08-14-25 - BR - THU - Teens Steal Train In South Carolina - Man w/Largest Crank Suffers Broken Arm - Dominoes Becomes First To Deliver Pizza via Sub Sparking More Cries For Brady To Give Up Pizza For His Health

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 08-14-25 – Teens Steal Train, Man with Largest Crank, Domino’s Pizza Submarine Delivery & Brady’s Pizza Health Debate
Date: August 15, 2025
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness offers the usual comedic, irreverent take on the day’s wildest news, bizarre world records, and local happenings. The crew dives into headlines ranging from teens stealing a train in South Carolina, a British man with a record-breaking penis who suffers an awkwardly themed injury, Domino’s delivering pizza via submarine, and an extended, comedic debate over Brady’s need to rethink pizza for his health after kidney surgery. Listeners get a whirlwind of laughs, mockery, and genuine care amongst the hosts, with recurring themes of health, excess, and the absurdity of modern life.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Operation Hydration Update (01:41–03:24)

• Brett is on location at Safeway (48th Street & Indian School), leading a water bottle drive for Phoenix Rescue Mission, aiming to surpass a million bottles donated.
• Highlights generosity in Arcadia, with residents giving cash for the event.
• Incentives for donors include concert tickets and KUPD swag.
• The crew humorously comments on Arcadia demographics and luxury cars at the event.
• Quote (03:19, John Holmberg): “You’re going to see a lot of ladies with five-year-old faces and 66-year-old necks.”

2. Brady Report – Headlines and Odd News (04:14–06:58)

• Tattoo Removal Day: Quips about regrettable exes’ names and inappropriate tattoos.
• Baseball Factoids: Shohei Ohtani’s recent triple play leads to trivia and jokes about rare feats.
• NSYNC’s Name Origin: Discussion about the original band member lineup influencing the group’s name.
• Macaulay Culkin Movie Trivia: Debates over which film earned him his big paycheck, with sidebar jokes about kid movie deaths.
• Quote (05:06, John Holmberg): “[Unassisted triple plays]…You catch, you step on the bag and you tag a guy out. It’s pretty outstanding.”

3. Alcohol Consumption Trends (08:10–09:12)

• Discussion of a Gallup poll showing historic lows in American alcohol consumption.
• The team muses on young people's aversion to drinking and the cultural shift toward health consciousness (or, as Holmberg calls it, being “cranked out on Adderall”).
• Quote (08:22, John Holmberg): “This next generation is lame.”

4. Teens Steal a Train in South Carolina (09:32–13:30)

• Two teens break into a railyard, learn to start a train via YouTube, and take it for a joyride, ultimately causing a derailment.
• The crew admits temptation: “If you get me in a train engine and it starts, I’m driving it a little bit.” (10:38, John Holmberg)
• Discussion of the surprising simplicity of modern train controls, safety features like the “dead man switch,” and fantasizing about mischief.

5. World’s Largest Penis Injury – The Matt Barr Story (13:44–18:59)

• News item about Matt Barr, a British man with a 14.4-inch penis, who broke his arm slipping in the shower, blaming “poor visibility” caused by his anatomy.
• The team riffs extensively, adopting faux-British voices and doubling down on the absurdity (“It’s like having a 15-pound pendulum swinging about. It sways me to and fro.” – British Guest, 15:52).
• Details include Matt’s struggles with swimwear, fainting during arousal, and excessive empathy for the “burdened.”
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “You’ve got no understanding what it’s like. It’s like having a 15-pound pendulum swinging about.” (15:52, British Guest)
  • “No, they hate the last six inches. They'll love the first eight.” (16:19, John Holmberg)
  • “I’d be better off using my foot than my willy, because it’s gonna kill you.” (17:01, British Guest)
  • “You’re not aware as an adult that there’s possibilities of shower gel?” (17:50, John Holmberg)
• Hilarious, irreverent riffing and audience texts: “I just got in the car and all I caught was a British man saying 'I’ve got 14 inches of dick.' What the hell is happening over there?” (20:40, Listener Vincent via John Holmberg)

6. Domino’s Delivers Pizza by Submarine (21:01–22:43)

• Domino’s becomes the first company to deliver a pizza via mini-sub, on Scotland’s Loch Ness.
• Hosts lampoon the publicity stunt, questioning its practicality and noting Scottish food oddities.
• Holmberg declares it’s “not cost efficient to deliver pizza via submersible.”
• Quote (21:19, John Holmberg): “Unless they delivered it underwater…No. It’s not cost efficient to deliver pizza via submersible.”
• Brief food tangent leads into fried pizza and demands for Brady to quit pizza due to health.

