08-22-25 - Will Toledo's Dad Come To His Mother's Funeral Would We Go To An Exs Funeral - John Questions How In A World Where People Save And Store Everything That We Haven't Found The Holy Grail Yet

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 08-22-25: “Will Toledo's Dad Come To His Mother's Funeral? Would We Go To An Ex's Funeral? John Questions Why In A World Where People Save And Store Everything That We Haven't Found The Holy Grail Yet”
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, (Dick Toledo absent)
Date: August 22, 2025

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness blends dark humor, irreverent philosophical inquiry, and debates about human nature, memory, and faith. The core discussion centers on funerals—who attends, why, and the intent behind such rituals—using the recent passing of Dick Toledo’s mother as a springboard. The conversation then careens, in classic HMS fashion, to a sarcastic and critical debate about the lack of physical artifacts from biblical times, especially concerning Jesus and the supposed Holy Grail. Throughout, the hosts tackle tough, weird, and frequently hilarious questions about honesty in relationships, the value of mementos, and collective memory.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Funerals: Who Attends and Why?

• Toledo’s Absence & Family Dynamics

  • The hosts reflect on Dick Toledo’s absence due to his mother’s passing.
  • Speculation arises about whether Toledo's estranged father would attend the funeral.
    • “Do you not show up to a funeral of a woman you had a kid with?” (John, 04:15)
    • Consensus: If he hasn’t been present in decades, why start now?

• Would You Attend an Ex’s Funeral?

  • The crew ponders whether they’d attend the funeral of a first love, ex-wife, or even a high school coach.
    • “Would you go to your first true love’s funeral?” (John, 04:58)
    • General answer: Not unless it was convenient or they felt a profound connection.
    • Brady notes: he might stop by a visitation if already in town (05:41).

• Motivations & Social Dynamics

  • Funerals are described as more for the living than the dead.
  • Debate over whether going is respectful or just self-serving—especially if there was no meaningful relationship for years.

• Email from Toledo (06:13)

  • Toledo confirms: “Yeah, no funeral. She's getting cremated and didn't want a service. And yeah, the prick still doesn't talk about me with his family. So he ain't showing his face for my mom now.”

2. Mementos, Memory, and Attachment

• Physical Keepsakes as Markers of Meaning

  • Brady recounts attending a Toto, Men at Work, and Christopher Cross show with his daughter, keeping a signed poster as a memento (18:59–20:07).
    • “I thought it was kind of… She had pointed that out… to commemorate a special event she’ll have…” (Brady, 20:01)

• Why Are Some Artifacts Saved and Others Lost?

  • John pivots from modern day memento-collecting to question why, in all of history, humanity has no genuine physical relics from Jesus.
    • “How are we still having archaeologists try to find Jesus's wine glass… Why didn't anything mean anything to the people watching Jesus, enough to keep one effing artifact?” (John, 20:54–21:32)
  • Analogies to modern collecting—autograph tickets, memorabilia, gum from baseball games.

3. The Holy Grail & Skepticism Around Biblical Relics

• Archaeology, Relics, and Faith

  • The conversation crescendos into a sarcastic critique of the endless archaeological searches for holy relics.
    • “If we didn’t care enough to keep [Jesus’s stuff], quit looking for it.” (John, 32:05)
    • The group lampoons the idea that humanity, a "collecting species," would not keep even a fishing bone from a 'miracle'.

• Comparisons to Artifacts from Other Eras

  • Egyptian kings, Caesar, and even Rasputin are referenced as people whose relics and personal items survived across millennia.
    • “We've got records of Caesar and some of his things. That was before Jesus.” (John, 47:18)
  • Emphasized point: countless trivial items from history endure, but none ‘for sure’ from Jesus.

• Faith vs. Physical Evidence

  • The debate culminates in the acknowledgment that faith must fill the gap where evidence is lacking.
    • “That’s where you guys have to lean in on the faith thing and just run away from the argument. Faith doesn’t mean anything if I have faith that it’s not true and you have faith that it is true.” (John, 56:33)

4. Philosophical and Comedic Flourishes

• Nostalgia for objects (“autographed cigarette butts,” tickets, etc.)
• Jokes about “found jars” and would-be Jesus artifacts.
• Imaginative riffs: What if Jesus left behind ‘Air Hosannas’ (sandals) or wrote Airbnb-style thank-you notes?
• Satire on the meticulousness (or lack thereof) of biblical record keeping.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Funerals and Exes:

  • “Would you go to your first true love's funeral?”
    – John (05:02)
  • “If I was in town maybe, but I'm not gonna fly if…”
    – Brady (05:26)
  • “Toledo's going through it right now, and dad may or may not... got to brace yourself though... maybe he does sit there and go, I gotta make amends before he... Because he's close to the end.”
    – John (13:10)

• On Collecting and Memory:

  • “Brady took his daughter... to see Toto, Men at Work and Christopher Cross. She's 17 years old… and you left with an autograph poster. Why?”
    – John (19:23)
  • “You wanted to commemorate… a special event she’ll have…”
    – Brady (20:01)

• On Biblical Relics and Skepticism:

  • “Why didn't anyone pick up anything along the way?”
    – John (21:14)
  • “We have Kennedy's brain. We have Rasputin's dick. We have William Wallace's DNA just in case. We kept everything except him [Jesus]. It drives me bananas.”
    – John (38:00)
  • “If a dude shoots wine out, human minds save stuff. We're savers. Well, we're big time savers.”
    – John (40:54)

• On Faith vs. Evidence:

  • “I'm a believer. But it is tough when you don't have any evidence. That's right. That's where you guys have to lean in on the faith thing and just run away from the argument.”
    – Listener email read by John (56:33)

• Irreverent Comedy:

  • “He didn’t hand out his flow hose to somebody.”
    – Brett (32:50)
  • “He had his air hosannas.”
    – Brady (33:07)
  • “We still have Chris Kattan’s cigarette butt that he autographed.”
    – Brady (31:37)

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Key Timestamps for Segments

• [03:41] – Sincerity vs. brutal honesty in relationships.
• [04:13 – 06:13] – Reflection on Toledo’s family, death, and who attends funerals.
• [08:24 – 09:48] – Funeral etiquette; when (if ever) it becomes about making oneself feel good.
• [18:59 – 20:18] – Brady’s story about the concert and why we keep memorabilia.
• [20:54 – 39:31] – Main riff: Why didn’t anyone save Jesus’s stuff? The quest for relics.
• [43:05 – 47:18] – Argument: Romans, Egyptians, and so many others left stuff behind—why not Jesus?
• [56:33 – End] – Philosophical wrap-up: Faith fills the void left by missing evidence.

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Tone & Style

HMS delivers constant banter, biting sarcasm, and playful irreverence. The humor borders on dark, especially when riffing on sensitive life topics (death, faith, failed relationships), but always circles back to a blend of self-deprecation and thoughtful social critique. The conversational style is loose, fast, and often tangential, with abrupt shifts from silly to serious and back.

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Takeaways

• Funerals are more about the living than the dead, with etiquette shaped by history and relationship complexity.
• People are natural collectors—so why are religious relics so sparse?
• Faith fills the void left by a lack of evidence, but even believers find the absence of artifacts frustrating.
• Humor and critical thinking can coexist, even on heavy topics like death and spirituality.

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For those who missed the episode, this hour is classic HMS—whip-smart, brash, and full of unexpected connections between daily life and the big questions, all delivered with unapologetic Arizona flavor.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holberg]

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[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's going to be in with the guys all week long and just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert Ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[Brady]

You'Ve been deceived by an.

