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John Holmberg
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John Holmberg
Hber's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. Halfway there. It's 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's big dick toled. So off we go. Another glorious day here in paradise. A nice little start to this morning. I've got buttons that are broken. This thing, it's all crooked. Yeah, the whole board's broken. That's right. This is how things work around here. I asked the engineer if I could ask him for some help. For what? This thing that I sit behind every day that may or may not be working properly, but our. Our air conditioner doesn't work at all. How many times do I Talk about new AC unit.com? these people. These people let their air go out. Are you kidding?
Brady
Call Bodhi.
John Holmberg
I mean, what? No, we got a guy. I'm like, so our. Our AC went out yesterday afternoon here in the building? Well, we.
Brady
And it's also, isn't it the system to cool the equipment? Is that.
John Holmberg
I don't. I think the control room too. Yeah. That's what. Yeah. That AC went out in that room.
Brady
That's basically a refrigerator.
John Holmberg
Yeah. And that area. Yeah. Has to be like 30 degrees. The AC went out in there. So they were scrambling and freaking out and I said can I add your problems? And he just goes no when he walks away. So this thing will remain broken. It's been broken for over a month. I've asked a couple of times but I. I ain't doing that anymore. No one around here likes me so. Well apparently the studios are getting heated up too cuz they're all in that same system. Cuz Thriller said he's already.
Commercial Announcer
He's dying down down on his heart.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Well. New AC unit dot com. Safe safe thousand Save time Ty online New AC unit dot com. I could have fixed this for him a long time ago if I just listened but.
Brady
And if you're in a pinch there's something the 911 you can get portable ACs.
John Holmberg
Are we doing that? Are we gonna have those giant orange tubes? I don't know. But I know there's a company that brings them in. That would be hilarious. I watch that all day. Yeah but it was just like hey guys, whose job it is to fix stuff? Can you fix something? No. All right. Jesus. Say see things got you spinning. You know they got other companies for that. I don't know that. That. You should probably buy a couple of fans and get on board the electronics. Well what are you gonna do? Not my problem. It's not too bad in here actually. Feels nice in here for the while.
Brady
How long have we been in this building?
John Holmberg
10 years? 9 years. Yeah.
Brady
Warranty.
John Holmberg
Warranty is not 10 years. That's why we've got do it yourselfers up here in our attics trying to solve this mystery that's never worked properly in the first again. I got Bodie, Eric, Brian. We could call these guys like all day long. No nothing. Meanwhile we got people we see like Rudy holding ladders. And like Rudy isn't qualified to like go get me a Twix. I wouldn't anyway.
Brady
Trucks pulling up and they pull off the magnetic sign. Change it up.
Commercial Announcer
Bob's ac.
John Holmberg
We'll get anybody in here. We'll see. I saw yesterday. This is crazy. Watch this. The I am don't think I'm not going to have the most fun ever with some of this now. I. I don't know if you guys saw it yesterday. The simulation that we live in that everybody has these thoughts on. It is official that it is a Simulation and that yesterday it completely broke. Did you see the. Either that or your God's just bored now, Brady, the orange shark that they caught yesterday, did you see that? They caught a traffic cone colored shark.
Brady
Yeah, it's like a goldfish.
John Holmberg
Costa Rica. It looks like it is kind of neat. I kind of hope those. There's more of those. I'm like, oh, that's a goof. There was a color glitch in the simulation after that. I saw a story immediately after that of a woman who identifies as a Pomeranian and has a relationship with her handler. And the guy comes over and walks her every day. She's basically saying, this is nobody's business. Why is this a problem? And he's like, yeah, why can't two consenting adults be normal? Me walking my Pomeranian girl. And he goes, you guys all sound like my wife. She hates this too. And I'm like, are you kidding? You're not supposed to go on the news with that. If you're walking the neighbor Pomeranian girl and she looks like a kind of a broke dick Nicki Minaj. All right, never mind. And then. And I don't know how this hasn't been bigger news. Tell me what you guys hear when you hear this. This is. Don't think I'm not going to use the hell out of this. This is an excuse for me to be a 13 year old boy. Here we go. Listen.
Valley Chevy Dealer Announcer
This is Pixon politics with Dan Mannarino.
