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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Eastsiders the Tempe Improv has two very funny guys and Mike Vecchione and comedian CP Downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got the always entertaining John Dela Cruz, AKA Nurse John. And up north at Desert Ridge features comedy vet and friend of the show, Steve Byrne. For the complete live and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com planning.
Brady Bogan
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Brett Vesely
You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? PT I just made myself laugh. So stupid. I just cartooned myself into my. I'm sorry. Just give me a second, guys. I had a really funny moment with me a second ago. Brett's gonna go out for the Operation Hydration just now and you're going to Signal Butte and Baseline. That's a haul. We'll get you out there. But before you go, yesterday we had a function with the Arizona Diamondbacks, and thanks to the hospitality and the crew up there at the Diamondback Suites and Susan Hitler, our sales manager, amazing job putting that all together. Even Moynihan, who we tease him a lot. And he. He goes, john, come in my office. Like, what is it? And he goes, my brother in law. Listen to you guys talking about Susan with the Hitler posters. I'm like, right? Yeah. Because that happened. And then he goes, my brother in law said they were. You were Beating me up pretty good. I listened. I thought it was funny. I'm like, yeah. And he goes. But then my brother in law's like, do they even like you? And I'm like, of course we do, Steve. I said, you just take the beating because you'll forever be known as the guy who was asked to be the before in a video. And you said, yes. That's what they think of you. So I'm the one standing up for you. I'm not. When they said, we need a before picture for the very handsome Dustin for this video we're doing Moynihan, you do it. Okay. And all I said was do that to the women. Hey, we've got a hot broad popping out of the car. Gardener, you're hired. We need a pig or a gross woman to be the before to when she morphs into this beautiful blonde lady. Any volunteers? They pointed right at Steve when they did it with men. You're good. Get your slub ass in that car. You're the before. So I give him. I give him. He was great yesterday. All the clients. Doug Hopkins was up there.
Toledo
Scott the bot rolled in. Of course, the first thing I thought, bathrooms are right over there. I know.
Brett Vesely
Wreck the can.
Toledo
They said the same thing. Last year.
Brett Vesely
We had Scott show and try to defend his photo of being Hitler because he's the model for the Hitler posters that are downstairs. And I call them Hitler posters. And they deny that's what it is. But everyone. I'm like, just peripherally look at the thing he's about to show you. And not one person reacted differently. Everyone went, oh, man, no, you can't have that. Every single person like, oh, yeah, that's Hitler. It is not. I'm pointing like, nobody points like that. Anyway, a great thing yesterday. We had a ton of clients up there, a ton of salespeople. We had a good time, a lot of fun. And one of the people that were there was Jason from the Phoenix Rescue mission. And that is the beneficiary of our Operation Hydration. Our goal this year is a million bottles. Last week, week. A week and a half ago, we were told we are already at 500,000. So we got super excited that halfway through, we're halfway there. This is right on target. Jason said, I got an announcement for you, buddy. Yesterday, Target. I'm like, what do we do? What are we doing? And he goes, yeah. He said, we. We had 500,000 bottles of water. That was confirmed. Like, that's amazing. And he goes, there's a new number now. And I'm like, really? And he goes, we had a couple of people step up. One wants to remain anonymous. They just joined in. But it's a big. It's a big organization. And they're like, we're going to help you guys out. So for the last few weeks, this organization has dropped off a check. And so he said, with those checks, because of KUPD and this and that, that we are now at 880,000 bottles of water. Wow. We just jumped up 300,000. And I'm like, 880. And he said, yeah. I'm like, we can quit. Like Brett, I'm saying we can skate. And he started laughing. I'm like, seriously, let's throttle back here. This is done. And he goes, no, we're gonna keep going. We're gonna blow that million out of the way. I'm like, look, we're breathing heavy. Getting to a million. This is awesome news. So a couple of people have stepped up, dropped off. Not only that, just raw donations from cupd. All the. Every time, say it comes by and drops up. All these companies have been helping us out. Every time you go out to Brett's van, just know that each bottle has already been counted. The money part has been added in later. So everything Cup's got, we're probably close to 6, 6, 50 from just this. And then the donations that are coming in from the side. And this big money guy that just dropped off checks a couple times, he said, we bought water with those. I don't know what that. That's got to be like ten thousand dollar donations each time. I don't know how you get 250,000 bottles of water.
John Holmberg
And I think a pallet at Costco is like 430 bucks.
Brett Vesely
So, I mean, that's a lot of people. You drop a check for five grand if that's what they're doing. Yeah, you're getting. I mean, we've loaded up. So since they counted and gave me the number, which was probably hit about a month ago, and said 500, since then, they've been able to purchase nearly a quarter of that, and we're now at 880.
Toledo
That's amazing.
Brett Vesely
That's incredible.
John Holmberg
Let's hit it today.
Brett Vesely
Sign on.
John Holmberg
Let's go out next week.
Brett Vesely
Let's see if we can get 120,000 bottles. Brett can take August off. No, we're going way past it. It's all gravy.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but that means that those numbers, we get hit again next year and even more.
Brett Vesely
I know. No, we'll quit we'll be doing well. No, no, that's it. We hit this number and we're like, guys, we're out. Make it last. Then we have to start something where we just solve this problem where the people that need the water get. You know, we just give them a hose. Listen, everybody gets a hose. You just walk around with a little mini hose and tie it to a bunch of sp. And you're allowed to do it.
Toledo
So we'll have you end it with a new song. You'll never drink alone.
Brett Vesely
Like Jerry Lewis. You'll never drink. Have a good one, folks.
John Holmberg
Bye.
Brett Vesely
Bye. Alone. We're here at the telethon. Would love to help out. Brett's done a great job out there at the van, hasn't he? He's so close to Tripp, it's painful.
Toledo
What about his cousin?
