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Larry McFeely
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. Let's talk about back to school TLC for your car. Larry, the last thing anyone needs right now is to start the school year with car troubles. Yeah, makes sense.
Byron
What should people do?
Larry McFeely
Head to your closest amco. We specialize in back to school auto repairs for the busy school season. Plus we have a back to school discount for students and teachers. Yeah, but do you need to make an appointment? Not at all. Just pop into your nearest AMCO or book online. Now that's convenient.
Byron
Google AMCO for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.
Larry McFeely
A whole lot more. And remember, AMCO proudly supports Operation Hydration. Hey, Byron, I was looking@mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.
Byron
Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.
Larry McFeely
Wait, there's no backorders?
Byron
Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.
Larry McFeely
Sounds simple. That's why I always go to MMP guns.com it's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins. Because he's more than a guy buying your house and he makes an offer for your house, cash as is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.
Dale Hellistra
Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Larry McFeely
The old method of treatment for a.
Dale Hellistra
Person in this condition was to throw him in jail.
Larry McFeely
Even though he ruined it, Dale Hellistra is here and I'm still going to say From Prestige Billiards, AZ.com because how.
Dale Hellistra
Did you ruin that?
Larry McFeely
You ruined that one.
Dale Hellistra
You ruined a wet dream. You know what I'm saying?
Larry McFeely
Well, I would hope so. I hope you can't finish with me in your wet dream, Dale. That's disgusting. Three time super bowl champion Dale Hellistry joins us now. It's Thursday. Last week I got a text at 8:50.
Dale Hellistra
Sorry Johnny, not going to be here.
Larry McFeely
I'm in Mataho like you told us on Thursday at 10 minutes to 9.
Dale Hellistra
You know what?
Byron
You.
Larry McFeely
You weren't coming in.
Dale Hellistra
You don't take this, this segment seriously. I don't. That's whatever, right? Exactly.
Larry McFeely
This is something I should start taking seriously. I don't think so. We've got Dale here to talk sports and whatever else he is. You've heard Brady's announcement this morning. That's right. Would you like to take some jabs at him like Annie Letterman and I have been doing all night?
Dale Hellistra
No, that is not. That's not very friendly.
Larry McFeely
Or kidney shots. Reach from behind. A little rabbit punch.
Dale Hellistra
Could we give you kidney punches? Just kill it inside you.
Larry McFeely
I don't think that's a cancer.
Byron
I picture it popping more than anything.
Larry McFeely
To caveman out the cancer.
Byron
And he was. His eyes were lighting up to be.
Larry McFeely
Able to do that. Well, when I had my hip go south, I went and told the guys up at the tactical black, I'm like, kick it like there's no tomorrow. And normally in a leg kick, you don't want to go up as high as. It's bad technique to hit a hip. You want to get mid thigh. These dudes kick the living tar out of this hip. I'm like, it's coming out anyway.
Dale Hellistra
Well.
Larry McFeely
And then the doctor's like, what the hell did you do that for? It's all bruised up. I can't do the surgery. I'm like, why? And he goes, the infection risk goes through the moon. I'm like, we're good here, Johnny. He cut my scars all seed up. He had to go in under the bruise.
Dale Hellistra
Really? Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Because I just. Because I did. I took your advice.
Dale Hellistra
You're stupid.
Larry McFeely
Kick it out. You just tried to punch cancer out of a guy.
Dale Hellistra
Well, that's different than him.
Larry McFeely
And it's good. We had your one week suspension for your Aussie commentary.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Which finally comes back to us. Let's get to sports. Now, first and foremost, real quick, I.
Dale Hellistra
On my way into the number one radio sports show. Steve McCollum.
Larry McFeely
Oh, thank you.
Dale Hellistra
The main event. I heard you guys talking about the. The Ryan Bryan thing.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. How about that dude? How about that guy?
Dale Hellistra
Obviously my last name is mispronounced a lot.
Larry McFeely
Hell.
Dale Hellistra
Estra any which way. And I. That's fine, Right? Hank Bola, the head coach of the Buffalo Bills for about half a season. The biggest knucklehead I've ever been around. Right? He called me Helstrom.
Larry McFeely
Hailstrom.
Dale Hellistra
Hellstrom.
Larry McFeely
Helstrom.
Dale Hellistra
Okay, I can understand a lot of mispronunciation.
Larry McFeely
There's no m. New Jersey too. Hellstrom. He just wasn't. He just didn't. He didn't think you were making that team. You were the. You were.
Dale Hellistra
The lumber outlasted him. Get your ass out.
Larry McFeely
Where's he now?
Dale Hellistra
Six feet under.
