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You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
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Morning sickness.
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Before we move on and I know I never know when to leave well enough alone. I appreciate you guys dealing with it. I didn't. I didn't intend to do that, but as I said the words. More people need their voices heard. I thought we can do it. Thank you. Fixing Brady's collar so he's not Dracula anymore. Toledo, you're a good man. You're not going golfing today, are you?
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No.
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Okay. You're in your golf club. No, I can't. I was gonna say don't do that yet, but yeah, I just. I like that you guys, you know, it was. That was nice. That actually helped me. So thank you. You guys. Do you don't realize that you're my morning show. That's not one of those gay consultant. No, it is a little gay, but it's not one of those consultant ready to tell the audience that. You guys literally are. I don't get a morning show. We don't get one. Your emails and when we have moments like that are my entertainment in the morning. And Brady that and Brady sometimes Brett. Brett's my morning show, but he's all day. Brady's my morning show and says. Says stuff like this.
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Liquid death produced 11 packs of. What's it called? Liquid Death.
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Still funny. So, yeah, but this is. Those are my moments where it's like. But I never need. I always have that one last email that comes in. I'm like, this guy says, I know you don't like things that get political, John, but I have to say when you do talk about those things, you say that one side is as crazy as the other. But I hope you can put that neutrality aside and see the left for who they really are and that they never have been about tolerance or coexistence. All of the people that celebrated the death of a great man is beyond everything and they showed their true colors yesterday. I hope you have a great day and remember the heroes too. We lost on 9 11. Here's what I want to say about that and then I'll got to stop because I can do this all day and I've got a billion emails and I'm trying to get through and I'm sorry, I don't get to. I don't believe that that person represented the left. He represented craziness. Now, is he a byproduct of politics and the anger that comes from it? Yes. But he doesn't represent the left. That's what we have to stop doing. One bad actor, they say, can spoil it all if we keep assigning his belief to everyone who he said he did this for. He does not represent Toledo in any way, and Toledo's a lefty. He doesn't represent Tripp in any way, and Tripp's a lefty. He may resonate with some people, but he does not represent them that side of America. So the faster we stop doing that, the quicker this polarization side will end. And Hector, you make a great point for your side, but let's stop the sides and start saying that guy didn't represent anything but a lunatic who can't hear information and process and that we can't stop. That's all that guy represents. Insanity, everything that's wrong with the world. And yes, he may have been influenced by something, but that doesn't mean he represents anything more than a guy capable of this. Now let's get back to. Did you print another one? No. Did I? No. Oh, it's just a second page of a disclosure thing. That's fine. Let's get back to what this show is about. Farting and praising me. Oh, here's one. John, I know your job can't be easy today. You do a phenomenal job of pulling your listeners away from the fringe on either side as best you can. Cable news channels, try to keep pulling them back. He said, this is the first American assassination of my lifetime. Brett's gonna hate to hear this, but it was a great move, putting listeners on the air and reading these emails. I don't think I appreciated your abilities to manage the show and direct the interviews and callers until I was in studio with you and listen back to the podcast. This is from Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, and he said, now here's my suggestion, and I think we should all go with the great blind Shaun Rockefeller on this one. Let's have Toledo practice a moment of silence starting now, and we'll tell him it's over in five years and we'll all be better off. Thank you, Sean. That's a glorious idea, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Maybe I used to like Sean. A five year moment of silence. And then Tina says, and I'm letting it go. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your perspective and conversation on most subjects. When you came on the air this morning, I could tell you were saying what you said from the heart. Thank you so much, Tina. Yeah, well, you know, contrary to what's been reported, I'm a human being. I actually feel stuff. Sometimes I get knocked down just like the rest of you. And I don't want to come. I honestly don't want to do this today. I don't. But it will make me feel better once I get going. But I just. It's just one of those things. I kind of want to sit in my own filth for a day and come back normal.
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But let me get you some liquid death.
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Yeah. Thank you, Brady. That's it. But then something will get me out of it, and I think that little chat did. So thank you for all that niceness. It's time now for Brady to give you the rest of the news we missed yesterday that hopefully is a little lighter. Maybe not. It's brought to you by our friends@allprochade.com it's time to make shade in that backyard. You got shade, you got comfort. You got lower temperatures. They can make your house beautiful. It's not like the old days when they'd stick that thing on the back of your house and make you look like you're living in a Swensons. You got a nice shade that actually accentuates your property, raises property values. It's another thing you got in your house that people want, and that usually makes it so you can sell your house easier. It's another one of those tools. Check them out. Allproche.com and get shady with Brady in his backyard. Brady reported.
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Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy Patriots Day.
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Is that what this is?
B
Yep.
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The Patriots day was in April. That's when they run the Boston Marathon. What I have according to the fight you I just know that Patriots day is when they run the Boston Marathon in April.
B
Today.
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Did they move it or do they just have Patriots Day and it doesn't say Patriots Day.
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It says Patriot Day.
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Oh, so it's not for all of us.
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Yeah.
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Just for a patriot. If you're one, I guess you're individual. You don't want to get into a group of Patriots.
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Patriots. They is April 19th.
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Okay.
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Patriot Day is today. So I don't know where the marketing.
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Got a group of patriots can celebrate in April. You have to go out alone today.
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And much like a cornucopia of slugs yesterday. Yeah, this is a cornucopia.
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I think you just drive around your car like this. I feel great today. Good luck feeling that way today.
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Couple of basis fun facts. The idea of free refills dates back to American coffee houses in the 19th century. But taco Bell is credited with being the first fast food chain to make it mainstream. 1988.
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All right, that was 88.
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1988.
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Huh?
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Game of Thrones and Friends had roughly the same budget at $10 million per episode. Friends cost that much because of the cast? Yep.
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10 million an episode, man. That's where they rushed those last two seasons out so fast. All those actors would have wanted raises.
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Holy.
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Next contracts come up. That was a 20. 20 million would have been the. I'd have killed them all off with my pen and gotten all new actors.
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Al Green's Take Me to the river was a big hit, but it made its biggest chunk of royalties from the big mouth Billy Bass electronic. Oh, wow.
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It made some more money off Billy Bass than it did as a song.
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Yep.
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Oh, my God. I mean, it's. Oh, Cracker Barrel.
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This is a little follow up from yesterday with John. Today. Google says pumpkin spice searches just hit an all time high.
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Oh, yeah. Something's wrong with us with that pumpkin. Dutch bros. Yeah, one in that line. We talked about it yesterday. Dumb.
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If you walk into a public bathroom in China, there's a chance you'll have to watch an ad in order to get poop tickets. It's an automated toilet paper dispenser.
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Oh, that's coming here.
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And you gotta watch an ad. Then it'll release the paper for you.
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You know what? Good. That'll discourage people from taking dumps in public. Go home. They need that here. Ladies, you should start wandering around. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We need to have like. You have to watch the Shawshank Redemption before you can get. I'm not going poop here. Yeah, that's right, Taylor. Go home. After the old morning show across the hall was here. Evidently. And I won't give a name out because it's a girl. If it was a dude, I'd do it, but girls are sensitive and this can cause like an HR issue. But evidently there's one downstairs that all the ladies talk about that when they see her go in, they know the bathroom's off limits for about two hours. We got a butt crusher downstairs and it's a female. It's more fun to work with just guys. No, really. He just lift out who he thought it was and the end. Your answer is incorrect.
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I can't believe that.
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I'll pantomime. Okay. The listeners can't see it. Thank you very much. I wish you guys could have seen that because it was almost. It was almost like it became her have you?
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Well, you wouldn't notice because you don't go in the one up here, but somebody's been lighting matches in the one up.
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Well, at least that's an attempt to fix it. But Scott Taylor has been down. See, that's the thing about working with a bunch of dudes. You can call out the. The mad crapper. And Scott Taylor is currently the guy down. He comes upstairs sometimes. You see him walk up. Hey, guys. And he always looks like he's in a hurry to make a business meeting. He's not upstairs doing business. He's not wrecking the toilet for people downstairs. And I've seen him with his little wing tips. And when I walked in that time, he tried to lift him up and hide that he was in the stall. But I saw it said, I saw your shoes, Taylor. I know. And that's when you just turn the lights out, turn the music up, sound.
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The hush, the silver on the wingtip.
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Yeah, he has to. Yeah, he has the. The gold buckles and all that. He was in there twice, evidently the other day. Morning sickness. 98. Holmberg's morning sickness. He comes in early to do that. Yeah, he comes in to poop. I mean, I'll give him respect for that. He doesn't try to kill everybody else because there's nobody down there yet. I agree with you. But it's not doing it midday where.
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You got to set your wife's at home when he needs to do it at home.
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Yeah, I don't think he's allowed. Get a bigger house then. Yeah, I mean, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.
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I think the mid morning one, there's always one that regular, like Dale back in the day was always like nine tails.
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And that's a gross. Done that here too. Yeah, that's a gross one.
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But now I think they. They look forward to that. Like, I can't wait to hit the restroom this time.
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So an ad show. An ad for the toilet paper. I like that.
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Got a couple in Shanghai, China. They filed for divorce after two years of marriage because they had a baby boy last year. And they couldn't agree on a name. Might sound minor, but both sides insisted on the name, refused to budge. And without a name, a birth certificate couldn't be issued. So a lot of important things were stuck in limbo. Basic medical procedures. And that year started a lot of fights. Yeah, I'm like, let's just call it quits.
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Yeah, end it. That's great. All right, good. You take him. Yeah, I'm out. I like that here.
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But now We've got a custody battle going on.
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Wow. You had to be in a custody battle, Brett. No. Oh, man. Mine would be like, oh, no. Yeah. I can't imagine life without him. But you win. You'd be like, will, no. Don't do it. No, I can't possibly stop. Oh, I'm going to miss you so much. All right, well, you live with your mom forever now. Sorry. When you come visit. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. What was your name again? Kevin or something? No.
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We got a dude that jumped off a Royal Caribbean cruise ship. Jumped off? He jumped off in Puerto Rico last weekend because he wanted to skip out on the gambling debt. $16,000. Over 16,000.
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You get markers on a cruise ship?
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He ran up at the casino. Yeah. He was caught on surveillance jumping into the water near the shore. He's picked up by a couple people on jet skis.
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They have your names? Yeah.
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Authorities didn't. Oh, they put it right. Tracking him down. He was arrested, and now he's facing fines up to $250,000. Five years in prison. He thought he could slip out on the tab unnoticed, but now he owns around. He owes around 15 times what he lost at the casino. For what it's worth, when they found him on shore, he had 14,000 in his.
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He was so close. Another two grand. Another. You spend one more time on that roulette wheel and you might have gotten it. That was on Carnival.
B
Was that a Carnival cruise? Caribbean. Royal Caribbean.
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Royal Caribbean. No. Yeah. If it was Carnival, you just give the Carnival people your Hellcat and call it eat. Here's the keys. Here's the keys to my Hellcat. We're even, right?
B
Scrotox Procedures is on a rise. It's becoming very popular to smooth out.
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Your balls like an eggshell.
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Yeah. Some of the benefits they're talking about, it is just, you know, whether it outweighs. There are some risks, sure.
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Putting needles in your ball is always risky. Putting any sort of botulism in your body is risky, Especially your nut sack. That's right, Brett. Excellent retort. That was Toledo. Oh. You okay? I couldn't tell. I don't know. Your Mr. Ed impressions, they're so good, Each of them, but you're 100% right. Is the answer to that.
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Great news for the koala bears in Australia. Australia approves the first chlamydia vaccine for koalas.
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They've been struggling with that for a while.
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It's been ravaging the population.
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How?
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They get in the clap over there.
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The koas Some dirty bogan rolled over there and banged them. Now women will have sex with me, but these little koalas seem easy to catch. Tried with a kangaroo and almost lost my life.
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How was it, though?
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It's pretty. Pretty remarkable. Worth it? Yeah. The best part about sex with a koala that's comparative to a female is that you never hear a koala say no. It tends to be. The sheilas yell that a lot.
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The toughest thing they're having is trying to figure out a way to reach the koalas to walk into the clinic to get the vaccines.
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All right.
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Take it too far.
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Yeah, man, that was dumb.
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Brett was breaking his mouth on that, and he knows.
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Yeah, that was Brett pounding his computer mouse. You ran with that? You're okay with it? Maybe. Freedom of speech is bad.
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What's your guess on the population of koalas in Australia?
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My guess on how many there are?
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Yeah. 300, 000.
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No, there's more than that. It's a big. It's a big area, but I don't know how. I don't know if they live in the desert.
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Toledo, you're right in.
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Yeah, I was gonna say, ma', am. You might be right, because that middle part is not where they live. It's all dirt.
B
So they're estimated between 224,000 to 524,000. Nailed it.
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I would have guessed 5, 600,000. It's a great point of pride for you. Hopefully, you get a broadcaster of the year award for that. Why don't you do a video that says you're the number one. Whatever you are in the. In the country. We'll have a party tonight. We'll have a party.
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Will you guys join in? Will you carry a bat to me.
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While I. Oh, yeah. We'll definitely be in your Instagram video of your false claim.
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Awesome Textures clarified everything for us. He says, guys, Patriot Day is in remembrance of Those lost on 9 11. So relatively new. Patriots Day has been around long.
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Yeah, I know. Patriots Day is the Boston Marathon Day. Y. I never. I don't know that I. If I have heard of it, it hasn't resonated. I don't. I. Patriots Day is new to me.
B
Oh, the difference.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Sorry, I added the s on there.
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No, it's all right. I don't. I. Look, I didn't catch that.
B
You didn't know.
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I just know the Patriots Day is in April.
B
Just so you know, it rolled out September 9th, but Shake Shacks got a French onion soup burger.
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That'S probably pretty good.
B
And this matters because.
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Yeah, you can't have one.
B
Is who can't have one?
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You can't have.
B
There's also the French onion shroom burger.
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Throwing us all bastards while he's saying it too. Brady, give in to temptation. Try that little mushroom burger full of salt phosphates. Oh, Ralphie, you can do it. I think it'd be fine. You know you want to. Hot garbage that you're not eating like a champ anymore. I'm proud of you, Brady. You don't end up like me, laying under a hotel bed jacking the box breath. That's exactly how it went down. I'm gonna eat me with them burgers. I'll eat two. I eat one for you, buddy. Bye.
B
It's gotten faster.
A
Yeah, well, he's. He's made of ether now. You have any videos? No.
B
Taking it.
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No, the boys are taking it. And the boys took the day off. That's actually quite respectful, gentlemen.
B
That's why I went in briefly yesterday, but every other thing was a Charlie Kirk I.
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We've seen enough videos. Somebody just said, can we have Brady, the Australian bogan. G', day, mate. How are you? Here to my trailer and let's have ourselves a four star. Don't you hate when women scream? No. Nothing better or funnier than this. You're going to take this further than I mean it. But I understand where you're going to go. Then when you do something to an Australian woman she doesn't want done to her and she screams ner somehow or another that O turns into a R. A hard R again, maybe not the best phrasing.
B
John. Can we reprimand Bert? Because to this day, every time I pass a hellcat, I look to see who's driving all right.
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And it's not all right. He's the one that loves it. But it's the Internet what taught Bert that.
B
Yes, that's true.
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He didn't come up with it. Incredible cruise. Yeah, I know. Carnival. The Internet taught Brett. Carnival cruises have a specific targeted audience. Yes, and they drive hellcats to the boat. What?
B
They're not giving out casino markers at Carnival.
A
I'll never forget the Indominus. On this day where freedom of speech is important, let me tell this story because it's hilarious. Ralphie May told me a long time ago, years ago. Read the room, Johnny. And I always do. Ralphie, that's like a. I'm telling you, man. Read that room. Always. I used to think I could get away with anything. Read the room. I'm like, what are you talking about? I think we were on the phone and he said, I did. I did one of them cruise ships. You know about the cruise ships, Johnny? Like, what are you talking about? They're all black. I didn't know that. Yeah, the ones in the Caribbean are all black. And I got hired to do a week. I thought that would be fun. I got my room, I walked out and I'm like, what the hell? So I had a show to do that night, but I was blown away. So I opened up with like, I ain't seen this many black people on a boat since I went and saw Amistad. And he goes, when they're in a group on a boat, they aren't funny. They did not like me at all. And I started. I was pissing myself that he told them they're on the Amistad. And they were all like, nope, not here, Out. Maybe in a comedy club, but not on the boat.
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Too close.
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They started booing, screaming, revving their engines. I had to get off stage early. Then I had to be on the boat with him for six days. It was hilarious. So read the room. Nice job by Bailey and our content providers for the horrible, weird sex videos Crandall and Bailey. Nice job at 7:53. Look at Toledo. Guess what? We're way ahead. We're early today. I know. This show's actually have another round of phone calls. No, I'm done with all that we're churning. We have a comedian today.
B
Yes, we do.
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This dude's job.
B
Keegan Tyndall.
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This dude's job's not easy. Trust me, I know. Keegan Tyndall will join us a little bit. It's 98 KUPD. There goes your brain report. It's out of control now. 98 K U PD. Wherever you go, whatever they get into, from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Credelio Quattro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit cordelioquattrolabel.com consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cordelia Quattro and visit quattrodog.com.
This episode, airing on September 11, 2025, blends the show’s signature irreverent take on daily news with some heartfelt commentary in light of Patriot Day. The crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—riff on odd international headlines (China’s “toilet paper ads,” a cruise ship casino escapee, and koalas getting a chlamydia vaccine) while weaving in trademark banter, listener letters, and moments of comic vulnerability.
This episode is quintessential "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness": chaotic, uncensored morning radio mixing the serious (9/11 remembrance, politics) with the completely bizarre (toilet paper rationing in China, scrotal Botox, koala STD vaccines). The hosts punctuate news headlines with jokes, impressions, and running commentary on everything from fast food to office bathroom habits, never missing a chance to needle each other or their audience. The show’s heart is felt in the opening segment—John's rapport with listeners and his call for less knee-jerk polarization—before switching gears into riotous discussions that would fit nowhere but KUPD.