just check out with it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But I hope I vaporize.

[Billy Gardell]

That's what I'm saying. Just a little outline of me on the ground.

[Brett Fessley]

I have an image of me sitting on that mountain on top with a drink, just watching it all unfold. Not what I thought. Yeah, not what I thought.

[Billy Gardell]

This is the other school of thought that we. We actually wake up and start. I don't know. Taking care of each other.

[Brett Fessley]

You're crazy. You're sound like Hulk Hogan.

[Billy Gardell]

Now I guess I'm gone.

[Brett Fessley]

You've lost your mind on. Get out of here with that train.

[Billy Gardell]

Easy talk.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. 100 there.

[Billy Gardell]

You and your people should have health care. The middle class should have a working wage and unions are protecting. Get out of here, you crazy.

[Brett Fessley]

170 pounds gone and logic.

[Billy Gardell]

Get him on again.

[Brett Fessley]

He's nuts. Billy Gardell is here. Desert Ridge Improv. Tomorrow, Saturday, my birthday. And Sunday. I guess it's the balance of power because I'm not going to be in town.

[Billy Gardell]

Where are you going?

[Brett Fessley]

I'm going to Vegas.

[Billy Gardell]

Just.

[Brett Fessley]

We're doing a thing. So we had to replace the ultimate Steeler fan with another one to keep it from.

[Billy Gardell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

We bounce out.

[Billy Gardell]

If he's out of town, you're filling in for me. We don't want the vibration.

[Brett Fessley]

Perfect. Exactly.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It'll be a lot kinder.

[Brett Fessley]

It'd be terrifying. Billy, leave us with words of wisdom. Something nice. Change the world.

[Billy Gardell]

I don't know if I could change the world, but you can change your storefront. Remember this, you can't change nouns, people, places or things.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Billy Gardell]

You can change your approach, your reaction and your proximity.

[Brett Fessley]

It's like you had that plan. That's beautiful.

[Billy Gardell]

That was bring the best out.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Bring the best.

[Brett Fessley]

That's Billy Gardell, everybody. Thank you, sir Billy Gardell, everyone.

[Billy Gardell]

Man, great to see you.

[Brett Fessley]

Awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You thought that was funny?

[Brett Fessley]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? I'll get right to it. Now, how about this? We said yesterday it's tough for us to break news to people on the radio anymore because everybody's got their own phones and stuff. Yeah, it was Hulk Hogan passed away right as we were chatting.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that the third?

[Brett Fessley]

It's number three. I mean, there's a lot more who've died, but three notable ones right now.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[Brett Fessley]

The 80s are dropping dead before our eyes, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

And you're. And you're part of the 80s.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, you're more part of the 80s. That whole SMU thing is not looking good on you. Crazy Dale Hell joins us once again on Thursdays. It's time to chat about sports and everything else that's going on. But that's a big one right there. And it's brought to you by pursuing prestige billiards. A dot com. Get it all taken care of. If you have any, like, I Was talking to Billy Gardell about my, my Steelers room. All prestige billiard stuff in there. They just loaded me up. The pool table, the air, everything I did, I went through that. And I've got the best room in my house and I spend all my time in it. He's got chairs. He's got like my Steelers chair. Which you sit in. Yeah, very comfortable Steelers chair.

[Brady Bogan]

That was for me. No, I mean I sat on the Steelers in the Super Bowl.

[Brett Fessley]

Three time super bowl champion Dale Hell here.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

What did Hulk Hogan mean to you? Did he ever encourage you to do steroid, I mean, vitamins?

[Brady Bogan]

I, I, I wasn't, I've never been a wrestling guy. No, never been a wrestling guy because.

[Brett Fessley]

It was too homoerotic.

[Brady Bogan]

You had a lot of touching, grabbing.

[Brett Fessley]

That was football, Dale. You played football for 20 years.

[Brady Bogan]

You had, you had layers on you. You're not just wearing a little bikini.

[Brett Fessley]

You didn't like the skin to skin action?

[Brady Bogan]

I would. No, that would suck.

[Brett Fessley]

Too sexy.

[Brady Bogan]

That would suck.

[Brett Fessley]

So you, you think that maybe fake.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, I don't like fake.

[Brett Fessley]

Was it though?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, it was fake.

[Brett Fessley]

Was flipping off that top. Have you ever seen the athletes?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Very athletic.

[Brady Bogan]

I was opening up. Okay, who wins tonight?

[Brett Fessley]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

I guess I'm winning.

[Brett Fessley]

The outcomes predetermined.

[Brady Bogan]

That was so that's fake.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Okay. They do that in the NFL every now and then.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. I was just going to say the Patriots spent 18 years doing. You work for Jerry Jones. He's the king of the wwe. Doing it again.

[Brady Bogan]

What's that?

[Brett Fessley]

He's going. You guys realize that I have, I hold the purse strings and there's no reason for me to worry about M. Parsons. He's, he's in camp. He's doing this strictly for theater. This, this money doesn't mean anything. He's a WWE king, so you can't make fun of fake the whole thing.

[Brady Bogan]

You're porn. Jerry Jones is why. He's annoying and can drive you crazy. If you're a fan, he's a genius. Because, because every ESPN broadcast is going to have a star. Michael Parsons. Michael Parsons.

[Brett Fessley]

Very true.

[Brady Bogan]

He did it with Ezekiel Elliott. Five, six, seven. Every day there's something about the Cowboys and I, I'm, I'm 98% sure that they've talked and said, okay, this would be your contract, but let's play this thing out because it, it's great tv.

[Dale Hellestrae]

We need the soap opera.

[Brett Fessley]

But the problem is he's getting, got to pay him now the highest amount paid. So he could have done this and gotten him signed for 10 million less and made the team better rather than give them more press.

[Brady Bogan]

I, I, you know what? At the end of the day, I don't even know if he cares about.

[Brett Fessley]

You know, it's like you're a bad soldier. It's time for you to start talking about your days with the Ravens.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, you know what? Come on, man. It's been 35 years since you won a Super Bowl. Something wrong, you know, and, and you're going to get continue to do the same thing. So I have a feeling that some of his competitive juice is gone and that's disappointing.

[Brett Fessley]

Or is it personal competitive juice where he feels like people love me and that's the win.

[Brady Bogan]

I think that he thought he was way too important back in the 90s, football wise. Now business wise. I mean, he's just dumbass luck. I mean, you think? Yeah, I think that anything he touches and if he does it wrong or right, it's turns into gold. I mean, I'm not saying he's not smart.

[Brett Fessley]

There's too much success to say.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not saying he's not, I'm not saying he's not smart. But he stumbled on a couple things.

[Brett Fessley]

He stumbled into the Cowboys, but he changed the game.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

For Junior to drop the Hush Puppies and take the team over.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Steve should have the team. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

We're talking talking food.

[Brett Fessley]

Brady always talks food. He's making a reference to Smokey and the Bandit. He thought you'd get it. Talk to people with CTE and bring up 50 year old movies. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a long time ago.

[Brett Fessley]

Come on, man. I can't think. Especially something as veiled as the hush puppy reference. I got it because I still have my wits. But you know so much about. Well, I still have my wits. I also know stuff I should, but I. You can't have. You can't say that Jerry Jones didn't come into the league and say, oops, accidentally got this for a great price and then started to buck the system. Changed the game on sponsorships and went individual and everything. Got rights for jersey sales. Were all the teams now. And he took that on and made that a $20 billion value.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you see what? Because the packers are the only team that has to disclose how much they get, how much they make.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, because it's.