[John Holberg]

Agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98, it's miles to nowhere. Friday morning is official now. Thank you, Katie and the Hobbs and off we go. It is just talking with Brady. We'll get to that in a second about his last night with Kirby. And it's going to be a great story for Kirby in about 15 years. That awkward last evening with daddy we were talking about shreking and slump busting and hogging and stuff and Kyle says I wouldn't necessarily call what happened to me slump busting because she wasn't that bad. If you're describing her that way, yes, she was. The words she wasn't that bad. I wouldn't consider that's you rose colored glasses. The girl. Anyway, it says she wasn't up to my normal standards. We'll just say that. But what you were talking about before reminded me of something that happened. A girl asked me if I had ever had sex after meeting on the same night. At least that's what she meant. But she didn't say it in that way. She said while we were doing it, have you ever done this before? And I answered her very honestly. You mean have a one night stand? No, he told her in the middle of stroking a one night stand. No, I've never done that before. You're my first and we're never going to talk again. He basically let her in. And women, you have to be careful. I just want a man who's honest because that's as honest as it gets. You do not want us to be that honest. You really don't look fat in these pants. Yep. What the. Oh my God. Well, don't ask. I thought you wanted an honest communicator.

[Brett Vesely]

The threads in those little lemons are screaming right now.

[John Holberg]

You don't look fat in those pants. You look fat out of those pants. You look fat in a dress. You look fat outside, inside. If you're asking me, you know you look fat, don't ask. No, I think you look great in those. Let's go.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

[John Holberg]

Don't tell us you want to.

[Brett Vesely]

Honestly, right?

[John Holberg]

Have you ever done this before? You mean have a one night stand with a pig? Nope. This is my first time. What do you mean? You've heard me. People are being very nice. Toledo, of course isn't here. His mother passed away and he's up in Montana and it's, you know, thing. But you, you pricks are always on top of it. So the first thing we get emails are all like, oh, tell Toledo he's great. Tell him I'm so sorry and all that other stuff. Got these. And then in the midst of it I get one. I wonder if Toledo's Dad's gonna show up to the funeral and that I hadn't thought of. That's an actually legitimate question.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holberg]

Do you not show up to a funeral of a woman you had a kid with?

[Brady]

Was kind of thinking he'd have nothing to do with it.

[John Holberg]

Did you. Did you ask? I didn't talk.

[Brady]

I think he kind of said that when we were talking to him.

[John Holberg]

Will his dad show up? I didn't talk to him about his mother passing, so I didn't say, what are you gonna do for the funeral and stuff. I wonder, though, because it's the same.

[Brady]

Because I think the question was, do you think will the dad stop by? Or, you know, why she's.

[John Holberg]

No.

[Brady]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

I don't think he had to stop.

[Brett Vesely]

By in 50 something years. Why would he stop by now?

[John Holberg]

No, I would. Why? I don't know.

[Brady]

Never been a part of it really.

[John Holberg]

Other than he was a part of it all right.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he wasn't.

[John Holberg]

He was in it.

[Brett Vesely]

For about 10 minutes and he was out of it.

[John Holberg]

Would you go to your first true love's funeral?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holberg]

No. You. You probably.

[Brett Vesely]

Why would you?

[John Holberg]

I don't know. I'm just asking. Would you?

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, I know that surprises me.

[John Holberg]

Me too, because I think the free food and all that. Check out the spread. Kind of spread the. Oh, pinwheels. Yeah, she was always good for a pinwheel. You wouldn't go? You don't think. I think it's connected to the neighborhood.

[Brady]

If I was in town, maybe, but I'm not gonna fly if.

[John Holberg]

Okay, let's say you go back to Columbus and you find out the first girl you ever.

[Brady]

And I happen to be there.

[John Holberg]

And yeah, I'm still there.

[Brady]

Why the funerals happen.

[John Holberg]

You'd go if you still lived in the same. If she lived here, maybe.

[Brady]

I probably. If anything, maybe stop by the. The wake, the visitation hours.

[John Holberg]

I think about that like, though. Well, I wouldn't go.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what I mean.

[Brady]

Most of us would be the other.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, it's not a family or.

[Brady]

Class reunion to get together for the family.

[John Holberg]

My ex wife, I think about that.

[Brady]

To celebrate a life, a great life.

[John Holberg]

Oh, no, no. I'd go in just with a sign that says, finally, thanks Al Qaeda almost Toledo.

[Brett Vesely]

Just messaged back the answer to your question there.

[John Holberg]

Okay. Oh, he did. He's listening. Said, yeah, no funeral. She's getting cremated and didn't want a service. And yeah, the prick still doesn't talk about me with his Family. So he ain't showing his face for my mom now. All right. Yeah, well. All right. It's just a weird thing. Like, funerals are strange. Like, do you go back to somebody who was a. An important part of your life, whether it ended badly or not? They're the. One of the pillars.

[Brady]

It all depends on how. I mean, I. I look at it that way. It's like someone like, wow, that. You know what? I do want to stop by there. What?

[Brett Vesely]

To see what a pig should turn into or what?

[Brady]

No, there's family.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, that'd be the only reason to go.

[John Holberg]

But the pig part doesn't matter.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, dude, like, dodged a bullet in that one. Look at that beast in there.

[John Holberg]

But.

[Brady]

But most likely I win.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I guess for your own ego.

[Brett Vesely]

Charlie Sheen, that winning?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I guess so. Geez, that's a terrible way to look at it.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the only reason I would go.

[John Holberg]

You go back to see if she was a pig? Got Facebook for that.

[Brett Vesely]

That's true too.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't think. I don't think I'd go back to any of the. But there are people in your life who were, you know, you know, pillars of your foundation.

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holberg]

That, you know, change things. Good, bad, or otherwise were part of your life that were like, wow, that's a big one.

[Brady]

It's like a coach or a teacher.

[John Holberg]

I would never go back to that. But I mean, I didn't have, like, love relationships with them. Just, like, you know, moments. I mean, if you're a coach and you're like, eight or three or four years, and I wouldn't go back for any high school stuff. High school is not anywhere near that important.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sure DZ went to your old coach.

[John Holberg]

Oh, Derek Zone. Well, I don't know if Coach Clark's alive. Oh, is he? Yeah. Oh, okay. Suck you, man. Suck off. Still alive. I got touched by dz. That's like being Green Mile. I can't even get kidney stones because DZ cleared me. Shoot. Suck you, Brett. You suck. Coach Clark's gonna live forever. Like the kids from Fame. She. Yeah, I don't think. I mean, you'd have to have, like, that coach would have to have raised me. I'm not going back for any high school coach unless I went pro. But, I mean, for me, a lot.

[Brady]

Of it's, you know, friends that their parents are passing away. Like them.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, that's different.

[Brady]

My dad. I know. It's like, where do you.

[John Holberg]

I don't know. I Maybe go to, I don't know, like friends, families. I've had a couple friends, parents pass, and I'm not gonna go to the funeral. I don't know. That's a weird one, because I know them, but I'm not close to that.

[Brady]

Being on that side. You, You. You do appreciate it.

[John Holberg]

Oh, sure.

[Brady]

That people, you know, especially at basically. Basically the. The calling hours of the. That service where people say, yeah, they don't really go to the funeral so much. In fact, you stop.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, yeah. Hello to the family. Yeah, those are.

[Brady]

And you probably haven't seen them in.

[John Holberg]

A while, which goes back to Toledo's dad. It would be nice. Just go. Yeah, I know I screwed it all up. I just wanted to say my. It's the last chance, you know, you get a chance to. To maybe even say you're sorry. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And give that person the opportunity. And when you. If you do that, you have to take the opportunity and say, this might not go over well. Just because I'm going in to say I'm sorry doesn't mean I've earned it.

[Brady]

But I. I would go back to you and how you're saying I do it at a different time because you're basically putting. You're making yourself narcissistic. Actually, at that point, just wait until afterwards and just say, that's the time, I suppose.

[Brett Vesely]

Would you go back for Bryan Adams?

