Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Happy Victory Monday"

Date: September 8, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Theme:
A classic, laughter-packed episode celebrating “Victory Monday,” with John reveling in the Ravens’ loss, sharing his harrowing yet triumphant DIY solar light project (including an ER trip for concrete in the eye), and the team trading riffs about football, home repairs, blue-collar pride, and the joys of doing things yourself—with and without measuring tapes.

1. Victory Monday & Pure Ravens Hate (03:24–08:25)

• Theme: The elation of seeing a sports rival fail, specifically John’s ongoing schadenfreude over the Ravens and Lamar Jackson.

• Key Points:

  • John wears his “crying Lamar Jackson” shirt, thrilled by the Ravens’ recent loss.
  • Delights in a pregame interview where Lamar said, “We be all right,” fueling John’s disdain.
  • John explains his joy: “Your kids, meaningless, stupid. Today I married my wife. No, that's not happy. You don't know happy...watch the thing you hate fail. It is unreal joy. It’s true joy. It’s relaxation.” (05:29)
  • Brady recounts Bears beating the Packers as his own version of “hate-joy.”

• Notable Quote:

  • “Hate brings so much to the table, and we just keep dismissing it and try to bring all this love to the party...But, boy, when you hate properly...my god, you cannot feel better.” – John (05:44)

2. NFL Recap: Week 1 Highlights (06:52–08:55)

• Discussion:

  • Steelers’ victory brings John moderate joy, but nothing beats the Ravens' loss.
  • Cardinals barely pull off a win, with some questionable play.
  • Bengals break a record: lowest yardage in a half while still winning.

• Memorable Moment:

  • John jokes, “You could Rudy me and jam me in a uniform that doesn’t fit...John, you've got 30 minutes to go eight yards and I'll give you $60 million...I would throw pop flies until someone caught one for nine yards, and I'd walk off the field.” (07:22)

3. DIY Gone Wild: The Solar Light Project (08:55–32:00)

A. How It Started: Ambitions & (Lack of) Measuring

• Project: Installing two 19 ft. solar light poles for his basketball court—entirely DIY.

• John’s Approach: Eyes only, no measuring tape.

  • “A lot of people say that I can eyeball something and I know exactly how to do it.” (09:39)
  • Digs holes “about 17 ft.” from each side, “zero measuring...perfect hit.” (09:39–10:00)

• DIY Ethos:

  • John pokes fun at construction guys: “You guys go way too far with that whole measuring thing...You need a set of eyeballs. My eyes are a natural level. They're perfect.” (19:16)

B. The Concrete Catastrophe: A Hospital Detour

• Incident:

  • While mixing concrete (actually using “deck mud” and “mortar mix” by accident), John splashes wet cement into his eye.
  • Downplays it at first, then reads online: “This is one of the most major medical emergencies you can have. This will burn your eyeballs out in a matter of hours.” (15:13)
  • Urgent care flushes his eye for 15 minutes straight but finds no damage.
  • “I would throw pop flies until someone caught one for nine yards, and I'd walk off the field. Seven yards and a half is the record for least amount of yardage in a half to still win a game.” – John (07:22)

• Comedy Beat:

  • “Pussies use gloves. That’s not me. I don’t use gloves. I stir with my hands and go dip it in the pool.” (21:48)

• Notable Quote:

  • “And I just took my glasses off for half a second. My elbow hit that...splashed right down into my puddle, right in my face.” (20:43)

C. Ingenuity or Insanity?: Nonstandard Materials & Techniques

• “I used deck mud. I didn’t read. I grabbed the wrong bag...but I looked it up. Deck mud is basically close enough.” (13:10)
• “Didn’t use any Mexicans. This was Mexican free. Great work, Johnny. That’s the way America’s got to be.” – John, tongue firmly in cheek (12:38)
• For filling extra space: “Went, got some grass out of the alley, stuffed it in the Lowe’s bucket, put in a bunch of dirt, made mud with grass in it, poured that in the hole.” (27:39)

4. Are They Lightning Rods Now? (23:11–27:38)

• Show crew and listeners begin to question the safety of two tall, metal poles.

  • “Did you ground them?” / “I don’t know what that means...they’re in the ground and no more questions.” (23:17)
  • “Congratulations on your new lightning rods.” – Brady (23:11)

• Ongoing banter about whether the poles are now dangerous in a monsoon.

  • “There’s no wires at all, right?” (23:53)
  • “If lightning hits one of these things, it’s just gonna go into the ground.” (24:01)

5. Completion and Blue-Collar Banter (28:01–38:35)

• Pride & Perspective:

  • “If you came over to my house, you’d be like, who did your work? You’re looking at him, chief.” (34:36)
  • John likens himself to Jesus (“I am Jesus. I work with wood and hand. Wait a minute. My hand and my wood. I’ve been doing that for years. No wonder I’m good at this.”) (33:46)

• Hospital Incidents as Cost of Doing Business

  • “If you do go into business, you’ll just package that in the bids...One hospital visit? Yeah, it’s part of it.” (37:48)

• Riffing on Tradesmen & “Car Guy” Culture

  • “If I knew [car repair], I wouldn’t need you. Stop being a dick about that and just fix my car.” (34:36–35:33)
  • “Construction guys and car guys are exactly the same. Brett knows.” (34:36)

6. Closing Threads & Self-Realization (39:03–43:39)

• “The future belongs to people who can do things...Computers are going to do therapy and doctor and lawyer, you’re all done...Radio? We’re all finished. A dude who can actually construct and do things, fix something—that’s the future.” (38:53)
• John offers a “pro tip”: “Put some goggles on, or at the very least, don’t take your glasses off.” (39:14)
• Jokes about his brief foray into the concrete trade: “I think I’m in the union now.” (39:14)
• Celebrates surviving the mishap unharmed and revels in Wrigley-esque “day the lights went on” glory (20:43).
• “Tell Kirby if she wants to come by and learn a skill, not to waste her time with you over there. Jesus awaits over here in the Biltmore area. I build things with my hands.” (41:35)

Memorable Quotes

• “Hate brings so much to the table. When you hate properly...my god, you cannot feel better.” – John (05:44)
• “Pussies use gloves. That’s not me. I stir with my hands and go dip it in the pool.” – John (21:48)
• “You guys go way too far with that whole measuring thing...You need a set of eyeballs. My eyes are a natural level.” – John (19:16)
• “If you do go into business, you’ll just package that in the bids: One hospital visit? Yeah, it’s part of it.” (37:48)
• “I am Jesus. I work with wood and hand. Wait a minute. My hand and my wood. I’ve been doing that for years...” – John (33:46)
• “Put some goggles on, or at the very least, don’t take your glasses off.” – John’s DIY tip after his ER scare (39:14)

Key Timeline – Important Segments

• 03:24 – John gleeful about “victory” over Ravens/Lamar Jackson
• 05:44 – Monologue: The Virtues of Hate
• 08:55 – John launches into his DIY “disaster/epic”
• 13:10 – Construction supply mix-up: “deck mud” vs. concrete
• 15:13 – Concrete in the Eye: the Urgent Care saga begins
• 19:16 – Riff on “eyeball-level” measuring, shade at pros
• 23:11 – Lightning/grounding debate & safety questions
• 28:01 – “Grass and mud” as pro-grade hole-filler
• 34:36 – John’s enduring pride and blue-collar philosophy
• 39:14 – The “goggles” moral and concrete in the union
• 41:35 – Final pep talk & invitation to “build like Jesus”

Summary Takeaways

• John Holmberg is riding high on football schadenfreude and the pride (and peril) of weekend home improvement.
• The episode captures his manic, self-deprecating tone and the crew’s camaraderie, mixing sports analysis, gallows humor, and relatable tales of homeowner misadventure.
• Listeners get a mix of “how-not-to” advice, warnings about DIY dangers (seriously, wear goggles!), and a paean to the hands-on trades.
• The real rivalry here isn’t just football, but between pros and amateurs, tape measures and “eyeball” guesses.
• Even a hospital trip can’t obscure John’s satisfaction: two perfect light poles, a basking basketball court, and a story that’ll make any dad, handyman, or hate-filled NFL fan cackle on a Monday morning.