← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
08-08-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD
03:09:13
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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Men, you take care of everyone else. Now let Limitless TRT and Aesthetics take care of you. Limitless TRT and Aestics is redefining sexual wellness by helping men reclaim their confidence with non surgical permanent male enhancement. The platinum procedure delivers instant permanent girth with minimal downtime. The P long protocol naturally adds length and girth. No gimmicks, no guesswork, no surgery. Just proven solutions that transform how you feel and look. Book your free consultation online at limitless trt and aesthetics.com let's make you the legend you were always meant to be. It's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the morning sickness coming at you for our pals at Action Ride Shop. It's summertime. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it. That's a fact, Bert. 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Visit lhh.com beautiful recruitment, development, career transition A beautiful working world. Why choose a Sleep number smart bed? Can I make my site softer? Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting. Get early access to Sleep number's biggest sale of the year. 25% off the i8 bed. Our most popular plus free home delivery limited time All Sleep number smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, There's Big Dick Toledo. This is the morning sickness and we're ready to go for the day after Brett's beautiful birthday. Yeah, day before Brett's beautiful birthday celebration. Brady's Kidneys last stand. The last show for Brady's kidney tomorrow, belated birthday for me and Toledo will be there as well. Big celebration tomorrow night. Roosters 9 o'. Clock, 20 bucks getting in and that's going to the Humane society. So that's a good thing. And that's Rooster's idea. So we got to thank people over there at Roosters for doing this. We were gonna do it at our normal spot down there at Copper Blues downtown, but I got a call from from Matt who owns the place. A long time goes, yeah, we're not gonna be able to do your birthday show unless you can switch nights like wine. So we got a corporate company wants to give us 60 grand for them. Like enough said. Yeah, take it. Take the 60 grand up front and then have them drink inside. Yeah, that's so they're renting the place out. So the rooster stepped up immediately. Like we'll do it. I'm like, awesome. That bar is fun anyway, so very cool. And we'll see you guys tomorrow at 9 o'. Clock. That's how that goes. You do anything good for your birthday? Brett went out and did some had some cocktails last night and did some bad karaoke. What'd you do? What's your go to? Oh, I did my 2 Live crew. Oh, yes. Because you're on the album. Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't. Yeah. Nothing better than Thursday Night 2 Live crew to an unsuspecting group. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Which one? Me so horny. All right, Brad. It's my go to. Well, when we did that for a couple years ago for Halloween, I think you went up and just knocked me so horny out of the yard. We couldn't believe how good Brett was at that. So there you go. That's a good happy birthday. That's just a fun, dopey Thursday. We'll make it up to you. It's a good one to know. Yeah, we'll make it up to you tomorrow. That's a. That's a good one. I don't know if you guys. You didn't watch any football last night. No, I presume. Yeah, I saw some injuries already. Oh, did you see that finger? I did see that. Yeah. Anthony Richardson's fingers doing stuff human. It should have just fallen off. Like it's pointing. It's like out and down. It's gross. Like, without tearing. No. Like you'd think the skin would just rip open. Is. It's the weirdest gross. It's a good one to start the season. That's. In fact, they digitally blurred out, like Japanese porn. Oh, man. On websites. And they're like, let's. If you want to see this, trust me, you need two clicks to get to it. We're not just going to put it on the front page. It's screwed up. How is his reaction? Nothing too bad. Yeah. It's like, ah. Like this is a thing. And. But I didn't see it happen. I saw the replay and then they didn't show it again. You know, it was a Raven, so I couldn't sit through much of it. But, you know, the Colts have had a quarterback controversy going in between Daniel Jones and Anthony Richardson. Well, that's over. Daniel Jones gets the job. Thank you, Raven. That dude's finger was. There's nothing better than Brian Baldinger on the NFL Network because he years ago blew his finger up and didn't get it fixed. And you watch him hold a microphone and his pinky finger is a complete. It's a T square. I don't know what direction that thing's going. It's one of those levels that the 90 degree deals. Yeah. It's just so Strange. There's no. It's gross. And he always kind of holds it up to show people, like, that's my finger. Anthony's gonna have that issue, but that was gross. And we're that much closer having football back. Dude's fingers pointing the wrong way. Bounc off the field. Put the next guy in, next man up. One man's misfortune is another man's opportunity. So that's what we're going to look at for the Colts. And I don't really call the Browns. They got enough quarterbacks. Browns, have you? Yeah, Browns have. They're collecting them like Hummel figures at an old lady's house. It's pretty awesome. Be ready for the scraps. Yeah, well, Kenny Pickett's probably going to be Colt. There it is. And it's. It's. It's almost curved. It's like. It's not just dislocated, it's. It's rounded off. Was that Peyronie's disease? Yeah, he's got Peyronie's disease. Like his thumb? Yeah, it looks like a mini thumb. It's like a little curved thumb. That's one of the more pleasant pictures I had or I saw of that. Pretty cool. He'll be all right. That's the good news, is that it's not like Demar Hamlin. We're not gonna have to put on, you know, Richardson strong shirts and stuff like that. Worst case, if you just want to celebrate this, head on over to 16th street in Maryland and go to Richardson's in his honor, because they've got amazing chips and salsa. Brady likes that pasta, Heidi, although you're not allowed to have it anymore. I got. I got two weeks. You're not allowed two weeks. You got one kidney hanging by a thread. You want to screw with that? I'm keeping an eye on him. I'm going to be a good mother through this. I got a lot of emails, people wishing Brady the best and also adding in their resume for some reason. I don't understand what's going on. This one got my eye. Now you're going to need this one. Brady, if you weren't with us yesterday, Brady finally announced that he is going through kind of a health thing. Uh, we're all pretty positive about it, especially Brady, who's always positive about it. So who knows what the doctor doctor probably told Brady's not gonna make it. He's like, yeah, didn't hear that part. He's kidding. He's just messing with me. I'll be fine. I feel good. He's got. You got a tumor on your kidney. Your kidney's getting removed late August. And not to belabor it, but it's, you know, it's a big deal. Then you got some kidney issues, so you gotta, like, you got a lot on your plate, Kit. And we're gonna make sure that that plate is mostly filled with salads. Says I had a kidney transplant eight years ago. Brady, it is not fun. But I'm going to tell you this. You will realize how crappy you currently feel after you get this done. You get so used to being miserably unhealthy that when you get fixed, you won't believe the difference. Kind of like what I always say when I get my eyes done. Yeah, you don't realize how bad your sight, your vision was until you get them fixed. You're like, what? I was terrible. This one said, here's what you need to know. Brady, are you listening, Brady? Yeah. Don't disrespect the possibility or don't disrespect that the possibly dead donor's organ is yours now, and you can mistreat it with salt and beef and garbage. It's dudes with me. Forget the garbage part. Get serious about what you eat, man. Your diet is everything. Listening to you say it wasn't yesterday was nauseating. What you eat and put inside you is all your body gets. So be smart from here on out. You're borrowing an organ. I think he thinks you're getting a train. Yeah. Would you? Eventually, yeah. You need renting it or. What is this? Come on. It wasn't yours is what. Doesn't matter. It's yours now. Brett, are you helping or hurting? This guy's helping. Don't be like I was before. I needed this, which is a guy making excuses for how. How I was unhealthy because of bad luck. Oh, I got a bad draw. But that wasn't the case. Was because of my behavior. Also, you're going to get weird looking for a while. You'll get so loaded up with steroids and drugs, your head's going to balloon up. And those bastards you work with are going to make fun of that because, like my boys, they're awesome. Take the jokes. Get your moon face and get better. Hit your reset button and don't eff it up. Kenneth love. You guys live in Fort Wayne, superfan. You hear that, Brady? Yeah, you're gonna get moonface. There's no trash can yesterday telling us there's no dietary restrictions Because Wikipedia's first page, first line said. Yeah, most of the time there's not a ton. And then it said. Then it said. The word however skipped right over that. And then it just rattled off everything Brady loves as a thing he can't. Easy peasy. No protein, no dairy, no phosphates, none of that stuff. Salads. It's like he's reading a telegram. Your nutrition is fine. Stop. It said stop. So I did. So there's that. Brady, I know you don't like hearing that stuff stays are over. I'm gonna take a bite of my beef stick as a perfectly healthy man and mmm. Not worth it. Not worth it. No, it's okay. You would hate it. Your kidneys would fall out of you. That was good though. That was a really good beef stick. I know what these are. It's not beef jerky, Brad. Nine grams of protein Brazen. I don't have any. You keep an eye on them too. I am on it. Five across the face every time you see him. When the blue bell people come here and those bluebell people are being a little irresponsible with Brad. Remember the blizzard people? We had Dairy Queen drop off blizzards last Friday and Brady had just left. We had a running bet because we texted hey, the blizzards are here Running bet that you were if you hadn't gotten circle back you hadn't gotten to the 101 yet you were coming back for fanduel told us to F off. They weren't accepting that bet. No, no. It was a negative everything we thought for sure look I mean first off must not have been working in your car. He just didn't get red if that was red to you. Yeah. If his car goes Message from HMS thread free blizzards in kitchen just dropped off. I'm gonna have to turn around get those because he heard the two things he loves the most. Ice cream and free it have been wrong way driver 202 and everybody else would have been his problem would have been put two or three in the freezer. He just zipp right through and all those other crashes that he caused. Anyway, keep an eye on Brady and I read all the emails that aren't Brady went through a lot. There was a lot of people who who said nice things about you. Quite a few people with a lesser kidney out there. Yeah. A lot of how many people drop a kidney say that like oh yeah, I had mine. Yeah. Got one. I got a donor. Yeah, you gotta get sometimes you gotta get a new one. This one said good God, man of all the crap you guys talk and talk about hearing that Adorkable Brady has been diagnosed as gutted Me. I've been listening to you boobs for over 20 years. And even when you're all serious, it's never this heavy. Love you guys. Stay strong. Go Brady. I'll be praying for him. Well, I'll be praying against him, so that'll counter you out. Well, thank you, Douglas. That's very nice. Yeah, a lot of people have been been very kind. I think that's a nice prayer was a real thing. I'd love to hear your prayers, like out loud. Oh, if I heard somebody praying just for just to be a dick, I'd pray against whatever that guy next to me is doing. Counter it just out loud because that's the power of prayer. Have to hear you. He has to this guy. And then he's got to make a choice. And if the cancer doesn't get better, it's because of me. That's what Joel Osteen always does. My mother had breast cancer and she was diagnosed with it and it was stage four and she was not going to make it. She was not going to live. But the power of prayer brought her back. And all I think about is the person at home watching Joel Osteen, whose mother died of breast cancer. She died last week, by the way. Did she finally go, jesus, it's about time. This lady's like, she had to be 109. I. I think 94. She made it through, Brady, because God saved her Over. And what about all the people who died of breast cancer? You doesn't matter, asshole. You dick. People who know they weren't in God's eye, they didn't hit the prayer quota. God hit it with my mother. God liked her more than your mom who died of it. That thought, why let anyone die? Yeah, right. All you're gonna do is stop it. Pray it away if you could. Pray it away if you get it. If it hits a number and she lives to be 94, what's the point of it? Brady's gonna be 104 good with no kidneys, right? Just walking around filtering his blood in the tank. How is he alive? He's got that big machine next to him. It's my blood filter. Kidneys are for babies. This is badass. Bebop boop. I'm a robot. Wait, See what they did to my car to accommodate. He's got a big old tank in the back full of fish and blood. Fish and blood's a good band name. I Got a lot of emails. I got a lot of. Not a lot, but a few T's and P's. Yeah. Thoughts and prayers. Good. Which they're being funny. Yeah. You get some T's and peas. Well, you know what? That's what people say. People don't know what to do. And we in this room, I think, are kind of all like, well, cheers. We just deal with the reality of it. The T's and peas are people's discomfort. I'll take it all. Yeah, I'll look. Take. Take what? Take all the well wishes and positivity, and then, you know, you just get people who have to treat you like, well, this is the. This is your radical acceptance moment. This is the reality. No reason to wallow in sadness. We're gonna get you through this with a few laughs. I hope you pull through. By the way, here's my resume. Did you give it to the right people? I probably have 15 of those. I literally sent resumes, which they went to the point of attaching a resume just in case I can read. Like, they think that's the job requirement, and clearly it isn't. Oh, they're missing the boat. They don't have to read. You don't have to know how. Just formulate a word or two here and there, and you'll be all right. I got this one, too. Remember yesterday? Brian, Ryan. Ryan, Brian. The email from the guy whose name is Ryan, but everybody at work called him Brian. For seven months. For seven months. And he never fixed it. And his email was Brian, blah, blah, blah. And they gave him a placard for his desk, and it said, brian. He just. He was a passive fellow. Did he stand up and say enough? So he said his therapist told him, supposed to say something. I've been holding it off for a couple of weeks. And he says, hey, guys, I guess I'm not the only listener to the Holmgren show. He said, as a joke, he goes, isn't it awful? A coworker came over to me yesterday and said, are you the Ryan who emailed kupd? And I laughed and I said, yeah, that's me. He was very cool. He actually emailed an entire office email saying that everyone there has been calling me by the wrong name. And everybody came to me and apologized, and then they had a big lunch to say goodbye to Brian. That's pretty cool. The office said bye to Brian. No, no, not fire. No. Brian stayed, but they had to say goodbye to Brian. He said, hilarious. Once again, HMS saves the day. Brady, Sorry to hear about Your kidney. I hope you're okay. Heal fast so you guys can get back to saving lives. Ryan still Brian with a C. On my email, if you notice. There you go. Fixed itself. Because you have a much cooler employee in your office that did the dirty lifting for you, the heavy stuff, which is pretty good. Good on you, man. And Ryan Brian gets to keep going. That's pretty amazing. Corrected in a day. And. But it wasn't cuz of him. The bad part is, is that imagine how much that was sitting on him, how much that was killing him to step up. You see a therapist about it. But Ryan wasn't going to do anything. Ryan had that guy come to him. Still Ryan, it worked out that way. He still. He got bailed out. Yeah, he's still in the the boat, but he got bailed out. And bailed out by a much cooler, tougher worker. You have to. You have to grow. Hopefully you can see that from that. That guy doing that. That was like. It wasn't that big of a deal to step up and say something. What he learned was, someone else will do it. He still never. The key to that moment was for him to actually face the demon that he had created. That would have been better for him to realize, oh, this isn't bad. He had to do it. He had to take the stance. Someone else at least experience what it is to be a hot chick. Yeah, exactly. He got a drink bought for him. Yeah. He's a matter of time. You'll get a drink. Let's go forward with this. Ryan, no offense, but you're still a miserable jellyfish. You this up badly. You should have been the one that was, you know, pushing it. The fact that the cool dude at work just said, I'll take care of this for you there, pussy. And he did it. And you went back. My hero. What are you, olive oil? Get up off your desk and do some work, Ryan. That's what your therapist has been telling you. Just not as nice as me. A guy at work did it for me. Isn't it adorable? Well, I guess you owe him a blowjob. Ryan. Brian, get on it. It's enabling is what that is. It's a guy going around fixing for someone else. If we've been calling. We call Brett Bird all the time, just as a joke. Rearrange word. But if. If he was mad about it, I don't think you'd have been from down the hall going, hey, talk to Brad. He's really not happy with this. I'll put out a company wide Email. If he's not happy with it, what's wrong with him? He's scared of you. Oh, worse. Big Food would like to talk to you. So what you need, Ryan? You would like that nickname if you started getting that on your checks. That would be pretty awesome if it just said Brady Big Food Bogan. Ryan, you need to manufacture a new problem and stand on your desk and go, all right, mother, that's enough. Just make something up to make people go, boo. This Ryan guy is a real go getter. Because right now, this, to me is worse. I think jellyfish. It's worse for Ryan. Not for his environment. For him. He did he. This to me is that this could have been his moment to go, oh, I do have value. People do. Listen to me. He sat there passively. Well, people went up and go, hey, sorry about that. We didn't know. It's okay. Come on, Ryan. Yeah, that's the thing. He's Stuart Small. He's. He sits and talks in a mirror about all the things he wishes he could say to other people. That was a pussy moment, Ryan. It's worse. The one guy walks by going, sorry, man. Puss. Yeah. And then the dude that wrote the email, you should email. I think he's gonna have that regardless. He's a pussy. That's what we're trying to fix. That's what he's trying to fix. He's going to a therapist to try to fix it. He can't have. You know Clint, the cool co worker, Wander. Clint. I got this for you, Ryan. Cause I know you and your giant vagina will never do a thing about it. Heard it on the radio this morning. What a pussy, Ryan. What a pussy. And he knew who he was. That's the worst part. He. He knew. Oh, kind of. A weakling has emailed the radio station. I work with a guy named Brian who's a weakling. Yeah, I'm gonna go ask if it's him. That's worse that your email identified you at work. I know this dude. I'll handle this. He's. And now you got some Captain Save a Hoe in your office. That made you even more passive. Well, look, they could have lit him up on that thing too. That would have been. Nobody's gonna do that. It's no big deal. Ryan needs to pick a fight. Well, sorry it didn't work out, right? No, it worked out, Brady, but you're not following. This poor dude needed to stand up for himself, not have somebody else do it. That's what that would Got him in this position in the first place. You have to be able to be a man sometimes. He's got to pick a fight with somebody at work today. I mean like just. Just from behind a punch to the back of the head to the closest woman. Man, we fixed it. Then all of a sudden he got fired because he. Because he went nuts the next day. Come on, Ryan. You know it fire off an email saying, you know, I just want everybody to know I appreciate the Brian goodbye party yesterday. But it here going. Going forward, if the word Brian is mentioned, I'll report you to hr. It's kind of a pussy move to. I don't know, just something. Just be. Be tough. Toughen up a little bit. You're making me sick. Because guess everyone at the company and say I appreciate everything happen. Yeah, I'm not a any you any boys want to come at me today. You almost think I'm a. Let's do this. I'm like an octopus, man. I've got. You'll see arms coming at you from every angle. Jesus Christ. Crying Ryan sure is different since the email. Yeah, yeah, that's his nickname at work. Crying Ryan. Brian, don't bother. Crying Ryan. Hey guys. I made some lemonade last night out of real lemons from my tree. Thanks, Ryan. Brian. It's not good. That's not better. That's not better. Then I read this speaking of workplace stuff. See if any of this resonates. Brady. All right. I saw this story yesterday. I wrote myself a little note and then emailed it to me just so I didn't do it. I was scrolling through some news stories yesterday afternoon. Here are five signs your seemingly solvent company is on its last legs. You ready? Ready. You ready? I'm ready. We're doomed, by the way. Let me just start by saying goodbye. You're taining it. We're doing. Let's just see what the five are. A round of firings. Eliminating low level positions, allowing savings of a little bit without scaring any of the more tenured or well paid employees. Check. There's one job consolidation. Combining eliminated positions into current, sometimes completely unrelated spots for no further pay. Lane Pandrock downstairs. Elimination of small perks. Oh yeah. Nikki's got like eight jobs now. She's got to fly around. Elimination of small perks. Coffee cups and utensils. Remember when they got rid of all that for us? Yeah. We have to use one like begging cup. And you have to wash it yourself. Fitz brought his own case in. Yeah, this might as well be. Listen to what it said this might as well be the skull and crossbones of a company. This means they've tried to just about everywhere to save. And this is the last penny grab they have without a detrimental culling of the staff. Yeah. Hit it. Building repairs are temporarily handled or completely ignored. How's that bathroom? Wow. It says this usually means a sink that stops working will have a sign over it until the announcement that the whole building's just shutting down. Bathroom is the first spot. Plumbing leaks usually happen. Unless. Yeah, unless making this up now. No, unless it's a flood. Most things are piecemealed rather than professionally repaired. If your company is the owner of their own property or property surrounding, which would include landscaping. Companies that own their own land usually become hillbilly neighbors. As far as maintenance goes, they stop watering the plants or grass in a money saving effort, not realizing that the unattractive edifice becomes a glaring spot light on the end days. Let's take a look outside and say, oh geez. Yeah, they killed all the plants. Have you walked up pretty good job trimming. Have you walked up this side, the, the, the, the south side yet? No, I don't do that anymore. I know. I used to fix lights that would fall two weeks that it's been down for two weeks. Remember when there used to be lush landscaping as you walked in? Yeah. Go take a look. Oh, it's gone. It's gone. Yeah. It hasn't been watered in a year. I think it's the toxic soil. These palo verdes we have planted in the front, they're not going anywhere. Those things survive everything. They tip over and grow back in an hour. We're the hillbilly neighbors. LGE then and to video west because LGE doesn't have any dead plants or some, you know, Jose's not out there ripping out all the yuccas. We had hundreds of those plants on the side of the building. They're all gone. They turn dead brown first and now they're gone. We have these stand up walkway lights along the sidewalk. I used to be, when I was a good employee, I used to be a guy who would fix that. It would tip over in a storm or whatever. I used to always. You trimmed a tree once that was over the walkway. Those days are over. They've lost that in us. That thing has been tipped over and it's just a deadlight spraying onto the ground for two weeks. And I walk by it every morning. Go. I didn't realize it was the of the end. Uh, number five. This is a Great one. Listen to this. See if you boys relate to this. Anybody else listening. Relating to this, too. It's like a real hair on your neck thing. Unsolicited emails reminding everyone that everything is okay. Think of it like this, what doctors tell you and paramedics are trained to say when you're injured or potentially very scared, stay calm. It's okay. Everything's okay. A lot of times, a boss will fire off an email unrelated to work, telling everyone of their personal lives, their kids, their accomplishments, their grandkids, if applicable. Even sometimes they'll callously speak of their most recent amazing vacation to let you know they're not worried. Meanwhile, every plant in your office is brown or worse. Sometimes just an empty pot. Hit it. This is exactly us. I know there's a lot of people out there walking into their work, looking around, going, all the plants are dead. I have to carry my own coffee cup. You get the email from the boss. You know, we've had a tough quarter, but I just got back from Ibiza. There's no fear. We're fine. How about that? I mean, run down the list. I thought, you know, I thought on that list would be, you're not getting paid. Or they had. Well. Well, that's. That's. It's over. At that point, if you. If you. Look, if you need a. An email to tell you your checks aren't here and the company's doing just fine, that's. I don't think they'd include that. If you stop getting paid, it is over. Well, you gotta wait until. Yeah, if they're treating you like they loaned you the money or you loaned them money, I'll get it back to you. You can't do it Friday, but got a lot coming through on Tuesday. We'll get you. We'll get you paid then. How about that? Holmberg's morning sickness podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Back to school. Workplace upheaval, Relationship stress, Deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Tolito from Holberg's morning sickness for BetterHelp. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me a way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. 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Too much good stuff. Plus tax where applicable. Prices and participation may vary in terms of conditions apply. Holmberg's morning sickness. Those are pretty solid. Make you a little nervous, doesn't it? I know you've had it before Irv walked up, but I just think of the one step, like, we'll come into work one day and there's. Wait a minute. Fob's not working. Can't get in the door, and there's just a piece of paper. Yeah. Like in a restaurant. They changed the codes, by the way. We. We closed. I've not had that. But I knew about it. I saw that twice. Like, I went to a restaurant one time and that was also. The staff was out front. Oh, man. They're like, here's. This is all we know. Slow. You just drove by and thought there was a sale or something. There's a lot of people milling around outside. There's some good going on in there anyway. Yeah. So if that resonates with you at your office like it does us. Was there anything in there that we haven't seen yet? The coffee cup thing was a hilarious penny grab. We used to have styrofoam cups. They would. The company would supply it like a buck 19 a case. And we're not doing that anymore. You get your own cup. But that would fluctuate even back in the day with Chuck. Well, Chuck was terrible about the envelope. You know, envelopes. But we'd also have the coffee cup. Also. There was a time where he's like, you know, that's it. I'm spending this on coffee. Yeah, he. He cut coffee out. He provided the styrofoam cups. Then he'd Bitch that you wasted them. Yes. Why can't you reuse it? Because one had tea in it and it was gross. And it's. I'm. Ah, that's it. And he would. I think he was more of a power play. That envelope. We used to have our checks come in an envelope before autumn. He wouldn't pay for the thing to get it automated to, like, where we could just deposit it. So everybody got a check in an envelope and you had to give the envelope back. Yeah. You had to put it back in the box. Direct deposit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He wanted to give you a copy of the check. You had to give the envelope back. And if you wrecked it, they're like, oh, it was like a nightmare. People had had their envelopes for 20 plus years. But I think that wasn't so much that Chuck didn't want to spend money on envelopes, but it was also kind of a. A foot on your throat a little. Like, that was him going, I control everything. Like, he had a. It was a. It was a moment for him to let us know, you're under my thumb. Known in the market. Yeah, you're under my thumb, you said. And it was known in the market as like, I run a tight shift. Yeah. These envelopes were so old, they were literally. Your name was typed on their typewriter. Not a printer, a typewriter. Mine was scotch taped back together because the envelope started falling apart. You did not dare ask for a new one. Yeah. Started to turn yellow. It was. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we've been closing for a long time. Yeah. I remember when we got the email about, no more of this Styrofoam cup nonsense. Bring your own mugs in. And we had to rattle them against the bars to get a piece of ice. At least that company. I mean, that was up front. Everything's going to be, oh, you know, like Christmas parties. Chuck shouted, I'm cheap. On a regular basis. He owned it. Yeah. I mean, he didn't. He never. Yeah. He shouted, I am cheap. I am saving every penny. I'm not fixing this building. We had one day. We had a. Literally, the only way you could describe it was a flood. Was when the toilets decided to just go, we're done here. And worked reverse and flooded the hallway. I don't think I saw a hallway with a carpet. Was like, oh, is this a moonwalk? Yeah. Inflatable. The carpet swelled with feces, urine, rogue tampons, whatever else you could shove in there swelled up. And I don't think anybody came to fix it because Chuck, our old boss, was a plumber's apprentice in college and he went in there and turned it off. That's all I knew. It happened. He turned it off. Nobody showed up to fix it. It flooded all the way into our carpeted kitchen. The dishwasher backed up with poo. Nobody fixed it. The carpet dried and everything was fine a couple days later because he fixed the choice. Nobody used that to wash anything. You could have taken a dump in that dishwasher and it wouldn't have made a single difference scientifically of what's in it than what was in it. Remember I think we were housing the entire colony of bees for ahwatuki in Larry's office. They got into the beams. That's right. They were inside to foam the building. All right, back to work. We miss a goddamn spot because of these office. You're all fired. Well, don't forget, when it. When it rained and it leaked into the roof, they would just change the ceiling tiles. And very rarely did they change the ceiling tiles if the tile didn't leak because it just didn't want to go up there. Well, no, it was asbestos. Yes. Yeah, it was. You do it. I'm not going to do it. But here we are in Saddam's palace and everybody's like, everything's fine. What are you talking about? Sale. What are you talking about? Going on a visit. You're out of your mind. Where's the plants? Oh, he stopped watering those a while ago. Why? Cost cutting. Measure. Can I have a cup? Good God, no. What am I, Rockefeller? Don't forget, we've had our floods here, too. Oh, this place is. This thing is built out of Legos. I don't know what this building is. It can't rain. I'm glad we've had bad monsoons for the last couple years because this place can't take it. It's pretty. Well, it was before the plants died. That whole side over there, I used to enjoy walking into my side door there. Poisonous? Nope. They look. You know, we are hillbilly neighbors too, because now the plants don't hide the rat boxes that say do not eat. I'm gonna walk by those rat traps. There's a whole bunch. Ridiculous. Do not eat. Emily. I wasn't gonna eat off the ground today. What do you think of me? Oh, the little lunchbox looking things. Just leave these alone. Don't touch it. I wasn't gonna get in there and see if they caught one. What am I, West Virginia, 10 year old? Yeah. Now there's like boxes of rat traps up against what used to be covered by flora and fauna gone. So we might have to worry about something here. We might have to start thinking about some things. I don't think this is going as well as people like KUPD I know for a fact is just fine. I don't know what these other anchors are doing to this building, but it doesn't look good right now. At least ask the plants. They got fired. Hilarious. But yeah, I was reading that yesterday and I'm like, is this a joke? This is like everything that's happened with us and it's these goddamn other two. If we could get. If. Would somebody out there buy Ks selection? Katie, kb, please just buy them. That way we can have our plants back. We can have a pretty building that doesn't. Isn't surrounded by rat traps. It's going to happen soon. It'll just be really nice on this side. It is already. Like we should dec. You know what we should do is take some of our KUPD winnings and just decorate around our end of it and let the desolate losers on the other end of the building continue that nightmare that they're. We gotta drag them across the desert. Why? Why do we have to kill our plants? Because they can't make people like enjoy themselves. I'm sorry, Foster the People isn't a rating success. But let's. Let's get the plants back. Don't they come over and bend the knee? Well, I don't want them bending the knee. We still have to. We still have no plants. I don't want them on their knees. Maybe if we. It won't happen. Yeah, I don't want KDK be on their knees either. Well, actually, maybe for a second. If I close my eyes, it might not be. All right, well, maybe we should consolidate jobs and have KDKB since they anchor around around KSLX2 and have them do some of the landscape and keep our plants alive. The KUPD garden is dead and it's their fault. You hand Izzy and Dustin a shovel and tell them to get to work or what? No, they're not gonna. They're just. Maybe. Well, they're probably good with flowers. I bet you they'd be. I bet you they'd be amazing. Gonna be gorgeous indoor flowers. He's not outside doing that heavy stuff. He just watches all those other guys do it. He kind of cucks the landscapers, you know? Same way Brady's uncle used to. Anyway, it's way to get things done. Thought it was interesting. So Now I, you know, now I'm gonna drive around and look at buildings, and if their landscaping is all dead. Oh, you notice that even with homes and stuff, if you're in your neighborhood and you're like a guy that used to have pretty nice landscape, and it's all dead now, like, oh, divorce. Yeah. Or. Well, but, you know, quick. It happens, too, though. My sprinklers went out for 48 hours. Okay. I had my sprinklers go out for about three days, and a lot of my stuff's back. It's recovering well. The stuff that's back is back. The stuff that was bad got pulled. So I don't have, like, dead stuff just in the front yard. It's not. It is. It is murder when your sprinklers go off for two days. Whoa, John, wait a minute. You're telling me the slump buster didn't work downstairs? It did. It did. Yeah. We're gonna get one new plant or what? They probably start asking us for money. Hey, you guys want to kick in on the landscaping? You out of your mind? Do enough around here. Yeah, I used to be the type of employee that would. All this. Lights down. Let's fix that. Stays are over. That one is just. It's just in. It blew up all over. And the poor light still works. You look at it like, I'm still doing my job. Hey, John, how you doing? You want to lift me up, put me back together? No light. I don't do that anymore. If they don't pay anybody to do it, I'm not doing it either. They'll kill you. I can't wait to. Can't wait to drive around and take a look at other places. Going out of. It's going out of business. Going out of business. KTAR had that, too. I went over there. They might be in trouble, because when I went over there and did that thing with Ozzy for Bruce and Katos, I went in and it just said, the lobby's closed today. You can't get in there. Just had a sign. It's just, lobby's closed today. The guy let me in and he goes, yeah, we give her a day off every once in a while. Like the lady that lets people in. Yeah, she gets a day off every once in a while. And then it dawned on me. Well, better than ours. We have an empty front day. We don't even have one. At least you have a temporary front desk lady that lets people in. We don't. Our doorbell rings. It's like 1983 around here. Kids are running around. I'll get it. You see Emily just pissed, walking down the hall, glancing people. Yeah, I'm like, so you just let her go, huh? It's. Yeah. This one says, hey, Brady and Brett, can we shut John up? Isn't that building brand new? Pretty sure you guys have lasted longer than Guadalupe, pansy ass libs. Oh, we were lasting in Guadalupe. We're lasting here. You know what never happened in Guadalupe? The plants didn't die. And that's not because of us. There's so many Mexicans in the area that they just ran over to fix anything that looked a little bit bad. That. Anyway, it was just an Interesting. Interesting 20 times better than the Guad. Oh, I'd stay in this sieve of a building than I'd ever go back to that dump. The views alone. Yeah, it's. Yeah, this is much. This is a much better spot. But I'm just saying, the writing's on the wall. We're trying to turn it into Guadalupe. All I'm saying is water the plants a little bit. Keep up appearances at the very least. Brett's right. We look like a divorced dad. We just stopped. Water in the front yard just. Bitch took it all. I don't even care about the yard anymore. It's brown, big dead tree. She don't care about them flowers anyway. Stick around here until this goddamn thing sells. But I'll tell you what, I'm gonna ruin the front yard so the price tag drops and she doesn't get as much as she thinks she's gonna get. That house was worth $800,000 until you ruin the yard. Now Doug Hopkins is only giving us 300,000. Good. You whore. I'll kill more of it. I'm gonna paint it purple. It's 6. 22. Just, you know, keep your eyes open at your work. If you're walking into your office today and there's just plants everywhere, flowers, and it's flourishing, and you go over and you take that weird little Styrofoam cup off the top of the rack of Styrofoam cups. That's for everybody. Congratulations of Lucky. You're doing a good. You're in a great spot. Your owner isn't talking about trips or kids or anything like that. I gotta go wash my coffee cup. Yeah, you have yours out? Yeah, you sure do. It's gotta hand wash his coffee cup like it's 1920. Good run. He's in the recession. In the Great Depression when they used to walk around with those cups and just hold Them in lines. They bring cups and, like, bags for the piece of bread they were about to get. Getting close. Well, Fitz's case of cups is gone now. The one we gotta. Well, we gotta get on that. Let's get a wake up song while we still have a station. You guys give it to us good and strong. And if. Again, I'm serious. If you're an investor, I mean, it's. You're. If you're a good investor, you won't do it. But if you're just a person with a lot of money and want to help us out, will you buy KESLX and KDKP so KUPD can have it all instead of share it with these losers? Tired of it. Uh, give it to us good and strong. 585-9800. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Throwing things onto the court. Obviously, you guys know what the object is, and I just want to comment on this has been going on for centuries. The sexualization. This is the latest version of that, and it's not funny. And it should not be the bug of jokes on any radio shows or in the print or in any comments. The sexualization of women is what's used to hold women. Women down. And this is no different. This is just explained at school. And we should write about it in that way. And these people that are doing this should be held accountable and not. We're not the butt of the joke. They're the problem. Yeah. Okay. That's Coach Reeve of the Minnesota Links having a press conference. She called during practice to tell everybody that the dildo throwing is not funny. And it's been going on for thousands of years. I've never seen it. Never seen dildo tossed at anybody until recently. And then at the end, she reminds us we are not the butt of the joke. Well, I'm watching the video and a very. Of course, because they're doing it wrong again in the wnba. In the video, of course, her saying it's not funny. While she's talking, someone has aied a giant dildo microphone right into her face. And it is outrageously funny. Yes, it is. And if they can, you, wnba, when. When will you hire me as your proper PR person? You sit down with all the coaches and you say, you don't talk about it. The more you talk about it, the more the jokesters make fun of it. This is not the sexualization of our product. The more we talk about it, the more the jackasses are gonna thrive on it. Me, I'm a jackass. Hire me. I'll tell you what the jackasses think of your. That's the best thing you can do for your product. Hire someone who hates it to run the pr because he'll tell you what people who hate your product are thinking. There's a whole paper on the history of history. He's right. They've been around for years. The dildos have been around for years, but nobody's been throwing them at people. That's new. Your. Your people are responsible for the name a little bit back in the diletto. Diletto used to be the Brady's done some dildo research. This guy doing research. I guess that was on his bucket list. Before I go, I better know how dildos were invented. Either way, it's. They have to shut up. They have got to shut up about this or more dildos will fly and you'll become even. The more humorless you are about something somewhat funny, the more that funny thing's gonna start happening to you. You gotta shut up. Wnba, you just. They have. Every time if the media asks, you just go, ah, people can be jerks. I'm not here to talk about that. And squelch it. The more you go, I wanna talk about the dildo thing. Every troll in America goes, all right, let me get my AI together. Let me put a green dildo mic flag up here. And one of the more famous tossings for the NFL with the Buffalo Bills game. Oh, it's great. What happened after that? Nobody talked about it and didn't happen again. But it's that moment when. If. When a principal goes up to the school, paper airplanes flying through the air is not funny. It's immediate. Don't do that. Don't shout out what you think isn't funny. Because then it becomes super funny to funny people. Unfunny people will go out and try to protect. Don't worry, ladies, I'll protect you. I'll go out and tell everybody. It's the sexualization of women. Have you seen the Minnesota Links? Nothing about that's being sexualized by anyone. You are the butt of the joke, and it's because you keep doing dumb stuff like that. This. Now knock it off. The sexualization of men. Leroy Halliday. That's the email I just got, Leroy. Welcome to the show. I don't think I've ever seen you before. The irony of a lesbian calling out others for sexualizing women. I don't even know what that means, but I think he's right. That's right. That's hilarious. And speaking of the dildo situation in the W, we in the Dubbins got this email yesterday. Larry got it too. Oh no. The W logo has been changed. Instead of a hook shot with a basketball, now the now the silhouette is a dildo. It's never ending funny. Oh, there was a crypto group that said that they were the ones who orchestrated orchestrated the dildo tosses the WNBA games. A cryptocurrency enthusiast told ESPN that he's part of a group that orchestrated the recent sex toy stunts that have disrupted three WNBA games the past 10 days. He spoke on the condition of anonymity. He didn't want to be known as the Dildo Deep Throat. He said the stunts were meant to market crypto coins in his online community. Created wall and throw golden palace on there. Whatever, genius. He has nothing to do with this. He just said that he's taking credit for it so he can have the news go, oh, this crypto company did who? The crypto company called blah blah blah blah blah. And so he's getting his name in the paper. It's like, yeah, that's us. More or less. An opportunistic approach, you know, already had the controversy so we thought maybe we should intercept some of that attention. The man who uses his name is Lt. Daldo Rain and his username on X, he said it's a tribute to the Inglorious Bastards character by Brad Pitt. That's his. I don't even tell Doraine what's his name? Dell Devon. They delta. Either way, a couple of people have done it. The crypto companies taking credit. I got this email. This was hilarious. Larry got us. Larry got a phone call or something. Same lady said, I got in my car with my husband and my 8 year old son. 6am My husband starts the car and the first thing we hear is dildo, dildo, dildo. My husband tried to explain it away as just what these guys do. Meaning us. Well, not as long as I'm around. Oh, here we go. You will be hearing from me and my mother's group and several of your advertisers will know exactly what's happening. And I won't rest until you're reprimanded or fired. This is against the decency of humanity. That's a stretch. Come on. There was an 8 year old in the car and I had to explain to him what a dildo is at 6am I guess this show of Wannabe Stearns. Here we go again. Doing their best to get their slice of the filth pie. Band name Ban. I'll be contacting your owners and management at well as well Signed Brianne. Okay, well, dildos have been around for 30,000 years by the way. You know, don't forget to fire off a few emails to the news. They're talking about it as well. Yeah, but they don't say dildo. Do you like when they showed that dead baby pool that they just killed pulled a kid out of? Did you like that part? That's fun. Tell your son about that. Yeah, tell your son about how come the helicopter circling the house of a dead baby pool. If what's against humanity Dildozer shouldn't be a concern. And by the way, it's not my fault your 8 year old heard it. Your husband. Boop. Hit the button. There's buttons all over there. As far as the wannabe Stern thing, we've been over this. I don't need this bitch up my ass the entire time. I just lost my job. And don't they understand, Red Robin? We're not even gonna have jobs a little bit. You know what she needs more than anything? Listen to me, Brattle Juice. This is what this is. Look, hear me out here. This is what this lady needs. She needs a bigger dildo of her own. You know, that's what she needs. She's. She's upset that she doesn't have a good enough size dildo on her husband's body or in her drawer that she can. That she can do this stuff. She needs to. You're so sexually repressed, lady. I don't even understand why you'd bother us with this. Am I wrong? Red Robin? Yeah. Yep. Baba. Bastard. He said it, I heard it. He's in the other room. He's doing whatever it is. He's probably playing with a dildo. Lady, Brianna, whatever your name is. You fire over these emails and all I think to myself is you haven't been pleased by a man properly in a long time. And that's something you probably need to rectify with. Ironically, a dildo. Will someone throw one at her? Anyway, I get all fired up about these things. Wannabe Stern is a very upset man. You don't wanna mess with me. Bretelchuse. I'll throw dildos at. And you know what? She should catch it with her mouth. In fact, lay down and open your legs. We'll throw them at you. We'll give prizes away for the first person that sticks one and finally pleases this broad and your eight year old in the car listening to this stuff. Think of it like a tool that you like. Look, I'm like a dildo myself. I'm a learning tool. You tell your kid what's going on and then you turn the station off. Your husband seemed to be enjoying it because he's been married to a dildo for the last 20 years. You got an eight year old kid. Turn the radio down for a second. Turn the news off if that bothers you. He can't even watch WNBA games. They're too sexually graphic. Am I wrong? Red Robert. Yum brittle Juice Baba. Bastard. Not that time. He didn't. He didn't respond. Give her a dildo. If you know this guy like guy, the husband that's listening. Mr. Brianne, will you please go to the store? Will you please for God's sakes, get down Dukes, do some oral on your wife and calm her down a little bit. And we've had it with these emails and these ladies, these frigid, dried up women. Get some WD40 and a crowbar and get in there. Holmberg's morning sickness. Matty8k u p d holmberg's morning sickness. Pry her open like an old cable box trapped in the car. They can't get away from the car. Yeah, yeah. And she can't look, look, Red Robin, your voice changes into this weird sort of. Anyway, you know Red Robin had cancer. That's true. If you're following me right in the footsteps of we're so wannabe. Stern, the co host got cancer too. Anyway, you know, if her husband was doing his job, she wouldn't have time to sit and pound down on the email. She'd still be shaken. It would just be a bunch of thank yous. Jason emails. And he says, tell that Brianna shut that filth pie that's between her legs and her filth pie on her face. Shut the hell up. Totally agree. Tell that broad Brianna she's gonna get five across the mouth next time Brett sees her F her. I don't want Brett to hit me. Bretel juice. Don't hit the listeners, please. I mean, you know, threatened, but don't hit. Maybe if you see her and she's like, yeah, the dildo guy. Just raise your arm up and let her know you mean business. But don't actually follow through and don't let her know I said that like, you know, make it. Make her feel it. Tommy says, should have told her son it's what mommy has to use. Since daddy hasn't touched the filth pie in a while, that's probably a good idea. Don't email me that something's pissed you off. And throw in the word filth piece. Come on, honey. Brace yourself. I'm going into the filth pipe. Dony, go ahead and call all of my advertisers. Start with Doug Hopkins because he's gonna love hearing this. Do you know he talks about dildos? What's wrong with you? Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, lady. I thought you were kidding around. What's that? He wants to be part of the filth pie. We serve that at the Hub. Filth pie on special at the Hub. Now over at the Moose, too, you can get a filth pie. Doug Hopkins filth pie. We call it 1-800-filth-pie. Call Doug Hopkins now. That poor bastard is sitting in his car right now listening to your show the way he does every day, thinking to himself, good God, I married a crazy bitch and she just did it. You're right, Mike and wannabe Howard Stern will be on the air even though the real Howard is out. Shane said, dildo's the worst thing that this broad has heard on this show. I know. Jesus Christ. Stick around for an hour, then you can write a real letter. Kyle cuts right to the chase. Brienne is a C word. Take a Midol and shut up. Brianne, your son was gonna figure out what a dildo was someday. Lord knows he's gonna go through your drawer and find a whole bunch of them like silverware laying around the house. Hopefully your son doesn't go through the drawer and then go to a WNBA game. Cause you got a few to spare, but they're not big enough. As she wouldn't be emailing somebody. Satisfied? Brianne is. It's her husband's fault. Michael says this. It's her husband's fault. I would always turn the volume down if I had one of my kids in the car while your wonderful show was on. And Andres. I know Alan, Aldo and Howard Stern are the same. One's just angry and the other one loves women. I'll be watching in the shower when Margaret's in there very close. All that broad needed to do is change the station. It's probably difficult with her big sausage sized fingers, though. I'll tell you, I disagree. If she had sausage fingers, she'd be pleased. I'm laughing at the Fact that all the Brienne's heading into work today. God damn it. I swear to God it wasn't me. If you know a Brienne, treat her like Ryan Brian. Go up to her vested and go, was that you, bitch? I won't. What did she say in the thing? She won't. Not as long as I'm around. She says, well, we can arrange that, too. Brett Bettlejuice will take care of that while you're around thing. Next thing you know, we've made everybody happy, especially her husband because he's single now. Now, I'm not condoning the death of this woman. I wouldn't frown or cry about it, but if it. I'm not. We're irresponsible people, but we're not that bad anyway. Brienne, turn the radio off. Can I get the email? Tyrus is right. He says, not Tyrus from Gutfeld. Tyrus from our show says, oh, my God, you gotta ask her husband to email you guys so we can get his opinion and their home address and then send her a little package in the mail. So when she opens it, that big black dildos in there and just says, from wannabe Howard Stern and crew. Tell you what, Hubbard Broadcasting will give you one free dildo. All you have to do is just go get like. We'll have one of our executives drop it off. I volunteer them to give you a charitable dildo. That's what happens. Rennie, just go. Someone else will do it as a punishment to me. They'll now give you a dildo. If you're upset, Brianne, come down and collect it today. Brett will be waiting outside. You say, I want to talk to wannabe Howard Stern's bread Algers who'd be outside with your dildo. And then he'll, you know, like a good salesman, he'll show you how it works. You know, like when you get a car and they teach you all the stuff before you drive off the lot. Bread will get you in there, and it'll teach you how to work this thing. In other words, he's gonna use the dildo on you. It's not the worst thing. You can see, I never understand that. We make jokes about a dildo, and somebody gets upset, and then she'll turn on the news. They'll do the exact same story. As long as they're not joking. She's okay with her kids seeing that. And again, I've always said, if you're going to complain about anything we do on this show, call channel 12, channel 3, channel 5, channel 10, channel 15 and say stop flying helicopters over dead baby pools, please. That's the most graphic and disgusting thing you can do. Oh, by the way, I don't need footage of the most recent automobile accident where people die. I just don't need to see it. It's salacious and disgusting. You think what we're doing is bad? At least we're kidding. They're out there shoving cameras in the faces of people who just had someone die and asking them how they feel. Because you know why? We eat it up. So if dildos are bad, dead baby pool helicopters are worse, I think. But I guess it's all relative. I guess she gets off on dead baby pool helicopters and hates sex. I'm the other way. I think dildos can be fun. I think dead baby helicopters are always bad. I don't think I've ever seen the dead baby helicopter and gone. Great job. Great job with a dead baby helicopter. Do you realize there's newsrooms in this city where they listen to police blotters and the radios and they're like and got a baby drowning. Call out there and surprise. And the news goes fire up the helicopter. We got an address. We're gonna be the first one on this. Maybe we can get there where the paramedics are doing life saving CPR and an infant. Wouldn't that be great? It's back in the day like the original Die Hard. I need a van. Yeah, we. I need to gas it up. I, I don't think that coming after the joke patrol is a smarter move than going over to the newsroom and the programmers of news and saying stop flying helicopters over dead baby pools. They're the gross ones. We're not. We might make you uncomfortable a little bit. We've never once knocked on the door of a dead baby pool and said can we talk to anybody in here? That's pretty bad. Not the program to sit and listen with your 8 year old. Probably not. And the news is. There's plenty of stuff your 8 year old should be. Your 8 year old should be shielded from lots of stuff. He's not ready for anything yet. That's your job. But both of those items it talked about. Oh yeah, dildos and dead baby pools. I could explain that to the kid to. Sir, it's. You don't need to go into huge detail on that. Yeah, something that she kept saying 6am like when is the appropriate time for an 8 year old to hear about dildos? What time? Give him breakfast at least. I mean he hasn't Even had his. He hasn't even had his Granimal snacks. What happened to adults? Like when Alex and Chris used to ask us what we're drinking, Lisa and I. Eh, it's an adult thing. Don't worry about it. Yeah, just say that. Well, one of the answers you had was your mommy's boyfriend. Sorry about that, baba. Bastard. You made the joke for me. Okay, thanks. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. The adults used to be able to go to none of your business or it's adult drinks Coffee used to be a thing as for adults only I would like reach for now adults drink coffee. Now everybody can have coffee. What compels her to have to explain everything to her friggin right year old wants a dildo. Oh my God. Well, it's when your mom. When your dad doesn't give it to your mom properly and he goes to work, she usually just drives one up in there. Oh, thanks, Mom. What if she pulled one out of her purse and well, this one is electric. Wraps around her mommy's head and that's what it is. Thanks, Mom. I'm never gonna be the same. Well, it's that stupid radio show's fault, honey. Look, it's that baby pool helicopter. Let's chase it. Kyle thinks dead baby pool helicopters a good band name. I disagree. I don't think that's. It's too long. I've seen it be an album title. They have to. They have to clear the air so they don't crash into each other when there's a dead baby pool, they have to go. All right, 10. We're going to be flying about 400ft. You get the 600 foot mark. They have to stay out of each other's way. That's because the sky's lousy with dead baby helicopters. Can't wait to see a paramedic running in the backyard. There's something that's gross. Make your complaints about that and then get in your room and work that dildo like there's no tomorrow and relax the filth pie. Anyway, thanks, Brianne. You don't realize. Just like the coach of the Minnesota Links when you go out of your way to tell everybody. I didn't like that. That wasn't funny. You just make 10 minutes of our show easier to do. That's all simple stuff, sister. This guy says, john, you know how your epidemic is? Epidermis is your largest organ. Well, between your nose and your balls, you might be the Guinness Book world record holder. It's your skin, he's saying. That I've got a lot of skin. There's a. There's a chance. I still don't think I'm like, shaq's got more skin than me. I'm still. If I was 7ft tall with these balls and this nose, I would. I would definitely check it. He says, we moved to Arizona in 2010 and listened to country music. Back then we were dumb as got turned on to your show, moved back to South Dakota. He's a Sodak, still a huge fan. I tell all my friends to listen. At least the ones with senses of humor can't get enough. I'm a huge Brett fan. Well, thanks. So you're still sort of dumb as a little bit. And then it says, I hate Ohio, but I love Brady and Toledo's there. I listen to the podcast, try to keep up with one guy who shares the same views as me, which, if I have a right, is one. If it's funny, I'm in two. I don't care about your views. I'll make fun of them. Either way, three people suck. Anyway, love the show. Keep it up. Thanks for Micah Minka. It's Minka Fitzpatrick. He's a Dolphins fan. I see what he's doing. Ryan Grant. Thank you, Ryan. It's nice. You're Ryan or Ryan? That's a good question. Well, it says Ryan, and his email says Brian, so I'm not sure if he's willing to tell anybody. And after Brady's diagnosis yesterday, well, announcement of his DIA diagnosis. Sean Rockefeller, blind listener, says, the announcement of Brady's diagnosis made me nervous. I've had some kidney stones in the past. Kidney infections. So I immediately went to the doctor just to get checked out. And the doctor asked me a strange question because he found some kidney stones. He said, you haven't been using expired barbecue sauce, have you? I'm like, oh, my God. Is that what causes Brady's problems? The expired bbq? You're not allowed to have that anymore. Don't look at me. That. No, you're not. I don't have anymore. I'm not talking about that. All barbecue sauce. Oh, all. Okay. Sugary. No sweet Baby Ray Phosphor race or whatever that stuff is. No sweet beer. No, no. Yeah, you can have that all you want. Although that's a little too heavy on the protein masterpiece. You can have some of Toledo's. That's protein free. It's got a lot of estrogen in it. Anyway, just wanted to clear the air on all this. I also heard a commercial this morning you want to talk about wasting money and time and Brett, look this up when I talk about it, all right? I heard a PSA on the talk radio stations where they said speeding. Have you heard this one about speeding? They say speeding doesn't get you anywhere faster. In fact, it puts everyone in the car at risk and everyone on the road at risk. If you're thinking about speeding to work, don't look into it. Go to slowdownaz.com we have an entire website dedicated to people who are hemming and hawing over whether they should speed. And they're going to let the Internet tell them that it's. Who put this together? It'll convert them. Who's. Who's that? Indecisive. The languages. I was thinking about speeding. But that website, we don't need that website. Katie Hobbs can eliminate that immediately. Speed is slowdownaz.com huh? Speed up az.com. let's get everybody on the same page. Our whole goal is to get there leisurely, stroll along. But if you're. If you're like, I was speeding around, I speed all over. And then a PSA came on and told me to go to a website and told me not to. I think speeders know the inherent danger of driving. And if you drive a little faster, the crash is a little worse. Yeah. Like the guy that was on the Autobahn and got to ticket this week. 199 mph pretty good. 124 over the speed limit. He wasn't on the Autobahn. He was. I didn't think they had speeding tickets on the Autobahn. They do. Well, how is he over the speed limit on a thing with no speed limit? Well, it's. It's 75. They. They don't. Traditionally they don't pull you over the, you know, the left lane choice, though. It's the anything goes. Like they said, under 99 is a little. Are you sure you read that right, that he was treating it like the Autobahn? No, he was on the Autobahn. Yeah. I've been on the Autobahn. Yeah. They don't really pull you over like you're going 100 or something. You're allowed to go as fast as you want. The police. But that's the fun of the Audubon, is that you're not supposed. You don't get pulled over. Evidently.950 ticket. I'm thinking you read that wrong. He must have done something really wacky on what wasn't the Autobahn thinking he was on the autonomous Autobot, because the Autobahn Is like, I have friends who are like, we went like 155 in this Porsche. They post a speed limit on the Autobot when you're on it, but no one. Maybe just for like the right lane. The rest of it's definitely supposed to be over. Yeah. The thing is, you get a ticket if you're in the left lane and you're not going faster than the right. No, he's actually right. There are many sections that do have a speed. Yeah, I knew there's. There's spots that do and the spots that don't is a free for all. So he must have been going through one of those. If there's a speed limit, you're going 199. You're gonna. Well, if there's a speed limit sign that you're not on the part that doesn't have a speed limit. Yeah. So he wasn't on the good Autobahn. He was on the part where they're like, look, it's monitor. Usually when you get closer to the city limit. Because what a pain in the ass it would be for the cop to sit there and go, the Autobahn has no speed limit. I'm gonna go monitor that today and write some tickets. How do you know what to write a ticket for? So you have to be on the speed limits parts. Because I know that's true too. Like, there's a sign that says it's open for business. And people take off and it's like four miles and then it slows down again. I would never. I have no desire to ever be. Do you want to. You probably do your car. I never, ever, ever cared to be. That's pretty cool. There's. There's a couple of spots. You got to trust other people. Italy or France, whatever. Where the fog comes in and they try to warn you on that. And it's like every three months, there's usually a death. But you don't hear. I mean, other than the fog, you don't hear a lot of deaths on the Autobahn. No. You know, it's because everybody's on the same page. We're all gonna fly and we'll stay out of each other's way. Yeah, yeah. Speed limit is what? Yeah, keep the left lane as faster. 70% of the autobahn has no speed limit. Unrestricted sections recommended 81 miles an hour. It's recommended but not punished. A third of the Autobahn system has speed limits, typically in the urban areas or construction zones. Another sixth of a network that's just too much to figure out how do you know where you are? Right. I have, like, giant signs, and you're going 199,900. You're going to hit one of those zones pretty quick. By the way, a coworker of Brianne just emailed in and said it's. Actually, we just found out yesterday. It's Rhianne. There's no B. She just didn't have the courage to tell us. He's Brianne and Rhianne, get it out. She had somebody from her work write the email. Filth pie. She came up with filth pie. Thank you for that, Brianne. That's all we'll remember from this. And your sheltered little boy who now's telling, you know what your kid did, too. He didn't take your advice. Your dad. His dad sounds cool, but I bet you that kid went right into the second grade and goes, do you guys know what a dildo is? Because my mom told me this morning. Come over here, Braden. What are you talking about? Yeah, my mom heard the word dildo and explained it to me in the car. CPS has got to show up to Brienne's house. It's gonna be great. Explain it proper. That's a term for someone that's dumb. Then he goes to school. It's like you, dildo. You're a dildo. It's what daddies call women who are misbehaving. Oh, my teacher does that sometimes. Say, Mrs. Dildo. I hope it's Baby Brett. Oh, in 2023, by the way, 302 people died in traffic accidents on the Autobahn. That's a lot. But how many in a small percentage of the total road traffic fatalities in Germany? So Audubon actually has a relatively good safety record, considering the lack of speed limits on many sections. Well, just. It's idiots. That's why I don't ever want to go on the Autobahn. I would never trust everyone else to be on board with my 140. Have you ever gone 120 miles an hour in a car on a highway? Yeah, I pushed it once with that little Nissan I had. And I tried to match the temperature and cruise control the temperature all the way to San Diego once, and it was 112. They got to be 114, and I'd bump it up a little bit. Man, you. There's no evasive maneuvering. You better keep it straight. Because anything that goes in the road that you have to move right or left, you're going for a long. You're dying you're not going to make it out. Because if I were to move right or left just a couple inches, that thing's spinning out. God forbid you try to hit your brakes. You're going to fishtail it like it's, it's a. That speed is scary. And I realized I'm not built for speed. I'm just not. I will do it on a racetrack with a. The, you know, the turns are banked. Yeah, but on the, on the eight. What was I thinking? It's crazy. It's not much different the autobahn from when you're on the. The freeway that has five lanes in it. Well, actually feel pretty you because between pretty safe. On 2011 and 2015, there were 123 fatalities on the 146 mile stretch between Flagstaff and Phoenix. There were 302 on the Autobahn in one year. This is five years. And there were 123. And that's that two lane. Yeah, that's out of box. Right. But think about 302 to 123 over five years and 302 in one year. You can call it a. Like I said, there's some death zones that they talk about. They're like, it's like every other. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing the Autobahn. Yeah. 17 is. That's much safer than the autobahn wildly through the west side. No. Oh, that's true. Well, no, they didn't count being shot. All right. Okay. There were 4,621 shootings of passers by on the 7th. That doesn't count. Not all of them died. Oh, all right. All right. And a lot of them actually just took the bullet and went to work. Well, work. I say work. They weren't going to work. They're going to their. They're getting their checks at that DES place. Sorry, west side. But that's what we think of the 17. The most dangerous segment within Phoenix city limits on the 17 is from Bell Road to Greenway Road and from Happy Valley to Loop 303. That's up where you're just tired of being. Wherever you're at, you got that Grand Avenue cutting through. It's a mess. So. But go to go to slowdown az.com if you're considering speeding. Well, what if I'm driving and I hear that. I heard it in the car this morning driving and I was speeding. I'm like should I go to my website now and also be completely distracted while I think about speeding? Medicate K u PD Holmberg's morning sickness. That's not a thing. Nobody's going to that website. Boy really got talked out of speeding, Megan May. She never had a threat of it. Don't worry about it. She'd listen to that and go, that's right. In fact, everyone should go 21 miles an hour under the speed limit. They talk too fast. Oh, for Christ's sake. I think that driving 12 is plenty. I don't know what the rush is. You know, I'm glad you're not Brady's ambulance driver. She don't know how she gets parking flat behind the wheel. She gets Parkinson says. I'm telling you, it's the weirdest thing you've ever. I'll film it next time. No, I won't, because I won't be in the passenger seat ever again with her ever again in my lifetime. Hands at 10 and 2. And then that head starts going bobbly, bobbly. And I don't know why that happens while she's driving her head to Michael J. Fox. Yeah. Her head starts shaking. And I filmed it, and I'm like, what the is going on with your head? I don't know, but would you please put that camera down? You're making me nervous. You're making me nervous. Look, a rickshaw just passed us. No, I drive safe. Never been in an accident. Yes, you have. You hit our mailbox twice. And the guy at the. Well, he didn't go. Right. He was in front of you. He didn't go. That means you don't go, dummy. Just because he should have gone doesn't mean you can. That doesn't count. What about the biker that you hit over there on Thomas? He popped out of Middleware. You know the happiest guy in the world is Megan's Speeds is that biker she hit a few years ago. Because there's no damage done. The car? Nothing. She's going one. Whoa. I get a call. I just ran over a man on a motorcycle or on a bicycle. Oh, God. He came out of nowhere. The cops say it happens all the time in this intersection. Okay. Is he okay? Yeah. Is the car okay? Yeah. Nothing happened. How fast you're going? 4. Oh. What did you call me for? I quit what I was doing. I thought you killed a guy. I was going the speed limit. Four. Yes. School zone. Should just get out and push the car. Come on, kids. Help me through the school zone. The kids are like, what is this doing, Flintstone? Her feet go through the floor. She'd go faster in Fred's Car. There's no reason for that. What? Getting there. I guess you're right. It's ironic because she's always late getting ready and then I've got to speed to wherever we're going. She bitches the whole time. You drive like a madman. Well, if we'd have left three hours ago like we were supposed to. I hate riding with you. Look, I'm going 58. Wow. It's insane. Have we broken the speed barrier yet? I can't hear you. Yeah, we broke the speed barrier at 49. Once you get over 50, your hair falls off. That's why you're bombed. Okay? Like Michael Phelps passed me today. Is that right? He was in the canal actually swimming by us. Didn't even need the water. Just crawling around on the ground. Blue buyer, honked. Move. Fetch. That's not my problem. It's insanity. So, yeah, don't bring that up. She probably is the webmaster of SlowdownAZ.com. i can't imagine she'd go to like a city council meeting, get speed limits, drop down to like five or ten miles an hour. You can't get killed in an accident going five. That's true. If everybody went five, I'm sure the demeanor of most of society would be awesome. Remember those pictures before cars when everybody went five or walked everywhere? You never saw a single human being that looked happy in pictures. Before we could speed. Every photograph of your grandparents is a pissed off. It's going to take them forever to go anywhere they need to go. It's going to take hours. Then we invented speed. Damn right. Anyway, slowdownaz.com if you're thinking about speeding, the state has a website they've put together to talk you out of it. Brianna's on it right now with hopefully some wet fingers, you know what I'm saying? She just pleased herself calm. But I hope I get an email back from her going, you know what, you're right. I went to Fascinations. I got myself a two footer, and I don't know what I'm so mad about. Everything's great. King Dong took care of it. King Dong. King Dong. Brianna's King Dong. That should fix everything. Brett, what do you got on the big board of Musical Trip? Wake up. So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And you know where to go for your bike needs Action Ride Shop. Doesn't matter if you want to hit the trails, you want to ride the canals or ride the streets. What do you got? BMX? Well, I just found out if you misspell slowdownaz.com and add an S. Slowdownsaz.com Chris Burke from Life Goes on comes on and talks to you about mentally. Welcome to slowdownsaz.com it's the official fan page of Chris Burke, the 50 plus. Yeah. He's in a 55 plus community of mentally challenged people. Welcome to Slow Downs. Wow. Beautiful manicured lines of jelly beans. Sorry, Brett. Go ahead. Actionrightshop.com you know. All right, regroup. Right. Get it together. On the list. Weird Al. I'm fat. For Brianna. Wow. Angry again for Megadeth. For Brianna. Yeah. My balls. From snot. From Brianna. Violent pornography goes the hives. Countdown to shut down for Brady. That's it. There it is. That's Brady's theme. Me on his diagnosis announcement yesterday. Countdown to shutdown has to play. Do you have it? Toledo have it Countdown. You should have it. But they're coming to town here? No, no, I gotta travel. Where are they going? La la? Denver? I know they're in Sacramento because I was gonna head up there, but I'm not gonna make it that weekend. All right. We'll do a little countdown to shutdown for Brady. You feel good today? Yeah. No more salty snacks. We're gonna monitor this. And when we do our snacks rebuild here in our little office. I think I'm the next one to buy too. What? I got no salty snacks. What do you buy then? Heads of lettuce. Oh, Christ. That's all we snack on. Thanks, Brady. Yeah, thanks a lot, Brady. We're wreck it for us. Keep doing what you're doing. No, do not keep doing what you're doing. He'll blow. Imagine if he comes in here with that moon face from all the salt and prednisone he's going to be taking. It'll just be hilarious constantly. I don't want him to get it. He's got a monitor assaultant take. He's got one barely functioning kidney left. I'm going to inquire about that moon face. You're getting moonface. Moon face? We're not doing the operation. No, you're going to protect this beautiful thing you've been walking with. Now, don't worry about what I'm saying. You've been going after moon face for years. And moons up. Remember when Jerry down to about a seven. Remember when Jerry Lewis had. Yeah, you're going to go from 10 to 7, Dale. I mean, Brady. Jerry Lewis. Remember when that one telethon he came out, he had kidney issues. They gave him all that prednisone he swells. He swell up. It adds a ton of water. And then if you eat salt, they'll do it. Keep an eye on that stuff. You should be doing the research on this, not me. That's not. No, that's the allergies. That's different. Google moon face. All right, a kidney issue. Moon face. There was a girl in school, in high school that had her kidney. She had to go on to dialysis and it Moon faces you a little bit. Going to look like Schumer. Yeah. You're going to turn to Amy Schumer. It's not worth a pretty. Just keep. You know what, it's best you just check out. Nobody wants to look like Schumer. But yeah, Moon face is from cord of steroids. Oh, that's not funny. Somebody put a Korean on there and he's not even sick. Don't do that to them. Yeah, and your body can blow up. Do Jerry Lucas Lewis Moonface. That's the real scary one because that dude evidently just abused the hell out of whatever steroid he was on. Remember that? I thought it was like from his drinking. No livers. Look at that. That one right there, That'll be you. He moon faced up because he was on all those corticosteroids from his kidney issues. And it goes away. But if you eat salt and stuff, you make it worse. So we gotta keep an eye on you. You're gonna go bouncing off on the air telling everybody you got this. Now you gotta be bullied into behaving properly. No bullying. More bullying where? If I see you eating those powdery crap snacks with the French onion powder on top of harvest oats crackers, you're out Bat em right outta your hand. And there's a picture of Jerry Lewis's grave. And I think that says it all. From moon face to the grave. Brady and beyond. You, me, that wife of yours, we all yesterday listened to you lie to yourself right here on the air about how you don't have to change a thing and do it. You're going your handbrain now to try to back it up. We're worried about you, but you're gonna be okay. And then afterwards, Brett, we're keeping an eye on him. Your dad had his kidney taken, right? Well, it was a cancer though. Yeah, it's a totally functioning kidneys. Afterwards, probably no dialysis and not a lot of no, because there's other ones functioning. Not 100, but like 70 or 80. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah. Yeah. So he never had to go On. He didn't get moon face. Nope. Didn't even need the transplant. No, just ripped it. Yeah, they're good. We're worried about Braden. We're going to keep an eye on him. Don't you worry, Phoenix. Don't you worry. No, I've got you. You're terrible at this. We'll take care of him. He's in good hands. Firm, strong, calloused hands. Nightly back rubs from Brett. That's happening. It's countdown to shutdown. We don't know what's gonna happen. It's the hives, everybody. It's 98. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in boners. Hi. Biscuits. Damn it. I do this every day now. And it is. Oh, go. And don't forget, we got our Pantera thing today, too. Car, game off. That's what you're listening for. Game on. Wait. Car, game off. Also this. Those are not currently active. Game on. Now they are. You hear either of those two sounds before we're off the air today. And the 10th caller, 585900, is gonna go to Pantera and be their security, walk them from their dressing room onto the stage, then plop right down there in your very special VIP seats in the photography pit. You're gonna get a bunch of security. Cool stuff. You can get your Pantera flashlight, the one you walked him on stage with. Very cool. Such a great operation. Pantera said awesome. They have to be sober. That's their only rule. So don't show up drunk and don't even argue with us. And their phones are ringing. I said game off. It doesn't count. Think about it. We're not doing it right now, but maybe anytime could happen while Brady's talking. Could happen during commercials. It could happen. Carlos Mencia's here. Could happen during the squares later. Who knows? But it's going to happen before we're done. And you guys will win those prizes. How about that? It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by All Pro Shade. Allproshade.com that's where you gotta go. Get yourself shaded. Now, you can do the manual ones, or you can do, like, what Brady had is the motorized ones, which is really cool. They got colors and fabrics that'll match your outdoor space. They're gonna make it an extension of your home. It's going to beautify your situation. While casting shade over an area that previously had none drops temperatures up to 20 degrees as well. This is a great investment in your home. It just makes everything better shade. Allproshade.com Brady report it good Friday morning to Phoenix. Hello world. We've made it. Yep. Happy National CBD Day. International Beer Day. Wow. And National Pickleball Day. Torn Achilles, a bunch of beer and some CBD to go to sleep. Yep. Sounds like a perfect day. Good combo. Somebody has made our Brianna email or Brian Brianne was Brianne Brianne email Political. Don't know how they did it. Chancellor Brianna sounds like an unfunny shrill of a woman undoubtedly voted for Kamala probably has the same thing in common with her husband. And bang. The nanny too. That's right. I forgot about Kamala's husband's bouncing on the nanny. So simple to turn the radio off. But that smelly had hag had to email in to you. Chancellor the King I've listened for a long time. Countless amount of mothers have told them they're gonna end you. It never ends. Wouldn't it be funny though if that all the times those mommy groups or whatever get mad about something, they hear from us and and then they just kind of bounce off the walls for a few days and then it goes away because all of it ends up. But if the dildo one ends us, I think that would be pretty funny. Now he said dildo on the air. That's why he's fired. Did they listen to any of the other shows at all? No. The dildo thing really pushed it over the edge. Wow. I'd have lost that bet. When the movie Bad Boys was first developed, the plan was to have John Lovitz and Dana Carvey as the stars. That would have been hilarious. Some rewrites and changes to the film ended up being Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. Wow. The definition of the Inuit word apac is a friend who has sex with your wife. An apac A I P A K or apoc Apic A I A I P I K P A I Pick. It's an ipic Ipak A I P I. Oh, I pick. I pick. I pick ipac Weird. And if you know what that is, if you're correcting us right. No, no. It's called apec. His name's Roger. Oh no. Lido, how do you pronounce this wor? Hell no. Remember the Harlem Shake craze in 2013? That was the first instrumental song to hit number one on the Billboard chart since the Miami vice theme in 1985. Which one was it? Harlem Shake in 2013. From what? It was just a song. The song. What it have to. I'm sorry. It was the first instrumental song. Oh, instrumental. Okay, that's it. Okay. Since 1985 when Miami came out. Jan Hummer. Chat GPT just got a big upgrade with the launch of GPT5. That's why they're not here today. Oh, that's why. Chad. Chief. Did we wonder why the parking lot was empty? Chat GPT isn't here today. OpenAI claims it's better at everything from writing to giving health advice. And it doesn't hallucinate or make up stuff as much. It does go on ambient every once in a while. And rosiest. It also has four new personalities you can choose from. Robot, cynic, listener, or nerd. Interesting. It's taken on personalities now. And stereotypes. Interesting. Soon someone will invent Chinese AI, Black guy AI, and we'll go all the way down those stereotypes we're trying so hard to shed the last few years. We got a dude getting busted. This guy won a Powerball ticket in. In Indiana. 167.3 million. What? James Farthing was his name. He decided to go celebrate at a bar, bragging about being a millionaire. Some guy called him out like, you're. You're no millionaire. Ends up beating the tar out of this guy. Gets arrested for assault and everything. He's already an ex con man. But it's the highest Powerball hit in Indiana. 167 points. That's huge. Yeah. And wait, the guy who won it threw the punch? Yeah. Yeah. So he's breaking. The guy's like, you. You're not a millionaire. And he punched him to prove it. Indiana sucks so bad. Check out his. He's all tattooed up. Got like. He looks like Spider Man. Yeah. This dude won $167 million. Yep. Life's not fair to you. Have cancer. This is totally unfair. Where's your good, decent living now, Brady? Should have been more like this idiot. My God. It's like, make out the list. The five things he's gonna buy right off the bat. Black market kidneys. He can do anything he wants. This is garbage. Still don't know how you believe in that thing. You're walking around here having kidneys removed. Well, Spider man, the ex con is pulling 167 million out of the quick trick. This principal at a school in Tampa, Florida, was credited with helping save a Student's life. Last year over the weekend, he saved the student's life. He was arrested just the following week for being under the influence. Got a dui and they also found cocaine in his car. Oh, so of course that. It's a tough combo. He heard from mad, the organization. They're like, this guy's a principal school, and he's out celebrating. Yeah, I can't do that. You can't have. You can have the coke and not drive drunk, but you can never drive drunk and then add coke to it. I watch OP Live all the time. You've been drinking tonight. And I love the ones that don't speak much English and they have to do it through the phone translator. You've been drinking tonight. And the guy doesn't have to translate that. How many? What were you drinking? I mean, hold up. They always hold up their fingers in like the size of like a 12 ounce can. Tequila. How many? You had five of those. And you got behind the wheel. Not in Hazen, Arkansas, he didn't. Nobody drives around drinking, hazing like that. We've got a dude in Oklahoma named Lawrence Kuykendall. That's cute. He was a patron at a strip club called Bare Assets. Make it sound so nice. Patron of a strip club. He's cute. He randomly attacked a janitor. It's unclear what started it, but Lawrence called the guy a racial slur and then charged at him with a knife. We used to work with that guy. Well, now he knows what he's doing. The janitor also has a mental disability. He saw it coming. Saw Lawrence coming at him with the blade made. He's in sales for the strip club. Yeah, yeah, he does a lot of. He gets all their billboards up and stuff. Waved him off with a broomstick. Jumped on Lawrence. Beat the tar out of Lawrence. The mentally challenged sex club janitor. Yep. Lawrence was taken to the hospital for medical attention. Was arrested. That assault and battery. Hold on. With a dangerous weapon. Oh, here's the mug shot of Lawrence. I think the guy defended himself pretty good. The. Oh, the mental he got. Unleash the beat. You don't mess with them. No. Remember that 100 men versus a silverback thing? Drop it down to 20 and add a mentally retarded kid. It's the same argument. Look at what he did to this guy. Oh, man, he ground beefed him. I gotta tell you though, in my mind, when you said that there was a mentally challenged janitor at a strip club, that wasn't gonna end well either. I'm glad I'm glad this fight happened. But that dude. Yeah, with that, eventually his hogs coming out, he's gonna start drooling over one of them, get a little too close in the parking lot. That was a bad hire. We like to get some of the less fortunates around here, be around the naked ladies and all the drinking. That's a terrible combination to have of mentally repressed amongst all that sin and temptation. You never ever hear a mentally challenged person in front of a hot naked lady going, no, it couldn't possibly. They're gonna do something dumb. That's the whole point. Holmberg's morning sickness. And now it's time for some science news. You shouldn't even hire him over at, like, local legends at Matthias bar. It's a great idea. No, it's a bad idea. Drinking. And like, the dude with the mop. That's too pretty. Oh, no, he's had. He's on one. Bunch of naked ladies and a mentally retarded boy. I'm glad that fight happened in the bathroom. Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news in booze news. Well, Nate, this doesn't make sense. It's one or the other bunch of scientists at Dartmouth, they got together and they. They found that drunk apes that loved fermented fruit millions of years ago might be the reason why we can process alcohol so well. Oh, somebody pointed out that the retarded janitor in a sex club. The strip club would be a great new Adam Sandler movie. Dad could not possibly look at your boobies any further. If you don't mind, please remove your boobies. I've got a dusty boobies. The mopping boy. I will be tied. Mop up all of the semen and all of the drool. It's juggie boy. I will get a Jesse. Thank you. I will clean that. Oh, boobies for me. Boobies for you. That's a good idea. And that's exactly what happened. And then he beat the living out of a guy in the bathroom and called him the N word. Any racial slur. A mentally challenged janitor. What kind of human being. Watch this dude who's friends with him. Researchers discovered four new types of. Of tarantulas. And compared to their body, their junk is massive. Okay. NASA is fast tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the moon. That's where that ended by. Yeah, he didn't, like, give us info. Tarantulas have big dicks. Take my word for it. Like, how big? Don't I know this guy? The Size of the bat junk. Well, it doesn't say in there, it just says does. You should have seen. This is basically what you said on the tarantula. I'm googling this. It's tarantula penis. Yeah. Good, go get them. Because you'd assume it's a one incher but like percentage of its body is what we're talking about. Why is it so mind blowing that it's news, but there's no need for any detail. I didn't think you wanted any more details. I wanted some detail. Tarantulas have big wieners. Do you have proof of that? In Valhalla there was. What are you doing? You moved on. He's in a hurry. Evidently. So NASA's fast tracking plans to build a nuclear reactor on the moon. Run a race with China. You get the first moon base built right now. Then they want to put that reactor in. So we build little houses and then we oppenheimer the moon. Real quick. Okay, here it is. A bunch of pictures of tarantula wieners. Brady, I don't think that's a tarantula. No, that's a spider. This is a bad search. Well, it just means that people are sane and not taking pictures. Well, also that the story had no merit. Right. Chinese scientists created self cleaning glass. It uses built in electrodes to remove dust and other parts particles from its surface. Cool. Oh no, by the way, real quick, plug here found one. That is a huge wang. That's on a tarantula apparently. That twisty thing. Yep. It looks like when somebody blows glass. Yep. Looks like a Chihuly. That's a Chihuly art. That could be flaccid. Dale Chihuly's art put a patch on your eye and take a gander at that. All right, so that's probably 10 of that thing's body. That's a good portion. Geez, that's great. Good for you tarantulas. By the way. Just. Yeah, real quick plug. As you brought this up, I for the rental property that I have over there. I saw the commercials for that homog glow that promises not homo glow, that's k commercial glow. And it's like a bad name. But homa a glow. It's homoglow. And they're like, it's homoglow. When you say it, it's like hey homo glow, could you come clean my house? $20 they send somebody over to clean your house. And I'm like, that can't be a thing. Sure enough lady showed up yesterday. First time, huh? And she did a nice job. And I dropped another 44. Cause I felt horrible. It's 120 degrees. She's humping vacuums and towels. And she gets to the door. She just looked defeated. Another 20 bucks in my pocket. And I was like, I can't let this happen. And she drove over here. She's already down 5 to start the project. So then I. I dropped 40 more. So you have fun. She did a really nice job. And then they start scheduling you the whole time. And it's like, 25 bucks. It's amazing, but you got it. Repeat business. But if you tell her to do stuff, then it's more like, I need you to make the bed or do that. It's like another $10. I'm like, why don't I just give you a hundred bucks? You knock this silly, right? And then I'll find out what you don't do. And we'll add that to the next visit. Because Gloria, the regular housemaid, she ain't cheap. And she, like. She's on her hands and knees doing baseboards. I'm like, that doesn't need to be done every time. She's there at, like, 8 in the morning and leaves at 10 at night. I'm telling you, man, I'm not driving. I leave the house all day. She scrubs between, like, the brick wall, the grout with her finger, and a. Like, she gets dust out of the there. That's too involved. She's way too involved. Then at the end, I got to go to the bank and, like, come back with a stack like, I'm going to Vegas. Here you go, Gloria. Hey, thank go. Might have to check out Homo Glow. Homo Glow is. Homo Glow is a call. Homog glow today. Homog glow.com. that's why you and Jordan are always at the casino. You got to pay your. I got maids hanging around all day. Yeah, I got Jordan. I have to go win money to pay Gloria. But this Homoglow thing was great. The Hubble Telescope got the best shot yet of that interstellar object zipping through our solar system. Right now, most experts think it's a comet. Some nutbags astronomer at Harvard. Is that the Beetlejuice one? No, it's different. He thinks there's a good chance it's not natural. Yes, if it's aliens coming back to check on us. Yeah. Yesterday said they would get here between November 21st and December 5th of this year. Yeah. Oh, no kidding. That's great. He even went so far as to say he may come to Save us or destroy us. Yeah, but again, it's probably a comet. Save us. The. There's a lady, I can't remember where she's from, and she says that she's in contact with this thing that they're bluetoothing and some info to her. She's the only one. They found her and they're like, pinpoint that one. She seems to be a reasonable target. They have that much technology and they just grab some random housewife in New Hampshire, and she's mouthing off about what they're talking about. They're on their way. It isn't a comment. I talk to them like, all right, here's a big, long jacket for you. Why don't you just sit in this room and that's your science news. A couple got married in Las Vegas, and the wedding was officiated by the Hellman's mascot, Manny Mayo. What a waste of money. They won a contest from helmets. Isn't the Hellman's mascot just white guy? He got married in a chicken tender dip themed wedding. You don't need an outfit, just a. Just a bland white man. Here's the couple, you know, sharing the chicken strip. You know, I guess that's like, these are hill. But look at the nose on her. She's bigger than mine. And there's Manny Mayo. It's an actual. It's just a. It's a mascot, literally to excite you over mayonnaise. It is a. It's a living jar of mayonnaise, man. You are a mascot for mayonnaise. There he is. That's the Hellman's mascot. He's right there. There. How you doing? I'm white. I love mayonnaise. Wouldn't it be ironic if it's inside there? A dude named, like, Antoine had to work that costume. Hey, everybody. I'm Helly Helman. I don't believe you're an authentic mayonnaise salesman. I love mayonnaise. I love it so much. It's so t tasty. There's a black guy inside the mayonnaise. Get him. Get him. He's wrecking up mayonnaise. I'm took a job. I gotta cover my nut. You get out of our mayonnaise. It's not for you or your people. Mayonnaise is us whites. I hate mayonnaise, man. Almost got me killed. Glop. I use it as glue. I would rather eat. I'm. I'm black when it comes to that. I would rather eat Elmer's glue than mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is just disgusting. I have black taste buds when it comes to mayonnaise. Mayonnaise, not courvoisier. That's where I'm not. Over there. I'm not. No, I'm 40 on that. I'll go to the Boom Boom Room because I know. I know for a fact it's mayonnaise free. They got a sign on the door, 1732 days without mayonnaise. It's like the McDonald's sign. Yeah. Billions, Billions and billions of things served without mayonnaise. They are right about mayonnaise. Score one for the African American population. Mayonnaise is bad. That it's American fat sauce. Here's the last one for you. Celebrating their 75 years in business today. Whataburger. 75 cent hamburgers. I'm a big believer. After last week, I am a big believer in the Whataburger. I've been telling everybody, too. Who's in the car with me? Oh, Caliento and I were in the car together. I'm like, when's the last time you went to a Whataburger? Huh? Huh? I just got real excited about it for no reason. Larry and I were in the car the other day. Have you been to Whataburger? And he didn't even like burgers. Last time I went there, the chicken wasn't done enough. I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot who I was talking to. They didn't cut the crust off. He likes crustless. He's very specific with food. Larry likes cheese pizzas. Cheese crisps. Cheese crisps. He likes those too. But if you go get pizza with them, it is cheese. There's nothing on it. And putting stuff on it is like having a black guy in the Helman's mayonnaise thing. It's against God. Cheese crisps. It's his dream food. Oh, my God. Somebody just. AI. No, that was me. Oh, you did this? Yeah. It's a mentally challenged strip club janitor. So boobies. Check out what Chad GPT had to tell me about it. What's his name? Allen. Yep. They named him Alan. Before I create this image, I want to make sure it's approached with respect and sensitivity. Depictions of individuals with intellectual disabilities require careful framing and to avoid promoting stereotypes or mockery. Just do it. Robot. And it made Alan the Down syndrome strip club janitor. And it's perfect, by the way. He's got his. He could put a beat down. He's got it. Oh, yeah. He's got his mop slung over his shoulder. By the way, I didn't say with downs. I just said mentally change challenged to create a man with mentally challenged. That is a Brady. I gotta say. The body type is. I went down the road of the Brady body type on that one. Right down to the hands. Those thick sausages right there. Look at those. I might have to. If Brady would have had been shaken as a baby, this Allen would have been Brady. Can we give this to our T shirt company that's going to make T shirts? I don't think it's a good idea to have people on your shirt shirt. Just beach towels with the word strip club. Beach towels. Oh, that's right. I have beach towels with a real guy. That guy was great. That guy. He made socks too, right? Yeah, he. He made everything. He had shirts and socks and 21 chromosome blackjack. He had all that stuff. No, I won't be sharing. His name was Sean. I forgot what show he was on, but he started his own company where he just was the face of it. And it was. I have the beach towels. I bought it. I bought all of you guys. Guys want. Oh, it looks like somebody spilled a little more semen. They haven't moped that right up. Got a couple of videos. First one's a guy dealing with some criminals robbing his store at gunpoint. It's a very festive robbery video. There's a lot of outdoor market, very colorful. Yeah. Oh, geez. They wandered right into this little outdoor market, pulled three of them have guns. They're over the counter. Oh. Pulls out a shotgun, long gun, and just starts knocking these dudes down one at a time. He got them all. Yeah. They have three guns. He has one. Theirs are drawn, his is not. He's in a chair and he just starts unloading. These dudes didn't have a chance. Great job. He's military trained. That guy's got some sort of like PlayStation 5 type stuff. It is. Oh. So, okay, so the one dude's holding the gun. He looks away for a second. He grabs the other guy's just grabbing Funyuns like crazy. Like, the one dude just starts stealing. That's a great video. And he just starts scooping up like gum and chips right off the counter. And once he's taking the cash register. Is that what he's doing? Yeah. What's a register? Way over there. He opened the drawer up. Oh, it's third world. I forgot. You're right. It's one of those side. Those Jolly ranchers weren't worth it. Yeah, man. He blows these Dudes to bits. Good work. Next one's one of the survivors. No, I'm not. It's just a freak show. Oh, Brady. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the size of his nose. His face is one of those overgrown, melting, giant, messy faces. It's got a nose that looks like the biggest wiener I've ever seen in my life. And his chin looks like a set of balls. That nose must be, what, 12 inches long? It's almost the same size as mine, because I guess that is. Yeah, that's his nose. That's awesome. Next is a nice pair of feet. See, Brady? Things could be worse. Yeah. Oh, God. These are toenails that haven't been trimmed. Grow together. They're trimmed in years now. I'll tell you, my grandma, when she had one of those, her big toe looked like that. We had to Dremel it down. Once my dad broke out a Dremel to bust off my grandma's toenail. And it just made Grandma toenail sand everywhere. It was so gross. We took her to the garage and my dad just broke out. Adrenaline started to break her talon. Izzy, when's the last time you cut your toenails? It was all curled up. Oh, boy. I just saw that. I keep forgetting that was your grandmother's name. I'm like, Isabelle. I just said I was like Izzy, not Izzy down the way. Isabelle. This dude jumps out of a window. I'm not sure if he's jumping on his own. He's thrown out. No, he's jumping. You can tell by his shadow. He's trying to land the jump. He jumps from a second story onto a car, and he goes right through the windshield. They're gonna need New Vision Auto Glass. Get yourself some dinner at Rodizio's, girl. Yeah. His shadow is clearly not a death jump. Human jart. Yeah. He jarts himself into a car window and then walks away. He stuck the landing. He did. They don't have. He's dizzy. We'll play this for Carlos Mencia when he comes in. I bet you he knows that guy. Just based on the music alone, that might have been in Honduras or East la. I'm not sure where that happened, but Carlos will let us know. Brad, what do you got? I got some weird ones. It's Friday. All right, well, we start with Paris. Doesn't feel like the Paris. I don't even know what that is. I'm afraid of it. You got, like, a phone call brewing. You get. You're watching a. Watching a TED Talk. Oh, that's it. Was Spotify. Okay, here we go. All right, we've seen this one, but we've seen something like this before, but. Oh, my God, it's a penis. It's a new replay. All right, this guy, he's got an exacto knife on the end of his corona all the way across the head of his wee wee. Oh, he's. He's plunging the exacto point into the corona part. Oh. Oh. And it's not going well. He's going all the way through to the. It's coming out the bott. Don't want to do that tiny thing. Oh, it's not a very good penis to begin with, but this isn't helping. Oh, it's almost all the way through. Why is he not reacting at all? I can't even give myself a shot. This guy's got an exacto knife all the way through it. Come on. It's AI. It's AI. No, that's not. Oh. Oh, there. He broke AI. A bigger crank than that. And then it just shoots. I will be by that. You clean that up real quick there. If that was AI, he would have made himself a bigger crank than that. It looks like we have another leaky pee pee. I will mop that right up, and hopefully no one will punch me. All right, thanks, Alan. Alan. Dad, this is when the meat goes bad. Oh, no. All right, there's a guy with his. Oh, God, she's got maggots inside her. Oh, Jesus. Come on. This is a sex act, and she is just chock full of maggots, Brett. Oh, my God. Oh, look it. Look, look, look. It's like a bowl of rice. It's like an open bowl of rice. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Tapioca. Oh, God. No. Not a delicious dessert, Brady. Not tapioca. All right. Why in the world. How can you get wood for that? I don't know. Maggots and I mean, just tons of all you see once the hole is. Once the big reveal. It's nice, Brett, that they sent you and said it's happy birthday week, Brett. Yeah. Happy birthday, Brett. Yeah, There you go. All right, next. God dang it. Let's do a little. Let's do a little sounding. Okay. Oh, man. Oh, man. Man. All right. Oh, what is this drill? What is that? It's a drill bit. They got something inside a. Is that a fella? No, that's. That's her pee hole. That's her urethra. She's got a. A drill in it. She's got a drill in it. And it's going about half speed. Hopefully that chuck is tight. Cause she's not. What in the hell? What am I looking at? I didn't even know that's where their pee hole was. Make that end. How do you know? You're good at that. There's those calipers again. Yeah, that's a bad gynecologist right there. I think we just drill it out. The strip nut will come right out. It's stripped. You got to drill in a new one. Your urethra's stripped. I used to be an auto mechanic. Here's our buddy that was in the mayonnaise costume. Oh, there's a brother. And he's having oral performed on him by a white woman who's got. She's got the flu. That's how Covid started. That's exactly how Kovitz can't stop puking. Well, here's how it came out her nose. It came out her nose. He's not done with that. He's fine with it. Just keep going. Here's what I think. Lady, you're bad at deep throating. Don't smile. And now he's gagging her to do it some more. He likes likes it. You know, at first her dad was mad because she was dating a black guy. But then she had no idea what he had raised. And it's not even like an overly impressive black penis. This is. She's just really bad at deep throat. And she ate too much epicac. And this one I've. Oh, all right. Okay, here it is. The Friday special wax. The guy naked. Naked woman. She looks to be strapped to something old. We got a bunch of candles burning on the ground. We switched over and they're pouring candle wax onto her nipples. And it's a lot of candle wax. Now it looks. Oh, it's just tons and tons of hot candle wax being poured on a naked lady who needs a boob job. Now we're pouring it onto the genitals and it doesn't look. She's covered in. Oh, well, they use that speculum thing. And now they're pouring can of wax inside the vagina. Oh, my God, she's going to die. She's going to die. This is how Brady got kidney cancer. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is. And now it looks like the worst period ever. Oh, they're just pouring in candle wax at one after another after another inside. Oh, she's just totally clogged up with candle accents. I'm not believing that. That is not real happy Birthday. Happy birthday. Oh my God. It looked like somebody just shoved a cherry pie up against there. That was horrible. Oh, we'll just end there. Yes, society. How does it get worse every Friday? We have not hit the top yet, Brady. Maybe you should just skip the surgery and check out. I think it's time. You don't want to be on a planet with these people. Go up to heaven and meet Jesus. I think it's time. Can I come? Yeah, I'm going to come over there. I'm going to suck on your back for a minute. I'm trying to get. I'm going to get this cat. See if I can suck some of that tumor into me. Jesus. Drill. We'll just die together. Yeah, maybe. Just get the Black and Decker and I'll drill yours out and put it in me. Holy smokes. That was really awful. There you go. That's your Brady report, everybody. Sorry, Brienne. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. You cannot talk. You are not allowed to talk. Carlos Mencia is here. He's at the 10pm Prov. He's going to be here tonight, tomorrow and Saturday. We saved this microphone from the last time you were here. You threw up on our microphone last time. We're not. We're not wrecking two of them. So I'm having Richard change yours out before you're allowed to say a goddamn word. We'll post a picture of that. Did you guys see it? The drool infested disaster. Carlos was on a roll. We're all laughing and having fun. We leave and he's vomited all over the microphone and left it. I've never seen that kind of spit come out of a human being and get caught in what is a spit guard. It didn't stand a chance against you. So I give you the great Carlos Mencia, one of our favorite people. But that microphone has not been walked washed since you. Time to coat it. It is yours. Don't you do it perfect. So that is the. Oh, don't do that. The essence of me. Oh, yes, it's a year old. Yes, it's at least a year of Carlos. Oh, my wife would be sucking this down like. Like it's a pipe juice to get to heaven. Literally. It began to. To drip. And we took photos of like. What did he do to this thing? Like corn and all sort, you know. Like the night before, I drank and, you know, didn't brush my teeth that morning. A lot of stuff from, you know. That's yours. We want you to autograph that. That is your microphone. God, this is perfect. Stop touching it. You're making smells like me. It's DNA of me. It is beautiful. It is beautiful. That's how co started. What did you think that I was going to be? Oh, yeah. One time I was in a China. Chinese guy. They have spit. Yeah. But I do a show. It's a really good ammonia show in a. Outside, it's a car Xing Chung power. And I go to Xing Chung Pao, but I forget to brush my teeth. Yeah. And it's just a come out. It's just a come out. You just talking. You're allowed to destroy that mic all you want. And we want you to take it with you, put it in your pocket and next time you're here, bring it. Don't bring it back. Start coughing on it. Bring it back. Worse. Carlos is at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow if you want to get there. Tempe improv.com. welcome back. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Good to have you. I saw we were talking about your. You're up in Vegas, doing your residency there as well. Yeah, it's been great, man. It's been awesome. Great. How long are you. How long are you going to do that? Just signed a deal through 20, the end of 2026. So all of next year too? All of the next year. And how often is it? Every Tuesday and Wednesday. Oh, okay, so. And you're at Campbell's. Yeah. So every Tuesday And Wednesday at 10 o' clock, we do a show. The show ends usually, sometimes between 11:30, 11:45, going downstairs, sign autographs for about 15, 20 minutes, and then we do karaoke till 2 in the morning after. You do. What's your go to on karaoke? On this one? I don't have a go to because everybody wants me to sing with them. When you're done, does everybody just go home because the mic's ruined after you? No, because my mic is my own mic. But smart. But there it's different, you know what I mean? Like, I go upstairs and I do. You know what I'm saying? I floss, I do everything and then I go downstairs and then it's, you know, by that time I'm not screaming. That's the difference. But, you know, I'm singing. And when you sing, you don't have a song. You go immediately to, like, Wicked Game or something? No, but I could do Wicked Game. Wicked Game's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could do Wicked Game, but it's a good karaoke because it's low and then high. But you gotta. You gotta hit that note, though. You can't go in there not hitting it. Do you know what I'm saying? Because there are people that try to do songs. I'm like, are you sure? Yeah, yeah. And they're like, oh, I know this song. And then they're like, what a Wicked. Oh, it's like, dude, come on, bro. That's. You know, Or. Or people think they can do Journey. And it's like, dude, you really. Do you realize how high pitched. Yeah. That song is? Don't stop believing. I. I did Journey after a guy who did Journey poorly. Okay. And I'm like, watch this. Yes. Just being a jerk. And I. I knew the guy at the karaoke. Good for you. Throw it in there and watch this. And I did it myself. Myself. And the. And the guy who did Journey left, which made me happy. Good for you. Because it's secretly what? Karaoke boy left. Karaoke isn't fun. It's an internal contest. Correct. You're just trying to make other people feel like they're not as good as you. Yes. And when there's a winner. And I watched a guy get up there and do all of Conte Party Ro by Andrea Bocelli. Yes. And he stood. He was in a suit. He came to karaoke. Oh, yeah. Put his hand on his chest there to play. I'm like, oh, boy, we're in for. He was in. He was in. He killed him. All right. Let him go. Yeah. Yeah. Ye was kind of a douche because he overdid it with the song. He overdid it with the high pitch. There was a lot of that on Tuesday night. We had a literally mariachi band come and see me perform. That's awesome. So then they each took a turn to sing some Spanish song. So it was just all Spanish music the whole time. And, dude, it was hysterical because this one white guy is like, well, God damn it. I used to date this one chick, and she made me learn this one song, and. And I'm gonna sing it in Spanish, bro. And he didn't know Spanish. You could tell that he had no idea what Spanish was. Oh, all the words were in Spanish. He nailed that song, though. No kidding. Yeah, he nailed like. And you could tell the way he was singing it. Yeah. He wasn't like a guy that's like a light to. You know that light skinned Mexican guy that everybody thinks he's some white dude. Canelo Alvarez. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. And all of a sudden, you know, you know, all of a sudden you hear him speak English and he's like, what's happening? And you're like, wait a minute. What? Wait, whoa, wrong accent. Shouldn't you be Irish, sir? Shouldn't it be a little leprechauny? It looks like Bill Burr. A little leprechauny. Now he's, you know, he's got an accent. Yeah. So that guy came something the opposite. Did he go all right, everybody freeze? I was like, no. He goes, this is. I'm doing this. And then all of a sudden the song comes out and he's just hit porque. He's killing it, dude. He's killing. Was awesome. We had a dwarf come, a little person who had achondroplasia. An acon. Like the. Yeah. Why people? So you can cuten it up. He's an acon. Yeah, he's an akon. Akons are, are the, the average looking ones. The ones that all kind of have the same hair. The facial structure. Those are. They all look alike. You're saying the same facial structure. I heard you. You know what I'm talking about. These were the ones that we used to toss back in the day because they're not as fragile as the others. Those ones, the strong boned ones, the strong boneded ones. Milk drinking ac. You shrunk him. Yes. Perfect body type, right? There's an Akon, there's. See, those are all icons. They just look like they've been like a shrinky dink. Humans. They're still Brad. The Brad Williams. Brad Williams. Yeah. And then, dude, we played the video on one screen because there's two giant screens. And then on the other screen we played the you can dance if you want to. And then I, I would chase them around like in the video while we were singing the song. You didn't. Men without friends behind. Leave your friends. Dude, it. It was. And he was running and I'm chasing him, bro. And it was old schooly, you know what I mean? Kind of rapey. Like way back in the day for the Pirates of the Caribbean. You know what I mean? Don't. You don't remember when it was when we used to rape midgets. Well, not midgets, I'm saying. Yeah, but do you remember, do you remember when we were kids and you would go to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Yeah. The pirate was chasing the chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To bang her. That's all. Absolutely. Then it turned into the fat chick chasing the guy. Then it turned into the fat chick chasing the bone. Yeah. And. And now it's like nobody chasing nobody because nobody chases anybody anymore. And you're not allowed to do that anymore. Nowhere in that comparison was a man chasing a small person. No, no, no. But I'm saying we did it the way they did it. Comparatively, you're bringing into an area where raping little people is your goal. Pretty much. Okay. That's all I'm getting. What I'm saying is, had you not known what we were doing and that we were comedians doing a show, you walked in, you would have been like, oh, my God, if he catches him, he's gonna pay. You understand what I'm saying? My face had that look of like, if I catch you, you little son of a. If you don't have a pot of gold, you got a nice ass. You know what I mean? That was. That was the whole. They all have a big ass. I was going for. That was the look I was going for. And the midget was running like, oh, my. Like, at first it was like, this is fun. And then I was like, I think Carlos is gonna just got real. It just got. It just got real. And if you did catch him, you gotta follow through because you've set it in expectation. Well, at this point, you know, we might have to disappear for a. Throw him against the wall. At least try hump him for a second. Let them know you mean this. Just something. Beat him up for the next performance. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. And then four lesbian chicks showed up and literally said, we're singing the anthem. And I said, they're singing four non blondes. What's going on? And they came in and did four non blondes, bro. They did. And I was singing with them, and. Because I hit the high pitches and they couldn't. Yeah. So they're lesbians. Yes. Yeah. And so they were like, hey. And I was like, hey. And I hit the high notes. Notes. And they all kissed me during the song. Wow. Yes, bro. I use the same haircut or less. They're very attracted. Very attracted to your type. Ever since I gained weight, I just kind of look like a chubby lesbo. You got your hair cut real tight. You start singing foreign on blondes. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. You know, that's pretty one. You know what? That's probably what it was. They didn't kiss me. They kissed that version of me. That look later like, oh, my God, I think he has a nice vagina. I think we had so much fun singing with Caro. Car. They liked you at the 10pm Pro this weekend. Friday, Saturday, and get it@10pmp.com. What else is going on in your life? Last time you were here, when you were puking on our mic, you said something about testing out some sort of weird sex thing you were doing. Testing out sex things. Some sort of new lifestyle. I don't remember a new lifestyle. Is that what you were doing? I have no idea. You. You make. You make me talk about crap. I should never talk about rap midgets. So this is you. This is what happens, bro. I just didn't know if that was no other morning show, do I end up going, oh, I was gonna rape a the other day. No, don't. No, dude, you tap into my darkest secrets, bro. It's because you talk to me nicely right before, and then as soon as this comes out, and then it just goes there. Well, I talk nicely. You bring up a topic, I listen. No, right now, what's going on is a lot of people with disabilities are coming to my shows. All right, I hear what you're saying a lot. Seriously, Is that your new sex thing? No, what it is, is. So I started doing jokes about my aunt. Okay? So my aunt has cerebral. My godmother has cerebral palsy. Okay? Right. So I believe his sister. Six brothers, for people don't know. 78 nephews and nieces. This doesn't do Uncles, aunts, and everything, right? So whatever disease or genetic abnormality you've ever heard of, it's in there. It's in my family somewhere. You know what I'm saying? Whatever it is, it's in. So I have a little bit of everything. We. I even have a niece who's hermaphrodit. No kidding. Wow. And I swear to God, she's the only person in my family that I've never said, go f yourself. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's the one. Like, I'm a human being, dude. I'm not an. But she's the one person I've never said that to.138 family members. They've all heard, and it's come up. Sometimes I'll go. Because, you know, she might. She might. Yeah. Have you seen. Seen it? No. You gotta ask? No. If you're gonna bring her up to strangers, you have to at least give us some detail. Well, I've never seen it. Like, I couldn't ask now. Why? Because I. It's weird. She's an adult, dude. So it's better than when she was a kid. What are you talking about? There. That would have been better when she was, like, 1 year old. Let me tell you this. I can tell you from watching a lot of crime shows, uncle asks niece to show his V or vagina and pee penis to get automatically bad. An adult. It's more medical. No one, it's fine. I don't think it's ever. Yes, at one. It's fine. Once you get to three or four and they start talking. Okay, that's creepy. Yeah. But when you're asking a baby that can't even talk, hey, let me see the penis and vagina. You just don't want it to be able to talk in court. Really. So prior to speech, let's take a look at that thing. I'm just. What it is, is the stage liberates me to say whatever, because I know you should know that it's a joke. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you don't, that's on you. So I started talking about my aunt who has. My godmother who has cerebral palsy. Yeah. And it morphed because somebody was like. So somebody goes, you're punching down. And I'm like, see, this is the problem. That right now you're acting like I'm the bad guy, when in truth, you're the ass. Yeah. And she's like, what do you mean? I said punching down. That means that you see them beneath you and I don't. That's the difference. Difference. I'm not making fun of people that are mentally retarded or have down syndrome. On the spectrum, that's different. I'm making some fun of people with cerebral palsy. Yeah. People with cerebral palsy have a neurological disorder. They don't have an intelligence disorder. Right. And my aunt, she takes advantage. Right? She's a person. I swear to God, dude, when I bring people over the house that she's never met before to get them to do things for her, she's a little more nerd than she really is. You know what I'm saying? She plays the part. She has one good. I can milk another. She'll tell you, I can play the piano with this one, but not with this one. She'll tell you. Yeah. But then all of a sudden, I bring my friend Tina over, and all of a sudden she's like, I can somebody help me get my coffee mug? And I'm like, use your good hand, Thea. Use your good hand. And you could tell that she's playing me when she grabs the cup with her good hand, looks at me and goes like this. Play in me, bro. Playing me, me? Yeah, she made me. She. When I was 19, guilted me for the first time into having sex with somebody with palsy. Oh, my God. And I'm the bad guy. Well, what do you do, bro, when somebody with palsy is saying to you she wants to have sex with you? And I'm like, this feels like you're pimping her out. It doesn't feel right. And she's like, oh, so you won't have sex with somebody with palsy? What's wrong with us? Nothing's wrong with you. Then why can't you. You. Okay, fine, I'll do it. That is not. Swear to God. That's how it happened. That does not make you a better man. Well, you trying to get. No, I couldn't. And the answer is because she had come out. She came out. It was like, what's wrong with me? I tell you exactly. The doctor said so. There was nothing wrong with her. She just has palsy. There's nothing wrong with her. That's where I draw the line. And see, not me, bro. So I go. So I go, okay, is there a way to have sex with somebody with palsy? Doggy style? No. And my. My aunt go, just lay down on your back. She'll get on top and shake a lot. I swear to God. Those are my instructions. Still there. And that's exactly what I did, bro. And it was incredible. The weird part was when I. When I had my OG for about 15 seconds, we had the same face. That was very creepy, dude. I'm not going to lie, dude. That was creepy. That was weird. That really was weird because for literally 10 seconds, she was like, oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God. And I'm just like, wow. And so what happens is people with palsy. Yeah. Especially a lot more. But others as well, hear that. And they come to my show and they let me know before the show starts that they're there. Yeah. Because they want me to know we're here. You have to do all your palsy. Do your palsy bits. I walk for sex because they want. And I asked like, why do you want me to do it? And they were like, it normal. Normalizes things. Because here's what one guy said to me. When I go out, all I see is people telling their kids not to look at me. Yeah, I only see people looking away. But when we come to see you, you see us for people and. Yeah, and I'm a pimp and I have some hoes for you. When she had the orgasm, did she suddenly just go, oh, Carlos, this is fantastic. I swear to God, you and I are on the same page, bro. When I went there, I was expecting her to be like, this is fabulous. I was expecting the same thing. I have arrived. And then, oh God, I'm back. I'm back. You know what I mean? Almost. Yeah, exactly. No, me that 15. I literally was going, man, wouldn't it be awesome if for 15 seconds she's just completely normal? And I took her place and she took mine. You swap it? I, dude, it would have been like Freaky Friday. I know, right? I'd go to that. Freaky Friday. But, but they, but they're coming to the shows and they're hanging out and they're hanging out afterwards. Did you give the bad hand a run? What was that? Did you give the bad hand a run? No, only the good hand. Not allowed the bad hand. There. Just flop it in there and see what happens. I just can't, I couldn't not go there. There's your line. Is Palsy my line? Got morals? You can't touch me with that creepy hat. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So you are a bigot. It's not that it's creepy. It is. No, it's just that I'm afraid that she's going to fake out my penis and try left and jerk right and it's going to break or something. You know what I mean? They don't have good control of that head, bro. Like a channel lock. Do you know how many times my aunt told me she's going to punch me in the face and then she kicks me cuz she has palsy. Do you know what I'm saying? So I don't know if I can trust this hand. All right, I gotcha. I'd still give it her. I just hit it in there once and let's see what goes on with my fist back just in case I gotta. Yeah. Knock her out or something. Because, because I, I, I, I'm. I get the feeling that sex options are gonna happen really soon. For me. No, for the girls that are coming to see the show with Palsy. Because your new target audience. And because I'm talking about having sex with them. And now they know that I've been with three of them. So I'm Sure. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, that wasn't. She'd only. There were two. Guilted me three times. How many palsy friends does she have? I don't know, man. She was pimping them. She was pimping them, and I just. I felt so. Well, first of all, they were sexy. Let me be honest with you. Stop it. They were, bro. I'm telling you. Okay, I'll give it to you. All right. Two of. Two of them were bangable, and one of them was like, wow, she was in a bikini. You would be, like, nice body. No kidding. Yeah. For real. She was. But she had, like, a little bit of a. Yeah, she had a little bit of, like, a. Like a she. But it made her. Sucks here because it made her walk sexier. Like a pimp. Walk a little pimp Walk a little side. The side dish. And her ass would, like, swish sideways to the left when she watched it. Look out. Damn. Yeah, it looked like she was kind of, like, hipping her left. Boom. Yeah, she's. She's strutting, but she was. She. She didn't have, like. She was mild palsy. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Like, you could be. You'd have to really look to see kind of the mild palsy is the one you can flip around. Yeah, yeah. The other ones, you just let them do the work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three of them now. Three of them. What's your goal? I don't. Dude, 10 by Christmas. To not offend these women. My goal is to not have one of them crying in a bath going, why didn't he want to bang me? Like, that's my goal. How about a threesome? Oh, hell, you got two good hands. Oh, hell, yeah. This would be awesome. Hell, yeah. He's on the mission for this. This is fabulous. Yes. If I. Dude, if I got two pies, that mean I got one good one and one full palsy. So I don't know what the math is gonna be on that one. I'm either going two palsy, full one, or, you know. Yeah, that's what I would do if I had a threesome. I would tell both of them, you're going with your bad hands on this one. We're doing full palsy tonight, baby. Full palsy. And I want a back rub from one of you because I know it's gonna be the weirdest back rub ever right there. Oh, wrong. You know what I mean? Just stop sleeping with all the Paul ballsy people. I. I couldn't stop, bro. It was intriguing. Oh, it is. Intriguing. It was really. I might chuck it. I don't think I could be involved in. I might watch. It was intriguing, bro. It was fun. And to see the look on their faces in. In all honesty, bro. And when you get tired of felt sexy, what's next? You know what I mean? Yeah. So I like, well, here's the thing. Every single tease, every single person done that already. Oh, my God. Yeah. Every single person that I've ever met in comedy with a disease or a genetic abnorma has opened for me. Every single one. Yeah. Yeah. Like, from Josh Blue to Christopher Seca to every single one. So I'm that kind of person. Like this because my kid, my. You know, my cousin Benji didn't a wheelchair, so I used to hang out with him at the hospital all the time. So I got to hang out with all these people all the time. So it's. And that's. We had. We had a contest earlier this year, and one of our contestants has als. Okay. We call him ALS Matt. Okay. And it's. It's progressed to the point where he's hard to understand and all that. He's in his contest with four other people at the end of it, because we just. We played it up. We had fun with it. And at the end, he just said, thanks for treating me normal. Right. That's. That's it. And then we had sex with him. That's what they. Which was fantastic. That's exactly all they wanted to do it. How did you bang him? Well, from behind. I couldn't look at his face. It was horrifying. This is all. He's melting, basically. I didn't want to see that. Yeah, yeah. But. But from behind, it's just like anyone else. Yeah, yeah. They shake as well, Brad. You could just stay there and let them shake their way through the shake. I I so. But what's happening, too, is, like, people with other disabilities are coming, and now they're getting. Brett has found a website of palsy. See, there it is, baby. There it is. Are you in this? There's the. I might be. I might be. I might be. Look for 1988 stuff. It's gonna be square box in 480p. Wait, this was 1988 when you first did this? Yeah, it was 19 years old. Oh, my God. I thought you had some sort of notoriety where these people would be. This was just some random guy. Guy. Hey, I was a very special person even back then. Not as special as she was. And you were average, like, just Joe. Right. You're just some 19 year old guy. Your. Your aunt's pimping you out. Yes. I thought it would be like, hey, you want to bang Carlos Menia? And they knew who that was. Oh, no. These were girls that were not, you know, that had hit, hit, hit their horny space and nobody wanted them. And they came to a regular guy who didn't look at them as if they were just a disease. Wow. Now he's got the. And now that I got the star status is when I haven't done it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. All right, well, we got them in the audience tonight. If you've got pauls, you get in free 10p improv.com try. All you have to do is climb the stairs to get into the tempe Improv. If you get up those stairs, you get a free ticket challenge. Yeah. No elevators for you tonight. Tonight and tomorrow at 10pm prep.com. other than, I don't know, ransacking through the handicap community. What's going on? I'm not, I'm not. It just happens, dude. Oh, sure. Just you, though. Raise your hands if you're in the room. You bang somebody with a disability. Just you, my friend. I'm a curious human being, bro, you're Neil Armstrong. When I saw the chick with the amputee come to see me perform and she took her leg off during my set and rubbed the nub, I was like, I'm gonna bang this chick tonight. I swear to God. That is my mentality, bro. I will never forget. Forget. I am at the comedy Store. She's sexy. She takes off her fake leg and rubs the little nub above the knee. And I looked at her and I told her, I go, I'm banging you tonight. And she spawned and said, okay. And that was it. You did morning sickness medicate. Can you PD Holmberg's morning sickness? And I did, bro. I did. How'd she lose her leg? The leg without the leg leg. I did it all. You put it back on for a little while. I strapped it back on for a while. I licked the actual, actual fake leg. Oh, I just thought. Filled it up, drank out of it. Well, here was the weird part. Like I thought she was going to be like, ooh, that's sexy. And she was like, why are you licking that fake leg? I was like, I thought, you know what I mean? I thought that she would appreciate it. But Halsey lady liked it. Like she probably didn't feel everything. I never took it off. And I was playing with the Nub. And the one leg up here and then up down there. Oh, yeah, bro, you touched the nub. Oh, where the knot is. Where it's all tied back on. Oh, yes. Couldn't do that. If. Bro, look, here's gonna get hard for anything if you're gonna pee with a chick. Yeah, right. Or a dude, whatever you are. Who has some kind of a physical disability ailment or whatever. Right. The whole point is to make them feel normal. You know what I mean? That's the whole point. Unless you're gonna marry him and. But if you're just sexing it, then you don't. That's it. That. That's the point. Probably makes you feel good about it. You know what I mean? And I'm sure that they don't want the memory of you being like, I'm love this. You know what I mean? I like that noise during sex. I think that noise is something that I like. If starts happening, we're doing something, right? Well, yeah, usually, but they're. They're body parts and all this other stuff involved in that noise. Your advice to someone with somebody who has. Is to sexualize the disease. Sexualize the person, the illness. No, no. Like rub the nub. Yes. Yeah. That's sexualizing the thing. Yes. Yeah. Make them feel like they don't. You know what I mean? Do you finish on it? You finish on the nub. Yes, you do. Every goddamn time, bro. There's something that comes out I didn't want. That's what she said. You had to. Come on, bro. There was only one way to end that thing. Of course I'm eyeballing it the whole time. No, no, your face is fine. There's a reason I took off your fake L. And then I'm gonna put it back on and it's gonna let it. Yeah, mush it around. I'm with you on that one. You're talking me into this now? I'm telling you, bro, I'm gonna go home and cut Megan's legs off. I'm telling you, bro. It's. It's. It's been fun, dude. It's. It's. Yes, I've. I've had a lot. A lot of diseases. The only one I've. I've never. Well, this is why you have your own microphone. Never gone a Downstairs syndrome. Never, never, never done a downs. I think that's. I think that's illegal. I believe that anybody with the. With the mental disability. Mental. That's like that. That, you know, affects them that way. Cuz. You can manipulate them into doing things. Of course, Dud. Of course. That's not. That's not even cool. That's. That's on a whole different level. So you don't have a. A disability or disease that doesn't affect your brain. What about, like, Stephen? I would have banged him so hard. I would. Oh, bro. I would have. Yeah, give me that math theory, you little. Like, oh, I would have been in there, bro. Do you by black hole, Right? That's right. I want you to come in into the back door. I would have. Oh, my God. I would have been making him hit that. Yes, yes. Get me on top of you and work me like a Cabbage Patch Kid. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But. But part of me is so wildly handicapped. Paralysis. You're throwing that down. So long as they know somebody that has paralysis. Shut Your disgusting. Because of my cousin Benji, who's in a wheelchair. Well, look, here's the problem. When you hang out with them, right? More of them roll up. And then what happens is if you don't treat them like you treat every other person. Yeah. They know it. And then they feel bad. And I'm just not that kind of part. Like, what makes me really good as a comedian is I want people to be happy. Yeah. Like, that's really a part of who I am. That's a part of my being. And so when these girls were basically like, hey, if you bang me, it's gonna make me feel normal. Yeah. Because if a dude like, exactly, bro. No, I've got a question. That's just. You know what I've learned? If you hang out with the men, see a family, you're gonna get laid. That's exactly. By Carlos. Probably. Here's the thing. Yeah. What if you found out that sex with a Down syndrome person cured it? I would bang every person. Down syndrome that I could find, bro. That's a horrible thing, dude. I would be walking around going, listen, my jizz will make you a normal. I'd be like a snake oil salesman showing up from town to town to be a line of women. And I just. You just. You just have a look. Actually, the answer to that was, what's wrong with you, John? But Carlos decided to go, I'll tell you exactly what I would do. I will tell you. And that's where we get along. Because the correct answer from a normal person is, what's wrong with you when I ask that. Correct. You had an answer. But this is what I tell people. Like, listen, I start my shows off by telling people here's what it is. I've been. I begun to. So on Saturday, somebody called in a bomb threat at 3 o' clock in the afternoon hoping that they could stop my shows from happening. All right. It's happened before, by the way. Holy cow. So they'll call in a bomb threat so that, you know, no people can go, is it a metaphor, is it a joke that you're going to bomb that night? No, they, they have a show. Like, there are people that hate me that, that much. Wow. That they're literally stopping me from having a show. Literally saying that kind of hate. I don't know why. I don't know what it is. Yeah. I have no idea what Joe Rogan said during those years. Yeah. But whatever it was, it had to have been so just I don't know what it is that these people 20 years later are like. It's 20 years on a. Stop him. Like, dude, I swear to God. I have a friend who, when all that stuff went down, went in to jail for gta. Okay. He went to jail for Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. He's been out for 15 years. I'm still in comedy jail. Would you ever go on Rogan show? Would you ever go on there and go, let's ask this out? Well, first of all, I don't have a problem with it. Like, people start yelling out negative stuff. Like almost every show now I have to tell people not to do. Don't do that. Like, dude, that's not what I'm not, I'm not about that. Two decades. Tell people what you saw tonight. Tell people what you experienced. Don't put somebody else down in order for me to feel better about myself, not who I am, not where I live, not why I grew past all this stuff. So no, I, I don't, I don't care any. But, but what I'm saying is somebody. But this idiot called it in at 3. So by the time it was 5, we were cleared. Yeah. And the show started a little bit early. It's dumbass. At 6:30 or 7 for a 7:30 show, you know, so I'm doing a video like stupid. You shouldn't. If you want me not to do a show like telling them game time to get my stuff. But yes, so. So for me it's like I just want to make people. I just want to make people happy. And it's, and it's, it's well good. But I start off by telling people, like, look, comedians, don't try to be edgy. Yeah. That's like me I'm not. I don't come on this show to try to be edgy. I'm just talking about my life. It's just you. It just happens to be that I'm a guy who's experienced all this stuff because of the family that I have, because of where I grew up. Dude, I grew up around Mexicans that hate white people, but only shot Mexican. Mexicans. That's literally who I grew up with. I grew up around this guy. How come you don't make more fun of white people, bro? You know I hate white people, right? And I'm like, but how come you only shoot Mexicans? And I swear to God, this was the answer. Cuz they live far. Seriously, dude, it's a lot of gas, you know. You know how far it is to drive from Guadalupe all the way to Gilbert, man, Bro, you have to take like four freeways right now. One of them, you have to pay. Nah, bro. I grew up around a lot of stuff like that. Like, and so I tell people, I'm not trying to be edgy. No, it just happens. I literally have had sex with three women in cerebral palsy because my aunt slash godmother guilted me into doing it. And I'm the right guy to guilt into stuff like that. I'm the guy that you could go, do you want to make him feel normal? Yeah. You have. Yeah. You're a people pleaser. I'm a people pleaser. And you know, and it was good, dude. All right, that's enough of that. It was good. All right. Because with regular women, there's a rhythm. You know what I'm saying? That rhythm with them, you can't get into a rhythm. And then you kind of go. And then you go with them, and they go with you. This is chaos theory. Yeah, you start going, yeah, yeah, pup. She went left up. She went right up. Unpredictable. She's unpredictable. Quaking, right? Oh, there's the word. I'm gonna say. She's quaking. She's quaking. What is that? You never know, bro. You never know. She's chicken on a hot plate. Carlos MC is at the 10:00pm Pro tonight and tomorrow. Carlos leave us with words of wisdom. And while people are getting tickets@tempe improv.com, everybody right now needs to see a Carlos Mencia show. But you need to experience it in its entirety. So first, when you get there, please look around, around to the age gap and make way for the wheelchairs and the diversity. Seriously, when you come to the show tonight, tomorrow, look at the Diversity. Look at the age gap. So you could see that there's 20 year olds all the way to, like 80 year olds. No kidding. And the ethnic diversity is incredible. Everything, it's a melting pot. And then at the end of the show, when you've laughed at everything you laughed at, look around again and remember that for the first time probably in a long time, you were hanging out with people that believe differently than you, feel differently than you, live differently than you. And yet you were all able to get along and laugh at the exact same thing at the exact same time without having to fight over whether you're red or blue or Trump or whatever. You were just human for that one hour and a half that we were on stage and enjoying life. That's the gift that I'm giving to people right now. It's amazing, man. So you say that in the current time is 9, 11. How about that? And if you have a disease, I'm probably going to bang you tonight. Yeah, you're going to come out feeling good. You. You better roll that wheelchair. You know what I think the worst thing you could ever hear is? What? I'm pregnant. Yeah, that would, that would be bad, right? Like, you literally took me to a really dark place for a second there. Because. Because, yeah, you can't tell that girl to plan B it. No, no. Let me take you to Plant parent and waddle you in there. No, that's when I go, do you like Jamba Juice? Oh, I got to stop by CVS really quick. Would you take her to the Planned Parenthood and just let her go? Would you go in with it? Oh, no, I would just plan B it the next day. Yeah. What if it was like a month later? Well, that would know. But she would know she's pregnant the next day. Oh, no, but I would know if I. If I actually had an orgasm, if I. Yeah, but you're not. Come on, you're not that good at it. You don't know when you, when you're, when you've hit the goal. Well, but my whole point is if you don't, you plan B. You plan B no matter what. Yeah, yeah. What if something happened you didn't realize? And all I'm saying is there's this. There's this one thing they make, that's a carrot juice blend that when you put a plan B into it and mix it, you can't taste it. So I hear. Okay, it's Bill Cosby's secondary plan. Roofing them with a plan B. You give them procedure. You Knock them out, and then you put it in and give them the vitamin C. But that's. Don't see the cows. The whole weird part about that Bill Cosby thing was this. For me, here's a dude who had women in his room who wanted to bang him. Yeah. They were ready to bang him. Yeah. Who literally said, I want to ride you like the stallion. And my dad bought me when I was eight years old. I. And. And his response was, but I want you to be asleep. Wait, what? What? What? What? Wait a minute. No, I. You know what I mean? Mean, like, how weird is that? That's weird part. Pruny toes. That's the weirdest part. He would suck their feet till they pruned while they slept. Oh, so see, that's real. So that might have been, like, his fetish, but he was afraid for women. The kind of time that somebody just said something. Yeah. Like, I would. I do have to spend some time. Yeah. I would just tell a chick. See, I'm the kind of guy that, if I was a footy guy, I'd be like, I'm gonna suck on your toes until they prune. Keep it there. Down, up there. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna keep going. Your words mean nothing. And if you're. If you're not into that, that's my thing. This is. This is my thing. There you go. Yeah, I would. I would say something. This is why he should have gotten a Hawking. Yeah, he should have sucked a Hawking. Oh, my God. That's a good band. Suck the Hawking's a good band name. Carlos, it's always good to see you, brother. Carlos Mencia. Tempeimprov.com. that's where you go, hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have hunt enough of this morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. How about that? There you go. Little guns and roses for you. And they're getting you going. It's pretty cool. Hey, look at. God damn it. Oh, it's Brett's time on the phone. He loves it. It's Brett's favorite part. Tenth caller, 585-9800, is going Pantera. And they're gonna get a chance to walk Pantera to the stage from their dressing room as security, pop down into the photography pit and be part of the whole super deal right there. Toledo still hasn't come in and changed out Carlos's mic. And I'm looking at that wet mess. It's dripping too. Is it dripping? He's got it. He's got it tilted. No, I can't look at it. I can't. He wiped it. You shook his hand. He's got a lot of energy. I did. I know. I found I bumped it. Oh, I did. I went. Yeah, cuz I saw. And then he was wiping his mouth in between too. Stretch, Brady, stretch. Oh, well, I bumped it. I fist bumped elbow every time he cleaned it off, which was good with his hand, though. And then John shook his head. It was a thumb squeegee. It was a good thumb squeegee. I realized as I walked away that we have Clorox wipes in here. I'm Clorox wiping up. I got a good batch there. Larry's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I touch Carlos. There we go. Now I'm bleached out. I probably need a silkwood bath, though. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. 10th caller. No see Pantera. Good luck. Go ahead. Don't Brett, be hopeful. This is the way it is. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our friends@reactdefense.com, the home of Tactical Black self defense training. Hop in there. Get yourself in great shape. Start punching. Start moving. Start being active. Start being a better version of yourself. Learn. Learn what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong in situations that may sneak up on you. You never know what goes on in this world because we got a lot of goofy people out there. And you never know when one's gonna just go, hey, I'm gonna mess up your day. If you're not acting like a victim, you probably won't become one. That is just a general rule. So start learning how to be a sheepdog and stop being a sheep. 199 bucks, two months of training. That's an amazing deal right there. You, my friends, will be off to and running. It's reactdefense.com, the home of Tactical Black Brady Entertainment. You'll like this question someone asked. You're on a 12 hour road trip and you can only listen to one singer? Who are you listening to? I don't listen to. Brett, answer the phone. That's not a band. God damn it. You sons of. Is not a singer. Who would I listen to for a 12 hour road trip? Who do I want to hear singing to me the whole time? I'd start, maybe Chris Cornell's on my list. Chris Cornell was on the list. He was number three. If I'm going for pure singing, Wow. I mean, people probably say, like, Taylor Swift or Adele. So the top 10. Number 10 was queen. That's pretty good. Mercury. They got number nine, Prince. I'm trying to see. Prince has too many clunkers. Like, I'd have to program the whole thing. He's got, like. For every one good song, he's got 15 horrible songs. He's so prolific. Most of them sucked. Eight. Led Zeppelin. Yeah. Maybe seven. Paul Simon. James Taylor's probably six. Was Johnny Cash. Five. Tom Petty. There's a good one. That is a good one. A lot of hits. 4. Pink Floyd. Chris Cornell was number three. 12 hours of pink Floyd's. Too many hours of Pink Floyd. I like Pink Floyd, but not that much. Number two, Paul McCartney. You got both Beatles and Wings. Paul has solo stuff you're not missing too often. You're. It's familiar the whole way. Yeah, that's good. Number one was David Bowie. That's incorrect because for 12 hours you got to listen to some of his weird, goofy crap. And there's a lot of that. He's got a lot of collabs, too. Well, he's. Yeah, but there's a lot of just, like, goofy David Bowie space. Nice stuff. But on the. You know, the. The 20 that they listed. The top 20. Ozzy's on there. Yeah. The first country artist came in at 22, which was Morgan Wallen. He's huge right now. He can't miss. Would you get a winner? Brad? Who is it? Yes. Oops, sorry. Go ahead. Say what? Thank Christ. Bill Redford. Nice job, Bill. Got the tickets? You're Gilbert. One week from today, we'll find out who's going to be hanging out with Pantera backstage and walking them on stage sober. You, not them. They can do what they want. You must be sober. Macaulay Culkin was on the latest episode of Hot Ones and was asked to fact check some rumors about Home Alone. Home Alone. Home Alone. Home. Home Alone. Home Alone. Home Alone. Homoglow. Homoglow is good. He remembered being worried about his stunt double and Home Alone. He's like. They kept on making him do it over again. The stunt double, I thought it was. The guy's like, 13 years old. Stunt double would meet Michael Jackson or something. His stunt double was 30 years old. Just a. Yeah. He thought it was like he used to. We. Now I want to watch Home Alone and see, like, the wider little version of Macaulay Culkin running away from just Joe Pesci. You come back here, you Little brat doing it. Yeah, she might have been little enough. Just put a wig on him and have him run away. Why you gotta dress me up like this? Little prick. What's going on, Macaulay? Well, you got a question for me? Yeah, I do. Did you my wife at the boss, ask me that? Home alone. Raging Bull Peacock just put out its trailer for the Office spin off called the Paper. It includes the return of one character from. From the Office. Why? We're done with the Office. Oscar Martinez. It went on too long as it is. So the Paper is a 10 episode mockumentary Dumb series about a struggling newspaper staff in Toledo, Ohio. Everywhere. I never want to be worse being in a newspaper or being in Toledo, Ohio, working for the Jesus. Toledo hand. Kill your whammy. Yeah, yeah. If you're working at a newspaper in Toledo, it is. It ended a long time ago. Yeah, we had a celebrity death superstore. Actor John Mariehara. Who 83 years old. Miyahara. He was three when the bombs dropped. Miyahara. There he is. I kind of reckon recognized him. When I don't watch Superstore. What Superstore? It's a show on NBC for a little while about working in a grocery store. Brady, you don't recognize him? He just looks like an Asian guy. That's what I recognize. That's why I recognize that guy. Served me some number 58 the other day. He was a VI. You're done with that food too, by the way. That's out. It's too much sodium in that. Oh, he's going with Jimmy Bon Jo. Look at his face when I tell him no more of something that's going to save his life. You don't tell me no more of that. That's. That food has been saving my life. No, it has not. So delicious. Okay, it's out. You've had your fill. You've had enough. Tong's going out of business now. Sorry, Tong. Sorry, Viet shack. It's over. See you today. No, this is not. Time to load up, Brady. Get it all in while you can. No, that is not how this works. You're an idiot. Stop doing that. Thank you, Brad. Look at him. He went straight from stupid John and his good logical ideas to giggling and point with you. Good job, Brad. That's the stuff I need to hear. That's the only way I'll recover. Gina Carano settled her lawsuit with Disney over the Mandalorian firing. Yeah, that disclose the amount of money, but that's been quiet. Yeah, and Disney had to bend the knee. Yep. And. And Disney admitted we up and Disney doesn't do that. So her statement was pretty. You know, look, I look forward to. She kept it together. Yep. I. I like that. Should have been a bigger deal. She got canceled for nothing. Kicked off the Mandalorian when it was good. Booted off from all. I mean, Disney rid you of the business, you're gonna have a tough time getting back in. And quietly they're like, give her some money and let's just hope this goes. Goes away. And they did it. And they tried to bury it. I'm glad that's getting attention. Brett's fired up this weekend because freak your Friday, freakier Friday is out. That's right. Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis are back. She looks pretty good. She got a good surgeon again. She married that billionaire living in Dubai. Yeah. When I saw her, I was like, wow, that's. She changed it. Yeah. She was going the wrong way. Wrong way. She looked like a 60 year old country singer for a little while and now she's back to looking like how she's supposed to. Ultimate classic rock. Ranked the top rock songs ranked by a hundred artists. They asked 100 artists to rank. Yeah, metal or. What kind of rock are we talking? Classic rock. Okay. Basically the best according to other artists. The best classic rock song of all time. Yeah, man, that's. I'll give you the top five. And number five was A day in the life. The Beatles. Okay, we're going back to Beatles stuff. Number four, Back in black. Acdc. Number three, Gimme Shelter. The Rolling Stones. Okay. Stairways on there. Number two, Cashmere, Led Zeppelin. And number number one, sweet Emotion. Can't argue with too much with them. No, those are just five great songs. I don't know that you can quantify. Best rock song of all time because I mean, what qualifies this rock. One of the greatest songs that's ever been written is While my guitar gently re. Weeps. But I can't imagine it's a rock favorite. It's just a song. Number 18 was Elegant Woman. Wanted to let you know that. Thanks. Word. 311, right? It didn't. 311 in the top 100. They. That's why they call themselves that. They've never breached the 311 mark in the Billboard charts. There you go. Thrillers in the room. And that's a good thing that Carlos left by the time Thriller got here because evidently he was a victim waiting to happen. That means it's time for the Guadalupe squares. If you want to play 585 9, 800 with. You have to give them today something. I have. Anything. We'll find something for you. Maybe. Maybe Mud Vein tickets or something. We'll throw in the Monday Pantera qualifier for today. Let's do that, huh? That's what we'll do. Whoa. That's right. We're going to give away. Sure can, cuz. Well, the phones don't work on Monday. I don't have to answer the phones Monday. I don't. We'll give Brett Monday off for his birthday. That'll work. We'll give away the Pantera prize today. We'll get ahead of the game by one and we'll just skip Monday's big giveaway. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe we'll just get. Keep going. You want to play 585-9800. That's how we do it. We need a girl. We need a boy. The squares are next. He's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Hberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Sorry, it's a no. You be quiet. Don't. Don't start in. It's time for your Guadalupe squares, everybody. Let me turn everything off. I didn't do my job properly. Let's get right to it. Look, it's Thriller. Hi there. Yeah, don't now. He saw. No, he's not. He's looking at me. Thriller looks like he just. I drag in here and you think I'm on every substance. No, I don't. I think sometimes you come in like you got dragged here. I've been falling all week in the hallway. You've been tumbling around. You're having a rough week. Yeah. See where he works before he comes here. Come on, you gotta. You know, this is your outfit. This is your. I've been working out more, so I've been falling over more. I'd be. I. If I was you. If I worked at kdos, I'd be throwing myself off the seventh floor. Have you seen those people? Airbags, like, if. You know, if you follow the airbag, it deploys. Oh, that sounds. What does he got to carry around for that look? He's always going to perish. No, he just wears it. And if he falls, it automatically goes. I have considered knee pads. I figured knee pads in this building is a bad sign. No, it's not. Not. Not in the kv you're going to get go sign. Yeah. Oh, my God. If you decided to Wander around with knee pads on. They're dudes following you around the whole time. 93.3Z. That would be life. All right. I'm just worried about you, cuz. I appreciate it. You look like. Down a little bit. Not down, Z, but down. You're okay. Just needs a little sleepy. Yeah, you look like you need a nap. Yeah, it's been some late nights. It's whatever. That's what I'm talking about. You always. I'm done talking to this guy. It's Corey, everybody. Thriller is here. That means the Guadalupe Squares are ready to go. We are going to give you the Pantera tickets. So the two people online, the winners getting Pantera. Loser gets nothing this week, Brett. You win and you're done. That's it. Here's your host of these Guadalupe squares, Mr. Thriller Walsh. Corey. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin the Toddle Square Howard sw. Start off and look, Corey, I can see it in your. I can see it in your eyes. And in other words, you look like you're finally disappointed in your mother. And that's through therapy. You're gonna find out that it's her fault all this happened. Yeah, and now you're falling all over the place. You're like a weeble wa. Why don't you use the sticks? No one's gonna laugh. Well, take the sticks and wander around out there. You know what you should do? What? You should take a couple of sticks and dildo to a WNBA game and you chuck it out there, and everybody's gonna just think, oh, we can't get mad at him because he's got the thing. That's the coverage. We won't get you out. Yeah, I'm worried. I appreciate that. You don't seem up and happy. You should be in a better mood, though. Your show's almost done. My show's almost $100 million are gonna take away from me. Corey, have you ever had that happen to you where you lose $100 million in a day? I've had it happen five times now. Unbelievable. Isn't that right, pretty? Yep. Yep. Red Robin. Red Robin got cancer. And now this wannabe Stern show has the co host gets cancer. It's like it's the same thing. Yum. Isn't that right, Bubba? Bastard. Nobody wants to hear from you. Yes, Howard. Anyway, we had the letter from Brianne this morning, and hopefully. I haven't heard, but hopefully she took what she was mad about those dildos and she used it for good. You know, she rubbed up against that. That sealed shut Thing she used to call a honey hole. The one that got the husband in the first place. Interesting. And then she just closed up shop, you know, like Enron. And now nobody's allowed in there. And hopefully, Brett. You know how it works. You see? You know, girls, a little tense. Like Thrillers. Maybe we should get Thriller a dildo. Yeah. Loosen up a little bit. You're so. You're so. You're falling down all the time because you're stressed out. That's very possible. You smoke weed? No. You should consider it. I should at least get the oil. You're right. No, you should smoke it. Oil? What are you talking about? He's getting Asian massage. What's wrong with you? Oh, you ever get those? No. Did you get one of those, too? Yum. Red Robin, go over there and rub Thrillers. Pee pee. Would you let Brady do that? For $1,000? Can Brady jerk you off? What's the price? You've got one. A billion. A clean billion. A billion dollars. Nobody's gonna be tugging a crippled penis for a billion dollars. You're gonna die alone with that NBC. Nobody who's earned a billion dollars is gonna hand it over to him just to jerk him off. That's fair. All right. Anyway, we have Stephen Hawking up next. I don't feel like he should not be in the chair. Corey, why do you wander around when you could just be comfortably seated? I don't. Well, there's a chair available at my home that no one is using anymore as I have entered the great heavens. You went from the island to the heavens to the heavens which do not exist. I am floating in space just as you are at this time. All right. Although I am much more stable. Brady, how are you feeling? Really good. I will see you in November. All right, now, top right square, President Trump. Great show. It's a great show, Corey. You should be happier to be part of it. I think it's a little. I think it's a little ungrateful. A little Elon going on over here. I think a little tired. A little bit Elon. Don't you think, Brady? Like, a little. Yeah. And by the way, Brady, I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Thank you. I'm healthy as a horse. A lot of people say. People say I'm the healthiest that's ever happened. Socks look good. Socks look great, don't they? My big old thick legs. Because I'm swelling up with pride. Swelling with pride. People think people. People say, oh, he's got a disease where his legs Swell. And they know. That's the economy. I'm swelling with pride. Swelling. We're gonna meet with Putin today and he's as depressing as Corey right now. I don't know what's going on. Gotta get a ceasefire and stop all the killing. Maybe not Brett. Brett will keep going, but I'm gonna stop most of the killing. Feeling good. Oh, don't. Don't stop. Don't. Get away from me. I'll go forever. Don't do that. All right, now you can go. I was just gonna. Over. Now we got the middle left square donkey and Shrek here. That's right. Cory. I'm getting my own movie. It's finally happening. I'm gonna get myself a movie. And I don't have to have Shrek hanging around the whole time. It's gonna be all about me and my kids and my wife and it's gonna be great. We have dragons. We got me. We got bad guys and Farqua and all that stuff. We're gonna do it all. Are they gonna animate Raw? What? Your old stand up? Oh, yeah. We should do that. If they can act in Raw. He's right. That's a good idea. Donkey. Raw. Raw. Donkey. That's not good. Don't search that. Search Raw. Donkey. You're gonna end the. Up in. Do you wanna. Hey, Shrek. I was reading your script. Shrek. I mean, Donkey. I'm Shrek. Never mind. I was reading the script and I'm not in it. What's going on? You've been stealing my thunder the whole time. I've been comic relief. It's time for me to be a superstar. Don't you think it's time to be a superstar? Yeah, sure. You should be out there being a superstar too. I think that should work out great. In fact, we're gonna call the whole thing. We're gonna do it like another one of my movies called Golden Donkey. Get yourself a Golden Donkey. Golden Donkey. Be a good idea. I think that's when a donkey peed. Whatever you wanted to be Shrek, we gonna do it. I'm a superstar. I'm a leading man. That's how I look at it. Open your mouth, Shrek. Here comes the donkey. Bee. Donkey. That's too much. That pisses like a donkey. What'd you expect? No, I didn't expect. If it come out with such force, that's a lot of torque. Don't you know I can't handle that type of pissed dark. This going off the rails. Okay, now on over to the Middle square, we have Brady and his kidney. And Deion Sanders. That's right. I brought guests. I met him in my cancer ward. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I have Deion Sanders and my kidney are here in Cancertown, usa. That's right. Really? We both got that kid cancer, Brady. I was. I was in Atlanta. I got my cancer. I got be in Colorado. Get my cancer. Let me tell you what you need to get used to, Brady. What's that, Dion? I can take care of this. Don't fall for the magic. I got it. That's right, Brady. Come on, Other Brady. Follow along. You got to understand. Prime Time Brady, having to talk about cancer. You can't have no more ice cream. Now I'll eat ice cream I want. There's a whole list right there. I was in Atlanta. Phosphorus. You can't have no more phosphorus, Brady. You out your mind? Think you won't eat that phosphorus? I don't know what it is, but it's making me hungry and appetite. Brady, I gotta. I gotta ask you something. Let me get down here. Prime time. Prime time. Gonna talk to your kidney for a second. Brady's kidney, are you there? Oh, no, man. There was not a whole lot left in that tank. Had one so much salt. Get me out of here. I tell you, bro, you're gonna be pooping in a diaper for a month. Go have that moon face, too. They gonna give you all that messy going in with moon face. Look at the bottom list there. The high sodium. Look what you can't have. No bacon, no ham, no sausage snacks. Bacon, ham, and sausage. Why don't you just lay down and die? This ain't gonna work out for you. That's just recommendations. I'm fine. Yep. There's another, however. Doctor says I'm ticking along at 15%. That's good. I tell you, man, this guy's not gonna make it. Brett, you got to keep your eyes on him. I go, I lost a foot. I'm in better shape than you, Brett. Make sure you don't damage your kidneys. You can't eat tomatoes. Can't have no. Can't have no tomatoes. Brett. Brett ain't gonna go through this kidney. So kill me now. Brady looked nervous. This square got him thinking. Good news, Brady, is you can't have spinach. Oh, good. That wasn't much of a threat, I gotta be honest. Love it. Love it. Oh, son. You can't have. Yeah, but you like it covered in spinach. Can't eat that spinach raw. You know, they serve it like that, too. I'll eat it however I want. We know you will. Without stopped you yet. Butter and cream. Hold the spinach. You gonna be pooping your pants like crazy, player. This is not a good idea. Idea go Colorado Shador said he's going to start himself a game this weekend. That's my boy. That's right. I wish he'd have been drafted like his daddy down there in Atlanta. Who's he playing tonight? Brown's playing the Falcons. Oh, no. I think so. I don't know who's playing the Falcons. I don't know what's going on. There's a whole team's worth of quarterbacks. They got 16 quarterbacks. I think he's the best one. That don't say much, though. It's Cleveland. Saying Cleveland is healthy is like saying Brady's got good kidneys. All right, over now to the middle right square. Ozzy Oswald. I was. I just wanted to come on here and remind everybody that I'm currently healthier than Brady. You are. This is step. This is the next step, Brady. This is what you're looking forward to if you keep eating bacon, ham and sausage. Can I eat bats? If it's healthier than your diet, Actually, yes, probably. It's good to be back. Thriller. Yeah, I was gone for two weeks. I decided I. Death doesn't suit me. Really. So I'm touring again. Oh, okay. So you throw away your final tour T shirt. I've decided to come back and do the game. No more tours. One more tour. Is Sharon still following you? Sharon is following me. She's following me all around the place, it seems right now. Also, you have to be nice. You'll end up like Brady. Oh, my God. I don't want to be. That's terrifying. Brady's gonna have his message. As many flowers as I did at mine. Create a lot of mulch. A lot of mulch. Brady's a lot of mulch. Very true. All right. Now let's hop on over to the bottom of the square. Brady. Secret square. Give us a hint. Yeah. How you guys doing today? I don't know if you heard the news today, but I'm lead singer of a rock band and I hope you welcome me. With her arms wide open. Oh, nailed it. Man. One to one. What kind of meandering path were you going for to get to that? How to get there? I don't know if you've heard. You just heard the news today? Heard the news today of what? The beginning of the song. Okay. Did you look that else? Heard the News today. Go ahead. That's not how it goes. When did he turn into Wilford? That's visual. That's different. People on the radio can't see Wilford as much as as we can. All right, now the bottom, middle square. Is Sam Elliott up next? No. Oh, it's Sam Elliott all right. That's right, mijo. We moved it back. Dion moved up north one, I believe. I'm the singer of Creed Wide Open. Me. Nailed it. All right, move on, mijo. I got less than nothing on this one. Ah, that's fair enough. Over now to the bottom line square. Our Lord and savior trip. We. How are you doing, sir? How are you today? You're all right. Thriller. I saw you fall in the hallway. Yes, you did point and laugh. Yeah, I did. It was hilarious. You should have seen it. It was funnier to watch him try to get up. It's like a dead bug. You worried about workman's comp? Don't care. I cannot file that. I've checked. Yeah, he can't do it. Yeah, cuz he's. He's already goofed up. There's no proof we did anything wrong. You're making him work on the second floor. In fact, if you fall again. Fine. I'm tired of it. Only fair. That's only fair. You're gone. I'm tired of it. You're keep tumbling around and becoming a speed bump. You're gonna knock somebody over. You're a hazard. But I do like watching you fall down. Cause the get up is hilarious. Yes. That's the train off. One of these days I'm just gonna get over there and knock you down over and over and see how long it takes for you to fight back. You might be the only person in the building I can take. Probably. That's very fair. Don't sell yourself short, Corey. I'm not gonna fight a 90 year old man. I'm not 90. Now I am gonna kick your ass. Enjoy your do an hour, Plasma boy. That's right. All right, who do we have on the phone? We got Madeline and some guy that can't pay his own bills. Oh, man. Madeline and the. The dude who goes on his mom's phone plan. What's your name? Is he there? Did you answer it? I did. That's Madeline. Are you there? There he is. I'm here. I'm here. Yes, sir. What's. What's the boy's name? Aaron. Aaron. All right. Oh, that took a while. He had to look it up. All right. Madeline's your first, pick a square. Go. I'm gonna take the middle square. All right. Brady and his Kidney and Beyond Sanders. That's right. Brady, his kidney and Deion Sanders all walked into a bar. That's right. That's awesome. Yeah, the Brady and His Jewish Kidney and Deion Sanders, a black guy, a big woman and a Jewish kidney walked into a bar. Gonna be funny in a couple weeks. Now you that stuff. All right, now, how's your kidney doing there, Madeline? You all right? I've got both. That's right. And you know what? You could be a nice lady and lend one of them to breed if you was, you know, of that type. Prime time. Let's find out my. Find out my blood type. You don't have to worry about that none, darling. Let's just rip that out and get it in there. Because even if you don't match, you match somebody girl. And none of us are giving us our kidney to breeder, that's for sure. Come on now, be nice to this man. I sure could use your kidneys, Madeline. Wanna talk to my kidney? Bring you some ribs. Don't worry. Don't bring me ribs. Don't do it. Kidney. I'm sorry. Boom, more ribs. That's your kidney, man. You ain't gonna make him a slug now. All right, got a question for you guys. I got the answer for you there. All right. Third Santa Fe. No, maybe not this time. I say that. All right, go. Third. Born children are the most troublesome in families of three or more kids. True or false? He's most troublesome. None of his brothers and sisters have anything wrong with him asking for body parts. I think he answers your. And I'm the third one that's got to be true. All right? I'm a problem child and I'm wild. No salt. Now, salt's going to be the craziest thing you do for here on out. All right, so you're saying true. I think I'm also. Go ahead. I think I'm also gonna say true. That's incorrect, though. Sorghle gets a square. Oh, it's the home. Dang it. It's the second ones that are the problem. Yes, I guess blame Tom or something. Yeah, that's Amy's two, right? Tommy is. Oh, Tom's second. All right, over to Aaron here. Make his election go with. You know what? I want to go with Trump, but, you know, I'll actually go with Stephen Hawkins. Okay. He's using scientific strategy to get to the right answer now that he's got an O in the middle. He'd like to get to the top and then perhaps have the straight up and down. 00, 0 win binary code. All right. Well, we'll see. A question here for you, sir. See, Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin owned the same tortoise named Harriet. True or false? Thriller. And I tried to have sex in my chair. It would look like a swastik rolling down the road. Yes. Elbows and everywhere on wheels. I'd have to say Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin had the same tortoise. That is probably true. Okay, you were saying? TR. I will say that's true. Tortoises live up to 150 years, which is a lot longer than Brady is going to live. Thank God. That's a lot longer than all of us. All right there, Aaron, do you agree or disagree with True? So the question was, is Steve Darwin and Steve Irwin have the same turtle? Yes. Steve Darwin. Steve Darwin. Chuck. Chuck Darwin. Chucky Darwin. C. Darwin. Him too. I must. I'm gonna say. I'm say false. Incorrect. Exit's the square. Oh, man. Next one wins because we're late. Oh, boy. Madeline, make this quick. May please get donkey with or donkey from Shrek. Excuse me. Okay, they're both here. What's wrong? Are you gonna go see my movie? I got no. Got no Shrek in it. But that's all right because I'm a superstar. We're gonna have that happen right there. I mean, wander around there making donkey noises. I'm doing all that stuff like crazy. Running around solving crime. Scrub solving mystery. And I don't need no ogre. Ogre come along. He just mess everything up. He get all the money. It's all my money now. That's my money. Count on it. That's. That's my money. You're gonna share with your family, right? I'm gonna kick you right in the head. Can I at least get a cameo in your movie, for Christ's sake? You and all of mine. You know what? I've had it with this guy. We've had. We like Martin and Lewis. We splitting up. We like Brady and his kidney. We just separate. That's how it's gonna work. We're gonna Beverly Hills donkey. That's what's gonna be. I'm at a police officer in Beverly Hills driving around be a donkey in Beverly Hills. Hong Kong. You ever find donkey in the tailpipe? That's what we gonna play that game. You have a donkey in the tailpipe. Walk into that restaurant, tell everybody I got the herpes simplex thin. That's how that's gonna work. All right, ask me my question already. Go ahead. Maybe we do coming to Donkey. We do coming to Donkey. That's a great idea. Coming to Donkey. Don't Google that. All right. Bluetooth is named after the 10th century king of Denmark. True or false? There was a king Bluetooth. That sounds crazy. I don't think that could be true because it just doesn't sound true to me. But that could be true. I suppose it could be true, but I'm gonna say it ain't true. I'm gonna say it's false. I'm gonna say it's false. And I'm gonna think about coming to Donkey some more. Because we do come into Donkey two. Coming to Donkey two. T o o not two like a number, but two like an also come to Donkey two. That would be fun. I'm Donkey, dammit. That's what we'll do. I do Gumby. Where does the Gumby. We'll get the Gumby out there. I'm a donkey, damn it. And then have my little friend Pokey and we'll ride around on top of him. It'll be fun. I'll be Gumby. I'll be Mr. Robinson. Donkey. I'll be all my old characters back at one. One thing. Norbit. Donkey. Yeah, we got all of them. I say that's probably. I'm gonna say that's probably false. That sounds silly. Okay, you're saying false. Now. Meline here for the win. Do you agree? Or Dr. Do Donkey. We got that one. It's ironic that only people can talk to me. I'm the only animal that can talk, and people can talk to me. I'm sorry, Madeline. I'm still going. I ain't going. Stop now. All right, I'm sorry I interrupted. Now go ahead. Could you repeat the question? Oh, my God. Just say it ain't true. Dr. Bluetooth, can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Bluetooth come along. And he said, I'm the King of Norway, and they named Bluetooth after him. True or false? I'm gonna say true. Correct. She did it. Oh, my God. She gonna go see Pantera. Exciting. Hey, Are you serious? Yeah, that's right, Marlon, do you need a date to Pantera? You ever been with an ogre? Oh, my God. She's taking it. My husband is an ogre. Oh, my God. Her husband is an ogre. She says I actually got a type. That's crazy. She sent Carlos over there. She might be hopping around. Let's come up with another Idea. We called the donkey clumps. The donkey Clumsy would be like, oh, Hercules. Hercules, Hercules. And then another dog would be like, oh, he own chose muscles. I gotta get out of here. This is crazy. That's enough. Yeah, That's a whirlwind. There's a lot. It's 10:15. John. That's your fault. Larry gets all the credit for that. At least till Monday. We're not dumb. Thriller. I'm worried about you. Have a good weekend. I'll be fine. I'm a little more worried about you than I am Brady. He's got a rosier outlook than you did. And all you did was fall down. You brighten up when the mics come on but they go off. Well, do you want the opposite back? That's exactly right. You're bad. You're bad at your job. Yeah, he's. He's smarter than you are. Now. I don't want depressed guy on the air and happy guy often. That would be funny. Yeah. Tomorrow. Roosters, nine o'. Clock. $20 at the door. All goes. We're giving a humane society a ton of money or best we can do because it's a lot. And then the band is going to play Cinco de Celebrating five years of Brett Fesley on the show. My belated birthday. Brett's a little bit belated birthday. Brady's kidney's final show going to be the last performance Brady sees. And it's all songs from movie soundtracks. It's going to be a blast. Thriller. You can come be part of that. And you can be up there. And Toledo will be there as well. It's all good stuff. Band goes on a little bit before nine, right around nine. So get there early. They're. They're closing the thing for us and opening it up again at like 6, 6:30. So go to the rooster up there in Scottsdale. On the Scottsdale and a coma. Just come out and get drunk. This is a drunk goof off. This is not a like, golly. This is all. It's going to be good. But it is a drunk goof off. We're getting Brett really hammered. We're getting my birthday really? Hammer. Getting Brady's kidney really hammered. This is it. That's good. And it's not working at full percentage. It's fine. His kidneys are blood. His liver's fine. He'll be good. All right. And as. While he sits here and goes, I gotta load up before they take it. I got this. Then we're gonna load you full of alcohol too. While you act like an idiot if you're gonna start drawing lines there. Yeah, we're taking them all down. Brady likes Jaeger shots tomorrow night starting at 9. Don't waste your money. No, you're drinking it. I don't if I see you at a table chugging on fried foods. No, I'm done with you. Oh, he's going to have a steak sandwich. He's going to be eating everything that's they got good wings. The Arby's meat mountain rooster says good food too. Great salads for people like you. Open up at 5:30. That's right. You got a private opening for me. I want any of those milk based dressings. You can't have anything but salad from here on out with no dressing. Idiot. Oh, there you go. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great day. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. S It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.