08-08-25 - BR - FRI - Special Needs Strip Club Janitor Beats Up Out Of Line Patron - Sci News On Booze/Home A Glow/And Possible Alien Visit Later This Year - Couple's Wedding Officiated By Hellmans Mayo Mascot

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: August 8, 2025 Episode Title: BR - FRI - Special Needs Strip Club Janitor Beats Up Out Of Line Patron - Sci News On Booze/Home A Glow/And Possible Alien Visit Later This Year - Couple's Wedding Officiated By Hellmans Mayo Mascot

---

1. Violent Incident at a Strip Club

Timestamp: [11:06] - [13:31]

The episode opens with a discussion about a disturbing incident at Bare Assets, a strip club in Oklahoma. A patron named Lawrence Kukendall attacked a janitor using a knife after a verbal altercation involving a racial slur.

• John Holmberg: "The janitor also has a mental disability... he saw Lawrence coming at him with the blade."
• Brady Bogan: "Lawrence was taken to the hospital for medical attention and arrested for assault with a dangerous weapon."

The hosts commend the janitor for defending himself effectively against the aggressive patron, highlighting the chaotic and dangerous environment that can arise in such establishments.

2. Science News on Alcohol Processing and Tarantulas

Timestamp: [15:09] - [18:44]

Brady Bogan introduces the science segment, discussing recent research from Dartmouth scientists who propose that alcohol-processing abilities in humans may have evolved due to early primates consuming fermented fruit.

• Brady Bogan: "Scientists at Dartmouth found that drunk apes loving fermented fruit millions of years ago might explain why we can process alcohol today."

The conversation shifts to a humorous and somewhat bizarre discussion about tarantulas having disproportionately large reproductive organs, which the hosts mockingly critique for lack of detail and sensationalism.

• John Holmberg: "Tarantulas have big wieners. Do you have proof of that?"
• Brady Bogan: "NASA is fast-tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the moon... They think there might be an alien visit later this year."

3. Handle the Heat Contest at Native Grill and Wings

Timestamp: [13:31] - [14:31]

Promotion for a local event where listeners can participate in a hot wing eating contest hosted by Native Grill and Wings. Participants have the chance to win prizes, including exclusive Pantera merchandise.

• Brett Vesely: "Join the HMS Crew at Native Grill and Wings during one of our 4U brews for a chance to participate in Handle the Heat."
• John Holmberg: "Think you handle the heat? We'll bring your appetite and find out."

4. Officiated Wedding by Hellmann's Mayo Mascot

Timestamp: [21:27] - [23:20]

The hosts recount a peculiar wedding in Las Vegas officiated by Manny Mayo, the Hellmann's mayonnaise mascot. The ceremony featured humorous and absurd elements, blending corporate mascots with traditional wedding practices.

• John Holmberg: "They want a contest from helmets. Isn't the Hellmann's mascot just a white guy?"
• Brady Bogan: "He got married in a chicken tender dip themed wedding."

5. Discussion on Home Services and Cleaning

Timestamp: [19:00] - [21:27]

John Holmberg shares his frustrations with a cleaning service called Homoglow, describing unprofessional behavior and unexpected costs.

• John Holmberg: "She did a nice job... but she's charging extra for additional tasks. It's amazing repeat business."
• Brady Bogan: "Might have to check out Homoglow."

6. Promotion and Interaction with MMP Guns

Timestamp: [26:45] - [40:18]

The episode features advertisements and promotions for MMP Guns, highlighting their extensive selection of firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Byron from MMP Guns discusses current discounts and the company's commitment to customer service.

• Byron: "MMP Guns is your one-stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection..."
• Brett Vesely: "That's why I always go to mmpguns.com."

Additionally, the hosts engage in lighthearted banter and humorous interactions, including discussions about AI-generated content and inappropriate depictions, ensuring to maintain a balance between entertainment and sensitivity.

7. Controversial Content and Sensitivity Issues

Timestamp: [26:15] - [29:42]

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts attempt to create an image depicting a janitor with intellectual disabilities. This segment is handled with a mix of humor and insensitivity, reflecting a controversial approach that may not resonate positively with all listeners.

• John Holmberg: "I don't think it's a good idea to have retarded people on your shirt."
• Brady Bogan: "Before I create this image, I want to make sure it's approached with respect and sensitivity."

8. Viewer-Submitted Content and Reactions

Timestamp: [29:06] - [39:48]

The hosts review and react to various viewer-submitted videos depicting extreme and graphic content, including violent robberies and disturbing acts. Their reactions are a mix of disbelief and humor, often pushing the boundaries of acceptable discourse.