7. Brady’s Health and Pizza Addiction: A Comedy/Roast Intervention (22:49–31:53)

• Context: Brady is facing kidney surgery and the co-hosts, especially Holmberg, roast and confront him about his refusal to give up salt- and protein-rich foods (like pizza).
• Extended banter comparing his health to faulty pool filters, cars in need of a mechanic, etc.
• Brady resists advice, with Holmberg advocating tough love: “People care about you. And when you say stupid stuff, people are going to keep giving you more advice.”
• Quote (27:07, John Holmberg): “Your filter is busted. You can't go chucking leaves into a pool filter that doesn't work.”
• The crew runs through scenarios about moderation, dietary change, and whether any of them would ever donate a kidney (Holmberg: “I love you, I'll do anything for you, except I'm not giving you a kidney.” – 31:03).
• Ends with classic Holmberg fatalism: “Dead by Christmas. Mark it down.” (27:55)

8. Viral Videos & Odd News (30:49–34:42)

• Reckless Motorcyclist: Video shows rider crashing into a street divider.
• Citizen Justice: Man body-slams thief and breaks his arm in a “beautiful” takedown; cop takes down two criminals, with bystander assist and taser action.
• Team provides rowdy, hilarious play-by-play, loving when a criminal is “tased into stiffness.”
• Quote (34:46, John Holmberg): “When that thing hits and your body just goes dead electric — oh, I love it. Tase more people on video, I say.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On giant penis injuries:
  “Look, I have to warn you. I know this date's going well, but ... I’d be better off using my foot than my willy, because it’s gonna kill you.”
  — British Guest (17:01)

• On why no kidney donation:
  “I love you, I'll do anything for you, except I'm not giving you a kidney. It's not happening. Because I don't want to have to change my whole existence on my 90% power kidney.”
  — John Holmberg (31:03)

• On beating alcohol abstinence stats:
  “We knocked that curve out of the box Saturday night at the Rooster, that’s for sure. Not a whole lot of folks there teetotaling.”
  — John Holmberg (09:12)

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Timestamps by Topic

| Timestamp | Topic / Segment | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 01:41-03:24 | Operation Hydration water drive update | | 04:14-06:58 | Brady Report: trivia, weird movie deaths, fun facts| | 08:10-09:12 | Declining alcohol consumption in the US | | 09:32-13:30 | Teens steal & crash a train in South Carolina | | 13:44-18:59 | Man with world’s largest penis injured, riffing | | 21:01-22:43 | Domino’s submarine pizza delivery & food debate | | 22:49-31:53 | “Intervention” roast: Brady’s pizza addiction, kidney chat| | 30:49-34:42 | Viral videos: motorcycle crash, citizen justice, tasing| | Various | Recurrent: Commercial breaks, event plugs, local humor |

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Tone & Style

• Consistently irreverent, quick-witted, and a bit dark.
• Deep camaraderie among the hosts, blending mockery and genuine concern.
• Signature radio banter: sarcastic, self-deprecating, and local flavor throughout.
• News segments become launching pads for extended, comedic character play and philosophical asides.

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Final Thoughts

This episode captures the core of Holmberg's Morning Sickness: mockery of the absurd, love-hate banter between friends, and a healthy dose of local flavor. Whether discussing runaway teens and trains, obscene world records, or the perils of pizza post-surgery, listeners get a slice of real (and really funny) talk radio. If you missed the episode, you missed out on some classic, only-in-Phoenix moments—but this rundown covers all the comedic highlights and heartfelt jibes.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Hey everybody, it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time once again for the pick of the litter. Brought to you by our friends at turf Monsters a dot com. This week's pick the litter is a special little guy surrendered by his family because financial woes made it so they just could not give little manufacturer a great life. A little bit older. It's a Bichon poodle mix. Smart as a whip. Check it all out. Lost our home.org or 98kupd.com it's the pick of the litter.

[Brady]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from Amco. Let's talk about back to school TLC for your car.

[Larry McFeely]

Larry, the last thing anyone needs right now is to start the school year with car troubles.

[Brady]

Yeah, makes sense. What should people do?

[Larry McFeely]

Head to your closest amco. We specialize in back to school auto repairs for the busy school season. Plus we have a back to school discount for students and teachers.

[Brady]

Yeah, but do you need to make an appointment?

[Larry McFeely]

Not at all. Just pop into your nearest Amco or book online.

[Brady]

Now that's convenient. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and.

[John Holmberg]

A whole lot more.

[Larry McFeely]

And remember, Amco proudly supports Operation Hydrations.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Brett's out on a Thursday morning doing what Brett does and he's got himself right there on 48th street and Indian school. You're right down the road in the arc in the heart of Arcadia at the safe way of doing beautiful things. Looking at beautiful people and collecting that water. Getting over the million bottle market. Amazing, amazing Operation hydration this year, Brett. Close it strong Last couple weeks. Give us what you got.

[Brett (on location)]

Yeah, we are hanging out here collecting that water. We want to make that million dollar mark or million bottle mark, like you said. And you know, we've had a lot of people rolling through, a lot of people, you know, like some of these Arcadia moms swinging by. I don't got time for this. But just handing over the money. So like, you don't got time to go in and go shop? No problem. Hand me over some cash, some envelopes. We'll go in and do the shopping for you. But we want to take care of the Phoenix rescue missions. We're pushing hard here at the end. And while you're out here checking it out, if you got time, swing by the tent. We're gonna. We're gonna sign you up for tickets for A Day to Remember and Falling in Reverse. I think I got some Five Finger Death Punch CDs to handy and of course, the normal KUPD swag. So it's all happening. We'll be hanging out here till 9 o' clock or so.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. All right. And a beautiful spot and a nice morning. It's not so bad out there and. And some glorious views.