[Brady Bogan]

No, did you see what they're getting? What was it their disbursement was? 400 and don't quote me. 454 and 60 million.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay, that's just going out for this year.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no. That's what they got.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

From share revenue.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

460 million. So that's TV. Yeah, that's.

[Brett Fessley]

That's from the TV contract. Jersey sales merch.

[Brady Bogan]

460 million.

[Brett Fessley]

That's just.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what they've got about 225 million gravy.

[Brett Fessley]

No tickets sold. They're already in the. They're already in the.

[Brady Bogan]

No tickets, no suites, no parking, no hot dogs.

[Brett Fessley]

They're already 200 up.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Pretty good business to be in this case. It's kind of like radio.

[Brett Fessley]

So why do you. Shut up, Dan. Quit. Call me lucky.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It would have to be that in order to get the evaluation set they're keeping, you know.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, 10. 10 to $15 billion team in Dallas. Is that. Anyway, I'm gonna get back to death. Dale, since you were. You're just knocking on the door. You got.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard the guy on before Billy Gardell. Yeah, Billy's awesome. He. He.

[Brett Fessley]

He lost 170 pounds.

[Brady Bogan]

He lost half of half a Brady.

[Brett Fessley]

He lost a little bit of Brady, in fact, on the commercial saying, I lost this much. He holds Brady up, but. And there's like, just half of them. We lose three. Theo from the Cosby Show.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that. That.

[Brett Fessley]

That's terribly sad. That was young Ozzy Osborne. What do you mean? I knew you'd have the wrong opinion about this.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, ay. He should have been dead 30 years.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm not talking about shocking. I knew he dismissed this as like, a meaningless.

[Brady Bogan]

They. A song that ay worth anything.

[Brett Fessley]

You want a Black Sabbath guy who. This is painful.

[Brady Bogan]

So he was part of Black Sabbath that he went on his own.

[Brett Fessley]

It just made me think of something hilarious. If we did Clint Black Sabbath and just kind of mashed those.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I guarantee you Iron man was playing in that locker room of yours.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, you were dealing with a lot of Ozzy in college.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. You listen to Iron Man? You better have your headphones on or there's a fight in college.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Come on, crazy train.

[Brett Fessley]

You did not have. Are you gonna yell at him? Larry?

[Brady Bogan]

Are you gonna get over here?

[Brett Fessley]

Larry. Larry McFeely. This is a celebrity here.

[Dale Hellestrae]

This guy probably could have had opportunities throughout his career to be invited to.

[Brett Fessley]

XYZ concert, Black Sabbath reunion, all of.

[Dale Hellestrae]

This kind of stuff.

[Brett Fessley]

Nothing.

[Brady Bogan]

No. I mean, come on.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He'd rather be noodling with Roland Martin.

[Brady Bogan]

He is a textbook example of why rock sucks.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, my God.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's passing by.

[Brett Fessley]

You are a troll.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He is.

[Brett Fessley]

I think so. He's trolling us.

[Brady Bogan]

Seriously, you can sing like him. Brady can sing like him, but I.

[Brett Fessley]

Can'T write the songs. There he goes again with a yelling there's his eyes.

[Brady Bogan]

Let me bite his snake's head off.

[Brett Fessley]

No, it was a bat and it was a candy. He did snort a line of ants. No better than Randy Travis. You're a hero.

[Brady Bogan]

Just drank himself into the sing him circles.

[Brett Fessley]

Here, let me do my impression of Luke Bryant. Let me do my impression of Luke Bryan real quick. Yeah. Oh, they're all on coke. That's the only way you can tolerate country music.

[Brady Bogan]

They're physical fitness nuts, Johnny.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right. Because they got all the energy in the world from all their cocaine. You're an idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

I lost my life for the little Angus dude from acdc.

[Brett Fessley]

How in the world did Angus almost kill you?

[Brady Bogan]

Because I was a bouncer back at smu. Okay. As a freshman. And I'm sitting in front of this. We had no idea who AC DC was. Reunion arena.

[Brett Fessley]

Then you're done. No.

[Brady Bogan]

But no. Back in 1981 they were just coming on the scene.

[Brett Fessley]

Acdc. I mean it was.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Funny people that did not they again they had a.

[Brett Fessley]

1981 was after their lead singer died and they replaced him with Brian Johnson. They had 20.

[Brady Bogan]

That little Angus dude was.

[Brett Fessley]

He was always there.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Right.

[Brett Fessley]

But they had.

[Brady Bogan]

Was a little scrawny guy.

[Brett Fessley]

Dirty deeds.

[Brady Bogan]

Well they all scrawny.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You're not gonna know it's anger. You think it's.

[Brett Fessley]

It wasn't jailbreak.

[Brady Bogan]

So I'm in front of the fence with my buddies. We're a reunion arena. It's waiting wafting of. Of marijuana there. I. I thought I'd fail a drug test because just. Just smelling it. And all of a sudden a bell comes out of the damn ceiling.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And this with jeans and no shirt. And he starts clanging this bell.

[Brett Fessley]

It's a concert.

[Brady Bogan]

Everybody starts forcing their way down and we're like looking at each other. I. I'm not dying for that idiot up the stage.

[Brett Fessley]

We're protecting it sounds like he was security.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah. Security. Security.

[Brett Fessley]

What a great Security guys.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Automatically I thought it was like he was walking in a nightclub.

[Brady Bogan]

I jumped over the fence and left. And I said the hell with this. $50.

[Brett Fessley]

Wow. So you're doing security for ACDC?

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't know what ACDC was.

[Brett Fessley]

Dumb. That's just dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

The next week we had security for people. Peabo Bryson.

[Brett Fessley]

So you knew people and you stayed.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He stayed.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Brett Fessley]

Did you. What did you know?

[Brady Bogan]

I knew New country. I Knew. Yeah. Conway, Twitty, Johnny. Oh, you know what I'm saying? Intelligence, right? Intelligence.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, I wish that bell would have hit you.

[Brady Bogan]

Ozzy Osborne.

[Brett Fessley]

He.

[Brady Bogan]

He's a weirdo. He's not talented. My God. Black. It's Black Sabbath. Name. Name three thoughts.

[Brett Fessley]

This one says Dale should hire some security right now because there's going to be people that are going to lemon his ass outside today. Yeah. For legal purposes. That was just a joke, Andrew. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Name three songs from.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm just going to name those three.

[Brett Fessley]

Maybe not. I'm not so sure about that. More pigs. I Am Iron Man.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, you've said that eight times.

[Brett Fessley]

No, I'm saying that's legendary.

[Brady Bogan]

Any other songs?

[Brett Fessley]

Any other songs? The Wizard, Black Sabbath. The song Jesus God Almighty. It goes on and on. Then he gets a diary of a.

[Brady Bogan]

Madman, Crazy train.

[Brett Fessley]

Throwing. Name after name. Monster Tinker Train.

[Brady Bogan]

Mama, I'm Coming Home.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, you'd love it. It's a ballad. Harry Mason sounds a little more country.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm feeling attacked.

[Brett Fessley]

And you should, because you. You attacked first. You.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You drew first blood.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Oh, now he goes all libtard and he starts throwing out. Bu. This guy. I'm the middle of the road guy. You're the one that's always like, trump's the best thing in the world. Now you're like, oh, someone hurt my feelings. You can't do both.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You can ask Conway Twitty what he thought of Ozzy.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

What do you think he would say?

[Brady Bogan]

Hank Williams Jr. No. You're going to say, anybody can name.

[Brett Fessley]

Three songs of Hank Williams Jr. Besides. Are you ready for some football?

[Brady Bogan]

Is that not the best song ever, Johnny? Monday Night Football. You're telling me you didn't sit there and listen to that?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, I did like that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

There's some similarities of Hank Williams Jr. And Ozzy as far as lifestyle.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, they're both fighting bats of bats. Heads off and.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but he probably did it.

[Brady Bogan]

By the way, I don't like this little guy over here. After eight days of vacation, he comes in with a lot of energy. It comes a lot of energy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, I just came in because Brett's not here.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, he came in because you said something ridiculously stupid. You were this unbelievable. We heard it here. Dale Helister, everybody.

[Brady Bogan]

So really, two celebrities have passed away. Hulk Hogan and Malcolm.

[Brett Fessley]

And you didn't even like Hulk Hogan that much. You said too much. Man on man action.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, again, I kind of liked his show after.

[Brett Fessley]

What about Ozzy's show after his music?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That Was one of the first reality television.

[Brady Bogan]

You couldn't understand a word he said.

[Brett Fessley]

Dale, do you think you are living any differently? No one can understand you, unfortunately. Understood.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He left me a message.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, you want to hear what he said to Brady? It's. I gotta find it. But yeah, he. I asked him to say F you to the entire town. We had Ozzy on the show several times.

[Brady Bogan]

Yay for you. Low hanging fruit. Yeah, I'd.

[Brett Fessley]

Ready go yourself. You can understand that, right?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Nice.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I don't. I don't understand the fascination with him. He had a couple decent songs.

[Brett Fessley]

He was a amazing human being.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He's a legend in this music.

[Brett Fessley]

In this 55 years metal music icon.

[Brady Bogan]

He lived 34 or 30 to 40 years longer than he should have.

[Brett Fessley]

That's probably true.

[Brady Bogan]

People would say that about you. And that's the best thing he done. That's the best thing.

[Brett Fessley]

It's just longevity.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Yeah. Him and that Keith Richards idiot.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh my God. No, you're right about him.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Family man. All the things that you like about a guy. Ozzy had, you know, he.

[Brett Fessley]

He was. He was a family and he had a lot of love and home football.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

And. And I know a lot of football players like this. Used to bang the masseuse a lot. Probably too much.

[Brady Bogan]

Really.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah. He got in trouble for that. The makeup lady, the hairdresser. He had a lot of side sex. He liked Asian girls. Couldn't be.

[Brady Bogan]

Bet he's ugly. That's probably why you like him. You see a lot of you in him.

[Brett Fessley]

And Dale starts calling people ugly. That's my favorite. Anyway, you're out of your mind. You're out of. Out of your mouth.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Brett Fessley]

No, no, not all right. Not all right. We'll move on to something. Thanks for setting dance, Larry. No, I. I'm sorry.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know if I've ever seen Larry's lower legs. I mean, his calves are like my forearm.

[Brett Fessley]

He's very, very narrow. He's a narrow man. No reason.

[Brady Bogan]

Why are you allowed.

[Brett Fessley]

You just claimed you were being attacked and bullied and. Right. Point out Larry's tiny legs.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, it's constant attacking.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm saying the truth. I mean, look at the difference between this and this. You're pointing to Brady. I got Brady and I got Larry on either side of it.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right. And then perfect in the middle.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, me.

[Brett Fessley]

No, I'm over here knowing your realm of. This guy's an idiot, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

Hell, you said formerly I'm an idiot.

[Brett Fessley]

No, formerly on this show, Dale, hell, this is your goodbye. This is it. As the 80s pass away, we let Dale go with them. It's brought to you by prestige billiards. AZ.com. that's not going to happen anymore. There's no way. He's not, he's not keeping up this. But yeah, Prestige Billiards available at Prestige Billiards. A dot com. Tell them. What do you put meathead in there? Get 10% off in honor of AY.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They got the video games.

[Brett Fessley]

Honor of AY got the video games over there. They got tons of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Why don't you pick up a little bit extra and make 20% off?

[Brett Fessley]

Who would. I would do that. Who would die that would impress you? Like, who would be like, oh, that's a Stinger.

[Brady Bogan]

Isn't going to be a sad day when Jerry dies?

[Brett Fessley]

Jerry Jones.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Well, you just sat cracking on your sad. I mean, I. All, all the things that he's done for the natural.

[Brett Fessley]

You said it was all luck.

[Brady Bogan]

How about Mike Tomlin?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, that would be crushing. Yeah, there's no reason to go on. Yeah, there's no reason to go on. Black Jesus goes. We should all fold up, right?

[Brady Bogan]

So again, there's certain guys, sports figures more than singers, you know, like, you.

[Brett Fessley]

Don'T care when singers die.

[Brady Bogan]

There's some country.

[Brett Fessley]

What was the last celebrity that passed that you're like, stung. That stung. All right, calm down about the Captain and Tenille. We knew that was low hanging fruit. What was the last celebrity that passed away? You're like, oh, that hurt. That was.

[Brady Bogan]

I have a hard time drumming up any emotion, human emotion for people I haven't met, you know, but stings you.

[Brett Fessley]

In a way is like, oh, that was important.

[Brady Bogan]

Prince died. And people are like crying. It's like, hold on. Have you broke bread with Prince?

[Brett Fessley]

You have to. You don't have to, but it can still mean something to you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

His music.

[Brett Fessley]

No, you're mourning. That part of your life has now been put in the spotlight.

[Brady Bogan]

We got records and tapes.

[Brett Fessley]

It's a reminder.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like Luke Bryan.

[Brady Bogan]

Like Luke Bryan. But when he, when he passed away, if he does, he's not allowed.

[Brett Fessley]

But if it represents a part of your life, like, like at smu, I'm sure there's songs that remind you of back when you were relevant.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

And I'm sure you have to go back years and years, but you go back to SMU and those songs that you're like, oh, man, we used to listen to that all the time. If that guy dies, you'd be like, oh, wow, that's part of my history.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not gonna go in a dark room and cry.

[Brett Fessley]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

And there are people who do that, that it's like, come on. Oh, I understand.

[Dale Hellestrae]

But they were that much. That they're that much into the music. It's just like a sport fan that a player that won the super bowl, they're a big fan of the team. They probably cry.

[Brady Bogan]

But it reminds you, like, when I pass away, I'm sure there'd be a lot of people that are gonna.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, there's gonna be so much joy. I won't contrain. I won't be able to tears of joy. Oh, the tears will flow. The tears will flow.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It's a celebration of life.

[Brady Bogan]

I just feel beat up on today. Why is.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, you know, it's not Larry. He's got those tiny legs. You wouldn't even feel it. Like a mosquito landed on you. But don't you think that when somebody like when this happens and people do react the way that you're. You're judging and poorly, that when they do react to something like this, it's more just a reminder of our own mortality and how something that was an important part of our life, maybe even like a pillar of our certain existence is now no longer alive anymore. And it's a reminder that this is a runaway train that just eventually it impacts you.

[Brady Bogan]

You go way too deep on that. So I'm smart. Two or three that just passed away.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And I. I feel bad for their families. I mean, sure, they're gonna miss him and. And that sucks.

[Brett Fessley]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

But the. The Malcolm kid seemed like a great guy. Seemed like a nice guy. But. But Ozzy, are you kidding me? Aussie should have been dead 20 years ago.

[Brett Fessley]

It shouldn't have been surprising. It's part of people's childhoods and high.

[Brady Bogan]

Schools and the maybe snorted ants you said he bought. He bits heads up.

[Brett Fessley]

That's great lore.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Legendary legend.

[Brady Bogan]

It was cheating death.

[Brett Fessley]

Sure.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He was.

[Brady Bogan]

It was his time.

[Brett Fessley]

We all die.

[Brady Bogan]

And Hulk Hogan, you know, he took.

[Brett Fessley]

But the point of steroids.

[Brady Bogan]

He didn't know what to do.

[Brett Fessley]

That's true. So you don't feel bad about it? I think that, like, the Hulk Hogan thing is, like, there's a lot that goes into it. Like he died when he was 71. I'm like, that's still a long life for the life the way he treated himself. I agree.

[Brady Bogan]

And same thing with.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I didn't break. I didn't break bread with him, but I met Hulk Hogan. And I cried. No, I.

[Brett Fessley]

This guy says, it used to be cute how Dale was playing dumb and stuff, but now I realize he actually is dumb. And this is borderline retarded. This is abuse.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, you can't say that. But.

[Brett Fessley]

All right. Not borderline. He's retarded. You're right. Dale's right. Okay, I'm sorry. There's a borderline e tarted. You're an E tard. I won't say the R parts. That's so offensive to people.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, let's get off this subject.

[Brett Fessley]

I'd love to.

[Brady Bogan]

You guys are ridiculous. What did I ask you to remind me of?

[Brett Fessley]

I don't remember.

[Brady Bogan]

I said, you guys.

[Brett Fessley]

What's it called?

[Dale Hellestrae]

The.

[Brett Fessley]

All right, we're going to take a break. We'll come back with your story.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Remind you of a place Dale has a food?

[Brett Fessley]

All right, calm down, Brady. We'll get to it. Yeah. Oh, he fired up. Now he's going to his phone to look it up. I got this.

[Dale Hellestrae]

It was a riddle.

[Brett Fessley]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, where's Toledo?

[Brett Fessley]

He's in the back there.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't see any. I don't see him storming around.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm taking care of things right now. Jesus Christ, you two. Dale is not making any fans today, but I'm enjoying every second. But borderline E tarded. Dale Hellestra here, courtesy of our friends at Prestige Billiards. We'll check with Dale again in a second. It's 98 Holmberg's morning.

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett Fessley]

98.

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness. This.

[Brett Fessley]

Sorry, we just played an rip for a. Because the station is actually running clips and eulogy. You don't know this song, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

This is about when I turn it off.

[Brett Fessley]

Such a dick.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going back out in the van. This is terrible.

[Brett Fessley]

Brett was the best. Brett came in and he goes, that's this guy. You're a. We didn't even say hi. Dale came running in screaming, which was awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I was screaming in the truck all.

[Brett Fessley]

The way back here. My son, you have made friends today. You have. Yeah. You are a Dallas Cowboy through and through. You're so easy to. Not like I want to. I want Dale to pass away. So Thursday show gets good again. Make HMS Great again on Thursdays. Kill Dale. Of course, for comic purposes only. Let's not actually.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You hit the hive today.

[Brett Fessley]

This is your fault. You got to stand up to this.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just like you ran at the acdc.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm running.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm running.

[Brett Fessley]

Dale can right off his sports commentary Isn't even good. I only enjoyed John making fun of how dumb he is. What an absolute piece of. I don't hate a lot of things in this life, but that big dumb now on top of my list. Don't invite him back. See you next week, Jeremy.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. Dale has never been less interesting. And that's saying something.

[Brett Fessley]

You just read that? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't read it on the air, though.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, I thought he did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I had to let everybody know that one.

[Brett Fessley]

Now I'm confused. Dale's opinion on anything isn't valued anymore. He lost all credibility. He can be done away with. The entire segment's gone. Stop paying him to speak. Pay him to leave like a prostitute. That's true. You always pay a prostitute to leave. That's true. Yeah. Look what you did, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

I just shared my feelings.

[Brett Fessley]

He's not Frankenstein. He's Frank. And yeah, we should hold him. Said he's not Frankenstein anymore. He's Frank and troll. We hard.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you guys have counseling here at Hubber Radio, Cuz.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, we do. You're getting beat up pretty good. Undeserved. You came in and said, hey, the thing everybody in this station loves stupid.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, that's. Well then, if that's what the state station is built.

[Brett Fessley]

All right, this one says Dale, he didn't go see AC dc. He saw AC dcte. That's right. CTE scans available. How about them Diamondbacks, Dale?

[Brady Bogan]

How about.

[Brett Fessley]

Nah, we're not talking about them. That. Let's keep eating up, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

I was at the game yesterday. So was I. Yeah, but I. I was a lot close to the field.

[Brett Fessley]

We were in the suites. Yeah, we had free food and drink.

[Brady Bogan]

So do we.

[Brett Fessley]

Who?

[Brady Bogan]

It doesn't matter.

[Brett Fessley]

It does.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, by the way, don't who me. Play.

[Brett Fessley]

It, Brett. How about this? We got another one, though. They're dropping like flies. They're dropping like flies. And Malcolm Jamal Warner. We had Ozzy Osbourne, Hulk Hogan, and now the man responsible for Toledo's ass sounds, Chuck Mangione. He just passed away.

[Brady Bogan]

Now this.

[Brett Fessley]

You like this?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Haven't you been romantic to this song, Johnny?

[Brett Fessley]

No, I'm scared straight. Break out the trumpet.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I didn't break out.

[Brett Fessley]

The very least romantic instrument is the trumpet. Doc Severinson doesn't give you a harder.

[Brady Bogan]

At the manhood in here. And I understand there's not a whole lot of romance. Look, it goes on with you.

[Dale Hellestrae]

This was one of your go to songs.

[Brady Bogan]

No, not one of my go to. Oh, yeah. But when it came On Dale.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm not a feel good song.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a feel good song.

[Brett Fessley]

Not a lot of romance. Because I'm a man. I like to. I don't Romance. You can romance yourself right into the.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow. Wow.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm turning 50. Hey, Dale. Yeah, I'm turning 53 on Saturday, but I still like. I'm 52, so. Keep your watching.

[Brady Bogan]

Will you get some on your birthday?

[Brett Fessley]

I'll be. I'll be with a bunch of dudes. Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Going on a little boys trip.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, probably. I'm gonna get nailed a lot. We're gonna get one of them. What do they get? Daisy chains. Is that what that's called? Even.

[Brady Bogan]

Sweet. Megan.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, we're fine. We got. Look, birthdays are all year long and the guys wanted to go up, have like a golf man's weekend. So they started to plan this whole thing and everybody's like, all right. So we just climbed up.

[Brady Bogan]

Who's gonna be watching?

[Brett Fessley]

That's none of your business. It's just covered. She's covered. Who's watching? Chuck Mangione was, but now I gotta. I got a weird scratch rambling. All right, she's fine. You calm down.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm free this weekend.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. Yeah, she loves that. Yeah, come over and do your. Awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll bring her some more flowers.

[Brett Fessley]

How's the husband?

[Brady Bogan]

How are you doing?

[Brett Fessley]

How are you doing? And by the way, I just got a note on today's arrivals. See you at seven. Oh, Ozzy's not gonna make it through. He's gonna kill him.

[John Holmberg]

Finally went away from Dale for you. He played a French horn.

[Brett Fessley]

You uncultured F. Yeah, see? Trumpet. That's a trumpet. That is a trumpet. It had a tighter sound. That's a goddamn trumpet. French horn. He didn't do the. The spinny twirly one because he knew that was too gay. So he found a trumpet hybrid. It's a trumpet.

[Brady Bogan]

John, were you ever in the band?

[Brett Fessley]

When? In, like, fourth grade. I played the clarinet for, like, three weeks.

[Brady Bogan]

You look like a lifelong band.

[Brett Fessley]

But the. The teacher said, no, that's a. It's a flugelhorn. You.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Brett Fessley]

Piece of garbage.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, don't look at me.

[Brett Fessley]

That's just.

[John Holmberg]

With this clown.

[Brett Fessley]

Either way, not romantic. And yes, I was in the band because my sister had a clarinet that she quit using. And my dad's like, we spent $400 on that goddamn thing. Somebody's playing it. So I end up in Banned for like, three weeks and then played the Clarit. Yeah, but then the band teacher said, you're way too cool for this. You got to go. And he gave me a guitar.

[Brady Bogan]

Ridiculous.

[Brett Fessley]

Drums raged. I did.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I did the trumpet for three years.

[Brett Fessley]

Did you?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

You.

[Brady Bogan]

Mark sat there and the field on Friday nights while the real men were playing football.

[Brett Fessley]

I didn't do a little flute. No, I was. I was banging all the football players. Girlfriends while they were on the field rubbing each other.

[Brady Bogan]

You were a little scrotty bending over. No girl paid anything.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm not. There's no doubt that's true. I looked a little like a candy apple. There's nothing wrong with that. It's okay. Chuck Mangione's gone. Well, who will die before this show? I know people are rooting for a specific person.

[Brady Bogan]

No, we want Brady to make it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I'm trying my best.

[Brady Bogan]

I, I, But I did. I asked you guys to remind me of one thing, because I did hear a few moments of your program yesterday, and you were talking about how much Brady enjoys free food. And he just happened. And he just happened to call somebody.

[Brett Fessley]

To say, hey, quote, he fingers. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And.

[Brett Fessley]

And he forget talking about seven brothers. Seven free meals at once.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a place called. I thought it was five guys.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, well, that's seven. Seven brothers now. And that's where Brady called them to tell them. Because that's what you do when you're just looking to go out for lunch. Call the establishment to remind them. I'll be there in a few minutes just in case. Any of the owners.

[Brady Bogan]

A burger place, right? Yes. Not. I know the owner.

[Brett Fessley]

And then I didn't call the owner. Okay, you called Steve Howard. Who Text me who.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Yeah, I had seven brothers 10 years ago, and they just opened up here, and Gilbert and I called him and.

[Brady Bogan]

Said, I'm gonna go.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay, so here's the thing. Let me, Let me interrupt this stop. Because he forgets that I went golfing with the guy that he. And he asked for my phone number. And yesterday he was texting me the entire time after the show about what had actually happened that you called him and he goes, oh, yeah, I'll meet you over there. We'll get the hookup. Here we go. He said exactly that. You said, what? I know you as a guy.

[Dale Hellestrae]

He set it up.

[Brett Fessley]

That's what I'm saying. He said, gonna get the hookup. All right, here we go. That was a very Brady moment.

[Brady Bogan]

Just like the golf when we met his guy out there, the stick.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

Sat there with the bill came. I'm reaching for my wall Trying to make.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, but he was gonna leave the guy who gave us free golf. Yeah, to buy the drinks and beer.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Golf.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. But anyway.

[Brett Fessley]

Ridiculous. You're a ridiculous man. Won't admit it's all about him. Won't admit he's getting his freebies. I love that you do it.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Just lunch last week.

[Brett Fessley]

Okay, that's. You didn't invite any of us.

[Dale Hellestrae]

You wouldn't have come out.

[Brett Fessley]

You're probably true, but still, he could have invited. I could have turned you down. Give me the opportunity. It's big of you. It's big of you to pay for. It's big of you to pay when we're not looking and then brag about it later. And like we kept no proof of. Well, we sat and watched you let the dude cover in the day pick up everything.

[Brady Bogan]

So what I. What I wanted to bring on. Bring on the fact that.

[Brett Fessley]

You have lost all credibility.

[Brady Bogan]

My segment. In my segment, Toledo, Toledo, Toledo, tell him sorry.

[Brett Fessley]

This is Chuck Mangione's day.

[Brady Bogan]

So I heard. I. I heard Brady trying to squeeze out of instead just being a man and saying. Yeah. I called him hoping for a free meal.

[Brett Fessley]

That's true.

[Brady Bogan]

So it hearkened back to my freshman year at smu and me and the guy. I've told you before, my right card. I was the right tackle. We both played a lot as freshmen.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. We weren't starting, but we played a lot as freshmen.

[Brett Fessley]

Shared a lot of time together.

[Brady Bogan]

And so the seniors told us, you go to this place called Campis. Okay, I didn't. I knew. I knew nothing of the Bob I'm whatever eating 18 years old, don't know anything about the mob. Go to Camp PCs. They'll take care of you. So, like Sundays, we don't get fed on our scholarship deals.

[Brett Fessley]

Really.

[Brady Bogan]

So. So we. We tried it one time, and we go in and we order a full lunch or whatever, expecting Corky Campesi to pick it up.

[Brett Fessley]

Always trust a guy named Corky.

[Brady Bogan]

And. And. And he came walking through, never said anything to us, found out that he bets oodles of money on NFL football.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

And so you. You start off by saying, I just want a lunch salad. And then if Corky comes up to you and. And talks to you, and he's a good mood, he's winning money, things are going good.

[Brett Fessley]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

He'll buy you anything you want.

[Brett Fessley]

Interesting.

[Brady Bogan]

But if he's losing, you're paying full pull.

[Brett Fessley]

Yes. Yeah. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

And so you know, if he doesn't talk to you, order Dinner, salad. You pay your 150 and you get the hell out of there.

[Brett Fessley]

Right, right.

[Brady Bogan]

Go to Taco Bell. And. And so we, we. We did that. We got stuck with full bill, but then we got to know him as a year. Now you're sophomore year. Junior. Now we're back in his office. Oh, now this is where legend has it when Kennedy got his assassinated the night before.

[Brett Fessley]

Jesus Christ. This took a turn.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I'm just saying.

[Brett Fessley]

Brady Story visit. Is Dale going to solve the Kennedy assassination?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, the mob. The mob thing. Who's it. It was the Jack Ruby.

[Brett Fessley]

Jack Ruby's the one who. He was the. The strip club owner who. Who shot Lee Harvey.

