09-10-25 - Rock Wars - Song For Your Frustration Of Being In Line At Dutch Brothers

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: "Rock Wars - Song For Your Frustration Of Being In Line At Dutch Brothers"

Air Date: September 10, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Overview

This episode’s main theme centers on “Rock Wars”—the show’s recurring music challenge. The Rock Wars topic this week: pick a song that embodies the frustration of waiting in a long, chatty line at Dutch Bros or other coffee drive-thrus. The hosts and listeners riff on unnecessary small talk, fake customer service, and the strange cult of the coffee line, all wrapped in the show’s signature blend of sarcasm and rowdy banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Dutch Bros Line—A Kafkaesque Nightmare

• The hosts lampoon the experience of waiting in line at Dutch Bros, especially the performative friendliness of employees.
• Brett: “I don’t understand sitting in line for 30 minutes for a drink. You’re wasting your life.” (01:25)
• John highlights the frustration of forced small talk: “It’s because it’s inauthentic. Yeah, they don’t care. No, they’re ticking a box.” (01:53)

Notable Quote

Brett (sarcastically): “How’s your day? It’s fine… None of your business.” (01:25)

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2. The Ritual of Small Talk—and How to Fight It

• The team discusses tactics for dealing with over-chatty baristas.
• John notes, “For some reason, lonely people think it’s great to have a stranger start to small talk with them when all I need you to do is go inside and help the people making the drink I ordered and speed this up a little. I don’t want to stand outside and chat.” (07:04)
• Listener texts and call-ins add to the mockery, swapping stories and joining in on the collective venting.

Notable Moment

John: “A song you can turn up while they’re trying to have that fake conversation.” (07:07)

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3. Rock Wars Song Picks—The Anthems of Queue Rage

Each host picks a “theme song” they’d blast in their car to telegraph their mood to the Dutch Bros staff.

a. Brett's Pick: Linkin Park – “One Step Closer”

• Reason: The repeating aggression and lyrics amplify frustration.
• “I would definitely turn up as loud as I could this very part of this very song. Go ahead.” (08:28)
• Quote (sung): “Shut up when I’m talking to you!”
• Used as a comic device to imagine shouting down the barista’s forced friendliness.

b. Co-host's Pick: Slipknot – “Duality”

• Reason: The raw mental struggle in the song encapsulates waiting in line.
• “It’s a good one to sit back and crank up.” (09:59)
• Seen as cathartic, though Brett argues it’s more personal than confrontational.

c. John’s Pick: Godsmack – “I F***ing Hate You”

• Reason: Gets straight to the emotional undercurrent: “Screaming I effing hate you at the person that wants to know how.” (11:32)
• Emphasizes pure, unfiltered annoyance.

d. Notable Segment:

(Imaginary Barista Banter):
Barista: “How’s your day?”
Brett (singing): “Shut up!” (12:15)
Caller: “Geez.”
Brett: “Sir, nobody likes this.” (12:24)

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4. Fake Scenarios and Peak Absurdity

• The hosts riff on how to respond to fake friendliness with ever-escalating sarcasm or dark humor (“Going to a baby funeral.”). (12:41)
• Running joke: The best way to repel chatty staff is to up the awkwardness or blast angry rock.

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5. Quick Diversions and Running Jokes

• Sports tangents: Waiting for NFL teams to prove themselves before declaring apocalypse (02:23).
• Local Arizona references: “Stu Tracy” emergency room urban legend (03:23).
• Repeat riffing on the necessity for faster service and less interaction: “If you have to pee and there’s a line, I’m like, nope. Clinch it up. I was built with a sphincter and it is strong. I use it.” (07:48)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Brett: “Lines are a sign that you have nothing but time in your hands to waste and you don’t value your own time.” (07:48)
• John: “[A] song you can turn up while they’re trying to have that fake conversation. Who would you like to go first?” (07:47)
• Caller: “You guys seen Trick four? It’s real funny. You should probably do that after whatever the thing you said you were gonna do.” (12:52)
• Brett: “Nobody wants to hear you talk. Just play more music.” (13:33)
• John: “There. I did it. I’m the winner. Thanks, John. I win again. Just play this. I hope you’re at a line for your coffee. Right now it’s 98 KUPD. Arizona’s most powerful rocket.” (13:35)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:17 - First Dutch Bros line discussion and listener text
• 02:08 - Explaining the frustration with forced small talk
• 04:55 - Launching topic: "Pick a song for your line frustration"
• 07:04-08:28 - Hosts present personal coffee line peeves and Brett’s song pick
• 09:32-11:29 - Other hosts' song picks: Slipknot and Godsmack
• 12:15-13:14 - Banter escalates with mock “shut up” interactions and absurd hypothetical responses

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Tone & Style

• The conversation is irreverent, fast-paced, and filled with deadpan sarcasm.
• Hosts playfully encourage listeners to weaponize angry rock music as a shield against fake friendliness.
• Frequent Arizona and pop culture references keep things local and relatable.

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Summary

If you’ve ever simmered curbside at Dutch Bros or Starbucks, this episode delivers cathartic laughs and the ultimate playlist for your rage. The hosts and listeners weave together stories, song picks, and coping strategies for dealing with long lines and shallow small talk—offering both an anthem (“One Step Closer” by Linkin Park) and a uniquely Southwest blueprint for enduring the modern coffee queue.

Transcript

[John Holmer]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[Brett]

It's John Holmer here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute. Getting used to chronic pain is something that we can all find ourselves doing and not realize we're doing it. And I needed four procedures. I had a lot going on. Two shoulder replacements, and yes, at my age, even two hip replacements. But you know what? I'm better today than I've been in 20 years. And now I'm back. Basketball, pain free. Running, pain free. Throwing a baseball or football, pain free. And I can box again. It's exciting because I look forward to the things I love. You don't have to live with pain anymore. Go to the Core Institute dot com. You know what? I'm gonna say it. It's controversial. To the fans of that band, that might be my favorite Linkin park song. Oh, boy. I know. There we go. I know. And that grows on you. Disparaging towards Chester. They had some good stuff and I liked him a lot. But that is a great song. That is a catchy number, as the kids say. I like that one a lot. It's nice to have brand new stuff from a band that you. That resonates. Not a lot of rock bands are putting out new stuff. That's good. That's a really. I can see that one getting played 10, 12 years from now. People still want to hear it. That's a good one.

[Caller/Listener]

To jump back to your Dutch Brothers conversation, a texter says, hey, man, we have Dutch bros out on the west side. What would that conversation go like?

[Brett]

I don't know. How do you say how's your day? In an annoying Spanish accent? How's your day? It's fine. Or like what? Brett says, none of your business. Oh, they're not ordering a Dutch Bros. Yeah, they are. Dutch Bros is universal. Everybody's addicted to it. But I don't understand sitting in line for 30 minutes for a drink. You're wasting your life. And again, people, I got a text that said I laughed out loud and I didn't know why. At Brett recreating his moment at Dutch Brothers, where somebody simply said, how's your day? And Breckles, none of your goddamn business. It's very funny, but the reason you're saying it is not because someone said, how's your day? It's because it's inauthentic. Yeah, they don't care. No, they're ticking a box.

[Co-host/Guest]

That's why you throw the random things. Like, what are they even listening?

[Brett]

Shut up. Just keep. Keep taking people's orders. The. The fact that I'm in line for 20 minutes has a lot to do with the fact that you're a Chatty Cathy. Move on. I'm not here to make friends. I want a cup of joe. I want that milkshake that you make out of coffee.

[Caller/Listener]

Another texter says, hey, John, can you talk to that passer? I mean, I hope you're with me here. Can we wait until at least week six or seven of the season so I can see if the Steelers are actually any good or bad before he ends the world? Let's go.

[Brett]

Look, it's only week three. We won't know either way at that point. And maybe if they come out of that two and one, you'd be okay with the world coming into it. And I imagine it's October and we're seven and one. It's like, oh, no.

[Caller/Listener]

I know.

[Brett]

So two and September records are a big deal for later in the year, but you can get through it if the world blows up in September.

[Caller/Listener]

World didn't end. But the Mariners were in first place when they decided to go on strike.

[Brett]

Yeah. Imagine if the Bills, like, if the world ended in December. Buffalo can't have nice things. And they're. And they're about to get home field and go to the. And then this dude predicts that it's December 8th or something like, no, the Bills are going to be really. We don't take this away. So every team has a wait till February kind of vibe. And I'd be. Bet I'd be happy. But no. But the world never ends in February. According to these people. It's always late September, early October, always then.

[Caller/Listener]

And your Stu Tracy texter has followed up. I did have some friends who heard it from a very reliable source way back in the day that he had to go to the emergency room to get something removed.

[Brett]

Now, that's not a light bulb. We don't know if weatherman Stu tracy from Channel 5 ever had a surgical procedure to have his bottom hold. But we also don't know that it did happen. We don't know that it didn't happen. So let's not work in this hypothetical world here and just assume that Stu Tracy has never had that. Now I have a friend who has.

[Co-host/Guest]

I just thought about that.

[Brett]

Fissures. So he went to have butthole surgery. You.

[Co-host/Guest]

What if we're around years from now? Well, there'll be that story. Brady went to the hospital had something removed.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's how that turns into us perpetuating that. We'll be around for a while. I don't know why you're including yourself if the world. Oh, right. I see what you're saying. Oh, yeah. But odds are. Odds are we're going to be around. Yeah. And even if the world comes to an end, you'll be gone because you're supposed to ascend. I don't think that might be.

[Co-host/Guest]

I don't get to partake in the two day festival.

[Brett]

You can stay. You go to the party and then.

[Co-host/Guest]

See the beginning of it.

[Brett]

You get a valet ticket and you get to leave. And then all of us sit and watch you go away. And then gigantic clothes just laying on the ground.

[Co-host/Guest]

Or you hear a heavy thud back. Sorry.

[Brett]

Yeah. Yeah. What? Too heavy? But either way, I'm rooting for it. I hope that guy's right. I'd like to see that end of the world. I think it'd be fun. Brett, you won Rock wars last week. Tell us what you got.

[John Holmer]

We were talking about the pumpkin spice thing and those lines of Dutch Rose and all that kind of stuff. So let's do a song while you're waiting in that three hour line.

[Brett]

The coffee place lines.

[John Holmer]

And your song. Not.

[Brett]

Not.

[John Holmer]

You know, it doesn't have to be the morons that are happy to be like shiny happy people or something. Your song particular.

[Brett]

A theme song for the misery that is waiting in line at a coffee for you.

[John Holmer]

Yes.

[Brett]

Oh, wow. I'll tell you right now, I got a couple of them in my mind.

[John Holmer]

You know, that comes your day.

[Brett]

You don't mean it.

[Caller/Listener]

Break it up.

[John Holmer]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Brett]

Yeah. Turn it up. Just stare them in the eyes. And turn this song up to the person that's trying to artificially have conversation with you. Small talk person. All right, I like that. If you have a suggestion, [e-mail] you can text. What is it, 97936 or you can call us 585-9800. We'll get to all that and tell you what we've picked for Rock Wars. Ned. KUPD Holmberg's morning sickness. It's slowly tired. For the battle of musical supremacy known only as Rock Wars. I'll be back. Give me a minute. I got to go get the book from Larry.

[Co-host/Guest]

Take your time.

[Brett]

Of course I'll take my time. It's brought to you by our friends at Mo Money Pawn. Short or long term loans. Something about collateral.

[John Holmer]

Have him come up here.

[Brett]

Get Over. John. Do it. Yeah. We don't have time to waste. I forgot it. I've read it a million times. Shorter long term loans, lateral loans, collateral loans from $10 to 100 to over 100,000American dollars.

[John Holmer]

The whole process just takes.

[Brett]

There's something in between credit needed.

[Co-host/Guest]

No credit needed.

[Brett]

And the whole process taking just several minutes. Mo Money. Pawn.com. they paid for that.

[John Holmer]

Sorry. Eric and Byron.

[Brett]

12Th street in Indian school. You know them by now.

[John Holmer]

They have Steelers gear for you.

[Brett]

I know. I keep forgetting to get over there and get my Joe Green. So sorry about that. Byron's nice enough to tell me they got it and I'm like, yes. And then I completely forget. I'll head over there after. That's a good thing. It's the topic that Brett had today is a song you can turn up when that inauthentic nonsense small talk starts. Brady's gonna play up, up and away again, isn't he? Is the. The authentic nonsense of people who stand in. And it's not just Dutch brothers. It's a lot of them. To be fair, they started it. And for some reason, lonely people think it's great to have a stranger start to small talk with them when all I need you to do is go inside and help the people making the drink I ordered and speed this up a little. I don't want to stand outside and chat. So a song you can turn up while they're trying to have that fake conversation. Who would you like to go first?

[John Holmer]

Johnny.

[Brett]

All right. I just want it done immediately. I don't wait in line for anything. If I have to pee and there's a line, I'm like, nope. Clinch it up. I was built with a sphincter and it is strong. I use it. I don't like lines. Lines are a sign that you have nothing but time in your hands to waste and you don't value your own time. Coffee's available everywhere. So for me to go there and have somebody going, this can take about 30 minutes. You want to chat? No, I want you working. So I would definitely turn up as loud as I could this very part of this very song. Go ahead. One step closer.

[Caller/Listener]

How's your day?

[Brett]

I would just loop it. No one other than Brady likes when strangers lean in their car and go.

[Caller/Listener]

See any good movie.

[Brett]

If I don't know your name, we don't talk. I just told you what I wanted. Now go get it. That's how commerce works. Terrible.

[Caller/Listener]

What happened?

[Brett]

I ordered a drink from some lady and she stood and talked to me. And I don't have my drink yet.

[Caller/Listener]

Where'd that happen?

[Brett]

It hasn't yet. It's happening.

[John Holmer]

It's none of your effing business.

[Brett]

Yeah, there's that, too. Brett would be in the passenger seat with me.

[Caller/Listener]

Sounds like a rough day.

[Brett]

Are you gonna work or just sit here and chat? You got time to lean? You got time to make coffee?

[Caller/Listener]

Sorry, All I'm hearing is your blind guy, Jason's daughter.

Pull over. I want Taco Bell.

[Brett]

All right. Thank you. That's mine. Lincoln Park. One step closer.

[Co-host/Guest]

I just like to pull up and see how this would work out. Cranking it up because it explains it right off the bat, But I'm going with the slipknot. Duality. Push my fingers through my eyes. Mental struggles. I'll let sure Cory tell you about it, cuz.

[Brett]

Yeah, cuz you can. Great song.

[Co-host/Guest]

It's a good one to sit back and crank up.

[Brett]

Well, that's just enjoying the song. It's not sending a message to them.

[Co-host/Guest]

Hear my order, they send it back. They tell you back what your order is. Yeah, that's correct.

[Brett]

Boom. It's a song. Yeah, but this isn't like letting them know I hate you.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Brett]

It's just you being loud.

[Co-host/Guest]

It's my struggles.

[John Holmer]

Yeah.

[Brett]

All right. I see. I get you. They're not going to really walk away and go, that guy hates me.

[Co-host/Guest]

I can't tell you.

[Caller/Listener]

They're not changing their way.

[Co-host/Guest]

My friend Corey tell you?

[Brett]

Yeah. I don't have the guts to tell you. I'd be screaming, shut up when I'm talking to you at them. Brett, what do you have? All right.

[John Holmer]

To me, there's nothing worse than waiting in that line in particular.

[Brett]

Brutal.

[John Holmer]

And then some douche canoe sitting there trying to find out what you did today. And nobody. You don't care. You're not genuine. So I think Sully said it the best.

[Brett]

Oh, here we go.

[John Holmer]

I effing hate you from God.

[Brett]

Smack. Because I do. I didn't know where to start it.

[Caller/Listener]

You know this is the chorus.

[Brett]

Not really. No, I don't. I can assume it after he says I to get a long intro. I think a Toledo part up. Now.

[Caller/Listener]

Give me a time.

[Brett]

I gave him a time. For everything you do, I'd like to swallow you. And every day I'm going to blame you. All right. It's got a little anger in it. All right. There you go.

[John Holmer]

That little angry from Boston.

[Brett]

He is a little. A little angry. Screaming I effing hate you at the person that wants to know how. Loop. Yeah, on a loop. All right. We're late. John Gordon, get up. We're at. We're four minutes over. John, this is. What were you.

[John Holmer]

It was a minute ago.

[Brett]

Oh, God. I thought we were on time. No. Oh, no. What are we going to do? Maybe I should slow it down. Yeah, just a little bit. You drive yourself nuts. You.

[Caller/Listener]

You play hard, but you can't.

[Brett]

You can't follow through. John on a microphone, when he giggles, is the Pillsbury Doughboy. Did you hear that? Damn. All right, go ahead, John. Damn it. You're getting me. One step closer to the edge, John, and I'm about to break.

[Caller/Listener]

That's.

[Brett]

Shut up. Imagine just doing that.

[Caller/Listener]

How's your day? Shut up.

[Brett]

What? Shut up.

[Caller/Listener]

Geez.

[Brett]

Sir, nobody likes this.

[Caller/Listener]

We found our research that people really love small talk. How about bad weather?

[Brett]

Get your hand off my car.

[Co-host/Guest]

Well, girl, I gotta tell you.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, that's the one thing. Megan did it years ago.

[Caller/Listener]

What do you guys got planned today?

[Brett]

Going to a baby funeral. Oh, and then the next time through, we're taking her to an abortion.

[Caller/Listener]

You guys seen Trick four?

[Brett]

Oh, my God. You didn't hear a word of that. Going to a baby funeral. And the girl's like, wow, fine.

[Caller/Listener]

You guys seen Trick four? It's real funny. You should probably do that after whatever the thing you said you were gonna do.

[Brett]

You mean the baby funeral?

[Caller/Listener]

Yep, that's it.

[Brett]

You ever been to a baby funeral?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm gonna move on to the next car now.

[Brett]

All right. Lincoln stinking Park.

[Caller/Listener]

Either you can add it or I can't log in. So.

[Brett]

All right, what happened? That's just gonna take up more time.

[John Holmer]

John's losing it over here, man. You're taking more time.

[Brett]

Oh, my God.

[Co-host/Guest]

About to snap.

[Brett]

Geez. There it is. I just plop it right on over here. Come on.

[John Holmer]

Nobody wants to hear you talk. Just play more music.

[Brett]

That's true. There you go. All right, we'll do that. There. I've. I think I figured it out. There. I did it. I'm the winner. Thanks, John. I win again. Just play this. I hope you're at a line for your coffee. Right now it's 98 KUPD. Arizona's most powerful rocket.

[Caller/Listener]

It's out of control now.

[Brett]

98 KUPD.

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