← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
08-08-25 - Guad Squares - Howard Stern - Stephan Hawking - Trump - Donkey And Shrek - Ozzy - Sam Elliot
00:24:01
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John Holmberg
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Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Sorry, it's a. No, you be quiet. Don't. Don't start in. It's time for your Guadalupe squares. Everybody. Let me turn everything off. I didn't do my job properly. Uh, let's get right to it. Look, it's Thriller. Hi there. Yeah, don't now. He saw Brace. No, he's not. He's looking at me. Thriller. Looks like he just. I walk in here and you think I'm on every substance. No, I don't I think sometimes you come in like you got dragged here. I've been falling all week in the hallway. You've been tumbling around. You're having a rough week. Yes. See where he works before he comes here. Come on, you gotta. You know, this is your. I've been working out more, so I've been falling over more. I'd be. I. If I was you. If I worked at Kat West, I'd be throwing myself off the seventh floor. Have you seen those people? Airbags, like, if, you know, if you follow the airbag at the place. Oh, that sounds. What does he got to carry around for that? He's always going to perish. Oh, he just wears it. And if he falls, it automatically goes. I have considered knee pads. I figured knee pads in this building is a bad sign. No, it's not. Not. Not in the Katie kb You're going to get raised. Go sign. Yeah. Oh, my God. If you decided to wander around with knee pads on, the dudes following you around the whole time. 93.3all DZ. That would be life. All right, I'm just worried about you because I appreciate. You look like. Down a little bit. Not down. Z. You're okay. Just needs a little sleepy. Yeah, you look like you need a nap. Yeah, it's been some late nights. Well, it's. Whatever. That's what I'm talking about. You always say. All right, I'm done talking to this guy. It's Corey, everybody. Thriller is here. That means the Guadalupe Squares are ready to go. We are going to give you the Pantera tickets. So the two people online, the winners getting Pantera. Loser gets nothing this week, Brett. You win and you're done. That's it. Here's your host of these Guadalupe squares, Mr. Thriller Walsh. Corey. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin the Toddler Square Howard story. Starting off. Look, Corey, I can see it in your. I can see it in your eyes. In other words, you look like you're finally disappointed in your mother, and that's through therapy. You're gonna find out that it's her fault all this happened. Yeah, and now you're falling all over the place. You're like a Weeble wobble. Why don't you use the sticks? No one's gonna laugh. I. Well, take the sticks and wander around out there. You know who's. You know what you should do? What? You should. You should take a couple of sticks and dildo to a WNBA game and you chuck it out there, and everybody's gonna just think, oh, we can't get mad at him because he's got the thing. That's the coverage we'll get you. Yeah. I'm worried about you. I appreciate that. You don't seem up and happy. You should be in a better mood though. Your show's almost done. My show's almost $100 million are gonna take away from me. Kamari, have you ever had that happen to you where you lose $100 million? I've had it happen five times now. Unbelievable. Isn't that right, Brittlejuice? Yep. Yep. And Red Robin. Red Robin got cancer. And now this wannabe Stern show has the co host gets cancer. It's like it's the same thing. Yum. Isn't that right, bubba? Bastard. Nobody wants to hear from you. Yes, Howard. Anyway, we had the letter from Brianne this morning and hopefully I haven't heard from her since, but hopefully she took what she was mad about those dildos and she used it for good. You know, she rubbed up against that. That sealed shut thing she used to call a honey hole. The one that got the husband in the first place interested and closed up shop. You know, like Enron. And now nobody's allowed in there. And hopefully, Brett, you know how it works. You see? You know, girls, a little tense. Like Thrillers. Maybe we should get Thriller. Rodildo. Yeah. Loosen up a little bit. You're so. You. So you're falling down all the time because you're stressed out. That's very possible. Do you smoke weed? No. You should consider it. I should at least get