08-07-25 - Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy OLineman Dale Hellestrae - Dale's Thoughts On The WNBA Dildo Throws - What Would Dale Add To Brady's Casket

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: August 7, 2025 Guest: Dale Hellistra (Former Dallas Cowboys Offensive Lineman) Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

---

Introduction

In this lively episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg welcomes former Dallas Cowboys Offensive Lineman Dale Hellistra. The episode dives into a blend of humorous anecdotes, sports analysis, and edgy discussions, aiming to entertain and provoke thought among listeners.

Guest Introduction

[02:06]
John Holmberg introduces Dale Hellistra with characteristic humor, immediately setting a playful and irreverent tone for the discussion:

"Three-time Super Bowl champion Dale Hellistra joins us now."

WNBA Dildo Throws: A Controversial Topic

One of the central topics of the episode is the phenomenon of dildo-throwing at WNBA games. Dale shares his insights and experiences regarding this unusual crowd behavior.

[06:41]
When asked about the worst items thrown at him during football games, Dale recounts:

"They threw batteries. We had to keep our helmets on the entire freaking game when we were in Philadelphia."

The conversation evolves into a humorous debate on the appropriateness and hilarity of such actions:

"What would you rather get hit with, a battery or a dildo?"
Dale Hellistra: "Dildo."

Dale emphasizes the comedic aspect while acknowledging the potential hazards:

"A dildo at a football player with helmet, shoulder pads—it's hilarious."

Adding Humor to Funerals: The Casket Debate

Holmberg steers the conversation towards darker humor by discussing what items Dale might add to Brady's casket. This segment balances macabre jokes with camaraderie, reflecting the hosts' unique rapport.

[20:25]
Dale proposes a prankish yet humorous idea:

"Would you be so crass as to take El Dale and stick it on top because they're going to be a."

Holmberg responds with his characteristic bluntness:

"Yeah. You think they'll close it for Brady?"

The dialogue showcases their ability to intertwine humor with sensitive topics, maintaining a light-hearted atmosphere.

Personal Anecdotes and Health Stories

The hosts delve into personal stories, including Holmberg's past medical experiences, blending vulnerability with comedy.

[12:02]
Holmberg shares a nostalgic yet uncomfortable memory:

"That was the one where he got the culture and found everything. He hated me. Like I knew, you know when you go to a doctor like this dude doesn't like me immediately."

Dale responds empathetically, highlighting the camaraderie between the hosts.

Sports Analysis: Focus on Arizona's Teams

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to in-depth discussions about Arizona's sports teams, particularly the Arizona Cardinals. Dale and Holmberg provide their insights, predictions, and critiques.

Arizona Cardinals

[24:20]
Dale expresses cautious optimism about the Cardinals:

"I think Kyler Murray's grown into that position. They're putting people where they deserve to be. They're a quality team."

Holmberg agrees, adding a strategic perspective:

"They're putting people where they deserve to be. They're not getting some super athlete and going, all right, you're our jack of all trades."

Local Sports Teams: Suns and Diamondbacks

[25:17]
The conversation shifts to the Phoenix Suns and Arizona Diamondbacks, with Dale critiquing their recent performances:

"The Suns going into the season garbage. The Diamondbacks spent the most money they've ever spent on a team... they implode."

[25:46]
Holmberg concurs, discussing team management and player trades:

"They have the offensive line better last year than people gave it credit for. They've put in more talent defensively."

Future Outlook and Predictions

The hosts conclude their sports segment with predictions and hopes for the upcoming seasons.

[26:08]
Dale forecasts a strong performance for the Cardinals:

"I think they're a 10-win team and I think this is where they fit. It's not overachieving or underachieving to get there."

[28:54]
Holmberg reflects on the unpredictability of football seasons:

"Football's right around the corner. This is the reason, Dale. All the other weeks of the year... it's pulling teeth."

Humorous Interludes and Audience Engagement

Throughout the episode, Holmberg and Dale engage in humorous exchanges, keeping the conversation lively and entertaining. From debating the merits of prank items at sports events to sharing exaggerated personal stories, their banter exemplifies the show's commitment to mixing humor with substantive discussions.

[14:02]
Holmberg shares a personal anecdote with comedic undertones:

"I started to cry because I was all balled up, and I was under her control. It's a rape. It was a rape."

Dale responds with dark humor, maintaining the episode's edgy vibe.

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with continued banter and light-hearted discussions about upcoming events and personal plans. Dale Hellistra's participation adds depth and a fresh perspective, particularly in the sports analysis segment. Holmberg and the co-hosts successfully balance humor with insightful commentary, ensuring an engaging listen for both regular and new audiences.

---

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [06:41]: "What would you rather get hit with, a battery or a dildo?"
• Dale Hellistra [07:27]: "Dildo."
• John Holmberg [24:20]: "I think Kyler Murray's grown into that position."
• Dale Hellistra [25:17]: "The Suns going into the season garbage."

