Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Show

Episode: Full Show – Thursday, August 28, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD, Hubbard Radio

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode is a quintessential morning show blend of irreverent Arizona talk radio: a mix of pop culture, bizarre news, local color, listener engagement, and deeply unserious, rapid-fire comic banter. John Holmberg leads his core crew (Brady, Bret, Toledo) through a morning packed with weird news, Olympics gossip, sexual innuendo, Arizona observations, listener letters, and a relentless stream of jokes. Throughout, the team riffs on the absurdities of fame, human nature, and their own personal histories. No topic is safe from their offbeat lens.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Olympic News, Sexy Ambushes, and “Cheese Panties”

Timestamps: 03:00 – 07:00, 12:30 – 20:00

• Olympic absurdities: The guys riff on an Italian gymnast featured in an odd commercial—“doing the splits on a bunch of rolls of cheese”—and the inherent sex appeal of Olympic broadcasts. “Men’s swimmers get the ladies all going… the dick’s bigger because of global warming!” (John, 04:23)
• Weird sexualization and confusion over athlete ages: “The danger of that is she might be eleven, but she could also be like, thirty-three.” (John, 03:41) Brady reassures: “She’s 21.” (Brady, 03:45)
• Cheese panties: Several callbacks to jokes and stories about “cheese panties.” Brady insists, “Last year we learned the term cheese panties on your show!” (Brady, 06:21)
• Follow-up story: “Michelle” writes in about accidentally wearing someone else’s panties after a one-night stand—sparking a longer conversation about Victoria’s Secret fitting rooms, the scourge of “try-on” panties, hygiene, and stories of gross-out moments in shopping for underwear.
  • “The last barrier between heaven and his mouth is that stupid plastic around [Velveeta slices].” (John, 12:01)
  • “Putting on someone else’s cheese panties is horrifying. I wouldn’t even tell anybody, but she told me.” (John, 12:30)

2. Grindr & Different Dating Realities

Timestamps: 08:00 – 11:00

• John shares the comic differences between grindr and dating apps for straight men and women.
  • “You just got rid of all the stuff that bothers us! … beautiful evening and maybe it leads to something … Grindr: Here’s my dick—wow, you just got rid of all the stuff that bothers us.” (John, 09:50)
  • “Any dude that says I’ll blow you and I’ll give you a few bucks for it … I’m intrigued.” (John, 08:29)
• Brady jokes about the financial potential—“400 bucks a week right now … What are you doing at night? I’m in a cage at a gay bar.” (Brady, 11:09)
• Longer riff on how men’s versus women’s approaches to sex/dating are just fundamentally different.

3. Listener Letters: “Gary’s Tumor & Cheating Wife” Saga

Timestamps: 48:15 – 61:00

• A listener named Gary: Diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, he rummages his wife’s phone and discovers pictures of her with “wieners in her mouth.”
  • “(Listener) Gary, basically got diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and … found pictures of her with wieners in her mouth. Sorry, that’s funny!” (John, 48:14)
• The news spreads because a listener tips off Gary’s wife. Holmberg: “Guess what? She’s mad at me. I’m laughing non-stop. Effing whore.” (John, 48:18)
• Extended bit on possible revenge and the absurdity of the situation (impersonating “Rico Blaze”).
• Consistent callback to how listeners’ stories of terminal diagnoses seem to lead to revelations of marital cheating.
  • “If you’re dying, listen to us. You might want to check your wife’s phone … they leave.” (John, 59:19)
  • “If you’re dying, let us know the results.” (Brady, 60:32)

4. Animal Oddities: The Kentucky Meat Shower and Vulture Mating Orgies

Timestamps: 31:26 – 46:00

• Kentucky Meat Shower: The hosts marvel about an actual museum in Kentucky for an event in 1876 where “it started raining meat.”
  • “A lady on her patio started getting smashed with meat… The closest thing they can figure was vultures went over her house and threw up.” (John, 31:56)
  • Theorizing about vulture orgies as an explanation.
  • Brady’s unique Arizona wildlife tips: “I’ve seen 200 vultures all circling at Gilbert” (Brady, 36:07), but can’t produce the video.
• Explores topics of meat showers, bird mating, and why Kentuckians and Bostonians fixate on such regional oddities.

5. Food, Fast Food News, and Local Restaurant Roasts

Timestamps: 74:02 – 76:01, 78:48 – 79:33

• New McDonald's sandwich news: “The McDonald's Chicken Big Mac is going to be available in the next three months in the US. Fried? Yeah, it's fried.” (79:02)
• Satirical jabs at an Ethiopian restaurant opening in Phoenix:
  • “Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and they open restaurants in Phoenix… If you’re a caring Ethiopian, open your restaurant in Ethiopia!” (John, 74:02)

6. Absurd Breakup Pranks

Timestamps: 63:28 – 69:25

• Prank in Australia: Man posts flyers all around town offering $100 for the best Chewbacca impression—using his ex’s phone number, resulting in “23,000 phone calls.” (John, 64:15)
  • “That is a pretty great prank if you’re gonna be bitter about a breakup and not, like, break the law.” (John, 65:38)
  • Extra petty twist: He also parked his car in her driveway and removed the tires so it couldn’t be towed.

7. Brady Report: News Oddities & Random Trivia

Timestamps: 72:19 – 93:43

• Random facts: The Canadian tuxedo's denim origin, Ethiopia’s unique calendar, the accidental decapitation of a Bob's Big Boy statue, and McDonald’s menu innovations.
• Bizarre accidents: Story of an Austrian surgeon letting his 13-year-old daughter drill a man’s skull during a medical emergency, weird take-your-daughter-to-work moments.
  • “There's absolutely nothing good about take-your-daughter-to-work day in a regular place, let alone skull surgeon!” (John, 89:49)
• Personal tales: John’s junior high experience in “agriculture class,” which included watching a teacher artificially inseminate a horse.

8. Self-Reflection & Listener Engagement

Timestamps: 100:19 – 113:08

• Holmberg’s masturbation math: “It’s been 15,348 days since my 10th birthday… there is no way I have not averaged one a day for these 42 years.” (John, 101:45)
  • Brady does the math: that’s about 120 gallons over 42 years, “about half a pallet.”
  • Extended segment comparing self-abuse volume to water pallets and beer cases.
  • “That would be like you trying to figure out how many pounds of macaroni…” (John, 106:22)
• Reflections and personal stories about discovering masturbation, with Catholics versus non-Catholics offering awkward-for-radio background on their formative years.

9. Email Etiquette & Listener Volume

Timestamps: 116:54 – 128:45

• The crew addresses a handful of obsessive listeners:
  • “Have a succinct thought. Knock it down. If we get more than 95 emails from a single person in the morning, that's too many.” (John, 116:54)
  • Over-participation and advice to consolidate email thoughts for the sake of everyone’s sanity.
• Fun asides about the way people used to have to confront or block overbearing friends before digital communications.

10. Parental Eccentricities and Generational Gaps

Timestamps: 131:56 – 148:38

• John’s dad stories: Deep-dive into the peculiar practice of tucking T-shirts into underwear; generational fashion, work boot routines, and the comfort of coming home to a quasi-military, gun-wielding father.
  • “Happy birthday, Dan. And just realize that everyone on the planet thinks it’s weird to tuck your t-shirt into your underpants.” (John, 133:41)
• Anecdotes about parents with weird habits at home; contrasting commando and boxer-family lifestyles among the crew.

11. Entertainment Drill & Local Life

Timestamps: 150:04 – 161:17

• Birthday for Kirby: John teases Brady about his daughter finally getting her driver’s license at 16—and the parental relief at not having to shlep her around.
• Elizabeth Banks’ choking scare: Parallel to John’s own public choking incident.
• Musicians who can’t sing: Ongoing online poll; Bob Dylan and Neil Young top the list, “Jennifer Lopez” gets roasted as #1 for least deserving “musician” status.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The Olympics are just basically some sort of sexual fever dream for the viewers.” – John Holmberg (04:00)
• “Michelle, I don’t believe that’s your friend. I believe you’re right. No one would ever tell that story. So clearly that’s you putting on another woman’s panties. Used ones.” – John, on the “cheese panties” email (12:30)
• “If you’re dying, they leave. And if you’re dying, let us know the results.” – Brady, on terminal illness and cheating spouses (60:34)
• “A lady on her patio started getting smashed with meat. The closest thing they can figure was vultures went over her house and threw up.” – John, on the “Kentucky Meat Shower” (31:56)
• “That’s not weird. It’s pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.” – John, recurring meta-break (throughout, eg. 20:52)
• “[On listener email volume]…We got 97 from one guy yesterday. That’s too much!” – John (121:13)
• “Ethiopians have the nerve to beg for food and then open restaurants in Phoenix.” – John, restaurant roast (74:02)
• “If you’re going to be a bitter prick, what you could do is just move on and never talk to them again. Which is the quality of a breakup.” – John, on break-ups and creativity (68:13)
• “It’s been 15,348 days since my 10th birthday. There is no way I have not averaged one a day for these 42 years.” – John, on self-reflection and masturbation math (101:45)

Tone and Style

• Raw, fast, banter-heavy: Rapid shifts between personal stories, pop culture, satire, sexual/sophomoric jokes, Arizona-local in-jokes, and audience interaction.
• Unfiltered, “not safe for work”: Jokes, rants, and stories frequently veer into the raunchy or dark, but with playful camaraderie.
• Listener participation: Actively read (and roast) listener letters live, mining them for punchlines and extended riffing.
• Recurring “bits”: “Cheese panties,” “best-of emails,” references to staff and listener foibles, long-form call-backs to earlier jokes and segments.

Quick Reference: Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------|--------------| | Olympics, Sex & Cheese Panties | Olympic events as sex-ed for adults, gymnast & cheese, cheese panties intro & stories | 03:00 – 07:00, 12:30 – 20:00 | | Dating Differences & Grindr | Dudes on Grindr vs women’s dating app behavior | 08:00 – 11:00 | | Listener Letters: Gary's Tumor | Listener saga of cheating wife + cancer, comic reactions | 48:15 – 61:00 | | Kentucky Meat Shower & Vultures | Bizarre KY history, vulture courtship dances | 31:26 – 46:00 | | Absurd Breakup Pranks | Chewbacca contest revenge & ex’s phone | 63:28 – 69:25 | | Food and Restaurant Roasting | Ethio restaurant, McDonald’s Chicken Big Mac | 74:02 – 79:33 | | Trader’s Reports, Random Trivia | Canadian tuxedo, Bob’s Big Boy decapitation, McD's | 72:19 – 93:43 | | Masturbation Math and Pallet Talk | John calculates 42 years of self-pleasure | 100:19 – 113:08 | | Email Etiquette Rant | Addressing listener over-emailing | 116:54 – 128:45 | | Parental Eccentricities | Dad’s t-shirt/underwear tucking, home security | 131:56 – 148:38 |

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness maintains its reputation as Arizona’s top morning show with another full-bore episode: unfiltered, joke-packed, and deeply Arizona-centric. Major threads include: sexualization of Olympic coverage, listener stories of terminal illness and infidelity, bizarre animal news (the Kentucky Meat Shower as vulture barf), and constant riffing on personal lives, food, and streaming listener interactions (both absurd and poignant). It’s equal parts locker room, local radio, and cult comedy clubhouse—never family-friendly, but fiercely loyal to longstanding in-jokes and listener engagement. If you want to catch up, read this summary and you’ve got the episode’s big themes, best stories, and the inside track on Arizona’s wildest radio.