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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Brady
All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastsiders the Tempe Improv has two very funny guys in Mike Vecchione and comedian CP Downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got the always entertaining John Dela Cruz, AKA Nurse John. And up north at Desert Ridge features comedy vet and friend of the show, Steve Byrne. For the complete live and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com planning.
Unknown
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Brett
You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.
John
What the hell is wrong with you? To you, P.T. good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5, 40, 45. Good morning, sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett Besley. Five years and a day. Yes. There's Toledo back there far too long. And another day, Brett vessel in his fifth year. I've got an email about that because we mentioned it yesterday. You've influenced some guys. I don't know if I have. I don't know if I printed that one. You influenced some lady's husband and he.
John Holmberg
It'S got to be a good thing.
John
They listen together in the car. And if I'm not mistaken, he said something to the effect of keep this up. You get five across the face. And she goes, all right. He goes, you never said that before. And she's like, where did you get that? He fessed up. He goes, I didn't. Morning Guys say that. I'm like, no, they don't. The morning guys don't. They do. No. One of the guys on the show says that. And I'll still call him the overnight guy, but the overnight guy says, five across the face. I don't hit the ladies as a threat. I don't threaten to hit the ladies as a threat. I laugh when Bret does it. That's my role. That is my role. Yeah. And. And yeah, I've got a story on my. I. I have to humbly step away and say sometimes when you take a stand against government oppression, when you. When you look at something and call it for what it is, you see the wrongdoings to society and you say, no more. I will be the leader of the movement against this terrible, terrible oppression. Sorry about that. I really that up because that whole star ID thing, that's a real deal, man. They're very upset about that. I am struggling. I thought, you know, they make you pay and it is a scam still. I still stand against it, but if you want to fly, it is. It's really not. It's not.
Toledo
You better get.
John
Just get the goddamn id. Just pay them. Just pay them. They're winning. I was in that camp of like, if I'm loud enough because I've had. I've won doing this a couple of times. We got two or three times on this show. We had the attorney general at one point. Terry Goddard. Was that his name? Yeah, yeah. Terry sounded wrong for some reason, but he was. He heard my plight.
Toledo
You're thinking of Steve Goddard.
John
Steve Goddard, awesome guy. Baldies 92.7. Nobody better than Steve Goddard. He's got to be 300 years old, and I hope he lives to be 500, because as a radio guy who hates most all other radio people, Steve go Hugo is as smooth today as he was when I was a kid and he was on kzdp. That dude is great. He's still alive, right? Just making sure. No, no. We're not just running old tapes of Steve, are we? I don't know. I don't remember. You never see him. He's never here. He just.
Toledo
It's AI.
John
Is it AI? Steve Goddard. It's still fantastic.
John Holmberg
It works.
John
Goddard did afternoon Steve Goddard. Terry Goddard did not. Steve Goddard did afternoons at Casey DP when I was a kid and was just so like. He's one of the re. He may not know this. He's one of the reasons of this business. He was just cool.
John Holmberg
He's been everywhere.
John
JD But Holmes was another One.
John Holmberg
That dude had the voice of God.
John
It was the greatest voice I've ever heard in my life. But he had that special voice. So you're like, if I don't get that, I can't be him. Because that dude, I don't know what he looked like in his prime. He had a massive drug and alcohol issue.
Toledo
Both guys have travel IDs.
John
We'll get to that in a second. Brady, Jesus. Focus in on how I'm not focused, please. But, yeah, J. David Holmes would. Come on, Mario. Kpd. It's J. David Holmes. You're like, you can't.
John Holmberg
You just want to go gargle with glass?
John
Exactly. I can't compete. I can't a. I can't do that. Sustained. Eventually, the real me is going to come out, so I know he's not faking it. Dude was awesome. Steve Goddard was amazing. Anyway, kudos to Steve. If you like oldies. Oldies, like Herman's Hermits and crap like that. I think they play that over there. 92.7 is a Hubbard stationing. All the other. The other ones suck, but that one is really good. The other ones are terrible. Anyway, Terry got it. Years ago, I had my issue at the car wash where I took my car over to that Danny's car wash. Remember that? They were gonna sue me because they. They rifled through my car. They used my boxing gloves on. And I look over, and there's two people wearing my Cleto Reyes boxing gloves, which are not cheap, and they're punching a cement wall with them. I got a guy standing out there with a golf club. And I go over to the. This is years ago. And I went over to. And I said, hey, what's going on over there? We'll have your car for you in a minute, sir. What's going on over there? Been three hours, and it had already been like an hour and a half. And they. And then my electronic. It was a Nissan Armada when those first came out, and it was an electronic back gate. You hit a button to shut it. Yeah. I look out there, and you got half of Guadalupe, Mexico, hanging off the back of it, trying to pull it down. None of them were tall enough. They're literally off the ground, laughing, hanging on to the gate, pulling down, and it's just like, hit the button. I'm like, hey, give me my keys back. I'm getting. We're not done with your car. I'm like, give me my goddamn keys back. You're done, and I'm not paying for this. Sir, we have your keys. We'll get you your car when we're done. And I was helpless. I'm like, so my exact phrase was, do you listen to 98 KUPD? I learned something from this guy's like, no. And I said, do it tomorrow at 7:15, because sometimes you screw around with the bull that has horns. And I was furious. So I technically kind of made a threat that I would attack them on the air. And. And there's some law against that, evidently. I don't know. Well, the rule is that they can sue you for defamation if you say, hey, I'm gonna use my. I'm gonna use this platform against you tomorrow. And you won't have any chance to, you know, you get no chance to defend yourself. It's just. And so. And then Brady said something about the owner having herpes. And that's true. And when we laughed and laughed, like. Cause. And I was saying, put your hands in my gloves. You don't know what my hands have been. And they said something about herpes. And we. And they sued us or tried to sue us.
Toledo
And then if someone had something on their hands.
John
Yeah.
Toledo
And putting.
John
Right. Yeah. We weren't that nice about it, but you're right. That's essentially the message. And then we were awful, but rightfully so. And then we got hundreds of emails from people that said, I've had things stolen from my car there. Turned right around and said, hey, this got stolen. They're like, what? What? Jewelry, guns, jewelry, insurance cards, money, you know, anything that was in your glove box. And there was a sign over up until that point that said, whatever's in your car, we're not responsible for it. Clear it out. It was basically a license to steal. Say, if you anything in here, we're taking it, and you can't do a thing about it. And then one time, they had all the employees lined up and said, take them. So we make this big stink and had hundreds of emails. I get a letter from the Attorney General's office saying, send us those emails. Send every one of those, hundreds of them. Because the dude had the nervous system. It was huge. And we sent it over there, and they changed that rule that there is no longer a thing that if you leave it in your car and it comes up missing, they are. If you can prove that you had it. I mean, you can't go in there and go, hey. But if you say, hey, there was a gun in here and the employee, one of them has your gun. Which they did have a couple of incidents where a guy went back and said, that kid washed my car. I want you to look through his pockets. And he pulled out his insurance card and like a weapon. And it was. They caught him. And so, I mean, it was bad. And that whole thing. There was a lot going on at that car wash at the time with immigration and rehiring of immigration, all that. And they're. They're called Jacksons now for a reason, I think. And then all on the up and up. But back then there was like. So Terry Godd comes in, changes that rule. I'm still convinced the speed cameras going away were because of us. We wouldn't shut up about it. I know for a fact that in surprise the recycling program went from what they were doing to do it yourself. We're not. They finally admitted that. Everything I've been saying about that is we don't take that anywhere. There's a recycling thing, but we can't keep up. You guys don't do it right. It's just we're wasting everybody's time and money. So they stopped out there. I'm convinced I was right about that. This one, I still think I'm right. But I lost. I lost this. I'm three and one is what I'm looking at now. I didn't know I was in a fight before. The star id not a bad record, though. That is pretty good. You know what? You know, sometimes Paul schemes, takes a loss now and again. You know, Nolan Ryan didn't win them all. Speaking of unfocused, I watched a thing the other day about Nolan Ryan. There was a game where he had 10 walks and 14 strikeouts. And remember, you know that the magic number in baseball to throw 100 pitches and then right after that you turn into a. Like a small farm animal or your arm falls off or. You can't go over 100 pitches in this game, Nolan Ryan threw 261. It went extra innings. Andy threw again three days later.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
John
I don't know what happened to the human body machine in baseball compared to Nolan Ryan throwing gas for 200.
Toledo
Do that. You're taking 15 days off.
John
You're gonna month.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
John
Any pitcher that does that today, every ligament is. Tommy John dies again. Like, you can't. It won't even be a surgery. The real Tommy John feels it in his groin anyway. So I try to. I try to just skate through with no. With my real ID. Right. No real ID not doing it. $30 money grab by the state. Who I knew they'd pull something 20 years ago when they said, hey, Your driver's license is good for 35 years. You never have to do anything about it. I'm like, that can't work. Like, I'm not gonna look the same in 35 years as I do today. Turns out I kind of do. It's being bald. You always look like you're 60. So I'm catching up to my actual. Anyway, I'm like, this real ID thing's escape. Talked to a friend of mine who just skated through the airport without one the other day, and he's like, they give you a little reprimand, and they go through your bags. He goes. And then they tell you, you better go get that ID got. Right. On a Southwest flight. He's like, we're. So the TSA agents down at Sky Harbor, I think, got an email from a guy the other day that said, john, you have seriously got to reconsider your approach to the real id, especially if you're flying jsx. Why? I said that. Brett and I both had the opinion JSX gonna let you sail through. They don't care.