• John Holmberg: "This is how Brady got kidney."
• Brady Bogan: "It's not real. Happy birthday."

9. Closing Remarks and Final Promotions

Timestamp: [39:54] - [40:18]

The episode concludes with final promotions for MMP Guns and a brief mention of upcoming comedy events, ensuring listeners are aware of both the show's sponsors and local entertainment options.

• Byron: "MMP Guns.com has over 400,000 products on sale daily."
• Brett Vesely: "That's why I always go to mmpguns.com."

---

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg: "The janitor also has a mental disability... he saw Lawrence coming at him with the blade." [11:06]
• Brady Bogan: "Scientists at Dartmouth found that drunk apes loving fermented fruit millions of years ago might explain why we can process alcohol today." [15:11]
• Brady Bogan: "NASA is fast-tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the moon... They think there might be an alien visit later this year." [17:59]

---

Conclusion: This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivered a mix of local news, humorous banter, and controversial topics. From violent incidents and scientific discussions to peculiar weddings and promotional segments, the hosts maintained their characteristic blend of entertainment and shock value. While the show offers engaging content for its audience, some segments may challenge listener sensitivities, reflecting the edgy nature of the program.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

Men, you take care of everyone else. Now let Limitless TRT and Aesthetics take care of you. Limitless TRT and Aestics is redefining sexual wellness by helping men reclaim their confidence with non surgical permanent male enhancement. The platinum procedure delivers instant permanent girth with minimal downtime. The P long protocol naturally adds length and girth. No gimmicks, no guesswork, no surgery. Just proven solutions that transform how you feel and look. Book your free consultation online at limitlesstrtanesthetics.com let's make you the legend you were always meant to be. At Native Grill and Wings, we bring the big flavors to match the big moments. Our fresh never frozen wings come in over 20 bold flavors served up hot and ready for every game winning play. Football is back. Kick back with an ice cold beer or handcrafted cocktail and catch all the action at Native Grillin Wings. Need to feed the fam? Get two large pepperoni or cheese pizzas for just 20 bucks. It's a whole lot of flavor for one unbeatable price. Cool drinks, great food, even better deals. Visit native grillinwings.com to find the restaurant nearest you.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely. Look, your AC has been working hard for you all summer long, so give it some love with Patrick Riley. Heating, cooling, plumbing and drains. Right now you can get a 59H VAC system check which includes a full equipment inspection, refrigerant level check, and free electronic leak detection. And that's a 99 value. Need a new system.

[John Holmberg]

No problem.

[Brett Vesely]

Score $1,500 off right now. Hot and stuck. Well, they offer emergency same day service and before you commit, get a free second op with no pressure. Go to Patrick RileyServices.com that's Patrick Riley Services.com Patrick Riley. One call does it all.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a.

[Brett Vesely]

Person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[John Holmberg]

Boners. Hi, it's limp biscuits. Damn it. I do this every day now and it is. Oh yo, don't forget we got our Pantera thing today too.

[Brady Bogan]

Car.

[John Holmberg]

Game off. That's what you're listening for. Game on. Wait. Car game off. Also this. Those are not currently active. Game on. Now they are. You hear either of those two sounds before we're off the air today and the 10th caller, 585-900-is gonna go to Pantera and be their security, walk them from their dressing room onto the stage. Then plop right down there in your very special VIP seats in the photography pit. You're gonna get a bunch of security cool stuff. You can get your Pantera flashlight, the one you walked him on stage with. Very cool. Such a great operation. Pantera said awesome. They have to be sober. That's their only rule. So don't show up drunk and don't even argue with us. And their phones are ringing. I said game off. It doesn't count. Think about it. We're not doing it right now, but maybe anytime could happen while Brady's talking. Could happen during commercials. It could happen. Carlos Mencia's here. Could happen during the squares later. Who knows? But it's going to happen before we're done. And you guys will win those prizes. How about that? It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by allpro/allprochade.com that's where you gotta go get yourself shaded. Now you can do the manual ones. You can do like what Brady had is the motorized ones, which is really cool. They got colors and fabrics that'll match your outdoor space. They're gonna make it an extension of your home. It's going to beautify your situation. While casting shade over an area that previously had none drops temperatures up to 20 degrees as well. This is a great investment in your home. It just makes everything better. Shade allprochade.com Brady report it good Friday.

[Brady Bogan]

Morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. We've made it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy National CBD Day. International Beer Day.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

And National Pickleball Day.

[John Holmberg]

Torn Achilles, a bunch of beer and some CBD to go to sleep.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds like a perfect day.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a good combo. Listen to this fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody has made our Brianna email or Brianne Brianne was Brianne Brianne email. Political. Don't know how they did it, Chancellor. Brianna sounds like an unfunny shrill of a woman undoubtedly voted for Kamala. Probably has the same thing in common with her husband. And bang. The nanny too. That's right. I forgot about Kamala's husband's bouncing on the nanny. So simple to turn the radio off. But that smelly head hag had to email in to you, Chancellor. The King. I've listened for a long time. Countless amount of mothers have told them they're gonna end you. It never ends. Wouldn't it be funny though if that all the times those mommy groups or whatever get mad about something they hear from us. And then they just kind of bounce off the walls for a few days and then it goes away because all of it ends up. But if the dildo one ends us, I think that would be pretty funny. Now, he said dildo on the air. That's why he's fired. Did they listen to any of the other shows at all? No. The dildo thing really pushed it over the edge. Wow. I'd have lost that bet.

[Brady Bogan]

When the movie Bad Boys was first developed, the plan was to have John Lovitz and Dana Carvey as the stars.

[John Holmberg]

That would have been hilarious.

[Brady Bogan]

Some rewrites and changes to the film ended up being Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

The definition of the Inuit word apac is a friend who has sex with your wife.

[John Holmberg]

An apac A I P, A K or a Pak. Epic. A I, A I P I K. P A K. I pick an ipic ipac. A I P I P, A K O ipic I pick ipec ipac. Weird. And if you know what that is, if you're correcting us right. No, no. It's called apec. His name's Roger. Oh, no. Lito, how do you pronounce this word? He'll know.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember the Harlem shake craze in 2013? That was the first instrumental song to hit number one on the Billboard chart since the Miami vice theme in 1985.

[John Holmberg]

Which one was it?

[Brady Bogan]

Harlem Shake in 2013.

[John Holmberg]

From what? It was just a song.

[Brady Bogan]

The song.

[John Holmberg]

What did it have to. I'm sorry.

[Brady Bogan]

It was the first instrumental song.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's it. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Since 1985 came out.

[John Holmberg]

Jan Hummer.

[Brady Bogan]

Chat GPT just got a big upgrade with the launch of GPT5.

[John Holmberg]

That's why they're not here today. Oh, that's why. Chad. Chief, did we wonder why the parking lot was empty? Chat GPT isn't here today.

[Brady Bogan]

Open AI claims it's better at everything from writing to giving health advice. And it doesn't hallucinate or make up stuff as much.

[John Holmberg]

It does go on ambient every once in a while. And rosiest.

[Brady Bogan]

It also has four new personalities you can choose from. Robot, cynic, listener, or nerd.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. It's taken on personalities now. And stereotypes. Interesting. Soon someone will invent Chinese AI, Black guy AI. And we'll go all the way down those stereotypes we're trying so hard to shed the last few years.

[Brady Bogan]

We got a dude getting busted. This guy won a Powerball ticket in. In Indiana. 167.3 million.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

James Farthing was his name. He decided to go Celebrate at a bar, bragging about being a millionaire. Some guy called him out like, you're. You're no millionaire. Ends up beating the tar out of this guy. Gets arrested for assault and everything. He's already an ex con man. But it's the highest powerball hit in Indiana. 167 points.

[John Holmberg]

Huge.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And wait, the guy who won it through the punch.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So he's bragging. The guy's like, you. You're not a millionaire.

[John Holmberg]

And he punched him to prove it.

[Brady Bogan]

Pissed off.

[John Holmberg]

Indiana sucks so bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Check out his. He's all tattooed up. Got like.

[John Holmberg]

He looks like Spider Man.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This dude won $167 million.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Life's not fair to you. Have cancer. This is totally unfair. Where's your good, decent living now, Brady? You should have been more like this idiot. My God.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, make out the list. The five things he's gonna buy right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

Black market, kidneys. He can do anything he wants. This is garbage. Still don't know how you believe in that thing. You're walking around here having kidneys removed. Well, Spider man, the ex con, is pulling 167 million out of the quick trip.

[Brady Bogan]

This principal at a school in Tampa, Florida, was credited with helping save a student's life last year. Well, it was over the weekend. He saved the student's life. He was arrested just the following week for being under the influence. Got a dui, and they also found cocaine in his car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

So of course, that tough combo. He heard from MAD, the organization. They're like, this guy's at principal school and he's out celebrating.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I can't do that. You can't have. You can have the coke and not drive drunk, but you can never drive drunk and then add coke to it. I watch OP Live all the time. You've been drinking tonight. I love the ones that don't speak much English and they have to do it through the phone translator. You've been drinking tonight. See, and the guy doesn't have to translate that. Tea. How many what were you drinking? Hold up. They always hold up their fingers in like, the size of like a 12 ounce can. Tequila. How many Cuatro Cinco? You had five of those. And you got behind the wheel? Not in haze. In Arkansas, he didn't. Nobody drives around drinking, hazing like that.