Larry McFeely
Oh, you killed him. Cancer. Cancer. Brady can hear you. Oh, my God. This is the worst. We are the worst week. We are the worst friends. Yeah, Freddy's tough. We are the worst friends you could ever have. And happy birthday to Brett, by the way. Brady's. And Brady goes on Brett's birthday and goes. But pay attention to me.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. You couldn't wait till tomorrow?
Larry McFeely
What a cb. It's been holding it up.
Byron
Birthday.
Larry McFeely
I'm not gonna let him hold it all the time.
Dale Hellistra
Unbelievable.
Larry McFeely
He's been holding it off for months. He finally breaks it out, they'll punch him. Get that thing down. Hear it?
Dale Hellistra
How are you celebrating tonight? You do anything?
Larry McFeely
I don't think so. There you go.
Dale Hellistra
This weekend? Yeah. Yeah.
Larry McFeely
We'll get together with friends this weekend.
Dale Hellistra
Friends that. These two.
Larry McFeely
The rooster. Oh, he'll be with us Saturday night. Oh, yeah. Saturday. That too. The band's plan. My birthday, his birthday. Brady's final cancer performance is gonna last days with the kidney. It'll be the last performance that you have with that kidney in your body. And then Toledo will be there. So your birthday's July 11th. You should come by.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
And celebrate.
Dale Hellistra
The rooster Worst.
Larry McFeely
The roosters in Scottsdale. On Scottsdale Road. Nakoma, Thereabouts. Like not far from you.
Dale Hellistra
Come on.
Larry McFeely
Come on down, Dale. And have a good time.
Dale Hellistra
All right.
Larry McFeely
Watch the band play the songs from.
Dale Hellistra
So what do you play?
Larry McFeely
What did I sing? Like an angel. Dale. And. And we will be singing songs from movie soundtracks.
Dale Hellistra
So like not. Not Aussie Osborne.
Larry McFeely
Not Ozzy this time. No, Ozzy's not gonna make it in this time. But we have, you know, like Kenny Loggins could have been. We. We've got a couple options for Ozzy. He's in there. We skipped it, but we've got songs that you know from movies.
Dale Hellistra
How many people are in your band?
Larry McFeely
4.
Dale Hellistra
So you're the lead?
Larry McFeely
I am the. Yes.
Dale Hellistra
Do you play an instrument?
Larry McFeely
Like. No, I don't. I. This is my instrument. This is my gift.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. Okay. Could use that so many ways.
Larry McFeely
You just asked. My throat is my gift, though. And I give it to you Saturday night at nine, if you're interested. Yeah, it's good stuff.
Dale Hellistra
Okay.
Larry McFeely
What do you think of the dildos thrown onto the courts? What's the worst thing anyone's ever thrown at you on a football field? Philadelphia had to throw stuff at you.
Dale Hellistra
They threw batteries. We had to keep. We had to keep our helmets on the entire freaking game when we were in Philadelphia.
Larry McFeely
Because they would hit you.
Dale Hellistra
Because they would just chuck batteries at the sideline. Double A, triple A, whatever. Yeah, the Ds, you know, and God forbid it comes from the second pack and you get hit in the back.
Larry McFeely
Of the head about coaches and stuff. Yeah. The guys in the stands.
Dale Hellistra
You usually have players standing around the coaches to guard against.
Larry McFeely
Did you ever get hit with one?
Dale Hellistra
Never got hit.
Larry McFeely
They never aimed it at you? Michael Irvin, Who. Who Big got hit?
Dale Hellistra
Nobody. I don't know if anybody actually got hit, but you'd see him bounce and go wherever.
Larry McFeely
What would you rather get hit with, a battery or a dildo?
Dale Hellistra
Dildo.
Larry McFeely
That's all I wanted. Well, let's play. What would you rather with blank or a dildo With Dale. Yeah, because the dildo is hilarious. Yes, the battery is scary, but if a dildo came flopping down and hit Emmett Smith, you guys would laugh for hours.
Dale Hellistra
I have not seen the actual dildo. Are they. The three of them, are they soft or.
Larry McFeely
They're. They're getting there.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
She's got a little work to do, but we can. We can make this go.
Dale Hellistra
Okay.
Larry McFeely
But they're. They're rubber.
Dale Hellistra
I've got. I heard a little bit. Don't throw them at the player.
Larry McFeely
You want to throw something on the.
Dale Hellistra
Other side of the court, that's fine.
Larry McFeely
Well, it's not fine, but if you're gonna do it, that's the way you do it. We're not condoning it, but it is hilarious.
Dale Hellistra
You kind of are condoning it.
Larry McFeely
Well, I'll give $10,000. First person that sticks one and lands it and the guy has to pull it off the cliff.
Dale Hellistra
There's a suction cup.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. What you're designed to do with these Dales is stick them To a wall, and they'll pull one up for them so you can. And then you back into it.