John Holmberg
Yeah. You got a bomb? No. Okay, go ahead.
John
You know, I mean, yeah, opposite. They're stricter because they don't have TSA agents at Scottsdale Airport. The employees of the airport are the last line of security. So evidently. And I don't. They're the bouncers. I don't know. Yeah, they're the ones at the Velvet Rope. And they don't want to be, but they have to be in order to keep that thing flowing the way it flows. So they have a very, as far as I understand, a very fragile relationship with the tsa. It's a fine line of, don't screw up or we're coming in. Don't screw up, or your pilots lose their ability to fly people around because we don't, you know, we're not going to back these flights. The government would. So as far as I get, TSA is basically saying, you're doing just fine, zero leeway. So guy emails me, says, you're flying on jsx, they will flat turn you away and give you a refund. I'm like, no kidding? So I'm still kind of indignant about it. I'm like, I'm called jsx. I'm like, hey, got an emergency. And this was two things that. Two mistakes Johnny made here called up, and I'm like, I've got an emergency. I've got to fly out Thursday night and got to get to Vegas. I have a. There's A family member that I have to go. But I don't have a real id. Well, sir, you don't. If you don't have a real id, you cannot fly with us. And I'm like, I can't. I don't have time. I'm playing the. Playing the sad guy card, right? And she goes, I see here you booked this flight four weeks ago. Well, of course. I saw the writing on the wall. I mean, he wasn't looking too good. All right, you got me. She goes, she goes, we can give you a full refund. That's it. There are. We will not. We will not let you know.
Toledo
Messing around.
Unknown
Oh, no.
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John
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Unknown
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John
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Brett
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John
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John
Holmberg's. Morning sickness. So I go to the DMV with my birth certificate, which I. Good lord. Finding that. Who knew? My birth certificate and a bunch of like a bill with my address on it down there. And the girl takes me and she goes, she goes, what do you think we can just do this now? Like, I would hope that that would be nice. And, you know, a hundred dollars in my hand kind of slides through that little glass door and maybe we could expedite the process a little bit.
John Holmberg
You gotta get in the upgrade in Vegas. Here you go.
John
And I to say to her, I'm like, you know, like, your eyebrows. Let's just draw a star on here and make this look kind of like. It's not natural, but we can. Your face has drawings on it. Why can't you do it to my id? And so she basically was like, you're screwed. You're driving. You're not getting anywhere with this. We've been talking about this for eight years. Like you have. She was. Yeah, we had a hard push last year, but eight years we've been doing this. I reissued my license in 2023. We had a box you could have checked. Like, why don't you just give it to me? Why are you giving away the dumb ones? Why. Why even make it an option to have the. That is not my problem, sir. And you're driving to Las Vegas. Oh, you bitch. I mean, I walk out with my birth certificate and got to make an appointment. I'm like. I'm standing right in front of you. You got nothing to do. There was no one there. It's a DMV that no one was at. I'm like, just. Can we just do it and start? Nope. You got to make an appointment. And I'm like, I'd like to make an appointment. We have an opening on Tuesday next. You have an opening right now, and.
Toledo
You need your birth certificate.
John
I had.
Toledo
I have a couple of bills.
John
I got everything. So she even said, I can do this, but I'm gonna give you a temporary ID you can't travel with it. And she goes, in the second I give you that, your driver's L becomes null and void, so it won't run through the little strip. So I'm like, jesus, I'm getting killed on this real ID thing. This is no good at all. So it became a mad scramble. I've made arrangements I'm not gonna talk about until Monday, so I don't get anybody in trouble. Getting. I'm getting there, and it's not in a car or a boat or a train, but I'm getting there. That real ID thing said, folks, it's John Holberg here for real id. You should do it. It's great. Don't. Don't be like me. I tried so hard to make this like an. I wanted. I was even at KTAR Wednesday or Tuesday to talk about Ozzy, because Bruce and Larry asked me to come down, just talk about it for a minute. So I did. And I'm like, is the governor coming in by chance today, or is she calling? And he's like, no, no.
Brett
She doesn't come in until, like, everybody.
John
I'm like, all right, calm down, Bruce. I just asked one question. All right? Let him run around. Somebody get him some feed. And so I was to ask Katie Hobbs, the real one, if I could. If I could have that thing try to end. He goes, oh, that's a federal issue. That's not her. Like, she's got. Is Mark Kelly coming in? Who can I talk to at this dump?
Toledo
Who's got the juice?
John
Who's got the juice in KTR to make a phone call from. I hear you guys talking about McCain's and Kelly's and Hobses is.
Toledo
Well, the other option you had, too, is the passport you get.
John
You could have driven down to Tucson So Tucson is. I, I don't. My passport expired because I don't leave the country cuz I love America. God damn it. So they're like, you could get a same day passport. Like, well, how do I do that? You gotta go to the consulate. Okay, where's that? And I'm thinking the avenues. I'm nervous they're just gonna send me.
John Holmberg
To the Avenue, 59th Avenue, Camelback.
John
I'm just saying I got a consulate. So they're never in a good spot. And that was worse than I imagined in Tucson. Like what? Yeah, it's thousand dollars for a same day passport. And maybe they can get it to you by tomorrow or the next day. That's not same day. That's a lie. And then you give them a thousand bucks. I'm like, I gotta drive all the way to Tucson, find this guy dump, give them a th000 bucks, get my picture took and hope it's over and hope it works. And then. And hope that they get it done to get my passport at times. And I'm like, or I could just drive to Vegas. Well, those are your options. I'm like, I hate this real ID nonsense. My idea is the same with or without the star.
John Holmberg
That's what they said in Germany back in the day.
John
That's exact. And how do you feel? Hey, state of Arizona. How do you think Larry feels when they put a star on his identification? His people have had that before. Dropping stars on people as their, their papers give. Let's see your papers. Do you have the star? Yeah. Huh. All right. I'm still, I'm still not for this program. But God damn it, you've got to get that id. It's just a nightmare. Jump through that hoop or just get your passport updated. There's that.
John Holmberg
I mean.
John
Yeah, that's true.
John Holmberg
Then you can still fight the good fight. No star for you.
John
You know what, God damn it, Brett'. I'm not getting that stupid idea. I'm just upgrading my passport. Not doing that same day thousand dollar nonsense. No, but yeah, I looked at my passport. Lady goes, well, how far has her. How many years has your passport expired? And I'm like, 2011, I think. Are we close? Are we still in? She goes, you'd let it go for 15 years. I'm like, where have I gone? You don't know me. I didn't go anywhere. Not even Mexico. Like, we've got Maryvale. Why would I drive all the way to Mexico? We've got tons of it around here. Here we've Been to New Mexico. And if that's the new version, I don't want to see the old one. Good Lord. If that's the upgrade, welcome to New Mexico. Yuck. What's wrong with old Mexico? That this is the upgrade. No wonder they bombed it. We bombed our own country and we started New Mexico. And it made sense anyway. Real Id do it. Don't listen to me about that thing I was telling Brady and Dad. Dale, I'm sailing, though. You too? You gotta listen to the government, Johnny. No, I don't, Dale. Government's always full of crap. They're liars. They're just after your money. How are you gonna fly, Johnny? Now fly, Dale. You'll watch me walk right through. And I would have if I was willing to fly with poor people over there on those airlines at Sky Harbor. I'm not doing that. JSX ruined me.
John Holmberg
It's always ruined my spirit.
John
So I called. I called the former CEO of Jet, Tom Smith. Remember, he was the one that flew us up to Vegas for our anniversary a few years ago. And I said, you may or may not remember me. I dressed as Evil Knievel and did a video on your plane. And shortly thereafter, your company went out of business. I'm sorry. And he goes, of course I remember you. And you didn't have anything to do with that. And I'm like, feel a little bit responsible because once I started talking about it, you guys shut up shop. And I called him and I said, how do I get like, how do.
Toledo
I get out of here?
John
You still got that plane. I'll pay you. He goes, let me talk to him. So you gimme a lady who does chartered flights, right? And I'm like, they're not going to need a real id. Well, it's even more strict because the pilot that flies you is now under TSA rule, and he's the last line of defense. And he will lose his ability to take people around the country if you. If you don't. If it's through a charter, like, basically, I have to buy my own plane. That's what I have to do. So, but then. And then the charter to Vegas. Here's the interesting. That'll be $12,000. I'm like, Jesus, that's a little heavy. Six grand each way. And she goes, oh, you wanted round trip? Yeah, I'm gonna need go both ways. There she goes, okay, that's 12.
