09-12-25 - Fireside Chats - Kevin Actually Bought WNBA Season Tickets Because Of John - PO Calls In Hoping To Get On Happy Endings

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Fireside Chats (09-12-25)

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD, Arizona)
Episode: Fireside Chats – Kevin Actually Bought WNBA Season Tickets Because Of John – PO Calls In Hoping To Get On Happy Endings
Date: September 12, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Format: Live call-in “Fireside Chats” segment
Main Theme:
Listeners call in with their stories, confessions, and requests during the infamous "Fireside Chats." Typical HMS mayhem ensues: wild deals for concert tickets, surprising WNBA fandom, divorce talk, body image and health struggles, and stand-up ambitions.

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Episode Overview

The episode is a classic, irreverent Fireside Chats session where John and the crew take unscreened calls from listeners. Topics range from a son's questionable trade for Tool tickets, a male caller's transformation into a die-hard WNBA fan, divorce tales, and a heartfelt (and hilarious) conversation with aspiring comedian Po, who’s trying to secure a slot at the upcoming Happy Endings comedy show. As always, the guys toggle between genuine support and relentless ribbing, with plenty of adult humor and self-deprecation.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Timestamps

1. The Fireside Chats Begin

[01:15]

• John welcomes listeners, sets ground rules ("watch your language"), and dives right in.
  • Memorable banter about Brett not answering the phone and jabs about Brady’s pizza consumption.

2. Nate’s Offer: Tool Tickets for a Date with His Mom

[01:56–03:33]

• Nate laments Larry not taking up his (now departed to Pennsylvania) mother’s offer for Tool tickets.
• Hilarious breakdown of the “trade” and the embarrassment after his mom found out post factum.
  • Quote:
    John [03:02]: "So now you have to buy Tool tickets like some sort of a commoner. That's disgusting. I'm so sorry for that. And I speak for Larry when I say I'm sorry. I should have boned your mother."
• Shout-out to Nate's PA friend group.

3. Kevin: New WNBA Superfan (Because of John)

[04:12–08:22]

• Kevin calls to thank John for turning him into a fan and a season ticket holder for the Phoenix Mercury.
• Playful disbelief from the crew, jokes about seat quality and sweating players.
  • Quote:
    Kevin [05:01]: "I want to be up close. I can get that juicy sweat on me."
  • John: "Oh, God."
• Kevin explains the entertainment value: short games, meet-the-players opportunities, and family friendliness.
• Kevin agrees to get a Mercury tattoo with John if they win the championship.
  • John [07:41]: "If the Mercury win the world championship, you and I go get Mercury tattoos."
  • Kevin: "I'll do it. I have two sleeves. ... Tattoos are fun."
• Light ribbing about lack of interest in WNBA playoffs.

4. Ted’s “Pause and Toss” and Divorce Recovery

[08:23–13:42]

• Ted brings up the classic 'pause and toss' scene with Salma Hayek in “Dogma,” warning not to go a frame too far to Jason Mewes.
  • Quote:
    Ted [09:22]: "...the very next frame will be a tight, tight close up of Jason Muse's face with an 'oh yeah, give it to me' look. … could be detrimental."
• Banter quickly delves into old-school media habits, home-alone habits post-divorce, and general celebration of Salma Hayek’s filmography.
• Ted jokes about his divorce and his wife leaving him, insisting he’s happy, and the hosts agree wives are “awful.”
• Running jokes about "painting fascia" and how old media (VHS, Betamax, record players) add to his quirks.
  • John [11:41]: "My wife... she was annoying, 'cause, like, she's like, stop eating off at the dinner table like that.'"

