09-09-25 - Who Saves Birthday Cards Like The One Trump Gave Epstein Cause We've Written Horrible Stuff To People We Don't Know

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Episode: 09-09-25 – Who Saves Birthday Cards Like The One Trump Gave Epstein...
Date: September 9, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg (Rick), Fitz, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98KUPD

---

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the unexpectedly lasting consequences of seemingly innocuous jokes, signatures, and greetings in things like birthday cards, especially when such mementos resurface years later in legal or moral scandals. Using recent revelations about infamous figures (such as Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump) and the birthday cards they exchanged, the hosts reflect on their own questionable card messages, the pitfalls of social media, and the bizarre anxiety of being posthumously linked to scandals through signatures or photos. The result is a humorous yet cautionary take on public accountability in the digital age.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joking About Taboo Topics and Audience Sensitivity

• The show opens with Rick addressing an upset listener about a previous segment involving an inappropriate age-gap scenario.
  • [00:46] Rick: “Every day we say something that could trigger someone... I’m sure you’ve laughed at something horrible that’s been said in the past.”
• The hosts note the weirdness and risks inherent in joking about sensitive or taboo subjects, acknowledging changing societal standards and the permanence of recorded media.

2. The “Birthday Card” Scandal: Trump, Epstein, and Company

• The crew discusses how a birthday card signed by Trump for Epstein, filled with questionable humor, is now being scrutinized decades later.
  • [01:35] Rick: “If those become legal fodder or some sort of a court case evidence, I’m doomed. I write horrible stuff in people’s birthday cards.”
  • Fitz: “But it was really funny at the time.” ([02:27])
• They reflect on how something meant as a joke, especially in the context of powerful people, can take on grim significance when the people involved are later accused of terrible acts.
• Memorable quote:
  • [02:31] Rick: “Especially a guy like Epstein. Why is he saving a bunch of stuff? Wasn’t he hiding? What are you doing?”

3. The Risks of Photos and Social Media

• Rick expands the topic to photos with strangers, public events, and social media, comparing it to carrying a “viper in your pocket.”
  • [03:23] Rick: “That’s why I hate social media. I always say it’s a viper in your pocket... 10 years from now, when I take a picture of myself with some guy — I took pictures years ago with the zombie killer, and I didn’t even know it.”
• Humorous anecdotes follow about mistaken identity and signing things as famous baseball players.
  • [04:30] “Avoiding STDs. That’s a pretty solid one. Rick Heller had some good advice all around.”

4. Cards & Signatures as Future “Evidence”

• The hosts riff off the anxiety of being connected, even peripherally, through signatures or greetings, to infamous people.
  • [06:20] Rick: “Birthday cards are now the new MeToo movement.”
• They jokingly advocate for only the blandest messages in cards, to avoid future misinterpretation.
  • [11:35] Rick: “Here’s the agreed-upon phrase to write in the birthday card: Everyone has a birthday. Congratulations. And then sign your name. That’s it. You cannot go to jail for that.”
• Notable quote:
  • [10:16] Fitz: “Who saves birthday cards?”
  • [10:20] Rick: “If you got Trump, Clinton, Obama—these are all in the birthday book... That’s worth millions of dollars.”

5. Reflections on Meaning and Generational Shifts

• There’s a running gag about older generations loving cards, even if they’re impersonal.
  • [11:44] Rick: “Oh yeah. They love cards. And the card says nothing of their own thoughts.”
• The hosts express skepticism about the point of cards, seeing them as relics and increasingly fraught with potential future consequences.