Toledo
No, one way. I'm gonna u haul back.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
John
$24,000 for me to fly to Vegas and back. And then the girl in the line goes, that does seem a little heavy, doesn't it? I'm like, it's crazy. She goes, how many people are going? I'm like, one. All the rest of my friends have the id. Oh, you don't have a real id? No, we can't help you. God damn it. I'd love somebody from the government to tell me what it does. And then another thing. If you don't have a passport, the only other IDs that they accept are all from people who snuck in. You have some i5515 immigration pipeline, like all these immigrant paperworks that come in.
Toledo
She's listening off once. Unless you have.
John
I'm like, yeah, I don't. Who has that? I'm an American citizen. Like, I just have this and my birth certificate.
John Holmberg
Kind of got you one of those. Just go down to Desert Sky Mall there, right by the shed. You know, Maryvale.
John
You're fine. Yeah, go to Maryville.
John Holmberg
20 bucks. 20 bucks.
John
Mr. Holmberg, how long have you lived here? Oh, no English. Where are you from?
Unknown
Stockholm.
John
Sweden. Sweden. What the. It was a very long swim. Cold. Real.
Toledo
How does it work for, like, your one friend that says, I'm no longer a citizen?
John
Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, they fly. Great question. Yeah. The sovereign citizens. Yeah. I have no idea if they're. Because their IDs. The only thing he does for his ID is writes the commercial code number next to his signature, which then clears him, gives him the right to question all of the. Again. He taught me this. When you go get your driver's license, you're just excited to get it. They give you a giant piece of paper to sign, and there's like a. It's the Apple itunes agreement.
John Holmberg
It.
John
And it's all these.
John Holmberg
Just skip to the bottom and just please sign it.
John
And then they take that signature and they plop it onto your license and give it to you. But what you just signed is basically like. You're right to, like the. We're allowed to kind of post a sign anywhere we want. You don't have a say in this. Lawful or illegal or defined differently. And gets weird.
Toledo
They skirt all of that by just distracting with you. Are you gonna donate your organs?
John
You want your organs? Yeah. That's a tough one for me every time. Like, I do want to help, but I sure do like having my organs. Sorry. Just staying in. I'm sorry. It's not. It's not for me to give you my stuff like that. I do have the organs of a teen Boy, too. They keep telling me that every time I get a blood test or those ultrasounds and stuff. Your organs are amazing. Like a teen boy. Great. My skeleton's like a 9,000 year old man. So it's a battle to see which one gives up because it's not good. Anyway. Get your travel id. Don't be like me. I lost the fight. I put up a fight for you folks. I tried. I tried to be loud about it. I tried to make it silly and I tried to make it so where everybody recognized how dumb it was. And then it was just a thirty dollar tariff on you because they blew it with the idea. And then this is a real quick think about it. Everybody in America that wants to travel has to get this. That's 30 bucks ahead. If I could get, you know, 280 million of the 350 million people that live here to throw 30 bucks into a hole, it's a pretty nice day.
Toledo
Good revenue.
John
And all you had to do is just kind of go, you know, go get a new ID. It costs us 2 cents to make one of these things. We're gonna. 30 bucks out of each of you. That's garbage. And make you jump through hoops. Oops. It's terrible. Prior to that, they were so concerned about your id, you could renew it online. You're just going, I lost my idea. I need a new one. Click, click, click. Got an idea. It shows up at your house in two seconds. No, no paperwork, no nothing. Now it's like, ah, security this, security. It's not for security. There's nothing to do with anything. It's for immigration. It is. No, it's not. And they say that it's for immigration because that's the current thought. If they've been at this for eight years fighting whether or not they should have legal immigration, open borders, all this stuff, they never cared about that. It was always about money. Period. End of story. And you know what? They won. I'm screwed.
John Holmberg
Throwing at the white flag, huh?
John
Tip the cap sometimes. Sometimes the pitcher puts one by you and you're like, man, I had a big bat. I had an eyeball on you. I thought I had you figured.
John Holmberg
And three and one still good.
John
Thanks, Brad.
John Holmberg
Not a bad record.
John
Appreciate that, buddy. I appreciate that. Appreciate support. I'm sitting on the bench a little down. I felt pretty good about it, but this three in one thing sucks. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness.
John Holmberg
Go get him, kid.
