
Loading summary
John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Dick Toledo
Football is back, and this NFL season, FanDuel wants to boost your bets even more. It's Dick Toledo from Homework's morning sickness, and right now all customers can double their winnings with a 100% profit boost. Yes, that means you can get two times the payout on NFL Sunday Moneyline bets. So I'll be using my profit boost token on one of these four games. I'll take Caleb Williams at home home to defeat the Vikings on Monday Night Football. I'm going to take my Seattle Seahawks to defeat the 49ers. I've got Houston upsetting the Rams, and I'll take Joe Burrow to get his first win of the season against Cleveland. But you can use your profit boost token however you'd like. Just visit fanduel.com kupd to get into the NFL action with a chance to win even bigger. FanDuel official sportsbook partner of the NFL 21 and President Arizona opt in Required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amounts. See terms@sports sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342 touchdown deals are happening now at Hooters starting at $10.99 per person. You can grab a Hooty's Pick 3 your choice of an appetizer, entree and a drink. Dig into crispy fried pickles, juicy wings or a cheeseburger and wash it all down with an ice cold fountain drink or upgrade to a cocktail or buzzballs for just a few bucks more. Don't forget to pick your player with Big Daddy drafts of Michelob Ultra or Bud light for only $4 or Dos Equis for just $5. Hooters food, drinks and game day vibes. Hooters where the party always kicks off.
John Holmberg
Basketball game crushed it and the day's just getting started. Now kicking it with my crew when I need a quick snack. Go Go Squeeze Active Fruit blend with Electrolytes. Pouches are always in the starting lineup. Made with real fruit and select electrolytes and mmm. So tasty. From workouts to hangouts to whatever's next, I go with Gogo Squeeze Active. Snag yours on your next store run. Available on Amazon. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 Evil PT Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday short week. Got to Friday quickly. It's 5:45 this. It's the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, There's Brett. There is no big dick Toledo today. And we'll start the show off talking about what Brett just said off the air, which is, come on, guys, we're all in this together. Okay? You guys, we're the last radio show that really actually likes you. Like, the rest of everything's trying to be a. You know, they're just. They're just trying to gather numbers. And we, like you now like us back. Toledo's mother just passed away. He's on a plane yesterday to Montana. Back and forth to Montana for her death for some time with the stepdad and the mom arranging some things. Had to fly back here to get his stuff together, then fly back for the service, which is today. And he's doing work from his computer. He's actually right now doing a job. And yesterday started getting heat. I just. My first email because Brett said it, and then I just looked down my first email. I read from yesterday. What's going on with the podcast? Another guy texts over to our text line or email thing, and Brett says, hey, I'm waiting on the podcast. Like, Brady needs a kidney. Come on, let's go. The dude is at his mother's service. Give him a minute. He might be a little behind some stuff. Yes, yes. It is not professional. Yes, I know you're on a schedule and we need to get our stuff together. Work is work. Give him a second. It got up, right? Yeah, as far as I haven't looked. Yeah. Please be patient. Someone will be with you in just a moment. All of our representatives are busy right now, but don't give this guy any off about this right now. Come on. Although hilarious, to compare your need of our podcast to Brady's need for a new kidney, because I agree with that. It's up, so shut up. Of course it is, but I know it also disrupts.
Brett
Well, good one's taken care of.
John Holmberg
We're so sorry. Let me say this. Yeah, finally the important one got taken care of. How you doing? Look, I understand that, and I apologize to all of you who emailed in yesterday complaining if the podcast was a couple hours late. We realize and we are incredibly aware that the death of Toledo's mother has drastically changed your Schedule to a point where you needed to yell at someone. And we're sorry for the inconvenience of her death. It's just awful that you had to go through this. Taleda will be reprimanded right after his mother's funeral.
Brett
We'll call him.