Dale Hellistra
Oh, is that what you do?
Larry McFeely
I would do that. That sounds fun. But most of the time it's ladies or, you know, lonely people. Okay, Lonely folks. Or pervert.
Dale Hellistra
And didn't our girl get hit with one?
Larry McFeely
Sophie got bounced into her leg. Yeah. And she had the time of her life laughing it off. Yeah, she's got a good sense of humor. These other girls are losing her now.
Dale Hellistra
These aren't used dildos.
Larry McFeely
They get them in there. Get them in there. How do you get them in there? Because they just ban bags.
Byron
Gloves on.
Larry McFeely
When they remove it, there's different places to hide them. There you go. That's what it looks like, Dale. That's. There's a suction cup on it. Oh. Put that up against the wall or on the floor or whatever. And that way it doesn't scoot around.
Byron
Window of the oven.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, the window. Yeah. A good woman will do that.
Byron
Dishwasher.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Ready's got to have something visual. So a ca. Casserole or something makes it so he wants to get banged in the air.
Dale Hellistra
That casserole doesn't get burned.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. The door.
Byron
I left the station one on the side of my door.
Larry McFeely
We stuck a two and a half foot black dildo on the side of his car. And I moved the passenger side mirror to where he couldn't see. If he looked over, it was just the mirrors in a bad spot. It was dangling off the side of the car. Well, we'd assumed that he'd either fix the mirror. Noticed something. This thing was huge. And we watched him pull out of the parking lot with this giant. It had to be five pounds. And he was about to hit the freeway. So I called him, like, hey, hey, hey, hey. If this thing falls off, it could kill somebody. Be careful. And all you hears go anywhere.
Byron
He got shackles.
Larry McFeely
He pulls over. Oh, real nice. You slap jags. And the worst thing he could come up with was slap jags. And it was hilarious. Yeah. So I. You know, and that would be one. I'd like to never meet the girl that wants that.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. Who goes in and buys that?
Larry McFeely
Lunatics.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. Or.
Dale Hellistra
Or maybe they just hanging in their trophy room.
Larry McFeely
Super tall. We've seen videos. Well, we've seen people do it, but yeah, like, a super tall gay would do it. Like, it would be like shack size. A homosexual. That's about seven, four.
Dale Hellistra
I don't care how big. Isn't, isn't. It Isn't everybody about the same size back there in the ass. Yeah.
Larry McFeely
I can't imagine that's true.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. The hole.
Larry McFeely
I gotta think Brady's is much more damaged than mine. With all the food he's piling in there and the work it's gotta do. That thing's gotta have an escape. I don't know yours.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah, you hemorrhoid it up.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, you hammeroid it up. It's not your escape hatch. Hasn't seen the side. Like, stuff tumbles out of it.
Dale Hellistra
The way you clean yours eight times a day. It's overused.
Larry McFeely
No, it's not. It's like a classic car. No, like a. It's like a GTO in the garage.
Dale Hellistra
It's spotless, but wasn't taken care of.
Larry McFeely
Degreased. It's got no. Occasionally you'll see a little dot. You got to get rid of that. Scooch that out. Brady's just like, Katie, bar the door. It's like somebody opened up a. You know, when the bowling ball thing goes just. Yeah. A lot of stuff can tumble out of him.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah, but you too, but you started the same. Yeah. Almost have the same side. I can't imagine that. Oh, you're seven foot tall, so your. Your butthole's eight inches wide.
Byron
I want to hear from a proctologist.
Larry McFeely
I'm pretty sure no smaller people have smaller buttholes. Oh, yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Johnny, you need to do your study.
Larry McFeely
Remember in Planes, Trains and Automobiles when John Candy said, we're not getting out of here? This thing's tighter than Tom Thumb's butthole because he's a tiny man and it made sense to all of us. Nobody ever questioned that.
Dale Hellistra
There you go.
Larry McFeely
I'm right.
Dale Hellistra
There you go.
Larry McFeely
That's the argument I would like to.
Dale Hellistra
Hear from a proctologist.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Well, you two have fun. Your search sounds like a great.
Byron
Calling one right now.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. Brady knows a couple doctors. He's got it. Yeah. Proctologist I don't want to ever hear from. I'm never going to one.
Dale Hellistra
You're not?
Larry McFeely
No, there's no need for that.
Dale Hellistra
Why?
Larry McFeely
Because all they do is find stuff wrong.
Dale Hellistra
That. That is the thing with doctors.
Larry McFeely
You never go to a proctologist because everything's going great. And then they're like, we need to see you again. I'm like, no, this date is over. Like, we're not doing this every Tuesday. I found something. Of course you did.
Dale Hellistra
Well, you had a bad experience as a young man. You need to wipe that out.
Larry McFeely
It was a. Honestly, it was A great experience.
Dale Hellistra
It's a. Johnny.
Larry McFeely
Dude went in there and made me.
Dale Hellistra
It's gross.
Larry McFeely
It was awesome. I loved every second.
Dale Hellistra
No control.
Larry McFeely
But the more I think about that, the more that was a Ohio State situation. That was a rape. That dude did not need to check my butt at 23 at all. And he did well, evidently. And it worked because I was like, oh, I love you. And then we wiped the table off, and he said I had a urinary tract infection. I'm like, how did you. Wasn't for a lack of looking. We found it. That's for sure.
Dale Hellistra
Did he say anything?
Larry McFeely
A couple of times. He was so deep in me, he goes, I think your friend Brady's got cancer.
Byron
He couldn't hear anything. He was too busy smoking a cigarette. It was a good checkout.
Larry McFeely
You're all done here, angel. That's how it ended.
Dale Hellistra
That's gotta be so embarrassing.
Larry McFeely
No, I loved it.
Dale Hellistra
I mean, it's like guys that go get massages and. And that's.
Larry McFeely
Right.
Dale Hellistra
That's got to be embarrassing.
Larry McFeely
Sure.
Dale Hellistra
You know?
Larry McFeely
For who?
Dale Hellistra
For the guy.
Larry McFeely
Oh, I suppose. I think it's a compliment to the massage there.
Byron
I mean, John was crying if she's.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, yeah. I mean, this crying and ejaculating.
Dale Hellistra
Did you have tears?
Larry McFeely
Probably. I probably had one of those, like, not crying, but my eyes were really watery tears. I'm not crying.
Dale Hellistra
You're crying.
Larry McFeely
I told you that. First time a girl ever decided to start kissing that area on me, I started to cry. Well, she pushed my legs up to my. My. My knees, up to my shoulders.
Dale Hellistra
Okay.
Larry McFeely
And then worked her way down into that spot, and I didn't like it. That was. Look, I didn't know it was gonna happen. I was spotless. Just in case, though, because I. Rumor. Rumor has it she was into it.
Dale Hellistra
Really.
Larry McFeely
And so she pushed. She took her hands in the backs of my thighs and pushed them up, and I'm like. And then she goes. And I was like, oh. And then I felt a tear go down my cheek, and I said, we need to stop. I don't. I don't think I like this. And I think it had more to do with the position.
Byron
Like that littering commercial.
Larry McFeely
It was. It was Iron Ice Cody. It was Iron Ass Cody. It just rolled down my cheek, and I almost started laughing, but it was so sad at the same time. And I just wanted my legs back into a normal spot. I was all balled up, and I was under her control. It's a rape. It was a rape.
Byron
Another one.
Larry McFeely
That was right around the same time. We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?
Byron
The choice is simple Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training in. Right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.
Larry McFeely
Well it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.
Byron
That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m&p guns.com alright HMS Podcast Time again to.
Larry McFeely
Let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastside and Tempe at the Improv Catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets.
Dale Hellistra
Downtown at Stand Up Live and at.
Larry McFeely
The Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie.
Dale Hellistra
Letterman entertaining you all week. For the complete lineups and for tickets.
Larry McFeely
Go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. Advancing computer science and robotics to cyber security, gaming and artificial intelligence. UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech, live it.
Dale Hellistra
Holmberg's morning sickness.
Larry McFeely
I had a tough time. 1992 was hard.
Dale Hellistra
No wonder why you've turned out the way you turned out.
Larry McFeely
What do you mean? Perfect? It's ridiculous. Suppressed. I talk about it all the time. I'm. But it was a weird one. That doctor, he did that pipe cleaner thing in my urethra and pulled some. Weird again.
Byron
Another procedure that didn't need to be done.
Larry McFeely
Well, that was the one where he got the culture and found everything.
Byron
He was just giving you pain.
Larry McFeely
He hated me. Like I knew, you know when you go to a doctor like this dude doesn't like me immediately. And you know, he told me I had a Wide urethra. And that was. And he goes, but it doesn't mean you have a big penis. And I was like, oh, Jesus. He's mad at me for everything because that pipe throat. And then he told me that the reason I had. What I had was the girl that was drinking giving me the oral. The alcohol got in there because my urethra is. It's like Brady's butthole. It's huge.
Dale Hellistra
I was gonna say, I've always heard that buttholes are in direct correlation to the. Could be.
Larry McFeely
Yeah. Massive.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
But super attractive is what he said also. I forgot that part. But yeah.
Byron
So he went home and his mom's like, where'd you get the black eye?
Larry McFeely
For sports sake? Yes, you are for or against flying deltos at Sporting?
Dale Hellistra
I think it's kind of silly.
Larry McFeely
It is, but it's also very funny. Where do we draw the line at throwing dildos? Okay, you know what? That's a pretty good response. Pretty good answer. But how many more until we are tired of it, though.
Dale Hellistra
I get it seven more times again, I don't know. It never ended in Philadelphia.
Larry McFeely
They still chucked.
Dale Hellistra
I know. I, I, it's kind of like here with the Cardinals. But once they moved to the new stadium.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
I think they flushed out some of the.
Larry McFeely
Got rid of the riff raff.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. Because the ticket prices go up.
Larry McFeely
The, the funny thing is, is like, like you'd have, like, the Bills had dildos thrown at them in that game. Remember that? Oh, yeah. That was during a, I don't know, playoff game. It was one that, well, they chucked one on the corner. That's a dildo. It's getting thrown out. So they threw a dildo into the end zone and everybody in the crowds laugh and the ref kicks it over and you never really heard anything about it. More of an Internet thing. Throw it at these ladies. The next thing you know, like, you're gonna kill someone. It's like, come on.
Dale Hellistra
Well, come on. Dildo at a football player with helmet, shoulder pads.
Larry McFeely
The referees got. They threw it at them. They deserve it.
Dale Hellistra
The girls?
Larry McFeely
No, the refs. Is that what you're saying?
Dale Hellistra
Well, I did an Arizona Rattler game on Monday that, yeah. The could have had a couple dildos.
Larry McFeely
Can you do that? As a guy who calls the Rattler games, where's the dildos?
Dale Hellistra
That would be, Wouldn't that be great?
Larry McFeely
Get a dildo on that, like now. Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Let's rain down dildos.
Larry McFeely
Rain Down Dildos is a great album there. Yeah, I just, I, I, yeah, I struggle with the idea that it isn't funny. It shouldn't happen, but because it is. Again, like at Brady's funeral coming up if we're throwing dildos around, everything just gets lighter. The mood gets light. I told Annie Letterman in the hallway if the two lighten the mood. If the two of us were at 911 and the second plane went right over our heads, hits the building. We start running and she just takes a dildo and throws it. We'd both go, what'd you do that for? We'd start laughing in 911 if a dildo was flying. You can't help but laugh at a flying dildo no matter what the circle.
Dale Hellistra
Now you say you don't go to funerals.
Larry McFeely
No, I go to funerals. I don't go to weddings. Same thing.
Dale Hellistra
Whatever.
Larry McFeely
I've been to plenty of weddings. They're. They're all dumb. Not the. Not the end result of two people.
Dale Hellistra
And madly in love starting a new life.
Larry McFeely
It looks just like the last one I was at. Let's stop celebrating these things.
Dale Hellistra
Funerals are different. Doesn't look.
Larry McFeely
No. You're paying respects to. It's the only time I'm. Nobody's gonna fool me.
Dale Hellistra
Go.
Larry McFeely
I'm getting married again. I'm having another funeral. No, you get one, you're done. And you know there is the train of thought that sometimes I'm not going to go to your funeral because you're not going to mine. Right.
Dale Hellistra
What I was going to ask is would you be so crass as to take El Dale and stick it on top because they're going to be a.
Larry McFeely
Close on top of Brady. Yeah. You think they'll close it for Brady?
Dale Hellistra
Oh yeah. I mean you don't want to look at that.
Byron
There's going to be no cash.
Larry McFeely
Well they might have a casket like a. I don't think they do. Yeah, just stick it.
Dale Hellistra
Stick a build on top of the.
Larry McFeely
Urn or just have it as a dildo Earn. Just pour them into the dildo.
Byron
Stick it to the usually put the easel up with the big picture.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Oh, I could put that right on his forehead.
Dale Hellistra
That's a good idea. I have two best with two different gentlemen about who's going to die first. It's a hundred dollar bet. And. And the way that we both we've all decided to do it is that I'm going to write a check and it's going to be stuck to the inside of my casket. I want to see number one if you have the gall to.
Larry McFeely
To do it. Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Undo it. And then do you have the gall to go cash the check?
Larry McFeely
I would do that. I would.
Dale Hellistra
You would?
Larry McFeely
Absolutely.
Dale Hellistra
You have no feelings.
Larry McFeely
What are you talking about? You're the one putting money in the casket. What a prick. You build up cash casket. I'm going to pull the money out. Absolutely. That's dumb. Who would not like.
Dale Hellistra
And cash the check.
Larry McFeely
Would you write pay to the order of.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
So then it's names on. He's like. He wrote this for me. He owed me this money. But I don't think you could. Why?
Dale Hellistra
But he. But he said he's dead. But he.
Larry McFeely
What do you mean?
Byron
If it's his checking account. If it's just.
Larry McFeely
You know, he really is a prick. Yeah, that's a prick move. They freeze the account.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah, but.
Larry McFeely
I know. But go cash.
Dale Hellistra
But my body. That's what he's gonna do. He's gonna put a hundred dollar bill. I said, well, oh, that's easy. Just pull it off, put in your wallet and nobody's the wiser.
Larry McFeely
Cash a dead man's track. I would do that.
Dale Hellistra
That guy tells a lot about YouTube.
Larry McFeely
You know, it tells a lot about all of us that you make these bets. No, you don't. He makes these bets with people and then acts like he's morally above. Yeah. Who's worse? You're the one making the bets. You're the dickhead that's taping money to the inside of your casket. And I'm the immoral jerk for saying we had a deal. Yeah. I would make you look. I would make you look like an angel. Like, Dale is so funny. He owed me a hundred bucks and he.
Byron
I'd frame the check.
Larry McFeely
I wouldn't. I'd cash that. I'd cash it in a heartbeat right as I'm asking his wife to dinner. Wow, man.
Dale Hellistra
We said that's off limits.
Larry McFeely
No, it ain't. No, it ain't. Dinner's on Dale. You said that? Yeah. Hey, look, he wanted us to go to dinner together. He wouldn't have left us this money. Baby. Step over that casket and come sit next to me. Yep, that's right. So.
Dale Hellistra
All right, let's get to sports.
Larry McFeely
Now, we already did all that Dale Hellas race here. Anything in sports you want to talk? Football's coming up.
Dale Hellistra
Yes.
Larry McFeely
We're getting close.
Dale Hellistra
Excited. I've seen some Aaron Rodgers interviews.
Larry McFeely
Very excited.
Dale Hellistra
He seems rejuvenated. Somewhat normal.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, he's. Well, he's under the guise he's got a coach that actually is in control. And I think that's what Aaron needs.
Dale Hellistra
And he wants to meet Terry Bradshaw.
Larry McFeely
He wants to, he wants to be. He's embracing the culture. Yeah, it's been great. And you know, I think after watching a couple weeks of this, I'm going to go out and say it. I think this Cardinal team wins the division. I honestly think they have made so many good moves and Jonathan Gannon and Monty have put together a team. The more I'm looking, the more they are silently just really good.
Dale Hellistra
They're kind of being ignored nationally.
Larry McFeely
And that division wasn't great.
Dale Hellistra
No. You never know what San Francisco, they stay healthy and all that.
Larry McFeely
Seattle's a huge question mark.
Dale Hellistra
The Rams, they always seem to be.
Larry McFeely
Rams showed up a year or two early like they were rebuilding and ended up a playoff team. Almost beat the Eagles last year. They beat the Vikings here. But the Rams and Cardinals, I think I honestly, I'll go, I'll say it right here. August 7, 2025. I think the Cardinals are going to win the West.
Dale Hellistra
Here's the thing that scares me to death. And I was talking about on our show earlier today as a longtime Valley sports fan.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Born and raised here. 7 years, 8 years old when the Suns came. And then obviously I got the Cardinals and then got the Coyotes and Diamonds. I've always been a local fan except for the Cardinals, really.
Larry McFeely
All right. So not so much. But. Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
But we can't have good things here in the Valley. Think about, just think about this year. Suns going into the season garbage. Supposedly at least going to be a 3, 4 seed. Not maybe win a championship, but 50 wins. Yeah. Yeah. Gone. 36 Diamondbacks spent the most money they've. They've ever spent on a team. They signed that Corbin Burns who's the stud of a pitcher. Blah blah, blah, boom. They. They implode.
Larry McFeely
Snake bit.
Dale Hellistra
Yes.
Larry McFeely
Different on that than the, than the Suns. The Suns were disappointment. The Diamondbacks just had. They had to have a perfect season to compete in that division and they lost their ace. They had guys get hurt. But I think they did the right thing trading everybody away. And I liked your plan to get rid of Catal Marte too. And they didn't do that.
Dale Hellistra
They did not.
Larry McFeely
But Naylor and Suarez and letting the people go that Merrill Kelly got traded like they let the right people go.
Dale Hellistra
Right. And, and now we're looking at football and we have ASU coming off a magical season.
Larry McFeely
I don't see that going.
Dale Hellistra
Name the last time ASU had back to back really good season.
Larry McFeely
Doesn't Happen.
Dale Hellistra
It's once a decade.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
So in my, in my gut, I feel. Yes. That they have, they have 17 starters returning. They got their quarterback going back. They should have a really good season.
Larry McFeely
You don't see ASU doing it, but.
Dale Hellistra
History tells me I've seen it too often. And now you look at the Cardinals. Yes, I'm quietly optimistic about them. They got some depth. I think Kyler Murray's grown into that position.
Larry McFeely
Well, I mean, he's 30.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. But. Yeah, but he's, he's seven, eight years in the league now. I think he's changed.
Larry McFeely
Gannon, I love Gannon.
Dale Hellistra
Like Austin Ford, the general manager.
Larry McFeely
Great setup right now.
Dale Hellistra
Because what they do is they, they are getting guys who like to play football.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
Not, hey, that guy's super talented. We'll work with him. He's.
Larry McFeely
And they're putting people where they deserve to be. They're not getting some super athlete and going, all right, you're our jack of all trades. Running them as safety and linebacker and defensive end and having one guy be great for everything. Buddha Baker plays a position, you know, like the guys that they've had, they're like, Gannon has been the guy that said, here's a dude who plays this spot and if he fits it, we're going to make it great. What are you good at? Let's do that. Rather than trying to make them everything.
Dale Hellistra
They have tough guys.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, they're good.
Dale Hellistra
I think their offensive line, it was better last year than people gave it credit for. I think it'll be better this year. And I'm excited to see Marvin Harrison.
Larry McFeely
The dude say flowers.
Dale Hellistra
I mean, I look at Marvin Harrison, it's almost like I'm looking in a mirror here.
Larry McFeely
You know, it's a very dark room.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. He put on what, ten pounds, but.
Larry McFeely
It'S, it's freaking muscle, just like you. And the receivers are good, their tight ends are great. And the running game.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah. But still you got the guy.
Larry McFeely
Connor.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah, Connor's. I would say he's a top 10.
Larry McFeely
Running back, like eighth or ninth year now, at least.
Dale Hellistra
Yeah.
Larry McFeely
Start getting into that and start seeing the dings and the knocks on him are going to be ankles and knees. That'll slow him down. Still a quality team. I think they're a 10 win team. I think they're, I think they're going to win 10 and get that.
Dale Hellistra
And I'm not. And I'm not going to argue with you, with you on that. How about this?
Byron
I've heard that a lot. Steelers Are over the years with the Cardinals, though.
Larry McFeely
Yeah, well, I've heard it, but this year it actually. Like this year they've actually done something. They've actually done some things to go, whoa. This is. This is the smart moves, like what Dale's saying. Smart teams get offensive linemen. They get free agents that don't splash but make you better.
Dale Hellistra
Right.
Larry McFeely
They don't go out and grab Micah Parsons for no reason. If they make that trade, they're idiots. I mean, he's a great player, but you're giving up way too much. And you were on the right track. They're not that close, but they're close. Yeah. I think they're a 10 win team and I think this is. I think that's their. That's where they fit. It's not overachieving or underachieving to get there.
Dale Hellistra
Last year, defensively, they played hard.
Larry McFeely
Yeah.
Dale Hellistra
But they brought in more talent.
Larry McFeely
They're good, that team. I think they win that and I think the Steelers are a 10 win team. Not a threat for the super bowl. They'll win 10 games. He's got enough talent. Again, injuries can change everything.
Dale Hellistra
If Aaron Rodgers stays healthy, I think the Steelers might surprise a lot.
Larry McFeely
I think they could be a huge surprise. It all depends on eight. That's it. But that's true of eight. Number eight according to wearing. He's wearing eight.
Dale Hellistra
Okay.
Larry McFeely
All the rest of them.
Dale Hellistra
Not Tyrod Taylor?
Larry McFeely
No. Thank God he's over the Jets. We can keep him there.
Dale Hellistra
Kenny Pickett coming back.
Larry McFeely
Kenny Pick is going to get cut. And the Browns have five quarterbacks. This is the best thing ever. Anyway, Dale. Don't get me started. Football's right around the corner. This is the reason, Dale. All the other weeks of the year. H. Good Christ. It's a. It's pulling teeth.
Dale Hellistra
So, I mean, hey, I put Annie Lerman here.
Larry McFeely
Lead Letterman. Come on. She's great.
Dale Hellistra
I put her to shame. Yeah, well, I should be at the Improv tonight.
Larry McFeely
Football ended in February. And it's no coincidence that your visits since then have given Brady cancer. We got to get back to football. Let's take a break. We'll do the entertainment drill. Dale joins Brady. More of an audition than you think. It's coming up next. It's 98.
Byron
Hey.
Larry McFeely
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.
Byron
Brett. I sure do. It's MMP Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.
Larry McFeely
Well, can you do this to my gun?
Byron
We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have complet firearms and inventory daily with no weight.
Larry McFeely
Well there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com Since 1983 Nissan has been assembling award winning vehicles for you right here in America. And this summer we're committed to keeping our lineup affordable and free from new tariffs. That's why we've lowered MSRP on our best selling Rogue and Pathfinder. So you can get the car you want at the price you want. Knowing Nissan is here for you for a limited time until supplies last assembled.
Dale Hellistra
With us and imported parts, what do.
Larry McFeely
You think makes the perfect snack? Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient. Could you be more specific? When it's cravinient.
Byron
Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at am, pm Or a savory.
Larry McFeely
Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM.
Dale Hellistra
I'm seeing a pattern here.
Byron
Well yeah, we're talking about what I.
Larry McFeely
Crave, which is anything from am, pm. What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's Cravinians am PM Too much good stuff.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: August 7, 2025 Guest: Dale Hellistra (Former Dallas Cowboys Offensive Lineman) Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
In this lively episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg welcomes former Dallas Cowboys Offensive Lineman Dale Hellistra. The episode dives into a blend of humorous anecdotes, sports analysis, and edgy discussions, aiming to entertain and provoke thought among listeners.
[02:06]
John Holmberg introduces Dale Hellistra with characteristic humor, immediately setting a playful and irreverent tone for the discussion:
"Three-time Super Bowl champion Dale Hellistra joins us now."
One of the central topics of the episode is the phenomenon of dildo-throwing at WNBA games. Dale shares his insights and experiences regarding this unusual crowd behavior.
[06:41]
When asked about the worst items thrown at him during football games, Dale recounts:
"They threw batteries. We had to keep our helmets on the entire freaking game when we were in Philadelphia."
The conversation evolves into a humorous debate on the appropriateness and hilarity of such actions:
"What would you rather get hit with, a battery or a dildo?"
Dale Hellistra: "Dildo."
Dale emphasizes the comedic aspect while acknowledging the potential hazards:
"A dildo at a football player with helmet, shoulder pads—it's hilarious."
Holmberg steers the conversation towards darker humor by discussing what items Dale might add to Brady's casket. This segment balances macabre jokes with camaraderie, reflecting the hosts' unique rapport.
[20:25]
Dale proposes a prankish yet humorous idea:
"Would you be so crass as to take El Dale and stick it on top because they're going to be a."
Holmberg responds with his characteristic bluntness:
"Yeah. You think they'll close it for Brady?"
The dialogue showcases their ability to intertwine humor with sensitive topics, maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere.
The hosts delve into personal stories, including Holmberg's past medical experiences, blending vulnerability with comedy.
[12:02]
Holmberg shares a nostalgic yet uncomfortable memory:
"That was the one where he got the culture and found everything. He hated me. Like I knew, you know when you go to a doctor like this dude doesn't like me immediately."
Dale responds empathetically, highlighting the camaraderie between the hosts.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to in-depth discussions about Arizona's sports teams, particularly the Arizona Cardinals. Dale and Holmberg provide their insights, predictions, and critiques.
Arizona Cardinals
[24:20]
Dale expresses cautious optimism about the Cardinals:
"I think Kyler Murray's grown into that position. They're putting people where they deserve to be. They're a quality team."
Holmberg agrees, adding a strategic perspective:
"They're putting people where they deserve to be. They're not getting some super athlete and going, all right, you're our jack of all trades."
Local Sports Teams: Suns and Diamondbacks
[25:17]
The conversation shifts to the Phoenix Suns and Arizona Diamondbacks, with Dale critiquing their recent performances:
"The Suns going into the season garbage. The Diamondbacks spent the most money they've ever spent on a team... they implode."
[25:46]
Holmberg concurs, discussing team management and player trades:
"They have the offensive line better last year than people gave it credit for. They've put in more talent defensively."
The hosts conclude their sports segment with predictions and hopes for the upcoming seasons.
[26:08]
Dale forecasts a strong performance for the Cardinals:
"I think they're a 10-win team and I think this is where they fit. It's not overachieving or underachieving to get there."
[28:54]
Holmberg reflects on the unpredictability of football seasons:
"Football's right around the corner. This is the reason, Dale. All the other weeks of the year... it's pulling teeth."
Throughout the episode, Holmberg and Dale engage in humorous exchanges, keeping the conversation lively and entertaining. From debating the merits of prank items at sports events to sharing exaggerated personal stories, their banter exemplifies the show's commitment to mixing humor with substantive discussions.
[14:02]
Holmberg shares a personal anecdote with comedic undertones:
"I started to cry because I was all balled up, and I was under her control. It's a rape. It was a rape."
Dale responds with dark humor, maintaining the episode's edgy vibe.
The episode wraps up with continued banter and light-hearted discussions about upcoming events and personal plans. Dale Hellistra's participation adds depth and a fresh perspective, particularly in the sports analysis segment. Holmberg and the co-hosts successfully balance humor with insightful commentary, ensuring an engaging listen for both regular and new audiences.
Notable Quotes:
Timestamp Highlights:
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness encapsulates the show's signature blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful sports commentary, making it a must-listen for Arizona sports enthusiasts and fans of irreverent morning radio.