the oil. You're right. No, you should smoke it. Oil? What are you talking about? All right. He's getting an Asian massage. What's wrong with you? Oh, you ever get those? No. Did you get one of those too? Yum. Red Robin, go over there and rub Thrillers. Pee pee. Would you let Brady do that for $1,000? Can Brady jerk you off? What's the price? You've got one. A billion. A clean billion. A billion dollars. Nobody's gonna tug on a crippled penis for a billion dollars. You're gonna die alone. With that coming this fall to NBC, nobody who's earned a billion dollars is gonna hand it over to him just to. All right. Anyway, going on now square, we have Stephen Hawking up next. I don't feel like he should not be in the chair. Corey, why do you wander around when you could just be comfortably seated at all times? I don't feel your style, sir. Well, there's a chair available at my home that no one is using anymore. As I have entered the great heavens. You went from the island to the heavens to the heavens which do not exist. I am floating in space just as you are at this time. All right, Daldo. And I am much more stable. Brady, how are you feeling? Really good. I will see you in November. All right, now, now, top right square. President Trump. Great show. It's a great show, Cory. You should be happier to be part of it. I think it's a little. I think it's a little ungrateful. I don't know. A little Elon going on over here. I think a little tired, a little bit Elon. Don't you think, Brady? Like a little. And by the way, Brady, I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Thank you. I'm healthy as a horse. A lot. People say. People say I'm the healthiest that's ever. Socks look good. Socks look great, don't they? My big old thick legs. Because I'm swelling up with pride. I'm swelling with pride. People think people. People say, oh, he's got a disease where his legs swell and say, no, that's the economy. I'm swelling with pride. Swelling. We're gonna meet with Putin today, and he's as depressing as Corey right now. I don't know what's going on. Gotta get a ceasefire and stop all the killing. Maybe not Brett. Brett will keep going, but I'm gonna stop most of the killing. Feeling good. Oh, don't. Don't stow. Don't. Get away from me. I'll go forever. Don't do that. All right, now you can go. I'm just gonna. Over. Now we got the middle left square donkey and Shrek here. That's right, Corey. I'm getting my own movie. It's finally happening. I'm gonna get myself a movie. And I don't have to have Shrek hanging around the whole time. It's gonna be all about me and my kids and my wife, and it's gonna be great. We have dragons. We got me. We got bad guys and Farqua and all that stuff. We're gonna do it all. Are they gonna animate Raw? What? Your old stand up? Oh, yeah. We should do that if they can. I'm raw. He's right. That's a good idea. Donkey. Raw. Raw Donkey. That's not good. Don't search that. You search Raw Donkey, you're gonna end up in Tijuana. Hey, Shrek, I was reading your script. Shrek. I mean, Donkey. I'm Shrek. Never mind. I was reading the script and I'm not in it. What's going on? You've been stealing my thunder the whole time. I've been comic relief. It's time for me to be a superstar. Don't you think it's time to be a superstar? Yeah, sure. You're right. I was just being a superstar, too. I think that should work out great. In fact, we gonna call the who we gonna do it like another one of my movies called Golden Donkey. Get yourself a golden donkey. A golden donkey would be a good idea. I think that's when a donkey peeds on you. Whatever you want it to be, Shrek. We gonna do it. I'm a superstar. I'm a leading man. That's how I look at it. Open your mouth, Shrek. Here comes the donkey pee. Donkey. That's too much. That pisses like a donkey. What'd you expect? No, I didn't expect. If he'd come out with such force. That's a lot of torque, Donkey. You know I can't handle that type of piss torque. This gone off the rails. Hurry up, Cory. Move forward. Okay, now on over to the middle square. We have Brady and his kidney. And Deion Sanders. That's right. I brought guests. I met him in my cancer ward. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I have Deion Sanders and my kid near here in Cancertown, usa. I love umbrellas. That's right, Brandon. We both got that cancer brick. I was. I was in Atlanta. I got my cancer. I got be in Colorado, get my cancer. Let me tell you what you need to get used to, Brady. What's that, Dion? I can take care of this. Don't fall for the magic. I got it. That's right, Brady. Come on, other Brady. Follow along. You got to understand. Prime time, Brady. Having to talk about cancer. You can't have no more ice cream now. I'll eat ice cream all I want. There's a whole list right there. I was in that lab. Phosphorus. You can't have no more phosphorus. Brady. You out your mind? Think you gonna eat that phosphorus? I don't know what it is, but it's making me hungry and appetite. Brady, I gotta. I gotta ask you something. Let me get done in prime time. Prime time. Gonna talk to your kidney for a second. Brady's kidney, Are you there? Oh, no, man. Not a whole lot left in that. So much salt. Get me out of here. I tell you, buddy, you gonna be pooping in a diaper for a month. Gonna have that mood face, too. They gonna get all that messy going in there with mood Face. Look at the bottom list there. The high sodium. Look what you can't have. No bacon, no ham, no sausage. Roasted snacks. Bacon, ham and sausage. Why don't you just lay down and die? This ain't gonna work out for you. That's just recommendations. I'm fine. Yep. There's another however in there. Doctor says I'm tick. That's good. I tell you, man, this guy's not gonna make it. Brett, you got to keep your eyes on him. I go, I lost a foot and I'm in better shape than you. Brett, make sure you don't damage your kidneys. You can't eat tomatoes. Can't have no. Can't have no tomatoes. Brett. Brett ain't gonna go through this kidney, so kill me now. Brady looked nervous. This square got him thinking. Good news, Brady, is you can't have spinach. Oh, good. That wasn't much of a threat, I gotta be honest. Love it. Love it. Oh, son, he can't have. Yeah, but you like it covered in butter. Can't eat that spinach raw. You know, they serve it like that, too. I'll eat it however I want. We know you will. Without butter and cream. Hold the spinach. You gonna be pooping your pants like crazy, player. This is not a good idea. Go, Colorado. Sedona said he's gonna start himself a game this weekend. That's my boy. That's right. I wish he'd have been drafted like his daddy down there in Atlant. Who's he playing tonight? Brown's playing the Falcons. Oh, no. I think so. I don't know. Playing the Falcons. I don't know what's going on. There's a whole team's worth of quarterbacks. They got 16 quarterbacks. I bet he's the best one. That don't say much, though. It's Cleveland. Saying Cleveland is healthy is like saying Brady's got good kidneys. All right, over now to the middle. Right square. Ozzy Oswald. I just wanted to come on here and remind everybody that I'm currently healthier than Brady. You are. Can't get much worse. This is step. This is the next step, Brady. This is what you're looking forward to if you keep eating bacon. Ha. Ham and sausage. Can I eat bats? Is this healthier than your diet? Actually, yes, probably. It's good to be back. Thriller. Yeah, I was gone for two weeks. I decided I didn't. Death doesn't suit me. Really? So I'm touring again. Oh, okay. So you throw away your final tour T shirt. I decided to come back and do it again. No more tours. One more tour. Is Sharon still following you? Sharon is following me. She's following me all around the place. Seems right now also you have to be nice. You'll end up like Brady. Oh my God. I don't wanna be that hair. It's terrifying. No reason Brady's gonna have as many flowers as I did at mine. Create a lot of mulch. A lot of mulch. Brady's a lot of mulch. Very true. Morning sickness medicate K u p d at Native Grill and Wings we bring the big flav. Match the big moments. Our fresh never frozen wings come in over 20 bold flavors served up hot and ready for every game winning play. Football is back. Kick back with an ice cold beer or handcrafted cocktail and catch all the action at Native Grillin. Wings. Need to feed the fam. Get two large pepperoni or cheese pizzas for just 20 bucks. It's a whole lot of flavor for one unbeatable price. Cold drinks, great food, even better deals. Visit native grillinwings.com to find the restaurant nearest you. It's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the Morning Sickness coming at you for our pals at Action Ride Shop. It's summertime, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it. That's a fact, Burt. Action Ride Shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their E bikes right now. They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters. And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails with an awesome setup from outbound lighting and night rider. Get to Action Ride Shop on the 60 and Gilbert or their new location on McDowell and Power. Actionrideshop.com It's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-hol's Morning Sickness. All right, now let's hop on over to the bottom of the square. Brady. Secret square. Give us a hint. Yeah. How you guys doing today? I don't know if you heard the news today, but I'm lead singer of a rock band, and I hope you welcome me with your arms wide open. Jesus Christ. Oh. Nailed it, man. One to one. What kind of meandering path were you going for to get to that? He doesn't know how to get there. I don't know if you've heard. You just heard the news today, jackass. Heard the news today of what? It's the beginning of the song. Okay. Did you look that up? Heard the news today. Go ahead. That's not how it goes. When did he turn into Wilford? That's visual. That's different. People on the radio can't see Wilfred as much as we can. All right, now, the bottom of those. Where is Sam Elliott? No. Oh, it's Sam Elliott, all right. That's right, mijo. We moved it back. Dion moved up North 1, I believe. I'm the singer of Creed. Open me. Oh, nailed it. All right, move on, Miho. I got less than nothing on this one. Ah, that's fair enough. Over. Now, to the abandoned square. Our Lord and Savior. Triple. How you doing, sir? How are you today? All right, Thriller. I saw you fall in the hallway. Yes, you did. Point and laugh. Yeah, I did. It was hilarious. You should have seen it. It was funnier to watch him try to get up. It's like a dead bug. You worried about Workman's comp? Don't care. I cannot file that. I've checked. Yeah, he can't do it. Yeah, because he's. He's already goofed up. There's no proof we did anything. You're making him work on the second floor. In fact, if you fall again. Fine. I'm tired of it. Only fair. That's only fair. I'm tired of it. You're out. Keep tumbling around and becoming a speed bump. You're gonna knock somebody over. You're a hazard. But I do like watching you fall down. Because the get up is hilarious. Yes. That's the train off. One of these days, I'm just gonna get over there and knock you down over and over and see how long it takes for you to fight back. You might be the only person in the building I can Take probably. That's very fair. Don't sell yourself short, Corey. I'm not gonna fight a 90 year old man. I'm not 90. Well, now I am gonna kick your ass. Enjoy your dollar an hour, plasma boy. That's right. All right, who do we have on the phone? We got and some guy that can't pay his own bills. Oh, man. Madeline. And the. The dude who goes on his mom's phone plan. What's your name? Is he there to answer it? I did. That's. Madeline, are you there? I'm here. Yes, sir. What's. What's the boy's name? Aaron. Aaron. All right. Oh, that took a while. He had to look it up. All right, Madeline's your first. Pick a square. Go. Well, I'm gonna take the middle square. All right. Brady and his kidney and Deion Sanders. That's right. Brady, his kidney and Deion Sanders all walked into a bar. That's right. That's awesome. Yeah, the Brady and his Jewish kidney and Deion Sanders. A black guy, a big woman, and a Jewish kid and he walked into a bar. Brady ain't gonna be funny in a couple weeks. Now you stop that stuff. All right, now. How's your kidney doing there, Madeline? You all right? I've got both, so I'm doing okay. And you know what? You could be a nice lady and lend one of them to breed if you was, you know, of that type. Prime time. Let's find out my. Find out my blood type. You don't have to worry about that, non darling. Let's just rip that out and get it in there. Cause even if you don't match, you match somebody, girl. Ain't none of us are giving us our kidneys to breeder, that's for sure. Come on now, Madeline, be nice to this man. I sure could use your kidneys. Madeline. Want to talk to my kidney? Some ribs. Don't worry. Don't bring me ribs. Don't do it. Kidney. I'm sorry, no more ribs. That's your kidney, man, you ain't gonna make it much longer now. All right, got a question for you guys. I got the answer for you there. All right. Third Atlanta Falcons. No, maybe not this time. I see that. All right, go third. Born children are the most troublesome in families of three or more kids. True or false? Most troublesome. None of his brothers and sisters have anything wrong with asking for body parts. I think he answered yours. And I'm the third one that's got to be true. All right, I'm a problem Child. And I'm wild now. Salt's gonna be the craziest thing you do from here on out. All right, so you're saying true. I think I'm also. Go ahead. I think I'm also gonna say true. That's incorrect, though. Circle gets a square. Oh, it's the homebrew. Dang it. It's the second ones that are the problem. Yes, Yes. I guess blame Tom or something. Yeah, no, it's Amy's too. Right. Tommy is. Oh, Tom's second over to Aaron here. Make a selection. Let's go with. You know what? I want to go with Trump, but, you know, I'll actually go with Stephen Hawkins. Okay. He's using scientific strategy to get to the right answer. Now that he's got an O in the middle, he'd like to get to the top and then perhaps have the straight up and down. 0, 0, 0 win binary code. All right, well, we'll see. A question here for you, sir. See, Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin owned the same tortoise named Harriet. Thriller. And I tried to have sex in my chair. It would look like a swastika rolling down the road. Yes. Elbows and everywhere on wheels. I'd have to say Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin had the same tortoise. That is probably true. Okay, you were saying true. Not everyone say that's true. Tortoises live up to 150 years, which is a lot longer than Brady's going to live. Thank God. That's a lot longer than all of us. All right there, Aaron, do you agree or disagree with truth? So the question was, is Steve Darwin and Steve Irwin have the same turtle? Yes. Steve Darwin. Chuck. Chuck Darwin. Chucky. Darwin C. Darwin. Him too. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say false. Incorrect. Exit the square. Oh, man. Next one wins because we're late. Oh, boy. Madeline, make this quick. May please get Donkey with or Donkey from Shrek. Excuse me. Okay, you get Donkey and Shrek get Donkey, too. They're both here. Where's Mom? Are you gonna movie? I got no. Got no Shrek in it. But that's all right because I'm a superstar. We're gonna have that happen right there. I'm gonna wander around there making donkey noises. I'm gonna do all that stuff like crazy. Running around solving crimes, solving mystery. And I don't need no ogre. Ogre come along. He just mess everything up. He get all the money. It's all my money now. That's my money. Count on it. That's My money. Get your hands off my body. You're gonna share with your family, right? Oh, he honk. I'm gonna kick you right in the head. Can I at least get a cameo in your movie, for Christ's sake? You and all of mine. You know what? I've had it with this guy. We've had. We like Martin and Lewis. We splitting up. We like Brady and his kidney. We just separating. That's how it's gonna work. We go to Beverly Hills, Donkey. That's what's gonna be. I'm at a police officer in Beverly Hills, driving around. Be a donkey in Beverly Hills, Hong Kong. You ever find Donkey in the tailpipe? That's what we gonna play that game. You have a donkey in the tailpipe game. Walk into that restaurant, tell everybody I got the Herpes simplex. Then that's how that's gonna work. All right. Ask me my question already. Go ahead. Maybe we do Coming to Donkey. We do Coming to Donkey. Whoa. That's a great idea. Coming to Donkey. Don't Google that. All right. Bluetooth is named after the 10th century king of Denmark. True or false? There was a king Bluetooth. That sounds crazy. I don't think that could be true because it just doesn't sound true to me. But that could be true. I suppose it could be true, but I'm gonna say it ain't true. I'm gonna say it's false. I'm gonna say it's false. And I'm gonna think about coming to Donkey some more, because we do. Coming to Donkey two. Coming to Donkey two. T o o not two like a number, but two like an also come to Donkey two. That would be fun. I'm Donkey, damn it. That's what we'll do. I do Gumby. Where do the Gumby. We'll get the Gumby out there. I'll be Donkey, dammit. And I have my little friend Pokey, and we'll ride around on top of him. It'll be fun. I'll be Gumby. I'll be Mr. Robinson. Donkey. I'll be all my old characters back at one thing. Norbit. Donkey. Yeah, we got all of them. I say that's probably. I'm gonna say that's probably false. That sounds silly. Okay, you're saying false now. Madeline here for the win. Do you agree or Dr. Do Donkey. We got that one. It's ironic that only people can talk to me. I'm the only animal that can talk, and people can talk to me. I'm sorry, Madeline. I'm still Going. I ain't gonna stop now. All right, I'm sorry, Matt, I interrupted. Now, go ahead. Could you repeat the question? Oh, my God. Just say it ain't true. Dr. Bluetooth, can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Bluetooth, come along. And he said, I'm the king of Norway. And they named Bluetooth after him. True or false? I'm gonna say true. Correct. She did. Weird. Oh, my God. She gonna go see Pantera. Exciting. Hey, you serious? Yeah, that's right. Marlin, do you need a date to Pantera? You ever been with an ogre? Oh, my God. She's taking it. My husband is an ogre. Oh, my God. Her husband is an ogre. She says, hey, she got a type. That's crazy. I should send Carlos over there. She might be hopping around. Come up with another idea. We called the donkey clumps. The donkey clumps would be like, oh, Hercules. Hercules. Hercules. And then another dog be like, oh, he. He chose Mother. I gotta get out of here. This is crazy. That's enough. Yeah, that's a whirlwind. There's a lot. It's 10, 15, John. That's your fault. Larry gets all the credit for that. At least till Monday. We're not dumb. Thriller, I'm worried about you. Have a good weekend. Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm a little more worried about you than I am Brady. He's got a rosier outlook than you did, and all you did was fall down. You brighten up when the mics come on, but they go off. Oh, do you want the opposite? That's exactly right. You're bad. You're bad at your job. Yeah, he's smarter than you are. Now, I don't want Depressed guy on the air and happy guy also. That would be funny. Yeah. Tomorrow, roosters, 9 o', clock, $20 at the door. All goes to. We're giving the Humane Society a ton of money, or best we can do, because it's a lot. And then the band is gonna play Cinco de Wapo, celebrating five years of Brett Fessley on the show. My belated birthday. Brett's a little bit belated. Brady's Kidneys final show. It's going to be the last performance Brady sees. And it's all songs from movie soundtracks. It's going to be a blast. Thriller, you can come be part of that. And you can be up there. And Toledo will be there as well. It's all good stuff. Band goes on a little bit before nine, right? Around nine, so get there Early. They're. They're closing the thing for us and opening it up again at like 6, 6:30. So go to the rooster up there in Scottsdale. On Scottsdale. In a coma. Just come out and get drunk. This is a drunk goofball. This is not a like, golly. This is all. It's going to be good. But it is a drunk goof off. We're getting Brett really hammered. We're getting my birthday really hammer. Getting Brady's kidney really hammered. This is it. That's good. And it's not working at full percentage. It's fine. His kidneys are blood. His liver's fine. He'll be good. All right. And as while he sits here and goes, I gotta load up before they take it. I got this. Then we're gonna load you full of alcohol too while you act like an idiot. If you're gonna start drawing lines there. Yeah, we're taking them all down. Brady likes Jaeger shots. Tomorrow night starting at 9. Don't waste your money. No, you're drinking it. I don't if I see you at a table chugging on fried foods. No, I'm done with you. Oh, he's gonna have a steak sandwich. He's gonna be eating everything. They got good wings. The Arby's meat Mountain roosters has good food too. Great salads for people like you. Open up at 5:30. That's right. You have a private opening for me. I want any of those milk based dressings. You can't have anything but salad from here on out. With no dressing. Idiot. There you go. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great day. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Sign to sell out. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Eastside and Tempe at the Improv catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets downtown at Stand Up Live and at the Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie Letterman entertaining you all week for the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible. Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship. Wait, there's no backorders? Nope. 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