09-01-25 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness — September 1, 2025

Episode: 09-01-25 – FULL SHOW – MONDAY
Host: John Holmberg (with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo)
Station: 98KUPD, Arizona
Summary by AI Podcast Summarizer

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Overview

This packed Monday episode of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" covers a lot of ground, blending irreverent humor, raunchy listener stories, and sharp takes on everything from Bible miniseries acting to car guy quirks and doomsday prepping. The crew’s banter ranges from absurd (Otter Pops as sex toys) to thoughtful (existential breakdown of doomsday survival), anchored by classic, quick-witted KUPD riffing. Notable segments include interactive listener calls about creative—and questionable—household uses for snacks and tools, an unplanned deep dive into prepping, and the always-colorful pop culture/celebrity riff sessions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Gimmicks and Local Promotions

[01:09]
Holmberg introduces a Labor Day wing-eating contest and Native Grill partnership—a typical KUPD blend of local flavor and outrageous challenge.

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2. Childhood Pranks & Nativity Scene Antics

[02:05–05:14]
Listener emails spur stories about "baby Jesus hunting"—where kids swipe nativity Jesuses and return them on Easter. The discussion spirals into confusion and debate about proper nativity etiquette, culminating in a mock-theological debate about Jesus’ time in the drawer.

Highlight:
Holmberg’s deadpan:

"So he has like, you know, a week or two to, you know, perform for everyone… just plastic things. And then Jesus is in a box in the garage for like two weeks. Then that's just disrespectful." [04:06]

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3. Critiquing the Bible Miniseries

[05:14–09:35]
The crew bashes a biblical miniseries for its campy acting and lackluster Jesus, imagining a more charismatic, "showman" messiah. They riff on miracles, calendar systems, and why other religions use the Western (Christian) calendar.

Memorable Quote:

"Somebody that cool with that many, you know, magical gifts should have been on stage somewhere." — Holmberg [09:37]

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4. Religious Satire, Buddha, and Calendars

[09:35–12:48]
Debate continues as Holmberg wonders why non-Christian cultures use the AD system. The conversation pokes fun at religious commercialism, referencing Buddha as a "Lucky Jeans" mascot and the West’s calendar dominance for global business.

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5. Upcoming KUPD Music Festivals & Legalized Weed

[12:48–15:41]
The guys tease possible U Fest lineup additions that might turn the event into an unofficial "weed festival." Conversation veers into celebrity hypotheticals—who would you smoke weed with?

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6. Celebrity Drug Use: Who Would You Get High With?

[13:01–18:43]
Hilarious hypotheticals—Brady and Holmberg riff on whether they'd toke with Snoop Dogg, Cypress Hill, Hall & Oates, Paul McCartney, or even… Jesus.

"If Snoop Dogg's around, I'm smoking weed." —Holmberg [13:09]

“Would you get high with Paul McCartney? ... That’d be tough to turn down.” —Brady [15:39]

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7. Listener Call-in: Unusual Sex Toy Substitutes

[22:57–31:42]
A wild, spontaneous segment erupts as listeners—mostly women—call in with stories about using Otter Pops, candles, and lifesavers as improvised sex toys. The room is both repulsed and fascinated; men start joining in with tales of inventive measures for self-pleasure (pool jets, drills, Maglites, etc.).

Most Memorable Call:

"We used to have some girls come over to the house and we used to use those Bomb Pops. The red, white and blue ones with the ridges... Put those on a cordless drill." —‘Robert’ the caller [28:36]

The vibe: Raucous, NSFW radio at its most unfiltered—total free-for-all.

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8. Taboo Family Hookup – Email Advice Segment

[41:51–43:17]
An email from a listener recounts accidentally hooking up with his cousin—after noticing a picture of his dad at her place. The crew debates whether he should fess up or just ghost, and marvels at the number of cousin-themed submissions they receive.

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9. Body Oddities & Confessions

[47:54–51:23]
Tales of mysterious bumps and bulges unite the team and audience; sales staff and random guys reveal odd bodily quirks (pulsing elbow lumps, forearm "pouches," weird shoulder craters, concave chests). It morphs into a celebration of human imperfection.

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10. Car Guys vs. Non-Car Guys

[106:13–114:41]
A running gag about car guys and their endless projects comes to the fore—Brett reveals he’s got a secret 1957 Ford in his garage. Car maintenance spills into the house; listeners chime in with tales of home engine rebuilding. Non-car-guy John remains baffled, inciting friendly tribalism.

Highlight:

"Car guys always have a car that’s not quite right. I think it’s by design to keep it kind of sick... Vehicular Munchausen." —Holmberg [114:41]

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11. Doomsday Prepping & Marital Strife

[86:13–105:08]
A listener’s complaint about his wife stockpiling prepper supplies snowballs into a sprawling debate about doomsday culture, Mormon prepping, survival buckets, and paranoid American ego. Brady details his own 90-day food/water setup, much to Holmberg’s disbelief.

Quote:

"Anybody that tells me they're a doomsday prepper might as well have a sign that says 'rob me first'." —Holmberg [90:57]

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12. War Talk, News Bites & Current Events

[60:11–85:14]
Brady’s news segment covers coalition advances in Iraq, exotic kamikaze monkeys for landmine sweeping, sex and drugs on road trips, popsicles that never melt, a pooping website bust, animal heroics, and more. Political satire and international news blend with jokes and weird headlines.

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13. Pop Culture, Entertainment, and Impressions

[127:20–138:16]
A classic "Entertainment Drill" includes comedic impressions, celebrity news (gay abstinence, Bell’s palsy, Waka Flocka Flame bus shooting), and riffs on Judas Priest’s farewell tour. The team invents hypothetical reality shows (Brady, Lemmy, and Rob Halford co-touring Europe) with their usual manic, gleeful humor.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Jesus as a showman:
  “He could have put on a hell of a show... All this subtle crap nonsense. If you’re that worried about, you know, spare me all this stuff. You’d have put on some thunderous stuff.” —Holmberg [08:35]

• Listener ‘Robert’ on inventive sex toys:
  “Put those Bomb Pops on a cordless drill...” [28:36]

• On the prepping craze:
  “Invest in lead. That’s what I say. Lead is your best investment.” —Holmberg [89:52]

• On car culture:
  "Car guy always has a car that's not quite right. I think it's by design to keep it kind of sick." —Holmberg [114:41]

• On doomsday prepping:
  "Why does anyone want to live in that? Why does anyone want to live in a place where you've got garage food, gun in the window, waiting, guarding your pool?" —Holmberg [98:46]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Nativity Pranks — [02:05–05:14]
• Bible Miniseries Riff — [05:14–09:35]
• Calendar Satire & Buddha — [09:35–12:48]
• Weed & Celebrities Hypotheticals — [13:01–18:43]
• Otter Pops Sex Toy Calls — [22:57–31:42]
• Car Guy Secret, Garage Culture — [106:13–114:41]
• Doomsday Prepping & Marital Combat — [86:13–105:08]
• News and Ridiculous Headlines — [60:11–85:14]
• Pop Culture/Entertainment Drill, Impressions — [127:20–138:16]

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The show is quintessentially KUPD: rowdy, uncensored, occasionally outrageous, but always clever and steeped in local Arizona flavor. It’s a blend of guy talk, blue-collar irreverence, listener community, and a total lack of filter. The hosts’ ability to turn random calls or emails into long, layered riffs is on full display, making for a potent blend of entertainment—if you can handle the edge.

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Perfect For: Fans of raucous morning radio, Arizona locals, lovers of irreverent comedy, and anyone who needs a laugh (and doesn’t mind a bit of chaos along with it).

Transcript

[Holmberg]

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[Holmberg]

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[Brady]

If you put it out there, you only put it out on Christmas morning.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't really do it for Easter, do you? Oh, the nativity scene.

[Brady]

Yeah, you leave them out.

[Holmberg]

That's what he's saying. You steal Jesus for Christmas. Be like, oh, but I'm saying when.

[Brady]

People put up on their Christmas, you don't fill the manger. You have the whole scene set up. They're just hanging out in the manger. And then on Christmas, because we used to put the one our house, we put baby Jesus out on Christmas morning.

[Holmberg]

So we stayed in the box just.

[Brady]

Like the tree, you know, the 25 days of Christmas.

[Holmberg]

So how would he return it on Easter? Like just put it like at their doorstep. Yeah, Jesus. Jesus returns on Easter. Every nativity scene I've ever seen in somebody's front yard, there's a Jesus in the manger.

[Brady]

I know. And I always thought take him out of there until Christmas.

[Holmberg]

Really? So you just think that they sat there like doing authentic stuff going on. Yeah, just plastic things. And then Jesus is in a box in the garage for like two weeks. Then that's just disrespectful. So he has like, you know, a week or two to, you know, perform for everyone. Yeah, give him some time. I mean we're celebrating. It's not Christmas day. There's no reason to put up the nativity scene at all until like the day before with your realistic, you know, Daniel Day Lewis style of nativity scenery. Plus they. They probably didn't just stay there forever. Yeah, something's gonna happen.

[Brady]

The one we had in our front yard also there was real people. They lived there for.

[Holmberg]

Oh, and then they had to actually give birth. So. Yeah, we're about nine months out now. It's probably time to get your nativity seats.

[Brady]

Timing was a little off a couple years. We did some C sections.

[Holmberg]

No kidding. You. You guys used to wait on the baby Jesus?

[Brady]

Yeah, on the inside one in the house.

[Holmberg]

What'd you do with him in the meantime?

[Brady]

Hit him in a drawer.

[Holmberg]

Because he's in there.

[Brady]

We know he's in the drawer.

[Holmberg]

Right?

[Brady]

You don't touch that drawer.

[Holmberg]

Because it's not like baby Jesus. Just mad.

[Brady]

Every now and then I'd peek in.

[Holmberg]

There he is. Jesus. Is it showtime?

[Brady]

Soon you'll be in that.

[Holmberg]

Hello, Brady. Put me in my manger. I can't do it yet. Jesus not. Not born quite. You stay in the drawer. Have you guys been watching the Bible? I watched yesterday and I laughed hysterically. It is so cheesy acting minutes.

[Brady]

Because awful. And is this a new series or is.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it's a new series. It's a big deal. But now they're in the Jesus part where he's about to get crucified. And the guy playing Jesus is just. He's the worst actor I've ever seen. Chris Cornell is terrible.

[Brady]

That's what I said to you.

[Holmberg]

I'm like, he's gorgeous. I mean, he is gorgeous. He's like the. Brad Pitt is married.

[Brady]

Pretty blonde.

[Holmberg]

No, I think she's the dirty, curly dark haired girl. I think. But I was watching him tip the table.

[Brady]

Maybe that was Sarah.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. When he flipped the tables over because the money was there. Call me a do. And I'm doing. He touched that one guy's chest. They put the ear. Put the ear back on that dude. And he just stood there. I'm like, jesus, can you smile? Can you give me a giggle? Why is everything so down? This is our last meal together, friends. Can you come on. You're so down all the time. He wouldn't have had one friend if that's how he really was. Three of you will betray me. You know what? I'm gonna go to the bar. This dude is a downer. I like him. His message is nice and all that, but I've got to give all my money to poor people. And he's always telling me we suck. You'll deny me three times before the morrow.

[Brady]

But then he brought me around when he washed my feet. I mean, that was.

[Holmberg]

That's a big deal school. He cured that dude's ear and the reaction.

[Brady]

And that soldier that got.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Got his ear chopped off when he lived by the sword to die with sword. He chops like soldiers. And then he stopped screaming so someone can deliver a line. Then he's back at it, and Jesus touches him. And nobody's like. Nobody is converted at that moment. This dude's ear is off. Like, no, we still got to kill him. That was neat, though. I got to tell you, that Copperfield thing was pretty cool. But the acting in it is so bad. And Jesus is absolutely stunning.

[Brady]

They would testify on his behalf, the Roman soldiers, you think.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. You think that they would kind of.

[Brady]

Ear. And it came back.

[Holmberg]

He brought a guy back to life. I mean, touch the dude's chest.

[Brady]

They brought that into the. Into the trial and stuff, but. But this was all, you know, he was a.

[Holmberg]

Why didn't you just perform? A subconscious pilot. Yeah. If I'm. Look, if you're the king of kings and you can do all these miracles, I would have put on a hell of a show a lot better than that. All this subtle crap nonsense. And, you know, if you're that worried about, you know, spare me. Spare me all this stuff. You'd have put on some thunderous stuff. I have built the city of the future. This is a new car. You love this stuff. I've seen it all. I know everything that's gonna happen. This guy's amazing. He might be a witch, but I think I'd rather follow the witch than the guy who's left us in the bread house that all we eat is this awful tortilla shell. You wanna make him the genie from. Take a look over here. It's a new car. Kate Upton. Oh, I created it. Look, I don't know if I. I am following this one. God, do you have anything?

[Brady]

That's why Pilot washed his hands. It's like, look, I can't put this guy away.

[Holmberg]

No, no, I'll give him to you guys. He still killed him, though. You. You put that guy, you know, on a stage. The whole point of it is that they made a mistake, right? That's the whole point of the things, like, he died. They didn't pull.

[Brady]

They didn't make a mistake.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, they did. They could have made him a show. He would have been the best entertainer of all time.

[Brady]

He could have had that option.

[Holmberg]

Welcome. Jesus Christ. All right, everybody watch this and imagine we wouldn't have that, you know, sad crucifix thing. We'd have, like, a picture of Jesus around our neck doing cool things. Will you cure us of disease, Jesus? Some of you. But watch this. This is a light bulb that's coming in about 1700 years. You're gonna love it. Oh, that's really neat. Do we get one? No, I'm just showing you this stuff from the future so you don't kill me. He was a showman.

[Brady]

Speed it up.

[Holmberg]

But you know why? It's because he was. He was kind of like, you know that one friend everybody has that they like, but he's not. He's got no personality. Like, he enjoys company, but he's got no personality. So he had no stage presence. Jesus had no stage presence, Brady. That was the big. Well, yeah. Just in that show. I'm not gonna say the real Jesus. Oh, we don't know. He may have had some. The way they're presenting him. The way they're presented.

[Brady]

To leave a story this long.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Somebody that cool with that many, you know, magical gifts should have been on stage somewhere. So he just. He didn't. He didn't Q score with the audience. What I don't understand is why do, like, other religions go by our calendar, like 2013? I've wondered that about the Japanese, especially, because theirs was on thousands of years. Or the Asians. Why does everybody like, why do Buddhists? Why do Muslims. Why. For business. Why do even Jews do it? I mean, he was just a prophet to them. Business, it's all business. It's all money. Because we, you know, the Western, a.

[Brady]

Lot of the came down.

[Holmberg]

The business.

[Brady]

The power, too. Because the Roman Empire is probably the. For a while. And then for. I think the. Early on, maybe the Chinese had something going on, a couple of their dynasties.

[Holmberg]

But so everybody just said, all right, we'll just make this zero. Yeah.

[Brady]

Well, there was one. Who was it? August. One of the Augustus that decided, hey, my birthday, I want to add a day. Or was it a month?

[Holmberg]

I think that was before Jesus stuff. I think that was BC time. They still had them.

[Brady]

It was. But he. But they changed calendar then.

[Holmberg]

But like, the Chinese still celebrate their Chinese New Year. But remember this now we don't do it anymore. We still celebrate it. We'll go to Vegas and stuff. But we still have to go by Jesus time. Yeah. Why do. You're on Jesus time ad? Yep. Why would they use the AD after death? Of what? Who? That guy. That guy. I never liked him. I never went. He never went on Stage. And he didn't give us any, like, memorable moments really, as. As our culture. Why is a Buddhist ad. Yeah, it's a great point, Brady.

[Brady]

He just didn't have the impact that Jesus did.

[Holmberg]

Buddha. Buddha, yeah. He's selling lucky jeans.

[Brady]

He did smile. But I think people, again, were snobby and they're like, look, Jesus is a little more fit if it wasn't. That's true.

[Holmberg]

The thing I liked about Buddha is that he's still smiling. You know, he basically lost his job and he's still smiling.

[Brady]

And they never. I don't think they put. Is Buddha more of a prophet? I mean, of course, other religions look at Jesus a prophet.

[Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

And Christianity look at.

[Holmberg]

But why is he the man, like, even. Even Jewish to me. Like, why. Why would you go by that? Buddhism's even weirder than Jesusism. So I'm out on both of them. But I like that Buddha lost his job. He's off it. I don't care. I go sell jeans. He's a lucky jeans guy. He's a spokesman now. You got a job as the face of a company you imagine in other countries. We went over there and Jesus was on their lucky brand jeans. Oh, cool. Or you get to rub the Buddha. When you go into casinos and stuff, the aria has a big Buddha there. Everybody rubs it. It's like one with the Jesus. Rub the Jesus for luck. The last of Humber's morning sickness. That, my friends, is a concert psyching rock right now for you fest, which I'm thinking if things go right in the next few days, we'll more than likely have a in the poster. That's just a thought. Keep that in mind. It's not official, but the new bands we're looking to add to the U Fest could possibly. Or is it getting legalized? Are we going the way of Colorado? It's not gonna get legalized before April.

[Brady]

It's gonna be added Spice.

[Holmberg]

But I'm under the assumption that will be a weed festival. If the cards fall the way they're looking, they may. I don't even smoke it, but man, will I go and watch that.

[Brady]

There'll be some glassy eyes.

[Holmberg]

You won't need to. You know. I'll say that if this band that we're looking at gets on the bill and I'm backstage, I'm smoking weed with them. I will. You have a chance. If I have a chance to smoke weed with these guys, I'll do it. I don't even like it. I don't like the way it makes me feel. I'm one of those paranoid weirdos. When I'm high, I'm nuts and I don't like it. I'll do it with them because that's. It's like, if Snoop Dogg's around, I'm smoking weed. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If Keith Richards is around, I'm gonna be like, you know what? When in Rome. Give me that needle. There's certain guys who just do what they do, and it's okay. You feel safe for some reason, because Keith Richards is 95 years old. I, like, throw it in your veins. All right. It's worked for you. Well, Larry didn't make you feel safe? No. Larry. I ended up in the hospital with Larry. No, I would do that with Cypress Hill. I mean, oops. We'll see. It's up in the air. It's a maybe. But how awesome would that be? God, that would be incredibly cool. Yeah. If Brielle was back there. I call him Brielle. We're tight. It's be real to you guys, but Briel for me because I can scram it together. You want some? I do. Which end? The omelette side. Yep. Getting high with the hill, that would rule Snoop Dogg. There's a few other guys you do drugs with. I think your parents would be okay with it, too. Yeah. You know. What about you, Brady? Anybody from, like. Yeah. Is there any famous person that you'd be like, man? Snoop Dogg.

[Brady]

Luther Campbell.

[Holmberg]

Hi. Pla wants to get you stoned to the bee. Jesus. Just the two of you hanging out in this Cadillac. Like you and Larry King or. I bet you Larry King smoked with him. Sure. I'll take some of that. Snoop Dogg.

[Brady]

What, he's smoking now?

[Holmberg]

Oh, rainbows and unicorns. We'll be right back. If one of the Doobie brothers offered it up. Yeah. If hall and Oaks were baking up. You know, I got one.

[Brady]

Think about it. Who?

[Holmberg]

Hall and Oats. Right? There they are. Just got done doing Maneater and Darrel's Big old house. You're over there. Darrell has the show live from Darryl's house, which is music and cooking. He makes pot brownies. Do you eat pot brownies with the hero Daryl Hall?

[Brady]

I think about it.

[Holmberg]

That's not the question. Of course. I'm asking you to think about it and then give me an answer. My answer is, would you get high with Daryl Hall? No, you would not. Lame. There is. Okay. What about, like, Paul McCartney? He's a notorious Beatty. There's a Beatles. One of the Beatles. Brady Made you some booties.

[Brady]

That'd be tough to turn down.

[Holmberg]

You would get high with Paul McCartney. Really? Jeez. What are you afraid of happening if you. If you do it? Becoming dying reefer madness.

[Brady]

My brother waking me up again. Where are the breakfast rolls?

[Holmberg]

Yeah. But then we don't see it. But nothing bad happened.

[Brady]

I felt horrible.

[Holmberg]

You were.

[Brady]

Because he was mad at me.

[Holmberg]

Because you ate all the breakfast.

[Brady]

Because it wasn't Paul McCartney that I bowed down. It was Mark Sager.

[Holmberg]

All right, but that's my point exactly. If you're doing Mark Sager. Yeah. Why wouldn't you do it?

[Brady]

That's why I'm saying, do I reprise that let down again?

[Holmberg]

So it's more. Again, back to food. The breakfast rolls were missing and you angered.

[Brady]

And then my brother was disappointed because my brother passed on it. It was around a campfire, a couple of guys around there.

[Holmberg]

But you were like 11, so it's all right. You were disappointed then you're. You're a 50 year old man, for God's sake. Yeah.

[Brady]

And now I still don't want to disappoint my brother.

[Holmberg]

What if your brother and you were there and your brother's like, I'm getting high with Paul McCartney. I'll be right back.

[Brady]

Then I'm in.

[Holmberg]

You would do it. So it's up to you.

[Brady]

So, yeah, so if your brother. I'll call my brother. Hey, how about I got Sir Paul over here.

[Holmberg]

No Paul McCartney. Tom comes by and he goes, hey, I've just found out I love weed. Want to smoke with me? Would you smoke with your brother?

[Brady]

I would shake him.

[Holmberg]

Would you do it?

[Brady]

No, probably not. I'm kidding.

[Holmberg]

You know, got to have the celebrity.

[Brady]

Although it would be better on the, you know, even that time when we had Ralphie there and those breaststrips, which was the easier way to do it.

[Holmberg]

Rather than, you're lucky you didn't see a horrible mess. Those THC breaststrips were. I feel like I hit in the head with a wrecking ball in like two seconds.

[Brady]

That's what happened there.

[Holmberg]

But I'm no good.

[Brady]

Because now you're assuming that, you know you're going to have a similar experience. Plus I didn't like it that you did with. With Snoop or whoever.

[Holmberg]

But I didn't want it with Ralphie. I didn't want to be high with Ralphie. Ralphie offered. It says real mellow. Oh, yeah. He lied to us. Real mellow. There's nothing to it. I'm like, it's demon and it's just a breast strip.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's totally breast strip.

[Holmberg]

Real mellow. You'll be all right. Put it in my tongue. I'm like, okay. For, like, eight hours, I couldn't see straight. It was horrible. It was awful.

[Brady]

I had fun. I mean, watching us.

[Holmberg]

Great fun. But, yeah, I mean, that's Ralphie May. That's not celebrity. And that was something I wouldn't have normally done. He said it was a mellow breath strip.

[Brady]

You had fun, him tripping over us for the whole first half of the game. It was.

[Holmberg]

I going to the.

[Brady]

Going to the. Yeah, that was funny. It was more funnier than 10 hot dogs.

[Holmberg]

Cypress Hill, Snoop Dogg, Paul McCartney. Stones. Is heroin. There's a few guys out there, you know, partake with. But I don't like it. I don't. I don't. You know, it doesn't make me feel in control, so I lose it. But those guys, it would be like, all right, this is okay, Ralphie.

[Brady]

Sabotage. You know, when you get into heroin or something like that, I don't care who it is. I. I just don't want to cross that.

[Holmberg]

But Jesus. Yeah. What if Jesus did, You know, I.

[Brady]

Have a little more tolerance on, you know, the drink. Like, if it was a shot or something, sure could maybe do that. Or, you know, entertain.

[Holmberg]

Everybody's doing it. Brady.

[Brady]

If he came in and said, I want. Yeah, I'm in.

[Holmberg]

I want you to shoot heroin into your veins. Brady's in with Jesus. Do it. If Jesus said, be a heroine.

[Brady]

Jesus said that?

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Be like, what are you, crazy? Get out of here. That was your test. You failed.

[Brady]

I'd have. I'd have a couple of questions. You know why?

[Holmberg]

Because I said, that's a little arrogant. Because I said, who answers to that? No, get out of here. This is when you show up to make me a heroin addict. I mean, like the winning lottery numbers. First you can't say, oh, it's pretty obvious. If he's floating around and he's telling you. And the harps are happening, hey, look.

[Brady]

That was happening in Gary, Indiana.

[Holmberg]

Really? Jesus? Yes. What proof do you need? Flies in on a cloud. Yeah, come on. That's pretty obvious. And if it's not.

[Brady]

This is a test.

[Holmberg]

It's still a pretty awesome situation you got. You do that heroin. That terrestrial being is trying to help you out. Yeah, I'm not gonna argue with him. He's flying on a cloud. When you do the heroin, you'll be given all the lotto numbers. It's your choice.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fee I have heard enough of. What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Brady]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[Holmberg]

Could you be more specific?

[Brady]

When it's cravenient? Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at am pm. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM.

[Holmberg]

I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Brady]

Well yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Holmberg]

Crave which is anything from am, pm.

[Brady]

What more could you want?

[Holmberg]

Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. Am pm too much. Good stuff. I've got 20 minutes to run club meets and it's time for a quick pre workout snack. Gogo Squeeze Active Fruit blend to the rescue. Made with select B vitamins to help release energy. It's an easy squeezable pouch made to move with me. The taste so good. And made with real fruit. Even better. Whether I'm hitting the trail or meeting my friends on the court, this is my go to on the go snack. Quick, easy, ready when I am. When it's go time, I go with Gogo Squeeze Active. Snag yours on your next door run. Search for Go go Squeeze on Amazon. Here's another Best of rerun from the morning sickness. And we got a lady on the line here. We're gonna have to play a little of this with her because sweet. Evidently Brady gave her a Bose carnival situation. We've got her online. Hi there. Who's this? Hi. Hi. What's your name? Sarah. Okay. All right, Sarah. She's hot. I was just gonna say this is a smoking hot girl. All right, Sarah, you were talking about otter pops that got you all riled up. And you about masturbating with him with Brady on the phone. We had to put you on there. What are you talking about? Very hot. Well, you know how Bo was talking about the ones that you break in half? Yeah. Those never were meant to be eaten. What do you mean? You use them for other purposes? Absolutely. The one with the little kid licking the thing in the front of the box. Those were just disguised sex toys. Yes, they were. Shut up. Were you now you use these. What other things have you used for sex toys in your life? Cucumbers, candles. Candles? Really? Really? Whoa. Why? Why not just go find a man? Well, I've done that and they're just so much maintenance. That's true. Just Sticks to the otter box. I gotta give her that one. That's true. There's a lot of cleanups. They cost a lot, and, you know, they're expensive. And if you don't get one that's trained, it's just a big hassle. There you go. So you just break Otter Pops in two and go to town? Damn right. And don't they melt really, really fast? Mmm, kinda sorta.

[Brady]

That's why you have a supply.

[Holmberg]

What do you weigh? 135. And you're what, 4ft, 2? 3? She's hot. 5, 6. 5, 6. 135. But in girl weight, that's about 150. She's okay. If you say so. Is it true? What's your rack? If you say so. What's your rack? 34C. Perfect. Would you be willing to buy some Otter Pops and come show us your. How you do this? Show us your. No, I actually have a real job that I have get to right now. Well, not today. I'm not even talking about on the radio. We just want to see your trick. I just want to see how to do this. It's totally. Think about it. Okay. Yes, you. It's like stupid horny woman tricks. I guarantee you, you'll think about it, but not half as much as we will, right? Yeah. All right, well, I have to go, guys. All right, Sarah. Well, good luck to you and happy humping the frozen goods. I've got some Otter Pops over at the house if you want to stop by later. Okay, I'll do that. Okay.

[Brady]

I wonder if Sarah goes to the Renaissance Festival and makes a wax hand.

[Holmberg]

Makes the wax hand with the finger up in the air. Ooh, Renaissance finger. I. It's gross. Sarah, quit that. It's melting. Sexy. I don't know. Is there something hot about women using just exotic things for. Because everything's hot when it comes to women using anything. Oh, I backed a Hyundai into it. It's that big? Yeah, it's that big. I had a German shepherd's head in my box last night. Sure. When he barks, I go insane. Oh, that's so hot. Oh, my God. Can you just back that up here? What is that, a V8? Rev the engine. Just shove that in here. The hottest thing I've ever seen in my life. Well, why else would the Internet be popular? When you see the bald guy from Germany jamming his head in that lady, everybody's got that on their Internet and there's some point.

[Brady]

Honey, have you seen my weed whip anywhere?

[Holmberg]

Yeah, she's Got a Briggs and Stratton brewing that women putting anything near there is hot. That's why women riding a bicycle is, like, the coolest thing in the world. Very true. Women on motorcycles, hot. Why? Because they're spread open and you think, oh, yeah. Oh, and an old guy looks at a girl on a motorcycle and says, she's enjoying the ride. She likes the vibrations. That's what we all think. They're all getting off because that's what we'd be doing. They are sick. But Otter Pops, really? Children's stuff. Isn't that like taking a Barbie and doing nasty things to it? I'm sure that we could if we ask for it. Barbies are hot, too. Not rap. Why? Why would you say that? He likes the newbie and Barbie. The last of homeless morning sickness. I didn't expect for this to happen conversation, but I bless this show. I am all for it. Any spontaneous conversations like this that erupt, I'm for. We've got every once, like, three or four months. I really, really am proud that I'm part of this show. And today is one of those days. Today is one for me. We mentioned the Otter Pops. The girl calls up, says she fiddles herself with them. And then we get. Now we're starting to get like, oh, that's nothing. Kind of stuff. Like, I told you, we got another girl in the line here. Hi, there. Who is this? This is Tanya. Tanya, how are you? Good. Now, have you ever done the Otter Pop thing? No, I have not. No. Now, what do you use? No. Well, now, I said I used to know a guy who brought us Otter Pops. We just got a delivery of Otter Pops. I'm not kidding. Okay, I'm sorry. I know There's a guy who said he used to stick wild cherry lifesavers in his girlfriend and then lick them out. That's not safe. I also know a guy who used to use a banana. This is a great story. He used to use bananas and, like, kind of put it in there and then kind of eat it out. Thank you, Mark Randall giving us Otter Pops. Here's one for you and you and one for me. And I'm gonna eat this one. And then so he puts a banana in there and he starts going, well, they used to use, like, they got kind of cute with fudge and all sorts of stuff, like lifesavers. And then he'd have sex with her, and the next thing you know, she's at the doctor. Same thing Brady gives people for putting food too far way up there. Yeah. So you gotta be careful with those lifesavers. They could slip up and the next thing you know you're giving birth to a little cherry flavored baby. Yeah, I've also heard of sex in jello. Sex in Jello? In Jello. See, people with this jello fascination I don't get. How much Jello do you have to prepare? I don't know. I think it would take a while though. Yeah, I'm kind of into the idea of Jello wrestling. Yeah, but you've gotta have. So it might be fun. Much Jello. But it would be really fun. That's what the woman's for, John. That's true. It would be fun. So what's your favorite thing to use besides a man or your hands? Oh, actually I just use my husband. Is that right? Yeah, his nickname's Lifesavers. You could have him just strap him over his penis like some sort of. What are they? Like the thing that holds the lifesavers on a boat. Sure, sure. He wouldn't mind, I don't think. Just put him right over the edge. Because I've heard about your husband. It's no big deal. No, actually it is. No, really. Well, that's enough of you. Thank you very much. You've almost ruined my morning. Good work. Sorry to give us a softie. Lifesavers. Not as exotic as. But that's. She just called up and says candles. Oh, Lifesavers. Yeah, I use that bit like it's nothing. Put them in there and chow down.

[Brady]

You could turn them into a PEZ dispenser too.

[Holmberg]

And by the way, ladies, when a guy wants. Yes. Nice work, Brady. Let's get the visual on that. That was well done. Wow, that threw me. I wasn't expecting that at all. The rest of homeless morning sickness. The Otter Pops are flowing. It's awesome. I love the Otter Pops. Staying there it is. Best Friday ever. This is the greatest. We're talking about masturbation. We have Otter Pops. I know. I'm thinking about maybe just throwing it down right now. Please. Although now we've discovered that the men have an opinion. It's okay when the women call with this kind of topic. Yeah. Kind of spontaneously happens. But now guys are calling up either who's usually. Hey, this is Robert. Robert, what is your take on this whole deal? Oh, well, we used to have some girls come over to the house and we used to use those Bomb Pops. The red, white and blue ones with the ridges. Yeah, the ridge. And they come to a point at the end. Yeah, we used to Put those on a cordless drill.

[Brady]

Nice.

[Holmberg]

Wow, that rules. Yeah. And now I got me a hammer drill. You just spend your time at, like, the snap on tools department, looking around going, yeah, I love how. Here's your Camaro, sir. Yeah, actually, I don't have a Camaro. I guess in his case it's the strap on tools department because he's not using them to build anything. Very well done, man. That's. I'm gonna have to give that a go.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's gonna try the post hole digger next.

[Holmberg]

See that guy with his hands upside down? Nice job, man. Good luck to you and your. Your construction feed. You said it great a second ago, John, that we're looking for one we can treat as a workbench. Yeah. We want women to be workbenches. That's the goal. Lay them out. Hi there. Who's this? This is Gene. Gene, what's up? Hey. Well, you know, if you gotta just take a mini Maglite, turn that thing on, slide it up in there, and you ain't ever seen one until you've seen it lit up from the inside. Like the guy who discovered Karchner Caverns. All of a sudden, dude, you gotta get a miner's helmet and just go in. That's it. You just start digging for the light.

[Brady]

You're going caving.

[Holmberg]

You have done that? Yeah, actually, I have. My wife gets off on it. She likes the flashlight. She likes the flashlight? Are you kidding me? No. Brady, get a flashlight. Lou, get on the table. Wow. This is unbelievable.

[Brady]

People could get trapped up there.

[Holmberg]

My question is this. Why do you discover that you like the flashlight in the gooch? More importantly, it says a lot about our caller because he used the mini Maglite. Evidently, the regular flashlight doesn't have a chance. You know, I don't want to stretch her out too far. That's a good call. Nice job, man. Thank you. Later, we'll see it. Yeah. I'm telling you guys, do you give us an open door in this situation? We'll. We'll put it in there. It's been. Mike, it's been my contention as an adult, and granted, that hasn't been very long, but as an adult that men. A man's job when he's got a girl with him consistently is to fill her hole because. Yeah, because it's like our. It's like the only thing that stuck around from the cave days. Not the only thing, but the real, like, animal instinct. Like when you're just sitting in a car with a girl sometimes for no reason, A guy will reach over and put his finger in her ear. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a hole and then the nose. Sometimes you're always diddling around with their mouths. And any hole you wanna. It's like. It's like we're worried that they're leaking. Well, why do you think Gang bangs are so successful? My God, he's an idiot. Oh, my God. So successful. They have a business meeting after that. Really? Well, we raised over a thousand dollars for kids and. Yeah. So, yeah, it's very strange, but it's true. Because if you see a girl and you're with them for a while, that's what you want to do. You want to fill them. And then that's probably true because no woman is like, gung ho about getting another guy in on the deal. But guys are like, look, you've got, like, seven holes that need filling, and I'm only good for one at once. Can we bring a friend in here? And completely. If we just had concrete, we'd load them up. Exactly. Unbelievable. Nice work, Bo. Successful Gang bang.

[Brady]

Yes.

[Holmberg]

Well done. If you want to continue this, you can call us 260-9-8800. Who knew this was gonna happen? The last of homeless morning sickness. Hi there. Who's this? Hey, this is Rotten Rob. Rotten Rob. What's up? Not too much, man. I used to know this chick. They use a six. Feces, man. Big old long nerves right up in that hoochie. Oh, my Christ. And you still talk to her? Oh, hell no. That just sick. How's Beau's mom doing? Anyway, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, man, I'm sorry. We'll let you go. I gotta let you go or I'm gonna get beat up. Polarity has ensued. You know, I tease because I love. That's it. I don't think we can say what he just said on the air, but it was worth it because it's worth a laugh. And somebody just wrecked on the i10 going, Ah, I know that chicken. So you can take a shot at my mom later. My mom's dead. We laugh. I know your mom's not dead. Your dad said something about it in certain areas, but not necessarily. Jesus. It's the Stone Temple Pilots here. There's another BO joke waiting to happen with this one. It's the big empty 98 KUPD. The last of Homer's morning sickness. But this spontaneous conversation has popped up.

[Brady]

We're converting listeners, first of all.

[Holmberg]

Are we really? Heather? Who's this? Kim. Kim, how are you? Fine. Where do you dance I'm sorry. Where do you dance? On tables, mostly. That's what I'm saying. All right. What do you got, Kim? What's up? I was just telling him a story about how my father was picking me up from work this morning, and he went up and listened to Beth and Bill. But I'm a die hard fan of you guys, so I turned you guys on, and he was very interested in the topic of the morning. When we got home, he made me turn the radio on in the house to you guys. So I think you have a new fan in the morning. What's his name? His name's John. John. That's a good name, too. Did he stop by like Albertsons on the way home, pick up a big old box of Otter Pops for any reason? No, he didn't. We're bringing fathers and daughters together here on the morning sickness. Did you share any of your stories with him, Kim? Oh, God, no. He'd have a heart attack. Would you like to share one now, Kim? I can. He's standing right here. Okay. Never mind. Your mom, if she's still with her dad or whoever your dad's, you know, kids with right now, probably by the end of the night, could pour a hot cup of coffee right there on the old box and wouldn't feel a thing because he's gonna numb it up with Otter Pops for the next eight or nine hours. Well, he was telling me about his girlfriend, and I told him, I'm like, you should bring her a box of Otter Pops and a card. Explained her the otter. I told him that. Or a drill. Yeah, but don't forget about the bomb pop on the end of the drill. You don't want to just go with the drill.

[Brady]

You don't want to go with the auger bit.

[Holmberg]

Don't go ghetto. Go the full nine yards on this one. Get yourself the bomb Pops on top of it. Have fun. Thank you for telling your dad about us. No problem. We'll talk to you later. There you go. See? Converting the. The old folks like, talk about sex, too. Which line now? 3, 2, 2. Here we go. We got another one. Hi, there. Who's this? This is Mullet. Mike Mullet Mike. What's going on, brother? Mullet. Hey. Not only are we obsessed with everything that we can fill on a woman, but we're also obsessed with anything that we can put our junk in, period. That's true. True. Okay, not just the cardboard toilet paper roll or the vacuum cleaner, but I've even got buddies who, while they're in their Swimming pool have unplugged the cleaner and stuck it in the hose while the equipment was running. Are you kidding me? I'm serious. So pool guys hump the equipment?

[Brady]

Did it hurt?

[Holmberg]

Mullet? You are saying pool guys do it? Mullet Mike, you're not fooling anybody here. You're a pool guy. This is not going past any of us. Any story that starts, I've got a buddy who it's you.

[Brady]

I can see Mullet at the deep end.

[Holmberg]

Just take a look at those here. He's a little strange. He stays an extra three hours. But the pool's always spotless and it's very inexpensive. You probably have, like, 65 houses a day. Oh, God. Man, do I love the stingray cleaner. Oh, baby. Wow. Nice. Just adding a little chemical to your pool, man. Oh, floaty. Can I swim in it? You can drink it if you want. Thanks, Mullet Mike. You're no longer welcome. You just been fired from my house. There you go, Mullet Mike, the pool guy out there humping your equipment. Is that true? Do they really hump your pool pumps? They're pool guys. I knew a little kid who I knew of. I won't say I knew, I knew of a kid who tried to stuff his in the pool. You know, the Jets. Every guy's done that. Don't even just have this conversation where he said, if the story starts off with, I know a guy I knew I knew of a guy. This person I did not know, but I heard this story could be urban legend, but I. And I. I assume it's true because every guy who's ever felt that the jet pressure out of a pool or spa is good enough, I can give her a go. My good friend and my good friend, and I probably shouldn't say his name, Mark Stabbings. He does. Good friend of mine for years, used to always go, oh, I was in. I was in the spa the other day. And the Jets. I was just going to town. Who'd you pretend it was? This was our junior high thing. Who'd you pretend it was? Oh, it's Christy, all right. So he'd hump and, like, imagine. So it was like, always known, never get in Mark's spot. Who was this again? Mark Stebbings. I probably shouldn't say his name. There's lawsuits and stuff. But Mark Greenway, I don't know. She was everybody's crush in junior high. Shut up. Yeah, but Mark used to hump the. Hump the spa all the time, and every guy's done that. But I Knew of a kid who actually put his in the intake. And it just grabbed. It just sucked him up against the side. And then they had to turn it off. And so he was screaming. Which is like the worst moment of your life. When you've met. When you've made pee pee error and you have to call for help. Help. Help. Help. My dick stuck in the pool. And then somebody's got to come out and shut that. It would always be your dad. It would never be the forgiving grandma or mom. No. Dad always comes out. What in the f. Are you doing them out for Christ's sake? John?

[Brady]

Well, we had that guy that had to go in the hospital about two months ago because he had the Kirby attached to his unit. He did. The Kirby vacuum cleaner.

[Holmberg]

Guys will do that stuff. And the legendary story of the weightlifter that tried to hump the weight. The. The 25 pound plate.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Started to go at it and got stuck. Oh. I had to go to the hospital carrying the weight. You want to get this off? I thought everybody knew that one. The last of Humber's morning sickness. Inconsistent but equal. I mean, each team was. Otter Pop just killed our boss. Chuck Ark. Jesus Christ. I was gonna say it's funny. It's like we all just came in from our. From our Little League game we're at. We're eight years old because we're all just sucking on Otter Pops Just won the game.

[Brady]

Coaches. Otter Pop for everyone.

[Holmberg]

Chuck. There's a lot of ways to go. Don't choose this one. Okay?

[Brady]

Death by Otter Pop.

[Holmberg]

This is not dignified at all. Chuck. You've had a good life. Don't do this to yourself. We got the Otter Pop sex talk that's been going on. And people have been calling us up with all their silliness. And now it's just been snowballed. Who's this? This is Julie. Julie. What's going on? Oh, nothing. You know, you can remember those candy. The Pop Rocks candy? Yeah. You put those in your mouth before you put it in your mouth. And it just adds a little extra tingle. Wow. You notice how the women have called more on this one than the guys are just taking notes? Is that right? You've tried the Pop Rocks? It works great. How about Alka Seltzer? Do you ever do that trick? No. I don't think that would taste really good. Not in your mouth. Whoa. No. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The guys like it. Yeah. No, no. Everybody likes it. I'm sure they do. I could. I could make you like it. Yeah. You Know I want the guy's number with the drill. Hold on a second. If you like the drill a second time, we'll pay for it. Hold on a second. It's like Tool Time and Love Connection all in one. This is bad.

[Brady]

Old school. And go with one of those hand drills that you have to crank.

[Holmberg]

No, he couldn't. That's not right. The drill, the electric drill, that's fine. And the battery powered one, fine.

[Brady]

No hand drill.

[Holmberg]

No hand drill. That's. That's. The tool. Equipment guy is killing me.

[Brady]

What about a belt sander?

[Holmberg]

Well, there's this. The legendary stories of people humping things at their work. And the one guy who tried to do the conveyor belt that got his. His, his. His jubbly stuck in there. Yeah. Threw one off, and then he stapled the sack back together to try to cover it. I'm hearing these stories. That's in a medical journal. Yes. That's a scary one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. People do weird things, swelling up the.

[Brady]

Size of a grapefruit.

[Holmberg]

Just keep that in mind. Wherever you're seated right now is pretty much where someone's put their goods. It's just the way humans, we try to be so high brow and we try to act like we're proper. Everybody's done it. Well, mine have been all over the studio, so there's a couch in our office that's, like, been condemned. Yeah, it's. It's. It's the Crate and Barrel STD is what it's called. It's amazing. That thing gives you everything.

[Brady]

Is that weird? It's pretty cool, actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. There's more of the best of homework's morning sickness. 98kupd and then I got this email this morning, Guys. After a week of absolutely awesome nights with the new girl from work, we had drinks the first day she worked there, hit it off immediately, drinks again the next night. Went to dinner and then back to my apartment to just get the tension out, cut loose. She stayed at the house on Wednesday. We went to work together Friday morning. Left together or Thursday morning. Sorry, I misread that. Left together, stayed at the house again till Friday. She went back to her place, got some clothes. I went with her. And as I was leaving her house, I saw a picture of my dad on her dresser. She was with him and a few other people. And I said, how do you know this guy? Oh, that's my uncle. I haven't spoken to my dad or his side of the family in almost 20 years. I am not going to work anymore. I told her I'm sick, I don't feel well, and I just can't believe what's going on. I believe the love of my life is my first cousin and is, by the way, the best sex I've ever had. Without question. I have no clue how to go to work today, Terry.

[Brady]

That's a very royal relationship.

[Holmberg]

This is why I don't want to fly in couch with you people. The reason your dad's not talking to you. Yeah, you can go about your business there, Terry. I'm gonna take off. Who did? I'm pulling a full Toledo here. You ain't right. So that is how you find out a family picture at her place while you're picking up panties for her to get whored out at your dump again tonight. And then he immediately says, I don't feel good, and leaves and then skips work today. He already did it. Already did it.

[Brady]

He'll be back here.

[Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Holmberg]

He goes back to the cusp Cousin. I don't know how to say.

[Brady]

He's got to tell her, though. That's my dad.

[Holmberg]

I don't think he did it sound like he just escaped, ran away. Because he can't break up with her like that. He can't end it that way. He's had a great week. Couple drinks Monday, couple drinks Tuesday, get it together Wednesday, boom, boom, boom. You close the deal. Thursday, you go back to her house, gag, gag, gag, gag. She picks up panties to go back to your place for Thursday night. And you see the picture. Oh, boy, does he hit it again. No question. No, you have so much. All done. All done? Yep. Including DNA. We got too many of these emails. How many people don't tell us that they're banging their cousins? I mean, we've had probably 30 that have told us, yeah, I nailed my cousin. It's like we got five days.

[Brady]

Imagine.

[Holmberg]

What would Brady do? Yeah. Every day I get an email from somebody that's doing something stupid.

[Brady]

Just imagine, you know, it hasn't talked to his dad in 25 years or been around the family.

[Holmberg]

That's the whole thing about divorce and split families. You never know if they all start taking off and we're scattered all over the place. Stepdad this, mom that.

[Brady]

It has to increase that.

[Holmberg]

You're running with cousins and horse Ray. Yeah.

[Brady]

Up separated families, not real close to.

[Holmberg]

Your aunts and uncles. Never got to know your cousins because you had mom met Roger and Roger moved you down to Phoenix and they live over in you know Dallas, so you kind of lost.

[Brady]

There's only one thing you could hope is she was adopted.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, well, good luck with it. Yeah, well, you can open one hand, an S in the other hand. See what happens. Exactly. You're gonna have a handful of ass is what Brett's saying, man. Yeah, don't. Why do you email us with this? Why call us a therapist or. Because he can't call his dad and he can't call his family. He's got no buddy. I'm guessing by next week he's gonna be like, don't ask, don't tell. I don't know. I don't like seeing rogue pictures of my old man at somebody's house I just boned. He throw it into somebody. Look around. Why is. How do you know Kirk Fetchley? That's my uncle. Oh, crap, then. Worst part is she's probably in that weird little holdout C spine position, getting the rest out of her belly but button. Oh, that's my uncle. Here's five plan Bs. Kill it dead. Kill it dead. Let me call. Let me call Ducey's kid. Let me get. Let me get a supply over here. Do some Plan Bs. Plan B, C, D and E. And we're going to eat them all together. I'm going to have a couple just in case. That's why my new plan for the 2024 election makes abortion an irrelevant top. Epic. I'm just gonna tie a little hanger to my penis every time I have sex and just let it go in there and do the damage before I can do anything else. Just have the thing just get torn out to begin with. Graham cracker Sprite. I'm out the door. Right on the nightstand. Yeah, just right there. What are you doing? I'm tying a little tiny hanger to the end of my wiener. Why? I think we both know why. I don't want a baby that works. You might be my cousin, I don't know. But it's certainly is not conducive to a healthy environment for the egg and sperm. So I'm pretty sure you'll be all right. Look, you're gonna barely feel this either way. Crazy. Speaking of stuff going on, one of our sales ladies was at the event last night. Her name is Jennifer with a G. Jennifer comes over and we start chatting. I'm talking with Jennifer with a J and Jennifer with a G. And we were talking about body maladies. So I had that lump on my head for years. It was removed. I've got a Little one. Everybody's got something. I've got a little bump on my shoulder. We were talking about people who have bumps on their bodies, and it's no big deal. Like, I watched Dr. Pimple Popper, and they're constantly pulling out chicken cutlets from people's bodies. It's disgusting. I love it. The thing that was in my head that was on my skull that I had removed looked so much like a boneless chicken wing. I would have taken a bite just to see. It was weird. It looked exactly. You put it in with boneless chicken wings. You would have never questioned it. And it lived inside my head, and I had it removed. So I'm telling my story about that, because in order to get that thing removed from my head, which was a big bump, it was considered plastic surgery by insurance because it's part of my face, because I don't have a hairline. So technically, I learned that day that my face ends right around the top of my head ass, because it never stops being faced, according to that. So I had to get a doctor, say it was cancerous, or they had to look into it for that. So I had to complain that it hurt to a couple other doctors. Doctors would just say, oh, my eyes hurt. This thing's aching. Something's going on. And they're like, all right, we'll do that. And then I had to go into the test, and then the test came back, and they're like, I'm not real worried about it. Like, damn it, you got it. So then I finally got a doctor that said, I'll cut it out and test it. So they did that. Jennifer with a G standing next to me says, I've got one right here. And she points to her elbow, the crook of her elbow, and it's a little bump. You can kind of see, right? So I'm like, cool. So I had one on my shoulder that I let her touch, and then Jennifer with a J touched it, and they're like, oh, that's nothing. I'm like, yeah, but someday it'll grow. It'll have to get it cut out, because that's what lipomas do. And Jennifer says, mine has a pulse. And sure as it does, she's got a little baby heart. And, I mean, it's a strong pulse. I felt my wrist.

[Brady]

Is that because it's on the vein?

[Holmberg]

I don't know. Yeah, something ain't right. There's a little pulse in your. I mean, you have to really find your elbow.

[Brady]

This thing. You think it has a separate Heart.

[Holmberg]

It's. It's growing inside of her, and it's alive. There is. Yeah, it's. It's a Mike's Hard Lemonade in her elbow. It is a living creature with a heartbeat and a soul. And Kari Lake would never let her remove it. It has to come to term, and they have to eat. The whole thing has to be done on. It was the creepiest thing. And she. And, I mean, she's trying to promote aliens. That's what she said. It's like the Aliens movie. She. When she made her arm fully straight, and I watched. You can see the heartbeat moving. Oh, it's creepy. And then she just laughs. Very pretty lady. Like, all that normal stuff. And now all I care about when she talks to me is, how's the baby in the Elm? Whip that arm out, and we all have something. So it turns into this deal after where I tell a guy on the patio, I'm like, I was just one of our sales ladies, and she's got a heartbeat in her elbow. Guy goes, that's nothing. I think his name was Keela. Keely, Something like that. I don't remember. But he pulls this thing out of his arm that is in there, and he reaches into, like, his forearm, mats down by his forearm, reaches down by his forearm, and, like, pushes and this. And his whole thing goes bloop. Like it isn't there. And then if he pushes in the right spot, it shoots out from his muscles.

[Brady]

Like you're squeezing a water balloon.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. And it comes out about an inch and a half. I'm like, how did you even find that? And he goes, I don't know. My arm hurt. And I felt in, like, felt it in there, and then I pushed, and it shoots the skin up. I'm like, oh. Then another dude comes over, rolls his shoulder out of its socket, and in the back, he had a tank top on. On the back of his shoulder, there's a hole you can put your fist in. And I'm like, this is gross. Every. It's the Jim Rose circuit. No, scapula's back here. It was his shoulder socket, and it was just this weird. He had an accident, and I swear to God, you could put your fist in there. It was just. I had a thing, and then it swelled up, and then the swelling went away, and it left me with this. This. And he just moves his shoulder forward, and this whole thing just caves in. I'm like, we're also body, you know, conscious, and everybody wants to filter out all their issues. And you get into the what's wrong with you Deal. And everybody started to like, show their problems. And none of you are flawless, for God's sakes.

[Brady]

Remember high school John Lewis had his chest right in the center.

[Holmberg]

All of our chests caved in. Oh, yeah, I've seen caves.

[Brady]

And he'd eat soup out of it.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I've seen, I've seen those concave chests. They're the creepiest things in the world. There was a kid in school named Davey. It was a perfect circle. He didn't even have to like roll his shoulders forward. His chest always had this crater in it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Ugh.

[Brady]

That was it.

[Holmberg]

He was my sit ups partner in PE in like 8th grade, 7th grade. And you could watch him go.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Oh, so gross.

[Brady]

Lewis played football, didn't.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, it was so weird. Yeah, but it was a. She said when you touch the bump on her arm. Did it go Claude? Yeah, it was, it was very. It was. It's alive and it was weird. I was wildly creeped out by that whole thing. So if you've got something like that, show it off. Let's go crazy. It was awful.

[Brady]

That's nothing.

[Holmberg]

Let me show that was what it turned into. Into it. Homberg's morning sickness. This segment's brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're going to need, so check them out [e-mail] or better. Can you, you just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. And then the other one, a guy just emailed me, this one, Chai Chai Rodriguez has passed away, which is a brutal one. It's a. I know him more for the joke on wkrp. Unless Nessman couldn't say his name, but Chichi Rodriguez, the golfer, the greatest ambassadors of the game. Is that right? As far as.

[Brady]

Yeah, as far as entertainment.

[Holmberg]

Oh, well, he was funny. I know.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

But I think he was funny to us because we were bigoted white kids in white neighborhoods and his name was hilarious because I've seen clips of him before. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't being funny. He was just. He did the little, you know, he.

[Brady]

Put the sword dance.

[Holmberg]

When he'd sink a putt, he'd sink a putt. And he did a little Like. Like fencing. And then he'd sheath his putter. Oh, that's kind of fun. But outside of that, Chai Chai Rodriguez was more like just a. It was like he was the Charo of golf.

[Brady]

Well, in both of them.

[Holmberg]

How many times was he on Love Boat? Yeah, probably a couple. Just so they had that word Chai Chai Rodriguez on the Supreme. Yeah. He was sort of like, all right, we like you because you're different and you got a funny name. But he didn't really do anything that was that great. He just played some golf and then had a couple moments where he was kind of not sure he was a good golfer. But the reason he just wasn't a stiff white dude.

[Brady]

He was a. He was well known for. Not the. You know, not a goat by any means.

[Holmberg]

Oh, no, just. It was the name. Yeah, we like. Chichi Rodriguez is. That's a man called Chi Chi. And then he'd do, like, funny things where he just lose his mind and dance for a second. And in golf back then.

[Brady]

And break down the third wall. He was interactive with the look.

[Holmberg]

If Toledo played golf in the 70s, he'd be considered the clown of golf. I mean, there was nobody that was doing any. He would have been the Max Atkins of golf. But what he's. He's basically just. Jack Nicklaus was the most energetic and fun interview you could get in golf in the 70s. And then chi Chi Rodriguez comes along. Hey. And he starts doing the dance with the sword. You're like, this is great. He might kill someone. Look at him out there. That Rodriguez guy's pretending to stab people. They can't help themselves. Said 70s America. Now, if he played today, we'd probably try to get him deported or something. I don't know what we do. It was a good run.

[Brady]

It is amazing because, you know, then you have. Have the Lee Trevino.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Who they call the Mary Super Max. The Mary Max had multiple nicknames where the word mex was involved at the end. Can't do that anymore. Hey, Super Mix, call me to Mary Max. Now he's doing commercials for, like, knee arthritis, and he can't even say it. Arthritis. I have knee arthritis. Can we cut this and teach him how to say arthritis if he's going to be a pitch man for it? When I have struggles with arthritis. Who's arthritis, Doctor? I went and I said, I believe I have arthritis. Where is he? What? In my knees. Oh, he's going crazy. Thinks he's got a guy named Arthur in his knees. But Chi Chi Rodriguez is gone. That's a tough one. It's a tough one to eat because I thought he was dead 10 years ago. I had no idea Chichi Rodriguez was still alive. But I always remember when Dr. Johnny Fever on WKRP in Cincinnati said, les, what's the name of that golfer that won that tournament? Chai. Chai Rodriguez or Rodriguez. Yeah. And I pissed myself because that was the other one. What's the name of that little Mexican dog? Chihuahua. America loved being bigoted and that's what we're trying to get back to. Evidently the fun of it all. This one says, I hope you don't have a fireside chats today because you're gonna get a bunch of angry one sided people and a bunch of conspiratorial nut bags. Well, that's a good side. We don't have one today. Adam Ferrar is going to come in here, fill in comedian that was supposed to be here has Covid. Adam's the last second replacement. So. Yeah. And other people emailing about the whole, the, the, the sprinter yesterday that, that faked dying after he came in third, Noah Lyles. It does bug me because you all. There was a kid named Sammy Armijo in New Mexico when I lived in Albuquerque. And, and he was, he could play pretty well if things did not go his way. Sammy, like faked broken bones like we were playing basketball in his front yard and I beat. And it was getting competitive.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Then I beat him probably 10 to 8. It was close. I don't know. Wasn't that big a deal. Played again. I beat him again. Played again. I beat him again. And the next thing you know, Sammy, like, he's paralyzed. Like he's laying in the. Ah. What happened? I don't know. It's been bothering me the whole time. And he couldn't walk. I'm like, oh. And that he was the first person I learned. Oh, when you lose, you can't. You always have like an excuse or an injury that kept. You can't just go, man, I got beat today. Oh, I've got this.

[Brady]

I've got.

[Holmberg]

I hate those people. So that's kind of what I saw. And I think everybody knew a kid like that. So when Noah Lyles pretended he was dying after the 200. Look, I'm not in great running shape by any stretch. I could run 200 meters. Not as fast as him, obviously, but I could run 200 meters. And at the end, even if I had a cold, I don't need a wheelchair to leave. And he's a pristine super athlete. They put him in a wheelchair. He ran 200 meters. That's not that far. It's a quarter of the track. He does it every day to train, constantly training and training. This particular time, you gotta wheel me out of here. It's. I think I've lost all the. I think my spine snapped in two.

[Brady]

He stole Simone Biles thunder from the previous four years, right?

[Holmberg]

Simone's got a little bit of that. When she loses, she limps like she did it the other night when she lost that Brazilian girl. And I watched her walk over the Brazilian girl and she walked away, she started limping and I'm like, maybe you got something, maybe you don't. But that's the time when you fake it the most. That's the time when you walk away going, hey, I. I want to let you know you beat me fair and square. This Bill who said it's only poor people that are going to be troubled. Don't bother yourself with it. He says, hey, make no mistake, I'm one of the poverty stricken Westsiders that's going to get hit by it. Well, all right, Bill. Well, at least you're. That you're still a prick for throwing it out there, that it's only going to affect the pores. It's hilarious that you did it, but. Oh, there he is. This is our tribute to Chichi Rodriguez. This is winner of this week's Gulf Coast Golf Classic was Chai Chai Rodriguez. Chai Chai finish with a nine under par score, Chichi Rodriguez. Hopefully Mr. Rodrigo will play octopar next competition. There you go. Thanks, Les. More news, Les Nesmith.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. I was used to all they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of homework's morning sickness. It is time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and is brought to you by our friends. Man, are they our friends now at all. Pro Shade con. I was searching for shade. I did the dummy. It's an annual event for me. I can make it out there without shoes. I'll be all right. Two steps torched. I couldn't make it to the pool. It was horrible. I do it every year and every year I tell myself, you know, this is a bad idea. And I ran out there thinking that I just. All I had to do is just go out to one spot and come back. And within two steps my feet were on fire. And I had already committed to I. I did it but my toes were blistered. It was terrible. What I needed was shade Brady and all pro shade helps you with that that they'll get your shade in the backyard. The best friend of everybody in Phoenix is shade in the summertime. And these are the best people in the world to give it to you. 20 years of shade means two decades of quality custom installed patio shades, awnings and sunscreen. And all you guys have to do is head over to allprochade.com and check out everything they've got for you to make your life shady. The last of homebrew's morning sickness. Dale Hellis tray's a pinhead. Anyway, it's the bright. Ready to report? Ready, go.

[Brady]

You can take a shot?

[Holmberg]

No, that's fine.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Holmberg]

Gonna make a chest reference to as big as Dale's chest. But that's impossible.

[Brady]

Last night coalition ground forces were within 50 miles of Baghdad. And our question is how many miles can we go in a 24 hour period?

[Holmberg]

We've been going kind of slow. We covered like 200 miles the first couple days and then it's like five miles a day.

[Brady]

Well, coalition planes and helicopters have and pummeling the Republican Guard forces on the ground just south of the city. But they can't get everyone from the air. So the battle will have to be fought on the ground at some point. And they don't know how accurate this is. But the London sun gives the following tale of the tape, if you will.

[Holmberg]

The matcha Iraq.

[Brady]

36,000 infantry and 500 aging tanks, mostly of Soviet design.

[Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Versus the coalition.

[Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

60,000 infantry, 450 tanks and 100 Apache helicopters providing air support. There's some concern that Iraqi forces have have been ordered to use chemical weapons on coalition forces once they get a certain distance from the city. Pretty interesting.

[Holmberg]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if that happens because when they they got nothing. It's last resort time for them. So we throw in the gas mask, we start mowing people down. No rules. I watched last night. Oh, this was great. Alexander Haig, who was the former secretary for Reagan and everything else and Bush, he was in the Bush administration, said, I don't like what we're doing. I need more violence in my war. And I'm like, yes, we need to be more violent. I think if we step up the violence, this will be much better. Much used the word violence like eight times. The reporter hated hearing that you say the word violence, sir, I'm not real sure what you. No, no more killing. You know, innocents have to die in war. That's just the way it is, man. We need this guy running the show.

[Brady]

Even though Saddam Hussein may be wounded or dead, as we've been getting reports on that, he somehow managed to appear on TV again looking like a very healthy maniacal dictator. The thing is though, the video had 67 edits in it and he praised divisions of his military that haven't even fought yet. He even gave props to a lieutenant general in his army who surrendered four days ago. So there's loads of speculation the video was pre recorded. You think to be fair, he did make some references to specific areas such as Basra where fighting has occurred. But officials say that's where the fight.

[Holmberg]

Is going to occur. To begin.

[Brady]

Begin with.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. They knew that would happen.

[Brady]

The total cost of the war was presented to Congress. 75 billion.

[Holmberg]

That's.

[Brady]

That's based upon 30 days.

[Holmberg]

Exactly. Imagine that. I can't even, I can't even fathom that cost per day. I don't even general idea what that would be. Well, it's amazing.

[Brady]

Some of you might remember General Barry McCaffrey as the Dopey drug czar who was the guy that had the golf war general at that time, one of the top commanders. He's pretty solid source and he says what it's going to take to win this war. He told the BBC prepared to have about 3, 000American and British casualties.

[Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

General says the fighting in Baghdad and Saddam's hometown of Tikrit will be especially brutal. And he thinks that we should go there with even more troops than were the 60,000 that we're throwing in there. His point is, you know, man, let's not make this a political war because we've seen what happened to us in the past political wars.

[Holmberg]

The last ones we've been in, the big ones, yeah, everyone we've been in since Korea, even Korea.

[Brady]

Here's the last little war nugget. There's always danger of stepping on landmines because the whole country of Iraq's loaded with them. Well, Morocco is supposedly offering us 2,000 thousand monkeys trained to step on landmines for us.

[Holmberg]

How do they do that?

[Brady]

According to the Moroccan newspaper, some of the kamikaze monkeys will be homegrown and will be imported. But they're all be trained to detonate landmines with their monkey hands.

[Holmberg]

How do they know that they're trained to do it? They've never actually done it. They wouldn't be around anymore.

[Brady]

That's right. Well, I guess they train these landmine monkeys.

[Holmberg]

That's horrible. I know. No, we have landmine sweepers and they offered it up. What does a landmine monkey run a guy?

[Brady]

I don't know. We'll. We'll try to find out. But if, if that happens, Morocco better brace himself for terrorist attacks from PETA.

[Holmberg]

Oh man. Oh man. That's one of the most horrible things I've ever seen or heard. And you know what? There's going to be a few leftover landmine monkeys that are going right out to aj. Yeah, that's my monkey. He helps me mow the grass and do some things. And damn it all if he doesn't pounce on landmines like there's no tomorrow.

[Brady]

I want to see the cages open up and they let out like 50 monkeys just through the desert.

[Holmberg]

Just stuff blowing up left and right. Look at those monkeys all Claire. Thanks monkeys.

[Brady]

Then you got one monkey that gets smart. It says no, there's not one here. It's safe here.

[Holmberg]

My buddy's just stepping on those. Step on it, monkey. No, the better train them monkeys to flip them off too because they're gonna. They're gonna learn that middle finger damn fast.

[Brady]

Well, you think your relationship is going sour? A 38 year old man from Malmo, Sweden came home from the night on the town to find his hot Swedish girlfriend in bed with three other men. The naughty was pulling a train. Needless to say, the man flipped out, stabbed one of them. Though the wound from the stabbing was minor. Sure, but it was a friend of his and two of his buddies. Oh, I guess you couldn't say he's a friend of his anymore.

[Holmberg]

What does the third guy do in that situation? I don't know, there's. I guess there's.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, there is options.

[Holmberg]

There's only three. I guess if there was a fourth, then I'd have a valid question.

[Brady]

On Saturday night in Scotia, New York, Melinda Kelly called 911 to say her car had been stolen with a three month old baby inside. The cops immediately started a search broadcast bulletin about the missing car in the news. Two hours later, a couple of pedestrians who'd seen the APB on TV station spotted Melinda's car and her baby was still inside, alive and well. But that's not the end of the story. You see, during the routine questioning, Melinda admitted to the police that she had never been. She. It wasn't her car. She stole the car. She just forgot where she parked it? Oh, during the burglary she committed nearby with her baby. With her baby inside the car.

[Holmberg]

Nice. So it's mother baby Ben. Here's the monkeys that step on landmines.

[Brady]

Morning sickness. Report of the day. The newest survey.

[Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Truly shocking. According to a new survey in British auto magazine Max Power, 50% of you have had relations with yourself while driving a long road trip.

[Holmberg]

Done that.

[Brady]

I guess 10 minutes or above is a long road trip.

[Holmberg]

How about you?

[Brady]

Sure.

[Holmberg]

Have you survey? Have you really? No. You haven't? Okay.

[Brady]

No. But the survey also shows that 50 of you received a hum hum behind the wheel. 20 have had full action real somehow driving.

[Holmberg]

That's impressive.

[Brady]

And 25 have done a J. Rolled a doobie.

[Holmberg]

Oh I. You know, I've sat next to people who are doing that. That makes me a little nervous while operating. You've done the old self gratification right there behind the wheel.

[Brady]

No, I have.

[Holmberg]

You have not done it. It's worth a try. Do it today, Brady. Give it a go.

[Brady]

You need to live a little while driving.

[Holmberg]

While driving. I did it on the freeway once and it's fun because when trucks pull up next you get a stop.

[Brady]

I just have a problem with visibility. The windshield just get.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, you just cover. You're worried the indoor windshield wipers have to kick on.

[Brady]

Here's the techno technic technology. Thank you. An English company called Iceland has created a popsicle that never melts. This means it won't drip onto your already sticky and disgusting children. I didn't make that part up. That's not. A strawberry flavored popsicle is made from a special secret formula. So when it starts to defrost it turns into jelly and maintains its shape. Pretty funky. I don't know.

[Holmberg]

I don't know how that works.

[Brady]

I still like a popsicle that melts.

[Holmberg]

Yep, part of the fun. Getting it all over your hands. Where do we get this? The bomb stepping on monkeys. The landmine sweeping monkeys.

[Brady]

I'll check if there's a website.

[Holmberg]

If there's a website because we will get one and I swear to God there'll be water balloon bombs under everything that he's designed to step on. And we'll be shooting monkeys through the air like nobody's business.

[Brady]

Kamikaze monkeys dot com.

[Holmberg]

No, I'm all over that. I'm checking that out. I'm going to do a search on Google or Yahoo or something. I got landmines all over my backyard. Get me a monkey. If you're looking for one of those Monkeys too. And you happen to find it. Please, for God's sakes. I'll go havesies with you. This will be great. We'll split that monkey.

[Brady]

Unfortunately, they're now pretty sure that Saddam is alive and calling the shots. Here's what we need to know. US government officials are now fairly certain that Saddam Hussein is alive and is in control of his military. They think he's constantly on the move through a series of underground catacombs. Homes that lead from one bunker to the next in and around Baghdad. Incidentally, defense officials confirmed last night the first 5,000pound bunker buster was dropped an unspecified target during the Baghdad bombing run yesterday.

[Holmberg]

Did you see it? Did you see the explosion? It's on the COVID of the paper, actually. Look at this thing. What the heck is feeding back? Look at that. On the COVID of the paper today. Picture of the bunker buster blowing up. And it literally looked like an atomic bomb. What I would assume an atomic bomb would look like. I know it's smaller, but.

[Brady]

And they go up to £20,000 on those babies.

[Holmberg]

21,000 is the MOAB.

[Brady]

Iraqi troops are currently taking up positions and around Baghdad. They're even digging trenches downtown. Their goal is to force coalition forces to come into the city and fight. Defense Minister Sultan Hashem Ahmed said yesterday, quote, the enemy must come inside back then and it will be its grave.

[Holmberg]

Wow. God, they talk big. I gotta give it to him for pregame chatter. They're the best. They're kind of like the fighter against Mike Tyson in the early 80s or late 80s that used to always mouth off. This will be the end of Mike. He's going down. He steps in that ring, I'm going to drop him. Yeah, but they just a lot of chatter and they'd cause a lot of, you know, interesting, but I don't think it's going to happen.

[Brady]

Well, our British friends, the soldiers have been hiking around the desert and they've been having a little problem with their boots. The soles have been melting off. They've been eroding away because the desert line, they didn't. They didn't design a good boot. No problems. They stumbled upon a little Iraqi warehouse full of Iraqi soldiers.

[Holmberg]

Boots.

[Brady]

Boots.

[Holmberg]

Beautiful.

[Brady]

So they're suited up and they're wearing those now.

[Holmberg]

I have an issue too that our humanitarian efforts, it's just we're being way too nice to fight this war. But our humanitarian efforts outside some of the cities, every time we give out food, they attack the truck of food and they take all the food, which is Fine. That's the whole purpose. And then they start chanting that they'll die for Saddam with our heart, our soul, our blood will die for Saddam. All right, well, then if you're holding food that we gave you and you're chanting for Saddam, that's a bullet in the brush. Well, that's what that just cost you.

[Brady]

They're saying that because they want to stay alive after the truck leaves because Saddam will go around and cap everyone that.

[Holmberg]

No, because we're holding these cities. We're still there. But if you, if you get the food from us, you know, do the chance on the side. Just say thank you and walk away. You don't need to start chanting how you're gonna kill us after we feed you. Yeah, that's. That's the price you pay. We need to be a little bit more hard ass in those depths departments. Fire off on the first guy that starts the chant. Send the message. Those people understand that.

[Brady]

Well, there's a documentary that'll be coming out Wednesday on DVD called uncle Saddam. Don't be fooled by the title. The film isn't sympathetic to Saddam. It looks at him in a crazy. Like a crazy uncle. The film shows incredibly candid footage of Saddam being kissed on the armpit, showing off his sweet collection of hats and fishing on a lake with hand grenades.

[Holmberg]

It's grandpa the home video.

[Brady]

French journalist made it in 2000.

[Holmberg]

He's throwing hand grenades in a legs.

[Brady]

He's fishing.

[Holmberg]

Gotta say, if I didn't know what Saddam was saying. He sounds like a pretty fun guy, I guess.

[Brady]

It's coming out Wednesday on dvd.

[Holmberg]

Wait a minute. It's legal in Iraq to fish with a grenade? We can't even use nets. Wow.

[Brady]

Unbelievable.

[Holmberg]

That's kind of a cool thing.

[Brady]

We're very sorry to have to bring this to the news, but we now just discovered www.girlspooping.com.

[Holmberg]

Oh, right. Ooh.

[Brady]

The feds are shutting it down. As of yesterday, the website was still up, but the extremely heinous people running it, Satan's minions Michael and Sharon Corbett of Lewisburg, West Virginia, of course down yet were arrested.

[Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Brady]

For sending very obscene material for the US mail. GirlSpooping.com specializes in the most vile videos you can imagine with titles like outdoor pooping paradise, tattooed biker chicks pooping. And according to a report from a u. S. Postal inspector, they feature, quote, adult female defecation, urination and flatis.

[Holmberg]

I tell you, there's a woman who weighs probably 400 pounds on girls pooping.

[Brady]

The report from the feds Also mentions back foul cam and quote, violent defecation and whatever foul and putrid act you can imagine being done with Stinky. They've got it on video. If nothing else, it was a good business. And a good business for the happily married West Virginian hillbillies, the Feds. They said they're shipping, they're shipping up to 30 titles a day and making as much as 280 grand a year off that website.

[Holmberg]

Is there anybody at all out there who enjoys that? I gotta be honest, I.

[Brady]

It's just like I said, Satan's minions.

[Holmberg]

I mean, you're the devil. If you even want to reach down and touch your own poop, you're the devil. If you don't flip out when the toilet paper gives gives way and your thumb shoots through, you're the devil who wants to play with it, let alone sexually.

[Brady]

Better news, 39 year old Scott Joseph Abro of Longmore Longmont, Colorado. Jesus.

[Holmberg]

Holy cow.

[Brady]

Is a Caucasian persuasion. He's celebrating his 100, 000 mile on his Cadillac. Celebrated with champagne. Champagne in the car.

[Holmberg]

You almost said it.

[Brady]

I know. And somewhere around the 100,000 1 mile Scott slammed, slammed his Caddy head on into a tree.

[Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

The police found the car in a nearby trailer park with major front end damage and Scott inside with a bloody face. Scott claims he hit the tree while he was checking on the dog in the back seat. But the cops arrest him for drunk driving.

[Holmberg]

100,001. Nice job Scott. And finally Brady, there's two and the.

[Brady]

Final two stories real quick. In Perth office Australia, a happy little dog went for a swim in the ocean and was dragged under by a six and a half foot shark. But check this out. A second dog that belonged to the same owner ran into the water, attacked the shark and made the save. Both dogs came out unscathed, black like.

[Holmberg]

A doll's eyes till he bites India. Then they roll back white.

[Brady]

Finally, we'll keep it in Australia. Here's this for trauma. Your five year old girl and your. You walk out into your backyard to find your pet kitty being eaten by a python. The five year old Marley Coleman of Cairns, Australia found a python with its jaws wrapped around her kitty Suti. So little Marley wrestled the snake and the python defended itself by biting girl's lip. It was still hanging from her face when Marley's mom came into the picture. She shook the snake take off, it disappeared. And both Sudie and Marley eventually recovered from the attack.

[Holmberg]

Oh whoops. There you go. That's the second day in a row You've had some quality cat stories, Brady. We should start Brady's animal stories. That's a good idea, not a bad idea. Brady's little PETA sponsors it and you just do animal stories because this week we've been loaded. The monkeys that stomp on bar, the flying that blows up in the air over Norway.

[Brady]

The ufo.

[Holmberg]

The ufo. The unidentified flying. What was the thing? The UFP unidentified flying. Yeah, that's pretty good stuff.

[Brady]

We've got some good news and some bad news this morning. The good news is God has returned and he's taken the form of a 20 pound fish. The bad news is God has been clubbed to death and eaten. The story's bizarre, so hang with me, right? In late January in the town of New Square, New York, 30 miles north of Manhattan, two fish cutters, 57 year old Hasidic Jew named Zalman Rosen and his Christian co worker Lewis Novello were preparing to slaughter a 20 pound carp when it suddenly shouted in Hebrew.

[Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Both men heard it. The talking fish said quote Tazarek, Shamaya and Hazabah, which it roughly means. Everyone better take account for themselves because the end is near. Lewis does son speak Hebrew though he said he heard the fish scream and naturally Lewis assumed it was Satan. Sure, Salman and his other Hasidic Jews from around the world believe this shouting fish was God in the flesh.

[Holmberg]

And he was tasty. Let me tell you. We heard God talk from the fish's belly, then we fried him up. Kosher delish. Oh the Lord himself. A little sweet, salty.

[Brady]

You are correct. Zalmen and Lewis clubbed it to death, chopped it up and had it for dinner. Anyway, word of the godfish had spread around the world. Lewis can't sleep. He hasn't been able to sleep. He's been inundated with calls from believers who want to hear about the story firsthand. Meanwhile in New square one, Abraham Spitz. No doubt that the fish talks. He says two men don't dream the same dream. It's very rare. God reminds people he exists in the modern world world. But when he does, you cannot ignore it. As for Lewis, he still believes the fish was Satan.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I would believe the fish is Satan as well. That's why. But you gotta eat it, ok? Did you hear that Louis? The fish says he's gone. Let's eat the fish. I'm with you on that.

[Brady]

While you're out partying today on St Patty's Day, there is a disease out there and this might explain for some of the stuff you come across. 200 times worldwide in the last 30 years. But maybe you've encountered it. It's called fish odor syndrome.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

The real name is trimetha lemire Memuria. The fish odor syndrome is easier to say. So let's go with that stink box. More to the point, those who suffer from it smell like fishmongers. It's like chicken of the sea coming out of your pores. Fish odor syndrome is caused when the liver has trouble metabolizing an acid natural occurring chemical in the body. The result is that the pungent aroma of fish wafts from the person's sweat, urine, and breath.

[Holmberg]

Ew.

[Brady]

There's no cure except trying to control the disease by cutting fish peas and egg yolks out of your diet.

[Holmberg]

I don't think I've ever met someone like that.

[Brady]

People suffering from fish odor syndrome often turn into hermits because the rest of society can't handle the scent. Others just smoke a lot to cover it up. Doctors say fish odor syndrome is still rare, but being diagnosed more and more and as many as 1 in 2000 people have it.

[Holmberg]

Amanda sweats a lot, but she doesn't stink. She smells really good. Her sweat smells good. You, like, encourage her to sweat.

[Brady]

Well, good news for the ladies. The next time you're feeling stressed out, you could relief your smooth, cooling flavor of nicotine. Instead of going to the nicotine, you could just nuzzle up to a sweaty man. Biologists from the University of Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania, took a sweat from underarms of men, and they put it in and blended in, and they took 18 women, did a little focus group, and it made them more happier and more relaxed. And while it doesn't make the mixes more hornier.

[Holmberg]

Thanks. More hornier? Yeah, sure. That's exactly what it says.

[Brady]

No.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

It says more is horniers increase the hormones. Typically peaks. It does increase the amount of ovulation going on.

[Holmberg]

So you rub sweat all over a girl and she gets all turned on.

[Brady]

It doesn't smell too bad, according to the ladies. They said they thought they were sniffing alcohol, perfume, or lemon floral wax.

[Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Lemon floor wax. What did they take the sweat from, Mr. Clean? Who sweats lemon fresh floor wax smell?

[Brady]

We do, I guess.

[Holmberg]

Yes. Yes, I do. Come here, man, and smell this.

[Brady]

Two more reasons why it doesn't suck to live in Kenya. Over half the population lives on less than a dollar a day. If you're rich. If you're a rich Kenyan with no soul, you can pay a man 13 bucks to jump into a bit of steaming Dookie to rescue your cell phone. Oh, and that's exactly what happened. A woman dropped her cell phone down in the pit of a large outhouse and offered $13 to anyone who would recover it. Three guys attempted. Three guys died.

[Holmberg]

They died in the feet.

[Brady]

The first one went down a ladder into the stinky pit and never came back. So a second canyon went in there. He slipped and fell and drowned. A third man went in just to save the other two heroes, but he was knocked out by the fumes. Witnesses managed to drag him out, but it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital. Check this. Even after the three men died in the pit of dookie, a fourth guy was going to jump in, but police stopped him.

[Holmberg]

I get it. I got not. I'm going in, man. The pile of the feces. I hit a drinking man. Oh, crazy smells in here.

[Brady]

It these are the legal issues that we're dealing with. The highly advanced nation of Cameroon. So many people are drinking their urine that the government is threatening to prosecute anyone that promotes drinking. We. A best selling book in Cameroon claims that a glass of urine a day can cure hemorrhoids, ulcers, infertility, snake bites and baldness. One man claims baldness? Yeah. One man claims he didn't have hair on his head for years, but ever since. Since he started drinking his own urine. He's working now with a huge 70s ABA afro.

[Holmberg]

Is that right? Huh? Well, I'm gonna have a little glass of this. Do my world be free here. Hello. Well, that I almost would consider. Then I didn't know it cured baldness. I'm growing her back. I'll get me a cup of this. Get me a glass, Amanda. Immediately.

[Brady]

Redneck news of the day. This may be news to you, cowboy, but Lee Greenwood's song Proud to be American is not the national anthem. You don't have to stand up for it when it's playing. Unfortunately, some drunken patriots at a rodeo in Houston don't know that 16 year old Felix Finessel and his friends stayed seated during the song and the redneck behind them started cussing at them for it. He spat at him, spilled his beer on Felix and his friends, and then punched Felix in the face. Felix says that the worst part was when the idiot told him to go back to Iraq. You see, Felix is brown skin. He's half Hispanic, half Italian. He's born in Houston. Felix, Laura says, quote, this is phony patriotism. The next time he'll think we need to stand from Okie from Muskogee Brownie.

[Holmberg]

Get up, stupid. It's our national anthem. Lee Greenwood done sung this thing to be an American. You ever watch wrestling? They play it, Kurt angle rolls out. You guys go back to Rocky. Yeah, I love the hillbillies. See, there's a reason why patriotism is dangerous in this country. Because there's too many people who just don't know why they're patriotic and what to be patriotic about. You're only patriotic when the bombs are start falling tomorrow. Yes, you can taste it. It's in the air, can't you? It's right there in the air. Then you stand up for Lee Greenwood and you stand up for anybody who just says America. You stand up when you watch American Idol. Doesn't matter. You can taste it. We're 24 hours away from cheap gas.

[Brady]

That's when there's a run on bald eagles at the pet store.

[Holmberg]

People want them as pets. I want me a bald eagle. Man, we're killing brown people. Yeah, that's it. Tomorrow the gas prices go down and I can't wait to watch. You know what? I want to turn on my TV tomorrow and see my children. CNN will rule for the next week.

[Brady]

You want to see Wolf Blitzer covered in muck?

[Holmberg]

Just there's blood. Wolf Blitzer live. I've been hit by the brains of another Iraqi. For crying a lot. It's getting dirty down here. Live from bed. There's more. We'll be back. CNN's live coverage of. Children, Please help my children. Oh, there's another burning Iraqi. Well, we'll be back after this.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard in half of this. Cease and desist at once. The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. Brett. This is more of a what would Brett do? Oh, no. Says I'm in a tight spot. Boys. My wife has recently made friends with a doomsday prepper in our neighborhood. And she's all in. So my 71 male Malibu can't be parked in the garage for a while because of the boxes and barrels that have arrived. They're taking up three quarters of the garage now. She says I never work on the car anyway, so a few weeks outside is fine. We have so much cheese and rice and water, it's ridiculous. 20 years worth. I said she should put her crap in storage. She says I should put mine. My car in storage as well. It's a fight for us. A huge one. I'll let you decide. Brett. I'm Leaning on you for this. And David got the Malibu. 25 years worth of food just in case the world explodes. Who has to store their crap in storage? Her. I would think so, too. And that's. I'm not even a car guy.

[Brady]

It's.

[Holmberg]

Come on. Her argument, though, I can imagine would.

[Brady]

Be, your car's in there.

[Holmberg]

Well, no. What do you mean?

[Brady]

That. Oh, so you can store.

[Holmberg]

No, her argument would be that if she had her stuff in storage, that if doomsday happened, you'd have to go get the stuff in storage. You don't. You don't. You don't need the Malibu. Big deal. The king of the one words. You know what, you've said it all pretty much. I mean, that's. All right. We'll be right back. I think Brett's right. No, it's because. Yeah, because you wouldn't need, you know, a nice Chevy Malibu. They had the fastbacks in the 70s, right? The ones the Malibu said. The GTO kind of fast pack thing. Yeah. I think a friend of mine had one of those right around that same time as Green is Neat. But anyway, you wouldn't need that if there was doomsday. Like, if we're talking about this as the stock market starts to tumble and people go, oh, you know, you got the people who can't handle adversity without thinking that this is the end, you know, it's all over. We elect the wrong people. It goes crazy. You know, the Kerry Lakes of the world will tell you you need all that cheap. Religious people will tell you you need all that cheese. He, you know, he may need to move on. Yeah. I think, you know, I mean, he knows how much that.

[Brady]

That car.

[Holmberg]

He loves that car. Yeah. Is that a good year? Yeah, I mean, it's a, you know, it could be a Chevelle. You know, I mean, they're Chevelle.

[Brady]

That's what I. Yeah, well, it's got a big trunk. It can handle those buckets. A couple of buckets.

[Holmberg]

Not 25 years worth, is it? She's got a garage heavy.

[Brady]

I say the car was there. Some of them last. Like, I have two. Two buckets that I bought of two years ago of 90 days of food.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, they've got 25 years.

[Brady]

They have a 25 year shelf life.

[Holmberg]

Okay. But no, he said they have 25 years of food.

[Brady]

So they had to have.

[Holmberg]

Because that's what, 10 or that's what, 15. Crazy. What's that religious guy? That religious guy used to like?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Jim Baker used to say each. Each bucket has a 25 year shelf life, but it's not 25 years worth of food. It's 90 days. And he would sell you a package of 20 years. 10 buckets of buckets, which I always like. How much do you think you need? Like, but you'd need more than 90 days of doomsday. If I was a doomsday prepper, I'd certainly get more than 90 days. Any like 6 months at least I would think I would go for the year's program. I'm not gonna. I'm not one of those people though. I'm not. I'm not willing to survive off garage buckets and you know, shooting neighbors who want my garage buckets. If we're into the position where the only food I have has been in my garage for 20 years. No, no thanks. I don't.

[Brady]

I looked at it more like I condensed it down to, you know what, I'll get these two. I got 90 days to figure out.

[Holmberg]

Maybe you live too close to Mormons and you're too suggestible. The answer to that stuff is you. No, I'm not gonna buy food for the when the world comes to an end for an extra 90 days. Invest in lead. That's what I say. Exactly. Lead is your best investment. Especially in Brady's neighborhood. You know, everybody around there stocked up. You can get your food, no big deal. Park that that, park that ride in the garage. My plan. Brett's nailed it because that's right. You know what? I know right now. If the world comes to an end and I've got loads of it, I just buy more clips, I need more clips and I just have world of clips. And I go over to Brady's house and I steal his food because that's those, those dummies are the ones. The Mormons are the.

[Brady]

It'll take a little bit. I've only got about 30 day supply of lead.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I'll take you out. We are one guy. It doesn't matter if you have 30 days. Doesn't mean you're going to last 30 days. When you unexpectedly see me at the door going, Brady, I'm in trouble and I need some food. Oh, come in, friend. See you, dumbass. Yep. And then that's the end of it. I doomsday prepping MMP guns myself. So I mean exactly it in your Chevelle. Yeah, exactly. I'm with Brett. She's buy a tough shed, tell her to put a crap in there. Anybody that tells me they're a doomsday prepper. Might as well have a sign that said rob me first.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's a little heavy.

[Holmberg]

Cuz they can sit back and go, well, good luck shooting me. Well, once I do, I mean, you're the ones that are going to be at war the most. Maybe you are some sort of awesome marksman, but when you're the doomsday guy and you've got all the supplies, guess what? Multiple people are going to come for you.

[Brady]

The shove.

[Holmberg]

The Chevelle was there first before the food that's in that. It's the Native American art. I mean, you know, does she love you? Does she want you happy? Oh, see Brett, you're touching my heart right now. You know, just a. Just a. She's not respecting your more selfish broad. This is more Brett's right. This is more about her saying, I don't like that you like that car. Right. I'm gonna wreck. Where you kicking you? Yeah, she's kicking you and your happy nuts to say. He seems to like that car an awful lot. I'm gonna wreck this.

[Brady]

Then when things go south, she's gonna cap you and she'll have more food.

[Holmberg]

She'll have a lot of food. And then your food is her food. What's gonna last longer? The car. Yeah, she's gonna start falling apart. She's gonna. Come on. Where do you keep that? You have already have a garage situation. Where do you keep your.

[Brady]

Basically two. Those like home five gallon buckets.

[Holmberg]

They're only five gallons. Yeah. 90 day. I don't think you're going to. Five gallons not going to last you 90 days of just rice.

[Brady]

It's.

[Holmberg]

Each one is they're serving little packets of rice.

[Brady]

Yeah. And all you need is hot water. It's not rice.

[Holmberg]

It's. There's like and doomsday. How you going to get four different.

[Brady]

Well, two things you need when you're prepping is water and.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Do you have water too?

[Brady]

I have my pool.

[Holmberg]

So you're gonna have chlorine rice and rice aroni or what? Boiled chlorine rice. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

I didn't do the five 55 gallon drum yet.

[Holmberg]

You skimped out on the water part of the well.

[Brady]

I got a good supply right now. No, I have a water. You gotta purify your dairy pin or.

[Holmberg]

I think the little pump that makes it so you can drink your pee.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Or.

[Brady]

Or just water it.

[Holmberg]

And who talks you into all this nonsense? Mormons next door. Yeah, it's Mormons nearby.

[Brady]

The Mormon. No, the. The water filter thing. I got long Time ago. And there's better ones now.

[Holmberg]

But why do you want that?

[Brady]

Just I'm like. Well, one. If I was. I was. I was camping a couple of times, right?

[Holmberg]

You need.

[Brady]

I thought we'd do more camping growing up Kirby and the family, but we didn't.

[Holmberg]

So you got that in case you had to drink puddle water with the.

[Brady]

Yeah, you're getting something.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

If you're having. You know, if you don't have access, boil boiling water. So you need fire. You need water. You need.

[Holmberg]

You boil water when you camp. Now I'm learning too much about you. What are you boiling when you're camping?

[Brady]

Well, just in case. If you. If you're low on water, have had.

[Holmberg]

To do it before, you get in your car and you drive to Safeway and pace it. You're not camping that far out.

[Brady]

And you probably only one time. Again, we are camping far enough out that you just couldn't go back to.

[Holmberg]

Yes, you could. Where did you camp that was so far in that you were like, well, there's only helicopter access here. You could have gotten. You. You drove your car in there in the first place.

[Brady]

One was a canoe trip where you're out in the middle. It's a ways back.

[Holmberg]

You don't.

[Brady]

You're miles away from your car.

[Holmberg]

How did you get from the car to the canoe?

[Brady]

You.

[Holmberg]

You.

[Brady]

You just like, you park your car and you walked and you go down the. The river for a week, basically.

[Holmberg]

When did you do this?

[Brady]

This was in college.

[Holmberg]

Oh, this has nothing to do with Kirby. I thought you were doing this recently.

[Brady]

No, no, no, not recently.

[Holmberg]

You didn't need your thing then.

[Brady]

It's one of those things like, you know what? That might be handy to have.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

[Brady]

It's like having a Leatherman tool.

[Holmberg]

That's a friend of mine have. No, a Leatherman tool has pliers on it.

[Brady]

You can use that Bible kit, too.

[Holmberg]

That's it. No, that's dumb. The water thing. I had a friend try to tell sell me one of those. He goes, if you get in trouble, you pissing this and it'll purify your. And you can drink it. I'm like, how much trouble am I in living in this city that I'm now pissing in a. In a bucket I bought at rei.

[Brady]

Only one time in Phoenix where we had it shut down for a day.

[Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

The crypto Sporidian in the water we had to boil then if you're going to use water. It was when I was on 14th place in Maryland.

[Holmberg]

I never had that.

[Brady]

Yeah, we had it in downtown Phoenix and everything. They had to had that basically 24 hours.

[Holmberg]

You just go over the water and ice store and get some fresh water. You didn't have to boil your piss.

[Brady]

Oh, even that. Yeah, the filtration.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, it's overkill. Wild overkill to live in this modern age and have that, you know, pee in a thing and keep it in your house in Gilbert. And I think the doom.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's where I want to be. A little filter thing rather than 55 gallon drums of water.

[Holmberg]

So you have the filter thing for your pool. Yeah. You guys are going to switch off straws then and just suck water out of the pool. I mean you got to put. You got a filter, you got a container. Oh, okay. But isn't your. Isn't the filter only like. It's like a thermostat?

[Brady]

No, what they do is now it's like a. It's a light, sterile light. It kills all the.

[Holmberg]

Okay, he's gonna drop that in. This is a waste of Mormon money anyway. Yeah. First thing I'll do, Brett and I will get in his car and we'll drive over to well, the well stocked Gilbert and we'll start hammering. They talk about like the whole thing with, you know, electronics going out if they throw one of those whatever bombs. I don't know, you know, technical terms. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're gonna need a car that isn't dependent on electronics. So a 71 Malibu hits the. Hits the nail on that. No one in Gilbert.

[Brady]

Survival.

[Holmberg]

Right. No one in Gilbert got one of those because their neighbors wouldn't allow. It's like, my God, they all have to have the same.

[Brady]

They all have those old pickups in.

[Holmberg]

Gilbert and the Mormons do. Yeah, yeah. Just in case.

[Brady]

Cheyennes. I always wondered that.

[Holmberg]

Probably a doomsday pickup. Yeah. You're overdoing it, Gilbert. That's dumb. Doug pretty much hit it here. We're. We were prepared for Y2K. We prepped for Obama, we prepped for Covid. Guess what? We're all still here. Ditch the. And keep the Malibu. That's exactly right. It ain't going to happen the way you think. Think.

[Brady]

That's just the tip of the iceberg there. If she's convinced to buy that much.

[Holmberg]

Stuff, you did it too. I mean everybody's got something. We're like, just in case she went over. She went crazy.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[Holmberg]

Mine is like the whole planning for doomsday, it was at costco too.

[Brady]

Total spontaneous.

[Holmberg]

Costco sells doomsday stuff.

[Brady]

Costco is doomsday. The survival buckets.

[Holmberg]

Good. We're going to raid the Costco. Why buy it now? It'll be free. When the doomsday happen. Everybody thinks it's gonna be this orderly thing.

[Brady]

It just says you a trip having a loot Costco.

[Holmberg]

That is true. That's hard to argue that it's like, well we got ahead of the curve.

[Brady]

Because those lines at Costco to begin with.

[Holmberg]

There won't be lines. There's going to be looting. There are no. Everybody thinks that doomsday is going to be this orderly process of the second. They have a pool when they taint when the water supply. Because that's what's going to doomsday means we're disconnected from electronics, water, power. Because the powers that be are going to shut us down. So there'll be, you know, every water supply, place, your pool, everything. Everything's gonna. If. If we truly got to the desperation point. It's a shoot em up. Yeah.

[Brady]

You're basically buying 30 days, 36 you're getting shot.

[Holmberg]

The day somebody said it's gonna. It's gonna be crazy. Doomsday is. Everybody thinks thinks that they've got it figured out. It's all ego.

[Brady]

Don't.

[Holmberg]

I got a bucket of cheese. I got rice. I got a. I got a piss cleanser. You're not doing that. That ain't happening.

[Brady]

You know someone did break it down and they're talking about those buckets and they said right now just buying those buckets rather than going to the grocery store.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh yeah.

[Brady]

50.

[Holmberg]

It's brilliant a serving if you tap it now it's. If you go buy 25 years worth of rice. Rice. And you got, you know, a lot of rice. I bet Asians are probably buying those things just laughing like Ah, 90 day. I got a 25 off. Brilliant. I don't know why anybody wants to live in a place where you've got garage food, gun in the window, waiting, guarding your pool. I'm like what?

[Brady]

And then they practice.

[Holmberg]

But why do you want to live there? Why does anyone want to live in that?

[Brady]

The like a fire drill. They practice on getting out, getting the truck loaded.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And then driving off to their site that they have. They bought land outside of the city.

[Holmberg]

But what are you fighting for? Was this Red Dawn. Yeah. I mean it doesn't sound like doomsday Prepper show.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Holmberg]

That's a TV show. So I think they open like the people practice and I Think that's where the dummies started to look at it and go, all right, this is, this is. It's. That's an entertainment base. It is kind of fun, the doomsday prep.

[Brady]

Well, just prepping guns, kind of depressing.

[Holmberg]

It's really a depressing.

[Brady]

It is Red Dawn.

[Holmberg]

Like, it's the most depressing attitude you can have to say, well, when it all collapses, I'll kill all my neighbors and I'll have plenty of free. Because essentially that's your attitude. And like, what kind of world do you want to live in? If that, if it came down to it, it'd be like, I'll survive as long as I can, but I'm not going to kill people. We're trying to get my pool water. You can have it. I'm not, I'm not gonna sit there in my, on my rooftop plowing away at stuff that people try to eat. Trying to eat. I help them out as best I can, but I don't want to live in that nonsense, let alone have 25 years worth of food and a Chevelle over in storage. Yeah.

[Brady]

So the turret in my house is.

[Holmberg]

A little over a little. I wouldn't be surprised if somebody in your neighborhood decided to go, you know, it's a good idea here in the name of all holy Jesus is to put a turret on top of my house and kill the people they're coming from. My doomsday food when he comes for us. And besides that, why are the Mormons doomsday? Isn't that the end?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Holmberg]

Aren't they the ones that think they're going up?

[Brady]

And I could be wrong on it, but it used to be two years worth of supply and now you have. I think they cut it down to one. See, to me, that's why they have those huge pantries.

[Holmberg]

Wouldn't you believe? Like, aren't they supposed to believe that their, their whole situation is better when the doomsday comes? Because they'll be the ones leaving. They hasn't Moroni. Like, okay, it's our turn. We wasted all their money on that cheese. Like, oh, we left all that cheese. It's silly.

[Brady]

Yeah, I see them replace the 55 gallon water drums. They rotate them out like every three years.

[Holmberg]

I'll tell you this, the second door dash is unavailable to me. I've got like three days to live. That's about it. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not going to rob the safe. Well, I'll go down and I'LL see what's there. But am I gonna walk the streets with my ar? Because I want some snacks.

[Brady]

My three days will be beef stroganoff and Mac and cheese.

[Holmberg]

That's great and good on you. And you. And I think everybody in doomsday dummy land, which I think I call Gilbert in my head thinks that they'll be watching football and eating their doomsday. It's just. It's over. It's all over.

[Brady]

You'll be watching static.

[Holmberg]

What Exactly. You're gonna be watching that. You want the power to turn the TV on. What exactly. Exactly do you think you're fighting to save myself for what? In the end, let's say you win. Then what?

[Brady]

I think most of it comes from not individuals. It's basically they're protecting their family.

[Holmberg]

Great. Then what?

[Brady]

I don't really.

[Holmberg]

Then what? Then what?

[Brady]

And then it's oh, you know, maybe last long enough where you start society over again.

[Holmberg]

There's the ego right there. Is that you are adamant. Leave. These people think I'm important enough to start society over again and I can.

[Brady]

Finally run for president.

[Holmberg]

No, you're not. You need to move out of Mormon Acres. Yeah. You gotta get out. It's tainted. You.

[Brady]

You'd be surprised. You got it in your area.

[Holmberg]

I don't have as bad as you. I bet you I would be based upon nobody's doomsday in my neighborhood.

[Brady]

LDS factor.

[Holmberg]

They don't. Right. Yeah. That's the thing. But I'm saying Gilbert has. I think per capita Gilbert and mesa more doomsday or years than my area over in the Biltmore.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

I guarantee it. Those people aren't fighting for anything. Those people over at the Biltmore are not going to sit back. And that's not an army I'm getting behind. They've been silver spooned their whole way through. They're gonna hire people. That's the same as me. I got a doordash for food. I'm not gonna. You think I'm gonna go out there in some sort of militant attitude? I'd get shot in the day and then in the end I'd be complete. Like I've always said. It'd be completely useless. The official apocalypse comes and here I am standing. What do you do? I used to tell jokes in a stick. Kill him and eat his bones like there's no reason to bring him along anymore. I tell an interesting tale if you guys want to hear some. I'm an orator. Yeah. How does that help us? Can you Hammer and no, I've got a. I just recently got one of these utility knives. I don't know what to do with it. I don't even know how to open it. You got your Leatherman. Now. I don't know how to open it. There. It says that Leatherman says it's got seven. You got three, right? I found three. Two of them. I are in there and I see them, but I can't open. Of course I'm screwed. I'm not. And I put it away because the problem is going to be that I have to read the directions for the Leatherman. Which means I need a Leatherman to open the Leatherman. I can't do it. Sure.

[Brady]

Brady.

[Holmberg]

Have 25 year food supply in 110 degrees with no AC. Great idea. Were you keeping it in your garage?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna eat that. I'm coming over to your house for that. For. You did it with your sauce. I guess it might as well be dried package.

[Brady]

No liquid in there.

[Holmberg]

I know, but it's still sitting in a garage in Arizona with no ac. He's right. No ac? No. Or no. No ac? No electric? No. No pornhub. I mean, I mean, yeah. You gotta stock up on like those magazines. Yeah. No showers. You have pornhub.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

You got nothing. And your wife's gonna start smelling.

[Brady]

Shapes have melted.

[Holmberg]

She's gonna start smelling like, you know, know Annie Oakley downstairs because there's no more feminine hygiene. Think about that. Think of all the stuff you got to stock up on. We're also. We're Americans. So we stock up only on one thing. Cheese. Cheese and rice and food. It was like, what about tampons? Feminine hygiene supplies. Medicine. You don't have anything. Son of a. I don't want to live. Cheetle, you have a wife. Yeah. Brady needs a bucket of Cheadle to just dip his face in or pat on the honey hole so it's edible again. You don't have medic. Doomsday. Doomsday people are most of them. The ones that go over the top, I kind of admire. But most of them are just arrogant knobs that think if I have enough food, I'll survive it because I've got a gun. Medicine? Any medicine? Oh, no, I didn't think of that. Oh, okay. Feminine products. So you sold me there. I'm done. Yeah. Ladies be gushing blood all over the towels. You can't wash them. You got to dunk them in that pool you're using for rice water later. Smell like that New Kids on the Block show. That was out at the Pavilion a couple months ago. Exactly. Ouch.

[Brady]

Like I said, if, if. If possible. It's a comfortable 30 days, then we're done.

[Holmberg]

Isn't comfortable first 28 a good fight in 30 days? 28. And then people are looking around going, my wife's bleeding all over the carpet at the house. Can I stay with you now get out my rice and cheese. You get a bunch of hangry Americans breaking down doors.

[Brady]

I'm looking for blood pressure medicine. Anyone got.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, so long as you'd be miserable without, you know, eating rice every day. By the third day, you'd kill burnout. Yes. You'd be done.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Eupd. Grab some protection. Here comes the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98. KUPD. Stop. Yeah. Interesting. You still go to junkyards and stuff? You don't have any? Occasionally, not too much, but. Does your dad still keep motors and engines and ovens and. No. Around the house? He's graduated from that. He's got everything together now. Still a great. But soon. What do you mean? No? He's probably gonna pick up something else.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

New project all over and he's just got junk all over the house. Yep, that's my favorite story. But Brett's mom opening that oven, and there were cylinder heads in there. Cylinder heads in the oven. We didn't have anywhere else to put them. And then she ended up just going, I'm moving to the neighbor's house. And she did. They lived next door to each other for a while because the house was full of car parts and she'd had it. Yeah. Well, he had parts in the pantry too.

[Brady]

In the pantry as well.

[Holmberg]

Like instrument clusters and stuff ran out of room in the garage.

[Brady]

That's his filing system. They had to be climate controlled.

[Holmberg]

What is it with car guys that you guys have to take things apart? I don't know when I would like. Well, it'll just go in the kitchen for a little while. Like if you parted something out to the. You're just a lunatic. Well, he was buying stuff and I'm just. For what, though? For the project that was in the car. Yeah. Were you writing the book? I am writing a book. I don't understand. Car guys always have a broken down car and parts everywhere and nothing ever worked. I didn't. I don't do that. I got parts all over my garage, but it's Not. I haven't brought any in the house because my dad kick my ass. You don't have anything to fix. Yeah, I do. What? I got my classic car. What is it? I got a 57 Ford. Where? In my garage.

[Brady]

You do?

[Holmberg]

Yes. Nobody knew this. Exactly. Do you know that? No. I tell you guys. No, I know you're telling us.

[Brady]

Did you have it in Queen Creek?

[Holmberg]

No. Okay. Do you ever drive it? Yeah. Does it run weekends? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Does it run well enough to trust? Then why do you have all the parts? Well, you're always doing stuff to it. But it's fine. You said. No, it is fine. But see, this is a car, guys. Yeah, well, you never drive it.

[Brady]

When is it?

[Holmberg]

I drive it on the weekends. We've never even known this. I know. Drive it to work is. He's an enigma.

[Brady]

That was a hidden gem.

[Holmberg]

All right, so right now that's the body car and we haven't known about it. So that thing's got ev police immediately.

[Brady]

Now he's gonna change it up.

[Holmberg]

What do you want? I don't even care anymore. Brett lives at 1285 Gato Alto in Mesa, Arizona. Over in dark ops and ranch. Go to his house immediately and investigate this mystery vehicle. Probably Kennedy's. Blood's probably in that thing.

[Brady]

Hey, John. I rebuilt my motor in my kitchen because I don't have a garage. Some of us need places.

[Holmberg]

No, some of you need to recognize. You don't have a garage just because you have a desire to. If you don't. If you don't have a garage, it's not time to start working on the engine. It's time to start working on your portfolio to get a house with a garage in it so you don't have junk all over the kitchen. Shut up, Holmberg. I gotta work on an engine somewhere. Why? Just do. No, you don't.

[Brady]

My question is when? When is it done if you're constantly working?

[Holmberg]

They're never done when you're never done. That's the problem. Never done. And that's my point, because you're always doing something new. Oh, well, it's a sell it. Put a blower on it. Let's do you know or.

[Brady]

It's got to be.

[Holmberg]

What's going on with the 57 now? I didn't know you had this car. Yeah. What color is it? White. No kidding. Yeah.

[Brady]

You got to get out early in the morning because Is there AC in it?

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're playing around. Yeah. Okay. Don't get all upset. I'm just saying it's a weird skin chap. Yeah. Like if I told you I had lumberjack stuff going on in my back, you'd be like, what? I mean, you never, never talked about it. But I do have a tree I chopped down. There's some lumberjack. It would be a little bit off. I didn't know. And you have car parts for it. You got pictures. Would you look at that beautiful car. Look at that. Why don't you ever drive that thing? I do. No, you don't. Well, I don't drive it here. Even when you've had. Like when you got in your wreck and Orlando had your car. You took Mathias car to work. Yeah, I did. Why does she wasn't working. Neither is your car. No, it runs well. Then why don't you drive it? I do drive it. Who's on first? Yeah, drive it here. I'll drive it here one of these days.

[Brady]

Does this have a White Sox bumper sticker?

[Holmberg]

No, it doesn't. Saddle on it? No. 57 Ford. How about that? Neat. Brett. Who knew? I mean, I know there's a lot we don't know about you for legal reasons, but this one didn't seem like needed to keep secret. Unless it's stolen. Yeah. Car guys. There's two things about car guys. Car guys and construction guys. They're always the same. Same, always the same. I'm not a car guy. So the second I start talking about something wrong with my car, even at a dealership with the. When I'm taking it to you to pay you to fix it, what's going on? I'm like, I don't know. It's your job. Don't know much about cars, do you? I'm like. And lucky for you that I don't. Because if I did, I'd fix it myself. So you're gonna charge me twelve hundred dollars to tell me something I don't understand. And I'm gonna trust you. You don't ever run a car at all. No, I don't. That's why you have a job. Stop construction guys the same. So we're put a lamb beam here, throw up a couple of 12 by 5, 3, 5, 7, one lane gonculators. I'm like, good. You don't know what I'm talking about, do you? No. And it's good for you that I don't Dan do that?

[Brady]

Quit giving me two weeks.

[Holmberg]

And then also Dan was more of a big sights guy. Okay. He wasn't like. Well, he built that. The pergola or something out. I don't know what. The Chinese restaurant. He should have been ashamed of that. And I think he was. Deep down. I think we finished it. And he was like, we built a pergola that looked like an entrance to a Hong Kong buffet.

[Brady]

The people that bought the house still can't take.

[Holmberg]

Was so well built. It was insane, but it was just overdone. And. And. And when we painted it bright red, I'm like, man, we might as well just put gold doors on the other side of this thing and serve shrimp. Hideous. My. My mom came out and went, oh, great. Hul. I don't even know if that was correct. Racial slur. But she. Let's go. Enough. All right. I'm starting to.

[Brady]

Starting to follow your line of thinking. John here, the guy that built his engine in his kitchen.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Says, yeah. Then I had to install the motor out on the street.

[Holmberg]

You're just a bad neighbor. That's all you are. You're the guy who has that car with the two sticks where a hood would be and they're still up, even though, like, there's no hood, but you still have the sticks that keep it. What are those called?

[Brady]

The hinges.

[Holmberg]

The hood hinges. I don't know much about cars. You see, they're the sticks that keep the hood up. That's exactly what they are. You know what I'm talking about? They're sticks. And you keep it up. Construction guys always hate other construction guys. Work, too. Did the work on this one. It's not up to code. Like, okay, we'll fix that. If you'd have known what you were doing, you'd have noticed. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing.

[Brady]

Okay. Homes on homes. That's why it's called you.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Then this guy finishes, and then the next guy that comes in and goes, this lamb beans in here. I should have gone three feet to this and that.

[Brady]

Not up to code.

[Holmberg]

I don't know if they welded this. We kind of spot weld or what kind of weld did they do? I'm like, how the. What do you want me to get the. I can show you how much I paid for it.

[Brady]

Guy says, wait a second. I think local Legends is having a car and bike show this Saturday. I know where I can see Brett's car.

[Holmberg]

Is that happening? I think they're doing a car and bike wash. You ever do a show? Yeah, it's been a show. What's going on?

[Brady]

When did this happen?

[Holmberg]

Why are you keeping this from us? I feel like. I feel. I feel betrayed in a weird way. Way. I've been to your house. Yeah? It's in the garage. I've been in your garage.

[Brady]

How long have you had this?

[Holmberg]

I didn't have it done. Oh, for Christ's sake. When did it happen? Well, actually, I did have it since you've been there, but not in the garage. No. Yeah. Yeah. Like when we weren't riding bikes that day. I didn't have it then, which was a couple years ago. Yeah. So you just got it a little bit.

[Brady]

Two years.

[Holmberg]

Year and a half. Two years. No kidding. No idea. No discussion at all. Guess what I got. I'll drive it to work. One of these. You know what that means? Brady? He doesn't believe we would be interested because we're too stupid to understand. What a 57. You said it. You said it. I didn't. I'm not talking about that with those morons. I wouldn't even know what. Okay, I guess you're probably right. Got a 57 Ford this week and all my. My brain would just go. Get out of this conversation fast. You're gonna look stupid in three seconds. Does it have to stop? Sticks. Does it have a hood? The two sticks that keep the hood up. Every car guy knows. And I don't know why you guys do that. You take the hood off of the car, which is. It's just in the way, and then the sticks stay up. No, I don't do that.

[Brady]

That's west side stuff.

[Holmberg]

It is a little west side, but a car guy always has a car that's not quite right. I think it's by design to keep it kind of sick. It's almost like that. What is that? Munchausen syndrome. Drum. Only with cars. Yeah, they keep the car a little bit sick, so they always have something to do. Yep. You always find something. You're 100% right. Vehicular munch housing.

[Brady]

Went to the junkyard, got a part for it.

[Holmberg]

Why? What was wrong with it? I don't know. I'm gonna break it for a little while, so it needs me. Yeah. Interesting. Well, Brett, anything else you have in your house, we don't. Dead baby, anything like that, you know?

[Brady]

No.

[Holmberg]

Wow. It's a beautiful car. Never seen it before. All right, I'll bring it in one of these days. Holmberg's morning sickness. This segment brought to you guys by MMP Guns on 12th street in Indian School inside of Mo Money Pond. Now, MMP Guns is your firearms expert. Whether you look for a new firearm for Yourself, for your girlfriend, your wife. You want to build one, you need accessories, you need ammo. If they don't got it, they'll get it. It's MMP Guns over on 12th street in Indian School. Check them out [e-mail] the last of homeless. Morning sickness. It's got a nice vehicle we didn't know about. Car parks.

[Brady]

All interesting. Who owed you money?

[Holmberg]

Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, that's where it came from.

[Brady]

I figured, you know, to get a car, it'd be like a Mustang.

[Holmberg]

That's what this guy said. Somebody. Somebody. Somebody disappeared. Brett ended up with a car. That's why he didn't tell anybody.

[Brady]

Yeah, you're in some made man's will.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, or he was in some made man situation where he didn't pay. And Brett went over there, and right.

[Brady]

Around the time he became a member of the Italian club.

[Holmberg]

You want to keep your kneecaps on. All right. Problem.

[Brady]

That's right. The Italian American club was at the same time.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. All right, well, we're learning, car guys. We need you, man. This guy says my dad was a car guy. Huge car guy. You're 100% right. Always buying and selling and working on cars. Sometimes he'd come home super excited about a car he just bought. Old rusted garbage bucket. Belonged in a junkyard, but according to him, just good finds. He also had several cars that did work, and he never drove them. Why? It's a good point. I don't know. Just want to work on it.

[Brady]

Hey, John, just so you know, those two sticks are called prop rods.

[Holmberg]

See, I knew they had a name, but I don't care because the hood should be attached to it. They're nothing wrong. Yeah. Thinking of what holds the hood up.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's talking the springs.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, it's the weighted heel on the side, but you're thinking of the prop, like when you put the hood up and you put the little. Oh, that's a proper. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I would have called that.

[Brady]

You mean the hood spring things?

[Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't need the prop rod if you've taken the hood off.

[Brady]

Right, John, you know why us car guys do this? We work on the car so we get away from that. That's inside the house.

[Holmberg]

All right, see, now, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't question it. Boy, oh, boy. Maybe she wouldn't be a. If you didn't have car parts in the oven. I don't know. Ask Kurt Vesley. Nate goes in circles. I just want to Know what your dad was? He was married. Divorced. Married, divorced. Same woman. Yeah. All right. I clean the oven. Will you come back? Back. Ah, don't do it again. When does the day he's carrying a cylinder around going oven, and he plops it in there. Thinking. Anyway. Thinking. Everyone in the house. Oh, see, there's the problem. Never uses it in the first place. I haven't had a decent meal since my mama. Hey, she kind of cook. You just keep your car parts in her oven and just keep it away. You notice it sooner if you use the goddamn thing. You know how long it's been in that oven? I don't care, Kirk. A year. Two stories getting told today. You didn't notice my car parked for the last 12 months in your oven and your pressure. And now all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy.

[Brady]

Hey, soy boy, why don't you quit yapping? We take the hood off because we get tired of banging our head on it. The hinges, slash stick stay on because they're a bitch to realign.

[Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. I'll tell you this. Then don't take it off and be a better car guy and quit hitting your head on the hood. What are you, 9ft tall?

[Brady]

And keep it in the garage?

[Holmberg]

How tall do you have to be to keep hitting your head on the hood? I'm working on a Carmen Ghia. Then you're not working on cars. Working on a toy.

[Brady]

My neighbor two doors down has a. It looks like a 69 Camaro. I've been there, what, 17 years, never once moved it.

[Holmberg]

Still. Yeah, the tires are rocking.

[Brady]

It takes time. I know.

[Holmberg]

I get it out now and again.

[Brady]

John, have you seen how large the trunk is on a 57 coupe?

[Holmberg]

I know, I know what this is.

[Brady]

So is it two door or four door?

[Holmberg]

2. Watch this. Oh, so you're just like Biden then? Car guy has a car in the garage. No, I know where my car is. I could walk right to my car. Yeah, it's just out there somewhere. Car guy loves his vet. And people say it like, you're a jeep guy. And I always direct him. Like, no, I own Jeep. Jeeps. I don't mean anything about. I'm sure Jeeps aren't stock either. I didn't. Got all kinds of additions. Look, jumping at the other day, I looked at that battery post and there's like four things attached to him. Like, I might not be able to help you today, sir, because I don't know how to get over all this stuff. Yeah, there's so much extra junk in there. I have no clue what's going on under the hood of a car, and I don't care to. They got people for that. I also don't know how mopping glow will works. Nobody yells at me for that. Well, you're a man. Why would you. Exactly. Right. Yeah, I got people for that.

[Brady]

Judging from how nice that car looks.

[Holmberg]

How does he know how nice your car looks?

[Brady]

I'm guessing that the original owner is buried deeper than six feet.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, there he is. Cemented into something. It's crazy. Well, there you go. Had no idea Brett had someone else. Hood struts. Jesus Christ. Car guy, my ass. Now the car guys are coming out, they're yelling at you. Not me. Just that other guy. Oh. See? Nothing. Why can't you guys get along and just discuss something? Same as construction guys. You always hate what the other car guy's doing. He didn't know what he's doing.

[Brady]

Hey, Brett, you should check out the duct tape drags at the end of September. You like car stuff? It's a great time.

[Holmberg]

Duct tape, they just barely get them running.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like a crashing demolition derby. Car guys, they always make me giggle. My uncle moved out to Phoenix years ago. Car guy moved out to Phoenix years ago, shows up with a duffel bag with some clothes in it, and then told my dad, hey, if I stay here for a little bit. And he was gonna stay at our house while he was getting his feet, you know, getting a job and all the stuff he was getting together, and probably took him a month to get everything together and snap on tools. Truck shows up the next day, and I'm in the garage clearing out a bunch of stuff. They're loading up. Up like $45,000 in tools are coming into the house. And he goes, best thing about snap on is, you know, just give them the tools. They bring a new set whenever you take a new house, or they'll transport for you. He filled my dad's garage with tools for his cars that he didn't have while he was living at our house for 30 days, we had a garage full of snap on tools. Now, that was hard for my dad to walk in and go, what? The whole thing? These are nice. God damn, this is a nice set of tools. And I know we'll get emo. Snap on. Amateur. I'm like, I don't know the difference. I use the hell out of them for other stuff, like pounding rocks into the ground and pushing things through walls. I Didn't use them. Did you at least put them back sometimes? No, there was a lot. There's a lot of times you'll go into my house and there's a drill like outside. Been there forever. Oh yeah. That's the first you hear if you hear me say oh yeah. Usually I just found that wrench. Oh yeah, there's the. My ratchet set, John, I was doing by the pool. What was I thinking?

[Brady]

Female here. Me and my daughter are car gals in our house. Our boyfriends are always getting after us about our tools and parts all over the house.

[Holmberg]

Really? Women? You and your daughter work on cars together?

[Brady]

I'm not believing that Subaru should be up and running.

[Holmberg]

The most, the least believable part of that story is boyfriends. When you say daughter, you mean the girl you kidnapped to live with you, right? That baby you found sign Britney Griner.

[Brady]

John, serious question. Can you even change a tire?

[Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Well, I have to have my high lift, right? Oh yeah. Then you go through that and show I didn't have a high lift lift and I was stranded for hours. I was crying. I ended up, I towed my car to the discount tire and they, they had to do it for me because I didn't have a high lift and no one did. Oh and by the way, when I got the high lift finally, I have no idea. I'm just worried I'm gonna bend the frame.

[Brady]

I'm still blown away. Yesterday's car still actually changed the eight minute.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, they were brand new tire crew out there. I changed my mom's tire at her house once on a Volkswagen Bug and I can change the tire humping around there. Got the jack on the thing. Got my feet underneath the car, pulling the tire off, pull the tire off, my feet up from under and the whole thing went. Jack fell. Oh, would have crushed, would have crushed both my legs. And my mom's like, oh, is that okay? I'm like, yeah. And then like it's here. Rolled down my cheek.

[Brady]

I just escaped death.

[Holmberg]

Horrifying. I wouldn't have made it out of that one. But yeah, I had the jack on the thing perfectly but it was so wobbly and weird. I don't trust that stuff. But I, yes, I can change a tire. But currently on my Jeep. No, I can't change the tire. I'll tell you the truth on that. I really, I got the highlight.

[Brady]

Not when you have.

[Holmberg]

I don't know how it works. Oh, if I was roadside, roadside service. Oh my God.

[Brady]

Why change a tire?

[Holmberg]

Well, I would do it that I would do that before I'd call someone else to help me.

[Brady]

We got stumped one time. Took his figure up when the erector set of the.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That Chevy Avalanche of I don't know.

[Holmberg]

Oh. When you and I had a flat.

[Brady]

Before you could even get anywhere. You had to put four pieces together.

[Holmberg]

We screwed that up. That was just us being bad at what we did. Yeah. Brady had a flat when we were golfing once. Went out to his car. He had a Chevy Avalanche. And then there was this weird LEGO system.

[Brady]

First LEGO size.

[Holmberg]

You had to break into the back tie. It was underneath the car. And then there was this little hexagon that you had to shove a thing in the bumper and you have to start like cranking it like you're getting water. In the 1800s.

[Brady]

Winch the tires winched up. Three sticks together. It's like putting a tent.

[Holmberg]

We couldn't do it.

[Brady]

And then you couldn't do it.

[Holmberg]

We hours it got dark. What does this do? We went home.

[Brady]

Did you leave the truck there?

[Holmberg]

We called this friend who's got a hydraulic. One of those. One of those floor jacks. Yeah, he'll help. And we had. And then he shows up and that tire just comes floating down from the bottom. Like we couldn't do that at all. How'd you do that? Well, I think we had the wrong. Wrong end in. We were done. John.

[Brady]

I went by Brett's house a few weeks ago and noticed he was welding a metal plate under the driver's seat. Not sure why.

[Holmberg]

Case, you know, I've seen casino great.

[Brady]

Design on this car.

[Holmberg]

And then see I got this email from Thomas. Man, those high lift jacks, they're so dangerous now. Now I'm never going to use it. Like I've seen it in action. Four wheel and a guy had to change on the trail. What would you do if you got. If you're out of table Mesa or something? Probably get a new jeep. Just leave it roadside. I'd leave it with the baby.

[Brady]

Those guys that go up there, they love instances like that.

[Holmberg]

Oh, they can't get enough. That's why I always. I was four wheeling the heavy stuff with guys who are completely skilled operators. I've seen them fix stuff.

[Brady]

They love saving those people that don't.

[Holmberg]

Know can of coke and some shoestring. And I'm not kidding. And the dude had a new front shock. I don't know what he did but the thing went and it just crashed down on one of these rocks and he was stuck because his shock blew up something with a can of coke, some string, I don't even know how, and a bike pump.

[Brady]

We'll just jimmy it.

[Holmberg]

You had a bike pump, a can of coke, and string, and the next thing you know, it wasn't working right, but it was working, and he had to get the hell out of there. He walked all the way back to New river or wherever to get stuff. It was crazy. Yeah, you get stuck out there, you better be with somebody else. I don't know. I'm not good with car stuff, and I don't claim to be. And don't scoff at me for it. There's stuff I know that you car guys don't. But you've never made a candle.

[Brady]

But you never knew.

[Holmberg]

All right, twin. Yeah. See? Can't make a candle. You don't even know that orange blossom and sugar don't go together, you idiot. It. It's too sweet. I get candle making materials in my garage.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fees. I've heard enough of this. It's not always pretty, but it's always pretty funny. So it's okay to laugh again at the best of the morning sickness.

[Brady]

You're very clever, my charming little friend.

[Holmberg]

But not clever enough. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the HUM Tactical Black Self defense training. If you want to get out there and start training for the future, well, then you should do it. You got kids going off to college. That's a big one. Right now. A friend of mine again, and I'm at that age where friends all have kids going to college, worried about his daughter, worried about this. I'm like, you know what you need to do before you send her off is get her some training, get her in there, have some confidence. I talked to Fitz about it on break, and he. He was talking about he met a guy who had been in the can, and he said, all those dudes do are trained to fight in the streets when they get out. And he goes, and it is real, man. It's real. And it doesn't mean you're gonna be invincible. It just means that you'll have some confidence before, you know, bad things can happen. Right now, you got nothing. At least get something put in your back pocket and they'll teach you the proper ways to do it. It's scary when you think about that those guys that go to jail, that they're there for a year. And the only thing to do is to train how to be a worse person when they come out. A lot of them do that. You don't want to get tangled up with those types. So put some in your back pocket, get a little confidence. Start becoming a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep. They teach it and they teach it fast. Reactdefense.com. you start today, you'll be blown away by what you will be tomorrow. It's the home of tactical Black, the last of homeless morning sickness.

[Brady]

Tim Gunn is the guy from Project Runway. He's openly gay. He was on the daytime show yesterday, ABC's daytime show the Revolution. And he admitted that he hasn't leapfrogged with another man in 29 years. Hasn't seen a sausage for almost three decades.

[Holmberg]

And is he gay still? Yeah. I don't know. Can you still be gay if you haven't? Cobwebs. A lot of cobwebs. Trying to jump over a dude and you can't do it.

[Brady]

Just says he's. He was scared back when.

[Holmberg]

The whole thing's butthole gets cobwebs. It still do. Still functions.

[Brady]

Might be dusty.

[Holmberg]

Mine doesn't have cobwebs. And I'm not gay. I haven't leapfrogged with a man.

[Brady]

Yeah, he cleans it.

[Holmberg]

Maybe in the taint area that webs up. Yeah. Get wet. Is that what your partner's supposed to do? Maintain that area? Yeah. Oh, Timmy's. You've got some cobbies. Don't ever make that noise again. Got em. Stop. Check me for cobbies.

[Brady]

Look who's the feather duster.

[Holmberg]

I'm a feather duster. You've got kobbies. What's wrong with you? Stop it.

[Brady]

All right, all right, all right. Good enough. Moving on.

[Holmberg]

So dirty. It's been like 30 years down here. That is a lot of cowboy. It's cobby all the way down your thighs.

[Brady]

You're like Spiderman.

[Holmberg]

I haven't been with a man for 29 years. Oh my God. I'm like a Hoover down there. Watch this.

[Brady]

This copies. You'll be excited for this, John, because.

[Holmberg]

We'Re so mature to assume that cobwebs grow in a man's. Go ahead. I said explaining for the people. Like, what's he doing that? Sorry. Go.

[Brady]

It'd be more like a safety net for trapeze artists.

[Holmberg]

Cobwebs don't have the same structure as a very strong. They're not as strong as spider webs. Cobbler webs, dust bundles.

[Brady]

They're hobgoblins.

[Holmberg]

No, they're not. Don't teach the kids that there's no such thing as a hobgoblin.

[Brady]

They get in your pipes.

[Holmberg]

They're cobblers.

[Brady]

Heard some guy talking about hobgoblins getting in your pipes.

[Holmberg]

So another 30 years, if they stay like that, he'll have hobgoblins growing out of him. Yeah.

[Brady]

They can get in your pipes.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Hobgoblin. He eats the hobgoblin. He has to eat the hobgoblins. You can't just discard a hobgoblin, have that running around your house. We are hobgoblins in pipes. Yeah.

[Brady]

It causes a backup.

[Holmberg]

And his pipes and Tim Gun's pipes. Sure, yeah. Have hobgoblins down there. I want a doctor to tell me that. I think I've got hemorrhoids. Doctor. They go, oh no, you've got a horrible case of hobgoblin.

[Brady]

Jack K. Fell and hurt her back on a TV set. I don't know where it happened. She's okay. What year did that happen? Yesterday.

[Holmberg]

Oh. Why is she on a TV set? It's easy. You can do it. Try it at home. Oh, maybe. I'm coming upstairs. How you doing? See, it's pretty close. Eric's trying. It's like a black Jewish girl kind of. Kind of? It's. It's almost like the nerd kid on that Family Guy. Urkel. No, I can't remember one which one it is. I think it's Family Guy. Yeah, it's kind of only. Just gotta start every sentence.

[Brady]

Maybe.

[Holmberg]

Maybe you're going places with that impression.

[Brady]

Follow me.

[Holmberg]

I hope she gets famous again. I've been working on that one for years. Maybe she made a whole career out of that. I just picture some guy in Hollywood listening to your Jack A impression. This guy's amazing. Back in Phoenix. She knows Jack A. We don't even need her anymore. I don't care what he looks like.

[Brady]

Lock him up.

[Holmberg]

Get him for the 227 reunion. Sm still alive.

[Brady]

John, the guys from Colt 45 would like you to.

[Holmberg]

It would be like if Jackie Minutes of comedy if Jackie Harry left 227 and they replaced her with me but they kept it the same. Act like, you know, it's like the Darrens Unbewitched. They act like it never changed. I'm just Jack A. Oh, maybe. Oh, Jackie, you crazy.

[Brady]

I'm coming upstairs.

[Holmberg]

They paint you black and give you a long figure now. Yep. Still bald. Though maybe the chemo is work.

[Brady]

Please. Welcome to the Apollo, John.

[Holmberg]

Homer. Sir.

[Brady]

I'm coming upstairs.

[Holmberg]

Rub the log. Oh, maybe it's. I used to. Yeah. Boo.

[Brady]

Don't leave the carney. Wilson has a medical condition.

[Holmberg]

Ah. Is it. Is it a fat itis?

[Brady]

I know you think that.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking it is. Diabetes.

[Brady]

Bell's palsy.

[Holmberg]

Oh, geez. How it's shaped like a belt. What? That's where it's a new form where your body is shaped exactly like a bell.

[Brady]

She's treating with some acupuncture.

[Holmberg]

That'll work. Wait. She just got screwed over. Oh. Not only are you fat, but here, let me def your face when you try to talk. Your sister's smoking, so you've got all the bad genes. So, are you feeling all right? Yeah. Still hot Skinny. Everything's good. How about you? Oh, my face is sliding off now. Doctors thought it was excessive face weight. Turns out it's an actual illness. Man, poor her. I'm okay. Had half her belly ripped out too to get skinny and that didn't take.

[Brady]

And Eric, you'll be happy to know that six people have been arrested in the shooting up of Waka Flocka Flames Bus.

[Holmberg]

Oh, good. So they can get the people who shot up Walk a Flock of Flames bus. But still nobody for Tupac's murder. On the sun on the strip of Vegas.

[Brady]

And they figured out the men were all going after Waka Flocka's bling. Evidently, Waka Flocka walks around with a 1.2 million dollar.

[Holmberg]

Please, we need to know our Walk a Flock of News.

[Brady]

Necklace. And that's what they want.

[Holmberg]

Makes enough money to already have a necklace worth that much. Flock has been around since the 70s, man. Really? Yes. I thought he was new Kermit's partner for years. And Waka Flocka has made a lot of money. He's been in a lot of movies. He was in that great Muppet caper. He was fantastic. He was the guy who found the diamonds. I forgot about all that. He was a comedian. Also a stand up comedy Nick. Man. Walka Flocka Flock of Flames Tour bus.

[Brady]

Has 2010 rounds in the bus street cred.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, you leave that. You leave the bullet holes in your wrapping. If you're a rapper and you're struggling to make it, go fire a couple of rounds into your car.

[Brady]

Well, you'll start.

[Holmberg]

You'll get a great deal.

[Brady]

Be ready to receive lead back. Because they fired back.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, that's like the bus in the car gauntlet did they really? Oh, yeah. No. Waka Flocka defended the fort. The windows open. There's like cannonball. We're under attack. Waka Flocka. Fire back. Waka Flaka Flocka. Hey, you guys just all wacky characters. It's the Muppets. I believe he has a man in his sight.

[Brady]

Good news, Judas Priest fans. They've announced a farewell tour.

[Holmberg]

John just unloaded in his pants, John. John Gordon just dropped in his pants. Go get him some diabetes.

[Brady]

After storming the world for nearly 40 years and taking their very special brand of heavy metal to all four corners of the planet, Judas Priest, one of the most influential heavy metal bands, fans of all time.

[Holmberg]

When the show's over, you'll hear kind of faintly in the background, farewell, you gods of rock. I'll meet you at the Mother Sizzler, baby. And that'll be our own John Gordon.

[Brady]

For now, only eight summer shows in Europe have been announced. Maybe this is my opportunity to go to Amsterdam.

[Holmberg]

There you go. You have your chance.

[Brady]

Time.

[Holmberg]

He asked you to go to the ring with him.

[Brady]

I'll go, man.

[Holmberg]

Here.

[Brady]

I don't give an F. Here.

[Holmberg]

It's great chicken. You don't give an F. Word to that man. Halford would immediately regret that. Hello, little one. We ready to go? Yeah, let's hit that cock ring here. They got great chicken. Yeah, it'll be.

[Brady]

What do you want to do? Want to get something to eat?

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I want to get something to eat. A tube steak. Oh, wow. You're going to eat different than me all weekend, aren't you? He'd do his wiener schnitzel joke and then that was Francis. Need a little wiener schnitzel here, huh? Anyway, Vaseline. Anyway, you go have anal sex. I'm going to go tour for restaurants. Meet back here at 5. Yeah, wash your fingers.

[Brady]

We're going to eat.

[Holmberg]

We're gonna go eat it. Keep those hands clean.

[Brady]

Whoa, whoa. No touchy.

[Holmberg]

I want to eat Coli from your love. Maybe Lemmy from Motorhead would show up. Oh, boy.

[Brady]

No, I don't want a chili dog.

[Holmberg]

Free skill. Freddy, Freddy. Ask him. Ask him. Rob, we were thinking, would you enjoy a chili dog as you vest him? Watch his face. I love chili dog. He wants to crap on your chest. And you said yes.

[Brady]

What else do you want to do to it?

[Holmberg]

Later. Dig it, wimmy. Ride down the slider. And it makes you gay for saying yes. Now, that's a reality show.

[Brady]

Yeah, that'd be a blast.

[Holmberg]

Ask him, Freddie. Ask him. You ever been to the Alaskan pipeline? No. Ask him. Would you like to go?

[Brady]

Sure.

[Holmberg]

He got you. He wants to freeze a poop and use it as a sex toy. You're gay for saying yes. Let me and Rob playing tricks on Brady across Europe.

[Brady]

Do you like shortcake?

[Holmberg]

Ask him. I know what a blumpkin is. No, we'll get you. With the next thing. They'd spike his water. Just constantly raping Brady across. How many euros you got? €30, says Brady. Leap this because he thinks it's some sort of German chocolate. But it's not. He's this male's kid. The blood makes it look like German chocolate.

[Brady]

Brady, they cooked this in a Dutch oven.

[Holmberg]

I don't want to hang out with you guys anymore. I'm tired of getting raped. Okay, Let me. Rob and Brady touring Europe. Tell you that's a fun show though.

[Brady]

It is. It happened last night. If you're there.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't know that. If I'd have known about it, I wouldn't have gone, but it would have been great.

[Brady]

I've never been.

[Holmberg]

I've never been and I know, it's awesome. I have not been to that show, but it is incredible. Any good movies lately, Brady? Anything that you haven't been to?

[Brady]

Yeah, there's a Avatar.

[Holmberg]

Great stuff. Some of the scenes in it will make you just. I mean, phenomenal.

[Brady]

It'll make you Avatar when you see this.

[Holmberg]

James Cameron's Avatar. Has that been done yet? Cuz if not, we're putting some blue paint on your downy ass and we're putting you in the camera. It's Avatar. Touchdown is Avatar. Fly me down the cliff. The only problem, you're handicapped and you can walk again. But the only problem with the surgery is it makes you so. Your Avatar is a little bit slow.

[Brady]

You're extremely strong.

[Holmberg]

Why is that fun? Just a bunch of mentals running around fighting in blue paint. It's like the blue man group at some sort of special needs camp. There you go. That'll do it. That was good, man. Movie awesome. You have stumbled into a couple of gems there. Oh, Jeremy kill for me.

[Brady]

I don't know. He found.

[Holmberg]

He's a. He's a big bus. He's a Sesame Street. He's not an office. Oh, and up until kids became huge pusscakes, he was just imaginary.

[Brady]

When there's a shooting going on, he might show up.

[Holmberg]

He's the real deal. When they're shooting. Hello, bird. Eat lead. He is bad as hell. There's a big old weapon in that hose. He's like the wolf you just met the baddest mother. Oh, in town. I should make that into a really Snuffy. Snuffy. He's had enoughy. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm a marketing genius. Let's get the hell out of here before more puppets start killing people. Although I'd watch that Muppet movie if there was a lot more blood. Revenge me.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.