Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "How Do Genies Actually Work As We Go On A Genie Rant – And Going Over What Wishes We Would Choose"

Date: August 25, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Crew: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Focus: Hilarious deep-dive into the logic (or lack thereof) of genies in pop culture, their underuse in commercials and sitcoms, and a comedic roundtable of ultimate genie wishes.

Brief Overview

The HMS crew tackles one of life's most underexplored mysteries: If you had a genie, why would you keep working? The conversation begins as a comedic rant about genies being woefully underutilized in TV and commercials, then spirals into an outrageous and funny “what would you wish for?” group discussion, blending nostalgia, pop culture, and typical HMS humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Genie Rant: Why Aren't People Using Their Genie?

[01:49–04:25]

• Holmberg is incensed by commercials and sitcoms (like “I Dream of Jeannie”) where people with genies are inexplicably still working mundane jobs.
• John Holmberg:

  “If I had a genie right now, I'd be sitting here with you idiots? I gotta go to work? … You take the genie and you stop answering the phones. At least get a secretary. Genie, can I get somebody to handle the phones for me?” (02:43)

• The crew riffs on “Tasha,” a commercial character who has a genie but keeps fielding customer service calls instead of making life easier.
• Brady:

  “Genie got the Heisman.” (02:41)

2. "I Dream of Jeannie" and Wasted Wishes

[04:26–07:08]

• The team reminisces about the sitcom "I Dream of Jeannie,” calling out how Larry Hagman’s character wasted years not using his endless wishes—or noticing Barbara Eden’s obvious charms.
• John Holmberg:

  “Larry Hagman went to work every day… and didn’t once get a TV BJ from the genie. Not once.” (06:29)

• They roast the wardrobe upgrades from “bad costume” to “Instagram superstar” (Barbara Eden).
• Holmberg shares a personal anecdote about someone bragging they know Barbara Eden through a “labradoodle group.”

3. Silly Wishes and Genie Logic

[07:08–08:58]

• The segment pokes fun at people making underwhelming wishes (“pans and pots,” “blue paint”) and imagines the genie as a “Mexican genie” fulfilling absurdly low-rung requests.
• John Holmberg:

  “You want me to paint your house? Really? What am I, a Mexican genie?” (08:07)

4. Genie Ethics: Setting the Genie Free

[11:01–12:53]

• The philosophical angle emerges: Has anyone ever wished for the genie’s freedom? Should you?

• John Holmberg:

  “If it’s three wishes, my third wish is the genie's switch. Because I’m taking care of everything in wish one and two. There’s nothing I need… The first one’s covering everything.” (11:28)

• Brady:

  "His freedom." (12:19) (On what he'd wish for first)

• They joke about the aftermath: now the freed genie just hangs out at your house, unskilled and unemployed.

5. The Crew’s Ultimate Wishes

[12:54–15:47]

• Holmberg and crew share their three (hilariously honest) wishes if they found a genie:

  • Holmberg: $15 billion (tax free), “an 8 1/2 inch wang,” maybe cure dog homelessness—or just keep it all for himself.

    “If I had an 8 1/2 inch wang, no one would see how my nose looks. … You give the third wish to a Make-A-Wish kid, you give.” (13:33)

  • Brady: $15 billion, to be a Super Bowl champion, and “GOAT of pickleball.”
  • John (on Brady’s wishes):

    "Really? No genie, just... third one genie just killed himself." (15:47)

  • Bret: $15 billion, and to be a member of the Rat Pack in 1960s Vegas.

• Listeners’ clever wish loopholes are discussed (“a notebook where every page is a new wish”), but the crew ultimately agrees to “keep it at three.”

6. The “Adaptable Wiener” and Listener Submissions

[16:45–18:13]

• The team gets into absurdly detailed wish requests, like a “penis that you can change the size of” at will, inspired by listener Travis.
• John Holmberg (on the wish):

  "You can get... it's basically like a mental pump that you can make your penis adaptable. I like that. That's actually better, Travis." (16:52)

• They ponder the genie’s own wishes (“I want your $15 billion!”) and hilariously negotiate the legalese of wish wording.
• Brady:

  “And the genie goes, I want your 15 billion.” (17:00)

• John:

  “Tell you what I’ll do… Not affiliated with my 15 billion in his hand.” (17:07)

7. Band Name Gold

[18:35]

• The phrase “Adaptable Wiener” is declared a top-tier band name, spawning more laughter.
• John Holmberg:

  “Adaptable Wieners. Please.” (18:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Holmberg on underutilizing genies:

  “You take the genie and you stop answering the phones.” (02:43)

• Brady on freeing the genie:

  “His freedom.” (12:19)

• Holmberg’s serious wishes:

  “I’d wish for probably $15 billion. I’d start there. I don’t want to go too crazy… tax free. Then of course, the eight and a half incher … I’m good.” (12:54–13:13)

• Listener's wish loophole (as read by Holmberg):

  “A notebook where each page I can write a wish. And it’s a never ending wish notebook, which is sort of like wishing for more wishes.” (16:00)

• On the genie’s wish for $15 billion:

  “I wish that genie had 15 billion. Not affiliated with my 15 billion in his hand.” (17:07)

• On the show’s absurd trajectory:

  “Adaptable Wieners. Please.” (18:37)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Genie rant begins: 01:49
• “I Dream of Jeannie” nostalgia: 04:26–07:08
• Silly, wasted genie wishes: 07:08–08:58
• Ethics of freeing the genie: 11:01–12:53
• Crew's own wish picks: 12:54–15:47
• Listener wish loopholes: 16:00–17:38
• Adaptable Wiener as band name: 18:35

Tone and Style

The episode’s tone is irreverent, fast-paced, and full of comedic riffing, much as if a group of friends is arguing the logic of a sitcom over beers. Everyone leans into the absurdity of genie lore, combining pop culture, wild imagination, and inappropriate (but hilarious) wish suggestions.

For New Listeners

If you enjoy overanalyzing pop culture with a heavy dose of comedy and zero filter, this is classic HMS. The crew’s unfiltered banter explores everything you never thought to question about genies – and leaves no (magic) lamp unturned.