08-27-25 - Fully Supporting 40yo Aussie Woman Who Married 91yo Billionaire Who Died 2mos Later Why Wouldn't You Shoot For That BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Fully Supporting 40yo Aussie Woman Who Married 91yo Billionaire Who Died 2mos Later: Why Wouldn't You Shoot For That?"

Date: August 27, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Female Co-host
Episode Theme:
A comedic, brutally honest roundtable exploring the viral news of 40-year-old Simone Rylander, who married a 91-year-old billionaire real estate tycoon in Australia (who died just 60 days later). The HMS crew debates love versus pragmatism, inheritance ethics, and why more people—especially women—don't go after old, wealthy partners.

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Episode Overview

The hosts use Simone Rylander's story to launch a riotous takedown of romantic ideals, inheritance anxieties, and societal judgments about marrying for money (especially at the, um, far end of the age spectrum). They offer both tongue-in-cheek encouragement and sharp satire, discussing sexism, the economics of marriage, and double standards regarding gender, age, and gold-digging.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Women Should Take Advantage like Simone Rylander Did

• John Holmberg launches the segment by mocking the ideal of marrying for “love” when there are better economic options:

  • "If I was a woman… I'd look over at Brady, realize I did this wrong." (02:21)
  • The hosts suggest that targeting rich, elderly men is a much better deal than slogging through ordinary relationships.

• Comparing Marrying Billionaires to Groupies:

  • Holmberg describes the parallel between groupies at rock concerts and groupies at high-end retirement homes:
    • "Go to old folks homes, the good ones… just hang around like groupies. [It’s] the same thing as that whoring way you did with celebrity. Now do it right." (03:49)

• Anna Nicole Smith as a ‘Role Model’:

  • Anna Nicole Smith is praised for her approach:
    • “Brilliant woman, and as dumb as she was, still knew… This is the route to go.” (04:36)

2. Swapping Gender Roles: What If Women Were The Billionaires?

• Holmberg flips the scenario:

  • Wonders why more men don’t “chase” elderly women with money.
    • "If there were as many women billionaires… we're going. We're gonna go to the old folks, give some old lady a bash for 60 days." (05:13)
    • "Brady's mom's out there, she's got money. What are we doing? Go up there and woo the old lady." (05:24)

• Elder Care Crossover:

  • Holmberg ties in elder loneliness and care, suggesting these relationships can be “beautiful”—if they’re genuine:
    • "If he's genuinely like there to be somebody's Companion for as long as they last, damn it all, that's beautiful." (08:27)

• Notable Analogy:

  • Caring for old pets = marrying old billionaires:
    • "If a dog was eight or nine… I consider it a beautiful thing when someone steps in and says, I'm gonna take this dog's last couple years… Why don’t we do that for our grandparents?" (08:56)

3. Inheritance: Why Kids (and Society) Get Mad

• Griping about “greedy” heirs:
  • Holmberg criticizes children upset about their parents’ estates going to new, younger spouses:
    • "If you're sitting there worried about your parents inheritance more than their happiness, who's the bad guy? Which? Who's the real bad person? The whore or you?" (15:41)
    • He flatly says he'd rather see his dad happy, even in “some weird puddle of his own poo,” than hoarding money for the next generation (14:09–15:17).

4. Comedy Tangents: Sex, Sacrifice, and Opportunities Lost

• Megan’s missed billionaire:

  • John shares a story of his wife being invited by an 85-year-old billionaire, Maurizio, to visit his Houston ranch:
    • "She even said, ‘My house here,’ and I'm like… do it, man… I'll help you out." (18:52)
    • “Dude died maybe a year later. I've done some dumb stuff… A year. That's all it would have taken. A year of sacrifice in your life to make me happier. Selfish.” (19:20–19:35)

• Mock-Reality TV Pitches:

  • The group muses about a show called “60 Day Whore,” comparing it to "The Bachelor" but more honest:
    • "You can be 60 days. I've seen you as a whore. You've done that before… That's different than the Bachelor?" (25:47–25:57)
    • "If you did that in real life where you told them, 'I'm dating 22 ladies… but whoever I choose is getting $2 million,' suddenly the love thing disappears." (27:06)

5. Gender, Economics, and Brutal Honesty

• Holmberg’s theory on men's ambition:

  • “The only reason we go to work every day is to make sure that the person that's across from us stays. Otherwise you just not go… You get success so you can get a higher level of ass, period. That's it. That's the truth.” (10:17–10:40)

• Questioning the Fairness of Judging Gold Diggers:

  • Holmberg pokes at sexism in shaming “gold diggers”—and why, by his logic, they should be celebrated for their shrewdness.

6. Final Thoughts and Riffs

• "If a billionaire old lady wanted me, I wouldn't even ask where I'd gone. I'd call you when she's dead." (23:27)
• “I like when old people die with nothing because that means they spent it all. That's a good thing. Go out doing that. That'll be my goal.” (31:55)
• "Her name’s Dixie. She’s a whore. Ken, I found a whore. She’s willing to grind up against it. That’s great. Good for you, John." (32:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On love vs. money:

  • “No, you get a dime a dozen of these things over here. This guy is the dollar store of dick. Get over to that Mummy mountain ladies and quit wasting your time on people like us.” – John Holmberg (03:06)

• On male billionaires choosing partners:

  • “Do you think Chad Kroger’s swinging a lot of ass with that face? No, he looks like some of the stuff I’ve seen at those primate exhibits.” – John Holmberg (11:45)

• On Anna Nicole Smith’s approach:

  • “Brilliant woman… still knew… This is the route to go.” – John Holmberg (04:38)

• On romantic TV reality shows:

  • “How’s that different than ‘The Bachelor’? How’s that different than 30 chicks lining up for one dude in the promise of fame and money? They see that as romance.” – John Holmberg (25:57)

• On why women don’t date old billionaires more:

  • “And you dummies are looking at Brady going, ‘I’m doing this for love’. Stupid. Stupid. This is beautiful.” – John Holmberg (24:56)

• On children and inheritances:

  • “If you’re sitting there worried about your parents inheritance more than their happiness, who’s the bad guy? The whore or you?” – John Holmberg (15:41)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 02:07 – Holmberg introduces the Simone Rylander story and lays out his thesis.
• 03:49 – Comparison to groupies, and field report on rock star vs. billionaire targets.
• 04:36–05:15 – Anna Nicole Smith and the “correct route” for women seeking fortune.
• 08:56 – “Old dog” analogy for elder companionship and end-of-life happiness.
• 11:45 – Chad Kroger roast and comedian’s perspective on looks vs. money.
• 14:09–15:17 – The ethics of inheritance and priorities for aging parents.
• 18:52–19:35 – Holmberg’s Maurizio story and comedically failed “sacrifice.”
• 23:27 – “Hospice as porn”: acceleration jokes and calling after “the old lady dies.”
• 25:47–26:58 – “60 Day Whore” and brutal reality comparisons to The Bachelor.
• 27:06 – Love versus money once again, the real-world Bachelor scenario.
• 31:55–32:49 – Holmberg on old people spending all their money and the right of the elderly to enjoy it.

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Tone & Style Overview

High-energy, irreverent, blunt, and often explicit, the episode is defined by group teasing, aggressive logic, comic hypotheticals, and a willingness to roast societal norms. The crew oscillate between sharp wisdom, outrageous jokes, and personal anecdotes, making serious points amid humor.

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For Listeners Who Missed The Episode

This episode’s core message is: “Why chase ‘love’ when you could be financially set marrying someone at the end of their life—and society’s judgment is hypocritical, if not flat-out sexist?” The crew dives into every angle—from gender and money to familial resentment and the farce of romantic reality TV—arguing, ultimately, that the path taken by Simone Rylander is not only valid, but perhaps the smartest game in town. All delivered in unfiltered, comic fashion.

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Note: Ads and sponsor segments excluded, per request.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Larry McFeely]

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[Frank Caliendo Promoter]

All right, HMS Podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's going to be in with the guys all week long and just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert Ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desert [e-mail] and tempeimprov.com the best of Homework's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

This is the Big Red Radio this.

[Brett Vesely]

Segment brought to You Guys by Mo Money Pond, 12th street and Indian School. Now, whatever you're looking for, it doesn't matter if it's electronics, jewelry, tools, pretty much, you name it, they got it there. All right, check them out [e-mail] or like I said, just go to the store and check them out. 12th street in Indian School, it's mo money pond.

[John Holmberg]

I've had it with stories like what I'm reading. Ladies. I don't know how many times I can tell you. Women get mad because they say things that they don't like. And this is even one that I've gotten emails about and I don't understand it. I'm like, what are you wasting your time? Look at the dude next to you right now. If you're waking up or he's sitting there listening to this show you hate and you're in the car. Look at him, look at him. How's love working out? How's love working out? And just know there's some divorced guy living on the side of Mummy mountain all by himself that you can. And there's a bunch, like, if I was a woman, I'd look over at like Brady, realize I did this, I did this wrong. Like, not physically, you're fine, whatever, not really. But you know what I mean. Don't, don't giggle too hard. I'm looking at you, I'm like, I know. That's the look I get. And they're right. We with all that power, it's like being he man and putting the sword down. This lady did it right. Her name is Simone Rylander. She did it right. 91 year old billionaire, Australian real estate tycoon. She married him, she's 40. He died two months later. It's 60 days. You have a better money back policy with Walmart than a 60 day billionaire wedding that you get to cash in on. What are you looking at? Brady going, but it's love that. No, you get a dime a dozen of these things over here. This guy is the dollar store of dick. Get over to that Mummy mountain ladies and quit wasting your time on people like us. Go to old folks homes, the good ones that are charging 10, $12,000 a month, and just hang around like groupies. You go to rock concerts when you're young and you stand backstage trying to bang the band and those dudes are just filth. Go get yourself.

[Female Co-host]

That's disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

But if Bon Jovi came off the stage, you'd blow him right there.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh yeah, panties right up there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's dirty. He's probably got poop in his butt. He probably stinks because of all the sweat and genital goo. He needs a shower. He'd still blow him then. No different than going over to an old folks home and going, which one was the real estate tycoon? And having that dude sitting in his diaper and you undo that diaper and you give him one last tug. It's the same thing as that whoring way you did with celebrity. Now do it right.

[Brett Vesely]

Anna Nicole Smith did it.

[John Holmberg]

Brilliant woman, and as dumb as she was, still knew. You know what? This is the route to go look over at your Brady today and just admit I'm doing it wrong. No offense, Brady, except for really I'm right. None.

[Brady]

None take.

[John Holmberg]

It's just, I'm the same. I'm just using you as the example because you're the one to my left. Brits to my right.

[Brett Vesely]

All three of our wives are doing this.

[John Holmberg]

Every woman in the planet should be looking at us going, no, no, no, stop. And here's the other thing I'm mad about. You ladies have had 50 years now of this, you know, work equality nonsense. And all you do is bitch about the 70% of getting paid what a man gets. You're terrible at this equality thing. You've been horrible at fighting for it. Go be billionaires and let us see how men will act. If there were as many women billionaires as there are, you think we're gonna waste our time with some. No, we're going. We're gonna go to the old folks, give some old lady a bash for 60 days. We're doing that. There's lubricant, there's spit. We'll make her happy for those 60 days, however she wants to be. And we're tapping into this thing. Brady's mom's out there, she's got money. What are we doing? Go up there and woo the old lady. You just got out of this divorce.

[Brady]

You don't touch her.

[John Holmberg]

No, you can have her. She's available and she wants that. And you as a man should be like, you know what? I want my mom to be taken care of and happy. And if some dude who's 50 rolls in and just coming off as divorced or somebody and looks at your mom and says, you, I'll take it. And she loves every second of it. That, that should be a beautiful thing. We always talk about elder care and stuff like that. Why wouldn't you want some young piece to go in and like my dad, if my dad was 88 and alone and in some home and he calls me and he goes, there's a 38 year old woman here who wants to marry me. And I'm like, all right, well, let's get it in the wheel that I get some of this. Cuz she doesn't get it all, but tap it. We tap that ass Take care of business, be happy.

[Brady]

That being said, I am curious on how this thing's going to work out for her.

[John Holmberg]

Who?

[Brady]

The lady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you meant your mom.

[Brady]

60 days in the marriage.

[John Holmberg]

She's got papers.

[Brady]

Number six papers. I'm just curious what the papers.

[John Holmberg]

Like, all I need is a payout. It doesn't. She don't have to get it.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Like, give me some.

[Brady]

But, but it was 60 days. It took like, if it goes one more year, you know, it can be a slide scale.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, sure. But if she goes, if she's, if she did the 60 day things initially married, it's immediate. This much money if he dies tomorrow and if she's like, that's a good number, like, I can take 4 million bucks. It's going to cost. He's a billionaire, right? I'm getting something. I'll get a house and a few million. And yes, I know it's not hallmark romantic, but how's that been working out Planet Earth? Not very well. We live way too long now. You either get divorced three times or you kill somebody. I watch a lot of Dateline. That's the next option. There's not a whole lot of that whole, oh, we've been happy every day of our lives for the last 70 years. It's weird. So let's get on the ball here with the majority of them. Get over there to those old folks homes. I know my, my friend Paula lost her husband a few years ago. Paula's 93. If I was available and Paula's sitting there and Paula's got a nice chunk of change, I would say I want to make you happy. Let's make a deal. I want to be your boy toy for however long you last. If it's sexual, just travel the world together, it's sexual. You want to do that, that's fine. If you just want somebody to sit and watch TV with you so you don't have to sit in this house alone anymore, I'm your man. But if Paula called me and said there's this young man who just wants to spend time with me, I'd be like, let's get some paperwork together. He needs a number. He's not getting it all, but he needs a number. And let's get him some service fee. And if he tries to kill you, that's out. Like if he poisons food or we find out that it was a, you know, a murder plot. But if he's genuinely like there to be somebody's Companion for as long as they last. Damn it all, that's beautiful. And I always compare everything to dogs. If a dog was like eight or nine, those are the ones that hurt me the most. That lost. Our home pet rescue. This is an 8 year old dog that somebody passed away or they just gave up on their dog and it's eight and I want that thing adopted. I consider it to be a beautiful thing when someone steps in and says, I'm gonna take this dog's last couple years and I'm gonna make sure that it's in a good home. That's a. Why don't we do that for our grandparents? Like, look, this young man wants to take in grandma for the last couple years, maybe he's gonna bang her. I'm not sure. It's up to her. But he deserves a cut of all that because we're not. We just toss him in a home and visit him on Christmas and Easter. Meanwhile, this guy's like, I'm willing to live here every day. That's gold. And we gotta quit looking at women who do that as bad. You know, they've got an agenda. The old man's got, I hope to God if I live to be 90 and I've got some money in the bank and nobody wants to hang out with me. Some attractive, hot young broad comes in, raps on my door and says, I'll ride that limp weird thing for a little while. For as long as you last. Can I get a cut of this? It's like, hell, yes you can. This is why I worked so hard my whole life. People like you rolling into it so I could attract people like you. The only reason we go to work every day is to make sure that the person that's across from us stays. Otherwise you just not go. If it was all about me being best friends with Brett and living in an apartment, I'd put in the bare minimum effort. If it weren't for broads and sex and stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you don't want the odd couple, Felix and Oscar living together.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not working my ass off just to, you know, to find myself attractive. It's crazy. You get success so you can get a higher level of ass of ass, period. That's it. That's the truth.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

The movie Morning Sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash as is. You don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-channel. Now Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Chad Kroger back to Nickelback without Nickelback. Do you think Chad Kroger's swinging a lot of ass with that face? No, he looks like some of the stuff I've seen at those primate exhibits. Like what is going on there? Is that a missing link or you half your Australopithecus africatus? So, yeah, I look at this story and I see it as. I see it as beautiful. I think Hallmark should start making movies about old men alone after their wives die and all that money. A billionaire Christmas, a billionaire Christmas. And then in the package, out pops a former playmate. She's not a playmate anymore, but she's got her own hangups, and she's in her late 40s, and she looks at him and says, you know what? Life didn't work out for me through the love route. And I really kind of just want to spend my time with somebody that can take care of me, and I'll take care of them. That's beautiful. Ladies want the money. Men have it. Men want the women. There you go. You're built with it. This is a natural match. This is the most romantic thing you can come up with. And Anna Nicole Smith. You think that old man cared about his kids for two seconds when she whipped those gargantuan cans out and said, you want to grab these? And he hadn't seen anything like that in ages.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, he motorboated right then and there.

[John Holmberg]

Probably all he could do. My guess is he was just. He was stuffing his foot in there because it was the hardest part of his body.

[Brady]

Use that twink, father. Get the kid.

[John Holmberg]

But all she did was drugs and wait. All right. For her. Put your foot in there again. I guess that. Oh, it's such a hard foot. Oh. Oh, you're so powerful. Okay. All right. Here's my check. I'm gonna move on to the next one now.

[Female Co-host]

Good night, Howard.

[John Holmberg]

I see that, as. You know those people that go through hospice? I see it as hospice care accelerated. It's like porn. Hospice. They go in there and take care of your dying family. And the only reason kids don't like it is because they're getting, like. They don't get it all. Lose their cut. They're just as greedy and awful as anybody. You're going to give her all that money, like, oh, I see. It's all about love and happiness until you get your money gets hit. I want my dad to spend all of his money. My dad did well for himself. I want him. I don't want him to sit on anything. And he told me that once, I just want to leave something for you. And I'm like, don't. You earned it for you. You take care of. You spend it all on something stupid. I don't care. I'll be all right. I'm not interested in my dad's inheritance. I want him to spend every penny. And if it means that his last years are groping some Playmates cans in some weird puddle of his own poo and a diaper and a wheelchair and some home. Okay, if she. She's doing more than I'm doing, that's for sure. I'm not willing to do that for my dad. Some hot girl comes in there and does that. All yours, dad. I was never counting on your money to begin with. Cause I'm a decent human being. I want to leave something behind for you. I'm fine. What do I do with all this? Oh, you know what to do. Just wait till you're 90. And my dad's one of those guys. I think he wants to live a long time. He'll be 90. Why don't you visit me in the home? Cuz it's depressing. It's horrible in there. Where are all the hot rods? We're not allowed in because all the other kids get mad that they're stealing inheritance. And think about that. If you're sitting there worried about your parents inheritance more than their happiness, who's the bad guy? Which? Who's the real bad person? The whore or you? That's my money. Oh, well then you better get in there and start helping your dad. Well, I don't want to visit him. It's gross in there. I go over to that residence that Paula lives in and it's actually quite lovely. She's got a nice apartment, it's a really nice place. But every once in a while in the hallway you'll see an old man just walking out of there and somebody has to run over and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't leave. You're not allowed out the door. You'll wander off. Very good, Mr. President. Get back into your room. And they put him back in there. One guy got out in this beautiful hallway. These beautiful, like this. The facility is gorgeous. And Paula is like him and she does that old person hand wave of ugh. I'm like, what happened? Oh, he came out of his room the other day and he took a huge hallway. Well, that'll happen here. And she goes, it's disgusting. And she's so healthy and ridiculous. It's like she shouldn't be around this.

[Brady]

But you know the thing I found funny at my mom's place is they still run for. There's politics involved. Oh yeah, like the president of the village.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they try, they try to like.

[Brady]

Have One time we were at lunch and there's a hit left. Jim Ayers over there, he's running against Frank. And they're at opposite tables.

[John Holmberg]

It's a big thing.

[Brady]

They keep away from each other.

[John Holmberg]

And then there's just people with dementia shouting at someone for no reason. And it's. It's a. It's a weird nut. It's a mental institution. And I got no problem with that. But I mean, you know, if. If your mom. I want my mom. If she found some billionaire or some. Some young man who came along and said, I'm gonna pound the lights out of you for a long time, good for her. You shouldn't be alone. Or what's your sister? Go ahead. Your dad should be pounding out crazy and stuff that he can't get. Right. When Megan used to do the silver sneakers things years ago and those old men were in those workout classes and she's in there with her half shirts and her abs and her tight little ass and all that stuff. Wander around doing all the workouts for these old people and then pictures, tons of them.

[Brett Vesely]

She came home to you.

[John Holmberg]

Can I get a few photos for my friends back in Iowa? We're heading home. Sure. Every one of them. Cupped abreast. All of them. And women are oblivious to it. That dude wants to feel those things so bad.

[Brett Vesely]

She still came home to you?

[John Holmberg]

She came home to me. And she's an idiot. We were in Vegas 12 years ago. Maurizio I believe was his name. Billionaire hanging around this slot tournament. Might have been 85. Invited her in front of me. I'd very much like to come to my home in Houston and see. See the grounds. 85 acre ranch with a Ferris wheel and a roller coaster. And I'm like, we're going to that guy's house. I'm.