[Brady Bogan]

We've got a dude in Oklahoma named Lawrence Kukendall.

[John Holmberg]

That's cute.

[Brady Bogan]

He was a patron of a strip club called Bare Assets. Make it sound so nice. Patron of a strip club?

[John Holmberg]

He's cute.

[Brady Bogan]

He randomly attacked a janitor. It's unclear what started it, but Lawrence called the guy a racial slur and then charged at him with a knife.

[John Holmberg]

We used to work with that guy. Well, now we know what he's doing.

[Brady Bogan]

The janitor also has a mental disability. He saw it coming. Saw Lawrence coming at him with the blade. He's in sales for the strip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, he does a lot of. He gets all their billboards up and stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Waved him off with a broomstick, jumped on Lawrence, beat the tar out of Lawrence.

[John Holmberg]

The mentally challenged sex club janitor.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep. Lawrence was taken to the hospital for medical attention, was arrested for salt and battery with a dangerous weapon. Oh, here's the mug shot of Lawrence. I think the guy defended himself pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the mental he got. Unleash the beat. You don't mess with them. No. Remember that 100 men versus a silverback thing? Drop it down to 20 and add a mentally retarded kid. It's the same argument. Look at what he did to this guy, man. He ground beefed him. I gotta tell you, though, in my mind, when you said that there was a mentally challenged janitor at a strip club, that wasn't going to end well either. I'm glad. I'm glad this fight happened. But that dude. Yeah, with that. With eventually his hogs coming out, he's going to start drooling over one of them, get a little too close in the parking lot. That was a bad hire. We like to get some of the less fortunates around here, be around the naked ladies and all the drinking. That's a terrible combination to have mentally repressed amongst all that sin and temptation. You never ever hear a mentally challenged person in front of a hot naked lady going, no, it couldn't possibly. They're gonna do something dumb. That's the whole point.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, you want to win $979? Well, check this out. Handle the Heat is back with another chance to win and another chance to check out a Holmberg special on the menu at Native Grill and Wings. That's right. Join the HMS Crew at Native Grill and Wings during one of our 4U brews for a chance to participate in Handle the Heat. That's Holmberg's hot wing eating contest. For details on all the contest rules, head to 98kupd.com think you handle the heat? We'll bring your appetite and find out. It's all brought to you by Native Grill and Wings.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the Morning Sickness Coming at you. For our pals at Action Ride Shop, it's summertime.

[Brett Vesely]

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fact, Bert. Action Ride shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their e bikes right now.

[Brett Vesely]

They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters.

[John Holmberg]

And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails With an awesome setup from outbound lighting and night rider.

[Brett Vesely]

Get to Action Ride sh on the 60 and Gilbert or their new location on McDowell and Power.

[John Holmberg]

Actionrideshop.com It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughns.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1, 800, now Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Shouldn't even hire him over at, like, local legends at Matthias bar.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a great idea.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's a bad idea. Drinking. And like, the dude with the mop that's.

[Brady Bogan]

Too pretty.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, he's had. He's on one. Bunch of naked ladies and a mentally murdered boy. I'm glad that fight happened in the bathroom.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news in booze news.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Nate, this doesn't make sense. It's one or the other bunch of.

[Brady Bogan]

Scientists at Dartmouth, they got together and they. They found that drunk apes that loved fermented fruit millions of years ago might be the. The reason why we can process alcohol. So. Well.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody pointed out that the retarded janitor in a sex club. The strip club would be a great new Adam Sandler movie. I could not possibly look at your boobies any further. If you don't mind, please remove your boobies.

[Brady Bogan]

I've got a sexy Boobies the mopping boy.

[John Holmberg]

I will be trying to mop up all of the semen and all of the drool.

[Brady Bogan]

It's juggie boy.

[John Holmberg]

I will get your Jesse. Thank you. I will clean that. Oh, booby dee doobie dee doo. Boobies for me. Boobies for you. That's a good idea. And that's exactly what happened. And then he beat the living out of a guy in the bathroom and called him the N word. Any racial slur? A mentally challenged janitor. What kind of human being. Watch this. Who's friends with him?

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers discovered four new types of tarantulas. And compared to their body, their junk is massive. NASA is fast tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the.

