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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Touchdown deals are happening now at hooters starting at $10.99 per person. You can grab a Hooty's Pick 3 your choice of an appetizer, entree and a drink. Dig into crispy fried pickles, juicy wings or a cheeseburger and wash it all down with an ice cold fountain drink or upgrade to a cocktail or buzz balls for just a few bucks more.
Brady
Don't forget to pick your player with.
John Holmberg
Big daddy drafts of Michelob Ultra or Bud light for only $4 or DOS Equis for just 5 do dollars. Hooters has the food, drinks and game day vibes. Hooters, where the party always kicks off. Hey everybody, it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time once again for the Pick of the Litter brought to you by our friends at Turf Monsters a.com this week's pick the Litter is a special little guy surrendered by his family because financial woes made it so they just could not give little manufacturer a great life. A little bit older. It's a Bichon poodle mix. Smart as a whip. Check it all out. Lost our home.org or 98kupd.com it's the pick of the litter. This is Larry McFeely and we all know August in Arizona is brutal. We're talking triple digit temps that'll melt your flip flops. But Toyota trucks don't sweat it. The tacoma tundra and 4Runner are built to handle that kind of heat.
Brady
I've taken Tundras across the valley and.
John Holmberg
Up into the mountains. No issues, no drama, just pure performance in the blazing sun. Right now is the national sales event at your Valley Toyota dealers, so it's the best time to gear up. Whether you're escaping the hot weather or working in it. These trucks are made for the Arizona heat. Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street. For me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He's. He makes an offer for your house cash as is. You don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing hopkins1,800 channel now we're here with Byron from M and P Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?
Brady
The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millimeter hollow points for only 12.99 a box and much more.
John Holmberg
Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.
Brady
That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or online at M&P guns.com.
John Holmberg
Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It is 5:45. It's the Morning Sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. We're ready to go. Let's make this happen. And I'm telling you right now, it's gonna be a rough one. We got our, we got our work cut out for us today. We do. Well, we, we're supposed to help people wake up. Good luck. This is a sleepy morning. If you had. Look, it's late August starting today. It's the middle of August. Yeah, three and a half months left in the year.
Brady
Perfect day to sleep.
John Holmberg
Call it in today. Let's just, let's let's start today with, you know what, I'm fake sick. You got a little flu. Ladies, you know what to do.
Brady
Everyone gets a personal day.
John Holmberg
Exactly. And just, just call in and just say, look, ladies, you know exactly what to do. You call most mo. Like, look, you don't want to believe this to be true, but 90% of you have a man manager because you're working at a place that knows what they're doing. When you call up and you say, hey, I got some sort of female issue going on, he's not going to question that. There's no man that's ever going to ask oh, yeah, tell me about it. If you say I've got something going on. Female stuff. Okay. Take the day. We don't want to know. We don't want you coming in. Usually it means you're going to be mean. Tripp's not answering his phone. If you called right now, Tripp picks up. Ahoy, hoy, Trip. I'm not going to make it. What's wrong, Jill? I've got something. It's like a discharge. Yeah, you take the whole week off. Next week, we're not even gonna count it on pto. Just. You're good. Start the weekend. Say the word discharge. Say the word female issues. You got. You got a few days off, and nobody's even gonna ask you what happened. When you come back. Maybe a couple of ladies at work have some. Have. Go on the Internet and have something. I saw on the Internet. Oh, I kept it, too. I have something on the Internet. A lady. This is the weird. Of course I'm going to click on this headline. I accidentally kept a tampon in for a month, and then Byline said it smelled like a rat crawled inside of me and died. Oh, she's gorgeous, by the way. This girl's a pig. But she's a gorgeous pig. Look at that. Oh, that's true. I don't know how you accidentally do that. That's. You forget the tampi for a month. Come on. A month? What did I do today? She's great, but I don't know if she's that great. She's not that hot. Nobody's. Plus, that means she was. Nobody was in there for a month because you'd notice that banging into that thing. So, yeah, she's. Her name's Savannah Miller, and she was on a reality show, of course. So she probably kept it in there on purpose. So it was a humbling experience. The symptoms that set off, and doctors finally figured out she had one of them rogue ones. She decided that the things we do to go viral. Exactly. I mean, she. That's horrible. She said she was 22, at the tail end of her menstrual cycle. She went to a bar with some friends, didn't want to have any spillage, so she used a, you know, feminine napkin. By the end of the day, it was gone. And I forgot. I put it in. The string had disappeared. I didn't see it. I didn't feel it. That means she's got some sort of Cavern at 22 already. Within a few days, though, I started experiencing symptoms and general sick feeling, itchiness and A bad smell quote. It smelled like a rat crawled inside of me while I was sleeping and died thinking that it was yuck, ladies. Disgusting, she said. I thought it was old period smell. She kept using new tampons and likely pushing the old one up even further. Yeah, Miller went on campus clinic several times, but the initial examinations didn't find anything. That thing was way up in there, like so. This goddamn lower chest area. Yeah. What's with this pig? You know, you're. No one is this hot. Dua lipa is not this Margot Robbie's not this hot. No one is. No one get away with this. That they thought it was just bacterial vaginosis, but I knew there was no way people walked around with BV smelling like this. So she's familiar with bacterial vaginosis, which basically is when you swelling. Well, you take ud. No, you take new D and that bacteria mixes with your bacteria and it's not great. So your vagina just goes, you know, alarms. Alarms and starts doing all sorts of gross vagina stuff. Man. It's. I've been saying this. I've been saying this for 20. I wish I was gay. I. I wish to God I was gay, but I was born this way. This doesn't happen to male bodies. I mean, we're gross in our own ways. But this thing, this thing you ladies have down there, if it was in the fridge, you'd go, this has gone bad. And you'd throw it out. It looks bad. It does weird stuff. It's like if you saw one of those in the fridge and it's leaking something and you're like, oh, what happened to half this tomato? Who ate half a tomato? Anyway. Anyway, it says she found it. And when she said, I found it, it was so far in there, there was no shot I would ever have seen it. The doctor had to fish it out of my ovaries, lady. You know what? Get in the box. You're done. And then she called the news or something. I don't know how this is in the New York Post, but it is.
Brady
She's loving that.
John Holmberg
Is she? I don't think this. I don't think dudes are gonna, like. I don't think we're flocking to her Instagram to start clicking now. I think there's a lot of people going away. It's like when. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think that's like, you're hot. But you start telling those kind of vagina stories like, oh, she's a pig.
Brady
It's Only I can figure because it's pretty easy to keep out of the news.
John Holmberg
She thought, this is gonna be great. It's not. You're not that hot. You have to be. You have to be like. I mean, it has to be AI hot. And an AI girl would never. That's not even. No man would ever create their AI girl to say stuff like this. That's what you have to ladies. That's what you have to think. Would. What would AI do? You know no longer. Jesus. What would AI do? Would. Would a man create an AI girl to tell this story? No. No. This is why AI girls are going to take over eventually is because the storytelling is phenome. I'm pushing for it now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it's a big story. No more. What would Jesus do? What would AI do? And here's another thing about that lip filler. Have you noticed that all the AI girls that are created by men don't have gigantic massive hot air balloon lips? And they don't look like ghouls and Michael Jackson clones and trannies. The AI girls look a little more natural. They don't have all the stuff that I think is like all over the Real Housewives and the Basketball Wives and things like that. AI girls look pretty good. Now what we do make AI girls have are clown. And that's getting a little out of hand too, because I have. There's a guy named John who emails me every day his collection of built AI women. And they're always. And it's one thing that they're. Bro. Look, he was. He. I think he went to the thing last night. Brew. He didn't. Okay. He. He always sends me these. And the one thing I've noticed is that he includes in his AI girl thing. They're always standing by, like an old 1940s truck. Like, he likes chicks with clown cans who are very pretty who also kind of want to work on a 34 Ford. They're like. They're like. If you could find that what he wants is a dude with cans. No woman's gonna try to fix up a 34 Ford in her bikini and still look good. It can't be combined. It's pure fantasy.
Brady
Looking for a female grease monkey who.
John Holmberg
Happens to also be like, the world's greatest looking model. Like, if a girl looks that good, the last thing she's gonna do is learn the intricacies of the turbine engine from the early 30s. It's not happening. It's just. She's gonna go on TikTok and Dance and make money. Why work on old trucks? She didn't have that passion. But that's what we do with AI. We make what we want you to be. And I know I'll get emails going. We do the same for you. Yeah, but we're funny and tell good stories. Not all of us, but we tell good stories and, like, we're fun, you know? And when we have something go wrong with our bodies, it's usually hilarious. It's not stuffing a tampon in something that could explode. That's a little nuclear facility, like a little Three Mile island down there. Leaving it there. Yeah. When everything's going good with the woman's body parts, it is like a nuclear facility, you know, the whole city's happy. Everybody's getting power. We're all happy. We're good. The energy's positive. But when something starts to melt down in that area, it can ruin an entire neighborhood, possibly an entire metropolitan area. This lady goes on the news. That's how important it is to keep that thing fresh. If you say you have an accidental tampon in for a month, the New York Post is like, yeah, let's go interview her.
Brady
Run it.
John Holmberg
Run that. Headline it. And then the question, the journalist, what is it? What did it smell like? Like a rat crawled up there and died. Oh, Christ, I hate the media. You didn't kill yourself? No, I went on TikTok instead. Like, Jesus Christ.
Brady
The staff from New York Post was sitting in the meeting. What do we got? We got pizza rat.
John Holmberg
We got a good lady who had a tampon in her for 30 solid days. How'd she do that? She forgot. How dumb is this broad? She's pretty hot. All right, well, that answers that. Anyway, it's in the news, so. Yeah, ladies, today, perfect day. Make that you think any, man. I've already gotten emails. Thanks a lot, John. I was eating this. God, that was gross. I'm gonna be celibate. Call me Von Sell might become a monk. I don't want to think about a honey hole for days. He's right. So thanks, John. I really wanted to wake up on a Friday morning and start today puking. This is disgusting. If I hear discharge or spillage or leakage again. And this is what I'm talking about, ladies, this is your power call your manager. On a day like the 75 degrees out right now, it's perfect. Have a walk. Go out with a dog. Do something. She's single, right? No, she. If she isn't now, she's gonna be. Yeah, once that dude goes hey, are you in? You know, most people get in the paper because they, you know, I helped the old lady across the street or something. Good. My girlfriend was. I see your girlfriend in the paper there, Todd. Yeah. Yeah, I did. She forgot a tampon for a month. How dumb is she? I know she's hot, but come on. The immediate hot factor goes away with the word. Smelled like a dead rat inside her. And that was her description. Her description. Jesus. Imagine what the dude called it. She, you know, she tempered it. But the dude left. There she was alone. And you could smell that through pants. Other at work and stuff. Other people on that reality show were like, we need to clean the apartment.
Brady
We need to take the trash out.
John Holmberg
Yeah, some. Something is bad in the fridge or. Anyway. And you're worried about waking us up this morning. I'm telling you right now. I had to go to the smelling salt spread. I had to go to the heavy stuff. It's. It's a drowsy morning. It's a tough wake up. That worked. It'll get you moving. Like, all right, look at your wife and just go, I'm getting the F away from you. I know what you're capable of down there. The gays are just cuddled up next to each other, and the worst thing we have to worry about is poop. You have anything stuffed in there that not supposed to be? I know a lady. You do too, Brady. Who told a story at dinner once. The only time. I have a pretty strong stomach for most anything. What we've discovered through Brett's videos is the one thing I struggle with the most is Asians eating flies. I think that was the one that made me throw up the hardest. That was an eyeballs. Oh, eyeball stuff. I. Yeah, that's tough for me, but.
Brady
I. I gave you the flypaper one.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, was that you? The flypaper and the. Well, I don't know who needs to get credit for that. It's a joint effort.
Brady
I was trying to think of the one. The eating flies. We've seen multiple flies.
John Holmberg
We're a team, Brady. Let's not sit there and act. No, no, no. No. One guy's getting credit for clarify. Look, my deal didn't matter who brought it to me. I just know that that Asian lady eating flies off fly paper made me throw up. And then I had to question whether or not I like watching Asians eat anything. I didn't know at the time that that would bother me. And it did at all. I don't have any idea what that was. But I have a pretty strong stomach. I can watch most of these videos and laugh and things like that and hear a story and kind of power through. But I was in a nice restaurant, and this particular woman told the story of the time that she had a sex toy get lost up in there, a small one. And they didn't realize she's in the throes of all the passion and stuff. And they had something in there, and then they got in there, and she said she started to have, like, pain. And you know what she did? She asked her husband, and he did it. If you take a look in there, see if he saw anything, he gets his phone, flashlight, get the little miner hat on and go down there or whatever it was. It was like, all right, I'd send in a parakeet first if it was. Make sure that thing comes out alive. And he found it and fished it out of there. And they said that it released like mummies and smells and like, it was like finding something in a pyramid. It's like when they turn the. The grid off and Ghostbusters and everything flying out this day. And that was the noise. And then it's. They had to have their house. They had to leave the house for the weekend. They had to get a room because it smelled so bad. Her story. And I just pushed my steak away and I said, well, I'm not eating this. I cannot eat this. Thinking of. You're right there. You're in front of me. This is. Oh, it was years ago. Yeah. But it still happened. And I can't shake hands with that husband of yours. He's got his finger hook in there trying to pull out the toy, and he did it. Oh. So, ladies, call in sick today. Use one of your days. It won't, I guarantee. Look, $10 to you if they count it towards sick days. Just call in and say something's going on. Say the word discharge. And watch how fast your manager, like, you stay home today. He's not going to count it as a sick day. He never wants to talk about it again. You just get today off, guys. We have to fake flu. We're going to get dinged on a sick day. But it's a. What I'm saying is it's a perfect morning to stay home. Just stick around, just sleep in. It's so nice. So nice outside. Yeah. I have another guy reminded me and said, remember the woman that we could smell at through her pants? And yes, not Hopkins, but yes, other Doug. I do. It smelled like butterscotch and salmon. That's the weirdest thing ever. We knew exactly what it was, too, because she was telling us about something that happened to her in the 80s. She got all excited telling the story. You could tell it was, she was aroused. And the next thing you know, I'm like, it's Grandma's candies and the Arizona Fish Company. What's going on in this room right now? It was fine two seconds ago. And then he actually explained to me, I think she became aroused and started firing pheromones out of it. And I'm like, oh, right. Like, it was like being in Seattle and having a Werther's in your mouth at the same time. It was a bad combination. You got any more of them butterscotches, Grandma? Here you go. Are we having salmon tonight? What is that smell? No. Oh, God. It's just natural. So, anyway, good morning, everybody. And there isn't a time in my life again where a headline says, and I don't care what you're talking about, it smelled like a rat crawled inside of me and died. That's getting a click out of me. That's every time I'm. I'm hitting the button on that one and just running with it. I got stuff. It's a thing. So, you two leaving? Are you all right? Kind of done. Not a word out of either of you? No, that's it.
Brady
It's good. Good enough for me.
John Holmberg
You all right with that? No commentary, nothing? You got no opinions at all? Come on, Brady.
Brady
I'm just trying.
John Holmberg
Well, you're crying. I don't know.
Brady
Brings tears to my eyes.
John Holmberg
You are literally crying right now. That's pretty good stuff. I'm just nauseous now. Yeah, that's pretty good. Jim Jeffries had a line on. I just got a meme of it the other day that. Perfect, though. And he said, it's the difference between how cool men are and what women are. And he said, let's just do this. Clear your heads. It was a great moment. He said, clear your heads. And let me. Let me just say a phrase to you. And then your first natural reaction is, you hear this phrase, oh, my husband's coming. And the next thing you're thinking is, oh, good, we're all going to get home safely. This is going to be nice. It's fun. Now clear your heads again. My wife is coming. Every guy's brain goes, oh, no. We got to stop talking about whatever we were talking about. What were we doing? Am I in trouble? Put your phones down. What was the last joke we Told ignore it. Usually, my wife's coming starts with, shh. My wife's coming. Very rarely, I think women go, oh, sh. My husband's coming. We gotta stop with the fun stories. Yeah, it was a pretty. It was a telling moment, but, ladies, call your. Call your manager this morning. Fake the thing. Fake it bad. It's pretty good stuff. We don't have that. I don't know that we could ever. A man. Because you got to call a manager and tell a man, like, I've got diarrhea is the worst fissures or something. I don't know. You think any of the ladies downstairs are going to use that this morning? If they're not here today, I'm going to assume they did. Okay. All right, I'm going to check Roll. I'll check Tripp's voicemail today. Thanks for reaching the TR. Yeah, TR 3. Leave a message at the tone, homie. And then that's what he rolls Street. Wow. Hi, Trip, It's Jennifer. I don't know what's going on down there, but it's like an acid rainstorm. I had eight holes in my sheets. Stay home forever with pay because you can't fire him for it. It's gonna be Ed and Moynihan, the only ones left down there today, or what? Would you believe it, a fed called. Yeah, I would have. Hey, boss, the vagina's leaking pretty heavy. I gotta. Yikes. Stay home, Ed. My hanes have, like. I like. I pilled. Spilled acid in there, and there's little weird holes, and it's kind of green. Yeah. You still have to come to work, Ed. You're not supposed to have one of those. Any of the other ones. Any of the other. It would be Har. Moynihan and Ed. That's it. It's our sales team. All the rest of them sitting there pretending that they shot acid rain down on their sheets last night and they can't come to work. It's a brilliant move, and you ladies are too proud to use it. And trust me, it's not gonna be your reputation. Nobody's ever gonna say anything. Tripp would never go. Mmm. Children are not coming in this morning. Cause listen to this phone call. He would. He's gonna ignore it for the rest of his life. Nobody's gonna talk about it anyway. Use it. Ladies, wake up. Yeah. You know, Brady's got a good excuse right now, and he's still at work. Yeah. Oh. Lady has this strange smell. It's like motor oil and baby vomit. And stay home. It's Larry McFeely. Just had my annual Mission Beach San Diego vacation. Full of sand, sun and yes, Toyota trucks. Mission beach lifeguards don't mess around. They roll with Toyota Tacomas, Tundras and four Runners as their official lifeguard vehicles. Why? Because they need serious capability, dependability and.
Brady
The power to protect the coast.
John Holmberg
And right now, it's the national sales event at your Valley Toyota dealers. Which means it's the perfect time to grab a Toyota truck built for adventure. Whether you're hitting the beach or the Arizona backroads, visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadeealers.com toyota let's go places. Hey Byron, I heard have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett I sure do.
Brady
It's MMP Guns Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.
John Holmberg
Well, can you do this to my gun?
Brady
We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms and inventory daily with. No wait.
John Holmberg
Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustom.
Brady
It's Brady from the HMS Crew for game Day Men's Health, the valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more energy, medical, weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day Men's Health Clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with Game.
John Holmberg
Day Men's Health Homebrew morning sickness. I got an email from this guy. It says all right Jewburg, maybe I'm slightly upset with you. I emailed you and told you about how I have tears. Or tears, sorry, tears in my penile shaft. Thanks to you and your hilarious Brady impression. Back on August 1, the wife and I were having sex while you did the impression of Brady taking it from his brother. Turn your radios down. If you're in the throes of passion, you can't have this crap going on in the background. What kind of pig are you married to? And for once, my wife found your show funny. And laughed so hard that she clamped down on me and pulled. I have surgery on the 26th. Coincidentally, I think that's the same day Brady's gonna be there. Maybe we'll be roomies. I just wanted to share this with Brady so he can be thankful it's cancer, not a broken dick. He keeps bragging on how he has no symptoms of it. But let me tell you, friend, I have symptoms and it hurts. Peeing hurts. I get a little aroused, and it's like someone took and raked glass across this thing. I've never been so jealous of a man with cancer. Stop it. Well, you know the risks of having, I guess an erection while listening. No. Erections while listening may cause erection. Should be a warning. I was listening to us instead of like Barry White or something to me. Let us get this. Dude, turn on the morning sickness. No, baby, I think this is the way we're gonna go. You know what I'm talking. Turn it on. Seriously. And then I was taking one of the ass for my brother. No, no, no, no, no. We can't have that. That. I can't. I can't get my stroke on. But they're so funny and they arouse me. That's my brother. He's getting deeper and deeper no matter how I fly my penis. What did you do? I was laughing so hard.
Steve-O
Give it to me, bro.
John Holmberg
I have to go to the hospital now. And I think you're kind of humble, bragging that your wife's so tight that she. She wrecked it. Or is he just saying he's that big? Or is he so thick that she clamped down? Also, I think there's a lubrication issue, because clamped down, it should still slip out of there like Houdini. Not staying in there unless it's got, like, dry lock on the outside.
Brady
Could have made a swift move, I guess.
John Holmberg
No, it still should. I don't know what kind of swift move bends and still doesn't fly out of there. It's like nailing an anthill or something. I don't know what you're doing wrong, bro. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. And at first, you start first with what's in the background. This is gold right here, you know, this does nothing for me. Get that black lady Brady on the radio real quick. Ah, can't get enough of your love, baby. That's what I love. After scummy Dick Douglas knocking me around the room like crazy. I feel like a pool ball just banging off the rails and stuff. When scummy dick is going oh, well, Baby, turn it down. That's dumb. Barry was. This is ridiculous. Nobody does this anymore. Sonic may have been close. No, Sonic came close. Nobody writes Lovemaker. Just, you know, mumble rap is the closest thing you get. Maybe a little Drake, some gunner. Listen to that. So much better than a Brady impression. Wire in mid thrust. Oh, yeah, the dude. Yeah. Well, yeah, unless she clamps down from hysterics. See, lady, maybe that's why ladies don't like this show, because it's. They know deep down they're gonna start falling for us. Yeah, I'm sure that's it. That's probably. It's their biggest fear. Brett, we don't do great with ladies. But there's a reason why, and it isn't misogyny or honesty, which they hate. The realism that we provide an entire city. It's the fact that if they listen too long, there's no doubt about it. They're gonna want to leave their husbands for folks like us. Not Toledo, but us, the three of us. Not him. He's kind of the counterbalance to that. But he could watch, and he'd love that. Very interested. Man, that's a great song. Makes me want to climb on Brady, combo him up. That lady's going to explode in the middle. It's going to be like a joke cigar down there. Oh, oh, something's happening. Do the Brady impression. Oh, yeah, baby. You know I like to give it to you good and hard. Oh, my God. I can't control my. I'm in love with Brady impressions. That's why I don't leave the house anymore, bruh. That's it. That's it. I hermit up, I go outside, and later's like, he's the one that does the Brady prep. Oh. Oh, my God. I'm a Niagara Falls down there. Just thinking about it. A lot of times I can't hear. Like, women will be talking to me and stuff. They're like. A lot of times they'll sit and say, oh, I. I listen to you and I hate your show. I'm like, oh, yeah? Why? So, well, it's a. Then they start to explain it, and then I can't hear him because I'm just. What? I can't. I can't. What are you saying? Can't sounds. So the babbling brook is loose. I have to go. I hate you. That's the reason you don't like me. Ladies, basically, I'm the new Barry White. Why don't you come over here, slip out of that brassiere and give me what you're good for, girl. Not that deep voice, Negro. Something high pitched and relatively feminine. That's what the lady's like. He doesn't need to be told.
Brady
The duet's pretty solid.
John Holmberg
He's just intimidated. They've seen blacked.com in the 70s. They didn't know what was coming at him with this. But now they know they want something a lot less intimidating. I'm your huckleberry. Oh, there's another one. I want to listen to this all day. My life, my everything. If we could just get Brady to sing these, the ladies would. They just erupt in moisture. You thought it rained hard last night? Suggestions already coming in. Brady White for the squares today. Oh, Brady White. Yeah. Wow. No. This city can't take it. You want your ladies to just calm. So many car accidents of the spontaneous orgasms that they'd be having. That's what you are. All right, we'll do a little Brady White later. This one had his penis. He's got to get a surgery because of us. Because his lady started to laugh. Don't listen to this show in the throes of it all, dummies. And how in the world are you doing that? And, like, paying attention? Like, I could. I can blank this out pretty easily if I'm focused. Me and Megan don't ever ask you to do Brady impressions. Oh, no, it's. Look. No, it's like when you show an Aussie shepherd sheep. That's all they think about. From there on, you do a Brady impression in the middle of a stroke or right when they're having an orgasm. It unlocks the. It's like a cheat code. It unlocks them. And then, you know, later on down the road, you can just be sitting at dinner with friends, and she can't control herself and just lean over and go, are we gonna get the yogurt and taters? And she just starts. Stop it. You know what that does to me. Did you get the vapor lock? Don't, Paul. We're in public. Oh, oh, we're in public. You know how I go, baby. Try it. Even if your wife doesn't understand the show, just lean over to her tonight and go watch for dinner, bitch. This is a new you, and I think I love it. Nothing sexier than the Brady impression at all. Oh, yeah. This gets me started, though. Just the music, just the anticipation of him coming on. He sucked. And he was big, fat effort, too. Just like Jerry curled his beard. Oh, yeah. Like, kissing him would have been like kissing an Oil pan.
Brady
So much hair product.
John Holmberg
Oh, glistening. Soul glow. Soul glow all over his face. That beard just sparkling in the light. The second he starts singing, you're like, I wouldn't win this fight. Have you. Have you guys ever done Barry for Nice thing Dead? No. But we're gonna now put it as Brady. Brady White Girl. You're my reality.
Brady
I thought maybe you did one song.
John Holmberg
You're my first, my last, my everything. I've never felt such a sensation. I'll get you a towel. Just made me picture Brady with a beard, all Jerry curled up and shiny. Because that's what she pictures and that's what the ladies love. Cheat code. We found it. We have a very busy show today. Steve O's gonna come in. Caliento's doing the squares, and the Sklar brothers are also coming back for the squares. This is gonna be. I was talking to Randy.
Brady
Holy circus.
John Holmberg
Oh, it's gonna be great. The circus. I will man the circus wisely. Good luck with that. I got it. I can do this. Oh, I can handle this. There's nothing. It's less for me to do. It's a dream come true. Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. So let's get a wake up song, get started, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it. It's hard to wake up. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98KUPD. Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98KUPD.com. That's enough of that. It's true. Thank you, Katie and Hobbes. It's miles to nowhere getting you through the next few minutes of your day. What were you talking about? I don't know either. This guy Kyle says I'm already smiling at the fact there will be thousands of women absolutely confused as hell this weekend at some point when those of us listeners that are funny enough to throw a Brady impression in at the right time when they're about to reach climax, it's good to. You know what? Do it when you're gonna reach climax and see if she even notices. Oh, yeah. Here I go. Here I go. I'm gonna. What happened to your voice? I don't know. You may not finish though yourself if you're doing that. Oh, yeah. You gotta wait till you're really closing shop. Yeah. You don't wanna. You don't want to stump your own progress. I'll get that one. In a second. This one says, I'm already planning my Brady impression for when the wife and I are in one of the throes of passion at some point this weekend. The obvious low hanging fruit would be only fans Brady. But that's too easy. Black Lady Brady's a funny one. I might go with that one. I think it's my favorite. Or maybe Indian Brady. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not yet, not yet. No, no, no. You do it first. What are you doing, Kyle? Victor, it says. This one says, you hit the nail on the head, John, with your observation as a female. I listen to this show because I have fallen for you and Brett and Brady Toledo's. All right. I guess I can't make it through my day without listening every morning. And the Saturday recaps signed for Nadia Abanada. Nadia Abenada. Sounds a little foreign for my taste. I don't know what's going. What language do you speak? She's either incredible and, like, exotic or has, like, nine kids. Nadia Avanada. I can't really place a judgment on your name. I'm trying to. Or it's Kevin from Discover Cards. Don't be emailing those jackasses, please, anymore. No, no. Why are you telling the jackasses that you are in love with them when you clearly have all you need at home Here, baby, why don't you go down on me anymore? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've had a tampon in there for over 30 days. Oh, it smells like my hometown. Maybe I should shower. Don't you dare. Don't speak that language in my house. Don't you say those curses in my home, please. Why did you have the shower removed? To be more like our home. We do not like those things. That is disgusting. Never. And it's my dad's birthday today. Just from thank you to a listener for reminding me. Don't forget to wish your dad a happy birthday today. You guys remember more than I do. It's like having a hundred thousands of personal assistants just firing away at you. Thank you very much. I will. I'll call Danny. 78 years old today. Dad is. And, you know, probably doing something insanely physical. The guy is nuts. So happy birthday to Dan.
Brady
Spanked by Yellow Hand.
John Holmberg
Good. Not Yellow Hand. Hi, Yellow. Yellow Hand, I worked with at Tony Rome.
Brady
That's right.
John Holmberg
Yellow Hand was our Indian worker that we made clean the tampon block. He was Native American. He had to put that big yellow glove on, and we named him Yellow Hand. Well, we didn't Bill Osborne did Yellow Hand. The box is full. Shoot up Osborne. As long as the sun rises in the east and the buffalo roams the prairie, Yellow Hand will dabble in the tampon box at the Roma Rib hunt and all will be right for yet another summer. Many moons have passed since Yellow Hand has cleaned out the box. That's Yellow Hand. Hi, Yella. Is my dad. Maybe. Hi, Yellow made him a cake. And Ayala comes up to my dad's. The big house. And what do you need? I made this for you, so. That's right. Give me that cake. Now go back to your quarters. I don't know what's. I've never been to his property, but he's got a man named High Yellow. That. And I still. I even asked him, like, what's his real name? I don't know. Hi, Yella. I'm like, nobody names their kid that. What's his name? Trevor? I doubt it, dad. Braden. Caden Braden. I don't know. How old is he? He's either 35 or 75. I can't tell. And I've seen pictures of him. I can't either. He's. He's either.
Brady
He's a mystery.
John Holmberg
He is a complete miss. And he came out of nowhere, like Bagger Vance. He just showed up. My dad bought this property and he came with it and they became best friends. It's like Brokeback Mountain, only gayer. I think. I never thought. I'd. Never thought I'd meet you. Hi, Ella. I never thought I'd have a friend like you, sir. Let's go lift donkeys. Yes, sir. And that's what they do together. That's probably what he's doing. Probably doing some donkey lifting today with. Hi, Ella. 78, though. And the proudest moment my dad and I shared was just about three months ago. And I hope that I can. He has never. And this is a statement on our health. RFK Jr would be so proud. My dad does not have a single pill he has to take at all.
Brady
It's amazing.
John Holmberg
It is. It really is. I have no friends that don't wake up and have, like, the mtwtfss, the little box. I. My. My dogs, they get pills every day. That is an amazing achievement, being 78 and, like, I've been pill free the whole time. And then he told me the thing afterwards. I'm like, you get checked out a lot. No, you might need a pill. He does. No, he does go. He does go in for, like, full body exams, but he lets that go and he's like, I'm not doing it. His blood pressure, it's amazing. So good for him. And then his worst fears are going to come true. He's going to live to be, like, A hundred, but 78. Happy birthday, Dan. Nice job, kid. We could call my dad, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't risk that. Well, we'd have to tape. Why?
Brady
You think you'd cuss?
John Holmberg
Ah, he'd say something real stupid. It would. He'd probably. They'd probably retroactively cancel his retirement.
Brady
No, he wouldn't.
John Holmberg
I. Yeah, you would. You don't know him that well. Yeah, you would. And I'd call him. I'd be like, hey, Dad. I guarantee this would be like, hey, dad, we're on the air. What the are you doing? Like, you don't cuss. Ah, Jesus Christ. Really? Let's call him. See if he remembers you and Mark riding around your shirts. Oh, he. I'm not talking about any of that. I thought you two. Say. I could have sworn you two were together. Like, okay, we gotta go. Let's go. We'll lose our jobs. We'll lose our jobs. I don't have enough of a dump button. It would have to reset.
Brady
One dump, he's out.
John Holmberg
No, you got a checkbook? It's all good. Don't worry about it. First thing he'll do, it would be one dump and be like, hi, how the are you? I'm like, we're done. And it would be.
Brady
He's a professional.
John Holmberg
The game we would play with my dad on the phone would be, how long till he mentions Aunt Connie, his sister, who is the most lovely woman alive. That's the one you. No, Joan is the one. I misspelled aunt. And I. My phone did it. My phone replaced the word aunt with a C instead of an A. And he was very upset with me that I kept calling his sister that name. I'm not going over to Jones for Thanksgiving. It's too far. That's my sister. I don't care. I don't want to go to Jones House. Why do you keep saying that? That. He thought I was saying I wasn't going because of that, but I was not going because she lived in Queen Creek. Right. And also she. You know, the last time we were there, she started to tell me that I was gonna go to hell and stuff.
Brady
Wanted to pray over you?
John Holmberg
Yeah, she. During the prayer, over the dinner, she said that there are certain people at table who don't believe in Jesus and their lives are not good. And I'm like, all right, that's enough of this.
Brady
And we know who that is.
John Holmberg
Yeah. I was the only one like, all right, come on. They don't bow their heads during prayer. I'm like. I'm participating by being quiet. Don't single me out. And we all know the bald. The bald one. We're talking about the bald one like, it's me. Just say my name. Have the courage. Jesus knows. Say my name. Actually, he doesn't, because he's not real. We're wasting about eight minutes of valuable eating time, but fine. And, Lord, if you could help him find you, well, just show up. How about that? How about. Let me. Let me just expedite this prayer. If you want me to find you, pop down on the table right now and reveal yourself. There's enough of the games. If you were a chick, I wouldn't call you. You're playing too many goddamn games. I'm gonna show myself to you. Not really. All right, enough. Jesus. I'm gonna go play with other people who are actually hanging around and being real.
Brady
Spirit tease.
John Holmberg
Weirdo. Yeah, it's a very strange thing, but, yeah. The guy said, talking about the girl who had the tampon in there for a month said my friend used to work at an urgent care and said anytime he saw a hot, hot, hot girl walk in, it almost always was an STD or something wrong down there. He said he doesn't like hot girls because they're walking petri dishes. You have to think about that. There's a reason why. This is why an insanely hot girl Scottsdale type, is someone you don't want anything to do with with. Count how many times a hot girl's told you she's got, like, a UTI or a kidney infection. Pigs don't ever talk about that. They never get them. And the reason why is hot girls tend to only have sex with hot guys. What do we know about hot guys? Twinks. They have no. Oh, sorry. I don't know what you're. We're gonna go down that road in a second. By the way, call a therapist, because that was telling. Hot guys have loads of sex because they can. So they're spreading all the diseases because hot dudes get laid. It's the benefits, Brady. You and I and Brett to a certain degree of being disgusting and ugly. We are protected from STDs by just our natural look. We are not having multiple sexual partners at any given time because it's too hard for us. For hot guys, it rains, peons them, then they take that to another hot girl. And a hot girl wanders into the urgent care going, he said I was. He said he wasn't having sex with anyone else. So of course hot girls have sex with hot Scottsdale guys. They go to clubs where dudes who get laid hang out. And they probably got laid earlier that night. They're pigs. They have names for them. They're fboys. And hot chicks love F boys. I've never been or never will be an fboy, so I've never had the threat of an std, ever. The only time I did it was because that girl was drinking. Boone's Farm. That's the kind of class operation I was running.
Brady
That was your closest to Love Island.
John Holmberg
It was the closest. It was in the back of a car. There was nothing good about it. Boone's Wild island, because I don't like strawberries. So Strawberry Hill was out and she decided to go down and play the game. Caused a massive amount of urinary issues. For two days. I let that go. I was peeing, coffee was hot and it was black. I'm like, what is this?
Brady
And you got assaulted by the doctor.
John Holmberg
And then the doctor fingered me. And as time goes on, I realized that that was totally unnecessary. You don't give a prostate exam to a 21 year old old kid. He did. Very thorough. Hey, Byron, I was looking@mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.
Brady
Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.
John Holmberg
Wait, there's no backorders? Nope.
Brady
We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.
John Holmberg
Sounds simple. That's why I always go to MMP. Guns.com all right, HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Lots of entertainment coming to town with Vinnie Guadagnino of Jersey Shore fame. Coming in Friday and Saturday to stand up live at the Desert Ridge Improv. Up north, you have the Sklar Brothers. Thursday, Friday and Saturday at and east side at the 10:00pm Pro, it's Steve O. Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been change in people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do. Again go to the Core Institute.com Holmberg's morning sickness so yeah, that's why hot girls are always going to have more problems down there because they have sex with hot guys and hot guys, just for the sake of, you know, the possibility are having sex with a ton of people. People. Why wouldn't you? You're a dude. You want to do that. Hot dude. That's like, no, no, no. I turn it down. I only want to be with one. That's not what a hot guy thinks. I watch those reality shows. Those are incredibly good looking people all wanting to have sex with each other and you can't blame them. But that's an STD factory. It would be fun to hang out at a, an urgent care. I guess nobody's ever said that, but it would be fun to hang out in urgent care in Scottsdale and just watch the burning itching sensation. Women come in with their ponytails and they're thinking that they've got like a kidney infection. I got a kidney infection because they want it to be serious but really all it is is I got blasted by Rocco with the bottle blonde last night in the back of my Kia. He wouldn't show me his apartment. He's having it fumigated because he's poor and he's got three roommates. He just, just. You fell for it. I got a kidney infection. No you don't.
Brady
University Hospital, asu.
John Holmberg
Oh my God, could you imagine? Yeah, they're all moving back in. So this weekend I, I wonder what weekend it is that the STDs flow the most at ASU. It's got to be this one because the move in day was yesterday and rush happening. Yeah, Last night channel 10 did a great thing. Is a Great. This is. This will make me watch Channel 10 more at their 9 o' clock news. I just flipping through at the end of day the. They do have archives because Channel 10's been around forever. And they're like, let's go back to what moving day it is. Because it's moving day. They all got their boxes and their parents dropping them off. Remember in Revenge of the Nerds, same thing happens every year right around now. It happens every year. They did it yesterday. And they're like, but you just saw the story of all the. The new freshmen and all the new people moving into the dorms. He goes, let's go back to 1977. And they break into their archives and Show Moving Day, 1977. And man, it was Trump's right. It was a better time. They only interviewed the hot freshman. Like it was. And the dudes were like. And the one guy's like, what are you going to do for the weekend? He goes, I've been known to tip back a few good ones, so I'm going to knock myself out this week. And was like, it wasn't like, bro, it's just some guy goes, it's a great question. It was very classy. And then I realized that dude's 72 now. And then the girl that they were interviewing, she was so hot. And the cameraman just eyeballing her every. Every clip she was in it. So he just followed her around the campus. But it was really neat. And then I realized the cop they interviewed is dead. No question. He was like 40, he's dead. And all these people that are on there are probably almost dead. They're in their 70s, just over. It was so quick. And then you go back in this archive. But it was really interesting to show how times haven't really changed. Just a pain in the ass to get in and out of the dorm and that. And that the cameraman who can't really. And he was chasing this girl around every time her. You know, all this braless and no boob jobs. That was the other thing. 1977. All the girls were natural, tiny, little. But it looked good. No lip implants. No. None of this ass thing. And like their eyelashes were human sized. They didn't look like Palm fans in a bad Elvis movie. Yeah, that was. It was a crazy like. And then John Hook's like, that's neat. And the girl with him said, this is the best segment we do. I love watch. And it is. Because it's. It's literally grandparents now.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And it was them in color, which was really strange because it didn't look that old, except for the microphone looked like a hand grenade. And they're just like, you know, what are your plans? And the dudes all look like they were about 52. Well, being a freshman at Arizona State is a. I'm like, jesus Christ, that guy's 19. They interviewed some other dudes. We've got 500 people on a waiting list. And the reporter had no problem going, why the f would you do that? You know how many rooms you have? Why would you overbook it? Well, it is a waiting list, and we are, you know, we do this every year. Well, that's not good. Probably not. Yeah, you're probably right. And then they just moved on to the hot girl again. It's taking forever to get. And she had a little white tank top. Like, this is pretty great. It was just clear cut that the cameraman had a favorite. And they just followed her on the interviewer twice. And then later in the story, she's just sitting in the grass with friends, and you really realize it was her. But the cameraman scoots over to the left and gets a shot of her again. I'm like, that dude definitely beat off to her in the editing bay. It's like the old Cubs games when Arnie and Harry. Arnie and Harry would get together with the camera work director Arnie. Hey, let's take a look out there. Arnie found a couple of fans. Wowee, that one looks pretty heavy. Into her fandom. I bet she never drowned. Steve. Inappropriate. Harry. I bet it's true, though. Those things are buoys. All right, just call the game, Harry. I already found a bunch of folks from Joliet. Let's. Holy moly, look at that fairy tale. I need to find that girl again. I loved it when it being a Cubs fan growing up. The best thing about it was when it was 8 to 1 Mets because Harry was drunk. We're going to lose. And Arnie was searching for ass. Well, there's nothing to watch in the field. Nothing at all, though.