[John Holberg]

Girl, maybe it was a big part of your life. Yeah, it was a. Maybe.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, drop a Choco Taco in that casket and stuff.

[John Holberg]

It would just blend in with the other one. I don't. Yeah, I don't know. No, maybe it was such. It is a memorable part of who I am. But I don't know that that matters enough to go in there and say, like, I don't think there's. There's. There's no attachment now. I don't know. That's a tough one for me.

[Brady]

Like people say, it's how the spirit moves you. Whatever. Sometimes you never think, oh, I wouldn't do this. But you never know. All of a sudden you're motivated. You're like, you know what? I think I want to.

[John Holberg]

I think if I'm 50, 50 on it, I shouldn't go. I course in that is to not go. If you're not sure, don't. Like you said, don't make it about yourself. Yeah, just pay your respects privately, whatever. Nobody there wants to see me. You know, to Brian Adams. Girl, there's no point in it. There's no family that's going to even go like, oh, it's so glad you came. They don't care to see me.

[Brett Vesely]

You're more than likely going to get.

[John Holberg]

What the hell is. What are you doing here? Yeah. Oh, what is this?

[Brady]

Might be a couple of people that floated on the Salt river with you.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, maybe I don't want to see them, though. If I did, I'd still be in contact with you.

[Brady]

That.

[Brett Vesely]

And there you go.

[John Holberg]

That's why high school friends are like, that's why I never want to go to reunions or anything. I said, catch up with people. I'm like, you've had the app. You've had telephones. Like, reunions made sense before phones. Now there's phones. If you wanted to catch up with.

[Brady]

Someone, you could have phones, Instagram, Facebook.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, you could have. Yeah. And then you add in all the other stuff. But, I mean, once the phone was invented, getting in touch with somebody you haven't talked to in a long time through, like, a reunion or a funeral or, you know, it can happen accidentally, but if you're trying to find it, you could have done that. Yeah, I think you're right. Tom Sizer, who I went to the baseball game with the other day, Coach Marty, the baseball guy, he goes, I guarantee after the other night, you're going to Coach Marty's funeral. Well, Coach Marty and I became very close in that two and a half hours at the ballpark. Coach Marty was awesome. What about celebrity?

[Brady]

I'll go to Sizer's brother's funeral, probably.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah, no, yeah. I'm not going to Sizers unless there's a, you know, the celebration. I'll go to his parade. Like, the Sizer's gone parade. Celebrity. If you had the opportunity to go to a celebrity funeral, would you. That's one that I don't ever understand.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I don't. I don't know them. They don't know me.

[John Holberg]

Right. People point.

[Brady]

Well, it's like you're talking about, you know, Ozzy.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Look how many people came down there.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but I mean, are you talking the concert or the actual, like the funeral procession that they did on the streets? The concert I would go to. That's a concert.

[Brady]

I'm talking about the procession.

[John Holberg]

And then they laid all those funerals.

[Brett Vesely]

It was open to the public.

[John Holberg]

We didn't know that was a funeral at that time. That wasn't a funeral. It was a funeral for the music.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but I'm not lining the streets to look at a casket roll by. Yeah, I Watch on tv. I got a better view.

[John Holberg]

It's the reason I don't go to nascar. Yeah. Like, my seats get a view for like a couple seconds, and then I got to wait. Yeah. It's. That's a strange one. Anyway, Toledo's going through it right now, and dad may or may not. You know, you got to brace yourself, though. Maybe he does sit there and go, I gotta make amends before he. Because he's close to the end. Toledo's real dad is. Can't be young.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holberg]

And he's probably sitting there going, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I can make it for himself. Even just to kind of soothe that feeling of like I abandoned an entire family. And maybe it's time before I go to. To. To confront that for half a second, Take my lashings and walk out on this. Walk out on them again.

[Brett Vesely]

Gotta get another pack of smokes.

[John Holberg]

Oh. Looking at you, I realize why I did it by.

[Brady]

I'm sorry. Here's a 20.

[John Holberg]

Your Richard. Yeah. Here's the sound you're used to. Go start the car. Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe. But Toledo's right. That prick never did anything for him. So he. Toledo doesn't want him to show up. But if he did show up and paid his respects, you got to be like, all right, Dude's trying to sav a wound.

[Brett Vesely]

No. I'd be out.

[John Holberg]

I'd still tell him.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd throw him out.

[John Holberg]

You're not. Yeah. I wouldn't let it out. I'm like, thank you for popping by. Go home.

[Brady]

And I can't remember this. The current wife? No.

[John Holberg]

Huh.

[Brady]

Does she know the one he.

[John Holberg]

I think everybody knows. I think, yeah.

[Brady]

Cuz I know the sister does.

[John Holberg]

I'm pretty sure he's like, I got another kid. But I never tell him. He's. He knows it's got a. It's got a weigh on him. I don't care what kind of prick you are. It's got away on you a little bit when you've done that. Anyway, sorry for Toledo. That's a tough one. By the way, you can also still get those Shane Gillis presale tickets for another hour and 55 minutes. And you use the promo code live. Shane Gillis.com. you can go there. It'll redirect you the word live in the promo code, opens it up for the pre sale. And those tickets are going fast. Got a text yesterday that said they are selling tons of pre sale, and that's a lot so if you want to get on that, they go to say on sale today at 10 o' clock for the December 5th show with Shane Gillis and they gave us a special KUPD code to track how many of you guys are actually going to go. So use the code live and get your your Shane Gillis tickets before the general public just blows this thing up. It might sell out pre sale. That's how big that is. As far as the lower end, they weren't worried about the rest but they sold a ton yesterday. So keep an eye on that and see if you can get those. So Shane Gillis.com and the word live.

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[John Holberg]

Richgirlsommar Holmberg's Morning Sickness. This is from a guy whose dad bailed. If he showed up to his mom's funeral, I'd probably pull a Brett on the west side. I just drop a body off. Yeah. It'd be another good way I go to the. Oh, David Vasquez's classy. If my first love died and she had a hot sister, I'd go to the funeral to see if I could hose her too. That's nice. That's nice, Vasquez.

[Brett Vesely]

David may have swung me on the throne.

[John Holberg]

Now. You're a classy bastard, Vasquez. Classy. Good man. Yeah, it's a weird one, cuz funerals don't appeal to me as, like a thing that I feel like if it's. Again, if I'm. If I'm a little on it, then I. Then I. If I'm like, maybe I shouldn't. I'm not. Like, I have to feel 100% like I should be at this.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

To go. Otherwise it just feels like I'm kind of interloping or crashing it.

[Brett Vesely]

They don't like you. You don't like them anymore. Why are you going?

[John Holberg]

Toledo says rumor is his wife Gwen does not know about me, but my two half brothers know about me. So they may have said something by now. I'm sure they did. That's too big a family. So it's not like Brady's family. That's a secret. Somebody's saying they're not doing it right then. Yeah. They're not repressing their feelings and thoughts correctly. Talk to Brady. He'll tell you how to smash that down into the kidneys and have doctors pull it out.

[Brady]

After so many years, you know, your.

[John Holberg]

Kidneys swell up with memories and then you get it out of there and it's over. I don't have to think about that anymore. There's a thing I saw yesterday, Brady. And maybe you can help me with this. How many. But, Brett, how many times have you gone to a concert or a baseball game or something and it's like, man, this was cool. And you met. So you got an auto. Brady. You even went last night to Toto, Christopher Cross and Colin Hay for minute work, right?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holberg]

So you went down to that show and left with an autographed. Poster. Which you purchased. Yeah. A memento from something somewhat meaningful. Correct. You and Kirby's last day together. I mean, it was pretty awesome.

[Brady]

It was.

[John Holberg]

Brady took his daughter at her request. Right. She wanted to go see. Because she's a stoner and he won't admit that at all, but she wanted to see Toto, Men at Work and Christopher Cross. She's 17 years old.