[John Holmberg]

Is this where that ended by? He didn't like give us info. Tarantulas have pic dicks. Take my word for it. Like how big don't I know?

[Brady Bogan]

This guy's the size of the bat junk.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it doesn't say in there. It just says does. You should have seen. This is basically what you said.

[Brady Bogan]

On the tarantula. I'm googling this tarantula penis.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, good, go get them. Because you'd assume it's a one incher but like percentage of its body is what we're talking about. Why is it so mind blowing that it's news but there's no need for any detail.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't think you wanted any more details.

[John Holmberg]

I wanted some detail. Tarantulas have big wieners. Do you have proof of that? In Valhalla there was. You moved on. He's in a hurry. Evidently.

[Brady Bogan]

So NASA's fast tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the moon. Run a race with China to get the first moon base built right now. Then they want to put that reactor in.

[John Holmberg]

So we build little houses and then we oppenheimer the moon real quick. Okay, here it is. A bunch of pictures of tarantula wieners.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady, I don't think that's a tarantula.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's a spider. This is a bad search.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it just means that people are sane and not taking pictures.

[John Holmberg]

Well also that the story had no merit.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. Chinese scientists created self cleaning glass. It uses built in electrodes to remove dust and other particles from its surface.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. By the way, real quick, Plug here found one. That is a huge wang. That's on a tarantula apparently. That twisty thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like when somebody blows glass.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep, looks like a chihuly.

[John Holmberg]

It's a Chihuly art.

[Brady Bogan]

That could be flaccid.

[John Holmberg]

That's Dale Chihuly's art. Put a patch on your eye and take a gander at that. All right, so that's probably 10% of that thing's body weight. That's a good portion. Geez, that's great. Good for you, Terrence. By the way, just. Yeah, real quick, plug. As you brought this up for the rental property that I have over there, I saw the commercials for that homaglow that promises. Not homoglow. That's kklow, and it's like, a bad name. But home aglo.

[Brady Bogan]

It's Homoglow.

[John Holmberg]

And they're like, it's homoglow. When you say it, it's like, hey, homo glow. Could you come clean my house? $20. They send somebody over to clean your house. And I'm like, that can't be a thing. Sure enough, lady showed up yesterday. First time, huh? And she did a nice job. And I dropped another 44 because I felt horrible. It's 120 degrees. She's humping vacuums and towels. And she gets to the door. She just looked defeated. Another 20 bucks in my pocket. I can't let this happen. She drove over here. She's already down 5 to start project. So then I. I dropped 40 more. So have fun. I did a really nice job. And then they start scheduling you the whole time, and it's like, 25 bucks.

[Brady Bogan]

It's amazing. Repeat business.

[John Holmberg]

But if you tell her to do stuff, then it's more like, I need you to make the bed or do that. It's like, another $10. I'm like, why don't I just give you a hundred bucks? You knock this silly, right? And then I'll find out what you don't do, and we'll add that to the next visit. Because Gloria, the regular housemaid, she ain't cheap. And she, like. She's on her hands and knees doing baseboards and, like, that doesn't need to be done every time. She's there at, like, 8 in the morning and leaves at 10 at night. I'm telling you, man, I'm not driving. I leave the house the whole time. She scrubs between, like, the brick wall, the grout with her finger, and a. Like, she gets dust out of there.

[Brady Bogan]

That's too involved.

[John Holmberg]

She's way too involved. Then at the end, I gotta go to the bank and, like, come back with a stack like, I'm going to Vegas. Here you go. Gloria.

[Brady Bogan]

Might have to check out Homoglow.

[John Holmberg]

Homoglow is. Homoglow is off. Call homoglow today, homoglow.com.

[Brady Bogan]

That'S why you and Jordan are always at the casino. You gotta pay your.

[John Holmberg]

I got maids hanging around all day. Yeah, Jordan. I have to go win money to pay Gloria. But this homoglow thing was great.

[Brady Bogan]

The Hubble telescope got the best shot yet of that interstellar object zipping through our solar system Right now. Most experts think it's a comet. Some nutbags, but that's an astronomer at Harvard. Is that the Beetlejuice one?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's different.

[Brady Bogan]

He thinks there's a good chance it's not natural. Because if it's aliens coming back to check on us, estimates that they would get here between November 21st and December.

[John Holmberg]

5Th of this year.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding. That's great.

[Brady Bogan]

He even went so far as to say, he may come to save us or destroy us. Yeah, but again, it's probably a comment.

