08-18-25 - Woman Unaware She Was Pregnant Delivers Cryptic Baby In Hotel Toilet - Guy John Knows Thinks Taylor Swift Is A Satanist And We Question What Their Goal Is - Update On Brady's Food Choices From Weekend

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – August 18, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness dives into three main subjects: a wild hotel story where a woman unknowingly gave birth to a “cryptic” baby in a hotel toilet, a lengthy debate about conspiracy theories relating to Taylor Swift being a Satanist, and a check-in on Brady’s ongoing food choices. The hosts, led by John Holmberg with Brett Vesely, Brady Bogen, and Dick Toledo, take their trademark irreverent, bantering approach, mixing humor with pointed observations and personal anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The “Cryptic” Baby Story

Timestamps: Approx. 08:00–29:00

• Story Recap: The hosts recount a news story about a 45-year-old woman, Helen Green, who unexpectedly gave birth in a Holiday Inn hotel bathroom in Toronto without knowing she was pregnant.
• Disbelief and Reactions: The group expresses disbelief that someone could carry a baby to term and not realize it, poking fun at the idea of “cryptic pregnancies” and the possible “divorce sounds” of a surprise crying infant.
• Humor & Speculation: They theorize about unnoticed weight gain and joke about the family’s appearance, their hotel choice, and the logistics of suddenly having an extra child on a road trip.
• Sympathy to Listeners: They take a moment to respond to a listener’s email about the loss of a pet, briefly touching on universal experiences of loss.
• Marriage Consequences: Holmberg discusses how such a shocking event could threaten a marriage with his characteristic sarcasm:

  “There isn’t a man on the planet who embraces that.” – Holmberg (24:45)

• Discussion on Holiday Inns: The hosts reminisce about staying in Holiday Inns, their “Holodomes,” and the hierarchy of hotels on family vacations.

Notable Quote:

“If you look at your wife right now and you’re like, I don’t know if she’s pregnant or not, get out. Get out right now.” – John Holmberg (14:50)

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2. Taylor Swift Conspiracies and Satanism

Timestamps: Approx. 29:30–45:22

• Conspiracy Introduction: The conversation shifts to conspiracy theories, spurred by a friend of John’s (“Dave Nash”) who insists that Taylor Swift is a Satanist and part of a population-control cabal.
• Underlying Logic: The friend cites things like “a black cube on her desk” and performance imagery (snakes, “witchcraft” dancing) as proof of her satanic intent.
• Group Debate: The group analyzes the reasoning behind these conspiracies, questioning the end game and why no celebrity ever breaks ranks to reveal the truth of such alleged cabals (e.g., Illuminati, Satanic cults).
• Symbolism in Pop Culture: They joke about how Swift isn’t even that intimidating or glamorous to men, with several hosts sharing views on her appeal, or lack thereof.
• Broader Skepticism: Holmberg expresses disbelief about there supposedly being a perfectly organized Satanic celebrity cabal with zero leaks:

  “How come Satanism seems to be so tight and buttoned up? Because you know why? He’s running a tight ship. The consequences are real.” – John Holmberg (41:00)

• Jokes About Satanist Recruitment: The hosts humorously question why they, as local celebrities, haven’t been approached by the Satanists, musing about their willingness to join for the right price.

Notable Quotes:

• “No man has ever taken the time to masturbate to Taylor Swift. She doesn’t appeal to men that way.” – Bryan Rendell (quoted on the show, 37:23)
• “Taylor Swift is a white Asian… she’s tall, but the body is very much white Asian. It’s got that. Not a butt…” – Matthew Smith (quoted on the show, 38:00)
• “If Taylor Swift is, in fact, a Satanist, it would make her far more interesting. And that I completely agree with 100%.” – John Holmberg (43:32)

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3. Brady’s Food Choices & Personal Anecdotes

Timestamps: Approx. 45:22–51:56

• Food Diary: The hosts grill Brady about his food intake over the weekend, poking fun at his supposed dietary recklessness. Brady details lighter choices like hummus and soup, but the group feigns disbelief (“There was a brisket or a bite of something…”).
• Ongoing Teasing: They joke about his wife Ronnie possibly sabotaging his health for insurance reasons, blending inside jokes and over-the-top speculation.

Notable Moment:

“Did Ronnie slap it out of your mouth ever?” – John Holmberg, ribbing Brady (51:10)

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4. Listener Interactions, Billiards Stories, and Side Tangents

Throughout Episode, e.g., 00:00–04:19

• Personal Updates: Holmberg offers a humorous account of trying to improve his pool game, lamenting the frustrations of switching between table sizes (“Don’t start new hobbies like that. It’s frustrating. You don’t need this kind of frustration at this age…”).
• Animal Advocacy: A touching email about a listener’s late dog prompts a rare moment of straightforward empathy.
• Miscellaneous Tangents: The group riffs on childhood, hotel pools, and news-of-the-weird, all in a relaxed, bantering manner.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On surprise hotel births:
  “She had no idea what was happening. Two big pushes later. Look in the toilet, there’s a baby. She didn’t know she was pregnant.” – Brett (10:13)

• On Taylor Swift’s allure:
  “She’s a pretty lady right there. But you would not do a second look… No man has ever taken the time to masturbate to Taylor Swift…” – Bryan Rendell/John Holmberg (37:23)

• On conspiracy cabals:
  “It’s a strange conspiracy… Not one celebrity has ever said, ‘No, we discussed this.’… Wouldn’t there be a leak at one point?” – John Holmberg (31:20)

• “How come Satanism seems to be so tight and buttoned up? …Because he’s running a tight ship. The consequences are real.” – John Holmberg (41:00)

• On personal frustrations:
  “Don’t start new hobbies like that. It’s frustrating. You don’t need this kind of frustration at this age like 50s and stuff. You start new things, no wonder old people never start anything new…” – Brett (06:03)

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Highlights & Run-Down (Timestamps)

| Time | Segment | Key Highlights | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–06:30| Personal anecdotes, pool/billiards, listener email | Holmberg's hobby frustrations, dog owner empathy | | 08:00–29:00| Cryptic pregnancy / “toilet baby” story | Disbelief, dark humor, hotel musings, marriage jokes | | 29:30–45:22| Taylor Swift Satanist conspiracy debate | Cabals, “black cube,” Satanic panic in pop culture | | 45:22–51:56| Brady’s food choices, grilling & health humor | Food details, family jokes, ongoing burger suspicions | | 51:57–End | Show wrap-up, song requests, random asides | Reflecting on conspiracy fame, local celebrity recruitment |

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Conclusion

This episode expertly blends bizarre news (the hotel “toilet baby”) with signature humor and skepticism toward viral conspiracies (Taylor Swift as Satanist population-controller), interspersed with relatable personal stories and playful group banter. Holmberg and the crew keep their tone sharp, irreverent, and constantly questioning, whether they’re debunking cryptic pregnancy, dismissing pop cabals, or mocking each other’s lifestyle choices.

For listeners seeking a mix of absurd headlines, pop culture hot takes, and the camaraderie of morning radio, this episode offers a trademark HMS experience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brett]

It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the Core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do. Again, go to the Core Institute.com you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you, Katie. And the Hobbs, that's miles to nowhere. We got a burp on deck. Hang on. There we go. I kept it out of your ears because I'm a gentleman. Here in the morning sickness and emails that come flying in, it says John, he thought that flex that Trump had over Putin with the B2s was cool. You're not that far behind, my friend. Once you get that billiards instructor with his plane, you'll be able to have him fly over a single engine Cessna while you and Vlad are walking into tactical black. That's true. Have that. That's where you start. You start with a prop plane, fly do. That's still a pretty good flex. If you could have a prop plane fly over that, you know, you didn't hire. It just happened because maybe get my man Dr. Brink to shoot his Lear over once or tw get a couple. There's no prop. All right, I know. That's what I'm saying. I can start with the Lear rather than a prop.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine, like if somebody flew a Cessna over Putin, he'd just start laughing.

[Brett]

By the way, don't hang out with a dude with a plane. I had dinner with Dr. Brink on Friday and it wouldn't have been much to twist his arm to get that thing fired up and go up to Vegas like that. It's not right. It's not fair because he's like, I can get it done. Get ready in an hour and a half and everybody all of us at the table are like, oh, no. Yes, see if you can arrange that. And he's like, yeah, I can get a gassed up and ready to go. We'd be out of here by 11. I'm like, oh, man. Okay. If it wasn't for my. Our friend Jordan, who had baby duty. He had his three year old girl's soccer game the next morning. He's like, it's big game. Well, yeah, it's meaningful when a three year old's playing soccer. You know, it was her first one ever. And he's like, I'll get killed if I. And he was still. He was still considering it, but he was weighing the options of Is it worth it?

[Katie]

Nope.

[Brett]

Yeah, it is. It. Absolutely. I totally, yeah, totally worth it.

[Katie]

Well, it's good you don't have kids.

[Brett]

Yeah, totally worth it. But in the end, he just didn't want to hear it. One was so much better than the other. He admits that. And then. But you know, other people would say, oh, I just wanted to see a three year old girl's soccer game. And I said, I even told him, like, she's not even gonna remember that because I know, I know. He goes, ah. And he was considered. We almost had him into it. And then all of us are kind of like, yes, it's probably getting a little late.

[Katie]

You're like the musketeers.

[Brett]

It's all or none kind of. Yeah. And also, you know, it just seemed so excessive at the time. And the dude with the plane was like, I'll gas it up. Like, this is a terrible idea. And we started thinking about it and we're like, no, smart, let's be smart. Because you know the flight back's gonna suck. That we flew up there for no reason at all and then threw money all over the place and then came back like, why did we do this? Why? I missed my daughter's soccer game for this and you're down ten grand. It's not. It's a dumb move. It's not smart. But man, hanging out with a dude to the plane is different. And it's a flex and it makes you like love him a lot more. It makes his. Whatever he lacks in personality goes away when you realize about the plane and really. And brings fun, which doesn't help. You'd want him to kind of be a dick just so. The only thing that, like, he's cool and he has a plane, like, that's a tough combo. Ladies should be falling all over themselves completely. But yeah, maybe I'll get That, by the way, the billiards thing, the pool. So I've been playing at the rental house. It's a seven foot table. At my house, it's a nine foot table. And I've been really getting good at this.

[Katie]

You're improving your game.

[Brett]

Oh, Found some tricks that I've been, man. Not trick shots, but like little hints and things like, oh, this is gold. So I've been knocking this thing around on the set. Move to the nine foot table. I'm as bad as I've ever been. Again, I don't know what the difference is, but I can't play on a nine foot table. I'm terrible at it.

[Katie]

What's the size of the seven?

[Brett]

There's sevens and nines. So they, you know, they're. It's a bar size.

[Katie]

Is there only length or is it.

[Brett]

No, no, it's just, it's. It's a. I don't know how they work it, but it's. It's bigger all the way around. Like everything about it. You'll notice you've seen a bar pool table. Yeah, they're smaller. And then you see the tournament tables, they're. It's. There's more, more space on the more felt and your angles change.

[Katie]

It's like a football field and a.

[Brett]

Soccer field kind of. Yeah. But the game is much more fun on the seven footer. Cause I'm like, man, I got this one down. I'm chipping these things. I'm hitting the ball right where I want to and I'm like, damn it. Now I'm also learning about like, I have a really good pool cue, but I think it might be too heavy because I can't. I've got no touch. Oh, it's tough. This game sucks. I should have never gotten interested. But moving a nine foot, like moving on to that nine foot table and playing at the house, like, because I've been. Every time I'm at that rental thing, I'm like, I'll get like five or six games in because I'm waiting. I'm usually waiting for somebody to come drop something off or a package or whatever so it doesn't sit outside. And then trying it at home has been totally different because I got real good at the one over. And now I'm like, all it takes like three or four games a day. And then it moved over and I'm like, all right, big boy table. Terrible. Just absolutely. I've started to blame the balls. It was so bad. I'm like, something's wrong. With these balls, like they're weighted differently. This ain't the Terrible, terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Get you a new stick.

[Brett]

Well, I got a whole bunch of them. I just got to find the one that's right for me. I got a really good one, but it is a little heavy and then when I touch the ball it goes shooting off there. So I gotta learn. I'm not doing that. It's. But man, don't get just, you know what, don't start new hobbies like that. It's frustrating. You don't need this kind of frustration that you start getting this age like 50s and stuff. You start new things. No wonder people in their old people never start anything new. Just like set in their ways. This is hard.

[Katie]

When they retire, they jump into the.

[Brett]

Dumb stuff with other old kids.

[Katie]

Like, I got time.

[Brett]

Yeah, but you're competitive by yourself. That's more just get out of the house, get away from people. But it's not easy. It's a tough one. So tip of the cap to dudes who have done this for a while. Just have to also throw this in there. Tyler, who emails all the time, says, unfortunately my wife and I had to put our almost 14 year old Maltese down this weekend. Ellie May first dog together. We were just 19 years old ourselves when we got her, so this is one of the hardest things we've ever had to do. Ellie was also an avid listener of the morning sickness every morning for the last four years while we got ready and commuted to work. The sweet little girl was able to go to work with my wife every day, inseparable. Oh, this is tough. Initially had the home euthanasia scheduled, so I was going to ask if you boys could recommend some songs we could play to see her out. That's personal. That's up to you. I wouldn't. I wouldn't because it'll turn into jokes and I don't think that's a good idea. Things took a turn for the worse, so we had to take her in Saturday night. And he can help the grieving process if you can think of it musically. Be appreciated. Thanks for always being an amazing activist for the animals. And please remind folks to love their furry babies every chance they get. We don't have them long. That's from Tyler, Brittany and the late Ellie May. So tip your, tip your cookies down to your doggies today and give a hug to him for Ellie May. We all go through it. It's a commonality all us dog owners have and it's a bonding moment and all the time of division and political nonsense. We can all bond over one thing. Those dogs and cats make life better. Period. End of story. Don't care what side of the aisle you're on. Yelling at your neighbors and everything else. That's something we all deal with with. So sorry for you guys. Tyler, Brett, another high five. Bring it on. Biggest fear you and I probably have. I'm about to talk about it. It hits right home with age. It hits right home with where our lives are. It's amazing. Helen and Michael Green were 45 years old. They're both on vacation in Toronto, Canada on a road trip. Now they did have a 6 year old kid with them. They had. I know. Ruining the road trip. Six year old daughter Darcy was along with him. Helen got up in the Holiday Inn hotel. So if they didn't have kids they'd have been in a much nicer place. But they stayed in a dump because they've got it. Who's paying for a six year old's hotel room? Nobody. They don't appreciate it. Everybody was tucked into bed about 10:30, 11:00', clock, two, three hours later, Helen gets up with some stomach pain. She'd been eating wrong. Ain't good. Gotta share that Holiday Inn hotel bathroom. Like when Brady used to gas out Caitlin and Kirby in that. I'm sure he paid. It was probably a Red Roof Inn or something like that. You didn't pay top dollar for those ladies. You had two beds, a bathroom and a tv. Right? Maybe a couch in the corner.

