08-15-25 - Young Woman Left A Tampon In For A Month On Accident And We Question How That Happens - Emailer Says He Needs Penile Surgery After Listening To Us While Having Sex Sparking Brady White Character

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 08-15-25 – Young Woman Left A Tampon In For A Month On Accident And We Question How That Happens
Date: August 15, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Outlet: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into two main stories: an internet headline about a young woman who accidentally left a tampon in for a month, and a listener email from a man who needs penile surgery following a mishap while listening to the show during sex. True to their tone, the hosts approach these topics with a blend of crude humor, disbelief, and candid conversation. The episode is filled with banter, witty analogies, and a recurring joke about using female health issues as an infallible excuse to skip work.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. “I Left a Tampon In for a Month” – The Savannah Miller Story

• [03:35 – 10:25]
  • The hosts discuss a viral headline: “I accidentally kept a tampon in for a month. It smelled like a rat crawled inside me and died.”
  • John reads details about Savannah Miller, referencing her appearance and reality TV background.
  • The crew expresses disbelief at the story’s plausibility, doubting anyone could genuinely forget a tampon for that long.
  • Extended riff on the “cavern” necessary for a tampon to disappear undetected.
  • Discussion about medical symptoms she faced—smell, illness, itchiness— and how doctors missed the cause.
  • John launches into a series of exaggerated metaphors comparing female anatomy to malfunctioning appliances (“If it was in the fridge, you’d throw it out”).
  • Reflection on why someone would publicize such an experience—attributing it to a desire for viral fame.

Quote:

“If you saw one of those in the fridge, it would. And it’s leaking something. You’re like, ‘Oh, what happened to half this tomato? Who ate half a tomato?’”
—John Holmberg [05:11]

Quote:

"She was using new tampons and likely pushing the old one up even further. That thing was way up in there—like, so this goddamn big, lower chest area."
—John Holmberg [04:27]

2. Female Health Issues as the Ultimate Excuse for Calling in Sick

• [02:35 – 03:15, 10:25 – 14:20]
  • The group jokes about the effectiveness of using “female issues” as a reason to get a day off, noting that male managers will never question it.
  • Extended role-play imagining a woman calling her boss and simply mentioning “discharge”—the ultimate conversation stopper.
  • They encourage female listeners to use this tactic for a guilt-free day off.

Quote:

“Say the word ‘discharge.’ Say the word ‘female issues.’ You got a few days off, and nobody’s even gonna ask you what happened.”
—John Holmberg [03:18]

3. Viral Oversharing and Gendered Storytelling

• [06:55 – 09:39]
  • Commentary on how women “going viral” involves oversharing intimate, often gross, medical stories—contrasted with what men would create if designing “AI girls.”
  • Jokes about AI women’s appearance vs. modern influencer trends.
  • Holmberg argues men’s embarrassing stories tend to be more humorous than off-putting.

Quote:

“Would a man create an AI girl to tell this story? No… This is why AI girls are going to take over eventually.”
—John Holmberg [07:13]

4. Men’s Horror Stories & One-Upmanship

• [14:21 – 18:29]
  • John recalls a friend’s story about losing a small sex toy inside and the subsequent retrieval mission—lauded as a “Mummy’s curse” of smells unleashed.
  • Trading tales of memorable, unpleasant bodily mishaps, often described with culinary or olfactory analogies (e.g., “It smelled like butterscotch and salmon”).

Quote:

"It was like finding something in a pyramid…like, when they turn the grid off in Ghostbusters and everything’s flying up."
—John Holmberg [16:25]

5. Listener Email: The ‘Broken Dick’ Incident

• [23:38 – 27:28]
  • John reads a listener’s email about sustaining a penile injury during sex while the couple listened to a past episode—specifically while he was doing a Brady impression.
  • The listener’s wife laughed so hard that she “clamped down” causing pain that requires surgery.
  • Spirals into a skit with Brady impersonating Barry White (“Brady White”), riffing on what to listen to for romance.

Quote:

“I have surgery on the 26th. Coincidentally, I think that’s the same day Brady’s gonna be there. Maybe we’ll be roomies.”
—Listener email read by John Holmberg [24:04]

6. ‘Brady White’ and Seduction Through Comedy

• [27:29 – 33:49]
  • Comedy bit: what would happen if Brady was a seductive R&B crooner (“Brady White”), provoking spontaneous orgasms among the women of Phoenix.
  • Hosts joke about “unleashing the moist apocalypse” if Brady White ever performed on air.
  • Debate about what types of music people actually use during sex compared to their show.

