08-28-25 - Brady Report - MIX - 7x - The Canadian Tuxedo Began w/Bing Crosby BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Brady Report MIX (08-28-25)

Episode Theme:
A characteristically irreverent and rapid-fire segment blending weird news, fun facts, Arizona lifestyle jokes, and unfiltered banter among John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. This episode spotlights Canadian tuxedos, unusual team building, a decapitated Bob's Big Boy statue, odd fast food offerings, and plenty of off-color stories, all laced with sardonic wit.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter & Local Flavor (01:41–02:34)

• Shade in Arizona: John laments the sizzling Arizona weather and how shade (and shade companies) are critical for survival and plant maintenance.
• Quip: "Yesterday was brutal. Touching the ground was awful. Everything was hot." — Holmberg (01:41)

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Fun Facts: Canadian Tuxedo & Ethiopian Calendar (02:35–04:17)

• Canadian Tuxedo Origins (02:43)
  • Brady: Bing Crosby wasn’t allowed into a Canadian hotel in 1951 for wearing denim-on-denim; Levi’s then made him a bespoke “denim tuxedo.”
  • John: "I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat." (03:08)
• Ethiopian Calendar (03:28)
  • Ethiopia uses a 13-month calendar and is several years “behind” the Western world; Holmberg speculates, “Boy, are they in for something four years from now.”
  • The 13th month is only 5–6 days long, and their days start at 6am instead of midnight.

Ethiopian Restaurant Riff (04:17–05:45)

• Hilarious mock-sponsorship and skepticism about the opening of an Ethiopian restaurant in Phoenix, riffing on famine jokes and Red Cross deliveries.

  • John: "Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix?" (04:29)
  • "You get flies around your head the whole time. Of course you do. A real Ethiopian experience." (05:33)
  • Satirical “endorsement” as they joke about “open-air” dining and drone food drops.

• Brady: "I'm hosting a glop eating contest."

• John: “You’re gonna have some glop. I’ll never forget Janny effing with me at that stupid African festival — had me eat with my hands...” (05:46)

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Bob’s Big Boy Gets Decapitated (06:17–07:47)

• Brady: Reports on the Bob's Big Boy statue in Downey, California, losing its head after a car accident.
• John: Compares the incident to the Kennedy assassination ("Let's not say it's the same as that. Maybe to you… but Bob losing his head… there’s no geopolitical implications.")
• They marvel that the iconic burger survived in his statue hand.
• Joke: “Bob held onto that burger, though. Same as Brady with his bag of Wendy’s. Cut his head off, that's not leaving his hand.” (07:15)

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Iconic Snack Mascots & the Crying Game (08:06–08:57)

• The group riff on the idea of “dying for” various snack women — Little Debbie, Wendy, Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth.
  • John: "We’d die for Little Debbie, Wendy, Auntie Jemima..." (08:08)
• John tells a (presumably exaggerated) story of a friend misunderstanding "cream pies" due to Internet terminology: “It promised me delicious, massive amounts of cream pies injected into a person. That’s not what I saw… There is no God. I’d still eat it.” (08:57)

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McDonald's Chicken Big Mac & Global Fast Food (09:04–09:48)

• Brady: Announces the Chicken Big Mac is coming to U.S. menus within 3 months (fried, not grilled).
• John: Observes McDonald's has introduced even bigger sandwiches abroad, and jokes about traveling for burger tourism.

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Team Building Goes Awry: Mount Shavano Ordeal (09:48–15:09)

• Story: A group of coworkers attempt to summit Mount Shavano (14,000+ feet, CO), but one gets left behind and spends 24 hours lost in bad weather.
  • The group left markers (breadcrumb trail) for return, but took them with as they descended, leaving one man stranded.
  • Delayed rescue due to poor cell service, inclement weather, and the man wearing all-black clothing (making search harder).
• John: "If we're doing the stair climb in 9/11 and one of us doesn't come back, you go back and look for them. You're on a mountain, you dummies." (14:06)
• Brady: “Never leave someone behind.” (15:00)
• John: "Buddy system. I don't know which one. No man left behind." (15:02)

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Chemistry, Agriculture, and Phoenix Nostalgia (15:16–20:30)

• Periodic Table Confessions:
  • John: Never learned the periodic table — “That’s just a typewriter that spilled.” (15:40)
  • He admits to dodging chemistry for agriculture classes in school, leading to an infamous eighth-grade experience...
• Horse "Artificial Insemination" Field Trip:
  • A detailed, deadpan story of the time John's class witnessed a horse being manually stimulated ("jacked off") for breeding:
    • "We had to get on a bus and watch a lady jerk our horse off in eighth grade. Not all the kids got permission slips, of course!” (16:57)
    • "Word got out you can't jerk horses off in front of kids and keep your job." (19:13)
• Phoenix Lore: John and Bret reminisce about the farmlands of 1980s Gilbert and the vast suburban expansion.

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Take Your Kid to Work & Unfit Babysitters (20:30–27:58)

• Stories about kids being at the radio station, finding appropriate childcare at 5am, and past coworkers relying on questionable babysitters, including a notorious “MILF” whose claim to infamy was using vomit as lubricant.
  • [Explicit Content] John: "That story was supposed to impress me. My boyfriend threw up on it. Oh my God… She was big on it.” (25:47)
  • "She wanted to see… she liked getting punched…in the B-hole." (27:12)
• Laughter and disgust as the crew reference both the babysitter and her partner by implication, making clear that everyone in the studio knew them.

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Ford Patents: Cars Snitch on Speeders (29:41–33:32)

• Discuss Ford’s patent for vehicles that would auto-report speeding (and drivers) to police — a system stirring privacy and freedom concerns.
  • John: “How does Ford think that's a selling point?” (30:14)
  • They speculate car tech’s real value to insurance companies: auto-braking analysis, GPS tracking, and eventual “snitching.”
  • Bret: “That’s why you go Brett’s route — eventually just have old-fashioned gas-powered vehicles that don’t have trackers or computers at all.” (33:03)
  • Mafia jokes ensue about hiding “snitch” cars and keeping a “goomar car” (a mistress car) on the side.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• John Holmberg:

  • “I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat.” (03:08)
  • "If you’re a Caring Ethiopian, open your restaurant in Ethiopia. I think they need it more than we do.” (04:29)
  • "[Phoenix in the '80s]…It was Mormons and cowboys. That's all that lived out there." (19:50)
  • "We had to get on a bus and watch a lady jerk our horse off in eighth grade..." (16:57)
  • “…That story was supposed to impress me. ‘My boyfriend threw up on it.’ Oh my God.” (25:47)
  • "How does Ford think that’s a selling point?" (30:14)

• Bret Vesely:

  • "No, we had a house because... That's right. Built Val Vista Lakes or Val Vista..." (19:54)

• Brady Bogen:

  • “Never leave someone behind. That’s what I’m saying.” (15:00)
  • “The decapitated, sure look like it’s bad…” (07:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:41 — Shade in Arizona and animal safety jokes
• 02:35 — Canadian Tuxedo, Bing Crosby story
• 03:28 — Ethiopian calendar and restaurant riff
• 06:17 — Bob's Big Boy statue decapitated
• 08:06 — Snack mascots and "cream pie" misunderstanding
• 09:04 — McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac arrival
• 09:48 — Corporate team-building misadventure on Mount Shavano
• 15:16 — Periodic table failures, agriculture class loophole
• 16:47 — Eighth-grade horse insemination field trip story
• 19:50 — 1980s Gilbert/Phoenix nostalgia
• 20:30 — Bringing kids to the station, unconventional babysitters
• 25:47 — Infamous “puke as lube” story
• 29:41 — Ford patents self-reporting car tech
• 33:32 — “Mafia” cars & surveillance paranoia

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, sarcastic, and laden with riffs and recurring in-jokes. The crew balances news-of-the-weird, personal stories, and pop culture with Arizona-centric nostalgia and off-color humor that pulls no punches and caters to a "nothing is sacred" comedic sensibility.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Promo Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

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[John Holmberg]

The Best of Homework's Morning Sickness this is the Big Red Radio. It's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts. If you want your shade in your backyard and keep your dying animals safe that are just falling out of trees willy nilly, All Pro Shade can help. You can get out there and make it great. Yesterday was brutal. Touching the ground was awful. Everything was hot. Everything. So shade is an important part of your backyard. Also something I didn't think about. I've got a little area I might have to consider where when it gets to be like 115 or more, I lose my plants. No matter how much water is going on or whatever else, little shade might help that out.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Oven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it still gets sun and stuff like that. So pretty awesome deal. So I'm looking at that too. All Pro Shade can help you out. They've been putting shade on us for 20 years. They're the best in the business. Trust them to do it the right way. Allprochade.com Brady reported.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Happy national Pina Colada Day.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. Coconut drink.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

A couple of random fun facts. The Canadian tuxedo. You know where that original 1951. I didn't know that Bing Crosby wasn't allowed in a hotel in Canada because he was wearing a double denim. Basically denim pants and denim jacket.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

So Levi's made him a denim tuxedo as a publicity stunt.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. So it's a Canadian tuxedo's real and you know, Jaylen on wore it for a few years and I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat. Pretty sure you're still wearing it every day. I had to wear it every day. Every day I'm around the house. I work on a car. It's in the denim. It's easy to wash. You know why? You get it done.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Ethiopia uses a different calendar than most of the rest of the world. It has 13 months and it's currently, currently 2016 there. Boy, are they in for something four years from now.

[John Holmberg]

It's like they were hungry and now they're gonna be sick too.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Their 13th month is only five days long or six days during a leap year. And the days start at 6am instead.

[John Holmberg]

Of midnight and end starving.

[Co-host or Guest]

So they take all the extra days, the 31 days, and they put them in one month.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which is probably a more accurate calendar. Just a dumb month. There's a new Ethiopian restaurant here, Brady, on McDowell. And like, I saw that. Larry and I drove by around. Come on. Yeah. You know what's cool? It's open air. So when the food is delivered from the plane and dropped onto you, it's just straight. They don't have to worry about it.

[Native Grill and Wings Announcer]

The airport right there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They just drone it in 1215. They Red Cross drone in rice. It's the only thing they offer. Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix if. If you're a Caring Ethiopian. Open your restaurant in Ethiopia. I think they need it more than we do. At least according to the tv. John.

[Co-host or Guest]

I've seen the news. Is an Ethiopian food just a box full of donated goods?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I say. It's that it just flies out and then warlords come and try to steal your order on 44. Yeah. Oh, it's crazy. It's like, okay, I'll have the. The muck. Okay. Be right back in seconds with your order. Look up when the Red Cross drone goes by. That's yours. Goes by like, what is going on? And then give us the food. Like, wow, what an authentic Ethiopian experience I'm having. And it's empty. Surprise, surprise. Ethiopian restaurant parking lot. Plenty of spaces available. It's open.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

It's just dinner only. Maybe the word out.

[John Holmberg]

You think that when. That's the key to that. You think the word Ethiopian food on top of the.

[Co-host or Guest]

If they hit socials, it'll be crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Sir, are you starving? We know about that feeling. Come on down to Effy's Ethiopian Restaurant.

[Co-host or Guest]

What an endorsement, though, right?

[John Holmberg]

On Meg. Yeah. We will stop the hunger. Cool. You get flies around your head the whole time. Of course you do. A real Ethiopian experience.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

I'm hosting a glop eating contest.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're gonna have some glop. I'll never forget Janny effing with me. That stupid African festival. Oh, may you eat with. Maybe eat with my hands. That is how we do it, Johnny. All right. I'm slopping this goo and goat. He said it was chicken, but there's no way. I've had a lot of chicken, and I'm putting it in my hand. My hands look like I've been wiping a baby's ass for an hour. And I look over and he's got a fork. And like you, mother. You think we eat with our hands? No, honestly, I didn't think you ate.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Tragedy struck the Bob's Big Boy statue outside of Downey, California. The Bob Big Boy.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Got decapitated.

[Co-host or Guest]

Oh.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Lady lost control of her car, hit a fire hydrant, and when it took the back side of Bob's head. Yeah, there's a picture of it.

[John Holmberg]

Of the decapitated Bob.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Don't look, kids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is he still holding the burger?

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Did the burger survive the tray and burger survived.

[John Holmberg]

Bob's doing his job.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

It's like a Kennedy assassination.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let's not say it's the same as that. Maybe to you, your people, but Bob losing his head wasn't the global Ramifications of the Kennedy assassin. There's no geopolitical night.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

I'm just saying, the. The decapitated sure sure look like it's bad. Yeah, they were saying because I could see some of Big Boy's face.

[John Holmberg]

Well, was his head cut off? Because that's decapitation.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

That's what they're. They're saying.

[John Holmberg]

It just blew up. Where do they still have Bob's Big Boys hanging around down in California? Oh, look at that. Oh, they took off most of it. Just a face. Just. It just broke his head. Yeah, that's more Kennedy esque than it is a decapitation. Crack the egg. It's a Humpty Dumpty situation. Bob held onto that burger, though. Same as Brady with this bag of Wendy's. Cut his head off. That's not leaving his hand. When they say that. Fry this from my cold, dead hands, that's what they mean.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Anyone touches those red ponytails, they're gonna be in real trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you start tugging on her tails. Those aren't handles, baby. Wendy wants me as much as I want her. I die for you, Wendy.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Brace yourself, John. It sounds like his list.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'd die for Little Debbie, Wendy, Auntie Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth.

[Co-host or Guest]

I'd like to see how the rankings change over time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like a college AP Pole. Ooh, these Ding Dongs are good. Guess who's moving up the list there? Little Debbie.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

In the next three months.

[John Holmberg]

John Brady had the Crying Game happen when he heard about cream pies and went on the Internet and searched them. I know all there is to know about the Crying Game. That can't be real. What is this? It promised me delicious, massive amounts of cream pies injected into a person. That's not what I saw. I know all there is to know.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

There's no oatmeal in there.

[John Holmberg]

There is no God. I'd still eat it.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

The McDonald's Chicken Big Mac is going to be available in the next three months. A Chicken Big Mac in the United States.

[John Holmberg]

Grilled or fried? I'm fried. What am I talking.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yeah, it's fried. Here's a picture of it.

[John Holmberg]

They've introduced a new McDonald's sandwich now for some reason. Portugal and Canada. And it's the biggest one they've ever had. It's like a lot bigger than the Big Mac. It's just massive. And for some reason, Portugal and Canada are the only getting it. My boy Doug Hopkins is heading over to Portugal for some sort of a meeting.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Probably just for that.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what I said. You're going for the burger. Well, you would go to Canada, but two birds never been to Portugal.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

There was a last Friday in Colorado. This company, 15 co workers got together for a team building exercise. Decided to climb Mount Shavano, 100 miles southwest of Denver. The summit is over 14,000ft.

[John Holmberg]

That's big.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Not everyone did the whole thing. A few people hung back. So there are two groups. Except for one guy who ended up.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. This is just some random office building that said as a team building exercise, we're going to climb.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Workers got together 14,000 foot.

[John Holmberg]

Most places go get drinks or throw axes at.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

So if you bow out of that.

[John Holmberg]

Are you, you know you're not going. You're not climbing the company ladder. Right.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

So a few people hung back. Ended up splitting up in two groups. Except for one guy who ended up doing the last leg himself. He made it to the top fine. Got lost on his way down after everyone left and took all their gear with them.

[John Holmberg]

They left him.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

They left stuff along the path to guide them back. Like a trail of breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbs. But they took it all as they were picking it up on the way down.

[John Holmberg]

They killed him?

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

No, he. He made it to the top at 11:30am Got turned around. So he dropped a pin text his co workers. They told him he was going the wrong way. Sent another pin drop at 3:50pm going the right way.

[John Holmberg]

They had packed up and gone home.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody waited for him.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Once they separated, I don't think they took inventory on who's in what.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Except for he's texting them for planning. Except he's the Milton they're texting. Yeah. Oh, he's still up there. I get dinner at 6. Yeah, on this morning sickness.

[Promo Announcer]

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[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not. Not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmp.guns.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

And he should, you know. Did he text earlier too, that, hey, I'm climbing solo or you know what? I'm gonna finish up this top leg by myself. You guys wait for me.

[John Holmberg]

You still wait. It's a company outing.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

A big storm hit.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Freezing rain.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

He got disoriented in the storm.

[John Holmberg]

Land the plane. When does he die?

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Cut off his cell phone service. He survived, but he spent 24 hours.

[John Holmberg]

That's not so bad. What? It's just a day on Everest. Like 24. It wasn't on Everest. It was in Denver or wherever, but still high. Half of Everest.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

He got cell service about 10am the next day, called 91 1.

[John Holmberg]

My friends left. I'm stuck on a hill. People get stuck on Camelback. And like, strangers are like, can I help you? Okay, but still, if the. If. If KUPD's like, we're having a. If we're doing the stair climb in 9, 11, and one of us doesn't come back. Like you go back and look on the stairs. I think he was out there. He got drifted off. I don't know. He'll text. You're on a mountain, you dummies.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

They would have tried to use drones to fight him earlier, but they couldn't make it that far up the mountain in the bad weather, and he was wearing all black clothing. So the search and rescue said the story highlights some. Some important lessons here.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Don't do it.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Remember that cell service could be spotty. Don't hike in all black. If you get turned around, it's usually best to stay put and never leave someone behind.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The buddy system. Buddy system. I don't know which one. No man left behind.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Leave the ladies all you want, but no man left behind. There's plenty of broads. You just come down, just get a new one. At Denver.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

An iPhone contains 75 different chemical elements, which is about two thirds of the elements on the periodic table.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. You know, I never studied that. Like, everybody. People know that. I never in school once did I have to look at that periodic table and memorize any of. I don't know any of them like.

[Co-host or Guest]

We did at the time. Like, chemistry class.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know, but if you looked at it, you'd know what to do. I look at it and I'm like, that's just a typewriter that spilled. I don't know, like, Breaking Bad. That's it. That's all I know. The br. The ba. I don't know what they represent. I don't know anything about it. But people know the periodic table, like, and I don't think they're that smart. I think that. I think you learn it in seventh grade, but I never had to. I missed out on that.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

I think you go over it twice early on and then either soft.

[John Holmberg]

Never been in a class that had it. And I think it's because I took agriculture to dodge science because it counted as a science credit. So I'm like, well, I'll just dig holes and plant stuff. That's a lot easier than learning all those letters.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Definitely getting into it in, you know, chemistry. You got it.

[John Holmberg]

Nope, Never had chemistry class.

[Co-host or Guest]

Also where the horse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that lady jerked that file. I probably should have learned the periodic table.

[Co-host or Guest]

Was that a full year class that you took?

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember. I think so. Wow. I got a full credit for it. And I just knew I didn't have to take science classes as far I had to take earth science, but I didn't have to take any of that periodic table crazy science, which seemed above my pay grade. So I took the horse jacking off class. Got a beat.

[Co-host or Guest]

Did you know that going in?

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think anybody knew. I don't think the horse knew. I don't think the teacher knew. I think she Just decided, well, we got to get this done by 3today.

[Co-host or Guest]

Was that a field trip day?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We went to a place.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

They brought the horse into the class.

[John Holmberg]

We had no, we had a. We had the. We built this weird little pen at Rhodes Junior High and occasionally there's an animal in behind the tennis courts. Yeah. And she. Yeah. And she would bring him over. She didn't jerk it off there. We had to go to this. We had to get on a bus. We had to get on a bus and watch a lady jerk our horse off in eighth grade. And not all the kids got permission slips, of course. I remember there was like eight of us. There weren't. I might have been after school in Mesa. She didn't. It wasn't that far. Like when I lived there past country club was farm. Like you got past country club. There was golf. There was golf land. A few new houses in the island started and then farms. You didn't. You couldn't go. I mean, McQueen was like. You might as well have been on a ranch. We didn't go very far. We went down the road away.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

It's hunting area.

[John Holmberg]

Chandler, in fact, I think is where we went. And they still have horse properties there. We didn't go that far. And she. And we got out and she's standing there with a couple of dudes and a penned up mare and that.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

And it might have been extracurricular.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, after school, I think I might have gone. I don't remember if it was after or before or during. I don't think it could have been during because I'd missed fifth hour. It was fourth hour. There was lunch. Horse got jacked off and then PE where we all just like the other seven kids, just shaking like. What just happened? Like. I don't know. Don't talk about it. Did I just see that? You did. I saw it. We all saw it. How was your day today? I don't know. I can't talk about it. I came home crying. What happened at school? The lady jacked the horse off. What? He's hallucinating. Are you on the mushrooms again? But yeah. They drove us in a bus somewhere. A five minute drive. Wasn't long at all. And then. But the drive back was five hours because we were all just traumatized. I think it was after class. I think you had to sign up for it. And boy did I. And it was a artificial insemination. Why are you teaching eighth graders? And I think it's because this lady came. The teacher came from. Pardon me on that.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The horse and the teacher came from growing up on farms. My dad would have been like, yeah, that's normal. Like right around the sixth, seventh grade you should start to know how to handle this kind of stuff.

[Co-host or Guest]

Was road 789 so that you were able to tell the up and coming generation, you got to take this eighth grade.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't offer it anymore. The next year, agriculture was gone. Word got out you can't jerk horses off in front of kids and keep your job. You just can't. I'm gonna talk to Super Nintendo Boggs about this and see if we can get that reinstated. Like, what about that horse jacking off? But it was. You Forget, in the 80s, we were still kind of cow town, but Phoenix was growing, you know, so it was a bunch of, you know, you grew up in Gilbert. I mean, that was farm central. And those kids grew up different.

[Brett Vesely]

We moved out there in 87. No, 88.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. And at that time it was all farms. It was Queen Creek before Queen Creek.

[Brett Vesely]

It was Mormons and cowboys.

[John Holmberg]

That's all that lived out there.

[Brett Vesely]

No, we had a house because.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Built Val Vista Lakes or Val Vista. Yeah. But that was nothing around it. El Vista Lakes was so far away. It's like. That's like driving to the Renaissance Fair now. Like Queen Creek, it was so far away. It was like, should we.

[Promo Announcer]

Because there was nothing there.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, it was just from like.

[Co-host or Guest]

Were you pissed? Because I was pissed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. The freeway wreck of my life. Yeah. The freeway ended at Power Road. Yeah. So you couldn't go past power. It was just all dirt and uselessness after that. Horrifying. But yeah. Ms. Larson jerked off a horse in front of eighth graders. And then the next day we had to act like that was okay. Everything's normal.

[Co-host or Guest]

John, I know why you couldn't learn chemistry. You're too busy putting rulers in your mouth.

[John Holmberg]

I did that too. God, you guys remember everything. For those who tuning in, I did put a ruler in my mouth. Forget where I put it. Bent down to look for it, smashed it into the roof of my mouth and had to go get mouth stitches. I had a ruler six inches into my throat. Had to go tell my dad. I bust out of my bed and blood pouring out of my mouth. Oh, he was so. What are you doing that for? Jesus Christ. He's measuring depth. Marcy, take this idiot to the hospital. It's a wooden ruler.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

This Austrian surgeon is in trouble. This guy came in the emergency room after a forestry accident. 33 year old man was Flown by air ambulance to the Graz University Hospital. The doctor started working on the patient and had his 13 year old daughter as her. His assistant working on the skull of the lumberjack.

[John Holmberg]

Was RFK Jr. In there too?

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Evidently. She even got to drill a hole in the skull.

[John Holmberg]

Neat.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Yeah. So he's facing take your daughter to work. A little suspension here it was. That's what I was saying.

[John Holmberg]

There's absolutely nothing good about taking your daughter to work day in a regular place, let alone skull surgeon. I do brain surgery. It's my daughter to take your daughter to work day. She's gonna help Puppy Dominic, did she do a good job or not? Yeah. All right. Nobody else in the room objected. Yeah, when he handed her the drill.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

That's what I'm saying. They were short. Short on staff that day.

[John Holmberg]

You want to go dewalt on this guy with me? Not there, honey. Nice try, though.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Not the spade bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. No. Nope, nope, nope. And I don't think you can call it that anymore.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Sure you can.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think. No, I think you can. I don't think anybody else. Should we call that something else now?

[Co-host or Guest]

I think we'd all step up and grab that drill if offered.

[John Holmberg]

I would leave because I'm like, I don't want you. If it was here and Bray's like, take your daughter to work, dad. Like Kirby to do a segment. I'm like, get your own show. She's not doing it.

[Co-host or Guest]

He wouldn't just go down.

[John Holmberg]

You used to bring your kid in every day for like a week. And I'm like, enough of him. He's done. Watch that kid wander around in his pajamas sleeping on the couch. I'm like, this is a. This is death. This is room kill. How can I talk about lady parts with him sitting on the couch staring at me going, what's that mean?

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett, I sure do.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You select our designs or make up your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with. No wait.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com all right, HMS Podcast time again.

[Promo Announcer]

It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's gonna be in with the guys all week long and just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert Ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

And tempeimprov.com It's John Holmberg here from 98KUPD. And I've got Bode from new AC unit.com. this guy is flipping the H vac world upside down. Bode, tell them what you're doing.

[Bode from New AC Unit]

We've cut out the traditional process so you're not paying for sales commissions or showroom markups. Just go online, pick the brand name unit you want and boom. We show you the real price with install right. A 100% money back guarantee. And we only work with a plus rated licensed contractors to complete the installation. We're local, we're honest, and we're all about saving you money.

[John Holmberg]

Visit new acunit.com and see your price before you buy.

[Bode from New AC Unit]

New ac unit.com no pressures, no surprises, just savings.

[John Holmberg]

Homburg's morning sickness. We had to tell Talia you can't bring your kid in anymore. And it wasn't because you needed to. Nobody was watching him.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, it was because I needed.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they have asked. You absolutely had to. Yeah. It was because there was nobody, no eyes on him other than you.

[Co-host or Guest]

It's tough finding someone to take a child at 5am in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Co-host or Guest]

Willingly? Well, not willingly.

[John Holmberg]

Was mom not. She was incarcerated?

[Co-host or Guest]

No, she was. She was in Maricopa at the time.

[John Holmberg]

Same thing. Yeah, she was working on it.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Different types.

[John Holmberg]

She was working on it.

[Co-host or Guest]

That was when one of our former milfs actually.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Co-host or Guest]

For a time.

[John Holmberg]

I would go to a minute. That's how things got for Toledo.

[Promo Announcer]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He trusted one of the MILFs to watch his kids for a couple hours. I know know.

[Co-host or Guest]

That lasted about a month after he was consistently.

[John Holmberg]

I believe it was the same one that told us the story about her and her boyfriend used puke as lube.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. I know who that is. You want to babysit my kid? Remember her? Oh, yeah. Yeah. That story was supposed to impress me. Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

That was a bragging.

[John Holmberg]

That was a she. She had her thumbs under her suspenders. Go. Know what I did last night? No. My boyfriend threw up on it. Oh, my God.

[Co-host or Guest]

You mean your married boyfriend?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, but that was the least of. That was the least shocking part of the story. His wife can never know. So you guys shower off all the barf. Of course. We're not animals. What do you say? I mean, like, that's. He leaves his socks on. Get to the other thing again. He was fist.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Finally. He finally got busted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he fisted her mouth, threw up on her.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

But I don't love her.

[John Holmberg]

I love you, baby. I do that because that stuff I wouldn't do to you. I'm classy with you. I puke on the horse, use it as lubricant. I know she was big on it. And then the reason why was because she wanted to see. She was like one of Brett's videos. She was sitting there telling me. I'm like, why in the world would you even want to be in a room of throw up while that's going on? She goes, it was hot. I'm like, yeah, that's what puke is. It's hot. It's body temperature. It's 98.7. And then.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Is that an olive?

[John Holmberg]

She said something about, well, he's drinking martini. Classy. Make it blue cheese. Olives. I like when the olives come back chunky like that. Move that out of the way. I'm going in.

[Co-host or Guest]

Slightly chewed.

[John Holmberg]

Can't go shoving olives deep inside. Just do it like a windshield wiper. Just out of the way. All the viscous, slick parts of the vomit will still work. But then she said the reason why is so he could throw a full Mike Tyson in her B hole. Oh, she liked getting punched, and I.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Didn'T know that part.

[John Holmberg]

And evidently, when done properly, vomit is quite. You know, it's hot. It's like silicone. Silicone. It'll slip right in. It's the same stuff you use for. That's what I even told her. I'm like, why don't you just go out and get that spray for your garage door opener chain and use that. That'll slide you right in. What are you throwing up on each other for? And then I realized, why am I in this conversation? Go watch Toledo's kid. Oh, man.

[Brett Vesely]

The worst part is we all know her. We all know the guy, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm not saying who that is.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm never shaking hands with that guy.

[John Holmberg]

Again, I'm not even fist bumping that. I'm not shaking or rattling him at all. He might throw up on me and get turned on.

[Co-host or Guest]

In fact, I believe we've walked around him a couple of times.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

We have go a long ways around that guy.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

I just throw up a little my hand and then shake.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was watching Toledo's kid and he started to barf. So I got really hot and I went to the bathroom. Anyway, he fell out the window.

[Co-host or Guest]

He'll do that.

[John Holmberg]

He tends to tumble. Sorry, he's a flyer. But that was a real story and that's what Toledo said. Will you watch my baby? Wow. Sure. He's got the flu. Oh.

[Co-host or Guest]

Guys, I gotta be honest. Who's this donkey punch chick? Brundle Fly.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

It's kind of hot.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, yes. She was in the original Fly with me. I used to throw up on it as a KY substitute. It's better and it's less fattening. It's already been eaten. It's like pre tax money. It's a 4 okay of lubricant 401k. Sorry, pre tax lube. Brady, you don't like talking about it.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Sounds good. Sounds good.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff. We had an email from a guy who said I tried to date her. He knows us, we know him. He goes, but then you told me that story and it's why I didn't bang her. And then he said, it was this guy, wasn't it? And he just sent it to me. I'm like, yes, it was. Did he guess it right? Yeah, he did.

[Brett Vesely]

I had to talk him out of that.

[John Holmberg]

I did too. He would tell. Dude, banging this. I'm like, I gotta tell you a story real quick. You're gonna get into a little. You're getting in over your head, man.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Ford is trying to patent a system that they developed that would automatically report speeding vehicles to the police.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we're all going to jail.

[Brett Vesely]

Damn snitches, everybody.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Not the Ford vehicles this morning was 80.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I. Yeah, there's no. I. I don't never like. I'm always speeding. Always, always.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

An equipped Ford vehicle could send a report with speed data pictures directly to the law enforcement and roadside monitoring units. The cops would also get GPS info to track the offender.

[John Holmberg]

How does Ford think that's a selling point?

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

They're just trying to get the patent. And here's what I think it's going. It might go to the police cars if they're buying Ford.

[John Holmberg]

Rental cars would be the only thing. Why the police cars Speed all the time, too.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

But I'm saying what it could do is you could snitch on other cars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it'll read other cars.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Read other cards. The cars speeding.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought it was reporting yours.

[Co-host or Guest]

How would it do that if it's just on.

[John Holmberg]

That's called radar equipped.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

That could send a report with data, pictures of your car.

[Co-host or Guest]

Not of others.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

No, it's of other cars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's crappy. Well, you could just get a radar gun and do that and then take a snapshot. But this thing is. The car is equipped. Yeah. To catch bad guys. So eventually, everything we've got is tracking and taking photos of.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

They already have stationary speed cameras, but now they can issue tickets based on a license plate number because they.

[John Holmberg]

That's garbage.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

Can't confirm who is driving. That's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's the problem. You just say it wasn't. You pull the shaggy. There's. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

[Co-host or Guest]

Logic.

[John Holmberg]

If.

[Co-host or Guest]

If I'm following you, getting it, you speeding, then I'm speeding. So I'm out in myself.

[John Holmberg]

In order to get a good, clean picture, you got to hang with the guy. That's true.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

I. I think it's. I. They're not saying it. They're. They're going for the technology. I think they're trying to use it for the legal purpose for the police, because it's a built. They gotta build. Yeah. I am spitballing.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe right, though, that the. But the police already are equipped to, like, the guy driving is allowed to pull you over. They don't need technology to figure out who's speeding.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

But in lieu of cameras, the speed cameras or whatever, you know, in the car.

[John Holmberg]

It's like. It's overkill, though, because the guy in the car is supposed to notice that.

[Brett Vesely]

They kind of do that already with those little plugins you do for your insurance companies. Oh, we'll save you money.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. They're gonna j your brakes at your insurance rates. Well, we looked at your car's records.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

And process it quicker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It'll just say you speed 97% of the time you drive, and that's dangerous. I bet you that's. That's the true reason.

[Promo Announcer]

The insurance company.

[John Holmberg]

And again, everybody that thinks insurance companies are like, how would they look? They. They spend so much extra money on advertising and stadium naming rights. You can't imagine how much money insurance companies have sitting around. Look at your TV tonight and count how many insurance companies run an ad. Progressive has three campaigns going at once.

[Co-host or Guest]

Doug and Limu are On every other.

[John Holmberg]

Limu, Emu has become like part of my house now. He's there every day at least once. So much insurance money so that I think Brett's right. That's what they're going to do is make it so your car snitches on you to your insurance cup. What? He likes a rat. That's why you got to go Brett's route. And eventually just have old fashioned gas powered vehicles that don't have trackers or computers at all.

[Co-host or Guest]

What do you do in that case? As an Italian Shoot your own car for out?

[John Holmberg]

No. What? You have to put your car in another car. Another car?

[Brett Vesely]

You have another car?

[John Holmberg]

I gotta stuff my navigator in another car's trunk.

[Co-host or Guest]

You got a car, Gomar?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Take him out to the Pines.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

The ice bucket challenge.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have a car? Goo mark your second car? Yes, actually, so do I. Without a track and both of us. One of our cars, our goomar car is black. Mm. I keep her on the side. I got my white car, I got my. My black car. My goomar car. Hey, it's not weird.

[Co-host or Guest (possibly Brady)]

It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brett Vesely]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection, handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th street in Indian online at M&P guns.com it's John.

[John Holmberg]

Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house cash as is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process [e-mail] come or sing Hopkins 1, 800, now it's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the morning sickness coming at you. For our pals at Action Ride Shop.

[Brett Vesely]

It'S summertime, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fact, Bert. Action Ride Shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their E bikes right now.

[Brett Vesely]

They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters.

[John Holmberg]

And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails with an awesome setup from outbound lighting and night.

[Brett Vesely]

Rider gets Action Ride Shop on the and Gilbert or their new location on McDowell and Power. ActionRideshop.

[John Holmberg]

Com.