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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
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Brady from HMS Crew
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John Holmberg (Host)
Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed.
Radio Station Announcer
The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness this is the Big Red Radio.
John Holmberg (Host)
Here's another thing. If you had a genie, why are you still answering the phone selling doors? Just what's going on? Genie and Tasha have been driving me nuts for so long and I I erupted on it yesterday and I just. I'm trying to follow the storyline. Don't get me wrong, I want more.
Comedy Show Promoter
And more and more of it.
John Holmberg (Host)
But the genie never gets hurt. He never answers anything. He doesn't have to do anything. She's got access To a genie. Why is she still working? I don't get it. Kasha, what do you need? Hold on. I'm on the phone with a customer. You know, I can change all that. Hang on.
Tasha
Your wish is my command.
John Holmberg (Host)
I could have done this for you. Do you want your own eyelash and kingdom? Hang on. I'm on the phone with another customer. You're very busy. It's a good business.
Brady from HMS Crew
Genie got the Heisman.
John Holmberg (Host)
Think. If I had a genie right now I'd be sitting here with you idiots. I gotta go to work. Genie. Leave me alone. What do you need? I don't know. Tank of gas. I'm an idiot. I've got a genie. You take the genie and you stop answering the phones. At least get a secretary. Genie, can I get somebody to handle the phones for me? I want to do less. Sure, Tasha. He's a. A worker bee.
Tasha
Ah. You've made my life a little bit easier, Genie. If only I could think of something to ask you.
John Holmberg (Host)
I'll write something down.
Tasha
Read it. Never ending riches. Why would I do that?
John Holmberg (Host)
It seems reasonable. It's what everybody else asks for. But do you mean to tell me I've been sitting in this lamp for a thousand years and you're not gonna use me at all to get out? Just advice on how to treat customers, I suppose. I mean, I understand the concept, but.
Tasha
You know.
John Holmberg (Host)
You never put your hand over the phone. Hey, Genie, what would you do in this situation? Well, my wish is my commandment. I can do anything. You realize this. You understand how genies work, right?
Comedy Show Promoter
Your wish?
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah. Yeah, right. I can help you with this.
Tasha
Gotta keep the doors open.
John Holmberg (Host)
Why? You have a genie? Brett's walking around with a genie.
Tasha
Yeah.
John Holmberg (Host)
Got some new socks and, you know. Thinking about asking Genie to ask Tripp for a raise. What are you doing? Brett doesn't understand the concept. He's not shooting for the stars here.
John Holmberg
Larry Hagman was the same way, though.
John Holmberg (Host)
Oh, he had a hot genie. I dream a genie is so frustrating because he. What are you doing? And she didn't have, like three wishes. It was never ending, whatever. And it took him six seasons to marry her. He had that. And if you go back, go back and watch the first few seasons of I Dream of Jeannie. First year, they have her in a bad costume. Then somebody said, you know what? Let's push the limits of television. They put her in. That woman is gorgeous. Barbara Eden knocks your socks off. To this day, normally you look back at ladies from their in the 60s and you're like, Ew. What were they thinking? Barbara Eden shows up today as Jeannie. She's. She is an Instagram superstar. So hot. And then Tripp had to rub it in my face when I was telling my crush on Barbara Eden years ago. You know, I'm friends with Babs. What? We're in a labradoodle group together in the Pacific Palace. You know, she comes by with her doodle, plays with my doodle. Like Barbara Eden. Huh. And she's, like, 80 now. Yeah, she still looks great. But you're right. Larry Hagman and I dream of genie. Oh, yeah.
John Holmberg
What an idiot.
John Holmberg (Host)
Still doing NASA stuff.
John Holmberg
Like why dumbest people ever on the planet.
John Holmberg (Host)
What in the world? And why we believed it. The only reason we watched that show is to see if there was a nipple showing or what. There's no.
Brady from HMS Crew
They get in that bottle.
John Holmberg (Host)
Oh, look at that. And that's 1960 something. Barbara Eaton. Yeah, that's a good picture. I think she had fake boobs. I think she's like the first one of the OGs. Yeah, because they're so round and hard looking. Barbara eating this genie in the early days was unreal. But a genie. And Larry Hagman went to work every day and hit her and didn't once get a TV BJ from the genie. Not once.
John Holmberg
If Larry wasn't gonna do anything, Roger next door should have done something.
John Holmberg (Host)
I mean, you know, Roger tried. Yeah. Oh, he gave. He gave it his all. It was. Roger Nelson was the Larry Hagman.
John Holmberg
Oh, okay.
John Holmberg (Host)
And then Bill Daly played his. His friend. Oh, man. Double damn it.
Brady from HMS Crew
I always thought that was.
John Holmberg (Host)
No, Roger Nelson was the lead. That was. That was Larry Hagman's character. No. Oh, he was Tony. He was Tony Nelson. Roger Healy. Okay, Tony Nelson was. That's right. And Roger Healy was Bill Daly. Yeah.
Brady from HMS Crew
And the old man.
John Holmberg (Host)
Bellows. Yeah, Alfred Bellows. Alfred Bellows. Ah, the doctor that was always thinking that he was psychiatrically challenged, so he had to chase him around and. Oh, God damn it. But you get a genie, you stop working. Pasha.
Tasha
I just want to supply the world with the. Yours.
John Holmberg (Host)
You've got a genie. He can do it. Just keep the three wishes. Tasha, I'd like Morton's.
Tasha
I need new pots and pans.
John Holmberg (Host)
No, no. Genie won't do that. Shooting too low.
Tasha
Genie. It's my wish.
Brady from HMS Crew
I understand it. The genie wants the three wishes and gets out of there.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah, think so.
Brady from HMS Crew
He's like, all right, pots and pans.
John Holmberg (Host)
Copper. What do you need? What do you want?
Tasha
Scratch resistant.
John Holmberg (Host)
You know, I hear that causes cancer Just. I want those. All right. What's your other wish, Tasha?
Tasha
I really like blue paint, and I can't quite find the one. So if I imagine it, can you see it?
John Holmberg (Host)
You want me to paint your house? Really? What am I, a Mexican genie? All right, one left. One left. You have one wish. If it's not an abundance of riches, you're the first one to not do that.
Tasha
A thriving business orderly.
John Holmberg (Host)
Tasha. I'm the Mexican genie. Tasha.
Brady from HMS Crew
I would like a kick ass scrapbook.
Tasha
Kick ass scrapbook on the way. Here you go, Tasha.
John Holmberg (Host)
My abuelita made that. Yeah. Come on, Tasha. You got a genie? Do something with him. You're driving me nuts in these commercials. Not abusing the genie. He's sitting there begging. What do you need? I don't get it. I don't get it. All confusing to me.
Brady from HMS Crew
Maybe that's how good business is. I don't need a genie.
John Holmberg (Host)
The genie couldn't even surpass her. Yeah, I don't buy it. Then again, then you'd be retired. Who wants to work that bad? Who wants to work that bad?
Radio Station Announcer
Holmberg's morning sickness. Holberg's Morning Sickness.
John Holmberg (Host)
28 K U P T It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughns dot com. I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new Realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is. You don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.
John Holmberg
Hey, Byron. I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.
Byron from MMP Guns
Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.
John Holmberg
Wait, there's no backorders?
Byron from MMP Guns
Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.
John Holmberg
Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com.
Comedy Show Promoter
All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's going to be in with the guys all week long, and just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert Ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.
Radio Station Announcer
And tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Tasha
I'll see if we can get that.
John Holmberg (Host)
Ask Vegeta. Never should I get anything. Wow, Travis makes a good point. And she also stinks. Because has anyone ever wished for the genie to have his freedom? Find happiness in life? Everybody's a selfish money grubber. Well, you get the money first, and then. And then you wish freedom to the genie. Unless he's never ending. If it's three wishes, my third wish is the genie switch. Because I'm taking care of everything in wish one and two. There's nothing I need. Three. The first one's covering everything.
John Holmberg
Unless he's Robin Williams. Genie. Then, you know, then he's hilarious. Hang around.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah, what do you need, Brett? You want to hang out? Let's do our wishes today, Brett. Oh, boy. All right, genie, you and I, we're just gonna hang out today. It's a wish free. We agree that this is all off the record. If I say I wish that chick was a. I didn't mean it. Oh, whatever, whatever. I just want that third wish to be the one that frees me. Brett, can I do anything for you? If it don't count as a wish. Oh, never mind. What do you need? Oh, I sure would like to be free. Wouldn't it be great? Brady would free him on the first wish. Oh, yeah. You're an idiot.
Tasha
I don't like watching somebody do this. I'm fine the way I am.
John Holmberg (Host)
What would your first wish be with the genie?
Brady from HMS Crew
His freedom.
John Holmberg (Host)
What if you'd free it? Oh, Brady, such a wonderful man. You get a gift card from your genie later. That's all I could do now, but I had to buy it. And then the genie's just a dude without a job, hanging at your house with no skills at all. Why free him? I mean, I'd wish for. First I'd wish for probably $15 billion. I'd start there. I don't want to go too crazy to be 15 billion.
John Holmberg
Tax free.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tax free. Then of course, the eight and a half incher I'm tacking that on and I'm pretty much set from there. I've got that. From that point forward. I can figure it out. You've pushed my boat into the water. I don't need a third way.
Tasha
Everlasting happiness.
John Holmberg (Host)
I've got that eight and a half inches and 15 bill. I'm good. I get if I can't be happy with that. I'm trying to be sad.
Brady from HMS Crew
The first thing you're gonna do with that money is stroke a check to Red Lobster.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah, I'm gonna bring. Maybe bring Red Lobster back. But now I'm the genie. I got $15 billion. I'm the genie.
John Holmberg
Come on, John. You know your first wish would be for a nose job. Now, 15 million, you buy your own. It don't matter.
John Holmberg (Host)
If I had an 8 1/2 inch Wang, no one would see how my nose would look. Little. I got this off the rack deal here. I want a little something special. Oh, really? You want me to give you a humongous pee pee? Get to work, genie. You don't have to use your hands or anything, do you? No, I just wish it. But that's weird. Is it? I bet I'm not the only one. Fifteen billion eight and a half inch wang. You know, give the third wish to another. To make a wish, kid, you give.
John Holmberg
It to Alec and.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah, so I'm not curing childhood cancer or anything. Something else will pop up, make me feel worse.
Brady from HMS Crew
Find a home for every dog.
John Holmberg (Host)
I can do that.
Tasha
15 bill.
John Holmberg (Host)
I'll be on my way to being nice with that. Yeah, I would like that. Maybe a third wish would be like, no more dogs. But then I just kind of have to think, well, then I just see like a cat population problem. Like that one. Seems like the dominoes never end. If I had a genie, it would be all about me. Fifteen bill. Eight and a half inch wing. What's yours?
John Holmberg
Well, I'll go with the 15 billion.
John Holmberg (Host)
That's a good.
John Holmberg
I gotta do that one too.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah, you don't want to go like a trillion. That's weird. Yeah.
John Holmberg
Probably go to Vegas, back in the time travel. I want to go back to 60s. I want to go hang out with the Rat Pack in Vegas.
John Holmberg (Host)
Why not just be a member of the Rat Pack?
John Holmberg
Oh, man.
John Holmberg (Host)
Get incredible amount of talent.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
John Holmberg (Host)
And just be a member of the Rat Pack. Ah, done. That's great. And you got $15 billion in the 60s.
John Holmberg
In the 60s.
John Holmberg (Host)
Sinatra's kissing yours, right?
John Holmberg
I'm buying the Sands.
John Holmberg (Host)
Those are good wishes, Brad. Would you even use the third one at that point? You got. You got one now just keep.
John Holmberg
In my pocket for, you know. You never know, but.
John Holmberg (Host)
So the genie's just gotta hang out and wait for you to get one.
John Holmberg
Hey, if he's Robin Williams, that's great.
John Holmberg (Host)
I'm in. That's true. Brady, go.
Brady from HMS Crew
I like the 15 bills.
John Holmberg (Host)
Yeah. Take Tasha's genie and do something with it. She's not using.
Brady from HMS Crew
To be on a Super bowl championship football team.
John Holmberg (Host)
Really don't really get anything for that, but okay. Like on the team at that moment.
John Holmberg
Prestige.
John Holmberg (Host)
You already got 15 experience.
Brady from HMS Crew
And then to be the goat of pickleball.
John Holmberg (Host)
The greatest pickleball player of all time. Wow. Really? No genie. Just third one genie just killed himself. And you can't wish back to Tasha. You can't wish for more wishes. That's always been. That's a good one. Somebody just said. You know what a loophole is? It's not the wish for all wishes thing, but give me a piece of paper or give me a. A notebook where each page I can write a wish. And it's a never ending wish notebook, which is sort of like wishing for more wishes. I thought about this. Keep it at three. That's a good one. I like. Yeah, this is Travis comes in, says the same thing. Limitless bank account that never goes dry. Impervious to the irs. And a penis that I can change the size of it. Will. I kind of like his idea better. You can get. If you got a gaper that looks good, but you know you can't fill it. You've got. It's basically like a mental pump that you can make your penis adaptable. I like that. That's actually better, Travis. That's good stuff. So 15 billion adaptable wiener. And then he says, third, the genie can get something for himself.
Brady from HMS Crew
And the genie goes, I want your 15 billion.
John Holmberg (Host)
Oh, that. Oh, she's. You've got. See, you got.
Brady from HMS Crew
They're gyms.
John Holmberg (Host)
Ruined it. You ruined it. He wants 15 billion back for me. That's what his wish is. Well, I can say no because I have to wish it. You tell me what you want, genie. I have to wish it to you. And then it comes true. He's like, I want your 15 billion. I'm like, tell you what I'll do. Can happen. I know a guy who can get you 15 billion. It's you, you dumbass. Get your own 15 billion. I wish that genie had 15 billion. Not affiliated with my 15 billion in his hand.
John Holmberg
Typical Jew.
John Holmberg (Host)
I'm not giving him my 50. Yeah. Oh, I'm getting some. Whereas, and therefore. Yeah, I will wear as and therefore the hell out of this genie. We're here to. For the genie's 15 bill. Not related to my 15 bill. Yeah, I wouldn't want to for 15 billion. I just go. I, like, start kicking in and buy a football team, get them into the Super Bowl. That's. Man, she's not using him at all. Genie and doing anything. I did see something that, oh, John.
John Holmberg
Wishes for an 8 1/2 inch wing. As soon as he makes that wish, Michael and Troy are gonna be knocking on his door. His back door, that is.
John Holmberg (Host)
Like, I'd still live next door to Michael and Troy. Got a higher class of gays living across the street from me than those two. We heard you had a genie. All right, all right. You know what I did here. I'll be moving out pretty soon.
John Holmberg
Adaptable Wiener. Great band name.
John Holmberg (Host)
Adaptable Wieners. Please.
Radio Station Announcer
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John Holmberg (Host)
He said fully erect.
Radio Station Announcer
I've got to kill you.
John Holmberg
Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.
Byron from MMP Guns
Brett, I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting, and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.
John Holmberg
Well, can you do this to my gun?
Byron from MMP Guns
We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live. You can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms and inventory daily with no wait.
John Holmberg
Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at MMP mpgunscustoms.com It's John Holmberg here from 98 KUPD.
John Holmberg (Host)
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John Holmberg (Host)
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Date: August 25, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Crew: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Focus: Hilarious deep-dive into the logic (or lack thereof) of genies in pop culture, their underuse in commercials and sitcoms, and a comedic roundtable of ultimate genie wishes.
The HMS crew tackles one of life's most underexplored mysteries: If you had a genie, why would you keep working? The conversation begins as a comedic rant about genies being woefully underutilized in TV and commercials, then spirals into an outrageous and funny “what would you wish for?” group discussion, blending nostalgia, pop culture, and typical HMS humor.
[01:49–04:25]
“If I had a genie right now, I'd be sitting here with you idiots? I gotta go to work? … You take the genie and you stop answering the phones. At least get a secretary. Genie, can I get somebody to handle the phones for me?” (02:43)
“Genie got the Heisman.” (02:41)
[04:26–07:08]
“Larry Hagman went to work every day… and didn’t once get a TV BJ from the genie. Not once.” (06:29)
[07:08–08:58]
“You want me to paint your house? Really? What am I, a Mexican genie?” (08:07)
[11:01–12:53]
The philosophical angle emerges: Has anyone ever wished for the genie’s freedom? Should you?
John Holmberg:
“If it’s three wishes, my third wish is the genie's switch. Because I’m taking care of everything in wish one and two. There’s nothing I need… The first one’s covering everything.” (11:28)
Brady:
"His freedom." (12:19) (On what he'd wish for first)
They joke about the aftermath: now the freed genie just hangs out at your house, unskilled and unemployed.
[12:54–15:47]
Holmberg and crew share their three (hilariously honest) wishes if they found a genie:
“If I had an 8 1/2 inch wang, no one would see how my nose looks. … You give the third wish to a Make-A-Wish kid, you give.” (13:33)
"Really? No genie, just... third one genie just killed himself." (15:47)
Listeners’ clever wish loopholes are discussed (“a notebook where every page is a new wish”), but the crew ultimately agrees to “keep it at three.”
[16:45–18:13]
"You can get... it's basically like a mental pump that you can make your penis adaptable. I like that. That's actually better, Travis." (16:52)
“And the genie goes, I want your 15 billion.” (17:00)
“Tell you what I’ll do… Not affiliated with my 15 billion in his hand.” (17:07)
[18:35]
“Adaptable Wieners. Please.” (18:37)
“You take the genie and you stop answering the phones.” (02:43)
“His freedom.” (12:19)
“I’d wish for probably $15 billion. I’d start there. I don’t want to go too crazy… tax free. Then of course, the eight and a half incher … I’m good.” (12:54–13:13)
“A notebook where each page I can write a wish. And it’s a never ending wish notebook, which is sort of like wishing for more wishes.” (16:00)
“I wish that genie had 15 billion. Not affiliated with my 15 billion in his hand.” (17:07)
“Adaptable Wieners. Please.” (18:37)
The episode’s tone is irreverent, fast-paced, and full of comedic riffing, much as if a group of friends is arguing the logic of a sitcom over beers. Everyone leans into the absurdity of genie lore, combining pop culture, wild imagination, and inappropriate (but hilarious) wish suggestions.
If you enjoy overanalyzing pop culture with a heavy dose of comedy and zero filter, this is classic HMS. The crew’s unfiltered banter explores everything you never thought to question about genies – and leaves no (magic) lamp unturned.