[Katie]

There was a couch.

[Brett]

Yeah. But you had. You had that one single room. Yeah, it was the two beds right across from you. And was your daughter and her friend Katelyn who was quivering and crying in fear. She sleep cries. And Brady would go use the shared bathroom. Take huge night. Caitlyn would have to. She just put her face in that pillow and bury it. Well that's what's going on here with this whole family. But at least they're family. No strangers. Lady gets up in the middle of the night, she's got some pain. She's like oh this is gonna be a big one. She goes that my whole body wants to just push. She said I had no idea what was happening. And I thought I was constipated. Two big pushes later. Look in the toilet, there's a baby toilet. Baby. She didn't know she was pregnant.

[John Holmberg]

What kind of.

[Brett]

That's what I'm wondering. It's cryptic. Pregnancies. Yeah, she said after two massive pushes. I looked down, there was a baby. Picked her up out of the loo held her in my arms. Imagine my husband's shock when he woke up to the sound of a crying infant. Them's divorce sounds to me. That's that to me, that there's a divorce sound. You getting railed in the bathroom and moaning and groaning. That might be a divorce sound, but a guaranteed divorce sound. Baby sounds coming out of nowhere. Yeah. So she had what's called a. I think that's cryptic. It says, I was in such a daze we could hardly work out what was going on. We didn't know if the baby was. Well, we didn't even check to see if it was a boy or a girl. The paramedic had to tell us later. A cryptic pregnancy is a woman who has no idea she's pregnant for the entirety of the pregnancy, and then the baby just falls out of her. Now she's 45, so she's blaming, like, no periods on menopause. Like she's thinking that she's kind of clocked out of periods, so she's not really having them anyway. No reason to go to the doctor. She's not putting on any weight now. There's no pictures of her.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably because she was already at weight.

[Brett]

Well, there's one of her. There's none that make you realize if she's huge or not. She's in a hospital gown here, so you can't tell. Face looks thin.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but she's got some broad shoulders there.

[Brett]

That's exactly what I saw. And the daughter's face ain't keeping it together. Like the family ain't eating right.

[Katie]

No, the ones in the bed.

[Brett]

Yeah, the big lady in the bed, she's.

[Katie]

Oh, my gosh. That looked like a dude for me.

[Brett]

No. Well, she just took breeze. She just had a crip. She woke up at three in the morning and had a baby. She didn't know you wanted her to doll up. Okay, that's three in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

Take a dump and. Well, she really.

[Brett]

Let's give it to brady for his 1950s ways. Bitch didn't put any makeup on on the way to the hospital.

[Katie]

Take pictures.

[Brett]

Wow. Brady. Yeah. The daughter's got a little cherub cheek thing going on, which means there's an awful lot of chick fil a flowing through the house. An awful lot. And they're not getting the grilled chicken, so. Yeah, I. Big arm too. I don't know what to think of her, but I can't imagine a regular sized lady being cryptically pregnant with something that comes out of her seven or eight.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm not noticing. I mean like I didn't know I was pregnant. What are you talking about?

[Brett]

They kept asking me in the hospital. She said about the pregnancy and I couldn't answer them. I just kept saying I don't know any of this. She has an 18 year old son. Claimed she had massive bumps during her two previous pregnancies. Like when she was pregnant with Harry, the 18 year old, she's like, I used to get big giant belly from him. And then her other kid, Darcy. Big. Yeah, back again. That was when she came 20 years ago. And then about six years ago she had Darcy and like that's it. Grace, what you're telling me is a few years ago you had a body shape where it was noticeable that you were pregnant. Now you ballooned up a little bit. You complained about bloating so much that you just, you know, your body is not. You could be pregnant. Maybe. Who knows? Who knows? Never a good sign. Said huge shock. They enjoyed the lovely surprise of now 11 week old daughter Olivia. They named after one of the nurses at the hospital. Can you imagine, Brett, how horrible that would be? And the guy has to play pretend it's fine. How horrible it would be if she pooped a baby at the Holiday Inn. And you're trying to be like, oh yeah, no, I'm thrilled with this. I'm so happy about it. You're already on a road trip where the only thing you can afford is a Holiday Inn. Things didn't just get better. Sure you have this emotional bond with your turd baby, but things did not just get better in your life because your wife pooped a child out at the. Keep in mind the Holiday Inn. It's not like you were at the, you know, two bedroom penthouse suite somewhere in Toronto's nicest, you know, Ritz Carlton almost wants sickness. What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Katie]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[Brett]

Could you be more specific?

[Katie]

When it's cray venient. Okay, Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at am, pm. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can.

[Brett]

Grab in just a second at am, pm. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Katie]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Brett]

Crave, which is anything from am, pm. What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience am, pm Too much. Good stuff. Homburg's morning sickness. You Pulled over and checked rates. You didn't even make a reservation at the holiday and you saw a glowing sign that said vacancy and pulled in. You were saving money. Your family vacation was Toronto. This baby just broke your ass. That dude. I give him two weeks before Toledo's dad kicks in and it is over. For the fear this happens again. You're married to somebody who's. If you look at your wife right now and you're like, I don't know if she's pregnant or not. Get out. Get out right now. If you can look at a woman and say, I'm not sure what's going on, you could be pregnant and I wouldn't notice. Get away from that immediately. And you know what ladies? Same with a guy. If he looks like he might be pregnant, he's quit too. Horrifying. Poop babies. Brett, give me a timeline on this. On how long you have to stick around after she poops a baby at the Holiday Inn. Is there like a thing like when she finds out she's dying or like she, she gets her arm cut off or something like that. And you're like, you have to stay 90 days of sympathy for what? I'm just asking for a cutoff arm. You wouldn't stick around for a little.

[John Holmberg]

While for cut off? I thought you, I thought you were talking for poop baby.

[Brett]

No, no, no. Poop baby's different. Yeah, but cut off arm, you got to stick around. She gets in a fire or something, you got to stay for a little bit, right?

[Katie]

That's a two hundred thousand dollar fine.

[Brett]

For what? Poop baby. Whatever.

[Katie]

To raise a kid now.

[Brett]

Oh yeah, it's. It's a tariff. Like people about tariffs. Everything's going to be more expensive. Oh yeah, that's a huge one. Poop baby I think is a. Maybe a week maybe. Still gotta pay for it. Why? Well, no, you do have to pay legally. They're gonna get you, they're gonna garnish your way. Toledo down it, make a deal with it. Those days are over.

[John Holmberg]

It's worth paying for it.

[Brett]

You take the L and bounce man, Holiday Inn. You put that up for adoption immediately and you have a nice talk with her going. I know you're probably kind of attached to this, but you didn't even know you were pregnant.

[Katie]

It goes the other way for a lot of people. That's a miracle baby.

