09-11-25 - Today Is Both Bret And Toledo's Anniversary Of The Beginning Of Their Divorces - New Treatment Has John's Feet Growing

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - 09-11-25

Episode Theme:
This episode takes a humorous and personal turn as John Holmberg and the crew discuss the overlap of national tragedy and personal milestones—specifically, the anniversaries of Bret and Toledo’s divorces, which both fell on September 11. The conversation weaves together tongue-in-cheek divorce banter, drinking rituals, and John’s experience with new health treatments that appear to be causing his feet to grow. The hosts riff off each other in classic HMS irreverent style, blending personal stories with pop culture and plenty of laughs.

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1. Anniversaries of Divorce – Finding Levity on 9/11

Key Discussion Points

• John brings up that September 11 is not only a day of remembrance but also a personal milestone for both Bret and Toledo, marking the anniversaries of their divorces.
• The conversation highlights how personal happiness can sometimes coincide with nationally somber days, and the unique way people carry on with their lives.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• [02:13] John:
  “Both of their divorces finalized on September 11th.”
• [03:03] Brett:
  “Oh man. Absolutely. Huge fan of divorce.”

Additional Details

• The guys delve into how each actually celebrates their “divorce-versary.”
  • [03:08] Host:
    “I’ll be doing a few shots this evening.”
  • Discussions on whether certain liqueurs (Sambuca, Malört) are appropriate for toasting divorce.
• The segment is good-natured, juxtaposing personal freedom with the heaviness of the 9/11 date:
  • [05:43] John quoting Louis CK:
    “No good marriage ends in divorce.”
  • [05:56] John:
    “It’s never, a year later, a dude’s just, ‘Man, I can’t do this divorce anymore.’ It’s a great thing.”

Timestamps

• Personal divorce anniversaries & celebrations – [01:43] to [06:47]
• The Louis CK quote and philosophy of divorce – [05:43]

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2. Rituals, Drinking, and Cultural Banter

Key Discussion Points

• Banter about celebratory drinks leads to a debate on the worst liqueurs from different cultures.
  • Malört (Chicago’s infamous bitter liqueur) and Sambuca (Italian anise liqueur), along with Greek ouzo and Jewish versions, get roasted.
• Playful shots at Italy’s wartime record and cultural “missteps.”

Notable Quotes

• [07:34] Host (on Italy):
  “They jumped the other side, too.”
• [07:52] Brett:
  “Wait a minute.”
• [07:53] John:
  “Sambuca is their worst, but every culture has that version.”

Timestamps

• Cultural liqueur discussion – [06:47] to [08:32]

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3. John’s Health Treatment – “My Feet Are Growing!”

Key Discussion Points

• John discusses a new health regimen from Gameday Men’s Health, involving a synthetic peptide called sermorelin designed to boost human growth hormone naturally.
  • He praises their honest assessment (“You don’t need testosterone. Your levels are good.”) and their fit staff.
• Notable effects:
  • Tighter skin, better feeling, more workout results, but also unexpected: his left foot is growing, no longer fitting his collection of 230 Nike shoes.
  • [09:53] John:
    “I’m taking this thing called sermorelin… My feet are bigger and I don’t fit in my shoes anymore.”

Discussion Points

• The guys riff on whether John’s foot growth is due to the supplement, stopping soda, or playing more basketball.
  • Memories of past growing feet during athletic seasons.
• Brett shares his experience of having one significantly larger foot and the lack of half sizes after US 12.
• Light jokes about what else could be growing, with references to Barry Bonds’ notorious size increases during his baseball career.

Memorable Quotes

• [11:20] Brett:
  “You want to get rid of any [Nikes]?”
• [13:12] John:
  “I was sideshow Bob’s feet… I couldn’t play shortstop in the men’s league because my feet were too big.”
• [16:21] Brett (on Barry Bonds’ transformation):
  “Nobody’s head grows when they’re 28. Barry, what are you doing?”

Timestamps

• Health treatment intro and effects – [08:36] to [16:51]

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4. Light-hearted Banter & Wrapping Up

Key Discussion Points

• The team continues to joke about John’s shoes not fitting, with Toledo suggesting his daughter Kirby might inherit the lot.
• Shout outs to listeners texting in, and a return to the Barry Bonds theme.
• Brief mention of the next guest, comedian Keegan Tindall, arriving to lighten the show.

Notable Quotes

• [15:13] John:
  “Does she wear 12 in men’s? Because I got 230 pairs to hand out…”
• [17:27] John:
  “Keegan Tindall’s gonna be here in just a second. He’s got a job that no one wants — stand up comedian on September 11.”

Timestamps

• Shoe banter & closing humor – [15:06] to [17:53]

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Standout Clip Recommendations

• Divorce anniversary stories & philosophy: [02:00] – [06:47]
• John’s health/foot growth journey: [08:32] – [14:39]
• Banter on cultural liqueurs: [06:47] – [08:32]

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

True to “HMS” form, the episode is a blend of irreverence, crude laughs, and personal candor. The hosts smoothly alternate between self-deprecating divorce stories, locker-room style humor, and curiosity-driven talk about health and change as they age – always with a wink to the audience. For new listeners, it’s a classic slice of the show’s mix: at once inappropriate, relatable, and weirdly affirming.

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Transcript

[Host]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John]

Cruise through Thursday. Getting through it. Getting through it when say we're cruising through it. I was just telling the boys last night after watching all that news and stuff, I. One thing I did kind of have a moment with last night was on Fox News. I flipped over and started to watch that. And there's a dude with two blue of eyes and I don't know his name, but he's got the most beautiful silver hair I've ever seen. And his eyes are really blue. Trace something. And he's at the end of the day and he turned and he goes. And we have to turn to our panel. What did you think of that, Peachy Keenan? And I'm like, what the hell did he just say? And then the name Peachy Keenan came up and some lady started talking.

[Brett]

That's her actual.

[John]

Her name is Peachy Keenan. Oh, my God. What do you think of that? Rip roaring Good times. Is that the guy's name?

[Brett]

Maybe we don't have Peachy chime in on the tragedy stuff.

[John]

Well, no, Peachy Keenan came in and everything was Peachy Keenan. Like you get rid of your radio name for this serious news gig, on days like this, it comes across kind of weird. And on days like in the next day, I want to say I'm sorry.

[Toledo]

How about you, Cherry?

[John]

Yeah, Cherry Bomb. Any thoughts?

[Brett]

That's great.

[John]

Complete with Peachy Keenan. That's what I think.

[Host]

How about you, Cinnamon? What do you think about it, Peachy Keenan.

[John]

Cinnamon in Dakota. With today's thought, I have to apologize to both Brett and Toledo on this day because the show has been so focused on obvious events and things like that. This is a day that you boys have your own personal celebrations. And I know it's not.

[Brett]

Yeah, Brett was first to congratulate me. I missed my opportunity.

[John]

And Brett and Toledo have their own separate judge him, if you will. Happiness about 9 11. That has nothing to do with 24 years ago. It has everything to do with I don't know how many. 10 for you, probably thereabouts. 20, 15. 11 years. 10 years. 10 years.

[Brett]

And you're 2008 and then official in 2009.

[John]

Okay, so you're 16 years for happy 911 day for you two. Both of their divorces finalized on September 11th.

[Host]

I was told on mine. Mine finalized a little bit later. But that was the day that it was.

[John]

Oh, today's the day. You got the bond.

[Brett]

You got Told.

[John]

I thought you both were finalized.

[Brett]

Mine's finalized. On tax day.

[John]

You were at my house on the 12th. Yeah, no kidding. Breakfast. I'm over to my house the next day. Yeah, you just gotta get out of there.

[Brett]

I called you on. On the day. The day I.

[John]

Wait, did you come over that night? No. The next day you went to Kateros? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Okay, so it was his birthday. His birthday is actually today.

[John]

Happy birthday to Chris Catero and to my friend Mark. His. He's got three kids and two of them were born on September 11th. One is 24 and the other is 17. Wow. Anyway, so I, I, I, I, I mean to do a, you know, cogent show on days like this that are a little heavier. But let's not forget, people live their own lives and you two are having quite a day.

[Brett]

Oh man. Absolutely. Huge fan of divorce.

[John]

How do you celebrate? How do you. How do you celebrate this glorious remembrance?

[Host]

I'll be doing a few shots this evening.

[John]

Now, does Ma get or Sambuka Malort? He's not doing malort. You would do a malort as a celebration. Isn't that a loss? No, I know I just got through saying do whatever you want, but not my Lord.

[Host]

Everything's a win when it comes to that.

[John]

Does Mathia involve herself in your celebration?

[Host]

She just laughs.

[John]

Do you get to go take her to dinner or anything? No, no, no, no. You don't get anal on this. You should get anal as like the good wife.

[Host]

Well, she's listening, so hopefully she's.

[John]

You should give up the miss New Booty on this because this is a great day for him. And if it weren't for this day, there would be no Bretton Mathias. That's true.

[Brett]

Very true.

[John]

This is.

[Host]

Remember that.

[John]

This. Yeah, this kicks off. So you have. You better remember that. Better believe. Yeah, because it's five across the ass tonight.

[Host]

Damn right.

[John]

She should give that ass up in celebration as being the good wife. 911 is her day to go. You're in heaven now, baby. How about that? Toledo. Does Lisa Celebrate your 9 11?

[Brett]

Not recently. We can change that though. Tonight.

[John]

Yeah, I remember I woke up this morning and I was going to the car and I heard and I realized that was Dawn. That was your ex wife. She celebrates 911 as well. So you got the bomb dropped on 911 too.

[Brett]

Yep. Because we had just come back from member of certain Member got married that previous weekend.

[John]

That was that weekend. Okay.

[Brett]

That was the previous weekend. And then that Thursday. It was a Thursday after she texted me during the show. Hey, can you come home after the show? We need to talk. And I kind of knew right there.

[John]

Because you said that that Vegas trip we all took as a station, it was good, Was great.

[Brett]

You had a good trip, Reconnected a little bit. Yeah.

[John]

Because you were having a little trouble going into that, that you weren't connecting. You reconnect. And then on the way back, she basically says, you know, this isn't going to be the way it is.

[Brett]

She was silent on the drive home. Like, we had a great weekend when. And just the whole drive back.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett]

There was like, I'm getting this weird vibe. And I'm like, okay. And then it took until Thursday. Came home, sat on the couch. She goes, I think I'm done. I'm like, okay.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And it made her mad that that.

[John]

Was my response, because I was like, identical to mine. We've. We've.

[Brett]

We've done this. Like, what are we. What am I supposed to do here?

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Fight for something that we've crumbled twice.

[John]

Already and done with you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That seems about right.

[Brett]

Really? You're okay with this? I have to be. You told me you're done.

[John]

Yeah. And you got. Yours was pretty much the same thing on the end. Like, you're going out. And she's like, I don't want to do this anymore. You're like, yeah.

[Host]

We were supposed to out to Katero's birthday, as a matter of fact, birthday dinner. And then all of a sudden, I got to talk.

[John]

I'm like, oh, all right.

[Host]

Guess we're not going to dinner.

[Brett]

Guess that changes things a bit.

[John]

Well, your stories and so many others out there. And Tyson just text this over, and he couldn't be more right. It says louis CK Said it best. No good marriage ends in divorce.

[Host]

That's true.

[John]

Never does. A good marriage is like, this is working out too well. We have to. Everything about that marriage was great, and now it's over. No good marriage ends in divorce. And that's so true. And that's the other thing. Divorce, like what you guys say. Louis CK also said that thing too. You never go out for beers with a friend of, like, a year later, and he's like, I don't know. I'm just been working on this divorce, and it's just not working out. And it's like, it's never like, it, like, a year later. It's never a dude who's just. Man, I can't. I can't. I can't do this divorce anymore. It's a Great thing. So congratulations to the tui with all the gifts. Non salute. Oh, yeah. Salute. I'll. I'll pop one for you tonight. Thank you.

[Brett]

Some Malort. You're going to pop some Malort?

[John]

I'm not drinking Malort. Why do you keep bringing Malort to the party? No one wants malort. It's disgusting. Never knew it existed. Malort a year ago.

[Brett]

Is it just a Chicago thing?

[John]

That's a Chicago. Very Chicago. And it's also evidently a South thing, because remember that girl here, Madeline, knew exactly what it was. And she said that her and her hillbilly friends down in Georgia used to drink Malort. I don't know what it. I'm not having it. I've had it once, and it's awful. I drink the hell out of it.

[Brett]

You do?

[Host]

I do.

[John]

Why?

[Brett]

The hell out of it.

[John]

But why? Why? I don't know. Is your dad.

[Host]

I just like. Well, you don't drink.

[John]

Oh, that's true. Okay.

[Brett]

Like warm or on ice or what?

[John]

Just a shot.

[Host]

Oh, you can't sip. That is not a sip.

[John]

Yeah, but same you with that. Same buka, too.

[Brett]

Yeah, that stuff.

[John]

I love that.

[Host]

I'll be doing that tonight.

[John]

Oh. Oh. Italy's been wrong about a lot in the past. You know, they sided with Hitler, but.

[Host]

They jumped the other side, too.

[John]

All right. Yeah, they did quit. People don't know that about Italy. In the middle of the war, they switched sides. It got a little noisy down there. But I can tell you this pretty much without doubt in my mind of all the things Italy's done wrong. Never won a war, by the way. Think of that.

[Brett]

Not one.

[John]

No.

[Brett]

Wait a minute.

[John]

Sambuca is their worst, but every.

[Host]

Every culture has that version of it. The Greeks have it. They have ouzo. The Jews have one, too. I don't remember what that one's called.

[John]

They do.

[Host]

No, they do. Yeah.

[John]

No, no, no.

[Brett]

That's why I don't know what it's called. But there is a black.

[Host]

We call Chewbooker. That's what we call it.

[John]

We do. Black licorice is not a flavor that's good to eat, let alone.

[Host]

And then there's one that's. There's a Middle Eastern one, too.

[John]

That's.

[Host]

That's a black licorice flavor, too.

[John]

I don't want to know what you call it. I know, right? No, I won't.

[Brett]

Thank you for stopping that in time.

[John]

Yuck. Anyway, congratulations. Thank you.

[Brett]

Thank you. Morning sickness.

[John]

Medicate KUPD Holmberg's morning sickness. Now I want to get into something else that's freaking me out a little bit, but I kind of like it. We do this game day men's health thing, and as you know, through the commercials that I've said that when I went there, the thing I liked the most about him was when I got my blood checked and testosterone levels, they were high. They were good. And they didn't try to, like, go, but you can be even better. They're like, you don't need it. And I'm like, wow, that's refreshing from a place that does this.

[Brett]

They try to make you into $6 million, man.

[John]

And the lady that was talking to me was just an action figure. She was in such great shape, and she had, like, great muscles, but they weren't, like, oversized. She wasn't. But she looked, like, really fit. And she goes, you look fit. And I'm like, not like you. And she goes, what do you want? And I'm like, what you got going here? Like. Like, your definition is good. And she goes, oh, we've got something for that. And like, oh, no kidding. So she gave me this synthetic thing that I've been taking for a while, and it's working. Like, I've noticed a very. I'm also not drinking soda in honor of Brady, having been, and again, super proud of Brady for being so diligent about what. I don't see him behind the scenes, but I believe he's doing what he's doing. He's staying off the bad stuff.

[Brett]

Is this a forever thing with soda until he hits?

[John]

No, I'm trying to just get. I was doing too much of that.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John]

It was a lot. And. And I wasn't feeling bad about it, but I've noticed that since I quit drinking soda for the last one week and a half. Maybe two weeks. Yeah, two weeks. My. My skin's tighter. Yeah. I don't feel like when I eat that. I've, like. I was drinking a lot of soda, and I always have, but it was weird. Like, my skin feels better. My body. Like, I feel my body feels better. It's not like I'm like, wow, what a difference. I'm losing weight like crazy. It's not that I just feel better, but I'm taking this thing called some Morelan, and I did the research on it, and it's really super good, and it's healthy, and it's, like, a good thing for people my age who want to still, like, work and see results when they do. I don't want to be huge, but I just Want to, like, actually see results. When I work out, my feet are bigger and I don't fit in my shoes anymore. My left foot. I'm like Barry Bonds. Remember when people were like, Barry Bonds had a new shoe size when he was older. And like, he's doing something he shouldn't be doing because he was on the illegal. Yeah, he was on Super Hulk plan. And I looked it up, and the stuff I'm on says, you're not. You shouldn't be seeing any of that. But human growth hormone, if you. Basically, what I do, it stimulates human.

[Toledo]

So you don't think it's the Coke Zero, you think?

[John]

I don't think my feet were, like, stymied. Like, we were gonna be 15s. But you started drinking so much Coke Zero. But my feet are. I'm now a 12 and a half. My left foot is now a 12 and a half. I don't fit in a lot of my shoes.

[Brett]

So you get a.

[John]

Like, it hurts. Well, I've got. Literally when I went on my rampage of shoe buying. Yeah. I have 230 pairs of Nikes.

[Brett]

Oh, my God.

[John]

Size 12. And now most of my left feet don't fit in them. Oh, no. Most of my left foot shoes don't fit on my foot.

[Brett]

You want to get rid of any?

[John]

No, I'm not going to get. I'm not giving you. I'm going to have to shrink my foot.

[Host]

Start drinking Coke Zero again, it'll go right back down.

[John]

That's what I'm wondering. Do I have to go? Was Coke Zero combined with this? But my left foot is getting huge. And it's not swollen. It's growing.

[Brett]

John, I know you didn't mean this to be a Cha Ching Chavez moment, but my last Testosterone check was 12.

[John]

Jesus Christ.

[Brett]

Go to game day. Men's health today.

[John]

12.

[Brett]

12 is.

[John]

How are you even? I gotta get a nap. That had to be everything. You. I'm good. I need a nap. Stairs. Are you kidding? How about that?

[Brett]

Man 12. You just have to feel.

[John]

Are you a woman? Maybe it's a woman. Like, yeah, you're getting sexy. That's. That may be okay.

[Brett]

But then why is she getting checked for testosterone?

[John]

She might have been growing a mustache. Okay. She's Italian. Yeah, there you go.

[Host]

I knew it was coming.

[John]

I was gonna jump right on that one. You swung at the pitch before it got to the plate, Brett. Anyway, See? And I kind of like that. My feet are getting bigger again. Now, here's the other thing. I'm playing a lot of Basketball. And when I used to play basketball, I Wore A size 13. And I don't know why that is, but when I stopped playing basketball way back in the day, my feet shrunk to a size 12 and then to an 11 and a half for a little bit, and then they went back to 12, and now I'm at 12 and a half on the left foot. It's weird. And I don't know if this is the basketball thing.

[Toledo]

I'm leaning towards that now that you said that.

[John]

I don't know.

[Toledo]

It grew when you're playing.

[John]

I. I was. When I was in high school, I played tons of basketball and my. I was a size 13. Can you imagine my candy apple head on the stick body with 13? I was sideshow Bob's feet. Oh, they were. So I was a size 13, and it was mind blowing. I couldn't play shortstop in the men's league because my feet were too big. The coach was like, we don't put people with size 10 or bigger at shortstop. And I'm like, really? I said, what? I'm short? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm like, okay. So he moved me to third base. That's why I played third base, because my feet were too big.

[Brett]

John, have you found that past 12, there are no half sizes I have to wear? I have one size foot that's a 13 and a half, but I have to get size 14 shoes to wear it because there's no half.

[John]

I don't have 13 and a half.