Brady
Yeah, commercial. You know, when they go to commercial breaks. Harry's got that monitor there. Arnie's scanning around.
John Holmberg
Look, I knew as a teen boy. As a teen boy, I knew when I heard the words Cubs taking on the Braves today. Braves are gonna throw out. Got a great pitcher named Greg Mannix. Remember him as Cubs fans. And we're gonna have Dick Ruthven on the mountain. I'm like, oh, we're just gonna be looking for ass all day. Ruthven sporting a 5 and 11 mark with a 6.3 ERA. Arnie, let's go to the crowd in the first inning. This one's already over. And he would just or fest by the 6th. And when Harry started to get a little dizzy, that's when they'd go to the bleachers because the crowd was dizzy too. Do you remember when they would have a broadcast from the bleachers here and there? I want to know. There's a girl out there somewhere and she's in her 60s or 70s now who was in one of those games where Harry was out there was saying how dare in the left center field. Broadcasting live on wgn. Harry and Stoney. We're with the fans today. Stoner. All right, Harry. Keep your hands to yourself. I'll have a hard time doing that there, Steve. And one woman, I guarantee you has the story of the time Harry threw fingers in during the game or did something wildly inappropriate or banged her at the bar. I got some. Meet us after the bar there dawn that she won't be home till seven. I guess so. Don't do this to yourself. Quiet down, Stone. You see Black and piece of garbage. I'm gonna get some honey on my fingers.
Brady
Stoney was the quiet one.
John Holmberg
I know. Oh, Stoney did the job. Look, Stoney closed up when Harry's like, I am gonna her rotten Stone. Get me over to Murphy's and we're gonna nail that. Looks like I have to come to the rescue. Harry's asleep in the car, but I'll do it. And the next thing you know, you're under Steve Stone. There's a woman out there with that story. One of your mothers or grandmothers has that story. It needs to be a book called I Harry Cary and I bet you just ended the same way every time. Hey, I'm very tired. You should go home. There's cab fare on the dresser, though. I want that book so bad. Anyway. Yeah, and that's the other. The thing that the guy said that worked at the urgent care. So the hot girls, you can identify them because they're always in sweatpants when they come in. A hot girl in sweatpants going to the urgent care. Rocco from Bottle Blonde got her. He gave her. He gave her his itchies. And the itchies happen. It's a thing.
Brady
Those throwbacks that channel 10 does. Pretty cool. The two and two together. Like back then at that move in day and the guys. What's your. Yeah, I noticed your nickname is Go Daddy. Oh, my God.
John Holmberg
That's the Guy. That's what they call me. Oh my God, that's Parsons. He did it. Yeah. Be pretty neat. It was. It was the thing that I noticed most was the authenticity of self. None of them were artificial, you know. None. It was the anti filter. It was just there. They were just running with what they had been given. And that girl was like makeup free and cute. She had freckles and she was adorable. She's 70 now, so it's gross. But her eyelashes were human sized. I don't know one. By the way, ladies, I don't know one man who likes them to go past your forehead. Sometimes it's good. Like eyelashes are hot. You put some of the real kind of fakies on there. But the ones that are above your eyebrows. What are you doing? Like, what is that? I like a nice attempt. You know, if you don't have much and you put them on there, that's fine. Some of it's getting out of hand. Look like a Venus fly traps coming at you. I don't even see eyes anymore. They're just. And they look like a glove. They're bent backwards. A Jurassic park pterodactyl hanging off your eyelid. That weird thing.
Brady
They get really thick.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. Every time they. Well, at least he's cooling the room down. But it was. And not, you know, humongous fake cans or an ass that looks like. I don't know what. I don't know what. You're doing it for each other. You're not doing it for us. Dudes, don't. We're not liking that. Like you think we are. Maybe the boobs, but it still can't be clown cans. Right? It has to be somewhat proportional. A lot of. A lot of ladies in the. They look poorly drawn. They look like this isn't real. Like you can't. What's going on with you. And you know. Yeah. But if it's happening when they're 20. Oh my God. The future is just. Every discretionary penny you earn is going towards modifying that woman's body. It never ends. And the lips, like everybody's lips were normal. It was kind of a weird thing to see. Like an old news story where everybody was just kind of normal. Their lips were normal. Nobody had drawn on anything or puffed them up with some sort of look like I stung by bees. Just kind of normal. I don't know. It's neat. I liked watching that. And somewhere in between that. Somewhere between the very natural and what we got going on today, I guess the 90s are what I'm talking about. About. That was kind of a. There's some food work going on Baywatch. The girls were still sort of natural.
Brady
It was the taint of surgery.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it was. It was the. It was. It was the taint. It was the infancy, not the taint of surgery. Yuck. That's my friend Dr. Brink's nickname. He's the taint surgeon. Brink is amazing. He just pulls livers out of people and stuffs them in other people. He does it like. It's like he's pulling transmissions too. Way he talks about it. No. But the 90s were. The Pamela Anderson thing and that's when it went haywire. Is because it. You know. Remember Nicole changed even. She just. Yeah, it got somewhere around 96. It's like, okay, everybody's gone too far. And then somewhere when the Kardashians started doing stuff and every woman started to look like Michael Jackson at the end. There's the thing with the real.
Brady
What's the next level?
John Holmberg
I don't know. Just cut your face off. The Real Housewives were just on TV doing something and one of them, I don't even know has her lips. It doesn't look human. And then she's got no nose whatsoever. Her eyes look like almonds. Like, she tried to. She looked at Pixar or something and said, make me look like that. And then I'm like, that's hideous. And then they showed the girl next to her and it was worse. And the two of them had attitude and it's like, you should be laughed at, like, publicly. But this is like. This is the standard of beauty for a lot of people. And I just don't see it. I like it, like, normal looking. Like, I understand. A little work here and there, that's fine. But moderation, ladies. It's getting crazy. But everything we laughed at with Michael Jackson is now the. The achievement that's the norm. Like a sliver of a nose and these weird, bulging, ghoulish eyes.
Brady
Yeah, he's middle of the road.
John Holmberg
He's. Yeah. Michael would fit right in with these housewives. I hadn't seen it for a while, but the housewives are all like, what are they doing? The. The whole idea before with plastic surgery and back when it was good was that you didn't know someone had had it. It was a guessing game. It was a facelift. Maybe a little work here and there, some eyes, but you had to, like. I think she might have had some work done. That was it. Now it's so no she had work done. Like, that's the. It's almost like a badge of honor.
Brady
Can you imagine if Michael's around and he jumped into the reality?
John Holmberg
Oh, my God. Michael would be this week on Neverland. Oh, my God. I'm getting my lips done and some Botox. Yeah. This guy says, I'm a hot guy. John and I exclusively bang ugly girls. No STDs for me. Yeah, exactly. Ugly ones don't carry. The pretty ones do. Because they're dumb. I mean. Yeah. Oh, it's still though. If I was hot, I'd be banging pretty girls. Oh, yeah. I'll take my chances. STDs don't scare. AIDS is scary. That's the only one. And we cured that. But you still with the ugly broads. You still got those 2am ones where you're like, yeah, you can't be ugly and have the announcement like, I've got hepatitis. Like, then you're ugly and useless. But if you're still hot, a girl will still bang you with the hepatitis. All you have to do is wrap it up. Because hot girls don't want to date guys. Like, they're right. Like, really. Like, that's not a thing. Smart ones, we're. Yeah. It's never been a problem. It's never been. I've never. I had friends in that could do it, like, every day. It was like, did you close with that girl? Yeah. How do you do it? Like, closers are. But it was just because he was good looking. There's a dude named Keith at Tony Romans that banged everyone. Everyone. Unbelievable. And then, like, girls started quitting and stuff. And I think it's because Keith was just spreading the. Spreading the germs. Keith was like a trip to India. You were coming back needing shots. Yeah. That's the only one I was ever afraid of, was aids. And I wasn't doing anything to catch aids. Aids. They tried to tell you, you know, you can get it normal now you can't. Not with what I'm doing. Nike. You cannot catch AIDS unless you're doing some AIDS catching stuff. And that is intravenous drug use and a lot of dirty poo play. That's a fact. You weren't catching. And still kids to this day. Let me be. You're not going. You're not doing biblical sex and getting aids. It's just not a thing. Don't let people fool you. It's like those meth posters. This person tried it once and they're just a big scab. It's like, no it takes forever, takes a long time. That's. It's designed to scare. Don't do methy. But still you have to lose a house. Yeah, yeah. Don't do meth. But it's. Look, the first few times you're going to be fine. But now there's fentanyl. So don't take your chances. Just don't do drugs. You're an idiot if you do drugs. That's all. It's been easy to avoid that I avoid drugs like hot girls avoided us. It was simple for them and they never really had the. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. But yeah, I had friends who were great looking guys every day.
Brady
But then you have the one that is. Fits all of that but has no idea the power that they.
John Holmberg
For a dude. Yeah, yeah. That's his.
Brady
And that's probably.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it's got to be that way.
Brady
Elsa.
John Holmberg
And he ends up with something and then dudes just go get shots. Girls, let's have it like soak in them for days and then go to that urgent care and a pair of sweats with an itch they can't touch for another few minutes till they go to the bathroom. Yeah. Hot girls bang hot guys and hot guys bang everything. So it makes sense to me that hot girls would be the ones that have STDs more often than the pigs. And that's the. That's God's cruel joke. Was Keith the Chippendales dancer guy or something? That was Brad. Brad was. Dude, that place was. There was no possibility of me ever touching a girl. At Tony Romans we had Brad the Chippendales dancer And Keith the 6 foot 5 inch bartender that he dabbled at the gym a little. Keith nailed all of them and never once asked for ID. Who's the new hostess? Dude, Keith, she's 16. Who's the new hostess? Damn it. He's gonna have sex with her this weekend. But I bet you STD weekend it is. It's at ASU this weekend because it's cutting loose. You haven't unpacked.
Brady
First month back to school.
John Holmberg
Oh. You don't really have tough stuff going on the first and then you just go to bars. You got your own room for the first time. Oh that. Yeah. Welcome back parties where the seniors take advantage of the timid scared freshmen and they bring them over to the.
Brady
It's our first house. The guys living with six guys in a house.
John Holmberg
Yep.
Brady
My parents bought the house.
John Holmberg
Yep. It's just there. It's std. The urgent care is probably staff Extra. Over in Tempe this weekend. All the broads are at that Fat Tuesday, drinking those 151 slushies and all that kind of stuff. Fun. I've never actually ever been out of Missouri before. You don't say. Well, you know what? I could show you around a little bit, starting with my house, but it's being fumigated, so we got to go back to your place.
Brady
But what we hear is generations. Not like this.
John Holmberg
Yeah, whatever. I know. I think that's. You know what? We keep seeing those reports. This generation doesn't have sex or drink. You know what I hear? Dumb parents that want to be. That won't admit their kids are dumb. Every. Every parent I've talked to is like, my kid doesn't drink, but all the. All of her friends do. She's a good kid. Oh, yeah. Is that her over there on the front lawn puking and laying down? Yes. He's got the flu. No, she's drunk. You just. You parents don't like to admit their kids do stuff anymore because the moms were whores back in the day. They don't want to see their little daughter that way. And also, they want to be friends with them. Yeah. So they want to go out. They actually are hoping someday that mom will get invited to one of the sorority parties. I could still be in this. No, you can't. You're a bag of wrinkles. Get out of here. This is a. This is a hot group. I'm gonna learn a tic tac dance. Stop it. You're 46. Knock it off. Go put some adult pants on. What is this? Are you in a half shirt? I can see your Pringles tummy. Go put a shirt on. Made a mommy makeover. They left a little Pringles tummy. Me? Well, go put some of that horse bomb or whatever that is. Clean that up. I rub hibiscus on that. I don't know what you do. Just fix it. Here's another thing I don't think should happen anymore. Arcadia is. The guy emailed me the other day, and he's right. It's the Gilbert of Central Phoenix. However, the difference between Arcadia and Gilbert is it's actually people with tons of money. Money. Gilbert is a good group of people with money. And then a bunch of people pretending that they fit into that mix. So it's like it. It's the Joneses and then the Joneses, but Arcadia is more annoying because I would say rich, and they're jerks.
Brady
I'd say the profile is Pretty even. The difference is more lds.
John Holmberg
Well, there's a lot, but the. There's money in Gilbert. I'm not saying there isn't. I'm just saying that there's a lot of people who orbit around it. It. Arcadia is more insulated. Trust me. I lived there. If you lived south of the canal, the people wouldn't stop talking to you. And they couldn't pretend to have what the Arcadians have. Arcadian people are from another planet. And also they're all. They do kind of run the city pv Arcadia. They kind of run the. The. The. The higher class events, you know, and it's annoying. They have a ball at Monte Lucia every weekend. They love getting dressed up and playing. Playing house. The wives, the housewives do that. And they celebrate.
Brady
Global Ambassador.
John Holmberg
Yeah, the one. Exactly. They keep. But they don't build those in Gilbert. They're building them around there for those Arcadians that can't wait to use the ballroom. Gilbert does this to a certain degree. Although I think Gilbert is different when it comes to celebrating diversity. Gilbert's afraid of it. If, you know, Shaq's Chicken Shack opens up in Gilbert. People get nervous of the clientele in Arcadia. They open things and just.
Brady
Oh, both.
John Holmberg
I know, but they get so excited. Lo.
Brady
I think it's closed.
John Holmberg
Sure, sure. But there's not going to be a los in Arcadia. It's not happening. They just know. But they have. They have their weird Arcadia stuff. And on the news the other day, they were celebrating and some. Some woman was on there going, we're just so happy to have this kind of diversity in Arcadia. You have no diversity in Arcadia at all. It is disgustingly Caucasian. But they get real happy. And then they celebrated this thing. It's an Ethiopian drinks and treats shop. What? Yeah. What's that? It's the opposite of what my brain does. I can't think of Ethiopian treats unless they're being dropped from the sky and have to fight somebody for it.
Brady
Known for their baked goods.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Ethiopia is not known for his. Any sort of delightful treats that Arcadians are gonna love. And if they're strong with coffee. Colombia. Up a little Ethiopia and get us those beans. But it's this Ethiopian. It's going to close once they realize how bad Ethiopian food is. Eritrean cultures. Drinks and treats from Ethiopia. Yeah, because that's what I think of when I think Ethiopia. I don't think flies and distended tummy. I think delicious sandwiches.
Brady
They're there to correct.
John Holmberg
Oh, my God. Yeah. And the best place to do Ethiopian food. Arcadia. Fly back home and give your people these treats. What are you doing in Arcadia? Why are you on 44th and Camelback? There's a global ambassador and a Jack in the box. And by the way, Arcadia is so snobby, the Jack in the Box closed, so they could open something more Artesian.
Brady
Yeah, but where can you open up a place that gets the most guilt?
John Holmberg
What's it called?
Brady
Arcadia.
John Holmberg
It's called. I don't even know if they put the name in because I can't pronounce it. It's at Oasis Coffee. The teas are imported from Ethiopia and carefully selected by owners Asha and Abdul to provide authentic and unique experiences for Valley customers. Complemented by Aisha's homemade Ethiopian treats, which is air and begging. That's all I know. For Ethiopia's food, empty hands is what you pay for. There. Two cups, empty hands. That's an Ethiopian delight. You can't say that Ethiopia doesn't have food. It's the whole point of Ethiopia in America is that we're supposed to think they're foodless. You know what this place does on Thomas? This place hurts Ethiopia. Because if I see that Ethiopian restaurants are opening up, I assume all's white. Those commercials that tell me Ethiopia's got a hunger problem. No, they don't.
Brady
You don't hear much.
John Holmberg
Snacks. Did we fix it? Shouldn't there have been a parade? Look at those delicious treats. That's not. That's not the Ethiopia I was taught about. Oh, it already closed out the website. What's going on here? What is this? I don't know about you guys, but Somalia and Ethiopia are close together, and I didn't see anybody looked well fed in Captain Phillips. Just saying.
Brady
Maybe it has changed.
John Holmberg
I'm walking in there first thing. I'm the captain now, and I'm gonna eat a burger in front of him and watch him drool all over. I don't think a hummus. When I think of eth and turkey sandwiches and chicken sandwiches, I think you go there and there's pictures of the food, and you're like, I'll have the turkey sandwich and the hummus. We are out of that. Oh, you don't have any food, do you? No. We are an Ethiopian restaurant. We talk about food, but we have none. I don't want to come across as a bigot, but what I think you guys are doing is killing the donation jar over there for Ethiopia. Ethiopians aren't happy or opening restaurants here in Arcadia. I know. My friend Jani is from The Sudan. He's probably happy there's some African treats. Although I have had African food with him at that festival.
Brady
And that's our Ethiopian experience is a lot of terrorism.
John Holmberg
Okay?
Brady
Sending money and.
John Holmberg
But isn't that the point?
Brady
And that's all they show is this is what we're.
John Holmberg
But it's basically saying it's cured. I've been told since I was a little kid they have no food and now they've got specific foods, baked good.
Brady
And when they had the resources, they had them.
John Holmberg
So maybe what kind of Ethiopians here.
Brady
So they could again make the trips.
John Holmberg
You made enough money to afford rent in Arcadia. If you really cared about Ethiopians, wouldn't you be serving a lesser community in the area? Just going, look, we've been there. We know what it's like. Here's some. Here you go, Maryvale. You guys should have some food, too. Not my problem, right? Well, I think it's just bad branding. Ethiopian treats. It's a good band name, but it's also myth. It's a myth.
Brady
I've always heard the kind of the bragging on the coffee side of it.
John Holmberg
Because they're all wired up. They love coffee. That's why their tummies are so expensive. Their tummies are so blown out. All I have is this coffee. It makes my stomach hurt.
Brady
Does make me picture like you go to an Italian restaurant, whatever, and they got all the ingredients stacked up like the tomatoes, the cans, the pastas there are their white bales square, stacked up.
