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Brett
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.
Glenn
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Holmberg
The Best of homework's morning sickness I'm 98 KUPD.
Brett
This segment is brought to you guys by Action Rideshop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out online@actionrideshop.com or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern, it's Action Ride Shop.
Brady
With the Animals.
John
This dude Glenn just sent me something he's got you guys stay for this one, then you're gonna go, guys, I accidentally sent a dick pic to a co worker last night. I'm divorced. I've been having phone sex with this girl I met online. Nice. And the girl at my work was texting me while I was in the middle of my phone sex with the other one. She said she needed a ride to go today, right now. So I text her back. I said, sure, I'll pick you up at 8am A few seconds later, my phone sex partner text back, hey, you couldn't be in Austin by eight. What are you talking about? And I was baffled. I looked again. I'm like, oh. I sent her the I'll give you a ride one. And I go, the dick pic went to the co worker. The I'll pick you up at 8 went to the sex partner.
Brady
Oh boy.
John
So an hour goes by. I Tugged. Might as well, he said, but the video I sent her was me. It was a short video of me tugging. Co worker text back an hour later and says, so does this mean you're going to pick me up or excited to give me a ride? It's nice. By the way, she's 30, I'm 49 and I'm wildly embarrassed. I'm picking her up at 8am Please help me with this before 8am, Glenn.
Brett
Get there at 7:15.
John
Get there 7:15 and bone your coworkers.
Brett
Damn right.
John
You're a divorced man who just accidentally hit the. You hit the honey pot. Yeah. You send a dick pic unsolicited to someone who didn't expect anything, and you get a compliment, and you get a hey, nice. Nice dick. Anybody that says, hey, nice, rod. Thanks, stranger.
Brady
Then when you see.
John
When you're debating, forget eight texture and say, I'm going to be really early. Yeah, I want to watch you get ready. Just like, pour it on now. Right? Like, act like this is something you've been wanting to do for a while. Don't. Don't be surprised and apologetic. It's over. Cat's out of the bag. Put the heavy heat on. You're blitzing. We're blitzing. It's a zero. We're going all zeros on this. We're going after quarterback might get away. Also, she might pull up the. I was just kidding around. That just means she blocked the blitz. She picked it up. Right now you're blitzing.
Brett
Got nothing to lose.
John
Glenn, you are blitzing. I don't care if I accidentally send a dick pic to Brady. He's like, nice rod. Wanna go golfing? I'm blitzing. I'm coming in. Bray, we're heading.
Brady
You hear an hour early?
John
Yeah, I'm audibling at the line. I hear 56 the mic. I'm like, send a dick pic. We're blitzing. Also, your sex partner in Austin's a waste of time. Yeah, jerking off with something.
Brady
It's all talk.
John
Well, yeah, it's way too much. She's in Austin. You're here, you know, now you got some flesh and bone there. Literally.
Brady
That 300 pounder in Austin that you're talking to.
John
Yeah, well, who knows what she really is? She probably sends drawings of herself. She might be hot, but she's also doing that probably with like 30 other dudes and never gonna get. You're. No, you're not going to Austin. Maybe it's fun, I guess. Keep it on for that. But now you got something for realsies? That just gave you a thumbs up emoji back to your unsolicited D pick. That is dangerous. You do work together.
Brady
Blitz is risky.
Brett
Blitzes are risky.
John
Now, only if you're afraid to get turned down. Blitzes are only risky if you're afraid of the word. No. No. Doesn't bother anybody. It's like, all right.
Brett
She doesn't send a. What the F is that? She sent nice.
John
So, hey, you're in and she still wants a ride, right? You send a dick picture to somebody who just said, can I have a ride to work? You send back yourself jerking off. And they're like, never mind, I'll get someone else. That's usually when you know, oh, I screwed up.
Brett
You'll be in hr.
John
Yeah, she says you're still coming to get me. How did she spell that, by the way?
Brett
I'm coming.
John
I'm coming to get you, baby. Nice, by the way, is awesome.
Brett
I guess we need to know how that co worker looks though, too.
John
Yeah, if I sent that, you know, that's true. That's a good point. If I sent that, the girl would send back a thing. Says, what did you send me a picture of? Your nose was in the way. God damn it, that's not my nose. Is there any clips up there?
Brady
Imagine how he's running through the. What is that? How's that? Nice put. Nice.
John
Nice. Well, it's nice or yeah, like, nice. Yeah. Classy.
Unknown
Yes.
John
You know you're throwing a wet blanket over with Brett. No, you're afraid to let. You're playing not to lose. We're playing to win.
Brett
You got a half hour to get there, pal.
John
Hurry up. Brett and I are trying to get to the Super Bowl. You're trying to guard the lead. You know what happens when you guard the lead? Prevent defense. Next thing you know, they're kicking a field goal to beat you. Blitz. Send in the package. Don't even disguise it. Zero. Blitz. All the linebackers are on the line. You got a safety. Deep corners playing, man. Blitz. God, that's a great story. Good for you, Glenn. Go. Go see Brett today at Albertson and bring her by.
Brett
Yeah, as a matter of fact.
John
Might as well be picking her up at 8.
Brett
I'll be there at 7.
John
I don't care where you live in the Valley, you can make it to Brett before 9. Pick her up if she looks like, you know. Remember when the Rudolph. I don't know why this came to my mind. Roughed up when Rudolph fell and his eyes went like crazy. If she looks like that, Brett will be like, nice. By the way, Glenn, go over to the Albertsons baseline and Dobson. Hopefully you'll be. You're on the east side and you can pick her up and go, I gotta stop by Albertsons real quick. That's it. That's a gift. That's. That's as magical as the coyotes following me around yesterday. That's magic. I gotta stop and donate because. Yeah, I gotta drive. You know what? I'm a philanthropist. Yeah. And now that I've coated you with liquid, I have to drop more off for the homeless. Oh, my God, you're amazing.
Brady
To drop off some water and get some more jimmy hats.
John
Blitz. Blitz. You doing all right? I can't walk. It's cuz I blitzed. I turned you into Alex Smith Blitzed. And now you can't walk for a couple years.
Holmberg
Holg's morning sickness.
John
I got a follow up from Glenn yesterday who took that accidental dick pick and sent it to that girl and took her to where? Listen, it's pretty good. He says, follow up, boys. I went to pick her up and she was quiet on the ride to work. It got weird. I didn't say anything, but when we parked, I said, hey, sorry about that whole thing last night. And she said, don't be, and we laughed. Walking around work was a little weird. And then she said, hey, can you come see something here for a second at her desk? When I went to her desk, she was showing me a paper and then tapping with a pen a sticky note. And on the sticky note it had the words take me home written right on. I didn't. I didn't do it with her. But when I drove her home, she invited me in, we had a couple drinks, ended up making out. Guys send a wee pic to a girl at your work. It works. They like it. Glenn don't do Glenn's thing. Don't do it. Not recommended. No.
Brady
That's where it all has been going wrong for years.
John
We were. We've been too liberal or too conservative with our dick pics. We haven't been pushing them out enough. And that's. That's evidently like a Hallmark card to some ladies.
Brady
And that's where it ends up, where the one guy's like, well, why do the picture when I'm sitting next to her on an airplane?
John
And I'll pull it out, the old whip out. I don't know that the whip out works. Got to be careful because those ladies are temperamental. The day they like the wiener picture, the Next day they might not. You know, you're sitting there and all the vibes are right and a day later you don't even know what happened. You're in a courtroom. Like, wait a second, I thought she was, was the one that was making out with me. And then I whipped it out thinking we're going somewhere. Off we went. No, sir, I don't recommend that. You won't win that battle, Glenn. You might be. I'm sure there's other guys out there who have depict early and it worked. Yeah, but man. Yeah, Barry Wood probably did it and it worked very well for him. But maybe if I had Barry woods thing, I'd be sending it to you guys all the time. I'd be like, I would appreciate that.
Brett
That's not my thing.
John
But I'm like, wow, look at homework junk in action. That is impressive. Yeah, no, I, if I had one of those, it would be. I don't know that I.
Brady
He's so relaxed in that picture.
John
Oh yeah. I don't even know that I'd buy pants. I certainly wouldn't be working in a non visual medium like radio. I'd be out there whipping that thing out. There was some porn star on TV the other night. That from. I think she's British or I don't know what. She was kind of with him. Thick accents, but it was British. Plus like almost South African, but it wasn't. I don't remember her name, but they were asking her. It's like, what's your favorite party or job?
Unknown
Oh, I really like it when a guy comes in and he takes down his pants and he's new and I haven't performed with him yet. And it's just average. It's just a good average one.
John
And the guy's like, oh, you don't like the bigger blokes?
Unknown
No, it's. I like it like seven, seven and a half inches.
John
Like average. What, what books are you reading that are average that are seven and a half inches? Every guy was on the edge of his seat watching this interview going, oh boy, this porn star wants to know. But she did say she's like, for.
Unknown
A boyfriend, I want it to be about six, six and a half for a performance. Seven, seven and a half. Because it's art and it has to be visually stunning to everyone. You know, you don't fantasize about average.
John
Like, that's true. She's got us there. But for a boyfriend, she wanted a, you know, my cell phone test, which made me feel great. But then again, you Got to be her boyfriend. Which means that for work, she's taking a seven incher and you can't do that. But yeah, so she was saying that. Oh, yeah, it's pretty good. You throw that bomb out there that it's all good.
Unknown
Because who wants to be limping all day just because they had sex?
John
Like, she's. She's making sense.
Brett
I love her.
John
This chick makes a load of sense.
Brett
I love her.
John
I do, too.
Unknown
I don't want to be achy and hurt. I want to feel it, but barely.
John
Oh, all right. I can provide. I can provide that. If you want to barely feel it, I'm your guy. And here's another thing. You won't feel it for long. It's not gonna take up your day. You'll get chores done and all sorts of stuff. Just give me a few seconds. I'll make your day breeze by with this wonderful thing I'm carrying off the rack.
Brady
Can shag more often.
John
Yeah, I'm basically that. That outline of the. The sick guy from the Claritin ads when they, you know, they do that thing of that guy who's just got his arms out and his head turned sideways and they show all the things going wrong with his innards. If that thing had a wiener, it would be me. I am. I am a chalk outline of a human being. This is what they look like, all of them.
Brady
Just like your clothing. Off the rack.
John
Off the rack. Everything about me is like, I don't have to be fitted for anything. Like, it's weird except for, like, when they do suits and they don't cut the legs and they. They're doing it on purpose to make you have to come back. And. Yeah, if I go to, like, a suit place, they're like, what's your size? And I will have to tailor that. No, you won't. Watch this. And I go, try it on. They're like, that's. That's remarkable. I'm like, I know. Everything's right up the rack for me.
Brady
Do you have the Magnum stubs?
John
Condoms are off the rack. I have no issue with that. Just put that thing on and it's seems to fit snug. Let's do this.
Unknown
Not for long, though. And don't make it hurt, lady.
John
You've. You've just.
Brett
You got it.
John
You're spewing nonsense right now. There's nothing you have to worry about. That's like saying, don't, you know, orbit the earth once? Not gonna happen. Don't worry about it.
Holmberg
The best of the Morning sickness is on the air.
Brett
Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett.
John
I sure do.
Unknown
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Brett
Well, can you do this to my gun?
Unknown
We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live. You can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.
Brett
Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online.
Unknown
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John
Do any of you people do any actual work?
Holmberg
The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness.
John
Here's a dumb guy moment. I don't know what money's made of.
Brady
Like, the actual material.
John
Yeah. But I do know this. I don't know how they do it. Like, okay, so I went into the washer at the apartment. I was washing clothes because I have clothes down at the H and H Ranch. So I washed clothes and I went into the dryer, and when I pulled stuff out of the dryer, I realized that the paper receipts from my trip to Vegas, because I had a few of those slips that had like a dollar or two, and I'm like, if I go back in a couple weeks, I'll just take these with. So I probably had like, $25 worth of those little receipt vouchers from a slot machine or whatever. So, yeah, it's like, it's money. You just cash in later. But. And then I had a couple of, like, regular receipts. And then my. The paper that I had to sign up to be a member of the Moose Lodge, which now I have my actual card, so I don't have to worry about that. That was in my pocket and it was wrapped up with a couple of $20 bills. And so when I Pulled everything out. There was paper all over inside the dryer. I'm like, damn it. I washed something in my pockets. I goofed. And so I reached in there and got it. The twenties cocooned around the paper, and when I unwrapped the twenties from the paper, the paper was dirt. Just dust. It was gone. The 20s were fine. Why don't we make all of our stuff out of that? Is it because it would, like. Because nobody throws it away so it would never. Would never, like, go away in a landfill. But what the hell is money made of that you could do that? That it doesn't disintegrate like all other paper. That's why no one has answered the.
Brady
Question where they say they actually launder the money. The counterfeit.
John
But laundering isn't necessarily washing them. No.
Brady
But part of that deal. So when they're counterfeiting, a lot of times they have. They run it through that.
John
Well, they cycle it.
Brady
That's all the movies.
John
But they always do in the movies. They always do it through, like, a huge room where there's, like, some chemical. And it gets rid of fingerprints and change. And laundering money is basically. That has nothing to do with, like, putting it in the washer. No, but. Right. But I wondered. Nobody's been answering this question. Brett. People should know this. I don't know what money's actually made of that makes it impervious to going through the wash tied up with other paper. And it doesn't get all papery. You never open up. When you find money in your pocket after the washer and dryer, it's usually, like, completely fine. And it. You can untangle it. You can. When you ever get money wet, you can unfold it.
Brady
It'll dry out.
John
The hell's it made of? What kind of magic is it?
Brett
Kind of fiber.
Brady
It's a paper company. You'll never find out.
John
Nobody knows. And I know it used to be, like, hairs and stuff and, like, all sorts of weird. What the hell is this stuff made of? It's crazy. There's always a good feeling when you open the dryer and there's a couple of bucks in there.
Brett
Chatgpt I didn't tell you.
John
You think what money's made of? Yeah. It's a pretty dumb.
Brett
You know, everything else.
John
I'm pretty stupid.
Brady
It's nice to find a hundred wrapped around the Burt's beeswax.
John
You know, you get a couple of chapsticks. Even. Chapsticks kind of don't make it through the dryer. They're never the same.
Brett
Somebody said money's actually made out of cotton.
John
Is that right?
Brett
That's what somebody just told me. Batman told me.
John
Boy, I don't know if that's real or not either. Money is cotton. Like, wouldn't it shrink in the dryer then if I washed it in hot and then.
Brett
Well, maybe it's a blend to cotton poly.
John
And look at all of us. We're dumb as stumps. We're all on our phones, in our. In our computers, trying to figure out if cotton is. He's right.
Brett
Composed of 25 linen and 75 cotton.
John
I didn't know that at all. Why do we call it paper money?
Brett
That's above my pay grade.
John
Me too. Money's made of hemp. This guy says, I don't know if that's real.
Brady
Yeah, I get it.
John
Part of it's denim. This person says money is cloth. It does have a lot of cotton in it. All right, I didn't know that.
Brady
Made by the Crane paper Company.
John
Okay. This Guy says it 25% linen, 75% cotton with red and blue fibers distributed randomly through to make imitation more difficult. I knew about the. The fibers because when you look real close at especially older money, it's got those weird little strings in it. I had no idea.
Brady
Unlike traditional paper made of wood pulp.
John
Yeah, I had no idea. And it at 52 years old this week. And I'm having all these discoveries and, you know, my brain's just like. You've never asked that question. What is. How come it survives the washer and dryer?
Brett
One of my people, Brian Santucci, says the government can't tell you what it's made of because of counterfeit.
John
Because then you'll make it. Yeah. So nobody knows.
Brett
Well, but everybody just don't know the blend itself, you know, if you wash.
Brady
It though good, you can iron it. Yeah, it could probably really light starch though, if you're going to dry clean.
John
I don't understand what it. But it was really kind of neat because it. It like protected the other cruddy paper but didn't do a very good job of it. And that made me think, well, this isn't paper. If that like all the rest of this paper got screwed up. So the government. So now we have that too. Like it's made at least some denim, like jeans. They taught us that in school. Denim cotton part.
Brett
I guess that's a pair of 501s or one.
John
Yeah. So I can chop up my. My green like all those Mexicans out there can make just print and cash out of their jeans. Wash them enough to look just like our money. Going to wow mark today anyway. I didn't know. I think I kind of know now, but I've gotten so many answers now. I just don't know. Unwoven cloth. Most paper is made from wood pulp. Tiny sheets of material. Yeah, okay, you guys are.
Brett
Our words. Are just acting like money's made of cotton. You guys are gimps.
John
I had no idea. Okay. Okay.
Brett
Thanks, Tyler.
John
Yeah, okay, Tyler. Guy who knows everything and when you know something that someone else doesn't know, they're automatically gimps. It's just. People are dicks. That's a legitimate question. And by the way, Tyler, all the people that are answering this have different answers. Yeah, so I ain't the only one.
Brady
That's why linen pants look like crumpled dollar bills.
John
It all makes sense, right? Is that when you wear them, you feel like, I might as well just have paper, and it's as thin as paper. Brady and I like to wander around in linen pants when we go to the polo matches. All right. That's all I was asking, you jerk. Everybody got to be such an a.
Brady
Hole for the heat, man. It's the heat.
John
You know that. No, I didn't. That's called learning. I knew it. So I'm smarter than you, Kim. Wow. You're showing your education by being such a wonderful human being with a simple goddamn question. And what did I care that was made of cloth? It just dawned on me the other day. And like, I get. I watch this stuff all the time. It's never once come out all, you know, messed up. What a bunch of gimps. Guys are our words. I said it when I started the whole thing. Dumb guy question. You know what? Go yourself, old weirdo.
Brady
I consider this a learning moment.
John
Yeah, and you didn't know. You didn't know. And even Brady didn't consult in the ceiling tiles and make something stupid up. He didn't know either. He looked at his phone.
Brady
I didn't think they would even out. The paper company. Yeah, I thought it'd be that secretive. But the Crane Paper Company.
John
Crane Paper Company makes. They have the contract to do the job. If you didn't know that, you might as well dip your head in some boiling oil, you dumb. And then you just hear, get back to work, idiot.
Holmberg
Oh, yeah, My boss wants to be back on the roof.
John
You've got plumbing to fix.
Brady
It's the kid that sang the jangle. He's older now.
John
It's out of control. Now.
Holmberg
Okay, you go, pd.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: July 25, 2025 Episode Title: Glen Emails That He Accidentally Sent A Dick Pic To A CoWorker - w/Follow Up Update
Introduction
In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo delve into a humorous and awkward workplace mishap involving an accidental email. The episode combines light-hearted banter with relatable workplace scenarios, providing both entertainment and insightful commentary for listeners.
Accidental Dick Pic Incident
The episode kicks off with John Holmberg sharing a personal story about an embarrassing email mishap:
John Holmberg [00:40]: "I accidentally sent a dick pic to a coworker last night. I'm divorced and have been having phone sex with a girl I met online. Meanwhile, my coworker texts me needing a ride to work."
John explains how his attempt to coordinate rides led to a mix-up where a suggestive video meant for his online partner ended up in his coworker's inbox.
John Holmberg [01:50]: "I sent her the video, which was just me tugging. My coworker responded an hour later asking if I was excited to give her a ride. I'm 49, she's 30, and I'm wildly embarrassed."
Hosts' Reactions and Advice
The hosts react to John's predicament with a mix of humor and advice:
Brett [02:21]: "Get there at 7:15."
John Holmberg [02:52]: "You're a divorced man who just accidentally hit the honey pot. You send a dick pic unsolicited to someone who didn't expect anything, and you get a compliment saying, 'Hey, nice rod.'"
Brady Bogen [03:10]: "You're blitzing. We're blitzing. It's a zero. We're going all zeros on this."
The hosts engage in a playful football metaphor, comparing John's situation to a risky play in a game. They suggest owning the mistake confidently rather than being apologetic.
John Holmberg [04:05]: "Send a dick pic to somebody who just said, can I have a ride to work. You send back a video of yourself jerking off, and they're like, 'Never mind, I'll get someone else.' That's usually when you know you screwed up."
Brady Bogen [04:38]: "Blitz is risky."
Brett [05:12]: "I'm coming."
The conversation highlights the importance of timing and confidence when addressing accidental mishaps, all while maintaining a comedic tone.
Follow-Up Update
Later in the episode, John provides an update on the incident, revealing a surprisingly positive outcome:
John Holmberg [07:03]: "I got a follow-up from Glenn yesterday who took that accidental dick pic and sent it to that girl and took her to where? Listen, it's pretty good. He says, 'I went to pick her up, and she was quiet on the ride to work. It got weird. When we parked, I apologized, and she laughed it off. Later, she invited me in, we had a couple of drinks, and ended up making out.'"
John reflects on the unexpected positive reaction, cautioning listeners against sending unsolicited explicit images at work but acknowledging that, in his case, it surprisingly worked out.
John Holmberg [08:14]: "We haven't been pushing them out enough. They haven't been doing their job."
Brady Bogen [08:23]: "And that's where it ends up, where one guy's like, 'Why do the picture when I'm sitting next to her on an airplane?'"
The hosts discuss the fine line between accidental missteps and intentional flirtation, emphasizing the unpredictability of such interactions.
Additional Anecdotes and Banter
The conversation shifts to other topics, including the material composition of money and humorous takes on everyday mishaps:
John Holmberg [14:00]: "I was washing clothes and realized that the paper receipts from my trip to Vegas had turned into dust after going through the dryer. But the $20 bills were fine. Why don't we make all our stuff out of that?"
Brett [17:00]: "Somebody said money's actually made out of cotton."
John Holmberg [17:03]: "Is that right? Well, maybe it's a blend of cotton and poly. People should know this; we're all on our phones trying to figure out if cotton is right."
The hosts humorously explore the durability of currency, tying it back to their earlier discussions and showcasing their chemistry through lighthearted debates.
Conclusion
The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on the day's discussions, reinforcing the blend of humor and relatable content that Holmberg's Morning Sickness is known for. John's initial tale of an email mishap evolves into a broader conversation about confident communication and the unpredictable nature of workplace interactions.
John Holmberg [21:03]: "You guys are just dicks. That's a legitimate question."
Brett [20:52]: "I consider this a learning moment."
Through candid storytelling and engaging dialogue, the hosts provide listeners with both laughs and thoughtful takeaways on navigating awkward situations with grace and humor.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
Closing Remarks
Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to deliver engaging and entertaining content by blending personal anecdotes with insightful discussions. This episode, centered around an unexpected email mishap, highlights the show's ability to turn awkward moments into humorous and relatable conversations.
Tune in to future episodes of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD to stay entertained and informed with Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show.