John
God damn it. Brett's giving me some hope for the next one. What am I mad at that. I can fight back in there. You know what I'm still hoping for, though? My three in one gets reviewed and later on down the line. Line. They basically say, that homework guy was right. If you don't. And, you know, they kind of give back a little bit on something. But I don't think this is. This is it. Everybody keeps emailing me about the third party DMV. That's where I went. I get it. The third party DMVs will get you fast. That real ID, they have to go through a process. You can't have it the same day. Can't be done. You can get temp. You can't get the picture one. Evidently, that's what I was doing. I tried that anyway. Yeah, Brett, maybe they'll call. Maybe the government will be like, john, right? We really screwed people on this deal. Maybe we'll get a governor in there eventually and not this Katie Hobbs who comes out and goes, something has to be done about this. You, every one of you citizens just got robbed and I'm going to give you 30 bucks back. @ the very least, you can travel with whatever ID you've got. We're letting America. God damn it. We're letting American citizens struggle to get from A to B. And meanwhile, we've been letting people cross that border like nobody spit business over I don't know how many months and years. This is garbage. I'm an American, damn it. I should be able to go where.
John Holmberg
I want to get Trump on this one.
John
Yes. Yes. That's what we need. Trump. That's what I want.
John Holmberg
He got sugar back in coke. He could do this.
John
Sugar back in Coke.
Toledo
Not yet. It's gonna happen.
John
Shut up. Brady's on its way. Sugar back and coke. He's fighting.
Unknown
The real idea. I mean, if you don't have a turban winding, why. Why do I even care? Literally, your last name is Gu. That's as good as not having a star. I'm going to look into that. Holmberg. Come on, guys. Not doing it. The rugs not getting the plane. He's not. Brittany's not gonna bomb a plane. He's not that guy.
Toledo
He's a good guy.
Unknown
He's a good guy.
Brett
I like him.
Unknown
I like him. People talk about embalming planes. I say no. A lot of people say, he's probably gonna bomb a plane. He doesn't know he's not. You're not even allowed to say those words. Don't do it. Get a star on your idea and.
John
You won't do it.
Unknown
You'll have that turban. Goddamn America.
John
That's what I say. America. They're making it tough on me.
John Holmberg
An American, for God's sake.
John
That's right. I'm gonna spend $30 to prove I'm more American so Larry can have a star on his id. We've seen this movie. It's called Schindler's List. And we hated it. We liked the movie. We hated what they were doing in it. I'm trying. I'm to trying, trying, folks, but I lost this one. The real idea is it's very. They're very strict and they're kind of rude, but maybe a governor will come on and say that maybe something like that could happen.
Toledo
That is amazing, though.
John
Eight years. They said eight years. Nobody knew about that for eight years. And my ID said, what's the issue date on your ID? I said, 2023. I just got a new one.
Brett
Well, you didn't check the box for the new id.
John
When I got the new id, I figured that would be the only option. Why are you giving out old IDs?
Brett
Why?
John
Because it's like 17 for the old ones, 30 for the new one. So basically I'm in 47 for one that's expiring and it's terrible. Don't I get grandfathered in for your first stupid rule if my license won't expire till 2037? You're the one who put those parameters. I'm not going to get enough. Oh, you start me again. You start me again. Here we go again. American. God damn it. I followed the rules and I got burned. All right, I'll buy your id, but you have to do something for me. You have to suck my Mr. Seriously, I'm an American, and that's the only way I'm doing it anyway. What are you gonna do? I have no. I have no answers. I tried. I gave it my all. And then you see people with real IDs getting arrested for having sex on a JetBlue plane a couple of days ago in front of kids. A little star on their ID didn't stop him from boning on a JetBlue.
Toledo
Mommy, why is her head bobbing on his lap?
Brett
They're watching a TV show. The technology is very amazing here. They have little screens and. Oh, my God, they're having sex.
John
You start boning on a plane. I can't get on because I don't have a star. I don't have the Jewish star, the terrible one. Are you gonna tattoo my arm? My ID My flight number on my arm, you sons of bitches.
John Holmberg
They'll learn eventually.
John
But two people on a JetBlue start boning. JetBlue is the one who invented the technology. Have TVs in the screen in the seat in front of you.
John Holmberg
And directv at that.
John
I know they've been gold, baby. You got multiple channels. Way back in like 2000, they came up with this. JetBlue is the future.
Toledo
That's a picture.
John
Oh, we got a picture of the two. Bang.
Toledo
Yeah.
John
Not bad.
Toledo
Flight attendant.
John Holmberg
Better than you thought.
Toledo
By heard the complaint and he walks down there and checks it out. Sure enough, heads by Robin.
John
Oh, she blowing him or she bent? Oh, that was. She was just a sex act. Oh. So she was under first and then.
Toledo
You know, they were adjusting.
John
How did no one say handy?
Toledo
And oral? Oral started out, dude had it out jerkin.
John
She's a keeper. She's a great gal.
Toledo
Another honeymoon.
Unknown
What are the real Americans right there. I'd give her a travel id. She's great. Get on any flight you want. Fly for free.