[Brady Bogan]

Supposedly had. He had. He had dinner the. The night before at Campis's. Okay, so what? So we're in the back. This had. No, dude, I'm just telling you. There's legend that a lot of crap.

[Brett Fessley]

This is. This is where potentially it was all planned out.

[Brady Bogan]

And so me, Andrew and one other guy, we're back in Big Joe's office. And we're sitting there just having fun, talking, whatever. And three dudes come into this office. It's a. Cramped office. Yeah, Literally, like from the shows. The black suit, tie, it's sunglasses at night.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

These dudes walk in, there's nothing sad. Joe nods his head. They hand him a manila envelope.

[Brett Fessley]

Brett knows this lifestyle.

[Brady Bogan]

Joe opens it up. You can see there's glossies or something. My one buddy swears that he saw a picture of a corpse. Put it back in there, hand it to him, nodded, they left, not a word spoken. And we're like, why would they do.

[Brett Fessley]

That in front of you, dolt? What's the problem?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it wasn't in front of us.

[Brett Fessley]

Maybe we get you out of the room. Somebody at that. Get out of here.

[Brady Bogan]

I gotta look at my dead bodies.

[Brett Fessley]

No, Nobody's gonna say. One of the Italians would have gone the down had somebody say that. That's going on.

[Brady Bogan]

The moral of the story is I got plenty of free meals there. And talk about the long way around the story.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, my God. Do you have to go back to.

[Dale Hellestrae]

School and realize what moral of this Ruby operation?

[Brett Fessley]

Moral of the story is I ate a lot of free food and I might have seen a body. Unbelievable. Anyway, well, that's a Dale story for you right there.

[John Holmberg]

We got another one.

[Brett Fessley]

And listen, this guy just died. Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ.

[Brett Fessley]

It's on the screen, Dale. Huey Lewis, the guy who from Golden Earring just died. Joe George, I don't know what is.

[Brady Bogan]

Gold is that this, That's.

[John Holmberg]

Don't tell me you've never heard this song.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, but I thought this was somebody else.

[Brett Fessley]

No, it's Golden.

[Brady Bogan]

This is a boss cat.

[Brett Fessley]

No, you're thinking Alito. It's got a similar. It's got a similar pace. It does.

[Dale Hellestrae]

That's the base, kind of.

[Brett Fessley]

How about that? And five this week, three this morning. That means there's one more coming, right? Well, no, yeah, we got to get a six because there's threes and threes. So Mangione, this guy from Golden Earring, and we're waiting on one more. We'll stick around in the air until that happens.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're coming pretty quick. We might be done by 10.

[Brett Fessley]

I know. We might. Jesus. We might be done by 10 for real. How about that?

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, 77, John. You're. You're satisfied with 77, aren't you?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, I'm not making it 77. I don't want to get that old.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, but when I had my last heart checkup, the, the cardiologist said, it's not gonna be your heart to get you, dale. You've got 25. Five more years. And my wife looked at me and.

[John Holmberg]

Goes, oh, people are pissed about that.

[Brady Bogan]

She goes, only 25 more years. And I went, I gotta be 88 years old.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't want to go around. What? I mean, I don't want to be that old. I think you went a little high.

[Dale Hellestrae]

On that, didn't you, Doc?

[Brett Fessley]

How old are you right now?

[Brady Bogan]

Just turned 63.

[Brett Fessley]

I never want to be that old. It looks horrible. I, I, I can't imagine never getting to that. So I, I'll off at 60. Who.

[Brady Bogan]

Are you going golfing with? Brady. Is Brady going?

[Brett Fessley]

Brady's not going. It's a dude arranged this whole thing for us named Anthony. You met him at the Rah Rah Room. I think maybe not. He might not have been there that night. So get a couple friends up there want to do that. Gamble a little bit, hang out, gamble some more. Probably lose all the money and then come home and be stupid.

[Brady Bogan]

FDL gonna be there.

[Brett Fessley]

No, there's no. Is that drugs? I know what you're talking. I know what about. You're talking, talking about and that's horrifying. No, that's terrible. Dead. Dead people or. No, nobody's meeting us. Me, my buddy Joe, Jim Antony, your buddy, all my friends, acquaintances. Did I call you and ask? I don't remember. Okay, that's right. That makes a ton of sense now. No, it's just. It's. We had fun last time going up there and we gamble a lot and everybody won. So it's now. Are you staying at your place at the Aria? Yeah, we're going back up and my buddy Mark's going. He bringing his son. Here's another thing. One of our friends. Friends is up there at the time and his son plays football for. I think it's Stanford or whatever. And he's become a pretty big.

[Brady Bogan]

Whatever.

[Brett Fessley]

He's been a pretty big influencer now. So he's up there and he goes, hey, dad, you guys gonna be. And he goes, do you mind if I bring my son? And I'm like, no. And this kid's an Adonis.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Met an influencer.

[Brett Fessley]

Well, he is an influencer now too. So he's doing. So he's getting huge hits off of this and he's like, I gotta hang out with the Raidertes all day Saturday because I want to do some videos on TikTok Tock.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

So he's invited. He's going to be there too. It's a. It's going to be.

[Brady Bogan]

The Steelers play at the Raiders this year.

[Brett Fessley]

No, they did last year. I went to that last year. It's pretty great now. We haven't even talked about that. Football starts this week already. Justin Fields carted off the field this morning. He's done.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it worse to be a New York jets fan or an Arizona Cardinal?

[Brett Fessley]

There is nothing worse than being a New York jets fan.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, first day, first rep of teams.

[Brett Fessley]

Same as when Aaron Rodgers fell on the first series.

[Brady Bogan]

That was at least a game. This is practice. The Cardinals start yesterday with three guys their first round.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. So no, they carted him off his leg. Was it his toe? Dislocated his foot or something. But yeah, who knows? But it's still getting carted off is never good.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you don't touch the quarterback.

[Brett Fessley]

No. How did. Yeah, that's the thing.

[Brady Bogan]

How did he get hurt? That's why I don't. I have not seen.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Stubbed his toe.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, me.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

You know what I bet it was.

[Brady Bogan]

I might lose a toenail.

[Brett Fessley]

I bet I know what it was. Finally he had something triggered him. And he had a mental breakdown from all the rapes he saw at Ohio State.

[Brady Bogan]

How many times he got checked up.

[Brett Fessley]

And then he got. Yeah, all the times he thought of that doctor that fiddled his balls. That's probably what needs a good physical.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't believe, Brady, that you still try and back those guys up.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, me neither. I Mean, I'll be there this week.

[Brady Bogan]

Got a shoulder dog gotta do. Well, drop your doors.

[Brett Fessley]

How's your shoulder feel now? Pretty good.

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty good.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I want that doctor.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, I bet you do. Scarlet and rape. Enjoy Ohio State football this year.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[Brett Fessley]

And baseball. Real quick. Diamondbacks. You were at the game yesterday.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, I was.

[Brett Fessley]

We're watching. They're now what, three games? Two or three games under.500. They're. They're malingering around the wild card. Five, six games back. It doesn't look good. Geno Suarez has 37 home runs. You're looking at a team that could sell. Do you. Do you hang on and try to make that last playoff spot because you could make a run? Or do you just admit this is over and you're never going to sign? What's his name? Gallon. His contract's coming up. You're going to lose him. Do you go tell the Yankees, tell the Cubs who need a third baseman. Hey, prospect us to death. You get Geno, we'll give you an arm with it. And you give us like five guys back and try build something. Or do you. Or do you try it? What's your mentality as a player?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, as a. Two different.

