09-01-25 - BR - MIX - 3x - The God Fish - Girls Pooping Dot Com - Lee Greenwood Fight BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - 09-01-25

Episode Title: BR - MIX - 3x - The God Fish - Girls Pooping Dot Com - Lee Greenwood Fight BO
Date: September 1, 2025
Host & Crew: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

---

Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a quintessential blend of edgy humor, irreverent news commentary, and the signature banter among John, Brady, and crew. The team covers a bizarre array of stories: from the Iraq War and its strange developments (including “landmine monkeys”), to a notorious defecation-themed website, to an alleged “God fish” that supposedly spoke Hebrew, to a hilariously misinformed Lee Greenwood patriotism spat. The tone is consistently sardonic and offbeat, making light of world events, absurd news, and their own questionable ideas.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Iraq War Updates and Absurdities

• Timestamps: 03:07 – 06:56, 13:06 – 16:39
• Brady reads the “Brady Report” with updates on coalition movements near Baghdad, including overviews of infantry, tanks, and air support.
• Discussion of potential Iraqi chemical weapon use, and skepticism over Saddam Hussein’s health and whereabouts (pre-recorded TV appearances).
• Highlighted Absurdity: Morocco offers “2,000 monkeys trained to step on landmines,” prompting a riff session about “landmine monkeys.”
  • Holmberg (07:13): “How do they know they're trained to do it? They’ve never actually done it—they wouldn’t be around anymore!”
  • Brady and Holmberg joke about training, PETA attacks, and buying one to use in their own yard.
• Discussion of war expenditures ($75 billion estimate) and predicted casualties.

2. Wild News Oddities

• Timestamps: 08:32 – 11:00, 19:21 – 20:56
• Swedish Love Disaster: Man walks in on girlfriend with three other men—stabbings ensue.
• Stolen Car, Stolen Baby, Stolen...Everything: Woman in New York forgets the (stolen) car she left her baby in after a burglary.
• Auto-Romance Survey: 50% of survey respondents have “relations with themselves” while driving; the crew jokes about their own (non-)experiences.
  • Holmberg (10:46): “You've done the old self-gratification right there behind the wheel.”
  • Brady: “No, I have not done.”
  • Holmberg: “It’s worth a try. Do it today, Brady!”

3. Technology & the Never-Melting Popsicle

• Timestamps: 11:59 – 12:27
• A British company, Iceland, claims to have made a popsicle that doesn’t melt—it just turns to jelly.
• Holmberg: “Part of the fun [of popsicles] is getting it all over your hands.”

4. Continued Iraq War Follies

• Timestamps: 13:06 – 16:47
• Bunker Busters & Moabs: Discussion of the massive bombs dropped on Baghdad (photo looks “like an atomic bomb”).
• Iraqi soldiers digging trenches; bold statements from Iraqi defense ministers (“the enemy must come inside Baghdad and it will be its grave.”)
  • Holmberg (14:20): “God, they talk big. I got to give it to them for pregame chatter.”
• British soldiers’ boots melt in the desert, remedied by scavenging Iraqi boots.

5. Documentary Review: “Uncle Saddam”

• Timestamps: 16:03 – 16:47
• Discussion of a new Saddam Hussein documentary showing bizarre candid footage (Saddam being kissed on the armpit, fishing with hand grenades).
• Holmberg: “If I didn’t know it was Saddam Hussein, he sounds like a pretty fun guy, I guess.”

6. Shock Website of the Week: GirlsPooping.com

• Timestamps: 16:48 – 18:18
  • Brady: “We now just discovered www.girlspooping.com... Satan's minions Michael and Sharon Corbett...”
• Website delivers exactly what the title suggests; FBI arrests the site's operators for distributing obscene materials through the US mail.
• Holmberg questions the business: “Is there anybody out there who enjoys that?”

7. Strange Animal Stories

• Timestamps: 19:21 – 20:56
• Dog vs. Shark: In Australia, one dog saves another from a shark.
• Five-Year-Old vs. Python: Girl in Cairns rescues her cat from a python (and is bitten in the process).
• Running joke about “Brady’s Animal Stories” becoming its own segment.

8. The God Fish

• Timestamps: 21:02 – 22:55
  • Story of a carp shouting in Hebrew (“the end is near”) before being clubbed and eaten by its Hasidic and Christian fish cutters.
  • Holmberg (21:56): “And he was tasty. Let me tell you. We heard God talk from the fish's belly, then we fried him up. Kosher delish.”
  • One cutter believes it was God; the other thinks it was Satan.

9. Gross and Bizarre Health Stories

• Timestamps: 22:55 – 25:47
• Fish Odor Syndrome: Rare condition causes sufferers to literally smell like fish.
  • Brady: “Fish odor syndrome is caused when the liver has trouble metabolizing a chemical... the pungent aroma of fish wafts from sweat, urine, and breath.”
• Sweat as a Relaxant: Study shows women relax when exposed to men’s sweat.
  • Holmberg: “So you rub sweat all over a girl and she gets all turned on.”
• Cell Phone Rescue Gone Wrong: Man dies (along with two others) trying to retrieve a phone dropped in an outhouse.

10. Urine Drinking in Cameroon

• Timestamps: 26:33 – 27:24
  • Government threatens to prosecute those promoting drinking urine as a cure-all (including for baldness).
  • Holmberg (27:04): “Is that right? Well, I’m gonna have a little glass of this... I’m growing hair back. Go get me a cup of this.”

11. Lee Greenwood, Fake Patriotism, and Bar Fights

• Timestamps: 27:24 – 28:45
• Rodeo fight breaks out because people didn’t stand for “Proud to Be an American” (not actually the national anthem).
  • Brady (27:24): “This may be news to you, cowboy, but Lee Greenwood's song Proud to be American is not the national anthem.”
  • Holmberg (28:15): “Brownie, get up, stupid. It's our nation anthem. Lee Greenwood done sung this thing..."
• Mockery of superficial patriotic displays.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “landmine monkeys:”
  Holmberg (07:13): “How do they know they're trained to do it? They’ve never actually done it—they wouldn’t be around anymore!”
• On shock websites:
  Brady (17:11): “GirlSpooping.com specializes in the most vile videos you can imagine. Titles like outdoor pooping paradise, tattooed biker chicks pooping... Thirty titles a day and making as much as $280 grand a year off that website.”
• On “God fish:”
  Holmberg (21:56): “We heard God talk from the fish's belly, then we fried him up. Kosher delish.”
• On fake patriotism at a rodeo:
  Brady (27:24): “This may be news to you, cowboy, but Lee Greenwood's song Proud to be American is not the national anthem. You don’t have to stand up for it when it's playing.”
• On cell phone rescues gone wrong:
  Brady (25:47): “Even after three men died in the pit of dookie, a fourth guy was going to jump in, but police stopped him.”

---

Episode Flow/Structure

• The show opens with fast-paced news riffs and immediately segues into a comedic rundown of war updates.
• Absurd news stories interspersed with running jokes and audience engagement (“Brady’s Animal Stories”).
• A consistent pattern emerges: bizarre news headline → exaggerated or sarcastic banter → faux logical conclusions or harebrained suggestions.
• Occasional self-commentary about segment ideas and callbacks to previous episodes.

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode is a rapid-fire, boundary-pushing news/entertainment mix that typifies Holmberg’s Morning Sickness—unfiltered, sometimes crass, seeking humor even (or especially) in the absurd or disturbing corners of world news. The crew’s chemistry and love of the grotesque make for a unique morning drive experience, with plenty of quotable moments for longtime fans.

---

Best For: Listeners who appreciate irreverent takes on global and local news, outrageous stories, and unsparing humor about even the most peculiar topics.

Transcript

[Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most.

[Brady]

Trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. A decade ago, the body of a DC power couple, their 10 year old son and their housekeeper are found in their burning mansion.

[Holmberg]

Six years ago.

[Brady]

Our podcast detailing the crime and the killer's trial is named one of the year's best by the Associated Press. Now we are re releasing it as 22 hours a second look with new content. It's a story told by journalists, witnesses, jurors and now the victim's family find 22 hours a second look. Wherever you listen to podcasts, the Labor Day event is going on now at your thirteen Valley Chevy dealer. Get exciting offers on head turning lineup including Silverado. From off road adventures to workday tasks, this truck has the strength to take on what's next. Or check out the Chevy Equinox. With excellent fuel efficiency and bold design, this SUV lets you take on the world in style. Then there's Traverse or Trax. All ready for your next big road trip. Don't miss out. The Labor Day Valley Chevy sales event is going on now at all 13 Valley Chevy dealers. Visit your Valley Chevy dealer today.

[Holmberg]

Hey, you want to win $979?

[Brady]

Well, check this out. Handle the Heat is back with another.

[Holmberg]

Chance to win and another chance to check out a Holmberg special on the menu at Native Grill and Wings.

[Brady]

That's right. Join the HMS Crew at Native Grill and Wings during one of our 4U.

[Holmberg]

Brews for a chance to participate in Handle the Heat.

[Brady]

That's Holmberg's hot wing eating contest. For details on all the contest rules, head to 98ku. Think you can handle the heat? Well, bring your appetite and find out.

[Holmberg]

It's all brought to you by Native Grill and Wings. All they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of homebrew's morning sickness. It is time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends. Man, are they our friends now at all. Pro Shade. I was searching for shade. I did the dummy. It's an annual event for me. I can make it out there without shoes. I'll be all right. Two steps torched. I couldn't make it to the pool. It's horrible. I do it every year. And every year I tell myself, you know, this is a bad idea. And I ran out there thinking that I just. All I had to do is just go out to one spot and come back. And within two steps my feet were on fire and I had already committed to I, I did it but my toes were blistered. It was terrible. What I needed was shade Brady and all pro Shade helps you with that. They'll get you shade in the backyard. The best friend of everybody in Phoenix is shade in the summertime. And these are the best people in the world to give it to you. 20 years of shade means two decades of quality custom installed patio shades, awnings and sunscreen. And all you guys have to do is head over to allprochade.com and check out everything they've got for you to make your life shady. The last of home birth's morning sickness. Dale, hella straight is a pinhead. Anyway, it's the Brady report. Ready, go.

[Brady]

You can take a shot.

[Holmberg]

No, that's fine. I was going to make a chest reference to as big as Dale's chest, but that's impossible.

[Brady]

Last night coalition ground forces were within 50 miles of Baghdad. And our question is how many miles can we go in a 24 hour period?

[Holmberg]

We've been going kind of slow. We covered like 200 miles the first couple of days and then it's like five miles a day.

[Brady]

Well, coalition planes and helicopters have been pummeling the Republican guard forces on the ground just south of the city. But they can't get everyone from the air. So the battle will have to be fought on the ground at some point. And they don't know how accurate this is. But the London sun gives the following tale of the tape, if you will, the matchup. Iraq, 36,000 infantry and 500 aging tanks, mostly of Soviet design. Right, versus the coalition.

[Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

60,000 infantry, 450 tanks and 100 Apache helicopters providing air support. There's some concern that Iraqi forces have, have been ordered to use chemical weapons on coalition forces once they get a certain distance from the city. Pretty interesting.

[Holmberg]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if that happens because when they get they got nothing, it's last resort time for them. So we throw in the gas mask, we start mowing people down. No rules. I watched last night. Oh, this was great. Alexander Haig, who was the former secretary for Reagan and everything else and, and Bush, he was in the Bush administration, said, I don't like what we're doing. I need more violence in my war. And I'm like, yes, we need to be more violent. I think if we step up the violence, this will be much better. He must use the word violence like eight times. The reporter hated hearing that. You say the word violence, Sir, I'm not real sure what you. No, no more killing. You know, innocents have to die in war. That's just the way it is, man. We need this guy running the show.

[Brady]

Even though Saddam Hussein may be wounded or dead, as we've been getting reports on that, he somehow managed to appear on TV again looking like a very healthy, maniacal dictator. The thing is though, the video had 67 edits in it. And he praised divisions of his military that haven't even fought yet. He even gave props to a lieutenant general in his army who surrendered four days ago. So there's loads of speculation the video was pre recorded.

[Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady]

To be fair, he did make some references to specific areas, such as Basra, where fighting has occurred. But officials say that's where the fight is going to occur.

[Holmberg]

To begin with, man, they knew that would happen.

[Brady]

The total cost of the war was presented to Congress. 75 billion.

[Holmberg]

That's.

[Brady]

That's based upon 30 days. Exactly.

[Holmberg]

Imagine that. I can't even. I can't even fathom that cost per day. I don't even general idea what that would be. Well, amazing.

[Brady]

Some of you might remember General Barry McCaffrey as the Dopey drug czar who was the guy that had the Gulf War general at that time, one of the top commanders. He's pretty solid source and he says what it's going to take to win this war. He told the BBC prepared to have about 3,000American and British casualties.

[Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

General says the fighting in Baghdad and Saddam's hometown of Tikrit will be especially brutal. And he thinks that we should go there with even more troops than were the 6,000 that were thrown in there. His point is, you know, man, let's not make this a political war. Because we've seen what happened to us in the past political wars.

[Holmberg]

The last ones we've been in, the big ones, yeah, everyone we've been in since Korea, even Korea.

[Brady]

Here's the last little war nugget. There's always danger of stepping on landmines because the whole country of Iraq's loaded with them. Well, Morocco is supposedly offering us 2,000 monkeys trained to step on landmines for us.

[Holmberg]

How do they do that?

[Brady]

According to the Moroccan newspaper, some of the kamikaze monkeys will be homegrown and will be imported. But they're all be trained to detonate landmines with their monkey hands.

[Holmberg]

How do they know that they're trained to do it? They've never actually done it. They wouldn't be around anymore.

[Brady]

That's right. Well, I guess they train these landmine monkeys.

[Holmberg]

That's horrible.

[Brady]

I know.

[Holmberg]

We have landmine sweepers and they offered it up. What does a landmine monkey run a guy?

[Brady]

I don't know. We'll. We'll try to find out. But if, if that happens, Morocco better brace themselves for terrorist attacks from PETA.

[Holmberg]

Man, oh man, that's one of horrible things I've ever seen or heard. And you know what? There's gonna be a few leftover landmine monkeys that are going right out to aj. Yeah, that's my monkey. He helps me mow the grass and do some things. And damn it all if he doesn't.

[Brady]

Pounce on landmines like there's no tomorrow. I want to see the cages open up and they let out like 50 monkeys just through the desert.

[Holmberg]

Just stuff blowing up left and right. Look at those monkeys. All clear. Thanks monkeys.

[Brady]

Then you got one monkey that gets smart. It says, no, there's not one here. It's safe here.

[Holmberg]

So my buddies just stepping on those. Step on it, monkey. No, the better training them monkeys to flip them off too, because they're gonna, they're gonna learn that middle finger. Damn.

[Brady]

Well you think your relationship is going sour? Well, 38 year old man from Malmo, Sweden, came home from the night out of town to find his hot Swedish girlfriend in bed with three other men. The naughty was pulling a train. Needless to say, the man flipped out, stabbed one of them. Though the wound from the stabbing was minor. Sure, but it was a friend of his and two of his buddies. Oh, I guess you couldn't say he's a friend of his anymore.

[Holmberg]

What does the third guy do in that situation?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Holmberg]

There's. I guess there's.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, there is. There's options.

[Holmberg]

There's only three. I guess if there was a fourth, then I'd have a valid question.

[Brady]

On Saturday night in Scotia, New York, Melinda Kelly called 911 to say her car had been stolen with a three month old baby inside. The cops immediately started a search. Broadcast bulletin about the missing car in the news. Two hours later, a couple of pedestrians who'd seen the APB on TV spotted Melinda's car and her baby was still inside, alive and well. But that's not the end of the story. You see, during the routine questioning, Melinda admitted to police that she had never been. She. It wasn't her car. She stole the car. She just forgot where she parked it. Oh, during the burglary she committed nearby with her baby. With her baby inside the car.

[Holmberg]

Nice. So it's mother baby bandits. Here's the monkeys that step on landmines.

[Brady]

Morning sickness. Report of the day. The newest survey.

[Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Truly shocking. According to a new survey in British auto magazine Max Power, 50% of you have had relations with yourself while driving a long road trip.

[Holmberg]

Done that.

[Brady]

I guess 10 minutes or above is a long road trip.

[Holmberg]

How about you?

[Brady]

Sure.

[Holmberg]

Have you really? No.

[Brady]

No you haven't.

[Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

No. But the survey also shows that 50 of you received a hum hum behind the wheel. 20 have had full action real somehow driving.

[Holmberg]

That's impressive.

[Brady]

And 25 have done a j. Rolled a doobie.

[Holmberg]

Oh, I. You know, I've sat next to people who are doing that. It makes me a little nervous while operating. You've done the old self gratification right there behind the wheel.

[Brady]

No, I have not done.

[Holmberg]

It's worth a try. Do it today, Brady. Give it a go.

[Brady]

You need to live a little while driving.

[Holmberg]

While driving. I did it on the freeway once and it's fun because when trucks pull up next, you gotta stop.

[Brady]

I just have a problem with visibility. The windshield just get.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, you just cover. You're worried the indoor windshield wipers have to kick off. Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy. A dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood. The latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros. Plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. And of course all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com Wondery Hberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

Here's the techno technic technology. Thank you. An English company called Iceland has created a popsicle that never melts. This means it won't drip onto your already sticky and disgusting children. I didn't make that part up that much. A strawberry flavored popsicle is made from a special secret formula. So when it starts to defrost, it turns into jelly and maintains its shape. Pretty funky.

[Holmberg]

I don't know I don't know.

[Brady]

I still like a popsicle that melts.

[Holmberg]

Yep, part of the fun, getting it all over your hands. Where do we get the bomb? Stepping on monkeys, the landmine sweeping monkeys.

[Brady]

I'll check if there's a website.

[Holmberg]

There's a website because we will get one and I swear to God there'll be water balloon bombs under everything that he's designed to step on and we'll be shooting monkeys through the air like nobody's business.

[Brady]

Kamikaze monkeys dot com.

[Holmberg]

No, I'm all over that. I'm checking that out. I'm gonna do a search on Google or Yahoo or something. I got landmines all over my backyard. Get me a monkey. If you're looking for one of those monkeys too and you happen to find it, please, for God's sakes, I'll go havesies with you. This will be great. We'll split that monkey.

[Brady]

Unfortunately, they're now pretty sure that Saddam is alive and calling the shots. Here's what we need to know. US government officials are now fairly certain that Saddam Hussein is alive and is in control of his military. They think he's constantly on the move through a series of underground catacombs that lead from one bunker to the next in and around Baghdad. Incidentally, defense officials confirmed last night the first 5,000 pound bunch of buster was dropped an unspecified target during the Baghdad bombing run yesterday.

[Holmberg]

Did you see it? Did you see the explosion? It's on the COVID of the paper actually. Look at this thing. What the heck is feeding back? Look at that. On the COVID of the paper today they have a picture of the bunker buster blowing up and it literally looked like an atomic bomb. What I would assume an atomic bomb would look like. I know it's smaller but.

[Brady]

And they go up to £20,000 on those babies.

[Holmberg]

21,000 is the MOAB.

[Brady]

Iraqi troops are currently taking up positions and around Baghdad. They're even digging trenches downtown. Their goal is to force coalition forces to come into the city and fight. Defense minister Sultan Hashem Ahmed said yesterday, quote, the enemy must come inside Baghdad and it will be its grave.

[Holmberg]

Wow. God, they talk big. I got to give it to them for pregame chatter. They're the best. They're kind of like the fighter against Mike Tyson in the early 80s or late 80s that used to always mouth off. This will be the end of Mike. He's going down. He steps in that ring, I'm going to drop him. Yeah, but they just a lot of chatter and they'd cause a lot of you Know, interest. But I don't think it's going to happen.

[Brady]

Well, our British friends, the soldiers, have been hiking around the desert and they've been having a little problem with their boots. The soles have been melting off. They've been eroding away because the desert line, they didn't. They didn't design a good boot. No problems. They stumbled upon a little Iraqi warehouse full of Iraqi soldiers.

[Holmberg]

Boots.

[Brady]

Boots.

[Holmberg]

Beautiful.

[Brady]

So they're suited up and they're wearing those. Now.

[Holmberg]

I have an issue too, that our humanitarian efforts, it's just we're being way too nice to fight this war. But our humanitarian efforts outside some of the cities, every time we give out food, they attack the truck of food and they take all the food, which is fine. That's the whole purpose. And then they start chanting that they'll die for Saddam. With our heart, our soul, our blood will die for Saddam. All right, well, then if you're holding food that we gave you and you're chanting for Saddam, that's a bullet in the brain. That's what that just cost you.

[Brady]

They're saying that because they want to stay alive after the truck leaves because Saddam will go around and cap everyone.

[Holmberg]

That's no, because we're holding these cities. We're still there. But if you. If you get the food from us, you know, do the chance on the side. Just say thank you and walk away. You don't need to start chanting how you're gonna kill us after we feed you. Yeah, that's. That's the price you pay. We need to be a little bit more hard ass in those departments. Fire off on the first guy that starts the chant. Send the message. Those people understand that.

[Brady]

Well, there's a documentary that'll be coming out Wednesday on DVD called Uncle Saddam. Don't be fooled by the title. The film isn't sympathetic to Saddam. It looks at him in a crazy. Like a crazy uncle. The film shows incredibly candid footage of Saddam being kissed on the armpit.

[Holmberg]

Ew.

[Brady]

Showing off his sweet collection of hats and fishing on a lake with hand grenades.

[Holmberg]

It's grandpa, the home video.

[Brady]

French journalist made it in 2000.

[Holmberg]

He's throwing hand grenades in a legs.

[Brady]

He's fishing.

[Holmberg]

Gotta say, if I didn't know it was Saddam Hussein. He sounds like a pretty fun guy, I guess.

[Brady]

It's coming out Wednesday on dvd.

[Holmberg]

Wait a minute. It's legal in Iraq to fish with a grenade? We can't even use nets. Wow.

[Brady]

Unbelievable.

[Holmberg]

That's kind of a cool thing.

[Brady]

We're very Sorry to have to bring this to the news, but we now just discovered www.girlspooping.com.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

The feds are shutting it down. As of yesterday the website was still up, but the extremely heinous people running it, Satan's minions Michael and Sharon Corbett of Lewisburg, West Virginia. It's not down yet. Were arrested.

[Holmberg]

Oh God.

[Brady]

For sending very obscene material for the U. S. Mail. GirlSpooping.com specializes in the most vile videos you can imagine. With titles like outdoor pooping paradise, tattooed biker chicks pooping, and according to a report from a u. S. Postal inspector, they feature quote, adult female defecation, urination and flower lattice.

[Holmberg]

I tell you, there's a woman who weighs probably 400 pounds on girls pooping.

[Brady]

The report from the feds also mentions a bowel cam and quote, violent defecation and whatever foul and putrid act you can imagine being done with stinky. They've got it on video if nothing else. It was a good business. And a good business for the happily married West Virginian hillbillies. The fed said they're shopping. They're shipping up to 30 titles a day and making as much as 280 grand a year off that website.

[Holmberg]

Is there anybody at all out there who enjoys that? I gotta be honest, I, I, it's.

[Brady]

Just like I said, satan's minions.

[Holmberg]

I mean, you're the devil. If you even want to reach down and touch your own poop, you're the devil. If you don't flip out when the toilet paper gives gives way and your thumb shoots through. You're the devil who wants to play with it, let alone sexually.

[Brady]

Better news, 39 year old Scott Joseph Abro of Longmont. Longmont, Colorado. Jesus.

[Holmberg]

Holy cow.

[Brady]

Is a caucasian persuasion. He's celebrating his 100,000 mile on his Cadillac. Celebrate with champagne. Champagne in the car.

[Holmberg]

You almost said it.

[Brady]

I know. And somewhere around the 100,000 one mile, Scott slammed his caddy head on into a tree.

[Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

The police found the car in a nearby trailer park with major front end damage. And Scott inside with a bloody face. Scott claims he hit the tree while I was checking on the dog in the back seat. But the cops arrest him for drunk driving.

[Holmberg]

100,001. Nice job, Scott. And finally, Brady, there's two.

[Brady]

And the final two stories real quick. In Perth, Australia, a happy little dog went for a swim in the ocean and was dragged under by a six and a half foot shark. But check this out. A second dog that belonged to the same owner ran into the water, attacked the shark and Made the save. Both dogs came out unscathed.

[Holmberg]

Black like a doll's eyes till he bites India.

[Brady]

Then they roll back white. Finally, we'll keep it in Australia. Here's this for trauma. Your five year old girl and you walk out into your backyard to find your pet kitty being eaten by a python. The five year old Marley Coleman of Cairns, Australia found a python with its jaws wrapped around her kitty, Sooty. So little Marley wrestled the snake and the python defended itself by biting girl's lips. It was still hanging from her face when Marley's mom came into the picture. She shook the snake off, it disappeared and both Sudie and Marley eventually recovered from the attack.

[Holmberg]

Aww. Whoops. There you go. That's the second day in a row you've had some quality cat stories, Brady. We should start Brady's animal stories. Holmberg's morning sickness. That's a good idea, not a bad idea. Brady's Little PETA's sponsors it. And you just do animal stories because this week we've been loaded. The monkeys that stomp on bombs, the flying pussy that blows up in the air over Norway.

[Brady]

The ufo.

[Holmberg]

The ufo. The unidentified flying. What was the thing? The ufp. Unidentified Flying Pussy. Yeah, pretty good stuff.

[Brady]

We've got some good news and some bad news this morning. The good news is God has returned and he's taken the form of a 20 pound fish. The bad news is God has been clubbed to death and eaten. The story's bizarre, so hang with me, all right? In late January, in the town of new square, New York, 30 miles north of Manhattan, two fish cutters, 57 year old Hasidic Jew named Zalman Rosen and his Christian co worker Louis Novello were preparing to slaughter a 20 pound carp when it suddenly shouted in Hebrew. Both men heard it. The talking fish said quote Tazarek, Shemaiah and Hazabah, which it roughly means. Everyone better take account for themselves because the end is near. Lewis doesn't speak Hebrew though he said he heard the fish scream and naturally Lewis assumed it was Satan. Sure, Salman and his other Hasidic Jews from around the world believe this shouting fish was God in the flesh.

[Holmberg]

And he was tasty. Let me tell you. We heard God talk from the fish's belly, then we fried him up. Kosher delish. Oh, the Lord himself. A little salty.

[Brady]

You are correct. Zalmen and Lewis clubbed it to death, chopped it up and had it for dinner. Anyway, word of the godfish had spread around the world. Lewis can't sleep. He hasn't been Able to sleep, he's been inundated with calls from believers who want to hear about the story firsthand. Meanwhile, on New Square One, Abraham spits. No doubt that the fish talks. He says two men don't dream the same dream. It's very rare. God reminds people he exists in the modern world, but when he does, you cannot ignore it. As for Lewis, he still believes a fish was Satan.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I would believe the fish is Satan as well. That's why. But you gotta eat it. Oy. V. Did you hear that, Louis? The fish says he's got. Let's eat the fish. I'm with you on that.

[Brady]

While you're out partying today on St Patty's Day, there is a disease out there. And this might explain for some of the stuff you come across. It's 200 times worldwide in the last 30 years, but maybe you've encountered it. It's called fish odor syndrome.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

The real name is Trimetha lemire memuria. The fish odor syndrome is easier to say. So let's go with that stink box. More to the point, those who suffer from it smell like fishmongers. It's like chicken of the sea coming out of your pores. Fish odor syndrome is caused when the liver has trouble metabolizing a natural occurring chemical in the body. The result is that the pungent aroma of fish wafts from the person's sweat, urine, and breath. There's no cure except trying to control the disease by cutting fish peas and egg yolks out of your diet.

[Holmberg]

I don't think I've ever met someone like that.

[Brady]

People suffering from fish odor syndrome often turn into hermits because the rest of society can't handle scent. Others just smoke a lot to cover it up. Doctors say fish odor syndrome is still rare, but being diagnosed more and more and as many as 1 in 2000 people have it.

[Holmberg]

Amanda sweats a lot, but she doesn't stink. She smells really. Her sweat smells good. You like, encourage her to sweat?

[Brady]

Well, good news for the ladies. The next time you're feeling stressed out, you could relief your smooth, cooling flavor of nicotine. Instead of going to the nicotine, you could just nuzzle up to a sweaty man. Biologists from the University of Pennsylvania took a sweat from underarms of men and they put it in and blended in. And they took 18 women did a little focus group and it made them more happier and more relaxed. And while it doesn't make the minxes more hornier.

[Holmberg]

Thanks. More hornier?

[Brady]

Yeah, sure.

[Holmberg]

That's exactly what it says.

[Brady]

No.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

It says more is hornierist. Increase the hormones. Typically peaks. It does increase the amount of ovulation going on.

[Holmberg]

So you rub sweat all over a girl and she gets all turned on.

[Brady]

It doesn't smell too bad. According to the ladies. They said they thought they were sniffing alcohol, perfume or lemon floral wax.

[Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Lemon floor wax. What did they take the sweat from? Mr. Clean? Who sweats lemon fresh floor wax smell?

[Brady]

We do, I guess.

[Holmberg]

Yes, I do. Come here, Amanda, and smell this.

[Brady]

Two more reasons why it doesn't suck to live in Kenya. Over half the population lives on less than a dollar a day. If you're rich. If you're a rich canyon with no soul, you can pay a man 13 bucks to jump into a bit of steaming dookie to rescue your cell phone. Oh, and that's exactly what happened. A woman dropped her cell phone down in the pit of a large outhouse and offered $13 to anyone who would recover it. Three guys attempted. Three guys died.

[Holmberg]

They all died in the feet first.

[Brady]

One went down a ladder into the stinky pit and never came back. So a second Kenyan went in there. He slipped and fell and drowned. A third man went in just to save the other two heroes, but he was knocked out by the fumes. Witnesses managed to drag him out, but it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital. Check this. Even after the three men died in the pit of dookie, a fourth guy was going to jump in, but police stopped him.

[Holmberg]

I got not. I'm going in, man. The pile of the feces. I hit a drinking man. Oh, crazy smells in here.

[Brady]

These are the legal issues that we're dealing with. The highly advanced nation of Cameroon. So many people are drinking their urine that the government is threatening to prosecute anyone that promotes drinking. We. A best selling book in Cameroon claims that a glass of urine a day can cure hemorrhoids, ulcers, infertility, snake bites and baldness. One man claims baldness? Yeah. One man claims he didn't have hair on his head for years, but ever since he started drinking his own urine, he's working now with a huge 70s ABA afro.

[Holmberg]

Is that right? Huh? Well, I'm gonna have a little glass of this. Do my world be free here. Hello. Well, that I almost would consider. Then I didn't know it cured baldness. I'm growing her back. Go get me a cup of this. Give me a glass. Amanda, immediately.

[Brady]

Redneck news of the day. This may be news to you, cowboy, but Lee Greenwood's song Proud to be American is not the national anthem. You don't have to stand up for it when it's playing. Unfortunately, some drunken patriots at a rodeo in Houston don't know that 16 year old Felix Finessel and his friends stayed seated during the song. And the redneck behind them started cussing at them for it. He spat at him, spilled his beer on Felix and his friends, and then punched Felix in the face. Felix says the worst part was when the idiot told him to go back to Iraq. You see, Felix is brown skin. He's half Hispanic, half Italian. He's born in Houston. Felix, Laura says, quote, this is phony patriotism. The next time he'll think we need to stand from Okie, from Muskoki.

[Holmberg]

Brownie, get up, stupid. It's our nation anthem. Lee Greenwood done sung this thing. You ever watch wrestling? They play it and Kurt Angle rolls out. You guys go back to Rocky. Yeah, I love the hillbillies. See, there's a reason why patriotism is dangerous in this country.

[Brady]

Because there's too many people who just.

[Holmberg]

Don'T know why they're patriotic and what to be patriotic about. You're only patriotic when the bombs start falling tomorrow.

[Brady]

Yes, you can taste it.

[Holmberg]

It's in the air, can't you? It's right there in the air. Then you stand up for Lee Greenwood and you stand up for anybody who just says america. You stand up when you watch American Idol. Doesn't matter. You can taste it. We're 24 hours away from cheap gas.

[Brady]

That's when there's a run on bald eagles at the pet store.

[Holmberg]

People want them as pets. I want me a bald eagle. Man, we're killing brown people. Yeah, that's it. Tomorrow, if the gas prices go down. And I can't wait to watch. You know what? I want to turn on my TV tomorrow and see my children. CNN will rule for the next week.

[Brady]

You want to see Wolf Blitzer covered in muck?

[Holmberg]

Just blood. Wolf Blitzer live. I've been hit by the brains of another Iraqi for crying alone. It's getting dirty down here. Live from bed, there's more. We'll be back. CNN's live coverage of. Children, Please help my children. Oh, there's another burning Iraqi. Well, we'll be back after this.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.