Quote:

“You want your ladies to just calm [cum]. So many car accidents from the spontaneous orgasms they’d be having.”
—John Holmberg [30:34]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On viral oversharing:

“There isn’t a time in my life again where a headline says, and I don’t care what you’re talking about, ‘It smelled like a rat crawled inside of me and died’—that’s getting a click out of me.”
—John Holmberg [18:29]

Imagined call to the boss:

“Hi, Trip. It’s Jennifer. I don’t know what’s going on down there, but it’s like an acid rainstorm.”
—Brady [20:51]

On gender differences:

“Jim Jefferies had a line that was so perfect… He said, clear your heads, and let me just say a phrase to you: ‘My husband’s coming’—everyone’s relieved. Now, ‘My wife’s coming’—every guy’s brain goes, ‘Oh no! We gotta stop talking about whatever we were talking about.’”
—John Holmberg [19:12]

On men’s bodies:

“This doesn’t happen to male bodies… If it was in the fridge, you’d go, ‘this has gone bad’ and you’d throw it out!”
—John Holmberg [05:28]

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• [03:35] – Hosts react to viral story of woman and her lost tampon
• [06:43] – Discussion on women oversharing, AI women, and gender storytelling
• [10:25] - [14:20] – Jokes about using “female issues” to call in sick; role-plays
• [14:21] – Smelly sex toy retrieval story
• [18:29] – Headlines that always get a click (“smelled like a rat…”)
• [23:38] – Listener’s email about penile injury during sex while listening
• [27:29] - [33:49] – The “Brady White” bit and music vs. HMS for setting the mood

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Language & Tone

The episode is laden with irreverent humor, vivid metaphors, and explicit analogies. There’s a frankness about bodily functions, especially female health, balanced by the hosts’ willingness to joke about themselves and male shortcomings in equal measure. The banter is fast, the jokes come quick, and there’s a persistent undercurrent of “locker room” comedy.

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Summary – For Non-Listeners

In this wild, raucous episode, the HMS crew take a tabloid headline about a woman leaving a tampon in for a month and wring every last joke out of it—interrogating the logistics, roasting the woman’s viral ambitions, and comparing it to male horror stories. They propose “female issues” as the ultimate, unchallengeable work excuse, encourage women to wield it liberally, and recall cringe stories of lost vibrators and weird sex-related smells.

A listener’s story about injuring himself during sex due to laughing so hard at the show spawns a long, ridiculous riff imagining Brady as a seductive R&B singer (“Brady White”). Through elaborate bits and relentless teasing, the hosts celebrate their boundary-pushing brand of disgust and honesty—insisting that, at the end of the day, no one could ever outdo a woman who goes viral for nearly “mummifying” a tampon.

The episode is prime HMS: no serious advice, lots of hard laughs, and the sort of conversations that make you grateful your radio isn’t two-way.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

Hey, everybody, it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time once again for the pick of the litter. Brought to you by our friends at turf Monsters a dot com. This week's pick the litter is a special little guy surrendered by his family because financial woes made it so they just could not give little manufacturer a great life. A little bit older. It's a Bichon poodle mix. Smart as a whip. Check it all out. Lost our home.org or 98kupd.com it's the pick of the litter.

[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from Amco. Let's talk about back to school TLC for your car.

[Wayne from Amco]

Larry, the last thing anyone needs right now is to start the school year with car troubles.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, makes sense. What should people do?

[Wayne from Amco]

Head to your closest amco. We specialize in back to school auto repairs for the busy school season. Plus we have a back to school discount for students and teachers.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, but do you need to make an appointment?

[Wayne from Amco]

Not at all. Just pop into your nearest amco or.

[Larry McFeely]

Book online now that's convenient. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and.

[John Holmberg]

A whole lot more.

[Wayne from Amco]

And remember, Amco proudly supports Operation Hydrations.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. We're ready to go. Let's make this happen. And I'm telling you right now, it's gonna be a rough one. We got our. We got our work cut out for us. Today we do. We're supposed to help people wake up. Good luck. This is a sleepy morning. If you have. Look, it's late August starting today. It's the middle of August. We got three and a half months left in the year.

[Larry McFeely]

Perfect day to sleep.

[John Holmberg]

Call it in today. Let's just. Let's. Let's start today with a you know what? I'm fake sick. You got a little flu. Ladies, you know what to do.

[Larry McFeely]

Everyone gets a personal day.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And just. Just call in and just say, look, ladies, you know exactly what to do. You call most. Most like, look, you don't want to believe this to be true, but 90% of you have a man manager because you're. You're working at a place that knows what they're doing. When you call up and you say, hey, I got some sort of female issue going on, he's not going to question that. There's no man that's ever going to ask. Oh, yeah, tell me about it. If you say, I've got something going on. Female stuff. Okay, Take the day. We don't want to know. We don't want you coming in. Usually it means you're going to be mean.

[Brett Vesely]

Tripp's not answering his phone.

[John Holmberg]

If you called right now, Tripp picks up. Ahoy, hoy, Trip.

[Brady]

I'm not going to make it.

[John Holmberg]

What's wrong, Joe?

[Brady]

I've got something. It's like a discharge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you take the whole week off next week. Dude, we're not even gonna count it on pto. Just. You're good. Start the weekend. Say the word discharge. Say the word female issues. You got. You got a few days off, and nobody's even gonna ask you what happened. When you come back, maybe a couple of ladies at work have some. Have. Go on the Internet and have something I saw on the Internet. Oh, I kept it, too. I have something on the Internet. A lady. This is a weird. Of course I'm going to click on this headline. I accidentally kept a tampon in for a month, and then that byline said it smelled like a rat crawled inside of me and died. She's gorgeous, by the way. This girl's a pig, but she's a gorgeous pig. Look at that. Oh, that's true. I don't know how you accidentally do that. That's.

[Brett Vesely]

You forget the tampi for a month.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. A month?

[Brady]

What did I do? What am I supposed to do today?

[Brett Vesely]

She's great, but I don't know if.

[John Holmberg]

She'S that great and she's not that hot. Nobody's and plus that means she was. Nobody was in there for a month because you'd notice that banging into that thing. So, yeah, she's. Her name's Savannah Miller and she was on a reality show, of course. So she probably kept it in there on purpose. Says it was a humbling experience. The symptoms set off. The doctors finally figured out she had one of them rogue ones. She decided that the things we do to go viral. Exactly. I mean, she. That's horrible. She said she was 22, at the tail end of her menstrual cycle. She went to a bar with some friends. Didn't want to have any spillage, so she used a, you know, feminine napkin. By the end of the day, it was gone. And I forgot. I put it in. The string had disappeared. I didn't see it. I didn't feel it. That means she's got some sort of Cavern at 22 already. Within a few days, though, I started experiencing symptoms and general sick feeling, itchiness and a bad smell quote. It smelled like a rat crawled inside of me while I was sleeping and died thinking that it was yuck, ladies. Disgusting, she said. I thought it was old period smell. She kept using new tampons and likely pushing the old one up even further. Yeah, Miller went on campus clinic several times, but the initial examinations didn't find anything. That thing was way up in there like so. This goddamn big lower chest area. Yeah. What's with this pig? You know, you're. No one is this hot. Dua Lipa is not this Margot Robbie's not this hot. No one is. No one get away with this. That they thought it was just bacterial vaginosis. But I knew there was no way people walked around with BV smelling like this. So she's familiar with bacterial vaginosis, which basically is when you swelling. Well, you take new D. No, you take new D and that bacteria mixes with your bacteria and it's not great. So your vagina just goes, you know, alarms alarms and starts doing all sorts of gross vagina stuff. Man. It's. I've been saying this. I've been saying this for 20. I wish I was gay. I wish to God I was gay. But I was born this way. This doesn't happen to male bodies. I mean, we're gross in our own ways. But this thing, this thing you ladies have down there, if it was in the fridge, you'd go, this has gone bad. And you'd throw it out. It looks bad. It does weird stuff. It. Like if you saw one of those in the fridge, it would. And it's leaking something. And you're like, oh, what happened to half this tomato? Who ate half a tomato? Anyway. Anyway, it says she found it. And when she said, I found it, it was so far in there, there was no shot I would ever have seen it. The doctor had to fish it out of my ovaries, lady. You know what?

[Brett Vesely]

Get in the box.

[John Holmberg]

You're done. And then she called the news or something. I don't know how this is in the New York Post, but it is.

[Larry McFeely]

She's loving that.

[John Holmberg]

Is she? I don't think this. I don't think dudes are gonna like. I don't think we're flocking to her Instagram to start clicking now. I think there's a lot of people going away. It's like, when. Yeah, I don't think. I don't think that's like, you're hot. But you start telling those kind of vagina stories like, oh, she's a pig.

[Larry McFeely]

It's only I can figure because it's pretty easy to keep out of the news.

[John Holmberg]

She thought, this is going to be great. It's not. You're not that hot. You have to be. You have to be like. I mean, it has to be AI hot. And an AI girl would never. That's not even. No man would ever create their AI girl to say stuff like this. That's what you have to ladies. That's what you have to think. Would. What would AI do? You know no longer. Jesus. What would AI do? Would. Would a man create an AI girl to tell this story? No. No. This is why AI girls are going to take over eventually. Because the storytelling is phenome pushing for it now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it's a big. No more. What would Jesus do? What would AI do? And here's another thing about that lip filler. Have you noticed that all the AI girls that are created by men don't have gigantic, massive hot air balloon lips? And they don't look like ghouls and Michael Jackson clones and trannies. The AI girls look a little more natural. They don't have all the stuff that I think is like, all over the Real Housewives and the Basketball Wives and things like that. AI girls look pretty good. Now. What we do make AI girls have are clown. And that's getting a little out of hand too, because I have. There's a guy named John who emails me every day his collection of built AI women. And they're always. And it's one thing that they're always Bro, look, he was. He. I think he went to the thing last night. Brew. He didn't. Okay. He. He always sends me these. And the one thing I've noticed is that he includes in his AI girl thing. They're always standing by, like, an old 1940s truck. Like, he likes chicks with clown cans who are very pretty, who also kind of want to work on a 34 Ford. They're like. They're like, if you could find that, what he wants is a dude with cans. No woman's gonna try to fix up a 34 Ford in her bikini and still look good. It can't be combined. It's pure fantasy. Looking for a female grease monkey who happens to also be, like, the world's greatest looking model. Like, if a girl looks that good, the last thing she's gonna do is learn the intricacies of the turbine engine from the early 30s. It's not happening. It's just. She's gonna go on TikTok and dance and make money. Why work on old trucks? She didn't have that passion. But that's what we do with AI. We make what we want you to be. And. And I know I'll get emails going.

[Brady]

We do the same for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but we're funny and tell good stories. Not all of us, but we tell good stories and, like, we're fun. You know, we'll. And when we have something go wrong with our bodies, it's usually hilarious. It's not stuffing a tampon and something that could expl. It's a little nuclear facility. Like a little Three Mile island down there.

[Brett Vesely]

Leaving it there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. When everything's going good with the woman's body parts, it is like a nuclear facility. You know, the whole city's happy. Everybody's getting power. We're all happy. We're good. The energy's positive. But when something starts to melt down in that area, it can ruin an entire neighborhood, possibly an entire metropolitan area. This lady goes on the news. That's how important it is to keep that thing fresh. If you say you have an accidental tampon in for a month, the New York Post is like, yeah, let's go interview her.

[Larry McFeely]

Run it.

[John Holmberg]

Run that. Headline it. And then the question, the journalist. What is it? What did it smell like?

[Brady]

Like a rat crawled up there and died.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Christ, I hate the media. You didn't kill yourself.

[Brady]

No, I went on TikTok instead.

[John Holmberg]

Like, Jesus Christ.

[Larry McFeely]

The staff from New York Post was sitting in the meeting. What do we got? We got pizza rat.

[John Holmberg]

We got a good lady who had a tampon in her for 30 solid days. How'd she do that? She forgot. How dumb is this broad? She's pretty hot. All right, well that answers that. Anyway, it's in the news. So yeah, ladies today. Perfect day. Make that you think any man. I've already gotten emails. Thanks a lot, John. I was eating. This was. God, that was gross. I'm gonna be celibate. Call me Von Sell might become a monk. I don't want to think about a honey hole for days. He's right. So thanks, John. I really wanted to wake up on a Friday morning and start today puking. This is disgusting. If I hear discharge or spillage or leakage again. And this is what I'm talking about ladies. This is your this morning sickness. 28 KUPD. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you gotta do is start the process [e-mail] or sing.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron. Why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millime hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m and p guns.com It's Brady from the.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Call your manager. On a day like the 75 degrees out right now, it's perfect. Have a walk. Go out with a dog. Do something.

[Brett Vesely]

She's single, right?

[John Holmberg]

No. If she isn't now, she's gonna be. Yeah. Once that dude goes, hey, are you in? You know, most people get in the paper because they, you know, I helped the old lady across the street or something. Good. My girlfriend was. I see your girlfriend in the paper there, Todd. Yeah, yeah, she forgot a tampon for a month. How dumb is she? I know she's hot, but come on. The immediate hot factor goes away with the word. Smelled like a dead rat inside her.

[Brett Vesely]

And that was her description.

[John Holmberg]

Her description. Jesus Christ. Imagine what the dude called it. She, you know, she temper. But the dude left there. She was alone and you could smell that through pants. Other at work and stuff. Other people on that reality show were like, we need to clean the apartment.

[Larry McFeely]

We need to take the trash out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, something. Something is bad in that fridge. Or Anyway, and you're worried about waking us up this morning. I'm telling you right now, I had to go to the smelling salt spread. I had to go to the heavy stuff. It's. It's a drowsy morning. It's a tough wake up.

[Comedy Announcer]

That worked.

[John Holmberg]

It'll get you moving like, all right, look at your wife and just go, I'm getting the F away from you. I know what you're capable of. Down there. The gays are just cuddled up next to each other. The worst thing we have to worry about is poop. Anything stuffed in there that not supposed to be. I know a lady. You do too, Brady. Who told a story at dinner once. The only time. I have a pretty strong stomach for most anything. What we've discovered through Brett's videos is the one thing I struggle with the most is Asians eating flies. I think that was the one that made me throw up the hardest. That was an eyeballs. Oh, eyeball stuff. I. Yeah, that's tough for.

[Larry McFeely]

But I. I gave you the flypaper one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the. Oh, was that you? The flypaper and the. I don't know who needs to get credit for that? Get to join.

[Larry McFeely]

I was trying to think of the one. The eating flies. Yeah, we've seen multiple flies.

[John Holmberg]

We're a team, Brady. Let's not sit there and act. No, no, no, no. One guy's getting credit.

[Larry McFeely]

Clarifying.

[John Holmberg]

But my deal didn't matter who brought it to me. I just know that that Asian lady eating flies off fly paper made me throw up. And then I had to question whether or not I like watching Asians eat anything. I didn't know at the time that that would bother me, and it did at all. I don't have any idea what that was, but I have a pretty strong stomach. I can watch most of these videos and laugh and things like that and hear a story and kind of power through. But I was in a nice restaurant, and this. This particular woman told the story of the time that she had a sex toy get lost up in there, a small one, and then realized she's in the throes of all the passion and stuff. And they had something in there, and then they got in there, and she said she started to have, like, pain. And you know what she did? She asked her husband, and he did it. If you take a look in there, see if he saw anything, Gets his phone, flashlight, get the little miner hat on and go down there or whatever it was. It was like, all right, I'd send in a parakeet first if it was. Make sure that thing comes out alive. And he found it and fished it out of there. And they said that it released like, mummies and smells. And like, it was like finding something in a pyramid. It's like when they turn the. The grid off and Ghostbusters and everything's flying up this. Dan. That was the noise. And then it's. They had to have their house. They had to leave the house for the weekend. They had to get a room because it smelled so bad. Her story. And I just pushed my steak away and I said, well, I'm not eating this. I cannot eat this. Thinking of. You're right there. You're in front of me. This is.

[Brady]

Oh, it was years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it still happened. And I can't shake hands with that husband of yours. He's got his finger hook in there trying to pull out the toy, and he did it. Oh. So, ladies, call in sick today. Use one of your days. It won't, I guarantee. Look, $10 to you if they count it towards sick days. Just call in and say something's going on. Say the word discharge and Watch how fast your manager, like, you stay home today. He's not going to count it as a sick day. He never wants to talk about it again. You just get today off, guys. We have to fake flu. We're gonna get dinged on a sick day. But it's a. What I'm saying is it's a perfect morning to stay home. Just stick around, just sleep in. It's so nice. So nice outside. Yeah. I have another guy reminded me and said, remember the woman that we could smell at through her pants? And yes, not Hopkins, but yes, other Doug, I do. It smelled like butterscotch and salmon. It was the weirdest thing ever. We knew exactly what it was, too, because she was telling us about something that happened to her in the 80s. She got all excited telling the story. You could tell it was she was aroused. And the next thing you know, I'm like, it's Grandma's candies. Oh, and the Arizona Fish Company. What's going on in this room right now? It was fine two seconds ago. And then he actually explained to me, I think she became aroused and started firing pheromones out of it. And I'm like, oh, right. Like, it was like being in Seattle and having a Werther's in your mouth at the same time. It was a bad combination. You got any more of them butterscotches, Grandma? Yeah. Here you go. Are we having salmon tonight? What is that smell?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. It's just natural. So anyway, good morning, everybody. And there isn't a time in my life again where a headline says, and I don't care what you're talking about. It smelled like a rat crap crawled inside of me and died. That's getting a click out of me. That's every time I'm. I'm hitting the button on that one and just running with it. I got stuff. It's a thing. So you two leaving? Are you all right? Kind of. Done. Not a word out of either of you? No, that's it. It's good.

[Larry McFeely]

Good enough for me.

[John Holmberg]

You all right with that? No commentary, nothing? You got no opinions at all? Come on, Brady.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm just trying. Well, you're crying.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Larry McFeely]

This brings tears to my eyes.

[John Holmberg]

You are literally crying right now. That's pretty good stuff. I'm just nauseous now. Yeah, that's pretty good. Jim Jeffries had a line on. I just got a meme of it the other day that was so perfect, though, and said, it's the difference between how cool men are and what women are. And he said, let's just do this. Clear your heads. It was a great moment. He said, clear your heads. And let me. Let me just say a phrase to you. And then your first natural reaction is, you hear this phrase, oh, my husband's coming. And the next thing you're thinking is, oh, good, we're all gonna get home safely. This is gonna be nice. It's fun. Now clear your heads again. My wife is coming. Every guy's brain goes, oh, no. We gotta stop talking about whatever we were talking about. What were we doing? Am I in trouble? Put your phones down. What was the last joke we told? Ignore it. Shh. Usually my wife's coming starts with, shh. My wife's coming. Very rarely, I think women go, oh.

[Brady]

Shh, My husband's coming. We gotta stop with the fun stories.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was a pretty. It was a telling moment, but. Ladies, call your. Call your manager this morning. Fake the thing. Fake it bad. It's pretty good stuff. We don't have that. I don't know that we could ever. A man. Because you got to call a manager and tell a man, like, I've got diarrhea is the worst fissures or something. I don't know. You think any of the ladies downstairs.

[Brett Vesely]

Are gonna use that this morning?

[John Holmberg]

If they're not here today, I'm gonna assume they did. Okay. All right, I'm gonna check Roll. I'll check Trip's voicemail today. Oh, thanks for reaching the TR. Yeah, TR 3. Leave a message at the tone, homie. And then that's what he did. He rolls street. Wow.

[Brady]

Hi, Trip. It's Jennifer. I don't know what's going on down there, but it's like an acid rainstorm.

[John Holmberg]

I.

[Brady]

It ain't holes in my sheets.

[John Holmberg]

Stay home forever with pay because you can't fire him for it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's gonna be Ed and Moynihan the.

[John Holmberg]

Only ones left down there today, or what? Would you believe it if Ed called?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I would have.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, boss, the vagina's leaking pretty heavy. I gotta. Yikes. Stay home, Ed. My Hanes have, like. I like. I pilled spilled acid in there, and there's little weird holes and kind of green. Yeah, you still have to come to work, Ed. You're not supposed to have one of those. Any other ones. Any of the other. It would be Har. Moynihan and Ed. That's it. It's our sales team. All the rest of them sitting there pretending that they shot acid rain down on their sheets last night, and they can't come to work. It's a brilliant move, and you ladies are too proud to use it. And trust me, it's not going to be your reputation. Nobody's ever going to say anything. Tripp would never go. Jill's not coming in this morning. Because listen to this phone call. He would. He's gonna ignore it for the rest of his life. Nobody's gonna talk about it anyway. Use it. Ladies, wake up. Yeah. You know, Brady's got a good excuse right now, and he's still at work. Yeah. Oh. Lady has this strange smell.

[Brady]

It's like motor oil and baby vomit.

[John Holmberg]

Stay home.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmp.guns.com.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Lots of entertainment coming to town with Vinny Guadagnino of Jersey Shore fame. Coming in Friday and Saturday to stand up live at the Desert Ridge Improv. Up north, you have the Sklar Brothers, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and Eastside at the Tempe Impro, it's Steve O. Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

And tempeimprov.com it's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time, he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the Core Institute dot com. Homeburg's morning sickness. I got an email from this guy. It says, all right, Jewburg, maybe I'm slightly upset with you. I emailed you and told you about how I have tears. Or tears. Sorry, tears in my penile shaft. Thanks to you and your hilarious Brady impression. Back on August 1, the wife and I were having sex while you did the impression of Brady taking it from his brother. Turn your radios down. If you're in the throes of passion, you can't have this crap going on in the background. What kind of peg are you married to? And for once, my wife found your show funny and laughed so hard that she clamped down on me and pulled. I have surgery on the 26th. Coincidentally, I think that's the same day Brady's gonna be there. Maybe we'll be roomies. I just wanted to share this with Bryce so he can be thankful it's cancer, not a broken dick. He keeps bragging on how he has no symptoms of it. But let me tell you, friend, I have symptoms, and it hurts. Peeing hurts. I got a little aroused, and it's like someone took and raked glass across this thing. I've never been so jealous of a man with cancer. Stop it. Well, you know the risks of having, I guess, an erection while listening. No. Erections while listening. Listening may cause erection. Should be listening to us instead of.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, Barry White or something.

[Brady]

Turn on the morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

No, baby, I think this is the way we're gonna go. You know what I'm talking about?

[Brady]

Turn it on. Seriously. And then I was taking one in the ass for my brother.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no. We can't have that. I can't. I can't get my stroke on.

[Brady]

But they're so funny and they arouse me. That's my brother. He's getting deeper and deeper no matter how I cry.

[John Holmberg]

My penis. What did you do?

[Brady]

I was laughing so hard. Give it to me, bro.

[John Holmberg]

I have to go to the hospital now. And I think you're kind of humble, bragging that your wife's so tight that she. She wrecked it. Or is he just saying he's that big? Or is he strong, thick that she. Clamp down. Also, I think there's a lubrication issue, because clamp down should still slip out of there like Houdini. Not staying in there unless it's got, like, dry lock on the outside.

[Larry McFeely]

Could have made a swift Move, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

No, it still should. I don't know what kind of swift move bends and still doesn't fly out of there. Like nailing an anthill or something. I don't know what you're doing wrong, bro. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. And at first, you start first with what's in the background. This is gold, right? I can't get enough of your love, baby.

[Brady]

You know this does nothing for me. Get that black Lady Brady on the radio real quick. Can't get enough of your love, baby. That's what I love after scummy Dick Douglas knocking me around the room like crazy. I feel like a pool ball just banging off the rails and stuff. When scummy Dick is going, oh, well, babe, turn it down. That's dumb.

[John Holmberg]

Barry was. This is ridiculous. Nobody does this anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

Sonic may be in close.

[John Holmberg]

Sonic came close. Nobody writes lovemaker. Just, you know, mumble rap is the closest thing you get. Maybe a little Drake, some Gunner. Listen to that. So much better than a Brady impression while you're in mid thrust. Oh, yeah, the dude. Yeah. Well, yeah, unless she clamps down from hysterics. See, lady, maybe that's why ladies don't like this show. It's because it's. They know deep down they're gonna start falling for us.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'm sure that's probably.

[John Holmberg]

It's their biggest fear breath. We don't do great with ladies, but there's a reason why. And it isn't misogyny or honesty, which they hate. The realism that we provide an entire city. It's the fact that if they listen too long, there's no doubt about it, they're gonna want to leave their husbands for folks like us. Not Toledo, but us, the three of us. Not him. He's kind of the counterb to that. But he could watch and he'd love that. Very interested. Man, that's a great song. Makes me want to climb on Brady, combo him up. That lady's gonna explode in the middle. It's gonna be like a joke cigar down there.

[Brady]

Oh, oh, something's happening. Do the Brady impression. Oh, yeah, baby. You know I like to give it to you good and hard. Oh, my God. I can't control it. I'm in love with Brady Imp.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I don't leave the house anymore, Brad. That's it. That's it. I hermit up, I go outside, and.

[Brady]

Later'S like, he's the one that does the Brady print. Oh. Oh, my God. I'm a Niagara Falls down there. Just thinking about it.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of times I can't hear, like, women will be talking to me and stuff. They're like. A lot of times they'll sit and say, oh, I listen to you and I hate your show. I'm like, oh, yeah? Why? Well, it's a. Then they start to explain it, and then I can't hear him because I'm just.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I can't. I can't. What are you saying? Sounds so. The babbling brook is loose.

[Brady]

I have to go. I hate you.

[John Holmberg]

That's the reason you don't like me. Ladies, basically, I'm the new Barry White.

[Brady]

Why don't you come over here, slip out of that brassiere, and give me.

[John Holmberg]

What you're good for? Girl, feel myself slipping.

[Brady]

Not that deep voice, negro. Something high pitched and relatively feminine. That's what the lady's like. He doesn't need to be told.

[Larry McFeely]

The duet's pretty solid.

[Brady]

He's just intimidated. They've seen blacked.com in the 70s. They didn't know what was coming at him with this. But now they know they want something a lot less intimidating. I'm your huckleberry.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's another one. I want to listen to this all day. My life, my everything. If we could just get Brady to sing these. The ladies, would they just erupt in moisture? You thought it rained hard last night? Suggestions already coming in.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady White for the squares today.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady White. Yeah. Wow. No, this city can't take it. You want your ladies to just calm. So many car accidents of the spontaneous orgasms that they'd be having.

[Brady]

That's what you are.

[John Holmberg]

I know. All right, we'll do a little Brady White later. Had his penis. He's got to get a surgery because of us. Because his lady started to laugh. Don't listen to this show. In the throes of it all, dummies. And how in the world are you doing that? And, like, paying attention? Like, I could. I could blank this out pretty easily if I'm focusing on me and Megan.

[Brett Vesely]

Don'T ever ask you to do Brady impressions.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, it's. Look. No, it's like when you show an Aussie shepherd sheep. That's all they think about. From there on, you do a Brady impression in the middle of a stroke or right when they're having an orgasm. It unlocks the. It's like a cheat code. It unlocks them. And then, you know, later on down the road, you can just be sitting at dinner with friends and she can't control herself. Just lean over and go.

[Brady]

Are we gonna get the yogurt and taters?

[John Holmberg]

And it's. She just starts.

[Brady]

Stop it. You know what that does to me. Did you get the vapor lock?

[John Holmberg]

Don't, Paul.

[Brady]

We're in public. Oh. Oh, we're in public. You know how I go, baby.

[John Holmberg]

Try it. Even if your wife doesn't understand the show, just lean over to her tonight.

[Brady]

And go watch for dinner, bitch. This is a new you. And I think I love it.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing sexier than the Brady impression at all. Oh, yeah. This gets me started, though. Just the music. Just the anticipation of him coming on. He sucked. He was big fat effort, too. Just like Jerry curled his beard. Oh, yeah. Like kissing him would have been like kissing an oil pan.

[Larry McFeely]

Man, so much hair product.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, glistening soul glow. Soul glow all over his face. That beard just sparkling in the light. The second he starts singing, you're like, I wouldn't win this fight. Have you.

[Brett Vesely]

Have you guys ever done Barry for Nice Thing Dead?

[John Holmberg]

No, but we're going to. I'm putting it on as Brady. Brady White girl, you're my reality.

[Larry McFeely]

I thought maybe you did one song.

[Brady]

You're my first, my last, my everything.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

Ow. I've never felt such a sensation. I'll get you a towel.

[John Holmberg]

Just made me picture Brady with a beard, all Jerry curled up and shiny. Cause that's what she pictures. And that's what the ladies love. Cheat code. We found it. We have a very busy show today. Steve O's gonna come in, Caliento's doing the squares, and the Sklar brothers are also coming back for the squares. This is gonna be. I was talking to Randy.

[Larry McFeely]

Holy circus.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's gonna be great. The circus. I will. I will man the circus wisely. Good luck with that. I got it. I can do this. Oh, I can handle this. There's nothing. It's less for me to do. It's a dream come true. Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. So let's get a wake up song, get started, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it. It's hard to wake up. We'll scream it together. It's 98kV.

[Brady]

Wake up.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona's most powerful radio station. He said fully erect.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I sure do. It's MMP Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live. You can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in invent inventory daily with no weight.

[Brett Vesely]

Well there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com It's Brady from the HMS.

[Larry McFeely]

Crew for game Day Men's Health, the Valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more energy, medical, weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day Men's Health Clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with Game Day Men's Health.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely. Look, your AC has been working hard for you all summer long, so give it some love with Patrick Riley. Heating, cooling, plumbing and drains. Right now you can get a 59H VAC system check which includes a full equipment inspection, refrigerant level check and free electronic leak detection. And that's a 99 value. Need a new system? No problem. Score 1500 dollars off right now. Hot and stuck. Well, they offer emergency same day service and before you commit, get a free second op with no pressure. Go to PatrickRileyServices. Com that's PatrickRileyServices.

[John Holmberg]

Com.

[Brett Vesely]

Patrick Riley one call does it all.