[Brett]

No, no such thing. If you had miracles in your life, you wouldn't be sleeping at Holiday Inns, that's for sure. The only time you need a Holiday Inn is an emergency. You don't plan that. Holiday Inns there for you if you need it. It isn't. Nobody ever goes on Trivago and says, find me a two bedroom President's suite at the Holiday Inn. It's there in case. That's for road trips. And.

[Katie]

Well, and they're also, you know, you.

[Brett]

And Randy's in small towns. Sure. They're. They're everywhere. Yeah. Yep. They're. They're the McDonald's. They're very useful. They're nobody's vacation destination.

[Katie]

You get a Holodome, you might get a little something to it.

[Brett]

I don't even know what that is. Is that a thing?

[Katie]

It's where they had the indoor. The outdoor pool they used to.

[Brett]

Oh, the big thing they cover. Yeah. In Ohio. That's right. In Ohio, they covered their pools because.

[Katie]

You can swim during the winter.

[Brett]

Is that a real thing they called them or did you make that up?

[Katie]

That's what they called them.

[Brett]

Are you sure you've gone through this before? Hollow Dome just wasn't a cool boat.

[Katie]

I don't think they use that term anymore. That was from like the 80s.

[Brett]

Okay. I remember we get stuck in Toledo sometimes and we'd pull out of the Holiday Inn because we'd be driving from Indiana to Pennsylvania and my dad would get tired every time around Toledo. And then he discovered, hey, we all fit in the car. We don't need a room. Let's park here and sleep. The cops woke us one night and said we had to leave because we were a vagrant.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's.

[Brett]

He's right. Yeah. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

There were large climate controlled indoor spaces that often included swimming pools, tiki bars.

[Brett]

There's a lot of things. Like Brady thought Toll House cookies were something his mother made. Like you like. A lot of times you got confused. Branding versus the reality. So I didn't. I've never heard Holidone, but Beggars Night for Halloween. Yeah. That's not a four. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. Nobody does.

[John Holmberg]

Look at this.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a Holodom.

[Brett]

The pictures of the Hollow. I've been there and I've been inside of a holodome. Didn't know I was in it, but.

[Katie]

I stayed at a Holodome in Warsaw, Indiana.

[Brett]

Well, you stayed at the Holiday Inn. You didn't stay in the pool. Or is it all called a holodome?

[Katie]

It's called the Holodome.

[Brett]

The whole thing.

[Katie]

So they have the rooms and then they have the Holodome, which has.

[Brett]

And it's a Holiday Inn with an indoor pool. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like the rooms all face the Holodome too.

[Brett]

All right. If they're staying at a holiday in Toronto. Not bad still, though.

[John Holmberg]

No, I told David they don't do it anymore. So.

[Brett]

Yeah, you got some high end holidays. It's Toronto. It's. It's the biggest city in Canada. It's their New York. This thing has probably a fountain blue. Exactly. There's probably. Yeah, they're Frenchies too. Yeah, So a baby comes out of a lady in the middle of them. And plus, by the way, your marriage wasn't going great in the first place where you're willing to have 3am with each other. She didn't even have the decency to go down the lobby and not wreck the room. She doesn't care about you anymore. She was going to do a Brady and take a huge right in the bathroom and then wander back to bed with rust butt. Yeah, exactly. That was her intention. If you don't hear a shower running right after a 3am unexpected, your partner doesn't care about you anymore. If that wafts in behind and Brady, this is a lesson to you. If it wafts in behind and you get right back in bed and strap that CPAP on and she's got to suck in your for the next 35 minutes while you rust butts fart all night long next to her. Ugh, your marriage is toast.

[John Holmberg]

Call Sean Connery toast.

[Brett]

At the very least, go down the hall. Go to the lobby. If you have a shared tiny Holiday Inn bathroom, I think it would be worse to poop in it. This is a difference that you pooped it and you kept it because you had to name it and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

So you got to pull it out and clean it off and everything.

[Brett]

It's tied to her.

[Katie]

Swim too long.

[Brett]

No, I don't think it was down there, you know, doing laughs in the baby holodom. Kind of gave birth in the holodome in the bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

Bungee cord.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, that's what it is. You just kind of pull it up by its rope, then it's by the belly button and they hang on to its head and stuff. I guess that's important. And you look at it and go, well, I don't want this. I'm wondering how much of a discussion there was of like, well, nobody even knows. We don't have to do anything with this. And then like clip that cord. Stuff that stuff. Pack her up again and then just find a place for this thing that's.

[Katie]

Where they find those.

[Brett]

Every once in a while that happens. There had to be a discussion. What do we do with this?

[Katie]

I think we have to keep it real.

[Brett]

Yeah, the guy had to, like, three times. It's amazing. What a. Oh, crap. Ugh. Holiday Inn's got, like, a chute, right? We're not doing that. Damn it.

[Katie]

That's what they named him. Crap.

[Brett]

We call the paramedics. For what? We're keeping this thing? Yes. Oh, my God. Well, there's a fire department right on the road. I think Canada's got the same rules. Draw it. You can't surprise me with this and act like it's a gift. Like you didn't even know either. You weren't attached to the pregnancy. You're as surprised as I am. So you're not close to it. You don't have any emotional bonds to this right now. It was a poop eight minutes ago. I love her. Oh, crap. I thought I was just gonna take a huge. And ruin the family's vacation here at the holodome.

[Katie]

Hey, look, buddy. It's a tiny hoser.

[Brett]

This lady just pooped out a baby. Eh? We gotta do something about it. Eh? Olivia. Oh, that's a beautiful name. Eh?

[John Holmberg]

Sounds like another vacation.

[Brett]

Yeah. Oh, it's a disaster at 45. That's what this menopause thing starts getting scary. Broad start, you know? That's why Dr. Lynn High five. Kill the sperms before she starts dropping off periods and having her alarm system not work anymore. That's like what black people do. They unplug all the fire things in their house. That's the same thing a period is. It's just basically every month it gives you a test. Beep, beep. It still works. But you go to your black friend's house, you see all the wires hanging out of the ceiling? It beep, beeps and they quit. Same with a woman in menopause. Those periods stop working, your alarms don't work anymore. You don't know when to react. Poop babies may be my biggest fear. Dude's gonna be 65 at high school graduation. Brady, you're pushing that. You're not gonna be 65, but you'll be awfully close. We're assuming Brady's actually going to make it to the graduation. Let's just not get ahead of ourselves.

[Katie]

Callers, be close.

[Brett]

There's no way in hell Brady makes it to that. But let's play. Yeah, that'd be fun for you. Wait. She had two kids and she didn't know what it Was like, to be pregnant, she had to have hogged out Toilet Baby for the win. Joe Gross emails that over. It's this guy says Holiday Inn kicks ass broke. Don't talk trash about the five star Holiday Inn. That's where we take our classy hoes. They have a complimentary breakfast. Ask Brady. That's from Chingy and Ludacris. I didn't know that they were. I know they listened. That's a tough one, though. But this guy says Toilet Bowl Baptism or Roto Rooter Resurrection. These are good band names. Yeah. For Marcus Meng's show. Toilet Bowl Baptism is a fantastic man. Anyway, if it happens to you, you can go to the news immediately and say it's a miracle. But ask your husband. His initial feeling. I guarantee you there isn't a man on the planet who embraces that.

[Katie]

It is amazing how that's tipped off, that whole story.

[Brett]

Well, it goes to the hospital and then it becomes a thing. And the hospital tells the story, and next thing you know, that's. I can understand why those dominoes fall. The girl who had the rogue tampon in her for 30 days, I don't know how that got out, but there isn't a man alive on this planet.

