08-22-25 - BR - FRI - w/Frank Caliendo - Sci News On Planets

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 08-22-25 (FRI) – With Frank Caliendo: Science News on Planets

Main Theme Overview:
This episode is a blend of irreverent morning show banter, health and life talk focused around Brady’s upcoming kidney surgery, and classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness humor. Joined by recurring guest and comedian Frank Caliendo, the crew oscillates between roasting each other, handling real medical anxiety with jokes, and riffing through bizarre science headlines and internet weirdness. There are moments of genuine camaraderie, padded by the crew’s signature roasting and dark wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Frank Caliendo Joins the Crew & Brady's Upcoming Kidney Surgery

• Frank Caliendo is in-studio promoting his shows at Desert Ridge Improv and to honor what many are calling “Brady’s final show” before his kidney surgery.
• The conversation quickly devolves into classic ribbing, mostly about who would or wouldn’t donate a kidney to Brady.
• Everyone makes it clear, mostly in jest, that the answer is no—not out of malice, but out of dark, wry humor.
• Frank’s Dedication: “I wouldn't miss it for the world. But I almost missed it for dog grooming appointments.” (02:31)

Kidney Donor Conversation

• Doug Holmberg plays out multiple hypotheticals:
  • If Hitler’s kidney was a perfect match, would Brady take it? (03:47)
  • “Don't say nein.” – Frank (03:58)
• The crew jokes about taking kidneys from rivals, mascots, and loved ones, with everyone agreeing, reluctantly or hungrily, that they'd take just about anyone’s kidney.
• Running joke: Kirby (Brady’s daughter) is prioritizing a Pantera concert over her dad’s surgery recovery, which becomes a recurring point of playful (yet cutting) guilt trips.

2. Hospital Stays, Surgery Worries, and Passive-Aggressive Family Dynamics

• The gang discusses actual logistics:
  • How long is a typical hospital stay after kidney removal?
    • “Hospital stay after kidney removal ranges from one to seven days.” – Brett (08:06)
    • “It's not an outpatient surgery. Kidney removal.” – Doug (07:18)
• Brady seems to downplay the seriousness of his own health, leading the others to admonish and mock him in equal measure:
  • “You're acting like you're getting a root canal.” – Doug (11:55)
• Blood pressure horror stories are shared:
  • Frank and Doug both have dangerously high BP readings.
    • Frank: “Mine was 236 over 135. The surgeon said, ‘I don't want to be in the newspaper as the guy who killed you.’” (13:38)
• There’s genuine concern disguised as harsh banter:
  • “It's a big deal. You got a cruddy kidney remaining. They have to make sure that that thing doesn't just immediately die.” – Doug (12:41)

3. Family, Friendship, and Kidney Karma

• Who would give their kidney to whom? The answer: almost nobody in the room.
• Offers from siblings (Brady’s brother and sister) are acknowledged, though he explains that transplants happen in phases.
• Shared feeling: Most would rather not put loved ones in a spot to donate, but if a suitable organ were simply offered, they’d take it.
• “I'd do it if he promised to make sure that my kidney was well taken care of. If I see him eating pizza, I'm gonna punch him in the nose.” – Doug (23:55)

4. Classic Holmberg Report: Science News & Bizarre Facts

A regular segment transitions to:

• Science News with Brady (28:46):
  • New moon discovered around Uranus. (29:00)
    • “There’s more going on around Uranus.” – Frank (28:57)
    • “Now Uranus has 29 moons. It’s a cute one, too—just six miles in diameter.” – Frank (29:09)
  • Object from outside the solar system is heading toward Earth and could be alien, powered by nuclear energy. (29:35)
    • “I hope it's the kidney Frank was talking about, and Kirby catches it like a foul ball.” – Doug (29:58)
  • Israeli scientists prepping for first-ever spinal cord transplant, potentially helping paralyzed patients. (30:35)
    • Doug: “They can make fake spines, and you can't get a kidney out of your kid?” (31:09)
  • Seabirds only poop while airborne (30:10).

Other Fun Facts (24:35–26:27, approx)

• Last wild cow died in 1627.
• First American athlete to earn $1 million: John L. Sullivan (25:20).
• 872 gallons of water needed to make one gallon of wine.
• 47% of Americans claim they’ve never done anything “evil” (26:21).

5. Viral Videos & Grotesque Internet Clips

The latter part of the show becomes a carnival of shocking/gross internet videos:

• Man tattoos his own eye (36:16)
• Woman licks a porta-potty urinal topless (37:21)
  • “Would you take her kidney?” – Doug (38:03)
  • “Yes.” – Brady (38:06)
• Live sashimi with a still-moving frog, other stomach-churning scenes (38:22–39:24)
• Graphic and explicit content involving unusual bodily “feats” (39:56–40:55)
• Topic: people filming and posting bizarre self-harm videos
  • “If you’re gonna do it, get some clicks.” – Frank (41:53)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Helpfulness and Friendship:

• “I believe I said, ‘I love you, Brady. I'm hoping for the best. You can get anything you want from me… Except the kidney.’” – Doug (10:24)

On Family Prioritization:

• “Kirby’s doing the appropriate thing on your surgery day… She’ll be around for the surgery part and then Pantera that night!” – Doug & Brady (06:30–06:36)

On Taking Care of an Organ Donation:

• “I would do it if he promised to make sure my kidney was well taken care of. The second I see him eating pizza, I’m gonna punch him in the nose.” – Doug (23:57)

On Surgery Logistics:

• “You're not having ingrown toenails done… that is not an outpatient surgery!” – Doug (07:21)

On High Blood Pressure:

• “Mine was 236 over 135. The oral surgeon looked at me and said, ‘I can't do this because I don't wanna be the guy who killed you.’” – Frank (13:38)

On Family Kidney Guilt:

• “You want her to do that than get a fresh, healthy teenage kidney? You're crazy.” – Doug (09:34)

On Uranus:

• “There’s more going on around Uranus.” – Frank (28:57)

On Bizarre Internet Content:

• “If you're gonna do it, film it. At least get a blue check mark out of the deal.” – Frank (41:51)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:03 | Frank Caliendo joins to promote his show and joke with crew | | 03:47 | Kidney donor hypotheticals: Hitler, mascots, rivals | | 06:30 | Kirby prioritizes Pantera concert over dad's surgery | | 07:21 | Hospital stay debates for kidney removal | | 08:06 | Research on typical hospital stays after nephrectomy | | 13:38 | Frank's personal high blood pressure story | | 23:55 | Kidney ‘prenup’/taking care of organ donations | | 28:48 | Science News: New moon around Uranus, alien speculation | | 30:35 | Groundbreaking spinal cord transplant news | | 36:14 | Viral video barrage begins (tattoo in the eye, etc) | | 41:51 | Jokes on ‘doing it for the clicks’ with shocking videos |

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Tone & Style

The tone, as always on HMS, is darkly humorous, irreverent, and quick with the riffing. Underneath the relentless roasting and gross-out gags is real camaraderie, concern, and a unique way of confronting serious topics with comedy.

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Conclusion

This episode is a classic slice of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: part raunchy morning radio, part cathartic roast session, and part pop-science/absurd news update. Frank Caliendo’s presence amplifies the hilarity, as the crew mock-mourns Brady’s impending surgery and pokes fun at family, mortality, and the utterly strange world we live in—on the air and on the internet.

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For those considering:

• If you want slick science, go elsewhere.
• If you need permission to laugh at dark subjects, this is your safe space.
• If you’re Brady: hang in there, and hide your kidneys.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Brady]

Morning sickness.

[Doug Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[Brady]

98, the year of P.

[Doug Holmberg]

Frank Gallando's here, everybody. Look at that. Frank just showed up to sell tickets to his show tonight. Finally. It's here.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, it's. I'm back. I didn't realize I was here. I didn't realize I was here. No, I. Well, last time I was at the Desert Ridge Improv was in Late January. I'd forgotten it was so.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Such a quick reason.

[Doug Holmberg]

All new material.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's some. There's some.

[Doug Holmberg]

No, no, no. Almost new setups because, you know, watch.

[Frank Caliendo]

Lines are the same.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's. If you have never seen it, it's all new material.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right.

[Frank Caliendo]

But I had to be here for Brady's final show.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right.

[Frank Caliendo]

I wouldn't miss it for the world. But I almost missed it for dog grooming appointments.

[Doug Holmberg]

Go on, Frank. Tell us more about Brady's final show dedication.

[Frank Caliendo]

Listen, when I. The first time I ever came into the studio with you guys, I am. I immediately noticed your talent.

[Doug Holmberg]

John, thank you very much for that. Appreciate that.

[Frank Caliendo]

A few years later, I realized Brady was part of the show.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Not just a producer.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right. He wasn't just a guest too. No.

[Frank Caliendo]

I did think he was just stopping in and selling advertising or like a.

[Doug Holmberg]

Make a wish or something.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's what I think now.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, okay. 20, 25 years later, you're like, maybe he's a make a wish.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is just a make a wish.

[Doug Holmberg]

But it's going really well.

[Frank]

It's.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, it went well for one of the parties.

[Doug Holmberg]

Well, sure. Quarter century of making that wish and that wish would never die. And now this.

[Frank Caliendo]

This.

[Doug Holmberg]

This music making me tear up a little bit. Beautiful crowd.

[Brady]

The.

[Frank Caliendo]

Can you give me Cats in the Cradle?

[Doug Holmberg]

You wanna. Oh, that's. Think of him as a father. He's my father.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

This is like a reverse Darth Vader. You are his father.

[Frank]

There's something I wanted to tell you for.

[Doug Holmberg]

Somebody just text me and asked a great question. If Hitler was still alive and was a match, would you take his kidney?

[Frank Caliendo]

Don't say nein.

[Brady]

Nein.

[Doug Holmberg]

You would take Hitler's kidney? Yeah. Really?

[Brady]

Why wouldn't you?

[Frank Caliendo]

You would, right?

[Doug Holmberg]

I think I have Hitler's kidney on my mantle at home.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think that's a band.

[Doug Holmberg]

Hitler's kid Sydney is. Oh, my God. I think it's a good beginning.

[Brady]

Right?

[Doug Holmberg]

Write that down. Is there any person. Is there any person who, like. Would you take like one of the Harbaughs? Like Jim Harbaugh's kidney?

[Frank]

Sure.

[Doug Holmberg]

Would you take Ryan Day's kidney?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

No kidding. You take from the thing you love instead.

[Frank Caliendo]

What about the kidney of the mascot of the Michigan Wolverine?

[Brady]

Yes. Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Well, see, that's. That's cutting into them. I think that makes more sense. You take a kidney from anybody.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Where's Kirby?

[Frank]

She still doesn't want to Give me.

[Doug Holmberg]

If you talk to her about it at all. Take back the poster she didn't want. Like she's just walking on eggshells around you right now. That's hoping you don't even not bring.

[Frank Caliendo]

It up in the same room at any time.

[Doug Holmberg]

She didn't once say, you want one of mine? I'm young, I'm strong.

[Frank]

No, not yet.

[Doug Holmberg]

But I don't.

[Frank]

Yeah, I don't.

[Frank Caliendo]

Wait.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're holding out for that. We're getting a little closer. Yeah. Talk.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I'm giving it up to her. I'm not asking her.

[Doug Holmberg]

You haven't even. You haven't even looked at her and gone.

[Brady]

Ah, I'm back.

[Doug Holmberg]

Anyway, I. I gotta believe it's constant.

[Frank Caliendo]

I gotta believe that's happening.

[Doug Holmberg]

All the constant.

[Doctor]

I gotta lay down because of the failing kidneys that nobody's helping with.

[Doug Holmberg]

There isn't any passive aggressive. How you doing your back? Good. How's your urine flow?

[Frank]

I might have made a couple of.

[Brady]

Cut.

[Doug Holmberg]

And they just. And Kirby just goes.

[Ronnie]

Kirby, man.

[Doug Holmberg]

And walks out of the room. We've made Kirby. Jeff Daniels. He's the dude. Because she's a stoner and he won't admit it.

[Brett Vesely]

She's changed so much over the years.

[Ronnie]

I don't know what's going on with the dad there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe like just. You leave hints. Like some kidney beans just laying around.

[Doug Holmberg]

Just trails.

[Frank]

That's a good idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Kidney bean salad for dinner tonight.

[Doug Holmberg]

Aren't we cutting it off of clothes like we got.

[Frank]

Operation day's the 26th.

[Doug Holmberg]

Tuesday.

[Frank Caliendo]

How long will you be in the hospital? What's Kirby going to be doing this at a hospital?

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. No, he's a daisy home. Yeah, he's doing the diy. Save some money. What do you.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where's crazy if somebody was going to try and save money on their kidney operation.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's great.

[Doctor]

What's that going to run me there, Doc? Typical Dr. Rosenstein.

[Doug Holmberg]

And Kirby's doing the appropriate thing on your surgery day.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

What is.

[Frank]

She'll be around for the surgery part and then Pantera that night.

[Doug Holmberg]

Going to a concert or you're laid up with one less kidney.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

She hates you.

[Ronnie]

Hey, man, you only get to see Pantera once a lifetime, man.

[Doug Holmberg]

Come on, man.

[Ronnie]

I gotta go to the show.

[Frank]

That's her.

[Ronnie]

It's always about you, man.

[Frank Caliendo]

How long are you in for?

[Frank]

That's probably overnight.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's it?

[Brady]

Sure.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a couple days.

[Frank]

Usually you would be.

[Doug Holmberg]

They probably days.

[Frank]

It could be a second day. They said for sure. A Day. But normally that procedure. You can go. You don't have to stay overnight sometimes. They want me standing.

[Doug Holmberg]

That is not an outpatient surgery. Kidney removal.

[Frank]

I heard they.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're not having ingrown toenails done.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, I mean, Jesus.

[Doug Holmberg]

What I heard.

[Frank Caliendo]

Those are never the things.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's what I heard. That's what I heard. I don't know. You could leave if you want that day. You'd be crazy. And we'd probably have to send a team after idea, but. Well, then I mine.

[Frank]

The reason only you know, from what the doctor told me is if your kidney. If you have one bad kidney and the other one is good.

[Doug Holmberg]

It isn't.

[Frank]

But I have polycystic.

[Doug Holmberg]

You have bad kids, you have the bad.

[Frank]

They want to make sure it's functioning at the level it needs to be.

[Doug Holmberg]

And that's not going to be like one test. They're going to keep you at least overnight.

[Frank Caliendo]

I gotta believe they're testing to see if you're human first.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. See if gravy's in there.

[Frank]

They'll know when they open.

[Doug Holmberg]

Read what you found immediately.

[Brett Vesely]

Hospital stay after kidney removal range from one to seven days.

[Doug Holmberg]

All right, so pipe down. I can leave the same day.

[Frank Caliendo]

Bmi.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, no, it's going to be there for years.

[Frank]

Patients who have undergone the keyhole surgery. Laparoscopic surgery can often have a shorter hospital stay.

[Doug Holmberg]

Right. Between one and seven days.

[Frank]

One to three days.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right. You can't leave the same day. If I see you in your gown and your. I'm just wandering away.

[Doctor]

Doc says you got to keep me moving.

[Frank]

I got my coffee filter for the kidney.

[Doug Holmberg]

Can we get. But let's get back to the fact that Kirby's going to a concert that night and never once you guys have even had the conversation where she goes.

[Ronnie]

Not gonna do it, old man. You're on your own.

[Frank]

No, I gave her a little guilt trip on.

[Doug Holmberg]

Of course.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

And she's still like, ha ha ha ha.

[Ronnie]

You're hilarious.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's good stuff.

[Ronnie]

Two for Bantera, please. We'll get to it, man.

[Doug Holmberg]

So I thought about it a little bit, but taking. Taking her in her sleep.

[Brady]

No.

[Frank]

And I thought, you know what?

[Frank Caliendo]

Shutting her up in a bathtub.

[Doug Holmberg]

I want her to go to. Put her in a bucket of ice. Of course you want her to go to the show.

[Frank]

There's not much she can.

[Doug Holmberg]

What do you want, her kidney or her with Ron Wolf. Oh, David, you should be with your dad.

[Ronnie]

Hey, man, I love to be with him. The hospital's got this. What am I, a doctor, man?

[Frank]

I want her to do that.

[Ronnie]

The dude abides, man. We're good.

[Doug Holmberg]

You want her to do that? You'd rather do that than get a fresh, healthy teenage kidney? You're crazy.

[Frank]

Well, I can't take that healthy kidney right then and there.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're her father. You can do whatever you want. That's right.

[Frank]

Then it doesn't matter.

[Doug Holmberg]

Brought you into this world. I'll take you out. I brought your kidneys here. I can bring them right out.

[Frank]

And if that's what happens, your kidney.

[Frank Caliendo]

Here, his name is Paul Ro.

[Doug Holmberg]

That would be fun. Make a little number out of it.

[Ronnie]

Hey, man, you're talking me into it.

[Doug Holmberg]

There's a sign that says, and Ronnie doesn't want to even test to see if she can give you one.

[Frank]

Hasn't said anything.

[Doug Holmberg]

So it's come down to us.

[Frank]

Like we've gone down to that.

[Doug Holmberg]

How has that conversation not happened?

[Frank Caliendo]

He's a giver, not a tape.

[Doug Holmberg]

It happened with us the first day. I'm not giving you my kidney. That was the first thing I said.

[Brady]

Do you?

[Frank Caliendo]

Are you?

[Doug Holmberg]

I believe I said, I love you, Brady. I'm hoping for the best. You can get anything you want from me. Except the kidney.

[Frank]

I think they're just afraid to say that.

[Doug Holmberg]

That they don't want to get similar to you. Yeah, I'm not.

[Frank]

I'm saying, like, they're not gonna. They're just kicking it down the road.

[Doug Holmberg]

They're kicking the can until we.

[Frank]

Let's just say I'm not gonna give you a kidney.

[Frank Caliendo]

Then do you start bargaining? What would you give me?

[Doug Holmberg]

Right. Would you give Ronnie a kidney if the roles were reversed?

[Brady]

No.

[Frank]

No way.

[Doug Holmberg]

I think you would. You're one of those. You're a good man. I'd give Ronnie.

[Frank]

Crawley.

[Doug Holmberg]

Give Ronnie. I'd give Ronnie.

[Frank Caliendo]

You would give it to her, but not him.

[Doug Holmberg]

Well, come and I know she's going to treat it right after I give it to her. He's going to pour salt on it.

[Doctor]

I'm feeding it pizza directly. Correct.

[Doug Holmberg]

I got a port, that is. I asked for a pizza for dialysis.

[Doctor]

No, it's for pizza to the kidney.

[Frank]

Pizza.

[Doctor]

Kidney's hungry, isn't he? Nom, nom, nom for kidney.

[Doug Holmberg]

You'd be shoving pepperoni like Cookie Monster.

[Doctor]

Look at him go.

