09-02-25 - Woman Complains Online That Her Husband Always Deuces Before They Have Sex - Man Shoots/Kills Kid Who Was Ding Dong Ditching - Is Brady Watching News For Accidents Hoping For Donor Kidneys

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona:

Episode Summary – September 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this raucous and irreverent episode, John Holmberg and the Morning Sickness crew (Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo) return from a break to dig into listener questions, share offbeat personal stories, and break down viral social media topics. From tire sensor woes and the etiquette of couples' bathroom habits to childhood pranks gone tragically wrong and darkly hilarious organ donor banter, the show delivers its trademark mix of unfiltered observations, dark humor, and camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tire Pressure & Listener Mail

• Tire Sensor Troubles & Spare Tires
  • John discusses persistent tire pressure warning lights and fielding advice from listeners.
  • The team debates whether spare tires have tire pressure monitor sensors (TPMS).
    • “I didn’t even know they had a monitor. But if it has a sensor on it, it would be pointless to say, yeah, there's a sensor, but it’s never going to tell you.” – John (03:41)
    • Newer cars may have sensors even on spares, but it varies by model and year.
• Advice & Jokes from Listeners
  • Listeners respond with genuine advice and typical show irreverence.
  • “That’s actually a listener giving me good advice, not saying something about two illegal Mexican coyotes in my front yard.” – John (02:53)
• Annoyances With Car Tech
  • John laments cars becoming too computerized, complicating simple things when repairs are needed (11:26).

2. Farm Family Mentality, Morbidity, and Condolences

• Stories from John's Childhood
  • John tells stories of farm life where strangers would knock and offer to euthanize farm animals for a small fee (04:18).
• Dark Humor on Death
  • The group riffs on Toledo’s stepfather making an inappropriate joke after his wife's death.
  • Satirical discussion about O.J. Simpson hypothetically providing “euthanasia services.”
    • “OJ Simpson’s euthanasia service is pretty fantastic.” – John (07:40)
• E-mail Condolences
  • Show regulars and listeners send in condolences, sometimes in satirical or callous tones.
    • “...tell Toledo we send our condolences. My brother and I know exactly what he’s going through. We know what it’s like to lose a mother. Signed, Lyle and Eric.” (The Menendez brothers) (08:03)

3. Viral Social Media: Husband’s Pre-Sex Bathroom Habits

• Discussion of a TikTok Story
  • A viral post sparks a deep-dive on couples, bathroom etiquette, and bodily functions during “Netflix and chill.”
  • Story: A woman complains online that her husband always takes a long shower before sex, but she discovers he’s actually pooping with the shower on for cover.
• “Training” Your Spouse
  • The panel reacts with disbelief and mockery to the idea of “training” a husband not to use the shower as cover.
    • “If you even say you’re training us, any direction... If Mathias said, ‘oh, I’ve got Brett trained to do that’, I’d be like Brett, you gotta get rid of her.” – John (20:03)
  • They defend the man’s strategy for hygiene as being considerate, not shameful.
• Open Bathroom Relationships
  • The group agrees: open defecation while maintaining intimacy is a relationship killer.
    • “We need to have great shame in our poos. Great shame.” – John (26:08)
    • “Imagine if he just went in there and took a dump and left the water and then just came out to you. He rust butt you right there on the couch.” – John (25:42)
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “If you’ve got a girl who’s like, ‘oh, a blumpkin’, this is the biggest piece of trash alive.” – John (31:41)
  • “I’d burn the house down.” – John on discovering a partner’s open pooping habit (26:53)
• TikTok’s Role
  • The post garnered 12.6 million views; callers debate widespread relationship quirks and what normalcy means.

4. Ding-Dong Ditching & Deadly Consequences

• Recounting Childhood Mischief
  • Stories shared about doorbell ditching as a harmless neighborhood prank.
    • “We used to doorbell ditch all the time when I was a kid. It was the best.” – John (32:34)
  • Nicknames for the prank are discussed and critiqued for their outdated racial undertones.
• Escalation in Modern Times
  • Several recent incidents where “ding-dong ditch” pranks ended in shootings/deaths.
    • “There’s been like several shootings... I never once worried about getting shot.” – John (33:14)
  • Ring cameras make it almost impossible to get away with – leading to ridicule of today’s less-skilled pranksters.
• Legend of Tony Richards
  • John recounts his black friend Tony’s legendary seven successful doorbell ditches, even running circles around residents waiting outside (37:14).
• Modern Kids Ruining Pranks
  • Anecdotes about kids in John’s mom’s neighborhood asking permission to toilet paper homes (“kids these days!”)

5. Brady’s Health & Organ Transplant Waitlists

• Ongoing Surgery & Kidney Issues
  • Brett and John banter darkly about wanting a quick kidney for Brady, including joking about watching the news for accidents and potential organ donors.
    • “How fast can we get you a new kidney? Like, if we come up with a guy, can they put it in there, like, in a week?” – John (50:23)
    • “I’d be calling Toledo’s stepdad.” – Brady on moving up the transplant list (52:59)
• Mocking the Transaction
  • Jokes about paying finders’ fees for organs, finding matches among listeners, and refusing “poor people’s kidneys.”
    • “Your kidneys... can’t handle the rich foods Brady’s gonna put on top of it.” – John (57:46)
    • “If Guy Fieri or Pratt offered their kidney up to you?” – Brady (57:50)
    • “Earth is over. I don’t want anything to do with that world.” – John on not accepting an enemy’s kidney (58:07)
• Opioid Crisis and Donor Supply
  • A listener writes in: “The opioid and fentanyl epidemic has made organ donation much, much more available. Good news, Brady.” – John (58:38)

6. Musical Interlude / Show Playlist

• The show wraps up with a discussion of music to play—ranging from Anthrax, Motley Crue, The Hives (“Idiot Walk” as the eventual choice for doorbell-ditchers), and more (49:16).
  • “Let’s not celebrate Brady quite yet. The journey has just begun.” – John (49:42)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Relationship Boundaries:

  • “If you're an open bathroom couple, I am not the friend you want to talk to about [why your sex life is dead].” – John (29:46)

• On Childhood Mischief:

  • “If you get shot doorbell ditching, you’re terrible at it. The key is not being spotted.” – John (45:07)

• On Sourcing Kidneys:

  • “No. Any sort of organ transference over 60 should be against the law.” – John (51:16)
  • “You’re going to feel bad next time you see a car accident on the news, because your brain’s going to do it: ‘Did everyone make it?’ That’s going to... That’s how people who need organs think.” – John (53:13)

• Classic Listener Troll:

  • “Tell Toledo we send our condolences. My brother and I know exactly what he’s going through... Signed Lyle and Eric.” (Menendez brothers joke, 08:03)

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Important Timestamps

• Tire Sensor Discussion – 02:21 – 11:58
• Farm Euthanasia Story & Dark Humor – 04:18 – 07:58
• Viral Bathroom Habits & “Training” Spouses – 17:04 – 31:27
• Ding-Dong Ditching: Then vs Now – 32:11 – 46:58
• Organ Transplant Banter & “Hopeful” Car Crash Watching – 49:49 – 59:13

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Tone & Style

• Sardonic, candid, and loaded with dark, boundary-pushing humor.
• The hosts freely rib each other about personal issues, societal trends, and news.
• The show weaves listener interaction and real-life anecdotes with a “nothing’s sacred” comedic angle.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential deep-dive into the Morning Sickness experience: brutally honest, wickedly funny, but not for the faint of heart. It’s as much about the creative camaraderie of the crew as it is about the wild ride of modern life—be it tire sensors, the intimate awkwardness of relationships, or the macabre logistics of organ donation.

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Transcript

[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here seeing clear as a bell thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Let the experts at the Schwartz Laser Eye center do that. Book your complimentary consultation with the gang at the Schwartz Laser Eye center and have Dr. Jay Schwartz talk to you about the best plan to make it so you don't need contacts or glasses ever again. Great eyesight is something you should not procrastinate getting. And all you have to do is go see the team at the Schwartz Laser Eye center today. Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center of your diamondbacks and sons. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk again about my friends at Trajan Wealth. I always talk to you about the will and trust. The estate plan that I put together with Kent at Trajan Wealth. Kent was unbelievable. And man you want to make sure medical power of attorney and power of attorney are established because if something bad happens and you don't have anybody speaking for you, somebody you don't know will keep control of your life even when you're not in control. All you have to do is get it done. Today at Trajan Wealth. 480-990-3300 Trades and Wealth Legal services are offered through trades in the State Law Firm LLCs. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. Thank you. Miles to nowhere. It's good to hear that again. Off and running Katie and the Hobbs at 6:43 and I'm getting a lot of emails about my tire light which of course is the most important thing going on in by far. I didn't know this guy said have you checked your I put air in the tires. Still giving me the warning. Have you checked your spare? Normally people don't tech the test that. Is that on a monitor too?

[Brett]

Must be.

[John Holmberg]

You know, cars. Is my spare tire, Brett, on have.

[Brett]

A valve in it?

[John Holmberg]

Got a monitor that would say I've got low air pressure.

[Brady]

Yeah, it should.

[John Holmberg]

It does. Newer car.

[Brady]

Newer stuff does.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Not.

[Brady]

Not all cars do. I had a flat a while back on mine and mine didn't. So the light was going on when I was riding the spare. But some of the. Some of the newer cars, they do.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know that. I'll check the spare. Thank you, Ian. That's. That's actually a listener giving me good advice, not saying something about two illegal Mexican coyotes in my front yard or.

[Brady]

Your Juno's or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't even start with, hey, Juno's. Have you checked your spare, Ian, I appreciate the classy nature. What in the world happened to you people? We were gone for a week. Don't you know to start all emails that are helpful with hey Juno's. We can't. I can't live with this.

[Brett]

But I don't think it detects. Like the spare doesn't check in. Like it would say, oh, your spares low.

[John Holmberg]

But why would it have a monitor if it's not going to have a thing that tells it's reading.

[Brett]

It's on there. So it has it. So it doesn't go off.

[Brady]

It would still. It would still read.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why would.

[Brady]

Kind of like a radio signal that sends it back to the.

[Brett]

Because you don't have the spare on. Right.

[Brady]

But it's still on the car. So it still says there's air pressure, even if it's under the truck or on the back of the Jeeps and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if they've got. I didn't even know they had a monitor. But if it has a sensor on it, it would be pointless to say, yeah, there's a sensor, but it's never going to tell you. That does make sense. I would have never assumed the spare had one. Yeah.

[Brady]

When matthias. Her truck's a 17 and when she got a flat, we had to change it out. It was, you know, the lights going off and everything else. Because the spare doesn't have it.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, all right.

[Brady]

But some cars do and sometimes as well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And the sensor can fall off sometimes, right?

[Brady]

It depends on the sensor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

In the tire. Because sometimes they're on like a band on the wheel and sometimes they can break off or something like Inside.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. And then a lot of people emailing about Toledo's situation with his stepfather, saying that horrible thing about shooting his mother right after she passed. I wonder if he did it old, you know, stepdad style. When he went up and patted Toledo on the back right before he said, ah, I had it my way. I shot her days ago. Which is the terrible thing to say over a corpse.

[Brady]

Sometimes you just gotta make light of the situation.

[John Holmberg]

But I think he was dead serious, though.

[Brady]

Yeah, but he's been dealing with. For how many years? You know, I mean, like, been watching her constantly go down.

[John Holmberg]

He's probably like, oh, really? But it's farm people, too. And it's like the. It's that way of life. When I was at my. My grandparents put things down. Oh, yeah, my grandparents. There was a guy when times were tight, and I remember being a little kid at my grandpa's farm, and somebody rapped on the door one day and I opened. Of course, we were a kid. I was like, brady. I was like, somebody's here. I opened the door and everybody was like, why'd you answer that? Guy's on the other end. He's got a shotgun at the door. And you didn't even flinch. Is Elvar around? Hey, hang on a second. I didn't say anything. Man with a gun at the door. Cause that wasn't scary at all in Mount Jewett, Pennsylvania. So I go over and get Alvar and he goes, we're good. And I asked my dad, I'm like, what was that? And he's like, oh, that guy's having some problems. So he's asking all the farmers if there's any animals that need to be taken care of. He just walked around with his gun, door to door, picking up some spare. Do you have a. Do you have a dog or anything that needs shooting? Cuz I'll do it for a couple bucks. And how bad would you feel if you're like, you know what? Yeah, Heidi's not doing so great. She's down in the doghouse. Here's five bucks. Go kill my dog. And they're just farm people. They have that weird kind of like. But not for their. Not for each other, though.

[Brett]

Think about it, though.

[John Holmberg]

You don't.

[Brett]

You don't have the vet. Sure you do that. You know, sometimes it. At the time, give the shot.

[John Holmberg]

They always had that old doc, what's his name?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But if you're. If you're on the brink of putting your animal down, very rarely is it, you know, like, oh, thank God. That guy showed up right on time. My grandpa was in the kitchen making a sandwich. Like, if his dog needed to be put down, he didn't care at all. It's like, I've got a knock on the door, says, yeah, go ahead, killer. I was going to do it later, but we don't have a vet. He didn't. It was. It wasn't top of mind to kill any animals.

[Announcer]

If Alvar's neighbor was around last week.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure my stepdad would have considered it.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? It's time to. I do have one animal needs to be taken out.

[Brady]

If only O.J. lived in Mount Chua, Pennsylvania, you know, would have been taken care of. That we've never had this big that, you know, bronco chase would have been incred.

[John Holmberg]

And O.J. just shown up. Hey, little fella. How you doing? Hi, Mr. Simpson. Hey, is your granddad around? I've got. Why do you have a gun? Oh, I don't. I don't. That's a prop. I'm from movies. Anyway, could you get Alvar real quick? I'm. Hey, Alvar. I've hit hard times and it would be nicer. Do you have anybody around the house that needs shooting? A wife, maybe? Come on. Isabelle's asleep. Perfect. I hate when they fight back, leaving all those scars on your fingers. So when you're in Chicago, that's the first thing the cops see. Hey, Raleigh. How are you? Is everything good? Mr. Simpson, I understand your wife's not doing real well. Hospice is an unnecessary expense.

[Brady]

Raleigh.

[Brett]

Let your friends and family know. The Juice will do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the Juice will do it. How many days has she been here? It's got to be 150 bucks a day. Let's eliminate that. OJ Simpson's euthanasia service is pretty fantastic. Anyway, thanks, OJ appreciate your stopping in. Get out. All right.

[Brett]

I'm just saying.

[John Holmberg]

There he goes.

[Announcer]

Sounds like a gun there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's got a shot. Launch OJ Also, another condolence. It says, tell Toledo we send our condolences. My brother and I know exactly what he's going through. We know what it's like to lose a mother. Signed, Lyle and Eric. That's terrible. See, this is the. That's what I missed about this for the last week. Touching stuff like that. And then before we left, Guadalupe Squares Friday. I don't know if you heard him, Paula. The Toledo hater was on as a contestant. Yeah, I was texting. Yeah, well, she didn't know your mother had passed the day before. She sent me an email, so I know she told me too. She emailed me and she goes, I had. I came across as the biggest bitch in the world. Cause she's like, I don't even care why Toledo's gone. It's great. Whatever happened, do it again. And she was going on and on, not realizing that your mother had passed. And she said, I was just playing, like, well, it's not my fault the city thinks you're a. And so, yes, evidently, she reached out to you to apologize, which had to feel great. Apollo, the Toledo hater, has been swinging at you for years.

[Brett]

Of all the candidates, I drafted a.

[Announcer]

Few responses and decided not to send any of them.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, that's good stuff. But it was. Yeah, it was a nice way for her to reach out to me. And I'm like, I don't know what to do about this. You're the. I said nice things.

[Brett]

It was interesting. She's not backing down during the.

[John Holmberg]

Stuck with it. Yeah, she stuck. No. Yeah, she didn't. Yeah, she didn't pull back. I'm like, jesus. She really likes the. Toledo's gone and is celebrating his absence. Not. And then we didn't realize that she didn't know. She was having fun with it, but it was a. That was a treat.

[Brady]

Yeah, I thought she knew.

[John Holmberg]

So. Yeah. Wow. All right. All right.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Has a big bat and she is not afraid to swing it. But yeah, the. And people are saying, oh, this one says, hey, Juno's tire sensor batteries go dead and automatically light up on dash, low pressures. Oh, okay. Thanks. That's helpful.

[Brady]

Now they're back again.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Juno's. Yeah, that's better. This one starts. Morning, John. Look, I don't even want to read those. All your kindness, it says, does the low tire light flash for the first few seconds and then stay on? That's a sensor issue. That's exactly what's happening because it's flashing at me. Normally it just pops on and I put a little error and it goes away. Now it's flashing. Okay, so I've got a sensor problem with my tires.

[Brady]

You can just bring it to any of the, like, discount or Costco or whatever does. Tires. Tires. They can change them out.

[John Holmberg]

The sensors.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They'll change your sensor.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Does it cost? I was gonna cost. It's not. There's that drive through where everybody clogs up the road to get their tire pressure.

[Brady]

No, no. If it's. If it's out, they'll dismount. The tire and.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brady]

Yeah. Change the sensor out.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? And somebody's named OJ's. OJ's. Happy stabbings, not happy endings. Yeah, that's good. I like that. Well done. We'll get it all figured out sooner than later. Yeah, the. That tire pressure thing. Strangest. I. I don't know what to do. I had no idea there were sensors in the spare. That's why I don't want a new car. It's the very reason I'm not getting a new car. It's got so much crap that can break. Yeah. I sat in a new Jeep. It's. Oh, it's touchscreen. This, that. And I'm like, what happens when that breaks? Like, oh, I gotta replace this whole thing. I'm not.

[Brett]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

That's gonna break. I once. I like the old. Like, I might be going backwards because I like the old CJ7. You should just have a speedometer, Something to tell you if your car was on fire. And gas gauge. That was about it. And then a tachometer because it was a stick shift, but don't need that anymore. Three gauges, a radio, and a glove box. That was all you had. And it worked just fine. Now you got all that crap in there. I sat in a. Was it one of those. Who has that. That Porsche?

[Brady]

Oh, the Cayenne. Isn't that Heather's?

[John Holmberg]

Right? Heather's got one of those. Yeah. Maybe Frank had it.

[Brett]

It's not electric, though.

[John Holmberg]

No, it didn't have to be. Oh. The inside of this thing has 6,000 buttons around the driver. The whole arm of it is just buttons and switches and toggles. And I'm like, that's all one Brakes. You gotta take that. That's. That's thousands of dollars of goofs right there. I like simplicity. Tire pressure on my spare. Come on. Before we move on, I just have to say, remember the guy I ran over his car a few years ago? J. Yeah. The nicest man in the world. And I left a note that said, I think my tire hit your car in the parking lot. Evidently, I climbed his Acura. I had no idea. My Jeep just kind of rolled over the edge of it and tore it up. I didn't even feel it. It felt like a bump. And then the valet guy told me, you just hit that car. I'm like, all right, we'll leave a note. Turned out to be the nicest human being I've ever met in my life. I should have run him over years ago. So Jim is This is how nice he is. I ran this guy's car over in a parking lot, and he was just happy. I left a note. Next thing you know, we're talking. Super kind. Seen him a few times at little events here and there. We talk on the text now and again. He's like, hey, I want to do something nice for the charity. You. You go through that lost our Home Pet rescue. And I'm like, but I ran your car. You still are still. You're still making me feel bad by being so damn nice about this. And he said, so he's gonna be at Cactus Jacks. He's got a band he's in. He's a music guy, a big time music guy. And that's how. Remember, we talked about him on the air. And everybody's like, oh, him from asu. He's always doing this. That everybody loves this guy. He's got a band and they're going to play. His band was decided. It's called Don't Tell Mandy. And they're going to play at Cactus Jacks on Saturday and give the money to the Loster Home Pet Rescue. Just because he's, like, doing that because I ran his car over, essentially, that's really what it comes down to. So it's only six to eight. It's an old man fun time. And then you go in and get a $10 donation on the way in. You don't have to, but if you do, it all goes to that. I thought that was awesome. You run a guy over and the next thing you know, he starts doing charity work for you. It's the way Brett's people used to always do it. Only I did it with kindness and ignorance. You guys run people over, so they pay, you know, they know what. There's, you know, repercussions. There's consequences. I run Jim's car over and he's acting like, you know, I'm a mob boss or a made man. He's doing stuff. This is very nice. Very nice. So it's all for the puppies once again. And that's fantastic. And the van's very. And so from 6 to 8 at Cactus Jacks, which is over on Elliot Road out in Chandler. I guess that's Chandler, right? Tempe Chandler. Oh, it might be. I would take you, right? Yeah. So it's over there, Cactus Jack's. Pretty cool place. So he'll be out there this Saturday. So thank you to Jim and his band. Don't tell Mandy. He text me. He said one of the Mandy's in my band. Just found out that her husband is a big fan of yours and they've only been together for 20 years. He said hashtag things you don't tell your wife. So not only am I brand liability, I am now marital liability. This Guy's listened for 20 years and married to her the entire time and she has no idea. He keeps us. We're like a side piece to him. I'm the same with Dale Hellestray. I golfed with Dale Hellestra a couple times over the break just to see if I can still play. And he had a Labor Day gathering of some sort, Sunday I guess. And we're sitting there talking at the end and he says, all right, so you're gonna get. He's talking to his nephews there, he's like, you're gonna get subs. And he points to his son in law and he goes, and you guys are gonna come by it. And I'm like what time does this all happen? And Dale just starts shaking his head, no, no Johnny, not you. I'm not allowed to go to his house cause he never wants me to meet his wife.

[Brady]

Cause I cuss you invite him in here every week and he want to.

[John Holmberg]

Let you to his house. Morning Sickness Medicate K Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Announcer]

Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Back to school Workplace upheaval, Relationship stress, Deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Tolito from Holmberg's Morning Sickness for Better Help. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me a way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. With BetterHelp, you can join a session with a therapists at the click of a button and switch therapists anytime to help you fit therapy into your life where it's best. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a broad array of expertise. So give yourself a helping hand and talk it out. With BetterHelp, Morning Sickness, listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness that's exactly what I said. But I'm not allowed to ever meet her. If you say that C word in Front of her. I'll never. I said, what would happen if you said the C word to your wife? Not calling her that, but just set it around like you're in traffic or something and somebody cuts you off. And Dale just goes, got my way. And he starts going, dale crazy. He goes, she wouldn't talk to me for like weeks. I'm like, if you called someone else the C word. And he goes, yep, wouldn't talk to me for a week. Like, you got to get that under control. You got it. You gotta man up a little bit around the house. You got Kim Jong un dictating your speech and your language around the place. You gotta say, you know, sometimes the temper gets you. Well, look, if you ask me, the C word needs to be aimed directly at the fact that he can't copy. Yes. Stop being a. I'll say when I want. That needs to happen at Dale's house. Here's the thing. Kind of on the same page. I read this. See if you guys catch where the problem with this is. And I do this. This is the thing I do, because I'm going to hop in there. It says, a lady went on social media and said that she didn't understand it, but every time her and her boyfriend have home dates, they're going to watch a movie. They're Netflix and chill. She goes, you know, it always probably leads to more, as the home date does on the couch. We're probably gonna do some. Some sexy time. I said, so she goes in and has a quick shower. Well, the good woman will do that. And she gets up and cleans herself off. We're just gonna have a couch date. So she takes like a five minute shower, cleans up the. She's just washing the box. Really. That's all she's doing. She doesn't maybe put some deodorant on. She's a good woman. She's a good woman. Keeps her hair out of the water so it's, you know, not disgusting and all over. So then she comes out and then she says, and then he'll get in the shower. She goes, but he's in there for like 25 minutes. And then she said. And I. And I busted in on him to see what was going on. And she said, as I was opening the door, I heard the toilet flush. And the water's been running for 10 or 15 minutes. And the guy's dropping a bomb before he gets in the shower because he's. He's recognizing. We got sexy time, too. I don't want to have this thing floating around in my gut the whole way. And I've done that. You run the water in the shower so no one knows you're dropping a deuce. Cause that's not conducive to sex. A sexy night to know that you just dropped a turd. And then he hops in the shower and he cleans up. Well, she comes in, and she said, I didn't realize it, but that's why his showers have been so long, is that he always takes a poop before.

[Brett]

Before he showers.

[John Holmberg]

But she goes, why are you running the hot water at all during that? And he goes, I don't know. I didn't want you barging in here in the first place. Second, what's the big deal? And then she said the phrase that ended it for me. She goes, I finally trained mine to stop doing it. Brett's eyebrows did what mine did. You say that. You say that word. Bye. You're gonna have no tan lines on your finger.

[Brett]

Guy's been trained.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Numerous times.

[John Holmberg]

Two things. You're either gonna be a dude who eventually says, gotta ask the warden anytime you do anything, which is disgusting, or the woman is going to be a woman with no tan lines on that finger and well into her late 40s. If you even say you're training us, any direction and one of us. And you get it to me, if I. If Mathias said, oh, I've got Brett trained to do that, and it was something simple, I'd be like, brett, you got to get rid of her. She's got to go. She's telling people that she's training you. You're her puppy Deuces. And the next thing you know, Brett's gonna be wearing, like, Merlot turtlenecks and. And all sorts of clothes that she's dressing them in. You are a waste of human space if you allow your. Anyone to say, well, you've been trained by me to. I've trained you as a spouse. Oh, boy. And if a man says it about a woman, he's right. That's our job. You can't do it to us. Ladies. That's crazy talk. I trained mine. He doesn't turn my water on anymore when he does that. He was thinking of you. If you think about it, you just made it so that door is gonna be closed. There's gonna be no water running. You're gonna hear horrible things happening in that bathroom, and you're not gonna know, oh, I thought we were gonna have a nice night. And you went in there, and you just. Oh, God, I had the water running before. You just thought I was taking a long shower. But you trained me to turn the water off. That's why you turn water on.

[Brett]

She loves the sounds.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you gotta get out of there for another reason. Yeah, you got a chick who likes deuces?

[Brady]

Yeah, she's a pig.

[John Holmberg]

She's a pig. Oh, my God, that smells so good. I knew a girl a long time ago that liked her uncle. Had to do a number on her. She got turned on by, like, dirty body odor. Like, if we'd play basketball, the boys and I would play basketball and go back and come into it. Was it Tony Roma's? You go into Tony Roma's after, and if she was there, she'd be like, oh, that's so hot. I'm like, what? She goes, just the smell of men. Like, we stink. Like, this is gross. There's. There's rust butts and dirty pits and just bloody love it. She wanted it. I'm like, what kind of dungeon did your uncle sweat all over Ewan that made you think that's good? I trained mine to stop that habit. I just couldn't take it anymore. What are you talking about? Had nothing to do with you. And then she goes barging into the bathroom to see what he's up to, and maybe he was tugging one out so he'd last longer on the couch. Everything that guy was doing was for you. End of story. All of it. He wasn't. You think he does that when he's home alone? He's not running the shower water and taking a dump. He doesn't care. That was all for you. So you didn't hear anything gross or hear him moaning just in case. And if he was tugging one out, it was also for you.

[Brett]

I practice with other women for you.

[John Holmberg]

I did this. I know what it's like, and that's true, too. You can't go with somebody. I'm a virgin. It's not gonna know. He's. He's bounced on other broads, and he knows his way around his system. You have basically taken away good training and considered yourself in charge. I hated that reading that because I read it. I'm. Yeah, that makes sense. And then. So she did some Internet research on TikTok and found out that it's like 40% of men do this if you go on a date. I'd never dump in someone else's home. That's. That's kind of animal in itself, too. But if you're at your girlfriend's house and she wants to have sexy time. I'm definitely gonna wash my ass for a while. And if it's been a minute since sexy time, I might throw one in her shower floor just to be ready to go for the second, you know? So I. So I act, you know, another two pump chump. You know what I mean?

[Brady]

Oh, you're just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you give yourself.

[Brady]

I thought you were talking about waffle stomping in the shower.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, you guys. You guys start thinking. Not thinking. I was like, whoa, no, no. I. I just said prior to that I'd never take a dump in someone's house. It doesn't mean that I can do it in their shower and on their toilet. I mean, I'll take huge in their shower. Sure, I'll swim. Well, smash it into her plumbing, but not the proper way. If I was gonna poop, you guys think I would. I'm not doing it in the toilet. She'll know. I better take a huge. Right here in her shower and then get away with it. Gross. So, yeah, it's. Ladies, you have to just leave guys alone. If he's in the bathroom for 20 or 25 minutes, he's coming out spotless. That's a good thing. But she just couldn't leave well enough alone. Had to get up off the couch. What is going on? And started yelling at him. You're running my hot water. I bought you dinner. We're even. Her comments on TikTok though. 12.6 million views. Wow. I know. 860,000 likes and it says the more I'm on this app, the more I'm learning. We all have the same marriage. I trained mine to stop this habit. Someone else said I walked in to scare him and I kept asking how come he's running our water bill. You're really concerned about the water bill at that point or is it just that he wasn't out there in your time? It's very normal to want to have a clean ass and an empty stomach before sex. It's very. Imagine if he didn't.

[Brett]

Best way to operate.

[John Holmberg]

Imagine if he just went in there and took a dump and left the water and then just came out to you. He rust butt you right there on the couch. Doctors need to start telling people to wash their asses more and not be afraid of it. And ladies, and lock the door in the bathroom. Also, if the door swings open and you're on the toilet. What's wrong with you? Shut and lock the door.

[Brady]

Should be barging in anyway, though.

[John Holmberg]

Both sides are wrong.

[Brady]

You know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You shouldn't need to lock the door if somebody else is in there. Don't go in.

[John Holmberg]

And I'll get an email from somebody that says I've been married to her for a long time. There's nothing she hasn't seen. And I bet you you're the same guy that complains she doesn't blow you anymore. You don't have anymore because you leave the bathroom door unlocked or open while you're being disgusting. The worst thing your human body can do. And you're. You're letting other people have free access to that space. That's ridiculous. We need to have great shame in our poos. Great shame. Because you can't complain that your wife doesn't blow you anymore if you leave the door open. Because would you go down on her if she's sitting there with the door wide open just turding away? Imagine that.

[Brady]

I'd move.

[John Holmberg]

I. I'd burn the house down. I'd do it. Toledo's stepdad would do up. Looks like it's time to put her down.

[Brady]

Maybe that's what Robert Fisher was thinking.

[John Holmberg]

I've been thinking about doing this for a while there. Honey. But you left the door open during a turd. I'm sorry. I had to put you away. Yeah. I'm Raleigh and I'm single again.

[Brett]

I'm gonna have to open the door. Just Pistorius. That bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Go. Oscar Pistorius. She didn't even put a towel down by the bottom. Sorry about that. I thought there was an intruder. You know Oscar Pistorius would have had a better court case. Hattie said she was taking a huge dump and she was ruining the house. So I just shot into the bathroom. There's no way that was my girl. And turned out I was wrong. She's got all sorts of problems. He's a hero. And if it's girlfriend boyfriend and you're not locking the do door during turds. You're off to a terrible. Maybe six months before you guys start you know noticing that there's a fall off in the physical relationship. You fart on her and you turd with the door open. She's leaving. She's too.

[Brett]

Shock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't want a cute name for it. Brady. Don't cute name it. Stu. Shock. Stop it.

[Brady]

I'm going back on vacation.

[John Holmberg]

He looks healthy but he's still. He's still the same class crippled man deep down inside. Now do you. You shut the door.

[Brett]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

You don't sit there with the door open and talk to her or anything, right?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

I've never even checked if the door is locked on my thigh. If she's in there, she's in there. I'm not going in.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Yeah. Soft limits.

[Brady]

There's no reason.

[John Holmberg]

There's stuff you don't want to see. Exactly. You walk in and ever see somebody putting a tampon where it goes? That's. That's a horror movie. Yeah. The body's contorted into this weird upside down seat. They look like Monty Burns that. Nothing attractive at all. Their cans are doing things they shouldn't be doing. Their hands are upside down. Like, what is this? Get out. Like, ah. Shut the door. I didn't know you were home. It doesn't matter. I could come home at any minute. You shut the door. When? That day. Or watch him shave. That area. You ever seen that? No. The knee goes up on the edge of the shower and there's like some weird. I don't know, like some. One of those Japanese contortionists. Like they're doing something, but it's not a good act. Just buzzing away on top.

[Brett]

She straightened the blade with a leather strip.

[Brady]

She's got a strap in the shower.

[John Holmberg]

Get out. Are you straight razoring? Get out.

[Brady]

An old school barber.

[John Holmberg]

It just feels good to see a guy with one of those curly mustaches.

[Brett]

Got the mug.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Got a cream all over it. I like that. That it's foaming. You got the rabies. Be done here in a minute, friend. Have a seat. Or worse yet, ice cubes in there. Did barbershop in it.

[Brett]

Can you hand me the hot towel?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Terrifying. But shut the door when you're in the bathroom. Knock it off. You're ruining your relationship. If you're an open bathroom couple and I am not the friend you want to talk to about. Well, you know, the sex life is just the first thing I would say. You farted owner. We've been married for a long time, so. Yeah, that's very funny to forward on her. Well, there you go. I've answered all your questions. You dump with the door open. I mean, you know, or we've been married for a long time. Right. And so everything you're talking about is the reason why she's not blowing you. Knock it off.

[Brady]

Surprise. You're still married.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Brett]

That commercial was so funny on SNL back in the day. We had the.

[John Holmberg]

The love toilet. Yeah, yeah, the two. The two. You do everything together. You're not doing that it's gross. Come on, man. It's the PTA bath, John. The pits, the blanks and the ass. It's true. You gotta have that. It says welcome back to Brady and Toledo both. It's been a rough week. Yeah, that's true. Thank you for caring and telling us about your pta. Be good thing. This guy says if she barges in while you're taking a dump, you look her dead in the eye and say, okay, ready to give me a blumpkin? Cause if you're not, you need to go. One of the things will happen either get the blumpkin. I don't want a girl who's willing to give blumpkins either. I don't want a girl. And if you don't know what a blumpkin is, you're classy. Thanks to this show. I'm far too familiar with the blumpkin. Thanks to Brett's videos, morning sickness, Medicaid, K U p D Holmberg's morning sickness. Although we haven't seen a blumpkin video. Have a.

[Brady]

We don't ask. Now we're gonna challenge. Crandall and Bailey are gonna have like four of them on.

[John Holmberg]

On tap. Now challenge a standing blumpkin. I want to see a standing blumpkin. I don't want to see even a toilet involved.

[Brady]

Asking shall receive.

[John Holmberg]

But if you've got a girl who's like, oh, a blumpkin like you, this is the biggest piece of trash alive. My old boyfriend used to love blumpkins. In fact, fact, if you're about to date a girl for the first time, after you ask her what her credit score is and how she likes her dad. Cuz those are two dead giveaways on whether or not you should keep going. Ask her if she's familiar with blumpkins. If she says yes, it's not cool.

[Brady]

Move on.

[John Holmberg]

Just say thank you and have a nice day. Extend her some courtesy, pay for her coffee and leave. I drink coffee because it makes the blumpkin easier. Oh God. Anyway, and then I saw. You know, we used to doorbell ditch all the time when I was a kid. It was the best.

[Brady]

The best we did too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Brett]

Is that what you called it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, not in Indiana and probably not Brett's house. Nope. Indiana. I'll say this, this. There was a black kid we used to do it with in Indiana and he's the one who said it the most. Doorbell ditching. That's what it turned into for us. Like, I wasn't saying that. I'm Not, I'm not barking that out at any time. I didn't realize how bad it's gotten. There's been like several shootings. I never once worried about getting shot. No. And then an 11 year old boy got killed in Houston. He rang the doorbell and ran away. He'd been ringing doorbells as a prank. It was late Saturday night. Houston police department said commonly doorbell ditching results in frustration, but very rarely in murders. Although it's been happening a lot around the country. There's been like five or six incidents where your kids are doorbell ditching and the guy comes out armed, like he's ready to kill. Which tells me one thing and one thing only. Your kid's fat and slow. We never even. I was. By the time that door is open, we weren't close. Yeah, you're not shooting me. And if I'm still running down the middle of the road, I'm just bad at doorbell ditching. You found the near. You had a plan, right? You went and said, okay, well run. I'm gonna hit behind the rv. You're gonna go over in those bushes. This dude isn't gonna know where we are. And if he sees us and he starts firing wildly into the bushes, I'm on my horse, man. I'm getting out of this. There.

[Brett]

First timer tell me you got to wait till he opens the door and you're going to say, hey, you were doorbell ditched, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't ding dong. Ditching is not something you should. You, if you get spotted, you're horrible at it. If you get shot, you're the worst in the world at it. But this kid, now one of them that I did admire, the wherewithal of the guy who had been doorbell ditched. It's a terrible story, but you know, if you run the risk. It says, in May in Virginia, a man was charged with second degree murder for shooting an 18 year old kid who did a tick tock video about the prank. So we got doorbell ditched, kid does the video and he's like, oh, there he is. And he went and found him and killed him.

[Brett]

Ugh.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how mad you can be about your doorbell. That's why I don't have a doorbell belt. Just the kids may have been ridiculous. Then another guy got in his car, found him and ran him over. So evidently people are a whole lot less tolerant of doorbell ditching as they were when I was a kid, because things have changed. Yeah, we'd get yelled at.

[Brett]

That's teaching them there.

[John Holmberg]

Like the Next. Yeah, the next day, my. You know, there'd be a knock on the door from the people that. We did it multiple times. And you can't do it now with ring doorbells either. Either.

[Brady]

That's the problem. New technology and stuff. There's cameras everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

Getting caught.

[Brady]

Yes. I mean, you're. You're getting nailed before you even ring the doorbell.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even understand it. But. Yeah, you're still really bad at it, though. If somebody has time to draw and kill you, that's just. You're just a bad doorbell ditcher. I mean, I don't want to go with you. I went with a kid named Tony Richards in California, in San Diego. Tony held the record. He was a black kid, too. He held the record for. And he used to have a very funny way of saying. He said it with, like, a funny accent, which was a riot. I can't say it, but he did. And we all like, let's do me and a guy named Sean Orr. And Tony did this thing that he goes, you guys want to do a little beep beep? Like, yeah. Cause you can say that. And so he did this kid named Travis's house. The record was seven times without getting caught. Caught. They would. They stood outside and waited for him. And he could get to the door. They'd stand in their driveway and get away. They knew it was him. He was the only black kid in the neighborhood. So they knew which. And we're in the bushes, like, he's doing it. They're right there. And he was so fast. It was like a Woody Woodpecker cartoon. They're just. They're swinging it. Air. Tony would duck him and get fly. I know who you are. And they'd go tell his parents the next day. Like your kids doing this and this and this. And then the dad would be like, I know why you're here. No, he's been ringing our doorbell and run away. I know what you're doing. One black kid in the neighborhood, and all of a sudden you want to blame him for everything. And then the people are like, oh, we're sorry. Yeah, you're right. We're sorry. Tony had the best out ever. Seven times he got Travis's head.

[Brady]

He was a legend, like Ricky Henderson on the base.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he let up. Poway, California. That record still has not been broken. Legend, Tony Richards, Richards, 1982. Guarantee you nobody's hit seven in the same house with them standing in the front yard. Still managed to get up there and get to the doorbell. And I remember we were in the bushes across the street at a kid named Billy's house. And Tony said, I can do it again. I can get to that doorbell. I'm like, they're outside. He goes, if I ring that doorbell, I'll get to the doorbell. And he jetted around the corner. They're standing up. We know you're at. They were hillbillies. Travis's fe. Family. We know you're out there. We know what you're doing. We know who you are. It's that black kid and that candy apple boy with the blonde hair. That was me. I look like a candy apple. I was a stick and a. A head. And then Sean was a little bit thick, a little chubby one. We know who you are, Tony. Ding dong. How the hell. And then. And he ran out of their yard like, Tony's a legend. Tony is a legend. Black.

[Brett]

And that twink again.

[John Holmberg]

The twink, the black and the fat kid ringing our doorbell. That family was so hillbilly that because of our constant harassment of doorbell ditching, they made all of us fight their son, Travis the nerd. What? You know. Cause Travis always wanted to play football, but he was like a drawing of a nerd. He was the. He's the nerd from Family Guy. Red hair, freckles, glasses, just dopey. We didn't want Travis to play with us. He was on the same street, and he's like, travis wants to play football. You boys should let him play football. Like, Travis sucks at football. So no. And then we'd knock him down. And so I didn't because I was smaller than Travis. But we all had to fight Travis in the front yard while his mom stood in the door. And Travis got the crap kicked out of him by three dudes. I slapped him a few times because I started. He was bleeding like crazy. You guys want to get this out of your system? Go ahead. You want to pick on Travis, Go ahead. And she put him out there as bait. And I hit him a couple of times. Travis didn't fight back much. He was kind of crying. And then this kid Billy just finished it. I think he broke his nose. Mom was fine with it. Hillbillies. Poway, California, seven times. Tony Richards.

[Brett]

Don't forget the time my mom said, sweep the leg.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you imagine your mom going, just fight my boy. And you just watched him get beat three times in a row. And the last kid just cleaned the decks with him. Billy was mean. That was it. But that was that family. But doorbell. If you've got a doorbell, ditching injury, you're bad at it. But nowadays don't do it. You get shot like days later and certainly don't tick tock about it. That's stupid.

[Brady]

Those morons do tick tock about everything.

[John Holmberg]

All they do, they tick tock their own crimes. Isn't the fun of it like the camaraderie of the other guys are doing it? Like with Cuz nobody ever does that by themselves. You'd have to be a psychopath to do that alone. You go out, you doorbell ditch, you guys giggle like crazy, like, oh my God, you think you got away with it. I knew, I knew that this country was in trouble about 10 years ago when I was at my mom's house. It was a little longer now and the neighbor kids rang the doorbell and asked my mom if they could toilet paper the house. I'm like, what? We were just going around seeing if there's. You've got a great tree in your front yard. Would you mind? We'll come back and clean it tomorrow. No, just do it, you morons. Why are you asking? We just didn't want to get in trouble. Well then what's the point? What's the risk? Go chuck toilet paper at your own trees.

[Brady]

We'll clean it up when we're done.

[John Holmberg]

And they did.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's so what's the point?

[John Holmberg]

They would toilet paper their own homes in my mom's neighborhood because the parents were like, well, they wanted to do it. So we thought might as well just.

[Brady]

These kids are.

[John Holmberg]

Why, why do you know that your kids wanted toilet paper? Something.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, we were wondering if we could egg the house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Would that be all right if we egged your home? No, it wouldn't. Oh shoot. We'll clean it up.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They come back the next day and what's the fun in that?

[Brady]

Heard festival would have gave me five across the mouth just for mentioning t being our own house.

[John Holmberg]

If I left stupid. If my dad knew I was going out to TP anything, permission or otherwise, that would have been the end the of to me. This guy says, I recently asked some people I work with if they've ever participated in the act of ringing a doorbell and running. And they all said yes. And then I said, what did you used to call this heinous act? And a bunch of Johnny Tight lips showed up at work. They had to reveal what we used to call it. It isn't a pretty thing that. Nope. It became I, I, I was always a little uncomfortable with the kids that were but Tony used to say it in the funniest way he can. Cuz he was totally. It was his, it was his to say. Right. It wasn't even a hard R. It was some sort of weird twang he put on it. And I thought it was hilarious. And I never asked him if he wanted to do it like you guys want to do the. If it was nighttime, we were gonna do it. But Tony was big on it and it was hilarious. Man. He was lightning fast. I bet you he plays pro ball. I, I, I lost touch with him after like 4th bird. I bet you he's. I bet you there's a Tony Richards playing some professional sport or he was in track and we don't even know. That kid was lightning fast. So quick.

[Brett]

I've had it happen twice.

[John Holmberg]

You got doorbell ditched.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have a camera, like I mean talking.

[Brett]

Maybe three months ago ago.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got a ring. Don't change it.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Well then you know who did it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Who did it?

[Brett]

Three. Three girls. Young girls.

[John Holmberg]

Just doorbell ditching your house.

[Brett]

Yeah, they were, they were there earlier like selling girl scout cookies.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

And you didn't buy any?

[Brett]

I didn't buy any.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you got doorbell.

[Brett]

That's why I got ditched. Yeah.

[Brady]

That's on you.

[John Holmberg]

See, I always thought, I mean I.

[Brett]

Thought it was funny, but I'm like, oh, there they are.

[John Holmberg]

Did you show Kirby and go, do you know these kids?

[Brett]

Yeah, she didn't. They were younger than her.

[John Holmberg]

You've got to go to that person's house and scare the hell out of those kids.

[Brett]

I've seen them one time on the, on their bikes.

[John Holmberg]

And you got a holster up.

[Brady]

Chase them.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you cry. That's the key to doorbell ditching ending, which is the best part. Holster and go over to the parents house with the show. You know that you're carrying your daughters.

[Brett]

Did this.

[John Holmberg]

Show them the video. Video. Oh my God. This crazy guy with a gun on her front. He wants to talk to the kids. Can't do it. This one says we're two years away from AI doorbells. It'll tell you the person who is at your door. Their social media. That's probably true.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I start reading your eyes and facial recognition. Find your TikTok page and your Facebook. Tell everybody what you do. Yeah, I had my doorbell taken out when I remodeled the house. Like there is no need for one of these. And the guy that was doing it's like, I think you have to have one. I'm like, says who?

[Brady]

It's my house.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. And I took it down and I've watched several people touch where the doorbell should be and nothing happens. And they just stare at it. And then they'll knock. They just touch my house. And I'm. I'm not coming to the door ever. Answering the door in 2025. You're a crazy person.

[Brett]

Just makes me think about if you had the doorbell camera and you had the old doorbell, but it just has like the 9 volt shock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it would be more than 9 volts. I would put a couple hundred volts. And everybody wants to unexpectedly come to my house. You deserve it. If you're popping by and you want to touch my doorbell, you deserve a good uncle Sparky. Morning sickness. 88 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

I don't think you can read this one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's see. Okay. I can't. Thunder Horse is one of our African American listeners. And he said even we. He said negroes. And he did. Called it with a hard R. Knocking. I never called it that. I participated in it, though. You grow up in Indiana. That's what it's called. And it's just awful. I don't know why that. Then ding dong ditching started and that seemed more reasonable because. Yeah, like you can't go to. Can't lose your job for that. You might lose your life, though. So be careful. And again, if you've ever been shot at doorbell ditching, you're terrible at it. You shouldn't. The key to it is not being spotted. Those dummies that came to your house and rang the ring doorbell and ran away way might be the three dumbest people in Gilbert. That's. You know what? You should have replace the doorbell with a shotgun sound.

[Brett]

That's a great idea.

[John Holmberg]

They touch it, the kids just drop dead on your front patio from heart attacks. All right, let's clean these up and get them back to their families. Yeah. I would have found those kids and gone to that house. Your kids. I'm not mad that they're doorbell ditching. I'm mad that you're raising the three dumbest kids I've ever met in my life. What the hell is this? It's a ring doorbell. It's got a camera on it. I'm not hiding anything. They're just having fun teaching to be smarter. That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Those are dumb kids. Are they young and staying young?

[Brett]

They're probably 10 or 11.

[John Holmberg]

That's too old to be that's stupid. That's a stupid kid. That is a really dumb child. Anyway, what do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Bert? All right.

[Brady]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And, you know, Josh has been running a huge Labor Day special over, obviously, Labor Day used bike demo sale. All new bikes in stock are on sale. 30 off all the snow gear over at the Gilbert store. 50 off goggles, 30 off action gear. They got all the helmets at 20 to 40 off. You name it, they got it.

[Brett]

And they.

[Brady]

Actually, I was gonna show you some of the stuff he's got. He's got on sale right now. Check this one out. Maybe you may be trading in.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. Come on. I'm emotionally attached to my bikes, so I can't do any trading in. I just.

[Brady]

You might want to get a new.

[John Holmberg]

One here, add to the party. Oh, are they the new pivots?

[Brady]

Yeah, here's the new pivot shuttle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh. Looked bone white. I love it.

[Brady]

Retails for 12. 5. On sale right now for 93. Oh, yeah, we've got all carbon fiber Rocky Mountains going out. That's 3,300.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, yeah, that's the new.

[Brady]

That's the new one of yours.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

So check out their Instagram. They got a bunch of sales on different bikes and stuff. Like smoking deals, too. I'm actually thinking about going down there right now.

[John Holmberg]

It sounds like a crazy price to pay until you actually use it. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh, there's a massive difference here.

[Brady]

New Santa Cruz's. I mean, you name it, they got it. And some great deals.

[John Holmberg]

The Hawes one. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Well, at both stores. Both stores. Everything's on sale at both stores.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Full carbon Rocky Mountain. Under 3,300 bucks. As long as you mention it to Josh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

So, action rideshop.com. but again, follow them on all the socials because all the. The sale prices are right up there for you.

[John Holmberg]

Rochelle says our bougie doorbell ditchers used a golf court cart, rang the bell, and then took off around the corner. The ring camera just shows kids with hoodies pulled over their faces. Lazy dicks. It's true. You're just being lazy. Fat little pigs. Run. You can't doorbell ditch with transportation idiots.

[Brady]

All right, on the list, Anthrax Indians for our conversation earlier. Motley Crue, gnr, Lamb of God beating on death door for Brady Electric Callboy, Kenny Loggins. Celebrate me home for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Another Anthrax tune. New mud Vein here Hurt people. Hurt Danzig Long way back from hell for Brady Surgery. Iron Maiden, White Zombie. The Hives Walk. Idiot walk for these new doorbell ditchers. And Metallica's Escape.

[John Holmberg]

I like that walk. Idiot walks. And let's not. Let's not celebrate Brady quite yet. The. The journey has just begun.

[Brett]

It has.

[John Holmberg]

This was just step one of several steps. I don't want them all relaxing and shoving pizza in his mouth while he's got this crippled kidney floating around in his back trying to do yeoman's work. This thing's doing way too much. I'm going to nickname that Kitty Kidney Lionitis because he's doing the work of Thousands with only 300 men. You've got a mess going on back there, and we're going to fix it. How fast can we get you a new kid kidney? Like, if we come up with a guy, can they put it in there, like, in a week? If we get the parts, it.

[Brett]

I'm still about. Well, according to what I hear, six months out.

[John Holmberg]

Six months? Why are they waiting so long?

[Brett]

Because they want to make sure everything's.

[John Holmberg]

Out as far as cancer.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Maybe we should call Jim Manley.

[John Holmberg]

Manley.

[Brady]

He'll probably give you one.

[John Holmberg]

He's like the Mikey of organs. Yeah. Hey, Manley will do it. All right, Manly.

[Brady]

Need a kidney, buddy?

[John Holmberg]

You need a kidney, my friend? Do your dog charity thing this weekend. That's fantastic. And then later, we're gonna have to ask you for a kidney. You're the only one nice enough that'll do it. That looks past what Brady's gonna do to it. I'm not putting one of my good kidneys inside of him.

[Brady]

Kill it.

[John Holmberg]

Tim will do it. Everybody knows Manley. He'll do it. He's a good guy.

[Brett]

And then I also. I heard, heard and I gotta ask that tomorrow. But like, anyone, like, over 60, you.

[John Holmberg]

Know, one of theirs.

[Brett]

Yeah, they don't.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. That's like having sex with somebody that old. That's disgusting. You don't want anybody's organ in you after 60. Hurt.

[Brett]

But.

[John Holmberg]

No. Any sort of organ transference over 60 is. Should be against the law. Yeah. You want a kid, you're now on that thing. We always used to joke about that list of. You watch the news different now.

[Brett]

That one's four to six years. If you're.

[John Holmberg]

If you're on that list. But people who need, like, new lungs, hearts, they need a new body part like that, the news changes. You see a car accident, everybody make it. Like, how old were they? You don't watch because you have empathy for the car accident anymore. You watch to see if there's any organs.

[Brett]

Oh, Brady stopped by.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because even if you're on that list for four to six years, the more car accidents you see, faster you're getting through that list, I would think, right? So you watch car accidents different. I bet you drive home now, looking.

[Brady]

Around like, oh, leaving a business card.

[John Holmberg]

Actually, maybe I should give my number to these people. Just in case somebody didn't make it. No, those transplant people you get, you give me that news at the doctor. Sorry. You're gonna have to get a new heart. And we'll put you on the list. List? I'm watching the news. Every day there's another one. How close? How much? How high have I gotten? How many hearts are ahead of me? You're number 17. And that's the worst thing. The docs here. 17th after about 16 car wrecks. I'm calling them. Hey, I've seen channel three shown me 16 car wrecks. I'm counting fatalities. Where are we at here?

[Brett]

Yeah, you guys are just looking at the listings. I found this Fizbo here.

[John Holmberg]

Right here.

[Brett]

Individual it wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

He's filling it on his own, but yeah, car accidents.

[Brady]

Seventeen on the list. I'd be calling Toledo. Stepdad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Him.

[Brady]

Take care of a few.

[John Holmberg]

Drop a few people ahead of me. I don't think they need hearts. I think they need a talking to. Have Raleigh wandering around getting you up on that list.

[Brett]

Maybe Frank has an uncle.

[John Holmberg]

Could be in Oregon.

[Brett]

You gotta go through me.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna feel bad next time you see a car accident on the news, because your brain's gonna do it. Did everyone make it? That's gonna. That's how people who need organs think. That's the way you need to think. That's survival. Nobody who needs a kidney or a heart for survival is gonna sit back and go, I hope everybody lived. That isn't a thing. Not anymore. Terrible. How many people were in that wreck? 16. Was a bus full of kids. How old were they? Thirteen. Hot dog. Everybody's gone. Most of them. What's wrong with you? I need a kid. Sydney.

[Brett]

Why are you heading to Frisco, Texas?

[John Holmberg]

What? With a cowboys?

[Brett]

That's where the accident happened. The bus accident.

[John Holmberg]

I think you're just gonna follow ambulances around for a while. Who's in there? How they doing? Not good. Looks bad. Weirdo.

[Brett]

Got a lot of friends that are EMTs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm just hanging around the old fire department. See what you guys are up to any massive accidents. A school bus kid censored, you sadist. Hey, I gotta live, man.

[Brady]

Throw a finders fee out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Will you pay somebody five grand for the first kidney? If somebody gives you a kidney.

[Brett]

Good lead.

[John Holmberg]

No, for their kid. Like if they give you a kidney, like, you kick in, is there a fee?

[Brett]

I'll figure out something, you know, like a, you know, at least a hundred dollar certificate to.

[John Holmberg]

Certificate. No, we've tried this silly joke before and it's not a thing. You got to give somebody like five grand at least to wash away some of the constant guilt of them owning you forever. That's a lot. So if you had five grand in your hand right now and somebody's willing to do it, would you? And you can just go to the doctor and go, I got a guy. When we're clear, he's in, right? You can just drag somebody in there.

[Brett]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. What do you mean?

[Brett]

Well, they. I mean, you have to go through the procedures of the matching up and still this looks like it'll work.

[John Holmberg]

But don't you. If you bring a guy willing to give a kidney to the party, don't they find somebody else for you? It's kind of like a. Like the way. Like if you brought me and I said I'll give a kidney. And they're like, but you're not a match. We'll still take your kidney though. And that moves Brady to the top of the list. Because we got another not match over here. I don't swap these out, I don't think. Oh, sure they will. Oh, they'd love to if you're will.

[Brett]

I mean, but I had to understand the person. Like, I want to donate it to him. Well, you're on a match then. I'm not donating my kidney.

[John Holmberg]

But I bet you they'd ask you like right away if you still want to donate. We've got somebody else. Like Brett's got a guy he doesn't match with that matches with Brady. But we're gonna meet your kidney.

[Brett]

Maybe they do this.

[John Holmberg]

They do a swaparoo with the people who are willing to do it. Like if I was gonna give you a kidney and Toledo was gonna give Brett a kidney, but Toledo didn't match with Brett. I didn't match with you. But they had some third party out there. We could just do kidney swap.

[Brady]

Yeah, the three way trace.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get the player to be named later. A kidney. A kidney to be. Yeah, we get some third party. I'm the third kidney. I'm like, cool. I'm not. Don't get your hopes up. This isn't happening. You're gonna have to find somebody else. I'm not doing that. That scares me. What if my other kidney goes bad? Then what? And I got this pristine teenage kidney floating around in my back. I put it in him. I wouldn't. I'd hate you the second I see you dicking around, firing food into your gullet. And I'm like, you're wrecking it. You put on weight. I'm like, I can't believe he's doing this to my kidney. I would be so angry that you're abusing. It's like borrowing a car. Comes back with dings in it. You're unhappy. This guy says, two podcast appearances on my podcast and three boxes of sauce and I'll give Brady my kidneys with bird.

[Brett]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

The magic man's kidney.

[Brett]

This young man.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna speak for Brady and his Scioto country club upbringing. He doesn't want your poor people kidney. I can tell you right now, the thing. Your kidneys. He can't handle the rich foods Brady's gonna put on top of it. Don't do it. His blood's thicker than yours. Poor blood. It's like they're running on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can't just go pouring that heavy stuff in there. You're light 30 weight away. Thank you for the offer, but. Sorry. Brady says you're too poor for. For him to take your organs. He'd rather die. I'd sooner die than have Swissford's kidney inside me.

[Brady]

What if you needed one in, like, Guy Fieri or Pratt offered their kidney up to you?

[John Holmberg]

Do they die in. The only reason why is cuz I would kind of hope they might die in the surgery. Nope. If. If he offered up a kidney, I wouldn't even. I'd be like, you, dick. Absolutely not.

[Brady]

Give me dialysis.

[John Holmberg]

Dialysis cut me off. Earth is over. I don't want anything to do with that world. Hey, we got a bunch of people out here listening, though. And I bet you they would. This guy says, as a recent transport recipient, they told me the opioid and fentanyl epidemic has made organization much, much more available. Good news, Brady. Every time you see a story about the opioid crisis going up, that's good for you. That's great. I didn't even think of that. Phil, thank you for that great info.

[Brett]

I thought he was threatening my supply of oxy right now.

[John Holmberg]

No. You're on it, right?

[Brady]

You could probably trade that for a kidney.

[John Holmberg]

Actually Brady's gonna watch the news. Totally different now. Heard there was and a few druggies over in Tempe. Dropped out.

[Brett]

Finally a reason. Watch the news.

[John Holmberg]

Are they donors?

[Brady]

He's gonna be an AJ Trading oxy for kidneys.

[John Holmberg]

He does that little roundup with the pill bottle. Did you guys hear that? The Apache Junction mating call.

[Brett]

That'd be a good little five minute segment for the news. Organ roundup at the end.

[John Holmberg]

Well to put a little positive spin on it and say well five new organs are available here at this car crash. When it's terrible for the people who lost someone but in a way the circle of life the way we do it now. What are you gonna do? It is time now for we'll do the hives walk. Idiot walk. I like that. It's a great song. And that's for you. Doorbell Bitching kids. It's already 7:40. See, we haven't talked for so long. It just went. I've gone late. It's 98k but here's your wake up. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.