John Holmberg
Yeah, we'll get him on the phone. We'll handle this. To where you guys don't have to bark about it. It's very. I find it very funny. Excellent work. Yeah. So thank you. And, Richard, you're doing fine. Don't. And by the way, your boys at it again. Toledo. Do not start responding to them. You're in an emotional state. They're jackassing now. Do it. They may have already done. I can't imagine what the sex are like or the Instagrams and stuff. Just. It's okay. When a parent dies. Responsibility to d. Look, it's. It's a little bit our fault for not stepping up. Yeah, you do. My mom's dead, you piece of. It's like, all right, you. He can't be. Look, this is exactly the. Did you see last night with the Eagles and Cowboys when you saw Dak Prescott go, what's your problem? And then Jalen Carter goes, the mother podcast is late, and he spit on Dak. It was nationwide problem. It was about the podcast. About the podcast. We moved Cheese. I tell you, this football being back was awesome. And boy, Brady's God, NBC and everything else couldn't have ruined opening night more. Not a fan in the world has ever been. Well, in football. At least our football, American good football, has been hit by lightning. And I loved the announcement. For the safety of everyone in the stadium, please move yourself to the concourse while the lightning goes by. They didn't just invent lightning like the.
Brett
Ones that finally worked their way into the concourse. 30 minutes. Took them a while to get in there.
John Holmberg
They don't care.
Brett
Okay, back to the seats.
John Holmberg
Don't care about the fans at all. No fan is. Look, they used to not care about lightning. This is a new thing. They never used to stop football games for weather back in the day, ever. It never mattered. Ever. We were kids.
Brett
They always.
John Holmberg
I mean, well, when you're kids. Yeah. Because it's a wide open field. A stadium.
Brett
As far as I know, They. I don't know. I thought.
John Holmberg
They always, never stopped it for lightning. It's a recent. It's a recent thing. Like, within the last 15 years or so, it would have had to have been on the field to hit. They're worried that they're going to televise a nightmare which has. Oh, they would love that, though. Come on. In the end, they would love. Which is surprising, but they also would get sued. Because if your bosses have. You look in this litigious world, if we are broadcasting outside and there's a lightning storm, and Tripp goes, I don't care. Get the show out. And we're out there. Oh, absolutely. He would play the spots. Yeah, yeah, we gotta do the show in the lightning. We would absolutely do it. And then the lightning hits and we get smacked. We would sue. And they know it. And the NFL knows it, too. There's too much money. They're too big a deal. That if somebody did have a problem with that. So it just tells me that in a few years. And it seems to always happen during Cowboys games because last year, the Steelers and Cowboys got delayed for lightning. The Cardinals and Steelers got delayed for lightning fears earlier. It always screws up the game, too. Like, nothing good happened right after that. But not a fan has ever been injured in a lightning storm, ever. They've said that, you know, back in the 70s, they're like, they might cancel this game. They've never. They never did it till they became a money machine. And, of course, it's all about lawsuits and lawyers and whatever. And, you know, who ruined this once, once again? Soccer. Soccer, the world's worst sport, ruined by far. The NFL's pussy approach to weather, which used to be sort of part of it. Soccer players were standing on giant fields and the lightning hit the field, and a bunch of them died. But if you ever watch the videos of where that happened, it was always in wide open fields and small stadiums, big, giant stadiums. They're not getting hit by lightning. If they do. Come on. What are the odds you get hit by lightning? It's just Dallas and Philly fans. Who cares? I was all for them standing out there getting hit by lightning. I have no issue with any of those fans taking one. It's just. It's. It was so in an hour delay, and the first 15 minutes were just in case lightning's nearby because it's within six miles of the stadium. And, you know, we know from our weather here in Arizona, if I recall, yesterday at this time, my weather app, which I. You know, I'm not going over to our weather center. It's. It's too busy in our building, whatever the plumbing and weather center we've got. Oh, my God. I don't know when we built it, but you hear about it. And our weather lady, Bo Yi Poon. I was talking to her yesterday, and she said, you know, there's supposed to rain all day today, and then Friday we're supposed to. It's just supposed to pour. That monsoon that rolled through a couple weeks ago, that was the biggest deal in years. Hour before that, I checked to see the weather, see if I get a little basketball in before. Sure. 0% chance of rain. Go right ahead. 0% chance of rain. We're gonna be good. No rain till tomorrow. And then the biggest storm, Arizona. We don't even know. So it was such a joke last night. It was a good game up until that weather thing. I'm like, man, this date weather stoppage in football. That's not football. We play through it all.
Brett
I like their guesstimates, though. It's going to be 30 minutes.
John Holmberg
Yeah, well, they knew how long it was because they know when they see a storm that actually exists, like, it may come close to the stadium. It's within six miles. Ugh. And yes, it would be tragic if lightning hit the stadium. It's not. What is Philly? Huh? It's Philly. I don't even think lightning wants to touch the ground in Philly. It's. They don't have water there. Gross over there. Look at all the sky. Skywater's falling all over us. Let's go get us cheesesteak.
Brett
The storm cleared out about five minutes earlier because they were lobbing batteries at it.
John Holmberg
Get out of here. Screw you in Santa Claus. Hey, we're over here in Philly right now, just standing in some sky water and just enjoying ourselves. Philly cheesesteak. By the way, we're all morons. Yeah, morons get morons. Fly, eagle, fly. I hate Philly fans, but I really hate traveling Dallas fans more. It's better that they would have taken a zap. But anyway, and I think maybe that's it. I don't ever. I even like when the Steelers games get delayed by lightning and storm. I'm like, come on. They used to practice in it. I remember Chuck Noel. Bill Cower used to have him over in Latrobe was pouring rain. We're going. We're working in this. Nobody gets hit by lightning. I'm sorry. That's just not a thing. You're running around on a golf course with metal and swinging big, and you're in a wide open field and there's no sides. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Put some lightning rods on top of the stadium. This is easy.
Brett
You about nailed it. Cause that was the 15 years ago was the first game.
John Holmberg
Because that's when I started getting sued for everything about 15 years ago. They're like, oh, crap, Lawyers. Lawyers ruin it. How's our golf tournament? It was supposed to be last week. Oh, yeah, lawyers ruined it. By the way, we have Hubbard's corporate lawyers on the phone once again. Let's do. Oh, yeah, they're wrecking something else right now. Yeah, they ruin. They're ruining the NFL with this kind of stuff. Yeah, it was about 15 years ago. They started to go, maybe. And about 15 years ago is when that soccer player just fell down and nobody knew what happened. And then the whole team dropped because the field got struck by lightning. And it was a viral video. And nothing the NFL is more afraid of than watching a whole team drop dead because they weren't diligent with the.
Brett
I think it was baseball. Golf gets. You know, they'll delay the tournaments there every now and then.
John Holmberg
You know what I know wouldn't happen? If they're down in Florida and a lightning storm's rolling over in February and it's the Super bowl, they're not going to delay that for an hour. That's not happening. They'd rather have those guys die on the field than ever delay the commerce that is the Super Bowl.
Brett
That's why the opening and closing roof is the trend now.
John Holmberg
Well, and that's lame, too. Yeah, you need some stadiums that are open like the Bills are. Thank God the Bills did what they did. Brand new stadium outside Minnesota blew it. They used to scare every. Used to be scary to go to Minnesota. It would be like Green Bay building a dome. Like, the whole point of it is snow. Denver in a dome. So, yeah, the lightning went through and they canceled the game for an hour. Holmberg's morning sickness. Medicate kupd Holmberg's morning sickness. But the big story of the game last night was that dude spitting on Dak Prescott. Jalen Carter, which I give it to Jalen or to Dak Prescott? I don't know. I don't get spit on easily and keep my cool. That. That to me is the ultimate insult and the grossest thing you can do. He didn't spit in his face, which. But you spit on somebody and it is Dak Prescott. If I was in Dak Prescott's brain, Dak Prescott would have been kicked out, too. I don't want to throw any punches with that giant dude, but I'm definitely going to get my team involved in spitting on me because I'm the quarterback and I know there'll Be backup. There's going to be a scrum. You spit on. You spit on most men and that is going to be. That's the lowest you can be. And it's also the trashiest thing ever. And that dude blew it. And I liked what Chris Collins were said if the after he spit at that he goes one of his favorite players. One of my favorite players. He goes but you might as well just spit on your coach's face and all your other teammates. That's the most selfish thing I've seen in a time. And he couldn't have been more right that that. That is. It's. That's disgusting. If somebody came in here and we started to argue, that's one thing I can keep my comp. I'm a grown up. I don't believe that grown ups should fist fight when they have a disagreement. I find that to be incredibly immature and stupid. Like I don't like dudes. That's silly. You spit on me. It's an. It is a lot for me to hold back a lot. It's Philly keeping it classy as always. Exactly. It's a classy group in the play and you know you stay in Philly you get spit on every day. You know you want that some more whiz on your cheesesteak there and you pour water in your mouth. Yeah, this guy's spitting all over my food. And yeah, what a douche. But yeah that was a. It was an interesting way to start the season. It kind of got off to a cruddy four seconds into the game. Got off to a cruddy start of a dude spitting on another. I've never had anybody spit on me actually I do. Dirty dirty Jesse was it when I was 4 years old in Indiana. Was spitting off of his second story house at the backyard. And our baseball would go into hit because it was in Indiana there were no fences. Your yards were all attached by just open yards. Love. I don't know what that was. I was so happy when I'm. I was an Arizona boy before I even knew about Arizona. Put some goddamn fences up. Fences make good neighbors is a great sentence but in Indiana we had just wide open. Just houses plopped down in the middle of stuff. You don't even know where your yard ended. And we ran over and Jesse was up on his balcony. We wouldn't let him play baseball because he was a full out trash hillbilly. Like one of those kids in a movie you'd cast as he was the kid from A Christmas Story. The Scott Farkas.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
He had freckles and his hair was dirty. He never had a shirt on. It was Indiana pride. He should be on the flag of Indiana future meth heads of America. And he said. And I ran over to get the ball. I was five, six years old. And I just felt this wad in the. On the top of my head. And I touched my head, like, what was that? And I look up, and I just see Hillbilly laugh with his tooth. And I realized he had just spit on me from his upstairs balcony, second story. And of course, you're five, so you just go. You immediately start going into that weird cry where you and I ran home and my mom went to his hillbilly parents house and you keep your boy out of our yard. They defended him because spitting on people is a thing they do. Then you realize, oh, trash spits on you. The world's worst human spirit spit on each other. Oh, I see. And then I didn't even like it in porn. That's a new thing in porn. On pornhub, when they start spitting on each other, and I'm like, no, this isn't sexy. I watched one the other day where a dude just goes, hey, hey. Well, he's banging and slapping a girl in the boobs. I don't think they like that, but porn makes you think they. They do. I've never hit anybody's cans. Like, have you? No. Like, just going, right. Right in the middle. I just punch one. I mean, it's funny. I find it hysterical. Oh, yeah. You give them a spanking. Yeah, that's a. Yeah, that's a dirty. You've been a bad girl. It's never hit anybody in the boobs. They're doing it in porn. Like, crazy guy goes, he's just banging away. Hey, hey. She looks up and he goes. And he kind of puts his lips in that little. Kind of pursed. And she goes. Opens her mouth, and he just spits one in there. And I'm like, oh, what happened here? I can barely finish. So I scrubbed forward to her reverse cowgirl, and I closed the door. You can't spit on people. Reverse cowgirl. That's the way. Yeah. Hillbilly Jesse.
Brett
It doesn't happen more in spitting on each other. Baseball.
John Holmberg
Well, accidentally.
Brett
So much spitting going on.
John Holmberg
Yeah. It's not as much as it used to be, but they don't. Yeah. Because they're classier. Baseball guys are classy. Anybody spits in baseball and you don't have a helmet to protect, you're getting Punched. I think that's the bigger reason is there's no like protective gear in baseball. You spit on a guy, you're wide open for that dude's fist. But spitting on it it is. Yeah. Jesse spit on me. His parents defended him. My mom went over like I didn't realize. My mom is from Indiana and she's not a hillbilly. And she even thought like, this is too far for even Indiana. Like we're talking about Alabama. Hillbilly moved up to Indiana and made it even worse. But spitting and that from that day forward, I can remember that one. Spitting on human beings is just disgusting. That's what James says it perfectly. James McCarthy. You're right. Spitting on another person is universal N word for all of humanity. That's exactly what it is. It's the line you do not cross. It's so gross. So, yeah, I have a feeling that old Jalen, it's assault. He's. Well, nah, they're not going to worry about that. Everything happens. Yeah.
Brett
If it wasn't be a football game if someone does that. Oh yeah, you can be in charge.
John Holmberg
Yeah. I mean you touch somebody, it's assault. We have a comedian friend who's I won't name who touched a kid at an airport and asked him what the hell he just said to him. And he grabbed his shoulder and turned around. They have it on video and he's in trouble for assault right now. And all he did was to kind of grab his shoulder and say, were you talking to me? And they're like, you touched him. That's assault. That's battery. So, yeah, that kind of stuff gets. But again, you spit on me. I'm not. It's. We're not going to worry about what you just did. As far as illegal. That's. That's when classy person would say, that's assault, sir. Yep. A real human being just goes, I'm killing him. You don't spit on each other. It's disgusting. Yeah. This guy says, I am a Cardinal fan. I get the urge to spit on Dak Prescott too, but you can't actually do it. And then for no reason it says, f you, Burt. Nate Spitler is his name. The guy's even named Spitler. And he's not spitting on people. He's showing a little class, man. Mead says it you check the Internet of the video going around. Dax spit first. Dax spit. This is true before people. They caught that later in the game. Dax spit from the huddle over the shoulder of one of his players towards Carter. And then he gave him a big smile. Now, whatever Jalen was doing close to the huddle is beyond me still. And the referee should have been like, why are you. Wait, why are you this close? Like, get. Get on the other side of the ball. And then he walked over, and then he spit on him. The difference is spitting close to a person. It's classless, but it's controlled. You spit on a guy, you've gone too far. And what Carter should have done is, like, said something. You spitting on me right in front of the ref, Is that right? You're going to spit on me? And maybe the rest will be like, spit on you? That's terrible. And then they kicked Dak Prescott out, but it was. It was gross. And, yeah, Dak did a. You know, He's. He's not Mr. Innocent in this. Even though he was spitting towards him, he didn't spit on him. Which is, if you're gonna do it, it's smart. Because if you're gonna be. If you're gonna be a spit weaponizer, don't spit on someone and then always have the excuse that you're like, I was just spitting, and the guy kind of walked towards it. Spitting's disgusting anyway. I do it a lot, but I do it most of the time. Not when I'm with someone. If somebody's walking along with me, I'm just, how you doing? What's up? It's gross. It's disgusting. So, yeah, that's. That's a fight. And I gotta. I'll talk to Jay up there at React Defense and Tactical Blood and be like, what do you do if a dude spits on you? Because it's gonna be like, that whole walk away thing is. Is in my brain. It's like, it's not worth fighting and finding out the dude's a, you know, a 10th degree everything. He's been super trained. He used to be a UFC fighter. He's got knives in his pockets. You just don't know who you're fighting. And the smarter thing to do in a situation is like, this is. I'm not fighting for my life. I'm fighting for pride, which is the dumbest thing you can do.
Brett
How many movies have we seen? The guy just takes it right in the face.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, you spit in somebody's face. Oh, and they wipe it off. I would. I would. I'd be doing that. You know, hands flapping, says, okay, John Eric from Philly here. Dax bitten Carter's direction intentionally first triggered him. Of course, NBC didn't show the angle of Dak until the end of the game.
Brett
Again, if you.
John Holmberg
Because they hate the Eagles. Yeah, that's. All right. Let me. Let me break this out to you. Eric real quick. Says, like, our saying in Philly goes, no one likes us. We don't care. Love the show. You guys rock Philly Water. Eric, Everybody thinks the networks hate their team. NBC doesn't hate the Eagles. NBC is not mad at the Eagles to the point where, like, don't show Dak. Let's make the Eagles look bad. If anything, they would love the soap opera in Dallas if Dak did spit on the guy. He spit, which is a common occurrence on the football field, towards him. It was weird. Now watch that. Brett's pulled up the video. It's not. Oh, that's after. And. No, no, no, it's coming up. That's. No, that's. No, no. They're gonna. They're gonna replay it. I see. Yeah. And, Chris, that other angle showed us that the umpire was looking back towards the cowboy. The jack spits a little bit. It's over the shoulder. It's definitely intentional there. But he didn't hit him. He didn't hit him. Yeah, like, I spit at your feet. Yeah. I spit on your grave. Who was down with a knee injury. The same. You know, I like the.
Brett
The trainer hardly reacted.
John Holmberg
Well, I. I think it's one of those things, like, did that just happen? Because that guy just spit on another dude. It hit him. Yeah. It's disgusting. It's. Don't spit on people. And look, there's movies. I spit on your grave. It's the ultimate insult. Yeah. Dak gave him a real kind of like. Yeah. An fu. Yeah. And NBC did show it. Eric, nobody in NBC is like, God, I hate these Eagles. What can we do to get some terrible press for them? They're Holmberg's morning sickness. Carter spit directly on a guy. And by the way, that is not the way to retaliate. What he should have done is gone over. If he felt like he got spit on by Dak, Prescott grabbed him by the face mask and kicked his ass. If he was going to do anything to get kicked out of the game, he. I look for spitting. That's punching to me that you. You get kicked out next week, too. Oh, now KUPD hates the Eagles. I see. Well, yeah. Yeah, I do. I absolutely hate the Eagles. I think they're the.
Brett
Will Dak get a fine?
John Holmberg
No, he didn't do anything. He spit on a football field. Essentially, letter of the law. Is he didn't spit at or on anyone. He may have and, like, instigated a little bit of anger. Yeah.
Brett
That's why I'm wondering if they'll.
John Holmberg
Well, no. All he did was stand in his huddle and spit over a guy's shoulder while Jalen Carter stood close to the huddle and he spit near him. I don't know why the ref wasn't like, get out of here. What are you doing? Over. What are you talking to them for? That was funny.
Brett
How many coaches are sitting around if.
John Holmberg
You get spit on? Yeah. You spit back. Yeah. None. No one tells you that I would be the biggest baby. Oh, I might still have the same reaction. I did when Hillbilly James spit. And James was mad because we'd always go because he had freckles. For some reason, somebody started to call him Pickle James. And then my sister started it, but she'd see him. She'd go, james, James. Pickle James never washes hit. And, like, with, like, dirty jokes and things like it. Shut your mouth. James was so Indiana hillbilly. Once, my mom was backing out of the driveway and you hear James going, look, look. And he had a cat by the tail, and he was swinging it over his head. Oh, cat's just going. And my mom's like this kid and wanders over, and I remember the window being down. And my mom's like, knock it off. Like, she tells him, put the cat down. And he goes, you ain't the mother of me. And then he runs off with the cat. I think it was his own cat. Is that cat gonna be all right, Mom? And my mom's like, no, it's gonna be in some sort of a weird white trash stew tonight. Yeah. Ah, this is a good one right here. This is the football talk I'm looking for. It says, I'm just surprised Dax spit. Cause usually he swallows. Excellent work. Excellent work. Andrew B. Exactly. Cowboys don't spit. They swallow. How dare you, Eagles. Anyway, end of the game, Eagles end up winning it. But the Cowboys should have. They had a chance. And CD Lamb ran around like he didn't have any arms at the end of the game, dropping every pass, which was awesome. I liked. No matter what happened, I liked it. The best thing that happened was the Eagles look like trash on tv. Check that box. I loved every second. Oops, sorry. Check that box. I loved every second of that. And. And the Cowboys lost the game. Two great events last night. The Eagles looked kind of shaky, and the Cowboys were losers in the end. All of it's good. And Dak Prescott got spit on. I mean, I don't like that, but. Yeah, if you're gonna spit on anybody, I hope it's the star.
Brett
Ten wins for the Cowboys this year.
John Holmberg
I don't know. They've got an offense, but, you know, that game was weird. You can't really. Fences. Looked a little shaky. Well, especially the first half. Carter goes away. That's a big deal. The Cowboys defense straightened up by the end, but that rain delay changed everything. Yeah, both. Both teams looked like they didn't know what was happening in the beginning and just walking down the field on each other. It was. Yeah, but it's football. And it's again tonight. Now you got it in Brazil with the Chargers and the Chiefs. And we got another one on a Friday night, which I'm fine with that. That'll fill my Friday. Tay Tay go to Brazil? Good question. I don't know.
Brett
She time it. We're at a little concert that weekend.
John Holmberg
Yeah, she's like a comedian. She picks up a gig when she goes to a town just to pay, like, to. To write off. Yeah. And pay the hotel bills. If I get a. If I get a job. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a strange kind of desire to push football on Brazil. But whatever this one says, I think Carter's leaving a lot of money on the table here. He could be the official. Hawk to a boy. Have a bitcoin and everything that comes along with it. Yeah, that's true. Hawk to a girl. Just talked about it. She didn't actually do. I'm glad I'm not in the modern age of BJ's, because I know I would have. I probably would have started crying. If anybody in my past would have gone, I'd be like, what the hell was that? You pig. Could you imagine anybody doing that to you? And that's all over porn now. Chicks just going. And then they go back in after it. You think I'm kissing you after that? It's bad enough my wang's in your mouth. Now you got loogies all over, and you're swallowing them in front of me, you pig. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do some stuff in your mouth that's gross. You take a few swigs of water and maybe you get a kiss, but for the most part, your head becomes like a nuclear power plant that's in meltdown mode. After that, I'm not getting near it ever. Why do girls do that? Chicks, you need to. Women you need to stop that. They always. And especially to younger guys. I remember that was like the. The weirdest thing in the world. You're. You're getting your first few oral experiences, and it's pretty awesome. Oh, yeah. Even when it's bad at first, you're like, I don't know if those teeth are supposed to be involved, but this is pretty great. This is a. There's a real power move. We both are. We're both experiencing a power move here. She's got all the power, but I feel pretty powerful with my wang in somebody's head. That's. That's like a flex on anyone. You think getting spit on is bad? Try that one. But then they always. After, like when. Especially young ones, they test you because they're like, that was awesome. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that right now. No, no, no. Do you know what I do with that thing? No, no, no, no, no. You don't want to kiss me. Absolutely. What are you crazy? Let me get past what just happened. Let me enjoy the moment. Is it me? You're wrecking it. Shut up and either get back down there. Like, look, the other. That's where reverse cowgirl got invented. It keeps him from trying to kiss you after that thing. Some guy in an annoying broad trying to kiss him afterwards. All right, all right. Turn it around. Turn around. I want to take a look at your butt. Move it, toots. Why don't you bounce around looking at that poster of Heather Thomas I got on my wall? I don't want to look at that. Well, I don't want you trying to kiss me anymore. I'm still getting over this. I'm new to this. And then years later, you're just like, yeah, whatever. And then your wives don't try to kiss you at all. So after a while, there's not most wives, unless you're a lucky fella, they're not going down there anyway. So the whole BJ to smooch ratio is zero after Young girls do that, though. I remember that was my very first bj. There was an argument. It was fun. She was. She was crazy. Like, I. I hadn't even washed up. I think I just. She just went down there, and within a few seconds of having that thing in there, she had some emotional breakdown. Wanted to make out. Like, that's not happening for a little bit. I don't know exactly what's going on with me down in that area, but I don't want to taste it. You're not gonna kiss me? No. And then she started crying. Is that all I am to you? Yeah. You didn't know that? Yeah. That's exactly why you're here. Yes. I just wanted to kiss if you watched me, like. And they'll do it, too. Because if that's the weird thing about porn, too. It teaches. Is that women like kissing over all of it. I watched Johnny Sins devour a woman's back door. She started asking for a kiss after. Not so sure. You should want to do that right now. You should make him do that sip of water thing and, you know, kind of rest on that for at least two minutes.
Brett
He just cleansed the palate.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Madison Ivy, like, begs for it. Lick it. Lick it. Kiss me. What's wrong with you? You're crazy in that amount of cranks. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah. You gotta be like the i10 tunnel. Traffic goes through that. She should think of herself. Yeah. Like, do you know what you're doing down there? Jesus. It's like licking a bathroom floor. You want to make out afterwards? Are you crazy? I've seen you in 14 videos with 14 different dudes and you want to smooch? You're out of your mind. It's like kissing a hooker. What are you thinking?
Brett
Pull that gum from underneath the desk.
John Holmberg
Oh, man. Anyway, ladies, knock it off. You shouldn't want to get. It's a test. And we all know it's a test. Especially, this is for the next generation. Us older fellas look at it like, all right, we're over it. But when you're younger and a chick tries to. I remember my friend Mark told me about that years ago. And he goes, I hate it because every time my girlfriend does that to me, she wants to make out afterwards. Like, I'm like, ugh. And he goes, we got in a big fight about it. His old girlfriend used to like to, like, snowball, Gulp. Yeah, but she didn't want to do that. But it was pretty darn close to that because she was still, you know, she hadn't washed it all out yet. Brady is not having a good time with us. Blow jobs are against God. Blow jobs are against God. Stop it. You're not wrong, but quit it. Ladies. See what the Eagles Cowboys got us talking about? That's what classlessness is. They put us on spit. Quit spitting, ladies. Swallow it. Yeah, for God's sakes, have some class. It goes for men and women. Swallow it. You think you're going to spit on a guy? Remember, what would Madison Ivey do She'd swallow it. Crying out loud. Man. We can't normalize spitting. It's disgusting. Yeah, this guy Alex just said, I just had to pull over, man. I literally had to pull over because I laughed at the phrase, you feel pretty powerful when your wang's in another person's head. Well, it's true. There's a Zeus like feeling at that moment. And you gotta realize as powerful as you feel, you're at your most fragile. You're walking on Legos, man. Something could go horribly wrong any second now. You are risking it. If you start to flex a little too much, she'll remind you who's got the real power with one drag. Ow. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? We start off a classy way on a Friday. That's the way we work. As always, give it to us good and strong. 585-9-800. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KB. Wake up. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. Wherever you go, whatever they get into, from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Cridellio Quattro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit cordelioquatrolabel.com consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cordelio Cuatro and visit quattrodog.com.
Main Theme:
The 09-05-25 episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness revolves around two primary topics: the humorous yet pointed scolding of Dick Toledo’s listeners who complained about delayed podcast posting while he’s attending his mother’s funeral, and lively banter about the NFL’s opening night, which was delayed by lightning and marred by a spitting incident between players. The tone is deeply irreverent, comedic, and often brutal, with tangents into sports culture, personal stories, and even bizarre commentary on modern relationships.
Key Quotes:
Memorable Moment:
Key Quotes:
Memorable Moment:
Key Quotes:
Memorable Moments:
Key Quotes:
Cowboys vs. Eagles—reactions to team performance post-delay:
Subtle transition to Friday night football and jokes about NFL globalization/Brazil.
Calls for listener participation and a “wake-up song,” closing out on a collaboration with the audience in the show's signature irreverent style.
“We are incredibly aware that the death of Toledo's mother has drastically changed your schedule to a point where you needed to yell at someone. And we're sorry for the inconvenience of her death.”
– John Holmberg [04:33]
“Not a fan in the world has ever been... At least our football, American good football, has been hit by lightning.”
– John Holmberg [05:42]
“Soccer — the world’s worst sport — ruined by far, the NFL's pussy approach to weather.”
– John Holmberg [07:22]
“You spit on most men... That's the lowest you can be. And it's also the trashiest thing ever.”
– John Holmberg [13:29]
“Trash spits on you. The world’s worst human spirit spit on each other. Oh, I see.”
– John Holmberg [16:30]
“Spitting on another person is universal N word for all of humanity. That's exactly what it is. It's the line you do not cross.”
– John Holmberg quoting James McCarthy [18:12]
“You feel pretty powerful when your wang’s in another person's head. There's a Zeus-like feeling at that moment... but you're at your most fragile.”
– John Holmberg [33:00]
True to its irreverent, sharp-edged reputation, this episode delivers a relentless roast of entitled listeners, unapologetic criticism of NFL policies and fanbases, and a candid, vulgar detour into personal experiences with “spitting”—literal and intimate. The core of the dialogue blends satire, sports commentary, and outrageous anecdotes, perfectly exemplifying why Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is both beloved and notorious in Arizona’s radio landscape.
Listeners new to the show: Expect blunt humor, frank discussions, and zero fear of crossing lines—all delivered with quick wit and raw energy.