[Brady]

I couldn't believe how many songs she was singing.

[John Holberg]

Right. Puff, puff, give. She sits there and listens to vinyl with her other stoner friends. What's this one, man? Oh, this is a Men at work. It's cargo. It came out in 1983. Man. It really makes me feel fine. I like this, man. The dude. Bogan and her dad went to go see that last. And you left with an autograph poster.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holberg]

Why? Let me ask you that.

[Brady]

I thought it was kind of. They had it up there, and she had pointed that out. Oh, there's a.

[John Holberg]

Because you wanted to commemorate.

[Brady]

Yeah. A special event she'll have.

[John Holberg]

Right. Just in case.

[Brady]

When I move on.

[John Holberg]

Right. Well, you don't know. Just in case she can look at that and say, that was a fun night with my dad.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And this is something that will live with her probably. If, in fact, you did just get run over by a bus today.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holberg]

That would mean something. Right. And she'd keep that until the day she died and maybe even pass that on to her kids. And it was a memento of. Of meaning. My dad has his dad's and his dad's dad's guns, and he's dying for me to have them. And I'm like, I don't want them. I've never seen him. I have no attachment to these. He's like, you should have it. I don't sell them now. And, like, had a knife collection. Right. You don't know anything about it. Right. But he wanted. Right. And you have them.

[Brady]

And he's like, I want you to have.

[John Holberg]

Right. And you don't know, but you still have them. Right. It meant, explain to me how we're still having archaeologists try to find Jesus's wine glass. Brett, you've been to concerts. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Last Supper.

[John Holberg]

No. The one where he started to turn water into wine. Oh, really?

[Brady]

I didn't know there was one left.

[John Holberg]

So there's some wedding. No, there's not. But archaeologists are digging around like, well, found them. And I'm like, no, you didn't. If. Why didn't anything mean anything to the people watching Jesus? Enough to keep one effing artifact. They've got no evidence. They've got nothing else.

[Brett Vesely]

Jones found it in the 30s, right.

[Brady]

They're still debating over the shroud.

[John Holberg]

It's not, it's not a real thing. It's not. They don't have it. If they, if they had it, it would like reveal some other deals. They found something and they're trying to push it out. They're going, please, we have proof. We have a dead guy's rap. If you get. But all this time and energy spent on remembering this, properly documenting it, the book, the this, and we can't find. And we still are digging around going, was it here? Did that happen here? We don't even have like a marker. People get run over on Bush Highway. There's a marker at least where they died. Can we get something from you? People who believe that isn't digging something up in 2025 saying, I think we found it. Why didn't anyone pick up anything along the way?

[Brett Vesely]

We don't know where the tomb is or what.

[John Holberg]

You'd have a concert ticket to Jesus on the mount, right? You'd have like a moment like I'm remembering this. Like you do a tapestry or a drawing ticket stuff on your bulletin board, like back in the day on your old style cork board. Your, your year zero cork board. There's an archaeologist that is there and it's said they found an unearthed fragments of large stone jars identical to the one the Gospel claims Jesus used when he turned water into oil.

[Brady]

I forget what they call those jars, the jars.

[John Holberg]

Mason jars, they call them jars. Anyway, it says these are the stone jars we discovered. Could be the same ones that the Bible mentions. Jars. You found jars and you instantly went to the Bible because you're in Jerusalem.

[Brady]

They've blown, they're at the party house, look.

[John Holberg]

They've blown that place to bits.

[Brett Vesely]

The White House from the Cowboys.

[John Holberg]

Have you seen Gaza? Jesus probably wandered over there to go to the beach now and again, right? We don't know his teen years. He could have left a whole bunch of stuff laying around. We're not, we're pretty cavalier about blowing everything up. You're not going to find anything from Jesus if you didn't keep it in the first place. I'm telling you right now, if a guy came in here and goes, I'm the son of God, and he split the building in half and then he put it back together, I'd be like, somebody take a picture. Remember this? Why are we still looking for stuff.

[Brady]

They should have all collected? Maybe this Moon came over claiming to be the son of God because it was controversial.

[John Holberg]

Take a picture of. Yeah, but people kept all the documentation. They don't have anything. They don't have writings. 300 years later they did. Where's the stuff?

[Brady]

Well, those writers. But they have writings of events happening.

[John Holberg]

Right. And it's all debatable whether or not it's tied back to the Bible or who this person actually was. Some of that stuff, you know, nobody documented a thing. It drives me bananas that I had to watch this news story and try to take it seriously. We found some jars, might be Jesus's. I found some socks. Same if. No, nobody kept anything. And I'm not a religious person, but can we get. Can the blame start going back on this a little bit to go? Not a very good group back then documenting this whole son of God thing. And I know you're saying it was controversial, but there was a group of people that ended up winning this argument and got a Bible out of it and got a religion out of it that. That seemed to follow him around pretty good. You'd think one of them would be like, here it is. Even in Braveheart. Marin's little thing. He gets it back in the end. Somebody kept it. It's just. It's ridiculous to sit back. Well, we found some jars. Like, why didn't anyone. Like, we don't even know where any of it happened.

[Brady]

I think I read that one. The jar thing that mentioned. And then the place where he was buried.

[John Holberg]

Where'd that happen?

[Brady]

They just recently.

[John Holberg]

I don't know. You think you'd have paid attention?

[Brady]

They rolled back this stone. I'm like, here it is.

[John Holberg]

Find it. Look. This must be it. It's like Jesus was here. Is written on the wall in Latin. It's pretty cool.

[Brett Vesely]

It's written in old English, like on.

[John Holberg]

The west side or something. Well, his name was Jesus. I mean, to be honest, Jesus was here. Jesus was here. Nazareth for life. Mother, this is it. We found it. And I would believe it, but they're still looking. Nobody put a flag or a cross where the cross was. We put crosses up if kids die on the freeway. We didn't put one up when he did on a. He could have kept the one he was on.

[Brady]

Well, the place where he was crucified was a popular place. Golgotha, the hill.

[John Holberg]

That's right. They did a bunch of.

[Brady]

Okay, so he was. He was basically another Saturday. Right.

[John Holberg]

But he was the most important one. Somebody would have kept it. I have an autograph of Ray Burris we had who he was a pitcher for the cubs in the 70s. It means I have a picture of me with Bill Buckner.

[Brady]

It some Roman soldier or some family.

[John Holberg]

Gum Luis Gonzalez spit out on the Somebody picked it up and sold it for ten grand. Luis Gonzalez spit gum out once. We still have it. We're a collecting species. Why didn't. I'm only asking. I'm not debating your beliefs. Why didn't anyone pick up anything? Go over to Forest Lawn in Burbank, California. There are. They went to great lengths to hide artifacts and art from being destroyed during the Revolutionary war. It's the 1700s and it's in pristine condition. In Burbank we've got everything. Like when do World War II. What's the first thing they did? Let's get all the important stuff out of here and get it over to Poland. Let's get all the stuff out of Poland now. It's coming over here. Let's get it over here. And they got it to safe places. They knew the most important person in history according to the western world. We don't have one shoe. Nothing. Nobody kept.

[Brady]

Someone had the top of the cross for a while, but then house fire.

[John Holberg]

Oh, does that add it to the. And they didn't run back in and get the cross. No.

[Brady]

Seems like they shaved the family first.

[John Holberg]

Dumb. Dumb. I'm telling you right now, I could know everyone I love in this world could be in my house if it lit on fire and I had some cross in the attic. Going to the attic. You're all fend for yourselves, folks. I'm taking Jesus's cross, which, by the way, I have. It doesn't make any sense to me that we have nothing and we're still looking. That tells me something. And they're looking. They're not sure where. The Noah's Ark thing is hilarious to me. That story is so huge.

[Brady]

So found that.

[John Holberg]

No, we didn't. He built one in Tennessee. And when you see it by the exact specifications the Bible says it might fit. I don't know a veterinarian's office. So then you got to go. Well, it was also magic. I'm like, oh, Christ on a crutch.

[Brady]

You'll see when that thing's floating after.

[John Holberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Hurricane Aaron sweeps good.

[John Holberg]

I hope so. I honestly hope you're right.

[Brady]

But I'm not on this.

[John Holberg]

You don't. You don't hope.

[Brady]

I don't think the ark in the Tennessee is going to be.

[John Holberg]

I don't think it was real to begin with. I Don't think it's a pretty silly story, but if it is real, that means a lot more good stuff happens. And a whole bunch of people kill themselves, end up in heaven. Nobody monitored a thing. And there were people back then going, no, this is the one. He's the one. Not one of those dudes kept it. But 300 years later, we have no.

[Brady]

Before terrible records beforehand.

[John Holberg]

With what?

[Brady]

With the families, you know, like the. The slave being freed from Egypt.

[John Holberg]

Oh, sure, we knew historic stuff and then we built the story. Sure. Just the same way.

[Brady]

This little 33 year time and nobody.

[John Holberg]

Has any evidence of. And then the other again. And then it's like Quentin Tarantino doing Inglourious Basterds. And yeah, that historical event occurred. And here's my take on it. And all the Nazis burned in a movie. He just made up a story inside a real event that's real easy to do. It drives me to the job too. Oh, it's an awesome movie. And someday maybe people will look at that in 300 years, the same way the Bible was written and go, this must be what happened. And that becomes the real thing. Because nobody wrote anything down. Nobody like made a mark. You'd think so. Like, I know where Compton Terrace is.

[Brett Vesely]

There are some who X marks the spot.

[John Holberg]

Like X marks the spot. We're still looking for treasures from pirates and they show up.

[Brady]

But again, it comes back to the story Fart. But as far as you know, they've. They've unearthed the house of Pilot. Pontius Pilot.

[John Holberg]

They say houses existed. That's not surprising.

[Brady]

Pontius Pilot could have existed whether or not that trial happened or whatever, you know.

[John Holberg]

So there's Pontius Pilots.

[Brady]

That's the first, you know, as far as characters they're talking.

[John Holberg]

Did he leave his driver's license? How do they know for sure it was a house they found?

[Brady]

Maybe House of Pilot.

[John Holberg]

You know, it could have. It could have been a house of Pilot. It could have been Amelia Family. Yeah, right.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I still haven't found that broad either.

[John Holberg]

That's right. Could have been other pilots.

[Brett Vesely]

They've been finding her for 50 years now. They still haven't found her.

[John Holberg]

They'll find her before they find any of this Jesus stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

They, they found the Titanic before that.

[John Holberg]

That's true. Brad's right, because we all had a pretty general idea where it was.

[Brady]

So the Amelia Earhart thing did not happen. Or did they at least have some evidence from that?

[John Holberg]

Well, they don't know how it ended.

[Brady]

But they got sure we still have relics.

[John Holberg]

We know she existed. We got some pictures. We have some documentation. We have her clothing story. Yeah, there's probably a museum with her stuff. Yeah, we kept everything.

[Brady]

We could have at least, you know, a table or something that you hit a goddamn baseball.

[John Holberg]

Like if you hit two grand slams in an inning. Hang on to that thing. Let's get that to the hall of Fame. It stays somewhere forever.

[Brett Vesely]

Barry Bonds breaking the record. You know, all that kind of stuff.

[John Holberg]

We have since the beginning of man. Like, keep that. That's cool. Keep that. Put that in a museum. We always, like, keep it safe. Put some gloves on when you touch that.

[Brady]

We still have Chris Kattan's cigarette butt that he autographed.

[John Holberg]

We have Chris Kattan cigarette butt that he threw on the ground. Like, you can't litter at our place. We had and pick it up, sign it, and it's in our office. And when we leave, we'll all remember the story exactly as it happened. I don't understand this. Holmberg's morning sickness. And she wasn't looking for the cups. She was digging for something else. And she's like, hold on a second. Pretty close to when that water wine thing happened. I think I found some jars. Stop it. If we didn't care enough to keep it, quit looking for it.

[Brady]

By the way, the Instagram story of that where they're at the festival and he's doing the water wine.

[John Holberg]

If Jesus had an instrument, wait for this.

[Brady]

My mom's gonna love this.

[John Holberg]

This is great. That's more believable. It said at the point the water wine thing happened, Jesus reputation was spreading rapidly. His disciples had been chosen by him. And he never once said, guys, here's a shoe. Hang on to this. Pass it down to prove I was real. Hang on to this.

[Brett Vesely]

He didn't hand out his flow hose to somebody.

[John Holberg]

He'll make new flow hose. He'll just. He'll just Copperfield a couple new flo hose on and then give his old flow hose to somebody and go. You all saw that, right? Dude just manufactured some flip flops and gave us his old ones. That's amazing.

[Brady]

He had his air hosannas. They were just.

[John Holberg]

Nobody kept any of that bread. That magic ass bread that came out of nowhere happened multiple times, right? He's pumping bread for thousands and all he had was one loaf and fish and fish showing up out of nowhere. Nobody kept like, this is the bones of a fish. That dude made magic fish. I'm keeping this just in case. It drives me bananas. Someone.

[Brady]

Someone didn't finish their fish. They decided to keep it.

[Brett Vesely]

Dude, if I doggy bags back in.

[John Holberg]

The day, right now if I'm in a Bruno Mars show and he's like, I have a fish. Like, cool. Now you all have fish that's getting shrink wrapped. I don't know how he did that, but I ain't eating it and I ain't throwing it out. That's a magic fish. Brutal. Mars just gave me. I didn't expect it. It just showed up like, well, how did he do that? He turned one fish into, like 2000. Now we're all eating fish. I'm putting this in the freezer. And I'm never. Wedding cakes. We save a slice.

[Brady]

There's at least 200 David Blaine and Criss angel cards out there. You get to play that playing card that you do. Name on it.

[John Holberg]

I have a ticket signed by one of the members of Faster Cat not Tame me Down. So I don't know who. Brett. What's his name? I think. I don't know because I went to after the Gold Rush after they played with Motley Cruelty and their last Tammy's like, we're going after the Gold Rush. After the show's over. All you need is your ticket to get into. After we left, jetted out of Compton Terrace and drove all the way over to after the Gold Rush to stand in line to watch Faster Pussycat not do anything for four hours.

[Brady]

You got your money back.

[John Holberg]

He signed my ticket. I did. Well, that was different. No, that was Ricky Rackman with that rat thing.

[Brady]

Oh, that's right.

[John Holberg]

It wasn't rat. It was pig, actually. What he. Ricky Rackman. Tammy down from Faster Pussycat. Two dudes from Rat and a guy from some other cruddy band came out and said they were they. I did an impromptu charity jam at after the gold rush for $9 and 82 cents. It was like 988 or something KUPD might have been doing. It was like that. And I'm like, oh, sweet. And they went out and you realized after song one, these guys have never played together before. So, like, do you know it was like a rehearsal with guys in the first day. Do you know Train kept rolling. Oh, yeah, yeah, we know that. And they know. Each of them knew about a quarter of the song, and then it would go off the rails. Like, I don't know the. I don't know the. I don't know how to transition to the next. I don't know what the next part is. Oh, okay. And then they'd stop and they discuss what was it was the worst thing I've ever been to. So fast forward to when Ricky Rackman was here and I bitched about like. Like you. You owe me nine. I don't care if it was for charity for dying kids. You stole from me that night, and I want my money back. And he said it was for kids. And I'm like, you guys didn't do anything. Just. Just say, give me 10 bucks for a child. I'd have done it. You. You put me through hell that night. I had to go stand in line. I had to wait. I had to get in this thing. I luckily got in there. Horrible show. And he came back with nickels. The next time I saw two years, $9.88 of nickels. Next up, which is H. Yeah, it's weird, but I kept. I kept the ticket to Faster, Pussycat, Motley Crue, and Lita Ford because someone from Faster Pussycat signed it. It's in my. It's on a cork board in my attic from my childhood that I'll not throw away.

[Brady]

Now the question is, will it last 2000 years?

[John Holberg]

Don't know. Yeah, I'm not doing a lot. I'm not doing. If it was. If the dude gave me Magic Fish.

[Brady]

Christ. Wasn't much of a collector.

[John Holberg]

Okay. I would put it in a Ziploc. No, nobody was around.

[Brady]

I mean, he just didn' Leave stuff. He's like, I got nothing to leave.

[Brett Vesely]

Sure, he did his little ocd. He had to clean things up when.

[Brady]

He left storage space.

[John Holberg]

I'll tell you, right? He left a big stone. He left a cross. He shot wine. He mother. Shot wine out of his leg. Don't drink that.

[Brady]

He was out of his side, by the way.

[John Holberg]

Worse. Weirder. Cool. I poke him right now, and Pinot Noir comes out. I'm just staring at Brett for a second and capping that. We're hanging out olive oil. Anyway, nobody, maybe no one, will believe me. Like, you remember Brett on my show? Yeah, kind of the Italian weirdo. Yeah, don't talk bad about him. I poked him. Peter Noir shot out. Oh, bowl. I'm a. Come here. Come here for a second.

[Brady]

Most delicious gravy.

[John Holberg]

We're not drinking or eating it. You calm down. You don't eat magic stuff that magic man made.

[Brett Vesely]

You remember who you're talking to.

[Brady]

You're not sipping out of that wine.

[John Holberg]

No, I might take a. I might put my tongue on it, but I'm getting capped.

[Brady]

Yeah, you'll keep more.

[John Holberg]

All of it. Not and put my tongue on it. And then I'm going to put it back in the thing and it's getting preserved forever. It's the most precious thing I own.

[Brady]

But nobody kept any have good bottles back then.

[Brett Vesely]

He would act for a second.

[John Holberg]

Load up jars now.

[Brady]

Yeah, but they're empty. They didn't.

[John Holberg]

Somebody chuck the jar on the ground and left like it's the side of the freeway. Brett shoots magic juice at me right now. Don't you dare. I'm keeping that. In fact, I'd blow Brett to see what else comes out. If he had wine shooting out of his side. I'm like, give me that thing. What is this? Alfredo? I'll eat it. Nope, just. Damn it. It's the same old stuff I've got. You fooled me somebody would have kept something. Quit looking. You'll find something eventually. But quit to quit. Quit looking. I have mementos from stuff you that I want. My teddy bears, 53 years old. If I shot wine out of my body and was the son of God, somebody be like, here is his glorious teddy that he loves so. And they would put it in a museum immediately. They had museums back then. And I'm telling you, if it was that important, we'd have kept something. We have Kennedy's brain. We have Rasputin's dick. We have William Wallace's DNA just in case. We kept everything except him. It drives me bananas. And you know who should be mad about it? Religious people. They're the ones that should be how nobody kept anything. And you'll get the crappy people. Well, they got this one. No, you don't have anything for sure. Yeah, I got some for sure.

[Brady]

Enough evidence around it. As far as confirming stories that happened. No, there's nothing. Yeah, the stories that are talked about in the bible of cities 300 years.

[John Holberg]

After he died, that was written.

[Brady]

Yeah, his. His account. But I'm talking about everything else in the Bible that they're talking and those accountable.

[John Holberg]

There's no evidence there's like cities.

[Brady]

Did. Did the disciples go to. Did he go to Corinth?

[John Holberg]

We knew cities existed.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And you can write a story around what was real. And that doesn't mean it's real without any sort of weird evidence. I can sit back and say I've been to Tuscaloosa and you can believe me because you know Tuscaloosa is real. But if I don't have any evidence of having been there, you're just got to take my word for it. And by the way, if I went to Tuscaloosa and said I Built like nine buildings, and there are no buildings there. Did I? Yeah, the cities. Of course. They're not going to write phony cities into the story. That's. You got to have some credibility. It wasn't like, oh, he was the mayor of Gotham for a year. Like, well, wait a minute. This has holes. This one says. What you guys don't realize is back then, proof was eyewitness testimony from multiple accounts, which is what Jesus did. So in their minds, they had proof, but they knew better. He told them. I'm just saying, if a dude shoots wine out, human minds save stuff. We're savers. Well, we're big time savers.

[Brady]

They also say, you know, they're talking about medically. What people could see, too, is when you're crucified, you die. Basically suffocation or anything. And so fluid would build up into the lungs.

[John Holberg]

Wasn't one.

[Brady]

So when they put the lance them on the side to finally finish them.

[John Holberg]

Up, somebody drank it.

[Brady]

Liquid and blood mixed in.

[John Holberg]

Sure. Pus. Bodily fluids. Yeah. No, I'm not. Look, that makes sense to me. The wine shooting out. I'd have kept that. I'm not even a believer. But you make me a believer pretty fast. If Brett fires wine or ragu at me where he should be bleeding, and I'm like, and it's good.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sure we'll have videos of that later.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm hoping.

[Brett Vesely]

See what you asked for.

[John Holberg]

But I'm certainly not gonna sit and sip it and go, I'm polishing this off. The wine that came out of that guy is fantastic. I'm gonna go back up to the tap. And it's like, no, because one of the dudes that did it supposedly screamed out, holy, he is the son of God. Like, they knew right then and there. We should probably keep some of this stuff now. Throw it all away. We got more to do. Like, that doesn't make sense. We have supposedly, Russia has Hitler's stuff now. We'll give it up. We got it somewhere. I just don't understand that. You should have saved something is what I'm saying. Slap your own wrists. It's your own fault this thing can't get, like, you know, cemented. Knock it off. I think I found some jars. They might have been Jesus's. That's pathetic that you guys didn't, like, like, go to his house right after and go, here, put this stuff in boxes.

[Brett Vesely]

Can you sign this for me real quick?

[John Holberg]

Have him sign something. Brett's right. Sign this. Why? Because I'm getting your autograph. You don't think somebody had a Jesus autograph? I have some pretty stupid autographs in my life. And I'm not. I won't throw them out.

[Brett Vesely]

Jesus is numbered one of one. And you know, I mean, it'd be great.

[John Holberg]

Todd McFarlane made a little action figure.

[Brett Vesely]

Out certificate with it and everything.

[Brady]

Yahweh.

[John Holberg]

Yahweh. I would have said Yahweh. I'm cool with that. You pricks didn't save anything. And it's your own fault. This thing gets. You know that. You're gonna argue with me?

[Brady]

You just weren't thinking about that back then.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, they were. They saved tons of other stuff. The big. The whole crux of the religion is they were good.

[Brady]

Document keepers were the ones who were trying to.

[John Holberg]

Right. The whole crux of the religion was they were good at keeping the story straight. They didn't save anything. I find that hard to believe.

[Brady]

It is amazing how the story has.

[John Holberg]

Remained not really parables and things have passed on for years and ages and whatever. Every. Every single. And it's changed. And every single culture has something that's gone on for ages and ages and ages. So that part's easy. To tell a story over and over is easy. Show me a shoe. If Brett died right now and keep something of his. I'm like, I want a memento of Brett's. You meant something to me.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll leave you my. Leave you my horn.

[John Holberg]

Brady Tuesday. Oh, I don't want that. I think that's like bad luck. That's like no way. That's like Beetlejuice stuff. I don't want that.

[Brady]

And that's something that'll last a long time.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, the horn.

[Brady]

Yeah, sure. It's gold.

[John Holberg]

There was gold back then.

[Brady]

He didn't have much bling.

[John Holberg]

Let's say he had bling. He had something.

[Brett Vesely]

Did he have a crunk cup or anything? I mean like a little John Crunk cup.

[Brady]

He saw the Last Crusade. He was a simple guy.

[John Holberg]

He did cool. He was a carpenter. He built some tables for some people.

[Brett Vesely]

Get a Maryville cup.

[John Holberg]

But he kept the Jesus table. You know they do that with Jackson Pollock. Like Jackson people find out they've got a Jackson Pollock, they didn't know they had a Jackson Pollock. And suddenly it becomes super important if. Hey, remember that guy down the street made us these tables? Yeah. Turns out he's the son of God. Like, no kidding. We should probably keep these tables.

[Brady]

Well, you talk about learning about faith. I still hope one day on the antique road show be awesome. The table from Yahweh.

[John Holberg]

I would like that. As a non believer, I'd be like, here we go.

[Brady]

I've never seen this.

[John Holberg]

And the dude's like, I just got it at a garage sale. He says it with Yahweh's, I don't even $5 sign on the bottom. And some sort of whiny blood flavored thing and everywhere. Every once in a while I'll tap it and fish show up. This is Jesus's work. Oh, I thought so. Now he told me it was Jesus the carpenter down the way, but I just assumed a Home Depot situation was developing.

[Brady]

Dovetail. Very nice work, actually.

[John Holberg]

What if he was bad at it and that's why these tables suck. They're all wobbly. Jesus doesn't know what.

[Brady]

He didn't spend much time on it.

[John Holberg]

Well, he didn't get old enough.

[Brady]

He didn't have to.

[John Holberg]

What do you mean on the table?

[Brady]

I mean once. Once his.

[John Holberg]

I love this about you. Right now. Go ahead.

[Brady]

Well, you know, if he was a.

[John Holberg]

Carpenter, he was sloppy. A little sloppy.

[Brady]

Well, no, his focus became on basically spreading the word.

[John Holberg]

So his work stuff full time?

[Brady]

Yeah, he gave up.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, but gave up the woodwork. A lot of the time he's like, oh, is that okay? I don't remember reading that part. It's like, I can't do any more. I would take your order, but I'm busy with the other.

[Brady]

I got three years. I got three years to morning sickness.

[John Holberg]

Can you. Peter Holmberg's morning sickness. People would rap on a store. Hey, I. I could use a kitchen island. I'm sorry, I don't do that anymore. I focused on spreading the word of.

[Brady]

Me and there could be that one day. Yeah, he.

[John Holberg]

I want to see it.

[Brady]

I have a partial chair. He never came back and finished it.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, he lost his license with the register. Gary Harper from Channel three is like. We chased down Yahweh to see why he took the money and never finished the job. I'm spreading the word of God. You guys, leave me alone.

[Brett Vesely]

Excuse me, Jesus, can you.

[John Holberg]

I'm Gary Harper, three on your side. How can we never finish this job? Look, I'll give her money back and some fish. Will that even it up? We got money and fish from the carpenter, but still she needs half her chair finished. He gave us the name of a good other carpenter that can finish the job. So he, you know, followed through.

[Brady]

Sorry I didn't finish your table, but I fed 5,000.

[John Holberg]

Oh, I had another table to cover? Yeah, the woodworking. If I found out right now that that piece of crap painting I have in the garage is a Jackson Pollock, suddenly it becomes something I'm hanging on to and treating with great reverence. When you die Tuesday, I'm gonna take your shoes and I'm gonna put them in my house. I'm keeping part of Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

Cody said, don't be putting down Brady's faith. He might be meeting him on Tuesday.

[John Holberg]

I'm not putting down his faith. I'm putting down the people who believe it. Where's the stuff? You guys did a poor job of this. You should really start talking about that. We really did a cruddy job. Let's not do that again in the future. Jesus. We've got records of Caesar and some of his things. That was before Jesus.

[Brady]

Yeah, we got his stuff.

[John Holberg]

Where's. Come on.

[Brady]

Egyptian kings. I mean.

[John Holberg]

But why? Because they were important. Because they were important. We find them all the time. They're in tombs and giant pyramids. They built something kind of cool.

[Brady]

But how many artists became really important?

[John Holberg]

I'm talking about artists you just brought.

[Brady]

Up after the fact.

[John Holberg]

Or people in Egypt and things years and years and years before this wasn't. Who have their stuff.

[Brady]

He wasn't basically royalty at the time.

[John Holberg]

To a bunch of people, he was. And they didn't do anything about.

[Brady]

Not quite. Not during his life, where he's alive.

[John Holberg]

They broke books about it. There were plenty of people chasing him around saying, he's the one. He's the one. I'm talking about them. I'm talking about you or anybody else who was wandering around questioning things, talking about them. He said, explain to me, John, if Jesus isn't real, how come he shows up on Mexicans toast every few years? Checkmate. Got a good point, Donovan.

[Brady]

Good one.

[John Holberg]

If the guy gave you cheat codes to life. And a few years later gave you a completely new set of cheat codes, how would you accept either as valid? They had to rewrite the damn thing. I know that's an argument. I only said to me, the more you talk, the more Jesus sounds a lot like Trump. It's true. You think we're not gonna turn this political? Here we go. Trump got involved. Second coming. I had a second coming with that porn star. It was a great night. Yeah. It's just weird to me that the archaeologists are like, look what we might have found. We never looked here before. I'm like, what? Just don't have any areas pinpointed with some sort of marker. I, Sam Kinison, There's a stone marker where he died.

[Brady]

Much better. Who's the guy down leaving?

[John Holberg]

No Caesar. Brady was before Jesus.

[Brady]

But they.

[John Holberg]

They.

[Brady]

You know, they're coming up with areas that. Where this person lived and you know.

[John Holberg]

I'm just saying personal artifacts. Your argument to say they didn't keep good records or keep stuff is untrue. Because Rome period.

[Brady]

And they're still discovering stuff.

[John Holberg]

I know you can discover all day. You haven't discovered a thing from this dude and you got all they have. No, they have what I can't physical evidence. Then don't say they have.

[Brady]

Okay, well. Well, let me let them get to the hand.

[John Holberg]

You're gonna go to the handbrain and say what of Jesuses have they found? And it'll go.

[Brady]

What are the facts?

[John Holberg]

Stop it. They have it. I bet you they'll from his time. From him.

[Brady]

The existence.

[John Holberg]

That's different because we know the time existed. We know stuff was happening. These archaeologists didn't save a concert ticket. Not one. Plenty of people showed up to the sermon on the mount. Nobody wrote down like this was an awesome night. 8-8-2. I mean, you write it down. Diaries. Nobody kept like one. Like that was a pretty cool. Was hungry and there was no fish. And then there was fish. Just saying.

[Brady]

And that's what the letters were supposed to be.

[John Holberg]

Right? Were they? Nobody kept a thing. Yeah, and here's some of his hair. Nothing. I mean, Pamela Anderson. Borat tried to steal her head. I mean, we try to keep things of important people. Got to keep an eye on that.

[Brett Vesely]

We got Luis Gonzalez's gum.

[John Holberg]

Luis Gonzalez's goddamn gum is in somebody's house. It spent 10 grand on it. Footballs that get kicked over 66 yards go to a facility. We're collectors. Humans. All of us. Naturally. You bought a Toto Christopher Cross minute work poster to commemorate a night. We're collectors. We collect things. It would have meant something to somebody. Stop telling me exactly and I'll know. Like through the documentation of.

[Brady]

This was his house.

[John Holberg]

The historic records of Bogan like found some old recordings of this could be him. We found a whole bunch of useless beer cans under earth. And then this radio thing. It was this guy. I'm not saying it's not real. I'm saying you don't. You didn't keep good records in a time where there was a lot of record keeping.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's what AI says about it.

[John Holberg]

Carbon dating has often dated purported relics to periods much later than Jesus. Okay, so we have some things from before we kept religious significance Artifacts hold deep religious and cultural significance to believers are largely considered either relics in the sense of symbolic importance or even forgeries rather than artifacts by many historians. None of that says, well, we found a few things.

[Brady]

Like, there's still a lot of, I think, you know, Catholic churches that say, oh, we have the bones of.

[John Holberg]

That's it.

[Brady]

Peter or Thomas. They keep them in the tabernacle, in.

[John Holberg]

The church, but you can't see them.

[Brady]

But, no, they haven't.

[John Holberg]

You can't test.

[Brady]

They've tested a couple of them and said, nope, that's not it.

[John Holberg]

Right? Yeah, because they're lying. That's all. Drives me nuts. Quit looking. Just believe you're making fools of yourself every time you say, it's over here. You got something? Yeah, cups. Oh, God. You found his silverware? I think so. No. You don't know where he was. How do you know where to dig? Don't get me started on the Moses thing. You spend 40 years walking through the desert, and there's found him. There's no bones. There's no, like, cities like that popped up. There's nobody who stopped and put up. There's nothing anyway. Don't give. I'm not bashing the religion. I'm just bashing your collecting your evidence. Collecting is poor. This was a court case. They'd be like, you got no evidence. I believe that this happened. It doesn't matter. Found a cup. I'm gonna dig in my backyard and find some cups. Don't you start on the Mormons. Found the silver tablets in Missouri or Pennsylvania or something. And if he was up there, I guess he traveled up to. He went to the Little League World Series one year and dropped off some tablets. It's crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like History of the World where Mel Brooks shows up with 15 commandments, drops 1 10.

[John Holberg]

10 commandments. Where are those?

[Brett Vesely]

They're in the Ark.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They're locked up in a warehouse in Washington, D.C. right?

[John Holberg]

To keep that. Dude goes up to a mountain lightning and comes back with tablets with language written on. Like, look at this crap, guys. Somebody saved this. Like, I'm serious. Somebody invent shellac now put them in the ark.

[Brett Vesely]

Indiana Jones marching around him.

[Brady]

And Marion got destroy some people with the power of the Ark, right?

[John Holberg]

They made it to the 40s with nobody seeing him. And then the Nazis.

[Brett Vesely]

Top people are looking at it right now.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, that's right. You think you'd have kept that. And God just made these tablets. Tell some people about that. And then we're just gonna wreck them I'll leave them here. No one touched these. They're very heavy. Get some donkeys and stuff. We'll drag them out. God damn it. They're gone. It's nuts. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there?

[Brett Vesely]

All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And I just got to pull this up because it's just. Got it from Josh yesterday. They're doing a big Labor Day sale. It's going on August 31st. Goes through 9, 7.

[John Holberg]

So it's this weekend?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

No, it's next weekend. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

So at the Gilbert store, all snow gear is going to be 20 to 50% off. And both locations are going to have deals on used demo bikes, all in stock. New bikes are going to be on sale. All the accessories, helmets, lights, bike gear, all at reduced prices, all at Action Rideshop. Go to actionrideshop.com for all the details. I don't think that poster's posted yet.

[John Holberg]

But they'll get it up there.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

On the heels of yesterday's conversation of having to put ridges on coins, you don't think one of those Jews would have said, hey, this might be worth something later? That's a good point. Just saying it's worth a debate, that's all. Believe whatever you sure. Not bashing. But it certainly is something that I don't want to hear. So I want somebody on the religious side to go, yeah, horrible job. Terrible job.

[Brady]

I've got a fact, right?

[John Holberg]

They always want to shoot back. So, yeah, I was like, I did a bad job. It's really been a tough. It's an uphill battle.

[Brett Vesely]

On the last Ozzy. Bullet for my Valentine. Blue Oyster Cult. Don't Fear the Reaper for Brady.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Primus. My name is Mud for Shreking. Static X. I'm with Stupid for Shreking. And of course, all the death ones. Motorhead killed by death. Mastodon's guitar player died yesterday. Tear drinker. Funeral bell from bls. Faster Cat make him listen. All the Jesus talk Ministry. Jesus built my hot rod.

[John Holberg]

I think I like Jesus Built my outright a lot. I'm with Stupid for Static X for the whole Shreking thing, because that's. That's a beautiful deal. You're shreking. You're with stupid and you're proud of it. You're being Shrek out there, gentlemen. It's a beautiful thing. Crazy. There you go. Guy says, I'm a believer. But it is tough when you don't have any evidence. That's right. That's where you guys have to lean in on the faith thing and just run away from the argument. Faith doesn't mean anything. If I have faith that it's not true and you of faith that it is true. Neither of us can prove it.

[Brady]

Right. No matter what it's like. Your point is, is there any physical facts?

[John Holberg]

No, there's.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holberg]

There's nobody.

[Brady]

Dude, does that sway me on my. I. I still have faith that I think those events did occur.

[John Holberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Not. I think some of those.

[John Holberg]

I'm not saying the events didn't occur.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holberg]

Why don't you keep a ticket? Keep something. They kept organs from, like, Egyptian leaders from hundreds of years before that.

[Brady]

I mean, I don't curse at Peter or Paul or any of those guys. Say, why didn't you?

[John Holberg]

I would have. If I met him, I'd be like, dude, what was with. Oh, yeah. We weren't real big collectors back then. Your daughter has a Toto autographed poster. Now there's stuff all over the place with people that gain a little notoriety. We ask for things from them. And that's never been different.

[Brady]

It would have been cool if you did sign something before, you know, a letter. Wrote him a letter.

[John Holberg]

Amazing.

[Brady]

And one last thing.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, it's round. That's it. That's what I like to. One last thing. The earth is round. See ya. Oh, my God. This guy's crazy. So the earth was round. The prostitute didn't have anything. The hood didn't keep it in.

[Brady]

Really enjoyed dinner with you last night.

[John Holberg]

Like a thank you note. That was fun. You're sweet.

[Brady]

Thanks for picking up the tab.

[John Holberg]

Just for future reference, it puts people off if you keep telling them that you're God's kid. But I'm with you. It's nice. But he writes one. Here's some fish. I'm keeping that.

[Brady]

Yeah, Christ stayed with us for a couple of nights. Thank you so much for.

[John Holberg]

He didn't write a letter to the people, like, hey, I stay at your place for the week. I got a crash. I'm.

[Brady]

He had a down pad.

[John Holberg]

Just a quick desert.

[Brady]

Thank you. God bless.

[John Holberg]

I know I'm kind of inventing something called Airbnb right now, but can I use that spare room for just a weekend and then, yeah, like, write a note. You guys were super hospitable. Thank you. Here's some fish. Well, the guy just left us with loads of bread and fish. I'm gonna hang on to this letter. He seems special. Let's do it. I'm with stupid for sure.

[Comedy Announcer]

You don't have it.

[Brett Vesely]

You got the edited version?

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah, I do.

[Brett Vesely]

There's one big S bomb, and so if not, we can play the regular.

[John Holberg]

You better not do that. All right. I see what Brett's up to. Very wise, Brett. You're thinking of the people. That means I'm gonna hang on to your hat when you get. I'm gonna keep this.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll sign it for you, too.

[John Holberg]

I'm with Stupid. Says it's not in here. It's not.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not playing it.

[John Holberg]

What? All right, I know where the S is. Okay, we'll knock it out. I think I do. You can't understand Wayne Static anyway. What does it matter? All right, here we go. I'm with Stupid. It's your Wake up song. Knock it stiff. Oh, boy. Nothing but trouble banging computers around here. All right, let's try this now. You got it.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Dinner time.

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[John Holberg]

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[John Holberg]

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