Dan Mannarino
And welcome to picks on politics, everybody. I am Dan Mannarino. So let's talk about it this summer. I'm sitting down with the candidates of the major races heading into the general election, New Jersey, focusing on New Jersey this week. In fact, take a look right here. A new poll from Fairleigh Dickinson University showing Democratic nominee Congressman Mikey Sherrill at 45% to Jack Citarelli, the Republican challenger to who? What university showing Democratic nominee Congressman Mikey Sherrill at 45% to Jack Citarelli, the.
John Holmberg
Republic Publishing Challenge guy running for government, New Jersey. His name is Jack Shitarelli. And I don't know how his campaign thinks. You don't know Jack Citarelli until you meet Jack Citarelli. Don't think I'm not going to say his name a billion times today.
Brady
Man, that dude says it really well.
John Holmberg
He says it fast. He's panning over, he's panicking. There's another girl that. Because I. Oh, don't. I saw that. And I'm like, what? What? What? Jack Shouldarelli. This is the greatest name of all time. My name's Jack Schiavelli. Whatever me.
Brady
Whatever money the opponent has, forget it.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah. How in the world is she winning in New Jersey? I'm voting for shit rally that's happening and it's okay for us to say it because it's the man's name. So I'm saying it all the time. Yeah. How is he? I'd vote for him for everything, constantly. And then his parents had the nerve to name him Jack. Jack Ciarelli. I died laughing. So I'm like, oh, okay. This is just. This guy says it funny. And I checked out like, three or four other things online. Nope. And constantly, like, the news people are like, we asked Shitarelli about this, but he didn't know. Oh, you're saying he didn't know Jack Schitterelli? That's right. Exactly right. We'll be back with sports and weather.
Brady
Is it T or D? The spelling C, I, A, T, T, T, T. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
John Holmberg
A, R, E, L, L. I should have rally again. How is he? How did he make it out of school without going to jail? He had to get in fight after fight. That dude is exactly the guy I want in office for something. I don't care if he's Republican, Democrat, Socialist, Al Qaeda, I'm voting for Jack Shitarelli. That's happening. If this thing's going to break this badly where you know people's name and I can giggle at it constantly as, like, I'm a teenage boy. Count on Jack Citarelli being T shirts. I'm going to posters in my front yard. It'll be like, people drive by and go, john, who's that? You don't know Jack Cittarelli? Oh, my God. Let me get you in the house. I won't live another day with people not knowing Jack Cittarelli. Can't believe they're saying his name. I mean. I mean, Noah the football player can't have his name said, you know? I mean, hey, Noah name's a name. He is a scary name is a name. People who don't know. Well, if you don't know Jack Citarella, you probably don't know a K. His last word is the K word. It's the N word with a K in front of it. Yeah, that's the kid's last R. No, when he looks like a Mormon from, like, Boise, it's the worst. But yeah, Jack Ciarelli is.
Brady
How are the hat sales? Do we know the merch that he serves?
John Holmberg
That jackass has the nerve to Sell his last name on hats with no explanation of why you're wearing it. Dumb white mormon kids are going to get murdered like crazy. You're going to see him in Gilbert. You know that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Your punk ass white neighborhood is going to have. But you can kind of get away with it with. She had a relly. What a name.
Brady
And now that. Well, they obviously are in on it because it's Giancino. Michael. Jack.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he calls himself Jack. It's Michael. Yeah, I looked at him, too, as Gene Michael. And he went for, like, Gene for when he was young. Michael was a politics name when he was, like a councilman. And then for some reason, they just started calling him Jack when he was a teenager. Cause you know why? Everybody knows why your last name's Ciarelli. People are gonna call you Jack. I giggled for 10 minutes on that. I rewound it like 20 times. I text broomhead. He's my politics friend. I'm like, hey, broomhead, is this a real dude or am I in a fever dream? And he goes, yeah, it seems real. Don't think I'm not gonna say Jack Schiatarelli's name a hundred times tomorrow. And here we are, and I'm saying it, and it's fantastic. Why does he have to run for Jersey governor? Let's get him in some sort of national office. And it would be great to hear. All right. In the debate here, the gubernatorial election, candidate Johnson, would you like to say anything? I think I've said all I need to say about that. Ciatarelli. Stop it. Act like adults. Are you guys here for politics? Are you here to just laugh every time I say Jack Citarelli? Put it.
Brady
This is my son, Jackie Jr.
John Holmberg
This is little Jack. Little Jack. I didn't even say it. You guys start laughing. Mr. Cittarelli, please. I mean, I'm gonna clear this room.
Brady
Professor at CEO.
John Holmberg
Grow up. Yeah, I don't know where he is. I don't know what he does for a living, but I'm sure it's. Yeah, this is. You know, it doesn't. Nobody, like, in the comments seems to notice that his name is like, he added the Jack to it. It wasn't like, they're like, you know, he knows, right? Like, we all should kind of go. Shouldn't he have changed the last name? No. I'm a proud Citarelli and I'm gonna stay that way. Quit it. I'm gonna stay that way for the rest of my life till I pay off my debt. That's Right. And then my papa Cittarelli and grandpa. There it is. Get your credit card. Does it say you don't know Jack? I mean, how is the campaign manager not saying you don't know Jack Ciatarelli? How in the world is that gubernatorial run back? I back Jack is what he's going with. Come on. Italians for Jack. Well, that was going to happen no matter what. They didn't. Yeah, they could be. My new governor's name is Jack Pardo. He's even got saved Columbus day shirts. Morning sickness medicate.
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John Holmberg
Holmberg's morning sickness. Save Columbus day. And you can tell them Citarelli sent you. People quit it. They're not gonna ever take it seriously. I love that. I'm just watching the news and everybody just glances. Just glosses right past it. I'm like, that can't be. That can't be a thing. It's. We got Hobbs. Your ears are doing it, too. Yeah, this whole thing's broken. Yeah, the whole thing.
Brady
It's all really.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. The whole thing's gone to. We. You know, the only thing we can do is just throw some chitterelli at this and fix it. I back, Jack. I'm gonna get a text in a minute. Please stop it. I'm like, stop what? Saying chitterelli. It's the guy's name. Guess what kind of dog he's got that. A shih tzu and then Tom Brady. You should have had that. I was all right. It's the shit, really. Shih tzu and you can't wear Just getting away with murder. I know it's childish. I get it. But guess what? Welcome to the show. Sorry to break it to you, but I may have that problem. I was dying. And the news, they have to act like it. They didn't say that. Like the dude's name isn't hilarious. Well, I noticed how fast that dude flew through cuz. Brady and I had to pick up on it twice. Like, what he. Yeah, but you. I think you hear it. Yeah, I did it yesterday because I was watching and they. They ran a thing on the news and he's losing. I don't know how he's losing. He must be nuts, too. And he. He's not in the lead yet, but he's catching up. And then the. The anchor on the TV said, we asked it a rally this and that. And I said, wait a second. Did I just hear that? So I rewound it and like. Yeah. No, yeah, that's his name. That's it. And I don't know how you lose with that one. I just don't know how you lose without one. But there it is. And everybody has. I hope he wins and I hope he, like, does great and he gets. You know, he becomes President Shirelli.
Brady
Buddy talked him into. And we got your nickname, man. It's gotta be Jack.
John Holmberg
Hey, Gene, come over here for a second. Watch this. Hey, everybody, this is my friend Gene Cittarelli. Hi, Gene. Well, if I called you Jack, here's how that would go. Hey, look, everybody, it's Jack Cittarelli. You're a hit. I'm gonna be your campaign manager. You're gonna run Jersey.
Brady
It brightens the room.
John Holmberg
It just makes every. Yeah, it's just awesome. So I was pretty childlike in my exuberance with this yesterday. And it's even better than I expected to be on the air and say his name over and over and over. It's just fun. But T shirts should be, you know. Yeah, that's. This guy said, how is. How's he missing it? Front sight says you're not voting for Ciattarelli. You don't know Jack Ciattarelli. That's perfect. That's a perfect campaign slogan. I don't get it. He's. Yeah. And I. I don't. I don't make it through my life with that name. I grew up a candy apple. I was a stick with a head. And if my last name was Citarelli, I would have. I would have lasted about three days. I'd have taken a swing at the biggest kid that was making. Alan Gully would have had me jammed in a trash can. To this day, I'd have been stuck in that thing. You need to. McGarbage. Shitter. Ellie, get me out of here. Oh, I'd have been. You've been t. Get me out of here. Take your trophy and shove it up your ass, Yankees. I would have been. I Would have been a dead kid. That's all that would have been. Anyway, I had fun with it then. The orange shark and the lady walking around as a. As a Pomeranian with some dude she found in her neighborhood to walk her. And he's doing it. And they claim they're in a sexless relationship. They have to. But he brings his wife to the party when the news is talking to him. Yeah. He's, like, upset that people are paying attention to this. I'm like, what did you two expect? You go over to her house every day from your house, strap a leash on an African American woman and walk her around? And my wife thinks it's crazy, too. I'm like, and you're married, you idiot. You're ruining it for everyone. You know who put a stop to this? Brett.
Brady
Jack.
John Holmberg
Citarella. That's exactly right. We're not gonna put blacks on leashes and walk them around anymore. That's not happening. And you could take that to the bank. And my name ain't Jack Ciatarelli. Stop it. Yeah. If you have a last name like that, you can't. You have to take it to the bank. Yeah. You have to either just lean into it 100% or, you know, change it to Smith.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Yeah. You look crazy. But his life and just Tony Romas. I used to find those funny names and mispronounce them on purpose, you know? Know, and they. They do that thing like Phil Leotardo or something like that. Philo Phil. It's Leotardo. I'm sorry that. Her handwriting's terrible. Your table's ready, Mr. R. You son of a. Oh, maybe you could get that one guy, Anthony Weiner, to be his running mate. You could have the Tony Weiner. You could have the Chelli wiener ticket. It's ridiculously stupid, and I can't get enough. I like when the world breaks for a second and no one notices. And then, like, the key master up there in the matrix has to get back on the computer and fix some stuff. I accidentally make an orange shock. Whoops. He just. You know when you do that on your phone and you try to, like, mark up a picture or you do some editing, and then you go to draw on it, and you realize it's green and you meant it to be. You got to go to that big prism of colors and pick. Yeah, it's that whoever's making the sharks and stuff accidentally had it on orange when he sent this. Shark is traffic cone colored. Yeah, it's a hunter orange. It is the strangest it's not like, oh, maybe it's a little orange. It is like side of the road work, you know, earning your ticket stuff. You know, you had to go to traffic school or pick up trash on the side of the street. You're wearing shark orange. I think all sharks should be that color. We should breed this thing.
Brady
What if it was at that gathering of the redheads festival?
John Holmberg
Oh, it's a ginger shark. It's a mutation. I didn't even think about it as hair. He's an outcast in and amongst the sharks.
Brady
I like that crazy shark.
John Holmberg
And yeah, oh yeah, And I bet you he's just wrecked a lot of black sharks lives. Man, she's hot, but God damn, she's crazy. She bite, bites. She's a shark. I know, but she bite. It ain't fun like some girls nibble. She bites. Telling you, brother, don't mess with those orange ones. No one knows about that. Jack Cittarelli. Oh, Jack Cittarelli would tell you. That's right, Brett, you're leaning into it too. I like that. I understand it caught an orange shark off the coast of the Jersey there. If you vote Ciarelli, that, that, that Ciali will stop right there. I'll tell you this gu so much I'd like to introduce my running mate. This is Anthony Fookface. You guys have any problems with him? How you doing? It's spelled F A, U, C H. We're having a ball with this stuff. New Italians in your stuff. You're so proud of your names that it can be that bad and you're still not going to abandon it. I'm out on that one. You know what that was? Yeah, I know. I'm out on that one. That happened at Ellis Island. Name? My name is Luigi. What you say it's Luigi Ch. This guy's last name is Rally. No, no, no. I say it, go with it. It's too late. We write it down. Watch this. We'll never be the same. But you know what? We're a proud of sheet rally. So we stay this way forever.
Brady
It's my. No, it's Jack.
John Holmberg
Hey, everybody. I changed my first name to Jack. My last name is now Citarelli. I'm an American. What is so funny? This guy don't know what we're calling him yet. It's so dumb anyway. Yeah, I didn't know which one was stupider. I didn't know the Pomeranian story could get any dumber until that guy started talking about his wife. And you know who's to blame? In that the wife. I know for a fact right now, if I go, I'm just gonna go down the road and walk the black girl. I'm not coming home to a happy person. You're doing what? Yeah, she thinks she's a Pomeranian after five o' clock at night. So I'm gonna strap a leash to her, walk around. You're gonna get arrested or shot. No, no, no. Why can't anybody mind their own business? Why can't a man in 2025 strap a leash to a black lady and walk around the neighborhood? She's a Pomeranian.
Brady
I don't understand. How does that look bad?
John Holmberg
How does that explain it to me one more time and this time try to make sense? I just can't help myself but think that you're the dumbest mother alive. I'm gonna go walk my. My black lady. That just. It's not a thing you can do and he's doing. Doesn't hurt that he's also black, but it doesn't help. Well, no, you can't be a white guy and do that. I was just gonna say you can't. You can't do it to anyone. And somebody has to get to her. And by the way, if you live in a neighborhood where one of your, like, neighbors thinks they're a Pomeranian, get out of there. Like, get a better job. Like, if she can afford to live in your neighborhood, you're not doing enough. Is she walking on all fours or just she's walking around like a Pomeranian. And then she says her dad's her biggest supporter. People need to be less sensitive. She said of the hate comments she gets. It's just about me. It shouldn't be a problem for anyone else. It's just someone who wants to have a good time and dress up and have fun and. And her dad's also, like, my wife thinks it's crazy, too. Like, everybody. Like, this is insanity. Everybody's an idiot. I'm gonna go walk the daughter.
Brady
Hussein. Dress up and having fun.
John Holmberg
The Pomeranian girl.
Brady
Okay, so someone needs a smile.
John Holmberg
Even still, I know she's crazy. Holmberg's morning sickness.
Brady
Brady, if you went home, it's like watching those. Do the women do the steeplechase, the.
John Holmberg
Horse where they think, oh, they're not on horses. Yeah. They pretend to be horses. Yeah. They're mentally unstable. And if you went home today and on your way home, you're driving down the road and you see Kirby trotting down on all fours with some kid in a leash and you're like, what's this?
Brady
What in the wild, wild world of.
John Holmberg
Sports did you do, man? I don't know. We were in the house for a little while and I, I, I thought I was a Pomeranian, man. And he started to walk me. It works, man. Come on. And then you got to deal with that every day. This kid coming over, Kirby. All right.
Brady
You know whose daughter that is?
John Holmberg
Jack C. No. Oh, it's Brady. He wouldn't tolerate that. No, get this. That would have been his first speech. My daughter thinks she's a Pomeranian. She's a Chitterelli. And that's all she'll ever be. Who cleans up after Ciarelli? Do you have you. Does she take dumps? And do you clean it up with the bag?
Brady
With the scoop? Yeah.
John Holmberg
No, like you pick it up with the inside out bag.
Brady
He does that.
John Holmberg
I don't know. If you're pretending to be a Pomeranian, you gotta go ass out because Pomeranians don't wear pants. So to me, when people say that kind of stupid stuff, you're like, all right, if you really believe it, do it.
Brady
Does it have to pick her up around bigger dogs?
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah, because she's too yappy. She doesn't know her own know her own size. Pomeranians get brave. Sometimes a. A rottweiler or Cane Corso goes by and they want to pick a fight. Next thing you know, yeah, he's got a, he's got a 166 pound Pomeranian under his arm. Pick a size appropr thing too. You're not a Pomeranian. You're. Yeah, you're like, I don't know, Newfoundland or something. Be in Newfoundland black lab. That's too far. That was too far. I was going to go there, but I didn't. I was going to do that, but I did it. He takes her to the park and throws this dragon and she chases it. Now I know, Brad. I was going to. You know why I didn't do it? Is this.
Brady
He me it out.
John Holmberg
He had. Oh, he did. I had black. Oh, so this is your fault. Saying out loud. I was kind of looking across. And then he said it, which made it fun worse. He's getting a kick out of his own nonsense. I started to say, be no dummy. If you were part of Jack's immediate family but married into it, would that make you a piece of the Shitterelli? Yeah, it makes you a piece of Shitterelli. It's the stupidest thing in the world that I get a kick out of. Anyway, don't leash up people, especially people of color. That's bad. And vote Chitterelli. And if you catch an orange shark, immediately put it back so it can breed with the other ones and they'll all be orange someday. Right now they blend in too much. Jaws wouldn't have been a problem at all if that fin came up and it was just a traffic cone sticking out of the water. We'd have all seen it. We're like a buoy. Pretty cool though, that we got this going on. Really cool. I was. We were blamed by one of our listeners yesterday. They were very upset that we didn't comment on Graham Green. Was that his name? Yeah, Graham Green, the native American actor that.
Brady
That passed away.
John Holmberg
He was in dances and stuff like that. I didn't even know he was gone until after the show. But she's right. All the native actors.
Brady
I did, but I was, you know, too deep in the oxy to get.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh ye. We were. You have to understand, Rhiannon was the one that Brady took oxy at 9:30 yesterday to get through his surgery pain. And we lost Brady about 9:50 and then about 10 o' clock he turned like yellow and we started to worry. We left him alone with the chicken wings. Now here's the other thing. Proud of you because Native dropped off like 10,000 wings yesterday, right? Yeah. Half the chicken population, almost all the chickens. It was huge. And it was funny to see because Brady came in and he was very good. You kept your hands off the chicken. You wanted some of that chicken. Yeah. Oh, I bet. And you were high. So now you know how Kirby feels all the time. So it was like really funny. And then not thinking after that, after a little while, I left the room. We all did. And we left Brady alone in there with all that chicken. And I got back here and I'm like, oh my God. I left him alone in the chicken room and I ran back over there and he was still just standing in there with Long Paul. Like you two have anything to talk about.
Brady
Is that who that was?
John Holmberg
Yeah. You didn't care. But Long Paul's in there just covered in sauce. I haven't eaten properly for like probably since the Reagan administration. And so Long Paul comes in and out and there was someone else in there. Oh, it was rude. And Brady's still standing in the corner. And I checked his hands for sauce. They were clean. He. He held off. But it was very funny to see that you needed to be chicken adjacent because it was killing you deep down. Proud of you. You stayed out of the juice.
Brady
Enjoying the smells.
John Holmberg
Well, you need to just get yourself away from it. Heroin addicts probably enjoy the sound of oh, oh, oh. But they don't want it. They don't need to be around it too much. You need to stay away from that. And to native we thank you. I'll be out there tonight at the i10 and Ray at 5:30 watching people who are probably going to be in Brady situation pretty soon just hammer thousands of pounds of weighing. He was eyeing up that celery pretty good. Oh, well, I pushed it towards him. Yeah, he didn't like that. Didn't like that. He wanted some carrots, but they weren't there. I think that was just an excuse. He was talking about needing carrots and did he get any carrots. Toledo gave him some line of Jack Ciadarelli. So give him a line of Ciarelli that said the cost of carrots. Cost of carrots has gone high and stoned. Brady's like, is that real? We don't know, man. Hey man, can I just rub my face in this? Better than don't do it. Not a thing. But I was proud of you. But leaving you alone in there was like saying, oh my God, I've left Brady in there with. He's covered in honey in the beehive. It was like it was a bad idea. Could have ended you and you turned yellow.
Brady
I thought it was a test.
John Holmberg
It was a test and you passed. But Jill from sales came up even and said, brady's yellow. I'm like, yeah, that just happened a few minutes ago. We'll get him out of here. Don't worry about was. It was a strange thing when you started to get a little. Yeah, you look good again. Your color's back. You look healthy. But yesterday about 10:08, not so good. It was a strange thing. I've seen people with jaundice before. You didn't have that because your eyes weren't like. Didn't look like you had urine all over your eyeballs.
Brady
I looked like a chicken wing before it went into the fryer. That kind of yelled.
John Holmberg
It wasn't. No, you. You got real pale for a minute. I'm like, oh, he's losing color. That's the oxy. He's getting tired. He's wearing out. You know, four or five hours you wear out as you just went through a major thing. And then when I came around the corner again, I looked at the back of your head and went, oh, that's banana yellow. And it's not going the right direction.
Brady
Got through about half of unknown number.
John Holmberg
Oh, yes. What happened? What? Oh, you. Oh, you fell asleep. Yeah. You can't watch TV on the Oxy. It can be great. And you're not going to make it through. And that was our tribute to Graham Green. All the natives that said. Why didn't you bring up Graham Green? You got to understand, natives, that he's a big deal to all you. And we know him, but he's not like a huge household name. Graham GRE. Green.
Brady
I wouldn't know his name. I recognize him.
John Holmberg
Oh, the second you see his face, like, oh, he's the guy.
Brady
Yeah, that's Graham Green.
John Holmberg
Tons of stuff and Dances with Wolves and he's brilliant. You haven't seen Dancing with Wolves? Fantastic movie. I've heard it's just one of those really long movies. Yeah, well, I did that with me with Schindler's List. I've never seen Schindler's List start to finish. I've just seen the ending. Seemed. Seemed like pretty much everything. I knew that was going to happen. But I know I've seen. I've seen chunks of the same with Goonies. Goonies and Schindler's List. I've never seen from beginning to end, which is an odd combination to. I don't think that's a double feature. Many people would have gone.
Brady
I didn't feel like Goonies was really long, but it just felt.
John Holmberg
No, it wasn't because it was long. It was just. It looked stupid. And it turns out I was right. And it was. But it was terrible. And. But as a kid, I'm like, childhood movie dumb.
Brady
It's a good treasure hunt.
John Holmberg
No hot girls. Wow. A short round pissed me off in Indiana Jones. So I looked at him and I don't want to see him do anything. So I just looked at the cast and no, thanks. But you just don't know Jack Shitterelli about that movie. That's the problem, pal. Is he in that? We're gonna abuse it until they take it away. Somebody's gonna come up with a loophole that says, please stop saying that. No, I'll stop saying it the second there's no more Ciarelli on my tv. Unfortunately, he's just in Jersey. Dude needs some national prominence. It's fun to watch the news and see the news. People like they're doing what we're doing, too. They're having a blast with it. They love the idea. How do you say this? CIA Torelli. No. Try again. Seattle. Seattle. Seat Alley. Nope. How would you say Shabbata? It's the same thing. Only add teas because it's the CIA. Which is ch in Italian. Right? Shibata sia G. That's the thing. So he's our guy. I'm voting for him. I'm going to try to get residents in New Jersey before the gubernatorial election. I don't know when that is. It's got to be coming up. But they wouldn't be talking about all this shitarelli until, you know, like if it's a year after out hopefully he.
Brady
Runs with Bob Moore. The more Shitterelli ticket.
John Holmberg
I hope he has a friend named Rocco Horse. I'm not gonna say it because you did it in your own mind. It's fun. Anyway, we'll be playing with that for, I don't know, next five or six years. Let's get a Wake up song, shall we? 585-9800 A good one. We'll do it for Jack Citarelli. It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up. Hey. It's not weird.
Brady
It's pretty cool actually.
John Holmberg
No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness rides high on technical frustrations, office camaraderie, and a giddy fixation on an unfortunate political candidate's name. The crew hilariously navigates their broken air conditioning while riffing on New Jersey's “Jack Ciattarelli” campaign, marvel at a viral “Pomeranian girl” story, recap Brady’s oxy-fueled struggle resisting piles of chicken wings, and find time to (sorta) pay tribute to late actor Graham Greene.
John on AC woes:
“This thing will remain broken. It's been broken for over a month. I've asked a couple of times, but—I ain’t doing that anymore. No one around here likes me so…” (02:27)
John obsessed with campaign slogans:
“If this thing's going to break this badly where you know people's name and I can giggle at it constantly as, like, I'm a teenage boy. Count on Jack Citarelli being T shirts. I'm going to—posters in my front yard… You don't know Jack Cittarelli?” (08:04)
Brady on campaign merch:
“How are the hat sales? Do we know the merch…that he serves?” (09:04)
John on proud surnames:
“You Italians are so proud of your names that it can be that bad and you're still not going to abandon it. I'm out on that one. You know what that was? That happened at Ellis Island.” (19:30)
John on resisting temptation:
“Leaving you alone in there was like saying, oh my God, I've left Brady in there with—he’s covered in honey in the beehive…it was a bad idea. Could have ended you and you turned yellow.” (29:03)
On intentional immaturity:
“I know it's childish. I get it. But guess what? Welcome to the show. Sorry to break it to you, but I may have that problem. I was dying.” (13:24)
This episode exemplifies the show's signature blend of Arizona office humor, juvenile wordplay, and side-eye social commentary. The crew’s fixation on Jack Ciattarelli’s name is as relentless as the desert heat, offering a thread of schoolboy glee that ties together maintenance complaints, local news oddities, and even a respectful, if belated, nod to a film legend.
If you missed the episode: