08-11-25 - Reseting Fun Night At Rooster Tavern For Cinco De Wopo - Hard To Get Behind Athletes Named Skyler - 12yo Charged w/Assault For Pouring Boiling Water on 9yo Brother For TikTok - Brady Thinks John's Sister's Room Had Mark Pi Restaurant Posters

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: August 11, 2025
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Release Date: August 11, 2025

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1. Cinco de Wopo Fun Night at Rooster Tavern

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg reminiscing about a wild Cinco de Wopo celebration at Rooster Tavern in Scottsdale. Despite his hazy memories, John shares amusing anecdotes about the night's events, highlighting the unpredictable nature of their outings.

John Holmberg (01:50): "Fresh off a weekend I cannot remember at all. I know where we were. I've been to the Rooster in Scottsdale two times. I have no memory really of either time."

John expresses gratitude towards Jason, the bar owner, and his friends for ensuring everyone had a good time.

John Holmberg (02:15): "I love it. And the guy who owns it, Jason, he was awesome. Everybody was great."

2. Unexpected Characters and Hilarious Incidents

The group delves into specific moments from the night, including an encounter with a young bartender that John initially mistook for someone much younger. This mix-up adds a layer of humor to their storytelling.

John Holmberg (03:15): "I just saw the flash of red. I didn't know. And I start laughing. She goes, it's fine. She goes, I had no idea."

Brett and Byron contribute by sharing their own humorous interactions from the evening, emphasizing the camaraderie and light-heartedness of the group.

3. Meeting the One-Armed Man and Musical Antics

A standout moment from the night was meeting John Holmberg's idol, known as the "One-Armed Man." The hosts recount their admiration and the surprising behavior of their idol during the event.

John Holmberg (07:50): "I finally met him. My idol at Suns games for the last three years was there. He listened. He's awesome."

The conversation shifts to the band's unique use of unconventional instruments, such as a dildo used to play the guitar, showcasing their creativity and humor.

John Holmberg (09:33): "Byron: I loved Marty playing his guitar with the dildo.
John Holmberg (09:59): 'He was slapping the guitar with the dildo. And it worked.'"

4. The Challenges of Modern Athletics: Athletes Named Skyler

Transitioning from their personal stories, the hosts critique the trend of athletes named Skyler, expressing skepticism about their prowess on the field.

John Holmberg (17:00): "Skyler shouldn't be the program director at KDKB.
Brett (18:08): 'Skyler in the morning yeah.'
John Holmberg (18:42): 'Skyler and fudge cake in the morning.'"

The discussion highlights their playful disdain for the name Skyler being associated with strong, dependable athletes, blending humor with light-hearted ribbing.

5. Shocking News: 12-Year-Old Charged for Boiling Water Assault

The hosts shift gears to a serious topic, discussing a disturbing incident where a 12-year-old was charged with assaulting his 9-year-old brother for a TikTok prank involving boiling water.

John Holmberg (20:45): "12 year old charged after he allegedly decided to prank his 9 year old brother with what he called the hot water challenge."

Bret and John debate the implications of such behavior, touching on the responsibility of the young generation and the severe consequences of such actions.

Bret (22:45): "It's just crazy."

6. The Impact of Smartphones on Youth and Society

Continuing the serious tone, the conversation delves into research suggesting that excessive smartphone use is deteriorating cognitive functions, particularly among Gen Z.

John Holmberg (22:48): "A new study finding smartphones ruining our brains at an unprecedented speed."

The hosts express concern over declining attention spans and the broader societal impacts, emphasizing the need for awareness and intervention.

Brett (23:14): "And I think it's the big part is the pace of information, though."

7. Reflections on Generational Differences and Personal Anecdotes

The discussion broadens to generational differences, with the hosts reflecting on how each generation perceives the next as lazy or ungrateful. They share personal stories, such as John's reminiscences about his sister's uniquely decorated room.

John Holmberg (28:48): "Send me to my sister's room. The place was a nightmare with papasans."

Brett and Byron join in, adding their own memories and emphasizing the humorous side of growing up with over-the-top parental rules and designs.

8. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Wrapping up the episode, John Holmberg ties together the night's experiences with broader societal observations, blending humor with genuine reflections on the challenges faced by the younger generation.

John Holmberg (34:38): "Every generation thinks the one coming up is lazy and gay. We all that."

The episode concludes on a humorous note with the recurring mention of "Mark Pie," a fictional character symbolizing stereotypical Chinese restaurant elements, reinforcing the show's blend of comedy and storytelling.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• John Holmberg (01:50): "Fresh off a weekend I cannot remember at all."
• John Holmberg (03:15): "I just saw the flash of red. I didn't know. And I start laughing."
• John Holmberg (07:50): "I finally met him. My idol at Suns games for the last three years was there."
• John Holmberg (17:00): "Skyler shouldn't be the program director at KDKB."
• John Holmberg (20:45): "12 year old charged after he allegedly decided to prank his 9 year old brother with what he called the hot water challenge."
• John Holmberg (22:48): "A new study finding smartphones ruining our brains at an unprecedented speed."
• John Holmberg (28:48): "Send me to my sister's room. The place was a nightmare with papasans."
• John Holmberg (34:38): "Every generation thinks the one coming up is lazy and gay. We all that."

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This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully weaves together hilarious personal stories with insightful discussions on pressing societal issues, all while maintaining the show's signature entertaining and provocative style. Whether recounting a forgettable yet fun night out or tackling the serious ramifications of today's digital age on youth, the hosts deliver a compelling narrative that keeps listeners engaged from start to finish.

Transcript

[Byron]

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[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com hello there. Welcome to Monday. It's 5:45. This is the Morning Sickness. My name is John. There's Brady and Brett. Big Dick Toledo. Fresh off a weekend I cannot remember at all. I know where we were. I've been to the Rooster in Scottsdale two times. I have no memory really of either time. They get it done up there and oh, you're off. What happened there? That's weird. Yeah, they it's A very strange situation up there that I am. I have been erased two times at the Rooster. I love it. And the guy who owns it, Jason, he was awesome. Everybody was great. So thank you for our Cinco de Wapo. Goodbye to Brett Brady's kidney. My birthday party, Brett's birthday party, and Toledo was also their party. It was great fun. And everybody showed up, I think got home safely. And not many people remember what was going on. Every one of my friends that was there that I, you know, have text me and said they were done. Nothing good. Did Matthia make it through the night? Oh, yeah, she was ok. Good. She's good. You, you looked a little blank faced at the end.

[Brett]

Had her safety system going on. A glass of water in one hand and then hydrating.

[Byron]

Yeah, she's a professional.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I have never experienced what we experienced, which was the owner of the bar saying here and had a bucket of iced down baby bottles of Jagermeister. 40. There were 40 in there. Yeah, we did damage to that bucket. And I hate.

[Brett]

And he handed me another 10 pack to put in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no, it was, it's, it's not a good. You know when you're. You're a fifth Jaeger and you've, you're it, you just realize the night's getting erased. It's getting erased. So. And it causes trouble. I don't know if you know this part there. I didn't know what was going on. I'm on stage, I watch a young kid go by in hand me two drinks and goes the other direction. Just saw a flash of red and a big T shirt. Okay. And I turned to Marty on stage and I'm like, when did we hire a young boy to start bringing us. This is because I'm thinking the bar's gonna get in trouble here. This is a. It's a young person, way too young. I would have carded and not believed. And Marty just starts shaking his head and I'm blotto like, huh. So what did you adopt a. When did we do this? When did this happen? There's a young boy running back and forth giving me drinks. I flash a red boom, zoom, no stop. And I'm like, what? Turns out that young in the big T shirt, short hair, didn't get a good look. Gotta look enough. I misgendered completely. It's Ryan's girlfriend. Didn't know. No idea.

[Byron]

It was Scott Haynes.

[John Holmberg]

It was, it was like seeing Scott Haynes. And it's exactly that.

[Brett]

With a red wig.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, it's when you see Scott Haynes from behind, you're like, oh, that little boy's dying. And then he turns around or little, yeah, anything that little. And turn around, it's a 50 year old man. You're like, what the hell? So her name's Gidget. She's super sweet. At the end of the night, I'm like, I just saw the flash of red. I didn't know. And I start laughing. She goes, it's fine. She goes, I had no idea. But I'm like, I was worried because she's so young that the bond we're gonna get her all closed down. She's old enough. I had no idea. But she looks so young.

[Brett]

Your roadie was really young.

[John Holmberg]

Our roadie made me worry, like, are we gonna get in trouble? And there's Ryan at the end of the night making out with her. And I'm like, that's Gidget. I've met her. How did I. I'm drunk. So to my apologies to Gidget and, and Ryan and everyone else involved, I didn't know what was going on, but I just saw youth. I guess that old Tony Roma bartender popped back in my head there for a minute to be like, oh boy, we're getting shut down. Like, I just immediately thought the bar was going to close. But it was good. Yeah. The Super Nintendo of schools was there. Mike Broomhead was there. Super Nintendo got. Had to go home. She got banged up. One of our salesgirls almost died. Evidently she but passed out early. I got the text from her, the.

[Brett]

Start of the opening song.

[John Holmberg]

I think, well, it's enough to make you want to faint. It's like a Beatles concert. She started to faint. She was a lot like Ed Sullivan.

[Brett]

Elated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She was so extremely juiced up, she almost went out. I'll go with that. Thanks, Jill. Thanks for loving so hard. Tripp showed up and I'm convinced that he crop dusted the band. I'm pretty sure Tripp blew an old ass at us because we're all having fun doing the sing along and Tripp wanders up to the front of the stage there and I'm like, hey, look, it's Tripp Reeb. And then walks away. I look over at Marty and Ryan standing next to me at the and I'm like, somebody on the stage just farted. And all of us shook our head. Now this has happened pretty much every time we play, somebody drops one. I've done it. But I didn't this time. I looked at Ryan and he's shaking his Head. No. Marty's like, no. I'm like, we would admit it. Or one of us would be like, yeah, I got that. That's mine. All of us denied it. And I'm like, I think Trip came up here and crop dusted us. Oh, yeah, Suck on that. Sammy Hagar not. And then he walked away and I didn't.

[Byron]

He walked out. He walked in, did his job right out.

[John Holmberg]

He's good. It's not even an Irish goodbye. It's an Irish hello.

[Byron]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

I don't blame him. That was solid. It's a good move. Yeah. Kangaroo and all that drunken nonsense. End of the night, get off stage. Everybody's having fun. We're doing his thing. And I met him. I finally met him. My idol at Suns games for the last three years. Was there Mr. Orange, the one Armed Man. No, different idol. No, that was Ryan's girlfriend's favorite. It's like he likes him young. The. The One Armed man that I've talked about so many times. He's tall. He's a tall. Big. He's a big dude. Yeah. The One Armed man was there. And Mark Stebbings, my friend, who we had season tickets together, used to always go, there he is. Like, we would spot the One Armed man at Suns games and he was always with a beautiful black lady. Always. And then we started to realize, and it was might get him in trouble, that sometimes it was a different black lady. Like we weren't. We just saw. And then like the One Armed man swings it. He's amazing. And I got to meet my idol, the One Armed man, whose name I still don't know because I even saw him and I went, the One Armed Man. And he told me once at a Suns game when I was walking past because, hey, John, love the show. And I'm like, oh. Turned to Mark and I was like, the one. Our man listens. He's awesome. Yeah, he's great. And then later I see him at the bar and he's got like three girls around him. He's not doing anything. They just are attracted to. Love the One Armed Man. I'm gonna tell Larry to cut an arm off later today. I think it works, guys. It's just awesome. Yeah, it was a good night. I think I. I think it was fun. We had fun. And Brady was there. He danced and did his maniac dance, which was a blast.

[Brett]

And Brett jammed out.

[John Holmberg]

Brett was fighting a woman as far as I remember. It's like there was a lady.

[Byron]

There's many that I fought on the Floor that night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we did. You kind of winded.

[Brett]

They were working you pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Little eye of the tiger.

[Byron]

Seven of them after me.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, Brett was shadow boxing with. And then some of the listeners came over, and mostly it was women.

[Brett]

It was a mini pit.

[John Holmberg]

Mostly women wanted to fight Brett. And all the stuff I talk. Yeah, it is. Yeah. The broads. I just. I was waiting for you to fly across the face.

[Byron]

All right, all right.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see a dance with any pigs. No, I know. I think you knocked them down. Yeah. They weren't going to get. That was the cardio. There was a cardio thing involved.

[Brett]

He was blocking and laughing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, But. Yeah, I mean, only the ones that were in good shape came over to defend the others. The big ones were like, I'm not getting up there. That's a long walk to. Yeah, exactly. That was great. And thanks to the rooster and everybody. Saturday night was fun, and we got out of there unscathed.

[Brett]

You got hit with a dildo?

[John Holmberg]

I got hit with a dildo. A green dildo. And by the way, whatever was on that dildo. Toxic. It's. I've been peeling off spray paint. Was that what it was? Yeah. They painted it because they couldn't find.

[Brett]

A green one, so it took a couple of layers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it was in my ears, like, I don't know how it got all over me. I got in the shower, and I'm like, what's all this crap on me? Green dildo juice. And like, I hope no one uses this thing because it's flaking. Okay, that makes sense.

[Byron]

I loved Marty playing his guitar with the dildo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. He was slapping the guitar with the dildo. And it worked. I don't know that it was making any noises I wanted to hear, but it was. It worked. They're a talented group. They can play with pretty much anything.

[Brett]

So I. I just still can't get over there, whatever that triangle drum is.

[John Holmberg]

Zen drum. It's the coolest thing in the world. Google it. Zen drum.

[Brett]

I was talking to them, the drummer from miles to nowhere.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you know how to play that? Yeah.

[Brett]

Like, I've never seen that thing harder.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm getting one Harder to play than drums. Like, drummers.

[Brett]

I was watching him the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, you have to.

[Brett]

Okay, the cymbals are there. Maybe bass drums over here.

[John Holmberg]

You can program any little. It's got about 30 circles on it, and they're all, like, iPad faces. And you touch them, and it makes the noise of a drum. That you program where you want it.

[Brett]

It's like you're watching the guitar.

[John Holmberg]

It's a. Yeah, it is the band.

[Brett]

In the Star wars canteen.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It's very. The first thing I said to him when he brought. He brought it to the house for rehearsal long time ago. I'm like, what the hell is this? And he goes, you'll see. And you plug it in, and it sounds like drums. I mean, you would never know. There wasn't a drummer there. That. That was a machine. And he's playing. I think it's harder and more impressive. It's like a typewriter. And it's incredible to keep time that way with, like, your index finger. And then your third finger is your. Like, your index fingers. Your right arm. Your third finger is your left arm. And it's amazing. And his thumbs are the feet. Like, he's doing the bass drums on top. It's.

[Brett]

It's on the side.

[John Holmberg]

It's crazy. I picked it up once and just like, which one? It's a mess. But he's got that thing down, and he can. It's pretty awesome. That was a neat. That's a neat thing. You do miss having a huge bass drum up on stage, banging away. But it was pretty fun. Anyway, enough of that. We'll do it again at Halloween as Guy from Derek and the Dominoes died this weekend. Just to remind us. All right. You got more to do. So we'll have our Halloween show, Night of the Living Dead on October 31st, and we'll get that going as well. So that's the next time you got to hear me squawk and trip farts on us. And I don't know what was going on. I think Tripp might have roofied everybody. There was a lot of people walking out of there dizzy. I was drunk.

[Brett]

It's the Jaeger.

[John Holmberg]

And I accidentally Waymo'd to. I thought I hit my address. I left was probably 1:30. And it says, where to? And I hit the button, fell asleep. And I hear the Waymo go, don't forget your keys and phone. As you exit the Waymo. And I open my eyes and I'm. Where in the hell am I? I had bumped the wrong address. And it took me to, like, a neighborhood. Like, I'm just like, huh? And you had to figure out, no. And then I got out like an idiot. And I'm just standing in the road, and Waymo drove away. And I'm like, where? I have no idea where this is or why I'm here. And So I called another Waymo. I don't even know if it's the same Waymo or not. Hopped in and got got home. It was pretty stupid. Sleeping in a Waymo is like a great country album. I think sleeping in the Waymo because I just. It's. You're done and nobody's there to bother you. Don't feel like, you know, anybody's judging you. You can snore, you can drool. Waymo wakes up almost to your destination. Don't forget your keys and phone. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Waymo. Where the hell did you take me? I think Waymo's gonna rape me in a field. It's pretty great. Yeah, it was right up. It was on the corner of Scottsdale and McDowell, so something there.

[Brett]

Yeah, that would have been a far walk.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm not walking that.

[Byron]

I just go to the rental.

[John Holmberg]

At that point, I didn't have the keys. Oh, man. Yeah, I didn't. I don't know what I was gonna do. I was obliterated is the issue. But it was fun and it was worth it. So we had a good time and all went well. And then. You know what's even better? Get home, plop down 2:30, 3 o', clock, wake up like a real fan, like a real fan of my team without an alarm clock at 6am to watch the Steelers and Jaguars replay. Yes, I did. Three hours of sleep because my boys are important to me. And I knew they were starting at 6 and my internal drunk clock said, nope, you don't miss games. I'm like, you're right. And I, you know, when it wasn't on the air live and I watched that catastrophe of a preseason game. Steelers won, but boy, is it tough to watch preseason. Watched all four quarters, then got my day started. Sunday was fantastic. Football's back. What a weekend.

[Brett]

And you just have to again get caught up in it. You're like, this means.

[John Holmberg]

It means everything, Brady. Incorrect. It means everything.

[Brett]

The final results.

[John Holmberg]

No, the score doesn't matter.

[Brett]

Score, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

But if you're a fan, you watch that and you say, all right, what are we looking for? Why is Jack Sawyer so slow? You get to see these guys for the first time on a field in your uniform, run around going, oh boy, oh boy.

[Brett]

Have to put up 42 again.

[John Holmberg]

At least. At least. Morning sickness. 28 KUPD.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the Core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work. Work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do. Again. Go to the core institute dot com.

[Byron]

Hey, Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Gidget]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Byron]

Wait, there's no back orders?

[Gidget]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Byron]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmp.guns.com.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and it doesn't necessarily mean what you saw was what they'll be. You just see a lot of pieces and parts. You're looking for dudes to like, show and flash and some that like. Oh boy, he's having a rough go. I made two cuts. This our cornerback, Pierre, he's out. He's been there for a few years. He's gone. He can't tackle. And he watched him like, this is gold. And then Skyler Thompson. I don't want a quarterback named Skyler. But he's our third stringer now because that dude had a great game. He just looked sharp. But I don't like. Sorry to all Skylers out there. But when it comes to manly endeavors, the last thing I want to do is pin my hopes to someone named Skyler. No one's ever said we were getting our asses kicked. Thank God Skyler showed up. That doesn't. That never occurs. Skyler mopped that dude up. Never been said before. Heavyweight champion Skyler. Never gonna hear that ever in your life. That's the toughest man alive. What's his name? Skyler. Nope. Not gonna be a thing ever. There's no such thing as a badass. Skyler can't be a thing. Like, you know what you do here with that? That dude designs the nicest sweaters. Who? Skyler. Oh, yeah. That makes tons of sense. Skyler. KDKB would be nothing without Skyler. Like, yep, that makes sense to me. Skyler should immediately be the program director at KDKB, which 93.3alti z. Have a nice show.

[Brett]

Skyler in the morning yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Skyler in the. I'd retire. We can't beat Skyler in the Morning on kdkb. That would get syndicated to all gays everywhere. We got lucky with Skyler and now it's syndicated into all the brainwaves of homosexuals across the planet. They just hear Skyler. Yeah. Skyler's like. Skyler's the name of a guy you want trimming your labradoodle. I bring my labradoodle to Skyler.

[Brett]

It's Skyler and fudgy.

[John Holmberg]

Skyler and fudge cake in the morning. Altac933. Hi, guys. Skylar and fudge cake here. Skylar. I got into a huge fight last night. Oh my God, Skyler. Oh, don't worry about it. I'm super strong and real tough. No, you're not. Your name's Skyler. Can't do it. But he's a third string quarterback and that's all he'll ever be. That's it. But what are you gonna do? And then I go to my phone this morning and I'm like, what the hell's going on in the world? Your kids are all stupid. I've told you that before. Well, yeah, I think you agree with me. There isn't. I haven't met a. I haven't met a decent or smart child in a long time. Nothing I want to. A bunch of Skylers. Nobody I really want to pin the future on. I look at a bunch of, you know, like Toledo's Son. And you're like, oh boy, this is. We're. You know what there's going to be no need for in the future? Janitors. AI is not going to take that job. But all you are raising a bunch of kids qualified to be janitors. And they're. And the worst part is, is they're gonna complain about it the whole time because it's actual work. I say that because we used to think that the TikTok challenges or Internet media, social media pranks are pretty stupid. Tide pod eating tide pods. Here's one happened in Pennsylvania. 12 year old charged after he allegedly decided to prank his 9 year old brother with what he called the hot water challenge. And he poured boiling water on his nine year old brother and like basically skinned his brother. Nine year olds got burns all over his body. Fluffing skin, left his skin off, melted him like a candle. They say the 12 year old's being charged with aggregate aggravated assault and recklessly endangering another person. And his excuse was basically, oh yeah, I wanted clicks. I needed some. I want to go viral. I figured murdering my, my brother would be a great idea. I do like that he got charged with something like. That's pretty solid right there that the cops went by. Oh no, no, no, no. You're not getting away with. This is a 12 year old who goofed. You know how to boil water, then you know you shouldn't be pouring it on anything, especially your brother or any other person or living animal. Yeah, that's pretty. If you can boil the water, you know it shouldn't be poured on someone.

[Brett]

I think it's like when you're some kids when you find out like the stove's hot. Stove's hot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

It's always telling you that. Yeah, he knew the one time, oh, it's hot.

[John Holmberg]

Hot water challenge was how do we make it hot? You got to, you got to do that. It doesn't come out of the tap like that. Unless you live where Aaron Brockovich was. And I'm not even sure that that was like. That's different. Flint, Michigan. Yeah. If you're up in Flint and fire starts shooting out. Yeah, that makes sense. But boiling hot water poured on a brother, that's. That sounded racist. I didn't mean it that way. Boiling hot water poured on your brother is. It's not a good idea. And that. You know what would be great? If we finally started to just imprison the kids for these things. Like there's no more. You learned your lesson. Like he's in jail for however long it would be if I did it, you know, if I poured boiling hot water on Brady. I go to jail for a long time, I think. And I think the kid should have to eat that. Oh, he's 12. He made a mistake. No, he's nuts. And it's time we locked him up before he became a real murderer later on. Because if this is an idea in his head when he's 12. I was 12. I did some pretty stupid stuff. We all did. But never tried to murder anyone or pour boiling water on.

[Brett]

There's no charges.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, he got. He got charged, but I think it was more to scare him. And he's back home. I'm pretty sure it needs to be like, a full trial. And, like, you're gonna go to jail till you're 18 for trying to boil your brother. I think that's just an automatic. We need to learn this lesson the hard way. That's not good. And your kids are stupid. This is a perfect opportunity to revisit. You got another one.

[Brett]

It's just.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, research.

[Brett]

That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, I saw a little thing on this. Not this particular. It says a new study finding smartphones ruining our brains at an unprecedented speed. Yeah, Well, I think we just confirmed that. Yeah. Says what was once hyperbole has turned into science. The universal addiction of smartphones ruins our brains. Gen Z is at a pace that will freak everyone out. I'd love to see, like, an IQ test.

[Brett]

And I think it's the. The big part is the pace of information, though.

[John Holmberg]

It's insane.

[Brett]

Like, you're no attention span it. Because it trains you that way.

[John Holmberg]

None. Like, you don't have. Well, and. Yeah, but that's the future. To me. That's us saying there's no attention. Yeah.

[Brett]

And it's not only kids impacting, it's all of us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're getting dumber. They're just getting what they are. Like, I always say that when people are like, ah, it's different. Everything's falling apart. No, this generation doesn't know any different. We're comparing our lives to them and how we would handle it because we had childhoods and all sorts of stuff that are unique to our generation. And then you get into, like, really young kids now pouring boiling water on each other, and we're like, I'll go in hell in a hand basket because we wouldn't be able to go back in time and. And relate to this. But it's all they know. People always say that. It's the Hardest time in the world to be a kid. No, it's not. There's never been an easier time in the world to be alive, ever. Especially for kids. Oh, they're under such threat. No, you feel that way because it's different for you. That's all they know. They've never known a world without school shootings. They've never known a world without like strange, crazy iPad stuff and information all the time. And porn. There you go. That's the thing. They've never known a world that, like, we had to scrounge for everything. They get it handed to them.

[Brett]

Never known a world of hard work.

[John Holmberg]

No, they don't have to. And good. That's. That's good on us to provide them a worlds like, look, we took the load off for you. How about that? Our grandparents said the same thing about us. You don't know what work is. And then you look at them and they're sitting on steel beams like 80 stories up, just eating sandwiches, floating in the sky without looking like it was normal. We see that and you're like, those dumbasses. Why wouldn't you get a machine to do that?

[Brett]

And only 2% fell, right?

[John Holmberg]

Hoover Dam's a different story. Like 3,000 people are inside that.

[Brett]

Again, that was probably 2%.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they had to keep turning bodies. And I don't know how you keep having. They didn't have one shutdown of the Hoover Dam because of an accident. Like, dudes were just falling off into the cement. Just leave them in there. Just keep going. We weren't on timeline.

[Brett]

Who's gonna pull them out?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. It's like that was the risk. He knew that. Like, they were more pragmatic about like, well, you're standing on a. On a construction sites. Got like a 5,000 foot drop. Would you think could happen, you dumbass. All right, everybody back to work. We'll get to Bob later.

[Byron]

Dan Holmberg kept that thing on time. He wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Dan would have double timed it. There would have been twice as many deaths. My dad was there. It's great. Yeah, the. It's nuts. So, yeah, every generation thinks the one coming up is lazy and gay. We all that. My, my, all my life. Think about it. If you were from 1910 and you had a grandkid in the 80s, us, like, what the hell's going on here? Seeing us looking at Poison albums and Motley Crue and long mullets and earrings, like everybody's gay. I think every old generation, once you hit like 45, you look back and go, how come all. How come all the kids are gay now? Like, that's every generation. It's true now, though. We're right. It's the first time it's actually real. Like, my grandpa thought everyone was gay and no one was gay. Now I think you look back and go, all right, Grandpa's right. Everyone's gay. My grandma was so afraid of gays because she just saw everywhere I looked, homosexuals. And she was the sweetest woman in the world, but it just. It took her by surprise like this. They came out of nowhere and it was like Boy George and stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, she had no idea what to do with it. She's like. And she'd see what I listened to and, like, look, now, I don't mind long hair on a boy, but I just think it's feminine and homosexual. Like, surely it's okay. These guys are not gay. They're poon hounds. I have no idea what that means. They like the ladies. Well, they look homosexual to me. And you stay away from them. And she would always tell me to stay away from the gays because they're. They would wrangle you up in a car and steal you 93. 3. She wasn't wrong. But, yeah, it was a very hilarious thing. But every generation thinks the one behind it's gay. And you start naming your kid Skyler like crazy. It's a thing. So, yeah, quit pouring hot water on each other, you dumbasses. And it's a good. It's a good reminder today you got a kid. Toledo should have done this every time we did it. You poured hot water on this kid. No, no, no. Okay, well, in hindsight, not boiling hot, but like an unexpected hot bath that. You gotta. Wait. That's hotter than I thought that might have been. Wake him up with one of those. Yeah, you're not wrong, Brad. Maybe a little bit to his son. But just look at it. Look at it, whatever it is, your kid. Right in the side of the head. Hey. What was that for? I know you've done something. You deserve that. You needed that. You were thinking something dumb or you've done something. I haven't caught you yet. That's for all the times you do dumb crap and I haven't caught you. If I catch you, imagine what's gonna happen. That's what I think you've done. Give it a whack. Give it a whack right now. I would never hit my child. Yeah, that's why it feels okay. Pouring boiling water on his brothers because there's no repercussions at your house. He gets timeouts. Okay, so do the sons. And they use them wrong too. So it's a. You get a timeout. Go to your room. Oh yeah, that's a tough one. He's got like two TVs, four iPads, a PlayStation 5. That room's a real punishment. Yeah, send me to my room. It was awesome in there. Okay. It's where all my stuff is. You know what would have been a problem?

[Brett]

Used to be where there was nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, send me my sister's room. The place was a nightmare with papasans. I think my sister thought she was Asian for a while. She think I like a papasan chair. And all of her lights were umbrella, like those hot air balloons. Hot air balloon lights. I kept saying, why do you have hot air balloons? Say Nat. They're dukai chai. So I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. She had a futon bed. Everything in there was like Asian influenced. Except for the guy banging her. He was always Mexican.

[Byron]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Gidget]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition accessories and in fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millimeter hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Byron]

Well, it sounds like M and P guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Gidget]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or [e-mail] It's John Holberg here.

[John Holmberg]

From the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact it's the fourth different sign. They' a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash as is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you Got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing hopkins1,800, sale now it's john holmberg here for turfmonstersaz.com if that yard of yours doesn't look great all of the time, if it is work all of the time, it does not have to be. Turf monsters can come to your house and make your yard a beautiful showcase place for you, your family, your pets. Yeah, it's pet friendly as well. Anything you can dream up in that backyard, they can do. Tell them Homeburg sent you. Get 10% off turf monsters AZ.com Homeburg's.

[Brett]

Morning sickness paper mache globes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What were they? She didn't do that. Like, it was the real ones that.

[Brett]

Open up and there are balls. A little light in them. Something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, they were. They were hanging from the ceiling lights. A huge. And it had Chinese writing on the side. I'm like, what is this room?

[Byron]

Knock over Golden Valley Chinese restaurant there on extension or what?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, fortune cookies and like.

[Brett]

Like say it. It said Sing Tao beer on it.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. On the side. The wall was crumbled away, like, to the outside. I'm like, you. You made your room third world. Why? Yeah, she was sneaking Mexicans in the hole in the wall. Like, what's going on? Did a deep fryer and had rats in it. I'm like, why is your room this way? You wanted to punish me? Send me to her room. It was a nightmare.

[Brett]

What's with the tunnels?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, okay, Deutsche. Like, where'd you come from? War not over. War is over. Get back in the hole. What did you do this for? Her room was awful. And she tried. That was the best thing about how stupid she was. She bought all this dumb stuff. Like, I get to decorate my room and all right, you know, like 500, she goes and gets the futon and stuff. You laid on. I don't know if you've ever laid on one of those. It is summer tough. It is a bag of flour. It is the most uncomfortable mattress ever. She had to play pretend that was okay. Like, she had because she had to eat it.

[Brett]

They had to been laughing when they came out with these hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's not a bad. It's a punishment. I think John McCain slept on somebody.

[Brett]

Sleeping on a bag of rice.

[John Holmberg]

McCain in the. In the Hanoi Hilton was on a much more comfortable mattress. It was like. It was like tough to needle for him compared to this. But she'd lay on. It's fine. It's fine. You could see, like, misery. Misery all the Mexicans left. That bed sucks, man. You gotta get a new bed. How come I go in there? I feel like I'm in China Gate. Bye. Go through the wall.

[Brett]

Please go through the wall.

[John Holmberg]

My. My dad's in the family. Can't see. You got a hole in the wall. That bed's like sleeping on a bag of rice.

[Brett]

She's got a poster of Mark Pie up there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Who's Mark Pie?

[Brett]

Mark PI's China Gate.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. He knows the owner.

[Byron]

Of course he does.

[John Holmberg]

Who the hell is Mark Piece? All I know is that's what it used to be called, China Gate here.

[Brett]

Yes, it was.

[John Holmberg]

Was it Mark Kwan's golden something that was on Coin? Golden Coin. Yeah, that's right. And I always think that was like.

[Byron]

Why is Mark a big name over there?

[John Holmberg]

Marcus, Hugh, Mark and Chris are the two most popular Chinese names. Mark Pie posters.

[Brett]

Maybe Benihana over there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she was. Yeah. My room had, like, Heather Thomas and, like, Heather Lockler. Hot Heathers all over. Mark Pie was in my sister's room. And it was funny because the kitchen staff felt right at home because they were just in there all the time. Hey, I used to work at Mark Pie. This is great. I like your room. I feel like I've gone to the Far East. It's like being in the kitchen at work again. Anyway, it was weird. Those futons were the worst. But yeah, send me to that room when I was a kid. It's like you go to your sister's room until you figure out what you've done wrong. Oh, my God. He's not wrong. Oh, there's Mark Piece. Right? It's Ohio.

[Byron]

It's an Ohio restaurant.

[Brett]

Is it okay?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. No one knows who Mark Pie is, but you haven't been in Ohio for 30 years. You remember Mark Pie? It was Columbus.

[Byron]

It's Columbus, Cincinnati, Zanesville.

[John Holmberg]

Chinese. Nothing. Nothing quite says Chinese food like Columbus, Ohio. And the one Chinaman that went there, I moved all the way to Ohio to Free Bready. How you like a food now? Hey, Mark Pie. Hi, Brady. How you doing? Now, I like you, Mark Pie. You make good food. But you sound funny. How you want me to sound? My friend Jordan does that all the time. Every time there's Asians around, what you want me to sell and I start dying. How you like me to sour? It sticks in your head once you hear it, too. Anyway, Mark Pie reference. Congratulations. Yeah. Hey, we make a big time. We on radio. And Pitt, Arizona. I move all the way to Ohio. To give a food to a brave family. I know. I moved to Ohio. I hear there's a eating machine in Ohio. We can't lose. I open a restaurant across the board. Hey, here there's a Mark Pies opening up down the road. Let's keep him in business. Welcome, welcome. What you want for the grilled cheese? I love a grilled cheese Chinese style. Okay. I don't know what that means, but okay.

[Brett]

Brett, you would have loved it. They had a noodle making station making live right there.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. Come on in, Brady. Join a Mexican crow, belt all your noodle. Hi, Mark Pie bread to keep us eating a high cotton. He said being a never fair with a bread area down the road. You're funny. You're funny. He died in my impression already. Oh, yeah, Chick, grilled cheese. Come in, get grilled cheese. You got a little round eye, girl.

[Brett]

They had a good grilled cheese and.

[John Holmberg]

Mark Pies did that, man.

[Brett]

I guarantee you another special order.

[John Holmberg]

Got my grill, chief. Oh, boy. What's wrong with this cheese? It have fish in it. Oh, Mark Pies. What was it called? The gold China Gate. China Gate. Mark buys China Gate. It's a matter with you. It's a lot wrong with him. Brett.

[Byron]

Was the China Gate here? That's what I thought it was.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's franchise. Mark and I moved to God, like you had to commit so many Chinese crimes to end up in Ohio. Like stay in San Francisco where the rest of them or Vancouver don't. Well, I not done traveling. Reality. I gotta get all the way to center of a country. I make it to Ohio, I stop here like Brigham Young. I stop right. He know where he live. Mark Pie. I'm Mark Pye. I moved to Ohio. Why? I have no idea. The car broke down on the way to New York and he stayed. There's no way Chinese immigrants on their own volition stopped in Columbus and said, oh, beautiful. You pass all of beautiful America to get to Ohio. You're not staying in Ohio. He had to get packed.

[Brett]

He opened the door, just packed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he had to have a.

[Brett]

That's why he stayed.

[John Holmberg]

No, he had to have a bag over his head and got thrown, of course, to be at his restaurant today. He didn't have it yet. He had a bag over his head. He was kidnapped and dropped off in Columbus and didn't know where he was because had he seen Wyoming or Colorado or Utah or Arizona or anything else but that place. Beautiful. Nobody stops in Ohio and looks around, goes, that's it. I stay Here. It's beautiful. Frat gring. Absolutely no landscape. Beautiful. No way Mark Pie was a kidnapping victim. Or a slave's grandson building the railroad. And they quit right around Ohio. We stay here. Not a store of trouble.

[Byron]

He just got dropped off in Ohio with his bag of rice and started up the not here empire.

[John Holmberg]

We should move, Mark Pie. We should have moved to a place more scenic. Not more scenic than it is. Frat rams. Absolutely no hills. Just flat as I can see. And that's good for me because my eyes don't see so good.

[Brett]

He fell in love with Hilliard, Ohio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm sure of it. What Chinese person doesn't have that poster on their wall in Beijing? Summer day, my dream will come true. A move to Hillaryard. Yes. What I want is to move to a city with two L's in the name. That'll make it hard for me. Hurd. I cannot say where I live. Crumbus. Crumbus. I live in Crumbus. Crumbus. How Mark Pie. This guy I have now first boy Brad. I mean my first born child. He named Skyra. He tough kid. He not kung Fu. Skyra. And thank you, Brady, for bringing a mock pie to me. Now. I could have never be on Saturday Night Live can do this anymore. This grilled cheese doesn't taste so good. Mark Pie. How you want a grilled cheese to taste? Brady?

[Brett]

Big Buckeye fan.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm sure of it. Hoy. Huh? Oh, he's trying. He's trying to do it. What do you think our team are this year? Ah, Riker Ryan Day. He go cult. Hey. Get hard time. Go Buckeye. Yeah. Yeah. You're one of them. They get free meals and observe it. Oh, yeah. Come on in here. Tarot Prior. You still good to me, Mr. Gold Pan? I gave me his gold Pan. Some delicious Chinese food for free. Come on.

[Brett]

That's one of the tattoos he got. Was Mark Pie.

[John Holmberg]

Prior lost his scholarship because he had a Mark Pie tattoo. You don't get a free food. Let's get Mark Pie. Oh, no. Mark Pie. You're an idiot. That's hilarious. He went back to his childhood. What kid remembers a Chinese restaurant from his youth? One. That one. What Chinese restaurant did your family take it to? And you're gonna never. I don't remember this kid. Your palate was.

[Byron]

It was decorated like your sister's bedroom. That's all. I remember the Chinese restaurants back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Where's the hamburger? I'm not eating Chinese food. What the hell is this stuff?

[Byron]

Let alone the guy's name he remembered.

[John Holmberg]

Mark Pie. That's what it led with. Of course it did.

[Brett]

That's China Gate.

[John Holmberg]

Mark Pie's China Gate is one of his childhood memories are so different than all other kids. Every reference is where the nearest food station downtown.

[Brett]

Oh yeah, Japanese steakhouse. Yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

He's a kid. He's like a fodder's guy.

[Brett]

East Columbus. Oh, Kahiki.

[John Holmberg]

You're like Lil Foder. Anyway, let's get a wake up song. It's enough Mark Pie for this morning. Mark Pie.

[Byron]

Never enough Mark.

[John Holmberg]

He's on his deathbed in Ohio. What's going on? I feel disturbance in fault.

[Brett]

He's still pulling noodles.

[John Holmberg]

I make a noodle tail a honey five year old. Hey, something going on in the world. How come I start to sound really like Dennis Rodman? What going on in the world? What in the world?

[Brett]

He might be in the Guinness World record for most people noodles pulled or something.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. You think a guy from Ohio has that record? Come on, stop it. Come on. He's like he's child's play to real Chinese people. They're pulling noodles 48 hours a day.

[Byron]

I don't know how many Mark Pies there were, but Mark Pie was born in Korea apparently.

[John Holmberg]

Korean Chinese restaurant owner. I got them all snow. That's why I go to Ohio. They don't know different. I have a moon face like a Korean and they think of that as Chinese. Weird fracked moon face like a chew on a wall.

[Brett]

That's talent.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I go over. I eat holes and drywall. I know I just put a face against that start to Cho. That's Mark Pie. There's the poster was in my sister's bedroom. In Brady's fantasy. Is Mark Pie an actual person? Asks the Internet. No, he amalgamation of all sort of Chinese people. I representative of old China. China man. Is he an actual person? No, they made a Mark found his.

[Brett]

Way to Chicago first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and then he left.

[Brett]

There it is. World record.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. He is in the Guinness book for fastest what? Noodle pole?

[Byron]

Fastest human noodle maker.

[John Holmberg]

Go yourself, Brady, for even knowing that a little bit. If I was your kidney, I'd try to get out too. All right, let's get to a wake up song, you lunatics. What a way to start the Monday by offending just about all of them at 6:23. Let's get a Wake up song. 585-9800. Mark Pie will live in my brain forever as the guy who influenced my sister's. Bedroom growing up. Hilarious. Give it to us good and strong. We'll scream it together. It's 98K UV. Wake up Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.

[Byron]

Hey Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[Gidget]

Brett I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Byron]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Gidget]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[Byron]

Well, there you have it. MMP guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at MMP.

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Eastside and Tempe at the Improv. Catch the always hilarious Carlos Mencia. Funny Marco will be performing his sets downtown at Standup Live and at the Desert Ridge Improv. You've got the one and only Annie Letterman entertaining you all week. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, it's Brett Vesely.

[Byron]

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[John Holmberg]

No problem. Score.

[Byron]

Fifteen hundred dollars off right now. Hot and stuck. Well, they offer emergency same day service. And before you commit, get a free second opinion with no pressure. Go to Patrick Riley services dot com. That's patrickreillyservices.com Patrick One Call does it all.