08-11-25 - Chinese Woman Has Uncontrolled Constant Orgasms - Flat Earther Emails In Accusing Us Of Being Indoctrinated And Paid By Round Earthers - John's Looking For A Pool Teacher Since He Has Two Pool Tables

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: August 11, 2025 Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo Release Date: August 11, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS), hosted by John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, the team delves into intriguing and unconventional topics ranging from medical anomalies to conspiracy theories. The episode blends humor, personal anecdotes, and listener interactions to engage Arizona's #1 morning radio show audience.

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2. Uncontrolled Constant Orgasms: A Medical Mystery

Discussion Starter: The episode kicks off with John Holmberg introducing a bizarre and rare medical condition:

[04:00] John Holmberg: "Young woman can't stop having orgasms. Dr. Stump. Click. I'm out."

Exploration of PGAD: John elaborates on Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), highlighting its severity:

[05:56] John Holmberg: "Only a woman would complain about a life of orgasms. No. Make it stop. Like, no. This is the way it's supposed to be. Forever for the lucky few."

He shares hypothetical scenarios and historical anecdotes to underscore the discomfort and challenges faced by individuals with PGAD. The conversation takes a humorous turn as co-hosts grapple with the concept of perpetual pleasure:

[07:07] Brett Vesely: "Typical bra."

[07:07] John Holmberg: "Yep. I know. If I was squirting all the time, I'd just tie a bag to it."

Personal Reflections: John opens up about his childhood experiences with spontaneous orgasms triggered by stress, revealing a personal connection to the topic:

[10:07] John Holmberg: "I had probably six or seven of those episodes as a kid. And then the first time when I was like 11, I did it myself. And I've never stopped since."

This segment blends serious discussion with light-hearted banter, providing listeners with both information and entertainment.

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3. Flat Earther Emails: Challenging Conspiracy Theories

Listener Interaction: Midway through the episode, John reads an email from listener John Rao of Sulphur Springs, Texas, criticizing the show for mocking flat earth believers:

[21:29] John Rao Sulphur Springs, Texas: "Dear John, you have openly mocked those of us who choose to believe the earth is indeed flat... Why in the world would a flat earth not spill water if he thinks that it's been a spinning ball?"

Hosts' Response: The team collectively dismisses the flat earth theory, employing humor and sarcasm to counter the email's arguments:

[23:17] Brady Bogen: "And the pancake on either side."

[23:19] John Holmberg: "Yeah. I mean, what's on the bottom? Yeah, what's on the bottom of it? Ask a pilot if the Earth is round or flat."

Debunking Flat Earth Claims: John systematically addresses common flat earth claims, challenging their plausibility:

[25:20] John Holmberg: "They've got proven that the earth is round. And we've had guys up there in that space station circle in the Earth. They're pretty sure it's round, too."

He uses logical reasoning and personal anecdotes, such as his experience flying to Australia, to reinforce the Earth's roundness:

[24:33] John Holmberg: "It's pretty round. Like, it was a. Because on a flat thing, we wouldn't have had so much issues with sunlight just disappearing."

Philosophical Undertones: The conversation evolves into a philosophical debate on faith versus evidence:

[30:06] John Holmberg: "You have faith. You would not want that in a courtroom. The judge just goes, I don't know... It's just chance. Well, that doesn't. That means faith is useless."

This segment emphasizes the importance of evidence-based reasoning over belief without proof.

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4. Personal Stories and Listener Shoutouts

Honoring Pets: John shares heartfelt stories about listener Shad Peterson and his dog Fitz, highlighting the emotional bonds between pet owners and their animals:

[18:41] John Holmberg: "We did it. He was a rescue. And my woman's rock got her through many tough times. She was struggling with depression and anxiety and he was there."

He encourages listeners to give their dogs a hug in honor of Fitz, fostering a sense of community and empathy among the audience.

Dog Adaptations: The hosts discuss how dogs adapt to disabilities, such as deafness, showcasing their resilience and unconditional love:

[20:19] John Holmberg: "They just look at you and pick up cues. Most... This is a weird thing. Most white dogs have a propensity to be deaf."

This segment balances the episode's earlier humorous tones with genuine reflections on life and relationships.

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5. The Quest for a Pool Teacher

Pool Table Predicament: Towards the end of the episode, John Holmberg touches on a personal challenge:

[46:10] John Holmberg: "I've got a pool table, and everybody always says, do you even play? Like, no. I go, I need to get good at pool."

Community Support: The hosts brainstorm solutions to help John find a suitable pool instructor, reflecting their camaraderie and support:

[51:06] Bret Vesely: "He's got to be a pool instructor. Maybe I'll get a response."

Humorous Banter: The discussion remains light-hearted as they joke about potential pool teachers and the social aspects of learning the game:

[53:42] Brady Bogen: "You just sold it, right?"

[53:43] John Holmberg: "Yeah. Yeah. You just made me there. You want me to the pool hall. No, I'm not some crazy mother come to your house, you jerk."

This segment showcases the hosts' personalities and their ability to blend personal stories with humor.

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6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts continue their playful banter, reflecting on the day's discussions and maintaining an engaging rapport:

[63:35] Brett Vesely: "Round and round from Rat for Flat Earthers."

[63:40] John Holmberg: "Oh, I have heard that. I do know that one."

The episode concludes with a blend of humor, community stories, and ongoing discussions, leaving listeners entertained and informed.

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Notable Quotes

• John Holmberg [10:07]: "I had probably six or seven of those episodes as a kid. And then the first time when I was like 11, I did it myself. And I've never stopped since."

• John Holmberg [21:29]: "Why in the world would a flat earth not spill water if he thinks that it's been a spinning ball?"

• Brady Bogen [23:17]: "And the pancake on either side."

• John Holmberg [30:06]: "You have faith. You would not want that in a courtroom. The judge just goes, I don't know... It's just chance. Well, that doesn't. That means faith is useless."

• John Holmberg [18:41]: "We did it. He was a rescue. And my woman's rock got her through many tough times. She was struggling with depression and anxiety and he was there."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully balances serious topics with humor and personal anecdotes. From exploring rare medical conditions to debunking conspiracy theories and sharing heartfelt stories about listeners' pets, the show offers a comprehensive and engaging experience for its audience. The hosts' dynamic interactions and willingness to delve into unconventional subjects make this episode a memorable installment in Arizona's favorite morning radio lineup.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Kristen]

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[Larry McFeely]

This is Larry McFeely and we all know August in Arizona is brutal. We're talking triple digit temps that'll melt your flip flops, but Toyota trucks? Don't sweat it. The tacoma tundra and 4Runner are built to handle that kind of heat. I've taken Tundras across the valley and up into the mountains. No issues, no drama, just pure performance in the blazing sun. Right now is the national sales event at your Valley Toyota dealers, so it's the best time to gear up. Whether you're escaping the hot weather or working in it, these trucks are made for the Arizona heat. Visit your Valley Toyota toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the Core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain you've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years, and you don't last that long unless you. You're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the core institute.com still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com thank you, Katie and the Hobbs. Actually, the drummer from and Miles to Nowhere was at the show Saturday night, which was great. Tripp text me and he goes, I had a nice time at the Rooster Saturday, seeing a lot of KUPD fans. Packed house. And I got to see you in a different light. Not singing, but someone had pictures of you from high school there. Yearbook photos. And I'm like, what? Who brought that? A woman was showing me pictures of you from when. I'm like, where in the hell did this person come from? And who was it? It had to be. It had to be my buddy Mark's wife having old pictures in her phone, which might be even weirder. I don't have any high school photos of her. Who had them? Rich.

[Kristen]

You know, so it was Kristen.

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Kristen]

She was going through a whole thing. Her son would call her and FaceTime while you guys were on stage.

[John Holmberg]

Why? I don't know.

[Kristen]

But ditto three times.

[John Holmberg]

He lives in Houston.

[Kristen]

I know. He was. She's like, he's a big fan of John.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true.

[Kristen]

He needs to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He wanted to be there for it. Yeah. He needs. Okay.

[Kristen]

And then she's. As soon as she get off the phone with him, she'd go back through an album and show us, like, wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Photos at Mark's wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I was 24. Of course I look different. I hope so. Had hair and all sorts, and it wasn't good hair. Forehead the size of a Montana.

[Kristen]

It was better than the one that.

[Brady]

The.

[Kristen]

The one picture that we have of you with the. With the mullet and the hat.

[Brady]

Like the 80s hat, actually. 15, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Geez. I don't know. There's a few of them. Nothing's good. Yeah. I look like a candy apple. I like. There was no reason for me to ever take a picture. I still don't take pictures. I've been ugly since I was, like, five. I was real cute before that. Yeah. One. Even the hair. The hair didn't help. I look better now than I did then. And that's. The bar was low. I stopped being cute around seven. Then I got West Virginia weird because I lived there. And then it all just went downhill. And then I turned into a candy apple. I was a candy apple for like 12 years. Watermelon on a toothpick. And then just became bald. It was. It wasn't any fun. There's no fun being this. I don't need people breaking out old yearbooks. What are the yearbook photos? I don't know. Did Tripp have yearbook photos or just old cave drawings? Graduating class. When did you graduate? Oh, 14. 1940. No, 14. Year 14. That was my graduating class. Yeah, I started school in zero. How about that? Yeah, I want to see people's yearbook finish. What does it have a tapestry of. Of trip. Usual yearbook tapestries. Hang them with care. I don't know how it all works. I also am a child and I always will be if, you know, doesn't matter. Birthday party, celebrating how many years I've been here or not. Reading about the Putin and Trump. This is how. This is how my brain works. Putin and Trump are going to have this big meeting and I'm like, that's important. I should know about that. So I clicked on it, right? My phone knows me better than that. So as I'm scrolling down, it gives me a couple, like in the middle of the story, it'll give you like two or three other stories you can click on. I read the first paragraph and got to the one. And then the headline said, young woman can't stop having orgasms. Dr. Stump. Click. I'm out. I'm out on the Trump Putin, World War three story. And they're trying to. She's in China too. Maybe it's Mark Pye's daughter. She can't stop having uncontrollable orgasms a bunch of times a day. Now, this is not the first time this has happened. Like, women have been.

[Brady]

Yeah, we've heard a couple of stories.

[John Holmberg]

Bonked in the head or something and had tons of them. But most of the time they know why. Like she had a. An incident, you know, like something happened to her, like a spinal cord injury or something. This lady just out of nowhere started having all sorts of orgasms. Like non stop. 5 years. She's 20. She's 20 years old. For 5 years she's experienced the Thunder Down Under. It says zero sexual stimulation. Nothing has to touch her. She can just be standing there. A lot of times these other ladies that can't stop having uncontrollable orgasms have it triggered and then it won't shut off. I remember that one. There was a black lady who was in the hospital. It's an old meme. And she's sitting there and she go, oh. Then the camera pans over and her husband's there just looking like. And the doctor says, how'd this happen? And they were having sex, and he just turned it on. And they can't find the switch. And he was proud of it. And any man would be. It says, it sounds like it might be hours of fun. Constant pleasure can be painful. Only a woman would complain about a life of orgasms. No. Make it stop. Like, no. This is the way it's supposed to be. Forever for the lucky few.

[Brett Vesely]

Typical bra.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. I know. If I was squirting all the time, I'd just tie a bag to it. Hey, all right. Every once will be like, this is awesome. By the way, Everything about my life is awesome. Does it hurt? Sometimes when I'm dry. Just drink more heroes, get some more wilderness athlete in the system and hydrate up. It's called pgad, and you can get diagnosed with it. Her symptoms revealed when she was 14, initially manifesting this electric sensation in her abdomen. She couldn't figure out it was around the same time she was displaying increased sensitivity to touch. Said bizarre beliefs such as thinking others could read her thoughts. She was crazy. And her body reacted to it. I told you this when I was probably 9 or 10, maybe even younger than that, I would have spontaneous orgasms when I got nervous. It was awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd be nervous all the time.

[John Holmberg]

I tried to be. It was amazing. The best one was in fourth grade. Ms. Abby Lucene's class at Osuna Elementary School in Albuquerque. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving break, we had a huge project we were doing all semester long. Each day we had to do a new page of a book we built about history. And she'd assign us our page, and you'd, like, do a drawing and then a little synopsis of what you're doing and then why it was important. Like Nathan Hale's flag and turn the page and get up all the way up to, like, Teddy Roosevelt. So by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, it was the majority of our grade, this book. And I thought it was due the Wednesday before we left for Thanksgiving break. It was due the Tuesday, and each page took a couple hours. And I had two pages to do. And when she said, all right, get your last page done and then turn them in, I'm like, I've got two pages, huge gulp. And this is fourth grade. So what am I, nine?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I remember, I'm like, Ms. Lusane, I'm behind a day. And I didn't. I Messed up the time. I thought we were tournament tomorrow. She goes, john, the date was clear. And she was a tough black lady. She goes, the date was clear. You know, the date. If you don't make it, it's an F. And I'm like, oh, God. And all I could think of, Dan just going, well, pop his head off like a grape. We'll make a new one. And so I sit down and I just start hammering out these. And the last page was gonna suck, but I'm like, that's fine. It's getting done. So I smash it. And I'm so nervous. I'm looking up at the clock. It's like 2:40, 2, 45. I haven't even started the last page. I'm finishing up coloring it in, tracing the pencil with a red marker. Cause I. Oh, turn the page. Start the last page. And I'm sitting there going, I am. I'm losing it. It's like, john, you got, like, 15 minutes. I'm like, I know. And I'm banging it out to thing and put the thing. This guy was, blah, blah, blah. And the next thing, my body just goes relax. My stomach started to tingle and turn over. And the next thing you know, I'm like, oh, don't Worry about it, Ms. Lesane. I'm going to get this done in a couple of minutes.

[Brady]

You got a smoke?

[John Holmberg]

And. Yeah. Are you taking a smoke break? You've got five minutes. Don't worry about. It's gonna get done, Ms. Luceane. Don't worry about it, Abby. I got this, and I did it. And then I'm like, oh, my God. What was that?

[Brady]

And that's pre puberty.

[John Holmberg]

I was nine. And then it happened again in Little League once I walked the bases loaded. I got pulled from the game, and I'm sitting on the thing, and I'm like, I'm just a mess. I'm gonna lose the game. We were winning and, like, you know, walked in a run, if I remember right. And then terrible. And I just start, like, panicking on the bench. And then next thing. Don't worry about it, Coach. I got this. Oh, is this how life works? I've never seen anybody else dealing with this. Probably had, like.

[Brady]

Is it producing anything or just a few.

[John Holmberg]

It just. As far as it was muck. It wasn't like a normal, like, hit. It wasn't.

[Brady]

See, it's seedless.

[John Holmberg]

I was. The seedless grapes were in play, but there was something happening, I guess that's wild. And then. And then, like, my little tiny nine Year old boy thing went and whatever. So I had like probably six or seven of those episodes as a kid. And then the first time when I was like 11, I did it myself. And I'm like, that's what that is. I can make this happen myself. And since then, I haven't stopped. But I was. I was happy when I would stress out because I'm like, this is it. And so I talked to a lady, I talked to a therapist years later. I'm like, this used to happen to me a lot. She goes, that's not uncommon. I'm like, is it like, for like, is there some sort of weird abuse or something? She goes, no, like, it just happens. She goes, yeah, sometimes your body just gets confused and busts one out. And I'm like, how do I bring that back? How do I. Like that was. If that's not. That's not like, sign of a mental condition, how do we make that start happening again? Because that was incredibly cool. You never had it happen?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Neither you. Man, this is awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm. I'm jealous, actually. I mean, you know.

[John Holmberg]

I said, john, you didn't have random orgasms when you were nine. That was just Father Dale's middle finger. No, I'm not saying I didn't cause orgasms for priests and stuff, but no, stop it. I didn't know Father Dale yet.

[Brett Vesely]

David Vasquez says, how did the show turn into Father's Day bedtime stories?

[John Holmberg]

You know what I love about that the most? That he's synonymous with kid rape. And I think that's the best part of being Father Dale is like, alleged. He didn't do it. To be clear, he just arranged it. It's not my fault.

[Brady]

That happened and he moved it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how much he had to do with it. I think he was involved the whole church.

[Brady]

That's not just him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but when people bring him up, I'm like, yeah, you made that bed for suresies.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, he made the bed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he messed it up and then made it again. I don't know how far he went. I just know he was in there like Toledo style, watching. Yeah, he's. It's creepy. It's weird. Speaking of. I got. I'll get to that in a second. Oh, before we get on with that, move on from that spontaneous orgasm story that the poor Chinese girl. Top it. Top it. Tell me. I'm like the Neil Armstrong of kids. I'm like, good story. You want to hear one about me? Let me Tell my story now. When I was nine, stress used to make me have orgasms. What? You heard me.

[Brett Vesely]

You're over here. Like Andrew Dice Clay. Cigarette stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Stop smoking when you tell it. Can't help it. You gotta smoke and tell the story at the same time. It's the only way it works. It was weird, really weird. But I found out later it's not that uncommon. I've. I've yet to meet someone else who had this affliction, but it was just. And it would calm me down, like, right after. Be like, oh, man, that's nice. Okay, let's get back to business.

[Brady]

It's like the six times that you. The highest stressed moments at the time.

[John Holmberg]

That's all. It was super high stress moments as a kid. And my body would get all weird and, like, I wouldn't. I'd, like, cry a little. You know, kids just start crying and, like, start crying like this. I'm screwed. And then my body would just like, as. And as I tried. Maybe I should do that. Try to choke back tears. And that just makes me go, all right, well, one way or another, you're leaking, you're choking something. That's true. Never had to touch it. Never had to do a thing. Damn. I just sit there and be like, ah. I got so. Oh. Could you imagine, like, Ed downstairs in a high pressure moment if that was a normal thing that happened to people.

[Brett Vesely]

Comes and starts yelling at him.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. If we had Susan go down there and start yelling at Ed in the meanest possible way. Just sits there and Ed's at his desk and doesn't know what to do. I don't know where he came from. I don't know why Jawa's. She's got a Jawa support team now. I don't know. She's also Darth Vader.

[Brady]

That's what the sound was making.

[John Holmberg]

That's Ed's downstairs Ed. You have not made a sale in weeks. Oh, did you just. On me. Everything's fine, baby. Back to your office.

[Brett Vesely]

Lights up a smoke in his qb.

[John Holmberg]

Every time I yell at Ed, he. On me.

[Brady]

He does have Tiparillos down there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Ed, stop it. Imagine that was a normal thing that humans did. I'm under a lot of stress right now, man. You have no. I'm all right. Everything's good now. I'm gonna go to sleep for five minutes to get this done. But evidently, it's a thing. I had it. I don't have it anymore. But only a woman would complain that her whole life is one orgasm after another. That just sounds like an avenue of green lights to me. That sounds great. An uninterrupted avenue of green lights. You mean every time I go through an intersection when I have an orgasm? Yep. It's going to be a real problem. No, it's not. The only thing it's going to be a problem for is laundry. This sounds great.

[Brady]

That's why you've been stress free since 11 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Have not had a day of stress since I'm 11 and I used to. Trust me. When I manually started to learn to do it. From there on, every time I'm like, I am freaking out and I know what to do and it fixes everything. Holmberg's morning sickness. Holberg's morning sickness.

[Larry McFeely]

It's Larry McFeely. Just my annual Mission Beach San Diego vacation. Full of sand, sun and yes, Toyota trucks. Mission beach lifeguards don't mess around. They roll with Toyota Tacomas, Tundras, and four runners as their official lifeguard vehicles.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Larry McFeely]

Because they need serious capability, dependability, and the power to protect the coast. And right now, it's the national sales event at your valley Toyota dealers, which means it's the perfect time to grab a Toyota truck built for adventure. Whether you're hitting the beach or the Arizona back roads, visit your valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadeealers.com toyota let's go places.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from M MMP Guns.

[Byron]

Brett I sure do. It's M and P Guns customs. M and P Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no weight.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com It's Holberg here from the.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash as is. You don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-Holmberg's Morning Sickness. John Madden Football. I'm the only guy who used to do it. I used to toss to John Madden football constantly. That game frustrated me to no end. Go in the bathroom, come back a few seconds later. Let's take on the Buccaneers.

[Brett Vesely]

The only guy had lung cancer at 12 years old from cartons.

[Brady]

Imagine that's what you kept doing. How to deal with the stress. I'm like, where's John going? We're playing golf. He's in the woods. What's he doing? Ah, he's just getting rid of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would just. I'll be right back. I wouldn't do it at someone else's home, but I mean, unless it was unintentional. And I don't think I did that. It's weird. All right, I gotta get to these first. I have to talk to Shad Peterson. Emailed. And I'll do this for you, Shad, he asked, said. Last Saturday, which was the ninth, we made the hard choice to put one of our dogs down. Our Wheaton terrier fits amazing. Life so loved. And as we all know, it comes time to make that difficult decision to have him cross Rainbow Bridge. We did it. He was a rescue. And my woman's rock got her through many tough times. She was struggling with depression and anxiety and he was there. It's extremely hard for her and our kids. I'd love you to give a shout out. Cheers. Pour one out for Fitz and Stephanie. Fitz, he's homeward bound. Good buddy. Sunshad. Absolutely. So give your dogs a hug. I know he did the Fitz. Sorry. Big baby. And yeah, one for your dogs. Give a cookie for Fitz. One of ours is gone. Everybody's dog is one of our dogs. So unless there. This guy says, I had to pick up Banjo. Yeah, go get Banjo. Banjo is the coolest dog in the world. Over at Lost her home. There's a bunch of them there. Rhea, who I think is gonna finally get adopted, which is awesome. She's been there for like a year. And Banjo is deaf. You've never felt anything like it. When Banjo leans into you to feel you talking. Cause he can't hear you. He Only just snuggles. Oh, it just smashes into you. It's so cute and such a sweetheart. Like a great dog. And no sign language. Like you do these weird little signs and they'll sit down. It's like, this is the coolest thing my dog is. I have one of my dogs, two of them now can't hear real well or at all.

[Brady]

It's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Weird how they adapt.

[Brady]

Sometimes people will have. You'll have your dog for a year or two. You don't know their death.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Because they just. Yeah, they just look at you and pick up cues. Most. This is a weird thing. Most white dogs have a propensity to be deaf. It's a strange thing. But yeah, my dog Frankie can't hear and Gordon can't hear anymore and they picked it up like you just kind of hand stuff and they're like, we got it. Like they never even had like a day where they seemed down about us. Like, I just don't hear anymore. What, what's new? It's. They're so awesome. That's why dogs are the best. They don't dwell on anything, you know, you don't sit and go, yeah, when I was a puppy I had this thing happen. It's like they just move on. We could learn a lot from them about that. So yeah, that one's tip tip a tip. A little cookie. Down to your dogs today in honor of fit. Ready for this? Dear John, you have openly mocked those of us who choose chose to believe the earth is indeed flat. As if you have some superior knowledge that we don't. Superior.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't release, please.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not that frustrated. This guy is. I'm here to tell you I and many others passed through the same indoctrination camps as you and have taken the time to research. I've learned that all that we have all been lied to and horribly played in our lives and long before the earth is flat. Tell the so called Bible. Believing Brady to read the book of Genesis. It is literally the first book of the Holy Bible. Every word written in the Holy Bible is truth. Well, did he not? Did he say it was flat? The Lord, I don't believe he said that. King James version is preferred. If you're going to eat, eat it bad on this. I highly recommend you get in front of it now. Believing the earth is a spinning ball that water can escape only makes you ignorant. Calling flat earth dumb people or their people dumb makes you look stupid and foolish. I've told you this before. Do not die on this hill of lies be better. God bless. John Rao Sulphur Springs, Texas. And then he sent me a. A picture of it. Said let God be true. And it said moon. And then it said rocket to the moon. And it's on an arch off the flat. They have proven. John Neil DeGrasse Tyson talks about this all the time. That it is round. Why in the world would a flat. I'll go with you. Why in the world would a flat earth not spill water if he thinks that it's been a spinning ball? Why is a flat earth like, you know, it's like a flatbread pizza versus a meatball. Meatballs, if you spin them, don't just come apart. There's stuff holding them on.

[Brady]

And the pancake on either side.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean, what's on the bottom? Yeah, what's on the bottom of it? Ask a pilot if the Earth is round or flat.

[Brady]

So the. I didn't know this, but the flat Earther also. So the moon is flat, too. That all planets that we.

[John Holmberg]

They're all disks.

[Brady]

They're all disks. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And they're kind of like on an angle, like being presented to you like a cake. I don't care that you think it's flat.

[Brady]

And the sun's a giant disc too, as well.

[John Holmberg]

I think. So. It's a. Yeah. Yep. It's just. It's flat, Stanley. If you get on the other side of it, you're like, hey, but there. There's a good point. Like, if we're actually orbiting the sun, and I don't know if that's part of the indoctrination, but I tend to believe that. That if we're orbiting the sun, wouldn't we see, like, it's just flat on both sides and it's just that hot.

[Brady]

And so we. It spins like a coin then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I know for a fact from having to fly to Australia that it's pretty round. Like, it was a. Because on a flat thing, we wouldn't have had so much issues with sunlight just disappearing. The second we took off, heading away from the sun and then going over that date line, it was the weirdest experience I've ever been.

[Brady]

Because you'd had to have gone around the corner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We had to make like a left and gone straight down to the flat part.

[Brady]

You went to the edge then.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Because if it changed the light and day, isn't that the rotation?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it just made sense to me for the first time ever that the world was round. Like, I get it now. When you're flying and you're. You leave late at night, you start to fly, and it stays the exact same darkness the whole time. And then the sun starts coming up 18 hours later when you get there, you're running away from it like you're almost on the same speed like that. It all holds still. If it was flat, the sun would just go up, right? It's. Yeah. So it's just constantly moving. Now, I don't know what their theory is on how it works, but I.

[Brady]

Could see it flips over, but I. And isn't it like, not like there's edges. It's like a circular.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it be like. It would be like a negative edge pool if he had it his way.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Where does all the water leak off onto?

[Brady]

But even if it was saying it's a rounded, like beveled edges or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

That sounds high end.

[Brady]

If you were on that land there, there's no way that the day could still be, you know, the light of day, whatever, 12 hours or, you know, then it goes dark. Don't you think if you lived on the edge part, it would go a lot shorter? The sun.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where the edge is, so I don't know. Are we on the edge? Is the edge over there? Is it down at the bottom? Like, what's your map? And I've seen like flat earthers try to do experiments to show it's flat. And they do lasers and like a scientist, they'll go like, shoot a laser across flat land. Where's it go? And they get up above and look at the curvature. And they're like, no, no, it's a curved disc. Like, it's like a frisbee. Like, okay, yeah, where's the water go? So what's going on underneath?

[Brady]

I'm saying that edge of the Frisbee, got no idea.

[John Holmberg]

You just fall off the end. But we've been indoctrinated, evidently. And I've seen those things that they is like, this guy Craig says the flat earthers spent $20 to try to prove it was flat and accidentally proved it was round. They're kind of nutty religious people who've we got to move on from them. I agree. But they still exist amongst us, and they deserve five minutes of our time every once in a while to go, all right, what do you got? Because there's one thing that science loves is questions. Religion hates it. Science loves it. So it's like we pretty sure we've got this thing figured out. Like, what do you Got. Did you find something new? Because, I mean, you go back to Copernicus. He couldn't have been more wrong about how the planets moved, that we were going, that we weren't going around the sun, that we were. We were not the center. And then some German philosopher came along and said, oh, no, no, no. The sun's the middle. We move. And it's this odd orbit that keeps it. So we're not going, you know, that's going to keep us in this. So he found this elliptical. We're not in a perfect circle around the sun. It's an ellipsis which totally disproved what Copernicus did in the beginning. And at the end of that, they're like, well, Copernicus, had he not come up with that, we never would have questioned it in the first place because he had to figure out time. So his findings were 100% wrong, but led us to where we were. So what we used to believe became the truth later. So maybe flat Earther comes up with something and says, hey, I found somebody. For the most part, if other scientists that are flat Earthers, no, none of them that would be taken seriously. But, I mean, bottom line on it is that if you don't ask questions, you got no hope. There's nothing. You're just locked in. But if you do, you can solve these things. Now it's real easy to just go in and go, nope, you were indoctrinated. Nope. I dismissed. Dismiss all the evidence. I only believe that you're doing the exact same thing that you're saying we should do is question things. You will not question your side. And until you start asking questions about whether or not and say you did research, your research is a bunch of people who think exactly the same as you and just say no. It's an indoctrination program. I can't prove it's. What's the end game? Why? What's the end game of making people think the Earth is round? Why is that a big win for whomever is pushing this?

[Brett Vesely]

That's in science. That's in politics, too. Yeah, I'm just going to go with whatever the people that I, you know, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Religion, politics, anything tribal like it. But bottom line is I've never heard a flat Earther answer this question properly. Who wins in the world of. The world is round, but it's really a lie. Why wouldn't we just go, okay, it's flat. Who's the winner here in keeping the myth alive that the Earth is a sphere?

[Brady]

Does it throw Everything off, like calendars or time.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's a part of the science that we now understand, a lot of which is, okay, we can kind of look. Look no further than these guys launching rockets to the moon. They didn't aim it at the moon. They aimed at it where they thought the moon was going to be. That's how a rocket works. It doesn't go to the moon. It goes where you think it's going to be. Because it's like leading a receiver in football. You got to intercept it. These dudes know what they're doing. I'm pretty sure when they look back, they saw the sphere of Earth, and they're like, that's pretty round. And we've had guys up there in that space station circle in the Earth. They're pretty sure it's round, too. But that's the stuff they all throw away. It's like, well, they're just lying to you. And that's real easy to do when you take out all the evidence of the opposition as. Nope. And that's your only proof. Then I don't buy. It's like, when people go, faith, like, all right, well, I have faith you're wrong. So who's right? If you have faith, you're right, and I have faith you're wrong. Neither of us have evidence on anything. It's just.

[Brady]

You both have faith.

[John Holmberg]

It's just chance. Well, that doesn't. That means faith is useless. It can be counteracted with. I don't. It's a flip of the coin. It's chance. I just believe. Okay, well, I need more evidence than that. I can believe Brady killed Brett, but without evidence, that doesn't mean anything at all. You would not want that in a courtroom. The judge just goes, I don't know about any of this. I just believe that you did it. Like, no, no, no. All the evidence says I didn't know. I have faith that you did it. Okay? I have faith I didn't know. There's no. There has no standing.

[Brett Vesely]

Ask O.J.

[John Holmberg]

Ask O.J. that's right. He had faith in that. Of faith in the system, Brett. That's how that works. This one says, these idiots. Ask these idiots why I can fly out of LAX over the Pacific to Singapore, and I can fly out of JFK over the Atlantic and the Middle east to Singapore. Yeah, one's going east, one's going west. If it was flat, they'd all be going the same direction. Ah, thanks. Good thinking. Said from Bon Jovi. No, let's. Jon and Sarah this flat earth guy has room temperature IQ currently about 78. Why do opinions and feelings have power over facts and statistics and science? I think it's an attention scheme.

[Brady]

Yeah. That is when you mentioned faith. I think faith does have a feeling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Thing there's a feeling behind.

[John Holmberg]

But wouldn't it be better if God just wrote, oh yeah, it's round. I think Ricky Gervais said that at the end of like in the Bible. It's like all this information you gave us about things just at the end just go, yeah, it's round. I'm not gonna waste any more of your time with that. Don't, don't go dicking around. It's round. And then years from like we like, what does it mean? It's round like earth is round, heaven is round. Like what? And then later we'd be like, oh, that's what he meant, it's round. A lot of credibility to the Bible if the last words were, oh yeah, one more thing. It's round like Jesus, this dude knew something.

[Brady]

This is gonna blow your mind.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brady]

The sphere in Vegas. Flat.

[Brett Vesely]

Flat man.

[John Holmberg]

I've been in it. It's weird. Very tight. Yeah. And I'm openly mocking you because I think you deserve it. You're openly mocking everybody who believes it. I think people who believe the flat earth thing and occasional get an email and stuff says flat earth is real. I think they're just digging their heels in on the hopes that they were that you can't tell a bunch of people, I think the earth is flat. And then later go, I don't know what I was doing with that.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple, Brett. M P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street in Indian School or online at mmpguns.com.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here for turfmonstersaz.com if that yard of yours doesn't look great. All of the time. If it is work all of the time, it does not have to be. Turf monsters can come to your house and make your yard a beautiful showcase place for you, your family, your pets. Yeah, it's pet friendly as well. Anything you can dream up in that backyard, they can do. Tell them Holmberg sent you. Get 10% off turfmonstersaz.com all right. HMS podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastside and Sempe at the Improv Catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets downtown at Stand Up Live and at the Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie Letterman entertaining you all week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Like, you got to dig in on that one. If you're going to go out of your way to tell people, nope, you've been lied to, you have to kind of really dive into that. And then maybe I won't dismiss it. I think it about 99% sure it won't. The day that they say, holy cow, the Flat Earthers were right, those guys can celebrate. But I don't know what the win is, because you know what's going to happen. Flat Earthers, if you guys. Let's just say they're right and we discovered, whoops, we were wrong the whole time.

[Brady]

How much is that going to change your life?

[John Holmberg]

And everybody's going to be like, oh, okay. And Flutter's like, you need to apologize. No, nothing's different. We just got to figure out how this thing works a little better.

[Brady]

I would have. I would have no problem apologizing.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

I thought I was.

[John Holmberg]

You nailed it. It's the. It's okay.

[Brady]

Cool.

[John Holmberg]

It's March Madness. I called it. I knew St. Vincent would beat Kentucky this year. I knew 15 would be two called it. Like, all right, good move. And I'm gonna have some iced tea. And I was like, this doesn't bother you? Like, none at all. Because nothing in my life is different outside of. I now have to start going, the Earth is flat. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Amelia Earhart never made it around the world, so, I mean, maybe this guy's right.

[John Holmberg]

She's still going. I think we've got this one pretty much down. If we're still arguing over the flat earth. Yes. Opinions and feelings do not beat scientific Evidence and facts in the court of law. And that's where you kind of have to say for every other thing that happens to you in life, you want evidence. You want it to be hardcore evidence. You want it to be indisputable, unquestioned. A shadow of a doubt is what our whole country's built on. But when it comes to stuff like this, it's just my gut, I got a feeling. So I'm right or I have faith.

[Brady]

In science and scientists know it's ongoing.

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Brady]

That's the point of science, of course, and research.

[John Holmberg]

The reason I'm not religious is because the first thing it says is, do not question this. I go, that's what liars say. No, the truth loves scrutiny. Loves it because it's true. In the end, you're just like, yep, scrutinize it all you want. You're going to find out this is real. The second anybody says, look, I got something to tell you and you're not allowed to question it, that person's about to give you a line of. And if the fact you can't question it, it's like, oh, boy, here we go. The second you see, don't question it. It's something that's not real, sure of itself. Things who aren't sure hate questions. Hate it. Yeah. That's the minute I, you know, started to become a grown up and I'm like, why in the world is like one of the tenets of this thing to not question anything? Why in the world would you say don't question? It's like taboo. I'm not doing my job. Flat earther, you're more than welcome to listen. I love you, but don't bring it up when you're around normal people. Brett has a wry smile. What's going on? No. Who emailed?

[Brett Vesely]

Vasquez.

[John Holmberg]

Vasquez had something horrible to say. Oh, this is it. David Vasquez. I want to meet him again and just smack him around. I bet flat Earth guy's chick, or probably in his case, boyfriend, has a fast back. He's into flat stuff. That's probably true. Need a flat ass. Flat Earth, flat asses exist. We know that's. That's true. Some girls are earth and some girls are conspiracy theories walking around.

[Brady]

Still has a curve to it, though.

[John Holmberg]

They're everywhere. Look, it's not, it's not uncommon to run into somebody's like, no, I do. I believe it's fine. And I just think it's just to be it to get attention. So, John, how much do you get paid every year to suppress the round earth thing? How much would they have to pay you to say the earth is flat? First they killed Jesus.

[Brady]

Of course the price.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's the price to start being a flat earther? Oh yeah, I would definitely do that.

[Brady]

Million. If they give you a million.

[John Holmberg]

A million dollars. I'd march around with signs, nothing changes. It's absolutely meaningless. What would you do?

[Brady]

Ten grand.

[John Holmberg]

Ten grand. I'd probably start telling people I think it might be. Pretty sure the earth might be flat. It's like, really? But how often do I get like just one $10,000 payment? Yeah. Okay. For life, I have to pretend the earth is flat for ten grand?

[Brady]

Yeah, you want to, you want a multi year deal? I mean, it was ten grand a year just to throw it out there every day.

[John Holmberg]

Popular number around here. I'll say. No, it has to be like, I would like, I guess you put a time limit on it. For ten grand, I'd give you four months of saying the earth's flat. I feel like it would be kind of a. Sure. But I'd also say some guy gave me $10,000 if I wasn't allowed to say like, you can't talk about being paid. Like that's part of it. I'm like, okay, give me like, you give me five grand a month, I'll do it for the rest of my life. It's like a, like a little retirement thing. What's no skin? It doesn't come up that often saying that you would.

[Brady]

That you're in. Yeah, it's a. Yeah, it's flat.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta like attend a meeting every once in a while. A nice little five thousand dollar check every month, you know, a little gravy, no big deal. It's. It's not that big a thing to me at all. Now give me another ten grand. I'll go to these flat earth meetings and tell them at the end, like, you guys are all insane. This is round. And I'll leave and I'll do that over and over.

[Brady]

Do we have any local.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, where's the next flat earth meeting?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you they don't get too loud about that because a lot of people should watch Neil Degrasse Tyson talk about flat earthers. Just YouTube it or Google it or whatever. And he pretty much, layman's terms, how dumb you are for thinking it's flat. Now if your whole objective is to dismiss all of that because you want to believe what you want to believe, then don't because you're wasting your time and everybody else's. But it's real easy to just go, you've been indoctrinated. And there's no proof of that either. That's just you screaming at me for whatever. Maybe it's flat. But I just don't understand. Like, I get some conspiracies, being like, yeah, that's probably, like this Epstein thing. There's a lot hidden there. And I'm a big believer in leaving it alone because it's gonna take down governments and all. And I understand people like child sex. He should take down again. I don't know. I don't. It shouldn't. This particular instance, unfortunately, if it got exposed, I think takes down all of us in a weird way. I don't want the whole stock market to crash because of that. Like, what's done is done. It's horrible. But I don't think that, you know, Brady's mom should have to suffer the last few years of her life because money doesn't mean anything simply because we had to get to the bottom of it. So I do believe there's conspiracies that I don't. I don't know who wins in the round versus flat argument. I don't. I don't think there's any. Anything to it because like Brady said, it's flat. Did you know they proved it. Oh, still get a grilled cheese. Yeah, we're good. Everything's the same. But it's flat now. Okay. And then we'd be like golfing again on a flat earth, just giggling about it.

[Brady]

Does Mark Pie quit throwing noodles around? Nothing stops.

[John Holmberg]

Does Mark Pie lose his Guinness Book for most noodles stretched in an hour? I don't know. No, he just now has to fly a different direction all the time when he's leaving for home. It used to be I have to go. I go San Francisco. We go out that way now. I go all the way across. I fly to Singapore from San Francisco. Shorter than go from New York. Say it. Why? How you get air to be there faster? Where my noodle at? That's a gang thing in China. Where my noodle at? What's up? My noodle. That's how they. That's their N word. I love Mark Pie. Also, I have this. Brady's gonna leave this morning at 8:30.

[Brady]

No, no, it's tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Thought you're leaving today? Yeah. All right. Never mind. Good prioritize. Brady get it right.

[Brady]

I did good when you said that.

[John Holmberg]

I told him he switch it Up. Can't make it Monday. I gotta leave at 8:30. I'm like, for what? EKG and my dying kidneys. Works over at 10.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't worry about it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, nothing's gonna be different at 10. That's at 8:30. Change your appointment. Yes, sir. What's the text? I got back? Anything you say, sir. Do not question me. I learned from the vest doc Booby. So you're sticking around today. Good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Today, tomorrow, at least at 8:30. Yeah. And just knee kg on the. On the death the kidney. That's not gonna make it. You feeling okay?

[Brady]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

I think you look good. You danced great. We did Maniac from flash dance and Brady got the water poured on him and it was. It was beautiful. He looked good. And I just started thinking that's it. It's the last dance. Last dance. This is my last dance. It was nice. I was singing to Brady while he danced. Maniac.

[Brett Vesely]

It's pretty impressive.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I was. And then Brady was dancing. But it was. They did the thing. The little stretch was impressive at first. He did a little calisthenic stretch.

[Brady]

I remember she kind of did that.

[John Holmberg]

She did the run in place thing. Yeah.

[Brady]

Then you then unleashed.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you watch the movie before this? I mean, did you.

[John Holmberg]

Look, you were prepared, which was awesome. But it was nice. It was nice to see you go.

[Brady]

Butterbean dance.

[John Holmberg]

Going out on a high note is what we think. We all thought like, that's him. Look at him. He's just so happy. This is how I want to remember him right here. Not as that lump shell of nothing that he's going to become after the surgery. It was nice to see. It was nice to have you out there. But yeah, Brady was okay. I thought you were leaving today. I was going to go thank.

[Brady]

Thank you, Rochelle. For. I didn't know. I'm like, I see these.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the stickers. Save Brady stickers. Rochelle Fisher. Yeah. Very nice of the. The yuppies from Gilbert made little stickers that said save, save Brady on. I immediately put it on and support. You had one on your head. It was beautiful.

[Brett Vesely]

I had some guys so pissed off because they ran out of them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Brett Vesely]

And he's like, I can't believe. I'm like, here bro, just take mine.

[John Holmberg]

It's okay. The earth is round chest.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever you say. Nothing's changing. If I wear it or you wear it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's almost brought a tear to his eye too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and I have to say thanks. I'm not going to name Names, because I don't want this guy get bothered. He got me a Steelers shirt with the number six on it. And I'm like, bobby Brister. And he goes, no, turn it around. And on the back, the name said, you, Lamar. And I'm like, I'm gonna wear this everywhere.

[Brett Vesely]

Can't believe you didn't wear it today.

[John Holmberg]

I. It's not. It's not. It's. It's. It's Victory Monday, but that's what I'm saying. I'll wear it. I'll wear it game days. You'll see it. It's inappropriate workwear, but at this point. But yeah, it's pretty awesome. So thank you. He got me a Jackham rookie card, too. They got some good gifts there Saturday. That was fun. Broomhead got me a bottle of Grey goose. That was £600 I thumping around. I went and got my Jeep yesterday morning and waymo'd back over to the Rooster and grabbed my car. I'm like, what's banging around back there? This is a humongous bottle of Grey Goose. I'm like, that ain't so bad. I forgot about that. It was great. Anyway, so, okay, we have you for the whole time. I also need to put this out there. I don't know if you know anybody. You might. I'm sure you don't. I'm. I've been playing pool again, a lot. I've got a pool table, and everybody always says, do you even play? Like, no. I go, I need to get good at pool. I've got, like, I want to start. I have this thing. I want to get good. I need someone to teach me, like, how to play pool. The problem is most people who play pool are people I don't want to hang out with, like, people who are really good at it. It's like, I don't want him in my house.

[Brett Vesely]

Call Meathead.

[John Holmberg]

He's no good at any of that.

[Brett Vesely]

He sells pool tables. He's got to be good.

[John Holmberg]

No. Nope, nope.

[Brady]

He's got to know a tutor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he never plays pool. He just builds them.

[Brady]

Whatever's out there.

[John Holmberg]

I need a good pool coach. I need a coach. I'm so bad at it. And I've had this table for a long time, and it's embarrassing. Like, if somebody. If I did have people over and, like, you play pool? I'm like, sure. Like the. Remember when we went to Cali Endo's and he goes, do you play ping pong? I'm like, sure. Everybody can play ping pong. Yeah. And then he starts.

[Brett Vesely]

He turns into Mark Pie playing Mark.

[John Holmberg]

Pie version ping pong. What the hell are you doing with this? Thought you said you played. And I'm like, no, Ta tunk. Ta tunk. I played ping pong. Then occasionally a smash. Every shot is world class. Killer spin. And he's got a ping pong table at his house. I'm like, all right, Forrest Gump. I didn't know this was how you ply. Thought you're white. I didn't know any of us could do this. And he's like, well, you don't even play. And then Brady went down there and returned a couple. Because you're. You're really good at racket sports.

[Brady]

Yeah, but it's.

[John Holmberg]

But it's a different animal. Yeah. Yeah. And he's nicely at first. Like, he'll hit it to you just to see if you got anything. And I did the. I did the. The nice pushback. Like, we're gonna get a little volley going and then wham. And it's like this 600 mile an hour curving thing chips the edge of the table 1. Like, what the hell was that?

[Brady]

And even if you hit your paddle flat contact to the ball, it spins off directly to the left or right. Yeah, there's so much.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the thing spinning like a. Like earth. Like the round earth that we.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

I know. So I have a pool table. If somebody says, do you play pool? It would be embarrassing. So I need somebody to teach me pool. But the more I looked online, like, there are guys who will teach a pool. I don't want anything to do with these guys. They smell like ashtrays on the Internet. They like. I don't want them. I don't want to befriend pool players. Well, I need a normal person who's really good at pool.

[Brady]

Resume. Text it over or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't think that exists, though. I think there's a lot. I'd rather hang out with. Flat earthers. Dudes who are really good at pool should be in black and white. Like, they're all like, there's. It's not a.

[Brady]

There's a couple of dudes on Instagram that are showing these amazing shots, but.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re way beyond where I need to be. I just want somebody who comes by and goes, oh, here's what you're doing right and wrong. I'm no good at it. I need a really good pool player who isn't weird. And I don't know that that's good at it.

[Brady]

It's just. It's amount of time.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but there's. There are certain. I. I've had a lot of time. I know.

[Brady]

There's angles too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's.

[Brady]

And the spin.

[John Holmberg]

The stick and like there's a twist of. Strike it where you hit the ball spinning the. Like the handle.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like you. Like you roll it in or roll it out. Make the ball. And I can do that. I'm just so inconsistent. But I need someone normal. And I don't think there is.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron, I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmp.guns.com. hey, it's Brett Vesely. Look, your AC has been working hard for you all summer long, so give it some love with Patrick Riley. Heating, cooling, plumbing and drains. Right now you can get a $59 H VAC system check which includes a full equipment inspection, refrigerant level check, and free electronic leak detection. And that'99 value. Need a new system?

[John Holmberg]

No problem.

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

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This guy says, I'm Joe average nobody, but I can shoot pool. I'll teach you. Let's meet at a pool joint. No, that's what I'm talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

To come to your house.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want any of that. Pancake. Ooh, some pinkies. Tuesday night. Wing night. Three cents for 6,000 wings.

[Brett Vesely]

Like what t shirt contest tonight?

[John Holmberg]

What? T shirt contest on your table. Pinkies. Cocaine in the bathrooms for free. So you say that. Go meet me in a pool hall. No. People who play pool hang out there. I don't want to. I don't want to be. I don't want to go to a pool hall.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a decent pool player and also steelers fan. Let me know.

[John Holmberg]

John. This guy sounds good. Good start decent.

[Brady]

I think you want to get to the point where you carry your own case.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want to ever travel pool. I just want to be like, I want to get in my house and run a table alone.

[Brady]

But you get to that level, then who do you play?

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I love. You'll be the guy.

[Brady]

Come on, let's go.

[John Holmberg]

I play basketball alone. I. I play one on none and I love it. I have my own little games I've invented and that's fine. If you want to come over and play basketball, we will. But I prefer just shooting around and getting the pool's the same thing. I just want to be good at it. For me, I don't. And maybe if a guy came over and we played some pool and not darts. I'm good at darts. I'm like Irish good at darts. It's spooky. I'm good at darts. Darts. On a real good day, I think I might be able to go pro at darts. But like, average days, I. Sometimes I also just am terrible. Matthias a good pool player, is she? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

She's been in the bar business for God knows how long.

[John Holmberg]

So I just. I've got two of them. I put a pool table in the rental house and I was over there and like, I looked at the window coverings get put in and I'm hanging out and they left and I'm like, yeah. And I played nine ball alone for like, an hour. And, like, there's little things I do that are good. I need to get good at it. So John would want some dude to stand behind him, hold his hips, and teach him how to play pool. Yeah, that's it. Be a man and learn on your own. This is why I don't want anybody coming over.

[Brady]

Square up a little more.

[John Holmberg]

First off, I don't want the human ashtray to come by and think it's a date.

[Brady]

That's going to be the tall order.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's just. Yeah, that's exactly it. This guy says, I'm not a crazy fan just wanting to come to your house. You. Look, Ron, I know you're not. That's the. That's my point.

[Brady]

You just. You just sold it, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. You just made me there. You want me to the pool hall. No, I'm not some crazy mother come to your house, you jerk. I'm like, okay, this is the second email. We're good. Kind of scared me away from you. Watch YouTube videos about pool. I have been. So your neighbors will teach you how to play pool? They can work a stick. Yeah. All right. This is what I'm talking about.

[Brady]

You never know.

[John Holmberg]

That's what. That's. He said, sam Elliott needs to come over. I'll teach you how to shoot stick, mijo. I just. I want to be good at it because I got a table, and it just seems stupid to have and then still be so terrible. And the reason why Tripp kind of ruined it for me, because I told him, trip. Tripp has a way to just cut through things. It's because he's, you know, he's a wise old sage. And we're sitting there, and I said something. I said, I put a pool table in the rental house. Play it every once in a while. I'm there. Are you any good at it? No challenge. You got two pool tables, and you're bad at pool. Yeah. That kind of hit hard there. I think you're right. Why do you even use it? Like. Yeah. And that's the worst part. And the more play the. You know, you get better. But I want to be. I want to be good at it. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

We put all the pizzas on it during football games and everything else. So this guy said, did you go, trip, how's your.

[Brady]

How is your riding skills?

[John Holmberg]

He's got, like, four motorcycles in his house.

[Brady]

He's got a hundred Mont Blanc pens.

[John Holmberg]

That's true, too. I thought he said riding, lighting.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. The guy collects mount, but he's probably good at it. Like when he breaks. When I calligraphy. Look at this. Wow. Careful. That sounded racist. Somehow I'm not sure how he did that. I'm not laughing at calligrapher. You're nothing but a calligrapher man.

[Brett Vesely]

Anyway, hey, John, I'll help you run balls in a hole sign. Father Dale.

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea why this came up. It says that you could probably chalk your stick with your big Jew nose. Why is that a thing? That doesn't even make sense.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't make sense. Yeah, well, sure, I suppose. I mean, it's literally out of left field, but okay. Chalk a stick with my June nose. I don't know what that means. Anyway, yeah, I was thinking about. I'm like, I need a teacher. And I went online and YouTube said. But they're also like. I don't know. It takes forever. Meet me at the Double Boots.

[Brady]

Where do guys go if they want to be a pro pool player?

[John Holmberg]

Someplace I don't want to be Chopper John's or something. Something Chopper John's probably had. They've got pool balls on the thing, don't they? Or. No, it's not Chopper John's. There's another one. There's a pool hall right there on McDowell somewhere. Indian school maybe. And it's got pool balls in the sign. And it's like, immediately, I just assume there's a stabbing gonna happen there. Like, you never think of a pool hall. It's like this place is it just. It might be just the name. There's a red one, too.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a lot of those.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, I get that. But, like, they don't have pool tables at Ocean44 for a reason. Season. It's like off track betting the otb. It just brings a certain group in. Like, there are decent, nice people who play pool, and then there's the people who hang out at pool halls. And pinkies still do pretty well.

[Brady]

Like, when you have a. Like, I mean, they take up real estate, obviously, in your establishment, but, oh, people love it. I mean, is it like. I mean, it's like a vending machine, right?

[John Holmberg]

Like a bar with a pool table? Yeah, bar with a pool table is fine because you get a bunch of amateurs just sticking around. But, like, then you get that guy, you know, who rolls through, and it's like, get you 100 bucks with it. $100, mijo.

[Brady]

I'll ask this. Maybe I'll get a response. But where are the big money games played in town?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a lot of those places, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't want to go in there.

[John Holmberg]

Because of the people. There was a pool hall by what used to be America West, Areno's footprint. But it used to be in the basement of this motel that is one of the ugliest places I've ever seen. This horrible. And I have to.

[Brady]

I used to have, like, the St. Charles or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where it was. It's closed now. It just said. Just said hotel. That's all it said. It was on an old look, like the Alamo. The building's still there, but I used to have to park over at the parking garage by the. You'll know this. Singh High Chinese Restaurant. Yeah, I think it's St. James. But the hotel is just this hotel. But it's closed now. But you'd walk by, and the place next to it was just like, dude with one eye, no patch. Just sitting out front. Everything stunk. And just hear pool balls clanking into it. Just shut up, mother. Like a lot of that going on.

[Brett Vesely]

And smoke his Marlboro first trach.

[John Holmberg]

And I'd have to walk over when I covered the Suns and Coyotes when they were at that arena. And I'd walk there and like, oh. Because leaving. It was after the crowd left. I had to do all the stuff in the locker room and then leave. And it was. And that place was just cranking pool balls. And I'll kill you, mother. It was. I was a woman. It's horrible. But that. I bet you everybody in there was great at pool. I just want to get good at it. And YouTube's not cutting it. It's showing me little things. Right? I need somebody to go, no, no. The YouTube video show. You like, what you're doing is. I need somebody to look at me and go, here's what you're doing wrong. I got a whole bunch of stuff that I'm good at. And then like that.

[Brady]

I think you'd get bored. Just if you're saying you just want to play yourself.

[John Holmberg]

I like being. I like that.

[Brady]

It's true. You got a little. I like drums.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Drums, drums, piano. I got it all.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now hoops. Now oops. I like that. All alone. I have no problem. I'm not. I don't.

[Brady]

It's part of the program.

[John Holmberg]

I don't do the drumming. I don't do the drumming for show. It's just for me to kill some time. But you buy a pool table and it just.

[Brady]

You have pool guilt.

[John Holmberg]

I'm Just Tripp hit it sitting there. Are you any good at it? Like the way he said it, Are you even any good at it? No. You got two pool tables, and you're not good at it. Like, it was so judgmental. And he's not wrong. I've got golf clubs, and I'm terrible at golf. I could be good. I don't know. And I've had golf lessons. I hated it. I don't know, Brett, you teach me. You look like a guy who'd be good at pool. Yeah. You know somebody?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I know somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, thought I'd throw that out there. I'll get that. 7:41. What do you got on the big board of musical treats out there as I search for a tutor?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And of course, you know, we all know it's a little bit hot right now. And I keep telling you, get those bike service, but now's the time to start riding at night as well. Action Ride Shop's got full. Full setup of lights to get you out there on the trails where it is. Well, it's actually bearable. So Action Ride Shop, tell them you want to hit the trails at night, and they are going to get you all dialed in with all the lights, padding, and everything else you're going to need.

[John Holmberg]

Head north, man. Weather's perfect this next week. By the way, job just got filled. Filled? The job of pool tutor Tom Cruise. Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

Paul Newman.

[John Holmberg]

Kerry says my boyfriend is one of the best shots I've ever seen. And that right there is kind of making me go, ooh, pool people. And then she goes, played in Vegas a long time ago. Learned from the best. He's also a pilot with two planes hired.

[Brett Vesely]

Better check what kind of planes it could be.

[John Holmberg]

A Cessna plane. I'm gonna blow. Your boyfriend. Yep. Probably won't get better at pool, but I'm gonna get good at handjobs and riding on private planes again. Yeah. And I can't prop planes. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

It could be a Cessna.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, Good point. And having been on a Lear and now a Beechcraft, I know which one I like better. Dr. Brink was at the show. He's the one who's planes that I was. Yeah, he showed up there Saturday, and I'm like, I owe you. And he goes, it's fine. I'm like, God damn it, I want to be you. You're my favorite. All right, Kerry, I'll take your. Your plane owning boyfriend on. Send me a couple pictures carry of the planes that's the interview. That's the second part of the interview process. First off, you passed the first first process with flying colors. Second, your boyfriend doesn't even know he's got the job yet you're volunteering him. But I need a picture of the planes. At least one of them. The good one. Send me a picture of the good plane. No, send a picture of both planes just because I'll say, oh, that's the good one. And then I'll always be riding in that Piper181 that barely makes it to Payson. I don't want to get on Aladdin's rug and start floating around to Show Low. I've watched those planes land at Show Low. That is a fingers crossed. Nobody, no pilot in the world lands in show low and says, that was smooth. If you've ever been there, go to that airport up there in Show Low. Those kites, they're 25 yards away, coming in sideways, facing sideways and they're looking like where's he going? And last second correction. The wind knocks them all over. Those light little things moving everywhere. Yeah. I think everybody inside just is covering their eyes, screaming and hoping that the plane figures it out on its own. Carry your. Your Everybody. If you don't have a. All right, here's the new rule. If you don't have your own plane, send pictures. I know. Yeah. I don't want to play pool with you if you don't have your own plane. You're not qualified to be my teacher. That'll keep away the riff raff. See? Must own own plane. That's like looking for a pool instructor. Must have several years of experience, at least one one tournament. And own their own plane. I'm eliminate. I'm eliminating almost everybody at chopper John rounds and the middle Apple teeth.

[Brett Vesely]

No eye patch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Both eyes must be natural and. And functioning. That one eyed dude that had that gunk in his. And he's just sitting there smoking, sitting outside that hotel. I brought you my mother. Just keep walking. I don't care. What do you want to play, Brett?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, we got Benny Mardona's for Ryan's girlfriend.

[John Holmberg]

She is of age. I just made the mistake through the gift of Jagermeister of not knowing that that wasn't a kid. She's so young.

[Brett Vesely]

Anthrax Gung ho for Mark Pie. Mary Jane's last dance for Brady. My name is mud for trips. Crop dusting at the show. Yeah, that was pretty solid static X Allison chain system of down. Chop suey for Mark Pie. Round and round from Rat for Flat Earthers. Ghost is playing tonight. Janie Lane died today. Well, this date in 2011 and bad religions. Flat Earth Society.

[John Holmberg]

I've never heard that one. One.

[Brett Vesely]

It just starts out saying lies, lies, lies.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I have heard that. I do know that one. Man, that's pretty good. I can't help but think that it's time for a Warrant tribute. We haven't heard from Warrant in a long time. Did we do Dirty Rotten, Filthy Stinking Rich though, over Uncle Tom's Cabin? No, Toledo. Just loaded Down Boys.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Which.

[Brady]

That's his go to?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's so meaningful now as a person who finds it hysterical to even say where the down boys go. And just picture a gaggle of mentally think of it that way. I want to know where the down boys go. Banana at 7:45. Let's do it. It's Warrant, everybody, for Jenny Line. What year did he die?

[Brett Vesely]

2011.

[John Holmberg]

15 years ago. Yeah. Didn't he drown or something?

[Brett Vesely]

I can't remember how he OD'd, but I'm not sure.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the blonde white Bobby Brown he was doing it with? With? She was on an episode of Blind Date. She did not age right and she was mad the whole time. The guy didn't know that she was the cherry pie girl.

[Brett Vesely]

Acute alcohol poisoning.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that is cute.

[Brett Vesely]

Found at the Comfort in.

[John Holmberg]

Where else would you want to ask?

[Brett Vesely]

Where the how the mighty have fallen.

[Brady]

Living large.

[John Holmberg]

What city? I'm going to guess Woodland Hills, California. California. Okay. That's actually a nice. That's not bad. All right, let's do it for Janie. 15 years. Who knew? This is tribute to mentally retarded people across the world. It's Down Boys by Warren. It's not me. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect 98.