[Katie]

She put that out there.

[Brett]

Guaranteed not one man alive who hears his wife go, come in here real quick, and there's a surprise baby.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't go in there.

[Brett]

Not one man is happy about that. If you're asleep and you don't have a baby and your wife gets up and goes to the bathroom and you hear, wake up going, my life just drastically changed because I'm single now.

[Katie]

You're gonna get some connery therapy.

[Brett]

I don't know. If you go beat her up. She's been through a lot. I go in the bathroom, start whacking her around. That's awful.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, to me, if.

[Brett]

Put some makeup on. We gotta go to hospital now.

[John Holmberg]

If Matthias in the bathroom says, can.

[Brett]

You come in here real quick?

[John Holmberg]

And she was in there dropping a deuce to begin with. First of all, I'm not going in because she's dropping a deuce, or I'm not going in because she just dropped a baby. Either way, I'm out.

[Brett]

There's no reason for me to go in the bathroom while you're in there. You scream and come in here real quick to the bathroom, you better be half dead.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

And they're buying. There shouldn't be anybody else in there. No. New rule. Marriages end. If you go to the bathroom and there's A second person in there you didn't expect. That's a new rule. If I catch you in the bathroom with somebody that shouldn't be there, it's over. That includes infants.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, especially infants.

[Brett]

Come in here. I want you to meet this guy. Nope. I shouldn't be shaking hands with anybody in the bathroom ever. At three in the morning in my own room. I got this room. There was one, two, three of us. And now you've popped out of fourth. That person ain't getting in the car. This road trip was for three. That's what I budgeted. Ugh. Oh, my God. This guy makes a good point. So the whole other nightmare that begins. If they're from America, that kid has to get a passport in Canada in order to get back home. Well, I guess they got to leave it. Oh, couldn't get them a passport. We got to get back to work on Monday.

[John Holmberg]

It's actually the best part of the story.

[Brett]

It's a Canadian citizen. I don't want to break any laws. Those Canadians. Jails are tough up there, I hear. I don't have any interest in going to Toronto's jail for some baby I just met a day ago. I've got no real ties to that. You swaddled it awesome. We weren't expecting. And it also goes back to my theory. This whole pregnancy thing, it's pretty easy. Ladies make a big deal out of it because they like attention.

[John Holmberg]

There we go.

[Katie]

It's just hard to believe that she didn't know it's.

[Brett]

Which is why, well, 8 billion people on the planet. Pregnancy is not hard. You know, it's like somebody coming home complaining about having to make McDonald's hamburgers because they work at McDonald's. It's sort of easy. And it's. I get it.

[Katie]

You're gonna get smacked by someone that's trying to have a baby.

[Brett]

Good luck. It's burdensome to be pregnant, but it's not that hard. Oh, I thought you meant getting pregnant. No, no. Getting pregnant. That's the guy's fault. I'll tell you that. If you can't get pregnant because the dude's not a man. Fact. You heard Steve O. 50 million swimmers per shot. None of you guys are strong enough to break one egg. Come on. That's a weak man. If you're trying to get pregnant and you're a man, you will. Especially if the lady's going to like doctors that are saying, oh, she's. Her fertility is low and she's not real, and you still put one in There you feel like more of a man than you could ever feel like. I'm just giving you trouble. Holmberg's morning sickness. I'll tell you right now, pregnancy is not that hard. We make a big deal out of it. Go over to Africa. It's the only continent that actually has a population that's growing right now. Like, African nations are the only ones that are seeing population increase. All the other first world countries are going the other way. America's in decline. Japan's in decline. All the Europe has a lot of countries that are going the wrong way. Africa's the only one. And they just drop babies out like nobody's business. No prenatal care. There's no, you know, they just like, yeah, there's nothing to it.

[John Holmberg]

They got some catching up to do. The rest of us knowing that you shouldn't be increasing it. Come on.

[Brett]

No, I agree with that. We need to be going. I'm with the idea of going the other way, but anyway, they have surprise babies all the time over in Africa. Like, well, there's another one it's not about.

[Katie]

India is still growing, too, right?

[Brett]

India has. Yeah, I think African India, I think. But, yeah, I'm not so sure. I think Asia as a whole is not. And India's part of that. As far as continents, maybe as a country, India is still even up or going higher. But Africa is like, it's on the.

[Katie]

Up pans throwing out reward money.

[Brett]

Japan's like, in the next 60 years, be down to, like, a third of where they are right now. It's insane.

[Katie]

Get paid to have a kid.

[Brett]

Yeah, I know that's not worth it. Not at all worth it. But have fun with that. I think it could be a treat for everybody to get paid to not have one. I think that's even better. Even though it'll get the conspiracy theorists all warmed up. I spent time with a man named Dave Nash this weekend, and Dave is a conspiracy theorist. And he brought up, or someone brought up the idea of Taylor Swift being on the Kelsey podcast. And I'd never thought this was the angle we would take, but we're like, yeah. And I actually said, you know, she's a basic woman. Like, there's nothing about her that's stunning to me. Nothing about her that's overly talented. Like, she's really good at what she does. But I don't get the hype. I don't get the crazy. Like, I get that she's famous and she's good at it, but she's not to me. She's not.

[Katie]

She's got that.

[Brett]

She's not the Beatles because she's safe to women. She's not big, giant lips and big bbls. And like, she's. She's an attainable feature of. Like, you could. Most women would look at her and go, she doesn't intimidate or scare me.

[John Holmberg]

No. She's walking down the street, you're like, man, she's pretty.

[Brett]

She's a pretty lady right there. But you would not do a second look. You're not. Yeah. You're not like, oh, my God, she's amazing. She's good. But, you know, that's usually the conversation men have about Taylor Swift. Women lose their minds, like, she's the greatest thing in the world. And I get it. The younger women especially. But Dave Nash hits me with, you know she's a Satanist, right? I haven't heard that yet. Yeah, she's all for the population declining. And I'm like, she wants to kill her fans. Like, yep, she does. She does. And I'm like, that's interesting. I've not heard that. I'm like, what gave you that? She goes, she's got a black cube on her desk, and that's the sign that you've been. I'm like, there's a trophy. When you enter this world of made.

[Katie]

A deal with the devil, you get the cube.

[Brett]

This weird sort of group, the. The. I don't know what you call them, but they're like this. The Tom Hanks and Oprah eat babies group. Yeah, that. You go in there and, yeah, they plop down a black cube and like, congratulations, you remember? And not one celebrity has ever said, no, we discussed this. I'm like, it's a strange conspiracy for me on that is Taylor Swift wasn't always. If he's right, wasn't always a Satanist who wanted to be a globalist and have one world government that oversees the population and crushes it down with vaccines and such. We got into that. He went. He went down the rabbit hole. And I started laughing because I've always thought, like, did that. Like, at one point, did they have a meeting and go, you know, Ted Danson's pretty hot right now, like in the 80s. Like, maybe we should get him on this cabal. Like, you know what? Let's ask him. They run the risk of asking a celebrity that goes, are you out of your mind? No, not doing that. And I go, boy, dancing is not joining up. And now he knows about us. Wouldn't there be a leak at One point. All the celebrities or immediately like, oh thank God I'm in it. I got to be part of whatever.

[Katie]

The group's calling us.

[Brett]

Yeah. A cult. A cabal. It's something. But they all seem to like join right up and for the right price. You know. We got a pretty successful show here in Phoenix. If you want to drop a couple million my way. I'll join your Satanist death cult. I don't care.

[Katie]

Put a cube on my desk.

[Brett]

I don't have to kill anybody. Right? All I have to do is like. Like do vaccine commercials and like try to make everybody die. In a hundred years. I could do that.

[John Holmberg]

There's a Taylor Swift Satanist conspiracy.

[Brett]

It's a real thing. Says the claims that Taylor Swift is a Satanist are rooted in the conspiracy theories that have amplified on social media. They are symbolic interpretation. Some people interpret the snake imagery Taylor Swift used during a Reputation era. So snakes automatic. Dang. Count that one. Music video imagery she did in her song Willow Earner. Dancers are doing stuff that is interpreted as witchcraft. Boyzone star Shane Lynch's accusations Former Boyzone singer Shane Lynch. I don't know. A devout Christian. Has openly accused Taylor Swift of performing Satanic rituals during her show. Is it working though? Because she's got like a lot of Swifties. 70,000 jillion Swifties. But are they all. Are you noticing they're a bit Satanist? Are they picking up some influence? But if you have to be told what you're watching is a satanic ritual. Is it working?

[John Holmberg]

She's converting Arrowhead Stadium. I don't know.

[Brett]

That's true. Counter arguments and alternative interpretations. Critics of the Satanist theory argue that these interpretations are oversimplified. Which I'm saying. She has a Christian background. Swift has publicly stated she's Christian. Has referenced her faith in interviews indirectly in her lyrics. She was raised in a Christian home. Some other conspiracies. The Swift is part of a larger trend of conspiracy theories targeting her. Linking her to secret societies like the Illuminati or Psyop, which is a government Psychops. They're using her to like brainwash kids.

[Katie]

We're in trouble. But it's gonna happen.

[Brett]

Okay?

[Katie]

She's gonna convert hundreds of millions when she does the super bowl halftime this year.

[Brett]

Could be. But I thought Beyonce was also a Satanist. That was good. And I didn't. I watched it. I didn't feel any different about population control or Satan. I just thought she. She had a nice ass. That was about as far as I went with it. Oh, and Beyonce, my Christ, called Dr. J. Schwartz right now. Taylor Swift does not have a nice ass. Let me go on the record and say that is not, thank God, a nice ass.

[Katie]

I'm still wondering about this black cube.

[Brett]

I don't know what it is, but if you have one on your desk, just know that people will find something. Do that. But, yeah, so I didn't expect that, but we did a podcast together. It'll come out later in the week. And at the end of it, we just let Dave have his theories. Like, just the end of it, just say, okay, go ahead, Dave, five minutes.

[Katie]

What do you got today?

[Brett]

It was then it was pretty interesting. Like, it was.

[Katie]

He knows a lot of them.

[Brett]

Okay. But the problem I have with it, and I don't mind conspiracies that make sense, but Taylor Swift being a Satanist, what is the end game? Tom Hanks and Oprah eating babies. And the end game is, according to him, that the population dies off and gets down to like half a million. I think there's the. Well, the pillars of Globalist World. I've known about those. They're in Atlanta and on there. Says that they want the population to be this very specific number because that's the number that they feel they can control. Control, yeah. And that's it. And you can't control a population that's this big. However you go, not one celebrity has been invited into this and then said no. You point to celebrities that have died, they weren't big enough to be asked to be part of that. Like Brittany Murphy and like, who else? Tupac, I guess. Maybe we're in it. Or we're not saying. Like, maybe they said, where do you make the cut? Yeah, maybe they said no when they got killed. But, I mean, those guys weren't going to. They weren't going to make any. Like, Taylor Swift makes sense to me. She's got a massive audience. Tupac had a big audience, but it isn't, let's get him to control the world size. This one says, how much are they paying you to hide the truth? I watched Taylor Swift and now I'm gay. Well, that could happen anyway. I think he might have been before it was interesting. I do find that fascinating because he's such a normal person. And then we hit that Taylor Swift thing, and I'm like, wait, what?

[Katie]

He did?

[Brett]

She is a Satanist and her goal is to help control the earth with a globalized government. And you have this based on. She's got that black cube on her desk and I'm like, how have you seen her desk? Like some picture of her. She's standing next to some black orb. And now Travis Kelce also, his thing was, look what happened with Travis Kelce. Next thing you know, he's trying to kill everybody too. He's a Satanist as well. I'm like, travis Kelce is. And he said, yep, he got the two shots. Remember he was doing the commercials for the shots?

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Brett]

So if you were at all involved in vaccines and he doesn't believe vaccines in any way, shape or form, he's nuts. Matthew Smith, you may have the greatest phrase I've ever read in my life. I have been trying to succinctly describe how I feel about Taylor Swift for years now. My friend Bryan Rendell had the best one up until right now, which was no man has ever taken the time to masturbate to Taylor Swift. She doesn't appeal to men that way. She may be okay and we may think she's pretty, but she is not a sex goddess. She is not a drool over all over her type. So when Brian said that to me, I'm like, you know what? You're right. Matthew just nailed exactly why it says Taylor Swift is a white Asian. She's tall, but the body is very much white Asian. It's got that. Not a butt, but it's a. It's there, but it's not like very well.

[John Holmberg]

She must have put a spell on Kelsey because this is the first white broad he's been with. You look at all his old girls.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, he was. They were all curved into the thick one. So there is some arguments going towards the Satan that she has these types of powers. But again, not one has ever said, I don't want to be part of this. You go back and everybody who achieved amazing success, Madonna, I Remember in the 90s, she's part of the cabal. She's gonna. She does this, that and the other, and she's in a cult. Whole design is to indoctrinate your kids into believing that they need to, you know, die off, need to be careful.

[Katie]

Because look what happened to Blake Lively when she was friends. And they.

[Brett]

Here's the thing. If this is Satan's plan, if it is, you know, part of the whole Satanist movement, it's slow. At the very best, it's slow. Evidently it started with the polio vaccine. When I was born, there were 2 billion people on the planet. That was 53 years ago. There are 8 billion now. It ain't working. This whole thing ain't working. So Satan needs to shift gears because his whole. It's like what the Democrats did. Let's have celebrities on our team, and that'll win people over. And then it kind of moved them the wrong way. Satan using the celebrities is not working at all. Maybe in first world countries like the U.S. japan, couple places in Europe where our population's on the decline, but I think that's more the Internet. Satan's plan is taking too long. And if he's all powerful and all this, that and the other, you don't need Taylor Swift. Just do it yourself. But I don't mind spreading the idea that she's a Satanist because it is funnier that way. I would like for along the way, one of these conspiracy theories to be correct, and then one of the celebrities that's involved gets clumsy and lets it out. And then just to watch them all scramble, you know, because they're pretty. They're pretty organized and buttoned up. You know.

[Katie]

The documentary, you know, about Miscavige or whatever his name.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's an actual cult, though. They're not fooling around with Scientology. It's. That's a cult. But look, a couple of people fell out, tattled on him. Hasn't happened in the Satan cult that everybody goes on and on about that. Nobody's ever gonna. Yeah, I was in it for a little, like, if, you know, Taylor Swift came out and shook her head and went, you guys won't believe this, but for the last few years, I've been in the Satan cult and they're trying to take over the world. Like, nobody's broke ranks, not once. Even Scientology. It took like an hour before somebody's like, hey, wait a minute. This is crazy.

[Katie]

Yeah, I've been a high priestess for years, right?

[Brett]

It took the girl from King of Queens to go on and go, I'm going to do a documentary about how nuts this is and interview other people who have left. The Amish can't keep everybody in the Mormons. They have a whole TV show of helping them escape from the Colorado city. So there's always somebody who's like, I'm sick of this. Every religion has a breakaway. How come Satanism seems to be so tight and buttoned up? Because you know why? Because he's running a tight ship. The consequences are real. But it is fun to think about, and I kind of hope she is. And then it comes out. So here's my take on Taylor Swift. I've seen John Holmberg's ass in person and When a fart joke radio show guy has a nicer ass than you, that makes you three at best. That is true. I do have a nicer ass than Taylor Swift. And that does drop her from high level nine to about a four.

[John Holmberg]

High level nine, Whoa.

[Brett]

Well, I'm just saying, if you even thought of her as a nine. We didn't think of her as a nine. It drops her down to at least a two or a three. Factor Holg's morning sickness. He says, I think you're overlooking Dave Chappelle, John. The top of his career. He pretty much explained it. He said some stuff that was pretty damning on the. I saw that on the Inside the Actor Studio. I think it was more. There was some. There's definitely powers to be. Powers and control. I don't know. It was Satanism. There's some people who are into it. But Chappelle still didn't really break ranks and give details. He just said, you know, it drives people crazy. There's a lot of stuff going on that'll make these. But all actors are fragile weirdos. Remember the actors in high school? There weren't any normal people in drama ever. I was in drama, and I was the normal one. That's crazy right there. I did some drama stuff. I stayed away from it. I wanted to get into that. I'm like, this will be fun. I got into that room and I just looked around and I saw crazy. A lot of gay. A lot of kids cutting themselves, a lot of emotional strangeness. A lot of people who wanted to sing everything they said. And then me, like, oh, I don't really want to do this with you guys.

[Katie]

I want to do it all.

[Brett]

And then constantly you go, drama at Dobson High is a different building. Just put him over there. Because people didn't want to hear all the singing. And then the second you open the doors to go into that building, everything's coming up roses. Like some gay guy is in the corner singing with a fat lady. That's. And then you discover that's every drama department in every high school in America.

[Katie]

Okay, John, you're gonna be with James.

[Brett]

Yeah. Then there's the brooding kid, kind of cool. Something's wrong with him. And he's the one that the acting teacher loves the most. He's his James Dean. Matthew Lindley says if Taylor Swift is, in fact, a Satanist, it would make her far more interesting. And that I completely agree with 100%. Okay, here we go. Another one that you guys are really getting it together on this one. Taylor Swift is built like the iPhone that I am emailing you this on. She's got what I call frog butt. I call it beetle ass. Frog butt and beetle ass are the same. I know what you're talking about. It kind of goes and it swoops under itself. It kind of makes a move in at the bottom where it doesn't come out, and it goes whoosh. And it. Like a frog's ass. It's a very good description. Frog butt. Frog butt automatically drops you like you're coming at me and be like an 8. Now you got a frog butt. 5.

[Katie]

I'd have good jumping skills, maybe.

[Brett]

Got some springs on her, but what good is that? Now she can block my shot, too. Not interested in this.

[Katie]

Be good.

[Brett]

No, I don't need that. I don't need her hitting the rim before me. Can you get up there? Oh, yeah, I got frog butt. Damn it. Anyway, Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats this morning? Whether or not Taylor isn't Satanist.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Brett]

Wake up.

[John Holmberg]

So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop, of course, and, well, now's the weather's.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's getting down a little bit. But now's the time to get those bikes all serviced and ready for the season because Action Ride Shop's got the best wrenches in town. Head on over to the two locations right there on Power Road and McDowell, or the OG right there on Gilbert Road in Southern. They'll get y' all dialed in, and doesn't matter if you bought it from or not. A huffy, a pivot, whatever. They can fix it. They got all the skills. And if it's time to upgrade, they got the best lines of bikes in town. Pivot, Santa Cruz, Rocky Mountain. You name it, they got it. Or they'll get it for you.

[Brett]

It's actionrideshop.com this guy says, john, your drama skills were on display. No wonder you tried painting your pubes on for that neighbor girl. Yeah, you guys remember everything. That was before drama. I was in a play in sixth grade, but that was before drama. That was seventh grade. I was publess. She wanted to see it down south, I thought, so I drew some on. Luckily, never pulled my pants off for her because it was summertime. It was Labor Day weekend. We're coming up on the anniversary of that. Let me think back. This could very well be the 40th anniversary of me putting pubes on. Holding. 7th grade. 13.

[Katie]

Right when the Smurfs were out.

[Brett]

Yeah, it was like, 13 blue. Just turned 13 nose. Yeah. Smurfs were coming to the end there. They were. That was fourth, fifth, sixth grade. Seventh grade, summer. Just turned 13. So it was 85. Yeah. This is the 40th anniversary of the pube draw coming up. One.

[John Holmberg]

But here you go.

[Brett]

Here's a. I don't want the black one. I like it to be weird. It was a Sunday. No, actually, it was Monday night. Because the next day we were going to. The first day of school was Labor Day, in fact.

[Katie]

And you'd start on that Tuesday.

[Brett]

And we started school on the Tuesday. Yeah, Day after Labor Day. And I pubed up. And I was very excited about it because I was going into seventh grade, she was going into eighth grade. She went to Powell, and I went to Rhodes because we were in a gray area. You got to pick. I know.

[John Holmberg]

You should have known better.

[Brett]

Her name was Vasquez. That's true. She wouldn't go into Rhodes. They didn't let him in there.

[John Holmberg]

Then she went right over to Westwood.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. She was a Westwood guy. Yeah, exactly. Where she got along just fine. Where she not only had pubes, she had babies by the time she got there. Yeah. So she kept showing me her cans every day in the. We'd play baseball in the cul de sac, and then she'd show me her boobs. She was very athletic, by the way. Very. She one of those girls that would come along. You're like, she wants to play football and stuff with us. And you didn't even roll your eyes. Like, she's good. But she developed these massive cans and started to show me her cans a lot. And then she started to want to see my action. And I'm like, mm, mm. I said, I'll be right back. Grabbed the first pen I could find, went in the bathroom, scrubbed on some pubes just in case I got naked from a distance. I think I could have fooled her, but I took a blue pen and I did it. That wasn't drama. That was just quick thinking. Till laundry day when my mom asked how come my pants were. My underwear was blue. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why were your Fruit of Balloons?

[Brett]

Yeah, they were blue, like electric blueberry. What did you have? I think I had a pen break in your underwear. I don't know, Mom. It's all on the inside. I have no idea what happened. When did it take you to the doctor? You're inking. I didn't tell her. If she's not. I don't know that she ever knew why my underwear was blue for A day. Just one. Just one pair. Loads of blue. She probably knew it was loaded with blue. Pew. Hilarious. Anyway, that has nothing to do with drama. It's just a good story. 40th anniversary this weekend, Brady. I'm pretty proud of it. That's pretty good stuff. Pretty good.

[Katie]

Amazing.

[Brett]

You're hacking up some nasty. Are you all right?

[Katie]

No.

[Brett]

You're not good. Yeah, no, I'm salt. I wasn't a proper. Oh, he's eating so much. I'm sure. Garbage.

[Katie]

There's a cube.

[John Holmberg]

It's getting it all in.

[Brett]

You're piling in a bunch of junk, aren't you? You're not feeling well.

[Katie]

I went heavy.

[Brett]

Yeah, I bet you did. This guy One more week. Next week. Next Tuesday. Rip away. You're not all water and taking it easy and making sure your body's tip top. Getting in there.

[Katie]

No, I'm. I'm lubing up.

[Brett]

I don't know what that means. That's not medical hydrating. Okay, that's good. But are you eating a ton of crap?

[Katie]

No. Try not to.

[Brett]

You're trying not to, but you are what you have at. How. How much of the nacho plate did you eat at the Improv?

[Katie]

Didn't have them.

[Brett]

You didn't have. What'd you guys order?

[Katie]

Ordered the hummus plate.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Katie]

And then some fries, so I had to.

[Brett]

It's not good. Salt. Heavy processed foods. You got to get rid of the processed foods. And you probably went to dinner before.

[Katie]

No.

[Brett]

After.

[Katie]

No.

[Brett]

Really?

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Brett]

What'd you have for dinner?

[Katie]

It was light. We didn't really. That was it.

[Brett]

All right. There you go, Brady. That's a start. Still picked garbage. No eyes on him. I don't believe you.

[John Holmberg]

He doordashed tongs via chat.

[Brett]

Yeah. You guys didn't have anything after?

[Katie]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

Didn't stop by a drive through? No, no. Swear home. Went right to bed.

[Katie]

I could have.

[Brett]

I know you could have. Of course. Everybody could.

[Katie]

Thought crossed my mind.

[Brett]

Sure, sure. No dinner before you had a little hummus and some french fries? Yep, that was it. How soon before you guys left for the emperor in an ultra? What did you eat in the daytime? Do you have a big lunch?

[Katie]

Not really. I had that day. I had some soup.

[Brett]

No kidding. Salty soup.

[Katie]

No, it was ginger with a little bit of coconut.

[Brett]

I'd rather die of kidney cancer than eat that. All right, that's better. I don't believe it. Somewhere in there was a brisket or a bite of something. The french fries aren't good. We're keep an Eye on you. Did Ronnie slap it out of your mouth ever?

[Katie]

No.

[Brett]

She let it go. Do you have an insurance policy?

[Katie]

Yes.

[Brett]

Okay. That's why she's. She's. She's rooting for the other way.

[Katie]

She's bringing food out.

[Brett]

She's probably got that grill on. Oops. I left the grill on again. And I happened to defrost these steaks. Now what should we do? I'll take care of it. On the list.

[John Holmberg]

Prodigy. Smack My Bitch up for Sean Connery. Lamb of God, The Warning, Mud Vein, Faith no More, the Hives, Sammy Hagar. For some reason, Queens Reich Soil, White Zombie. Back to the hotel from N2D for poop mom, Lindsey Buckingham. Holiday Road for Poop mom. And Iron Maiden's number of the Beast for Taylor Swift.

[Brett]

That is true. The Road Trip. Lindsey Buckingham's vacation song. They. At least they just got stuck with Aunt Edna.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

They didn't have something that. Like something was going to live with them for the next 22 years. Oh. Poop baby. I like Iron Maiden's number of the Beast for Taylor Swift. I think that's good stuff. Cool. Iron Maiden. Get that out of the way.

[Katie]

I wouldn't have guessed that.

[Brett]

What?

[Katie]

That drinking. The celebrities drinking baby blood and all that.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Ends up Taylor Swift. Being into that crew.

[Brett]

It's as easy as asking. I guess. I don't know where they make their money. Mostly through celebrity stuff. But again. Here I am. Low level but some local notoriety. Pretty powerful radio show. I believe it's number one in the country as far as a rock station. I guess you can just make those numbers up. We've seen balloons. Yeah. We agree. And I mean, we're number one in Djibouti. Number two. We were number two. We fell off in Somalia. Didn't do well there. But Djibouti. We did good. I mean. Where's my offer? I'd be a good soldier.

[John Holmberg]

I'll have a party for you. Don't worry about it.

[Brett]

No. We put some balloons up. But I want to.

[Katie]

You know. You may. You might have gotten that call early on. Didn't know. But. One of the political aspirations.

[Brett]

The guy just wanted me to run for city council or put the feelers out. Just told me if you're interested.

[Katie]

Could have been Satan himself.

[Brett]

Okay. Why. Why didn't he then? He's terrible at his job. I had to guess. I wasn't. That wasn't on my mind. Doesn't he have some sort of a beam of like, I'm Satan. He can shoot into my head without saying it. Like, can he manipulate my brain waves?

[Katie]

Come on, he's already got you.

[Brett]

Does he?

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Brett]

I don't believe that to be true. I don't believe he exists.

[Katie]

His goal is not to have you believing in God. In a God.

[Brett]

That's his goal. Yeah.

[Katie]

So he's got you.

[Brett]

You know who did a better job of that God? Satan. Didn't have to do much. Yeah, I don't believe he exists either. So where's my offer from the lunatics? Where's my millions just to stay quiet? I don't understand it. I don't know what level you have to be.

[Katie]

A fiddle of gold?

[Brett]

I absolutely would be fun. Yeah. I am that John. And I'll play that fiddle hard as the devil. Come down to Phoenix. Why? Why can't he be here? He revealed himself to Johnny. That. Do I have to learn how to play the violin? Marry my sister.

[John Holmberg]

He showed up during the ERAS tour over there at the stadium for Taylor.

[Brett]

Yeah. Devil's doing a terrible job. Just reveal yourself. You've got me, right? Like, if his goal is to make it so you don't believe in God. I don't believe in God. So why wouldn't he come to me and go, now you're a soldier. Let's do some stuff together. I'm like, you got it, man.

[Katie]

Spread the word.

[Brett]

Yeah, but if he shows up, that's proof there's God, because otherwise there'd be no reason to have him. And now I gotta swing it all around.

[Katie]

Which is interesting, because everybody's crazy being the Satanist. If Taylor Swift is.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Katie]

Is she converting people? Done. She want it the other way?

[Brett]

I don't know.

[Katie]

What's the call, the herd?

[Brett]

I don't know. She wants her fans to die. It doesn't make any sense. Which is why it's a great thing. What does make sense is that I want to believe it. And I am available. Any Satanist out there that are, like, willing to pay for my services, I will do it. I'll gladly start doing that. It's extra money. A normal company comes along, I'm like, I want to know what you're about. They have a fee. But if you want me to, like, tout Satanism, like, real stuff, where's my money? Because I do it, it's no big deal to me. Because it's like saying, I believe in spaghetti monsters and flapjacks that talk. It's. It's not a thing. It is the number of the beast, though maybe I am already in it. And my whole little deal is to let you wonder. No, I'm not. It would have been better. I would have said something better there. It's the number of the beast. It's iron maiden. It's 98 for Taylor. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of in the time it takes you to actually board that flight from Group 8. Now boarding Premier Altitude Elite club members. You could have bought a Hyundai on Amazon. Yes, that Amazon where you buy everything else. Mid tier Altitude Elite. Feel free to board now. So while you're waiting for them to make up new boarding groups, you can order your dream car and the dealer will have it ready in no time. Now boarding groups one through seven.

[Katie]

So close.

[Brett]

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