Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona (#1 Morning Radio Show on 98KUPD)
Date: August 15, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Main Theme:
A wild ride through penile surgery horror stories, John wishing his dad a happy birthday, satirical social commentary on hot girls and STDs, nostalgia via a retro ASU news clip, and irreverent takes on Phoenix neighborhood snobbery—especially Arcadia vs. Gilbert.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Penile Surgery Reactions

No direct transcript provided for this, but is referenced as a running callback.

2. John’s Dad’s Birthday (05:00–10:45)

• Listener Reminder: Listeners chime in to wish John’s dad, Dan, a happy 78th birthday, prompting John to reflect on his dad’s remarkable health (no daily meds, regular check-ups).
  • “He has never—and this is a statement on our health—my dad does not have a single pill he has to take at all.” – John, (07:34)
• Colorful Family Stories: John tells about “Hi, Yella” and “Yellow Hand”—eccentric figures who worked on his dad’s property and in the past, with sitcom-level nicknames and backstories.
  • “My dad bought this property, and [Hi, Yella] came with it, and they became best friends. It’s like Brokeback Mountain, only gayer.” – John, (06:44)
• Temptation to Call Dad Live: The hosts debate calling Dad on the air but fear he’ll say something too unfiltered for broadcast.

3. Hot Girls, STDs, & Urgent Care Realities (11:07–16:50, 31:09–34:56)

A. Listener Urgent Care Theory:

• A listener claims his friend who works at urgent care swears, “Any time he saw a hot, hot, hot girl walk in, it almost always was an STD or something wrong down there.” (11:07)
• John expands the theory: “Hot girls tend to only have sex with hot guys. What do we know about hot guys? Hot guys have loads of sex because they can. So they’re spreading all the diseases…”

B. Blunt and Comedic Sex Ed:

• John, joking about the advantages of average-looking guys:
  • “The benefits, Brady, you and I and Brett, to a certain degree, of being disgusting and ugly is that we are protected from STDs by just our natural look.” (12:00)
  • “For hot guys, it rains pee on them, then they take that to another hot girl.”
• Memorable Anecdote: John’s own STD scare—two days of pain and an unnecessarily “thorough” doctor’s exam—gets retold for laughs.
  • “The doctor fingered me … you don’t give a prostate exam to a 21-year-old kid. He did. Very thorough.” (13:39)

C. Love Island, F-Boys, and the Modern Dating Petri Dish:

• Reality shows as proof all beautiful people “just want to bang each other. And you can’t blame them. But that’s an STD factory.” (15:36)

4. ASU Retro News Story—Campus Life in 1977 (16:54–21:48)

• Channel 10 Throwback Segment: John describes seeing a vintage “moving day” news story from 1977 at ASU. The nostalgia prompts observations:
  • “They only interviewed the hot freshmen… the cameraman just eyeballing her every clip.”
  • “It was authenticity of self. None of them were artificial, you know, None. It was the anti-filter. It was just. They were just running with what they had been given.” (24:05)
• Differences from Today: Natural looks (no implants, no exaggerated eyelashes, “just human”), and on-screen attitudes more candid and real.
• Camera Creepiness: John notes the pervy camera work that kept following the hot girl—“I guarantee you that dude definitely beat off to her in the editing bay.” (19:14)

5. Plastic Surgery Through the Decades (25:10–31:09)

• Evolution from subtle enhancements (“you’d have to guess”) to today’s badge of obvious surgery.
  • “Now it’s so, No, she had work done.” (30:40)
• Michael Jackson’s look now viewed as “the standard” for housewives and Instagram models.
  • “Everything we laughed at with Michael Jackson is now the, the achievement that’s the norm.” (28:44)

6. Is Arcadia the Gilbert of Central PHX? Food & Attitude (35:56–53:27)

A. Phoenix Neighborhood Stereotypes:

• Arcadia: True wealth, snobbery, and insularity. “They kind of run the higher class events, you know, and it’s annoying. They love getting dressed up and playing house.” (37:13)
• Gilbert: A mix of genuinely wealthy and “a bunch of people pretending.”
• Arcadia Light: South of the canal is literally signed “LITE” to distinguish from the main Arcadia area.

B. Diversity & Ethnic Food Satire:

• Ethiopian Treats in Arcadia:
  • Mockery: John riffs on the idea of an Ethiopian bakery in one of Phoenix’s whitest, wealthiest neighborhoods.
    • “Ethiopia is not known for any sort of delightful treats that Arcadians are gonna love. And if they’re strong with coffee. Colombia up a little Ethiopian. Get us those beans.” (39:07)
    • On menu expectations: “I don’t think of Ethiopian treats unless they’re being dropped from the sky and I have to fight somebody for it.”
    • “An authentic Ethiopian restaurant? The waiter comes by, scared, what do you want? We have bowls of rice. That is it. And then they have a little drone come over and drop the food onto your table. And then warlords come over, and you have to fight them for it.” (47:09)
  • Social Posturing: Arcadia moms and their need to display ‘worldliness’ by trying “Ethiopian croissants.”

C. Arcadia’s Keeping Up with the Joneses:

• Home Improvement Arms Race:
  • “I got a new Jeep … within a week, seven, eight, nine new cars just on my street. These people can’t let you have a moment for yourself without climbing on. It’s weird.” (51:02)
• Arcadia Light & Arcadia Orchards, etc.: Neighborhoods around Arcadia inventing taglines to boost property values.

7. Running Jokes & Memorable Quotes

• On Doing Brady Impressions in the Bedroom:
  • “Do it when you're gonna reach climax and see if she even notices.” (01:11)
• On Arcadians:
  • “Enjoy your Ethiopian treats, you horrible women.” (53:15)
• On Mom’s Being Friends with Their Daughters:
  • “No, you can't [go to a sorority party]. You're a bag of wrinkles. Get out of here. This is a hot group. I’m going to learn a tic tac dance.”
• On the Hot Guy/STD Problem:
  • “Keith was like a trip to India. You were coming back needing shots.” (31:20)

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Why hot people are a health hazard:

  • “Hot girls tend to only have sex with hot guys. … So they’re spreading all the diseases.” – John (12:00)

• On average looks as STD protection:

  • “The benefits … of being disgusting and ugly is we are protected from STDs by just our natural look.” – John (12:00)

• ASU 1977 News Coverage:

  • “It was them in color, which was really strange. Except for the microphone which looked like a hand grenade… the cameraman just followed her around every time.” – John (19:14)

• Plastic surgery culture shock:

  • “Everything we laughed at with Michael Jackson is now the achievement that’s the norm. Like a sliver of a nose and these weird, bulging ghoulish eyes.” – John (28:44)

• Arcadia vs. the world:

  • “Arcadian people are from another planet. … If you lived south of the canal, the people wouldn’t stop talking to you.” – John (37:13)

• Ethiopian food in Arcadia:

  • “When I think of Ethiopia, I think delicious sandwiches.” – John (39:06)

• About raising property values through branding:

  • “Neighborhoods around there now have new signs up that are nicknames. Arcadia Light, Arcadia Orchards, Arcadia West…because their house property goes up if anybody sees the word Arcadia.” – John (56:33)

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:00 | John’s Dad’s Birthday Retrospective | | 11:07 | Listener Urgent Care/ “Hot Girl STD” Theory | | 16:54 | ASU Retro News Story/ 1977 Dorm Move-In | | 24:05 | Observations on Authenticity/Natural Beauty in 70s vs Now | | 31:09 | Ugly Guys’ Inbuilt STD Protection/Keith the Bartender Anecdote | | 35:56 | Arcadia vs Gilbert: Class, Money, Snobbery | | 39:06 | Ethiopian Cuisine in Arcadia Satire | | 47:09 | Satirical Authentic Ethiopian Restaurant Experience | | 48:38 | Arcadia Light and Neighborhood Name Branding Mania | | 51:02 | Arcadia’s Keeping up with the Joneses, Housing Trends | | 56:33 | Real Estate Branding and Absurdity around Arcadia |

Tone, Language & Style

• The episode is irreverent, fast-paced, and riff-heavy, with the hosts frequently mocking local social dynamics, suburban pretensions, and themselves.
• Language is blunt, blue-collar, with a strong dose of dark, satirical humor.
• There are recurring references to pop culture, local institutions, sexual taboos, and 80s/90s nostalgia.
• John’s storytelling dominates, with the rest of the crew riffing along and adding their own perspectives/banter.

Summary Takeaway

This episode covers:

• The built-in brutality and comedy of “morning zoo” style local radio.
• An irreverent mix of Arizona-rooted observational humor on topics as random as family, sex, health, plastic surgery, neighborhood privilege, college nostalgia, and what happens when a wealthy suburb tries to get “cultured” via Ethiopian pastries.
• Buried under the raucous jokes are social truths about self-image, wealth, and generational change in the Valley of the Sun.

If you missed the episode, this write-up delivers the key laughs, social jabs, and best barroom stories you’d want to repeat—and a few zingers that cross the line, as always.