09-09-25 - New Disease Fear Is Screw Worms Infecting Us As We Wonder How Many Chickens There Are - Rant Against Man Who Plays His Pan Flute On Top Of Piestewa Peak - US School Test Scores Are Low Prompting John To Call Again For Teachers To Quit

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – September 9, 2025

Episode Theme:
This episode takes on a blend of wild current events, infectious threats (especially “screw worms”), a comedic deep-dive into chicken consumption in America, a fiery rant about an annoying pan flute player atop Piestewa Peak, and a soapbox plea over plunging US school test scores. Throughout, the crew shares their irreverent, combative, but oddly insightful takes.

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1. Flesh-Eating Parasites: "Screw Worms" Invade the US

Timestamps: 00:42 – 09:45

Key Points:

• Screw Worms Emergence:
  Brady brings up the alarming arrival of screw worms—a flesh-eating parasitic fly—now infecting livestock and even a human in the U.S.
• How They Infect:
  Screw worms burrow into wounds. Even a minor scratch can become host to their eggs ([01:40]).
• Disease Paranoia & Public Health:
  Brady ironically praises the CDC, WHO, and the US government for keeping Ebola and screw worms at bay for so long.
  • “They've done a pretty nice job... Give them kudos for keeping screw worms and Ebola out of the building.” – Brady (01:10)
• Symptoms and “Advice”:
  The group roasts the common sense of visiting the doctor if you see “stuff moving around under your skin.”
  • “If you have weeping sores that won't heal and you see stuff moving around under your skin, you might want to consider going to the doctor.” – Brady (01:30)
• Conspiracy Spin:
  Paranoia about the disease becomes fodder for jokes about food prices and “screw worm vaccines.”
  • “It's another way for them to raise prices on food...oh, we gotta do some screw worm vaccines.” – Brady (03:41)
• Preference for Additives:
  Brady celebrates food additives for keeping imported meat safe:
  • “I like my food full of steroids and additives. I love it.” – Brady (09:38)

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2. The Great American Chicken Debate

Timestamps: 04:01 – 09:45

Key Points:

• Chicken Consumption Math:
  The team is baffled by how America never seems to run out of chicken wings, estimating there must be “10 to 12 trillion chickens” at a time.
  • “I'm going to guess 10 trillion. I think that's about accurate.” – Brady (05:13)
• Statistical Reality Check:
  Actual USDA number: 34–35 billion chickens worldwide, 9 billion processed annually in the US ([05:42, 07:45]).
• Chickens per Person:
  There are roughly 4–5 chickens for every human on earth.
  • “What's its ratio to humans? Approximately four to five chickens for every one human.” – Host (06:10)
• Imports & Industrial Food Chain:
  Discussion about importing chicken, the efficiency of production, and how the industry withstands disasters like bird flu.
• Absurdist Humor:
  The hosts riff on 3D-printing chickens, hidden backyard flocks, and hypothesize about “a billion chickens just walking around” ([07:08]).

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3. Rant: The Pan Flute Performer atop Piestewa Peak

Timestamps: 10:02 – 24:37

Key Points:

• The Annoyance:
  A man has hiked up Piestewa Peak daily for six years to play the pan flute, now the target of noise complaints and the crew’s mockery.
• Social Contract & Public Spaces:
  John and co. argue forcefully that unsolicited performances in public, especially on hikes, are unwanted and self-serving.
  • “If you have to bother people with your instrument and they didn't pay for it, you're annoying them. That's it.” – Brady (12:36)
• Comparisons:
  The hosts liken pan flute playing to unwanted restaurant performances, referencing bassists' self-awareness, and suggest most public playing is a “cry for help.”
• Noisome Heroes:
  The episode riffs on “Pork Man,” “Flag Lady,” “Parrot Man,” and more—a parade of local oddballs seeking attention.
• Outright Opposition:
  “If I went up there and started to do a radio show, people like, shut the f** up. I didn’t bring a radio because I don’t want to listen to the radio right now.”* – Brady (14:04)
• Noisy Instruments vs. Hikers:
  Their comedic exploration expands to guitars, clarinets, bagpipes, and hypothetical mountain-top mariachi bands, all as further proof these acts are “pathetic pleas for attention.”
  • “Bagpipes, yeah. There's all these instruments, but everybody hates all of it. It's a fact.” – Brady (20:46)
• If It Was Good, They’d Be Paid:
  The hosts cynically claim, “If it was good, he'd be hired.” – Brady (22:34)

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4. Crisis in US Education: Teachers, Parents & Accountability

Timestamps: 24:37 – 34:37

Key Points:

• Low Test Scores:
  Reports indicate US student readiness is at an all-time low, sparking another of John’s regular pleas: “All teachers of public schools, quit your jobs.”
  • “Quarterly plea to public school teachers to quit your jobs. Cause they're gonna blame you for this.” – Brady (25:01)
• Blame Game:
  The hosts denounce the reflex to blame teachers, arguing parental accountability and student work ethic are the real culprits.
  • “It's not the teacher’s fault. … It's the kid and it's the parent.” – Brady (25:15)
• Changing Homework Culture:
  Discussion of parents' role in enforcing work at home, the convenience of digital homework submission, and the erasure of excuses.
• Parental Apathy:
  Lisa (guest speaker) shares how teachers call and plead with parents, only to get little support:
  • “Can you help me out here? ... He's not doing anything.” – Lisa (29:19)
• Satire of Modern Parenting:
  Jokes about parents treating their children as accessories, obsessively naming them unique things, and excusing all shortcomings:
  • “Oh, you pretentious garbage pile.” – Brady, on the name “Flagan” (34:16)
  • “You got a dumb kid. That’s on you.” – Brady (32:19)
• Call to Action/Stark Advice:
  “You shouldn't have kids.”—Brady (30:15)
  “Teachers, this is again your only advocate in the city. Quit your job.” – Brady (34:37)

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5. Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Disease Symptom Advice:
  “If you have weeping sores and stuff crawling under your skin, you might want to consider going to the doctor. I didn’t need to know about screw worms for that.” – Brady (01:30)

• On Unasked-for Public Performances:
  “If you have to bother people with your instrument and they didn’t pay for it, you’re annoying them. That’s it.” – Brady (12:36)

• On Parental Duty:
  “Your kids are dumb because of you. End of story. Stop blaming everybody else.” – Brady (32:19)

• On Bad Names for Kids:
  “He’s a special little guy. Now tell him to get his finger out of his nose because he’s 8. It’s enough of that. Flagan.” – Brady (35:22)

• On Teacher Accountability:
  “If your kids are getting bad grades, … it’s 110% the parents’ fault.” – Brady (28:57)

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6. Episode Structure & Tone

• The show is rapid-fire, comedic, sarcastic, and occasionally crass.
• Main host John and regulars Brady, Brett, and Sally bounce banter, facts, and rants with a doomsday, anti-hero humor style.
• While the episode bounces between news items, complaints, and personal vignettes, the unifying thread is a take-no-prisoners skepticism of authority, social “do-gooders,” and anyone who expects the world to fix their problems.

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For the Uninitiated:
This episode is a perfect snapshot of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: irreverent, fact-flipping, and all about lampooning the absurdities of modern life—from flesh-eating parasites to the American urge for public performance, all the way to education’s decline (and why it’s your fault). You'll laugh, groan, and maybe rethink playing your guitar in public.

Transcript

[Host]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

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[Brady]

Morning sickness radiate. There you go. Miles to nowhere. Thank you quite kindly for breaking us into this Tuesday morning. It's pretty solid. Gotta watch out for screw worms. Evidently that's a thing. Now I talked about this a couple months ago that they found one. Screw worms are now in the United States. And once again.

[Host]

The hell's that?

[Brady]

Right? Thanks Mexico. It's a flesh eating parasite that evidently the United States and you know, you can get mad about the jab that everybody calls it, the vaccines and the lies and this and that. They've done a pretty nice job. Whoever's in charge of this, cdc, World Health Organization, government, whatever, give them kudos. They're not always doing something terrible of keeping screw worms and Ebola out of the building. I think that's been a pretty nice run. A lot of places still have Ebola. The only time we had it was when we flew a dude with it here, put him in Atlanta for a few days. Screw worms have made it up here and they usually come from animals or flesh eating viruses, which I hate that phrase right away. And it says that researchers are increasing their efforts to spread awareness to protect the livestock from screw worms. Because we had our first human case of it. Now it's. Here's what, here's, here's what they say to look for. And by the way, I didn't need this. I didn't need this advice. If you have weeping sores that won't heal and you see stuff moving around under your skin, you might want to consider going to the doctor. I didn't need to know about screw worms for that. If I looked at my. And I saw this doesn't look right. This is nothing. If I saw alien in my. I see how that ends. It busts out of your tummy and it gets you. That doesn't look like. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of pain. That looks pretty painful. Remember the dude was screaming when alien came out of his stomach. He was Alive for that does. Humans can be infected with screw worms when they travel to endemic or outbreak areas. Another reason for you guys to stop going to Mexico. Mexico, okay, New Mexico. I'm sure they've got it. It's the same as Mexico, only updated and not much. Not much. They're parasitic flies that burrow into warm blooded tissue. Most of the time they start in like if you've got a cut already and you think you'd have to have some gaping hole. It's not like an earthworm, they're parasitic. So all you have to do is have a cut, like a scratch that's just below the surface of your epidermis and it gets in there and they lay the eggs. And then you got stuff crawling around inside.

[Brett]

You just don't fall asleep next to the workshed outside or something, you know?

[Brady]

No, now it's in your food and then like it's around your house and stuff. Because Mexico doesn't care. And the US has been fighting the screwworm problem. We'd never heard of them before. That's how blessed we are to be American.

[Brett]

This is a first time for me. You might have mentioned.

[Brady]

Well, I mentioned it a while ago. Hey, they're talking about screw worms. I'm like, that seems like something we should probably fight. And we lost. They're here. And it's also another way, and you know, you want to get into the conspiratorial side. It's another way for them to raise prices on food. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, we gotta do some screw worm vaccines and keep an eye on that.

[Brett]

So it's affected the livestock.

[Brady]

The price will go up because we'll lose a couple of screw worms. Remember when bird flu killed all those chickens? And chicken wings were like $340 each. That didn't last forever because we can make chickens. I think they can make a million chickens in like two minutes.

[Brett]

I think they're printing them now.

[Brady]

When I was at 3D print. Yeah. When I was at the Native Grill last Tuesday or Wednesday, whenever it was Wednesday, and we had that eating contest, I looked at the poundage of chickens in front of me and I always do this, and there were six dudes up there and all of us had probably 150 wings in a bucket. And I'm looking at that and I'm like, how many goddamn chickens are there? Think of it. In all the nation of just every state, every city, there's a place that just has nonstop chicken wings. At least one now, major cities, there's six 700 different restaurants in Phoenix, at least that could will never run out of chicken wings. They're just like, you want more? Yeah. All you can eat. They'll pile them in. There's billions. There's Buffalo Wild Wings is dedicated to the idea that everybody that comes in there is going to have at least 12. That's six chickens.

[Brett]

And the tsunami season just started a couple weeks ago.

[Brady]

Oh, with football. Yeah. And we never like, we're short. How many chickens are there? I'm going to guess 10 trillion. I think that's about accurate. I think at any given time, there's 10 to 12 trillion chickens.

[Brett]

There's some hidden farms.

[Brady]

There has to be, by the way. There's people who just hanging around this the state that have them in their yard. They're not going to eat them. So there's even more chickens.

[Host]

As of 2023, they said 34.4 to 35 billion chickens.

[Brady]

I think that's low.

[Brett]

Is that a year that we consume?

[Brady]

Not that we consume. Well, we do eat them. I mean, if there's 34 billion chickens, let's say a billion of them aren't for eaten. That's a high guess. So we're eating 33 billion. We've got to replenish that regularly. How? I mean, we're eating. Because we're not making 33 billion chickens unless we're eating 30 billion of them.

[Host]

What's it's the ratio to humans? Approximately four to five chickens for every one human.

[Brady]

Yeah. I have this thing now that sprouts, puts shredded roasted chicken in a little tin bucket and has like a pound of chicken. And I hammer that. I eat that like, and there's like two of them at a time. I will crush it. And then I realize there's. That's more chicken. Like there's chicken all over the place. We have billions of them and we make them to eat.

[Brett]

We're consuming 34.

[Brady]

We're eating 30 billion chickens a year because there's eight.

[Brett]

Eight is eight billion. Close the mark of the population.

[Brady]

Well, for the world. For the world. The whole world's not eating chicken wings.

[Brett]

He's saying four to five chickens. Is that just in the U.S. that's gotta be.

[Brady]

Well, I don't think that's 34 billion, but still per person in the world. And I'm saying, is it 34 billion chickens in the world? Yes. Oh, okay. How many in the States? That's what I need to know. Because I don't think we're using world chickens.

[Host]

I'm sure we are.

[Brady]

I think there's. I'll. I'll go out to say there's a billion chickens that are just walking around.

[Brett]

You never know because for, you know, a while there we were. Who knows if we're importing chickens? I don't.

[Host]

That's what I think we are either.

[Brady]

But we can't be importing.

[Host]

I wouldn't doubt it.

[Brady]

We're not importing chickens. There's no way.

[Host]

Not bringing the whole chickens over here. They're killing them there and sending it over here just like they do with fish.

[Brady]

That's true.

[Brett]

But did it with beef for a while.

[Brady]

Boatloads.

[Host]

522 million chickens in the US in.

[Brady]

The US so we eat 520 million chickens. That seems low to me every year, because I'll give you that. There's 2 million of them just kind of hobnobbing around the States with the hobo pack and all.

[Host]

Billions of chickens are processed annually with nearly 9 billion broiler chickens raised for meat in the US each year.

[Brady]

9 billion each year for the state.

[Host]

It says if you figure.

[Brett]

If he's saying four or five per person.

[Brady]

Well, no, I'm just saying, like if you've got 9 billion and there's 34, currently there's got another 34. We just churn 30 million at a time. We keep that number at 30 million. And while we're eating one, the other ones are almost ready to be eaten and they're making more to be eaten later. So it's 30. 30 million in this cycle. We eat a lot of chicken.

[Host]

But think about it, you know, like when you go to native, they give those. Those trays were £4.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So.

[Host]

And it. He said basically, give or take, there were, I think, 40 wings, you know, flats and drums.

[Brady]

So it's 20 chickens, right? Well, no, flats and drums would be.

[Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

I don't know how it works. I don't know how to do the math. Quarters.

[Brett]

But still, the United States does import chicken products from other countries.

[Brady]

I figured that. Bottom line is we're gonna end up with screw worms. So watch out for screw worms. Yeah. They're warning you that if you weren't before, but you've got wounds that won't heal and stuff crawling under your skin and it's visible. You might want to go get checked out. I'm not a doctor. I'd have told you that with or without the knowledge of screw worms. But they're out there. They're out there.

[Brett]

According to the, you know, AI, this is in 2002. This is most recent. They're saying 2002, the US imported approximately 3.8 billion pounds of meat and poultry products.

[Brady]

All screw worms are here now. That's because they did. And you know what? Tip of the cap to the US for keeping screw worms out and still bringing in a bunch of meat from somewhere else. I don't know what poison we put on our meat to make screw worms go away, but more of that, please. Let's get all the conspiracy theorists and lunatics. Look, you put so much in your food and the poisons, I'm like, yeah, to keep screw worms out. I'd rather do that than eat that organic crap and end up with parasites. I like my food full of steroids and additives. I love it.

[Sally]

It's terrible for you.

[Brady]

91 years old, then, with my additives, that'll make my bones hurt. That's it. I don't. I don't. Again. I go back to the idea that medical science is the worst thing that's ever happened to us because it makes us live longer. We're only supposed to go, like 30, 35 years.

[Sally]

That's.

[Brady]

That was what we were built to do. We started to preserve ourselves. I don't want screw worms. We're cleaner than we've ever been. That's the scariest part. Every day that goes by humanity is a little cleaner than it was before. Go back 100 years. We were filthy. Compared to today, we're so clean now. Screw worms have got to go. And thanks to Brady Scott for inventing the screw. What a great thing. That is powerful. It's a good idea. Here's something else. I want Van Dudes who want to entertain me on trails. I heard the story. I watched it last night. There's a guy who's been running up and down Piestewa Peak for six years, and he goes up and he plays a flute every morning. And then people, here's the thing that the story kind of was like, what a great thing. At the end of it, they're like noise complaints. Nobody's complaining. Anything at the top of Piestawa Peak. Unless you're annoying people with a pan flute. So he climbs up there and he thinks anybody's interacting.

[Brett]

It fits with that mountain.

[Brady]

No, it doesn't. It doesn't at all. Nobody wants to hear you and your desperate cry for attention at the top of the mountain. Entertain us with an acoustic guitar, a ukulele, a flute, anything. Leave us alone.

[Brett]

It's America, John.

[Brady]

No, it is America, and it's Time for you to stop annoying most of us.

[Host]

It's got nothing to do. The Renaissance festival isn't for a couple more months. I mean, yeah, exactly.

[Brady]

It's rehearsal has nothing to do with it. Every day for six years, he goes up there and blows a pan flute. Nobody wants it. They told him to be quiet. So even in the stories, like, I'm gonna do it a little quieter than I used to. Cause of noise complaints. No, that means everybody was telling you to shut the. No, no. Neighbors are calling the top of Piesta Peak. Nobody wants to hear your crap. It's not nice. It's not a moment. Go have your own moment. Play the pan flute for a second. Six years, you're just an attention. That's all you're looking to do.

[Brett]

So would that eventually happen if a guy went up there too, and he gets to the top and he sings a couple of songs?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. Oh, push him off.

[Brett]

That's a noise complaint.

[Brady]

Yeah, push him up.

[Brett]

You know what you're talking to? Loud noise complaint.

[Brady]

You're exaggerating it. The noise can. Talking is expected. Some dude that breaks out and goes.

[Sally]

Hey, strangers, everyone look at me. I built a little castle.

[Brady]

Like, shut the up. What are you doing?

[Brett]

They should do a vote for people that hike piece to wall. Yeah, because the guy's been doing it for six years.

[Brady]

Brady, they did. He has got noise complaints.

[Brett]

There you go.

[Brady]

That's that. Nobody else got noise complaints.

[Brett]

It's like someone, you know, one person has a problem with the flute. There's the complaint.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Brett]

Something about it.

[Brady]

Brady, no one wants these do gooders to pop up there and make friends with them on the top of the mountain.

[Brett]

There's other mountains to hike. Get out of here.

[Brady]

Yeah, for him. And take your pan flute to your backyard. There's a reason why nobody goes to his concerts. If you have to bother people with your instrument and they didn't pay for it, you're annoying them. That's it. Bass players learned this a long time ago. You want to clear a room out real fast? Go in there and grab your acoustic bass and start playing for the patrons without them asking for it. They'll kick you out. You wander around with a guitar on the street. You're a lunatic. Stop it. With your instruments that nobody paid for. If you're good enough, people will watch you perform or they'll drop money in a bucket. You're an attention whore. You've got a problem at home. You're escaping your problems and you're trying to attack strangers. With your skills, nobody's interested.

[Brett]

Here's the key. If you do the flute, you just put the bucket out there.

[Brady]

Yeah, Right. And everybody would kick it down there and go, go get your bucket. It's on the bottom where you belong.

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[Brady]

Home birds, morning sickness. If I went up there and started to do a radio show, people like, shut the up. I didn't bring a ra. I didn't bring a radio because I don't want to listen to the radio right now. So I don't want you up here. Bother. Shut the upper. There's another guy who climbs up every day and gives people ice cream. It's the opposite of why you're hiking.

[Brett]

I heard about that.

[Brady]

Yeah, don't do that. He's bringing ice cream to be like, knock it off.

[Brett]

The good humor.

[Brady]

Stop trying to make pals at the top of the hike because you're lonely. And you know what never happens with these people? They never have, like, people with them. They hike alone. They've blown it here on the surface with the rest of us. They don't have friends, so they have to hike up and bother you in the hopes that you like the pan flute because they've wasted their time learning to play that thing. It needs to end. That crap is. That's garbage. If I got up to Piestewa Peak and I heard, like, what the. You ruined my hike. I'm here every day. No one hired you to do this. Go home. Go make friends. Go over the Windsor, grab a burger and annoy people there. You know how I know it's crap? Because if you and I were in a restaurant and you're like, hey, buddy, what's your name?

[Sally]

I'm Brady.

[Brady]

Hey, my name's John. How are you?

[Sally]

I'm good.

[Brady]

Are you gonna get some food?

[Sally]

I sure am.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Sally]

What the hell are you doing? You're playing pan flute next to me.

[Brady]

Yeah, I just thought maybe the people here would enjoy that.

[Sally]

Shut the f up.

[Brady]

That's exactly what you do any other setting, you say, knock it off. Some dude starts playing a guitar next to you at a restaurant, like, what are you doing? Just thought everybody'd love to hear what I've got. Nope. If that were true, you'd make records nobody wants to hear you. Shut. The upper bass players get it. They're the only ones. If a dude started to set up a drum set in a restaurant, the restaurant will kick him out. Nobody wants to hear you play your instrument without asking or hiring. You got to get hired to do that stuff. If you ambush us with your crap and he's getting all this credit, but if you look, read between the lines, people are complaining about this guy constantly going up there and wrecking the peace of their morning. Some people hike just for the peace and quiet of sitting on top of that thing and hearing the wind. They don't need, you know, some dude up there pretending to be like the Great Spirit, honking on them on some flute that they never. They don't want to hear it. It's fact. So stop it. Stop it. And just put the pan flute down. That's enough. Maybe if I paid to go to, like, Talking Stick and they had some sort of instruments or if I went to the Mim, I'd expect it.

[Brett]

But you're talking about private places, right?

[Brady]

You get hired to do that, right?

[Brett]

No, outdoors.

[Brady]

Stop it. Nobody wants to hear you. You're. You're.

[Brett]

I know you don't want it.

[Brady]

You're isolating people.

[Brett]

It stinks. There might be a guy that I don't like hiking up there. The time that I'm going, you're going to try to get them off.

[Brady]

Try to come. Yeah, because you have a common nobody. Everybody's trapped, and you're going to the same place, and he knows that. He's basically holding you hostage with his bull. That's what I'm saying.

[Host]

I don't want to hike with Zam Fear Master.

[Brady]

Nobody wants to. Freddie's trying to make it so. It's a beautiful thing. And I say, you and your remaining kidney. The reason there were noise complaints is because people go up there to breathe, have their own moment, and he's trying to entertain them. If he was doing it on his own, he'd go off in his quiet corner and play on his. He's trying to make people like him. It's a sad cry for help. You wouldn't go up there and start serving pork to people every day for six years when they say, hey, would you knock it off? Well, I'll do it quieter.

[Brett]

That's Pork Man.

[Brady]

Yeah, Pork man comes out, he's an idiot. Everybody hates him. Flag lady, Pork man, pan flute fella. They all end up the same in some sort of Internet scam. Trying to make friends with a colonel in Texas who makes them cut pages out of books and send money. They're lonely. That's all that is. It's a screen at a place where people are trapped, where you try to be the star attraction, the attraction atop a piece of peak. The views.

[Brett]

It's not you and Parrot man who hikes with the parrot for garage.

[Brady]

Those dudes. It's screaming out cries for the parrot doesn't want to be up there. You know what? The parrot would love you to have unclipped his wings and let him fly around and be a parrot. But no, he's trapped on your shoulder. Now he's got to go do what you want.

[Sally]

That sucks.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's funny that way. No, he's telling the truth. He's the only one honest about what's going on. Yeah, nobody likes that. And it has nothing to do with talk. And if somebody was talking so loud, it'd be like, hey, could you keep it down? People would say something. They told him this. And he still hikes up there. See him on the news last night, and he was like, nobody's celebrating. You do realize that you were told to be quiet, right? Yeah. Just gonna play quieter. No, no. They're telling you to stop. They're trying to be nice. Everybody loves the flute guy. Well, then how come nobody ever hikes with you? I have to do it alone. Six years you've hiked alone every day? Yep. You don't have any friends. That's all I get.

[Brett]

Well, I had my buddy with the rain stick, but he just too tough to hike. Quit?

[Brady]

Yeah, he quit. Something happened. He was either pushed or fell off the mountain. I can't remember exactly how it happened, but it's just. It's so. I don't know. Those dudes drive me nuts. Because it's like, oh, here's this guy. If you've got a guitar case and you're halfway up the mountain, I'm already mad at you. Oh, Christ. Let's turn around. He's gonna want to sing. Was the movie Role Models when it was the dude had the guitar, he kept breaking out, and everybody's like, oh, there's nothing. Paul Rudd said. Exactly what I'm saying. Oh, there's nothing worse then dude with an acoustic guitar. Or we can't Leave. And he starts singing Big City. And he can't get that. Wait, wait, wait. And he starts over. It's like, oh, the only time that's good is if you went into a restaurant and they had hired pan flute guy. No one will ever do that. I still believe so would I. Yeah, but maybe somebody would go in and go, oh, this is nice. Because it's atmospheric to the.

[Brett]

Yeah, they'll do it like botanical gardens.

[Brady]

Right? They hire people. If you walked into the botanical gardens, you started blowing your pan flute at people who were trying to look at the plants, and no one hired you, you'd be asked to leave. Stop terrorizing us with your crappy instrument. You know what? Nobody ever does hikes with a clarinet. They wouldn't know this is just too obnoxious and loud to do.

[Host]

Or bagpipes.

[Brady]

Bagpipes, yeah. There's all these instruments, but everybody hates all of it. It's a fact. If a dude just started blowing a clarinet at, you'd be like, I'm knocking this guy out. Like you're insane.

[Host]

All right, Benny Goodman, let's get a move on.

[Brady]

I'm gonna do a little string of pearls for you. Hope your hike went well.

[Sally]

What is this?

[Brady]

Thinking. He thinks he's gonna make friends and he's not.

[Brett]

It's like every once in a while the band's practicing in the garage or whatever in the neighborhood.

[Brady]

Not the same, because they're. They're in their own space.

[Brett]

Yeah, but they'll get a no noise if they.

[Brady]

If they're terrible. And they keep doing it every day, but you'll give them a break. Nobody practices in garages anymore. That's pretty much stopped, which is great. Everybody does it in their beat laboratories. In their bedrooms, though. You don't even need instruments. And there's no garage bands anymore. And that was also awful. But if they played in your garage when you came home from work, you'd ask him. You'd call the police. Yeah. Yeah. That's the same thing as these idiots chasing people around with their dumb instruments. Stop it. This comes from a guy who loves music. But I like music. That's good. It says Brady. That would be as bad as those goddamn sound bowls you've got. Oh, could you imagine? You're up on the mountain. You just hike.

[Brett]

They haven't been up there.

[Brady]

Just through a 40 minute run up Piestewa, and you're breathing heavy. And some broads up there trying to convince you sound bowls are what you need. Right. Like, I'm gonna knock you and your bowls out. Stop. I need to just hear my breathing and take a moment for myself. Stop it.

[Host]

Apparently there's some asshole up there with a guitar too.

[Brady]

Of course there is. He's lonely too.

[Brett]

But if it's good, you're okay with it.

[Brady]

I'm not. It's never good. If it was good, he'd be hired. It's the local artist problem. You know how I know you're bad? Artist. The word locals in front of it. Nobody wants your art outside of your region. And nobody wants it outside your region. If you're selling anything for less than $10 on First Fridays, you're not an artist yet. You're trying to be.

[Brett]

Gotta start somewhere.

[Brady]

If you took a few pictures and put them on Instagram, you're not a model. If you're playing guitar and you have to chase people to do it, you're not a guitarist, you're an annoyance. Go into a bar with your guitar and say, I'd like to play for the people. Do you want me here? And let the bartender say. Or the owner say, sure. And even say, I'll work for free. And then stuff yourself in a corner and play. But do not ambush us with surprise. Guitars, bass, drums, a horn. There's tons of instruments that. If people did it, you'd be like, this is a nuisance. Your pan flute is no different. No tuba. Guys in great shape, pumping it up to the top of Echo Canyon. And people would arrest him. You're an insane person. Has nothing to do with noise complaints. But if you get them, that means nobody wants to hear from you. That's the thing about a noise complaint. Read the room. If you go up someplace and they're like, noise complaint. To the point where you're like, I'll quiet down. They're just saying, stop it.

[Brett]

Is that a mariachi band?

[Brady]

You imagine how mad you'd be. Did you hike Sedona? And at the top, some mariachi band breaks out and there's. I mean, unless they were bringing first time chips and salsa.

[Brett]

No, like, for six years.

[Brady]

I guess I would stop hiking that mountain if there's a mariachi band.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The guy's on the flute for six years.

[Brady]

Once is too many. It's time to stop. And the news actually covered it the right way. I got to give them credit. He's playing quieter now due to several noise complaints. Well, nobody wants to hear from him.

[Host]

Does this guy think he's Jethro Tull.

[Brady]

Standing at the top of the Mountain. What if I'd went up there and he just said, hey, aqua lung. And he just starts singing? You'd be like, yeah, you'd laugh. But then you'd want it to stop. Then you'd never hike again. Another story I saw last night was they're saying that student scores in the United States have hit an all time low.

[Brett]

And math?

[Brady]

No, just everything. They can't do anything. They can't pay attention. They're terribly stupid. And I'm telling you, it's my quarterly plea to tell all teachers of public schools to quit your jobs. Cause they're gonna blame you for this. And it's not your fault. It's not the teacher's fault. I've been a teacher advocate for ages. It's the parents fault. If you're getting bad grades, they blame the teacher. It's the kid and it's the parent. I know for a fact, and I turn to you, Brett, you come home with a bunch of Ds. Is it the teacher's fault? Is your dad going to say, oh, these teachers, I'm so mad at them. Or is he going to tell you, oh, oh, I see. You expect a free ride and you don't have to do anything. If these aren't bees, soon you live outside.

[Host]

Yeah, he's not giving the teacher five across a mile. That's me.

[Brady]

They're saying that it's a new batch of student test scores indicate a college. The slump in the college and career readiness. Because the kids have zero attention spans. They can't learn anything. They can't keep track of anything. The results are quite sobering. And they're blaming the pandemic and everything else. That should have been the most best learning time ever. If parents cared about their kids at all.

[Brett]

It was pretty instrumental for Kirby, more or less. I mean, you know, it's always been, if you're gonna go to this school.

[Brady]

Right, one C, you're out.

[Brett]

Two Cs, we're moving.

[Brady]

Brady, that's called consequences. And I'm a little surprised you're bringing them to the party. Although we both know that if Kirby came home with these, she'd get to go to school still. But the fact you're hanging it overhead as a false threat is what a parent is supposed to do. It's not the teacher's fault. Your kids are stupid. My friend the other day said something about his daughter and he goes, my daughter's not turning in her homework. And I'm like, she's not doing her homework because there'd be no point in doing it and not turning it in. I'm like, you're. That's semantics. But that's your fault. Like, what do you mean? I'm like, if she's doing her homework and not turning it in, that's weird. That makes her dumber. But if she's not doing it and you're saying it's just she's not turning in her homework, then she's not doing her homework. That's if she's not doing the job.

[Brett]

And some of that turn in this house changed a little bit. Turning in your homework now on numerous classes enter. Right.

[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness Medicate KUPD Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

You don't even have to place anything on the screen.

[Brady]

That's different. That's only different for you.

[Brett]

Right? But I'm saying it's. It's a little more convenient or easy.

[Brady]

It's the easiest time ever. If you do your homework, it's simple. You don't have to write anything.

[Brett]

Yeah, but I can, you know. Okay. You forgot you thought you entered it.

[Brady]

No.

[Brett]

Thought I turned it.

[Brady]

No, you're an idiot. And at the end of the night, at 9 o', clock, the first thing my dad always said before he went to bed. Did you finish all your homework? Yes. Did you? I've got a little left. Get in there. Turn the TV off. It was every day and it was annoying, but he didn't want an idiot.

[Lisa]

In the case of what you're saying, it's even worse because all kids, even in Lisa's class at fifth grade, they can log into their studio and they know everything.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Lisa]

So there's no way. And the other thing is, it takes away all the excuses. Like you were saying, I didn't turn in my homework. Yeah, you can see that. You didn't turn in your home.

[Brady]

Did you do it Right? You didn't do it. That's why you didn't turn it in. They're going to blame the teachers. Tell Lisa to quit. They're going to blame the teachers for this and it's not their fault. And the parents are saying things like what Brady said, which is, it's too difficult. I don't know. Why can't we just turn it. That's how kids work. It's not. You're not understanding it, but it's not their fault.

[Lisa]

Lisa had a kid in her class already this year that said. So he was kind of being rambunctious, so she sent him to another lady to help him out with math. He came back and he said she didn't know how to do it. How am I expected to know how to do it?

[Brady]

You hired a tutor who didn't know math to teach math. Yeah, I'm sure she's still. You should probably fire her or they were having an affair because I read that about in the news constantly. That's a thing. But they're going to start blaming the teachers and it's not the teacher's fault. It's 110% the parents fault. If your kids are getting bad grades.

[Brett]

We get an update every week on the grades.

[Brady]

Right. Every week.

[Brett]

They don't not. You know, you should get used to dread the progress reports would happen because you five or six weeks or something.

[Brady]

But Kirby's going to a private school. You pay extra to get extra because they assume and there probably aren't many kids at Kirby school that don't have both parents riding their ass a little bit. Gilbert's got a whole lot of mom wants to be friends but there's two parents for every kid at the Gilbert Christian. Probably 90% of that Cha Ching Chavez.

[Brett]

Probably 90%.

[Brady]

That's a totally different. Yeah. Cha Ching Chavez. Congratulations. Yeah.

[Brett]

I wonder if it is that high.

[Brady]

It's high because I've been to Gilbert. Nobody's happy. But they all go through the motions. They all stay together. Nobody's in it. Yeah.

[Lisa]

Go to Lisa school and watch the entire crowd change from day to day, day to day.

[Brett]

But every schools are probably doing the weekly update now that you have.

[Lisa]

Like I said, it's daily.

[Brady]

Like you can check on your own. If the parents want to take interest.

[Brett]

They can send it to the par. By the way, here's what they're doing.

[Brady]

They're not doing it and your kids are stupid and you're blaming the schools and it's your fault. 100% across the board. Your fault.

[Sally]

I don't have time for this.

[Brady]

Shouldn't have kids. Well, that's not the way it works. Well then step up.

[Lisa]

Lisa calls or emails. Parents weekly. Can you help me out here? Yeah, he's do. He's not even trying.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's not doing anything.

[Lisa]

He's. Yeah, he's not even looking at it.

[Brady]

This is work at home. Yeah, that's why I call it homework. Yep. Now it's on you. You got to help me out.

[Sally]

My son's not learning anything.

[Brady]

Well then he's either dumb or he's not doing the work.

[Sally]

How dare you call him dumb.

[Brady]

Well then he's not doing the work, that's your fault. You need to ride his ass.

[Lisa]

And then there's also a push in the state to. To not have as much homework. And then you're. You're like, okay, well then when are.

[Brady]

They going to do this stuff?

[Lisa]

When are they going to learn this stuff? How are they going to get practiced?

[Brady]

I'm telling you, it's. Again, it's my quarterly plea to public school teachers to all quit. Just quit. It's not worth.

[Lisa]

Keep bringing dependent.

[Brady]

Oh, absolutely. The pandemic showed completely, 100% across the board. The parents are like, I don't want this thing in the house all day. We got to do something about this. And they were begging teachers to open the doors of their own homes. Can you guys let them into your house?

[Lisa]

Some of them did.

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't want it here. I'm working from home now. And it's home. I didn't. I. I paid taxes, so it goes away for eight hours at least.

[Lisa]

This had to have happened in Brady's neighborhood, too. But there were people near us that would gather in the green belt and.

[Brady]

Do school outside just to get the kids out. Yeah, I pay taxes, damn it. To have it leave for eight hours.

[Lisa]

That's what took advantage of. And had a barbecue and lessons.

[Sally]

Bite and contest math. You don't. You guys don't need to learn any math. Sorry about all the smoke. I don't need to learn math. That's what your phone's for.

[Lisa]

Look at that smoke ring.

[Brady]

Who wants rare? These are ready to go.

[Sally]

Tiny little nummy nums. Pandemic wieners.

[Brady]

Ow.

[Brett]

My kidney.

[Sally]

Ouch. Back hurts a little bit. Probably nothing. I bet in five years that all goes away. Nummy nums for anybody who wants them. Phosphates. Free phosphates.

[Brady]

Your kids are dumb because of you. End of story. Stop blaming everybody else. You got a dumb kid. That's on you. And nobody wants to hear that.

[Sally]

My little angel. It's not his fault he's so bright.

[Brady]

I like when people say that he's not challenged enough. Oh, he's challenged, lady. Yeah, he is.

[Lisa]

He's challenged daily.

[Brady]

Your kid's challenged all right.

[Sally]

No, he's. He's bored at school. You know, Einstein got absolutely.

[Brady]

Okay. Quit throwing that bomb at everybody. He was fairly unique. You don't have an Einstein. You got a Braden. And he's dumb.

[Lisa]

Yeah, because Einstein I'm pretty sure, was doing things in his office, right?

[Brady]

Yeah. Your kid is not. Einstein wasn't interested with school. He was self teaching. You know, thermodynamics and quantum this and that instead of Bill Gates.

[Lisa]

It could have changed.

[Brett]

He's off to Instagram. Was around when Einstein was right.

[Brady]

And that's on the parents too.

[Host]

You don't think Talon's in there doing the same stuff Einstein's doing?

[Brady]

I mean, come on, Talon and yeah, you're right. And the other talent and then talent with an I, Talent with a Y. I met. I'm going through a thing. I watched that friends and neighbors show and I thought to myself, this is exactly how I feel. I want to rob my friends. Everything in the world is boring. Just absolute bull. Everybody's fake.

[Brett]

It was liberating form.

[Brady]

I met someone the other day whose kid had the dumbest name. And I just said, oh, what kind of is this? His name was Flagan.

[Sally]

What?

[Lisa]

Excuse me?

[Brady]

Flagan. Flagan. This is my son, Flagan. I'm like, that's a last name. What'd you do that for? Flagan is like, it was never his grandfather's name. Don't give me that. You made that up.

[Sally]

This is flagging.

[Brady]

Oh, Royce. Oh, come on, come on. You want attention? This is an accessory. At this point, your kid is horse. Put it back.

[Lisa]

You've chosen bling.

[Brady]

Just as you blinged him with a name. Flagon. Quit it. Why don't you just name him Swarovski? Make him a jewel.

[Sally]

This is.

[Brady]

It's just enough. And I'm like, oh, you pretentious garbage pile.

[Brett]

Flaky.

[Brady]

Yeah. What do you call him? Flag around the house. That's gonna end up bad at school. Flag and the boy. And if you're listening, you know, cuz I told him, I'm like, what kind of is that name?

[Sally]

We wanted him to be unique.

[Brady]

Well, he looks like all the others. He's dirty and he's picking his nose. Flagin's an idiot too. It's your fault. You got dumb kids. It's your fault. Teachers, this is again your only advocate in the city. Quit your job. Go get a job doing something else. Yeah, or hire an Asian kid in the neighborhood to help him with math and get to work. It's on you. Or flagging. Exactly this.

[Sally]

Hi, it's my husband, William. My name's Sally. This is our son, Flag and O. Flagon.

[Host]

Like, oh my, the dad agreed to that.

[Brady]

Of course he's. His nuts are in her purse.

[Sally]

She want him to be different than all the rest.

[Brett]

She opened up her Louis purse and there they were.

[Brady]

Yeah, and Flagan's probably spelled P, H, L, A, G E N. He's got to be the most unique thing in the world. He's a special little guy. Now tell him to get his finger out of his nose because he's 8. It's enough of that. Flag him. I hope he's listening right now because he. He hates his kid too. There's no way you can't like him. You can't love a Flagon. That's not a thing. Like Talon and Skyler are on the cusp of not being loved. You can't. As a man. You can't love your son Skyler a little bit, maybe, but you don't love him as much as you should because you named him something stupid. Black people got away with this a long time ago with the crazy names, but at least they were funny. Flaggin's just annoying. Robitussin adding a D and an apostrophe to Kevin. I mean, that's just funny. His name's Kevin, but not just Kevin. De Kevin. And I'm like, that's awesome. I don't know how you got. Well, that's great. He sounds tough. Flagging now. If I was a pregnant black family right now, Deflegan wouldn't be a bad idea. Because that's kind of cool. Such a white person's name anyway. Teachers quit your jobs, parents. It's your fault if you've got a dumb one. 100% across the board. Brett graduated from school with good grades. And Brett only thinks there's 24 letters in the Alphabet. That's a fact. It's not like you absorbed it all. But you got out because you'd have gotten killed at home. Yeah, teachers were never going to be mean to you. They didn't care if you passed or failed. Your parents should. It's a Good thing it's 729. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Burt? Wake up.

[Host]

Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop, of course. And it is time to get those bikes ready and ready to go for the trail. Or if you need a new bike, Action Ride shots the place to be. They got the best wrenches in town. They got all the gear you're gonna need to get you out on the trail. And again, if you need a new bike, no problem. They got the full line of Pivot. Santa Cruz, Rocky Mountain. You name it, they got it. If they don't, they'll get it. It is Action Ride Shop. Two locations. Gilbert Road in Southern. And of course, the OG is Gilbert and Southern. And of course, the brand New one right there on Power and McDowell right by the Haas trail.

[Brady]

Hey, it is Action Ride Shop by the way. Just got emailed the thing. Einstein excelled in school. It's an old wives tale that he failed anything. He might have been bored, might have had one grade. Yeah, he might have had a couple moments just like I'm not doing that Home ec. He got an F in Home EC and like maybe he took a hairstyling class or something. That dude wasn't gonna do well there.

[Host]

Tell Talon what a why to get back to work.

[Sally]

Einstein got all ass.

[Brady]

No, actually that's a lie, Talon. And I'm gonna hit you again if you say that. I'm gonna send you up to the top of Piestewa Peak to listen to the pan flute.

[Sally]

Oh, don't do that.

[Brady]

That's right. Do your homework.

[Sally]

Dad says I have to listen to the pan flute. Top of a mountain. If I don't do my homework, I'm doing my homework. I don't want to hear that. Idiot.

[Brady]

Bet you that guy got bad grades and that's why he doesn't have a job. And he can hike every day for six years. He's probably in great shape because he's chasing after friends all the time.

[Host]

He's got a job for two months a year at the Renaissance Festival.

[Brady]

That's about it. That's all people hire him for Turkey.

[Host]

Leg and a pan flute.

[Brady]

Right after he annoys you on the top of your hike, he runs out there to Gold Canyon and annoys people there too. But at least they pay him to do it. People expect it there. Everyone expects to be annoyed at the Renaissance Festival. It's what it is. I still don't understand celebrating the plague, but go nuts. What do you got, Bert?

[Host]

All right. On the list, a lot of pig songs. Green Jelly, Three Little Pigs, Nine Inch Nails, March of the Pigs, Cold Chamber, Pig 2, which was Rob Halford's industrial project. I'm a Pig and then Dope System of a Down Drowning, Pool Seven, Dust Tool, Stained Avenged.

[Brady]

I don't remember Halford having a secondary deal.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Was it good?

[Host]

He teamed up with Trent Reznor.

[Brady]

Trent Reznor and Rob Halford did stuff together. Just music, right? Yeah. How about that? I don't think I've ever heard this or even heard of this. That's somewhat fascinating. There it is. And this is the. This is a little. It's kind of cool. Yeah. I mean it's Rob Halford kind of. Let's do it. All right. Let's do a lime and pick. Here you go. Good one. This for Brady's new kidney? Yeah, that's right, Brady is Pygmalion. There you go. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. K u p.