09-11-25 - Keegan Tindall - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 09-11-25 – Keegan Tindall – Desert Ridge Improv – In Studio
Date: September 11, 2025
Guest: Keegan Tindall, comedian performing at Desert Ridge Improv

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Episode Overview

This lively episode features comedian Keegan Tindall, in studio to discuss his first time out west, his upcoming shows, and his remarkable and often hilarious personal journey. The hosts engage Keegan in a ribbing, conversational style, touching on his experiences as a Philly native, his eccentric family (notably his dad and his dad’s roommate “Bones”), and his recovery from a life-altering car accident. The tone is irreverent, fast-paced, and deeply comedic, blending banter, storytelling, and moments of reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Keegan’s First Trip West

• First Impressions of Arizona

  • Keegan shares it’s his first time west of Texas; he’s fascinated by cacti:

    “I was taking pictures in the Uber and [the driver] was making fun of me.” (00:35)

  • The hosts tease him about being a tourist and the ubiquitous “Cocopelli” souvenir.

    “I don’t take things from strangers, guys.” – Keegan (00:58) “Cocopelli ... I think it’s a Native American who used to be able to blow himself.” – Holmberg (01:06)

• Arizona Souvenirs and Stereotypes

  • Playful banter about tourist traps and southwestern artifacts (01:24–02:05).

2. Life in Philly and Family Eccentricities

• Keegan’s Dad: The Quintessential Philly Guy

  • Dad with a ponytail, devoted Eagles fan, and known to throw objects in fits of passion:

    “He picked [the TV] up and two-hand threw it because of the Eagles.” – Keegan (03:15)

• Introducing ‘Bones’

  • Dad’s 70-year-old roommate, Bones, whom he cares for out of a promise:

    “Bones has been known to hide knives around the house ... and talks like a caveman.” – Keegan (04:27–04:39)

  • Jokes about the ambiguous “roommate” relationship:

    “Maybe they’re lovers. I don’t know.” – Keegan (04:27)

• Colorful Family Anecdotes

  • Dad scares cars for fun, often year-round, not just at Halloween (07:06–07:15).
  • Keegan’s mother: distant, “does something with numbers,” and doesn’t care about ex-husband’s antics (08:15–08:25).

3. Trauma, Recovery, and Comedy as a Coping Mechanism

• Surviving a Catastrophic Car Accident

  • At 19, Keegan was hit by a drunk driver at 100 mph; only his side of the car exploded (09:08–09:34).
  • He suffered severe burns, was in a coma for two months, and spent six months in the hospital:

    “I went to sleep in August, woke up in October.” – Keegan (09:44)

• Infamous Family Humor in Crisis

  • First thing his dad says when Keegan wakes up:

    “Dude, they put your sister’s butt skin on you.” – Keegan’s Dad (10:10)

    • Keegan believed it in his confused state and cried (10:17).

• Pain, Hospital Life, and Early Comedy Writing

  • “They put me in a coma because they couldn’t give me any more for the pain, or I’d just die.” – Keegan (11:05)
  • Began trying out comedy material on rehab nurses:

    “If I could make the nurses laugh, I had something.” – Keegan (12:41)

4. Resilience and Relationship Fallout

• Turning Point for Standup

  • Keegan was interested in film, discovered standup in college, then halted by accident:

    “One mic night ... COVID hits. Then I get hit by a car.” – Keegan (13:05–13:12)

  • Jokes about being told he “should’ve been quarantining” (13:19–13:33).

• Girlfriend and Recovery

  • The girlfriend who survived the accident with him burned her feet (“I will fight you ... I was on fire!” – Keegan, 14:45).
  • They broke up after his recovery. She gave him a Lego Batmobile on the day of, and he kept it (17:11–17:39).

5. Philosophical Reflection and Moving Forward

• On Coping with Trauma

  • Even with physical recovery, old life problems remain:

    “When you get a physical injury ... all those things are still there. You’ve added one more thing.” – Keegan (19:55)

• Dark Boisterous Humor About Illness and Identity

  • Jokes about being nocturnal, stuck inside after accident while the world celebrated post-COVID freedom (21:18–21:50).
  • His skin grafts were from his legs, not his sister:

    “If I got sunburned, it would have been permanent ... So you had to really avoid [the sun].” – Keegan (21:10) “My face stinks? ... She is from Philly.” – Keegan, joking about his sister (22:08–22:18)

• Final Words of Wisdom (and Characteristic Absurdity)

  “Live your life. Watch adult films as much as you can, alone in a dark room with crackers in a crummy bed.” – Keegan (23:18–23:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Philly Family Life:

  “My dad promised Bones’ father that he would watch over Bones ... Maybe they're lovers. I don't know.” – Keegan (04:27)

• On Survival and New Material:

  “I wrote my first five minutes in [rehab]. If I could make the nurses laugh, I had something.” – Keegan (12:38–12:41)

• On Darkest Humor:

  “Dude, they put your sister’s butt skin on you.” – Keegan’s Dad, waking up from coma (10:10)

• Bittersweet Relationship Closure:

  “I wanted the Batmobile. That's why I put the breakup off. Do I get to keep this if we break up?” – Keegan (17:20–17:31)

• On Trauma Perspective:

  “All those things are still there ... You’ve added one more thing.” – Keegan (19:55)

• Final Advice:

  “Live your life. Watch adult films as much as you can, alone in a dark room with crackers in a crummy bed.” – Keegan (23:18–23:23)

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Noteworthy Timestamps

• 00:35 – Keegan’s first cactus sighting as an East Coaster
• 03:15 – Stories about Keegan’s passionate Eagles-fan dad
• 04:27–04:39 – Introduction to 'Bones,' the odd family dynamic
• 09:08 – Keegan describes surviving a horrific car accident
• 10:10 – The “sister’s butt skin” prank from his dad
• 12:38 – Writing first comedy bits in rehab
• 13:05–13:12 – Rapid-fire life changes: COVID & car accident
• 17:11 – The Batmobile breakup
• 19:55 – Real talk about trauma, healing, and life’s ongoing struggles
• 23:18 – Keegan’s intentionally ridiculous advice for living

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Overall Tone

• Conversational, rapid-fire, irreverent, and heartfelt.
  Keegan seamlessly weaves dark anecdotes and deeply personal trauma into quick-witted, self-aware humor, matched by the hosts’ relentless teasing and sometimes poignant questions. Family eccentricity, resilience, and seeing the absurdity in life’s harshest blows are recurring themes, always delivered with a heavy dose of Philly edge and comic timing.

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For anyone new to Keegan Tindall or Holmberg's Morning Sickness, this episode is a wild, warm, and inspiring ride—equal parts laugh-out-loud and life-affirming.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. This already I'm curious about. If you want to wear headphones. Pull that mic down. This is all you. Keegan Tindle is here. He's at the Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow. And start it all off. Keegan, first thing you said was this is the first time you've been west of Texas.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You have never seen cactus. Never seen it anything but on tv.

[B]

Anything but. Nope. Just never in person. I was taking pictures in the Uber and he was making fun of me.

[A]

No kidding.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you got so immediately went tourism.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like you right away couldn't just like calm down knowing I'd be here for a couple of days. I'll probably see more of these.

[B]

I stepped out of the airport and started taking pictures.

[A]

We have cactus.

[D]

We got to get you a cocopell.

[A]

Yeah, we all. You got to get that.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Cocopelli is. Though you may have seen these.

[B]

I don't take things from strangers, guys.

[A]

Oh, no. It's not a drug. Don't worry about it.

[B]

I don't know the name.

[A]

Put it under your tongue. Put it under your tongue. You'll be fine.

[B]

What is it? A Coco Pelly.

[A]

Cocopelli. It's a Indian thing that. I think it's a Native American who used to be able to blow himself.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And they made statues of him. And then they. But evidently it's this flute playing thing. And all tourists come here and leave with one because it's like Indian artifacts. So they feel like that. Because it got turquoise stuff like that on it.

[B]

I don't. Can I say something? I don't want one.

[A]

Okay, good. That means you're normal because most cocoa. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're very strange catcher. Nobody who lives here has one.

[B]

I don't understand what you mean. Take one. They're like little figures. Like they're.

[A]

Yeah, you can buy them. They. They sell them to tourists who are blown away at the adobe and like the western stuff. And they have stores filled with stuff like that. Brad, take them to Gilbert Ortega once they get done here. Brad, when you're done, take them to Old Town Scottsdale and Hill and you'll just come out.

[D]

You'll get one.

[A]

Turquoise rings and everything. And a rain stick.

[B]

That's awesome. You guys kind of decided for me.

[A]

It's been predetermined.

[D]

Or you can get a little potted plant. It's got a cowboy figure in it. With a cactus for a dick.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Okay. Well, I've been sitting out there waiting for, like a draw to happen. I've been waiting for.

[A]

Yeah, that will happen. If you're. If you wait long enough in the sun, you'll see.

[B]

Every time you wait for the bus here, a tumbleweed goes by.

[A]

What is your opinion of the west of Phoenix?

[B]

Dude, it's hot. I know that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I know it's hot.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

I love. I mean, it's like, it's. You can't walk anywhere. I know that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

At least where I'm at.

[A]

Because you're in New York, so I'm in New York, just getting up, walking.

[B]

So you walk and there's one man yelling at another guy and they're eating each other's arms and, you know. And there's not enough excitement, but. But yeah, I love it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's kind of nice, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Think about that. You also told us that you're an Eagles fan, so congratulations for having championships and feeling great about it.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[A]

And your dad is a ponytailed. How old is your dad?

[B]

He is. He. I think he just turned 60.

[A]

Okay. Just turned 60. And your dad is a ponytail, which means he has to like the Eagles. We determine that.

[B]

Ponytail. And he's. He's vocal about how much he likes the.

[A]

It's. It's in him.

[B]

Yes, it's in him.

[A]

With the Steelers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you also said something.

[D]

Thrown a battery.

[B]

He's thrown everything. He's thrown. I've seen him thrown it. Throw a tv.

[A]

The whole television.

[B]

I swear to God, it was over his head. He picked it up and two hand.

[A]

Threw it because of the Eagles.

[B]

I think just because of the show was bad. Whatever he was watching, like the American.

[A]

Idol results were not liking.

[B]

Fuck it. I'm sorry.

[A]

It's a good move, though. I wish I could do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can you believe that?

[A]

I gotcha.

[C]

You're good.

[A]

All right. All right. Don't worry about it.

[B]

I feel like I'm in class. Like, I'm like, oh, no, I said a cuss word.

[D]

You know what? Get in the corner. Nose in the corner.

[A]

Terrestrial radio still has that issue. It's dumb. It doesn't make any sense.

[B]

But you can't have comics doing that often.

[A]

Oh, we do it all the time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm the worst. Like, yeah, I'll have. I have a button I hit for when I'm gonna cuss.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I kind of get ahead of myself.

[B]

What's that Philly in me? It's My.

[A]

It's your Philly you're talking about.

[B]

My dad. I got pumped up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And your dad is so Philly that he's a 60 year old man. Where's your mom?

[B]

She's off somewhere.

[A]

Do you know where she is?

[B]

I do know where she is.

[A]

Did your dad toss her around, too?

[B]

No, she tossed him around.

[A]

Oh, is that right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, she beat him up. Tough lady.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they're not together, obviously, because your dad has a roommate.

[B]

Yeah, he has a roommate named Bones.

[A]

Okay, go.

[B]

Bones is a. Is a 70 year old man. My dad promised Bones father that he would watch over Bones.

[A]

When?

[B]

I have no idea. This is what my dad tells. Maybe they're lovers. I don't know. I don't know. But Bones has been known to one hide knives around the house.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Which is very fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he also talks like a cave. You're like, what's up, Bones? You're like, okay, I don't know what you're saying, brother, but at one point.

[A]

In your dad's life, he promised another man to take care of his son even into his 70s.

[B]

Even into his 70s.

[A]

Like, this guy's not self sufficient enough to be like, I don't need your help right now.

[B]

My dad is Bones boss.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So they work together forever. And then they got close. Like the. Everybody's families at work knew each other.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And Bones dad died and been like. He was like, hey, Bones isn't all there. Okay, Bones has eaten seven batteries this morning. Can you. Can you hold his hand a little bit?

[A]

And so he's like, if I don't take care of Bones in. He's gonna. He's gonna wander off into traffic if your dad's not there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What does. What does your dad do that Bones works with him.

[B]

He's like, in charge of, like, the custodians at a school.

[A]

Oh, okay. So he's his head janitor and Bones is a janitor.

[B]

Yep. And you know what? Oh, fun fact. They hate that word janitor.

[A]

Oh, I know they hate it.

[B]

Why? Custodian. Custodian is what you do.

[A]

I know, but why is it bad to be a janitor?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I don't.

[A]

Yeah, you didn't ever ask him because Bones would have gotten all fired up. I don't want Bones coming out from the pillows.

[B]

Bones haunting my dreams. Don't go there.

[A]

When you go back, does your dad. Do you stay at your dad's place?

[B]

I'll stay at my dad's. Place. Yeah.

[A]

Bones is there.

[B]

I'll lock my door.

[A]

No kidding. Oh, yeah, you fear the bones.

[B]

And you're like. I don't know what you're saying. Creeping down the hallway in the, in the, in the front yard, sitting, looking at people.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you ever talk to your dad about Bones and how awkward the situation is in normal society?

[B]

No, they, they.

[A]

I know you don't bring it up. You don't ever look at them and.

[D]

Go, well, I brought.

[B]

Yeah, I brought in girlfriends back. And then I don't say anything and they're like, hey, who is that? Who's that man? That's too young to be your grandpa, but also not your dad. I'm like, don't worry about it. You're nosy. You're being nosy now. Now you're. Now you're poking.

[A]

Questions lead to answers and maybe you don't want them.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't like this because I want to go all the way to Philadelphia and meet these people like immediately. I've never known a six year old man that's taken care of a seven year old by the promise of his father.

[B]

They are exactly what you're picturing. And better.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

My dad, once there was a complaint about him on, like, you know how towns will have like Facebook, neighborhood watch groups? There was a complaint. Complaint about him. He was scaring cars. That's what that sounds like.

[D]

He was like that your dad was scaring cars?

[B]

Yes. My dad loves Halloween. So he would put like masks on and like jump out at cars on.

[A]

Halloween or just all the time.

[B]

All year, bro.

[A]

Oh, gee.

[B]

All year. And he's like, this is fun. This is a great time. This is a beautiful time. I love it. And I'm like, dad, you can't do that. You're 900 years old. You can't be doing that.

[A]

It's not normal.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

There's really no age to that outside of nine. That makes that still normal.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

He never a little bit over tends like they were too old to scare the cars.

[D]

It sounds like you would come home today scared of Vega.

[A]

So do you think A tree.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

He and Bones will say that, like, let's go, scarecrow. And they get up and they do it together.

[B]

Well, Bones doesn't say much, but he's up for anything.

[A]

He will do anything.

[B]

My dad's got him on a leash.

[A]

Are you?

[B]

He puts bowls out for him at night and he sleeps on a towel.

[A]

You. You wouldn't be surprised if your dad and Bones were lovers.

[B]

I mean, I have at least tried it. It's my favorite joke. My dad. My dad hates it. And I'm like, dude, if I come out and you guys are kissing, I'm gonna be angry. Well, I'm gonna be happy, but, yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna be happy. Found love.

[B]

Happy you found love, but angry you hid it from me for.

[A]

So what does your mom say about your dad and Bones?

[B]

My mom doesn't give a hoot.

[A]

She doesn't care.

[B]

In her own life.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She's got a husband. She lives.

[A]

Is that a normal situation?

[B]

Somewhat.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What does your mom do?

[B]

What?

[A]

What does your mom do?

[B]

She. Something with numbers. Something.

[A]

Okay, you don't really know these people very well.

[B]

Because I can't go back out of there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know how easy it is to get stuck there.

[A]

That's so true.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

She does some with numbers. So she's Asian. I don't understand.

[B]

Well, she's trying to be.

[A]

That's her goal.

[B]

She's getting in the gym more.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Doing a couple sets of.

[A]

Of Asian lifts.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Keegan Tindall was at the Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow, and you have. I read about this. I know. Tell people what they're gonna see when they see you. You have something that has happened to you.

[B]

Oh, yeah?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of. A lot of silly stuff that you're gonna see. And then also, I've got, like. I've got some burn scars I talk about.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I got hit by a drunk driver. I was. I was 19. I was in college. No kidding. Hit me at about 100 miles per hour, and only my car. Like, the car gets hit. I'm with a girl. She's fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And only my side of the car explodes.

[A]

Not fair. You were kind of hoping maybe she'd take some of the brunt of this.

[C]

Like.

[B]

And I mean, like, not like the front of the car exploded. In the back. Didn't. The left side of the car exploded.

[A]

Just you.

[B]

That's the weirdest thing. I mean, you exploded. I think maybe I just. I was too excited or something. Yeah.

[A]

Spontaneous coming off your body. So you lit on fire.

[B]

I lit on fire. I went. I went into a coma for about two months. I woke up. I went to sleep in August, woke up in October, and then I spent about six months in the hospital.

[A]

What is that, like, waking up?

[B]

Oh, crazy. Here's a fun thing you'll love.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My dad, first thing, I wake up from a combo.

[A]

Did you see Bones first?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Thank You Only in my nightmares.

[B]

I wake up, my dad looks me in the eyes, and I know I have new skin on my face. And he goes, dude, they put your sister's butt skin on you. I am on. I am so out of my mind that I start crying. My eyes.

[A]

Is it true?

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh, they didn't. I just wanted.

[B]

I'm so sorry. I was kidding. But that's the. I just opened my eyes. I've been asleep for two months. And he goes, they put. It's a. You got a butt face. Himself.

[A]

There was no. I'm happy to see he's been living on this joke.

[B]

He was trying to make me laugh.

[A]

The minute your eyes open, I got one.

[D]

Keeping it light.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

But when you woke up from a coma. Yeah, like you didn't know.

[B]

I didn't know what? I started asking, is it my fault I couldn't even.

[A]

Did you remember the wreck?

[B]

Barely.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So you knew why you were waking up.

[B]

I knew why I was waking up, but I couldn't. 1. I couldn't ask any questions because I had a thing in my throat, like a tube. And then also my hands were too weak to write anything, so I was just kind of stuck in, like, information people would give me.

[C]

God.

[D]

And what was the, like, pain level? No matter what? Because it lasts a long time, right?

[B]

Yeah, it was like. It was. Well, that's why they. They put me in a coma, because they couldn't give me anything more for the pain, or I just die.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you were induced into a coma. Yeah, my wife once called that. Seduced into a coma, which I wish they would do.

[B]

They bring a lady out, just do.

[A]

The dance, and, yeah, she starts the genie.

[B]

They bring bones out in a dress, but you have.

[A]

You have. So you get to. This wasn't that long ago. You're not that old.

[B]

No, it was. I'm 25 now. Just turned 20 years ago.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Holy smokes. Mandigate. KUPD.

[E]

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[A]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And you just lit him for. So when you woke up, you're like, I know I was in a wreck. Did you have any concept of time passing or did you think, you know, it was like.

[B]

Because I was on, like, Dilaudid, which is like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They dropped you down.

[B]

Yeah. Which is really up there. And then you have to go through withdrawals.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then after the icu, I had to go to rehab. Rehab. So I'm walking through and, like, learning to walk again, man. And I, like, I wrote my first five minutes in there.

[A]

In there.

[B]

I would, like, test it out. I knew if I could make the nurses laugh.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they hated me. I was being a jerk.

[A]

Well, you had an excuse.

[B]

Yeah. If I could make them laugh, I had something.

[A]

No kidding. So were you looking to be a comedian before all this?

[B]

I did. I went into. I loved comedy movies. Grew up on Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler. I went to school for film, discovered standup in college, did a mic, and then got hit by one mic night. One mic night.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

One. Well, one mike, One mic night, Covid hits.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. Then I get hit by a car.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And then. Yeah.

[A]

Geez Louise. And here you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a product of resilience. Like, you're an inspiration.

[B]

And then my favorite thing that I was like, oh, I really want to do this is I go to. I go to a mic, I got hit by the car. Right. And I tell this guy what happened, and it was, you know, peak 2020. He's like, well, you should have been quarantining. You should have been inside. That's a good point.

[A]

It's a Covid accident.

[B]

I should have been inside.

[A]

Had you been inside and behaved.

[B]

I know if I would have been.

[A]

Yeah, that would have.

[B]

With Bones. Next to a fire.

[A]

Your dad and Bones during COVID But were they. Did they lock in?

[B]

I think they. I think they locked in. And they locked together?

[A]

I think so.

[D]

I think he let Bones wander around.

[A]

If your dad said, we're gonna get gay married, would you, like. Would you be his best man?

[B]

I think it'd be awesome. And I think the wedding would be so camouflaged, you couldn't see anyone.

[A]

I want to go so bad.

[B]

It would be such. It would be camo and, like, Phillies hats and people fighting.

[A]

It's a Philly wedding. Same thing as always.

[B]

They'd probably put it in for a two for one with, like, somebody's funeral, you know, Uncle Bill died. We're going to use the venue for the wedding. Yeah.

[A]

That's awesome. What a story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

25. And all this is going on, and now here you are in the west for the first time.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That's Great. Were you dating the girl that was in the car with you?

[B]

I was, yeah. And she was fine, so I had to be on. I had to be on fire. The most handsome I could be. She was like, does that hurt? And I was like, you kept it.

[A]

Together while you were.

[B]

No, Come on.

[A]

This hurt me. I'm a man, by the way. I'm just gonna eat all the fire. So you're okay?

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Like putting your coat down over a puddle.

[B]

I do. She burned her feet a little bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And she was like, well, I got burned, too. And I was like, I will fight you. I will.

[A]

But you know what's kind of weird? This is. This is weird. It's an attractive burn.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's almost like you. Like, you look good because of it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I've actually heard that before.

[A]

Yeah. Isn't that weird?

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Is that an insulting thing to say?

[B]

No, I've had. I had a woman come up to me once after a show, and she was like, man, I wish I was a burn victim. I was like, I can make that happen tonight.

[A]

Yeah, do you have a job?

[B]

And, like, I make your dreams come true. I'll do it right now. We'll go to the kitchen.

[A]

What's the one part of it that you're like, oh, boy, this got messed up. Everything downstairs is good.

[B]

Is everything down?

[A]

No. Burn.

[B]

I had a buddy. I had a buddy who, because I couldn't talk, couldn't ask any questions.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And my sister had people send in videos. And my best friend Connor, he sent me a video telling me that everything downstairs was fine. Because he's new.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's my age. He's like, dude, I want you to know. Nobody's told you. It's your family. Everything's fine.

[A]

He took a peek or he just asked.

[B]

He didn't come. They. I don't think they would let him do that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

They would get out of.

[A]

What are you doing under the sheets? Maybe it's my boy. Yeah, I got him.

[B]

That's my friend in there. You let me look. You let me. You get out.

[A]

But everything downstairs.

[B]

Everything downstairs is fine. Just.

[A]

I think it might be fireproof.

[B]

It might be fine.

[A]

I don't. I think. I don't know for sure.

[B]

Well, I was using it at the time, and then.

[A]

Was it. You're getting a roadie. Did that happen? Is that true? Please tell me that. Damn it. I wish that was true. And that's. And you burst into flames. And she just sat Back and went. What happened?

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Her head Protected it.

[C]

And then.

[A]

How did she break up with you?

[B]

I broke up with her.

[A]

Did you really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What did you do? Why? I just had burned feet thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Disgusting.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It was a foot thing.

[A]

Yeah. You make me sick. I can't date a burn victim.

[B]

No, I think we just. Like, I wanted to work and she wanted to have a relationship.

[C]

Ah.

[B]

She was like. I was like, I gotta go.

[A]

You didn't love her. Yeah, that was what you just said. I want to do something. She didn't. I didn't love her, so I left. That's exactly what happened. Don't lie to yourself, Keegan. That's exactly what happened. I don't love you to hear this.

[B]

I don't leave.

[D]

It's not you, it's me.

[A]

So you broke up with her?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so she was, like, all in on sticking around and everything else after?

[B]

Yeah, it was like. It was like she got pretty tired of me not being around. And then, like, she was like, hey, we could do this again, but it feels like you don't want it. I was like, I don't love you. And then she gave me a Lego Batmobile on the day of.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I know, right? I was opening it, and we broke up in a car. It was near my birthday. She gave me a Lego Batmobile.

[A]

And then you said, I don't want this, and I don't want you either.

[B]

No, I wanted the Batmobile. That's why I put the breakup off. I was like, do I get to keep this if we. What's the rule on keeping this if we break up?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

I think you get to keep the gift.

[A]

You left the car with the gift and her broken heart in your hands.

[B]

Yeah, but I had.

[A]

That's cold.

[B]

But I had the Batmobile. And I was opening it during the argument, too. So you heard the crinkling of the rappers, you know, oh, my God. Putting a little Batman together, doing the voice. Is it because I'm a selfish lover? And she said, yes. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That is it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. And then when she. Did she get mean after you guys broke up, or was it pretty?

[B]

Okay. She was nice. She was me not mean, but she was like.

[A]

She's grumpy.

[B]

Correctly grumpy. When I was, like, not around much. No, I wasn't. I was around, but I wasn't present because I wanted to be doing stuff. I was.

[A]

I was focused on Keegan.

[B]

I was fresh out of the hospital, and I was like, I need to get My light. I want to start doing this again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I was going to college for film, it all halted.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And now I'm like.

[D]

And the fact that you could continue doing it was the biggest thing.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

And I felt like I lost so much time. I was like, I need to. To grind.

[A]

This is a great question. And I got this because I read the book years ago and it changed my life. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Up till that point, what was the worst thing that had happened to you? Like, what was the thing you're like, oh, man, that was like the worst day. And then you realize how trivial this can be.

[B]

The day Bones moved in, I would say. I would say it's so much stuff. I can't say because it's like family's business. I'm not allowed to put out there. But I would say just like, I lived with my grandma for a little while in a trail with 12 cats.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And that really did a number. She used to name her cats after her ex boyfriends, too. That's a real thing.

[D]

She got around.

[B]

That's a real thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You ever give tuna to a kitty named John Paul? Makes you feel weird. Does not make you feel good. Sounds.

[A]

You can remember John Paul.

[B]

Yeah. And he had loose teeth.

[A]

The cat did, or the guy?

[B]

Both of them. Okay. Well, they were. They had a communication thing going on. John Paul and the cat, they were roommates. They would share.

[A]

So I'm sorry to have said that this was the worst thing that happened to you. That clearly the cat and grandma thing is by far.

[B]

Well, I'm looking back and guess who's the drunk driver? John Paul.

[A]

John Paul, the cat?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Toon says. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. They're driving.

[A]

Driving cats. Yeah. That's crazy because I always think of that when somebody's got something that they've persevered through, and then you think about all the trivial crap that used to bother you and you realize, man, you can get through so much in your life and it's.

[B]

Well, the problem is when you get a physical injury and you get back to living, all those things are still there.

[A]

They're still around.

[B]

They're still around. But now you have trouble in the. You know what I mean? Like, it's like you still have problems. You've added one more thing. One more thing.

[A]

It's a tough thing as an earthling to have the sun as an enemy.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

That really is. And like, you, like, you go to, like, albino's meetings and stuff like that. I never understood why we. We knew a guy, we called him Snowman.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Listen to the show. Wasn't allowed out in the daytime. I'm like, why do you live in Phoenix? And he said, my parents moved here when I was a kid. And I'm like, they took an albino to Phoenix? They hate you. Yeah, they absolutely hate you. And he stayed.

[B]

He's not allowed.

[A]

The sun would burst him and he'd just go.

[B]

I didn't know if he was, like, misbehaving in the daytime. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, there's that. Yeah. Well, you don't know that when sunlight. They're like gremlins. When sunlight touches them, they lose their.

[B]

Minds, and then they're blinding everybody. And then they're accidentally harnessing the power of the sun. It's a whole thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like solar panels, but they use it for evil.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

It's great at night because you can. They glow.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, and they're great because you can.

[C]

See them at night.

[B]

They're fine.

[A]

But, yeah, I never understood that. So the sun hurts?

[B]

It doesn't hurt. It's just if I get. Especially now, like, now I'm pretty okay, but now it's like, if in the beginning, if I got sunburned, it would have been permanent.

[D]

I can't imagine.

[B]

So it was like, you had to, like, really avoid.

[A]

Super careful of any sort of sun.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

Were you walking around with them beekeeper hats?

[B]

Well, you know what I was doing? I was doing, like. I was standing inside all day and being like an angry old, like, peeking through the blind, yelling at sun.

[A]

People, get out of here. You daytime, get out of my yard.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And they were completely nocturnal for a while.

[B]

I was nocturnal, and I was recovering inside during this was, like, during that period where Covid was ending and everyone was celebrating going outside. So every commercial on TV was like, we're back outside. And I'm like, I'm not.

[C]

I'm not.

[B]

You're back outside. No, I'm not.

[A]

You're rubbing it in.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Where did they get the skin?

[D]

I'm gonna write some comedy.

[B]

Yeah, It's. It's from my legs.

[A]

It's your leg skin.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cause I've seen that before. I was, like, very concerned that they took it off your sister for real. But I just.

[C]

Don't ask.

[B]

I cried so hard.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And he felt so bad.

[A]

But wouldn't it have been better as a comedian to have your sister's face?

[B]

No, because then my face Stinks.

[A]

Oh, no, no. You don't get the anus. How dirty is your sister that her ass cheeks are smelly?

[B]

Well, also, I just like.

[D]

She's talking crap.

[A]

She is from Philly.

[B]

I could never. I could never. I wouldn't. They'll round up here. They'll. You'll have a band of Philly outside. I'll do.

[A]

I've done it before.

[B]

I'll play a little bit of Toby Keith. And they are outside right now cracking bells. They're in the back of trucks. Nobody's driving. They're just pushing. Give it a push. Roll down a hill.

[A]

You don't get momentum.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There you go. That's crazy. Your story is fantastic. Hey, Keegan, you need to start making it out west more often.

[B]

I will try.

[A]

Beautiful thing. You are the same age as this show.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Makes me somewhat hate you. Yes, because it makes me feel ancient.

[B]

Makes me hate myself. Yeah.

[A]

But that's okay. I think we all deal with that a little bit, but that's crushing. But I'm rooting for you. That's awesome. Your story's amazing. Inspirational. You're very funny as well. And the hair is pissing me off too. I think that's the bigger thing. Hair is insane.

[B]

Well, it's a wig.

[A]

Oh, good. Tell me where you got it, because I need one of those. Keegan Tindall at the Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow. Leave us with words of wisdom. Save the planet, guys.

[B]

Live your life. Watch adult films as much as you can.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Alone in a dark room with crackers in a crummy bed. That's my advice to every young man.

[A]

Bones. Very much the advice.

[B]

Bones.

[A]

Keegan. Pleasure to meet you, man. Awesome. It's 98k upd.

[B]

It's out of control now.