[Female Co-host]

That's gross. And I don't know that you were invited him.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to that guy. So do I have to blow him? You're an idiot. And. And she even said my house made my house here. And I'm like. I'm just standing there waving and I'm like, keep doing it. You're making do it, man. I'll. I'm winging this. I'll help you out. He literally offered her like a place to live.

[Brett Vesely]

You could have been Steadman. He would have built your house out back.

[John Holmberg]

I would have been a. A groundskeeper. All she had to do was earn.

[Female Co-host]

That's disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. Dude died maybe a year later. I've done some dumb stuff.

[Brady]

Season tickets, everything.

[John Holmberg]

A year. That's all it would have taken. A year of sacrifice in your life to make me happier. Selfish.

[Brett Vesely]

Selfish pride.

[John Holmberg]

Selfish women. That's selfish behavior. To not go bone that old man and steal his money. That's selfish. You're not Trying. You don't. You don't love me. You don't care about what I want.

[Female Co-host]

You should still have to get up at 4 in the morning every day and hump everything. I'm not gonna do it.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I could stop all that. Nuh uh. Get on the old man.

[Female Co-host]

That's gross. 4:00am alarm like we could have.

[John Holmberg]

You could have. You don't care about me.

[Brett Vesely]

Doesn't take long to mix the effort in up for him and, you know, I mean, it'd be fine.

[John Holmberg]

He'll be fine. Just stir one glass. You do it for yourself. I bought a nutribullet. You don't even have to stir it anymore. It's done.

[Brady]

Here, your carrots.

[John Holmberg]

Here's breakfast. Thank you very much. Want me to touch the tip? Okay. All right. See, I gotta go. Where are you going? I don't know. My husband are gonna ride the roller coaster. Where do you think we're going, old man? Take a nap. You have a roller coaster in your yard? I'm already on it. Just waiting. Hurry up with the insurer. Got this thing fired up. Are you coming back? Yeah. I'll touch your tip at noon when you wake up again.

[Brett Vesely]

She said no to Space Mountain?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it was. And the dude was just as. He looked like Stan Lee with those weird big glasses that were tinted. And the hair. He still had tons more hair than I've ever had. And an accent. I want to bring you to Houston. Have you to my home. We're going to.

[Female Co-host]

I'm not going there with that old man. That's weird.

[John Holmberg]

You're going alone. No, man.

[Brady]

You have to do the scouting mission.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. She just needed to go. I don't care if it. I don't care. I'll sleep on the rolly coaster. I don't care.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I was [e-mail]'s website.

[John Holmberg]

You have everything.

[Brett Vesely]

And the prices are incredible.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com.

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of them and that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the Core Institute.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. But think about that. Some old lady says, I have billions of dollars and I want you, John Holmberg, to come see my house. I mean, I wouldn't even ask where'd John go? I think he left with that old lady. Oh, I'm gonna call you back later. Call you when she's dead. We're gonna be so happy. But give me a minute.

[Brett Vesely]

It'll be Mr. Microphone.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, babe. We'll be back to pick you up later. It's like those husbands. The guy up there in space, he left his family for a year. They sacrificed for a year so he could go do. That's the same thing. I'll go explore this old lady space for a year. I'll come back with the money. It's. It's spit. You ladies are doing it wrong. Except for this one that got that. That Australia. Not even sure they spoke the same language. They had to translate her love letter. And her love letter's a riot because it's just so false.

[Brett Vesely]

Google, you know, our phone's got Google Translate on it.

[John Holmberg]

It's fine. Big deal. It's. It basically was we could never put into words the pain we feel. The grief is indescribably Great. But we reflect on all the beautiful and great times together. 60 days. Laughing, crying. So we say goodbye. And then she said something about knowing. Knowing he was the love of her life. When she first laid eyes on him and saw him light up.

[Brett Vesely]

Cause he said, sounds like a Bryan Adams song to me.

[John Holmberg]

Some 40 year old woman rolled in and his eyes lit up and she goes, oh, that's. He's. He loves me. He's like, no, you're 40. She said, you were the dream of my life. And when I saw you shine at the sight of me, I knew I was yours too. In love. Of course. They translated that from her native language of German so he could read it. And then she just like eating a wet meatball. And that's all it costs. And you dummies are looking at Brady.

[Female Co-host]

Going, I'm doing this for love.

[John Holmberg]

Stupid, Stupid. This is beautiful. And then she had to translate, what. What is Brian Adams saying? We'll translate it. Don't worry about it. Just keep licking that thing. But it's so soft. It's not getting any harder. Just listen. Look, that's your job right now to lick that guy's inner thighs.

[Female Co-host]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

It's disgusting. Yeah, but it's 60 days. You can do this. A lot of people do a lot harder work in 60 days. Don't get paid what you're about to get anyway. It angers me. Beautiful song. I should. I should have this on my phone at all times in case Maurizio comes up to Megan again. It's like we've expanded the property. It's now 220 acres and it has a wave pool. God damn it. And start playing this really loud. Say yes to him, everything.

[Female Co-host]

I'm not some sort of whore for 60 days.

[John Holmberg]

You can be 60 days. I've seen you as a whore. You've done that before.

[Brady]

That should be the next ABC show.

[John Holmberg]

You've had that? Yeah. 60 day whore. Yeah. Oh, I'd watch that for months. I'd watch and there'd be a line out the door. How's that different than the Bachelor? How's that different than 30 chicks lining up for one dude in the promise of fame and money? How's it different? They see that as romance. I talked to Jill downstairs. Oh, he's so romantic. She should pick him. And I'm like, what? Romance?

[Brady]

Can you imagine if the billionaire had agreed to do that or whatever? And you have the 24 competitors and the winner at the end.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, great. And the only place women find romance and the Bachelor and the Bachelorette are for ladies I watch sometimes because it's absurdly funny, but they get into it. And if you ever told them when you're dating your wife, I'm also dating 22 other ladies and I'm gonna make a choice in one month, they'd leave.

[Female Co-host]

That's BM. What a bunch of. What a jerk.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no, that's how that works on the tv. You love that show. You think that's great.

[Brady]

The winner gets $2 million.

[John Holmberg]

It's that goddamn Cinderella. And then you'd change your mind at the end. I'll give you my two million dollar dowry.

[Brady]

Those.

[Female Co-host]

Oh wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm talking, not even talking about a show. If you did that in real life where you told them, I'm dating 22 ladies. And a little secret is whoever I choose is getting $2 million, suddenly the love thing disappears and I'm like, well, I'll stick around for this. I think I'm gonna win. And then they get competitive with each other.

[Brett Vesely]

As Tina Turner said, what's love got.

[John Holmberg]

To do with it? And she's one that knew she married for love. And it beat her all over the house. Made her a better singer. Let's be honest. I better song. She was very focused for a while and needed to be. Wish you to hit Bryan Adams a couple of times. Anyway, so congratulations. He was 91 years old. And Simone Relander, that dude was hanging.

[Brady]

Around with a lot of people. Starlets.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he had a lot of people in his life. He's a billionaire. Of course. But I mean, look at this. This guy right here looks good.

[Brett Vesely]

He looks good.

[John Holmberg]

He still looks great. For that's his wedding day when he's 90. And then they're propping him up. There's probably sticks behind him to make it.

[Brady]

He can't close his eyes for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. And the, and the fulcrum they have behind him to make it so he doesn't fall back.

[Brett Vesely]

She's good looking, but she should be happy because he could even upgraded farther than that with that kind of cash.

[John Holmberg]

Not that great. No. No. But he's 91 and she was the only one willing to do it. That's what I'm saying. Get in the pool, ladies. Broads. Yeah. I don't get it. Meanwhile, you're looking at Brady.

[Female Co-host]

What's for sup?

[John Holmberg]

Oh God. This jackass can make me cook garbage. Sitting there with this crappy CPAP on all night. This 91 year old guy. At least there's a payoff in the end.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd have been with you though. Maurizio came up to Matthias like, go, goodbye.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't want me there for the first month. Call for me?

[Female Co-host]

Yeah, I'd really like my brother to come down here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, your brother, the bald idiot we met today?

[Female Co-host]

Yeah, that's him.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. If you would like your family here and then we'd. I pretend to be your brother for a little while. I'm like, so, Maricha, you got any wealthy family members I could bound? What are you talking. Get on the roller coaster. You seem to be mentally retarded. Get on there. Maurizio was all over it. Loved her. Immediate, like love at first sight type stuff. My God, you're a wonderfully beautiful woman. I would like to take you to my home. She said no. I wasn't even mad, man.

