09-10-25 - Going Through An Authentic Phase John Realizes All The Times His Radar On Things Like Magic Johnson Possibly Being Misdiagnosed Was Right

Summary

Episode Overview

Main Theme:
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness dives into John Holmberg’s ongoing “authentic phase,” discussing how his instincts and skepticism about public narratives—especially regarding Magic Johnson’s HIV diagnosis—have often been proven right. The crew unpacks everything from pop culture reactions to diseases, food safety controversies, and the social awkwardness of sharing personal health information, all with their trademark irreverence and banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pig Kidneys, Porkopolis, and Radio Execs

• [00:00–02:10]
  The morning opens with jokes about pig kidneys as Holmberg encourages Brady to undergo a pig kidney transplant—“I believe in pig meat so much, I put some in my body.”
• Holmberg teases the idea of reopening Porkopolis as “Pigman Bogan,” continuing the show’s inside joke.
• The team riffs on local radio ratings, poking fun at rival stations and their fleeting moments of success:
  “...when the KDKB had good ratings... then like yesterday they were like 17th.” (John, [01:50])
• Holmberg reflects on seeing through radio executives' self-delusions, hinting at his disdain for inauthenticity.

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2. Charlie Sheen, Magic Johnson, and The AIDS Narrative

• [02:54–04:00]
  Holmberg brings up the new Charlie Sheen documentary, noting Sheen's eight years of sobriety and celibacy. The group quips about Sheen’s choices after his HIV diagnosis.
• The conversation segues to Magic Johnson, sparking a long-held theory from Holmberg that Johnson was misdiagnosed with HIV, becoming a symbolic—yet possibly erroneous—face of the AIDS crisis:
  “My OJ theory has never once run and... I don’t know how that happens. I think it’s ’cause I’m not a good self promoter.” ([07:08])

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3. Holmberg’s “Authentic Phase” and Nostradamus Complex

• [03:43–06:49]
  Holmberg discusses his “authentic phase,” frustration with inauthentic people, and pattern of being right about unconventional things, such as the dangers of food trucks, buffets, and potlucks (“Potlucks are disgusting. They need to be banned.”).
• He takes comedic pride in having unpopular but ultimately validated opinions: “...toilet paper is a scam. Wash your ass with soap and water.”

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4. Magic Johnson—Skepticism and Satire

• [06:49–15:25]
  Holmberg lays out his controversial theory that Magic Johnson did not actually have HIV/AIDS, but was a misdiagnosed “face” for the crisis:
  • Points to the immediate public campaign and Johnson’s rapid return to robust health and normal life, unlike others with HIV at the time.
  • “Magic got fatter. Within a year, no one with HIV in 1991 gained weight. No one. Magic ends up 300 pounds. He wins the MVP...” ([10:26])
  • Notes that Johnson’s wife and family members were unaffected, using his family’s public behavior as another sign.
  • “[Magic]’s got a son who dresses like a woman that's trans and is flamboyantly gay. I'm telling you right now... if dad got the hiv, one of the kids is that openly gay without them being like, don’t do this?” ([11:13])
• The gang jokes about the impact of celebrity on public health messaging and condom sales in the early '90s.

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5. Public Health Messaging, Social Responses, and Lingering Taboo

• [15:25–18:41]
  • Holmberg questions the lack of ongoing conversation with Magic Johnson about his health: “No one quizzes him about this. No one talks to him about this... it’s like Helen Keller’s hand language. It’s gone.” ([15:26])
  • Reflects on normalized attitudes toward STDs and how the AIDS narrative shifted with media personalities at the center of the discussion.

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6. Porn, Food Safety, and Hygiene Hypocrisies

• [18:41–20:26]
  • Discusses the porn industry as an example of how fear of AIDS has disappeared and contrasts it with continued public paranoia over things like food hygiene regulations.
  • “...if channel three comes out, goes chicken stacked over beef off temperature. Wang’s going into dirt holes.” ([19:39])

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7. The Burdens of Disclosing Sexually Transmitted Infections

• [20:26–25:36]
  • The group relates this to the personal anxiety of sharing STI diagnoses with partners—Brady shares a story about a woman flying in from Georgia who only disclosed her status right before intimacy.
  • “That's the only reason people are afraid of STDs is the phone call or the talk.” ([25:35])

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8. Childhood Toys, Stompers, and Authenticity (Comic Relief)

• [25:36–28:50]
  • The conversation briefly shifts to 1980s toys—Stompers—serving as a comic allegory for under-delivery and misplaced expectations (“They got in trouble because people realized these things sort of suck. But they looked cool.” – John, [26:29]).

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9. Tie-backs: Magic Johnson, AIDS, and Cultural Response

• [28:50–34:13]
  • Returns to the main theme: Since Magic Johnson appears cured, where was the parade for the end of AIDS?
    “A dude named Magic Johnson got cured of aids. We didn’t even. Nobody celebrated. That should have been... the Happy March.” ([28:48])
  • Comically likens what should have been jubilation to the BLM protests (but for a positive reason).
  • Wonders aloud why public health messaging didn’t mark AIDS as a “cured” disease or celebrate its disappearance.

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10. Closing Stories: Sex, Disclosures, and Pigmen Cometh

• [34:13–37:18]
  • Returns to Brady’s anecdote about the woman who disclosed her STI status after arriving, reflecting on what should be the etiquette for such disclosures.
  • Holmberg coins a new “morning sickness rule”: “If you’ve got that stuff and you’re about to fly cross country to bang Brady, you got to tell him on the phone.” ([33:00])
  • Ends with more playful ribbing and a segue to music.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I believe in pig meat so much, I put some in my body.”
  — John Holmberg, [01:13]
• “I’m going through an authentic phase in my life... people who kind of creep me out with their inauthentic behavior. We got some of that in here, and it’s gross.”
  — John, [03:43]
• "Potlucks are disgusting. They need to be banned."
  — John, [04:41]
• “My OJ theory has never once run... I’m not a good self promoter... I hate social media... I’m here for ratings on the air and that’s all I really care about.”
  — John, [07:08]
• “Magic got fatter. Within a year, no one with HIV in 1991 gained weight. No one. Magic ends up 300 pounds.”
  — John, [10:26]
• “No one quizzes him about this. No one talks to him about this... it’s like Helen Keller’s hand language. It’s gone.”
  — John, [15:26]
• “If your wiener looks like stomper tires... That’s a BroMobile. Bro Dozer. The original Bro Dozer.”
  — John, [28:17]
• “A dude named Magic Johnson got cured of aids. We didn’t even. Nobody celebrated. That should have been... the Happy March.”
  — John, [28:48]
• “If you’ve got that stuff and you’re about to fly cross country to bang Brady, you got to tell him on the phone.”
  — John, [33:00]

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Tone and Style

Holmberg and team maintain their candid, irreverent, and sometimes abrasive approach, combining humor with skepticism about official narratives, especially around taboo or uncomfortable topics. The conversational flow is freewheeling, shifting between serious subjects and crude jokes, always punching up at both societal conventions and personal awkwardness.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a snapshot of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness at its best: busting social taboos, dissecting pop culture, and making fun of everything from STDs to childhood toys, all with a blend of authenticity and pointed humor. If you want thoughtful skepticism delivered with adolescent glee, this is your show.

Transcript

[John Holmer]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's John Holmer here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. Getting used to chronic pain is something that we can all find ourselves doing and not realize we're doing it. And I needed four procedures. I had a lot going on. Two shoulder replacements and yes, at my age, even two hip replacements. But you know what? I'm better today than I've been in 20 years. And now I'm back. Basketball, pain free. Running, pain free, throwing a baseball or football, pain free. And I can box again. It's exciting because I look forward to the things I love. You don't have to live with pain anymore. Go to the core institute.com Bloomberg's Morning Sickness. Morning sickness radiate. Good morning everybody. Lowther. Welcome to Wednesday already. It's 5:45. The morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. Who's that? His Pigman. Still love that very much. Gotta get that pig kidney in, Brady. That's the only thing I'll accept at this point. There's Brett, There's Big Dick Felido. Let's get this thing going. Yeah. The pig kidney emails her.

[Brady]

Got some good feedback.

[John Holmer]

Boy, I tell you what, there's a lot of hope in the pig kidneys. And if you're gonna make this, you know about the show as well as your life, please consider the pig. That should have been a catchphrase for porkophyllips. Consider the pig. You hungry? Consider the pig. I'm. In fact, if you do this, Brady, I will front the money to reopen Porkopolis and run it as Pigman Bogan. Do it. The Pigman. I believe in pig meat so much, I put some in my body.

[Brady]

See the sign spinner.

[John Holmer]

Now you. You are the sign spinner. And it's a kidney shaped spine sign going now Pigman wants you to eat at pork opera. Anyway. Ah. And then rumors of the demise of this show, which are greatly exaggerated by our own executives, would go flying into the ether. Brady, as we continue to dominate, it's funny to watch the executives see the. When the. You know. Remember a couple months ago when the KDKB had good ratings? Yeah. And they were all celebrating their balloons and stuff. And then like yesterday they were like 17th or something or some crazy terrible number and suddenly it's seasonal swoon. It's so funny to watch executives lie to themselves about stuff. I love it. I didn't see any balloons in the break room this time? No. It's weird. I think I might have observ absorbed too many promos for Charlie Sheen's new documentary, because winning. That's all I keep thinking about when I think of, you know, the. The world of radio winning. It's hilarious.

[Brady]

But, yeah, I just need to order up some women.

[John Holmer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Chapter three, when I ordered up this girl, man.

[John Holmer]

Yeah, I want to watch it. It came. It comes out. Today is the. Well, it was midnight last night. I didn't do that, obviously, but the Charlie Sheen doc is out, and he did some interviews yesterday, and he seems sober and.

[Brady]

Eight years, according to him.

[John Holmer]

That's what?

[Brady]

Eight years sober and celibate.

[John Holmer]

Okay. Cause he's got hiv. That's not his choice. He didn't vote in magic. Yeah. Nobody's bone. It's an excellent prep. Prep. We don't know that counterpoint. And I still will go on my theory that no one has picked up on, But I guarantee you, again, not to sit here and. But this is how it works in. If you're a little troll and you run around and pat yourself on the back and tell everybody how great you did. Just a second. You're like, when little kids run up to their moms and say, look what I did.

[Brady]

Look what I did.

[John Holmer]

That's a lot of people in this business, and I'm kind of sickened by it. I'm going through an authentic phase in my life where I see people who kind of creep me out with their inauthentic behavior. We got some of that in here, and it's gross, but they'll run into their boss and scream, look at me. Look at me. I'm gonna do it for a second. I'm gonna troll up. I'm right a lot about certain things, right? Like, just weird stuff. And I don't even know that I'm a movie. Right. Brett, what was the story you read yesterday? Is the place that you're most likely to get sick if you eat? Is the. Remember you said the thing. Food trucks. King Taco. Yeah. You go to the taco trucks. El Pastor tacos are more likely to die from food poisoning if you eat at street vendors.

[Brady]

Was it like, a health article or something?

[John Holmer]

Yes, it was a. It's a huge. All over the news. Yeah. Should we cancel these? Yes.

[Brady]

And you're like.

[John Holmer]

I'm like, hey, I've been Don Quixote.

[Brady]

About this guy's fallen guy.

[John Holmer]

No, I never have been. I've always been right. And I've always been. Toilet paper is a scam. Wash your ass with soap and water. Potlucks are disgusting. They need to be banned. And everybody's like, oh, they're great. We love them. Covid comes around and then buffets. McDonald's just started a buffet. Did you see that?

[Brady]

Branson.

[John Holmer]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

$12.99.

[John Holmer]

What are you doing?

[Brady]

That's what the big worry is. Bucks and the lines probably around the door, you know, when they first open it up.

[John Holmer]

But it's common sense, man. Food sitting out is bad.

[Brady]

Yeah. At the McDonald's buffet, I don't have to worry about. They just got to worry about keeping it supplied. Now people get unlimited.

[John Holmer]

It's got to be refreshed constantly. Those pigs in Missouri, that's exactly never going to get old.

[Brady]

And they're not going to get old. The problem is they're not going to be able to keep up with those beasts.

[John Holmer]

There is a truth to what Brett's saying. Again, counterpoint made Brett very well done, is that it's going to be tough to keep the. The stocks or the shelves stocked in.

[Brady]

Missouri, as I understand it.

[John Holmer]

Did you see the picture of it? It's huge, but there's chicken nuggets, 12 of each thing. Chicken nuggets sitting out.

[Brady]

One lady, like I claim she did, 50 nuggets.

[John Holmer]

Of course she did. She's Missouri from Missouri. Branson, Missouri. And it's not just the Missourians. It's people attracted to Branson as a tourist destination, you know, but gross human beings go to Branson.

[Brady]

You know, you look at it and say, all right, well, for years. And that's obviously how McDonald's decided. They offer, you know, go to Vegas and whatever. It's like unlimited primary.

[John Holmer]

Sure. Right.

[Brady]

That's one of those deals. Now, why not?

[John Holmer]

Quality, sure. Good Vegas. Stop doing that because it's gross. So. Well, yeah, again, the food truck thing, they're like, maybe we should ban all these. They had the thing with the stop making tamales at home in your buckets of spit and molly, and that got shot down. Well, Katie Hobbs changed it because it's an income. It's a revenue stream for some people. And she'd look like a bad democrat if she cut that off from people's backyards. And look what I mixed my quikrete in last week. Is the same way they make tamales. There's some olives in there and stuff. You'd have been fine. Would have tasted better. Tamales are awful.

[Brady]

Put a little deck mud in the rolling up.

[John Holmer]

What Were we talking about before I went off on the food? Oh, the Magic Johnson thing?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmer]

So I was right about all this food stuff. I was right about toilet paper. Jussie sm. Go down the list. This, this OJ thing no one has run with at all.

[Brady]

Goes all the way back to the Olympics with the swim team.

[John Holmer]

Ryan Lochte first. Like this doesn't make. He asked you. Thank you, Brady. You're adding to my lure. I listened to a show on the radio the other day and I said that might be the best radio show I've ever heard. And then I realized it was just a replay of us. It's phenomenal, this show. It's always good. My OJ theory has never once run and I, and I don't. I'm. Look, I've been doing this for a long time and I still don't know how that happens. I think it's cuz I'm not a good self promoter. I'm good at bragging about myself. I'm not a good self promoter. I hate social media. I'm. I'm here for ratings on the air and that's all I really care about. And I'm not going to chase digital. I'm not going to jerk off all over myself trying to figure out digital number. They can do that. That's somebody else's job. I don't like it. I don't care for it. It haunts me. My OJ theory years ago was that he was misdiagnosed and they made him the face of aids and it worked. You mean magic or magic. He was also mischaracterist. O.J. didn't do anything. No, I'm not saying that O.J. killed those people, but magic misdiagnosed. And I've said it a million times and I don't know why I'm not like, like the Alex Jones thing. Oh, this idiot said this. And then it, Jose Canseco style. Turns out later that I was right. You don't cure yourself from that stuff. When he did it early 90s, HIV was a death sentence for everyone. And they always, you know, south park did the episode where they just pumped money into his veins and it was money that plenty of people with HIV had tons of cash. There were a lot of rich people with hiv. He wasn't by any means the richest man to have HIV back in the early 90s, but they misdiagnosed him. It and they said you've got HIV and it was probably a false test. And then they had the press conference, they Sent America into shock. They lost their minds. They made them. They immediately doing PSAS commercials. I remember he went on Arsenio hall like a week after that press conference and started to tell everybody, you know, your behavior, there's consequences and you have to be careful and condoms this. And they saw an uptick for the first time in society actually going, oh, we can catch it too. They never said Magic did gay parties. Which by the way, Magic did. He was in orgies in Los Angeles.

[Brady]

He said, so we found out just the other day Charlie Sheen.

[John Holmer]

Charlie Sheen did it. And so it was like all these weird like behaviors and they're like, oh my God, he's married. Like America didn't put the wrap their arms around the idea he wasn't an intravenous drug user. He's. He's having sex with women, maybe a lot of them, but you can catch it. So condom sales went up. Young people finally kind of got the message that this is scary. And they. And it happened. And then later I think they're like, oh, O.J. nevermind, O.J. magic, you don't have HIV. You've got something else. A blood disorder and whatever. And we can fix this because again, as I was watching through the 90s, I'm like, who's the last guy? I mean we were literally, if you remember, in 1991 was right. Or like a year removed from when ryan white, the 12 year old boy got HIV from a blood transfusion. And there like you want to talk about public outcry and money being poured into stuff, Save that kid.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmer]

All he got was a quilt named after him and he was out the door in like a year. They didn't know how to fix anything back then. Magic got fatter. Within a year, no one with HIV in 1991 gained weight. No one. Magic ends up 300 pounds. He wins the MVP by the way of the all star game. Like six months after his age. Stop working out of sympathy, right? He wasn't even playing basketball, you know.

[Brady]

A ton of movie popcorn.

[John Holmer]

Open those theaters up some theaters. He had future invest like he was nobody in 1991 was looking for the future investments. O or M. I keep calling him O Magic. It was like investing in the future. Nobody did that with hiv. You just took care of your own right then and there.

[Brady]

Well, imagine started a talk show.

[John Holmer]

Like the dude was.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, that was forgot.

[John Holmer]

Dude had like it was four years later he had a talk show. The HIV Magic. Like, yeah, I've still got it. I'm like, you look fat. You're huge and healthy. Like, if this was Thanksgiving, you'd be the one I'd pick. Like, you've plumped. You plumped up. Nice Cookie. Didn't get it. The wife. No one. And also, here's another thing that lends to my Magic credibility. He's got a son who dresses like a woman that's trans and is flamboyantly gay. I'm telling you right now, there isn't a household in America where if dad got the hiv, one of the kids is that openly gay without them being like, don't do this, don't do this. It's like, if JFK Jr. Was playing with rifles, Jackie would have stopped. It should have been like, I don't think you should be around those. Why? I don't know. If they trigger me in a weird way. I don't know what's going on. Magic sun is in a dress. And they're like, this is fine. Like, don't you. Like, aren't those part of, like, the perils of what happens? Like being flamboyantly, openly gay? Although it is hilarious to see Magic's daughter. He's like, six, seven. He looks just like Magic when he was.

[Brady]

And they're not. And surprisingly enough, that they're not getting along. There's a little rift on that.

[John Holmer]

Well, that's because the son. Daughter is a bit off.

[Brady]

Quite the spender.

[John Holmer]

And wasting all that. Hey, I survived aids money, morning sickness, medicate. KU pd Holg's morning sickness. Incredible. But I think they made him the face of aids. And it was too late to pull back and say, oh, no, no, we made a mistake. Because then everybody else would have just jumped off and go, oh, condoms would have gotten. They were happy.

[Brady]

It's gotta be because I was gonna say if you were, you know, all sudden, years later, misdiagnosed.

[John Holmer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The lawsuit on that profile because he's an NBA player.

[John Holmer]

All this.

[Brady]

That stopped. But it ended up going the.

[John Holmer]

I was right in the heart of that. I was 18 years old when Magic got the AIDS, and I was in the heart. It scared me. Like, you can get it from, like, normal sex.

[Brady]

Running off the court. Scared every bloody nose.

[John Holmer]

Oh, Carl Malone wouldn't play with him. Yeah, Carl Malone's great quote, what if you scratch him? I don't want the AIDS on me. Carl didn't get it. No one did. And that was what Magic did. He educated normal America. Sorry to hate to say it that way. That's how we felt. He educated normal America that this stuff can get you. But not through a blood transfusion. Everybody joked about it, up until about Magic, that you can't get this thing unless you're, you know, shooting up all the time with weirdos or taking it in the butt. That was the only way. And so I looked around and I'm like, I'm not doing anything filthy with anybody. I was worried more about, like, a regular STD than I would. AIDS wasn't on the menu until Magic showed up. Up, you know, and then they started that whole thing. Magic's the first one. I remember saying, come on, Cook. You have sex with a girl, you having sex with all seven years worth of her sex partners. I'm like, wait a minute. What?

[Brady]

Like digesting gum?

[John Holmer]

Yeah, exactly. That's a great way to think of it. Yes. It's like digesting gum. A woman's vagina is very much like Hubba Bubba in your belly. It doesn't go away and doesn't stick either. It's seven years. It's like breaking a mirror or swallowing gum. Yeah. And it's not even. That's right. Yeah. And sometimes it doesn't taste good either. Like, hub above is purple. Whatever purple flavor Hubbububa came up with. Oh, I'd rather eat the HIV one anyway. Again, I feel like I was right about that one, too. I feel like that one needed to run off. And people are like, this idiot over in Phoenix has been saying this, and then. And then vindication later when they. And then out of nowhere, 15 years ago, magic just test. He doesn't have it anymore. It's not even in his bloodstream. Like, then we cured it. Yeah, I guess. What does he say about it? Nothing. Ask him. Nothing.

[Brady]

He's no longer like this.

[John Holmer]

That's the other thing. No one quizzes him about this. No one talks to him about this. You. It's like Helen Keller's hand language. It's gone. There's got to be another deaf and blind person. That would be like, can we use the Keller system?

[Brady]

Is it. Would you like to interview Magic? Yeah, you can. There's no talking about aids.

[John Holmer]

Let's dive deep into what the hell went on, because he might. The more he talks about it, the more a hole would develop in the story. It would just. He's the original Jussie Smollett, but he didn't do it himself. Something happened there that. It is not a. Trust me. I have a weird radar for these things. I've been saying it for years, ages. I've been saying, first it was, you know, I mean, I'll go off little stuff too, but potlucks. Come on. Hear me, people. This Magic thing. Somebody I want to. I want to be the Martin Bashir of this and break this story. And I don't blame Magic.

[Brady]

It worked.

[John Holmer]

Like, what he was doing got people my age to pay attention to, like, being safer. I used condoms with my girlfriend because I was scared to death of, like that just appearing out of nowhere like it did Magic. Then Isaiah Thomas and him started to kiss in the finals. When he came back after the. After they calmed Karl Malone down, saying, you can't catch it if you scratch it. Karl Malone don't want to play with nobody gotta scratch. Get the aids. Carl, you're not educated. I drive truck. Come to work. Don't want the aids. Nobody wants aids. Car. Carl, John Stocken ain't got eight. He get cut. I'm not scared. If Magic gets cut, you don't have to worry. Hit blooded aids. No, Carl, it's all right. They calmed him down. They put Magic back in the league. He goes and. And then he's kissing. Remember he was kissing in the 90s. But then he came back for a little while, started playing great. Nobody was afraid of him getting scratched. And they had to convince all the other NBA players, like, don't worry about it. Trust me, he's fine. But that's. You know, I remember all the commercials. Oh, everything. Magic was everywhere. Telling you, the only one that's really.

[Brady]

Like me, steady through that whole thing is. And still you hear about it. He still has. His foundation is Elton John.

[John Holmer]

Well, Elton started with Ryan White.

[Brady]

The Age Foundation. I mean, that was the go to. This was the.

[John Holmer]

And we still have that. I said that months ago, too. Why do we still have an AIDS foundation? Ask Magic what to do. Yeah, without. Without any hoopla. Ah, I bet you there were parties when the plague, like, when the word got out, like, we cured it. I bet. And polio. When the vaccine happened, a bunch of people with one dead arm were dancing and they're like, yay. Nobody's ever gonna have to go through an iron lung again. There had to be. There was no celebration when we cured eggs. And it's cured for the most part, if Magic made it go away. And then we have commercials where Indian transvestites are making out with really short guys and saying, just take this pill. Even if you have hiv. They're encouraging. That's how different it is. They're telling you, go out, knock the bottom out of somebody if. But take Big Tarvy and You can't get the. You can't. Don't worry about it.

[Brady]

The porn industry, according to what I.

[John Holmer]

See, they don't wear rubbers anymore.

[Brady]

At one time that it went through that phase. Oh, that seems out the door.

[John Holmer]

There was nothing. Norm MacDonald used to talk about that. It's like the last thing I need to think about while I'm masturbating is sex, safety and aids. Because when I see a condom, that's all I think about is like, they're worried that one of them has aids. And now I can't get hard because that's gonna. That's a turn off. And he's right. They don't wear condoms and they do horrible stuff to each other. Oh, yeah. I watched one the other night. It's a go to. I kind of like it. I'm not into gang bangs. Find them odd. But I liked it when they knocked Lana Rhodes around. There's five of them and they're just tearing her bits. And each dude is like taking turns on. And I'm watching one guy wait in line while another dude's in her no go hole. And then he and another guy goes right in there. Like, no scrubbing.

[Brady]

Double play.

[John Holmer]

Like that's. You know, I'm not allowed to have the same tongs touch chicken twice. But you can do that. Nobody's afraid of it. Calls a dirty dining room. Exactly. If channel three comes out, goes chicken stacked over beef off temperature. Wang's going into dirt holes.

[Brady]

We had two different meats going into one place.

[John Holmer]

Dirty dining. They're like, dishwasher didn't wash his hands after handling shrimp. Dude, I'm watching stuff on pornhub where nobody's washing their hands between handling shrimp. Nobody's afraid of it anymore. And Magic was a lie. Magic Johnson was not presented to us properly. That was a. That I'm convinced I'm right about this and I hope I don't die.

[Brady]

It's because. And they're so quiet about it. It's got to be that way.

[John Holmer]

They never talk to him. They about aids. They never ever talk to him. You think that would be like unbelievable, that story story. And then you look and it's got a son dressed up as a woman. And you're like, they're not afraid of it either. Like, it wasn't a journey. It just went away. Like you'd think if you had hiv. And then for years you fought and struggled and went. And all these nightmares and all the messages. And then your son comes to you in the sequin Gown and says, guess what? I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is going to be trouble. Don't do it. Be your authentic self. But, like, don't flaunt this. Like, let's not get flamboyant with it. And he sure enough is. It's an excellent point. Brett can't handle chicken, but you can do that to a butt. Yeah, I'm right about this one. I've said it for years. There's only one STD I'm scared of, and it's not. It's. It's the. The. What do they call that? The. The warts one. Because that seems to just be like. Yeah, people get that. And it's like forever. And then you got to tell people. That's the. That's really what people are afraid of. They're not afraid of getting the. And the herbs. Yeah, they're not afraid of getting them. They're afraid of what they have to do next time they have sex, which is. It's like being a sex offender. You got to tell your neighbors and stuff. You're in the midst of this. This chick digs you. You're into stuff. And then you got to break it down and go, by the by, I got this thing I might squeeze off onto you like some sort of, you know, the last remnants got the built in French tickler. You're good. No, no, no. You don't do it. You certainly don't. That's a real dirty human being. Oh, absolutely. I currently have an outbreak. If you still want to keep going. Going a little bumpy, but don't worry about it. If you have. I don't know what it's like to have that. And I. And I. I empathize with anyone who does. But, like, Brady has his story where that lady had to break it to him and she waited way too long that that needed to happen. At dinner, when is the appropriate time to say, I've got it? I say, well, yeah, Brady's. Brady's date flew out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmer]

Knowing I got to talk to him. If this goes the right way, she should have told you in Atlanta. She should have told you before this.

[Brady]

Because, yeah, we shared a lot of stories.

[John Holmer]

Oh, yeah, you were. And you got to the point where you're like, let's have a weekend together. I'll get a room. At that point, on the phone, she's like, all right. But not for nothing. Before you book that place and before I get on a plane, I told.

[Brady]

You about the one marriage.

[John Holmer]

How far did you Get. Were you actually in bed or. She just flew out. Whoa. Were her pants off? I've never asked her that. When did she tell you? You're making out. It's getting hot.

[Brady]

We were just. Yeah. Head into bed.

[John Holmer]

But you had been like on the couch, hands over pants kind of thing. She's giving you the old school.

[Brady]

Probably. Yes.

[John Holmer]

Was she giving you an over the top squeezer at that point?

[Brady]

I don't remember.

[John Holmer]

You don't remember? You just.

[Brady]

Just before we even get to anything else where the direction's going. Yeah, but did stuff happen the night before? Yes, but not.

[John Holmer]

So were you like on a couch or like the night before?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmer]

Yeah. So you're hanging on the couch, you make a move.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmer]

Hand over pant squeezers. She didn't polish off that night? No, everything was kind of. I know you're nervous cuz Kirby's still at home, but.

[Brady]

Good morning. Hey, man.

[John Holmer]

What's he talking about, man? And then that was definitely when she should have done it. If this is.

[Brady]

I'll say the line was already crossed the night before you touched it. No.

[John Holmer]

And it wasn't crossed quite yet. But the, the. The. This is a go. The green light. The avenue of green lights lit up.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmer]

So then the next night we're like, all right, I was a gentleman on Friday. Saturday. Yeah. You're catching all I've got. We've.

[Brady]

We've hit it off pretty good Friday night. Had a great.

[John Holmer]

You know, she should have told you on the phone, but that's the only reason to fly out here without letting you know. But.

[Brady]

Well, there's a reason why she probably didn't. Because she's like, if I do that, it's not gonna happen.

[John Holmer]

Right.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmer]

It didn't anyway.

[Brady]

And it.

[John Holmer]

Yeah, she could have saved 700 bucks on a round trip or to Georgia and you wouldn't have bought a room at the Boulders, which by the way, way too much money spent on a rekindling date. That's maybe Denny's in a comfort in just like you. You spend the day together at like the botanical gardens and like I kind of like her.

[Brady]

Well, it was.

[John Holmer]

I'm not free booking anything for that. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Yeah, but it. What? You know, I had that.

[John Holmer]

No, it was a. Of course it was a trade.

[Brady]

Yeah, it wasn't a trade. I bought it earlier. There was a. A special going on for a weekend.

[John Holmer]

Package just in case you had some squish flying or.

[Brady]

Or friends come in or whatever.

[John Holmer]

Will you let them stay at your house?

[Brady]

My parents came out or something like that.

[John Holmer]

They wouldn't have.

[Brady]

I use it for something.

[John Holmer]

Use it for.

[Brady]

And I did.

[John Holmer]

And you sort of did. Anyway, that's the only reason people are afraid of STDs is the phone call or the talk. But like Brett said, if you've got an output break, don't go out on the date that night. Yeah. Fake a tummy ache or something before you get to the point where you're like, I. We can use it still. But it looks like. Remember stompers from the 80s? It's kind of got those kind of tires around it. Stompers references go over with everybody who gets super cool people who don't know what stompers are, Google it. They were awesome until you got one. I think I still have some. Actually. I have a stomper in a toy box at my mom's house. The tires always fell off and they didn't turn.

[Brady]

That's the ones with knobby tire.

[John Holmer]

Yeah. And then on the commercial they're jumping and they're. They. There was nothing they would climb.

[Brady]

They finally got in trouble for.

[John Holmer]

Well, I don't know that they ever got.

[Brady]

They just done some toys.

[John Holmer]

They got in trouble because people realized these things sort of suck. But they looked cool. They were awesome. But stompers on the commercial, when you're this little, you know. Oh, I was 7 or 8 years old. My dad glued the tires and I didn't have that problem anymore. So give me that goddamn thing. They came out with rubbery like ones later and those fell off even more. The foamy ones. One stunk. I got the track. I got it all. And the track. How dare you. The track had a turn in it. The thing couldn't turn. So it would climb over the edge of the track. That's it's only. But on the commercial, it like the torque of a. Of a Mars Rover with no gravity. It could climb the side of a couch that we could do anything. And then you get it. And it would hit a rock and just go. And it ate up. I think it was 9v or double A batteries. It ate those like candy.

[Brady]

I just have one tire.

[John Holmer]

Damn, you do? Oh, that's right. You have that. How much are stompers? Oh wait, I'm have to pull this up. Did they change them? No, the used ones. A used stomper carries cash. That's the old Jeep Cherokee. I had the 459 bucks. Four. That's 359 bucks. That's a three breath man, I'm. I'm digging mine out today. That's the one with the plastic tires. Those. Those were after. After the foamy one stunk. Here's a funny one.

[Brady]

Looks like it's that.

[John Holmer]

That's what? That's the one. Wait a minute. No, because those are actual stompers. They call them Stompers.

[Brady]

That looks like the phone.

[John Holmer]

Yeah, those are the foam tires. Look how cool it looks. And then you get it and it did nothing. Anyway. If your wiener looks like stomper tires, I never had one of those. That's a Bromobile. Bro Dozer. The original Bro Dozer. How much stompers have to do with people loving bro dozing? Pretty cool, though.

[Brady]

Never knew it was like Shaper. It's the company or whatever.

[John Holmer]

Never heard of it. And they went out of business because they lied to you. Oh, here's your track. Yeah, that was my track. That's exactly it, Brett. It had that wild canyon ice mountain on it. That stomper couldn't do anything. And it had a goddamn turn. How dare you? How dare you give me a linear object and curves.

[Brady]

Did it make the turn?

[John Holmer]

No, it didn't know how to turn. You could build a bank. It would just go up to the side and tip over. Stompers couldn't turn. And there was no remote. It was just turn it on. Its wheels would spin all four at once.

[Brady]

Looks like they did the 18 van.

[John Holmer]

And double a battery. And the worst thing you could do with a Stomper is what they did in the commercial, which is take it outside and put it in grass. It didn't move in grass. Grass stopped it cold. It was basically a grocery getter. Like most lifted trucks. It's just for show. Yeah, that one's got. It's got a winch on it for some reason, because they're going to pull that thing out of the grass all the time. Anyway, my Magic Johnson theory holds true. And a dude named Magic Johnson got cured of aids. We didn't even. Nobody celebrated. That should have been. It should have looked like the happy version of the summer of 2020. With all the Black Lives Matter riots and stuff, people running in the streets, breaking windows. It should have been the Happy March. The news should have been outside going, the world has gone nuts as AIDS has been cured. And just banging in the streets and piano stores getting robbed like they did when George Floyd got killed. For some reason, Scottsdale piano store needed to be broken into. I don't understand how that furthered the cause, but it would have happened. And then, you know, Scottsdale Fashion Square itself. Logan Paul will come. It would be the exact same people doing the exact same stuff that happened on the Black Lives Matter riots. Only it would have been happy. And we didn't have it. There was never an announcement. We have celebrated. We tried to have a celebration.

[Brady]

They don't. It's. It's interesting because it's not like, like you said, not a huge parade. And when you even say it, like, AIDS is cured, is it. Or is it curtailed?

[John Holmer]

Are you worried about. Have you watched the Lana Rhodes gang bang? AIDS is cured. AIDS is cured. Have you seen Brett's videos in. So no one's scared.

[Brady]

Why wouldn't they.

[John Holmer]

Right.

[Brady]

Come out and say that? And then there's.

[John Holmer]

Then they get caught in all their.

[Brady]

Lives that, you know all these commercials we see from the big arm of that help.

[John Holmer]

Well, if they say that AIDS is cured and it is because of constant drug use, I know there's still hiv, and I know AIDS still gets people, but for the most part, we're no longer afraid of it. It's not a scourge. It's not like an epidemic. It's not.

[Brady]

Can't do anything about it.

[John Holmer]

Yeah. If you get the AIDS now, it's not a death sentence like it used to be. HIV would lead you to the aids. It's. It's. You're not getting it. Look at Charlie Sheen. He's got a documentary. He's healthy. He's like, I got hiv. People still don't want to have sex with you just in case. It's like a super strain, like. And I don't think demand for Charlie Sheen's dork is at an all time high right now. I think he got it out of his system and now he's tainted and celibate for eight years for it is funny.

[Brady]

I get. Hey, I'm proud.

[John Holmer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Celibate for eight years.

[John Holmer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Because, you know, in his days. Well, I live it.

[John Holmer]

He lived it. And I'm done. I'm. I'm good. You would never make him the face of AIDS because you knew exactly what he was up to back in the days. You're like, that dude will stick that thing anywhere. Magic was a family man. It was a lie. We. We had lies told to us constantly. Magic was a family man. His. His. His wife was his girlfriend. In college.

[Brady]

You hear all those stories about how he, how close he was with Isaiah.

[John Holmer]

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.

[Brady]

And those things are like parties. How close?

[John Holmer]

Where they were just piles of people were on Each other. And he would say, you weren't even sure who was having sex with you. And I'm like, well, that. There you go. You were getting pumped. You didn't even care.

[Brady]

Imagine that. Fast forward to today. If magic was throwing the parties that he had, he'd be diddy.

[John Holmer]

Oh, yeah. It would be. Yeah, it would definitely have changed in the mind. This one says to make sure things stayed a one night stand. I used to send texts the next morning saying I had venereal to diseases. You break up with them. That's a. That's brave. It's brilliant, actually. You tell them after, so they hate you. They go get tested and they're cleared, and then they move on. Only danger with that is they tell other people that you've got something that's fun. Never thought of using venereal diseases to weaponize them, to keep people you don't like from calling back. But yeah, that should. Let's. Let's set that rule here. Morning sickness rule is that if you've got that stuff and you're about to fly cross country to bang Brady, you got to tell him on the phone. Can we have that? The Brady's.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmer]

Is that all right? Does Pigman approve? I think that's. I think that's great. Where he's got pygmies now and he's got him. Got to get those inside of him. You don't have to tell that to anyone. You know, on the off chance that you are single someday again and you have to break that news to somebody. I have pig kidneys. Like that's just a fun conversation at dinner. You don't ever have to. But if you said thanks for flying all the way out here, imagine how mad she'd have been if she got on a plane, flew out. You get a hotel room, you roll her, and then you go, by the way.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, Definitely afterwards.

[John Holmer]

She would have been furious. I got the bumps. Why didn't you tell me, Brad? Lady, I wouldn't have wasted all that money on my Delta flight here. Keeping it local. Nice job. Delta hubs in Atlanta. Nice work.

[Brady]

Sent me round trip. It's round trip tickets.

[John Holmer]

After go back. And you never went. I mean, after. After you already turned it down here.

[Brady]

She tried to go back out this weekend. I would say, you know.

[John Holmer]

Right.

[Brady]

Because in my mind, I was like freaking out.

[John Holmer]

No, I'm out. Speedball.

[Brady]

It was a fun weekend.

[John Holmer]

He didn't do what we would have done.

[Brady]

I was. But she still had a. You know, it was a great weekend. Let's do it again.

[John Holmer]

Yeah. Brady was too nice at the end. And what Brett would have done is like, I have to tell you something, Brett. What is it, toots? And make it quick. I don't need your mouth yapping words. I want to hear it gag. Okay, we'll get to that. I have the. Oh, it's so hard. I have in the past been with somebody who may have had war tonight. But. Wait. Where'd you go, brats? I had round trip tickets for him to go see my warts in Atlanta. I got my wallet. See you later, Legions. Oh, he's so awful to me. I love him. I love him. I have to win him over. Brady was like, that's okay. We'll cuddle. I. And, oh, jeez, I need a pack of smokes. But you don't smoke. Brady, come back. It's a lito down. It's a lito, dad. That. You know what I want to start doing? What is that? Smoking. See you. I would have handled it the same way you did. That's okay. What? Actually, why? I probably would have gone through with it. I probably would have told you. You're just so good.

[Brady]

You're so far into it.

[John Holmer]

Yeah. I would have looked at it like.

[Brady]

I didn't want her to know that, like, inside you're freaking out like. Like, what's going on here?

[John Holmer]

I might have got. Might have been freaking out when I was inside is I got my jeweler's eye out and giving it a good. What's over. There we go. Hey, you seem all right. Let's do this. I don't see anything. She even.

[Brady]

You know, talk to that Talked about that.

[John Holmer]

But the jeweler that she was completely.

[Brady]

Because she's. She's in the middle.

[John Holmer]

That's my jeweler's eye. Take a look at it yourself. It's pretty. Pretty.

[Brady]

She provided it. Oh, she's talking about, like, it's. You know, you can. It's still safe. It's just when outbreaks happen.

[John Holmer]

Right. She wasn't loaded with. Oh, she wouldn't have gotten on the plane. She was better than that. You don't get on a plane with an outbreak. You fake. I thought she was a complete pig and just decided. No, she was just trying something.

[Brady]

She's trying to explain that here's how it works.

[John Holmer]

Right. Yeah. You could have gone in and been safe. It's hard to catch it.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmer]

But you'd have been fine, but.

[Brady]

Cause she's. You know, she got married since then. Yeah.

[John Holmer]

Everybody's got it the whole family's covered in it. The lumpy and bumpy Stumpy. And I think we saw him in one of your videos that. Remember that wart man down in Mexico? That's her son. Head to toe. Got those hands that look like tree trunks. The jewelers. I had me. Take a look for yourself. It's pretty pristine. It's a VS1 diamond cut. I see something.

[Brady]

Good cut. That's a good cut.

[John Holmer]

Nice cut. I see a flaw. Ooh, this is a tight cut. Oh, hard not to say it. I just. Hard not to say it.

[Brady]

Princess.

[John Holmer]

Princess diamond cut. Let's get it out of this fluorescent light and look at it in natural. Oh, that's nice. Wait a minute. What's this? Bye.

[Brady]

It's a blood diamond. Out late.

[John Holmer]

Oops all berries. Gotta go. She looks like a box of Oops all berries down there. Anyway, I was right about that, and I'm right about Magic Johnson. And no one ever listens to me as far as, like, having credence. But I. I hate that I see comedians going, and then this. And I said, I've been saying that for 20 years. And everybody finally take. I'm no good at self promotions. Not. Not a big enough show's not big enough for that. And in that respect, the Bobs are right. Right? Nice. Numbers aren't number one as much as they used to be number one sometimes. Oh, sorry about that. You guys were dominant and now you're just mildly dominant. Oh, okay. You do it, you little prick. Let's get ourselves a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800 A good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 Kup Wake Up. Arizona's most powerful rock. It's out of control now 98 P Day.