[Brett]

I don't know. He says, have you found that?

[John]

I'm new to 13.

[Brett]

Oh, there you go.

[John]

I'm new to 12 and a half. 12 and a half's a thing I got. I can get 12 and a half. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. 13 and a half has to be right.

[Brett]

Testosterone. 12 says, because of prostate cancer and hormone therapy, they say testosterone feeds the prostate cancer. So they gave you a shot. So your body can't make testosterone because it's. It's giving me cancer.

[John]

Oh, go ahead. It'll push you one way. You gotta be careful with that. I see. Okay. Anyway, well, try some of this nasal spray some more. And they put me on. And your feet get huge. But it might be basketball. But I am noticing a pretty quick difference with this stuff.

[Toledo]

Are you noticing stuff, you know, working out?

[John]

Yes. I have no aches and pains. I recover real quick. Like, it's nice. It's really good.

[Toledo]

And that's the design of it.

[John]

Yeah, right? Yeah. And I don't. And I do feel like the. Like. Like. Yeah, everything kind of activates. Sometimes when you're working out and you're doing something, you're like, I don't even know if I'm doing this right. Like, I don't feel this one. Like it activates the muscle you're supposed to be working. And it feels good. And my calves got real weird. Like it's. It works.

[Brett]

John, am I sensing a little excitement from Brady? Because it sounds like Kirby's getting some new shoes.

[John]

That's true. Does she wear 12 in men's? Because I got 230 pairs to hand out. Or she's still a 10 and a half.

[Toledo]

She wears a. Yeah, 10 and a half or 11. And.

[John]

And men's shoes. Yes. That's a big ass girl feet. Is that right? And so she's one size behind me.

[Host]

One and a half in men.

[John]

Yeah, one and a half on the left side. That's true. Good point.

[Toledo]

You're pat. You're lapping her now.

[John]

Yeah, I'm trying to. I gotta pace myself. Kirby can't catch my shoe size. That's crazy. Kyle says, did anything else grow? He said, not your wang. I'm talking about your gigantic Jew nose. No. And I was worried about that when I started to notice my. My shoes don't fit. I looked into it and they say that your mandible is that. No, that's your mandible. What's this thing? The thing Crusher for brow. Yeah, your brow. Whatever that's called. It's got a name. The thing over your eyes that's supposed to shut out and your nose gets bigger. Because Barry Bonds. Remember when Barry Bonds was doing it, he had.

[Brett]

He did become more.

[John]

He had it. Well, because people in the Giants were like, nobody's head grows when they're 28. Barry, what are you doing? He's like, nothing. And he had a new hat size.

[Brett]

Oh, we talk about rookie. Look at his rookie baseball card.

[John]

He's tiny, but his head grew and his feet grew. He had new shoes and a new hat. Drinking a lot of water. That's not it. He wasn't bloated. I'm worried, but I kind of like it. But yeah, if my. Thank you, Kyle. If my giant Juno starts growing, the only. Like, the guys, I'm sure in here will notice. Hey, is your nose getting bigger? Like that was possible. But thank you for being so sensitive about it. There you go.

[Brett]

It is.

[John]

Yeah. Barry was a different. But again, you go back and look at a lot of guys, rookie cards, and say, oh, like Giannis Anto is a tiny stick man and then he's just a massive piece. Barry's head grew. That shocked the.

[Host]

Well, you can tell in that picture.

[John]

Even Barry's. Barry's forehead, just a different face.

[Toledo]

Immature.

[John]

And his feet went from like a size 12-14s. That doesn't happen as an adult without help. I like it. I like it a lot. Anyway, it's 8:27. Who's coming in here?

[Brett]

Keegan Tindall.

[John]

Keegan Tindall's gonna be here in just a second. He's got a job that no one wants. Stand up comedian on September 11. The day after the other thing. You know what? We need him more than ever. So hopefully Keegan comes in here and does great. Yeah, it's just a crusher. Otherwise it's a tough day for Keegan. We'll have him in here in just moments. It's 98.

[Brett]

It's out of control now.