5. Po Calls: Health, Comedy, & A Dream Gig

[13:48–22:32]

• Po, an overweight and aspiring comedian, calls to express support and empathy for Brady's health issues.
  • Po [14:17]: "Brady, I love you. You know I love all you guys. ... You're giving you. Yeah, I've given you all the T's and P's, Brady."
• Shares that he’s sober and working on improving his mental and physical health, having lost weight from 500 to ~470 lbs.
  • Honest discussion of obesity: "I have a little complications of getting accuracy on the scale because they only go up to 300.”
  • Po [15:42]: "I'd say right now I'm a svelte about 470 right now."
• Po requests a stand-up gig at HMS’s Happy Endings December show, even though his prior tryout “didn't go so great.”
  • John [17:31]: "How about I just put you on it and give you a chance because this might be the last time you ever go on stage... Now it's like a Make-A-Wish."
  • Jokes about “perspiring” vs “aspiring” comedian.
• Comedic yet encouraging bet emerges:
  • For every 10 lbs Po loses before December 12th, he gets a minute on stage.
  • John [20:51]: "Now send me you accurately standing on a scale... whatever you weigh on December 11th is how many minutes you get."
  • Brainstorming on how Po can find a scale big enough, with zoo and truckstop jokes.
• Banter about fat guys bickering about weight loss, with the line:
  • John [22:13]: "You know what I like, Brett? When two fat guys start arguing about who's gonna lose weight? They get real mad."

6. Episode Wrap-Up: Fireside Chat Recap and Po Motivational Strategies

[23:00–24:36]

• Crew continues riffing on Po’s scale dilemma with multiple creative (absurd) suggestions — two scales, recycling center, zoo, etc.
• Light, characteristic HMS roast closes out the segment.

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• On Tool Tickets for Mom:
  John [03:02]: "I should have boned your mother."
• On WNBA Seats:
  Kevin [05:01]: "I want to be up close. I can get that juicy sweat on me."
  John: "Oh, God."
• On Divorced Life:
  Ted [11:54]: "I have a VHS and I have a record player."
  John: "That's kind of neat. ... Brett's nodding affirmatively. You are."
• On Po’s Health Journey and Comedy Gig:
  John [17:31]: "How about I just put you on it and give you a chance because this might be the last time you ever go on stage... Now it's like a Make-A-Wish."
• On Motivational Weight Loss Wagers:
  John [20:51]: "Now send me you accurately standing on a scale... whatever you weigh on December 11th is how many minutes you get."
• On Fat Guy Arguments:
  John [22:13]: "When two fat guys start arguing about who's gonna lose weight? They get real mad."

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Episode Structure and Tone

• Language & Tone: Bold, explicit, irreverent – classic HMS.
• Flow: Rapid, conversational, hilarious but occasionally touching (notably with Po).
• Hosts: Frequently roast each other and callers, but also support and motivate listeners.

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Useful for First-Time Listeners:

• Calls range from raucous humor to surprising vulnerability.
• The episode is a mix of off-the-wall proposals and authentic moments about health, family, and chasing dreams.
• Even amid the jokes, there's real camaraderie and community spirit — listeners feel like part of the show.

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For anyone seeking a blend of unfiltered comedy, Arizona radio flavor, and genuine (if rough-around-the-edges) listener engagement, this episode is representative HMS gold.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

All right. Everybody's favorite moment ever of all time is the Fireside chat. We worry about you people, but here we go. Fire's raging. You're allowed to say whatever you want, and that's okay. That's a good thing. And that's no sea suckers. Don't.

[A]

Don't be saying that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, don't say. Did somebody already say that? All right, yeah, calm down about the language. And that's what I said back to him.

[C]

He's. Oh, you call me.

[B]

Yeah, have some class for. Brett's not answering the phone. Going 98 KUPD. What you need to talk about there, sucker?

[A]

Not like Brady at four pizza.

[B]

Exactly. Have some respect on the way back. And, you know, watch your language. That's all we ask. Okay, here we go. Let's go with Nate. Nate is online1. Nate, are you there?

[D]

I'm here.

[B]

How are you, sir?

[D]

Not too bad about yourself.

[B]

I'm doing all right. Welcome aboard. You have the. You have the airwaves. They are all yours. Don't waste our time. Go.

[D]

All right, well, first of all, I'm very upset that Larry never hopped on the offer to get with my mom for some tool Tickets. She's now back in Pennsylvania and it's a real bummer. And I'm not going to be able to see tool again, so. Thanks a lot, Larry.

[B]

Nice. I talked to Nathan last week at Native Grill. I guess it was a week. It was a while ago. Anyway, so I talked to you about that. And you had told me that your mother, who was offering. You were offering your mother's sexual and love services to Larry to go on a date. And you sent pictures and she was pretty.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And Larry.

[D]

Whatever Larry wanted. I just wanted tool tickets.

[B]

Yeah, and all you wanted was tool tickets and you were giving up your mom's.

[E]

It's an easy trade.

[B]

It was an easy trade. And she. She was up for it. Or did she know?

[D]

She knew afterward. She was a. She's a little embarrassed, but, you know, I can talk her into it. Too late now, though. She's across the country.

[B]

Yeah, she moved to Pennsylvania. So now you have to buy tool tickets like some sort of a commoner. And that's disgusting. And I'm. Yeah, I'm so sorry for that. And I speak for Larry when I say I'm sorry. I should have boned your mother.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

That's all I really wanted. That's all. You know what, Nathan? That's where we are. That's beautiful. Thank you, sir. And I appreciate your time.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Way to go. Thank you.

[D]

No course to who are my friend group back in pa. Big shout out to no course who is listening right now.

[B]

All right. Well, hello to that person as well. All right. See you, man. Thank you, Nathan. There you go. At the end of shout out. Yeah, that's one.

[A]

We'll go.

[B]

Not so bad.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

Coors.

[B]

I mean, Larry should have boned that lady.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. The opportunity to bone a guy's mom for tools.

[A]

You saw pictures.

[B]

Yeah. She was good. All right. She was matronly.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But not in a terrible way. Like you should tell. She had kids. And she still blamed Nathan, who's like 30, that she can't lose that baby weight. And I've been 30 years. You should be. But she looked pretty good. Yeah, Nathan. I mean, Nathan told her after. I'm going to hook him. And Larry would have been. It would have been a good match anyway. Kevin, are you there?

[D]

Yes, it's Kevin.

[F]

Hey, John.

[D]

How you doing?

[B]

Doing well. How are you?

[D]

Here? All right. Hey, do I talk about it? Actually, I want to say thank you for helping me become a great WNBA fan and actually becoming a season ticket holder for next season.

[B]

Is that real?

[D]

Was that 100% truth?

[B]

You sound like a man, though. Are you? How is this?

[D]

I am a man.

[B]

What?

[D]

I can send you pictures too, if you want to see.

[B]

Did you get good seats at least?

[A]

Aren't they all?

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

No one wants four.

[B]

Oh, you have the worst seats in the house. You're real close to the game. You should have gotten 212 and sat in the back.

[D]

No, no, no. I have bad eyes, so I need to see.

[B]

Oh, no, that's better. You should be further away and then you wouldn't. Maybe the game. The game would be good.

[D]

No. Well, I want to be up close. I can get that juicy sweat on me.

[B]

Oh, God.

[D]

Women.

[B]

Oh, Kevin, stop immediately. You're. You're. Please tell me your AI. And you're teasing, right?

[F]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

Let me explain. Right, because you know, you. You always talk about the WNBA, this, that, and I've been here in Phoenix since 98, so I've been. I know about the WNBA. Never been up until last year. I got some free tickets to BET Ticks because you talked about Sophie Cunningham. So I looked her up and started watching on tv. I'm like. I thought it was funny at first because I'm like, I think I can actually play basketball with these women. And I thought it was entertaining. So I went to my first game and I was blown away by the entertainment value that the Suns put on. And a great job to the Suns and the arena. Yeah, it's 10 minute quarters, so tops. You're there for two hours as opposed to like three hours, four hours at a baseball game. And it's boring. I love hockey. Grew up going to hockey games. Red Wings, Detroit Red Wings. But I think wnba, at least in the Phoenix area, put on a great show. You're easily entertained women that come into town. You can actually meet the players and get photos and autographs from them during the game. Well, I know in between, like before the game, when they're warming up and they come back. Not during the game. No.