6. Yearbooks and Guilt by Association

• The conversation shifts to yearbooks, recalling dumb or heartfelt messages written to classmates who later ended up in jail or the news.
  • [13:55] Rick: “Imagine stuff you signed in yearbooks and stuff back in the day, too. Oh, man. Have a great summer, Jeffrey Dahmer...”
• They playfully imagine the fallout if mundane yearbook notes became court evidence.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [01:35] Rick: “I write horrible stuff in people’s birthday cards... I drew a naked lady as a joke. Good Lord. I don’t know if Trump was joking or not.”
• [03:23] Rick: “Social media is a viper in your pocket... I’m just gonna stop. Native Americans, you were right. Pictures steal your soul. It’s time to stop doing them.”
• [06:20] Rick: “Birthday cards are now the new MeToo movement.”
• [08:52] Fitz: “If you got a birthday card from Jared today wishing you a happy birthday, what would you do with it?”
• [09:14] Rick: “I would probably keep [it]. I’d show everybody. Jared sent me a birthday card.”
• [11:35] Rick: “‘Everyone has a birthday. Congratulations.’ ...You can’t get wrapped up in anything for that.”
• [13:55] Rick: “Have a great summer, Jeffrey Dahmer. It was awesome to be with you in English... See you in jail, bro.”
• [14:53] Rick: “That’s bad. If it’s a pedophile or murderer later on. ‘I love you.’ What does this mean, Mr. Bogan?”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:46-01:35] — Listener complaint about jokes and reflection on triggering content
• [01:35-02:31] — Epstein’s birthday card, dangers of mementos saved for decades
• [03:23-04:30] — Social media as a “viper,” hazards of old photos
• [06:20] — Birthday cards as the "new MeToo movement"
• [08:46-09:14] — Would you keep a card from a now-disgraced celebrity?
• [10:16-11:35] — Who saves birthday cards? Value and risk of signatures
• [11:35-13:55] — Generational differences about cards, neutral phrasing, and reflections on yearbook messages
• [13:55-15:26] — Yearbook signatures, guilt by association, the absurdity of hindsight

---

Overall Tone and Takeaways

• Irreverent, Self-Deprecating, Paranoid Humor: The hosts maintain their trademark blend of dark, self-mocking humor as they lampoon their own past, cultural shifts, and the unpredictable dangers of modern media permanence.
• Cautionary: The episode concludes with half-serious advice: keep your messages, photos, and jokes bland, because you never know who or what they’ll be linked to decades from now.
• Generational Commentary: There’s a clear divide noted between the previous generation’s love of cards and the hosts’ skepticism, offering a comedic critique on pointless traditions in a world of permanent receipts.

---

Bottom Line:
This episode uses the absurdity of Trump’s birthday card to Epstein and the fallout from past associations as a jumping-off point for a freewheeling, funny, and a little paranoid take on how even the smallest personal gestures and jokes can come back to haunt you—especially now that almost everything is recorded, saved, and searchable.

Transcript

[Rick]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Limitless TRT Representative]

Men, you take care of everyone else. Now let Limitless, TRT and Aesthetics take care of you. Limitless TRT and Aesthetics is redefining sexual wellness by helping men reclaim their confidence with non surgical permanent male enhancement. The platinum procedure delivers instant permanent girth with minimal downtime. The P long protocol naturally adds length and girth. No gimmicks, no guesswork, no surgery. Just proven solutions that transform how you feel and look. Book your free consultation online at limitless trt and aesthetics.com let's make you the legend you were always meant to be.

[Rick]

I'm in this back and forth on my emails with a guy who very upset about our story the other day about the. The guy that was the what would Brady do? Where the guy's 20 or the girl's 20 and she's dating a 16 year old son. And we said that was creepy because it is. And then the other one was where you're saying some.

[Fitz]

You were saying something's wrong with the girl.

[Rick]

Yeah, something wrong with a girl. Like a 20 year old girl doesn't want to date down age.

[Fitz]

But I was saying that that age gap is right on the bubble.

[Rick]

Yeah, but this guy's very upset about that. He says he's questioning his morality that we were joking about, which we were. And I said it with. All I said was it's more socially acceptable. And it is. I mean we had songs. Christine 16 and she's 16. You're beautiful. More donuts. Yeah, yeah, she's 16 years old. I. I'm not saying I agree with it. I was just saying it's more socially accepted. That's just a fact. It doesn't mean it's right. It just means any. And he's like, what don't you understand? I'm like, he's been listening forever. And I'm like, I'm sure you've laughed at something horrible that's been said in the past. Every day we say something that could trigger someone. And it got me thinking about these Epstein files that came out and I was reading about them yesterday and some, somebody on I don't know if it was or the Senate or whatever made gigantic cards of the birthday card that Trump made, that naked lady card that they're making a big deal. It's called a birthday book and a bunch of people signed it and it got me thinking of all the things I've signed In birthday community birthday cards. If those become legal, like, fodder or some sort of a court case evidence, I'm doomed. I write horrible stuff in people's birthday cards. I didn't know that that would ever. Who saves them?

[Fitz]

Really funny at the time.

[Rick]

Especially guy like Epstein. Why is he saving a bunch of stuff? Wasn't he hiding? What are you doing? But, yeah, I mean, I get like, imagine. I mean, what was this? 25, 26 years ago, he signed a birthday card and wrote something stupid in it. About what? You know, the jokes you tell about this dude. And he's like, yeah, I deal with this jacket. I've signed birthday cards of people I don't even like. And I'd write something stupid in there. That dude might be the next Epstein. And the next thing you know, they're digging around birthday cards. And I drew a naked lady as a joke. Good Lord. I don't know if Trump was joking or not. There's another picture of him, and it's kind of funny where he's getting a check and Epstein's handing him a $22,500 check for depreciated redacted name, which I think is kind of the P word. And it's. Didn't even bet on the girl. Like, they're making jokes about selling a woman to Trump for 22 grand. I think is what they're implying. Got me thinking again. How many pictures have I posed in my. And all these Instagram people. Think of all the pictures you've taken that don't mean anything now. That's why I hate social media. I always say it's a viper in your pocket. Sure, it seems fine today, but 10 years from now, when I take a picture of myself with some guy who's like, I took pictures years ago with the zombie killer, and I didn't even know it. People were sending it to me after he got arrested. You were friends with him. No, I wasn't. Think of all the shows we've been to, and we've taken pictures of people at U Fest and everything else. Oh, yeah, there's been terrible human beings we've put our arms around and went, great, have a great day. I don't know when that become. I'm just gonna stop. Native Americans. You were right. Pictures steal your soul. It's time to stop doing them. I don't want any of them. I'm gonna need, like, a resume and a background check to just do a photograph with people from now on. That's horrifying. A birthday card from 30 years ago is suddenly in Congress, is like, told you, I. I'm going to jail a hundred thousand times over for, for just for here. Stuff that was written on birthday cards can be held against you three decades later. Oh, I'm done. I used to sign for, like, when people were kids and they'd give me those kids that thought I was Rick Heller for the Diamondbacks. All I wrote on the baseballs were horrible advice. Well, no, great advice in some cases is like, never date a flat chested woman. Avoid STDs. I gave those kids baseballs and poor Rick Heller for me because I signed someone else's name. But now what if one of these kids, like, becomes some sort of serial killer, the flat chested murderer, and they turn to Rick Heller and go, you did this. Think I'm what? Yeah. 25 years ago, you signed his baseball. Never date a flat chested woman. Little kid looked at that ball and looked at me and then looked at the ball and got on the bus. I don't know. He didn't probably agree with it, but, you know, I guarantee a baseball player agrees with that. Never date one. But, I mean, the kid didn't do his research. He was just letting any grownup nearby sign baseballs. That's a mistake in itself. Avoiding STDs. That's a pretty solid one. Rick Heller had some good advice with all around. Yeah, that's a pretty good one there. I had an adult ask me if I was Jay Buhner once at a Mariners game that he was playing in. Like, yeah, I just started wandering up in the crowd for a second in different clothes. Beer back in the outfield? Yeah, buy me a beer. I got to get out there real quick. I just popped up to say hi to the fans. I'm real interactive. Jay Buhner. I don't want to be too showy, so I took the Mariner's gear off and I rolled around in the. What are you, an idiot?

[Fitz]

We're out of hoodies in the dugout.

[Rick]

Yeah. Are you Keith Jardine? No. The guy in the ring is. Why would he be here, too? You're an idiot. But, yeah. So, yeah. Be careful what you're writing. Birthday cards are now the new MeToo movement. Remember in the MeToo movement when I suggested all you do to your female coworkers, say the word acknowledge and walk away. They're. They're keeping score. Evidently, birthday cards are the same. Pass around a birthday card. It's Emily's birthday. No, I won't even put my name on that. Just. Or just start signing a false name. You seem. Okay, question mark. And then sign your name underneath it. I don't know if that's. If that's a nice birthday greeting.

[Fitz]

So it was his. It was the birthday card to Epstein.

[Rick]

Some sort of weird birthday book they were keeping track of. And everybody was writing down birthday messages to him. And then Donald Trump gave him, like, a letter. But they have a birthday Clinton, and they have signed a birthday book. Oh, no, it's him.

[Fitz]

Okay.

[Rick]

But Clinton signed the birthday book, and all these people are in it because, dude, no one knew. He was a super powerful person who. You know, it's like, we had Jared on the show. We didn't know we were joking around with Jared about eating stuff and having a good time with Jared. And now you go back and listen, it doesn't age well to be palling around with Jared for a day, does it?

[Limitless TRT Representative]

Is your man leaving you unsatisfied? Do you miss the intensity of being truly pleased, fulfilled? It's not you, it's him. But it doesn't have to stay that way. At Limitless TRT an Aesthetics, the platinum procedure increases girth quickly, permanently, and painlessly without surgery. Visit limitlesstrteen aesthetics.com today. Bigger, better, yours to keep. Don't thank us. Thank him later.

[Rick]

Holmberg's morning sickness. But you don't blame Subway, and you don't blame people who knew him. It was Jared what done it. Now, if you find out that the dude was doing terrible things and. Yeah, you got it. I don't know who's doing what, but. So it's somebody out there today I'm talking to is gonna get a birthday card for someone in the office. Just keep it innocuous.

[Fitz]

If you got a birthday card from Jared today wishing you a happy birthday, what would you do with it?

[Rick]

I'd frame that today.

[Fitz]

That's what I'm saying.

[Rick]

All the damage is done. Jared sent me a birthday card today for no reason. Hey, I remember doing the show. You were great to me. Signed Jared. Maybe if he wrote, you were always good to me, I'd throw that out. No, I wasn't. I didn't know. Now that I know. But I would probably keep. I'd show everybody. Jared sent me a birthday card. He was going through his archives of recordings and evidently had a really nice time with us. I thought he'd shoot me a note now.

[Fitz]

I would never forget eating that Krispy Kreme.

[Rick]

Oh, yeah. No, it's. There's. Look, been friends with people that like have done things. You don't even know it. And when you find out you can't be friends. And that's why you gotta. I didn't know that they could. Like. I don't think anybody in 1996 was signing a birthday card for anyone thinking, what if they become like the world's most notorious pedophile? That's what you got to think. I guess at the top of your mind it needs to be now. I guess that's. So while you're signing Ed's card for his birthday. I'm not signing that. You just. You just think to yourself, what if someday this man becomes the world's most notorious kid diddler. I'm not. Not signing it. And I know he's got. And probably he saves all of his birthday cards, man. I got a few of them floating out there. Who saves birthday cards?

[Fitz]

That's what I'm saying. Like, where did that come from? Was that out of Epstein's?

[Rick]

Was it a file or the birthday book? I mean, I guess the birthday book is probably your birthday card. Nobody's gonna save. But you think about it. If you got Trump, Clinton, Obama, these are all the birthday book. I mean, think about who signed that thing. You don't throw that away. That's worth millions of dollars. And Trump happened to draw a naked lady and talk about buying chicks. And Trump was a whore. Our president was an absolute. He's not the only one. He was a playboy. No. So he had Playboy moves back in the 90s. He didn't know he was going to be present. Yeah. Just don't sign birthday because it's elimination of birthday. I eliminate cards from my life years ago. It's the biggest waste of time ever to get somebody a card. Doesn't mean anything. Somebody else wrote it. It's plagiarism. It's just. I've been saying this for years. It's like you're somebody else's thoughts and you put your name on the bottom of it. Meaningless. Somehow or another that got some sort of. You didn't even get me a car. The card can just say thank you. That's nice. You can also write that on a piece of paper. Somehow it's not as meaningful unless you spend 449 on it. I don't do cards. I will never get you a card. Count on it. Thank you.

[Fitz]

I got a couple of cards.

[Rick]

Yeah.

[Fitz]

During this whole process for your surgery and stuff. Mostly it's funny because like friends of my parents.

[Rick]

Sure.

[Fitz]

That's that generation.

[Rick]

Oh yeah. They Love cards. And the card says nothing of their own thoughts.

[Fitz]

Well, one had a naked lady.

[Rick]

And when we get back to it, we're going to start pounding these again, big boy. Anyway, don't sign the birthday card today. Just when that goes a hard pass, you sign it yourself, put my name in it. But you can't authenticate the signature. I didn't actually sign that. I'm not for this. Whose birthday's coming up? Fitz is coming up right around the corner. No cards. And if you do sign it. L was, I think yesterday or day before or something like that. Here's what. Here's the. Here's the agreed upon phrase to write in the birthday card. Everyone has a birthday. Congratulations. And then sign your name. That's it. You cannot go to jail for that. You can't get wrapped up in anything for that. Don't draw naked ladies. Don't try to be funny. It can haunt you three decades from now. Just imagine stuff you signed in yearbooks and stuff back in the day, too. Oh, man. Have a great summer, Jeffrey Dahmer. It was awesome to be with you in English. You're a killer, man. You're a killer, bro. You're the funniest dude I've ever known. I can't wait to meet your wife someday. Hey, look at you, man. It's God Damer. How you doing, brother? You're a freak. See? In jail, bro. Me too. Everything you believe, I believe. Jeff were the same so far. Nobody in my high school and there were a lot of people ended up killing anyone. A couple of guys I know went to jail. I signed this kid Tony's. I signed his yearbook and I signed my friend Todd's yearbook. And they were in jail for a while. I don't think I know anybody else. I know one of the guys that played football. I signed his yearbook. He got stabbed at a strip club. Damn. Yeah, he was a super football player. And then it was on the news that he got stabbed. And it turned out he was in the bathroom. He was the dude running the mints. And when I saw the name, I'm like, there can't be two of those. I don't want to give it away because I don't want people in case he's got a job where now he's normal. Gonna spray at your car while you're walking out and stuff like that. And shoot you with some Fahrenheit and give you a Chiclet and ask for three bucks. But, yeah, he got. When I saw his name, I'm like there's only one of those. Like he got stabbed in a strip club bathroom. And then you read the story and it turned out he was the attendant giving out mints. Anyway, don't send birthday cards. Don't. It could be you may be working with the next Epstein. Or the next serial killer. Who knows who's in your office? Somebody out there is working with a murderer. There's a lot of unsolved crimes in this city. You don't want to get caught in their birthday card.

[Fitz]

You gotta be thinking about signing the yearbook.

[Rick]

And you always sign jackass stuff. You write something stupid.

[Fitz]

Eat more bacon.

[Rick]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Fitz]

I love you.

[Rick]

That's bad. If it's a pedophile or a murderer later on. I love you. What does this mean, Mr. Bogan? And nobody can fake your handwriting. The only people that can do Brady's handwriting are four. They just learned. Pretty close. You're right. Pretty close. Yeah. You both have horrific hands. I love you.

[Fitz]

Remember to floss.

[Rick]

Oh, that could be a joke. The guy's the. He was notorious for knocking kids teeth out and doing terrible things to their faces. And then knew. You are right in that.

[Fitz]

Come and get me.

[Rick]

All right. Well, that's not the attitude I was expecting. We got hot releases coming up in just moments. Happy birthday. That's as much as you're getting out of us. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. Can you pt.