John
I, I, yeah, I didn't know that it was. He had it out. He had to. For oral. You can't do that.
Toledo
Yeah, but she's blocking it with her head.
John
She's got a lot, but it's kind of obvious. Yeah, something's going to get a little exposed. You gotta edge the ending for a little while. The whole thing's been out for you. Can't keep it in there the whole time. It'll start to prune.
Toledo
Row 25 too.
Brady
Pretty deep back.
John
Yeah, but still I don't think it's the.
John Holmberg
No, it's not the backpack.
Toledo
30.
John
30 plus would be like or pretty 40. Well, it depends. It like if it's the JetBlue 7. Yeah. Probably about 35. 40. Yeah.
Toledo
That one Sarasota to maybe it was.
John
One of their baby jet blues. But still 25th row.
Toledo
Yeah, it doesn't sound like it was the, you know, express.
John
Well, they said it was in front of children too, which means of course it was. It's a Jet Blue. They have deals. They make deals to where your kids fly cheaper. Don't fly that area if they make it easier for kids to get on. I, I avoided. Yeah. So you got that their real id didn't you know? It's not stopping a thing. Planes are the same. Can't stand it anyway. What are you gonna do? I can't save the world. Although I've tried. It seems like nobody's listening. Oh, no.
John Holmberg
Jesus.
John
Katie Hobbs summoned her oh, my God.
Brett
Hi, you guys.
John
Hi, Brad.
Brett
Hey, Katie.
John
How are you? Hey, Katie.
Brett
Hi. I'm Governor Katie Hobbs of Arizona, and I wanted to talk about issues.
John Holmberg
What do you want to talk about?
Brett
Hi, Brett.
John
Hi.
Brett
I want. Brett, have you ever been in the Mile High?
John Holmberg
No, I haven't.
Brett
Oh, I have a plane.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah?
Brett
Yeah.
John
All right.
Brett
If you want to go up to Las Vegas.
John
I don't have my one friend.
Brett
That's okay.
Toledo
Can we all go?
Brett
I'm ready. Oh, no, I'm sorry. The only seats, Brett, and you can take one guest, but it can't be an invalid that lives with you that your mother can't go. I saw pictures again. I want to call and say. Or come in and tell you guys about the real id.
John Holmberg
What's happening?
Brett
That in certain cases, I get to take the picture. And it's from the waist down, so that's the only way we can identify.
John
Oh, yeah.
Brett
People. So, Brad, I'll start with you alphabetically. B. B serving bread. Oh, it's you. Your first son. Take a photo of that. You could just send me one. Send me a couple of pictures, and I'll. I'll pick the best one, and then you can send a picture if you have a Gorlock living at home with you. That's that dog from last week, right? Gorlock. Is that cute?
John
Cute?
Brett
I saw Fred adopted Gorlock and taught it to walk on two feet in less than a week. Did you change its name, though? Because I said me and my thighs. My thick, thick thighs. Thick thigh. Diarrhea. I forgot her name. What's her name? Diarrhea. What's the methy. Mathiarhea. Mathiarhea, Sorry. Say, I saw that you adopted that dog and you shaved it and you let her walk on two feet. And it got a job and everything.
Toledo
Dog's an earner.
Brett
Shut up. I ain't talking to Brett. And I had. I'm. I was here for the real id.
John Holmberg
Are you gonna take care of John?
Brett
Are you going? Sure, I'll go with. Yeah, we can put him in the luggage. Also, I wanted to start my new program called the Real D, where I get to, like. You can show me a real D. Oh, yeah. And then get on. You get a free flight.
John
You don't need the star, huh?
Brett
I'm just dealing with issues.
John Holmberg
I'll do that.
Brett
Can't imagine how horrible I just pictured that. Brady makes me want to just stop air Travel like it's the 12th of September. I want you. Do planes. Even fly with you in them or you just drive the whole way?
John
With wings?
Toledo
I sit on one side.
John
Huh?
Brett
He is such. Hi, Brad.
John
Hi.
Brett
You want to go in the hallway and talk?
John
Sure.
Brett
Is your dog here or do you just leave it in its cage at home where it belongs?
John Holmberg
My dog.
Toledo
Fantastic. The real governor.
Brett
It's no wonder your wife tries to drown herself to bowl sounds. I do the same thing. All right, I gotta go. Bye, friend.
John Holmberg
Bye, Katie.
Brett
Give your dog a kick in the butt for me.
John
Good you to see. She just. She's very angry about Messiah. I don't think we got anywhere with Katie in the real idea. I'm pretty sure she just wants to see your dick.
Toledo
Just throwing a star on your license right there.