[B]

Do you have. No. Hold on, Kevin. When you bought the. You say of season tickets or season ticket?

[D]

No, I. Well, okay, so it's my daughter and I, we go.

[B]

Now I get it. Because if it was just you trying to get buddies to tag along, you would not be going to many games.

[D]

Well, the funny thing is I did have two extra tickets for the last, what, Tuesday night game.

[B]

And yeah, they remained empty. So give me a breakdown then. They're going into the playoffs. Do the Mercury have a chance?

[D]

I think they have a I'm kidding, Kevin.

[B]

I don't care about this. He was gonna answer me.

[D]

Las Vegas and Atlanta probably are gonna be the team. Two teams.

[F]

But.

[D]

Well, Minnesota's up there. But, you know, Tattoo sadly. She's awesome. She's beautiful woman.

[B]

Who.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Tattoo sadly.

[D]

Tattoo. Tattoo Sadly.

[B]

And she's on what team?

[D]

The Mercury. Man.

[B]

I don't know any of that. I don't have to.

[E]

Sadly.

[B]

Tattoo sadly. Yeah, she's.

[F]

Hey, actually, I. You know what?

[D]

I met Brady. I just saw him and talked to him for, like, a couple seconds. My wife and I, when we went to social or Suicide tendencies show.

[B]

Oh, so you do do good stuff. How about this? Yeah, Kevin, how about this? If the Mercury win the world championship, you and I go get Mercury tattoos.

[D]

I'll do it.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I have two sleeves. I have all kinds of tattoos, so. Tattoos are fun.

[B]

Okay. Tattoos. Well, I gotta pick. We'll get a tattoo of Tattoo Sadly.

[E]

Yeah, there you go.

[D]

Hey, I'm down for that.

[B]

All right, done. Call us back if they win. I know. I'm completely safe on this. All right, thank you, Kevin. We'll talk to you later. Thanks. See, look at that. People talking about other stuff. I would rather talk about the horrors of this week than something as awful as the wnba.

[A]

Let's go to Ted.

[B]

Ted is there. Ted, are you ready?

[D]

Hey, John.

[F]

Brady, Brett and the rest. How you guys doing?

[A]

The rest, he's killing it's island in Toledo.

[F]

I'm kidding. Hi, Rich. Hey. So I wanted to keep it light and share and go old school and share my paws and talk. It comes with a dire, dire warning, though.

[B]

Okay. Oh, no. What are you pausing and toss to?

[F]

Dogma. The movie Dogma. Oh, Kevin Smith. I think it has a 25th anniversary coming out soon, and there is a Selma Hayek stripper scene.

[B]

I remember that.

[F]

We're talking.

[D]

We're talking peak Hayek here.

[F]

You know what I mean? Like with any good pause and toss on the dvd, you pause it and you can press pause every time and go frame by frame.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

You know what I mean?

[C]

One frame.

[F]

Next frame, I get you.

[B]

You're jerking off and you're doing it slow right now.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

But. But if you're not careful, you'll go from one frame with a full Selma Hayek mooning right in front of you.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

And the very next frame will be a tight, tight close up of Jason Museum face with an oh, yeah, give it to me look on it. And depending on where you are as a young man, that could be detrimental.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I just wanted to share that.

[B]

Okay, so, yeah. Giving out the warnings of not taking the Selma Hyexine and dogma too far in case you're beaten off because it gets to Jason Muse. All right. Yeah.

[F]

Depending on where you're at in the.

[B]

Moment, Ted, the reason that the pause and toss isn't necessary anymore. And I don't know if you've heard about this, but the Internet came along and made porn, and so you don't need to, like, seek. Although the Hayek powers In the early 2000s, late 90s, you were dealing with some pretty strong skills there. You could. That's even in bikinis. She looks good in that.

[F]

I'm just relating something to my 30s. Leave me alone.

[B]

Yeah, okay. How about this one? And then. Jesus Christ.

[E]

Brett's guy.

[B]

Yeah, this is Brett's guy. Dusk till Dawn.

[F]

Oh, I heard. I heard Brett say sea sucker when I first picked up the phone. It was great to hear somebody. No, he said, you're a sea sucker. I heard him say it.

[A]

I. Oh, we were talking about Brady. Talking? No, no, people at the thing.

[B]

Tripp came in to say hi. That's how Brett says hi to Trip. Yeah, the. So, yeah, if you want to see Salma Hayek in all of her powers from Dusk till Dawn, she does a strip. She does a strip scene in that I'm sure you're familiar with.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Well, I love Cheech Marin's, you know, soliloquy on that movie.

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[E]

What do you got going on for.

[B]

The rest of the day? Hold on. How old are you, Ted?

[F]

I'm 44. I work 4:10, so I have nothing going on today.

[D]

I gotta paint some fascia, but whatever.

[B]

Yeah, big deal. Fascia painting. That's a Friday for everybody, I think.

[F]

Yeah, I got a power sprayer.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, knock it down. You'll be done in an hour. Next thing you know, you'll be beating off to sell my so high right now.

[F]

You get that painting done, you can.

[B]

Jerk off three or four times before the sun goes down.

[C]

Good call.

[B]

All right. Ted, you guys been a. Are you. Do you live alone?

[F]

My wife just moved out three months ago.

[B]

Imagine that.

[F]

I'm so happy. I'm so happy about that.

[C]

Oh, you.

[B]

You hated her. No.

[C]

Well.

[F]

So annoying.

[B]

Yeah, they're tough. Yeah. Wives are awful, aren't they?

[E]

I've never met with the hardest.

[B]

My wife. My wife. Yeah, she. She was annoying, cuz, like, she's like, stop eating off at the dinner table like that. Kind of stuff. This is just getting all over you. Enough with Selma High like, look, quit.

[F]

Nagging my movies on. Put my movies on.

[B]

And you still have a DVD player you jerk off to, which is frightening.

[F]

I have a VHS and I have a record player.

[B]

Wow.

[F]

I love old media. I'm an idiot.

[B]

No, you're not. That's kind of neat. But you're probably still.

[D]

No.

[B]

Brett's nodding affirmatively. You are. I. I changed my mind. Morning sickness medicate get you PD.

[E]

Basketball game.

[G]

Crushed it. And the day's just getting started now kicking it with my crew when I need a quick snack. Gogo Squeeze Active fruit blend with electrolytes pouches are always in the starting lineup Made with real fruit and select electrolytes and.

[B]

Mmm.

[G]

So tasty from workouts to hangouts to whatever's next I go with Gogo Squeeze active. Snag yours on your next store run. Available on Amazon.

[C]

Holmberg's Morning sickness.

[F]

When I gotta move out of this house, I'm gonna take that crap or throw it away, which I'm not sure which.

[B]

What? Do you have to move out?

[F]

Well, no, not yet. She moved out. You know she moved out.

[B]

Cordell. And Cordell say that if you move out of the house that you forfeit your rights to it. Yeah.

[A]

Hang on to that thing.

[F]

Yeah. No.

[B]

And your divorce isn't final. Yeah.

[F]

No, no, no, no, no. We're still on good terms. We don't have no lawyers involved. We're just moving slowly.

[B]

Moving real slowly. Still, you still jerk off in front of her every once in a while? Yeah. Do you ever put on an old Benny Goodman record and jerk off around the house?

[A]

Who gets the Betamax in the divorce?

[F]

I have a copy of the movie Labyrinth on Betamax.

[B]

That's a good scene in that to beat off, too. Dance, magic. Dance. All right, we gotta let Ted go. This is getting on hand. All right. Thank you, Ted. See? Yeah. Good luck with your pending divorce. Thank you.

[C]

Oh, my own.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Ready for this one?

[B]

Here we go. Who's last?

[C]

It's Po.

[B]

Po's back. Hey. We haven't talked to Po in forever. How are you, Po?

[C]

What's up, boys?

[B]

How are you? How's your comedy career?

[C]

That's why I'm calling. I want. No, no. I want to make sure that you guys are gonna help me expand it. But first of all, I got. The only serious thing I want to say is, Brady, I. I love you. You know I love all you guys. I'm sending out the extra love to Brady, because of the big C. You know, my heart broke when I heard that.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

But you're giving you. Yeah, I've given you all the T's and P's, Brady. And I just want to tell you, you guys have met me in person. You know, I'm about two Brady's.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so you know, Brady, listen to John, listen to the doctors.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Change your damn diet. You know, I'm doing it too. Like, so I'm like 18 years older than you, but like I said, I'm also about two of you, so hold.

[B]

On, Po, you're in your late 70s.

[C]

No, 18 years younger.

[B]

You look fantastic for as bad as you look.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I'd be awesome looking 78 year old, man.

[B]

If you were 78, I'd be like, how'd he live this long? He's a mess.

[E]

What's the magic?

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I very doubt that I will make 78, but no, I just turned 43 about 10 days ago. And we have about two of you, Brady, as you guys know. But yeah, you're. I'm on. I'm on the whole wagon of stu. Believe it or not, I've been completely sober since February and I'm doing a whole plan with my. With my mental health is mental illness thing. I'm sure you won't be surprised at all. I have a whole page of diagnosis for mental illness stuff.

[B]

No, I didn't need it. I didn't need that diagnosis. Did you hear about Ted's wife?

[C]

But. But like I said, I just wanted to say, you know, I'm doing it too, Brady. I'm in there consolidation with you. I'm trying to keep strong man too strong.

[B]

How much do you weigh right now, Po? Because you are a big man.

[C]

I am a big man.

[F]

I.

[C]

You know, I have. As you could guess, I have a little complications of getting accuracy on the.

[B]

Scale because they only go up to 300.

[C]

Right. So I'd say right now I'm. I'm a spelt about 470 right now.

[B]

You got. You know what?

[F]

In your.

[B]

In all seriousness, mid-40s, you got to knock it off. You don't much time left like this.

[C]

Oh, I know, brother. Like I said, I'm. I'm in. Trust me. I got up to about 500, so I'm going down good. And. Yeah, yeah. But you know, it helps the comedy too. You know, I don't want to get too skinny, you know, but I don't want to get up, you know, Ralphie.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, proportions. But yeah, but no. So that was my serious thing. Like I said. I love you, Brady. All the T's and peas. I hope you make it till, you know, 78 at least.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

But. But the reason I'm calling you guys is you guys again. You know, I am an aspiring comedian and, you know, my tryout with you guys, you know, didn't go so great because I kind of liked. What's that stuff called Material.

[B]

That's right. Did you say you were a perspiring comedian or an aspiring comedian? Both. Okay.

[C]

I aspire and I perspire.

[B]

You know that.

[C]

But you know, Johnny, like I said, I had one of my greatest days ever when I hung out with you at the Super Bowl. Not this last super bowl, but the one before.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like I said, you prove you proved yourself wrong about not being your heroes because you're my freaking hero. And oh my God, you know, I had a great time with you.

[B]

Well, thank you. Get better heroes.

[C]

You're the best, man. But now the reason I was calling is because I want to know if you guys are doing the comedy thing this year because like I said, I actually have developed a little bit stuff called material and I've actually gotten on stage and believe it or not, I've killed it. Couple times I did this big bringer show, az New face. I've done it twice at stand up Live and believe it or not, I did very, very well.

[B]

How about this po?

[C]

I don't have.

[B]

I don't have anything. Like it's December 12th, will be the happy ending show. We've already got that. I got nothing booked on it yet. How about I just put you on it and give you a chance because this might be the last time you ever go on stage. Like, I want to make sure that we get you on stage in front of a full house that's rowdy and ready to go. Just in case you man, you 470 pound guy in his mid-40s, I'm going to give you whatever you want. Now it's like a make a wish.

[C]

I'm working on it, but like I said, I'm going to get under 300. Just watch.

[B]

But just in case you don't, I'll be. I'll feel better about myself knowing I gave you this opportunity. And then when you get found under your bed like Ralphie, we'll know that we gave you that chance.

[C]

Oh, you're going to make me cry, man. It's a dream come true.

[B]

It's done.

[C]

You can do anything better.

[B]

All right, Po.

[C]

Is five minutes.

[B]

Yeah, we'll give you five or seven minutes. How's that?

[C]

I got five or seven, man.

[B]

Okay. And I get to sit next to you the whole time like it's kill. Tony, if you start screwing up, I'm taking over.

[C]

Absolutely, brother. You won't have to. Trust me. I promise you. You're going to be amazed. You're going to be amazed the strides I've made in three years or whatever that was.

[B]

I made it. Every stride you make, every time you take a stride, I'm amazed.

[E]

All right, we got the opener.

[B]

All right, now you vote. Yeah. I'll bring you up there and you do five or seven minutes. You can sit on stage with us the whole time, no matter who the comics.

[C]

Oh, I thought so. All right, December 12th, where is it?

[B]

It's. I think we're doing it downtown. Stand up live.

[C]

Stand up live?

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

That's my. That's my stomping grounds, man.

[B]

Well, not really, but okay. Everywhere you would go is your stomping grounds. Po. It's good to talk to you. Best of luck to you, brother.

[C]

Hey, thank you guys so much. Dude, I love you. Like I said, I couldn't think of a better present. Thank you guys so much.

[B]

There it is. Merry Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate. And let's make sure you have to. How about this? You don't get your five minutes unless you're at least 420.

[C]

And by December.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

Why are you putting £50 in three months?

[A]

I thought he was under 500. Where's he at?

[B]

I said 420.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He wasn't getting four. That's what I was.

[B]

We'll put you on a scale and.

[C]

How for every £10 less than 470. How about if I'm less than 4, 4 50.

[B]

Where are you? 470 right now?

[C]

I think that's a guess. Like I said, I can't get a scale to work right.

[B]

All right, go weigh yourself.

[C]

Email me.

[E]

Do the weigh in.

[B]

Email me, and then for every £10 you lose, you get a minute.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I think I can handle that one, too. So, like exactly three months. Okay, I think I can work that. I think I can work it. I think. Okay, so if I lose like 30 pounds, I get three minutes?

[B]

Yeah. You've already limited. You were excited about five, but now it's like, yeah, I'll take three. That's less work for me.

[C]

50 pounds, man. 50 pounds in three months. That's a lot.

[B]

That's a lot. Your body doesn't want £470. You're going to lose £30 the first month.

[C]

I hope so, man. You guys are going to. It's going to be good motivation.

[B]

There you go. I'm pushing it. And if you don't lose any weight, you get ridiculed. We throw rotten vegetables at you, and you get off the stage.

[F]

Fair enough.

[B]

All right, deal. Get down to four. 4:25, I'll give you that. £45. 15.

[C]

All right, I'll do my best, but like I said, even if I don't get that, if I lose, you get a minute. Three minutes, right?