[Brett Fessley]

As a player, what are you seeing? Do you want to keep fighting for the wild card?

[Brady Bogan]

You want to keep fighting? If you trade Suarez and you're saying it's over.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. You tell the rest of the team.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[Brett Fessley]

We're not serious anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

But what. What I had said and what I've brought up is the fact that I'm not so sure. A little bit like Devin Booker.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Why not trade Corbin Carroll? No, Marte. Oh, I mean, here's a guy. Listen to what he did. He took the Sunday off before the All Star game. Yeah, I remember. They're fighting for a wild card.

[Brett Fessley]

True.

[Brady Bogan]

He did it last year. As they're fighting for a wild card who took a day off. I don't care how beat up you are, you're fighting to get in the playoffs. You play baseball. You play.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't.

[Brady Bogan]

He took the Sunday off before the All Star game. You're going to play two innings.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on. And then his house gets broken into. All Star break. And he's so concerned about it.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. He's got to take a day off.

[Brady Bogan]

He goes to his home Dominican or something like that. That's how concerned he was. And then he goes back and has to take two days off because of.

[Brett Fessley]

Something'S going on with him. And when he started crying on the field, when that Fan yelled at him. Something's not right with Cattell Martin.

[Brady Bogan]

All I'm saying is is that when your best player arguably. And you could make the case that he is.

[Brett Fessley]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Their best player. When he's like that.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Then the rest of the team's like that. And I've told you with the Dallas Cowboys.

[Brett Fessley]

Very true.

[Brady Bogan]

When Troy Michael Nemet were our three best players. They're also our three hardest workers. Three of our toughest guys that set the tone. Then Dion Dan Dion came in and he insist on being. Being treated differently. And it changed the change entire dynamic of a football locker room. Baseball locker rooms.

[Brett Fessley]

So you're saying we should trade Catal Marte get something for that and maybe Geno Suarez you should be able to get a lot. Oh you. You'd mop off.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

For those two right now.

[Brady Bogan]

You know and. And so I. It's a tough situation because if you trade Suarez who's having a hell of a year.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Then you're. You're signaling. Okay.

[Brett Fessley]

We're the end the of next year. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And you're not going to have a couple of these guys back even next year. The pitchers of that Tommy John, they're not going to be bad. You're stud Corbin Burns. He's not going to be pitching next year.

[Brett Fessley]

It's going to have. It's going to be tough.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Well that's an interesting take, Dale. Finally. And now people still hate you over the Aussie thing, but at least you said something smarter.

[Brady Bogan]

I love Aussie.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

I love Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brett Fessley]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you like Golden Earring?

[Brady Bogan]

I like that song.

[Brett Fessley]

This guy says. Are you kidding me? This guy grew up under a rock. How do you not know who Golden Earring is? I'll give you the golden Earring that you might have forgotten that.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Well, we shocked him just before we went on there on this last break.

[Brett Fessley]

Was what?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Farah Fawcett.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh yeah, yeah. The last thing. She died the same day Michael Jackson died. Which is unfortunate because she didn't get depressed.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Now see, I. I'm concerned about Farah Fawcett dying. Michael Jackson. Come on. He.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh my God. Here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

The poster. John, you had the poster.

[Brett Fessley]

I didn't. I was too young for the poster.

[John Holmberg]

That was before.

[Brett Fessley]

That was before.

[John Holmberg]

We were like the Heather Lockley or Heather Thomas poster.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[Brett Fessley]

We were the follow up post Nipple Yeah, well, the nipple was pretty good. It was huge, though, when she finally showed those in Playboy. They look like. Like a midget's finger was trying to poke out of her body. Way too big nipples.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't. I didn't look at Playboy, so.

[Brett Fessley]

Of course you didn't remember, but, yeah, they were. I read the articles. Yeah, Brady was in it for the. For the fun. Fanny. Little Annie. Fanny was Brady's favorite cartoon as a kid. Idiots.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Great cartoon.

[Brett Fessley]

Surrounded by idiots.

[John Holmberg]

I'm leaving.

[Brett Fessley]

I'm with you.

[John Holmberg]

We go.

[Brett Fessley]

I don't understand anything.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you have a doctor? Anything?

[Brett Fessley]

What have you done?

[Dale Hellestrae]

He collected water.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've been doing charity work out there while you've been sitting here running your mouth about absolutely nothing.

[Brett Fessley]

He's not wrong.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know why you guys go to fancy lunches on Thursdays. I mean, they gave him 100 bucks a pop, and then you guys go to State 44 for lunch. I don't know. That's helpful.

[Brett Fessley]

Are you. Are you making the claim that we are embezzling? Unbelievable. All right, lunch is on you today. Speaking of donations that will go directly to. This is another one, Brian Bradford. His crew came by from fast track restoration, dropped off two truckloads of water. Again. We're going to hit a million easily. Oh, yeah. It is no question that we were going to hit our goal that we had till Labor Day to hit. We were going to smash it.

[John Holmberg]

They showed up way out there and had an entire truckload full of them. I can't take it all. We'll take it down there for you. I'm like, thank you.

[Brett Fessley]

So. Thank you, guys. That's so cool, man. See, there's still some decent people out there, folks. Dale is not representative of any of them.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's the one that takes the water on his way out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Oh, I thought that's for.

[Brett Fessley]

Jesus Christ.

[Brady Bogan]

I just take a couple. A couple fl.

[Brett Fessley]

You thought we stacked seven pallets of water. How many guests do you think we have on a regular basis to fill a lobby with water and go. These must be for me.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, who's Danko Jones?

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, don't do this. Don't. You know what? He's. He's. She. He's a philosopher. Yeah. Don't worry about it.

[Brady Bogan]

All right?

[Brett Fessley]

It's too long to explain. It'll just be an idiot and never mind. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail], the home of tactical black self defense training. If you want to get on. I just turned and saw the first email I saw come up. Just popped up and says Dale is dumb. That's it. Guy took time out of his life. Yeah, Dale is dumb. Next. Anyway, if you want to be, if you want to look, you got to protect yourself against these marauding nut bags that walk around the street.

[Brady Bogan]

Like.

[Brett Fessley]

That's right. I'm talking about Dale. And you never know when you're going to accidentally run into this mountain. And what if he starts talking crazy? Ozzy was an idiot. This net. He starts swinging at the air and you don't have your pitchfork or your torch to fend him off. What would you do? You got to learn some self defense. Get in there and start being a smarter version of yourself. Smarter. In better shape. Faster. Just better. A sheepdog. Not a sheep. That's what they'll make you. Check it all out. Reactdefense.com. it's the home of tactical black Brady entertainment.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Happy Gilmore 2 hits. Netflix tomorrow.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, so they are not excited about that. Sandler.

[John Holmberg]

Keep proving it.

[Brett Fessley]

They pulled two movies are horrible.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I. I say that.

[Brett Fessley]

Horrible.

[Dale Hellestrae]

They pulled 2, 000 people and asked him how funny is that? Adam Sandler.

[Brett Fessley]

He's the new Jerry Lewis.

[Dale Hellestrae]

44% said he is somewhat funny. 27% said he's very funny.

[Brett Fessley]

Wow.

[Dale Hellestrae]

13% not funny. 9% not funny at all.

[John Holmberg]

He's a genius though. These people keep going to these movies of his.

[Brett Fessley]

Just people. Netflix now he doesn't put him in theaters.

[John Holmberg]

Part two.

[Brett Fessley]

Netflix. Hundreds of millions. Millions of dollars.

[Brady Bogan]

And he's a Jerry Jones of comedy.

[Brett Fessley]

It's Jerry Lewis.

[Brady Bogan]

No, Jerry Jones.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, I see what you're saying. He stumbled in it. No, Jerry Jones has skills. No, he's like Jerry Lewis. Like, remember how popular Jerry Lewis was? And you'd watch me. Like, who finds any of this funny? The French? No, the telethons were hilarious. Yeah, they were. When they had those kids with the sticks, I couldn't stop laughing. But I didn't think J. Jerry was funny.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Speaking of $100 million, let's bring him out.

[Brett Fessley]

Dale. We've got a child here who's got little sticks for feet.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Carnival. Growing up. Dale, did you do an MDA Carnival?

[Brett Fessley]

Time for it. Let's throw it out to Dallas, Texas and see what Troy and his big retarded friend are doing out there. Go ahead. I loved that when Jerry would do that. And let's bring up a boy with sticks. $60 million every year.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

And all they did was buy more Sticks. They didn't fix a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

I was gonna say they. We didn't fix anything.

[Brett Fessley]

No. All you heard around was click, click. There's Ozzy and Hulk Hogan holding hands in heaven. That's the new meme that's going, Dale's.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Got a big story.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, hold on. You. You say carnival. What's.

[Brett Fessley]

No, he's asking if you ever did an mda.

[Dale Hellestrae]

Like when the telephone was going, MDA telethon. You could throw carnivals to.

[Brett Fessley]

No. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestrae]

As a kid, you'd throw them in your yard. You could do. Set up a carnival in your yard.

[Brett Fessley]

Why?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Raise money.

[Brett Fessley]

Who could set up a carnival in their yard? Did you?

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, I never did.

[Brett Fessley]

You just said. You said you did.

[Dale Hellestrae]

I. No. Across the street, I go, dale, did you ever throw a car?

[Brett Fessley]

No. And I said, did you? And you said, yeah, you could throw one in your front yard. And I'm like, how do you throw a carnival in your front yard? I don't know.

[Dale Hellestrae]

No, you set up games.

[Brett Fessley]

And I asked you, did you do that? And you said, yes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm leaving. I can't handle this between Dale and Brady.

[Brett Fessley]

Story is going on.

[Brady Bogan]

I at least make sense.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah. I'm going to give it. Yeah. You say stupid stuff, but at least it's like I can understand it. I have no idea what that was.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Dale Hellestrae]

My uncle, massive head trauma.

[Brett Fessley]

I think that's what we're working on. All right. I'm trying to find it.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. So he gave me one again to set me up for failure. Ozzy Osborne gave his family permission to play Justin Bieber and his funeral.

[Brett Fessley]

Wait, who? Ozzy wants Justin Bieber?

[Brady Bogan]

He just said Ozzy Osbourne has a really cool take on how he wanted his funeral to go down. He said his family could do whatever they want as long as it makes them happy. He said, quote, I honestly don't care what they play at my funeral. They can put on a medley of Justin Bieber, whoever the hell Susan Boyle is.

[Brett Fessley]

Oh, Susan Boyle. One of England's got talent and she's an amazing singer. She's passed on, though. Oh, very ugly woman. Oh, wildly ugly, but a beautiful voice.

[Brady Bogan]

How do you. And. And we are Diddyman. If that makes them happy. We are Diddy man is a nonsensical song by British comedian John Holmberg. But in other interviews, he said he likes, you know, be a celebration, John, is your funeral be a celebration?

[Brett Fessley]

A lot of people are going to be happy.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Fessley]

Yeah, it's going to. There's going to be a carnival In Brady's front yard, as I understand it. Or maybe not.

[Brady Bogan]

I said that it would be fun to play a video of him asking his doctor for a second opinion and.

[Brett Fessley]

Others at your funeral.

[Brady Bogan]

Other news, Ozzy. Paramedics reportedly tried for two hours to save Ozzy's life. And a Birmingham bridge that pays tribute to Black Sabbath has become a memorial site. Two hours too long.

[Brett Fessley]

Too long.

[Brady Bogan]

Way too long.

[John Holmberg]

Second one.

[Brett Fessley]

This one says, what? With all the dumb crap that comes out of Dale's mouth, now I know why he chose a career bending over in front of men.

[Brady Bogan]

People are being hurtful, John.

[Brett Fessley]

They are.

[Brady Bogan]

They are. I mean, I'm going to have to go get counseling.

[Brett Fessley]

Dale's voice literally sounds like every time he opens his mouth after his eyes. Aussie take. His story sucks. I'd rather listen to Toledo wax poetic about a proper way to do a tax return. It's good stuff. Anyway, what are you gonna do? Thanks for coming by today and trolling. Good luck. Yeah, good luck getting out of here.

[Brady Bogan]

How many other people are gonna be dead by the time I see you next Thursday?

[Brett Fessley]

Well, we'll find out. I don't know. Maybe my plane won't make it. I'm kind of rooting for that at this point.

[Brady Bogan]

Jsx.

[Brett Fessley]

It's a long conversation. It's better. I got something better going on. I'll explain it after I got it. I can't say anything because I'll jinx it. I'll tell you next week. I'll tell you next week what happened on my road to Las Vegas.

[Brady Bogan]

Are you driving?

[Brett Fessley]

No. Almost awfully darn close. Oh, that wouldn't have been a bad idea. I hadn't thought of that. All right. Maybe I will drive. Cruise. America might be buying this. That's it. We're done. Dale, thank you for being here. Prestige Billiards thanks you for your time. They're not done with you. Billiards. AZ.com is where you go for that. Nowhere to go for you. Nowhere to go for you. Thanks to everybody who dropped off water today. Again. Getting closer and closer to a million bottles is insane. And we're losing 30 every Thursday when Dale walks out with his free case. So, I mean, we're probably there now if it wasn't for dipstick over here swiping our stuff. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great weekend. Happy birthday, America And Johnny. No, no, just me. This. I'm America's sweetheart. So it was my birthday. Presents accepted early and late, Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

So don't forget the same as what you got me.

[Brett Fessley]

A delicious dinner at the Rah Rah Dinner. I got you the Raha room a long time. No, I gave you a hundred bucks. You son of a. I used. I said, it's your birthday.

[Brady Bogan]

It's all crumpled up.

[Brett Fessley]

It's not worth.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not worth 100 anymore.

[Brett Fessley]

We all bought our dinners, and I threw it. I said, happy birthday, dummy. And you go, thank God, Johnny. That means the world to me. You remember?

[Dale Hellestrae]

Unbelievable.

[Brett Fessley]

I said, no, we don't put it in our mouth. Don't put it in our mouths. And then we. All right, we're done. Happy birthday to me. And I will see you guys Monday. It's so long.

[Brady Bogan]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.