John
She could have a gold starred. My license?
Unknown
Yeah.
John
What are you gonna do? Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585 9, 800. As my battle has been fought and lost But I fought the good fight.
John Holmberg
Should we play taps a little bit later?
John
I think maybe for my old idea, we're gonna have to play some taps. Give us that wake up song. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD.
Brett
Wake up.
John
Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.
Episode: July 24, 2025
Title: John Has Given Up The Fight Against Getting A Real ID After Found It's Legit And Now He Can't Fly JSX To Vegas Without It And Even Katie Hobbs Can't Help Him
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
In this engaging episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness broadcasted on July 24, 2025, host John Holmberg delves deep into the frustrations surrounding the Real ID mandate. Joined by his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, the team explores the personal and societal impacts of the Real ID requirement, sharing anecdotes, grievances, and a touch of humor throughout the discussion.
John Holmberg opens the discussion by expressing his ongoing battle with obtaining a Real ID, crucial for flying, especially with airlines like JSX. He shares his recent experiences and the obstacles he faced, highlighting the inefficiency and rigidity of the system.
John Holmberg [02:29]: "I really that up because that whole star ID thing, that's a real deal, man. They're very upset about that. I am struggling."
John elaborates on his attempts to navigate the DMV, only to be met with bureaucratic hurdles that left him without a valid ID for travel.
John Holmberg [14:28]: "And I to say to her, I'm like, you know, like, your eyebrows. Let's just draw a star on here and make this look kind of like. It's not natural, but we can. Your face has drawings on it. Why can't you do it to my id?"
John shares a vivid story about a problematic visit to a car wash, which turned into a legal confrontation due to their mishandling of his belongings. This anecdote serves to illustrate his frustration with systemic inefficiencies and perceived corruption.
John Holmberg [04:20]: "Nobody better than Steve Goddard. He's got to be 300 years old, and I hope he lives to be 500, because as a radio guy who hates most all other radio people, Steve Goddard is as smooth today as he was when I was a kid."
The team reminisces about past radio personalities, adding a nostalgic layer to the conversation and reinforcing the show's deep-rooted connection to the local community.
The discussion intensifies as John recounts his interactions with state officials, including an attempt to reach out to Governor Katie Hobbs for assistance. His frustration is palpable as he describes the lack of support and understanding from government representatives.
John Holmberg [16:49]: "And I'm like, I can't save the world. Although I've tried. It seems like nobody's listening."
Bret Vesley [32:50]: "I want to call and say. Or come in and tell you guys about the real id."
John's attempts to escalate his concerns reveal a broader sentiment of disenchantment with governmental processes, emphasizing the perceived disconnect between officials and everyday citizens.
A significant portion of the episode focuses on the financial burden imposed by the Real ID requirement. John criticizes the $30 fee, viewing it as an unnecessary money grab rather than a legitimate security measure.
John Holmberg [24:56]: "And this is a real quick think about it. Everybody in America that wants to travel has to get this. That's 30 bucks ahead. If I could get, you know, 280 million of the 350 million people that live here to throw 30 bucks into a hole, it's a pretty nice day."
He further discusses the impracticality of obtaining a same-day passport as an alternative, highlighting the exorbitant costs and logistical challenges involved.
Throughout the episode, the co-hosts inject humor into the discussion, balancing the serious nature of the topic. Bret Vesley's playful remarks and interactions with John and Brady add levity, ensuring the conversation remains entertaining.
Bret Vesley [35:00]: "I want to start my new program called the Real D, where I get to, like. You can show me a real D. Oh, yeah. And then get on. You get a free flight."
This blend of humor and frustration showcases the chemistry among the hosts, making the episode relatable and engaging for listeners.
As the episode wraps up, John reflects on his failed attempts to challenge the Real ID mandate and the broader implications for American citizens. He expresses a sense of resignation but also a continuing desire to advocate for change.
John Holmberg [25:47]: "Throwing at the white flag, huh?"
John Holmberg [30:13]: "You start boning on a plane. I can't get on because I don't have a star. I don't have the Jewish star, the terrible one."
The episode concludes on a somber yet hopeful note, with John maintaining his resolve to continue fighting for accessible identification while acknowledging the systemic barriers that hinder his efforts.
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness effectively captures the frustrations and challenges faced by individuals dealing with the Real ID mandate. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, critical discussions, and humor, John Holmberg and his team provide a relatable and insightful perspective on a pressing societal issue. Listeners are left with a nuanced understanding of the Real ID's impact and the broader implications for personal freedom and governmental trust.
For more insights and to listen to the full episode, visit 98KUPD or tune in weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM.