Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 08-14-25 – Teens Steal Train, Man with Largest Crank, Domino’s Pizza Submarine Delivery & Brady’s Pizza Health Debate
Date: August 15, 2025
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness offers the usual comedic, irreverent take on the day’s wildest news, bizarre world records, and local happenings. The crew dives into headlines ranging from teens stealing a train in South Carolina, a British man with a record-breaking penis who suffers an awkwardly themed injury, Domino’s delivering pizza via submarine, and an extended, comedic debate over Brady’s need to rethink pizza for his health after kidney surgery. Listeners get a whirlwind of laughs, mockery, and genuine care amongst the hosts, with recurring themes of health, excess, and the absurdity of modern life.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Operation Hydration Update (01:41–03:24)

• Brett is on location at Safeway (48th Street & Indian School), leading a water bottle drive for Phoenix Rescue Mission, aiming to surpass a million bottles donated.
• Highlights generosity in Arcadia, with residents giving cash for the event.
• Incentives for donors include concert tickets and KUPD swag.
• The crew humorously comments on Arcadia demographics and luxury cars at the event.
• Quote (03:19, John Holmberg): “You’re going to see a lot of ladies with five-year-old faces and 66-year-old necks.”

2. Brady Report – Headlines and Odd News (04:14–06:58)

• Tattoo Removal Day: Quips about regrettable exes’ names and inappropriate tattoos.
• Baseball Factoids: Shohei Ohtani’s recent triple play leads to trivia and jokes about rare feats.
• NSYNC’s Name Origin: Discussion about the original band member lineup influencing the group’s name.
• Macaulay Culkin Movie Trivia: Debates over which film earned him his big paycheck, with sidebar jokes about kid movie deaths.
• Quote (05:06, John Holmberg): “[Unassisted triple plays]…You catch, you step on the bag and you tag a guy out. It’s pretty outstanding.”

3. Alcohol Consumption Trends (08:10–09:12)

• Discussion of a Gallup poll showing historic lows in American alcohol consumption.
• The team muses on young people's aversion to drinking and the cultural shift toward health consciousness (or, as Holmberg calls it, being “cranked out on Adderall”).
• Quote (08:22, John Holmberg): “This next generation is lame.”

4. Teens Steal a Train in South Carolina (09:32–13:30)

• Two teens break into a railyard, learn to start a train via YouTube, and take it for a joyride, ultimately causing a derailment.
• The crew admits temptation: “If you get me in a train engine and it starts, I’m driving it a little bit.” (10:38, John Holmberg)
• Discussion of the surprising simplicity of modern train controls, safety features like the “dead man switch,” and fantasizing about mischief.

5. World’s Largest Penis Injury – The Matt Barr Story (13:44–18:59)

• News item about Matt Barr, a British man with a 14.4-inch penis, who broke his arm slipping in the shower, blaming “poor visibility” caused by his anatomy.
• The team riffs extensively, adopting faux-British voices and doubling down on the absurdity (“It’s like having a 15-pound pendulum swinging about. It sways me to and fro.” – British Guest, 15:52).
• Details include Matt’s struggles with swimwear, fainting during arousal, and excessive empathy for the “burdened.”
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “You’ve got no understanding what it’s like. It’s like having a 15-pound pendulum swinging about.” (15:52, British Guest)
  • “No, they hate the last six inches. They'll love the first eight.” (16:19, John Holmberg)
  • “I’d be better off using my foot than my willy, because it’s gonna kill you.” (17:01, British Guest)
  • “You’re not aware as an adult that there’s possibilities of shower gel?” (17:50, John Holmberg)
• Hilarious, irreverent riffing and audience texts: “I just got in the car and all I caught was a British man saying 'I’ve got 14 inches of dick.' What the hell is happening over there?” (20:40, Listener Vincent via John Holmberg)

6. Domino’s Delivers Pizza by Submarine (21:01–22:43)

• Domino’s becomes the first company to deliver a pizza via mini-sub, on Scotland’s Loch Ness.
• Hosts lampoon the publicity stunt, questioning its practicality and noting Scottish food oddities.
• Holmberg declares it’s “not cost efficient to deliver pizza via submersible.”
• Quote (21:19, John Holmberg): “Unless they delivered it underwater…No. It’s not cost efficient to deliver pizza via submersible.”
• Brief food tangent leads into fried pizza and demands for Brady to quit pizza due to health.

7. Brady’s Health and Pizza Addiction: A Comedy/Roast Intervention (22:49–31:53)

• Context: Brady is facing kidney surgery and the co-hosts, especially Holmberg, roast and confront him about his refusal to give up salt- and protein-rich foods (like pizza).
• Extended banter comparing his health to faulty pool filters, cars in need of a mechanic, etc.
• Brady resists advice, with Holmberg advocating tough love: “People care about you. And when you say stupid stuff, people are going to keep giving you more advice.”
• Quote (27:07, John Holmberg): “Your filter is busted. You can't go chucking leaves into a pool filter that doesn't work.”
• The crew runs through scenarios about moderation, dietary change, and whether any of them would ever donate a kidney (Holmberg: “I love you, I'll do anything for you, except I'm not giving you a kidney.” – 31:03).
• Ends with classic Holmberg fatalism: “Dead by Christmas. Mark it down.” (27:55)

8. Viral Videos & Odd News (30:49–34:42)

• Reckless Motorcyclist: Video shows rider crashing into a street divider.
• Citizen Justice: Man body-slams thief and breaks his arm in a “beautiful” takedown; cop takes down two criminals, with bystander assist and taser action.
• Team provides rowdy, hilarious play-by-play, loving when a criminal is “tased into stiffness.”
• Quote (34:46, John Holmberg): “When that thing hits and your body just goes dead electric — oh, I love it. Tase more people on video, I say.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On giant penis injuries:
  “Look, I have to warn you. I know this date's going well, but ... I’d be better off using my foot than my willy, because it’s gonna kill you.”
  — British Guest (17:01)

• On why no kidney donation:
  “I love you, I'll do anything for you, except I'm not giving you a kidney. It's not happening. Because I don't want to have to change my whole existence on my 90% power kidney.”
  — John Holmberg (31:03)

• On beating alcohol abstinence stats:
  “We knocked that curve out of the box Saturday night at the Rooster, that’s for sure. Not a whole lot of folks there teetotaling.”
  — John Holmberg (09:12)

Timestamps by Topic

| Timestamp | Topic / Segment | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 01:41-03:24 | Operation Hydration water drive update | | 04:14-06:58 | Brady Report: trivia, weird movie deaths, fun facts| | 08:10-09:12 | Declining alcohol consumption in the US | | 09:32-13:30 | Teens steal & crash a train in South Carolina | | 13:44-18:59 | Man with world’s largest penis injured, riffing | | 21:01-22:43 | Domino’s submarine pizza delivery & food debate | | 22:49-31:53 | “Intervention” roast: Brady’s pizza addiction, kidney chat| | 30:49-34:42 | Viral videos: motorcycle crash, citizen justice, tasing| | Various | Recurrent: Commercial breaks, event plugs, local humor |

Tone & Style

• Consistently irreverent, quick-witted, and a bit dark.
• Deep camaraderie among the hosts, blending mockery and genuine concern.
• Signature radio banter: sarcastic, self-deprecating, and local flavor throughout.
• News segments become launching pads for extended, comedic character play and philosophical asides.

Final Thoughts

This episode captures the core of Holmberg's Morning Sickness: mockery of the absurd, love-hate banter between friends, and a healthy dose of local flavor. Whether discussing runaway teens and trains, obscene world records, or the perils of pizza post-surgery, listeners get a slice of real (and really funny) talk radio. If you missed the episode, you missed out on some classic, only-in-Phoenix moments—but this rundown covers all the comedic highlights and heartfelt jibes.