[Frank]

There's a pizza filter that they're going to put in there.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Every morning we'd be sitting here doing the show if Brady had my kidney. And you'd see it Slinking across the thing to try to get back and make.

[Doctor]

Get back here, you little jokester. He must be hungry.

[Doug Holmberg]

Anyway, sorry, Frank. You've been here for all of it. But I love it. Yeah, I think it's fun. And you know what? I may need you starting pray for Brady.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're gonna have. We're gonna start with a hymn.

[Doug Holmberg]

Jackass is acting like he's getting a root canal.

[Doctor]

They told me I could leave same day.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're missing an organ.

[Frank]

Hey, doc, I'm ready to go thumbs.

[Gogo Squeeze Announcer]

Up on this whole deal.

[Doug Holmberg]

You won't even be like, it took 24 hours for me to have all the. The drugs out of my system in 24 hours.

[Frank]

Maybe. What do you.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe overnight.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

What do you.

[Brady]

You.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're gonna be there for a couple days getting clear that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hey, are we taking bets on this?

[Doug Holmberg]

48 hours. Hey, jackass, you should want to be in the hospital for a couple of days to make sure everything's all right.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

[Doug Holmberg]

You said you wanted to leave the same day.

[Frank]

You know, they talk about it.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're not taking this very seriously at all. This is.

[Frank]

Why would I.

[Frank Caliendo]

You stay.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're a moron.

[Frank Caliendo]

You stay. You stay because they need to monitor you for sure. That's really what it is.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's a big deal. You got a cruddy kidney remaining. They have to make sure that that thing doesn't just immediately die.

[Frank]

It's at 9% function.

[Frank Caliendo]

Karate.

[Doug Holmberg]

Kidney. Kidney, yeah. It's the Ralph Macchio of kidneys. It does the crane to the heart, sweep the leg. You have high blood pressure. You have issues with that. They're going to be monitoring you for a couple of days.

[Frank Caliendo]

What's your normal blood pressure?

[Doug Holmberg]

He doesn't know.

[Frank]

180 over 110.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's normal? No, no.

[Frank]

148. 86.

[Doug Holmberg]

That is with pills. That's with pills. That's not normal blood pressure.

[Frank]

Yeah, I usually don't take my blood pressure. Not on pills.

[Doug Holmberg]

Right, because you'd be dead. So your normal blood.

[Frank]

That's a good chance.

[Doug Holmberg]

My point being this surgery. You have high blood pressure.

[Frank Caliendo]

What's your A1C? Syrup. That's what mine is.

[Doug Holmberg]

You have high blood pressure, too?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, I have high, but I couldn't do one of my oral surgery because.

[Gogo Squeeze Announcer]

It was so bad.

[Frank Caliendo]

It was 236. Holy 135. And the oral surgeon looked at me and said, that's a draft to leave.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

To the hospital.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He said, you have to go to the hospital. Which I think they have to say. And he goes, listen, I can't do this because. And he's very funny. He's like, I can't do this because I. I don't want to be in the newspaper. I don't want to be the guy who killed you.

[Doug Holmberg]

Like Hulk Hogan's doctor.

[Frank Caliendo]

And he's actually coming to the show.

[Doug Holmberg]

One of the shows this week, in case you fall.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

He's like, there it is.

[Frank Caliendo]

Whatever.

[Doug Holmberg]

Like the. Like the Wimbledon ball boys. In case you drop. He's got to go fix you and put you there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Run back, run out there.

[Doug Holmberg]

Here's a guy went out for a few seconds. Hey.

[Brady]

Boom. Yeah. Boom. Literally. Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

All right. Well, Brady, we're all. You know, Frank wanted to come in one last time.

[Frank]

I know. It's the only reason.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, no, no. To promote his show and. And also to talk to you about this, but.

[Frank Caliendo]

And we are going to be doing. We're going to be. Do a GoFundMe.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. People in the audience would get pretty. For Kirby.

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[Doug Holmberg]

For more. To travel with better Pantera tickets.

[Ronnie]

Hey, man, that'd be great.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're gonna.

[Ronnie]

I'd like to see him up in San Fran. I hear that show spectacular, man.

[Frank]

Traveling limo.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, man, I'm in. Hey, you guys want to stop by the hospital? I think I know somebody in there, man.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group. And Doug hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash.

[Frank]

As is.

[Doug Holmberg]

You don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Native Grill and Wings Promo Host]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's gonna be in with the guys all week long. And just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[Gogo Squeeze Announcer]

Basketball game. Crushed it and the day's just getting started. Now kicking it with my crew when I need a quick snack.

[Doug Holmberg]

Go, go.

[Gogo Squeeze Announcer]

Squeeze active fruit blend with electrolytes. Pouches are always in the starting lineup. Made with real FR and select electrolytes and so tasty from workouts to hangouts to whatever's next. I go with gogo. Squeeze active. Snag yours on your next store run. Available on Amazon.

[Doug Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Yeah, I just find that shocking that you guys at least haven't had the conversation, like, sit around the table and go, that's pretty big deal. Your dad would have taken your kidney. Or Rocco or Terry.

[Frank Caliendo]

Rico, my brother.

[Doug Holmberg]

I said Rocco the dog. I said Rocco meaning Rico. You're right. I got him.

[Frank Caliendo]

I get the same. I have the same confusion. One does the books and the other.

[Doug Holmberg]

One is your brother. I think Rico is.

[Frank Caliendo]

Would my dad. Yeah, my dad would try and find a way to finagle it.

[Doug Holmberg]

He'd at least ask, right?

[Frank Caliendo]

Every day.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He'd bring friends to ask.

[Doug Holmberg]

My dad would say things like, I. I know that it. You probably would do this, but I would never ask you for a kidney despite mine failing.

[Frank]

So if you needed a kidney, would you ask that of Megan?

[Doug Holmberg]

Hells yeah. Yeah, you better give it to me. She's oski.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Doug Holmberg]

Hells yeah. And I think she'd be quick to go, here's one of mine. I'd take that little baby girl kidney in there.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, hot, sexy. I'm on a pornhub, baby girl. Can anybody.

[Frank Caliendo]

I've seen it. It's. It's not as good.

[Doug Holmberg]

You've seen her kidneys?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, not hers. But I've seen that porn.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

The kidney stuff, and it's not that great. It's not what you think.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's on black.com where they go in with a camera on the tip of the penis and it gets all the way to the kidney.

[Frank Caliendo]

Is that a real thing?

[Doug Holmberg]

Blacked dot com you're just now learning about?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I think you've told me about it before. Or even if you haven't, I don't want to hear more.

[Doug Holmberg]

Anytime when you black logs and these hot white chicks.

[Frank Caliendo]

Anytime when you say you haven't heard about fill in the blank yet. I know it's something I shouldn't know anything about.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait for today's videos.

[Doug Holmberg]

Do you want to give? Friday videos are the best. Do you want to give? I'll ask you because he won't. We want to give Freddie a kidney. You guys are the same shape.

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[Doug Holmberg]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

I gotta save it.

[Doug Holmberg]

I tried. For your kids.

[Frank Caliendo]

For my kids.

[Doug Holmberg]

Just in case you give your kids. Would Joey give you a kidney? Probably right away.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, no, I think there'd be a lot of.

[Frank]

And would you ask him? But would you ask him now?

[Frank Caliendo]

Honestly, I'd want to just go.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. See, that's how I would want to be.

[Brady]

Like.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's all right. Nobody needs to wait.

[Frank Caliendo]

Everybody, I got I sa. Money for all of you. Yeah, you're all set.

[Brady]

You're good.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is a free pass.

[Doug Holmberg]

You and I have a very similar take on that, and we're both fine with it. I'd be the same if somebody said, here, we got a kidney for you. We're gonna put it in there. Like, all right, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

They don't.

[Doug Holmberg]

But I'm not gonna search for one.

[Frank]

They also. I mean, they also know that there's been three or four people that have. Have offered already.

[Brady]

Who?

[Frank]

My brother, my sister.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, and you're not taking them?

[Frank]

Not yet. I gotta get through this first thing.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you could do it all at once.

[Frank]

No, I don't think you have to go.

[Doug Holmberg]

You didn't ask that question.

[Frank]

What's that?

[Doug Holmberg]

Can we do this all in one shot? If I get a kidney, I can't. Okay.

[Frank]

So I have to wait six months.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, you do? Yeah, to make sure you're still clear. Valuable.

[Frank]

I would. I mean, yeah. Take that one out.

[Doug Holmberg]

Put the new one in anyway. Brett's not going to do it. I'm not going to ask him.

[Brady]

No? No.

[Doug Holmberg]

Not even a thought. All right, it's time for the Brady report. Maybe the last one. We'll miss you, buddy.

[Ronnie]

We love.

[Doug Holmberg]

This is a big deal. And if I see you wandering around same day, I'm going to kick your ass right in the kidney.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'll tell you what.

[Brady]

You.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, you look great.

[Doug Holmberg]

Frank, don't. Don't do that. He doesn't need that right now.

[Frank]

You know what's good was when you walk into the hospital, like, doing the pre check stuff like, I had to go in, get a cardiogram the other day, and there's the person out by the trees outside the hospital just smoking away.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Doug Holmberg]

He knows he's got a tough Day.

[Frank]

Every day I've gone in there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Can I. Can I ask what. And you guys probably have addressed this, or maybe you're not supposed to, but. What happened to the forehead? What happened to your.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, he cut it on a tree this morning.

[Frank Caliendo]

That was this morning.

[Doug Holmberg]

He ran into a tree. I left the mic stand under the tree and he sees shiny things. He ran to it and hit the tree branch. And that guy was out of the car.

[Frank]

And here's this shiny mic stand.

[Doug Holmberg]

Ow.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know what's really pathetic? I walked into a tree the other day and had a leaf on my head for half a day. And nobody in my family told me.

[Doug Holmberg]

Why are you guys? Is that a thing of high blood pressure? You just wander into trees? I like the thought of short people. Cardiogram Brady had to walk into. And the guy's out there.

[Frank]

Don't do it.

[Doug Holmberg]

All right, Tony, fire up the Brady cardiogram. Here we go.

[Brady]

It's overheating.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's just all these old machines.

[Doctor]

Only cost 100 bucks.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's time for the Brady report. Hopefully Brady will be back to do another one soon. But if not always, cherish this one. It's brought to you by our [e-mail]. we'll need shade in the future to stand under while we say our goodbyes. Or maybe just in your backyard drops that temperature 20 degrees in your backyard. You got a place where you could do some shading? In your backyard. You got some spots.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah, I got plenty of spots.

[Doug Holmberg]

All pro shades.

[Frank Caliendo]

Let's talk to all pro shades.

[Doug Holmberg]

Where we need to go and get Frank's house all shady too. It's beautiful. Brady Reporter.

[Frank]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it.

[Brady]

Sure have.

[Frank]

Happy National Tooth Fairy Day.

[Brady]

That's right. Yes.

[Frank]

A couple of basis fun facts.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know what I leave underneath my pillow for the tooth fairy?

[Doug Holmberg]

You still have that problem?

[Frank Caliendo]

A kidney.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Frank]

Does it all the time.

[Doug Holmberg]

When a kidney fairy.

[Doctor]

My kidney fell out.

[Doug Holmberg]

He checks under his pillow every day.

[Frank Caliendo]

From the doctor was.

[Doctor]

Doctor said there's a good chance the kidney fairy will leave me a few bucks. So just put it under my pillow.

[Frank]

And he told me right after the procedure, like right after.

[Doug Holmberg]

You can go, you can go. You're just gonna smack in the face. Why are you still here?

[Frank]

Up, up.

[Doug Holmberg]

Well, you plan on sleeping?

[Frank]

We need the bed.

[Doug Holmberg]

You're sleeping all day and then your grandpa's gonna come by and.

[Frank Caliendo]

Electric.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, there's Trip Reeb. He wants to come and say goodbye too.

[Frank Caliendo]

Heard the segment.

[Doug Holmberg]

Terrible. You want to come say goodbye, Tripp?

[Frank Caliendo]

You know, I don't have to pay you.

[Brady]

Yeah. You know that at one of the stations that I worked at? Yeah. Oh, no, the main guy. The main morning show guy. Yeah. Donated a kidney to the engineer at the station.

[Doug Holmberg]

Just a couple co workers. No one hears.

[Brady]

Kevin and me. Bean.

[Doug Holmberg]

Bean did that. Bean did that to the engineer at krock.

[Brady]

Scott Mason.

[Doug Holmberg]

No kidding. And everybody was fine afterwards. Were they great friends?

[Brady]

Dead.

[Doug Holmberg]

But.

[Frank Caliendo]

How'D he die?

[Doug Holmberg]

Kidney failure. Is that true? Is that real? Okay, good. None of. None of it's true. None of.

[Frank Caliendo]

None of the story is.

[Doug Holmberg]

By the way. I made the whole thing up just to make Brady feel like crap that nobody hears about.

[Brady]

Off.

[Doug Holmberg]

So really now you're saying donate, Kenny. And this is aimed at me, by the way. Yeah, yeah. You're aiming to give it to him. The main guy, you keep saying. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I've got two kidneys and he deserves one. The reason Bean gave his kidney to your engineer is because his engineer was going to be trustworthy with it. I. I can't. Was Scott good to the kid kidney?

[Brady]

Yeah, it was great.

[Doug Holmberg]

It was probably a nice. I would do it if he promised to make sure that my kidney was well taken care of. And the second I see him eating pizza, I'm gonna punch him in the nose.

[Frank]

He wants a prenuptial.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I want a pre. Kidney. I want to prenup the kidney. Yeah, all right, if you can arrange that, I'll do it.

[Brady]

Okay. Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

You get some paperwork drawn up. Otherwise people are going to jail.

[Brady]

All right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who was that reef?

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, he pops in.

[Frank Caliendo]

Sounded familiar.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

No, I'm here. And Frank didn't give a kidney to anyone like Bean did. Isn't that funny?

[Frank Caliendo]

Kidney bean.

[Doug Holmberg]

Kidney bean. I get it. All right, go ahead.

[Brady]

Hurry up.

[Frank]

The last wild cow died in Poland in 1627.

[Doug Holmberg]

They were wild at one point. Yeah, I guess they had to be. All right, I've seen a few of them.

[Frank Caliendo]

Them wild cows.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, wild cows. Usually it. You know, they used to be at Fiesta Mall a lot. And then I was gonna say pre op. Pre op at the kidney center. No, no. I was talking about the ladies cows.

[Frank]

The first athlete in the US to ever earn $1 million in his lifetime.

[Doug Holmberg]

Over his entire lifetime, was in 1882, boxing, bare knuckle. That wasn't Jack Johnson.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, Baron Von.

[Doug Holmberg]

Baron von Knuckle. Who is it?

[Frank]

John L. Sullivan.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, John o'. Sullivan. Okay. The other Guy that we would know. Okay.

[Frank]

It takes 872 gallons of water to produce one gallon of wine.

[Doug Holmberg]

Wow, that seems wasteful.

[Frank Caliendo]

Also seems like it. Wine is underpriced.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. We should. Yeah. If it's a buck, a bottle of water. Water for me to drink out of a bottle of water is a dollar.

[Frank Caliendo]

Think of the money Jesus could have made.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, my God. We were talking about him earlier.

[Brady]

Really? Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Nobody saved anything. It's like the only historical figure we have.

[Native Grill and Wings Promo Host]

No.

[Frank]

And there's a recent article that they.

[Doug Holmberg]

And they just. So there's some archaeologists under jars and like, maybe this is it. And I'm like, you guys don't even know where anything is. Quit acting like you paid attention. You didn't. We don't have like a hat.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like, Indiana Jones hat.

[Doug Holmberg]

You think Jesus had pretty cool hat collection. Probably a table.

[Frank Caliendo]

Sandals.

[Doug Holmberg]

A Jesus original sandals.

[Frank Caliendo]

It was a carpenter, right?

[Doug Holmberg]

We were talking about this, Frank. See, it makes sense to you, too.

[Frank]

You got my music. Chachi's a little.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Chachi.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

No, I don't know. I just skipped that.

[Frank]

In a new poll, 47% of Americans claim they've never done anything they consider evil. 10% say they have, but only once.

[Doug Holmberg]

I guess it depends on your threshold of evil.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Have you ever been French? Been evil? Have you ever done anything like. Wow, that was bad. Like steel, like a significant thing. Or hit and run. Couple though.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Scratches on a car. And then you don't leave a note.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't know if that should have done something evil.

[Frank]

Yeah. And they don't put a definition on that.

[Doug Holmberg]

Evil gets into, like, torture pranks that.

[Frank]

End up really just mean.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, half of this morning would.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. No, see, you know what? Actually the conversation with Brady dying is fairly evil. Brett's not going to ask. You don't know what you're talking about. Just leave him out of the evil conversation. He's got evil in his trunk right now.

[Frank]

There's another new term in the business world called quiet cracking. When your boss thinks you're doing fine, but you're secretly burnt out and struggling.

[Doug Holmberg]

Okay.

[Frank]

It's the stage between burnout and quiet quitting.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's called having a tough day. Get over yourself. Not everything needs a name.

[Frank]

Tick Tock has a new hangover cure. It's like an ice bath, but you basically dip your face in some. A bowl of ice water.

[Doug Holmberg]

I do that all the time. It's great.

[Frank]

One expert actually says, yes, it's very effective.

[Doug Holmberg]

Feels fantastic. Ice water is amazing for You. By the way, Ian schwartz from channel 3 just text and said I haven't listened this week. What is Brady having done? Nobody. Routine kidney removal and something. He'll be in and out. It's no big deal. This doctor says it's a good routine. Good. You know, we have a 911 stair climb September 13th. The firefighters put it on. We climb up and down.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, Bray's doing it.

[Brady]

Right.

[Doug Holmberg]

September 13th. And he goes.

[Doctor]

Doctor did say he wanted me up and about.

[Doug Holmberg]

You weren't gonna do that if you were healthy, let alone running around in these things with half a kidney.

[Doctor]

Heard of this thing called the Boston Marathon? Yeah, it's in April. I should be up and bouncing by then. I was a big marathon guy pre kidney problems.

[Doug Holmberg]

I'll give you my kidney if you run a marathon next year.

[Frank]

Not gonna have.

[Doug Holmberg]

I know. So you're getting my kidneys. Like, stay in place.

[Brady]

Foot.

[Frank]

And now it's time for some science news.

[Doug Holmberg]

Do you have it?

[Brett Vesely]

I have a version of it.

[Doug Holmberg]

Okay. Go.

[Frank]

Hello, my friends. Professor Brady moving here with your science news.

[Doug Holmberg]

It'll work, Frank.

[Frank]

There's more going on around Uranus.

[Doug Holmberg]

Christ.

[Frank]

The James Webb Telescope spotted another moon.

[Doug Holmberg]

Did we talk about this? The other day? And I said I wouldn't. I wouldn't bring it up because I knew. And now he's doing it too.

[Frank]

So now Uranus has 29 moons. It's a cute one, too. It's just six miles in diameter.

[Doug Holmberg]

Hit him in the back once for. All right, move on from there. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Frank]

An object. Object from outside the solar system. The one that's coming towards us, hurtling towards the Earth.

[Doug Holmberg]

An object is.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank]

The Harvard researcher who made a comment.

[Frank Caliendo]

Space kidney.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's going to implant itself somewhere.

[Frank]

The Harvard researcher who thinks it's aliens now claims it's emitting its own light.

[Brady]

Cool.

[Frank]

It could mean it's a spacecraft powered by nuclear energy.

[Brett Vesely]

Sweet.

[Doug Holmberg]

I hope it's the kidney Frank was talking about. And Kirby catches it like a foul ball.

[Ronnie]

Hey, man, check it out.

[Doug Holmberg]

And then just chucks it in the trash.

[Brady]

Walk.

[Ronnie]

Let's do some Pantera, man.

[Frank]

There's a study that found that seabirds only poop while flying. There's one type of bird called the streaked shearwater. They don't like to relieve themselves while floating in the air. They just take off briefly dump it, and then return to the same spot.

[Brady]

Huh.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's science news. I don't question it. No, I don't either.

[Frank]

This one's pretty amazing because it could be huge for 15 million people living with spinal cord injuries worldwide. Researchers in Israel are planning to perform the first ever spinal cord transplant.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's an in and out deal. The guy will be out by five at night. Don't even have to stay there.

[Frank]

Replace the damaged section of spinal cord with new section grown in a lab. Lab Using the person's own cells. It's already been tested on animals and it worked. Their goal is to help paralyze patients rise from their wheelchairs.

[Doug Holmberg]

They can make fake spines. And you can't get a kidney out of your kid.

[Frank]

Kirby's five years out from making the kidneys.

[Doug Holmberg]

Step it up. Step up to the plate, Kirby. That's it.

[Frank]

That's your science news.

[Doug Holmberg]

Something ain't right there, Frank. Man, that's amazing. They can make fake spines. Now, a few people I could suggest get a backbone.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Frank, in your old home state of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, we have a lady that's facing felony charges. She caused $10,000 worth of damage on a door dash driver's vehicle because he brought the wrong wing order.

[Frank Caliendo]

Gotta get it right.

[Frank]

Faith Morris just beat the tar out of the truck. There's a picture of the car.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, man. She did a number.

[Frank]

She went.

[Doug Holmberg]

Ah, just windshield stuff. But still. Oh, she took the side off. You told us. Can we tell the story what your dad did? That guy when he door dinged him?

[Brett Vesely]

I think statute of limitations are probably gone by now.

[Doug Holmberg]

Brett's dad saw a little beige paint on his driver's side door. Brett was telling us. Were you a kid?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I was like 10.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

And he sees his dad looking. He goes, what?

[Brady]

What?

[Doug Holmberg]

And he donkey kicks the car next to him, breaks off the mirror and.

[Brett Vesely]

Put it under their tires so they'd run it over too, just to. Just to add insult to injury.

[Doug Holmberg]

What in the world does this mother think he's got?

[Brett Vesely]

That Celica had a dent this big in the door.

[Doug Holmberg]

Huge foot. Then got a little. You got a little peanut butter in my chocolate. I'm Kirk Fetchley, goddamn it. Yeah, that.

[Frank]

That I love the Beef Bandit has been arrested. It's happened in Denim Springs, Louisiana.

[Doug Holmberg]

No, he hasn't.

[Frank]

This guy was robbing meat from Walmart. Stuffing the meat packages in his pants.

[Doug Holmberg]

Delicious.

[Frank]

They finally caught him at one of the Walmarts. Here's a picture of the dude. And check out what he was packing in his pants.

[Doug Holmberg]

She's louise. There's like 15, 16 different. Different stakes in there.

[Frank]

Frank's parachute pants. When he's a breakdown.

[Doug Holmberg]

He said that like he was jealous.

[Doctor]

Look, what he was getting in his pants.

[Frank Caliendo]

That is a packing butcher section.

[Doctor]

Like Tetris of Meat. That's impressive.

[Frank Caliendo]

This guy's got a little Leonard Nimoy to him.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, he does. Are you jealous that you didn't earn the nickname Beef man at one point? As you're starting?

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm not sure you didn't.

[Doug Holmberg]

Somewhere along he's been called that, but they said it behind his back. Not knowing how proud he would have been had he heard it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank]

He'S my Robin Hood.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's why you're not getting a kid, finally.

[Frank]

And Boca grand, he was a fishing for shark. He caught one. I don't know if you saw this or not. No, he was pulling the shark up and it bit him.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, cool. That's what you get when you play with sharks.

[Frank]

Had to be airlifted to the hospital.

[Doug Holmberg]

He survived the shark, thank God.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Frank]

They put the guy down.

[Doctor]

In and out. Got bit by shark. Doctor said, I'll be out of here in 30 minutes. Took it to an urgent care clip.

[Frank Caliendo]

Of the Adam West.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where he's being. Shark is on his leg for like 30 seconds. And he's looking for shark repellent.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Robin, we need the shark spray. And it's biting his leg and it's just kind of nothing kicking at it. Was that the movie or was that the show?

[Frank]

I think it was the movie.

[Doug Holmberg]

I think it was the movie, too. Somebody climbed in that helicopter.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank]

The Bat copter. Lowered the ladder down.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

And the ladder was the length of a football field.

[Doug Holmberg]

And didn't they have the. In the can it said shark repellent.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Bet you didn't know I had the bat shark repellent. Goodness. I brought the shark repellent. Old sharp. It took me 30 minutes to find it on this belt, which is riddled with too much stuff. Too many things I need to sort better. Robin. Alphabetical is probably the route to go. I miss Adam West. Batman. That should. That should be on a loop somewhere. That should be on a channel all the time.

[Frank]

I just have one.

[Brady]

All right.

[Doug Holmberg]

Then Brett hits us over the head. Yeah.

[Frank]

This is. Remember we saw the presidents, the leaders of around the world doing.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, world.

[Frank]

This is a little takeoff. If they could pole dance.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's AI Pole dancing President. That's President Trump. That's Putin. It's just there. This is weird. He went through it.

[Frank]

He couldn't do it.

[Doug Holmberg]

AI is. Is taking some turns. This is where dreams happen. Like, AI is like, we've. We're taking it Looks like my dreams. Not that that, but the way things aren't quite right, and you'll walk through a wall or something. I'm, like, kind of the way my dreams work. So computers are starting to, like, manifest in dream state. All right, Brett, here we go.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, start off a little eye stuff for you.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, I can't do eyes.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's a guy with tattoos all over his face, and they are taking an exacto. What is that? A needle. They're gonna put a needle right in the eye. There's a needle going into this. It doesn't. Look, look, this is tattoo. He's tattooing his eye, isn't he? He's getting a tattoo of some sort on his eye. Right. Right in the cornea, right in the middle. Oh, come on.

[Brady]

Ah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, they're. Look at all the ink. They're putting ink in his. Either turning the white black. This is something he wants.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, he wants to be a lizard person.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, he wants to be one of those alien lizard people.

[Frank]

He's like a doll.

[Doug Holmberg]

And that's. Now he has.

[Frank]

Is that permanent?

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, probably. Yeah. He seems satisfied. But again, he's got over 100 tattoos on his face, so it's not like this guy makes good decisions anyway. And one of the tattoos on his face just says inked. Duh.

[Brett Vesely]

No kidding.

[Doug Holmberg]

Wow.

[Frank Caliendo]

Isn't that part of, like, an old school nursery rhyme? Like, stick a needle in your eye?

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a classy broad for you.

[Doug Holmberg]

Stick a feather in your eye.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think. No, I think it was the feather in your hat. Call it macaroni.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's right. That's the one I'm thinking. All right, here's somebody on a Porta Potty urinal, and. Oh, is this a guy? It's a girl. She's going in to lick the edges. She is licking the inside of a Porta Potty urinal. She's rubbing her face all over the edges and everything. Oh, my Lord. She looks topless. Is she shirtless?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, she is.

[Doug Holmberg]

She's naked in a Porta John, rubbing her face all over.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, what is this? That's wrong.

[Doug Holmberg]

She's in there filming her. Oh, my God.

[Frank]

You'll see this.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, look at this. Yeah, this is Frank's closer. Would you take her kidney?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. All right.

[Doctor]

All right.

[Frank Caliendo]

I believe there's going to be some damage to that kidney.

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I mean, than yours. No, mine's fine. Oh, his. Yeah. No, no, that. They would be equally matched.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Brady treats his kidney just as bad as she does.

[Brett Vesely]

Going with your latest phobia, how about some Asians eating.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, I can't stand this. Oh, another frog sashimi. Oh, this one's still alive. It's kicking around and it's been. Its head's cut off and it's still moving. This is terrifying. They open up the frog by cutting its head off, violently ripping it, and then putting stuff inside the body of the frog. Oh, and then they just skinned it, and now its little eyes are blinking on the plate.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is what Doc Hopper wanted to do in the Muppet Movie. Oh, there goes my outer region.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Doug Holmberg]

I think it's Kermit. Doc Hopper finally got it. Look at him squirming around on the table.

[Frank Caliendo]

Biggie, couldn't you just lick a urinal?

[Doug Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, my Lord.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's how this is.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's one we haven't seen before.

[Doug Holmberg]

Okay, this is a guy holding his penis. He's got a straw in the urethra. He's drinking his own urine through the straw. Oh, that's not urine. That's not urine. That's not urine. He's having a moment, and he's spitting it right. Right back into a cup. And it's brought to you by a fast food restaurant in the Midwest.

[Brett Vesely]

And the trend continues.

[Doug Holmberg]

Okay, here's another one where a guy is. Oh, she's got a funnel in her nostril, and a guy is finishing. He's in the funnel right into her nostril like a neti pot. It's going through, and it's going all the way into the throat. That's how she swallows through her nostrils. Because it's all connected.

[Frank Caliendo]

What has happened to Uma Thurman?

[Brady]

Like that.

[Doug Holmberg]

The outtakes of Kill Bill are not good.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah. Wow. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't remember this one.

[Doug Holmberg]

So we'll just. Jackie Chan. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's a. It's a rosebud and somebody's. Oh, there's fingers in and out of everything. There's just liquid flying out of this thing. Oh, look at that. Look, Frank.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, there's some finger maneuvering that's going on there. That's pushing things in and out.

[Brett Vesely]

And we'll finish.

[Doug Holmberg]

Put your seatbelts on. Did you finish? I'll get you a towel. I'll get you a towel. All right, there's a lady who is cutting the tip of the penis with a knife. She's gonna cut it right off. No, he's cutting it right off. This is a common video. We see why I Don't know. There's a whole group of people out there that can't stop cutting, mutilating their genitals, and they've got a friend who will do it. So they're met somewhere like a Applebee's or something, and said, so, what do you want to do Friday? Whoa, there it goes. It's off. There it is. Oh, my God.

[Frank]

And look at him. He's right. After that's done in and out.

[Doug Holmberg]

Super.

[Frank Caliendo]

Mario's gonna jump on that mushroom.

[Doug Holmberg]

500 points. Okay, well, thank you. All right. There you go. My goodness.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's ever been a better time to turtle. That was it.

[Doug Holmberg]

That's the one.

[Brady]

One.

[Doug Holmberg]

Well, possibly the last Brady Report. I'm glad you're here to see that, Frank.

[Frank]

Thanks for coming in today, Frank.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Doug Holmberg]

Aren't you glad you did.

[Frank Caliendo]

At this point in the show, whenever I'm here after that, no, I do have people ask me, like, do you really see these videos?

[Doug Holmberg]

Like, yeah, we watch them every day. They're horrific, and they're different every day. They're happening all around us. There's somebody out in this city right now with the head of his wiener cut off from an activity like that. Yes, there is. It's. We've seen 12 or 13 at least, of those videos. It's happening more than you need to know. And those are the people just filming it. There's people do it, don't film it.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, if you're gonna do it, film it.

[Doug Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. If you're gonna do it, get some clicks. Yeah, yeah. At least get a blue check mark.

[Frank Caliendo]

Out of the deal, Master Clickbait.

[Doctor]

Good one, Frank. I'll remember that. Remember that until the day I die in recovery.

[Doug Holmberg]

For 30 seconds.

[Doctor]

I remember that till the day I die, which is 72 hours, 72 more.

[Doug Holmberg]

It's. There's your Brady report. My goodness, it's 98 KUPD. Hey. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.