[Brett (on location)]

Yeah, the visuals are great.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a good spot. A lot.

[Brett (on location)]

We also, I also, yeah, I also got to thank Amco, of course, learner and row and you know, Safeway Albertsons for hooking us up out here.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. And you're going to see a lot of ladies with five year old faces and. And 66 year old necks.

[Brett (on location)]

Oh, yeah, it's nothing but Escalades and Range Rovers rolling through here, so it's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, we'll talk to you a little bit. 48th street and Indian School at the Safeway this morning right there in the heart of Arcadia. If you're in area and you want to drop off a couple bucks for Brett, he'll take that money, he'll do the shopping, he'll grab the water, we'll fill the trucks, we'll get out of Dodge and we'll be over a million. Hopefully today we'll see how all that goes. In the meantime, Brady will give us all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade. Add that shade on a beautiful day like today, you start thinking to yourself, oh, it's better when the temperatures are lower. Well, you can lower those temperatures at your house up to 20 degrees. With all Pro Shade, they'll pick the spot. You guys Come up with a plan and you drop that temp, get rid of those UV rays and sit and have nice outdoor space in your yard. It actually is like adding square footage. It's like a new room without all that hassle. All Prochet.com is where you go. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. Oh, actually, happy National Tattoo Removal Day.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you gotta. You got that scuzzy ex boyfriend on your arm or slutty ex girlfriend on your leg or penis like flip orly get rid of it. Are they offering discounts at tattoo parlors for removal today or they remove those? I don't know.

[Brady]

Be smart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know where you go for that.

[Brady]

This week, Shohei Ohtani hit into the 740th triple play in Major League Baseball. And it's 140 years.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing.

[Brady]

149 years. Sorry. There are around three or three to four per season. Unassisted triple plays are more rare. That hasn't happened since 2009.

[John Holmberg]

Geez. I don't remember who did it. Was it a twins don't have that. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. You catch, you step on the bag and you tag a guy out. It's pretty outstanding.

[Brady]

NSYNC didn't just get its name because the boys were in sync. It uses the last letter of each of the five original members. First names Justin, Chris, Joey, Jason and J.C. but Jason was replaced by Lance Bass later screwed it all up. Yep, they didn't change it. Macaulay Culkin was the first child actor to ever get $1 million for a movie paid. And that was Home Alone 2. My Girl.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a terrible movie. He dies in the end.

[Brady]

He got 4.5 million for Home Alone 2.

[John Holmberg]

Spoiler alert.

[Brady]

And 8 million two years later for Richie Rich.

[John Holmberg]

My girly dies from a bee sting, doesn't he?

[Brady]

Was that the other.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he dies.

[Brady]

Yeah. Because the girl lives. That's right. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's like the last thing you see coming. And it's also weird because it was early 90s kid romance. Yeah, it's a strange movie. Anna Klumsky. Anna Klumsky. And then little Macaulay gets nailed by a bee and he's out. He's done toast. What was the one with the kind of challenged kid who got. Was it when he got hit in it? Mom got hit in the head with a baseball and died at a Little League game. You're like, remember that? He was a little bit mental. Fouled One off and killed his mother. Simon Burch. No, Simon Burch was a dance. No, Simon Birch was that one. You're right. Yeah. Simon Burch is. He's a little bit mental now.

[Commercial Announcer]

He was the. He was the wee.

[Brady]

He was tiny.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't he have mental stuff too?

[Commercial Announcer]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, he was all screwed physically. Messed up. Chips went off. Makes contact chips.

[Commercial Announcer]

That was Ashley Judd.

[John Holmberg]

Was it Ashley Judd? I thought it was Naomi. It was Ashley Judge. No, right. I was right. No, I was gonna say Naomi Judd. I was kidding.

[Brady]

A new Gallup.

[John Holmberg]

One of the Judds. Holy cow. I gotta go watch that again. I'd forgotten it was Ashley Judd. But he chips a foul ball and kills his mom.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then what does he. He goes back out and I think he hits a home run in the World Series or something. Stupid.

[Brady]

Did you watch that in the theater or on.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord, no, I didn't go watch it. I wasn't a big one for plopping down my cash for Known if Simon Burch baseball. But when I found out he killed his mother with it, there he is. That kid don't have mental problems. He's just a munchkin.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, he's a genius munchkin.

[John Holmberg]

Not that big a genius. Couldn't save his mom. He fouled it off and he killed Ashley Judd with it. And then he's got to live with that for the rest of his life.

[Brady]

That's where Happy Gilmore too.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that don't. No, because he didn't go on stunted 15 minutes later in the movie. He wasn't chipping foul balls into people on purpose. Oh, Happy Gilmore. So bad.

[Brady]

A new Gallup poll found fewer Americans are drinking alcohol than any time in the past 86 years. Only 54 say they drank at least sometimes.

[John Holmberg]

This next generation is lame.

[Brady]

The previous low was 55% in 1958. Gallup's been tracking it since 1939.

[John Holmberg]

Is it because they're all on drugs from their doctor that they don't want to drink? They're already all high.

[Brady]

One reason for the decline is more people see it as a health risk. Now, young people are a big part of that trend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't drink much. Well, they don't go to bars like they used to because they're all cranked out on Adderall at home.

[Brady]

53% of Americans, according to the poll now think even moderate drinking is bad for your health. That's up from 28% a decade ago. In 2022, 67% of Americans said they're drinkers.

[John Holmberg]

Good. I'll tell you this.

[Brady]

And that's how much so it dropped.

[John Holmberg]

Basically, we knocked that curve out of the box Saturday night at the Rooster, that's for sure. Not a whole lot of folks there teetotaling. And it was more fun. A bunch of sober people trying to have fun at a bar. What's the point? That's just a restaurant, isn't it?

[Brady]

Two teens were arrested in South Carolina after stealing a train for a joyride.

[Commercial Announcer]

Like a full size train?

[Brady]

Yep. Miners broke into the railroad facilities in the evening, started an engine that was connected to two others and drove it around the yard before taking it down the rail toward a neighboring town.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta say, if I knew they started with a key like that, I think I'd do it too. I would have assumed it would have been like 20 buttons and some sequence, like nuclear codes. Yeah. But if it's just, hey, I started it this. Can you imagine how fun that would be? If you're just around at a rail yard and you're like, I accidentally started it. Yeah, we gotta drive it now.

[Brady]

Well, they went on YouTube to learn how to start the train.

[Commercial Announcer]

YouTube teach you anything?

[John Holmberg]

Get that video.

[Brady]

The one thing they didn't finish on the video was how to stop the train.

[John Holmberg]

Pull the.

[Brady]

Pull the letter the way back from the joyride. The train switched and they ran into several cars. No boy on the line, forcing one of them to derail, causing some. That's not good damage.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I would be in this pickle. I'm not gonna lie. If you get me in a train engine and it starts, I'm driving it a little bit.

[Brady]

You're thinking we're just going.

[John Holmberg]

I figure if whatever I do to make it go forward, I do the opposite to make it stop. Right. Yes. I don't know how to stop a train, but I also don't know how to drive it.

[Brady]

So isn't it just a push button start?

[John Holmberg]

You'd think that is at this point, it's probably pretty like go and stop or buttons.

[Train Expert]

Easier than handling a full train. The actual controls were simple enough. No more complex than a car, really, and considerably less complex than a.

[John Holmberg]

It's a button that just says start, not a car.

[Train Expert]

And this thing is chock full of safety features that you have to stay alert for. You might have heard of the dead man switch. That is a pedal that has to be kept pressed down so that you know there's a driver at the controls. Well, not only.

[John Holmberg]

Just let that go, let that go. And I bet you the train comes to a stop. Either way, I'm not driving it out of the yard. I'm gonna do it like when I used to find my dad's keys and I'd back up in and out of the driveway. I'm not going on the road. That's crazy. Holberg's morning sickness. Holberg's morning sickness. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughns.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Brett. I sure do. It's M and P Guns. Customs M and P Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, can do this to my gun.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no weight.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com It's Brady from the HMS.

[Brady]

Crew for game Day Men's Health, the valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more more energy, medical, weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day Men's health clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with Game Day Men's Health, Holmberg's morning sickness and.

[Commercial Announcer]

Put it in neutral. Make sure, you're on a hill.

[John Holmberg]

But if you get me in. If Toledo and I are in a train car and I hear like we're driving it, we're driving it. I don't care. We'll take the jail time. This is. It's a sign.

[Brady]

The dude with the largest crank. Matt Barr. Lives in England.

[John Holmberg]

Used to kick for the Steelers back in the 70s. At 80s he had a brother too.

[Brady]

His junk is 14.4 inches when fully engorged.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Brady]

He's in the news again. After his massive crank caused him to slip and fall in the shower. One of the issues was being so large it's, you know, it's hard to see his feet.

[John Holmberg]

He says that's not true. It can be 14 inches long.

[Brady]

You can still see my feet. He added that the sudden movements can also mess up with his balance.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got one of those. It's swinging.

[Brady]

It says when he's rushing. He was rushing to get ready for work. Didn't see the shower gel in his tub because his junk was the only thing that was in his eye line. He slipped on the soap. He slipped, fell out of the shower, land on his shoulder. Ended up with two fractures.

[John Holmberg]

You Brady. This has nothing to do with the size of his dick. The dude slipped in the shower.

[Brady]

It says that the the latest way is extra large goods have caused him trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Boohoo.

[Brady]

He says becoming aroused he can keep can become lightheaded.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes we all dream of your problem. Move on. I only get to use half of it on a woman. That's awesome.

[Brady]

He recently went on vacation. Wanted to swim at a pool at the resort. So he wore board shorts with compression shorts underneath to try to keep it tucked down. Still wasn't enough.

[John Holmberg]

What is he new to it? It didn't just happen yesterday, right? Come on. You still don't have problems with the tip falling out of the shorts. You've adapted. I don't want to hear this guy's problems. He's been blessed.

[Brady]

Here's Matt Barr. Areas and long pants with the sleeves.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the size of that thing. Jesus. It's Bruce St. James with a huge dick.

[Brady]

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

[John Holmberg]

He's got always got a broken arm because he fell in the shower. Is that what the picture is about? Oh, boohoo.

[Brady]

But look at that.

[British Guest]

You've got no understanding of what it's like. It's like having a 15 pound pendulum swinging about. It sways me to and fro. I can't take showers. It's a run of risk of Breaking bones, mate.

[Commercial Announcer]

Get yourself in shape. Earn some money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, jogging's impossible.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You get smashed in the face.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

There's other ways to get in shape. Swimming.

[John Holmberg]

14.

[British Guest]

It's 14 inches. I can't use it on ladies. They hate it.

[John Holmberg]

No, they hate the last six inches. They'll love the first eight.

[British Guest]

I can only use little bits of it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Go on.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah, to the base is something.

[British Guest]

He can't go to the base. He'll kill her.

[John Holmberg]

Have you tried?

[British Guest]

Oh, yes, I've tried.

[Commercial Announcer]

Although we've seen some ladies in Brett's videos.

[John Holmberg]

There's some ladies that can take you, by the way. They're gonna get a kidney infection, but they can take you.

[British Guest]

That's all they complain about UTIs and bladder infections. It's because of me. I'm empathetic, Brady.

[Brady]

I see that.

[British Guest]

I've got to stuff it in there all the way. They won't let me.

[John Holmberg]

I think you said I'm from England.

[British Guest]

I like the accent.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, it's good.

[British Guest]

Look, I have to warn you. I know this date's going well, but if we've planned on making more of an attempt to solidify or consummate this relationship, I gotta warn you, I'd be better off using my foot than my willy. Because it's gonna kill you.

[John Holmberg]

It's worth it.

[British Guest]

You say that now, I'm gonna split.

[John Holmberg]

You like a bone.

[British Guest]

Tommy Hawk.

[Brady]

I'm gonna send this to Bruce St. James. He can change it.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like profile. Yeah, it does look a little like me. You got give me 14 inches of dick and I'm 38 years old. I'm not gonna start going, I can't.

[British Guest]

Figure out how to keep it in pants.

[John Holmberg]

You're just showing off. Board shorts.

[Brady]

Couldn't see the shower gel.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[British Guest]

The dick was in the way. My willie was in the way. I couldn't see the shower gel.

[Brady]

Down I went by John Thomas.

[British Guest]

John Thomas blocked the shower gel on the ground.

[John Holmberg]

You're not aware as an adult that there's possibilities of shower gel that you might slip on.

[British Guest]

Not with his huge dick swinging about.

[Brady]

It's not a wee todger.

[British Guest]

No. How can I get my huge dick swinging about? I'm gonna tumble. Gotta be careful of slippery eyes. Got Brady. Tomorrow, come over to the house, help.

[John Holmberg]

Me put down little sticky flowers. And I bought my shower like poor people have.

[British Guest]

Poor dumb people. Little gummy suction flowers for poor dummies who don't realize that water in porcelain gets slippery. Oh, down I went. And the only thing to blame here is my huge todger.

[Brady]

How many dates has he been on? And he's fainting.

[British Guest]

Yeah, I'm gonna call.

[Brady]

Oh God.

[British Guest]

I'm getting a little aroused because your breast is so knocked out. Your knockers had me going, ma. Oh, I'm going down. Oh, no, it's because you knock us.

[Brady]

He's constantly in a sling.

[British Guest]

Oh God, I'm always got. His arm is always broken. And this time it's because her tatties was so awesome. Couldn't believe it. I'm back in the hospital. Did I pass out again? Is it because of my huge dodger? I better call the news and let.

[John Holmberg]

Everyone know about it. Oh yeah, it's such a tragedy.

[Commercial Announcer]

So much of the blood from your body.

[John Holmberg]

14 inch dick doctor, give it to me straight. You fell in the shower, mate.

[British Guest]

Yeah, because it came a huge todger.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not really talking about. No, of course not. You fell down.

[British Guest]

Is it because I got this thing down here with this perpetual motion machine I call a dick?

[John Holmberg]

No, there's nothing to do with that. He just fell down.

[British Guest]

Another broken arm for me because it's junk hook.

[John Holmberg]

I can't say that word you.

[Brady]

Until tomorrow at 9pm to vote on America's best restroom, go to restaurant best restroom dot com.

[John Holmberg]

Mine.

[Brady]

There are nine finalists right now in my house. Nope. They go around to public restroom restrooms.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah, there's a restroom on the like the 80th floor of the C first building in Seattle that got it.

[John Holmberg]

One year it'll be that Madonna Inn on Pismo beach has it. This is beautiful. This is the most amazing.

[Brady]

We've got one in San Diego. The rest seem to be. That was the only thing kind of on the west coast.

[British Guest]

I couldn't even use it if I wanted to.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[British Guest]

I. I get jammed into the sewer line sometimes. I haven't figured this thing out yet. Well, they call that a ballast.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I have, a ballast counterbalance.

[British Guest]

I can't counter it. I'm not a crane. Out of control crane.

[John Holmberg]

Not a bird, mate.

[British Guest]

The ones that build buildings, you have to counter on the back or a tip over.

[John Holmberg]

Break me arm. Oh, is that at the Amangiri?

[Commercial Announcer]

I think so, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a beautiful resort in southern Utah called right there. Those are some beautiful bathrooms right there. That one has a soda.

[Commercial Announcer]

Kansas.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing special about these.

[Brady]

Some tile work there.

[John Holmberg]

That's a cow. That's dumb. This guy says, I just got in the car and all I caught was a British man saying I've got 14 inches of dick. What the Altay Z is happening over there? You got to get involved earlier there. Vincent. Come on.

[Brady]

Domino's has become the first company ever to deliver a pizza via submarine.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

They did on the Loch Ness.

[John Holmberg]

That's stupid.

[Brady]

Pretty cool. No.

[John Holmberg]

It's not just walking around.

[Brady]

Unless they delivered it underwater. Underwater? No.

[John Holmberg]

To Loch Ness.

[Commercial Announcer]

To the.

[John Holmberg]

To the monster.

[Brady]

So they set up some people camping and they got in this little mini sub. And the delivery guy, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

It happens to say dominoes on the sub. This is.

[Brady]

Yeah, they built a sub.

[John Holmberg]

This is not gonna be a normal thing. This is a huge promotion to look for the Loch Ness monster with the Domino's pizza.

[Brady]

They're gonna start delivering them on the rig.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't set up anyone camping on the side of Loch Ness. They would still. It's not cost efficient to deliver pizza via submersible.

[Brady]

That's. That little. That's just like a giant little rock.

[Commercial Announcer]

Does it actually go under the water?

[Brady]

It does. And then keeps a little periscope or whatever that thing is just above it.

[John Holmberg]

Just walk up the shore. Asia Pizza, mate.

[British Guest]

I thought was to be delivered through the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're out your mind. It would cost us millions. Where's the pie is $30. What are you complaining about? Easy piece.

[Commercial Announcer]

Where's my tip?

[John Holmberg]

How bad is Domino's? In Scotland, their food's already dirt. I bet you they've screwed up.

[Commercial Announcer]

It's got to be the best thing.

[Brady]

It's better.

[John Holmberg]

Scotland has got to have ruined pizza too. Guarantee.

[Brady]

I told you. When Thomas said, hey, we would go to. We went to a fish and chips place. He's like, order the pizza at the.

[Commercial Announcer]

Fish and chips place.

[Brady]

And they deep fried it.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they did. Scotland can't leave anything alone. They screw up all foods.

[Brady]

It's not even.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed to have that anymore. Never again with the deep fried pizza.

[Brady]

10 days away. I'll skip out on.

[John Holmberg]

The pizza's pretty much done with you too?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

It is too.

[Brady]

Nope. Let me ask you this.

[John Holmberg]

Sugar, salt?

[Brady]

When you went through your throat problems.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I stopped doing everything. Yeah, I stopped. Everything the doctor told me to do. I did.

[Brady]

Yeah, but the doctor said you. You know what? Once it heals, then you can go back to making 16 cases.

[John Holmberg]

No, I overdo it. I admit it. And if the doctor said it's going to kill me, I would stop this morning sickness. 28 KUPD.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron. Why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

The choice is simple. Brett MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo ink 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or online at M&P guns.com.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Lots of entertainment coming to town with Vinny Guadagnino of Jersey Shore fame. Coming in Friday and Saturday to stand up live at the Desert Ridge Improv. Up north you have the Sklar Brothers, Thursday, Friday and Saturday and Eastside at the Tempe Improv. It's Steve O. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. For the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive, desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's.

[John Holmberg]

John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the Core Institute.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'm not going to overdo it.

[John Holmberg]

You're not in an overdo it situation. Mine was Brady. Mine was precautionary. You're having organs removed. There's a difference.

[Brady]

Yeah, but it's not because of pizza.

[Commercial Announcer]

It will be.

[John Holmberg]

Once you have only one kidney. It God damn will be. It causes heart disease is the number one problem after kidney removal. Have you read that part?

[Brady]

Yeah, but my kidneys are going to be working better.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter. Hold on. Your body's going to be under an amazing. Why do you do this? Your body's Going to be an incredible amount of stress after this surgery. Your kidney is going to be working double fine. Not if you do what you're saying.

[Brady]

Did you. You don't know. What I'm doing is going to be.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? Are you killing salt? Are you killing pizza? Are you killing protein?

[Brady]

We're going to lower salt.

[John Holmberg]

Lower or get rid of? Because that's what a doctor means when they say lower your salt intake means don't eat.

[Brady]

Slow that down.

[John Holmberg]

No. From what you're doing to what, a normal step. No. No.

[Commercial Announcer]

How are you going to lower it down?

[Brady]

Like, you have to take a scale and I'll. I'll just put a salt lick in my backyard.

[John Holmberg]

You're not gonna do it.

[Brady]

Listen, Dr. Toledo, none of us are doctors.

[John Holmberg]

And we're still more knowledgeable than you are.

[Brady]

It is. You know, I. I did get a nice call from Fitz.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you did survive. I care about you. Of cancer because.

[Brady]

Are you tired of hearing advice from people? I go, of course I can take it for the most part, but.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Brady]

Yes. Everyone in their brother.

[John Holmberg]

What did Fitz do?

[Brady]

What he told me to do. Got nobody telling you you're not going. Well, it's not that bad. You're not hearing, but he had good advice. He's just saying, you know what?

[John Holmberg]

Keep eating a piece.

[Brady]

Get through it.

[Commercial Announcer]

No, no. We didn't ask.

[Brady]

What?

[Commercial Announcer]

We didn't ask. Advice he gave you. We asked what he did.

[John Holmberg]

He got in great shape.

[Commercial Announcer]

He got in shape and dropped weight and got rid of his thyroid cancer.

[Brady]

Yeah, but he eats what he wants.

[John Holmberg]

No, he doesn't fit.

[Brady]

Sure does.

[John Holmberg]

He wasn't told not to do it anymore. He doesn't have an organ that can't take it.

[Brady]

He's a foodie.

[John Holmberg]

He's a foodie. But Fitz has dropped what he used to do. It used to be a gigantic. And he's lost a ton of weight, and he keeps an eye on what he eats. And they didn't tell him.

[Brady]

We have that in common.

[John Holmberg]

The filter I keep an eye on. Oh, I know. You got your eye on the prize. Your filtering system's broken. His wasn't.

[Commercial Announcer]

His heart was his regulation system.

[John Holmberg]

Your filter is busted. You can't go chucking leaves into a pool filter that doesn't work. Stop throwing leaves in the pool. Yes, you're tired of the information, but it comes from a place of love. People care about you. And when you say stupid stuff, people are going to keep giving you more advice. Lie to us. No. I'm going to kill Sodium. I'm going to not eat protein ever again. Good. You get no more people getting nervous for you.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why you don't want to. That's the bigger thing.

[Brady]

Because I love it.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Brady]

Well, we love you enough to know that. Like I gotta cut down on it.

[John Holmberg]

Cut down. You have to get rid of it. And then build back easily.

[Brady]

We're gonna build back better.

[John Holmberg]

Dead by Christmas.

[Brady]

Mark it down.

[John Holmberg]

I knew he's also gonna be a big lot of salt water.

[Commercial Announcer]

August 14th. This son of a. Brady's got a plan.

[John Holmberg]

I hope the Bengals win the super bowl this year. By the way.

[Brady]

They'Ve got kill him.

[John Holmberg]

No, he won't be here for it.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'm not worried about that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not either. Neither. I'm both are going to happen. They'll blow the super bowl and you won't be there to see that either. God damn it, Brady. It's love. That's all it is. You don't see it. You see it as Maggie, you see it as nagging, but it's love.

[Commercial Announcer]

You don't appreciate it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't appreciate it.

[Brady]

I sure do. But if you appreciate that, I mean, it's like telling you again, a guy that poisons every one of us, poison our body every day, but none of.

[John Holmberg]

Us are going, okay, fine. That's great.

[Brady]

You know, it's a good point. And wait until you make it to 60.

[British Guest]

Oh, no.

[Brady]

I got seven years on.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but it doesn't mean that's gonna happen.

[Brady]

I've done 60 years old with these kidneys. And it wasn't because of pizza causing.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's yelling at you while you have it. What?

[Brady]

You can't. I mean, if it was. What if it was caused by water.

[John Holmberg]

Timeout, sons.

[Brady]

Which is a good.

[John Holmberg]

It has nothing to do with why you have it. It has everything to do with what's gonna happen now. Yeah. And it's clear cut.

[Brady]

I understand. And I'll.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm telling you that. I mean, I will need another kidney, of course.

[British Guest]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But we're all.

[Brady]

It always helps to, you know, if you can eat better.

[John Holmberg]

You always say that we're poisoning. I do. With the coke. And I admit it. Now. If I was dying from it and someone said, you gotta kill that.

[Brady]

Dying from two pieces.

[John Holmberg]

You're not in a good condition.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

To sit back and say it's gonna be normal.

[Commercial Announcer]

When's the last time you had only two pieces?

[John Holmberg]

You'd think I was. You'd think I was.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You'd think I was an idiot if a doctor said, you need to get rid of this because we're doing a surgery and they.

[Brady]

And they probably have, but you're not. Your choice.

[John Holmberg]

If I had organs removed because in the future this is not going to hurt me, I would stop doing it.

[Brady]

Marathons with ankles and say, you know what? Probably not the best.

[John Holmberg]

None of what you're talking about is life threatening.

[Brady]

But did I come to you and say, hey, if none of what you're.

[John Holmberg]

Talking about is life threatening, that's just me hurting myself. None of what you're talking about is.

[Brady]

Life threatening, but there's nothing that I can do about.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, there is.

[Brady]

No, it. I'm just saying the cause of the thing was nobody cares about why you have.

[John Holmberg]

What's going forward is the thing.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for Christ's sake.

[Commercial Announcer]

You've got this beat up car that you're taking to Shane Orlando and you're saying it's just fine.

[John Holmberg]

Just give it a new paint job and paint it.

[Brady]

Yeah, it works.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't. In two weeks they're taking parts out.

[Brady]

I'm just kidding.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're not. It's the scary part. Good Christ, man. Go on with your videos.

[Brady]

So I wish Bright could see this first radio video.

[Commercial Announcer]

We've seen this one, but it's a good one.

[Brady]

God damn it, John.

[Commercial Announcer]

Why can't you see what Brady's trying to do? He just won't come out and ask you for one of your kidneys.

[John Holmberg]

He's not getting one. I've already told him no.

[Brady]

He's made that clear.

[John Holmberg]

I made it very. I said, I love you, I'll do anything for you, except I'm not giving you a kidney. It's not happening. Because I don't want to have to change my whole existence on my 90% power kidney.

[Commercial Announcer]

According to him, you won't have to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you do.

[Commercial Announcer]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Read about it. Got one. You got to be careful for a little while. Make sure you're doing stuff right.

[Commercial Announcer]

So do you want. John?

[John Holmberg]

Protein will knock you on your ass. It starts your heart into the red line.

[Brady]

But that's what you're. That's what you're hearing. All the pizza and soda you can have. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying you have to eliminate it completely.

[John Holmberg]

You can never have a really good idea though.

[Brady]

No. And this is a horrible idea.

[John Holmberg]

It's a really, really good idea. And your condition. Really good. I'd stay off dialysis. Keep that Kidney running at a better level. You do great kidney things. That's what I'm saying. You do great things for your kidneys.

[Brady]

Even on dialysis. I'll be plowing.

[John Holmberg]

I know, because you're a moron. That's what morons would say. Well, we just won the pyramid. What a Would say the confetti flies. Go ahead.

[Brady]

Little motorcycle accident, man.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. He's right down the middle of the road and he hits the. Oh, my God. Then his friend. Oh, man. Right over him. Oh, my goodness. The dude hits the curb because it's a street divider.

[Brady]

If he wasn't. If he thought that was just.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't see it. It wasn't there before. And then it was. There was. There wasn't a street divider.

[Commercial Announcer]

Then was some of the hardest bikers you've ever seen. The spongebob backpack, man.

[Brady]

This one's guy that takes the law into his own hands comes in and helps out a guy that was stealing something, okay.

[John Holmberg]

And body slams him right to the ground. Oh, puts him into a leg lock or that's an arm bar. He's got him in a big time arm bar. I thought he was going.

[Brady]

And I think he busted it because.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Heads up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, he broke. He broke his elbow. It's really easy to break it.

[Brady]

And it goes on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he gets. Yeah, well, it's a crack. How about that?

[Commercial Announcer]

Heads up tackle, too, John.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty nice.

[Commercial Announcer]

Put his shoulder into it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Commercial Announcer]

Wrapped up.

[John Holmberg]

He busts his elbow right there. And then he gets up and he goes about his business because it's got to be a cruddy country where you can just tackle a criminal and leave. All right, next one's a little police.

[Brady]

One police guy against two guys that were up to no good. Yes. Okay, copy.

[John Holmberg]

Two guys. He's fighting two guys. He said one guy's wrapped around his back. Gets him up on the. Throws him to the ground. Now the cop is up again. These two guys are bowed up to him. Cop squares up. He's gonna fight one. He takes a swing. He takes the one guy to the ground. He's got one of the boys to the ground. The cop has got another guy on his back. Oh, he slams the kid. Here comes a truck, a Jeep compass. That's never good. The dude gets out of a car to break it up. Now we've got three on two. The bad guys have two. The good guys have three tasers out. Down goes through all the. One criminal is out with the taser. He gets up to fight. He Pulls the taser up.

[British Guest]

This is amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Hits him again with the taser and he goes dead stiff in the middle of the road. Oh, that's a solid hit right there. Excellent video there.

[Brady]

Scary.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's not over. Wait, there's more. Some of the passersby have gotten to a fight with the second criminal while the first guy has been incapacitated. Okay, let's start it over. Fantastic work. One cop held him off until a couple of buddies came by. That's fantabulous. Excellent stuff. Beautiful.

[Commercial Announcer]

I don't know why it's funny every time, but when they say stiffen up when that thing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, when that thing hits and your body just goes dead electric. Oh, I love it. Tase more people on video, I say. And there you go. We'll check in with Brett one more time. He's over there at 48th street in the Indian school this morning and we'll be shouting at him, finding out how Operation Hydration is going. The Sclar brothers are here too. We'll chat with them next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock media station. He said fully erect.

[Brett (on location)]

98.

[John Holmberg]

Can you.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always, always go to.

[Brady]

Mmpguns.Com it's Brady from the HMS crew for game Day Men's Health, the valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment, which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more energy, medical, weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day Men's Health Clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with Gameday Men's Health Health.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely. Look your AC's been working hard for you all summer long, so give it some love with Patrick Riley Heating, Cooling, Plumbing and Drains. Right now you can get a 59H VAC system check which includes a full equipment inspection, refrigerant level check and free electronic leak detection. And that's a $99 value. Need a new system?

[John Holmberg]

No problem.

[Brett Vesely]

Score fifteen hundred dollars off right now. Hot and stuck. Well, they offer emergency same day service. And before you commit, get a free second opinion with no pressure. Go to Patrick Riley services.com that's Patrick rileyservices.com Patrick think one call does it all?