Brett Vesely
Oh, his cousin. The. Oh, that's why I got removed from the telephone. I said the homo f. Anyway, good job, Brad. Thank you. He's heading out this morning. All right, I'm out to a Safeway or Albertsons. I'm not sure which. Safeway. Albertsons is a huge helper. They've been amazing. So one of them. Safeway Albert. So we don't go out that direction. Safeway Albertsons has. Is that right?
Toledo
Yeah, 100.
John Holmberg
I think it's Safeway today.
Brett Vesely
Let's take a look. It's a Safeway. Brett wins. It's a Safeway. So it's a Safeway out there at signal but in baseline. He'll get out there in a little bit.
John Holmberg
I have CDs to give away too.
Brett Vesely
Oh, people love those.
Toledo
Pretty good one.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. He also has feather pens and a Betamax tape. I'm ready to roll. Yep. I believe he has an iron lung and some stuff for folks with polio. Got the vaccine out there, if you're interested.
Toledo
He's got the best of five finger death punch.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. This is the weirdest email I got. Three strange, super strange emails I'll get to. This one was strange because I don't know what it is says, and I'm kind of in on this, so say, Holmberg, my special day and your special day are the same. Oh, he's talking about my birthday, Brady, which is coming up July 26th on Saturday. My special day and your special day are the same birthday besties. This guy said that's from Dick Fish. No, he is. It's his birthday too. Right. Says we should exchange pictures of each other's dicks to see who gets full ownership of the day. Terry wow. I'm kind of in on this. All right, Terry. Deal. But it has to be taken by Brady. So we know you're not just ripping one off the Internet.
Toledo
Send yours to D. No, no, no.
Brett Vesely
Oh, yeah. If you want to. If you have a July 26th birthday and you want to show me your Dick, the Toledo@98kupd.com I'd love to see it. Please, God. Even if Your birthday's not July 26, send Toledo Dick pics. Loads of them.
Toledo
Added to.
Brett Vesely
Oh, yeah, just subject Toledo's dick gallery. Yeah, Toledo's requested dick gallery. And let the. Let the HR people up there try to figure out what's going on in his work email. I got this email too. It says, and I'm in on that. If you. I mean, guy with the biggest. I'm not gonna win the July 26th dick off. I'll just like normal in my life. I'd be somewhere in the middle.
Toledo
Congratulations, you win.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I mean, if I have the biggest July 26th dick, that's sad. I'm in the middle somewhere. If I was in the percentile, if I was guessing, it'd be like the high 50s, low 60s. There's plenty of guys with bigger ones and most guys normal like me. And then the rest are sad and pathetic and why they're alive, I don't know. This one says Holmberg, you magnificent son of a bitch. I'm taking a class at a college of note here in southern California. I'm 38 years old and I'm starting life over. I moved back home with my parents after being in Phoenix for 26 years. All those years I spent listening to you morons all the way through high school up to today. I was never a fan of Eric. Back when he was on, he was fun to dislike. Every friend group has an obnoxious, loud drunk. So we related. Then he left the show and I thought that's gonna be tough to fix that with you and Brady and the stone man. Enter Brett Fesley. And he is why I'm writing. You said today it was yesterday. He said it was his five year anniversary of having Brett on the show. And in my class at school, we have had it revealed to us how to have successful personality marketing traits of the show. I now know you are a manufactured show and none of it's real. The first character you must have is a strong, opinionated person, unafraid to speak his mind. Must be charming in quotes. The devil with a twinkle in his eye, that's you. The underdog. The Weak one with a heart of gold that's easy to root for. That's Brady, the dangerous outsider. Character traits that are. That they are proud of, but they are not traits to be proud of. He represents something in all of us, no matter if we like it or not. Some will, some will not. The other one is the safety character, usually a balancing force of innocuous thought and emotion. A blank man, so to speak. He said, john, you have created each of these characters in a lab somewhere and called it Holmberg's morning Sickness. It's not a question which one of you represents each category. There are fifth and sixth options as well. The heroine and the hero doesn't seem to apply since the show has no girl except Brady and no real need for a hero. You guys should be studied for the ages. Each of you are what marketing wizards are trying to mold and sell. Nothing in Los Angeles radio is close. There are all attempts to be one of these characters, and it's all fake. You guys seem like you've actually figured it out. And this speaks to the pure genius of John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Brett Vestly. Close. And the Toledo man. Holmberg's morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. Thanks for everything, Ryan, with an I. Well, thank you, Ryan. And I didn't know that before. That kind of makes me feel bad that a textbook somewhere in a college in California says, here's four things for a show that works. Here you go. Here's your charact. Put them together and everybody can relate. We didn't do this through some textbook. We don't know what we're doing. Maybe they studied us, Brady. Maybe they looked at us and said, that's it.
Toledo
It's gotta be this.
Brett Vesely
Got a loud jackass kind of winks and nods at you when he says crazy stuff. You got kind of a lovable. A fun, lovable underdog that takes a little bit of a punch now and again and smiles and walks right through it. The quote, as I like to call it, that'll happen, guy. Did you just see that? That's horrible, Nap. That'll happen. That ain't gonna hurt you. That's Brady's phrase. That pays on the golf course. That ain't gonna hurt you. Worst shot I've ever hit in my life. Don't worry about it. That ain't gonna hurt you. You're right. It won't. Then you got Toledo, who just represents stale but stale necessity. A stale necessity. And then Brett. Guy that seems proud of things you shouldn't be proud of. It's like, wait a minute. What? But all of us have that inside of us. How about that? We've been studied, Brady, and put into a textbook.
Toledo
I can see how if, you know, you're taught this. This is a formula kind of thing. And in the radio biz, you know, they try to. Now they try to fit people in that formula.
Brett Vesely
Yep, yep.
Toledo
And you got your consultants.
