Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Brady Report MIX (08-28-25)

Episode Theme:
A characteristically irreverent and rapid-fire segment blending weird news, fun facts, Arizona lifestyle jokes, and unfiltered banter among John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. This episode spotlights Canadian tuxedos, unusual team building, a decapitated Bob's Big Boy statue, odd fast food offerings, and plenty of off-color stories, all laced with sardonic wit.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter & Local Flavor (01:41–02:34)

• Shade in Arizona: John laments the sizzling Arizona weather and how shade (and shade companies) are critical for survival and plant maintenance.
• Quip: "Yesterday was brutal. Touching the ground was awful. Everything was hot." — Holmberg (01:41)

Fun Facts: Canadian Tuxedo & Ethiopian Calendar (02:35–04:17)

• Canadian Tuxedo Origins (02:43)
  • Brady: Bing Crosby wasn’t allowed into a Canadian hotel in 1951 for wearing denim-on-denim; Levi’s then made him a bespoke “denim tuxedo.”
  • John: "I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat." (03:08)
• Ethiopian Calendar (03:28)
  • Ethiopia uses a 13-month calendar and is several years “behind” the Western world; Holmberg speculates, “Boy, are they in for something four years from now.”
  • The 13th month is only 5–6 days long, and their days start at 6am instead of midnight.

Ethiopian Restaurant Riff (04:17–05:45)

• Hilarious mock-sponsorship and skepticism about the opening of an Ethiopian restaurant in Phoenix, riffing on famine jokes and Red Cross deliveries.

  • John: "Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix?" (04:29)
  • "You get flies around your head the whole time. Of course you do. A real Ethiopian experience." (05:33)
  • Satirical “endorsement” as they joke about “open-air” dining and drone food drops.

• Brady: "I'm hosting a glop eating contest."

• John: “You’re gonna have some glop. I’ll never forget Janny effing with me at that stupid African festival — had me eat with my hands...” (05:46)

Bob’s Big Boy Gets Decapitated (06:17–07:47)

• Brady: Reports on the Bob's Big Boy statue in Downey, California, losing its head after a car accident.
• John: Compares the incident to the Kennedy assassination ("Let's not say it's the same as that. Maybe to you… but Bob losing his head… there’s no geopolitical implications.")
• They marvel that the iconic burger survived in his statue hand.
• Joke: “Bob held onto that burger, though. Same as Brady with his bag of Wendy’s. Cut his head off, that's not leaving his hand.” (07:15)

Iconic Snack Mascots & the Crying Game (08:06–08:57)

• The group riff on the idea of “dying for” various snack women — Little Debbie, Wendy, Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth.
  • John: "We’d die for Little Debbie, Wendy, Auntie Jemima..." (08:08)
• John tells a (presumably exaggerated) story of a friend misunderstanding "cream pies" due to Internet terminology: “It promised me delicious, massive amounts of cream pies injected into a person. That’s not what I saw… There is no God. I’d still eat it.” (08:57)

McDonald's Chicken Big Mac & Global Fast Food (09:04–09:48)

• Brady: Announces the Chicken Big Mac is coming to U.S. menus within 3 months (fried, not grilled).
• John: Observes McDonald's has introduced even bigger sandwiches abroad, and jokes about traveling for burger tourism.

Team Building Goes Awry: Mount Shavano Ordeal (09:48–15:09)

• Story: A group of coworkers attempt to summit Mount Shavano (14,000+ feet, CO), but one gets left behind and spends 24 hours lost in bad weather.
  • The group left markers (breadcrumb trail) for return, but took them with as they descended, leaving one man stranded.
  • Delayed rescue due to poor cell service, inclement weather, and the man wearing all-black clothing (making search harder).
• John: "If we're doing the stair climb in 9/11 and one of us doesn't come back, you go back and look for them. You're on a mountain, you dummies." (14:06)
• Brady: “Never leave someone behind.” (15:00)
• John: "Buddy system. I don't know which one. No man left behind." (15:02)

Chemistry, Agriculture, and Phoenix Nostalgia (15:16–20:30)

• Periodic Table Confessions:
  • John: Never learned the periodic table — “That’s just a typewriter that spilled.” (15:40)
  • He admits to dodging chemistry for agriculture classes in school, leading to an infamous eighth-grade experience...
• Horse "Artificial Insemination" Field Trip:
  • A detailed, deadpan story of the time John's class witnessed a horse being manually stimulated ("jacked off") for breeding:
    • "We had to get on a bus and watch a lady jerk our horse off in eighth grade. Not all the kids got permission slips, of course!” (16:57)
    • "Word got out you can't jerk horses off in front of kids and keep your job." (19:13)
• Phoenix Lore: John and Bret reminisce about the farmlands of 1980s Gilbert and the vast suburban expansion.

Take Your Kid to Work & Unfit Babysitters (20:30–27:58)

• Stories about kids being at the radio station, finding appropriate childcare at 5am, and past coworkers relying on questionable babysitters, including a notorious “MILF” whose claim to infamy was using vomit as lubricant.
  • [Explicit Content] John: "That story was supposed to impress me. My boyfriend threw up on it. Oh my God… She was big on it.” (25:47)
  • "She wanted to see… she liked getting punched…in the B-hole." (27:12)
• Laughter and disgust as the crew reference both the babysitter and her partner by implication, making clear that everyone in the studio knew them.

Ford Patents: Cars Snitch on Speeders (29:41–33:32)

• Discuss Ford’s patent for vehicles that would auto-report speeding (and drivers) to police — a system stirring privacy and freedom concerns.
  • John: “How does Ford think that's a selling point?” (30:14)
  • They speculate car tech’s real value to insurance companies: auto-braking analysis, GPS tracking, and eventual “snitching.”
  • Bret: “That’s why you go Brett’s route — eventually just have old-fashioned gas-powered vehicles that don’t have trackers or computers at all.” (33:03)
  • Mafia jokes ensue about hiding “snitch” cars and keeping a “goomar car” (a mistress car) on the side.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• John Holmberg:

  • “I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat.” (03:08)
  • "If you’re a Caring Ethiopian, open your restaurant in Ethiopia. I think they need it more than we do.” (04:29)
  • "[Phoenix in the '80s]…It was Mormons and cowboys. That's all that lived out there." (19:50)
  • "We had to get on a bus and watch a lady jerk our horse off in eighth grade..." (16:57)
  • “…That story was supposed to impress me. ‘My boyfriend threw up on it.’ Oh my God.” (25:47)
  • "How does Ford think that’s a selling point?" (30:14)

• Bret Vesely:

  • "No, we had a house because... That's right. Built Val Vista Lakes or Val Vista..." (19:54)

• Brady Bogen:

  • “Never leave someone behind. That’s what I’m saying.” (15:00)
  • “The decapitated, sure look like it’s bad…” (07:02)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:41 — Shade in Arizona and animal safety jokes
• 02:35 — Canadian Tuxedo, Bing Crosby story
• 03:28 — Ethiopian calendar and restaurant riff
• 06:17 — Bob's Big Boy statue decapitated
• 08:06 — Snack mascots and "cream pie" misunderstanding
• 09:04 — McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac arrival
• 09:48 — Corporate team-building misadventure on Mount Shavano
• 15:16 — Periodic table failures, agriculture class loophole
• 16:47 — Eighth-grade horse insemination field trip story
• 19:50 — 1980s Gilbert/Phoenix nostalgia
• 20:30 — Bringing kids to the station, unconventional babysitters
• 25:47 — Infamous “puke as lube” story
• 29:41 — Ford patents self-reporting car tech
• 33:32 — “Mafia” cars & surveillance paranoia

Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, sarcastic, and laden with riffs and recurring in-jokes. The crew balances news-of-the-weird, personal stories, and pop culture with Arizona-centric nostalgia and off-color humor that pulls no punches and caters to a "nothing is sacred" comedic sensibility.