Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 09-11-25 (Thu): "In China You Have To Watch An Ad To Get Toilet Paper In Public Toilets – Man Jumps Off Cruise Ship To Avoid Casino Debt – Australia Has Developed Chlamydia Vaccine For Koalas"

Main Theme/Overview

This episode, airing on September 11, 2025, blends the show’s signature irreverent take on daily news with some heartfelt commentary in light of Patriot Day. The crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—riff on odd international headlines (China’s “toilet paper ads,” a cruise ship casino escapee, and koalas getting a chlamydia vaccine) while weaving in trademark banter, listener letters, and moments of comic vulnerability.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reflecting on 9/11 and Listener Interaction

• Patriot Day vs. Patriots Day (05:52–07:01, 16:40–17:13): John and Brady clarify the difference between “Patriot Day” (commemorating 9/11) and “Patriots Day” (Boston Marathon, April), poking fun at calendar confusion.
  • “Patriots Day is in April. That’s when they run the Boston Marathon.” – John Holmberg (06:00)
  • “Patriot Day is today. So I don’t know where the marketing—" – Brady (06:19)
• Appreciation for Audience & Vulnerability (00:11–05:08): John candidly discusses processing heavy days, responding to heartfelt emails from listeners about handling sensitive topics and keeping the show neutral on politics. He emphasizes not lumping individuals into polarized groups after tragedies.
  • Quote: “That guy didn’t represent the left, he represented craziness… The faster we stop doing that, the quicker this polarization ends.” – John (03:30)

2. Lighthearted “Brain Report” with Brady

• Fun Facts & Food Oddities (06:54–08:37, 17:18–18:14):
  • Free refills popularized by Taco Bell in 1988.
  • "Game of Thrones" and "Friends" both cost ~$10M per episode, with “Friends” spending on cast salaries.
  • Al Green’s “Take Me to the River” made more royalties from the Big Mouth Billy Bass toy than as a song.
  • Pumpkin spice searches reach all-time high.
  • Food news: Shake Shack releases a French onion soup burger (17:18).
• Comic banter:
  • John mocks the pumpkin spice craze:
    • “Something’s wrong with us with that pumpkin.” (08:25)
  • Brady jokes about the food temptation: “Brady, give in to temptation. Try that little mushroom burger full of salt phosphates. Oh, Ralphie, you can do it…” – John (17:37)

3. Weird International News

• China’s Toilet Paper Dispenser Ads (08:37–11:30):
  • To get toilet paper, public bathroom-goers must watch an ad.
    • “That’ll discourage people from taking dumps in public. Go home.” – John (08:53)
  • Crew jokes about office bathroom habits and “the mad crapper.”
• Divorce in Shanghai Over Baby Naming (11:34–12:11):
  • Couple divorces after two years, unable to agree on a name for their child, leading to practical and emotional fallout.
    • “Let’s just call it quits.” – John (12:05)
• Man Jumps off Cruise Ship to Avoid Casino Debt (12:38–14:09):
  • A gambler leaps overboard near Puerto Rico to dodge a $16,000 debt, only to be apprehended and now faces 5 years in prison and $250,000 in fines.
    • Quote: “He thought he could slip out on the tab unnoticed, but now he owes around 15 times what he lost at the casino.” – Brady (13:09)
• Scrotox Trend (14:09–14:49):
  • Botox for men’s scrotums is on the rise.
    • “Your balls like an eggshell.” – John (14:17)
    • “Putting needles in your ball is always risky.” – John (14:28)

4. Koala Chlamydia Vaccine in Australia (14:49–16:21)

• Major breakthrough announced:
  • Australia approves first chlamydia vaccine for koalas.
    • “They’ve been struggling with that for a while.” – John (14:56)
  • Panel jokes about koala sex lives, the logistics of vaccinating wild animals, and Australia’s wildlife.
  • Population stats: 224,000–524,000 koalas, mostly not in desert regions.
    • “My guess on how many there are? 300,000.” – John (16:04)
• Banter skirts risqué, staying true to show’s outrageous style:
  • “The best part about sex with a koala that's comparative to a female is that you never hear a koala say no.” – John (15:17)
  • Crew teases one another for going too far with animal jokes.

5. Comic Relief & Show References

• Long call-back to bathroom humor and office “offenders.”
• Cruise ship demographics and a Ralphie May story (19:38–20:49):
  • John recalls late comedian Ralphie May’s caution to “read the room”—not all jokes translate to cruise ship audiences.
    • “I ain’t seen this many black people on a boat since I went and saw Amistad.” – Ralphie May (20:14 recounted by John)
  • “Read the room, Johnny.” – Ralphie May via John (20:43)

Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• John on political polarization:
  “The faster we stop doing that, the quicker this polarization side will end… That guy didn’t represent anything but a lunatic who can’t hear information and process…” – (03:30)
• Brady on cruise ship casino escapee:
  “He thought he could slip out on the tab unnoticed, but now he owes around 15 times what he lost at the casino.” – (13:09)
• John on novelty in world news:
  “That’ll discourage people from taking dumps in public. Go home.” – (08:53)
• John on Scrotox:
  “Putting needles in your ball is always risky.” – (14:28)
• Ralphie May advice (via John):
  “Read the room, Johnny.” – (20:43)
• Jokes about koala vaccines:
  “The best part about sex with a koala that's comparative to a female is that you never hear a koala say no.” – (15:17)

Notable Timed Segments

• 00:11–05:08: Honest reflection on 9/11, taking comfort in listeners, avoiding politicized blame.
• 06:54–08:37: Fun facts "Brain Report" segment.
• 08:37–11:30: Deep dive: Toilet paper ads in Chinese public bathrooms, leading into local bathroom pranks.
• 12:38–14:09: Cruise ship casino debt escape.
• 14:49–16:21: Koala bears and Australia’s efforts to vaccinate against chlamydia.
• 19:38–20:49: Ralphie May on cruise ships and “reading the room.”

Tone & Style Notes

• Conversational, irreverent, packed with sarcasm and playful digs among the crew.
• Switches smoothly between heartfelt, thoughtful takes and cheeky, blue humor.
• Strong Arizona/“guy talk” flavor, peppered with listeners’ contributions and inside jokes.

For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is quintessential "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness": chaotic, uncensored morning radio mixing the serious (9/11 remembrance, politics) with the completely bizarre (toilet paper rationing in China, scrotal Botox, koala STD vaccines). The hosts punctuate news headlines with jokes, impressions, and running commentary on everything from fast food to office bathroom habits, never missing a chance to needle each other or their audience. The show’s heart is felt in the opening segment—John's rapport with listeners and his call for less knee-jerk polarization—before switching gears into riotous discussions that would fit nowhere but KUPD.