09-08-25 - More Bragging From John On His DIY Prowess And Weed Flamethrower Love - Trump's Religious Texts For Money Were Legit

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness | 09-08-25

Episode Title: More Bragging From John On His DIY Prowess And Weed Flamethrower Love - Trump's Religious Texts For Money Were Legit
Date: September 8, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Main Theme

This episode dives into John Holmberg's weekend full of intense DIY projects—including a trip to the hospital—and his newfound fascination with flamethrowers for yardwork. The crew also riffs on Donald Trump's latest fundraising stunt, which somehow involves appeals to religion and $15 donations tied to his supposed divine protection. As always, the hosts blend tongue-in-cheek bragging, dark humor, and lighthearted banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. NFL Opening Weekend & Sports Highlights

• [01:54–02:27] John enthuses about what he calls “the happiest weekend in the history of Week 1 of the NFL,” capped by the Dodgers losing and Lamar Jackson’s sorrow:
  • "I think we just saw the game of the year last night. By the way, already we've seen game of the year. That was outstanding." – Host (02:09)
  • John’s joy is palpable as he details his sports-fan high.

2. DIY Accident & "Concrete Scientist" Brag

• [02:27–03:06] John recounts how he was injured (“hospital visit for the concrete in my eye”) while mixing a hybrid combination of deck mud, mortar mix, and Quickcrete.
  • He and Brady geek out about forming super-strong concrete and joke about not knowing if it’s safe.
  • "You just created like the most unbelievably bond hybrid. Yeah, it's like the super. You're not supposed to mix them though, evidently for some reason. Why?" – Paul (03:01)

3. Flamethrower Mania—Yard Maintenance Turns Wild

• [03:07–07:40] John details buying a $50 Flame King Propane Torch, launching into a group discussion about yard torches and flamethrowers.
  • "Everybody today, spend $50 and go get yourself a flame king propane torch. It's a flamethrower, Brady." – Host (03:46)
  • All the hosts compare their torches—Brady's neighbor uses one on scorpions, Host talks about his larger setup, and Paul wants to come over for a 'fire party.'
  • The banter devolves into morbid jokes about starting fires on chemical-laden weeds and nearly burning down the yard.
  • “And I turned around and the whole ground's orange. And I'm like, oh yeah, the stuff under the rocks that, that tarp that they put under rocks… That stuff burns quick. And the whole ground under the rocks was glowing orange. It was pretty neat.” – Paul (07:10)
  • Host revels in his “hillbilly weekend” as he cycles between hospital visits, torching weeds, and sports wins.

4. Trump’s “Get Into Heaven” Fundraiser

• [07:42–10:33] The group pivots to current events, specifically Donald Trump’s post-assassination fundraising letter:
  • Trump claims God saved him, and now asks everyone to send him $15 as a “thank you” and aid to get into heaven.
  • "He started to talk about how that bullet was supposed to kill him, but God saved him to make America great. And we all owe him 15 bucks now." – Paul (08:00)
  • There's a healthy skepticism and biting satire over the blending of religious rhetoric and campaign fundraising:
    • “Is he Donald Olsteen now?” – Host (08:32)
    • “I'm on a mission from God, and I need 15 bucks from everybody. If you just kick in, put it in the bucket, and then I'll get into heaven. And that's exactly what we all want.” – Paul (08:52)
  • Paul reports getting an email from Trump, which triggered a computer virus:
    • "Now I've got a McAfee virus from the letter." – Paul (10:04)
  • Discussion highlights the absurdity and surreality of the political circus:
    • “So it's a weird weekend. The simulation is shattered and broken, but at least it's shattered and broken in my favor…” – Paul (10:37)

5. Weekend Recap & Banter

• [11:13–11:50] The segment closes with inside jokes, more sports ribbing, and shoutouts:
  • Paul texts a friend about sports outcomes, leading to off-color banter.
  • The show's tone is irreverent and fast-paced, with self-deprecating humor dominating the closing quips.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Weekend Sports:
  "It was a perfectly... I, I can't top this. I might as well check out the best. And then they see Trump asking everybody for $15 so he can get into heaven." – Paul (07:47)
• On Chemical Weed Control and Fire:
  "So at nighttime I'm burning up a grass that I had all that stuff. And I got one good eye." – Paul (06:17)
• Trump’s New Olsteen:
  "Is he Donald Olsteen now?" – Host (08:32)
• Mission from God (in Blues Brothers style):
  “He's basically a blues brother. I'm on a mission from God, and I need 15 bucks from everybody. If you just kick in, put it in the bucket, and then I'll get into heaven.” – Paul (08:52)
• On Surviving the DIY Weekend:
  “I had the best hillbilly weekend ever. I'm digging holes, splashing around in made up concrete, going to the hospital, getting my eyes washed out, going back, starting fires. Steelers win, Ravens lose, Dodgers get embarrassed in a hilarious way.” – Paul (07:41)
• On Raising Money for the Afterlife:
  “Nobody even really knows what he's doing with the money. So it's a weird weekend. The simulation is shattered and broken.” – Paul (10:38)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• NFL & Sports Recap: 01:54–02:27
• DIY/Cement Mixing Incident: 02:27–03:06
• Flamethrower Fun: 03:07–07:40
• Controlled Burn Chaos: 06:09–07:40
• Trump’s $15 to Heaven Email: 07:42–10:33
• Snopes Verification & Closing Political Riff: 09:41–10:38
• Final Sports Banter/Segment Out: 11:13–11:50

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Tone & Style

The episode balances blue-collar enthusiasm for yard projects with heavy sarcasm and critiques of current events. The language is brash and jokey, peppered with irreverent and self-deprecating humor. The hosts are unfiltered, spinning real-life mishaps and surreal news into outré comedic gold.

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Summary Useful For:
Anyone wanting the gist of a raucous, unpredictable morning show that blends personal disaster stories, sports fanaticism, and social/political satire. The episode captures the unpredictable, anarchic joy of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" while poking fun at everything from yard fires to political fundraising absurdities.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Paul]

Did she go somewhere? Yeah.

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Extended quilting trip.

[Host]

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[Paul]

Get more with geicob. Morning sickness radiate KU pd. Oh, baby, there's some godsmech for you. Whatever. The happiest weekend in the history of Week 1 of the NFL and sports. And then the Dodgers ate crap, too. And Lamar Jackson cried on his way. I thought, oh, it's just such a great weekend if we're going to get one. Good. This was like, I think we just saw the game of the year last night. By the way, already we've seen game of the year. That was outstanding.

[Brady]

Strong opener.

[Paul]

Unreal. And then the way it ended for me, maybe Game of the decade. Game of the century. Oh, so good to see that. So good. And then I had, you know, just such a. What a great weekend. Other than the hospital visit for the concrete in my eye. Fantastic. Now I just got an email from a guy and Brady, you and I are kind of scientists. Is chemically figuring this out this weekend. Deck mud with mortar mix and quick creep. Dude just emailed me and he goes, dude, you just created like the most unbelievably bond hybrid. Yeah, it's like the super. You're not supposed to mix them though, evidently for some reason. Why?

[Brady]

Chemicals.

[Paul]

No, it's not gonna burst into flames. It's underground. Anyway. What am I fracking? And again, I think have the pictures. The pictures gone up on Facebook yet? You gotta get that. Just the work that I did. My. I'm so proud of my DIY Also, whilst. Whilst I waited for that concrete to set after I got back from the hospital, I had nothing to do because I was supposed to be at other things, but. So it's nighttime. So highly recommend. This is not an endorsement. They're not a paid endorsement. This is just what I do now with my spare time as a handy person. Everybody today, spend $50 and go get yourself a flame king propane torch. It's a flamethrower, Brady.

[Host]

I got one of those.

[Paul]

You do? Yeah, it's awesome.

[Host]

Like weeds and stuff like that.

[Paul]

Yeah, at first.

[Host]

Well, I know.

[Paul]

And then it turns into bugs and.

[Brady]

Like my neighbor does it with the scorps.

[Paul]

You gotta. This thing is incredible.

[Host]

Got a little cart for your propane tank and everything.

[Paul]

Well, I don't have the. I don't have.

[Host]

Oh, I got one that. That uses the 5 gallon one and then you just hook it up and just.

[Paul]

You get to totally around.

[Host]

Yeah, I got unlimited like one of those weird vacuums. Yeah.

[Paul]

How big is the flame? I got to come over to your house. Yeah, mine's. Mine's. Here's a picture of mine. It's like a.

[Brady]

Let me see the.

[Paul]

It's like a weed eater.

[Host]

It's kind of portable.

[Paul]

It's like a weed eater. Oh, it's. It's just by hand. Just one hand. It's like a.50 bucks. $50 and you can start burning stuff all over. My whole backyard is just torch marks everywhere. Because one problem you do have when you put rocks over where grass Was. Or turf over where grass was. Some spots the grass sneaks back. And this grass has been there for 70 years, so.

[Host]

Yeah, that's my.

[Paul]

That's the one you've got. It's got the long hose on it. Oh, you're not kidding around. That's got the big. Mine's just got a little baby flame. It's a good flame.

[Brady]

You keep a lot of bunkers with that?

[Paul]

Oh, yeah.

[Host]

I mean, it's got the big old nozzle on that look.

[Paul]

Nazi ish to me. Did your dad bring you that after the war?

[Host]

It was a present.

[Paul]

It's one of the Mussolini's gifts. Okay. Yours is awesome. Mine makes a flame similar to that. But you've got that canister end on it.

[Brady]

I'm telling you, that's only 39.99. What?

[Paul]

How is yours only 40 bucks?

[Host]

Well, you gotta have a. You gotta have your own tank.

[Brady]

Oh, there's where the money is.

[Paul]

Yeah, yeah. You still have to get the. The one gallon propane thing.

[Host]

I just use like. Like what you use on like a. Like a grill. Like a five gallon.

[Paul]

Five gallon? Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

And I just put it on a little cart and I just roll around just burning stuff. Death at the Vesley house.

[Paul]

Man. I want to come over and do fire too.

[Host]

Come on over.

[Paul]

Can I bring my torch? Sure. Because mine is.

[Brady]

Oh, there's a couple options.

[Paul]

Yeah, mine's 10. 10 more.

[Brady]

19 bucks for the gun with the tank.

[Paul]

It's a pistol. It's a handgun of fire. That's cool. That's for bugs.

[Brady]

Chicago Electric.

[Paul]

That is for bugs. I had the most manly weekend I've ever had. And you know what else I did? I sprayed some of that grass and weed killer. You're not supposed to do that cuz you got dogs and stuff.

[Host]

But I need something good for my plan.

[Paul]

This is good. Was to spray all that stuff all over the weeds and then go. Then start the fire. And I didn't know it's gonna be.

[Host]

Chernobyl in your backyard.

[Paul]

I wondered. I wondered about that. Turns out, makes a hefty fire. I'll bet. And what you don't think about is the stuff, that underlayment that's under the rocks. So at nighttime I'm burning up a grass that I had all that stuff. And I got one good eye.

[Brady]

There's gonna be some missing kidneys in a year, probably.

[Paul]

Well, I've seen you do it. If you're doing it. I'll be fine.

[Brady]

Had a good run?

[Paul]

Yeah, It's a nice Run. I'm not sticking around for kids graduations or anything. So if I dropped out tomorrow, it wouldn't bother anybody. So in fact you didn't get a card from the owners. There'd be like a party if I died. But the finally saving from the radio station. Oh my God, the other radio stations, the ownership group, everybody'd be thrilled if I croaked. So. But I'm out there and I put all those chemicals on the weeds and the grass and I started to light them up and I was thrilled. And I'm running. I turned around and the whole ground's orange. And I'm like, oh yeah, the stuff under the rocks that, that tarp that they put under rocks.

[Brady]

The green.

[Paul]

Well, no, there's like this black stuff that's supposed to be just like when they, when they re cover everything and put rocks down. You're supposed to put. That stuff burns quick. And the whole ground under the rocks was glowing orange. It was pretty neat. But I had to go get some water, pour that out. Oh, just torch and stuff and I'm surprised that didn't send me to the hospital.

[Brady]

Part of your controlled burn in the yard.

[Paul]

That's what I kept telling myself. I kept saying that it's like a controlled burn. I'm walking through with my little canister of fire making fire. I had the best hillbilly weekend ever. I'm digging holes, splashing around in made up concrete, going to the hospital, getting my eyes washed out, going back, starting fires. Steelers win, Ravens lose, Dodgers get embarrassed in a hilarious way. It's just all it's per. Was a perfectly. I, I can't top this. I might as well check out the best. And then they see Trump asking everybody for $15 so he can get into heaven. You see that one? He's officially gone. We've officially lost Donald. He started to talk about how that bullet was supposed to kill him, but God saved him to make America great. And we all owe him 15 bucks now. And so he's doing a fundraiser.

[Brady]

I sent mine in a while.

[Paul]

Did you.

[Host]

Is he Donald Olsteen now?

[Paul]

He basically said everybody gimme $15 as like a thank you gift or something because he's. Because I need to get into heaven. And I think that'll do it. So he's just raising money for the king. They can't quite tell why. They're pretty sure he's just asking for 15 bones from everybody so he can get into heaven. I can't get around that one, but it's funn. I Was. You know what? I was sent here by God. He's basically a blues brother. I'm on a mission from God, and I need 15 bucks from everybody. If you just kick in, put it in the bucket, and then I'll get into heaven. And that's exactly what we all want. I can't quite get the read on why he's doing that. Is it to make Democrats say, I'm not giving him $15? Then they don't like heaven. Then they're not forgiving. They're awful people. I don't know what that is, but I kind of halfway want to send the 15 bucks. I got a letter, and I don't know why. From him. Did you get the letter, too? No, it's. You didn't get a letter from Trump?

[Brady]

Text?

[Paul]

No, it was an email, and it said. Where is it? Oh. Last year, I came millimeters from death when that bullet pierced through my skin. My triumphant return to the White House was never supposed to happen, but I believe God saved me for. Well, now I've got a McAfee virus from the letter.

[Host]

Jesus. Shocking.

[Brady]

I think that's been out for a while.

[Paul]

Hasn't been. I don't think so. No. This goes over the story again. Now the thing's gone. Said I want to try to get to heaven if possible. I'm hearing I'm not doing well. Well, it's really at the bottom of the totem pole, but if I could get into heaven, this would be one more reason. And so he's asking for some money. Anyway, the virus has hit me. But then Snopes. Snopes backed it up, and they're like, legit. That's from his thing. Because everybody's like, this is fake. This is not. It's real. I didn't know you could do that. The President just said, how about you get me 15 and you get a couple fivers, some change laying around the house, Throw it my way. Help me get into heaven. Cause I'm. I'm doing you guys a favor. And nobody even really knows what he's doing with the money. So it's a weird weekend. The simulation is shattered and broken, but at least it's shattered and broken in my favor, as Lamar Jackson took one in the trunks last night on tv. Again, so happy. And to Bill's fans across the nation, we all owe you a debt of gratitude.

[Host]

Did you hear from Sura?

[Paul]

I text Sarah last night, and I said, the second you walk into work tomorrow, I'm blowing you. Oh, nice. And he just texts back. Paul's never happy. Woohoo. Like big capital letters, which when he screams, it sounds like a racial slur. But it just. It was still a woohoo. It's nine o' clock on the dot. We got a what would Brady do? Coming up in just moments after the greatest weekend ever. Get yourself a flamethrower. It's 98. Kup. It's out of control now. 98. Can you PD.

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