Timestamp Highlights:

• [02:06] – Introduction of Dale Hellistra
• [06:41] – Discussion on items thrown at games
• [20:25] – Debate on adding items to a casket
• [24:20] – Sports predictions for the Arizona Cardinals
• [28:54] – Final sports thoughts before wrapping up

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness encapsulates the show's signature blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful sports commentary, making it a must-listen for Arizona sports enthusiasts and fans of irreverent morning radio.

Transcript

[Larry McFeely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. Let's talk about back to school TLC for your car. Larry, the last thing anyone needs right now is to start the school year with car troubles. Yeah, makes sense.

[Byron]

What should people do?

[Larry McFeely]

Head to your closest amco. We specialize in back to school auto repairs for the busy school season. Plus we have a back to school discount for students and teachers. Yeah, but do you need to make an appointment? Not at all. Just pop into your nearest AMCO or book online. Now that's convenient.

[Byron]

Google AMCO for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.

[Larry McFeely]

A whole lot more. And remember, AMCO proudly supports Operation Hydration. Hey, Byron, I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Larry McFeely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Larry McFeely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to MMP guns.com it's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins. Because he's more than a guy buying your house and he makes an offer for your house, cash as is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Dale Hellistra]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Larry McFeely]

The old method of treatment for a.

[Dale Hellistra]

Person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Larry McFeely]

Even though he ruined it, Dale Hellistra is here and I'm still going to say From Prestige Billiards, AZ.com because how.

[Dale Hellistra]

Did you ruin that?

[Larry McFeely]

You ruined that one.

[Dale Hellistra]

You ruined a wet dream. You know what I'm saying?

[Larry McFeely]

Well, I would hope so. I hope you can't finish with me in your wet dream, Dale. That's disgusting. Three time super bowl champion Dale Hellistry joins us now. It's Thursday. Last week I got a text at 8:50.

[Dale Hellistra]

Sorry Johnny, not going to be here.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm in Mataho like you told us on Thursday at 10 minutes to 9.

[Dale Hellistra]

You know what?

[Byron]

You.

[Larry McFeely]

You weren't coming in.

[Dale Hellistra]

You don't take this, this segment seriously. I don't. That's whatever, right? Exactly.

[Larry McFeely]

This is something I should start taking seriously. I don't think so. We've got Dale here to talk sports and whatever else he is. You've heard Brady's announcement this morning. That's right. Would you like to take some jabs at him like Annie Letterman and I have been doing all night?

[Dale Hellistra]

No, that is not. That's not very friendly.

[Larry McFeely]

Or kidney shots. Reach from behind. A little rabbit punch.

[Dale Hellistra]

Could we give you kidney punches? Just kill it inside you.

[Larry McFeely]

I don't think that's a cancer.

[Byron]

I picture it popping more than anything.

[Larry McFeely]

To caveman out the cancer.

[Byron]

And he was. His eyes were lighting up to be.

[Larry McFeely]

Able to do that. Well, when I had my hip go south, I went and told the guys up at the tactical black, I'm like, kick it like there's no tomorrow. And normally in a leg kick, you don't want to go up as high as. It's bad technique to hit a hip. You want to get mid thigh. These dudes kick the living tar out of this hip. I'm like, it's coming out anyway.

[Dale Hellistra]

Well.

[Larry McFeely]

And then the doctor's like, what the hell did you do that for? It's all bruised up. I can't do the surgery. I'm like, why? And he goes, the infection risk goes through the moon. I'm like, we're good here, Johnny. He cut my scars all seed up. He had to go in under the bruise.

[Dale Hellistra]

Really? Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Because I just. Because I did. I took your advice.

[Dale Hellistra]

You're stupid.

[Larry McFeely]

Kick it out. You just tried to punch cancer out of a guy.

[Dale Hellistra]

Well, that's different than him.

[Larry McFeely]

And it's good. We had your one week suspension for your Aussie commentary.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Which finally comes back to us. Let's get to sports. Now, first and foremost, real quick, I.

[Dale Hellistra]

On my way into the number one radio sports show. Steve McCollum.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, thank you.

[Dale Hellistra]

The main event. I heard you guys talking about the. The Ryan Bryan thing.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. How about that dude? How about that guy?

[Dale Hellistra]

Obviously my last name is mispronounced a lot.

[Larry McFeely]

Hell.

[Dale Hellistra]

Estra any which way. And I. That's fine, Right? Hank Bola, the head coach of the Buffalo Bills for about half a season. The biggest knucklehead I've ever been around. Right? He called me Helstrom.

[Larry McFeely]

Hailstrom.

[Dale Hellistra]

Hellstrom.

[Larry McFeely]

Helstrom.

[Dale Hellistra]

Okay, I can understand a lot of mispronunciation.

[Larry McFeely]

There's no m. New Jersey too. Hellstrom. He just wasn't. He just didn't. He didn't think you were making that team. You were the. You were.

[Dale Hellistra]

The lumber outlasted him. Get your ass out.

[Larry McFeely]

Where's he now?

[Dale Hellistra]

Six feet under.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, you killed him. Cancer. Cancer. Brady can hear you. Oh, my God. This is the worst. We are the worst week. We are the worst friends. Yeah, Freddy's tough. We are the worst friends you could ever have. And happy birthday to Brett, by the way. Brady's. And Brady goes on Brett's birthday and goes. But pay attention to me.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. You couldn't wait till tomorrow?

[Larry McFeely]

What a cb. It's been holding it up.

[Byron]

Birthday.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm not gonna let him hold it all the time.

[Dale Hellistra]

Unbelievable.

[Larry McFeely]

He's been holding it off for months. He finally breaks it out, they'll punch him. Get that thing down. Hear it?

[Dale Hellistra]

How are you celebrating tonight? You do anything?

[Larry McFeely]

I don't think so. There you go.

[Dale Hellistra]

This weekend? Yeah. Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

We'll get together with friends this weekend.

[Dale Hellistra]

Friends that. These two.

[Larry McFeely]

The rooster. Oh, he'll be with us Saturday night. Oh, yeah. Saturday. That too. The band's plan. My birthday, his birthday. Brady's final cancer performance is gonna last days with the kidney. It'll be the last performance that you have with that kidney in your body. And then Toledo will be there. So your birthday's July 11th. You should come by.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

And celebrate.

[Dale Hellistra]

The rooster Worst.

[Larry McFeely]

The roosters in Scottsdale. On Scottsdale Road. Nakoma, Thereabouts. Like not far from you.

[Dale Hellistra]

Come on.

[Larry McFeely]

Come on down, Dale. And have a good time.

[Dale Hellistra]

All right.

[Larry McFeely]

Watch the band play the songs from.

[Dale Hellistra]

So what do you play?

[Larry McFeely]

What did I sing? Like an angel. Dale. And. And we will be singing songs from movie soundtracks.

[Dale Hellistra]

So like not. Not Aussie Osborne.

[Larry McFeely]

Not Ozzy this time. No, Ozzy's not gonna make it in this time. But we have, you know, like Kenny Loggins could have been. We. We've got a couple options for Ozzy. He's in there. We skipped it, but we've got songs that you know from movies.

[Dale Hellistra]

How many people are in your band?

[Larry McFeely]

4.

[Dale Hellistra]

So you're the lead?

[Larry McFeely]

I am the. Yes.

[Dale Hellistra]

Do you play an instrument?

[Larry McFeely]

Like. No, I don't. I. This is my instrument. This is my gift.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. Okay. Could use that so many ways.

[Larry McFeely]

You just asked. My throat is my gift, though. And I give it to you Saturday night at nine, if you're interested. Yeah, it's good stuff.

[Dale Hellistra]

Okay.

[Larry McFeely]

What do you think of the dildos thrown onto the courts? What's the worst thing anyone's ever thrown at you on a football field? Philadelphia had to throw stuff at you.

[Dale Hellistra]

They threw batteries. We had to keep. We had to keep our helmets on the entire freaking game when we were in Philadelphia.

[Larry McFeely]

Because they would hit you.

[Dale Hellistra]

Because they would just chuck batteries at the sideline. Double A, triple A, whatever. Yeah, the Ds, you know, and God forbid it comes from the second pack and you get hit in the back.

[Larry McFeely]

Of the head about coaches and stuff. Yeah. The guys in the stands.

[Dale Hellistra]

You usually have players standing around the coaches to guard against.

[Larry McFeely]

Did you ever get hit with one?

[Dale Hellistra]

Never got hit.

[Larry McFeely]

They never aimed it at you? Michael Irvin, Who. Who Big got hit?

[Dale Hellistra]

Nobody. I don't know if anybody actually got hit, but you'd see him bounce and go wherever.

[Larry McFeely]

What would you rather get hit with, a battery or a dildo?

[Dale Hellistra]

Dildo.

[Larry McFeely]

That's all I wanted. Well, let's play. What would you rather with blank or a dildo With Dale. Yeah, because the dildo is hilarious. Yes, the battery is scary, but if a dildo came flopping down and hit Emmett Smith, you guys would laugh for hours.

[Dale Hellistra]

I have not seen the actual dildo. Are they. The three of them, are they soft or.

[Larry McFeely]

They're. They're getting there.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

She's got a little work to do, but we can. We can make this go.

[Dale Hellistra]

Okay.

[Larry McFeely]

But they're. They're rubber.

[Dale Hellistra]

I've got. I heard a little bit. Don't throw them at the player.

[Larry McFeely]

You want to throw something on the.

[Dale Hellistra]

Other side of the court, that's fine.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, it's not fine, but if you're gonna do it, that's the way you do it. We're not condoning it, but it is hilarious.

[Dale Hellistra]

You kind of are condoning it.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, I'll give $10,000. First person that sticks one and lands it and the guy has to pull it off the cliff.

[Dale Hellistra]

There's a suction cup.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. What you're designed to do with these Dales is stick them To a wall, and they'll pull one up for them so you can. And then you back into it.

[Dale Hellistra]

Oh, is that what you do?

[Larry McFeely]

I would do that. That sounds fun. But most of the time it's ladies or, you know, lonely people. Okay, Lonely folks. Or pervert.

[Dale Hellistra]

And didn't our girl get hit with one?

[Larry McFeely]

Sophie got bounced into her leg. Yeah. And she had the time of her life laughing it off. Yeah, she's got a good sense of humor. These other girls are losing her now.

[Dale Hellistra]

These aren't used dildos.

[Larry McFeely]

They get them in there. Get them in there. How do you get them in there? Because they just ban bags.

[Byron]

Gloves on.

[Larry McFeely]

When they remove it, there's different places to hide them. There you go. That's what it looks like, Dale. That's. There's a suction cup on it. Oh. Put that up against the wall or on the floor or whatever. And that way it doesn't scoot around.

[Byron]

Window of the oven.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, the window. Yeah. A good woman will do that.

[Byron]

Dishwasher.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Ready's got to have something visual. So a ca. Casserole or something makes it so he wants to get banged in the air.

[Dale Hellistra]

That casserole doesn't get burned.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. The door.

[Byron]

I left the station one on the side of my door.

[Larry McFeely]

We stuck a two and a half foot black dildo on the side of his car. And I moved the passenger side mirror to where he couldn't see. If he looked over, it was just the mirrors in a bad spot. It was dangling off the side of the car. Well, we'd assumed that he'd either fix the mirror. Noticed something. This thing was huge. And we watched him pull out of the parking lot with this giant. It had to be five pounds. And he was about to hit the freeway. So I called him, like, hey, hey, hey, hey. If this thing falls off, it could kill somebody. Be careful. And all you hears go anywhere.

[Byron]

He got shackles.

[Larry McFeely]

He pulls over. Oh, real nice. You slap jags. And the worst thing he could come up with was slap jags. And it was hilarious. Yeah. So I. You know, and that would be one. I'd like to never meet the girl that wants that.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. Who goes in and buys that?

[Larry McFeely]

Lunatics.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. Or.

[Dale Hellistra]

Or maybe they just hanging in their trophy room.

[Larry McFeely]

Super tall. We've seen videos. Well, we've seen people do it, but yeah, like, a super tall gay would do it. Like, it would be like shack size. A homosexual. That's about seven, four.

[Dale Hellistra]

I don't care how big. Isn't, isn't. It Isn't everybody about the same size back there in the ass. Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

I can't imagine that's true.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. The hole.

[Larry McFeely]

I gotta think Brady's is much more damaged than mine. With all the food he's piling in there and the work it's gotta do. That thing's gotta have an escape. I don't know yours.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, you hemorrhoid it up.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, you hammeroid it up. It's not your escape hatch. Hasn't seen the side. Like, stuff tumbles out of it.

[Dale Hellistra]

The way you clean yours eight times a day. It's overused.

[Larry McFeely]

No, it's not. It's like a classic car. No, like a. It's like a GTO in the garage.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's spotless, but wasn't taken care of.

[Larry McFeely]

Degreased. It's got no. Occasionally you'll see a little dot. You got to get rid of that. Scooch that out. Brady's just like, Katie, bar the door. It's like somebody opened up a. You know, when the bowling ball thing goes just. Yeah. A lot of stuff can tumble out of him.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, but you too, but you started the same. Yeah. Almost have the same side. I can't imagine that. Oh, you're seven foot tall, so your. Your butthole's eight inches wide.

[Byron]

I want to hear from a proctologist.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm pretty sure no smaller people have smaller buttholes. Oh, yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Johnny, you need to do your study.

[Larry McFeely]

Remember in Planes, Trains and Automobiles when John Candy said, we're not getting out of here? This thing's tighter than Tom Thumb's butthole because he's a tiny man and it made sense to all of us. Nobody ever questioned that.

[Dale Hellistra]

There you go.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm right.

[Dale Hellistra]

There you go.

[Larry McFeely]

That's the argument I would like to.

[Dale Hellistra]

Hear from a proctologist.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, you two have fun. Your search sounds like a great.

[Byron]

Calling one right now.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. Brady knows a couple doctors. He's got it. Yeah. Proctologist I don't want to ever hear from. I'm never going to one.

[Dale Hellistra]

You're not?

[Larry McFeely]

No, there's no need for that.

[Dale Hellistra]

Why?

[Larry McFeely]

Because all they do is find stuff wrong.

[Dale Hellistra]

That. That is the thing with doctors.

[Larry McFeely]

You never go to a proctologist because everything's going great. And then they're like, we need to see you again. I'm like, no, this date is over. Like, we're not doing this every Tuesday. I found something. Of course you did.

[Dale Hellistra]

Well, you had a bad experience as a young man. You need to wipe that out.

[Larry McFeely]

It was a. Honestly, it was A great experience.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's a. Johnny.

[Larry McFeely]

Dude went in there and made me.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's gross.

[Larry McFeely]

It was awesome. I loved every second.

[Dale Hellistra]

No control.

[Larry McFeely]

But the more I think about that, the more that was a Ohio State situation. That was a rape. That dude did not need to check my butt at 23 at all. And he did well, evidently. And it worked because I was like, oh, I love you. And then we wiped the table off, and he said I had a urinary tract infection. I'm like, how did you. Wasn't for a lack of looking. We found it. That's for sure.

[Dale Hellistra]

Did he say anything?

[Larry McFeely]

A couple of times. He was so deep in me, he goes, I think your friend Brady's got cancer.

[Byron]

He couldn't hear anything. He was too busy smoking a cigarette. It was a good checkout.

[Larry McFeely]

You're all done here, angel. That's how it ended.

[Dale Hellistra]

That's gotta be so embarrassing.

[Larry McFeely]

No, I loved it.

[Dale Hellistra]

I mean, it's like guys that go get massages and. And that's.

[Larry McFeely]

Right.

[Dale Hellistra]

That's got to be embarrassing.

[Larry McFeely]

Sure.

[Dale Hellistra]

You know?

[Larry McFeely]

For who?

[Dale Hellistra]

For the guy.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, I suppose. I think it's a compliment to the massage there.

[Byron]

I mean, John was crying if she's.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, this crying and ejaculating.

[Dale Hellistra]

Did you have tears?

[Larry McFeely]

Probably. I probably had one of those, like, not crying, but my eyes were really watery tears. I'm not crying.

[Dale Hellistra]

You're crying.

[Larry McFeely]

I told you that. First time a girl ever decided to start kissing that area on me, I started to cry. Well, she pushed my legs up to my. My. My knees, up to my shoulders.

[Dale Hellistra]

Okay.

[Larry McFeely]

And then worked her way down into that spot, and I didn't like it. That was. Look, I didn't know it was gonna happen. I was spotless. Just in case, though, because I. Rumor. Rumor has it she was into it.

[Dale Hellistra]

Really.

[Larry McFeely]

And so she pushed. She took her hands in the backs of my thighs and pushed them up, and I'm like. And then she goes. And I was like, oh. And then I felt a tear go down my cheek, and I said, we need to stop. I don't. I don't think I like this. And I think it had more to do with the position.

[Byron]

Like that littering commercial.

[Larry McFeely]

It was. It was Iron Ice Cody. It was Iron Ass Cody. It just rolled down my cheek, and I almost started laughing, but it was so sad at the same time. And I just wanted my legs back into a normal spot. I was all balled up, and I was under her control. It's a rape. It was a rape.

[Byron]

Another one.

[Larry McFeely]

That was right around the same time. We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training in. Right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Larry McFeely]

Well it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m&p guns.com alright HMS Podcast Time again to.

[Larry McFeely]

Let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastside and Tempe at the Improv Catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets.

[Dale Hellistra]

Downtown at Stand Up Live and at.

[Larry McFeely]

The Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie.

[Dale Hellistra]

Letterman entertaining you all week. For the complete lineups and for tickets.

[Larry McFeely]

Go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. Advancing computer science and robotics to cyber security, gaming and artificial intelligence. UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech, live it.

[Dale Hellistra]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Larry McFeely]

I had a tough time. 1992 was hard.

[Dale Hellistra]

No wonder why you've turned out the way you turned out.

[Larry McFeely]

What do you mean? Perfect? It's ridiculous. Suppressed. I talk about it all the time. I'm. But it was a weird one. That doctor, he did that pipe cleaner thing in my urethra and pulled some. Weird again.

[Byron]

Another procedure that didn't need to be done.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, that was the one where he got the culture and found everything.

[Byron]

He was just giving you pain.

[Larry McFeely]

He hated me. Like I knew, you know when you go to a doctor like this dude doesn't like me immediately. And you know, he told me I had a Wide urethra. And that was. And he goes, but it doesn't mean you have a big penis. And I was like, oh, Jesus. He's mad at me for everything because that pipe throat. And then he told me that the reason I had. What I had was the girl that was drinking giving me the oral. The alcohol got in there because my urethra is. It's like Brady's butthole. It's huge.

[Dale Hellistra]

I was gonna say, I've always heard that buttholes are in direct correlation to the. Could be.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah. Massive.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

But super attractive is what he said also. I forgot that part. But yeah.

[Byron]

So he went home and his mom's like, where'd you get the black eye?

[Larry McFeely]

For sports sake? Yes, you are for or against flying deltos at Sporting?

[Dale Hellistra]

I think it's kind of silly.

[Larry McFeely]

It is, but it's also very funny. Where do we draw the line at throwing dildos? Okay, you know what? That's a pretty good response. Pretty good answer. But how many more until we are tired of it, though.

[Dale Hellistra]

I get it seven more times again, I don't know. It never ended in Philadelphia.

[Larry McFeely]

They still chucked.

[Dale Hellistra]

I know. I, I, it's kind of like here with the Cardinals. But once they moved to the new stadium.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

I think they flushed out some of the.

[Larry McFeely]

Got rid of the riff raff.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. Because the ticket prices go up.

[Larry McFeely]

The, the funny thing is, is like, like you'd have, like, the Bills had dildos thrown at them in that game. Remember that? Oh, yeah. That was during a, I don't know, playoff game. It was one that, well, they chucked one on the corner. That's a dildo. It's getting thrown out. So they threw a dildo into the end zone and everybody in the crowds laugh and the ref kicks it over and you never really heard anything about it. More of an Internet thing. Throw it at these ladies. The next thing you know, like, you're gonna kill someone. It's like, come on.

[Dale Hellistra]

Well, come on. Dildo at a football player with helmet, shoulder pads.

[Larry McFeely]

The referees got. They threw it at them. They deserve it.

[Dale Hellistra]

The girls?

[Larry McFeely]

No, the refs. Is that what you're saying?

[Dale Hellistra]

Well, I did an Arizona Rattler game on Monday that, yeah. The could have had a couple dildos.

[Larry McFeely]

Can you do that? As a guy who calls the Rattler games, where's the dildos?

[Dale Hellistra]

That would be, Wouldn't that be great?

[Larry McFeely]

Get a dildo on that, like now. Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Let's rain down dildos.

[Larry McFeely]

Rain Down Dildos is a great album there. Yeah, I just, I, I, yeah, I struggle with the idea that it isn't funny. It shouldn't happen, but because it is. Again, like at Brady's funeral coming up if we're throwing dildos around, everything just gets lighter. The mood gets light. I told Annie Letterman in the hallway if the two lighten the mood. If the two of us were at 911 and the second plane went right over our heads, hits the building. We start running and she just takes a dildo and throws it. We'd both go, what'd you do that for? We'd start laughing in 911 if a dildo was flying. You can't help but laugh at a flying dildo no matter what the circle.

[Dale Hellistra]

Now you say you don't go to funerals.

[Larry McFeely]

No, I go to funerals. I don't go to weddings. Same thing.

[Dale Hellistra]

Whatever.

[Larry McFeely]

I've been to plenty of weddings. They're. They're all dumb. Not the. Not the end result of two people.

[Dale Hellistra]

And madly in love starting a new life.

[Larry McFeely]

It looks just like the last one I was at. Let's stop celebrating these things.

[Dale Hellistra]

Funerals are different. Doesn't look.

[Larry McFeely]

No. You're paying respects to. It's the only time I'm. Nobody's gonna fool me.

[Dale Hellistra]

Go.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm getting married again. I'm having another funeral. No, you get one, you're done. And you know there is the train of thought that sometimes I'm not going to go to your funeral because you're not going to mine. Right.

[Dale Hellistra]

What I was going to ask is would you be so crass as to take El Dale and stick it on top because they're going to be a.

[Larry McFeely]

Close on top of Brady. Yeah. You think they'll close it for Brady?

[Dale Hellistra]

Oh yeah. I mean you don't want to look at that.

[Byron]

There's going to be no cash.

[Larry McFeely]

Well they might have a casket like a. I don't think they do. Yeah, just stick it.

[Dale Hellistra]

Stick a build on top of the.

[Larry McFeely]

Urn or just have it as a dildo Earn. Just pour them into the dildo.

[Byron]

Stick it to the usually put the easel up with the big picture.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, I could put that right on his forehead.

[Dale Hellistra]

That's a good idea. I have two best with two different gentlemen about who's going to die first. It's a hundred dollar bet. And. And the way that we both we've all decided to do it is that I'm going to write a check and it's going to be stuck to the inside of my casket. I want to see number one if you have the gall to.

[Larry McFeely]

To do it. Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Undo it. And then do you have the gall to go cash the check?

[Larry McFeely]

I would do that. I would.

[Dale Hellistra]

You would?

[Larry McFeely]

Absolutely.

[Dale Hellistra]

You have no feelings.

[Larry McFeely]

What are you talking about? You're the one putting money in the casket. What a prick. You build up cash casket. I'm going to pull the money out. Absolutely. That's dumb. Who would not like.

[Dale Hellistra]

And cash the check.

[Larry McFeely]

Would you write pay to the order of.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

So then it's names on. He's like. He wrote this for me. He owed me this money. But I don't think you could. Why?

[Dale Hellistra]

But he. But he said he's dead. But he.

[Larry McFeely]

What do you mean?

[Byron]

If it's his checking account. If it's just.

[Larry McFeely]

You know, he really is a prick. Yeah, that's a prick move. They freeze the account.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, but.

[Larry McFeely]

I know. But go cash.

[Dale Hellistra]

But my body. That's what he's gonna do. He's gonna put a hundred dollar bill. I said, well, oh, that's easy. Just pull it off, put in your wallet and nobody's the wiser.

[Larry McFeely]

Cash a dead man's track. I would do that.

[Dale Hellistra]

That guy tells a lot about YouTube.

[Larry McFeely]

You know, it tells a lot about all of us that you make these bets. No, you don't. He makes these bets with people and then acts like he's morally above. Yeah. Who's worse? You're the one making the bets. You're the dickhead that's taping money to the inside of your casket. And I'm the immoral jerk for saying we had a deal. Yeah. I would make you look. I would make you look like an angel. Like, Dale is so funny. He owed me a hundred bucks and he.

[Byron]

I'd frame the check.

[Larry McFeely]

I wouldn't. I'd cash that. I'd cash it in a heartbeat right as I'm asking his wife to dinner. Wow, man.

[Dale Hellistra]

We said that's off limits.

[Larry McFeely]

No, it ain't. No, it ain't. Dinner's on Dale. You said that? Yeah. Hey, look, he wanted us to go to dinner together. He wouldn't have left us this money. Baby. Step over that casket and come sit next to me. Yep, that's right. So.

[Dale Hellistra]

All right, let's get to sports.

[Larry McFeely]

Now, we already did all that Dale Hellas race here. Anything in sports you want to talk? Football's coming up.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yes.

[Larry McFeely]

We're getting close.

[Dale Hellistra]

Excited. I've seen some Aaron Rodgers interviews.

[Larry McFeely]

Very excited.

[Dale Hellistra]

He seems rejuvenated. Somewhat normal.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, he's. Well, he's under the guise he's got a coach that actually is in control. And I think that's what Aaron needs.

[Dale Hellistra]

And he wants to meet Terry Bradshaw.

[Larry McFeely]

He wants to, he wants to be. He's embracing the culture. Yeah, it's been great. And you know, I think after watching a couple weeks of this, I'm going to go out and say it. I think this Cardinal team wins the division. I honestly think they have made so many good moves and Jonathan Gannon and Monty have put together a team. The more I'm looking, the more they are silently just really good.

[Dale Hellistra]

They're kind of being ignored nationally.

[Larry McFeely]

And that division wasn't great.

[Dale Hellistra]

No. You never know what San Francisco, they stay healthy and all that.

[Larry McFeely]

Seattle's a huge question mark.

[Dale Hellistra]

The Rams, they always seem to be.

[Larry McFeely]

Rams showed up a year or two early like they were rebuilding and ended up a playoff team. Almost beat the Eagles last year. They beat the Vikings here. But the Rams and Cardinals, I think I honestly, I'll go, I'll say it right here. August 7, 2025. I think the Cardinals are going to win the West.

[Dale Hellistra]

Here's the thing that scares me to death. And I was talking about on our show earlier today as a longtime Valley sports fan.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Born and raised here. 7 years, 8 years old when the Suns came. And then obviously I got the Cardinals and then got the Coyotes and Diamonds. I've always been a local fan except for the Cardinals, really.

[Larry McFeely]

All right. So not so much. But. Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

But we can't have good things here in the Valley. Think about, just think about this year. Suns going into the season garbage. Supposedly at least going to be a 3, 4 seed. Not maybe win a championship, but 50 wins. Yeah. Yeah. Gone. 36 Diamondbacks spent the most money they've. They've ever spent on a team. They signed that Corbin Burns who's the stud of a pitcher. Blah blah, blah, boom. They. They implode.

[Larry McFeely]

Snake bit.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yes.

[Larry McFeely]

Different on that than the, than the Suns. The Suns were disappointment. The Diamondbacks just had. They had to have a perfect season to compete in that division and they lost their ace. They had guys get hurt. But I think they did the right thing trading everybody away. And I liked your plan to get rid of Catal Marte too. And they didn't do that.

[Dale Hellistra]

They did not.

[Larry McFeely]

But Naylor and Suarez and letting the people go that Merrill Kelly got traded like they let the right people go.

[Dale Hellistra]

Right. And, and now we're looking at football and we have ASU coming off a magical season.

[Larry McFeely]

I don't see that going.

[Dale Hellistra]

Name the last time ASU had back to back really good season.

[Larry McFeely]

Doesn't Happen.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's once a decade.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

So in my, in my gut, I feel. Yes. That they have, they have 17 starters returning. They got their quarterback going back. They should have a really good season.

[Larry McFeely]

You don't see ASU doing it, but.

[Dale Hellistra]

History tells me I've seen it too often. And now you look at the Cardinals. Yes, I'm quietly optimistic about them. They got some depth. I think Kyler Murray's grown into that position.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, I mean, he's 30.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. But. Yeah, but he's, he's seven, eight years in the league now. I think he's changed.

[Larry McFeely]

Gannon, I love Gannon.

[Dale Hellistra]

Like Austin Ford, the general manager.

[Larry McFeely]

Great setup right now.

[Dale Hellistra]

Because what they do is they, they are getting guys who like to play football.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

Not, hey, that guy's super talented. We'll work with him. He's.

[Larry McFeely]

And they're putting people where they deserve to be. They're not getting some super athlete and going, all right, you're our jack of all trades. Running them as safety and linebacker and defensive end and having one guy be great for everything. Buddha Baker plays a position, you know, like the guys that they've had, they're like, Gannon has been the guy that said, here's a dude who plays this spot and if he fits it, we're going to make it great. What are you good at? Let's do that. Rather than trying to make them everything.

[Dale Hellistra]

They have tough guys.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, they're good.

[Dale Hellistra]

I think their offensive line, it was better last year than people gave it credit for. I think it'll be better this year. And I'm excited to see Marvin Harrison.

[Larry McFeely]

The dude say flowers.

[Dale Hellistra]

I mean, I look at Marvin Harrison, it's almost like I'm looking in a mirror here.

[Larry McFeely]

You know, it's a very dark room.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. He put on what, ten pounds, but.

[Larry McFeely]

It'S, it's freaking muscle, just like you. And the receivers are good, their tight ends are great. And the running game.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah. But still you got the guy.

[Larry McFeely]

Connor.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, Connor's. I would say he's a top 10.

[Larry McFeely]

Running back, like eighth or ninth year now, at least.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Start getting into that and start seeing the dings and the knocks on him are going to be ankles and knees. That'll slow him down. Still a quality team. I think they're a 10 win team. I think they're, I think they're going to win 10 and get that.

[Dale Hellistra]

And I'm not. And I'm not going to argue with you, with you on that. How about this?

[Byron]

I've heard that a lot. Steelers Are over the years with the Cardinals, though.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, well, I've heard it, but this year it actually. Like this year they've actually done something. They've actually done some things to go, whoa. This is. This is the smart moves, like what Dale's saying. Smart teams get offensive linemen. They get free agents that don't splash but make you better.

[Dale Hellistra]

Right.

[Larry McFeely]

They don't go out and grab Micah Parsons for no reason. If they make that trade, they're idiots. I mean, he's a great player, but you're giving up way too much. And you were on the right track. They're not that close, but they're close. Yeah. I think they're a 10 win team and I think this is. I think that's their. That's where they fit. It's not overachieving or underachieving to get there.

[Dale Hellistra]

Last year, defensively, they played hard.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellistra]

But they brought in more talent.

[Larry McFeely]

They're good, that team. I think they win that and I think the Steelers are a 10 win team. Not a threat for the super bowl. They'll win 10 games. He's got enough talent. Again, injuries can change everything.

[Dale Hellistra]

If Aaron Rodgers stays healthy, I think the Steelers might surprise a lot.

[Larry McFeely]

I think they could be a huge surprise. It all depends on eight. That's it. But that's true of eight. Number eight according to wearing. He's wearing eight.

[Dale Hellistra]

Okay.

[Larry McFeely]

All the rest of them.

[Dale Hellistra]

Not Tyrod Taylor?

[Larry McFeely]

No. Thank God he's over the Jets. We can keep him there.

[Dale Hellistra]

Kenny Pickett coming back.

[Larry McFeely]

Kenny Pick is going to get cut. And the Browns have five quarterbacks. This is the best thing ever. Anyway, Dale. Don't get me started. Football's right around the corner. This is the reason, Dale. All the other weeks of the year. H. Good Christ. It's a. It's pulling teeth.

[Dale Hellistra]

So, I mean, hey, I put Annie Lerman here.

[Larry McFeely]

Lead Letterman. Come on. She's great.

[Dale Hellistra]

I put her to shame. Yeah, well, I should be at the Improv tonight.

[Larry McFeely]

Football ended in February. And it's no coincidence that your visits since then have given Brady cancer. We got to get back to football. Let's take a break. We'll do the entertainment drill. Dale joins Brady. More of an audition than you think. It's coming up next. It's 98.

[Byron]

Hey.

[Larry McFeely]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[Byron]

Brett. I sure do. It's MMP Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have complet firearms and inventory daily with no weight.

[Larry McFeely]

Well there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com Since 1983 Nissan has been assembling award winning vehicles for you right here in America. And this summer we're committed to keeping our lineup affordable and free from new tariffs. That's why we've lowered MSRP on our best selling Rogue and Pathfinder. So you can get the car you want at the price you want. Knowing Nissan is here for you for a limited time until supplies last assembled.

[Dale Hellistra]

With us and imported parts, what do.

[Larry McFeely]

You think makes the perfect snack? Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient. Could you be more specific? When it's cravinient.

[Byron]

Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at am, pm Or a savory.

[Larry McFeely]

Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM.

[Dale Hellistra]

I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Byron]

Well yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Larry McFeely]

Crave, which is anything from am, pm. What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's Cravinians am PM Too much good stuff.