08-28-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Show

Episode: Full Show – Thursday, August 28, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD, Hubbard Radio

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode is a quintessential morning show blend of irreverent Arizona talk radio: a mix of pop culture, bizarre news, local color, listener engagement, and deeply unserious, rapid-fire comic banter. John Holmberg leads his core crew (Brady, Bret, Toledo) through a morning packed with weird news, Olympics gossip, sexual innuendo, Arizona observations, listener letters, and a relentless stream of jokes. Throughout, the team riffs on the absurdities of fame, human nature, and their own personal histories. No topic is safe from their offbeat lens.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Olympic News, Sexy Ambushes, and “Cheese Panties”

Timestamps: 03:00 – 07:00, 12:30 – 20:00

• Olympic absurdities: The guys riff on an Italian gymnast featured in an odd commercial—“doing the splits on a bunch of rolls of cheese”—and the inherent sex appeal of Olympic broadcasts. “Men’s swimmers get the ladies all going… the dick’s bigger because of global warming!” (John, 04:23)
• Weird sexualization and confusion over athlete ages: “The danger of that is she might be eleven, but she could also be like, thirty-three.” (John, 03:41) Brady reassures: “She’s 21.” (Brady, 03:45)
• Cheese panties: Several callbacks to jokes and stories about “cheese panties.” Brady insists, “Last year we learned the term cheese panties on your show!” (Brady, 06:21)
• Follow-up story: “Michelle” writes in about accidentally wearing someone else’s panties after a one-night stand—sparking a longer conversation about Victoria’s Secret fitting rooms, the scourge of “try-on” panties, hygiene, and stories of gross-out moments in shopping for underwear.
  • “The last barrier between heaven and his mouth is that stupid plastic around [Velveeta slices].” (John, 12:01)
  • “Putting on someone else’s cheese panties is horrifying. I wouldn’t even tell anybody, but she told me.” (John, 12:30)

---

2. Grindr & Different Dating Realities

Timestamps: 08:00 – 11:00

• John shares the comic differences between grindr and dating apps for straight men and women.
  • “You just got rid of all the stuff that bothers us! … beautiful evening and maybe it leads to something … Grindr: Here’s my dick—wow, you just got rid of all the stuff that bothers us.” (John, 09:50)
  • “Any dude that says I’ll blow you and I’ll give you a few bucks for it … I’m intrigued.” (John, 08:29)
• Brady jokes about the financial potential—“400 bucks a week right now … What are you doing at night? I’m in a cage at a gay bar.” (Brady, 11:09)
• Longer riff on how men’s versus women’s approaches to sex/dating are just fundamentally different.

---

3. Listener Letters: “Gary’s Tumor & Cheating Wife” Saga

Timestamps: 48:15 – 61:00

• A listener named Gary: Diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, he rummages his wife’s phone and discovers pictures of her with “wieners in her mouth.”
  • “(Listener) Gary, basically got diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and … found pictures of her with wieners in her mouth. Sorry, that’s funny!” (John, 48:14)
• The news spreads because a listener tips off Gary’s wife. Holmberg: “Guess what? She’s mad at me. I’m laughing non-stop. Effing whore.” (John, 48:18)
• Extended bit on possible revenge and the absurdity of the situation (impersonating “Rico Blaze”).
• Consistent callback to how listeners’ stories of terminal diagnoses seem to lead to revelations of marital cheating.
  • “If you’re dying, listen to us. You might want to check your wife’s phone … they leave.” (John, 59:19)
  • “If you’re dying, let us know the results.” (Brady, 60:32)

---

4. Animal Oddities: The Kentucky Meat Shower and Vulture Mating Orgies

Timestamps: 31:26 – 46:00

• Kentucky Meat Shower: The hosts marvel about an actual museum in Kentucky for an event in 1876 where “it started raining meat.”
  • “A lady on her patio started getting smashed with meat… The closest thing they can figure was vultures went over her house and threw up.” (John, 31:56)
  • Theorizing about vulture orgies as an explanation.
  • Brady’s unique Arizona wildlife tips: “I’ve seen 200 vultures all circling at Gilbert” (Brady, 36:07), but can’t produce the video.
• Explores topics of meat showers, bird mating, and why Kentuckians and Bostonians fixate on such regional oddities.

---

5. Food, Fast Food News, and Local Restaurant Roasts

Timestamps: 74:02 – 76:01, 78:48 – 79:33

• New McDonald's sandwich news: “The McDonald's Chicken Big Mac is going to be available in the next three months in the US. Fried? Yeah, it's fried.” (79:02)
• Satirical jabs at an Ethiopian restaurant opening in Phoenix:
  • “Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix… If you’re a caring Ethiopian, open your restaurant in Ethiopia!” (John, 74:02)

---

6. Absurd Breakup Pranks

Timestamps: 63:28 – 69:25

• Prank in Australia: Man posts flyers all around town offering $100 for the best Chewbacca impression—using his ex’s phone number, resulting in “23,000 phone calls.” (John, 64:15)
  • “That is a pretty great prank if you’re gonna be bitter about a breakup and not, like, break the law.” (John, 65:38)
  • Extra petty twist: He also parked his car in her driveway and removed the tires so it couldn’t be towed.

---

7. Brady Report: News Oddities & Random Trivia

Timestamps: 72:19 – 93:43

• Random facts: The Canadian tuxedo's denim origin, Ethiopia’s unique calendar, the accidental decapitation of a Bob's Big Boy statue, and McDonald’s menu innovations.
• Bizarre accidents: Story of an Austrian surgeon letting his 13-year-old daughter drill a man’s skull during a medical emergency, weird take-your-daughter-to-work moments.
  • “There's absolutely nothing good about take-your-daughter-to-work day in a regular place, let alone skull surgeon!” (John, 89:49)
• Personal tales: John’s junior high experience in “agriculture class,” which included watching a teacher artificially inseminate a horse.

---

8. Self-Reflection & Listener Engagement

Timestamps: 100:19 – 113:08

• Holmberg’s masturbation math: “It’s been 15,348 days since my 10th birthday… there is no way I have not averaged one a day for these 42 years.” (John, 101:45)
  • Brady does the math: that’s about 120 gallons over 42 years, “about half a pallet.”
  • Extended segment comparing self-abuse volume to water pallets and beer cases.
  • “That would be like you trying to figure out how many pounds of macaroni…” (John, 106:22)
• Reflections and personal stories about discovering masturbation, with Catholics versus non-Catholics offering awkward-for-radio background on their formative years.

---

9. Email Etiquette & Listener Volume

Timestamps: 116:54 – 128:45

• The crew addresses a handful of obsessive listeners:
  • “Have a succinct thought. Knock it down. If we get more than 95 emails from a single person in the morning, that's too many.” (John, 116:54)
  • Over-participation and advice to consolidate email thoughts for the sake of everyone’s sanity.
• Fun asides about the way people used to have to confront or block overbearing friends before digital communications.

---

10. Parental Eccentricities and Generational Gaps

Timestamps: 131:56 – 148:38

• John’s dad stories: Deep-dive into the peculiar practice of tucking T-shirts into underwear; generational fashion, work boot routines, and the comfort of coming home to a quasi-military, gun-wielding father.
  • “Happy birthday, Dan. And just realize that everyone on the planet thinks it’s weird to tuck your t-shirt into your underpants.” (John, 133:41)
• Anecdotes about parents with weird habits at home; contrasting commando and boxer-family lifestyles among the crew.

---

11. Entertainment Drill & Local Life

Timestamps: 150:04 – 161:17

• Birthday for Kirby: John teases Brady about his daughter finally getting her driver’s license at 16—and the parental relief at not having to shlep her around.
• Elizabeth Banks’ choking scare: Parallel to John’s own public choking incident.
• Musicians who can’t sing: Ongoing online poll; Bob Dylan and Neil Young top the list, “Jennifer Lopez” gets roasted as #1 for least deserving “musician” status.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The Olympics are just basically some sort of sexual fever dream for the viewers.” – John Holmberg (04:00)
• “Michelle, I don’t believe that’s your friend. I believe you’re right. No one would ever tell that story. So clearly that’s you putting on another woman’s panties. Used ones.” – John, on the “cheese panties” email (12:30)
• “If you’re dying, they leave. And if you’re dying, let us know the results.” – Brady, on terminal illness and cheating spouses (60:34)
• “A lady on her patio started getting smashed with meat. The closest thing they can figure was vultures went over her house and threw up.” – John, on the “Kentucky Meat Shower” (31:56)
• “That’s not weird. It’s pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.” – John, recurring meta-break (throughout, eg. 20:52)
• “[On listener email volume]…We got 97 from one guy yesterday. That’s too much!” – John (121:13)
• “Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and then open restaurants in Phoenix.” – John, restaurant roast (74:02)
• “If you’re going to be a bitter prick, what you could do is just move on and never talk to them again. Which is the quality of a breakup.” – John, on break-ups and creativity (68:13)
• “It’s been 15,348 days since my 10th birthday. There is no way I have not averaged one a day for these 42 years.” – John, on self-reflection and masturbation math (101:45)

---

Tone and Style

• Raw, fast, banter-heavy: Rapid shifts between personal stories, pop culture, satire, sexual/sophomoric jokes, Arizona-local in-jokes, and audience interaction.
• Unfiltered, “not safe for work”: Jokes, rants, and stories frequently veer into the raunchy or dark, but with playful camaraderie.
• Listener participation: Actively read (and roast) listener letters live, mining them for punchlines and extended riffing.
• Recurring “bits”: “Cheese panties,” “best-of emails,” references to staff and listener foibles, long-form call-backs to earlier jokes and segments.

---

Quick Reference: Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------|--------------| | Olympics, Sex & Cheese Panties | Olympic events as sex-ed for adults, gymnast & cheese, cheese panties intro & stories | 03:00 – 07:00, 12:30 – 20:00 | | Dating Differences & Grindr | Dudes on Grindr vs women’s dating app behavior | 08:00 – 11:00 | | Listener Letters: Gary's Tumor | Listener saga of cheating wife + cancer, comic reactions | 48:15 – 61:00 | | Kentucky Meat Shower & Vultures | Bizarre KY history, vulture courtship dances | 31:26 – 46:00 | | Absurd Breakup Pranks | Chewbacca contest revenge & ex’s phone | 63:28 – 69:25 | | Food and Restaurant Roasting | Ethio restaurant, McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac | 74:02 – 79:33 | | Trader’s Reports, Random Trivia | Canadian tuxedo, Bob’s Big Boy decapitation, McD's | 72:19 – 93:43 | | Masturbation Math and Pallet Talk | John calculates 42 years of self-pleasure | 100:19 – 113:08 | | Email Etiquette Rant | Addressing listener over-emailing | 116:54 – 128:45 | | Parental Eccentricities | Dad’s t-shirt/underwear tucking, home security | 131:56 – 148:38 |

---

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness maintains its reputation as Arizona’s top morning show with another full-bore episode: unfiltered, joke-packed, and deeply Arizona-centric. Major threads include: sexualization of Olympic coverage, listener stories of terminal illness and infidelity, bizarre animal news (the Kentucky Meat Shower as vulture barf), and constant riffing on personal lives, food, and streaming listener interactions (both absurd and poignant). It’s equal parts locker room, local radio, and cult comedy clubhouse—never family-friendly, but fiercely loyal to longstanding in-jokes and listener engagement. If you want to catch up, read this summary and you’ve got the episode’s big themes, best stories, and the inside track on Arizona’s wildest radio.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com hey, you want to win $979? Well, check this out. Handle the Heat is back with another chance to win and another chance to check out a Holmberg special on the menu at Native Grill and Wings. That's right. Join the HMS Crew at Native Grill and Wings during one of our 4U brews for a chance to participate in Handle the Heat. That's Holmberg's hot wing eating contest. For details on all the contest rules, head to 98kupd.com Think you can handle the heat? Well, bring your appetite and find out. It's all brought to you by Native Grill and Wings. At Native Grill and Wings, we bring the big flavors to match the big moments. Our fresh never frozen wings come in over 20 bold flavors served up hot and ready for every game. Winning play football is back. Kick back with an ice cold beer or a handcrafted cocktail and catch all the action at Native Grillin Wings. Need to feed the fam? Get two large pepperoni or cheese pizzas for just 20 bucks. It's a whole lot of flavor for one unbeatable price. Cold drink, great food, even better deals. Visit native grillinwings.com to find the restaurant nearest you. Hey Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett. I sure do.

[Brady]

It's MMP Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Brady]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to Us or we already have completed firearms in inventory d with no weight.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at MMP GunsCustoms.com all right, HMS podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Well, just in case you haven't been paying attention or if you've been mia, we'll let you know that Frank Caliendo is going to be performing at the Desert Ridge Improv this Friday and Saturday night. So tune in. Frank's going to be in with the guys all week long. And just maybe we'll have tickets for you to go catch Frank live up north at Desert Ridge for the complete lineups. And for tickets, tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. Oh, and we forgot to mention another Olympic thing. I don't know how this passed Brady up. We saw it this morning. That Italian gymnast that's rubbing her snooch on giant rolls of parmesan cheese. Was that her nil or do they.

[Brady]

Is she actually an Italian?

[John Holmberg]

Is from an Italian company. She. I think she's big in making the cheese herself. Wow. I think she's a monkey.

[Brady]

Comes from a family that makes the cheese.

[John Holmberg]

God knows if I know. Maybe she can do it herself. You misogynist prick. Maybe she does cheese on her own.

[Brady]

Impossible.

[John Holmberg]

As a probably right. You're probably right. And more than likely her dad funded it at the very least, but still. You bastard, you. But she's doing the splits on a bunch of rolls of cheese, and they're like, this is her other passion. And they got her in her gymnastics outfit. Now, the danger of that is she might be 11, but she could also be like, 33.

[Brady]

She's 21 at.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, thank God. Well, that's what I heard, too. That's what I've heard. Your honor. Swerve. Yeah. The rumors were bouncing around the treetops that she was 21. Your Honor, I. What am I supposed to. Carter. All I wanted was some of that smelly cheese, but you can find that all over. And that's all I've discovered is the Olympics are all just basically some sort of sexual fever dream for the viewers. Men's swimmers get the ladies all going. The. All the events that women are in Are scantily clad. All the stories earlier this morning that I don't know if you guys.

[Brady]

Well, we wouldn't have. But she noticed that all the guys have a little chub when they get out of the pool.

[John Holmberg]

They're a little bit thick sometimes. And that's a nice thing for them. That's good for the ladies. But I like the. All the stories on the summertime. But it's in the cold water and it is hotter in France than normal right now. Global warming makes the dick bigger. So which are Republican or Democrat? Now? I'm Republican. I'm a full on. I'm spraying aerosol in the air. And screw that climate convention in France. But, yeah, all the side stories are about how sexy everybody is. Everything I see. That Italian gymnast knows what she's doing. Doing the splits over four wheels of cheese.

[Brady]

A big wheel.

[John Holmberg]

I had to have a. There were four of them. I had to give Brady some smelling salts to just get past the picture. Anyway, the Olympic cover.

[Brady]

I thought the other interesting gold medal was the men's rugby. France won that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

And they beat Fiji, which had won 55 straight games up until the Olympics. And, like, who's the one that beats them in the Olympics? For the.

[John Holmberg]

Fiji has won 55 rugby goals.

[Brady]

Matches.

[John Holmberg]

Matches in a row. It's amazing. I don't even have the game anymore.

[Brady]

They're just a dominant team, you know?

[John Holmberg]

So I guess it was the French beat the Fijians. No way. They gave him some of that sin water. You didn't take a superval natural water. But there's tampons floating in it. Please.

[Brady]

And, yeah, we know the correlation between cheese panties.

[John Holmberg]

No, we don't. And I don't want to know. I've never heard that phrase in my life. Because you know why?

[Brady]

You brought it up last year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. As a thing. It's like, ew. It's not a correlation. It's A, if you've got it, hang yourself or see a doctor. I'm not tying it in cheese pants. I'm not A, relating to it or B, tying it to any part of my life. Cheese pants. A deal breaker. I noticed you had some cheese in your underpants. You want to share that with me? Nope. That's not a thing. Another one.

[Brady]

Last year we learned the term cheese panties on your show.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that is. I don't remember that. And I apologize. I know it wasn't good, so. Sorry. Brady might like cheese. Well, panties made of cheese. That's different.

[Brady]

Oh, was that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that Might have been a thing. I think I said sneeze, pant, misunderstanding. Cuz I've often said also bad. Yeah, right. Cuz. What's going on? Sometimes looks like you sneezed at.

[Brady]

Sneezed in your panties.

[John Holmberg]

That girl at Tony Romas, who I had the thing for. And then my friend James Spearman went to her apartment. Dude.

[Brady]

Oh, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

She had him pick up a key or something. Gave. He had to go back in and grab. And he's like, I'm in her bedroom. I'm laying on the bed, and I'm like, oh, get out of there. That's mine. He goes, dude, you don't want to be here. I'm like, why? There's some underwear on the ground here, and it's green, like, where he goes the front part. Oh, I think she sneezes in him. All right, that's it. And then we didn't talk to her that much afterwards. She was Persona non grata. Need to see that again.

[Brady]

Sorry, Kermit.

[John Holmberg]

How come you guys don't pay attention to me anymore? Because of that. I just heard you sneeze, and your face didn't do anything. How are you making that sneeze the worst impression you've ever done? Excuse me. Anyone here to you.

[Brady]

Bless you.

[John Holmberg]

That's how front butt started. Bless you, or you are ill. Sorry I sneezed. I didn't see it, but I heard it. Cheese panties. I'm gonna have to revisit a year ago. I hate that you guys remember that.

[Brady]

You're gonna make me comb through that.

[John Holmberg]

Yikes. John, I'm on Grindr now.

[Brady]

Can you look up the profile?

[John Holmberg]

I need rent money, Damn it. All he has to do is get blown by a guy, and they'll pay his rent. I'm thinking about that. I'm doing just fine. But any dude that says, I'll blow you and I'll give you a few bucks for it, that's just. I'm intrigued. I don't even want that, but I'm intrigued.

[Brady]

What's the budget for that guy?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I kind of want to email back how much? Because I think I can grin and bear that one. If you let me make you, I'll give you a few bucks. I'm like, that seems, like, awesome. Really?

[Brady]

I'm covering my mortgage. If this.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I don't know if it was like, Daddy Warbucks or he's swimming around in piles of gold in his basement like Scrooge McDuck.

[Brady]

Will you tell me you're an Italian boxer.

[John Holmberg]

It'd be Scrooge, but it's still a thing. I've never had a woman say that to me, ever. Let me blow you and I'll give you a few bucks. Oh, my God. Dudes are just cooler than girls. Too bad I'm not attracted to them at all. I'd be rolling and dumb.