[John Holmberg]

Save us the. There's a lady, I can't remember where she's from, and she says that she's in contact with this thing that they're bluetoothing and some info to her, and she's the only one. They found her, and they're like, pinpoint that one. She seems to be a reasonable target. They have that much technology, and they just grab some random housewife in New Hampshire, and she's mouthing off about what they're talking about. They're on their way. It isn't a comment. I talk to him like, all right, here's a big, long jacket for you. Why don't you just sit in this room?

[Brady Bogan]

And that's your science news. A couple got married in Las Vegas, and the wedding was officiated by the Hellman's mascot, Manny Mayo.

[John Holmberg]

What a waste of money.

[Brady Bogan]

They want a contest from helmets.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't the Hellman's mascot just white guy?

[Brady Bogan]

He got married in a chicken tender dip themed wedding.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need an outfit, just a. Just a bland white man.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the couple, you know, sharing the chicken strip. You know, I guess that's like.

[John Holmberg]

These are hill. But look at the nose on her. She's bigger than mine.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's Manny Mayo.

[John Holmberg]

It's an actual. It's just a mascot, literally, to excite you over mayonnaise. It is a. It's a living jar of mayonnaise, man. You are a mascot for mayonnaise. There he is. That's the Hellman's mascot. He's right there. How you doing? I'm white. I love mayonnaise. Wouldn't it be ironic if it's inside there. A dude named like Antoine had to work that costume. Hey, everybody. I'm Hilly. Hilly. Hilly Hellmans. I don't believe you're an authentic mayonnaise salesman. I love mayonnaise. I love it so much. It's so tasty. There's a black guy inside the mayonnaise. Get him, get him. He's breaking off mayonnaise. I'm just took a job. I gotta cover my nut. You get out of our mayonnaise. It's not for you or your people. Mayonnaise is s whites. I hate mayonnaise, man. Almost got me killed. Glop. I use it as glue. I would rather eat. I'm. I'm black when it comes to that. I would rather eat Elmer's clothes and mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is just disgusting. I have black taste buds when it comes to mayonnaise. Not Courvoisier. That's where I'm not over there. I'm not in the middle. I'm 40 on that. I'll go to the boom boom room because I know. I know for a fact it's mayonnaise free. They got a sign on the door, 1732 days without mayonnaise. It's like the McDonald's sign. Yeah. Billions and billions of things served without mayonnaise. They are right about mayonnaise. Score one for the African American population. Mayonnaise is bad. It's American fat sauce.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the last one for you. Celebrating their 75 years in business today. Whataburger. 75 cent hamburgers.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a big believer after last week. I am a big believer in the Whataburger. I've been telling everybody too. Forgot who's in the car with me. Oh, Caliento and I were in the car together. I'm like, when's the last time you went to a Whataburger, huh? I just got real excited about it for no reason. Larry and I were in the car the other day. Have you been to whataburger? And he didn't even like burgers last time I went there. The chicken wasn't done enough. I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot who I was talking to. They didn't cut the crust off. He likes crustless. He's very specific with food. Larry likes cheese pizzas. Cheese crisps. Cheese crisps. He likes those too. But if you go get pizza with him, it is cheese. There's nothing on it. And putting stuff on it is like having a black guy in the Hellman's Mayonnaise thing. It's against God Cheese crisps. It's his dream food. Oh, my God. Somebody just AI'd.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that was me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you did this? Yeah, it's a mentally challenged strip club janitor.

[Brady Bogan]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Boobies.

[Brady Bogan]

Check out what chatgpt had to tell me about it.

[John Holmberg]

What's his name? Alan. Yep, they named him Alan.

[Brady Bogan]

Before I create this image, I want to make sure it's approached with respect and sensitivity. Depictions of individuals with intellectual disabilities require careful framing and to avoid promoting stereotypes or mockery.

[John Holmberg]

Just do it, Robot.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection. Handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories, and even training. In fact, right now, all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off, and we have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box.

[Brett Vesely]

And, well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m&p.

[Brett Vesely]

Guns.Com all right, HMS podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. East side and Tempe at the Improv Catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets downtown at Stand Up Live and at the Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie Letterman entertaining you all week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's.

[John Holmberg]

John Holmberg here for turfmonstersaz.com if that yard of yours doesn't look great all of the time, if it is work all of the time, it does not have to be. Turf Monsters can come to your house and make your yard a beautiful showcase place for you, your family, your pets. Yeah, it's pet friendly as well. Anything you can dream up in that backyard, they can do. Tell them Homeburg sent you. Get 10 off turf monsters. Az.com Homeberg's morning sickness and it made Alan the Down syndrome strip club janitor. And it's perfect by the way. He's got his.

[Brady Bogan]

He could put a beat down.

[John Holmberg]

He's got it oh, yeah, he's got his mop slung over his shoulder, by the way.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't say with downs. I just said mentally challenged. To create a man with mentally challenged.

[John Holmberg]

That is a Brady, I gotta say. The body type is. I went down the road of the Brady body type on that one. Right down to the hands. Those thick sausages right there. Look at those.

[Brady Bogan]

I might have to.

[John Holmberg]

If Brady would have had been shaken as a baby, this Allen would have been Brady.

[Brady Bogan]

Can we give this to our T shirt company that's going to make T shirts?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it's a good idea to have retarded people on your shirt. Just beach towels with the word strip club.

[Brady Bogan]

Beach towels. Oh, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

I have beach towels with a real guy. That guy was great.

[Brady Bogan]

That guy. He made socks too, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he. He made everything. He had shirts and socks and 21 chromosome blackjack. He had all that stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I won't be sharing.

[John Holmberg]

His name was Sean. I forgot what show he was on, but he started his own company where he just was the face of it. And it was. I have the beach towels. I bought it. I bought all of you guys one. It looks like somebody spilled a little more semen. I would mop that right up.

[Brady Bogan]

I've got a couple of burner videos. First one's a guy dealing with some criminals, robbing his store at gunpoint.

[John Holmberg]

It's a very festive robbery video.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a lot of outdoor market. Very colorful.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, geez. They wandered right into this little outdoor market. Three of them have guns. They're over the counter. Oh. Pulls out a shotgun, long gun. And just starts knocking these dudes down one at a time. He got them all.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They have three guns. He has one. Theirs are drawn. His is not. He's in a chair and he just starts unloading. These dudes didn't have a chance. Great job. He's military trained. That guy's got some sort of like.

[Brett Vesely]

PlayStation 5 type stuff.

[John Holmberg]

It is. Oh, so, okay, so the one dude told. Holding the gun. He looks away for a second. The other guy's just grabbing Funyuns like crazy. Like, the one dude just starts stealing. That's a great video. And he just starts scooping up like gum and chips right off the counter.

[Brady Bogan]

And once he's taking the cash.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what he's doing? Yeah. What's a register right over there?

[Brady Bogan]

He opened the drawer up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's third world. I forgot. You're right. It's one of those side those jolly ranchers Weren't worth it. Yeah, man. He blows these dudes to bits. Good work.

[Brady Bogan]

Next one's one of the survivors. No, I don't. It's just a freak show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady. Jesus Christ.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the size of his nose. His face is one of those overgrown, melting, giant, messy faces. It's got a nose that looks like the biggest wiener I've ever seen in my life. And his chin looks like a set of balls. That nose must be, what, 12 inches long? Almost the same size as mine, because I guess. Yeah, that's his nose. That's awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

Next is a nice pair of feet.

[John Holmberg]

See, Brady? Things could be worse.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. These are toenails that haven't been trimmed.

[Brett Vesely]

Does that grow together?

[John Holmberg]

It does. They're trimmed in years now. I'll tell you, my grandma, when she had one of those, her big toe looked like that. We had to Dremel it down. Once my dad broke out a Dremel to bust off my grandma's toenail. And it just made Grandma toenail sand everywhere. It was so gross. We took her to the garage and my dad just broke out a Dremel. Started to break her talon. Izzy, when's the last time you cut your toenail? It was all curled up. Oh, boy. I just saw that.

[Brady Bogan]

I keep forgetting that was your grandmother's name. I'm like Isabelle.

[John Holmberg]

I just said I was like Izzy, not Izzy down the way. Isabella. This dude jumps out of a window.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not sure if he's jumping on his own. He's thrown out.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's jumping. You can tell by his shadow. He's trying to land the jump. He jumps from a second story onto a car, and he goes right through the windshield. They're gonna need New Vision Auto Glass. Get yourself some dinner at Rhodesio. Scroll. Yeah. His shadow is clearly not a death jump.

[Brady Bogan]

Human jart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He jarts himself into a window and then walks away. He stuck the landing. He did.

[Brady Bogan]

They don't have.

[John Holmberg]

He's dizzy. We'll play this for Carlos Macia when he comes in. I bet you he knows that guy. Just based on the music alone, that might have been in Honduras or East la. I'm not sure where that happened, but Carlos will let us know. Brett, what do you got? I got some weird ones. That's Friday. All right, well, we start with Paris. Doesn't feel like I'm afraid of it. You got, like, a phone call brewing, so you got. You're watching a. Watching a TED Talk. Oh, that's. It was Spotify oh, okay, here we go. All right, we've seen this one, but.

[Brett Vesely]

We'Ve seen something like this before, but.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, it's a penis.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a new replay.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this guy, he's got an exacto knife on the end of his corona all the way across the head of his wee wee. Oh, he's. He's plunging the X acto point into the corona part. Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And it's not going well. And he's going all the way through to the. It's coming out the bottom now.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't want to do that tiny thing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's not a very good penis to begin with, but this isn't helping. Oh, it's almost all the way through. Why is he not reacting at all? I can't even give myself a shot. This guy's got an exacto knife all the way through it. Come on.

[Brady Bogan]

Say I. It's AI.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's not. Oh. Oh, there. He broke. He would have AI'd a bigger crank than that. And then it just shoots. I will be by. Did you clean that up real quick? There's your PP has leaked. If that was AI, he would have.

[Brett Vesely]

Banged himself a bigger crank than that.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like we have another leaky pee pee. I will mop that right up, and hopefully no one will punch me.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, thanks, Alan.

[John Holmberg]

Alan D. This is when the meat goes bad. Oh, no. All right, there's a guy with his. Oh, God, she's got maggots inside her. Oh, Jesus.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

This is a sex act. And she is just chock full of maggots. Bread. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, look at.

[John Holmberg]

Look, look, look. It's like a bowl of rice. It's like an open bowl of rice. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

Tapioca.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. No. Not a delicious dessert, Brady. Not tapioca. All right. Why in the world. How can you get wood for that? I don't know. Maggots and I mean, just tons of all you see, once the hole is. Once the big reveal.

[Brady Bogan]

It's nice, Brett, that they sent you and said it's happy birthday week, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Happy birthday, Brett.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, There you go.

[John Holmberg]

All right, next. God dang it. Let's do a little. Let's do a little sounding. Okay. Oh, man. Oh, man. All right. Oh, what is this drill? What is that? It's a drill bit. They got something inside a. Is that a fella? Nope, that's.

[Brett Vesely]

That's her pee hole.

[Byron]

That's her urethra.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a drill in it. She's got a drill in it and it's going about half speed. Hopefully that chuck is tight. Cause she's not. What in the hell? What am I looking at? I didn't even know that's where their pee hole was. Make that end. How do you know? You're good at that.

[Brady Bogan]

There's those calipers again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a bad gynecologist right there. I think if we just drill it out, the strip nut will come right out. It's stripped. You got to drill in a new one. Your reaper's stripped. I used to be an auto mechanic. Here's our buddy that was in the mayonnaise costume. Oh, there's a brother. And he's having oral performed on him by a white woman who's got. She's got the flu. That's how covet started. That's exactly how covet started. Can't stop puking. Well, here's. Oh, it came out her nose. It came out her nose. He's not done with that. He's fine with it. Just keep going. Here's what I think. Lady, you're bad at deep throating. Don't smile. And now he's gagging her to do it some more. He likes it. You know, at first her dad was mad because she was dating a black guy, but she had no idea what he had raised. And it's not even like an overly impressive black penis. She's just really bad at deep throating. And she ate too much epicac. And this one I've No. All right. Okay, here it is. The Friday special.

[Brett Vesely]

Candle wax.

[John Holmberg]

The guy naked woman. She looks to be strapped to something old. We got a bunch of candles burning on the ground. We switched over. Now pouring candle wax onto her nipples. And it's a lot of candle wax. Now it looks. Oh, it's just tons and tons of hot candle wax being poured on a naked lady who needs a boob job. Now we're pouring it onto the genitals. And it doesn't look. She's covered. Oh, well, they use that speculum thing. And now they're pouring Canowax inside the vagina. Oh, my God, she's gonna die. She's gonna die. This is how Brady got kidney. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is. And now it looks like the worst period ever. Oh, they're just pouring in candle wax at one after another after another inside. Oh, she's just totally clocked up with candle accents.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not believing that. That is not real. Happy birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Happy birthday. Oh, My God. It looked like somebody just shoved a cherry pie up against there. That was horrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, we'll just end there.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, society. How does it get worse every Friday? We have not hit the top yet. Brady. Maybe you should just skip the surgery and check out. I think it's time. You don't want to be on a planet with these people. Go up to heaven and meet Jesus. I think it's time. Can I come?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to come over there. I'm going to suck on your back for a minute. I'm trying to get. I'm going to get this cat. See if I can suck some of that tumor into me. We'll just die together. Yeah, maybe. Just get the Black and Decker and I'll drill yours out and put it in me. Holy smokes. That was really awful. There you go. That's your Brady report, everybody. Sorry, Brianne. It's not weird.

[Brady Bogan]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com.