Brett Vesely
Oh, a consultant. Years ago, when I was at the Zone and I did that show with Stephanie Duran and we were doing. Well, I was new. Look, I still don't know what I'm doing, but back then, I really didn't know what I was doing. I just knew that being the jackass in school had gotten me to this part. So just keep doing that. Figure it out. And the consultant, because suddenly the station wanted to aim for a female audience. But they really. We really like what you're doing. And I've told you this before, they sat down and they said, can you give Stephanie more of the funny lines? Like, you think we script this for. Do other shows do that? Oh, a lot of them do.
Toledo
They do Wild.
Brett Vesely
And I'm like, I don't even know how. I don't even know how to do that. And I would read the script and go, this is stupid. And I'd start something new. Oh, my God. Well, can you. Can you. When you think of something funny, can you just fire it down and give it to Stephanie? Well, that's going to be a weird funny. When she starts talking about her balls itching. I don't know what you're talking about. You know what we mean. I don't. This morning, for instance, and this was back when who Wants to Be a Millionaire? You were doing the Regis Philbin thing, which was great. Can you let her do some of that? Yeah, that's as easy as me just spitting impressions into a woman. Have you ever heard a woman doing impressions? That's good. Never.
Toledo
Hey, Regis.
Brett Vesely
Anyway, here I am. Regis filled in the woman, like, this is terrible. And that just proved to me that was that. Look, I got. I got introduced to this business by a bunch of dumb people in suits. And it's the best thing that ever happened to me because it took the veneer off. It took the. That beautiful shine off of, like, what I thought would happen. Like respecting all these people because they had gotten to that job. Must have been through hard work.
Toledo
There's a learning curve.
Brett Vesely
Oh, yeah. And they must have all gotten that job because they're incredibly experienced and accomplished. And what I learned was, no, they'd just been fired so often that their resume looked like they had experience. So they had 14 different jobs and 14 there. And. Oh, you worked at WIRX and WLLM and W. Well, these are big stations. We gotta get you. And. And they can't do anything but talk about where they've been fired like a hundred times. And most of them were kind of.
Toledo
This is how we did it in Kalamazoo.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. And I remember sitting there at age 28, not having any idea what I was doing, looking at my general manager at the time and saying, why do we need consultants if you have so much experience? They had no answer for me. Marv Loser. No answer for me. Consultants are here to help. For the. I can't do your show. Like, well, what are you in charge of? I was getting pissed because he had like six people telling me six different things. And they were all experts. And I'm like, they're all dumb. The guy just asked me if I could give the funny lines to her. What funny lines? Find my script. Well, you know what he means, John. When you come up with something funny, you plan that out. Show preparation. Like, that's not fun. I can do this without writing it down the day before. That's called talent, you sons of bitches. I'm out. And boy, are they all screwed because they kept going through with the prep. The show the day before. And then the Internet came along and said, you can't do yesterday's show today. That's called the newspaper. You need people that can do it on the fly, and there aren't many. And that's not because there aren't many that can do it. There aren't many that are willing to stand up to the idiots telling them, you shouldn't. Consultants, can you give the girl the funny lines? Why don't you let Toledo make a laugh now and again? Because he's dull as. He's like talking to a computer screen. You're better than that, Rich. Don't worry about it. No, he's not. He was just close. I didn't want him to be offended.
Toledo
He's right behind you.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, but now we're a textbook. Now all of a sudden they're like, well, this is how it works. It's just proof they didn't know in the first place. God forbid you read the textbook about a guy girl show. The guy does this, the gal does this. They talk about their home life. They kind of have a will they, won't they vibe, but you just don't know. Are they Gonna have sex? Are they dating? Does their husband know? Is he attracted? I can't tell a girl. You can't manufacture a radio woman and a guy pretending to be in love. Because all radio women are disgusting to look at.
Toledo
Why don't you do this? A pie in the face on the.
Brett Vesely
Air and then call your moms.
Unknown
Locations wrong.
Brett Vesely
Oh it is. Does Brett know?
Unknown
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Okay, the Safeway is Signal Butte and Warner, not Baseline. Signal Butte and Warner. That's not even close. Two streets do pretty long distance a couple miles away signal. But in Warner, Brett. That's where he's going this morning for that. Pretty good. I like being in a. I like being the down the line. Textbook. That's pretty cool. Then I got this email. Brady, this is another one. I got loaded up. Hey Holmberg. I know and think that you are gay. You drive me nuts pretending to be some hard ass republican when deep down all you are is a closeted homo who teases Toledo for being a lib. But you are one just like him. I hear the joy in your voice when you bash the president. It's a good impression. But why don't you praise him sometimes like you used to with Biden? What? I don't know. Besides that. All the crap you spew about wieners and dudes. I heard you actually say in the air the other day about a guy, he's a great looking man. Who says that about another man? I'll tell you who. John Holmberg, the great radio of Phoenix. So just get it over with. Ditch the beard and a guy already. I like the show, but you know when a girl introduces her new boyfriend to people and she seems to be the only one who doesn't see that he's gay? That's you dick smoker. Signed br. Well, thanks for piling in.
Toledo
Great letter. I am with him. He is.
Brett Vesely
My favorite part of this is it was written at 5:30 in the afternoon yesterday. So the second he got home he's like I gotta do this. I gotta hit this guy right between the balls. I'm tired of it. I can't take it. I'm tired of him parading around like a heterosexual.
Toledo
Just get it over.
Brett Vesely
Just get it over with, would you? Just a guy. Would you please. Just me. I want you to me. I love you so much. Please put it in me. What are you asking for there, br? I don't remember being too kind to Biden.
Toledo
You're all for, you know, shooting people in the leg.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I thought that was a great idea. I would bring up Things he said, that's the. I don't know, I don't remember. That was really super sweet to him, I suppose compared to Trump, who I'm just evil with. But you know, but deep down it's all because I'm masking this homosexuality. And it's been tough for me, Brady, coming up on a birthday here, tough to deal with. Reassess your time on the planet.
Toledo
You'll figure it out.
Brett Vesely
Well, he's already figured it out. Now it's just a matter of whether I'm gonna do it or not. Would you be interested?
Toledo
No, not right now.
Brett Vesely
No.
Toledo
I got too much going on.
Brett Vesely
Your mouth looks too small anyway. I just, you know, I think you'd be teethy. You don't have a very big mouth. I think you'd be pretty toothy.
Toledo
I don't know if I went after it.
Brett Vesely
You think you. Well, I think. Look, I appreciate the ambition and I'm gonna give you a chance, but it might not be great, but I'm going to still let you try and base.
Toledo
It upon, you know, growing up, playing different sports and stuff.
Brett Vesely
Competitive. You're a competitive guy. You don't want somebody to tell you, you couldn't blow me without going to do that. No, you're going to go. You're going to give it your shot and I'm going to allow it because I admire a go getter. You may not be good at it, but you know what? You're giving it your all and that's what's important when you're blowing me.
Unknown
Hold on. You don't think this man with all his experience knows how to keep his teeth out of the way?
Brett Vesely
No, I don't. I think his teeth are very important and they chomp down fast. Just out of muscle memory.
Unknown
I think he gets his cheeks and his lips very well.
Brett Vesely
Dude gets a meat stick in his mouth, his teeth are gonna get confused and they're going down on that thing. This is inedible.
Unknown
Alright, I guess that's fair.
Brett Vesely
I bet you at the dentist they're like, stop biting. But it's in my mouth. I said stop biting. I can't help it. You keep stuffing things in my mouth. What do you expect me to do? Not eat it?
Toledo
It's a glizzy.
Brett Vesely
It's food, I think. It isn't food, it's metal. Just don't bite down on it. It's a toothbrush. But it's in my. You don't understand.
Unknown
I might love that sound a little too much.
Brett Vesely
Too much? You broke Another one of our tools. I didn't mean it. Yeah, I guess I'm a wild homosexual. Boys. I guess that guy has branded me. I'm with you now too. I'm also a Martian lib. Go teachers.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. I missed you at the meetings.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I know. I get that. I find that to be so.
Toledo
It could be, you know, epiphany for him, like you just figured it out. It's about time you figured that out for me.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're telling me that this guy's letter is growth for him to finally. At 5:36.
Unknown
That's a stretch.
Brett Vesely
At 5:36 p. That is a stretch. 5:36. Speaking of stretching, we have to work on Brady's lips because they're. It's not. I'm not big, but that little tiny slit ain't gonna get it done. Holmberg's morning sickness. Open. Ah. There's. Let me see. Do it. I know, I know you. You said you were competitive.
Unknown
Come on.
Brett Vesely
You said you'd try. Open your mouth.
Toledo
Ah, I know.
Brett Vesely
Can you get the microphone right now? Can you.
Toledo
That's just teasing.
Brett Vesely
Can you get the whole microphone? It is kind of hot. Squeeze your cans together and go ah.
Toledo
And say thank you.
Brett Vesely
And then. And then take your fingers and pry your eyes open because it's happening, brother. Can you get the microphone in your mouth? Okay.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
No teeth. Look at the teeth. They exposed them.
Unknown
Johnny's up.
Toledo
I don't know.
Unknown
If you're gonna lez out with a dude, it better be Dale. Then we'll finally find out why he wasn't invited to the Cowboys White house.
Brett Vesely
That's true.
Unknown
Only one ever invited to the Rainbow house.
Brett Vesely
Can you imagine a like getting your gay cherry from Dale? Gonna make love to you. You like that? You like that, Johnny? I do. No, I'm not. Yeah. And you know what? You know, he asked the question, what kind of guy says that's a very handsome man about another man. You know what kind of guy says that? One that's incredibly secure with his sexuality.
Unknown
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Or a gay guy. Those are the only two? Yeah, those are the two. He made his decision. His decision. Two guys say other guys are good looking, secure ones. Flaming ones.
Unknown
There's a lot of handsome bastards out there.
Brett Vesely
Disney homo right there. Dang, Brady. You found a man attractive in the past, right? What would it sound like if you weren't using teeth?
Unknown
Oh yeah, I bet. That's good. That's good.
Brett Vesely
Anyway, thanks for the email. That was really impressive.
Toledo
It's like a sounding bull Is that.
Brett Vesely
No, it's not like a song. Don't start bringing nor. I'd rather listen to this on a loop forever than a bowl of sad.
Unknown
By the way, our sounding bowl instructor has invited us and our spouses out for a session.
Brett Vesely
No, I'm ready. Go. Yep. No, thank you, though. It's nice, but I have no interest in laying down and having somebody play dishes.
Unknown
She laid out her whole resume and all of her qualifications, which I immediately question you for that.
Toledo
And that's. You sent that?
Brett Vesely
She sounds like a lovely person. She does. Look, there's. You're not interested in things I do, and I'm not interested in things you. It has to be okay, and that's fine. And I looked online because somebody sent me a video. So here's what it. Here's what a bowl party looks like. And it's just a bunch of broads laying down. Nothing's happening.
Unknown
The sound puts your body in tune.
Brett Vesely
I can do that.
Toledo
And it's breathing. Breathing is a big part of it, too.
Brett Vesely
Baseball. I breathe every day.
Unknown
Breathe without the bulls.
Brett Vesely
I don't need Bulls. I can breathe. I'm watching.
Toledo
Sometimes they do the breathing without even the bow. Just.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I do work out.
Unknown
You're being snowed, man.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, Brady, I do.
Toledo
Oh, no, I haven't done it, boys.
Brett Vesely
I do breathing without Bulls all day and all night. I don't need bowls to breathe. I've never had. I've never gone, oh, God, I forgot to breathe. I'm like, I'm not on heroin. I don't need Narcan. I remember to breathe. It's involuntary, you know, deep, relaxing breathing. Yeah. I call that sleep. And I do that every day, too.
Unknown
A lot.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I do a ton of it. And especially, like, at night when I'm tired, my breath starts going like, oh, I'm super sleepy. And then I yawn. And that's like, a sign that I gotta breathe.
Unknown
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
And then.
Unknown
Body's note to yourself.
Brett Vesely
But I've never once just sat there and went. And somebody. Oh, yeah, breathing. Oh, Jesus. My brain forgot.
Toledo
Stabilized. I was CPAP for that.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. Brady's got machines that remind him to breathe.
Unknown
Remind? They just do it for me.
Brett Vesely
Why does. Why is that a thing? Get rid of the CPAP and just have Ronnie watch over you. And when you start. Thank you. I thought I was gonna.
Unknown
In that case, you're gonna be great. Little Ronnie and Kirby certified in Bulls.
Brett Vesely
I have a thing that restricts your breathing. It's a mouthpiece. And, yeah, you dial it in and you.
Unknown
Oh, for training. Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. And it's great for that kind of. You put it in your mouth and it gets harder to, like, inhale and exhale and it makes your. And then you take your. The thing out of your mouth and you take one breath. It's like I'm gonna float away. Like you did. Like, it's. I'm high. It's. Remember those things when they would hold your arm down and you'd flex and flex and flex and try to push, and then your arm would. Like, you could do anything. Like, it felt like your arm was an ounce.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Same thing with your blades up. It's kind of neat, but I don't need to be reminded to do it. I do it all the time. How do you know I'm doing it right now and I haven't heard? Do you hear any bowls? Nope. Nothing. None. So, lady, breathe for a little bit. Oh, boy. It's all right. But to that, lady, we appreciate you. Yeah, yeah. It's very nice, but I have zero interest in just laying down at someone else's house while you. I think you're just rifling through my pocket.
Toledo
Is she East Valley? You know, Maryvale, where I'd have to look.
Brett Vesely
Do you want to go?
Unknown
She might have been Valley.
Brett Vesely
You want to just lay down and have some. I mean, it sounds nice, but I can do that without strangers nearby. That's like a hostel.
Unknown
Yeah, I could do that without dropping the 50 bucks or whatever.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I lay down at home for free all the time. Doesn't make sense to me.
Unknown
Goat yoga. Now, on the other thing.
Brett Vesely
Goat yoga is the dumbest thing in the world. Although the goats are adorable. Right?
Unknown
That's the whole point.
Brett Vesely
See, here's my argument about that. And I've told yogis this. If your thing was so great, why'd you have to add the cute animals?
Unknown
Right?
Brett Vesely
That's a sign that you were losing that. Okay. It's like a. It's like when TV shows. Yeah, yeah. Never like wild tiger yoga. Right? It's always like something adorable.
Toledo
You don't go. Adult tiger cubs.
Brett Vesely
Oh, maybe. And that's even still. Like, I might start scratching people up. Is pretty big. Look, puppies bite you with those needle teeth. Least relaxing thing in the world. Goat yoga. It really adds to the. No, it doesn't. It's a gimmick. And you're playing gimmicky, weird stuff. Although it does look funny. You know, if yoga. The merits of yoga should not include barnyard animals. That's called Illegal porn.
Unknown
Great Scott. Did the Stein in the room just say, just hold air hostage over the radio?
Brett Vesely
What did I do? I haven't done anything like that. I stopped calling me the Stein.
Unknown
I just heard air being held hostage over the radio.
Brett Vesely
Well, that's.
Unknown
Yeah, kind of.
Brett Vesely
I'm not breathing for people. Doing it for myself. And I'm good at it. I'm real good at it.
Unknown
That makes you gay?
Brett Vesely
I think. I mean, if those bulls made you breathe, just go to a cemetery and impress me. Bring them back.
Unknown
Wow.
Brett Vesely
They start crawling out of the earth. Oh, I forgot. Wait. That's the only red reason we were down here. Forgot to breathe.
Unknown
Hospital wards. Wouldn't you think that that would be.
Brett Vesely
A constant thing during COVID There you go. Nobody needs no respirators for you. We're all right.
Toledo
What's amazing is the people that train the opposite way to like holding their breath. Training themselves to hold their breath for over three minutes.
Unknown
Deep divers, six minutes.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, that is free. But we're capable of free diving. But thanks to that lady for the bulls. But no thanks.
Unknown
I got another retort. Did you say that guy's name that emailed you was br? You know what BR stands for in the swinging community?
Brett Vesely
No.
Unknown
Butt Rammer.
Brett Vesely
Oh, geez, they have that. Come up with a nicer thing and David, I'm a butt rammer. Oh, good.
Toledo
Pr.
Brett Vesely
Kill me. Br for short. I'm an A.T. what's that? An ass taker. They're gonna get along great.
Toledo
They list their name and it's like all these college degrees. PhD.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. DDS, BR. Dentist. Oh, there's BRS or Bachelor's DVD.
Unknown
No, read the fine print.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. Did you say BVD? Bell BIV. DeVoe's coming.
Toledo
Yeah.
John Holmberg
BBD.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I don't know what that. I don't think that's accurate.
Unknown
I wouldn't think so.
Brett Vesely
Does anybody hear a BR? We need one. We need a BR. I'll be a BR tonight. Normally I'm an M guy.
Toledo
That's room three.
Brett Vesely
I'm an M.O. what's an mouth? Only. But I'll be a BR. But I'm your butt rammer tonight. How are you? Oh, good.
Toledo
At least he's using I'm in the wrong room.
Brett Vesely
He's using the proper Terminator terminology. So VR is good. He keeps it classy and professional. Thanks for that insight. I don't think you're. I think you're making that up.
Toledo
Rb.
Unknown
Uh. Oh.
Toledo
Rosebud.
Brett Vesely
Oh, come on, man. That's a result. That's not something you're shooting for.
Toledo
But that's the room they're in there.
Brett Vesely
Hey, look, if you need a rosebud, I'll sit in the corner and wait. All right, bring in the rosebud. They're almost done.
Unknown
How long's it gonna take?
Brett Vesely
Let me. Let me get ready for that. All right, rosebud. You have one minute. One minute to rosebud.
Toledo
Bloop.
Brett Vesely
There you go. Go ahead, touch it. It's real. All right, let me suck that back in. And I'm gonna go down the hall to the other swinger room where the br. Needs a rosebud. The butt Rammer. I don't think I'd be that classless. Swinging community, the high class community.
Toledo
It. It's.
Brett Vesely
Look, there's some people in there. They're not all weirdos. They're not. A lot of them are. I'd say the vast majority. But let's. You know. All right, somebody's going to step up. Look, somebody's going to step up and go. Really? We couldn't come up with something better than butt rammer?
Unknown
Come on now.
Brett Vesely
Anal specialist. Fine. Butt rammer. Come on.
Unknown
As that makes.
Brett Vesely
No, you don't need to always do that. It's just. And then I saw the thing. This is real, Brady. There's a thing out there called Bocox.
Toledo
Yep.
Brett Vesely
You know about Bocox?
Unknown
Bocox?
Brett Vesely
Yeah. How do you know about it?
Toledo
Where did I hear about it? Did you talk about it earlier or someone?
Brett Vesely
It's new to me, my friend. Bocox. It's where people at home are injecting Vaseline into their penises. Stop it. Because it gives them a less wrinkly little thicker. Takes it all out.
Unknown
What does it do long term though?
Brett Vesely
Well. Headline.
Unknown
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Man has penis amputated after injecting it with Vaseline. Type substance and worrying trend. So evidently it gives you some.
Toledo
Take some wrinkles out of it. You want you be. It's like you're partially plump too.
Brett Vesely
You're always a little thicker.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesely
You're carrying a little bit more. You got game going all the time. If you're in a pair of shorts around the pool. It's. It's. You know, it can.
Toledo
It can swing the towel.
Brett Vesely
You got a solid tube banging into the edges of the towel.
Toledo
Pendulum effect.
Brett Vesely
Holmberg's morning sickness. But evidently there are dire consequences.
Toledo
What?
Brett Vesely
Yeah, I know. If you can only imagine that any home injections of. Of household products into your penis. Who would have ever imagined that could go sideways? Didn't See a bad side? Well, a guy had to have his penis amputated. And I just want to be the doctor in that room that comes in and goes, we've taken a look at everything. We have to take it off. It has to go like if they told you about.
Toledo
Just take drink of Vaseline.
Brett Vesely
We can't just start off. Like when they tell you you got to lose. Yes. When a doctor says you got to lose a foot or a toe or something, it's got to be just like, oh, this is off. My friend's brother had his. Got an infected cut on his foot. And then they went and looked and like, the whole bone's going, we gotta take your foot. Initially it was just the toe, then it was the foot. And then they're like, by the way, some of your shins going, let's get ahead of this. Took him off at the knee. He had a cut on his foot by the toe. Diabetic, wasn't taking care of himself. But still he's the same one that fell asleep and his dog ate his other toe because he can't feel his feet. Remember a picture I showed you? Horrible. Does the dog sense that there was like raw meat in there and started to nibble on his toe and he slept right through it. Dog was 100% right.
Toledo
Who's got my toe?
Brett Vesely
The guy is dry aging his feet right there on the couch, and the dog's like, this smells great. So if you're thinking about it, you're holding a needle right now and you want to do a little home bo cocks. Well, I'm telling you, don't do it. Evidently, it's also helpful for erectile dysfunction. And there are places that will inject into your penis some sort of treatment that makes it so you can get hard again. That's a big thing.
Toledo
I thought it was. I thought too. There was like. Is Botox involved? The actual Botox?
Brett Vesely
I have no idea. They just call it that because it helps out. But it does increase the procedure, relaxes the muscle in the penal area and allows increased blood flow, which allows the patient to obtain and maintain an erection. But the surgery is not without risk. Right, because anything injected into your wiener can be scary if not done by professionals.
Unknown
Give me that Shannon Sharp tablets.
Brett Vesely
I'll take those. Yes. Always trust a professional when there's a needle by your pee pee.
Unknown
That should be sing songy.
Brett Vesely
There's a. There's a buddy system involved, I think, in that. Right. Ask your buddy if the needle's right.
Unknown
For you, if it's near your peepee.
Brett Vesely
Say no, don't do it yourself. Have a friend help. There's a few specialist doctors who can perform cosmetic injection procedures on your genitals. It is not a procedure I would ever recommend to a patient. Injections for erectile dysfunction are fine, but for esthetic purposes are bad. And backdoor pop up clinics are happening everywhere.
Unknown
Hold on. Injections for.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, yeah, they do that. Oh yeah.
Toledo
Oh yeah.
Brett Vesely
Loads of that.
Unknown
Like what are they putting in there?
Brett Vesely
I don't know. What the fuck. Who knows what they put in you every time they shoot. But it's a. There's definitely. That's a definite treatment to the Johnson to treatment. I don't know if game day men's help though. They do. I was gonna say. Oh yeah.
Unknown
They even talked about that.
Brett Vesely
There's a lot of guys who Viagra just stops working and they got to go a different route. Oh yeah, I know. Me too. If that's the day it's like the pills don't work. What's my next option, doc? Well, I could shove this fine needle into your. Nope, I guess I'm done. I guess I'm.
Toledo
They have.
Unknown
Alex, I love you.
Toledo
There's one that you get. It's one injection and it's supposed to last like six months. Rather than taking a pill every time. Like you're ready to go for six months.
Unknown
Women that get the birth control shot that lasts like three months.
Toledo
Yep.
Unknown
Yikes.
Brett Vesely
Yeah, you're. You're. You become capable again. But there are also shots you have to do every time you want an erection.
Toledo
Yeah, they're one. If you don't.
Unknown
Hold on, honey.
Brett Vesely
I've talked to a couple of guys about that. That's something that I just couldn't do. Well, you wouldn't do a. Hold on, honey. You definitely plan that out of the bathroom. But there's no surprises. Like there's no midnight.
Toledo
That's the thing about it. They've gotten away from the spontaneity. You know, that's what people say. Like, oh, I gotta wait.
Brett Vesely
Yeah.
Unknown
In your case, remember the days of your. What would you call them? The midnight raping.
Brett Vesely
Yeah. You can't do. Yeah. The wife rapes. Where you just throw the covers back while she's asleep. Ah. And stand over. You can't tell if she's crying or laughing.
Unknown
You have to retroactively write a check for that one.
Brett Vesely
Nope, not at all. I might someday, but that wouldn't be because of the station. I thought she liked it. Your honor, you couldn't tell she was crying. Honestly, I thought she was laughing. I didn't know. You just saw pure joy. She was. I thought it was hilarious. You're a sick monster. I'm sorry. I think. I didn't think you'd get accused of that with your wife. I thought you could do that to her. She could certainly do it to me. She could take a couple swings at me and. Yeah. Against my wife. If I say no. Stop. No. She's gonna do it harder. It's kind of a game we played anyway. Guilty as charged, sir. But botoxing your own penis again? A lot of DIY health stuff. This is not a. I am not a medical professional or a crypto expert, so don't give or take any advice from here as gospel truth. But I do know this. If you go into a place that is normally a hotel or someone's home and you're having any medical procedures done, you're probably going to die from that. I know you're saving a couple bucks, but I like to go. Color me crazy, but I like to go to medical professionals who have offices, not a backyard. Or would meet me at the Day's Inn. Nope.
Toledo
Even a storage facility.
Brett Vesely
That's right, Brady. I draw lines there, too. I don't know why.
Toledo
One story. The guy. Sure, sure.
Brett Vesely
Yeah.
Toledo
Great ad in Doors Open.
Brett Vesely
You know, we generally covered that if there's still people. Blake. If a dude raised his hand, said, but what about like a public storage. No, I'm gonna put that on the list too. There, Todd.
Toledo
That's on there, I think.
Brett Vesely
That's what? Again, just a medical professional's office building. If there's a garage that has to open before your procedure, I'm pretty sure. In fact, if your medical doctor has a carport or a garage attached to his office.
Toledo
What about a tough shed?
Brett Vesely
Tough shed's never good either. Gonna just. I'm gonna ask you to leave because this is pointless. Yeah, there's no way this is. I'm not gonna get through to you. I think you're just gonna go. Until you. But you never mentioned semi truck. Yeah. Okay. You were helpless.
Toledo
Mobile unit.
Brett Vesely
No, I forget. If you have questions, you're wrong. If there's a question mark at the end of your two words, it's not the one. Medical facility designated office space. Hospital only basement in it. No parking garage. Yes. Everyone leave. I feel like Dr. Rick from the insurance leagues. All right, none of you are getting this. They're all turning into idiots.
Toledo
Just got a message. The bocox trailer is gonna Be here tomorrow.
Brett Vesely
Any mobile. Any mobile truck that's willing to inject stuff into your dick is not a good idea. That's called heroin addict. I remember my cousin was on drugs, and my dad, he moved out here, and my dad told him he'd help him out if he'd stay off the drugs. He's gonna glad to pay his rent at his apartment and get him on his feet and get him a job and then get him going on his own, but he'd help out. And my uncle, my cousin, I guess he showed up high as a kite, and my dad went over to his house and brought me with. And the amazing part of this was this same exact exchange happened when the famed Flutie to Phelan pass of Boston College, 1983, occurred. Or. Yeah, it was 83 or 84. So I'm sitting there watching. It was Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm sitting there watching Boston college in Miami play. And Doug Flutie has just had the greatest play I'd ever seen in sports with the hail Mary Fluti to Falin. Legendary.
Toledo
Yep.
Brett Vesely
Right. Hucks this thing. Unbelievable play. Right after that, I hear the phrase, some dude shoot up in their dick. You want to check there too? My dad goes, if you're that goddamn desperate, keep it. Let's go. And I'm like, did you guys just see that play? Guys, get out of here. I'm like, they interrupted the whole thing. Oh, yeah. Well, they were in the other room. My dad was eyeballing his body for track marks because he had been told somewhere, like, you look for between their toes and their arms and then come. And then my cousin hits him with the guy. Shoot up in their wieners. My dad was, ah, if you're that goddamn desperate, you can have it. And he grabs me, takes me out of the heroin den. I'm watching football with some guy named Mike, who I think was caked out of his brain at the time. Whoa. That was amazing, little man. Like, who are you? Where are I? Where am I going here in life? And then we left. My dad grabbed me by my arm and tugged me out of the heroin day because he wouldn't check his nephew's dick for track marks.
Toledo
Let's go. And I learned that day spooning with.
Brett Vesely
Mike at a very early age. Needles and penises do not mix unless there's a doctor in the house. And even then, I need second, third, and fourth opinions. Lots of doctors involved. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Toledo? What's in front of you?
Unknown
Let me Switch here while you.
Brett Vesely
Okay. It's brought to you by Action Ride Shop. You want to get on out there, get your bike all repaired up? It's. We've had great weather this July, especially at night. It was 77 when I woke up this morning at 3am I haven't gone out at night, but I got the lights all charged up. You go get lights, you get ready for a night ride. Night riding and night hiking are awesome. They've got everything you need for that. They've got the camelbacks to stay hydrated, keep a bunch of water with you. The lights are unreal. Like I told you last time, the lights on these bikes are better than the lights on my car. They're incredible. And they're adjustable and all that. Outrageous.
Toledo
So much smaller.
Brett Vesely
Oh, my God.
Toledo
Put on the bike.
Brett Vesely
Amazing. And they just explode through the desert. You can see everything. So night riding is a thing. If you're, you know, like, it's too hot to ride in the daytime, grab some lights and get on that bike and work yourself silly and do it with your friends at Action Ride Shop. They're over there on the original, the OG store off the 60 in Gilbert. And then, of course, up there on McDowell and Power. Action Ride Shop. What do you got?
Unknown
All right. Take a look around for your mission impossible of trying to get a real id. Prodigy, Breathe for the Conversation.
Brett Vesely
We just. I like that. I haven't heard that in forever. Let's do Prodigy Breathe. I haven't heard Prodigy in a long time. That lady was very nice, and she said she's been listening to the show for a long time, and she said, you want to come and lay in my backyard? And I played the dishes, and we're like, no. And I think she's, like, offended by it, but that's a tough sell. You're not gonna get a ton of people that say yes to that.
Toledo
Speaking of Prodigy is one not breathing. Did we lose one?
Brett Vesely
Oh, yeah. There's a dead Prodigy.
Toledo
Yeah, that's right. It's been a while.
Brett Vesely
There's a dead Prodigy. That's why we did Firestarter at the Halloween show last year, which was a blast. Might do Breathe this year. Might do all ozzy this year. Oz. Prodigy. It's your wake up song. It's breathe. It's 98k, upd, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode Release Date: July 24, 2025
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast Platform: 98 KUPD (97.9 FM, 98KUPD app, www.98kupd.com)
Air Time: Weekdays 5:30 AM - 10:00 AM
In this vibrant episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into a variety of engaging topics. The show seamlessly blends humor, listener interactions, and community updates, maintaining its status as Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show. Key discussions include an update on the Operation Hydration initiative, reactions to listener emails critiquing the show's dynamics, an invitation to a Sounding Bowl class, and an exploration of the emerging trend of BoCox.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to updating listeners on Operation Hydration, a philanthropic effort aimed at collecting water bottles for the Phoenix Rescue Mission.
Bret Vesely provides an enthusiastic update:
"Our goal this year is a million bottles...we are now at 880,000 bottles of water."
[03:42]
John Holmberg shares the excitement of surpassing halfway:
"That's awesome news. So a couple of people have stepped up, dropped off... we're probably close to $650,000 from just this."
[06:10]
The team discusses the generous contributions from local businesses like Safeway and Albertsons, expressing gratitude for their support:
"Safeway Albertsons has... been amazing."
[07:35]
They emphasize the collective effort and encourage continued participation to exceed the initial goal of one million bottles.
The hosts read an insightful email from Ryan, a 38-year-old college student in Southern California, analyzing the show's structure as a textbook model for a successful radio program.
Ryan's Email Highlights:
"The devil with a twinkle in his eye, that's you."
(09:00)
"The dangerous outsider."
(09:00)
"Guy that seems proud of things you shouldn't be proud of."
(09:00)
"Represents stale but stale necessity."
(14:23)
Bret Vesely's Reaction:
"We've been studied, Brady, and put into a textbook."
[13:25]
Another email from a listener accuses John Holmberg of being gay, leading to a humorous and candid discussion among the hosts.
Listener's Accusation:
"Holmberg, my special day and your special day are the same... exchange pictures of each other's dicks..."
(09:30)
Hosts' Responses:
"If you have a July 26th birthday and you want to show me your dick, the Toledo@98kupd.com I'd love to see it."
[09:47]
The hosts discuss an invitation from their sounding bowl instructor to attend a class.
Bret Vesely expresses disinterest:
"It's nice, but I have no interest in laying down and having somebody play dishes."
[26:14]
Dick Toledo inquires about the invitation's details:
"And that's... you sent that?"
[26:20]
The conversation reveals skepticism about the effectiveness and appeal of the Sounding Bowl class, concluding with polite refusals and humorous remarks.
An intriguing segment explores the new trend of BoCox, where individuals inject Vaseline into their penises for aesthetic purposes.
Bret Vesely introduces the topic with caution:
"It's where people at home are injecting Vaseline into their penises. Stop it."
[33:31]
Discussion Points:
"Man has penis amputated after injecting it with Vaseline."
[34:12]
"It increases the procedure, relaxes the muscle in the penal area and allows increased blood flow..."
[36:37]
"Always trust a professional when there's a needle by your pee pee."
[37:05]
Hosts' Consensus:
"Injections for erectile dysfunction are fine, but for esthetic purposes are bad."
[36:56]
The episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness skillfully balances community engagement with entertaining and sometimes provocative discussions. The hosts' candid interactions and humor ensure listeners are both informed and entertained. Key takeaways include the remarkable progress of Operation Hydration, the dynamic interplay among the show’s personalities as analyzed by a listener, and awareness of emerging health trends like BoCox. The show's ability to address serious topics with levity while maintaining a connection with its audience underscores its continued prominence in Arizona's morning radio landscape.
Notable Quotes:
Bret Vesely on Operation Hydration:
"We can quit. Like Brett, I'm saying we can skate."
[06:16]
Listener Ryan on Show Format:
"You have created each of these characters in a lab somewhere and called it Holmberg's Morning Sickness."
[12:50]
Bret Vesely Responding to Accusations:
"Just give me a second, guys. I had a really funny moment with me a second ago."
[02:05]
Brett on BoCox Risks:
"Anything injected into your wiener can be scary if not done by professionals."
[37:42]
Closing Remarks:
Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to thrive by addressing relevant community issues, engaging with listeners' feedback, and maintaining a humorous and relatable atmosphere. The hosts demonstrate resilience and adaptability, ensuring the show remains a staple for its dedicated audience.