[Brady]

There's a ring coming your way.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I might get married. My anonymous silhouette of a face on Grindr is enough to bring out everybody pictures of dorks. I mean, this dude, he just won't stop. Enough hung tattooed guy. Anyway, Grinder's hilarious. Kill some time at work today. Start a Grinder thing. Don't pay for any of it. Just, you know, just get the basics and watch how fast dudes will just start popping in there. They're pretty cool. I enjoy them. Anyway, we're late. This is bad. This is my fault. Talking about gay sex.

[Brady]

So much more action than my bumble account.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're not getting this from women. I like long walks. I want money and jewelry and dinner. Like, dude, just like, here's my dick. Like, wow, this is. You just got rid of all the stuff that bothers us. I like dating somebody as much as, you know, you go out and date, you have a nice dinner, a beautiful evening, and maybe it leads to something that's lovely. That sounds like a passionate connection. Guaranteed Grindr. The dude might give me a few bucks. I didn't even have to buy him a hot dog. He just shows up and goes, get it out. Here's the money. I'm like, what's happening? Are you an angel? Stop saying that.

[Brady]

It's gonna filter down to my son.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's definitely gonna be. Why do all these gay guys keep wanting to blow me? I got tickets to another Roadrunners game, dad. Ah, you're wasting your money. It didn't cost me anything. This guy just hands over tickets. What do you have to do? Literally, I stand there. That does sound like quite a deal, don't you think?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, even you, Brad, if you're like, look, I'll give you a few bucks if you just. Yes, okay. That's. You got a little mustache. I can just close my eyes and pretend it's 70s porn, Dad.

[Brady]

400 bucks a week right now. What are you doing at night? I'm in a cage at a gay bar.

[John Holmberg]

I see. Stand there and dudes give me money. I might even just show up with a bag over my head as the black silhouette that they are so attracted to. To begin with.

[Brady]

Maybe he and his roommates can do wrestling videos.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Cheese panties came from a story we did last year about Kraft singles. It wasn't about women's panties. They got recalled for plastic sticking to the slices. The listeners remembered all of it and then caused a choking hazard. Your Brady impression had him going down a road being so turned on about cheese panties. That which is basically the last. What panties are is the last line of defense between you and seeing the honey hole. To Brady Velveeta individual cheese slices. The last barrier between heaven and his mouth is that stupid plastic around it. So I guess during the cheese panty segment we called the thing that surrounds a Kraft single, they made it more.

[Brady]

Of an easy release.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, yuck. This wasn't meant to be expounded on anyway. You didn't take any time to notice that there are choking hazards. You just started to eat the cheese panties. These taste a little bit. There's not a lot of cheese flavor. Not noticing that the clear packaging was a deterrent.

[Brady]

Don't have time for that.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta get to it. And also. Oh, Michelle, come on. I get this as a friend of mine, really not me, I promise. Had a one night stand and got up in the morning and when she put on her panties, she got halfway home before she realized they weren't hers. Putting on someone else's cheese panties is horrifying. I wouldn't even tell anybody, but she told me. Well, Michelle, I don't believe that's your friend. I believe you're right. No one would ever tell that story. So clearly that's you putting on another woman's panties. Used ones. That's the grossest thing about. I remember my. This was a weird day years ago. We were at Scottsdale Fashion Square and I was with my friend's sort of ex girlfriend, right?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

They were kind of doing stuff, but not anymore. But she still thought it was. Anyway, she asked me to go to the mall with her. I'm like, okay, so we go to the mall and she wanted to go to Victoria's Secret to get some underpants for my friend. Like some sexy stuff. She wanted me to be the judge of what. What to get. So I'm just hold. Holding things up. This was the day that I learned that in the underwear world for women, they try them on with like a box that's outside of the try on area of just wadded up weird temporary panties that you put on over yours and then put the new ones on to see if they fit.

[Brady]

He put the filter on.

[John Holmberg]

So in normal cities, that seems okay, but in swamp crotch Arizon slapping on that thin layer of protective panty and then the real one and then going, these aren't for me. And putting them back. I was like, the one she put this thong, and it was pink and black. I'll never forget it. And from the front, looked great. In the back, it was baggy. And I'm like, that's no good. And I don't know how I was allowed in on this, but she wanted me to see it, I think. And then I ended up doing stuff. Not that. Something. No, those are no good. Did you think? But I didn't know that that's how women did their underwear, that they try them on. It's like they do it with socks and shoes. They have those. That little hose, little pantyhose. The weird thing of when they want to try on shoes, it's like, yeah. And they put that little fake sock on that. That is for, like, disposable. I hope they do that with their underpants, too. And that's because some women would go without that. That had to happen after. There's a reason. Yeah. There was somebody who was sneezing in the unbought panties and putting them back. And then these girls were like, well, I can't put these on. I mean, they had to transfer so much gonz. Like, the Rio was everywhere in the original, like, Fredericks of Hollywoods of the 70s, when broads were just sliding it up over their. The snooch and they going, these don't fit. And then putting them back. And then the next lady would go there, and then all of her crabs would get on the next woman, and they had to put a barrier up.

[Brady]

They just go through the racks now with a hot steamer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's another reason dudes are cooler than women. Our underwear comes in a cellophane package, like cheese. There's three or four of them in there. And we're pretty sure this is gonna work out. That's it. You don't have the pressure of the underwear. Yeah, because you guys don't like us that way. If we did, we'd try harder. We'd wear thongs and we'd look. But it's weird when a dude's in a thong. It's creepy. We put on boxers or Hanes or in my case, nothing at all. Ladies, I don't even waste time. Nothing blocking anything between me and you except this thin layer of cotton. But yeah. So I just let the basement remain Unfurnished dudes in underwear. If we were trying underwear on as guys. Oh, gross. And we don't have half the issues you guys have with your leaky tubes and pipes.

[Brady]

Not sure if this guy has a profile that maybe you've been matched with on your app that you've been following.

[John Holmberg]

John, have you ever put on your.

[Brady]

Wife'S frilly panties to see how they feel?

[John Holmberg]

I know they feel. See how I look in them? I've done that. You know what's funny is you take like, do they fit? No. Your balls pop out of there like somebody's squeezing the life out of a hamster. It's like, just like you. Like, it looks like. Like something's choking to death in between your legs. Oh, my God. Like, they'll just come squirting out of the stuff.

[Brady]

Like that dude supposed leotard in the Olympic opening ceremony.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, that guy, his balls were out, and that's what it looks like. Oh, no, it's true. Anyway, Michelle emails back. I'm. I knew you were gonna say it's me. I'll give you her number. She'll tell you, no shame in this chick. Well, then why did she tell you that it's somebody else's head of pants? And big whoop.

[Brady]

I'll give you her number.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah. The last thing I want to do is talk to her. I'll catch something. And what a classy dude to keep. Keep the last conquest's underpants on the floor. And what a classy broad to look down and say, I'll just put these underwears of mine next to this pair here and confuse that later. You got underwear from all over the world laying all over this guy's floor, and she's just like, yeah, give a penny, take a penny.

[Brady]

This has been multiple girls. I think this is from a woman. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Never in my 50s, six years, have I ever tried on panties.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That is disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

It is discussing. She's right. But I've seen it. And they have that little bin of fake panties that you put on over where. Is that like a Victoria's Secret? It's like a little.

[Brady]

Yeah, but I don't. I don't. I wonder if they've stopped doing that.

[John Holmberg]

Why? That's the. That's the good thing. You don't take yours off. You leave your underwear on. You pull this protective thing in between, and then they put the new ones on. Here's proof, guys.

[Brady]

My wife is a manager of Victoria's Secret, and they have to damage out ridiculous amounts of underwear because disgusting women try them on and leave them all gross.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I will take these grinder guys up on it. The ladies. The lady bits are disgusting. Ah. Anyway. Anyway, that's all.

[Brady]

Maybe Kenny Powers had it right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Roots and stews. And stews. Did you go down on her, Stevie? Yeah. Didn't like it. It smells. Probably because her diet is mostly roots and stews. Oh. But yeah, they're sneezing in unpurchased panties and putting them back. So they had to come up with a system somewhere in the 80s, I'm guessing, right? We've lost a lot of customers.

[Brady]

This is what we're doing.

[John Holmberg]

So we gotta put on a barrier. We got a barrier panties. So we tell the ladies, keep your current panties on that you've been sweating in all day walking around the mall. Put this barrier panty on that's disposable. And then drop our brand new beautiful underpants over that. And my friend's girlfriend did that in front of me. And I never knew that was a thing. And I said, you try on underwear, there's a protective thing in between. And we don't take ours off. You don't know how big you are yet. Everything's different and you can't return them.

[Brady]

You know what you should do? Some guy should just go in there today. I'd like to buy your barrier panties.

[John Holmberg]

How much for the bin of old barrier panties? I know you don't take the trash out till 5. You want the whole bin? I want the bin. I keep it in my bedroom and I just dunk my head in it like I'm bobbing for apples.

[Brady]

I make a pillow.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like Joe Biden smelling a little kid's hair. Yeah, he made a panty barrier feather pillow.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I swear to God, I feel like I'm sleeping at the Seattle fish market. Puts me at ease. Like being at the beach, only there's less seaweed at the beach. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Hey, you want to win $979? Well, check this out. Handle the Heat is back with another chance to win. And another chance to check out a Holmberg special on the menu at Native Grill and Wings. That's right. Join the HMS Crew at Native Grill and Wings during one of our 4U brews for a chance to particip participate in Handle the Heat. That's Holmberg's hot wing eating contest. For details on all the contest rules. Head to 98kupd.com Think you can handle the heat? Well, bring your appetite and find out. It's all brought to you by Native Grill and Wings.

[Brady]

It's Brady from the HMS Crew for Game Day Men's Health, the valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. Whether you need more energy, local weight loss or sexual health treatments. Gameday Men's Health Clinic is a true game changer. Go to gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with gameday Men's Health.

[John Holmberg]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to M and P Guns?

[Brady]

The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off and we have ammo ink 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Brady]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m and p guns.com there's more of the.

[John Holmberg]

Best of homework's morning sickness. 98kupd by the way, I want to. I don't know if we should do it yet, but Alicia Silverstone's dead. I don't know if you saw that. So I don't know what's going on with the star of Clueless. And everybody likes her. She's one of those just sweet people. She's the girl, sort of the original Taylor Swift. Yeah. You know, kind of wasn't great, but for some reason we all had a thing for her. Aerosmith video was like cute. She was cute. She was a girl. You felt like, I'm not afraid of her. I'd talk to her at the bar. Yeah, she's in my league. But yet like pretty. So she's wandering around London and she ate a. A fruit off a tree, like a berry. She's like, I don't know what this is. And she grabs this and then she goes on tik tok and says, hey, anybody want to tell me this is. We were debating whether or not it's a tomato or something. I just bit it, pulled it off the tree and just bit it. I don't know if it's a tomato, so what the heck is this? And then she took another bite and she goes, I shouldn't be doing this. It's like a pepper, there's seeds in it and stuff. And then she's like, what is this? I'm in England. Somebody help me. Well, people were like, hey, dumbass, that's a Jerusalem cherry and they're toxic.

[Brady]

Which I never heard.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't either. Here's the other thing. I don't eat off street trees ever. Why would you do that? You're in London. It's not like you're walking around during, you know, the plague in the middle of nowhere. You're in London, go to the store eating street berries, dogs piss on those. You gotta wash food. I don't even eat grapes at a grocery store. You gotta run them underwater first. And the apple, not eating a street berry. And so she eats this thing. And they said that the effects are not good. Usually you'll get abdominal pain, vomiting, diarrhea, drowsiness, dilated pupils, fever, hallucinations, headache, loss of sensation, your body temperature drops, you get nauseous, paralysis, shock, your pulse slows, you can barely breathe and your vision changes. It's because you don't eat off of the street plants. You know, I was golfing once at Shalimark Golf Club over there a long time ago. The little nine hole course.

[Brady]

Well, a lot of lovebirds, a lot of.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can dress it up.

[Brady]

It's been a go. It's been a goat path for a while.

[John Holmberg]

It's a since. Well, it was a nice little thing for like, it's a little par three, nine hole, par three course. But people would like, losers would play. It was like eight bucks and you get a free hot dog. It's like the golf course and swingers where they're just kind of out there. Yes. They come out with their three clubs loaded with those. You could three club it. And some people do. And then I remember a lot of jean shorts and dudes with their shirts off.

[Brady]

Yeah. Very casual.

[John Holmberg]

And the reason I know losers played there is because my friend Mark and I went there pretty much every day. So it was loser golf and that was fine. But we played golf and there's like Stubbings twosome to be joined by the Rastafarian single. They said it I'm like, oh, no. So this weedy comes up there. And after the first hole, you go around a corner, and there's these orange trees in a guy's backyard. This is a perfect Shalimar story, by the way. Dude's like, you guys want an orange? I'm like, no. And he goes over and he plucks a couple off the tree. I'm just peeling them and throwing them on the ground. We're walking to the next thing. There was no carts that day. We decided to walk with the Rasta. He's a white dude. He was an MCC graduate. You could tell white dude the beginnings of dreads, but he had just enough to ponytail. He's pretty cool. Hacky sacking. A pocket, he would have been hacky sacking. He's got two clubs. They're both. Both wooden. And then he just kicked his putts. If I remember right, I don't have a stick for that. And so he's eating this orange, and within, like, a hole, he's like, man, I don't know those oranges are any good. I'm like, you don't eat out of people's backyards. That's why it's. I could have told you not to do that. He starts, like, acting like he's gonna throw up and instead pulls his jean shorts down and takes the wettest deuce I've ever seen in my life. At the fifth hole, you come around. I'll never forget it. Cause you come around. There's a wooden. A brown wooden house in that, and I always kind of like that. And there's a turn to get to the tee box, and he's just standing next to the. With the cart path dropping. Yoo hoo. Whoa. Had to be the orange man, right? We're not playing golf with you any. You need to go home.

[Brady]

The dude pulls his pants to play.

[John Holmberg]

Through and acts like he's gonna stay along, like, get out of here.

[Brady]

Did he eat one of those ornamental oranges or something?

[John Holmberg]

Must have been. I don't know. You don't eat off people's trees. I don't even know what an ornamental orange is. Is. They're just fake. Yeah, it's a fake orange that grows. He ate stuff that there's no use for him.

[Brady]

It's like, you can't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But he ate something off a tree. So Alicia Silverstone does it in London. It turns out to be a massive toxic cherry. Jerusalem cherry. And that's offensive that it's anti Semitic. Why do you gotta. Why the Jew cherry.

[Brady]

They use those for purge. Forging those cherries.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's the point? I guess. But she's. And then. So the worrisome thing is about Alicia Silverstone is after she ate street tree food. Nobody's heard from her since that post. And she ate that thing. Not a soul has heard from Alicia Silverstone. So I think she's dead. Or. Or she's just.

[Brady]

She did a follow up post finally.

[John Holmberg]

Did she?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. When this morning.

[Brady]

Follow post said she's okay because she's a spitter. She didn't swallow when I bite it. Trying it out.

[John Holmberg]

Dumb.

[Brady]

She had to ingest it a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You got to take some. Yeah, she's a spitter. Look, ladies, if it's in your mouth, you basically swallowed it. It's already there. Take it down, close it up.

[Brady]

It's no true. Some cherry.

[John Holmberg]

I lost respect for her. Or do that cool thing where you. You drool it out all over yourself. But don't, don't just spit it out. That's gross. Don't be a slob. That's gross. Swallow. Class. If you put it in your mouth and it juices in your mouth, that's your fault. You swallow that, you don't leave it for a street vendor. What's the matter with you? Who raised you? She's become good. She did a follow. So she's alive. Okay. Yeah. I don't know.

[Brady]

Like for a while she went through that where she wasn't, you know, shaving and.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. I didn't know that. Well, yeah. She turned into a wack drive. Did she? Yeah. And that's the danger come up out of it. That's the danger of making of, you know, a six feel like a nine. Is that once that kind of all gets, you know, we wear thin on that. Then she's like, what happened? Everybody used to give me extra attention and now I. And they usually go down a path. That's odd. I think Kelly McGinnis is an example of that. Kathleen Turner. A lot of ladies that were like, you got. You're pretty hot. Like, this is pretty good. And then when the attention goes away and they didn't develop. Develop a good personality or they can't, then they just. Then they just become the exact opposite of that. Like they never wanted to be pretty in the first place. I think it's intentional. What Kathleen Turner.

[Brady]

I think Kathleen Turner discovered the old country buffet.

[John Holmberg]

I do too. But I think it's because people started. If you looked at her too long, she stopped being hot.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so you stopped paying attention to her. So she's like, oh, I'm not hot. Huh? Watch this. Hold my beer. And then she got on. She got intentionally unhot because she. She was like. Like, this is going to backfire on me if I keep trying. It's a smart move. Last time, she was actually hot. Romancing the stone. Or I was thinking, yeah, boy, that Body Heat Jewel of the N would.

[Brady]

Be the second one.

[John Holmberg]

And Roger Rabbit don't count. It was just a voice. Yeah, that's him. And it worked. She had a great voice. But, yeah, she was. That was pretty much the end of that. But I think once you kind of realized, oh, you're not Body Heat hot anymore, she turned it around and said, I'm not going to keep trying to be hot because you guys are already telling me I'm not. When I feel like I look good. Good. So they. They explode and then become, like, warriors.

[Brady]

Where is Joan Wilder?

[John Holmberg]

Right? What happened to Joan Wilder? Remember? Yeah. Remember when Michael Douglas landed between her legs? We all got jealous. Not anymore. Because that's gotta. That's gotta smell like gravy and meat. Plus, you'll die in there. It's like landing between, like, two heavy mattresses. She did that on purpose. I'm convinced a lot. And then. Cause the sadder thing is the JLO effect. Effect is when nobody's paying attention to them because they're not as hot as. Or we just got used to them. And then they just can't stop posting pictures going, say I'm hot. Call me hot. And it's like, oh, you're pathetic. Now look at my ass. Isn't that great? Yeah, it's great. We told you that. You should know that by now. Ah. So some of them that can't take it balloon up or trying. They stop trying to be hot because there's pressure. It's too much pressure. I would do it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If I was ever hot, young. And then in my old days, nobody thought I was hot anymore. I'd balloon. I'd go full balloon. I'm not gonna keep that facade up. That's impossible. That's good. That being ugly is easy. Like, when you're ugly, you never have to Bridget Fonda. Bridget Fonda's another one. Dangers of making a six. A nine. She's a six. We made her a nine for a little while. Then we got used to her and she's like, what, I'm not a nine anymore? Nah, you've Been a six the whole time. We just got excited for a minute. Ah. And then she just eats her way out of the whole deal.

[Brady]

Deal.

[John Holmberg]

And then some. And then some. That one's rough. I've never wanted to go to Kentucky in my life ever. Because mainly I've met people from Kentucky and there's no reason to want to go to a whole state of that until now. There is a museum in Kentucky dedicated to the great Kentucky meat shower. They have not figured it out but one day it started raining meat. There was no meat plant. There's no like vortex. There was no weather thing that confused them. A lady on her patio started getting smashed with meat. The closest thing they can figure was vultures went over her house and threw up. That's. That's the Kentucky way. It must be a bunch of vultures had chunks of meat and they were puking it up. How much meat can a vulture have to make it get rain meat?

[Brady]

Let alone. That's a lot of vultures.

[John Holmberg]

That's a lot of vultures. And they don't really travel like ducks. You know, they're good going groups.

[Brady]

I mean. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady was booking a flight until you said it was vultured. You know, basically not just Brady. My neighbors were going to the meat shower. They go to one every week.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's the meat shower in Kentucky. I'm going to Lexington. The great meat shower of, of 1876. And it's been talked about for years in Kentucky by the people now this is why I don't talk to people from Kentucky. This is the. In the last 150 years. This is something they talk about. Same reason I hate people from Boston. A whole bunch of them died in a syrup flood. 1910. Which is the funniest flood I've ever heard of in my life. If you can't outrun some syrup, you deserve to die. They have preserved chunks of meat from the meat shall in the museum now. Like this is part of the meat shower of 18.

[Brady]

What kind it was?

[John Holmberg]

Great question. I can look deeper. It says DNA tests say the preserved meat. Inconclusive. It could be. Yeah. It could be alien. Alien. You don't know. They say that one theory is that a weather pattern where winds picked up. You know they'll pick up a fish.

[Brady]

And that's what I was wondering because they've had reptiles. Yeah. Frog.

[John Holmberg]

And fish will sometimes rain fish a little bit.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It says it's called an up spout. And they will pick it up and just put it down in another spot. And people think it's raining, but it's actually just moving. The vulture vomit theory is the only one that feels possible to this scientist. He's like, that's the one that we're going to go with the most. Vulture vomit. Rain and meat all over Kentucky. Multiple people smacked with meat. Meat. And the only thing they can say is vultures probably puked that up. I would notice that. That would go in the record. First off, if I got vultures over my house, I'm noticing that. That I'm noticing almost immediately. Maybe even in 1876, when stuff died all the time. And, like, vultures were probably.

[Brady]

Could have been a violent vulture mating circle. And they're coughing up meat because that's how you gather so many vultures.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I need you to explain all of what you just said. What is a vulture mating season?

[Brady]

That's the only time gathers a big group. Unless there's a bunch of dead carcasses.

[John Holmberg]

So it's the avian BS west in the sky.

[Brady]

Yep. And they circle around.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

And that's how they. They end up. And it's like an orgy.

[John Holmberg]

So, like, tons of them will get in a circle again, and they'll just. I'm gonna notice that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Even in 1876, as dumb as those people were, and it's, you know, probably just busy hating black people. And then look up and go, what's with the vultures? Like, that would have been Kentucky, 1870.

[Brady]

And then you would have known they're yakking on you.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And when stuff starts, they're spitting at us. You'd know the story. It wouldn't be a mystery.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

If there was a vulture orgy over my home. I'm seeing that. That's going on the record. What happened right before the meat hit you? Vulture orgy. Oh, they were throwing up. One of them had just eaten and then got into an orgy. Which, by the way, that's true of people, too. If you just ate, it's like swimming. Wait 30 minutes before you get into an orgy. You'll throw up on everybody. And now a vulture orgy in the sky is what I'm doing Friday on Southwest. I'm gonna get on there and fly to Kansas City and probably throw up. You're gonna die. So that. So I didn't know that's how vultures made it, which was airborne and tons of them.

[Brady]

You know, I don't know where the. If the actual. They're humping in the sky or they pair off in that circle. It's Like a courting circle, but there's bunches of them.

[John Holmberg]

Bunch, huh? Have you ever seen this?

[Brady]

I've seen it once.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Where were you?

[Brady]

At Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

In Gilbert?

[Brady]

Yeah. All seven. Mic one.

[John Holmberg]

How many? 200. What? 200 vultures?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't film that for your Wild America?

[Brady]

I might. I might have a little bit because I did my. No, no, no. I never posted it.

[John Holmberg]

What? Because, dude, post bugs.

[Brady]

I had to go back. I was in the park. I didn't have my phone at the time, and I'm just watching. I'm like, what in the world is going. I've never seen that.

[John Holmberg]

Apocalypse.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I see 200 vultures above me.

[Brady]

Usually see like 5 or 10.

[John Holmberg]

First thing I do is smell my armpits. Is this me? Am I dying? What?

[Brady]

And that's what. I mean, that's the only thing I. Because I looked it up and I thought, why would there be so many? Because usually you always thought, oh, if they're circling, that means there's something dead near 100. Yeah, it was a lot.

[John Holmberg]

And you and all of Gilbert were looking up, I assume?

[Brady]

No, it was in the after. I'm sure some other people saw it, but it lasts about five or 10 minutes. What, they just circle around and it moves?

[John Holmberg]

I would have stopped traffic. 200 birds doing anything.

[Brady]

Yeah, they're up pretty high still. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm assuming right behind that I'm gonna see Four Horsemen and the Lord Christ.

[Brady]

I was ready. I mean, I had my hand spread.

[John Holmberg]

So we get this, but you can't get the 200. I don't even know what this is.

[Brady]

Seafood shrimp.

[John Holmberg]

This is you in San Diego staring at a seabird on a sign that says, don't feed the bird. Okay. And you're making your own noises, and you won't film 200 vultures having sex.

[Brady]

Look, it was before Wild America.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't.

[Brady]

It was just at the beginning part, and I. I'm going to look, find that, because I think I got maybe the tail.

[John Holmberg]

How did you not share that with us? There's like, a warthog.

[Brady]

It's a Cappy Barrett.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. This is the worst Instagram of all time, and you're sitting on a 200 vultures. You had a gem. E. Brady, you had a gem. Come on, get your phone.

[Brady]

I might have it.

[John Holmberg]

If you don't, you're an idiot. Might have it. Post it immediately.

[Brady]

I'm telling you, they're very high up. And, like, whether or not I could.

[John Holmberg]

If you could see it with your eyes. Your phone's gonna do a better job. You can't do zoom, dummy.

[Brady]

I'll look. But I can tell you this. There was no meat shower.

[John Holmberg]

Well. Right. We're not talking about that right now. Fascinating though, that this is now. Because they're trying to figure out in Kentucky if vultures threw up the Brady Bogan of 1876. Didn't care to notice that 200 vultures were above him to the point of at least drawing it. I would have made a crochet of that in 1876. I had a tapestry done of what I just saw. Because I can't take a photo. I need the town tapist to come in here and do this for me. The thing I just saw was remarkable. If I see 200 birds air, I'm getting photos of that. I would have invented the camera. This is the first time hearing of that. I didn't know. Is there video of vultures mating? I don't know. I'm sure there isn't on Brady's phone. Too many pictures of him and Kirby staring at a praying mantis on a tree limb for 10 minutes and trying to pass that off is fun. You had a frenzy and nobody else. Nobody. That's like seeing a ufo. Like somebody else had to. Either that or you were hallucinating. Maybe that was it. Were you anywhere near Joe's Barbecue? Because there's a good chance you were having a fever dream.

[Brady]

I'm pretty sure I wasn't. I've never seen anything like it.

[John Holmberg]

You're not dismissing it.

[Brady]

There's not that many.

[John Holmberg]

Very possible you were hungry and started to hallucinate. Made a vulture orgy high in the sky. Is this another one? This is vultures mating. This isn't. This is actual vulture sex.

[Brady]

I think they. I think they circle up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, these are mating. Black vultures. This is black.com of the vulture world. This is the Rico Blaze. Yeah. Where's the. Why the didgeridoo? Isn't that a little. Here he comes. All right, baby.

[Brady]

Oh. Sharing the carcass.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Spread those wings wide open for me now, bitch. She did. Her wings are spread. She doesn't open her. God damn. That smells a little bit like mayonnaise. I like to. I like the commentary too. I can't see it. What's it say? Whoa. Look at that. Brady. He's got a six incher just like me. Oh, no. That's just a reflection. I thought that pink thing was his unit. Well, they're wings out. This is not in the sky at all. And evidently it's tantric. Because the music. Yeah, it's indie. Is he going to go or not? This is. This is. If this was vulture porn, I'd scrub ahead to the reverse cowgirl. She moved her ass. She got out of the way. Must have said something stupid. He's climbing her. He's climbing her. Oh, he's on her back of her head. That's what I like, too. I like getting on the back of their heads first.

[Brady]

Get those tail feathers out of the way.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, scooch those out of the way. You should have shaved. You should have prepped for this. This right behind it is the Vulture Planned Parenthood van. Oh, he's going to town. He's biting her in the head. He's just like, me gotta bite him in the head every once in a while, I think. And we're. Oh, no, he started the second. The chorus of the verse. Not a lot of action, but that's kind of a cool look. Yeah. Ultra Sex is a track, so what Brady said was even more unique than what we're looking at.

[Brady]

Well, I don't think they're. I don't think they're mountain in this.

[John Holmberg]

I think they pair up well, if it's in it. Oh, look at her. She had to clean her back. Did you see that? She reached back after he was done, and she's plucking off some feather junk.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And he's giving her a leaf here. I wonder if vultures feel that way when they're done, too. It's like, when is this gonna go home? No, definitely. I'll call you girl. Yeah, I like that. I like. I'm. I learned sex from a vulture. You climb up on the back of their heads and you hit them in the back of the head and then bite them. I listen to terrible music. Oh, my God. You're just like that. Vulture. Yeah. I'm gonna bite you in the back of the head, stand on you for a second, lay down there. I'm just gonna walk on you, and then I'm gonna drop down onto the back of your head and bite it. It. This is going to be the sexiest night of your life. He bit me in the back of the head. That's why I have so much blood in my neck. What? Why? I don't know. You learned from Vulture. He's raised by Vulture. You still don't have the video?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man. What you saw wasn't that.

[Brady]

No, definitely. I would have videoed that. Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. This guy says either Brady's trying to make Gilbert sound appealing for the first time ever, or he went an hour without eating and started to hallucinate. You and I have the same theory. This guy said they were throwing up meat. I didn't know they had porkopolis in Kentucky. Yeah, they got sick eating at the back of a porkopolis. Huh. Interesting. Anyway, the great meat shot. There's a line of Priuses that are driving to Kentucky right now trying to figure out. Stop, stop. We're here for the meat. The meat showers. No, that was 1876. Oh, do you want us to dress like frontiersman? Okay, get back on Grindr. I'll bet there's a guy named Meat Shower on there. Sup? Sup? Sup? Meat shower? Sup? First time. Sup? Where are you from? Kentucky. Ooh, the Kentucky meat shower. I know all about it. Well, you can bore some people with that story at a party. You ever heard of the 1876 Kentucky meat shower? Ooh. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, everybody. I'm just gonna go to gay Denny's with a shirt that said, ask me about the meat shower.

[Brady]

I'm going to the museum.

[John Holmberg]

I know. It made me want to go to Kentucky because they've got it in Mason jars. They have preserved versions of the meat that they say won't be identified because it came from the gut. But. But more Interestingly is Brady's 200 vultured sky dance that he can't prove that no one else seems to have seen. 200. Rough estimate at least 100. The numbers drop by half right there. I didn't like. I didn't like.

[Brady]

That could have been. And then they separated into two circles, but they kept around. Then it came back around.

[John Holmberg]

It was like a vulture dance. And the men got over.

[Brady]

And I thought it might have been court going on.

[John Holmberg]

How long did you stood and stared at that for? 10 minutes. Do you remember what you were doing? You're at the park.

[Brady]

Looking for other wild America videos. No, I was walking the dog.

[John Holmberg]

And that happened above.

[Brady]

And watching a beautiful red belly SAP suck.

[John Holmberg]

Man. I would have. Absolutely. I'm not asking him. I know. What he wants me to say is, oh, red bellies. How'd you know? Red belly. And it was sucking SAP. Okay. No, I feel like you bring him.

[Brady]

Up, then they're all over. Gilbert?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Can you turn off your call map, please, on the phone, because I'm with you. This vulture story started great and turned into a Toledo story. Just dry cracker. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty Cool. Actually, no membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Hey, Byron, I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything and the price. Prices are incredible.

[Brady]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Brady]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com it's John Holmberg here from 98 KUPD. And I've got Bode from Newac unit.com. this guy is flipping the H vac world upside down. Bode, tell them what you're doing. We've cut out the traditional process so you're not paying for sales commissions or showroom markups. Just go online, pick the brand name unit you want, and boom. We show you the real price with install right there, a 100% money back guarantee. And we only work with a plus rated licensed contractors to complete the installation. We're local, we're honest, and we're all about saving you money. Visit new acunit.com and see your price before you buy. New acunit.com, no pressures, no surprises, just save savings. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process [e-mail] Come or sing, Hopkins. 1, 800, now. The best of homework's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. Just getting through another day. At least all of us. Gary's emailed me back. I'm gonna get to that in a second. Gary, Wait till you hear this. Where'd that go? All right, here we go. This is it. Listen. Listen to Gary.

[Brady]

He's okay, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, he's got a brain tumor.

[Brady]

No, but I'm responsible.

[John Holmberg]

Those of you just joining us, Gary emailed earlier this morning. Find this other one. Basically got diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and for some reason eight months later decided to go through his wife's phone and found pictures of her with wieners in her mouth. Sorry, that's funny. So he emails Ben, we talked about it and we made, you know, commentary. He hasn't told her that he knows. Says, hey, Holmberg, evidently someone who listens to your show put two and two together and just texted my wife this morning to tell her that I'm aware. Guess what? She's mad at me. I'm laughing. Non stop effing whore. So here's the fun part. It's not even 8:36 yet and I know my day is going to be horrible. Well, there. Gary's been listening. Gary's paying attention. At least I won't be around much longer to deal with this any. All right, Gary, that's enough with the okay. That's no good. Gary, don't kill yourself, for crying out loud. So his wife found out one of you listeners ratted on him a Brett special. You might not want to talk with Gary. My husband's listening to that awful show and there's. I know it's him. How many Gary's have brain tumors where their wives have pictures of peepees in their mouths? I'm guessing it's you, Alicia. Anyway, so Gary's wife has been alone alerted and it's just now 8:36. So Gary knows for sure the rest of his day is gonna suck me. It's been great so far. So not sure what Gary's day is gonna be like. But if you know Gary, you might want to pop by the house a little later today and make sure there's no blood to clean up because one of the two of them is going out. This is a domestic violence thing waiting to bruise Gary. Leave the house, I say. I don't know if you're still working, working.

[Brady]

Keep that day continuing on a good foot.

[John Holmberg]

Close that bad eye that's got the vision problem and just kind of walk down the road. Go check into like go to the Tap Dragon. Brady will meet you there at 11. Go to the Tap Dragon.

[Brady]

You can do a macaroni necklace.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, do a Mackie necklace. Hit the tap dragon. Tough day, huh, Gar? Yeah. Brady, I don't want to tell you what you already know, but this isn't going to get any better. No.

[Brady]

Just got a text. Matt's on his way.

[John Holmberg]

And the worst part about Brady, A tap dragon helping you out at the end of the night. Well, we should call it a day. You feeling better? I feel pretty good, Brady. All right, you owe 3,850. Oh, you're not going to cover this. No, you owe 3,850 and you had wings. I didn't drink. I only owe 179 for the. The tea. And then I'm gonna leave. You ate one of my wings, you selfish son of a. Throwing bones in your mouth like Gary's wife on a Thursday. Poor Gary. This guy's like, holy crap, that woman's a giant C word. Guarantee that one of her listeners, the one that told the wife is a gigantic D2. That's the one he saw on the phone. Why else would he tattle? I'm telling you, I've said it this morning. If you're gonna bone somebody's wife, make sure the husband's not dying. Because if that guy's got nothing to lose, you know, I've seen Dateline specials.

[Brady]

Clarify. You did not say Gary's wife was there tonight, right?

[John Holmberg]

Me texter says, did you just say.

[Brady]

Gary's wife is at the wing eating contest?

[John Holmberg]

She will be, yeah. It's bones in her mouth. She loves that stuff. She takes photos of it. Bringing a ringer in for this one. She's like Ansel Adams. The bones and mouth genre. Or genre. So said Gary by chance created a link to these pictures signed Jason. You cannot do that. That's revenge porn. And you'll go to jail for that. Gary, if you're going to go to jail for anything, does it make. Make it the murder of that guy who's in your mouth? The one you've been tasting? Gary? Good Lord. I'd still rather go through everything Gary's going through. Thank you. Go see 3:11. That's for sure. Got a brain tumor. Wife's eating nothing but bones all week. Or 3 11. Was that first one again? Or 311? You could diagnose me with the brain tumor and diagnose me with 311 and I would take the tumor.

[Brady]

She's got four tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's got four tickets all right. She's not going to see the show cuz she'll be facing the wrong Way the whole time. It would be like one of those seals that honks horns up and down the aisle. Anyway, and some guy emailed and said if Gary was a real man, he could take care of his wife. Hey, Gary's half a man. He's got a tumor you can't even see out of one eye now. We should send ALS Matt over there and see which one can get her, get her off faster. ALS Matt's got the same problem. These two should be best friends forever.

[Brady]

Als, Matt, ABC needs to step up with Terminal Bachelor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Terminal Bachelor's a great idea. This guy says it sounds like a job for Rico Blaze. Oh, I don't know. You look at the phone and you see Rico. Okay. Understand there's a lady in need that needs three men at once to get pleased. That's my nickname. Three Men. I can take care of the job three men can do with 1D. All right. Sorry about the tumor in your head, Gary, but the second biggest thing in someone's head is not your tumor. It's gonna be my wang in your wife's mouth. She's gonna have more stuff in her than you do. I call it the healing bone, Gary. And your lady's in a lot of mental turmoil, so we gotta take care of her. You know, they always say that, Brady. Mental health is important. You got to take care of your head, right? Let me take care of your wife's head, Gary. That one made me a little bit. I'm even struggling with this a little bit. I got to be honest with you. And I'm a horrible human being. Gary, you can watch out of your good eye if you want to. Come on, man.

[Brady]

Angry pirate.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, Gary, you know that little blind spot you got in your bad eye from your tumor? Just put me in there, and you can see your wife please herself. Just act like I'm not around. Celtic, you need a little help there, and so does your wife. I understand that the cure for an inoperable brain is tumor. There's a little penicillin in your wife. We all know who wrote that one. Anyway, when you hear the sirens blaring, Gary, that isn't the ambulance coming to take you away to the darkness. That's me driving up in my squad car to give your wife a little loving. All right, you're gonna ask yourself, why you hitting my wife in the head with the billy club? I don't own a billy club. I don't know what color you are, Gary, but if she's black, I can help her out with a Little suckle cell anemia. That might be too far. I'm not a doctor, but I'll give you a full exam. All right. Turn that music off, God damn it. Regal Blaze has some work to do. I'll be over at the terminal ward in the hospital checking for grieving wives. This is what happens when people in need text us. They've got a brain tumor. Hilarious. Let's do something about that.

[Brady]

So keep them coming.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, keep them coming. Well, that's what Gary's wife says anyway. Gary's wife might be the in the running for Frank Kelly and those Nathan Sudden S Bag of the year. Although Matt's wife's pretty strong, too. Als, Matt. I felt bad walking away from Matt on Friday. I just met him. I'm like, I don't want to leave you. You need. You need me. I just met you. Like, you're.

[Brady]

And then I. I felt, like, honored in a way that he was saying, thank you for doing it. But you go through that concert like, I've never. That's a first for me to meet this guy. Well, let alone that he has touch one. Six months to go, and I could drop any day. And I finally touched one.

[John Holmberg]

Your dreams did come true.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You could make a wish that nobody wanted. I want to touch an owls.

[Brady]

We had a blast.

[John Holmberg]

He was fun. But his friend will quickly remind you that those days are not going to be much longer. Matt and Gary. And you know what's crazy? If it wasn't for Matt telling us his story about how he got diagnosed with ALS and he's on his way out, and then he checks his wife's phone, Gary would have never done it. The whole email started with Gary saying, I listened to the show Monday and als. Matt checked his wife's phone, and I thought, I've never done that. So he did it and found a picture of his wife eating hot dog. Oh, good. I'm almost glad that didn't happen. No, no. All right. That's the thing. And don't forget, we'll keep it. We'll keep it clean there, baby. Gary, I don't know your last name if it ends in Stein or Berg or whatever, but if your life wife likes hot dogs, mine's kosher. It's like a Hebrew national sliding down the throat. Don't you worry about that. Gary. Oh, Gary. Okay, I'm not gonna say that. Let's just say it rhymes with Rocktoberfest. How much longer do you have, Gary? I have to ask because your wife's got about an hour to live. She's gonna drown today. We've been increasing the threshold every day. If you'd like me to get rid of her, I will. That's to protect and serve that bitch. I've been taking Semen X, too, so I'm like a tsunami. By the way, when you call Orico Blaze, always remember, even though just one cop showed up, the cops are gonna come three times. All right, that's enough. Rico Blaze a lot? You can look him up online. One of my cop friends sent me his page, and he went from 20,000 to, like, 170,000 followers. Like, the best thing, the best thing that ever happened to him anyway. All right, that's enough. That's silly, silly nonsense. Sorry for your loss, Gary. Even though you're still here, she knows now I'm. I want to be at Gary's house. Oh, Matt's texting als. Matt's in, by the way. You're welcome. Brady starts als, Matt for, you know, allowing you to touch one. Yeah, I think Gary's wife takes the cake. That's worse than mine. You're saying my story wasn't inspiring? It's not like I want it. You're inspiring, but you're not inspiring me to be more like you. Just inspiring that you have such a positive attitude. And you're hilarious. That was the best part. Matt was fun. His wife is a jerk. Gary's wife might be worse. I don't know. We found out it's the same lady. She's been running double duty. Oh, my God. I'm terminally ill, people. Well, Matt never said if he went through his wife's phone, she. She could have those. Those phones. Well, that's how he found out. Yeah, same deal. And that's why this guy's like, I got to go through my wife's phone. I'm dying. And then he did it, and the same thing's going on. So if you're dying right now, listen to us. You might want to check your wife's phone. Yeah, if you're dying, they leave. And if you're dying, let's know the results.

[Brady]

I was just going to say we're equal opportunities.

[John Holmberg]

I do like Brady's terminal bachelor. He's got 12 months to live, ladies, and he wants to have the time of his life. And then at the end, you don't get married. He just gives you his will like you're the beneficiary. You get everything he's ever earned. That's a pretty good one. So it's millionaire, terminal bachelor.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, on that. Oh, lined up and the nuttiness that would sign up for that to go on TV and admit, yeah, I'm here for him to die and you got to marry him. That's even better. So at the end, you got to marry him and then just ride it out. He might last 10 years. He might go six months. That would be pretty great. And then one of the. One of the things isn't like, you know, like a football game where the other bachelorettes that you have to like, do a clean his ass thing, like you have to baby wipe him after the game. Yeah, you have to have the game. You can't not let these prods bang into each other playing football. Try to win the heart of the dying guy. We should get mad in there on terminally ill bachelor and then have for that helmet. Well, Matt's not playing the game. He just observes the broads fighting for his love. And then at the end they bone him because he's got, you know, pretty soon that's not going to work. So each.

[Brady]

It wouldn't be the rose ceremony. It would be like the wet wipe ceremony.

[John Holmberg]

You take this box of wet wipes, you're going to need them.

[Brady]

Well, we don't do it anymore.

[John Holmberg]

What about terminal? Yeah, yeah, we can do that. Would our lawyers get mad if we had dying guys in here fighting for love? I mean, that's beautiful. We're doing good things. I think that's a good idea. We already got Gary and Matt. Yeah. Two contestants right away. They're single now. So it's 8:53. We got a horrible, horrible day. It is bad. Poor Gary. And I want to hear from the rat. Even Gary said in his first email, hey, three of those dudes that are banging my wife in the phone, if you're banging a terminally ill guy's wife right now, call the station. And I agreed with that. But he didn't. One of them called her. He's on to us. I thought his brain didn't work. Me too. He can type still.

[Brady]

What you said.

[John Holmberg]

You said he's using his good hand to type letters to the radio. It's John Holberg and Brett Vesely from the morning sickness coming at you for our pals at Action Ride Shop, it's summertime. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the outdoors here in Arizona. You just have to be smart about it. That's a fact, Bert. Action Ride Shop is step one in the smart department. They've got awesome deals on all their E Bikes right now. They also have specials on their mountain bikes and neighborhood commuters. And just because it's hot out doesn't mean you can't grab a light and ride the glorious Arizona trails. With an awesome setup from outbound lighting and night. Rider gets Action Ride Shop on the 60 and Gilbert or their new location on McDowell and Power. ActionRideshop.com sickness this segment is brought to.

[Brady]

You guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up.

[John Holmberg]

North to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. I also saw this, and this is a great. I saw a lady. Evidently, a couple years ago, this happened. We may have talked about it. I don't remember. But it's great if you're thinking about breaking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Some guy in Australia got bitter with his ex. After the breakup, she broke up with him. She thought it was okay. And he made thousands of flyers in Canes, Australia. Just great. Hour and a half rod to the barrier Reef, and he put posters up all over the cities. Kansas, not a huge town, but it's kind of got a. It's like the only one. And then there's like, little outposts. And you go. And he put posters up with her phone number on it that said, $100 to the best Chewbacca impression. Please leave message. So this girl has no idea what's going on. It's like a year after they broke up and he still hates her. He did also park his car in her driveway and take all the tires off of it and leave. This dude was mad. This is what happened to you? Yeah, well, landscapers took my tires off of my car. He took his car, drove it to her house, put it in the driveway, took all the wheels off and said, good luck towing this bitch. You're stuck in that house for a while. And she's like, why is he doing. I mean, it's obviously his car, right? So he was. He was. He was mad at her and doing all, like, pranks and stuff. The Chewbacca thing resulted in 23,000 phone calls. People won a hundred bucks, guys. And she didn't know her phone rings like, hello, what's going on? Days and weeks went by, and she's like, oh, somebody finally called her and said, hey, I saw a guy putting these posters up, and I thought it was weird. Are you having a Chewbacca contest? No, that's my ex. Okay. The guy described who was doing. She goes, that's my ex. He's just been. But that is a pretty great.

[Brady]

How much trouble did he get in?

[John Holmberg]

None. Australia just does the. Knock it off. What are you. About talking, mate. Knock it off. Go find another Sheila. Be better. By the way, I've seen a picture of her. What are you harping on about? She's not that great. You've been to a beach. Go to Bondi. This place is loaded with beautiful women. The one you've got looks like a mine inspector. But that is a pretty great prank if you're gonna be bitter about a breakup and not, like, break the law to where the judge isn't gonna giggle a little. Like, don't go all Scott Peterson. The Chewbacca impression and her friend. Solid. I sort of enjoyed that. But for 100 bucks, they would. My name's Peter. I live in cans. My phone number is 518. And then they'd leave numbers. Why is everybody doing this? I want that hundred bucks.

[Brady]

She falls in love with one of the Chipotles. That would be. Yeah, hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it turns out. Well, she's, like, going. She went all over the news and stuff. So actually, he. It backfired on the guy a little bit because she started getting all this attention. Local news was like, are you really doing? Like, they'd find the flyer. She goes, no, it's bad. It said it hurt her feelings that he would do such things to her, but. But the car parked in her driveway with the tires off is hilarious. What are you doing, man? I mean, how. It's crazy. It said he was acting like a complete child for a while, and. And then he just kind of. It kind of spiraled out of control that all he wanted to do was prank her. And then he left her. And he left her a note that said, I know about your recent travels. I know where you eat. I've seen what you do. And so then she's like, I gotta start being careful.

[Brady]

That's. Yeah, that's getting.

[John Holmberg]

But he wasn't, like, murderous. He was just. He just got obsessed.

[Brady]

That's right on the border.

[John Holmberg]

He got obsessed with men. Messing with the Chewbacca thing, though. Solid. Solid. Nobody gets hurt. It's just annoying. How does she look? Not good.

[Brady]

Picture.

[John Holmberg]

No, not good. I'll show you she looks like Chewbacca or what? Chewbacca is better and I can see. Oh, I would. Oh, I would. I would. I'd fumble around with Chewy for days before I do it. You can't be that in love with her.

[Brady]

Oh, tells you what he.

[John Holmberg]

You know which one I'm.

[Brady]

No, I thought that was him. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What does he look like? No, Chewbacca is the one on the. The right. She's next to Chewbacca. You're confusing.

[Brady]

Got it straight.

[John Holmberg]

He can't look that great. But still, that's a good prank. So if you're in the middle of like a possible breakup and stuff, the. The phone number with the contest is. And you'll get in a little trouble for harassment and stuff. But I mean, slap on the wrist, totally worth it. I think if you're going to be a better prick, what you could do is just move on and never talk to them again. Which is the quality of a breakup is that they just disappear from your life. Look up solopsism. It becomes an amazing thing where if they're not in your consciousness, they didn't. They don't even exist anymore. So just unload them. Maybe have a little fun with the Jewbacca thing for a week. Put up 10 flyers. Still pretty brilliant. I would like to be friends with that guy because that's clever. I know what I'll do. He's just sitting there stewing over it after a good tug. I used to have sex regular with that pig. Pig. Wonder what she's doing. You know what I'm going to do? Star wars is on tv.

[Brady]

Dare she be happy.

[John Holmberg]

Don't get cocky, kid. Hey, there it is. I'll make people think that she's given $100 away for a Chewbacca impression. Her phone will just get constantly barashed. Not. I'm not giving any money away. You got to stop calling me. Don't night swear. But she had to get a few good ones.

[Brady]

John, the reason on the message did you say this is. If you watch the whole interview, he did it because that's how she laughs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't know that part.

[Brady]

That's why he did the Chewbacca thing.

[John Holmberg]

So it was a little bit of a punch too. She laughs like Chewbacca. That's a pig. She's choking on something who laughs like Chewbacca. That's not a thing.

[Brady]

Unique.

[John Holmberg]

Not unique. It's disgusting.

[Brady]

You just hear the.

[John Holmberg]

You just hear this in the background too. Hey, you want to win a hundred dollars? He Takes out ads on tv. Call this number right now and give us your best Chewy impression. Don't worry if the lady in the other line gets mad and starts screaming. Just keep doing chewy. Hughie. Hundred dollars on the line.

[Brady]

Good luck.

[John Holmberg]

Trevor, you have to stop this. It's a nightmare. Hey, she called me and said to keep it up. Boys still don't have a finalist. The contest ends in 2029 quarterfinals. We've entered the first series. We'll eliminate the first 25,000 collars that don't have the best chewy. And then we're going to need to take another rat. It's time once again for the annual let's piss off Alicia.

[Brady]

The Chewy Nationals.

[John Holmberg]

Australian Chewy Nationals. Let's take a bite out of this one, shall we? Don't forget to call multiple times a day. Maybe your last Chewy wasn't that great. Try again. Still no winners in the Chewy Off. Guy's spending his life savings. That's a pretty good one though. Not bad. I enjoyed that. Brett, for your birthday, I think we're going to give your number out and you're going to get. You're going to be the judge for the Chewy contest. Because that's fun. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard enough of this for you pd the rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red rating you. It's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade Concepts. If you want your shade in your backyard and keep your dying animals safe that are just falling out of trees willy nilly. All Pro Shade can help. You can get out there and make it great. Yesterday was brutal. Touching the ground was awful. Everything was hot. Everything. So shade is an important part of your backyard. Also something I didn't think about. I've got a little area I might have to consider where when I it gets to be like 115 or more, I lose my plants. No matter how much water is going on or whatever else, little shade might help that out.

[Brady]

Oven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it still gets sun and stuff like that. So pretty awesome deal. So I'm looking at that too. All Pro Shade can help you out. They've been putting shade on us for 20 years. They're the best in the business. Trust them to do it the right way. Allprochade.com Brady Report it good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Pina Colada Day.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck Coconut drink.

[Brady]

Couple of random fun facts. The Canadian tuxedo, you know where that. Originally 1951. I didn't know that Bing Crosby wasn't allowed in a hotel in Canada because he was wearing a double denim. Basically denim pants and denim jackets.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

So Levi's made him a denim textile tuxedo as a publicity stunt.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. So it's a Canadian tuxedo's real. And you know, Jaylen, I wore it for a few years and I thought the Canadian tuxedo made me look thinner, but it turns out nothing made me look thinner because I was fat. Pretty sure you're still wearing it every day. I had to wear it every day. Every day I'm around the house, I work on a car. And the denim, it's easy to wash, you know, what are you gonna do?

[Brady]

Ethiopia uses a different calendar than most of the rest of the world. It has 13 months and it's currently, currently 2016 there. Boy, are they in for something four years from now.

[John Holmberg]

It's like they were hungry and now they're going to be sick too.

[Brady]

Their 13 month is only 5 days long or 6 days during a leap year. And the days start at 6am instead.

[John Holmberg]

Of midnight and end starving.

[Brady]

So they take all these extra days, the 31 days, and they put them in one month.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which is probably a more accurate counter. Just a dumb month. There's a new Ethiopian restaurant here, Brady on McDowell. And like, saw that Larry and I drove by. Come on. Yeah. You know what's cool? It's open air. So when the food just delivered from the plane and dropped onto you, it's just straight. They don't have to worry about it.

[Brady]

The airport right there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They just drone it. Red Cross drone in rice. It's the only thing they offer. Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix. If you're a caring Ethiopian, open your restaurant in Ethiopia. I think they need it more than we do. At least according to the tv. John.

[Brady]

I've seen the news. Is an Ethiopian food just a box full of donated goods?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I say. It's that it just flies out and then warlords come and try to steal your order on 44. Yeah. Oh, it's crazy. It's like, okay, I'll have the. The muck. Okay. Be right back on seconds with your order. Look up when the Red Cross drone goes by. That's yours. Goes by like, what is going on? And then give us the food. Like, wow, what an authentic Ethiopian experience. I'm having. And it's empty. Surprise, surprise. Ethiopian restaurant parking lot. Plenty of spaces available. It's open.

[Brady]

It's just dinner only getting the word out.

[John Holmberg]

You think that when that's the key to that. You think the word Ethiopian food on.

[Brady]

Top of it isn't socials. It'll be crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Sir, are you starving? We know about that feeling. Come on down to F's Ethiopian Restaurant.

[Brady]

What an endorsement though.

[John Holmberg]

Right on McD. Yeah. We will stop the hunger cold. You get flies around your head the whole time. Of course you do. A real Ethiopian experience.

[Brady]

I'm hosting a glop eating contest.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gonna have some cloth? I'll never forget Janny effing with me at that stupid African festival. Oh, made you eat with me? Maybe with my hands. That is how we do it, Johnny. All right. I'm slopping this goo and goat. He said it was chicken, but there's no way. I've had a lot of chicken and I'm putting it in my hand. My hands look like I've been wiping a baby's ass for an hour. And I look over and he's got a fork and like you mother. Ah, you think we eat with our hands? No, honestly, I didn't think you ate.

[Brady]

Tragedy struck the Bob's Big Boy statue outside of Downey, California. The Bob Big Boy.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

Got decapitated. Lady lost control of her car, hit a fire hydrant, and when it took the backside of Bob's house head. Yeah, there's a picture of it.

[John Holmberg]

Of the decapitated Bob.

[Brady]

Don't look, kids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is he still holding the burger? Did the burger survive?

[Brady]

The tray and burger survived.

[John Holmberg]

Almost like a Bob's doing his job.

[Brady]

It's like a Kennedy assassination.

[John Holmberg]

Well, and let's not say it's the same as that. Maybe to you, your people, but Bob losing his head wasn't the global ramifications of the Kennedy assessment. There's no geopolitical night.

[Brady]

I'm just saying the. The decapitated sure, sure look like it's bad. Yeah, they were saying because I could see some of Big Boy's face.

[John Holmberg]

Well, was his head cut off? Because that's decapitation.

[Brady]

That's what they're. They're saying.

[John Holmberg]

It just blew up. Where do they still have Bob's Big Boys hanging around down in California? Oh, look at that. Oh, they took off. Most of it's just a few face just. It just broke his head. Yeah, that's more Kennedy esque than it is a decapitation crack the egg. It's a Humpty Dumpty situation. Bob held on to that burger though. Same as Brady with his bag of Wendy's. You can cut his head off. That's not leaving his hand. When they say that. Fry this from my cold, dead hands, that's what they mean.

[Brady]

Anyone touches those red ponytails, they're to be in real trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you start tugging on her tails. Those aren't handles, baby. Wendy wants me as much as I want her. I'd die for you, Wendy.

[Brady]

Brace yourself, John. It sounds like his list.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we die for Little Debbie, Wendy, Auntie Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth.

[Brady]

I'd like to see how the rankings change over time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like a college age, people. Ooh, these Ding dongs are good. Guess who's moving up the list there, Little Debbie.

[Brady]

In the next three months, John Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Had the Crying Game happen when he heard about cream pies and went on the Internet and searched him. I know all there is to know about the Crying Game. That can't be real. What is this? It promised me. Delicious, massive amounts of cream pies injected in to a person. That's not what I saw. I know all there is to know.

[Brady]

There's no oatmeal in there.

[John Holmberg]

There is no God. I'd still eat it.

[Brady]

The McDonald's Chicken Big Mac is going to be available in the next three months.

[John Holmberg]

A chicken in the United States, Grilled or fried? I'm fried. What am I talking.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's fried. Here's a picture of it.

[John Holmberg]

They've introduced a new McDonald's sandwich. Now for some reason, Portugal and Canada and it's the biggest one they've ever had. It's, it's, it's like a lot bigger than the Big Mac. It's just massive. And for some reason Portugal and and Canada are the only Canada first getting it. My boy Doug Hopkins is heading over to Portugal for some sort of a meeting.

[Brady]

Probably just for that.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what I said. You're going for the burger. Well, you would go to Canada, but two birds never been to Portugal.

[Brady]

There was a last Friday in Colorado. This company, 15 co workers got together for a team building exercise, decided to climb Mount Shavano, which is 100 miles southwest of Denver. The summit is over over 14,000ft.

[John Holmberg]

That's big.

[Brady]

Not everyone did the whole thing. A few people hung back. So there are two groups except for one guy who ended up.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. This is just some random office building. That said as a team building exercise.

[Brady]

We'Re going to climb workers got together 14,000 foot.

[John Holmberg]

Most. Most places go get drinks or throw axes at.

[Brady]

Yeah. So if you bow out of that, are you.

[John Holmberg]

You know you're not going. You're not climbing the company. Right.

[Brady]

So a few people hung back. Ended up splitting up in two groups. Except for one guy who ended up doing the last leg himself. He made it to the top fine. Got lost on his way down after everyone left and took all their gear with them.

[John Holmberg]

They left him.

[Brady]

They left stuff along the path to guide them back. Like a trail of bread, breadcrumbs. But they took it all as they were picking it up on the way down.

[John Holmberg]

They killed him?

[Brady]

No, he. He made it to the top at 11:30am Got turned around. So he dropped a pin text his co workers. They told him he was going the wrong way. Sent another pin drop at 3:50pm going the right way.

[John Holmberg]

Four hours later, they had packed up and gone home.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody waited for him.

[Brady]

Once they separated, I don't think they took inventory on who's and what.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Except for he's texting them.

[Brady]

We're planning. He's the Milton.

[John Holmberg]

They're texting. Yeah. Oh, he's still up there. I gotta. I get dinner at 6.

[Brady]

Yeah, and he should have, you know. Did he text earlier too, that hey, I'm climbing solo or you know what? I'm gonna finish up this top leg by myself. You guys wait for him. Army you still wait.

[John Holmberg]

It's a company outing.

[Brady]

A big storm hit.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Brady]

Freezing rain.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Brady]

He got disoriented in the storm.

[John Holmberg]

Land the plane. When does he die?

[Brady]

Cut off his cell phone service. He survived, but he spent 24 hours.

[John Holmberg]

That's not so bad. What? Not just a day on Everest? Like 24. It wasn't on Everest. It was in Denver. Denver or wherever, but still high. Half of Everest.

[Brady]

He got cell service about 10am the next day, called 91 1.

[John Holmberg]

My friends left. I'm stuck on a hill. People get stuck on camelback. And like strangers are like, can I help you? Okay. But still, if the, if, if KUPD's like we're having a. If we're doing the stair climb in 911 and one of us doesn't come back. Like you go back and look in the stock stairs. I think he was out there, got drifted off. I don't know. He'll text. You're on a mountain, you dummies.

[Brady]

They would have tried to use drones to fight him earlier, but they couldn't make it that far up the mountain in the bad weather and he was wearing all black clothing. So the search and rescue said the story highlights some. Some important lessons here.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Don't do it.

[Brady]

Remember that cell service can to be spotty. Don't hike in all black. If you get turned around, it's usually best to stay put and never leave someone behind.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The buddy motto or the buddy system. I don't know which one. No man left behind. Yeah, leave a ladies all you want, but no man left behind. There's plenty of broads. You just come down, just get a new one.

[Brady]

In Denver, an iPhone contains 75 different chemical elements, which is about 2/3 of the elements on the periodic table.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. You know, I never studied that. Like everybody. People know that. I never in school once did I have to look at that periodic table and memorize any. I don't know any of them like.

[Brady]

We did at the time. Like chemistry class.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know, but if you looked at it, you'd know what to do. Like, I look at it and I'm like, that's just a typewriter that spilled. I don't know, like Breaking Bad. That's it. That's all I know. The br. The ba. I don't know what they represent. I don't know anything about it. But people know the periodic table, like, and I don't think they're that smart. I think that. I think you learn it in seventh grade, but I never had to. I missed out on that.

[Brady]

I think you go over it twice early on and then either soft.

[John Holmberg]

Never been in a class that has had it. And I think it's because I took agriculture to dodge science because it counted as a science credit. So I'm like, well, I'll just dig holes and plant stuff. That's a lot easier than learning all those letters.

[Brady]

Definitely getting into it in, you know, chemistry. You got it.

[John Holmberg]

Nope, Never had chemistry class.

[Brady]

Also where the horse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that lady jerked that file. I probably should have learned the periodic table.

[Brady]

Was that a full year class that you took?

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember. I think so.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I got a full credit for it. And I just knew I didn't have to take science classes. I had to take earth science, but I didn't have to take any of that periodic table crazy science, which seemed above my pay grade. So I took the horse jacking off class. Got a B.

[Brady]

Did you know that going in?

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think anybody knew. I don't think the horse knew. I don't think the teacher knew. I Think she just decided, well, we got to get this done by 3today.

[Brady]

Was that a field trip day?

[John Holmberg]

We went to a place.

[Brady]

They brought the horse into the classroom.

[John Holmberg]

We had no. We had a bread nose. We had the. We built this weird little Pen Rhodes Junior high. And occasionally there's an animal in behind the tennis courts. Yeah. And she. Yeah. And she would bring them over. She didn't jerk it off there. We had to go to this. We had to get on a bus. She didn't do it out in the open. We had to get in a bus and watch a lady jerk a horse off in eighth grade. And not all the kids got permission slips. Of course.

[Brady]

I remember.

[John Holmberg]

There's like eight of us. There weren't. I might have been after school.

[Brady]

Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't. It wasn't that far. Like when I lived there past country club was farm. Like you got past country club. There was golf. There was golf land. A few new houses in the island started and then farms. You didn't. You couldn't go. I mean, McQueen was like, you might as well have been on a ranch. We didn't go very far. We went down the road away.

[Brady]

That's hunting area.

[John Holmberg]

Chandler, in fact, I think is where we went. And they still have horse properties there. We didn't go that far. And she. And we got. And she's standing there with a couple of dudes and a penned up mare.

[Brady]

And that might have been extracurricular.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, after school I think I might have gone. I don't remember if it was after or before or during. I don't think it could have been during because I missed fifth hour. It was fourth hour. So it was lunch. Horse got jacked off and then PE where we all just like the other seven kids, just shaking like. What just happened? Like. I don't know. Don't talk about it. Did I just see the. That you did. I saw it. We all saw it.

[Brady]

How was your day today?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I can't talk about it. I came home crying. What happened at school? The lady jacked the horse off. What? He's hallucinating. Are you on the mushrooms again? But yeah. They drove us in a bus somewhere. It was five minute drive, wasn't long at all. And then. But the drive back was five hours because we were all just traumatized. I think it was after. After class. I think you had to sign up for it. And boy did I. And it was a artificial insemination. Why are you teaching eighth graders? And I think it's because this lady came. The teacher came from. Pardon me on that. Yeah. The horse and the teacher came from growing up on farms. My dad would have been like, yeah, that's normal. Like, right around the sixth, seventh grade, you should start to know how to handle this kind of stuff.

[Brady]

Was road 789 so that you were able to tell the upand cominging generation, you got to take this eighth grade.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't offer it anymore. The next year, agriculture was gone. Word got out you can't jerk horses off in front of kids and keep your job. You just can't. I'm going to talk to Super Nintendo Boggs about this and see if we can get that reinstated. Like, what about that horse jacking off? But it was. You Forget, in the 80s, we were still kind of cow town, but Phoenix was growing, so, you know. Know. So it was a bunch of, you know, you grew up in Gilbert. I mean, that was farm central. And those kids grew up different. We moved out there in 87. No, 88. Okay. And at that time, it was all farms. It was Queen Creek before and Queen Creek, it was Mormons and cowboys. That's all that lived out there. No, we had a house because. That's right. Yeah. Built Val Vista Lake or Val Vista, but nothing around it. Val Vista Lakes was so far away. Yeah. It's like. That's like driving to the Renaissance Fair now.

[Brady]

Like Queen Creek.

[John Holmberg]

It was so far away. It was like, should we. Because there was nothing there. I mean, it was just from, like.

[Brady]

Were you pissed? Because I was pissed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

I moved out of town.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The freeway. You wrecked my life. Yeah. The freeway ended at Power Road. Yeah. So you couldn't go past power. It was just all dirt and uselessness after that. Horrifying. But yeah. Ms. Larson jerked off a horse in front of eighth graders. And then the next day we had to act like that was okay. Everything's normal.

[Brady]

John, I know why you couldn't learn chemistry.

[John Holmberg]

You're too busy putting rulers in your mouth. I did that, too. God, you guys remember everything. For those of you tuning in, I did put a ruler in my mouth. Forget where I put it. Bent down to look for it and smashed it into the roof of my mouth and had to go get mouth stitches. I had a ruler six inches into my throat. Had to go tell my dad I might be blood pouring out of my confirmation. Oh, he was so. What are you doing that for? Jesus Christ. He's measuring depth. Marcy, take this idiot to the hospital. It's a wooden ruler.

[Brady]

This Austrian surgeon is in trouble. This guy came in to the emergency room after a forestry accident. 33 year old man was flown by air ambulance to the Graz University Hospital. The doctor started working on the patient and had his 13 year old daughter as her. His assistant working on the skull of the lumberjack.

[John Holmberg]

Was RFK Jr. In there too?

[Brady]

Evidently she even got to drill a hole in the skull.

[John Holmberg]

Neat.

[Brady]

Yeah. So he's facing take your daughter to work suspension. Here it was. That's what I was saying.

[John Holmberg]

There's absolutely nothing good about take your daughter to work day in a regular place, let alone skull surgeon. I do brain surgery. It's my daughter to take your daughter to work day. She's gonna help out. Hope you don't mind. Did she do a good job or not? Yeah. All right. Nobody else in the room objected. Yeah. When he handed her the drill.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. They were short. Short on staff that day.

[John Holmberg]

You want to go dewalt on this guy with me? Not there, honey. Nice try though.

[Brady]

Not the spade bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No. Nope, nope, nope. And I don't think you can call it that anymore.

[Brady]

Sure you can.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think. No, I think you can. I don't think anyone else. Should we call that something else now?

[Brady]

I think we'd all step up and grab that drill.

[John Holmberg]

If offered, I would leave because I'm like, I don't want you. If it was here and Brady's like, take your daughter to work, dad like Kirby to do a segment of like get your own show. She's not doing it.

[Brady]

He wouldn't just go down.

[John Holmberg]

You used to bring your kid in every day for like a week. And I'm like, enough of him. He's done. Watch that kid wander around in his pajamas sleeping on the couch. I'm like, this is a. This is death. This is room kill. How can I talk about lady parts with him sitting on the couch staring at me going, what's that mean? We had to tell Talia. You can't bring her. Kidding anymore. And it wasn't because you needed to. It's because nobody was watching him.

[Brady]

No, it was because I needed.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you have. That's true. You absolutely had.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was because there was nobody. No eyes on him other than you.

[Brady]

It's tough finding someone to take a child at 5am in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Willingly? Well, not willingly. Was mom not. She was incarcerated.

[Brady]

No, she was. She was in Maricopa at the time and.

[John Holmberg]

Same thing. Yeah. She was working different types. She was. He was working on that was when.

[Brady]

One of our former mil actually.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Brady]

For a time.

[John Holmberg]

I would go for a minute. That's how things got for Toledo. Yeah. He trusted one of the MILFs to watch his kids for a couple hours. I know.

[Brady]

That lasted about a month after he was consistently.

[John Holmberg]

I believe it was the same one that told us the story about her. Her and her boyfriend used puke as lube. Oh, okay. I know who that is. You want to babysit my kid? Remember her? Oh, yeah, yeah. That story was supposed to impress me.

[Brady]

Yeah, that was a bragging.

[John Holmberg]

That was a she. She had her thumbs under her suspenders. Go. Know what I did last night? No. My boyfriend threw up on it. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

You mean your married boyfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, but that was the least of. That was the least shocking part of the story. His wife can never know. So you guys shower off all the barf. Of course. We're not animals. I mean, like, that's. He leaves his socks on that. I get to the other thing again. He was fist.

[Brady]

Finally. He finally got busted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he fisted her mouth.

[Brady]

You threw up on her. But I don't love her.

[John Holmberg]

I love you, baby. I do that because that stuff I wouldn't do to you. I'm classy with you. I puke on the horse, use it as lubricant. I know she was big on it. And then the reason why was because she wanted to see. She was like one of Brett's videos. She was sitting there telling me. I'm like, why in the world would you even want to be in a room of throw up while that's going on? She goes, it was hot. I'm like, yeah, that's what puke is. It's hot. It's body temperature. It's 98. 7. And then she said something about, well, he's drinking martini. Classy. Make it blue cheese. I like when the olives come back chunky like that. Move that out of the way. I'm going in. Can't go shoving olives deep inside. Just do it like a windshield wiper. Just out of the way. All the viscous, slick parts of the vomit will still work. But then she said the reason why is so he could throw a full Mike Tyson in her B hole.

[Brady]

Oh. She liked getting punched, and I didn't know that part.

[John Holmberg]

And evidently, when done properly, vomit is quite. You know, it's hot. It's like silicone. Silicone. It'll slip right in. It's the same stuff you use for. That's what I even told her. I'm like, why don't you just go out and get that spray for your garage door? Open her chain and use that. That'll slide you right in. What are you throwing up on each other for? And then I realized, why am I in this conversation? Go watch Toledo's kid. The worst part is we all know her. We all know the guy too. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying I'm never shaking hands with that guy again. I'm not even fist bumping that. I'm not shaking or rattling him at all. He might throw up on me and get turned on.

[Brady]

In fact, I believe we've walked around him a couple of times. Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

We have go a long ways around that guy.

[Brady]

I just throw up a little my hand and then shake.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was watching Toledo's kid and he started to barf. So I got really hot and I went to the bathroom. Anyway, he fell out the window. He'll do that. He tends to tumble. Sorry, he's a flyer. But that was a real story and that's what Toledo said. Will you watch my baby? Wow. Sure. He's got the flu. Oh.

[Brady]

Guys, I gotta be honest. Who's this donkey punch chick dating? Brundle Fly?

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of hot.

[Brady]

Ah, yes.

[John Holmberg]

She was in the original Fly with me. I used to throw up on it as a KY substitute. It's better and it's less fattening. It's already been eaten. It's like pre tax money. It's a 4 okay of lubricant. 4 401k. Sorry, pre tax lube. Brady, you don't like talking.

[Brady]

Sounds good. Sounds good.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff, we had an email from a guy who said, I tried to date her. He knows us, we know him. He goes, but then you told me that story and it's why I didn't bang her. And then he said, it was this guy, wasn't it? And he just sent it to me. I'm like, yes, it was. Did he guess it right? Yeah, he did. I had to talk him out of that. I did too. He would tell me, dude, I'm banging this. I'm like, I gotta talk. Tell you a story real quick. You're going to get in a little. You're getting in over your head, man.

[Brady]

Ford is trying to patent a system that they developed that would automatically report speeding vehicles to the police.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we're all going to jail. Damn snitches, everybody.

[Brady]

Not the Ford vehicles. This morning was 80.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I, yeah, there's no. I, I, I don't never like I'm always speeding. Always. Always.

[Brady]

An equipped Ford vehicle could send a report with speed data, pictures directly to the law enforcement and roadside monitoring units. The cops would also get GPS info to track the fender.

[John Holmberg]

How does Ford think that's a selling point?

[Brady]

They're just trying to get the patent. And here's what I think it's going. It might go to the police cars if they're buying Ford and rental cars.

[John Holmberg]

Rental cars would be the only thing. Why the police cars speed all the time, too.

[Brady]

But I'm saying what it could do is you can snitch on other cars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it'll read other cars.

[Brady]

Read other cards. Cars speeding.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought it was reporting yours, your car.

[Brady]

How would it do that?

[John Holmberg]

If it's just something that's called radar.

[Brady]

That could send a report with data, pictures of your car.

[John Holmberg]

Not of others.

[Brady]

No, it's of other cars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's crappy. Well, you could just get a radar gun and do that and then take a snapshot. But this thing is. The car is equipped.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To catch bad guys. So eventually, everything we've got is tracking and taking photos of.

[Brady]

They already have stationary speed cameras, but now they can issue tickets based on a license plate number because they.

[John Holmberg]

That's garbage.

[Brady]

You can't confirm who is driving. That's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's the problem. Just say it wasn't you. Pull the shaggy. There's. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense logic.

[Brady]

If I'm following you getting it, you speeding, then I'm speeding. So I'm out in myself.

[John Holmberg]

In order to get a good, clean picture, you got to hang with the guy. That's true.

[Brady]

I. I think it's. I. They're not saying it.

[John Holmberg]

They're.

[Brady]

They're going for the technology. I think they're trying to use it for the legal purpose for the police, because it's a built. They gotta build. Yeah. I am spitballing.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe, Right. Though, that the. But the police already are equipped to, like, the guy driving is allowed to pull you over. They don't need technology to figure out who's speeding.

[Brady]

But in lieu of cameras, the speed cameras or whatever, you know, put them in the car.

[John Holmberg]

It's like. It's overkill, though, because the guy in the car is supposed to notice that. They kind of do that already with those little plugins you do for your insurance companies. Oh, we'll save you money. Oh, yeah. They're gonna jack your brakes. Your insurance rates. Well, we looked at your car's records.

[Brady]

You process it quicker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It'll just say you speed 97% of the time you drive. That's dangerous. I bet you that's, that's the true reason. And again, everybody that thinks insurance companies are like how would they look? They, they spend so much extra money on advertising and stadium naming rights. You can't imagine how much money insurance companies have sitting around. Look at your TV tonight and count how many insurance companies run an ad. And Progressive has three campaigns going at once. Doug and Limu are on every other Limu. Imu has become like part of my house now. He's there every day at least once. So much information, insurance money. So that I think Brett's right, that's what they're going to do is make it so your car snitches on you to your insurance company likes a rat. That's why you go to go Brett's route and eventually just have old fashioned gas powered vehicles that don't have trackers or computers at all.

[Brady]

What do you do in that case? As an Italian, shoot your own car for out?

[John Holmberg]

No. What? You have to put your car in another car. Another car? You have another car? Don't I gotta stuff my navigator in another car's truck trunk. You got a car, Gomar? Yeah. Take him out to the Pines.

[Brady]

The ice bucket challenge.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have a car, Gumar, Your second car? Yes. Without a track and both of us. One of our cars, our goomar car is black. I keep her on the side. I got my white car, I got my, my black car. My goomb Marco. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Brady]

Chew and poop. That's all they do.

[John Holmberg]

That's all they're good for. Chewing and pooping the rest of Homer's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. This guy says, John, you announced earlier this morning and made me think about it that you have now surpassed 42 years tugging. Do you think you could match up a pallet? You've seen them now with the operation hydration, what a pallet of water looks like. Do you think you could have matched up a pallet for everything you've done in those 42 years? And now I have to wonder. So I did a little math and just say that it started on my birthday for argument's sake. It's been 15,348 days since my 10th birthday. Shortly thereafter I discovered my piece. And it's in its special purpose. There is no way I have not averaged one a day for these 42 years. You're Nathan Johnson. You found your special purpose. That's 15, 13,348. At least. There's no way I'm under that number. Fanduel would not put an under on that because after breakups and stuff, there were days where it was like six, seven times a day. I've been sick a couple of times and even still managed to rip one out. So on average, without a doubt.

[Brady]

15,000. What?

[John Holmberg]

I think it was 15,348. Yeah. And I don't know how to do the math. Well, I mean, what is 15?

[Brady]

Well, is it an ounce?

[John Holmberg]

So it's an ounce, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So how many gallons? 348. Can't believe Brady's helping me with it. You never thought this would be part of your job. How many? Well, that's it. I just asked the phone. How many gallons? Okay, you got it?

[Brady]

I got almost 120 gallons.

[John Holmberg]

Gallons. 120 gallons. That can't be right.

[Brady]

15. I took 15,348 divided by 128.

[John Holmberg]

How many gallons is 15? 348 ounces. 119.91 gallons. All right, so that's. I rounded up 15,360 ounces. Ounces. Yes. So how many. How many bottles? So they're 12 ounce bottles.

[Brady]

Oh, 12, 253.5 gallons in a pallet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Kid of a pallet.

[Brady]

Yeah, you got a half.

[John Holmberg]

You better keep working. We gotta build the numbers up. 42 years to pull half a pallet of my insides out.

[Brady]

Frank, you want to know how many beers you can get out of that?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, wait, hold on. Yeah.

[Brady]

You can get 1279 beers. All right, 12 ounces. Beers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 1279.

[Brady]

About 53 cases.

[John Holmberg]

So if it's 12 ounce bottles of water, and I think they're 16, but we'll go with 12. It's 1279 bottles.

[Brady]

Yeah. 53. A little over 53 cases of bottles or beers.

[John Holmberg]

How many years in? There's 100 cases in a pallet. 100 bottle. Yeah. So it's 53 case. And 12. 12 is the case. I'm thinking of the big water. 24 is still 1279 full bottles.

[Brady]

Costco pallets. You have six levels.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Of eight cases at 40 bottles.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so you got 48. Some half.

[Brady]

Yeah. You got 48 cases.

[John Holmberg]

That's amazing.

[Brady]

40 bottles.

[John Holmberg]

Build those numbers up a little bit, man. That's pretty good. We need a pallet every day over here. Yeah. So I. I have 21 years to do it twice. Don't you dare say it's impossible. Challenge accepted. Don't you even dare to. The challenge will be. I would. Not only that, I'm coming in hot. Pardon the pun. And I'm gonna break that down. You give me 21 years to pull off two a days. I'm gonna come in there in about 18 years. Literally by my 70th birthday, I'll have a full pallet drawn in for you. That's remarkable amount of release. Pretty awesome. The body's amazing. It is amazing. The fact that it regenerates the refractive period that you wait a little bit, you got more.

[Brady]

So it's John's pallet Jack challenge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sponsored by Icon Equipment, our official sponsor of pallets. My pallet. Go to the top. That's right. Luke, you're in on that. These two little guys down here. Since I decided to say, what do you do? And they showed me 42 years ago, 15, 348 times they've said, let's do this. That doesn't even count the at least a hundred times I've had sex. And all the times that I've been drunk and couldn't pull one off, but I've made up for that. Days I've missed have been made up for. I guarantee you I'm one. I'm. I've hit at least one a day for the entire time. I just like it a lot. On average, you know, even in your most sexually active times. That's when I did it most. When, you know, when I was the first. First girlfriend that actually had like, you know, you got. She let you do the stuff to her. We're going at it like crazy. When she wasn't around, that's all I was thinking about. So I was at least one of them. So 15,348. That's a pretty. That's a remarkable. Like, you know, the people always say have a little self reflection. Nobody ever thinks of that. That's some self reflection right there, Brady. This would be like you trying to. To figure out how many pounds of macaroni you've had since the first time you had macaroni.

[Brady]

Well, get the pallets out.

[John Holmberg]

I know you're gonna surpass my half a pallet of man seed, but. And that's an amazing thing. Now everybody's gonna be at home.

[Brady]

That would.

[John Holmberg]

Working on that and this. And Scott says, first, I'll never be able to look at a gallon of milk the same way. Why did you convert it to gallon? Rick and I'm gonna start calling you Half Pallet because that's a great nickname. I like that. Half Palate would be something I'd have to. Why do people call you Half Pallet? Have a seat. Let's talk. So it should take me at 2 a days, another 10 years to get another Quarter Pallet in. Get on it. All right. I gotta talk to Fitz about these Blue Chews. But that's. And that's if we're averaging one ounce per hit.

[Brady]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Usually the second one isn't as. You know, isn't as full. So that's true. So probably balances back. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Half. Half Pallet. Old Half Pallet Homberg they call me. That's what started last 42 years.

[Brady]

Half pallet Club shirts.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think there's anything I've done for 40 years. Yeah. Other than being a Steeler fan. I think those are the only two things that have followed me me all the way through my life for 42 years. Well, Cubs fan up till last year. Yeah, see, I dumped that. Now I knew my buddy Stebbings though. I've known him for that long. So he is my human equivalent of jacking off. Jerk mate. He's my jerk mate. That's about it. That's. What a moment. What a moment for. You know, think about that today. How many times, like when did.

[Brady]

Just everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody kind of. You remember the first time you. Yeah, but I don't know the date and stuff. But you know, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was it? I think it was in my bed. I was just like, what's that? Oh, so you're just kind of accidentally. Yeah. Kind of know what was going on. And I didn't tug it the first couple times it happened. It came from stressful situations and my body would just go. Mine just showed up. I'm like, what.

[Brady]

What is this?

[John Holmberg]

I have, you know. Mine happened at a little league game. Came and at fourth grade I had an assignment due that I thought was I had another day for. And she let me scramble to finish it. And it was going to take me a long time. So I stayed after school and I started stressing out and getting real anxious. Not only that. Finished. I didn't touch it. Didn't touch a thing. And then I'm like. And then I had a cigarette and I'm in front of Ms. Lucine, which say you and I go get dinner after I finish this assignment about Andrew Jackson. Gully passed me a marble. How you doing? You seem awfully relaxed for A kid who was crying a second ago. I don't know what happen happen, but I feel great right now. Oh, and then once in Little League, I was having. I hit a kid with a baseball. I lost control. I was pitching and I lost control. And that's one thing I always had was good control, and I didn't have it. And my coach yelled at me for hitting a kid. Two kids, actually. And I sat on the bench, and he said, you're not playing the next three innings. Because he thought I did it on purpose, which I didn't. I just lost control. I just had. I had nothing on my arm. And I remember starting to cry. I was third or fourth grade, so I'm getting yelled at by this guy, and I started to get real frustrated, started to cry, and the next thing you know, I'm like. Then I had a cigarette. I'm like, you know what, Coach Gonzalez, you're right. You make a good point about that. You know, I lost a little control out there. I didn't do that on purpose as accused. But I see things so clearly now. That's very mature. I know. I don't know what just happened over there, but I need a towel and another smoke, if you don't mind. And I know you've got them. Yeah. So those were the two times. And then the first time in the tub when I was like, oh, that's what that is. I can do this myself. I don't have to get to the most anxious, horrible feelings, and I have my body shut down and then do that. I can make this happen. Look out, Brady. 42 years.

[Brady]

It wasn't solo.

[John Holmberg]

Pardon?

[Brady]

Dry humping.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's your first time. Oh, yeah. But you don't what we're talking about solo. When is your first?

[Brady]

Well, that's when it happened. That then. But of course that's the reason why is like, you don't do that. I mean, growing up.

[John Holmberg]

So you knew Catholic, I didn't even know. No.

[Brady]

I discover all of a sudden when that happened, like, wow.

[John Holmberg]

But dry humping, you were okay with being Catholic?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. Not touching my.

[John Holmberg]

Touch yourself. You go to hell. There.

[Brady]

We'Re okay right off the bat. So there was a lot of dry soaking?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you never touched it even after that?

[Brady]

Oh, eventually.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure, eventually. That's what we're asking. What do you mean? So. All right, hostile witness. Where's the judge?

[Brady]

So I. I don't recall that.

[John Holmberg]

You remember the first time you tugged it?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

The great shame you had to feel.

[Brady]

You blocked that No, I didn't, because I didn't have. I. You know, the shame that you thought you'd have didn't happen.

[John Holmberg]

You had to. That's why you held off so long was great. Shame.

[Brady]

No, because, like, the curiosity was what was happening. I mean, again, that first experience, was that right?

[John Holmberg]

But you just said the reason you didn't do it is because of Catholic guilt.

[Brady]

It might have been.

[John Holmberg]

You're the only one that can answer questions about you.

[Brady]

I was trying to figure that out because I'm like, well, after that, I just wouldn't do that because I would just. I had a girlfriend at the time, so she was.

[John Holmberg]

It was. So that was it every time she came by.

[Brady]

So it had to have been a time after, you know, because having the.

[John Holmberg]

Girlfriend is when I'm like, I gotta do this in between. Yeah. Like, she's the one who made me go, all right, if she's not around, I want to do this, like, nine times a day. Day. So I was doing it more because I had a girlfriend. Was driving me crazy. That. You know. Anyway. 42 years, half a pallet, 1279 bottles. Things you learn on this show. That's right. I bet you never heard Beth McDonald's story the first time she tugged that mammoth. She's got pallets. Oh, that lady's got pallets. Plus, she's in her 80s, and that thing definitely has. It's a fire hose, so it has to protect produce 10 times what I do. There wouldn't be one thirsty homeless guy in this city if she decided to donate. Anyway, if Toledo was like your listener earlier and had sex with a girl and then saw a picture of his dad on her counter, would he keep banging the cousin just to find out what his dad was really like? Because you know what? Toledo doesn't have any pictures of him and his dad. People are horrible in all the right ways. This guy says, how many years of Sears catalogs, lingerie sections did you use? Oh, no. Oh, no. I was creative. Sears, the lingerie catalogs? No, at first it was pages. At first, it was just sheer excitement of what was going on. I didn't even know what to imagine. Magic. And then it was probably a Playboy or two got involved. And that's when it was all the. The visual fun. And then, you know, technology caught up. A couple years later, you got VCRs in the house, and I could tape anything I wanted. Shortly after that, you started to realize that sweeps month was February, November. And that's when a lot of girls on TV in bikinis started to happen. Beauty pageants, which, by the way, Brady mentioned earlier that tonight Miss.

[Brady]

Oh, it's Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Sunday this weekend. Miss usa. Which one?

[Brady]

Miss usa.

[John Holmberg]

Miss usa. The good one. Watching on TV scrambled and hoping for a boob or something to show up. That's all it took. It's great. Anyway, thank you for last year. Last week was my birth celebration. This week is my anniversary of taking myself to Tug. What the hell? He's back. Hey, babies, I forgot to tell you something. You know, it's the political season, and I completely forgot to let y' all know where I stand, who I'm behind. You know what I'm saying? And so far, I haven't made any decisions. The president is kind of a tough one for me, you know. Cause of his family and stuff. God damn. Some of those girls little thin for. But I will say this. I was with a big fat white woman last night, and she said, rico, tell me where you stand. And I thought about it for a second, and right before I told her, I realized I'm voting for Kamala. Because my answer was Kamala all over that white ass. So that's my official endorsement. That's where you stand. I stand all three legs right behind you, baby. Prepare for a little Kamala endorsement, cuz I'm Kamala all over you. Who? Daddy, he's coming back in. Who? This new phone. Sorry, Rico wanted to point that out. That. That's disgusting. All right? And. And by the way, emails. Do not start emailing me your time. I don't care. I don't want to hear it.

[Brady]

You're gonna get some emails right now. I. I don't like Rico anymore. Don't bring him in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because he. Yeah, people won't get us. Like. Oh, really? I knew he was a lib. Probably hangs out with Toledo and stuff.

[Brady]

You started a war, man.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, let the war begin then, baby. Because guess what? You can't do def the police. All right? That's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. All they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of homework's morning sickness. We do a little house cleaning this morning. Start it all up. Oh, we don't. I've been hearing a lot about this stuff, not just from you. I get it. And you're getting it. Toledo gets it. I don't know that Brady gets it as much, because Brady doesn't really have to Deal with it. But still pretty annoying if you are an emailer of the show via my email, Brady, Brett's, anybody else's, or the basic one, the admin one, the one that comes through as the whole show. Yeah. Have a succinct thought. Knock it down. If we get more than 95 emails from a single person in the morning, that's too many. That's, that's, that's a couple too many, I'd say at max. Try to limit your emails to like 10 to 12 a day. And that's full participation emails, not just your thoughts. A lot of the times the people we're talking about are borderline insane. Brett's got a guy who now and we don't have to block people. And that's the thing. It's like we're trying to figure out, I heard Toledo say click this, do that. Trying to figure a way to get like no one word emails necessary. Don't do it. By the way, all you, I know it's going to know what I'm doing. I know what's going on. But it's weird because like there's a, there's like a group of five or six people and you know who you are that you're just hammering away. We appreciate you listening. We like that you're, you're playing along, but that's too many and that's too much. It's, there's a certain time you have to sit down and go, you're a nice man. It's your cable guy. It's, if you remember the movie, you're just, you're too much.

[Brady]

Would it be think it through. Could you say like, if you're going to, I don't know, go on a trip or something on shrooms, microdosing.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Or drinking too heavy, maybe stay away from a computer.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's going to be a tough one to enforce. I agree with you most of the time. But telling people sober, yeah, you should stay away makes sense. When they're drunk, it stops making sense. So if they're drunk right now, it's.

[Brady]

Like taking the, you know, take the keys away on the car.

[John Holmberg]

It's just a different language when, when somebody's plastered and they're like, you know, I got something to say. Especially because if you're listening on the podcast and you start talking to the podcast and we wake up the next morning to your emails about what you were thinking at 4:30 in the afternoon about what we were saying at 6:30 in the, the morning, we don't know, we don't remember what you're talking about. We have no idea what you're talking about. So, yeah, the guy. I don't know names. And maybe we will shame them. There's a list of them. There's a list of you, and it's getting weird. And. And, yeah, and the last thing you want to do is start bumping you out. But if you got a billion emails or got a billion thoughts on your mind, you know, consolidate, you know, expedite your thoughts better. That's all. Just get them in there and get them out. Think to yourself, is this a valuable thought Up. Maquette just threw up. Not an email. Not an email. This should be a Geico thing. Not. Not worth sending. No emojis either. Dr. Rick. Yeah, no, one thumb up is not an email. Thumb up for what? Later on, bring it all together. You know what you could do is just. How about this? You put a timestamp on each one of your thoughts. Thumbs up, 5:45am and then just wait. Hit return and wait. Don't send. And then your next thought. Brit hair is not that great. All right, 6:12am and then, you know, like the 95. You're gonna send. Send it all in one email. We won't read it. Send it all in one email because we'll see how long it is. We'll be like, forget it. You know what else is another email that I wanna. Oops, sorry, excuse me, my cock went off. If you. If you start the email with, sorry, this is so long. That's all I read. Yeah, that's. That's. Oh, geez. Yeah, that's about it. If you start with, sorry, this email's so long. Long. If the subject. Thank you. If the subject. Yeah. If the subject line says something about dogs, maybe I'll get a couple lines in before I realize for the most part. Sorry, this is so long. Is going to get like, ah, geez, I don't. I can't do it. We're trying. You try as hard as you can. We got text, we got Facebook. You got all that stuff. You got to be smarter with your thoughts. So to that guy who. What's his name? Go ahead. No, I'm not gonna. All right. Because he's gonna bury me with more. That's true. He knows who he is. Yeah, yeah. There's a list of them, though. We got like. I got one of them, William, who constantly, like every. Like, during. Like, we'll be during a break, he'll respond to me like he's in the room. Like, I'll be like, brady was at the. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I was at place before. Okay. And, yeah, that's an easy email. Like, I've been there. I've been. There's not an email. I've been. There's a inner thought. Like, I don't.

[Brady]

It's not that great.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that would be a. That would be an actual email. An email where you say, oh, I've been there. And it was a one out of five. That's an actual email. I've been there. Not an actual email, not an actual thing. I need to know if you finish up with a. An action thing. Oh, the place Freddie's talking about. I saw Roach is all over. You're actually giving me some information. I've actually attended that place or I've eaten there before. So we understand other people have been there. We're not the only ones. Yeah, I don't care about that. Just got to calm her down a little bit. We're getting into the 90s with a few people. 97 yesterday. 97 from one guy. That's a lot.

[Brady]

It's a lot of time, too.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you'd think so.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But Brady, when you read the emails, you realize that. Each one taking about half a second. Yeah. So it's. It's not.

[Brady]

He's in a conversation.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes you just get an emoji, like a smiley face. What the hell is this? And it's fine. You can. You can thumb through. But then when it kind of gets in the middle of all the other things, you don't realize you're not the only. You're not the only one doing it.

[Brady]

Just 10 minutes of his day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's a lot of people emailing. And then you're kind of in the way. And then we just stop. We see your name, and we're like, delete. Next. We're not reading them anymore. There's nothing of substance. And maybe a few times you've got a good joke or a gem or something, and we're just skipping right over it because you're swinging at all the pitches, the hundred pitches a game, and you swung at all of them. The game's gonna end quick for you. That's all I'm saying. So just a little house cleaning. Most of you are great. Most of you get it, but a few of you, this guy says, are you saying you don't like my drunken email sex pics and videos? What if I sent you 40? Would that be okay? I don't need to see 40 of your dicks, Tyson. That's about it. This one says, sorry, this email is so long. And it's a picture of a lady with a long. I got the same one. Thanks, George. See George. George gets how to email. That's funny.

[Brady]

And the one said, get me the. The tragedy ones or the. The drama that's going on that. Catch me it, Brady. You're a good dude. My daughter is in the hospital right now on a respirator.

[John Holmberg]

And, yeah, you get a lot of.

[Brady]

And I'm going through this and you think, that is horrible. Can I get corn tickets?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Those are weird. Those are strange. When it's. My life is falling apart, so I can't afford tickets to Slipknot, but I need to see them. It's like, shouldn't you be, like, donating to KTR's Phoenix Children's Hospital? Or, like, shouldn't we do something else right now?

[Brady]

What would happen, though? How good would you feel if you were at the corn concert and your daughter flatlines?

[John Holmberg]

Email that back. Yeah, I would. Dear friend, dear friend, I would love to give you tickets to Slipknot, but if your daughter dies and you're there, I'd feel responsible for that. So. No. And I don't like saying no to people, but no to you. Go tend to your dying baby. My son Sid looks like tonight might be it. He would really want to see his daddy's last day at Corey Feldman Olympics. Biscuit? No. So don't. Yeah, don't if you've got a tragedy. You know, I've read plenty of people like, hey, you. You helped us. We laughed. We had a moment and we started laughing because you guys made me laugh after my tragic situation. That's. It's sad, but it's also nice to hear that they had a moment with us, that we. Our job meant something for a second, and that was a nice thing. If you ask for tickets to it afterwards, it immediately negates the death of your. Your beautiful child. And she's. No, we. We're going to get tickets to Slip night. You're like, oh, no, this isn't one of those, is it? Yes, but it happens and it's very strange. So just don't, I guess, is the best way. The Joe Biden approach to Iran. Don't. Just don't. Now your grinders are out. Sup. Sup. Getting all these war. And I'm fine with that. I think you're going to make jokes about it, which is hilarious, but, you know, have a purpose to your Thought that's all. That's it. You know, and like, when we're on best stuff too, we always talk about it. I mean, and I get it. People just tune in and they don't. They don't realize we're on a best of possibly they start commenting on things. When the hell do we talk about that? I like the ones where I have friends who have my text and they'll start firing off on best ups and stuff like that. And then I'll just be like, I'm in bed or I'm sick or I'm. Whatever it is, dude, I totally got duped. Like, it's not. It's the same people. It sounds like we're there. I understand how you could be fooled by this, but. Yeah. So the. Just a little house cleaning on the email 97 is too many. And you know, if you want to have 10, that's. That's fair. Yeah. I probably get like Kyle Pierce. He pays attention all morning long. He's a fun one. Travis. I got a bunch of people who email that are fun and I don't count them because it seems like every email is enjoyable and content. Following along. Yes. And there's some engagement involved, not just shouting out, my car has three wheels right now. I might answer back, what happened? You were talking about. Oh God, you're not following the. You don't know how to have a conversation. You're going crazy. Just that. And then I get this. This is the type of email I want this. As I'm trying to see. This is the thing. As I'm trying to thumb through my emails and I find gems like. Like this. I gotta sift through 97. Ramen isn't very good. Okay, stop it. And you have to know when you're emailing something stupid. You have to. I don't think you do these. I don't know. Is it lonely? Is it a lonely person? Who would do that? Toledo knows. Toledo's guy comes. Toledo's one to do. There was another guy. You guys used to go he's office meds. Oh yeah. And there disappeared that one. That guy wanted to away. He pops up every now and then. But it's been weeks. That guy was hundreds of emails on a weekend. We would just get slammed. We're not even on the air.

[Brady]

But his messages were audio messages.

[John Holmberg]

You can do that in the app worse. And he's like working out characters or accents or stuff. Just like Sebastian was in there.

[Brady]

And you know, I made a super cut.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure?

[Brady]

I stopped calling a While back, B.

[John Holmberg]

Bogan@98ku video.com DZ Matt, people sign a little.

[Brady]

Sebastian, let me just say it's been 15 minutes since you put out your message. It's not hitting.

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, I'm sure right now there's gonna be a bunch of jackasses doing. But the guy we're talking about. Yeah, still drilling. Yeah.

[Brady]

He's still not getting it.

[John Holmberg]

I. My.

[Brady]

My question is, is like, do you text people like that? Would you, like, if you got 97.

[John Holmberg]

Texts from a friend of yours in.

[Brady]

A day, would you block them?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if we're interacting with. That's different. But if I'm just getting, like, unsolved, unanswered, unsolicited boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, I would probably just call them and.

[Brady]

Ask what's going on this morning.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you go ahead and do that in your office. You go standing. You take care of that on your own. Hi, buddy. Hey, Mr. Texalot. How are you? I was talking about. I have blue eyes. All right, all right. Enough with the random facts, Larry King. Let's get. Get this together. It's. It's just. That's enough. That's plenty. We're done with that. That's enough. I was going to shut those blinds for you. Brady's got sun in his eyes, but. Yeah, so I just. I wanted to clear that up. And of course, I'm getting people who like me and I like them. It's not me, is it, bro? It says 95 emails in one morning. Does that include the 87 emails from Uber eats receipts for Brady? Those don't count. Those are actual, like. Those are.

[Brady]

They know better.

[John Holmberg]

Those are called residents result emails. And those. Those are. Those are receipts we got. That's a receipt. There's a call to action with those. There's actually. It's worth it. That's worth it. He said. How does Brett read emails? They don't have hands. Moving all over. It's a different language to him. That's true. Brett's Italian emails have to have hands. That's why I just delete them. I don't read them. I don't know what this guy's talking about. It's. Yeah. Very real. So. And of course, see, now people are smart. These are good evening meals. Sorry this is so long. Is the title of my last sex tape. Yeah, I see now. That's good stuff. I'll read that. Let's see how that only went for, like, it had a beginning, middle, and end. It Had a punchline and it was over.

[Brady]

It was worthy.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says John. Kind of the same, but not. I have a few guys that follow me on Instagram that send me Instagram videos all the effing time. One guy's a firefighter, sends me literal a video every three to five minutes. One day I counted 150 videos. And the stuff he's sending isn't funny or interesting. Anyway, I had to block him. Play Slayer. Please, DB We. Maybe we'll play Slayer, but that's the problem, is we don't talk to each other about it anymore. We don't have these moments. We just block instead of just going excess. You're excessively bothering me. Remember in the Times of My. When you get somebody that would call the house too much and, like, your dad would be like, tell him not to call here anymore. And you'd have to say, dude, you're calling too much. You'd have to actually confront someone and tell them, like. Like you didn't have the hoa of block. Like the hands off. You used to have a phone call from the kid that wouldn't stop calling every two minutes. Is he called. That kid calls. Also, my sister had a guy that would, of course, had a few. That's what trollops do. Well, you didn't. But they speak their language, right? Yeah. I mean, very difficult. We had to get the translator from. Yeah, it was very hard. My sister's boyfriends would call, Hola, Mr. Humber. Is Punta there? Not her goddamn name. Jesus Christ. Tell him to quit calling. I remember my dad grabbing my sister by her hair. Not hard, but grabbed her by the hair and turned her around. And he goes, tell him to never call my house again. And gave her the phone. And evidently he'd called my dad, dude a couple of times or something like, hey, dude, is your daughter around? Yes, but you need to respect me. Sorry about that, dude. Sorry, bro. And it was like, all right, Spicoli, that's enough. You're done.

[Brady]

The car pulls up and there's a fringe hanging down from the windshield.

[John Holmberg]

There's a couple. Oh, that's. That's. You're joking. That happened multiple times at my house. There were dice and the. And the weird fuzzy balls across the. My sister was into that with guys. She like, lady of Guadalupe on the dash, candles. Like, there were dudes who had cars that jumped before you knew about cars that jumped. I don't think that they were intentionally doing that. I think they just had bad shocks because of all the sex that was Going on in the back seat with that guy and one of my family members. But I remember my dad. I was playing Colecovision with one of my sister's boyfriends once and he was probably 20. My sister was maybe 16 and I'm 13, 12. We're playing ColecoVision and we're killing. My dad comes home and he goes, hey, whose car's in the driveway? And the guy goes, that's me. And he just keeps playing. He goes, move it. Get it out of my driveway. He just came home from. My dad was gone. And he goes, I'll get to it in a second. Oh no you won't. Oh no, no, no. My dad just throws his stuff down. I don't know who you are. Go move your goddamn car to my driveway. That's rude. Jesus Christ. Jeez, bro. Goes right to my sister. He's not allowed in the house anymore. Sure enough, you just an all dad. They get in the car and they speed off. That same guy tried to run me over with that. It was an electric. It was a blue El Camino, dark navy blue with like water splash, light blue on the side all the way down. He tried to run me down once. Cuz my sister. Damn. Didn't like him anymore.

[Brady]

She's like the original Tigra and Bunny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, she like. Well, she like. She liked the cars that went plakita. She didn't care about. Boom. It had to be a different language. I like the cars that go plakita also. It is my dad's 77th birthday today. Happy birthday to Dan. So in honor of Dan, everybody tuck your T shirts into your underpants, please. That's what he would want. 77. He's right now probably in Texas doing something weird with his farm animals. Not like he's slopping. He could be. He could be slopping, mucking a stable. He's doing something weird. But he's got his T shirt. Guaranteed. T shirt is tucked into his underwear right now as we speak. And that's the thing he does. So if you're. If you're interested in tipping one out to Dan Holmberg this morning, tuck those T shirts right into the underpants and put a pair of work boots on before you put your pants on and walk around the house for God knows what reason. That's Dan Holmberg in a nutshell. Used to come out of the, like, my friends would be over and he'd hear us. We'd go swimming or something. At night we train. Are you a little loud? Come out, T shirt. Tighty whities, T shirt tucked in and a pair of work boots, usually a handgun. And he come out. Go. I heard noises out here. Toast. Dad. Shut up. Which one of you got to get up in an hour? Move your cars. Sorry. Get out of my house. Oh, he was. He. He would lose his mind. But the T shirt tucked into the underworld. Never really noticed that. That's like a notice. Noticeable thing. But you did T shirt into it. I don't know what he's doing. That's weird. Not normal. He's not normal, but he's 77 and completely normal now, which is weird. He got. He. As he got. He went from being a weird old man in his 20s, 30s, and 40s into a normal dude in his 70s. He's completely normal now.

[Brady]

Like spring break.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. He could be. Maybe he's not tucking his T shirt into his underwear anymore. But he used to. He was in his 30s. There were times to just ask my mom, like, what did you see in this? Like, what. What did you see in this guy? Like, he's. He's just nuts. Your dad is a very handsome man. Like. Yeah, okay.

[Brady]

Besides that, though, works high stress.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's just constantly stressed out. It seems like he must be. He's not rich. I don't know what he. Like. What is. What is it about the guy with the T shirt tucked into his shorts that you think is. I find your father very attractive. And that's all you need to know. All right. Want to buy a vacuum? Yeah, it's weird, but. Happy birthday, Dan. And just realize that everyone on the planet thinks it's weird to tuck your T shirt into your underpants. It's just strength. You don't do it, do you? Do you tuck your T shirt into underwear? I don't wear underwear. So it's like open. You don't either? No. Did your dad. No, he never did yours. It's a weird. Your dad's a boxer guy. I could tell. Like, your dad is that or.

[Brady]

No, he was tidy white.

[John Holmberg]

Were they tight or was. Were they.

[Brady]

No, loose.

[John Holmberg]

Loose ones. Yeah. I can picture your dead one. The he didn't want.

[Brady]

Well, as he got.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, you do. He's a T shirt. Tucker. You tuck your teeth. Oh, we're talking about fathers. Oh, sorry. I was asking. Sorry Toledo got mad. We were talking about having a dad. Yeah, back to your dad. We'll talk about my dad, which all our dads not only around all the time living great long, long lives. I mean, it's a Wonderful thing. Yeah. He always.

[Brady]

And he didn't, you know, didn't have a butt. Didn't have, you know, chicken legs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Those things were just baggy.

[John Holmberg]

He's just hanging on the guy. Yeah, right. But never tucked a T shirt into him. It was very strange.

[Brady]

Sometimes you'd have to. If you're wearing the oxford shirt, the button down all the way.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

To look formal.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. Formal is a different you.

[Brady]

But he would go. I don't know if he. What I didn't know is when he'd go to work, you know, wearing a. The jacket and tie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But he would tuck into his underpants.

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so. Can't be. I think my dad's the only one who does that. I never heard about it before.

[Brady]

Like a military thing.

[John Holmberg]

They don't do that. Military guys don't tuck into their underpants. They do.

[Brady]

Yeah. You want that shirt tight.

[John Holmberg]

That tightens your shirt.

[Brady]

It keeps it from. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Full.

[Brady]

It keeps it straight.

[John Holmberg]

It seems like you just get pee on the bottom of your shirt.

[Brady]

Well, then you got. You're buying too long of a undershirt.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you got to tuck it in, you're buying too long of an undershirt.

[Brady]

It's about 2 or 3 inches, and you got a little space.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about you, Brady, but those two or three inches, you're gonna get pee on it now.

[Brady]

I can't.

[John Holmberg]

I'm getting. I'm getting all the way to. I can get to the waist. I could pull up to the waistband. If I. If I had a T shirt tucked in there, it would touch the tip. If I'm pointing straight up. I don't like going down. I'm going to start wearing underwear and tucking in there and see what this is all about. Holg's morning sickness. The old man. I do it today, though. Do it for Dan. Tuck into your underpants. It's a weird thing, and I've never. Is it a military thing? You're looking it up. I'm looking@. Classic fella.com. this guy says, my dad's far too similar to yours. All my friends known for being in his underwear. He didn't care. Was his goddamn house. And he was right, albeit it was awkward. I brought girls over. Oh, he pulled a gun on me. And he pulled a gun on me a hundred times. He wanted to shoot somebody so bad. My dad's dream was to kill an intruder. I think to this day, his life isn't complete. Because he never got to shoot an intruder. If he was a make a wish guy, that would be his wish. I want to kill an intruder. I want to shoot someone who's trying to steal my stuff. Me and my girlfriend.

[Brady]

Dad, camo paint. We were on his face in the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he. If he could have done it in time, he would have. Soldiers think he didn't have any monks living next door. He just shot. So Jackie and I are standing in the driveway, which is nowhere near the front door or the house, but it's springtime, so the windows might be. Be open 1238, giving her a little kiss. She's gonna get in her car and leave. Even though I wanted her to come in. I think that was what the conversation was. No, everybody's asleep. Get in there, stuff things inside. You lay on top you for a couple minutes. So we're talking my dad. Suddenly my dog, Brandy. No, it was mugs at the time. Mugsy comes shooting out Weimer enter. It sees us and then recognizes me. And just the whole body starts wagging and my dad's. And then all of a sudden you hear, get him. Get him. Which is his code. Like, if you're an intruder and he's going outside to kill someone, which is illegal, by the way. Just got to wait for the person to get in the house. Comes out with a huge handgun. I think it was a.357, but it was just this long barreled, super dirty gun. Underwear, T shirt tucked into it with work boots and sunglasses. Why? I don't know. Like tack glasses. Like they're.

[Brady]

The yellow lens.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. And he had those. He put those on to get a better head shot on whoever the mother was out in his front yard, which was me, and I'm standing. And I didn't know Jackie well. At that time, we didn't have parental. We'd met parents, but it wasn't like she was like, early on, it's your best gal. Bring her on in. It wasn't that yet. It was just some broad I was popping by every once in a while at this point. So I got hands around her. Who's out there, huh? It's me, dad. What's your name? I'm like, oh, my God, he's gonna quiz me. It's John. How do you know you named me? It's me, Dan. All right, all right, guys. Making a lot of noise out here. I just whispered, whispered, come inside. That's it. Come inside. That was about as loud as we got. But he heard car doors and who I could Kill an intruder. I think there's someone outside. I hope it's not the boy. And he'd go. He'd go outside. He pulled a gun on me. Countless amount of times. Countless amount of times. His dream probably still remains to he talks about it. There's gonna be a civil war, you know. No, there's not. There's. Yeah. Then we're already down here. You got hundreds of acres of land in Texas. You sit alone. Alone. Who's coming to your place? Nobody. God damn it. I'll take him. All right, Ted Nugent, calm down. Nobody's gonna come try to steal your donkeys in.

[Brady]

The apocalypse sweeps the property every, every day.

[John Holmberg]

I think he wants land. And he bought a big thing of land in Texas. So there's more opportunities to shoot someone. They were on my land. Like if he gets more and more land and somebody's on it, he has an excuse to shoot an intruder. It's his dream. So maybe for his birthday.

[Brady]

His wife, the spotter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's out there.

[Brady]

15 mile an hour wind.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the gun. Two clicks left. He's about half mile down range.

[Brady]

You just tell me when he steps on the property.

[John Holmberg]

Once he puts his foot over the barbed wire, he's ours. So he wants that. Maybe one of these emailers. That's nuts. Could wander onto my dad's property and make two dreams come true. Don't say that. They'll. They'll fly down. Go do it. He's in. What the hell's the name? Fredericksburg. Go down to Frederick. Fredericksburg, Texas and look for Dan Holmberg. Take a step out of your cards. He probably owns the land. The dude's buying it all up. It's nuts. Well, if I buy more land, there was more chances to shoot a stranger.

[Brady]

You have some lemonade for us.

[John Holmberg]

What's your email address? Dot com. Yeah, he love. He'd love to shoot one of you. He would love to shoot. I had. I can't tell you the amount of time. Times guns were pulled on me. I was just sitting there watching TV one night and I dropped a fork, went to pick it up and dropped the plate. I'm making a hell of a lot of noise. And I remember picking it all up. Turn around and there's. There he is. T shirt tucked into the underwear. Handgun. What's going on? I dropped a plate. Sorry. You all right? I'm fine. Nobody's in here, right? We're good. Everything's fine. Go back to bed.

[Brady]

Go to bed.

[John Holmberg]

Check your daughter's room. But yeah, there's a. There's. There's a team of Mexicans in there. You might hear them. Yeah, he never pulled guns on her and her. Or maybe. I don't know. Stuff. I don't know. But I was usually up.

[Brady]

They got home at a reasonable hour.

[John Holmberg]

New Mexicans and your daughter. He was very. Yeah, they were very respectful. Dropping her off. Yeah, a few times she was late, but for the most part they would be like, I'm all done. Let's go home. It's only 9:30. We could do it again. Again? Nah, your dad's crazy. My spot at Home Depot in the morning. He wanted to shoot everybody. He had to get up at 3. I'm done hosing you, blondie. I'm going to drop you off with your crazy old man.

[Brady]

10Pm I start at the Taco Buggy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the late night. I gotta go. The gay bar closes in a half hour. My dad will kill me if I don't get to the buggy. Okay. Maybe I could just get in the buggy with you. Well, you could, I suppose, post and blow me under the deep fryer. Okay. I never say no to that. Yeah, you could work at Lada and have less Mexican in you than my sister did through high school. That's a fact. Anyway. Surprised my dad didn't shoot somebody there. He was close to that. He never pulled the gun on any of them, you know, Just me. He pulled a gun on me a lot. Never really threatened by it either. I was never scared of it because I knew. I don't even know. He just always had it.

[Brady]

Laughing.

[John Holmberg]

He couldn't wait to pull that gun. His dream was like. I'm sure he just got real excited. And boys in the hood. When Furious blasted at that dude and put a hole in the door. And he wouldn't have had the talk like Furious and Trey did when he's like, you should have blasted it. No, that would have just been another brother killing another brother. My dad wouldn't have had that. We got him. Boy, look at him bleeding out nuts. Somebody said the Mormons tuck into their underpants, but that's magic underwear. That's different. That's. I don't think that counts as underwear. That's just an outfit, isn't it? That's the article I found here. And it's a single piece. If I remember right. Mormon underwear is like a jumpsuit.

[Brady]

I think they separate. I think it separates now.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. It's a whole article on classic fella. Should men really tuck their undershirts into underwear. Tucking undershirts into underwear. A study often overlooked aspect of men's attires. Proper layering of undergarments let their undershirt hang loose. However, tucking your undershirt into your underwear can have several benefits if you choose a streamlined silhouette. Maybe that's what my dad was going for. I'm sure he wanted to look good when he was blasting you. Yeah. When the cop showed up. Yeah, maybe no bunching or bulging. It may occur when the undershirt is left untucked. Also visiting the men's room. Tucking becomes much easier with a second undershirt. Oh, a second under. Oh, Secured. I'm sorry. Secured undershirt allowing only one piece to be tucked versus fumbling with two garments requiring tucking prevent your undershirt from riding up. Well, I guess there's a whole bunch of benefits my dad figured out with enhances layering the classic fella ensuring each garment lies flat. Whether you're wearing wearing a dress shirt. It just seems so uncomfortable to tuck into your underwear. But what are you gonna do? Happy birthday, Dan. I hope you get to kill that weirdo. Hopefully somebody wanders onto your property today and you and your friend hi Yella can go out there and shoot someone. And by the way, we still won't admit that's a racial. That's right. Hi Yellow. I was thinking of Yellow Hand. No, I worked with Yellow Hand. High Yellow is my dad's farmhand who introduces himself as High Yella. And I had to look that up. And hi Yella is a Slurpee and everyone calls him hi Yella is worse than. It's so bad. We'll get High Yellow to do it. Like, can you just call him like Trent or David? What's his name? His name is High Yellow. Oh, Christ, don't say that in public. He probably doesn't know his real name. Oh, I bet she doesn't. Hi Yellen. I helped a donkey. All right, Quit saying hi Yella. And then I told him what it was and he goes, I know. Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, I figured that out later. He doesn't care. Like, well, you should. That's not good. You're. You're. You're borderline going to get cancelled doing that. And I don't care about that either. He asked me to call him High Yellow and I respect that. I had to. I thought I knew them all. I thought Brett knew them all. I Yella. And it's really a slur between dark skinned blacks and lighter skinned blacks. They call them High Yellow. I gotta take notes. I didn't tell it.

[Brady]

Asian thing.

[John Holmberg]

No. That's what you'd think. That's what I would have thought. Yeah. And I just. It's just his name. And it's hard because you want to say something like, please stop it. You're making. You're putting me in a bad spot here. It's like singing Drake lyrics out loud. I can't do it. Hi, Yellow. Lifting donkeys and pushing horses. He's a big dude to you. Don't want to piss a off. I don't know if Hyella is 35 or 104. I think he's just. My dad's super creation that will never die is Green Mile. Cuz sometimes he like, you see pictures or videos of them doing something. High Yellow's walking around like 108-year-old man, but he's just gargantuan. It's like Tom Robinson from To Kill a Mockingbird. He's like, does he have polio? Why is he moving? Move like that and then. And then, then he'll start jogging. You're like, oh, he could be an Olympian.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

He's either 35 or he's 108, but he's called that. My dad's farm. Hi, Yellen. I built some barn stuff today. Stop it. And then he sends me a picture and the two of them put together the most beautiful eight stable barn I've ever seen in my life.

[Brady]

In a week, there's probably 18 structures on that property.

[John Holmberg]

All they do is build fence.

[Brady]

Another project.

[John Holmberg]

Got a fence around the vineyard. Are you running a vineyard? Yeah. What are you doing? Got an eight foot fence around 50 acres to keep the deers away from the grapes. Like what is going on down.

[Brady]

Do you have that high yellow chardonnay yet?

[John Holmberg]

Hi, Yellow. Take this in, Brady. High Yellow Harvested the whole goddamn vineyard in a day. That's 50 acres link in a day. Is he alive? Yeah. Hi, Yellow. Don't sleep. He's got sniper towers built and everything over there. Oh, I'm sure he's got a predator blind. He slept with a donkey. Not like that. It was. He has a donkey that he like really liked. It was his buddy and it got sick.

[Brady]

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his donkey.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. He got. He was buddies with this house and the donkey got ill and fell and he couldn't find him. And he was out in the field. My dad found him and stayed out there with him in case. So coyotes didn't kill him or wolves or whatever. So I'm like, well, why wouldn't they kill you? You're an old man. I got my gun. Like, oh, so that's what you've resorted now to. Just like animal. Animal predators that may come in and try to steal the things.

[Brady]

Fire, maybe build a little fire.

[John Holmberg]

Leaving bait all over. So he and Hyella picked up this giant donkey and stuffed it in an F150 and stayed out in the field for a day. Nick, you and Hayel are getting a little broke back, aren't you? AEL is a good friend. Okay, Andy Dufrain, calm down. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. It's good to be on top, isn't it? Yeah. So get on top and ride. With the top morning show in town and the best of Homburg's morning sickness, it's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] a home of tactical black. Get on out there. Like I always say, become a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep and start learning ways around it. I guarantee you they're working on something for this hypodermic needle nonsense that's hit the news so hard. They got a plan for everything and they usually take it right out of what's going on. That's why it's ever evolving. There is no standard way to get stabbed, get attacked or anything else. So they kind of go, oh my God, God, this is new. And they devise plans and methods around that. Ground fighting, stand up punching. You got to learn how to do all that stuff. And you will. And you'll find out how much fun it actually is. It's a blast. Not to mention all the self defense and all the seminars that they have available all the time. Reactdefense.com that's where you go. Find out all about their schedule and then just realize for two months you'll be paying 199 bucks for all of it. That's amazing. Personal training at that price is unheard of. Rackdefense.com it's the home of tactical Black Kerbert Herb's birthday celebration. Happy birthday to Kirby today. 16 years old, so clear the streets. The curbit herbs big ass feet are going to be hitting those pedals today.

[Brady]

I already got a text from Alan Crease said, is it red Mustang? I live in Gilbert. I just want to be on keeping away.

[John Holmberg]

Wake up at dawn to go get her light license.

[Brady]

Did not.

[John Holmberg]

Have she gotten it yet?

[Brady]

She's just been up for probably a half hour.

[John Holmberg]

Is she there getting it now?

[Brady]

The first thing. No, you can't schedule until you're 16 to take the driving part, so she.

[John Holmberg]

Needs to call what's today?

[Brady]

To set up an appointment.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can't just show up on your birthday like the olden times. I didn't schedule anything.

[Brady]

Well, you. You could, but you'll just be subject to whatever.

[John Holmberg]

So what schedule? At times, I think I did mine driver's ed class, went to DMV that morning and got my life third party dmv.

[Brady]

So, yeah, you can take a defensive driving school, and a lot of them qualify for the driving part.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't do any of that. I drove to the DMV at 6:37 in the morning, did the three point park and left. Got my license.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think I did mine after school because it was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you just showed up. There wasn't a schedule or, like a class. I had got it on the three point park park. Mine was tight. I got to drive my own car, too, at a 1986 Jeep CJ7. Back to right in, pulled out. We're driving around the neighborhood. The guy's like, good job, Stop. And I'm like, I'm killing this. This is easy. We just went around once, went back in, took a picture, and I was done.

[Brady]

Plus, with the three point turn, if you got a parent that has a.

[John Holmberg]

Car with a backup camera, well, now three point turns are nothing. That's weird. We did ours in driver's ed class. Like, I had to run errands with the guy that was like, we had to go off for an hour. He's like, okay, I got to drop tapes off a blockbuster. We got to do this. Oh, yeah. All right, Good enough. I didn't like driver's Ed. Only happened for us in a classroom. And it only counted for your insurance. Oh, yeah, no, we. We didn't do anything. Count for insurance too. We did. We did. No driving. You. You had to sign up to do the student driving thing, which, by the way, had the time of my Life yesterday on 16th Street. Coming up, I got student drivers all around my house, and I love effing with them. And this lady, I saw her two cars up. She was older. She's getting her. I don't know what's going on. Student driver. And this thing's bouncing off each line of the center lane on 16th street right up there by. I guess it was close to Missouri. And so I pulled the Jeep right up next to it and Drifted into the. Just. I mean, I was. I could have touched the car. I'm really good. And she's drifting all the way over. And the guy in the passenger seat sitting there looking at me. And he's got a. And then. So I just went right with her. Right over the other side. And then like I hit my brakes. So she goes and gets a little ahead. And then I'm right on the quarter panel. I have a blast with student drivers. I welcome that. I see one at least every day. I play with one once a week. The most fun for us. For you guys want to play along. Student driver. And this is true of old people as well. Get in front of them and don't hit your brakes. Downshift into first gear. Your carries itself into the right road. No brake lights. The panic that ensues in a student driver and an old person behind you is one of the funniest things you'll ever see in a rear view mirror. Because then you throw it right back in drive and hit the gas and you're gone. They can't hit you. Your time is just right. And you create great chaos in somebody's head. Student drivers. That's me. If you were doing your student driving. I help you fail. I'm a learning tool. A learning tool. And I'm sure the guy in the past said that's going to happen. You got people like that all over the road. I'm helping you with a little bit of adversity on your student driving day. And if I see Kirby out there today, I'm going to do the same. Downshift. No breaks. Great. Used to be easier with a stick shift. You go from fourth right into second. Throw it into first. You're barely going. And then drop it in the second and take off again. Best part is now she can pick you up at the tap dragon when you're tying one on.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

You know you got a ride now. I'll be at the tap dragon. Kirby. Keep your phone. Huh? Daddy doesn't want to stumble into a problem on his way back. Okay. Happy birthday curbiterbs. Why not just take your chance and head on over to the DMV and say, I'm 16. I want a license.

[Brady]

We can.

[John Holmberg]

Well, why? Why not? I don't know why she's not doing that. I don't understand kids today. Get your ass over to that DMV and sit in line and wait.

[Brady]

Well, you turn in your. You know, they give you the temporary driver's license. Then you turn that in to get the New one. They'll give you another piece of paper. But she's getting that. That travel ID license. Same.

[John Holmberg]

Can't you just do that all in one hit?

[Brady]

I did it. I set up an appointment. Though it helped because I didn't want to sit in that.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not 16. Of course you don't want to sit in the DMV. You've got a lot.

[Brady]

No, but I'd still be sitting in the DMV if we didn't set an appointment right now.

[John Holmberg]

Still, it would have taken weeks.

[Brady]

Well, no. If I go there. If we just drive there. Yeah, she's still. She has to wait.

[John Holmberg]

Drop her off.

[Brady]

I have to toy.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. She has a car by the end of it, if she does any good.

[Brady]

No, she doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

Sure she does.

[Brady]

They drive it and they don't. You don't use your car.

[John Holmberg]

You drop it in the parking lot, you and Ronnie and you go about your day. There you go.

[Brady]

But then if she fails, we come back.

[John Holmberg]

If she fails, she walks back because you get the brain of a. Of a squirrel. If you fail your driving test, some of these idiots out there. If I ever. Yeah, I mean, look around and tell me that if she's not capable of getting a license, and they are, you need to terminate this one. There's no going forward. If you fail a driver's test, and it's not like a big rig test.

[Brady]

I think the toughest thing is still. And some of them that I. What I hear some do, some don't, is parallel park again. There's a couple of them that won't. That don't have that anymore.

[John Holmberg]

It might be half a brain. If you can't get through a driver's test. We got to be careful. She fails that test, she should walk home. She should walk everywhere for you.

[Brady]

Because I think the one that Alex.

[John Holmberg]

Did was between cones.

[Brady]

So you don't have to worry about cars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So you just got to get it between the cones. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Parallel parking style. What do you do? You're not driving like a 78 Regency Brome. You're going to be fine. You know, it wouldn't make her do it in the Navigator.

[Brady]

No, I had. You know, again, it'll come down to Ali to under pressure or something. You know, she's had plenty of pressure between Ronnie and I. I don't understand.

[John Holmberg]

But that's a lot of pressure on your daughter. Oh, okay. Wheel, is it? No pressure. Come on.

[Brady]

Ever be careful, angel. Yeah, Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Precious cargo.

[Brady]

Have you raised your Voice to her. Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

16 year lie. Another lie. That was a terrible lie. See my song should Lies lies in a big well. Congratulations, Kirby. I don't know why you're not at DMV now. Kicking back and waiting your turn with that little number.

[Brady]

She might be good.

[John Holmberg]

Good. That's a good kid right there. Free your parents of all the burdens of the last 16 years of driving you all over. You don't realize the freedom you're about to receive. It's probably going to hurt you because.

[Brady]

You like driving right now. Are you at the dmv?

[John Holmberg]

Glorious thing.

[Brady]

It is very freeing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's got to be the best watching my friends faces change when their kids. Their last kid gets a driver's license. Amazing.

[Brady]

And I was worried because like you had told me right around the time Alex got his. His.

[John Holmberg]

They're like kids don't want to drive anymore for, for a brief period of time.

[Brady]

He wasn't really into it. Got him his car.

[John Holmberg]

He was gone every day. That's all I did was drive around. Gone every day. I love it. I still want to do it real quick.

[Brady]

Oh, John, can you have Kirby come to my house? My stupid wife has trouble pulling forward into the driveway to park without hitting goddamn garage door.

[John Holmberg]

The door has to be up. It's a simple rule, lady. And she got a license. She's got to be high, okay? If Kirby fails, this guy's wife can't figure out when to get in and out of the garage. When the door's down, she got a license. Everybody should be able to get a driver's license. It's dummies fail those tests, Kirby. I'm putting that heat on you right now. This is real pressure. Don't hit the garage door. This is real pressure from a real father figure. You fail that thing, you're never gonna get a car. You're walking everywhere. Because that means you're the dumbest person on the planet. Don't fail the driver driver's test.

[Brady]

Evidently they failed it. Nope. She's saying, I guess I can't make an appointment until tomorrow. And I go, well, we can just go in, can't we?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

She says, yeah, but I guess my six months isn't up until tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's her birthday. She's fine.

[Brady]

So she says, I don't know, we. We could. Maybe they'll make an exception.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, there's no exception. Fight for it. You're 16. Get your ass in there. You got a birth certificate? You're fine, Brady.

[Brady]

You need to start getting used to the phrase, go to. Go to the store and pick up some milk. Go fill up my car. Go pick that up for me. Go pick up your mother.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's ready. Go to hell. Wow. What? Yeah, get used to this.

[Brady]

Elizabeth Banks was choking and had to be saved by a coworker.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my.

[Brady]

You can relate to her.

[John Holmberg]

I have choked and Toledo has thrown me around a room until I stopped choking. Actually wasn't choking. Co worker help her.

[Brady]

She was working on.

[John Holmberg]

Did the co worker help me? No, that's why I was asking.

[Brady]

Yeah, he really was drinking. A co worker came through. She came out of her trailer and she was choking and she gave him the signal somehow, you know, turned her back. Guy gave her Heimlich. Out came the P. A P, A P. What did she say yours was? Steakhouse.

[John Holmberg]

Steakhouse central syndrome. It was. Well, it was that hot potato. Hot potato. I saw somebody dying. I just took a drink and looked the other way. Yeah. Oh, this guy's not doing too great. You and the waitress at Texas Grill. Yep. Give me another vodka soda while I'm waiting the drinks off. While I was getting the Heimlich, she reached under Toledo's arms and put him on the table. And all I remember was my. The last words I would have heard if I had continued. Continued to choke would have been, oh, my. Because that was it. That lady was just like, wow, you guys are kind of in my way.

[Brady]

People are voting on rancor right now on which great musicians aren't really great singers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. There's a lot of those.

[Brady]

The top five right now. Musicians. So they're playing an instrument also currently.

[John Holmberg]

Someone who's just a good musician but doesn't sing well.

[Brady]

Yeah. Top five right now. Bob Dylan.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say Bob Dylan is the all time. Neil Young.

[Brady]

Paula Abdul's number four.

[John Holmberg]

She's not a musician.

[Brady]

That's how they're putting them on there. Tom Waits, number three. Neil Young, number two.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Jennifer Lopez, number one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. But is she a musician? She doesn't play anything. She just.

[Brady]

I know that's what I'm thinking, but I guess they're.

[John Holmberg]

People are just currently really mad at her.

[Brady]

Your voice is an instrument.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. Trust me.

[Brady]

Disagree.

[John Holmberg]

Pick up a guitar and start singing and see which one you can do faster.

[Brady]

Trying to think. Dave Mustaine's number eight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's. That's about right.

[Brady]

Brian Johnson, number 11.

[John Holmberg]

No way. I had to do back in black on Friday. That's a. That's a killer, man.

[Brady]

Ozzy 16.

[John Holmberg]

Ozzy can sing. He used to be able to. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Age does get us all, Vince. Neil's got to be on there now. Even back in the day, he could sing.

[Brady]

Yeah, they. They don't have them on there back in the day. Mick Jagger, Jack White.

[John Holmberg]

Mick Jagger. The most unique voices in all of music. Take that back.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.