Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Episode: 09-04-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY (September 5, 2025)
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dale Hellestrae (guest), Dick Toledo (absent, discussed)
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 98 KUPD, Arizona

Overview

This episode is classic "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness": an irreverent, freewheeling, and highly comedic take on daily national news, pop culture, true crime obsession, football season, American hypocrisy, and personal anecdotes—with a local Arizona flavor. The show balances football fanaticism, true crime media, neighborly paranoia, wings-eating competitions, kidney ransoms, and conspiracy theories, all delivered with sharp banter and plenty of inside jokes.
Special guest Dale Hellestrae, former NFL player and current Arizona radio personality, joins the crew for the football segment.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. NFL Season Kickoff and Football Obsession

• [04:08] John declares the real start of the year: football is back.

  "Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye, wives. Goodbye, Friends. Goodbye, normal society... Football's back."

• Entire crew discusses how the NFL’s return hijacks their lives and relationships.
• Light-hearted jabs at couples with reversed sports interest:

  “You’re married, you got a beard, how come nobody told you [your husband is gay]?”

• Anecdotes about “Lottery Dream House” and identifying obviously closeted house hunters, segueing into male affection and shifting social norms around male hugs.

2. Reality TV, Escapism, & Gender Roles

• [05:08] Ongoing riff on “International House Hunters” and “Lottery Dream House”:
  • Dissecting house-buying habits of lottery winners.
  • Humor about men being too excited about meeting host David Bromstad.
  • "Every time I watch, I’m like, how come nobody tells her her husband’s gay?" (Holmberg)
• Jokes about displays of male affection, generational changes, and hetero-normative discomfort.

3. True Crime Fascination & Local Murder Paranoia

• [13:12] Ongoing obsession with murder media:
  • John describes neighbors being suspicious of his odd hours and suggests it’d be “honorable” if people suspected him of the neighborhood's murder.
  • Reflections on America’s morbid fascination with murder:

    “Nobody ever starts a tour of places where people didn’t get murdered.”
    “The best movies ever made are all about murders.”

• [21:01] Discussion of the show "Man in a Van"—using real van as murder van, mocking the religious impulse to give “second chances” to serial offenders.

  “That’s one thing, I don’t care how much you believe Jesus can help... You gave him a van?!”

4. American Hypocrisy: Gluttony & Charity

• [28:54] Wing-eating contest stories:
  • John participates for the Humane Society, reflects on how disgusting competitive eating is.
• [33:54] Passes “Feed My Starving Children” charity en route to all-you-can-eat wings event.
• Large segment on America’s abundance versus global hunger, mocking U.S. hypocrisy:

  “America is just loaded. And I mean loaded with hypocrisy.”
  “No other country has Feed the Americans!”

• Thought experiment: combining food-eating contests and charity for hungry children—both sincere and satirical.

5. Who Starves in America?

• [40:12] John argues “starving in America, it’s your fault,” suggests most true starvation is due to family/friends using funds for drugs.
• Lighthearted but pointed attacks on Sally Struthers:

  “Sally Struthers went over there, a little plump, telling everybody, you know, they’re not eating, but... she wasn’t missing any meals.”

6. Charity Pay Scandals & College Sports Graft

• [45:24] Switches to expose of charity CEO salaries (e.g., $330K for Feed My Starving Children, $1.7M for another Holocaust-related charity), Susan G. Komen, etc.
• [46:14] Rant on commercials begging to "save college sports" despite enormous revenues and athlete payments.

  “Ohio State paying their football team $30 million a year. You save college sports!”

7. Epstein Files & Institutional Secrecy

• [57:54] The hosts dissect the newly released “33,000 pages” from the Epstein files:
  • Jokes about who is redacting all the files.
  • Pointed:

    “Get to the dude in the room with the files. He’s tired of it. His job’s too hard. He’s ready to talk.”

  • [61:00] Discussion on what it would be like to be the actual redactor, E.g. “Redaction Jackson.”
  • [64:36] Conspiratorial speculation on government secrecy, threat of death/ruin for leaks, and the mechanics of hiding vast scandals.
  • [76:52] Ghislaine Maxwell nude photos’ trivialization of actual horror:

    “I’m not there for the articles… show me the pictures.”

8. Global Political Conspiracies

• [78:26] Riffing with stories of sovereign citizen/black ops contacts, Hollywood as predictive programming for real-world events, and the "Manchurian Candidate" theory.
• Minor tangent into Marvel movies, quantum physics, and conspiracy comfort.

9. Audience Kidney Ransom Offer

• [137:17] A bizarre email from “Henry” offering Brady a “non-rejectable” kidney if he buys Henry a 2026 Chevy Silverado, $25K, and 5% of his business.
  • Hosts ridicule the “hostage note” nature of the offer and debating more reasonable takes on donor expectations.

10. Calls, Messages, and Other Interactive Moments

• [125:25] Emailer wants to know which behavior Brady would be more ashamed of: being watched by an invisible friend while masturbating, or sleeping with a prostitute.
  • Opens into earnest reflection on “sin” and compromise.

Notable Quotes & Moments by Timestamp

• Football Returns
  "Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye, wives. Goodbye... Goodbye, normal television viewing. Goodbye, Netflix... Hello, NFL Network. Hello, scrolling through every stat in the world. Football’s back." – John Holmberg [04:08]

• Murder & Media Fascination
  “All we do is watch murder shows. All we do is listen to murder podcasts. People are fascinated by murders. The best movies ever made are all about murders.” —John Holmberg [13:08]

• On American Hypocrisy
  “America is just loaded… with hypocrisy. Giant pigs going back and forth to wing-eating contests and hot dog-eating contests. Meanwhile, we don’t even notice that we passed a charity for all those hungry people in the world… we’re just crushing wings…” – John, [35:32]

• Feed My Starving Children vs. U.S. Gluttony
  “No other country has ‘Feed the Americans.’ No place in the world will you go and your Waymo takes you down a road of a store that says 'Feed the Americans.'” – John [36:52]

• Competitive Eating Solution
  “We take all of these contests we have of gluttony and overeating and we just get like 10 starving Africans to stand there with Joey Chestnut and crush…Now that’s a show.” — John [37:35]

• On Charity CEO Pay
  “You start looking, you’re like…a lot of those charities, the… you know…and they’re good work. But then you start looking, you’re like, ah…” —John, [46:05]

• Epstein File Redactors
  “Get to the dude in the room with the files. He’s tired of it. His job’s too hard. He’s ready to talk.” —John, [59:37]

• Epstein File Comedy
  “If you want to give your kidney to Brady out of the kindness of your heart, you can’t nail him for an $80,000 truck, $25 grand in cash, and 5% of what Brady makes.” – John [140:52]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:17] Morning roll call; Dick Toledo absence explained.
• [04:08] Football season returns; societal football obsession.
• [05:08] Lottery Dream House, reality TV commentary.
• [13:12] Local murder, fascination with true crime, American murder obsession.
• [21:01] Church van murder/true crime shows.
• [28:54] Holmberg relates a wings-eating contest; proceeds go to Humane Society.
• [33:54] "Feed My Starving Children" and American hypocrisy.
• [40:12] Argument: “If you’re starving in America, that’s your fault.”
• [45:24] Exposé on charity CEO pay.
• [46:14] College sports graft satire.
• [57:54] Epstein Files: The mechanics of government-level redaction and secrecy.
• [76:52] Jizzy Maxwell: Nude photos in files as click-bait distraction.
• [78:26] Conspiracy/black ops rants, fiction foreshadowing real events.
• [125:25] Audience question: which shame is greater, masturbation or prostitution?
• [137:17] & [140:52] Kidneys held hostage: Audience member’s ransom offer to Brady.

Segment: Football Deep Dive with Dale Hellestrae

• [150:57] – [177:04] Special football preview
  • Dale returns, reflects on his time with the Cowboys.
  • AFC/NFC breakdowns, Super Bowl picks.
  • Riffs on alumni appreciation (Cowboys vs. Ravens) and franchise loyalty.
  • All hosts pick Buffalo for the Super Bowl, acknowledging this might be the year for the Bills or… not at all.

Segment: Brady’s Barcelona Brothel Story

• [101:05] Brady shares his story of backing out with a prostitute in Barcelona.
  • Details uncomfortable atmosphere, his guilt, and social pressures.
  • Refrains from the act, pays for the hour, hangs out at the brothel’s bar.
  • “I was peer pressured to pick.”
  • This anecdote is repeatedly referenced as a “good story, sad, but a story.” (e.g. [107:19])

Segment: Absurd News & “Fun” Facts

• Macadamia Nut Day noted.
• U.S. vs The Netherlands government-assigned sex for the disabled:

  “That’s more than married guys get.” (Holmberg, [97:22])

• Reaction to medical oddities, President Garfield being fed through his ass, and other bizarre medieval health tips.

Tone and Style

• Language: Direct, coarse, fast-paced, and heavy on local slang, inside jokes, and “guy humor.”
• Tone: Satirical, darkly comic, self-deprecating, with long-running gags built into serious analysis.
• Energy: High-octane, with no topic off-limits but always skewed for maximum comedic effect.

For New Listeners

This episode offers:

• Classic “HMS” interplay: quick-witted banter between John and the team, spinning from football to true crime to neighborhood weirdos like a comic tornado.
• Real discussion about football, sports journalism, and American culture, but always leavened with self-aware humor and skepticism.
• Skewering of American hypocrisy around food, charity, and the allure of sensational crime media.
• Recurring bits: lottery winner house-hunters, “Feed My Starving Children,” local murder suspicion, and kidney transplant negotiations-turned-blackmail.
• A parade of quotable moments and rants that lampoon both pop culture and the news of the day.

Listen For:

• [04:08] – John’s epic “Goodbye … Hello football” monologue.
• [13:08] – Murder fascination and the American psyche.
• [28:54] – John’s wing-eating contest and thoughts on U.S. gluttony.
• [37:35] – Brilliant/absurd idea: Combine eating competitions and charity for kids.
• [57:54] – Deep dive on “who does the redactions” for the Epstein files.
• [140:52] – Kidney ransom letter and hilarious breakdown.
• [150:57–177:04] – Football preview with NFL vet Dale Hellestrae.

A must-listen for local sports fans, lovers of dark comedy, and anyone who wants a sharp, irreverent take on the American condition—with enough bizarre true stories, pop culture rants, and neighborhood weirdness to keep you laughing (or wincing) all morning long.