John Holmberg
You're telling me, though, that the tummies are distended just because of gluten. I thought it was because they were hungry. And it has nothing to do with it. They have too much gluten in our food. I cannot have this much gluten. Look at my belly. I am crazy bloated. Hallberg's Morning sickness. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. 28. It's John Holberg and Brett Vesley from the Morning Sickness coming at you. For our pals at Action Ride Shop, it's summertime. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it. That's a fact, Bert. Action Ride Shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their E bikes right now. They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters. And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails. With an awesome setup from Outbound lighting and night rider. Get to Action Ride shop on the 60 and Gilbert or their new location on dallin power action rideshop.com it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk again about my friends at Trajan Wealth. I always talk to you about the will and trust, the estate plan that I put together with Kent at Trajan Wealth. Kent was unbelievable. And, man, you want to make sure medical power of attorney and power of attorney are established. Because if something bad happens and you don't have anybody speaking for you, somebody you don't know will keep control of your life even when you're not in control. All you have to do is get it done today at Trajan Wealth. For it. 0990-3300 Trades & Wealth Legal services are offered through trades in the State Law Firm LLC. Hey, it's Brett Vesley. Look, your AC's been working hard for you all summer long, so give it some love with Patrick Riley. Heating, cooling, plumbing and drains. Right now you can get a 59H VAC system check which includes a full equipment inspection, refrigerant level check, and free electronic leak detection. And that's a 99 value. Need a new system. No problem. Score 1500 dollars off right now. Hot and stuck. Well, they offer emergency same day service. And before you commit, get a free second opinion. Go to patrickrileyservices.com that's Patrick Riley services dot com. Patrick Riley. One call does it all. Holmberg's morning sickness. And then people from here went over and said, I think they're starving to death. Like, no, they're just bloated. They've eaten too much. All those pictures of kids drinking out of that same silver cup, looking at the camera like, I haven't had food since I got here. Now they got Ethiopian treats and Arcadia. That's insensitive. I'll get the one. I'll get the letters. I'll be writing checks. The Ethiopians are mad. Like, oh, great. Well, I won't have to write a check. I'll just get him like a gift card to AJ's. A gift card to AJ's. This is better than money. But, yeah, that's just. Look, I'm. I'm the only one who's standing up for him. I think it's insensitive at best. Yeah, it's like saying, you know, cancer is cured to people with cancer. It's like, no, it's not. Brady would hate that. If they open that. Don't worry about Cancer store. It's cured. I'm like, wait a second. Not yours, though. Like, oh, I'm actually still Ethiopian, so I don't get any. And that's what Arcadia moms will go over and just brag about it. Oh, I'm so worldly. I had some Ethiopian croissants this morning.
Brady
That's why I say it's the perfect spot of open up.
John Holmberg
Well, it's for them. And it is smart because they'll think that they're. But isn't that bitchy, too, for the lady in Arcadia to get up, doll herself up, and run over and have food from Ethiopians when no Ethiopians are actually eating? Oh, they don't see it that way.
Brady
You feel cultured.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's right. Fly to Ethiopia. You've got the money. Go have some real Ethiopian delights. Nobody's doing that. Of course they're not. They have to have it open up next to global ambassador for them to actually recognize Ethiopians. Have food. And I've said this for years, too, an authentic Ethiopian restaurant. The waiter comes by, scared, what do you want? I'm like, I. What do you got? We have bowls of rice. That is it. What do you want? And then whatever you serve. And then they have a little drone come over and drop the food onto your. Onto your table. And then warlords come over and you have to fight them for it. And then you run out later with gunshots and screaming and, like, babies crying. That's that.
Brady
To me, that's an adventure dinner.
John Holmberg
That's an authentic Ethiopian restaurant. How is your day going? No, don't do that. Treat me like we're in Ethiopia. If I came here, I want the experience. I want some kid covered in flies with his stomach stuck out coming and asking me for some. Are you going to finish that? Yeah. Get out of here. Take the flies with you. Your health hazard. I want. That is Ethiopia. And I'll get a call. Ethiopia is actually a beautiful country. No, it's not. It is not a beautiful country. Anyway, Arcadians, they're as bad as Gilbertians with their pat themselves on the back moments. The news covered it. Have you ever wondered what an Ethiopian treat tastes like? Yeah, let me have one real quick. Delicious. It's air. So south of the canal is like hillbilly Arcadia or what they call it Arcadia Light. They won't even let them have it. There's signs on the. The street, signs that say Arcadia Light. Don't fool yourself into thinking you're in the heavy part. Oh, wow. They go over by go one street south of the canal as Campbell. And the houses are nice and stuff, but the signs remind you you're not in it. You're in Arcadia Light. L, I, T, E. They made it cute. The sign. Even signs say Arcadia Light. Wow. You're the diet Arcadia. You don't have all the calories or money. Arcadia is annoying. I moved out because if you. I, I. When I put us for sale, I was mowing my grass and dolling up the house a little bit, and my neighbor came over and said, are you selling? Like, how did. Why do you think that? And I'm like, oh, you're doing some extra work. And I like, you're selling your house, aren't you? And I'm like, I'm thinking about it. I'm not kidding you. There were six For Sale signs on my street the day before mine went up. And I was trying to jump ahead and get the most because I knew this. These people can't. They can't see a new car in a driveway without getting a new car. They can't watch somebody out in their front yard without getting out in their front yard, too, and talk. They. They're. It's this weird Stepford Wives thing. Beautiful, beautiful homes and stuff. But it is weird over there. Circadia Light. Like Gilbert. Then Gilbert is the. Gilbert is Arcadia Light Light. Oh, yeah. Because now Arcadia Lights houses are million and a half dollars for 1800 square feet. Because you're close to Arcadia. You can smell it. Yeah, it's. It's nuts there. And Arcadia's just priced itself. It's 4 million bucks. My old house is probably $3 million now it's 2600 square feet. It's crazy.
Brady
But now, aren't they. I mean, they're scraping and rebuilding houses all the way down to Thomas.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, because they're. Because it's close to Arcadia and you can't get in there anymore. That's. That's an elite status now. Get some heavy money in that area. But they. They still pat themselves on the back. And if you put up. If you put, you know, Arcadia Plumbing, that's the only ones they'll use. If you put the word Arcadia over your business in that neighborhood, that's all they'll use. Arcadia hates. What they hate is something that was theirs scooching over to Gilbert. Hate it. This was ours. And now they have one in Gilbert. Never mind. Now that's.
Brady
Once they find that out, they stock on.
John Holmberg
Now it's a chain. Yeah. It has to stay theirs. Little Woody's is a perfect example. Dude, Tucker. Your buddy Tucker opened Little Woody's. And it is a small warehouse with a couple pinball machines and drinks. And the place packs up every day. It's not even a dive bar. It's just a small. And it's. You know what the cool thing about it? Own. The Arcadians know there's no sign. So they think that they're leading you in there. Only I know about this. And then you go in there. It's like. It's like. Remember when Bugs Bunny used to. You get a peek into his hole, and there was like a huge. Like, a ball, like, hundreds of people. That's what this is like. You go in there and you think, oh, it's a little hole in the ground, huh? It's the most popular bar in the world. And it's really. It is kind of a cool spot. But the people inside are the problem. Problem. Arcadians. I had to get out of there. I'd get a car. I got a new Jeep or something. And then I'd look around, like, within a week, seven, eight, nine new cars just on my street. And I'm like, these people can't. They can't let you have a moment for yourself without climbing on. It's weird. Really weird. Enjoy your own life. Quit peeking into everybody else's house. You get a new tree. Everybody's getting new landscape shaping. I got some new pavers put in my front. Everybody's doing pavers like, Jesus, go down my old street. And the houses that have been redone are all the same. They do. Oh, the neighbors did it. Okay. I'm going to do the exact same house across the street. And it was a company called Rafter House coming. And just plopped down the exact same home over and over and over again. And they all.
Brady
I remember the big Trent. They were doing the front yards. Your front yards were backyard. Basically putting a fire.
John Holmberg
Fire pits in the front. You had a little spice in your front. Which I'm fine with. As long as it's not. Yeah, that's my old place. I think they've redone. That's pretty much. And it just sold again. 2.1, huh? Yeah, it's pretty good. It's not a huge house by any stretch. It's 2.2.2 million. And they'll get more than that. That's nuts. Says three. 200 square feet. I think they added on a little bit. I know that they took up. There's no backyard anymore. More at all. It's crazy. Nuts. And they haven't done much since I left. See all the pictures? That's pretty good, though. Yeah. Arcadia. Enjoy your Ethiopian treats, you horrible women. Crazy 7 26. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there? All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop, of course. And now's the time. It's a nice day today so far. So now's the time to get out there and get on the trail. And no better place to start than at Action Ride Shop. Get that bike tuned up, pick up a new bike, or you can even rent a bike if you're not sure you want to do that thing yet. So Action Ride Shop, two locations right there on Gilbert Road and Southern. Yeah, Southern Gilt Road. There you go. COG plus the brand new one right there. And McDowell and Power Road. So, actionrideshop.com I'm in an argument with my friend Winston online. He goes, sudanese or Ethiopian women are the prettiest women in the world. Ukraine. Crazy Sudanese. I had those. I had that party at my house of Sudanese people. The Sudan. I've never seen anything like it. The women, the white women were like. I've never seen anything prettier than what I'm seeing right now. Especially because the. The ones that were asking for money for Sudan were the Lost Boys. And Janny and his friends were all there, and they're probably all in their 40s at the time. And then all their kids showed up, and they were all at asu, and the Lost Boys had families, and these women came in, and they're all like, six two and toned. And it's a skin color I've never seen in my life. And it was so pretty. I remember Megan, look at me going, these are the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life. I'm like, get away from me. You're gonna think I'm married. Get out of here. I'm working on this. Whatever this girl's name is. I can't say it. My tongue doesn't click that hard. Yeah, the Sudanese are better. Yeah, Ethiopian women who escaped and got some food. Maybe Winston. But even you, Winston, aren't going to any Ethiopian restaurants. You keep asking me to go to Eric's family barbecue. I know. I know. What? You laugh. If it was a toss up between seeing Ethiopian ladies at the Ethiopian Treats Cafe or Eric's family barbecue, I can guarantee you we're hopping in Winston's giant truck and we're rolling over together. We're taking the long route. Don't try to fool me. Into thinking Ethiopia is a quality destination. Winston over barbecue from. Get out of here. You crazy? I'll use his words against him. You crazy.
Steve-O
All right.
John Holmberg
On the list, Metallica Ride Lightning for the storms last night and then Most. Megadeth. Hangar 18 because he announced his last album yesterday. But most of it's going along with the tampon, Brad. So System of A Down. Toxicity. Summer Breeze from Typo Negative. If you want blood ac, dc Blood for Blood from Hell. Yeah. Bleeding Me from Metallica. The Runaways. Cherry Bomb for the Vampire Tea Bag. That's what the guy said. And Skinner. That smell. We had a couple requests for that for Tampon Broad. That's disgusting. All right, I'll let you ride this one. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't know. I like the typo. Or the Skinner, actually, for our conversation earlier. All right, go. A little typo. Negative. Summer Breeze, the COVID of the. Is It America. Who sang Summer Breeze? Seals and Cross. Seals and Croft. That's right. And Typo. And Peter Steele decided to break out of Dracula. Sang it. Summer Breeze Makes me feel Fine. Take Me to Death Tones. Winston said, all right, next time we're going to Ethiopian food, then Eric's Barbecue. Yeah, because after Ethiopian food, I should be starving. I guess. I have Ethiopian food every day because I breathe. I'm. I'm inhaling Ethiopian food. I'm exhaling Ethiopian food. It's the only thing I've ever known that they get. I'll take your word for it. Let's go to Eric's family barbecue instead. I know for sure I'm going to be satisfied there. My pool guy said, man, I. I work over there. I live by. At Oasis. The Ethiopian thing. He said all the neighborhoods around there now have new signs up that are nicknames. Arcadia Light, Arcadia Orchards, Arcadia West. I don't even know about Arcadia West. But, yeah, they. They all try to tag it in there because their house property goes up if anybody sees the word Arcadia places bananas.
Brady
And is it even considered a city? It's just self.
John Holmberg
No, it's just a neighborhood. It's Phoenix. It's Phoenix. Yeah, it's the neighborhood. What are you gonna do? Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 kept still streaming Homberg's More Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com KSLX is having a big party. Like they came in third place and there's balloons everywhere. They're celebrating mediocrity. I don't even think it was that.
Brady
Or Was it. They got a good Google rating or something.
John Holmberg
Maybe they're driving Ubers. Like, there's balloons. We've never done that. We need to start doing that. We've been first place for 25 years. We've never once had a balloon park party. We need. We need to have, like, a petting zoo and constitutes. Yeah, I guess we're. I guess we put up balloons when we're mediocre. Imagine what we should do. And it's. It's such a troll move. It's all designed to make one person upset. And it's gonna work. It's gonna make him cry. H. He's been play. H. Just rude. It's rude. But, hey, congratulations on whatever the hell you guys do. Good. Let's go pop the balloons. Well, you got balloons. Now you can't even go in. Like, get, like, a straw. You got to walk through balloon field.
Brady
Oh, what's this?
John Holmberg
Huh? Oh, it's gonna make Fitz insane. Fitz is going nuts because that one lady got nominated for that. I imagine he sees the balloon party celebrating something else. Oh, boy. This is going to be a emotional catastrophe later today. It's a good thing we're not that way, because this is going to get weird. And here. We still have this. We should have balloons for this. Another lady says, john, I listen to the show this morning, and I've been listening to you guys for seven years, and I wish I discovered the show way before then. I truly love all of you. Even Toledo. I think he's smart, Unlike Brett. Shouldn't think you're very smart, and people don't give him enough credit. Toledo, that is. She's a broad. I actually don't get why people hate on him. I get all your guys's sense of humor. I just wanted you to know they have a lot more female listeners than you know. I listen to you more than my husband does. He says I'm obsessed with you. And maybe you're right. We all subtly fall in love with you guys. You're a brilliant impressionist. You crack me up a lot. Except when you speak about blowjobs and all the gay activities. Homophobe. Can't wait to meet you one day. I'd probably freeze like I did when I met Brady. I creeped on you at Feldman's event. Brady was supposed to take a picture with us, but he left in a hurry and said he'd come back, but he didn't. Brady's Brady Irish. Goodbye, you. Yeah, I'll be right back there, doll. Adio, sister. Did he high fiverr. Or did. Apparently there was no hug involved. So, Eric, I think we're right. We said it earlier this morning. We didn't know it till that lady Vapor locked on her husband listening to the Brady impression and guy's getting surgery on August 26th because they were listening to the show and she started to laugh in the throes of passion and busted his. Ladies don't like us. Not because they don't want to. Which creates too much of an emotional, you know, conundrum. Look it up, Brett. She thinks Brett's dumb. It's time for Brady to give you all the news. And he's been doing it for 24 solid years now. Our 24th anniversary is coming up. We're putting up balloons. We're gonna have kids and children's choirs maybe. Not that I get in trouble when those are around. We'll have all sorts of animals and prostitutes and slot machines and gaming tables and everything else as we celebrate another year on top here. 24 the balloon parties that's throwing me off. It's time for Brady to give you the Brady Report. And it's brought to you by All Pro Shade. AllProchade.com that's where you go. You don't have to deal with trolls in your life. Deal with good people. All Pro shades, the one, they come out there to give you that free estimate. They take a look at what you're thinking and they're like, hey, I got an idea. You. And they'll throw out an even better plan. Or if the one you've got is good, they'll make it beautiful. The best in the business. The best shades have been doing this over 20 years. They'll drop the temperature over 20 degrees 1 degree for every year they've been open. And they'll drop that right near backyard or front yard. Wherever you need shade, they'll provide it. You'll have a little space of your own. Makes your house a little more beautiful. A little more valuable, too. AllProchade.com Brady Report it good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it right.
Brady
Happy National Relaxation Day.
John Holmberg
That's right. It's a good day for that.
Brady
And Kool Aid Day.
John Holmberg
That's right, too. Calm down. I didn't say anything. I'm staying quiet over here. Thirsty kids. It's Kool Aid Day and Relaxation day. Yeah, you can't load up on Kool Aid and relax. You're going to be all. All bouncing off the walls with Kool Aid sugar. That's A. You can't do that. It's not a double whammy. It's the opposite of each other. Relax. Have some Kool Aid. Nobody's ever said that. Here, take a sip of this Kool Aid and calm down. When you're having a, you know, panic attack, Kool Aid's not the answer.
Brady
It's soothing.
John Holmberg
No, it's not. And you're done with Kool Aid too, by the way. That's enough. You're not allowed to drink a line there. You are not allowed to have Kool Aid ever again.
Brady
Couple of basis fun facts. No one is sure where the word dog came from. Dog only became the standard term within the past 500 years. Years or so.
John Holmberg
Right.
Brady
During the Middle English period from 1100 to 1450, dog was often used as an insult directed at people.
John Holmberg
Right.
Brady
Centuries ago, how hound was the most common term for domestic canine. And we know that because the word came from the old English word.
John Holmberg
Hund was German, wasn't it?
Brady
Hunt says old English word.
John Holmberg
H U, n D. Yeah, but that was German, I think, Jim. Germans still call him Hunt. Either way, you can't spell dog without a G and O and a D. There's a reason why. While we're at it, go get Manu. Manu got dropped off by a family. Can't afford Manu anymore. Six year old bichon freeze pood. And the person that's perfect for this dog at lost her home pet rescue this week is a widower, a single mom, a woman in her 60s who just needs a companion around the house. This dog's perfect for that. I can just see everybody's kind of matronly but still active mothers grabbing hold of Manu and giving Manu the proper home because they're. And you know what? Kind of a tip of the cap to the people like, we can't afford border. It sucks. Shelters are dealing with that in a big way right now. A lot of people are dropping. Humane Society is just chock full of dogs. Other shelters having that problem. A lot of financial issues for people. The first thing they're doing is like, we can't provide a life for this dog. So it's tough. But go get Manu. Awesome. Lost her home. They'll waive the fees.
Brady
The first in flight movie was called Howdy Chicago and it was shown on a plane in 1921.
John Holmberg
Jesus Christmas. What? They had planes in 1921. That was right after World War I. I saw those planes. We didn't have jets. No. Who was watching? Where's the Projector thing had to weigh more than the plane. Yeah.
Brady
I wonder.
John Holmberg
I don't believe this at all.
Brady
Center screen.
John Holmberg
It might have gotten shown while they drove it around on the Runway. They didn't fly with it. It first inflight movie was not Howdy Chicago. They didn't even have movies in 1921.
Brady
Yeah, they did, didn't they?
John Holmberg
Not really.
Brady
The person just sit there and flick silent.
John Holmberg
But maybe, yeah. Are you flying on that giant air. That was a passenger plane. It's a biplane with like 12 seats and a propeller and a dream. 1921. And the word crisis is on the picture. Of course, that thing was destined to be a crisis. So. So that thing two years earlier fit two people, and now it's like, yeah, I think we can cram 12 or 13 folks on this thing. Make it a little bigger. Yeah. Well, so here's the other. The other single engine airplanes of the time. Or like you said, they're all biplane people just sitting outside. That's my favorite part of planes in the 20s. 20s. Let's get on the wing. No safety measures. No. We have to wear seat belts all the time. Now there's a big belly one. Those guys just got outside walking around. You remember that was like a. An attraction back in the 20s. Wing walking walkers. Yeah. And that had to happen with some guy going, go out and walk on it. I dare you. I'm like, well, we're going 85 miles an hour. I can do that.
Brady
Well, the great Waldo Pepper.
John Holmberg
Was he a good wing walker? Bray remembers from his childhood. The wing walker Walter Waldo in Seattle. In what movie?
Brady
The Great Waldo Pepper.
John Holmberg
Jesus Christ. Oh, that's. You spend a lot of time seeing dumb movies in Seattle. I got to fly on the Red Baron biplane. Not the real one. It was the pizza.
Brady
Well, not that one.
John Holmberg
Yeah, the pizza. Brady's flown the Red Baron before, so to speak.
Brady
They used to deliver to my house.
John Holmberg
They used to throw them from the plane. They just be chasing you too. Yep. They'd toss them down there and Frisbee pizzas to Brady. You might have been on the plane when it happened.
Brady
When the Beatles were making Abbey Road. They originally planned on calling it Everest, but they didn't want to fly over Mount Everest to take a cover photo.
John Holmberg
Just cross the street.
Brady
Let's just walk out on the street.
John Holmberg
That is one place. And I'm not a destination guy that I kind of want to go because that is an iconic moment from my childhood. My mom got me. Everest could suck it. Yeah. From his childhood. Everest. Yeah. My mom and I used to talk about climbing Everest all the time. I just want to be on top of the world and away from your father. Where is everybody? Sign with a letter off to Everest. Fu Dan. What the. No, but she, she got me into the Beatles and so when I was like in third, second and third grade, I listened to Abbey Road constantly. I was addicted to that. So I have this weird kind of, kind of nostalgic vibe to that little crosswalk. I'm jealous of people that are on it and take pictures. I think it's just an it's iconic. There aren't many of those. It's John Holmberg here for turf monsters. Az.com if that yard of yours doesn't look great all of the time, if it is work all of the time, it does not have to be. Turf Monsters can come to your house house and make your yard a beautiful showcase place for you, your family, your pets. Yeah, it's pet friendly as well. Anything you can dream up in that backyard they can do. Tell them Holmberg sent you. Get 10% off. Turfmonstersaz.com It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for life. Changerloan.com A guy I know is going through a divorce, which stinks for him. He's trying to figure out how much it's going to take to pay off the future ex wife. You got bills you want to consolidate, you got some stuff you want to take care of care of, go ahead and do it. Or if you're just really good with money and you want to get out of that mortgage as fast as possible, Life Changer Loan is the way to do it. Average Customer saves about 250,000 in interest. House is paid off in about five years. Life changer Loan it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology. They live live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cyber security, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat. Edu Mo and don't just study tech, live it. Holmberg's morning sickness.
Brady
This 44 year old man from New Zealand rolled into the Mahambili National Hospital in Tanzania because he had an Ooze. A pussy ooze coming out from under his right nipple.
John Holmberg
Cool.
Brady
They couldn't figure out what was going on, so they take a body X ray. Oh, I see what the problem is. There's an 8 inch knife blade in your chest cavity. It'd been there for eight years. He got into a fight eight years ago, busted off the blade, a couple of cuts. Had no idea the blade. Blade busted off in his body.
John Holmberg
Wow.
Brady
So they sewed him up.
John Holmberg
Became a zit. Eight years later.
Brady
You basically, here's the cavity, side cavity. X ray.
John Holmberg
Well, the whole knife's in there. The handle too. Oh, I guess I see where the handle would attach to a blade. And that is. How big is it? 7 inches.
Brady
8 inch they are same. And then there's a picture of the. The ooze that was coming out on it.
John Holmberg
Christ. It's tapioca. I expected a little dot.
Brady
Yeah, it was like custard.
John Holmberg
Ah, die. Right. Where was this in India?
Brady
Tanzania.
John Holmberg
Tanzania. I don't know where that is, but it's got to be close to India. Where's Tanzania?
Brady
In Africa.
John Holmberg
Is it in Africa? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, don't oh yeah me with that. I don't know. I remember I had to memorize all the states, countries of Africa. I got like a 38%. I didn't do any of that. And plus they've changed all the names since I memorized them. Anyway, it did me no good knowing it. Everything's different now. We don't know where it is to jump back a little bit. Texter says, John, you do remember the one time the Kool Aid and relaxation went together. This is going to be bad, John. Jonestown. Oh, that's true. They did relax some folks there. That is true. That's an excellent point. We should not ever combo these two things.
Brady
That is incorrect again.
John Holmberg
They didn't use Kool Aid. Yeah, they used to off brand.
Brady
Oh, they did.
John Holmberg
They did.
Brady
The great value.
John Holmberg
They use wires. Well, it was a lot of people. And koolaid's expensive. I don't know what it was him for enough money he could have spent for the good stuff. It was an off brand. It was a wilers. No, no, that's a brand. It wasn't much of a brand either.
Brady
It was like a knockoff.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it wasn't actually. It was like a juice light or something. It was like a weird. Yeah. And then another one says, John, which is more relaxing, grape or red? Grape. Grape. Probably purple. Red's exciting. And red. Red reminds me of the Kool Aid, man. So there's a lot of activity.
Brady
The blues.
John Holmberg
I don't drink the blue. Who drinks blue? Blue. Blue is the add on for people who are like, what else will they. Blue raspberry. That's bad Smurf. Right? That's a white person's Kool Aid. There are two Kool Aid. There is grape and there is red. There's purple and there's red. Ask any black person if blue is there. You're at a white person's party and it's bad Kool Aid. They're trying to kill you. Gilbert. Jump. That's Gilbert Kool Aid. Only white people have like Arctic Freeze and Toxic Nausea as flavors. And it's just blood blue. The only other off brand I know of is Flavor Aid. That's the one. That's it. Flavor. It was the one that's the one that killed everybody in Jonestown. And Kool Aid got all the credit.
Brady
This is a little follow up from this lady that lives in England, Sharon Irvine. She got upset at her husband dual review in January because he wouldn't have sex with her. She walked in and he was. Was laying in bed basically masturbating. And she got upset, jumped on him, grabbed his scrotum and twisted it off the bag.
John Holmberg
Whoa. He can't punch that. That. You can hit a woman at that point, right?
Brady
How many times this spineless dude did not.
John Holmberg
I'm the owl now. How many twists does it take to get it off? 3. 3. 1, 2, 3.
Brady
Luckily, he's fully recovered.
John Holmberg
I don't want to know that.
Brady
They were able to reattach everything thing.
John Holmberg
She saved it. She held it like a change purse.
Brady
Yeah, well, it.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but all the. All the tubes and stuff. So it just slips off.
Brady
I think she tore the bag, right?
John Holmberg
The bag just. And then all your outsides are dangling there or your insides are dangling outside.
Brady
So she was in court and they gave her a year probation. And then she has to do go through it. Comes off alcohol and drug rehab, you know, hard.
John Holmberg
You have to pole.
Brady
She could do it so hard.
John Holmberg
What was wrong with him?
Brady
She was upset.
John Holmberg
Okay. What was wrong with. That's at least two twists. You're not getting a half twist on mine without taking one in the face.
Brady
Yeah, he had have been.
John Holmberg
You can't one twist and pull that off. It's not like dough. That's drugs. It must be. Yeah. First even. What?
Brady
Yeah, the. The first grab.
John Holmberg
There is going to be a dead woman in my room.
Brady
Five across.
John Holmberg
Yep, Five across. Damn. Right there Aren't enough across numbers. She has taken a beating. Speaking of, did you tell John about your new jersey? Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah. It was pretty. Jimmy Pancho. He got him a 5 across jersey. It's pretty nice. Mine just said J Sinus. He got me a Steelers jersey that said J Sina Sinus, which is nice, but it's my porn name. Johnny Sinus.
Brady
And now it's time for some science news.
John Holmberg
Okay. Is it time for that? Come on. Seriously, though, I need. I need a doctor to fire over and say it would take exactly three and a half twists for your balls to just pop right off. Yeah. Hey, wise howl, but that woman is Gemini. It. I'm. You're getting away with that in court, right? You're not an abuser. There's no Jodi Arias just like defense of that, your honor. She was twisting my balls off. Did she get him? Yeah. All right. Yeah, he. Whatever. Well.
Brady
But he forgave. He's like, I don't wanna. But the sheriff says, all right, you're not gonna press charges, but we're still gonna do something. Your probation for her. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Oh, no. She's going to jail for the rest of her life. No, she's not. She's dead. There's no way she. She's never gonna see the courtroom. Twist my balls off. That was.
Brady
That was the punishment.
John Holmberg
Twist my balls. Maybe we're having fun. Twist them off. You take. You're dying that day. That's the last day you are alive. I will. I will hit you with my little testicles on strings just hanging in the wind. Just beat the tardy, naked and gushing blood screaming at the top of my lungs. This isn't the exact answer, but according to Gemini, to puncture or breach human skin, a high pressure jet of at least 100 pounds per square inch. Inch would be required. But she twisted them off. She twisted like unscrewing a cap, trying to say, I hate her skin. Tears are more likely to occur in exposed, fragile skin areas. That's not exposed or fragile. That stuff's thick. It's fragile. Your scrotum skin. I don't think it's fragile, man. I think it's. No way. Not mine. That's like an elephant's elbow down there. That thing is strong, pliable, but I don't know if it's strong. Mind strong. It's the same stuff on your elbow.
Steve-O
I know.
Brady
The wenus.
John Holmberg
The wenus. Yeah. And if you've got a lot, look at all that. I can make. I can make another Sack out of this. I can make a Brady sized sack out of my elbow skin. Look at that. Brady hardly pulls any. He's high and tight. Toledo's got a decent bag on him.
Brady
Brett, check your weaness.
John Holmberg
Brett's got a small bag too. Look at that. I'm happy about that. Look at that. What is going on there? Because it's the same skin on your elbow though, that's on your testicles. That's my science. That's my Neil DeGrasse Tyson moment for you. But I've done a little research on this. The elbow skin is the exact. And it's. And it tells you what your. What the person's balls are like. If you can pull your wienus down like I can. What is that? Good three and a half inches. I got a big wienis. You're hanging in the water. That means I'm hanging in the water and it's accurate. Brady's high and tight. He can barely pull any of his elbow skin. And Dr. Lynn already told me about his sack. He just. According to Gemini, human skin has a tensile strength of about 18 MPa. All right. None of this makes sense.
Brady
It's light.
John Holmberg
Yeah. No reason to read things you don't understand.
Brady
Professor Brady, with your science news.
John Holmberg
How.
Brady
About toothpaste made out of human hair?
John Holmberg
What? Why?
Brady
A study found it coats your teeth to mimic your natural and nature enamel and protects them better. It could be hitting the stores within two years. But it sounds like the first batch. We may use wool for the final product. It has the same type of protein as hair.
John Holmberg
I had read that it was your own hair.
Brady
They're saying human hair, but your own.
John Holmberg
Hair was more important than just a human's hair. Matches with your teeth probably.
Brady
Well, sounds like they're.
John Holmberg
They're just going for it. It's a sale. Thriller is going to be given plastic, plasma and hair for toothpaste. Now.
Brady
The new version of Chat GPT is facing a ton of backlash. A lot of users think it's worse than the last version, not better.
John Holmberg
John said that? Yeah, we were talking about that.
Brady
Right. We talked about open AI Ended up re adding the old one as an option after people freaked out.
John Holmberg
Yep. They lost their friends because it kind of deleted your history with your relationships with AI people. Did you check on Larry?
Brady
What? How was his history?
John Holmberg
He's been down this week. I haven't asked, but he hasn't had like a great week.
Brady
AI designed a new antibiotic that can kill drug resistant gonorrhea. It can Combat the super gonorrhea.
John Holmberg
That's why K has balloons up. All of them are floating and loaded with gonorrhea over there. They're from the 70s. The whole lot of them. Except the morning show. They're from the 90s. The 70s one that long Paul. I think he's in the drawings of those cartoons they show kids of what illnesses look like. He's like an amoeba. All right. How you doing? Like Jesus Christ. You are human gonorrhea. You're from the age. No, he's had it. There's no way that guy lived in a rock radio from. He. He. He's got to be 83 or years old. Yes. There's no way that dude didn't hit the 70s with a Coke habit and loads of gonorrhea trip too. He's Johnny Fever. Like. Trust me, the trip drip was a thing. Oh. Listening to him in New York. I guarantee. New York city in the 70s. Yes. I'm on the air in the 70s in New York City. Yeah. I'm Tripp Reed. Ow. Ow. Ping. Hurts. Why? Hey. We'll ask him when he comes in. Not just have you had it? How many times. Shut up. That's weird. Yeah. Tell me. He's got one of those chickenpox scars. But it's all from. From his. All the times he's been shot. Ow. Peeing. That's why he's got his own bathroom. I know who did this. Are you still buying that he never went to Studio 54? No. That's. He'd lie. He got an invite and was fucking first in line. Oh yeah. Where does it go? Oh, yes. He's fun. There's nothing he's fun. Studio 50. No, I couldn't possibly. Didn't ever fall out of. He was working in New York in the late 70s.
Brady
Brings a margarita machine to.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he's to work. To work. Yeah. There's no way gonorrhea and cocaine did not. And long Paul probably gave it to him. Those two looked at each other. How do I know you? We don't want to talk about Mr. Reed. You're hired. You look really familiar. Did you work at WRR in New York in 1978?
Steve-O
Turn around.
John Holmberg
I don't remember anything about 70s outside of the shots. A lot of shots. I just remember a lot of needles. A lot of matching scars. Nice job on the ratings Long. Yeah. You know, I was celebrating gonorrhea day. KSLX is. I mean everybody listening has gonorrhea too. It's the 70s.
Steve-O
That's fair.
Brady
Another study found around 10 of people get almost no pleasure from listening to music. It's called music anhedonia.
John Holmberg
They get no pleasure from. They're like asexual with music.
Brady
And the study found it's because of how their brains are wired. That part interesting processes sound just can't talk to the reward centers to their brain.
John Holmberg
That sucks. What do they get pleasure out of though? Because movies have music birds. That's what I'm saying. It'll just be books because you can't. You can't get through anything without music. Music even then they have like interludes. Some bring music into.
Brady
I wonder if the healing bowls, the spiritual ball. Stop it.
John Holmberg
Stop it. Stop trying to hype that crap. Listener has sent in something said. Brady. I think I might have been following you yesterday. And if not. Oh my God. How about an idea? It's a truck that says help need kidney donor. Oh, positive with a clock ticking. This dude's on his last leg driving around in a Dodge Ram. Nice brand new car too. Probably. Probably should have waited. Actually no. It's not a bad idea to get a car on a loan. Yeah, I'd have bought a Ferrari at that point. Right now. What are you gonna do? You getting a loan's not a bad idea. How about we go for the 10 year? That's a great idea. It's more interest for us. Yep, exactly. You guys are the real winners here. Give me my McLean. Yeah, you should think about that.
Brady
I'd love to see you rolling.
John Holmberg
You just give it back if it's like. If the doctor's like everything went right. I gotta give the McLaren back. Go get a long term loan. A couple of payments out of it. I'll get a long term loan right now. This is a great idea.
Brady
There's this dude in Los Angeles. He's been blasting train sounds from his house for months. We're not talking about the.
John Holmberg
The band drops of Jupiter.
Brady
That's the actual installed train horn.
John Holmberg
That air compressed like the guy that.
Brady
Drives by here every hearing from three miles away.
John Holmberg
Yeah, three miles.
Brady
Neighbors have been calling the cops for months, but up until this week they didn't seem to do anything. They finally came to talk to the guy. The local news got involved and they did a. They did talk to the homeowner. Guy's name's Gary. He admitted he's doing it intentionally because he has a personal beef with the police. He claims he's been harassed and threatened by a man for years and the police won't help Him. It's his fault. It's the father of an ex, and he claims the guy once got him fired from his job, and he believes he could. His life could be in danger.
John Holmberg
Oh, jeez.
Brady
Gary said, I want justice served. I do sincerely apologize to my neighbors for the discomfort that caused you in your homes and stuff, but, I mean, it would go off multiple times a day.
John Holmberg
Yeah, no, that would. That would drive you to suicide. Did you see the thing that the ICE agents raided that Home Depot in California, and that one dude ran off into the road and got hit by a car and died, and they're blaming Home Depot. What, like the family's gonna sue Home Depot? They're just looking for something. And if I'm Home Depot, I'm like you. We've been letting you guys get away with this for years. We've never said a word. If you run into the road, that's your fault. Blame ICE if you want, but we didn't have anything to do with it. If Home Depot gets sued, they're gonna be like, all right, you can't stand in our parking lot, then. And that's. I still don't get it. Why can't both things be true at once? I get it. You don't like the way the ICE agents are handling this, and certain degree, I don't either. But I also think that you've been running the risk. Like the way people used to have pot in their pockets. You always used to run around saying, oh, it should be legal. It should be, but it's not. So if you're the reason the dude ran into the road because he didn't want to go to jail, because he knew he didn't want to get deported, because he knew he's been. Whether it's skating by police.
Brady
How many times have we seen that car pull up in, the door, open, opens, and people scatter, whether it's a party, whether it's.
John Holmberg
But they know Ari Shafir. Well, they know what they. You've been getting away with it the whole time. You know that you're riding on the razor's edge. So, yeah, get running. But it's not Home Depot's fault.
Brady
That's your science news.
John Holmberg
Home Depot's been awesome to the immigrant community for years and never turned a blind eye to the fact that there's a hive of them in every Home Depot parking lot in America and service they've provided for contractors. And again, even if ICE is chasing you, look both ways. He's running across the road. Is there one Thing. This guy won't cross legally. Find a crosswalk.
Brady
There's a dude in North Carolina. He's facing charges for assaulting a restaurant worker because they wouldn't let him feed his dog at the table. Gary Scholar was eating at the Longhorse Steakhouse House in Wilmington last month. And he brought his dog along.
John Holmberg
Sure.
Brady
It's not clear if his service dog. It wasn't, but the employee told him that feeding the dog at the table was a health code violation. He responded by chucking a plate at the goose.
John Holmberg
Yeah, a bit of an overreaction. And then he sick the dog on him. It was a wolf. This is support wolf.
Brady
And finally, boys, a British puppet pilot by the name of Justin Myers believes he has found the exact location of where Amelia Earhart's plan.
John Holmberg
We found her. It was at Postino's the whole time.
Brady
No, it was just 30ft from where she took off.
John Holmberg
No, she just dumped it so bad, they didn't even think to look there. We think she was in the air. Was anybody paying attention when the. We didn't think the broad was serious. Well, no, it was a girl pilot. Why would we pay attention? We haven't watched the. That. It's the 30s.
Brady
He says he's found fragments of the missing plane.
John Holmberg
Hey.
Brady
And then. And has taken enlarged images by Google Earth.
John Holmberg
Did he find it?
Brady
Now he wants to go search for the. Go to the exact spot and try to.
John Holmberg
Is it in the water or. He found it on an island or something.
Brady
It's in the Pacific Ocean, you know.
John Holmberg
Oh, okay. So it's in the. My whole dream is that someday this is a weird fantasy, but it's mine and mine alone, so you can't have it. My fantasy for the Mila Earhart thing is that we do find it, and it's on North Sentinel Island. And the. The horrific things that happened, that they landed safely and then were eaten by. By the natives. I think that would be the ultimate.
Brady
She and her navigator.
John Holmberg
No, the navigator got away and changed his. Or he became one of the.
Brady
Fred Noonan.
John Holmberg
Yeah, Fred Noonan was the. He was. He becomes the tribal leader, and they all just. They slowly snack on Amelia for years. That's. And then that movie has to come out later and to just giggle the whole time, the whole audience, the whole time, that the savages are just devouring Amelia Earhart because we have her in such high regard. And really, all she did was crash a plane somewhere. No, on Earth. You're right, ladies. They want to put her on money. Your biggest hero wrecked she wrecked badly. So badly on like, can't find. Find her or wrecked so well. If it was such an important flight, you'd think that, like, Apple Air tagged her or something. You know, they lost track of her, and then she went away. She crashed. So my dream is that we do put her on the 20 and replace Andrew Jackson. And we put her on the 20 and then. Then we find the plane and realize that Savage is ate her and that's who's on our 20. We're like, damn it, we just printed all the. All those. She's still a hero. No, she's not. She wrecked on that and got eaten. Give us a collector's item. Those twenties would be collectible. Yeah. Oh, my God, it would be. And then we go right back to Andrew Jackson. Jacks act like that didn't happen. It's like putting Bill Cosby on money in the 80s. Yeah, we got to change that.
Brady
Got a couple of braiding videos before we get to Friday's extravagance.
John Holmberg
Oh, my God, that's Humpty Dumpty. How did you find.
Brady
No, it's not that.
John Holmberg
It's not real.
Brady
There's multiple pictures.
John Holmberg
There's a weird two foot in a egg Easter egg suit of. And it kind of looks like me and Ving Rhames may have had a child. I'm not sure what that is. That's gotta be.
Brady
There's three pictures of me.
John Holmberg
That's not a. And sit in front of Big Ben and Parliament looping.
Brady
See?
John Holmberg
Oh, geez, they plopped it.
Brady
Now check out the.
John Holmberg
Okay, that's real. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside, and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election result. To book a free consultation, call 855- GUN RIGHTS or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com it's John Holmberg here seeing. Clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Let the experts at the Schwartz Laser Eye center do that. Book your complimentary consultation with the gang at the Schwartz Laser Eye center and have Dr. Jay Schwartz talk to you about the best plan to make it so you don't need contact, contacts or glasses ever again. Great. Eyesight is something you should not procrastinate. Getting and all you have to do is go see the team at the Schwartz Laser Eye center today. Schwartz Laser Eye Center. The official eye center of your diamondbacks and sons. Why choose a sleep number Smart bed. Can I make my sight softer? Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting. It's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale, up to 50 off the limited edition smart bed plus free home delivery with the purchase of any smart bed ends Monday. All sleep number Smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleep number.com today. Holmberg's Morning sickness. People who adopt that don't turn it into Humpty Dumpty on vacation photos. That is AI 100. You've got a lot of forever real look. You can't go out this way. Our last memories of you can't be getting fooled by AI like this. That is nobody. That's a white family with a exotic. I don't even know what disease it has. Hairless egg baby. And they dressed it in turquoise and pink like an egg and put it on bridge side. I think he might be in his 50s. Yeah, he's got the world. Come on. He looks a little like Terrell Owens. He's in the hall of fame. But those white empathetic, loving people did not adopt this just for the laughs. And if they did, I want to know them. Let's get an egg baby and like parade it around London. Put it on. He's an adult. Judging by the last one, I think he might be the dad. And they're his kids. Nobody had sex with that thing. Oh, yeah. We've seen worse for Brett. Somebody has not. By the way. Not a powerful argument. Brady. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks. Kool Aid, man. Happy Sold it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I rest my case. I can't fight this kind of per. This guy's amazing.
Brady
All right, let's get to the next one.
John Holmberg
That was AI Say it out loud. That was AI no way. He won't admit it. No, they just not believing it either. You think it's real? Oh, yeah. 100%. Both of you have that Kool Aid defense of oh, yeah. All right, never mind. Brett, you're with me on this. Oh, yeah. He's got the same defense.
Brady
Wow, this is a soccer celebration. I think the guy wanted it out of the game early, but he makes a great header score.
John Holmberg
Header. Goal. He starts to celebrate.
Brady
Celebrate.
John Holmberg
Jumps over the fence, goes into the crowd, everybody. Oh, the goal. He jumps over to get in the crowd, but it's a giant ramp, and it's probably that Saudi Arabian stadium that they built for the World Cup. It's like a 20 foot drop. After he jumps over that, it's about a 15 foot.
Brady
I did see further down, he thinks.
John Holmberg
He'S going into the crowd.
Brady
It's like here they.
John Holmberg
They take that field out so that they can replace it higher up. Oh, so the field's on rails. Oh, I see it. Okay. I see that there. That's just. He still broke both legs. Yep. Oh, my goodness. But. Well, the best thing that ever happened in a soccer match, if you ask me. That was fun to watch. I never said that about a soccer game in my life.
Brady
From drunk people doing things.
John Holmberg
Nice kid smashing a beer can up against his head.
Brady
Concussion first.
John Holmberg
Oh, and then he falls in the. He falls in the bonfire. All right, well, at least he's wet. It's almost there. He stone colds himself a beer and then knocks himself out into a fire. It's almost there. Well, we have Stevo coming in a little bit. Even he wouldn't do that. Stupid, stupid thing, man. All right, Brett. Brett. Give it to us Friday, right? Here we go. We'll start off with a little bachelor party action. Looks like here. Whoa. We're on a stage. There's a stripper. She's thick. No, she's using a beer bottle. Oh, my God. She's taking a beer bottle and using it. Oh, my God. And it's caused a massive squirt situation. Oh, there's a girl on. There's a girl. It's a bachelor party. It's it. Dude. There's the bachelor. He's the floor. I didn't see him earlier. Does he get to play with that? No. Apparently he's performing and he's got his hand in her butthole. What kind of club is this? All right. That's what you think. I don't know.
Brady
I see it right there.
John Holmberg
Well, you see it right there now, but it was disappeared. She's using that beer bottle, and then that thing just starts start spraying like a broken rain bird. Oh, my God. I don't have that kind of water pressure in my shower. Yeah, I would. Your sprinkler head would fall off if you tried to cap that. It would get shot right in the air. Yeah, there's a. God. All right, well, that strip club is packed, too, by the way.
Brady
There's Like.
John Holmberg
Yeah, there's no one there. This bachelor party he threw for himself. There's a little injury on the job. There's a guy who's been cut in half at some sort of Indian construction site. I see his legs. Oh, my God. Couple pairs of jeans and no tops over there. What are they building? That's the worst thing I've ever seen. More tearing down. That's not a tear down. That's a. That's. They're building something. That's government housing in Thailand or something. Something. What a dump. If I live there. This is afraid to get cut. This is kind of a Brady type video. God. Oh, boy. Here's a Thai prostitute and a one legged man in an alley. Naked one legged man. Thai prostitute there.
Brady
You say it's Brady type?
John Holmberg
It is. This is handicapped people doing Brady's dream. This is right up here. This is like Mother Teresa's Calcutta house.
Brady
I might share that.
John Holmberg
All right. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what the. Okay, the prostitute thing is bending over in front of the one legged man. He just Delicks her bottom like they're in an alley and it's not a clean alley. That is not a good smell. Even in the video. Clean for there. He can't get wood. And I don't blame him. She's leaving and it's so sad.
Brady
Weak.
John Holmberg
They tried the dude filming it. It's not gonna work out. Just not attracted to her. Okay, next. There you go. Oh, it's a gangrenous wiener. Oh, it's some sort. And the maggots are crawling around in this necrotized penis.
Brady
Are they putting them in there to.
John Holmberg
Oh, my God. No, Brady, no. They're not trying to save that. I love your optimism, but no. And again, if your option is maggots, it's working. Yeah. Oh, my God. This penis is rotting away. And maggots living, though. Look at that crawling. They're coming out of there. Bicycle. Oh, it's his face too. It's all over his face as well. This dude let this infection get out of hand. Oh, man. Oh, man. Partying with Trip Reeb in New York. Oh, geez. Davey looks terrible. Do you think we all have it? All right, so the America's Got Talent judges sitting in front. Okay, there's a lady. We're in a gang bang. She's on a guy. Another guy's climbing up on top to get WNBA symbol. Okay, now we've got. Now we've got double penetration. And now a third Party has entered. To go between the two wieners. She's got three going at once, folks. This is a record. I've never seen this in my life. Life. One is a toy, and the other two are actual men. And then. Oh, we're going for a fourth. Oh, it's like a pack of hot dogs. This is amazing. And the music is the circus fun. KSLX would put balloons up all over if they could do this. Look at that. Four at one time. This lady is a hero. Oh. And then they show the aftermath. There's the after. Oh, God. Oh, my God. She's got a dad. She is a dad. Oh, and Kirby, whatever happened to that friend Caitlyn of yours? Hey, man, you don't want to know, man. There's no. She's out there. Got more. Yeah. There's no grand finale to this one. There's a bowl. A bowl and a boiling water. A boiling water in a bowl and a stick of some sort with a handle on it. Now we've got a man tied to a chair with his ass in the air, and there's some sort of oozing coming out. He's very well shorn. I'll say that. He's clean. Okay, we're taking the boiling water. He stuffed it right in his butt. He stuffed these steel thing that has been roasting and boiling water and put it right in this man's butt. Get it out of there. He's not wrong. This is the worst scene in Game of Thrones ever. Oh, it's not getting easier. It's.
Brady
Oh, my God.
John Holmberg
It's a steel rod.
Brady
Tickle. He's laughing.
John Holmberg
It's a steel rod that was in boiling water. It's still in there. They think he's dead. Yeah, they think he may have died. We'll just. We'll just finish with this in honor of Steve O. Coming in. Oh, my God. There genitals coming out of a. There's a hole in a piece of wood. It's pulling on the one side. Dretching. That's his urethra, isn't it? Yes, that's. He got two hooks in his urethra, and they're going two different directions. It's tug of war with your urethra. Now he's driving a screwdriver or some sort of Patrick starfish pin right through the center. Oh, he's hammering it. He's hammering it through the center of the stretched out pp. Left and right stretch and then. And it's hammered through. He's hammering it. It's not going through. It's. It's fighting back. I don't know why the little safety board suddenly we're interested in OSHA rules. Yeah, we're getting there. It's the same music Marv Albert used to use when he did football Follies. Oh, is it. Don't question.
Brady
Oh, God.
John Holmberg
Okay, he's nailing it through now. Okay, here comes the other side. Here comes the other side of the screwdriver. That was for no reason at all. That's a good. Whew. That's a tough batch, Brett. Good job. There's your Friday videos. The boiling hot steel rod in your butthole. Stevo's here, and he's an angel compared to what we do.
Brady
Be a new challenge.
John Holmberg
He ain't doing that.
Brady
Did hot sauce.
John Holmberg
Hot sauce in your butt is nothing. A boiling water steel post. Have you ever picked up a wrench that's been sitting in the sun?
Brady
I think. Yeah. That guy's dead.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, he's dead. If not, he should be. Yeah. And I don't want him coming to work the next day. Day. What you do this weekend, Ed? You don't want to know. No, tell me. How come you can't sit down? Why can't you sit down? Wife boiled up some water, and we had some fun. I. That's all you need to know. Stevo joins us in just moments. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98. Still streaming. Homur's Morning Sickness online@98kupd.com We burned. We burned the fun stuff. Steve O's here. We just had six, seven minutes of awesomeness, and then. Okay.
Steve-O
We were howling.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Now it's over. Well, thanks for coming. Stevo is at the tempe improv. Tempe improv.com if you want to go. The Crash and Burn tour is here. Here tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday, if you want to head on over there. It's good to see you back.
Steve-O
Yeah, man, it's great to see you guys.
John Holmberg
And more importantly, good to see you staying healthy and doing right.
Steve-O
Yeah, yeah.
John Holmberg
It's been a while. It's been. Did you ever think this comedy thing was gonna go as long as it has? No.
Steve-O
I mean, I don't know. I. I definitely, you know, cared about not wasting people's time.
John Holmberg
That's very thoughtful of you.
Steve-O
Yeah. And it's. It's been. It's been a pretty radical journey, man.
John Holmberg
Like, it's been, like 12 years. Years now.
Steve-O
15. 15 years of, like, grinding yeah. Stand up started out just me as me and a microphone. Whatever I might do on stage then. Remember when I was in here, I was all burned up.
John Holmberg
Yes.
Brady
Yeah.
Steve-O
That was because.
Brady
Would you call it the Flame Angel?
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
Fire Angel.
John Holmberg
Yes, that's right.
Steve-O
I had been putting together that hour and I was like, man, all these stories I'm telling happened on videos. So, like, oh, my God, this would be crazy.
John Holmberg
I'll.
Steve-O
I'll end. Edit footage into the.
John Holmberg
You know, into the show.
Steve-O
Well, not in. Like, into the. In post production.
John Holmberg
Right.
Steve-O
I added footage into the video, you know, so that it illustrated the stories. And I was like, this is the first multimedia stand up comedy special. This is epic. And it worked super well. So I started filming all this new stuff. And then when. When I got done with that hour, I put together the next hour. I was like, all right, I'm done living in the past and I want to bring footage on the road.
John Holmberg
The road? Yeah.
Steve-O
So then I put together the. The Bucket List show.
John Holmberg
Oh, God.
Steve-O
And that one, that was like. I really felt like I painted myself into a corner.
John Holmberg
The bar was way too high. Right.
Brady
Well, we. It was a couple years ago when we did that podcast. It was like.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady
Came up with the idea. You know what? I think I wanna. You said, I want to shoot some hot sauce. I want to inject myself.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah.
Steve-O
Well, yeah, that wasn't even for the. I put that on YouTube. Got me a little trouble.
John Holmberg
What are you gonna do? Take your trip chances?
Steve-O
Right. But. But yeah, now I've followed up the Bucket List with Steveo Crash and Burn.
John Holmberg
Yeah. And what's. What are we looking forward to with this? What do you know?
Steve-O
Like, when I was on my Bucket List, tr. I told everybody about, like, you know, me servicing myself on the way out of the airplane and.
John Holmberg
Yep. Skyjacking. Yeah, I remember that one.
Steve-O
The.
John Holmberg
Unfortunately, it's. I do remember every aspect of that one.
Steve-O
The general anesthesia while I was riding there. But I gave everything away, you know, like.
John Holmberg
Right.
Steve-O
And this one, I'm just gonna say that my body's not okay now.
John Holmberg
It isn't. You can't do this.
Steve-O
You're all like, well, no, no, no. Like it. I. After this, I've broken myself filming for this.
John Holmberg
Really. So whatever's gonna happen is you giving all. You. You're like, jesus, you gave it all to us so we didn't have to do these things.
Steve-O
Yeah. I'm so stoked on this really show. I had Knoxville in LA attend my last show.
John Holmberg
Oh, man. Man.
Steve-O
And I Just filmed the. The grand opening sequence for it.
John Holmberg
Really?
Steve-O
Yeah.
John Holmberg
So are you. The special on Netflix. What are you gonna. Like, where's that?
Steve-O
I mean, like, who knows? It's wildly explicit. I go out of my way to make sure that I'm doing stuff that's illegal because that. That's how I'm able to say that, you know, I wouldn't be able to do it for Jackass. Jackass. You can't, like, actually break the law. And it's just like, with me, it's like, how wildly inappropriate can I get?
John Holmberg
There wasn't. There were moments of law breaking in. Jackass. I don't think you can fall. I don't think it was like, I think it's battery to shave someone's head against their will.
Steve-O
Okay. There might have been.
John Holmberg
I think that you got your friends to agree to it, but there's definitely illegalities.
Steve-O
Yeah, I don't know, because I remember. I remember when I lined up the. The epidural race. Yeah, the epidural. We can't do that for Jackass. And I was like, all right, I offered it to you.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
You know, I got the epidural guy.
John Holmberg
There's a dude who's willing to do it. Like, where do you find. That's what I was. Like, the general anesthesia, like, bike ride.
Steve-O
You know what?
John Holmberg
It was like, Michael Jackson's doctor is in the. In jail. You can't. Where do you find him? Another one.
Steve-O
I believe that I've had a, like, a 100% success rate whenever I've gone on my social media asking for my fans to provide something.
John Holmberg
General anesthesia is one question away for you.
Steve-O
Right. I said. I went on my. My Instagram story and I said, I need a medical professional, preferably. Yeah, they just said an anesthesiologist for. For. For a silly idea that I've got, like, contact my guy and we.
John Holmberg
And they call risking their entire. Everything.
Steve-O
Big time.
John Holmberg
Yeah, big time. I mean, they probably say no names, nothing. Obviously. They can't be exposed.
Steve-O
Guys. The whole time. Like. Like, I didn't even let my own crew know who it is.
John Holmberg
So it's almost like you've got like a. A hood over their heads.
Steve-O
Yeah, well, one was dressed up as a clown.
John Holmberg
Okay.
Steve-O
Yeah, there was. Well, the epidural guy was dressed up as a clown. And the general anesthesia.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
Guy was. Was in a. A hazmat suit.
John Holmberg
Oh, okay. Protecting their identity.
Steve-O
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And then you do the general anesthesia and you're riding a bike. Your bike.
Steve-O
Yeah, the General anesthesia was.
John Holmberg
That is hilarious.
Steve-O
Yeah, I mean, it was. It was tough because you don't want to get intubated. Like, general anesthesia will make you stop breathing.
John Holmberg
Yeah. So somebody's got to keep an eye on it the whole time. That's. That's an anesthesiologist job.
Steve-O
I do sketchy stuff.
John Holmberg
That was really. That was really. You've heard this before. That was really dumb.
Steve-O
Yeah, I love it.
Brady
That's the goal.
Steve-O
And I've got a. A very, very worthy follow up. I'm super, super proud.
John Holmberg
Okay, is there anything you can tell us that. Like one thing, like, what did you put at risk here that you've never put at risk before? Body part anything?
Steve-O
I mean, I just, like there are the moments that were. Death was on the table.
John Holmberg
No kidding.
Steve-O
You know, like, fully possible. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Skirting death. And it's. It's available there at the Tempe Improv this weekend, along with just some fun jokes and stories in between you almost dying.
Steve-O
Well, yeah, I mean, it's like the, the video assets, there's like 40 of them. This one's just rapid fire. And so, like, it's actually like the, the, the set. The act is illustrated, punctuated. Like all the payoffs, like, all tied in.
John Holmberg
I can't see. This is going to be great. And then so you get. Do you have. You don't have kids?
Steve-O
I do not. The last show I had the vasectomy Olympics.
John Holmberg
Okay, go on. Was that one.
Steve-O
That was when I got the vasectomy on camera and immediately went bareback. Horseback, right? Oh, yeah, yeah.
John Holmberg
Do you have. Have a long. Because here, look. I have a theory that the bigger your elbow skin is, the more scrotum skin you have because it's the exact same stuff. So you pull. It's called your Venus. If you have. Pull it down. If you've got. If you don't have a lot of that, you have a high and tight sack. Because I'm down in the water. Look at this. Like, I am deep, so I've got a ton of it. So my vasectomy didn't hurt at all.
Steve-O
I don't know that that's gonna be a thing. Like the getting a vasectomy. It's just the same as going to the dentist. Dentist, where like, they're like, you're gonna feel a little prick right here. But then after that, they've successfully numbed it.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
So you don't feel any of the right crazy stuff. They, they. For me, they did the little local injection made My nutsack completely numb. And then I couldn't feel anything.
John Holmberg
And so right after you just hopped on, it was nothing.
Steve-O
Well, yeah, but it'll cause some bruising. Horse to the kids party.
John Holmberg
Oh, you forgot to mention that part.
Steve-O
Where I was dressed up like a pinata with little kids whacking me in.
John Holmberg
The n.
Steve-O
And we pushed that pretty hard. Yeah, like, we pushed that.
John Holmberg
So it wouldn't have mattered had you. The vasectomy was like, nothing compared to the rest of it.
Steve-O
Right, right, right. Yeah. I didn't stop until I was working with, like, what looked like an actual plum.
John Holmberg
Do you think you could have actually had kids with what you've done to those things?
Steve-O
Anyway, I knew that question was coming, so. So I was mindful before the vasectomy, me to do the sperm count, the test, and you. I learned that the Average man has 20 to 30 million sperm per milliliter.
John Holmberg
Is that real?
Steve-O
And I clocked in, I believe, at 51.
John Holmberg
Not. Oh, you were potent.
Steve-O
Yeah. Which means my pull out game was on strong.
Brady
You were lucky.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
I just couldn't have gotten a vasectomy and then, like, not been able to answer that question. That question needed an answer.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Because I figured with all the damage you've done, that maybe the swimmers were.
Steve-O
It was. You know, I would say, if not top three.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
I'd say top five.
John Holmberg
51 million. That's pretty good.
Steve-O
Yeah. Now, with that said, they were swimming kind of sideways.
John Holmberg
No, they weren't. They weren't. Yeah. They weren't making road scholars. Yeah.
Steve-O
They weren't, like, very athletic.
John Holmberg
It was chaos, actually. You could see wheelchairs. There were wheelchairs in the microphone. Yeah, yeah. It was a mosh pit of sperm. There's a lot of. A lot of little Stephen Hawkins coming out of the urethra. Yeah. Well, I would have liked to have seen the videos of that too, because that's amazing. 51 million. I don't even know what my count was, but it was strong. And then the first time you have to go back and throw down in a cup and bring it back again.
Steve-O
You go back three months later, and I was pleasantly. I was delighted to see not a. Not a. Not a corpse on the battlefield.
John Holmberg
Yeah, they'd cleaned up nicely. I went back. Where did you have to take your. Your cup after they make you? Because ours is in a safe way.
Steve-O
It was all in house.
John Holmberg
Oh, no. Oh, so you had to go back to. Mine was at a. There's a lab inside the grocery store. I didn't even know about So I had to walk it. I think this has to be illegal, but I had to walk in with a cup of my own sperm. That doesn't sound into the Safeway. And in the middle, this little room I've never noticed before, and you walk in and there's like a clinic. And I'm like, I think this is yours. And I'm like, cool, we'll call you.
Steve-O
Yeah, that doesn't.
John Holmberg
What the. And I walk out and buy some coke and bread and a movie. Leaving. It was weird.
Steve-O
What was in your actual room?
John Holmberg
What do you mean?
Steve-O
Like, you went in library of DVDs.
John Holmberg
No, no, no. That wasn't for. I didn't have to beat it in there. I had to do it at home. Put it in a cup and walk. It's worse. Try walking in a Safeway with a cup of your own.
Steve-O
Yeah, I walked into this creepy little room with, like a whole row of DVDs.
John Holmberg
They made you do it right there.
Steve-O
Made me? What do you mean?
John Holmberg
That's right. You're right. That's a poor choice of words.
Steve-O
And. And it was. It was a great environment. Environment. Because one of my buddies and I, we had a race. I smoked him.
John Holmberg
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Steve-O
We save.
John Holmberg
That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com. liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings vary underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates, excludes Massachusetts. Mr. Gecko, you're a huge inspiration to us all, but who was your muse? My dear old nan, she would tell me, always remember to be true to.
Brady
Yourself and to use that fast and.
John Holmberg
Friendly claim support on the guy who. I follow her advice to this day. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico Holmberg's morning sickness. A whack room.
Steve-O
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Inside of a clinic. Yeah.
Steve-O
I remember, like, who's cleaning that super crazy thing from, like, 2006, I think we were filming the second Jackass movie. We were in Florida and walking out of a Chili's, like, the whole cast into our white cargo van. This kid. Kid comes running up.
John Holmberg
I got you guys.
Steve-O
He says to Knoxville, he says, you never know, like, when, like, you might have, like, a great opportunity. I just go and run and grab this. And he had his. His black and white, eight by ten acting headshot.
John Holmberg
Okay.
Steve-O
You just never know what's gonna happen. Like, just, you know, like, one against you, just in case. And. And I just said, start cracking up, Knoxville, like, let me get that headshot. And that.
John Holmberg
Our.
Steve-O
Our white van pulls up to our hotel. And as we get out, I go. Someone, like, start time made sure that they started timing me. And I go running into the hotel right around the corner of the first, like, hallway, and I just started beating. Yeah, I just. Yeah, I beat myself up and. And. And all over.
John Holmberg
The headshot.
Steve-O
The headshot. And then I, like, came running, running back into the lobby and, like, smashed it onto the window and, like, like, wiped it all around so, like, it was stuck to the window. And we were filming for the movie for, like, I don't know if it was, like, 10 days. It was a solid week that that kid's face was stuck to the window, you know, and it's like, he said, you never know.
John Holmberg
You never know.
Steve-O
You know, he got a lot of.
John Holmberg
Exposure you can't get. And that's Timothee Chalamet, by the way. That is actually an amazing success story.
Steve-O
I did that in under two minutes.
John Holmberg
That's. Well, that. I'm totally. What raised you?
Steve-O
I don't know.
John Holmberg
You don't know Your parents were. They, like, give me that headshot. Yeah. What exactly? Cause my brain doesn't work right. But it's nowhere near what's going on with you. Like, what raised you? What kind of childhood did Steve O. Have?
Steve-O
Yeah, I'm really proud of that.
John Holmberg
Good answer. In that one childhood. Do you remember it, your childhood, or did you fall out of way too many things.
Steve-O
I, I, I remember childhood pretty well.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Was it normal? No. No, it couldn't, I was, I don't know. I don't know that about you.
Steve-O
I was messed up, like, and it didn't work for me when I was a kid. It didn't.
John Holmberg
Being a child.
Steve-O
Well, it just like the way that I carried on.
John Holmberg
Oh. Oh, I see.
Steve-O
There was a, a report called card that I saw as an adult, which my sister kept all my records and stuff. And I was looking through these Report cards. My 6th grade homeroom teacher wrote that. She said Steve desperately seeks the approval and praise of his peers. But what he does, like, you know, the way he goes about it, brings about the opposite result. You know, like, I was, I tried too hard.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah, you gave too much of yourself.
Steve-O
Yeah, I tried too hard. Like, I'll give you an example. Fifth grade, I'm 10 years old. It's, it's about time for Spanish class. And I noticed that like, you know, one of my, if not my very last baby tooth is showing signs of. It's, it's done, it's, it's gonna come on out. But not wobbly yet. Oh, I feel like this one, this one, you know, showing it's early signs. And I knew that ripping out the tooth prematurely meant, like a lot of blood.
John Holmberg
Yep.
Steve-O
So I walk into my, my Spanish class and, and I should today, I'm gonna sit next to the pretty girl in class, you know, which I wouldn't have done otherwise. And as I sit down in my chair, I tell, tell her I don't have to be in class today. I can leave whenever I want. And she's like, okay, creepy, you know, like we're weird. And as the class begins, I just violently rip out this tooth. Oh, the blood's flowing like.
John Holmberg
You're a psychopath.
Steve-O
Yeah, the blood's flowing like crazy. I, I raise my hand and you know the teacher, I say, you know, the, I open my mouth to the teacher, she sees all the blood. I'm like, can I go to the infirmary? And the teacher's like, yeah, go, go. So I've got my mouth full of blood and I stand up, I turn to the girl, I say, told you so? And then I just go parading around, like, waltzing through the aisles, like, enjoying my freedom in the school, gushing blood. Yeah, that's not cool.
John Holmberg
No, that was not, it's not getting the girl. The girl's not gonna like that.
Steve-O
That's, Yeah.
John Holmberg
I mean, every guy. And then you find out who the other weirdos are in class. You're like, oh, right, Steve. Nice job. Like that dud nobody.
Brady
It'd be amazing to run into her.
John Holmberg
She tells the story when she first saw Jackass and went, oh, my God, I know. That's that serial killer I sat next to in fifth grade that ripped his face apart. To get out of class. I sat in class with a big fat kid named Chris. And he looks at me one time, my friend Mark Olson's in front of me and I'm behind him and he goes, anytime you want, I can fart. And so of course you're like, this is hilarious. And it was those desk that fat people didn't fit in, but they still made kids slide in. And he gets in there and so Olson goes, all right, hit me, Gilbert. Knock it down. And he just seems to start pushing. And then you see right up his back, just rooster tails a shot right up his back. Just crap. Just poop. Pure poop. Just diarrhea.
Brady
Like a jet boat.
John Holmberg
Dude doesn't zero reaction, Picks the desk up because it's kind of stuck to his fat belly and walks out of the room it down comes back like two hours later with new new clothes.
Steve-O
Two hours later, yeah.
John Holmberg
Cool. Because the school had still going on. And he goes, I myself more like, we know, we saw the whole thing. I laughed for like eight hours. But that was not impressive to us. Like, Chris thought it was going to be same as we did not make everybody go, we're going to be good friends with Chris.
Steve-O
I mean, dude, in third grade, I was like, my, my, my. Oh my God. Dude. For the third grade was like, whatever. I remember, like being in a little bit of trouble because like I gathered all the kids around in the cafeteria, like, check this out. Like, this is going to be awesome. And like just opening up. Like I opened up a salt shaker and just like poured it. Just consumed like, like, like super dangerous amounts of sodium. I just, I was like, watch me just.
John Holmberg
You ate it.
Steve-O
Yeah, it's eating salt. And like that.
John Holmberg
That got a burn your entire mouth out.
Brady
That brought the house down, right?
John Holmberg
But then I hope he asks me to dance.
Steve-O
Okay, then in fourth grade, Jesus.
John Holmberg
It never ended, right?
Steve-O
In fourth grade, my family, like, I was in Florida for third grade. We moved to England. Fourth grade, I went to the super privileged the American school in London. I'm a new kid. Like halfway through fourth grade, my parents were trying to find a house for us to move into. And we were living in an apartment building temporarily. And in the Basement of that apartment building, there was this creepy handy man, right? And he hung out there, like, smoking with this, this creepy, this creepy girl. And I was just like, down hanging out with them. I'm in. I'm nine years old, in fourth grade, and they would. They send me up to my apartment with like VHS tapes of like, just like, like, like, you know, horror movies. Like, first she was like the changeling. Like, Omen, you know, like real horror movies. Yeah.
John Holmberg
R rated, nothing crazy.
Steve-O
But then. Oh, no, then they sent me up with the. This, this movie which had been like, notably banned. It was called I spit on your grave.
John Holmberg
I remember this.
Steve-O
Yeah. I don't even think you can describe this movie on the radio, like, if you Google it, because I did like, not long, not long ago, like, of the 90 minutes, 30 minutes are devoted to gang.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
R Word.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Not. Yeah. Right, right, right.
Steve-O
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what it is or red skin.
John Holmberg
I guess that's the other one.
Steve-O
The whole plot of the movie is that this, this, this woman is. Is ganged up on.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
In the like the worst of essay ways.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
And, and, and, and that's like 30 minutes in the movie. But then the rest of the movie is her. One by one, one actually murdering.
John Holmberg
Eliminating. Yeah.
Steve-O
Eliminating them in the worst of ways.
John Holmberg
Horrible.
Steve-O
So I watched this movie and then I come into school, ninth grade. I'm the new kid in fourth grade and I've got show and tell.
John Holmberg
You brought the movie?
Steve-O
I didn't bring the movie. But. But I told you reviewed it. Yeah. And I'm like. And I'm like this, you know, and she, she cuts this guy's thing off and, and puts it in the sink and like the whole thing, like. Yeah.
John Holmberg
How did you tell the other third graders about the gang rape?
Steve-O
Yeah, Well, I told like, it was fourth graders.
John Holmberg
Oh, sorry.
Steve-O
Oh, wow, there's.
John Holmberg
Oh, there it is. Yeah.
Steve-O
Yeah. I watched it like, as an adult and it messed me up way bad.
John Holmberg
Like, wave, I spit on your grave is no joke. Yeah. This is the scene. And the, and the hooting and hollering is what I remember too, is they all get fired up like, like woodsmen, animals, and they chase her down and get her.
Steve-O
And, and in my show and tell, I was like, oh, there's this, this. This handyman. He lives in the button. I hang out with him and he gives me movies. And like, my, My parents got a call from that day, from the first day in.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Steve-O
The handyman wasn't there anymore.
John Holmberg
Man.
Steve-O
I. I don't know if that Like, I think I was already messed up at that point.
John Holmberg
See, if I had a time machine, people think you go back and you'd kill Hitler or something like that. I go just hang out with you and the handyman to see how did this happen? Knowing what I know, Steve O's at the Tempe Improv tonight, tomorrow, and then and Sunday also. Tempimprov.com. you can go there, grab your tickets, leave us with words of wisdom. You've always done it.
Steve-O
I have? I. Yeah. Okay.
John Holmberg
Something good. Change the world. You're president. What do you move first?
Steve-O
I just think, man, like, the world is crumbling around us, man. It feels like the house of cards is finally coming down.
John Holmberg
You feel a little responsible for. For that?
Steve-O
No.
John Holmberg
Okay.
Steve-O
If it wasn't, like, just the unsustainable debt, like, now it's AI like. I mean, I just really feel like things are coming to a head. And I. I've, like, devoted my life not to solving problems. Yeah, but distracting people.
John Holmberg
Perfect. Distract people from real problems.
Steve-O
The title that I gave myself, I'm very proud of it. I'm a professional distraction therapist. And if you give work show at the 10pm Improv, I guarantee you, you're not worried about anything. Anything.
John Holmberg
You're gonna look at your kids and go, thank God.
Steve-O
You're gonna come and see my problems.
John Holmberg
Yeah. There it is.
Brady
How's this guy still alive?
John Holmberg
Distraction therapy live tonight at the 10pm Province.
Steve-O
Always good to see you tomorrow and Sunday.
John Holmberg
Yeah, all weekend long. You can distract us all weekend while we're here. Thank you for coming.
Steve-O
I love you guys so much. I always tell you, you're, like, top three favorite.
John Holmberg
Oh, thank you. Not even top. Can you just give us one?
Steve-O
I gotta give it to my counter because o. I just love my counselors so much.
John Holmberg
All right, we'll be back.
Steve-O
And Grinder tattoos.
John Holmberg
That's hot.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
It'S sad that I know that. I do. Oh, man. We used to do. We used to try to find them at the Aria pool in the cabanas and stuff. And we're like, 12ft. And we did, like, you know, scavenger hunts for. To find the Grinder guys. Yeah. We'd. Like, one guy would go this way. You'd have to go this way and hope to find a dude on Grindr and, like, get close to him to where was. It was like, you're on them, and they're always just sitting in the cabana. No, no, we blew them. I mean, we finished the job. I'm not. I'm not a tease, Steo. Please give me a little respect.
Brady
It's I spit on your grave.
John Holmberg
Exactly. Yeah. That's how we told each other. Steve O. Thank you. Always a pleasure. Thank you.
Steve-O
Man.
John Holmberg
98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness online@98kupd.com we're about to start the circus. Stevo was just here. Frank Caliendo rolls in, he's promoting his own shows. And look who comes back. Day two. Second day in a row, the Sklar Brothers have decided to roll right back in. That's right. What's up? I want to explain something to you though, John. I didn't come to promote my shows next week at the Desert Ridge Improv. Oh, yeah. I came to promote the Sklar Brothers this weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv. Beautiful room. A lot of people don't know I'm a triplet. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. You should be so lucky. Yeah, I like that you're the one that Frank could do a great Jason impression. He can do a good me, but he can't do good. It falls off. I just told him while we're off the air, I one your mouth is moving. I'm looking at the other one and it's throwing me off. It's Jeff Dunham. It's basically think of which one of us is Peanut. We're both Peanut. Get your hand off my Peanut. What the hell? It's a beautiful thing. Wait, are you doing Peanut? I'm doing Walter. I'm doing Dennis Rodman. Come on, man. Come on, man. Listen, Dennis, we have the entertainment drill with Brady here. Say hi to Brady, everybody. Whatever. Trying to ring me. Exactly. Here I'll say hi to his second kidney. That's right. Say hi to the the one that's going to stick around. Lefty. Old Lefty. Six feet from the edge and he's sinking his creed knee. As we keep is time for the entertainment drill brought to you by our friends@reactdefense.com the home of tactical black self defense training. Getting out there, get in great shape. And Brady, you should start doing that too. It's better Health. Health is a good thing. Be healthy, be smart and learn how to defend yourself. In case that pickle heads your direction. They teach you everything you need to know. Gun defense, knives, all that other stuff. Plus you get in great shape. Learn a little bit about yourself. More confidence. That's what you walk away with. It is reactdefense.com the home of tactical Black Brady. Entertain us with your friends.
Brady
Earlier this week, Elf Cosmetics launched a new campaign with comedian Matt Rife.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. It's all crowd work. They ask people how they feel. How do you feel? What type of blush do you like? He did.
Brady
He did a commercial with the drag queen Heidi and closet.
John Holmberg
Oh, there you go.
Brady
It backfired because he people immediately the way the campaign is on the cosmetics. He did a joke in his special natural selection about domestic violence.
John Holmberg
Oh.
Brady
So now the ladies.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah. Because comedians are this guy and very serious. Good thing they researched that before. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Got to make sure that you're not brand liability when you hire a comedian. Comedian with Heidi. Heidi and closet as the two. Yeah. Because that's the stuff you need to sell your products.
Brady
Frank's got a huge store.
John Holmberg
All right, go ahead, Frank. What? Oh, this is my head. I didn't know I was handed this. Oh, big deal here, guys. Let's freshen the explorer's 25. And she was originally gonna be what? Anybody know? Anybody?
Brady
Explorer.
John Holmberg
She's 25. 25 years. Sweet. It's been legal for seven years. What I've been doing. Change the haircut. Hello. Okay. She was going to be. This will be. Attract you even more. She was going to be a bunny. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Her career has taken a turn. Yeah. Let's be honest. Oh, she has to sell. She has to sell sex now. Because it's in the backpack. What's she exploring today? I started a WNBA game. That's not in this.
Steve-O
That's not on the paper. I'm sorry.
John Holmberg
Door. The experimenter. I hadn't even read this. So similar to how you do it. Yeah. It's perfect for Brady. Debuted of August 2000. There's something you may not have known the original. That's the topic that I just told you. Here's something that make. That may come as a surprise. Dora. What? What? What is this? This is the same thing. It's. Reese says the same thing. But you may be. Oh, and. And she's a transgender. That's. A lot of people didn't know. They did not know that she's hiding out of the closet. And that rife is in the backpack. Hang on.
Brady
With Elf Cosmetics.
John Holmberg
That's right. I got one for you. Go ahead. Vans named SZA as their new artistic director because. Yes. Who reps skateboarding more than sza? She'll help create new collections and says, quote, my mission is to show that joy, community, creativity, and fashion are all still intersectional. Yes, but here's my question for you. My son skateboarded and, and you know, I want to know. Are you talking directly to SZA right now? Sza, do you have a direct line to sza? Sza, if you're listening. And I knew you're a big fan of this show. She's a huge fan. Please, he's emailing in right now. Design the vans, but also see if you can get rid of the guy who's trying to sell weed to my kid at every skate park. Can you do that? Can you get rid of that guy? Can you do that? That guy's everywhere. My kid's 12. I want to say the Dora the Explorer, like she had. Like there is. Is, you know, there's dog years and then there's dory years. So she's 25, but you got. I think you got to multiply times three. You think she's 75. She's got the body, you know, like the insides of a 75y old. What does that mean? I don't know. I would have stopped earlier. God, him 75 year old guts. Yeah. You're not going to be doing any AARP ads in the future. This is the rife of the.
Brady
Maybe the other character. Swiper is not Wiper.
John Holmberg
Yes. I want to see inside Dora the Explorer. I'm going to gut her like a two pack. Liam Neeson. Is that Liam Neeson? We have Liam Neeson. I'm going to cut you open like a two pound trout. Now, Adora, I got a very special set of skills. I know exactly who you are. I know exactly what I want and I know what's in the backpack and it's mine now. Your backpack has been taken. I'm taking it back. I would like to watch Liam Neeson like in a Roger Rabbit movie. Just got sort of the explorer roles now.
Brady
Now. So he might.
John Holmberg
He is doing more. Never know. Never know. They opened her up to see what she's been eating like j. A license plate in a boot. Dora, do you like movies with gladiators? Oh, Dora. Oh, come on. Poor Dora. I've never seen a GR doesn't deserve this. He's a quarter century old. Hang around a gymnasium. It's blossoming into womanhood. And here we are treating our. Let her explore. Let her explore. Let her explore. Did you know that Dora and Explorer don't rhyme? Not even close. Where's. That's a hard R. That's a hard R. You don't like to use a while back. It's a Hard R on rife too. Hard R. All right. The Sklar Brothers here. The Guadalupe Squares are upon us. And it's a very special version. Version. Frank had come up with an idea here. You guys will be part of this. Okay, sure. But we think there's a theme we've developed here that may or may not win, but we'll try anyway. The Guadalupe Squares are coming up. We need a girl, we need a guy. Call us up 585-9800 and we'll play him next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.
Brady
98.
John Holmberg
Still streaming morning sickness online at 98kupd.com sorry again, bad at my job. Let's get this thing going. Everybody's in their positions. We've got stuff to do. I don't know if this is going to work or not. Frank Calando is going to be at the Desert Ridge Improv next week. That doesn't matter yet. But you can still get your tickets@desertridgeimprov.com while you're getting the Sklar Brothers tickets for tonight and tomorrow. There we go. That's how we do it. Even better. Great comedy. Two weeks in a row. Look at this room. I love this room. This is your headliners tonight. Chalk full of headlining comedians and Brady and Brady and Thriller. It's an amazing space right now. I'm very happy to do. In three weeks there'll be 1, 2, 3, 4. There'll be nine kidneys here. That's right. Yeah. We're like deaf leopard of kidneys. What is the sound? What is the sound of one kidney clapping? We could be death leopard with one arm tie behind our backs. Come on. God, I'm really looking forward to this. Because Thriller has had so many drop everything moments during the while we're off mic said three jokes that nobody knew what he was even talking about. Why he got. Jim Rome was divorced a second ago. We don't know what kind of phenomenon that was. The third thing he did. Kind of weird fever dream he's got. I hope Jim Rome gets divorced someday because if he's available, I'm going there to kids. What?
Steve-O
No, he's trying to fix it after the fact.
John Holmberg
There is a guy in the parking lot limping him around with some sort of looks like a bouquet of roses and a shotgun and he is asking where my wife is and says he.
Brady
Wants to phone home.
John Holmberg
What is up with that? Dave in San Diego. Dave in San Diego. What do you think of my impending doom? It's out in the parking lot. It calls itself Corey Mike at H Town. All right, let's get this done. It's your Guadalupe Squares with Caliento and the Sklar brothers and a whole bunch of surprises. Here's your host of said squares, Mr. Thriller wall. Stellar. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin. Top left square. We have Randy and J. Sklar joining us starting off. Hey, it's good to be here. It's good to be here. Great to be here. The weather's nice. Last night it rained, but it was a dry rain. Very dry rain. I'll take it. Well done. Thank you. Very straightforward. Over now, the top middle square, we have John Sklar Riley. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Did we just become Sklar brothers? I'm pretty sure we just became Sklar brothers. That's pretty awesome. What just happened? She brul. She's awesome. We could do this like Bill. Let's go in the garage and be Sklar brothers there. I think that's really started to turn into Rome again. I know. Phenomenal divorce. Then we could become identical. Right? Now we're fraternal. We'll get to identical. And hey, last night there was rain, but it was a dry rain. We didn't hear that one before. John. Jason C. Reilly. That was fantastic. Did you touch my joke set? I'm sorry, I did not touch your joke set. I did not. Sorry about that. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, now we go to the top right square. We have Randy and Jason Trump joining us, joining us. Exactly right. That's great. It's a great square of Trump. Trump is always good. We've added in the comedy aspect. There's a lot of great squares. There's a good squares on all sides. There's great squares. Both squares, both sides, both sides. Very quality square. I was thinking, I had it as a great idea. I had a great idea. I woke up and I said, let's make it the Guadalupe circles. Let's do a circle. Great idea. We made it the Guadalupe circles, and then we. We deported it ever. You know what? That's not a bad idea, too, to deport Dora the explorer and let her explore Alligator Alcatraz. I think that's a good idea. Have a rich nice in that back. Dora, Dora, Dora. These squares are so great. I think they should be on the White House lawn July 4th of next year. Tremendous idea. Very good. And Melania, she's going to sue people now. You've saw that.
Brady
Is she going to fight on the 250?
John Holmberg
We're going to have her fighting. She's going to fight. We're going to get a Mexican, and we're going to get her in the octagon, and we're going to Melania, and the loser has to go home. The Guadalupe Octagon. I love what you said. That's what it is. My favorite square. Octagon. The number one quadrilateral. Double quadrilateral. So many angles. So many angles. See Sleepy Joe trying to figure out what a quadrilateral. I think he thinks he takes those to quad laterals, folks. Come on. What are we doing? The guy, Sleepy Joe. Hey, come on. He's wandered into the square. We don't even know why. You know what else is a square? Why? Hunter's laptop. Come on. Like a square. Rectangular. Why you got to do that? I got to talk about over now to the minimalist. We have the Neesons joining us. That's right. Randy and Jason Neesom have a very specific set of squares skills that make it a nightmare for the rest of you. For the circles, like, here's the problem. Yeah. See, Randy and Jason, we have a bonus. That's who we are with a kneeclaw. We've had this act for over 30 years, maybe 40. Remember our show on ESPN? 3 or 4 or whatever it was at the time? The OO the even cheaper seats. Even cheaper seats. That's right. The cheapest seats. That's right. The bleachers. Cheap. But we were in Twinsburg, Ohio, and we saw you guys doing some material. We noticed that it was very similar to ours. And at that moment, we knew we had to take. Our material. Had been taken. Had been taken. Don't dump us on the jokes. They've done it again. Make the pauses for too long. Well, we learned them from Jim Rome. Yeah. Who by the way, here's getting a divorce. Phenomenal.
Brady
Is that true?
John Holmberg
Nominal arugula over now to the middle square. We have Brady's kidneys. Not so good, man. Hey, Lefty. I gotta get out of here, brother. I got the way the world on my back here. They're a Yank, but you got to do it by yourself. I can't go on, Lisa. Lefty. Kidney room is a kidney.
Steve-O
I gotta get out of here.
John Holmberg
My pee is burning. Hot take. I gotta go. He is burning. Chase stew. Chase stew. Get this thing out of here. If you squeeze me, barbecue sauce comes out. I am a disaster. Hot sauce. I still miss the Brady hot sauce. Well, that's where it comes from. It comes from your kidneys. Your Kidney produces all the hot sauce for the Brady hot sauce. That's why I'm dying man. I've been over yet not produced any.
Brady
In a long time.
John Holmberg
Squeezing me like a hunts catcher packet and I am dry baby. Call her Simone. She's full of b over now the middle right you have Kristoff waltz and Jason joining us here. I, I, I have is I have to tell you I'm a huge. Who is your huge NBA fan? You are a huge fan of Chris Staps poor singers. Why are you such a fan the unic. Because he can. I love everything he tells does. He is unguardable. He is. You try to guard him. You cannot guard him at all. He is a triple threat. You're gonna put a center on him. You take him out. You cannot threat to women everywhere as well. And you know because you are a Nazi. I understand. You cannot hide. You cannot hide from Kristaps poor singers. He will be in the floorboards and he will understand who you are. The breakdown of the NBA from the waltz brothers. Tremendous. And I love the material. I love the waltzes. I love the waltz. Didn't we at one point do the Kristoff waltz brothers? The lamb. The lamb. Take him. I remember it well. It's my favorite band movie. The last waltz over. Now we have the bottom left square. Brady secret square. Give us a hint. Yeah.
Brady
Hi guys. It's great to be here. I just want to lead off. I'm dead. I'm dead. First of all, I died 999.
John Holmberg
Oh, that was.
Brady
It was in Waco, Texas. I, I was the leader of the branch division.
John Holmberg
It's great to be here. It's a great impression. David Koresh. Oh, don't guess it yet. You know what? I'm going to burn you. Why would you even. I don't know how this game works. Need to come up with another. No, no, they'll still get it wrong, still miss it. There's a chance. Never underestimate. You got to tell me the rules here. No, it's fine. Go with the flow. Whatever it up over now to the abominable square. Jason and Randy Freeman. Well, people thought maybe we could have a square of Freeman's but we decided to have the square Freemans. It was the way it had to be. We had climbed through 500 yards of the fifth year slop. I can't even imagine. Just to be together again. Come out smelling like a sklar brother. Let's just stop there. Normally there's music behind us, but there's no Room for any more people in here? The wrong music. It doesn't quite have this normal feel. Circus music Behind Morgan Freeman is touching the Lion King. Andy Dufresne. Tiny Andy Dufresne. Just a mini version of Andy Dufresne. Over now to the bottom right square. Our Lord and savior, Tripp Reeb. How you doing, sir? I'm fine, thank you. You met me yesterday. I am the manager of this facility. Sure. Yeah. And in the 70s, I worked in New York City in radio. Yeah, how was that? A lot of gonorrhea. Oh, My name is Trip, but they called me Drip. Re back in the 70s. Okay, there you go. Yeah. On with it. Really? All right, let's go on over to our contestants. This time we had Shelby and Corey joining us. Oh, Shelby, are you there? I'm here. All right, Corey. Hi, Shelby. Corey, are you there? Yes. Yes, I have. All right. Not you, dopey. Shelby, pick a square. You're a girl. I will pick the top. Middle, please. All right, C. Riley. This guy's Claus, though. No, that wouldn't make sense. That would work at all. It wouldn't. Not at all. No, it didn't. We should go do something else together. This is dumb. I think. No, I love it. I think we're doing right now is really good. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we'll go with that. I got a question for you guys here. What happened to your leg? Long story. We don't have time for that. I want to do a potato sack race with Thriller. It's a normal. Just drag him around. He's starring his own movie. Misstep brothers. Yes. Yes. That's a good one. That's half crushing it over there. Who'd you rather be right now? John Squ R. Why do you keep turning in the gym? Just think. Just starts happening. I don't know why you point it out. Phenomenal. Anyway, would you rather be. Because I want to be best brothers. You're ruining it for me. I'm not ruining it. I'm the same as you. Yeah. Okay, listen. Okay. Phenomenal. Quit it. It's not phenomenal. I'm doing another thing. Who would you rather be? Oh, bottom looks great. Work. Would you rather be Cory or Brady right now? Wow, that's a pretty difficult decision I'd have to make there. Consider age. Consider age. Oh, yeah. Okay, then. Brady over quicker. I want it to be done with. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live like either of them. Who's going out first? Get to the end all right, go ahead. Question for you guys. Sorry. Thriller. Because they are easily bored, intelligent people have higher risks of drug and alcohol addiction and. True or false. Well, you came to the right place for this. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Told you. Yeah. Absolutely right. 100. 110%. At least. At least. Maybe more. Maybe more. 115. Something like that. 115.75. I'll go with that. That's about right. All right, so what was the question again? Do they have a higher chance of drug and alcohol addiction? Do they? Yes or no? I thought those were true or false questions. All right. True or false. But what we're saying is they do. Do you agree? Have you done this before? Brady has boats and hosts. He's gonna travel around from port to port for his dialysis machine. I think that'd be pretty great idea. It's gonna have to do that. Yeah. Let's say. Let's just say true. I don't even remember what the question is. I just think there's. True's a great word. All right, let's go true, then. Now, Shelby, do you agree or disagree? Well, I love drugs, and I'm super smart, so I'm gonna agree. Correct. Commercial. Shelby is wanting drugs. That's a word. Over. Now make your selection. I'll do Brady. Secret square. Secret square. Who could it be? Give it a whirl. David Cor. How did he do that? Somebody improvises. That was just his way of saying, brady, stop improvising. All right, back to Shelby. Quick. Here. Make your selection. Shelby. Wait. It's already my turn again. Yeah. Let me lay off the drugs a little bit. Typical bride. When it's not her turn, she doesn't even listen. Top right, top right. We got Trump's. Gotta meet beautiful. Gotta meet Vladimirs today. Gotta talk with him. To Alaska. Heading to Alaska. I love Alaska, Rasputin. I love Alaska. The best 49th state ever. Bering Strait. It's not gay. It's straight. Very straight. It's very straight. We fixed that. Remember, it used to be the Beringay. All the boats would go backwards. I was like, no more of that. You gotta make the straight great again. And to do the front door. Todd Palin to move it. We shot all the wolves. Everyone off of it. Judd Balin, TP for my bunghole. We're gonna have it today. We're gonna have a big dance for Vladimir with the Inuits. We're going to make them dance. The Inuits. I like them. They're great. A lot of people don't like Inuits. I do. I'm. You know what? I'm number one with the Inuits. I said Inuit vote. I said Vlad. I said, you gotta cut loose Footloose. We got a dance. Putting dance. They gotta try to outline. Token of my appreciation. I'm giving everyone an igloo. Cooler. That's right. Everyone gets a little thermos. It's gonna be all right. Question for you guys here. Bats are responsible for the creation of tequila. True or false? Don't you think that's Mexicans? I don't think we call them bats anymore. I think that's wrong. I think you've. You've overstepped your balance. Yeah. I think we call them Mexicans and they're responsible for tequila. How about bat? Do we make tequila out of. I think we are gonna calm the Washington. Washington Bats. That's right. We're going to change the name to the Washington Bats because that's what America wants, I think.
Brady
America, the people, the people.
John Holmberg
And they're saying false. We don't want tequila out of bats. Not in this country. Not anymore. Biden might have, but we did not. So, Shelby, they're saying false. Do you agree or disagree is the question. Do bats have something to do with tequila? Yes. Remember when she said she was smart and on drugs? I believe half of that they do for pollination. They do for the penis. Okay, so you are disagreeing, and therefore you get the square. That's correct, smart lady. We did that on purpose. We did it on purpose. She's a very smart lady. All right, calm down. I just nominated Very Alcoholic woman. Maybe you should take it down there that in rehab they let you use the phone this early in the morning. I just nominated her head of the Department of education, which I will eliminate next week. I made her the head of ice and she just put it in a glass and wet it down. That's right. She took 12 steps to the freezer. Swallowed the worm, as it were. All right, back to Cory. Make the choice. Well, no, he can block with Randy and Jason. You're right. Randy and Jason. All right, go for the block. Let's go. I think that's who we chose. Yeah, we're here. Yeah, we're ready to go. Ready to go. We'll be at the Desert Ridge Improv this weekend. That's right. The number one place to see twin comedy. It is really. It's the Desert Ridge Improv. Of all the places to see it in Phoenix this weekend, you can only see it with us. Desert Ridge Impregn. Okay, question for you guys here. Genghis Khan killed so many. Great guy. Great guy. Great guy. Beautiful guy. Tremendous work. Great. Put a statue up. Great clothing. Removed 700 million tons of CO2 from the atmosphere. True or false, guys? He. Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan, daughter Madeline Khan. I remove 700 million tons. Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan. Let me rock it. Let me rock it. Genghis Khan. Let me rock it. That's all I want to do. I think there is no human way he could have removed. That's got to be false. That's got to be false. There's no human. You are saying false. Now for the block here. Corey, do you agree or disagree? I'm going to agree. That is incorrect. The next. She has done it. The girl wins. Nice job. Come on. Excellent work. We'll give them both something nice. That's a good. I'm sorry, man. Come on. Come on, man. Trying to get hot. By the way, I'll be at Aguas Caliente signing flip flops, man. Come on, man. The Sclar brothers are at Desert Ridge Improv this weekend. Oh, yes. You caught on quickly. It's not a tough game to play. No, we got it. Other than me ruining the secret square, it's great.
Brady
That's right.
John Holmberg
And a lot of. Of people would assume Brady ruins that square, so it's okay that that happened.
Brady
Spot on every week.
John Holmberg
Caliendo next week at the Desert Rich. So the whole. The whole month is taken care of. Go see him. We got your comedy plans. Yeah, but I mean, if you're down to your last dollar and you want to see comedy, do it this weekend. Next week. Go see Randy and Jason. No, we're gonna. This is so fun. I mean, the. The joy to get to see Calando is just wonderful. This is disgusting. We've been to his house. We've done his podcast. We get it. We understand. Understand. I've seen all the Amazon boxes. We got it. We know. We know. From what I understand how he. What he came out from under to get here. It's worse now. Can't be worse. It can't be worse. Can be worse. Can't be worse. Thought it would be better. Which is on all sides. Do you have brothers and sisters at all? Just the two of you? We were like only childs. We're only children. We're only child. We're an only. We're an only entity. They stopped there. They had too many. Corey, thank you. Always. You have anything this weekend? We are doing Raiders football this weekend. Ooh, Raiders football down at sports. What are they playing? Where's scrutin? Where's Man Opening a box right now, man. Wow. We open a box of whoop ass opening up a box of boxers. Cory's got Raiders football. Nobody's going to listen to that over at the sports now. They'll be busy 49ers though. That's it. We're done. Brady's final week on the air next week. Everybody may rest in peace. Don't do that yet. I just want him to get a good night's sleep. That's right. I know how hard can't wish a good a guy a good night's sleep. Just wanted to be rested. What's your sleep number, Brady? 911. Jay said 911. Is that bad? Is that wrong? Your sleep number is 911. Here's when I came home from Italy, when we came home from Italy, were you just showing pictures of your couch to people right here? No, that's not a couch. That is all Amazon. Those are your Amazon boxes. Someone's got got to stop him. Someone has to stop. He cannot be stopped. You show pictures of your couch. No. Picture your couch. My wife said can I have your couch please? All right, let's it, let's get out of here. Larry's coming up next. You guys have a great weekend and we'll see you Monday right here in the morning sickness. Bye. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.
Brady
It's Brady from the HMS Crew for game day men's health. The valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I do did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more energy, medical weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day men's health clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with game day Men's health.
John Holmberg
It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately but in a few months time he will be. He's going some rehab in front of them and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain you've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the Core institute dot com.
Episode: 08-15-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY
Air Date: August 15, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Guests: Steve-O, Frank Caliendo, Sklar Brothers
This episode of Arizona’s #1 morning radio show is a wild, uncensored blend of irreverent humor, real-life oddities, local culture, and a barrage of guest comedians. The show swings from riffs on odd news, women's excuses for calling in sick, and body horror anecdotes to celebrity interviews (Steve-O, Sklar Brothers, Frank Caliendo), ending with the always-chaotic “Guadalupe Squares.” Classic HMS: fast, loose, brutally honest, and unafraid to disturb before breakfast.
(05:00 – 13:25)
“Say the word discharge. Say the word female issues. You got a few days off, and nobody's even gonna ask you what happened.” — John (03:42)
“There's no man that's ever going to ask, ‘Oh, yeah, tell me about it.’ If you say ‘I've got something going on—female stuff.’ ‘Okay. Take the day. We don’t want to know.’”
— John Holmberg (03:42)
(03:50 – 11:50)
“If it was in the fridge, you'd go, ‘This has gone bad,’ and you'd throw it out.”
— John (07:33)
“When something starts to melt down in that area, it can ruin an entire neighborhood, possibly an entire metropolitan area.”
— John (11:02)
(08:20 – 10:30)
“If you saw one of those in the fridge and it's leaking something, you'd be like, ‘What happened to half this tomato? Who ate half a tomato?’”
— John (07:43)
(133:34 – 157:22 | 1:33:34–2:37:22)
“I’m a professional distraction therapist. I can guarantee you at my show, you’re not worried about anything else in the world.” (157:01)
“I do sketchy stuff… death was on the table.”
— Steve-O (139:46)
“The world is crumbling… But I’ve devoted my life to not solving problems, just distracting people.”
— Steve-O (156:58)
(167:15 – end | ~2:47:15–3:05:00)
“We’re like Def Leppard of kidneys. What’s the sound of one kidney clapping?”
— John Holmberg (165:09)
“Let her explore! Let her explore!”
— Sklar Brothers (163:55)
(124:35 – 132:32)
(48:48 – 63:40, scattered)
“Everything we laughed at Michael Jackson for is now the achievement—that’s the norm.” (59:26)
(92:21 – 117:17)
If you haven’t heard this episode, expect: