09-08-25 - Happy Victory Monday For John Seeing Sad Lamar Again - John's Inner Handtman Sent Him To The Hospital But He Got The Job Done In Putting Up Solar Lights

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Happy Victory Monday"

Date: September 8, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Theme:
A classic, laughter-packed episode celebrating “Victory Monday,” with John reveling in the Ravens’ loss, sharing his harrowing yet triumphant DIY solar light project (including an ER trip for concrete in the eye), and the team trading riffs about football, home repairs, blue-collar pride, and the joys of doing things yourself—with and without measuring tapes.

---

1. Victory Monday & Pure Ravens Hate (03:24–08:25)

• Theme: The elation of seeing a sports rival fail, specifically John’s ongoing schadenfreude over the Ravens and Lamar Jackson.

• Key Points:

  • John wears his “crying Lamar Jackson” shirt, thrilled by the Ravens’ recent loss.
  • Delights in a pregame interview where Lamar said, “We be all right,” fueling John’s disdain.
  • John explains his joy: “Your kids, meaningless, stupid. Today I married my wife. No, that's not happy. You don't know happy...watch the thing you hate fail. It is unreal joy. It’s true joy. It’s relaxation.” (05:29)
  • Brady recounts Bears beating the Packers as his own version of “hate-joy.”

• Notable Quote:

  • “Hate brings so much to the table, and we just keep dismissing it and try to bring all this love to the party...But, boy, when you hate properly...my god, you cannot feel better.” – John (05:44)

---

2. NFL Recap: Week 1 Highlights (06:52–08:55)

• Discussion:

  • Steelers’ victory brings John moderate joy, but nothing beats the Ravens' loss.
  • Cardinals barely pull off a win, with some questionable play.
  • Bengals break a record: lowest yardage in a half while still winning.

• Memorable Moment:

  • John jokes, “You could Rudy me and jam me in a uniform that doesn’t fit...John, you've got 30 minutes to go eight yards and I'll give you $60 million...I would throw pop flies until someone caught one for nine yards, and I'd walk off the field.” (07:22)

---

3. DIY Gone Wild: The Solar Light Project (08:55–32:00)

A. How It Started: Ambitions & (Lack of) Measuring

• Project: Installing two 19 ft. solar light poles for his basketball court—entirely DIY.

• John’s Approach: Eyes only, no measuring tape.

  • “A lot of people say that I can eyeball something and I know exactly how to do it.” (09:39)
  • Digs holes “about 17 ft.” from each side, “zero measuring...perfect hit.” (09:39–10:00)

• DIY Ethos:

  • John pokes fun at construction guys: “You guys go way too far with that whole measuring thing...You need a set of eyeballs. My eyes are a natural level. They're perfect.” (19:16)

B. The Concrete Catastrophe: A Hospital Detour

• Incident:

  • While mixing concrete (actually using “deck mud” and “mortar mix” by accident), John splashes wet cement into his eye.
  • Downplays it at first, then reads online: “This is one of the most major medical emergencies you can have. This will burn your eyeballs out in a matter of hours.” (15:13)
  • Urgent care flushes his eye for 15 minutes straight but finds no damage.
  • “I would throw pop flies until someone caught one for nine yards, and I'd walk off the field. Seven yards and a half is the record for least amount of yardage in a half to still win a game.” – John (07:22)

• Comedy Beat:

  • “Pussies use gloves. That’s not me. I don’t use gloves. I stir with my hands and go dip it in the pool.” (21:48)

• Notable Quote:

  • “And I just took my glasses off for half a second. My elbow hit that...splashed right down into my puddle, right in my face.” (20:43)

C. Ingenuity or Insanity?: Nonstandard Materials & Techniques

• “I used deck mud. I didn’t read. I grabbed the wrong bag...but I looked it up. Deck mud is basically close enough.” (13:10)
• “Didn’t use any Mexicans. This was Mexican free. Great work, Johnny. That’s the way America’s got to be.” – John, tongue firmly in cheek (12:38)
• For filling extra space: “Went, got some grass out of the alley, stuffed it in the Lowe’s bucket, put in a bunch of dirt, made mud with grass in it, poured that in the hole.” (27:39)

---

4. Are They Lightning Rods Now? (23:11–27:38)

• Show crew and listeners begin to question the safety of two tall, metal poles.

  • “Did you ground them?” / “I don’t know what that means...they’re in the ground and no more questions.” (23:17)
  • “Congratulations on your new lightning rods.” – Brady (23:11)

• Ongoing banter about whether the poles are now dangerous in a monsoon.

  • “There’s no wires at all, right?” (23:53)
  • “If lightning hits one of these things, it’s just gonna go into the ground.” (24:01)

---

5. Completion and Blue-Collar Banter (28:01–38:35)

• Pride & Perspective:

  • “If you came over to my house, you’d be like, who did your work? You’re looking at him, chief.” (34:36)
  • John likens himself to Jesus (“I am Jesus. I work with wood and hand. Wait a minute. My hand and my wood. I’ve been doing that for years. No wonder I’m good at this.”) (33:46)

• Hospital Incidents as Cost of Doing Business

  • “If you do go into business, you’ll just package that in the bids...One hospital visit? Yeah, it’s part of it.” (37:48)

• Riffing on Tradesmen & “Car Guy” Culture

  • “If I knew [car repair], I wouldn’t need you. Stop being a dick about that and just fix my car.” (34:36–35:33)
  • “Construction guys and car guys are exactly the same. Brett knows.” (34:36)

---

6. Closing Threads & Self-Realization (39:03–43:39)

• “The future belongs to people who can do things...Computers are going to do therapy and doctor and lawyer, you’re all done...Radio? We’re all finished. A dude who can actually construct and do things, fix something—that’s the future.” (38:53)
• John offers a “pro tip”: “Put some goggles on, or at the very least, don’t take your glasses off.” (39:14)
• Jokes about his brief foray into the concrete trade: “I think I’m in the union now.” (39:14)
• Celebrates surviving the mishap unharmed and revels in Wrigley-esque “day the lights went on” glory (20:43).
• “Tell Kirby if she wants to come by and learn a skill, not to waste her time with you over there. Jesus awaits over here in the Biltmore area. I build things with my hands.” (41:35)

---

Memorable Quotes

• “Hate brings so much to the table. When you hate properly...my god, you cannot feel better.” – John (05:44)
• “Pussies use gloves. That’s not me. I stir with my hands and go dip it in the pool.” – John (21:48)
• “You guys go way too far with that whole measuring thing...You need a set of eyeballs. My eyes are a natural level.” – John (19:16)
• “If you do go into business, you’ll just package that in the bids: One hospital visit? Yeah, it’s part of it.” (37:48)
• “I am Jesus. I work with wood and hand. Wait a minute. My hand and my wood. I’ve been doing that for years...” – John (33:46)
• “Put some goggles on, or at the very least, don’t take your glasses off.” – John’s DIY tip after his ER scare (39:14)

---

Key Timeline – Important Segments

• 03:24 – John gleeful about “victory” over Ravens/Lamar Jackson
• 05:44 – Monologue: The Virtues of Hate
• 08:55 – John launches into his DIY “disaster/epic”
• 13:10 – Construction supply mix-up: “deck mud” vs. concrete
• 15:13 – Concrete in the Eye: the Urgent Care saga begins
• 19:16 – Riff on “eyeball-level” measuring, shade at pros
• 23:11 – Lightning/grounding debate & safety questions
• 28:01 – “Grass and mud” as pro-grade hole-filler
• 34:36 – John’s enduring pride and blue-collar philosophy
• 39:14 – The “goggles” moral and concrete in the union
• 41:35 – Final pep talk & invitation to “build like Jesus”

---

Summary Takeaways

• John Holmberg is riding high on football schadenfreude and the pride (and peril) of weekend home improvement.
• The episode captures his manic, self-deprecating tone and the crew’s camaraderie, mixing sports analysis, gallows humor, and relatable tales of homeowner misadventure.
• Listeners get a mix of “how-not-to” advice, warnings about DIY dangers (seriously, wear goggles!), and a paean to the hands-on trades.
• The real rivalry here isn’t just football, but between pros and amateurs, tape measures and “eyeball” guesses.
• Even a hospital trip can’t obscure John’s satisfaction: two perfect light poles, a basking basketball court, and a story that’ll make any dad, handyman, or hate-filled NFL fan cackle on a Monday morning.

---

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

Hey, what's up?

[A]

It's Mo and my friends at the.

[B]

University of Advancing Technology has been ranked.

[A]

The number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row.

[B]

Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu.mo. and don't just study tech, live it.

[A]

I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most. Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line.

[C]

Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's alright.

[A]

We're so far up here. Look at me. Take a deep breath.

[C]

I'm good.

[A]

So get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save.

[B]

Get more with Geico if you're shopping while working, eating or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of a deal. But are you getting the deal and cash back? Rakuten shoppers. Do they get the brands they love? Savings and cash back. And you can get it too. Start getting cash back at your favorite stores like Target, Sephora and even Expedia. Stack sales on top of cash back and feel what it's like to know you're maximizing the savings. It's easy to use and you get your cash back sent to you through PayPal or check. The idea is simple. Stores pay Rakuten for sending them shoppers and Rakuten shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start saving today. It's the most rewarding way to shop. That's R a K u t e n rakuten.com.

[A]

Man, is that broken. Goooood Morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Happy Victory Monday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, There's Big Dick Toledo. All my equipment is broken here. Not my personal equipment. That's Just fine. But this is absolutely not functioning at the proper way. So you're gonna hear a lot of complaining. Hey, mine's working. Yours is working today. Yeah, we had that problem on Friday where your stopped working out. This thing's doing whatever it wants. I don't know. We'll figure it all out as we go. Yeah, there it goes. I can't touch that. That button. If I touch that does crazy stuff.

[C]

Don't touch it.

[A]

I gotta just not touch it. Yeah, it's. And I've been accused of punching things in the building. And plead the fifth on that. I have not. Although I do believe thoroughly in the idea that if something's broken and no one at your office fixes it, punch it, break it completely. So then they have to fix it. That's usually a thing. But that in this particular case, this has been broken for a long time.

[C]

You can also credit it a little bit to happy days when Fonzie would fix things.

[A]

Yeah, maybe there is some truth to that, Brady. Maybe. Maybe Fonzie did kind of teach me that when things weren't working properly. Give it a swing and it usually pops right on. Although you did have to have the powers of Fonzie to make those things.

[C]

Actually believe they have that mojo.

[A]

I think I might be one of those people. I gotta be. I gotta be honest with you. I've done it before. There. I put another room there. I just switched it. That should help. All right. There you go. Yeah. Again, guys, I just want to tell you, I've. I've never been happier in my entire existence. And it happens here and there the last two times the Ravens have played football. And you'll see that I'm wearing my crying Lamar Jackson shirt today. I found a way to hate him even more yesterday in a pregame interview when he was. He was questioned about his intelligence. And he said, people question my intelligence, but we be all right. I'm like, that's perfect. Thank you. Great answer. Excellent answer. We be all right when it comes to intelligence too.

[C]

Was that the sit down interview?

[A]

Were two of them. There was a one on the other one.

[C]

They definitely had to. Let's keep it about 90 seconds.

[A]

Yeah, well, you can't get him talking, cuz he'll. Especially when you want to talk about his smarts, cuz he will we be all right. All right. I guess that you're an idiot. He's an idiot. And he played great last night. If you recall last January when the Ravens went to Baltimore and Mark Andrews dropped that pass on the Goal line. And they lost. And I. I. I swear have two children this year, nine months apart. Ironically, I've never felt joy like this in my life. The Ravens losing is so much more. Especially when they do it that way. So much more than any victory the Steelers have. Any victory, anything. All you people that are like, oh, it's the happiest day of my life. The birth of my children can't compare to the joy that courses through my veins. Your kids, meaningless, stupid. Today I married my wife. No, that's not happy. You don't know happy. So you hate the way I hate and watch the thing you hate fail. It is unreal joy. It's true joy. It's relaxation. Brady, you should try this. This out, because your blood pressure would be nearly perfect with no pills. You'd get off the CPAP when you find hate and aim it at something that. That. That. That when it fails, you can't. You experience joy like I'm experiencing. You just can't. You probably had it for the packers for years. You didn't have a lot of joy with your team. No, not since 85. But your joy comes from hate. Hate brings so much to the table, and we just. We keep dismissing it and try to bring all this love to the party. It hasn't worked for. For 2000 years, it has not worked. But, boy, when you hate properly. And the things you hate, do what you want them to do. My God, you can't feel better. You cannot. Last season for me, Bears terrible. Yeah. But they beat the packers in the.

[C]

Last game of season.

[A]

All good. Yeah. It's the way you do. You walked out of the season with that win, pushing the packers around, and it was just. It's. Yeah. You can't. Thank you, Buffalo. Thank you, Buffalo. I've never said that phrase before. Thank you, Buffalo, for driving a stake into that and bringing, like, I. Heroin, cocaine. No match. No match for the joy that has been brought to me by Ravens hate. And I look for my. I have a black shirt of Lamar crying. I have a yellow shirt and a white shirt of Lamar Jackson crying. I went with yellow today, even though I don't want.

[C]

The sun is shining.

[A]

Oh, the sun is. The sun's different. Food's gonna taste better. It's just all good. Yeah. Yeah. Steelers won. Great Cardinals. Nice job. Cardinals went. Although he toyed with it. You know, you had a little. He gave the Saints team a little bit more of a chance than they deserve. Yeah. You got it. Brady's Bengals. I don't know how you What a great win. You get seven yards in the second half. I don't know how that off. I. I know for a fact that you could. You could Luc. You could Rudy me and jam me in a uniform that doesn't fit properly and say, John, you've got 30 minutes to go eight yards and I'll give you $60 million. Cause that's Joe Burrow. I would throw pop flies until someone caught one for nine yards, and I'd walk off the field. Seven yards and a half is the record for least amount of yardage in a half to still win a game. I don't know how many. The battle for Ohio is exactly how I would fight it. I wouldn't want it either. Neither of those teams wanted the Ohio Congr. Brady, you guys broke a record yesterday. The Bengals record breaking win had wangs in their heads. The Browns had wangs in their heads, and the Ravens had wangs in their heads. I just, you know, and the Steelers didn't play a great game, but it was, you know, fine. They walk away with a win. It's. But the Ravens blowing it, not just losing, but like completely blowing it. Oh, come here, Brady. I love you, Brad. I love you, Kalito. Welcome back. Anyway, it's just such a great morning. It was a great morning. Great. Football's back. Week one was amazing. Eric's family barbecue. Anthony, the guy who runs the place, brings over just the most delicious stuff I've ever had in my life. It was just a perfect. It was a perfect Sunday. Perfect Sunday. Perfect, perfect Saturday, not so much. I go to the emergency room on Saturday. What? Well, DIY projects, boys. DIY projects. I get a little wild here.

[C]

Hand.

[A]

Well, now, no, I. I'm pretty proud of myself for what I ended up accomplishing. There was a hospital visit in the. In the center of it. But on Saturday, here's my day. Saturday. I was supposed to go see the world's nicest man, Jim Manley's band play. And I had it all mapped out like I was going to do this. I have two giant light poles and solar lights that I've built for my basketball court that I decided to say, I'm going to do this myself. I'm going to dig the holes. I'm gonna put in quick. Crete up. Yeah, Brett, post it. Post. I'm gonna put these posts up. These things weigh about 90 pounds and they're all top heavy. One direction. They're about 19ft tall. And so I'm feeling pretty good. So I get out there Saturday, you're.

[C]

Like, I'm the postmaster.

[A]

I am gonna be.

[C]

I could post this.

[A]

Brady. I eyeball things. Maybe I'm gonna say it better than anyone in the world. A lot of people say that I can eyeball something and I know exactly how to do it. So I looked. I had these two posts and I looked, and I just kind of eyeballed where I'm going to put them. And without a measuring tape, I dug two perfect holes that happened to be just eyeballed exactly the distance from the basketball goal left and right. So one is about 17ft to the right. One is about 17ft from the left. Did no measuring. Perfect hit. Then I'm like, how far off the court do I need these? About here should do. And then I just looked from the other side. I'm like, that's about right. And I dug the other side. Symmetrical. Each one sounds good. Was 13 and a half inches from the edge of the court, each one zero. Measuring here will do. I'm sure Dan built stadiums that way, too. You know what's crazy, Brett? I was at Bank One Ballpark when they opened it. And when I watched that dude sledgehammer the train tracks that roof's on just to make it go, I'm like, they make this up as they go along. There's no. This isn't like some meticulous group of engineers out here. You got to remember, a lot of those construction guys are, you know, just see students who are willing to stand outside with the tools. They're picking it on paper. Those dudes, the dudes in the offices, they're drawing some stuff up. The guys on the. On the deal are looking at a lot of things just going, this'll do. I learned from that. Dig the holes. And I've. And I've got till about 5 o', clock, then I gotta stop.

[C]

Say your deadline.

[A]

Wash up. I'm heading up to Cactus Jacks. Well, in the middle of the day, I get a call from a guy who I haven't talked to forever. He was with a friend of mine the night he passed away. And I get a call from him. He's working with Linkin park now, and Lincoln park was here Saturday. And he's like, you want to have dinner with us, the reps? And he said, I got to talk to you. I got to see you. It's been years since our friend passed away and this and that. And he's like, and I want you guys to do this. And he's. And he's telling me about Lincoln park and the record and all the stuff. And he's basically throwing this bomb at me that if you have dinner with us, there'll be huge things in return from the label and all this. And I'm like, holy cow. Great. Okay, Chris, I'll do this. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. So I called the world's nicest man, Jim, and I'm like, look, I got this opportunity. This Lincoln park thing's in my lap now. So I think I'm gonna head that direction. If I can get out of the dinner early enough, I'll come down and see you. This. And I'm. So I'm mapping my night out anyway. Five o'. Clock. I gotta get done with this little thing. So I got my holes dug, Brad. I got my holes dug deep. I don't know if I'm two and a half feet. And you know how I measured that? I stood in the hole I dug and I said, that's about the top of my calf. Knee area. Let's see how the other one goes. Dug that one. I'm like, pretty damn close. So I go over to the Home Depot and I grab a couple of things of quick treat. Mexicans come help you? Nope. Yeah, right. Didn't use any Mexicans. This was Mexican free. Great work, Johnny. Great work. That's the way America's got to be.

[C]

Bag and some water.

[A]

So that's all you need. So I get a couple of. Oh, actually, I went to Lowe's. Lowe's. Buckets. I'm gonna mix this in the buckets, But I'm like, the ground is a bucket. Just pour it in there. Exactly what I did. So I poured. Well, at first. Here's the other thing. And I don't know how good this is going to work or not. We'll find out in a few years. I used deck mud. I. I didn't read. I grabbed the wrong bag. It's not concrete mix. It was deck mud. But then I looked it up. I'm like, deck mud is basically close enough.

[C]

Smoother.

[A]

It's gonna get hard. No, it's supposed. It's only for, like, heavy tile. It's not supposed to. But it's in the ground. I mean, how hard? Anyway, so then I put in some other. And then. And then the other bag I grew because they look Lowe's. You got a problem over there with your quick creek section where it says concrete mix. If the person me doesn't read the bag, you have deck mud in where the concrete mix sign is. So I'm just grabbing that. And then when I got home, I realized it. And then the other one I grabbed was mortar mix.

[C]

What a pain.

[A]

Pretty close to concrete as well. So that. So then I.

[C]

You got two. You got a variety.

[A]

And then a third one of actual concrete mix. So when I grabbed the top one, it was concrete next. And I just grabbed the two underneath, not realizing that they're also, by the way, totally different colors. And like, one was brown, one was yellow, one was gray. You're on time. I just assumed.

[C]

I'm Frank.

[A]

I just. Right. I didn't know Quikrete made all that stuff. I thought with the name Quikrete, all you do is concrete net. Anyway, so I pour in the sand. I got my bucket of water there looking good. Pour in the water. This makes the oatmeal. I'm mixing it up with this thing I got. I put it on the drill. Making the mix starting to harden up pretty nicely. I get my. My stand for my post that I'm gonna put the lights on. I drive that into the ground right where it says to like, this is going too well. Have a trowel. I'm just gonna. I'm not even gonna smooth it out too much. It's underground, so it's like one of those dad posts later when somebody else pulls it out of the ground. It's just this weird, like, boat anchor, that conglomerate. What does that mean? Just. Just a. Oh, it's just a boat. It's a. It's on the post. The hunk that usually.

[C]

It's like rock.

[A]

You're pulling out somebody's old basketball hoop and you see the. Oh, dad did this and he just. He. He half assed it. But it's. It's going really well. So I'm sitting there. I. I put the. The little. I had a little gardening hoe there to edge the edge of the hole to make it a perfect circle. Put that in the ground, Take my glasses off, run the wet cement. Pretty proud of myself. And the trowel goes in and splashes wet concrete into my eyes. Like, that can't be good. And I looked online and it's like, this is one of the most major medical emergencies you can have. This will burn your eyeballs out in a matter hours.

[C]

You still maintain enough vision.

[A]

Didn't even hurt. Didn't even hurt. It just. I'm just like, is it bad to get wet? Mix concrete in your eyes? Is that bad? Should I be concerned? Rinse your eyes for the next 30 minutes. Never stop rinsing your eyes. Go to the doctor immediately. And I'm like, but it doesn't hurt. And I'm like, what if it doesn't hurt? I'm asking chat GPT. It's like, doesn't matter. It's alkaline or whatever. Something's in there that just torqued chemical burns your eyeballs. Flesh eating. Then on the bottom it scared me because basically it's like a flesh eating bacteria. Then the bottom of the thing it said, especially if you've had Lasik or lens replacement surgery. I'm like, I've had that. Into the car I go. And now it's like five o'. Clock. It was quitting time. So I'm supposed to go do two things here. And now I'm sitting at the urgent care down by my house. Like, is this going to be something they can take care of or do I have to go to the hospital? Going to the urgent care. They black light my eyes. They got all this stuff. And like this is really serious. And then the doctor told me that a guy was in there yesterday, which was Friday, because how. And I don't know how. He got a whole can of oven cleaner in his eyeball. Oh. And I'm like, that sounds worse than. She goes, we. We had to flush that for about four hours. Oh man. I'm like, oh my God. So yeah, she numbs my eye. She takes this thing to it. She's looking. She goes, I don't see any injury. And then for about 13 to 15 minutes she poured a pitcher of water in my open eye. It was the weirdest sensation of all time. Just non stop water being poured into my eyeball for. Yeah, for like half a TV show. So I'm sitting there kind of laughing like thinking of you, Brett. Brett's gonna get a kick out of this DIY project that put me in the emergency room for like an hour. No harm, no foul. Really worried at this point, not so much about my eye. How's that Quikrete set? Firmino? We're setting that up pretty good. I had to leave that come back to a perfectly. It almost like somebody went out like some sort of concrete.

[C]

Concrete angel.

[A]

Yeah, a concrete angel or his name was angel. But he went out there and he made it like completely flat like a sidewalk. And I didn't do that. But I'm like, that's just the glories of how good my hole was. I got a good hole, folks.

[C]

So one's up or both posts are in.

[A]

Brady. I poured both. I was up till. Because I couldn't Go to my dinners. And I couldn't do anything at home. I'm like, I'm just gonna finish the lights. And. And both were perfect, like at the end of the night. So about midnight, I'm out there with the poles, and they're kind of top heavy. The light itself up top is probably about 40 pounds. The poles another 50. And I'm trying to put these on four posts in the. And oh, by the way, here's the other thing I did to make construction guys really mad. I didn't even wait for the concrete to get fully dry before I just started to put dirt on it. It. It's going to cover it. It's going to get hard in there anyway, right? And then I just.

[C]

It'll just take a little longer.

[A]

I don't know. Can't see it. So I'm pretty sure. And I'm jiggling the posts I put in there, and they're not moving, which is the whole goal. So I put dirt on that and I buried it. And then I sprayed the bottom of it with some sort of compound that keeps it from eroding the pole. Bought the gray paint instead of the black. I'm gonna have to fix that later, but that's okay. And I put that back up and I start working this pole. Well, I realized that that pole is way too heavy to do by myself because it's. You guys stand this 20 footer up there. Anyway, bottom line is, end of the day, gentlemen.

[C]

Thought maybe you'd finish that last poll helping the boys from Lincoln park or something.

[A]

By the by, each one is straight as an arrow. Each one that looks good. Each one is perfect. Jesus did a good job with that. No, there were no Jesus. There were no angels. I'm telling you right now, that is a John DIY project. Come on. I put levels on it after I didn't even know I owned a level. They're completely perfect.

[C]

Give out the number to your side job now.

[A]

I will give out the number now. Wait a minute. Careful with that. I will give out the number to my side job. That's. No, I don't want to hand that away. That's mine. No, I. They're perfect, Brady. And. And to all you construction guys who always roll your eyes, you don't know about everything. You guys go way too far with that whole measuring thing and all the work you put in. You need a set of eyeballs. Like, my eyes are a natural level. They're perfect. Absolutely. Thanks to Dr. Jay Schwartz. Even with concrete in them, I still Managed to put up two. Now, here's the other thing. I lost four of the bolts, so each pole's only being held up by two because, you know, gotta get them both up. And I only had four. That's fine. It'll do for now. And then I'm gonna bury the bottom of this thing in the ground. It's just going to be two perfect posts sticking out of the ground. And I got to figure that gives me a good 10 to 12 years. I don't plan on living much longer than that. So it's the next person who owns the house's problem.

[C]

So how's the lighting?

[A]

Amazing. All right. Played basketball last night with two of my feet hurt so bad from all this work and digging and running back and forth to the hospital. And it was an awesome day of DIY projects in my yard. Is it like the first time the lights went on at Wrigley? I'm telling you what it was. Yeah.

[C]

A tear came to your.

[A]

You. 8888 is the day the lights went on in Wrigley. It got rained out. 8, 9, 8, 8 was the first game. It was very much like. It was very much like August 9, 1988. Wrigley tears. I don't. When I was done, I stood in the center of the basketball court looking at These perfect lights 17 and 6ft inches away from the right side of the basketball goal. Left side. 17 and six and a half. I missed by half an inch. There were no tape measures used until I was done. After I finished, I measured. It's an unbelievable project. I almost died. I didn't even know concrete could do that to you. Cement mix is evidently super dangerous. You guys shouldn't be toying around with that. Horrifying. And I just took my glasses off for half a second. My elbow hit that. That. The handle of the thing splashed right down into my puddle, right in my face. I was on my hands and knees hovering over the. Oh, by the way, also read later. Evidently that dust from concrete's pretty terrible, too. Inhaling that all weekend, it was great. It's bad for your hands. Who use gloves? Pussies use gloves. That's not me. I don't use gloves. I stir with my hands and go dip it in the pool. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[C]

Always wondered why they're always booted up.

[A]

Yeah. Got masks and glasses on. Because they don't know what they're doing, Brady. They don't know what they don't trust themselves to. Not now. I'm probably Gonna end up with some sort of horrible wrist cancer from all the concrete that was on my hands. And then I just plopped them out, stuck it in a bucket of water, went and got in the pool. I tried to wash my eye out with the pool as well, by the way. I don't know if that's a good idea. Is it?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of chemicals in the pool, too. Might have counteracted each other. I've been through a science class where one touches another and there's a fire.

[C]

It falls up like the volcano.

[A]

Well, and it was after I got way under and opened my eyes and did some. Some strokes getting up and around the pool. And I'm like, this might not be good. Because whatever I didn't know was in concrete mix was also probably counteractive to the shock and chlorine. I don't know. Hey, look, it's Dick Toledo. Look who's back. Hi, Richard. You see my. Want to see my lights? I got pictures. We'll put it up online. There's a few. Look at that. I don't want to hear all their solar lights. You bastards. I'm not crazy. I didn't do anything. No, they're not worried about that.

[C]

They're congratulating you on your new lightning rods.

[A]

Thank you. Because. Oh, yeah. No. Did you.

[C]

Did you ground them? Is what they're.

[A]

I don't know what that means. Yeah, they're in the ground and no more questions. Did I ground them? Well, so all you tell me that now. A little worried about that question because I don't know. Does that mean anything? Thing I.

[C]

Apparently they're saying they're congratulating you on creating lightning rods. The next monsoon that rolls through your.

[A]

Whole court is going to be electric. But it's. But it's just into the ground. There's not even on the court. It's in my grass.

[C]

They. They're saying, did you put the copper stake in the.

[A]

In the.

[C]

In your concrete?

[A]

What does that mean?

[C]

I don't know. And just relaying what they're solar light. Yeah, but if they're solar lights, I don't think.

[A]

I don't think you have to worry about that. There's no wires at all. Right.

[C]

Are your poles metal?

[A]

Sure. Okay, but what does that do?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

All I'm doing there is allowing it so I can play basketball outside when it's raining because those lights will attract the lightning, and I'm not even. It won't hurt me.

[C]

Go back. Yeah, just throw a couple of pennies around this.

[A]

That's what I think will work. Well, the. The hole still is there because I gotta.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Do some work today to get those other two bolts. I think a bunch of pennies will work. Brady's right. Should have called Dan and hi, Yellow to help you out. This is Dan and. Hi, Yella. I gotta call. I called out on Friday because Toledo told me that the winning lotto ticket was sold where my dad lives in Frederick. Fredericksburg, Texas. So I text him yesterday morning. I'm like, hey, dad, did we win the lotto? Should take care of that. Said, evidently, last ticket was sold in Fredericksburg. And he text back like it didn't matter to him at all. Nope. What do you think Steelers are going to do today? And I'm like, did High Yellow win the lotto? Because technically I think he's your property, so that's ours. And he goes, I don't know. I haven't seen him for a couple days. I'll ask. And I go, all right. Do you have any interest in winning a billion seven? Or is this like, what are you doing? Dan is fine. I learned from Dan Holmberg on projects like this. Now, he would have measured this way too much and bored me to tears. Now I realize why my dad did that. There was a lot of math. He had paperwork. He wrote equations down. And then things looked terrible, Horrible. This all eyeballs. Not a goddamn tool in sight. Oh, by the way, the thing I stirred the concrete with. Brett. Yeah. I went over to when I was at Lowe's. I'm like, I need something to stir this concrete with, and I don't know if I want to use the drill. So I just bought a long drill bit and used my hands, stirred it like a pot of stew. Hey, man, it's perfect. You got everybody. Look, all of you are welcome. There's an open house at 5. You can come see the lights. We'll just do a quick tour. I can't wait till Dan comes. Oh, look, I'm scared of the idea that. But if lightning hits one of these things, it's just going to go into the ground.

[C]

So what radiates out from the ground.

[A]

But I'll be on concrete. That probably was.

[C]

That has rebar in it.

[A]

Okay. But it's not. It's not connected. I'm fine. How often is there lightning in this city?

[C]

Electricians are screaming, oh, yeah.

[A]

And I'm not. But the electricians have nothing to do with it. The whole reason I did solar lights, to avoid guys like that.

[C]

So you're telling me that people put copper even on the poles, that they hang their. Like, Australian. Like a bassball hoop, you know, they put the center poles. Yeah, I have no idea. You put copper in those.

[A]

Because I've got a few poles in the back for cafe lights. I don't think those are. Look, I got lightning rods all over. I'm the safest person in the backyard. There you go. That's great. Anyway, we're trying to. Why'd you come rolling in and try to wreck it? It was perfect. Telling you guys, I don't know what I did, but I did it. This one says, you don't have to worry about copper. Line of the poles are already in the ground. That's what I figured. That's what grounding is, right? The ground. Call Dan. Let's find out. He won't know. Trust me. I've built stuff for that guy. He's. Come on. My dad does not have construction in his veins, and he made a 50 year. He was a high VP at this company, too. I have no idea. Anyway, since I wonder if Dan Holmberg is listening to this, going, good God almighty, what a wuss. No, he's probably listening, going, that's how you get it done. By the way. I also. Because I was like, I got another foot and a half to fill here after the concrete of ground. And I'm like, wood is adobe. You know what it is? Mud. Mud. Mud. Grass and water.

[C]

Yeah. Or hay. Yeah.

[A]

So I went, got some grass out of the alley, stuffed it in the Lowe's bucket, put in a bunch of dirt, made mud with grass in it, poured that in the hole. So now I got two pieces of cement, and I'm thinking maybe I'm one more slab of cement on top of that, just for fun. I enjoyed it.

[C]

Thought maybe you made a little cabin or making bricks.

[A]

I'm not. And my friend Mark came over yesterday because he was helping me hold the pole while I screwed in the bolts. And you know what Mark said? Because he's equally as stupid as I am with this stuff. He's got a whole big tool room. I don't think these tools, it's. It might as well be the. The aisle where they sell tools. It looks amazing, but price tags hanging off them. It looks like a hardware store. None of this stuff's ever been used. And he looks at me, goes, you know what? I'm inspired. I'm like, that's what I'll do. That's what my construction projects will do. They'll inspire you. Because I'm thinking about building the gazebo in my backyard. And I'm like, I'm your guy. We have just enough tools in this backyard. With my shovel, trowel, drill bit with no drill, my hands and eyes currently in their state. I might wear goggles next time. That did kind of scare me. And I'll help you build things. I am. Watch this, Brady. I'm like, jesus, I'm a carpenter now. Unreal. And look, if those things tipped over, odds of anybody being on that court at the time other than me. And I think you'd hear it ripping out of the ground. We're all right here, folks. I'm so proud of myself. One hospital visit, normally a DIY project for me. You can count on an ambulance. I even drove myself to the hospital this time. So you can put the lights up at Wrigley, but didn't hang a bike rack in your garage. No. And I still don't understand how that went so sideways.

[C]

Where was the job super the whole time?

[A]

Oh, I was worried about that popping out every once in a while. Cuz if it's crooked, the first thing that one's leaning to the left, you'd hear about it. So I made sure and just eyeball and I'm like, I nailed this. You know how I, you know how I know it's straight? Cuz the H block on the cement wall behind it on the, on the mortar or what do they call that, that block?

[C]

The slump block.

[A]

The slump block wall. The H block. The middle part. Squared it up well afterwards I did that one squinty eye and looked at it and I'm like that and that. Like there's no lean. Perfect. Then I went and looked in the. And while I was in the garage looking for something to stir cement and get a better little. I, I have a little shovel that I didn't even know I had. Like for mining gold or something. I don't know why I even, I have this. I'm like, that'll be better because I can be on my knees and dig. I, I, I'm like, oh look, I have a level. And then I went out and I put it up against the pole. They're perfect. It's amazing. Amazing. I am a man who builds things with his hands. Jonathan wants to know during the next lightning storm, let's just have Toledo stand.

[C]

Out there and test it out for you.

[A]

Yeah, we'll strap Toledo to it. But I swear as I stood back and you know, admired my work, I thought to myself, point. There should be Hysterical laughter. There should be like, this. This. This outrageously obvious flaw of funny. And it wasn't. It looked. It looks great. It's professional. I. I'm so proud of myself and you guys. And then I go, what the crew think?

[C]

Show the.

[A]

Well, it wasn't. It wasn't done for football. I had to wait for all that. So the polls went in. Yes. Yesterday. But I was trying to get him up there on late Saturday night with my concrete eye display. And, yeah, it was rough. Next Sunday, rough doings by yourself to pick up a pole that top heavy that if you're on the wrong side of the middle of holding the pole, one end or the other starts to fly around. So it was. It was a lot. And I'm like, this is going to end in tragedy if I try to stand this thing up straight and lose it. So I didn't. And I just had Mark kind of balance with me. So he came from by yesterday. And then I went inside and I watched the Ravens eat at the. And I was like, this. Can anything get better than this? H's Morning Sickness. 98K. PD Hol's Morning Sickness. And normally I do a project that big, not only is there a hospital visit, there's. There's a cast a patch over. Like, I thought for sure I'd walk out of this with a patch on my eye. Like when I was going to the hospital, laughing, I'm like, yep, this is. This is par for the course for a diy, Johnny, because there's gonna be. I'm gonna have to wear a patch for like a month. Nope, all good. I can't believe you did all this.

[C]

Now with the poles across from each other, you can string up a pinata center court.

[A]

I could put a hammock. I'm so confident I could put a hammock between this, the both of them. And this probably looks straight because his long Jew nose is blocking the view now. Gabriel. Gabriel. I know why you're upset, Gabriel, is because I didn't hire you and your family to do this. Gabriel. Dug the holes yourself, huh? Dug the holes myself. And that was not easy. Digger. Nice job, buddy. All right, all right.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

Somebody had told me to do that one. You got dared to do that? I am a good digger. Dug two great big holes, and you run into some, like, bleachy and all that other stuff.

[C]

Did you use the post? No, bigger. Just straight up.

[A]

Just wow. Shovel feet. Got it done. Did it with a spoon at the end there. I was just using my hands to get the Big rocks out of it. I'll chop over. Yeah, I. I was really good at it and I've never been good at that. And it was a pretty remarkable amount of time too. Normally something like this would take months for me to accomplish. I. Everything just started to fall in line almost perfectly. Pretty much knocked this one out of the yard from start to finish.

[C]

Is there a switch on the pool for the lights or. The lights?

[A]

I have remotes and there's. There's auto.

[C]

But I was wondering.

[A]

And they're so bright, I forget. I think it's a company called Langley or something like that. They're outrageously good solar lights if you're looking. I can build them for you four.

[C]

Or five hours, right?

[A]

What? Oh, they stay on for 10 hours as long as you're not burning them at the highest level. But yeah, I don't need that. Amazing. So yeah. To all you handyman out there. You think you got a snowed with your tool belt and your measuring tapes and your. Your tools. I am Jesus. I work with wood and hand. Wait a minute. My hand and my wood. I've been doing that for years. No wonder I'm good at this. I am like a carpenter. I've been working with wood in my hands for a long time. Time. Anyway, it was pretty remarkable. And I. I know I can hear the city's impressed. I can also see all you construction guys rolling your eyes and stuff. But you know what? You came over to my house. You'd be like, who did you work? You're looking at him, chief. Construction guys and car guys are exactly the same. Brett knows. Go over and drop your car off and go. I don't know. It's like revving the engine. It's like I can't quite get us. Feels like it's struggling to shift gears and the guy will go at you. Transmission. The ego is crushing the. The side soupy. And then the thing. And he looks at me and I don't know what you're talking about. He goes, you don't know any of this stuff. And I always say it to every car guy. Always say this to a car guy. I'm like, if I knew it, I wouldn't need you. Stop being a dick about that and just fix my car. If you don't know what the egoculator is. To the side swoops. The side swoops. Control the pressure mount. You don't know any of this. I'm like, no, that's why I bring the car to you. Construction guys are the same what do we need to do here? I want to move this wall. You get a lamb beam in here, probably get 3, 8 of 5, 8 of 6, 8 of this. And then we'll probably throw a fisher hook on that and 10 pound test at something over here. I'm like, you're just saying words. You don't know any of this? No, I don't. That's why I hired you. Otherwise I'd be doing it myself.

[C]

Now when the computer guy comes in.

[A]

They'Re the same move. Well, then they look at you and they go, who punches this? And I'm like, I know. So you know what fixes things so deep down, you know what gets things fixed? A nice swing to the broken thing. And I am known around the building as the guy who will absolutely slug the thing that's kind of broken to break it officially. So somebody does their job. In this particular instance, this broke long before I could ever swing at it. Whatever this machine is doing in front of me, you know, I should give it a try. Brett, this thing in the board here in front of me has been broken. Broken. Nobody's stepped up here and fixed it. That's a screwdriver over here, man. You know what? Now that I'm super handy, I might want to dig into this thing and see what it's. Give it to. What for? If this morning thing don't work for you, you can always become our. Get that drill bit. Yeah, get a little drill bit. Fish around in there for a second. And some grass and some dirt and some water, and I'm pretty sure I can make anything work. That was awesome. Thank you. Steve is Steve has Nick me nicknamed me the Jew construction mast. So what you're describing on a weekend project makes me cringe. However, you should be proud of yourself. I believe your Jew ancestors built pyramids in Egypt the same way. And they're still standing. Your poles will stand for eternity. Go, you Jew idiot. I don't know why that ended that way. John the Tool Man.

[C]

Jew bird.

[A]

That's right. Yeah. That's pretty great. I was pretty proud of myself. Yeah. This one says I have six stadium lights 50ft tall for my horse arena with lights on them. And they didn't put copper in those concrete, though. You'll be fine. Thank you. Justin. Did you do that yourself? Let me go. I'll come by with my level. Justin. And see if those lights are as good as mine. They're a little taller, but still, I want to make sure those 50 footers are. And I also want to Be friends with a guy who's got a horse arena. I think that's kind of awesome. Anyway. Well, now you go. That's the story of my week. And one hospital. Technically two projects because each light I considered its own project. One hospital visit. That's pretty good for me really.

[C]

If you do go into business, you'll just package that in the bids.

[A]

One hospital visit? Yeah, it's part of the. Part of it. Why is this $3,800. It seems like it should be about. Well, it's going to cost me about 1200 at the hospital. What do you mean? Trust me. You'll see. I'm gonna open a vein on your property. There's no doubt about it. It's not that one of my eyes is at risk. So. Yeah, says H Vac. People are the same. What you got here? Looks like solenoid connects to the transistor flux. Is that wired right? You gotta get your compressed air through these coils here. You don't know any of this stuff. Like, I hate when blue collar. Cause blue collar guys, you are the future. You're gonna be billionaires. You're. You're the ones in the future. The people who can hands. Part of that was my mentality of doing this. The future belongs to people who can do things. Computers are going to do therapy and doctor and lawyer. You're all done banking, you're all done radio. We're all finished. A dude who can actually construct and do things. Fix something. That's the future. That's old stuff.

[C]

To protect you from the computers.

[A]

You got that daughter of yours that's about to go to college for some dumb reason. Get her in a trade school and let her learn a skill.

[C]

Buy some bags of Quick Creek today.

[A]

You know what? Make sure it's not concrete. I don't know the difference. Deck mud. Send John with her. He'll. She'll figure it out. Well then when I was po. After I poured the deck mud in the hole, I looked.

[C]

We'll be wearing goggles.

[A]

Yeah, that's. You know what? Good tip, good tip. Pro tip. Handy tip from the pros. Put some goggles on. Or at the very least, don't take your glasses off. Yeah, my method glasses would have saved the day. Ironically, the very thing I took off that got me splashed, I put back on and started to ask questions. Is it bad to get concrete in your eyes? Meta? It was like so adamant. Yes. This is an immediate hospital visit. Do not waste time. Do not assume you don't have it in there. I'M like, really? It can be like a five hour chemical burn that lasts forever. And I see all these, hey, look, kudos to my other, my concrete brethren because I think I'm in the union now. Oh, look at you. My dad ran a company, a subset company of his company called Hunt Crete. For a while he was like in charge of that thing or I don't know what he did actually. He was one of the higher ups in that Hunt Crete thing. And he knew nothing but concrete. I never saw him wearing goggles. He didn't do any of the work, but he was around a lot of it anyway. See another man. I see these dudes handling concrete like crazy. Never once goggled up or. I mean, they do wear gloves. I avoided that. My hands aren't even dry and moisturized after. I think that's the key. Get in a. Have a pool handy. Hop in the pool, moisturize after. Here's another thing, thing. I learned a little science. Whatever chemicals are in your pool mix real well with concrete and actually washed it off my shorts. It didn't make concrete. So if you ever get concrete in your eye, just dive into a pool. It washes it right out. I guess I'm kind of also a doctor. It's a big weekend, and then better than any of you with your stupid kids and your happiest day ever being born and all that. The ravens, they go off and bed on what I think may be the greatest weekend of my life. Outside of missing a couple of things I wanted to go to, and I very rarely want to go to anything. I have two things on the docket I wanted to go to. Couldn't go because I had concrete in my eyes. But look, Brett, not even red. Pretty impressive. You're right. That's my story of the weekend. That's my story. So tell Kirby if she wants to come by and learn a skill, not to waste her time with you over there. Jesus awaits over here in the Biltmore area. I built things with my hands.

[C]

I'll let her know.

[A]

Yeah. Jesus didn't wear gloves. Jesus mixed his mud. Mexicans don't wear gloves in their houses. Those adobe houses have been up forever. You just go out in the middle of the woods sometimes and like these mud and brick.

[C]

Guadalupe, look.

[A]

So don't. It's a tourist attraction. You go drive out to those ruins. Those are from like the year 500. Half those houses are still up. I basically did that with my basketball. Zuma's castle over there and the ones in Casa Grande. It's just mud and grass. It works better than concrete. I don't know what deck mud is, but it got hard. So like a. All I said was all I need this to do is get hard. And I started start working and it did. 625 step tiling. Yeah, Johnny, on the house. If you guys have any questions. 585-9800. That's the number. You can give us a song to play. Sure, that's easy. But I'm here to help you with your DIY projects around the house. I'm good at them. I'm good at them. I just need a quality medical plan.

[C]

Good eye.

[A]

I got one. Good eye is all I really need. Still good. It's great. Dr. J. Schwartz did yeoman's work putting that shield over my retina too because it unaffected.

[C]

Next week on the leveler.

[A]

Yeah. And also I don't think I'm human. I might be a little bit above you all because I had concrete in my eye. And the doctor's like there's no problem here. This is a really bad thing too. Doctor backed up what chat GPT said oh yeah, don't mess around with that. We get that every once in a while. That's bad. I'm like, no, kid. She goes, oh, it can. It's real bad. I'm like okay. She goes, but you got it in there. I don't see any trouble. Gave me a little antibiotic. She said that's just to calm you down. That was a bit of a scared. I kept my cool pretty good. Give us a Wake up song 585-9800 and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD, I Am Jesus. Wake up. It's out of control now. Basketball game crushed it and the day's just getting started now Kicking it with.

[C]

My crew when I need a quick.

[A]

Snack Gogo Squeeze Active fruit blend with electrolytes Pouches are always in the star lineup Made with real fruit and select electrolytes and mmm. So tasty. From workouts to hangouts to whatever's next I go with Gogo Squeeze Active. Snag yours on your next store run. Available on Amazon.