[B]

Yep. Now send me you accurately standing on a scale. Jesus. Don't include your body in that, though. Just what the scale says.

[C]

And then, you know. You guys think I'm sexy.

[D]

Come on.

[B]

No, we don't. And then. So you do that and then. And whatever you weigh on December 11th is how many minutes you get.

[C]

All right, well, like I said, I can't get a scale. These.

[B]

You can go to the butcher shop.

[C]

And do this, Man. They say they go up to 500, but they don't because they. They go all over the place and they say error, But I know I'm not.

[E]

Get on the. I10 go to the zoo restaurant. Oh, I can check with Christian way, But I was gonna say I10 go to a truck.

[B]

Truck weighing thing and then get out and weigh your truck again.

[C]

Yeah, not that much. Brady. I don't think you make. Brady. If you were talking.

[E]

No, you back out the weight of the truck.

[B]

Yeah. You get in there with the truck, and then you get out of the truck and you see what it weighs, and then you get in and.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't. I don't need that kind of scale. The scales at the doctor's office, where it's just. I'm not spending $2,000 on a scale.

[B]

Then go to where they sell scales and stand on it. You only need to weigh yourself once.

[C]

Yeah, But, Brady, I'm 6 4. If you were 6 4, you'd weigh 800. So. I don't know.

[B]

He's got a good point. I don't know why you two started fighting. And at first he was happy you're still alive.

[E]

What happened?

[B]

Boy, what a prick. Wow.

[C]

De.

[B]

Turn the tables on Brady there.

[C]

Well, because, Brady, you can't give me fat. The only reason you're too fortunate.

[B]

You know what I like.

[E]

There's nothing. I was joking.

[B]

You know what I like, Brett? When two fat guys start arguing about who's gonna lose weight? They get real mad.

[E]

I want pizza right now.

[C]

At least I'm a tall fat guy. Yeah.

[B]

At least he's a man. At least he's a man.

[C]

Brady.

[B]

Anyway. All right, Pl. We gotta go. We'll talk to you later. Thank you, brother.

[C]

I love you guys.

[B]

Good luck. Thank you. We'll see.

[E]

Nice words at first.

[B]

Say it back. Yeah, the first. First quarter of that was great. Nice words, fat ass.

[A]

He's gonna become a sea sucker later.

[B]

Just like in Four Pigs. I'm gonna do my impression of Pio's heart. So you're hoping he's there at least by December. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm not just making sure you're not rooting against him.

[A]

He is now.

[B]

At first he was happy. He's gonna be there if he makes it. All right. Anyway, we'll introduce him as the rock from Indiana Jones. Because if he falls off the stage, everybody better run. There you go. Your fireside chats. Nobody brought up anything bad. That's good. Hey, this guy's got a good idea for Po. Put one foot on two scales each. You get two scales. You put one foot on each scale.

[E]

I guess it would spread it out.

[B]

Somehow and then just add up what it says. Right.

[E]

I wonder how. How much the. You know, just going into the doctor's office, like when I go into a Anderson or whatever, and you go on. They get that scale thing. It's in kilograms. But I wonder how high that goes.

[B]

I don't know. I've never had to worry about that. I'm not trying to test that theory. I know it's got to be able.

[E]

To handle whoever steps on it.

[B]

Sure. I'm well within the parameters of not having to worry about. Is this going to go high enough? That would be the worst day of my life. Two scales. Stand on it and stick and add it together. I think that's a reasonable thing. Go to a recycling center. David says that's a good idea, too. They'll waste stuff. Hmm. I like the zoo better. Yeah. I like Brett's zoo idea. I think Brett was so succinct. Go to the zoo. You ever hippopotamus do it. All right. And Brady will throw pumpkins at you on stage on December 12th. It'll be great. That's it. Your fireside chats are complete. Well done, everyone. It's 98 Arizona's most honorable Rocky. It's out of control now.

[H]

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[C]

Com.