[Brett Vesely]

She's not flying JSX there either.

[John Holmberg]

She's.

[Hooters Announcer]

That's private.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. I'm getting mad all over again. This is a 12 year story and I'm still angry about it. All right, then I'll quit my job.

[Female Co-host]

Oh, if you don't have any money, I'm leaving.

[John Holmberg]

So you're still doing it for some money? Dude doesn't work and doesn't have money. He's a deadbeat. Why not take it the other extreme? Drives me nuts. And the other thing about it is, if you're out there waiting for your parents to die for inheritance, something wrong with you. That's disgusting. There's a lot of people. Like, there's a ton of them. I got an email just now from God, so I can't have my dad doing that. I stand to make love. Well, do you care about your dad at all? Maybe he'll leave you something, maybe he won't.

[Brady]

But I gotta remain a good grace. Yeah, Grace is with him.

[John Holmberg]

And you shouldn't want your parents.

[Brady]

Somehow get my brother and sister out of the equation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you should not want your parents money. You just shouldn't. I know it's. I know it's hard. If your parents have a ton and you don't have any, but you shouldn't want it. You shouldn't, certainly shouldn't be counting on it. You truly care about your parents. You want them to go out flaming, have a blast. I keep telling Paula that she doesn't have any kids. She's got nobody. She's 93 and her financial guy's like, well, you know, stop playing. She loves to play slot machines and she looks for quarter slots and like, you have plenty. Start playing and so she started to play the big dollar ones and you. I was like, I thought she was gonna die that night sitting there playing $10 a spin off. Oh, my God. Then she'd hit something and lose her mind. Because she used to be happy with a $20 win, and now she's looking at, you know, $1,400 and, like, signing papers and losing her. Yeah, she's being frugal because she's worried. What do I do? Like, where are you? Who are you gonna give this to? What about you? I'm like, you flame throw this. You've earned it. You want me to start boning you and stuff? I'll consider it. I mean, this is. I don't know if she's got that kind of joke.

[Brady]

You're working your angle.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I'll give it back if she gives me money. We'll just give it to her charity of choice. I have no idea. I feel like that's unearned. I like when old people die with nothing because that means they spent it all. That's a good thing. Go out. Go out doing that. That'll be my goal. Spend it all. If I have anything left over, it's going right to, like a dog chair. That's it. Yeah. I'm just handing that. It's already in my will. This stuff gets gone if I don't have any dogs left. And that's it. It's all for a charity. I'm not handing it to friends. And none of it. Not a thing. Part of my will and trust was setting up where all that stuff goes. I did say that was sort of fun because I'm like, oh, this is nice. And they don't know about it. So let's get a check one day. When I drop that. Maybe more changes.

[Brady]

More changes when that 22 year old girl comes in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe if I'm 90 and I'm still hanging around and there's still a chunk.

[Brady]

Of the nice thing about it.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And I can. That's exactly what's great about Trajan is I can make that change if Kent's still around. John Holmberg. Here's Ken still there. He's got to be 140. Can't. Yeah, I'd like to make it a change. You don't want to give to the charity anymore? Hell no. You gotta see this piece of ass that wants to bounce on my limp noodle. I'm giving it all to her.

[Brady]

Where is it going to?

[John Holmberg]

Her name's Dixie. She's a Whore. Ken, I found a whore. She's willing to grind up against it. That's great. Good for you, John. How are you still alive, kid? You green mild. So get on it because stories like this are making me upset. And we don't get as men, we don't have that option. The only thing that we get is as Oprah wanders around, she's the only one there's any other girl billionaires. They're keeping it quiet. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to M and P Guns?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handgun rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo ink 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or online at mmpguns.com is.

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the morning sickness coming at you. For our pals at Action Ride Shop, it's summertime.

[Brett Vesely]

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fact, Bert. Action Ride Shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their E bikes right now.

[Brett Vesely]

They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters.

[John Holmberg]

And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails with an awesome setup from outbound lighting and night rider.

[Brett Vesely]

Get to Action Ride shop on the 60 and Gilbert or their new location, McDowell empower actionrideshop. Com.