09-16-25 - BR - TUE - World Record For Ryans In Same Place Set And Has Us Wondering About Other Popular Cultural Names - Scuba Thief Robs Disney World Restaurant

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona
Date: September 16, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Theme:
The episode is a classic “Brady Report” and banter-heavy installment, featuring hilarious takes on current odd news stories, fun facts, pop culture trivia, and irreverent commentary on everything from world record gatherings of Ryans to the practicalities of robbing Disney World in scuba gear. The crew riff on cultural trends, strange criminal stories, name popularity, and the social realities of baton-twirling teens, blending local color with signature sharp humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Concert Talk, Plumbing Disasters, and Proper Date Behavior

• Nine Inch Nails & Coheed Cambria Shows: Brief discussion on local shows, including drama over venue plumbing disasters.
• Etiquette Rant: John riffs about concertgoers who can’t refrain from bathroom breaks (“You'd never go on a date and go in the middle of it... Keep that area spotless in case the date goes well.”) (00:42)

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2. Brady Report: Odd News & Fun Facts

• National Sit With a Stranger Day & Tattoo Story Day
  • John jokes about aversions to strangers; teases Brady’s friendliness at public tables.

    “Brady likes those restaurants that have family seating... I've seen you do it.” (03:12)

Fun Facts Segment

• Kawa Ijen Volcano’s Blue Lava
• Student Athletes Named “ESPN” - Notably, Gideon Espen Lampron. (05:30)
• Billboard Chart Oddities:
  • “Waiting for a Girl Like You” by Foreigner and “Work It” by Missy Elliott each spent 10 weeks at #2 without reaching #1.

    John: “More fun fact is knowing what was keeping them out of the number one spot. Nobody.” (07:46)

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3. The Ryans Gathering World Record Attempt

• Rytoberfest in NY:

  • A failed attempt to break the record for most Ryans in one place sparks speculation on what names could beat it.

    “You need names like Dave or John or Todd to break that record... Muhammad would crush if we could get the Muhammads together.” (08:48)

• Big Name Rallies:

  • Jokes about how names like José, Mateo, and Santiago could easily set world records in their regions of origin.
  • Playing with the idea of a Jesus Fest (“Not a lot of yard work getting done that day, but fun.”) (09:50)

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4. Special Eye Drops for Farsightedness (“Long Sightedness”)

• Brady shares news of new eye drops that could replace reading glasses.
• John debates the terminology:

  “Why are we changing the name of that? It’s always been far, near and far. I learned it from Grover. Near, far, near.” (14:12)

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5. Criminal Oddities: Scuba Thief at Disney World

• Detailed, humorous breakdown of a theft in which a man in scuba gear robbed the Paddlefish Restaurant at Disney World.

  John: “He had time to put a wetsuit back on? ... Seems like a lot though. He didn’t get away either. So it wasn’t a good idea.” (16:20)

• The thief escapes, and the crew wonder whether he was in full scuba regalia.

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6. Wild America: Animal Mayhem in Florida

• Woman fights off a gator to save her Shih Tzu, Dax.

  “She punched the gator? ... And it released.” (18:30)

• Jokes about the perils of dog-walking in swamps.

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7. TikTok’s Fate and Corporate News

• Quick take about TikTok possibly being saved by a US sale (Oracle’s Larry Ellison mentioned).

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8. Name Stereotypes, Population, and Cultural Commentary

• Extensive riffs about large gatherings of those named Muhammad or José.

  “If you went down to Saudi Arabia, went to Riyadh, the Muhammad thing would... there’d be 10,000 of them in one spot.” (09:40)

• Jokes about smell and airline paranoia regarding large groups with similar names.

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9. Personalized Plate Controversy: “I AM ISIS”

• A California woman named Isis fighting the DMV to keep her plate after three years.
• Commentary on names ruined by world events (Adolf, Orenthal, Isis).

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10. Brady’s Video Parade

• Accident & Animal Videos: Cow races in India, gator attacks, gas leaks/explosions.
• Baton-Twirler Mishap: Pep rally video with a girl whose underwear falls, leading to a lengthy comedic roast of “baton culture.”

  “If you ever went baton shopping with your daughter, you never have to worry about teen pregnancy. That’s a fact.” (30:18)

• Cringe/Medical Clips: Extraction of ticks from an ear, grotesque foot hygiene videos.
• Old Couple NSFW: ‘Grandma grinding on Grandpa’ video leads to hilarious, incredulous responses.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Large-Name Record Gatherings:

  "Muhammad would crush if we could get the Muhammads together. In fact, I think the record breaks every single day somewhere in India or, you know, Islamabad..."
  – John Holmberg (09:09)

• On Changing Common Terms:

  "Why are we changing the name of that? It's always been far, near and far... I learned it from Grover. Near, far, near."
  – John Holmberg (14:12)

• On the Scuba Robber:

  “He had time to put a wetsuit back on? ... Seems like a lot though. He didn’t get away either. So it wasn’t a good idea.”
  – John Holmberg (16:20)

• On Baton Twirling in High School:

  "If you ever went baton shopping with your daughter, you never have to worry about teen pregnancy. That’s a fact. Because...she’s on the baton team."
  – John Holmberg (30:18)

• On Names Ruined by History:

  “Adolf used to be a good name, too. But...not a lot of people can be called that. Orenthal. Also probably off the list.”
  – John Holmberg (23:09)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:42 — Concerts & Toilet Etiquette
• 03:00 — Brady Report: National Days & Fun Facts
• 05:15 — Notable “ESPN” athlete names
• 06:03 — Billboard Chart Oddities
• 08:08 — Ryans Gathering & Name World Records
• 11:13 — Population Trivia: Japan, Mexico, and common names
• 12:57 — New eye drops for “long sightedness”
• 15:39 — Scuba Thief Robs Disney World Restaurant
• 17:51 — Wild America: Woman vs Gator
• 19:15 — TikTok Sale Update
• 22:32 — “I AM ISIS” License Plate Story
• 24:11 — Brady’s Viral/Fail Videos Start
• 28:09 — Pep Rally Baton Girl Underwear Mishap
• 30:18 — Lengthy comedic roast of baton twirlers
• 36:16 — Cringe medical/NSFW video segment
• 40:50 — NSFW: Grandma “grinding” video
• 41:10+ — Comic wrap-up, social commentary, end of episode banter

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Tone, Style, and Atmosphere

• Language/Tone: Off-the-cuff, irreverent, snarky; loaded with local humor, playful jabs, and sarcasm.
• Speakers: John Holmberg leads with rapid-fire observational jokes and commentary. Brady provides news/facts and is the good-natured foil for John’s ribbing. Gemini and others pipe in with clarifications, info, or punchlines.

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Takeaways

• This episode spotlights the chemistry of the hosts as they riff on news, pop culture, and each other.
• Odd news stories serve as fuel for humor, often leading to digressions that lampoon everything from baby names to American traditions.
• Listeners get a blend of current event trivia, cultural jokes, cringe/fail humor, and plenty of unfiltered banter.

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Recommended If You Like:

• Uncensored comedy, local radio-style panels, unique trivia, and sharp takes on both local and national oddities.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? We played that Nine Inch Nails song before and I was reminded by a listener that it is a 36 year old album and that song still sounds brand new. It's a great record the night. It's makes you want to go to the show when you hear that kind of stuff up on board. That one, that's tonight. I drastically overshot that. And then the Coheed and Cambria show, Is that the one that moved? Yeah, because they had plumbing problems apparently at the Federal, at the Fed. So bad. That's tonight, that is. The plumbing problems were so, so bad that like two days ago they're like, we gotta cancel everything. We gotta tear this thing, you know, down to the studs and fix all the turds that have been floating around. And that goes to show you that people just don't have any class. 5,000 people. And how many toilets are in that thing? And you just can't go to a concert and not take a dump in the middle of it. Like tons of you. Clear the pipes before you get there. Treat the night like it's a date. You would never go on a date and go in the middle of it. Has anyone ever been on a date with a new girl? And I'll be right back. And then taking a huge no, it's disgusting. You got to keep that area spotless in case the date goes well. Treat that the same way as your night out. They better figure it out in five days because Chevelle's there and. Yeah, and that's actually something. Girls go to Coheed and Cambria. I'm guessing that's where the plumbing. They were more worried there was going to be a plumbing problem. I've seen the fans of Coheed and Cambria and they're like, it's going to be four or five thousand of those. Our plumbing can't take it. Well, maybe if we let them use the women's room, there'll be no women here. That's true. It's a good point. They don't trust you. That's gonna be over at Talking Stick now. So anyway, Nine Inch Nails tonight, it is sold out. That's gonna be a heck of a, heck of a crowd there tonight at PHX arena and go see that. It's time now for Brady to Give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Prochayed. AllProchade.com that's where you go to have them come over to your house, take a look at your place, say, here's a good spot for a nice, shady little adventure. Put some furniture under that and make it perfect. It adds value to your house, it adds value to your day, and it actually kind of adds square footage, makes an outdoor space for you that can drop the temperatures up to 20 degrees on a day like today, where it's only like 95, 96, you down to the low 80s, high 70s. Oh, Lordy.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Best part is they retract themselves in case there's a storm. They take care of themselves so you don't even have to think about it. That's right. They actually make you lazier in the shade. That's great. Allprochade.com that's where you go, Brady. Report it.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy National Sit With a Stranger Day.

[John Holmberg]

No, not a chance.

[Brady Bogan]

National Tattoo Story Day.

[John Holmberg]

Not interested.

[Gemini]

How happy are you today?

[John Holmberg]

Sit with a Stranger Day is right in your wheelhouse. Brady likes those restaurants that have family seating, like the big tables where everybody can sit down. I know. I've seen you do it. Oh, yes, I see.

[Brady Bogan]

You mean where you just sit Where. And join with the.

[John Holmberg]

No, there's, like, those big tables and there's no break.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, like the long.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen you go, ooh, you liked it the day. I forget where we were, but it was a big, long table, and I wanted to leave.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't. I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I have a hard time right down in there.

[Brady Bogan]

Mind if we take these seats?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. It was at a table. It was the only option. It was like a big cafeteria seat. I can't remember where we were, but you also had your food on a tray. I don't know that you cared if we sat on the floor or at a place. I don't remember where we were, but it was a place. There was a bunch of people having to sleep.

[Brady Bogan]

Was that the. Like one of those Mongolian barbecue places?

[John Holmberg]

Could be a long time ago. And you were drooling.

[Brady Bogan]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Does she like the company of strangers, or have you taught her the opposite is probably best for a woman?

[Brady Bogan]

She doesn't rally up with the strange.

[John Holmberg]

She doesn't do good. Good job, Ronnie. I'll say, because I know the opposite was not the case at the House. Why not make a new friend? Hey, man, can we take this stupid screen door off? People are staring in, dad. That's how you meet new people. When they walk by, you run out and attack them.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

You still stand in your front yard. You should do it now with your shirt off. So people ask about the school car. It's a good idea out of it. You have any new people in the neighborhood you've bothered yet? It's probably good. No, you? Nothing new. You pretty much met them all.

[Brady Bogan]

The block remain the same.

[John Holmberg]

You have bothered all of them into like hermitsville.

[Brady Bogan]

No one comes out anymore.

[John Holmberg]

No, I. Then that's your fault. Shocking. I don't go out of my house just in case Brady's out there. We live 40 miles apart.

[Brady Bogan]

There's one volcano in the world that doesn't have red or orange lava. The lava from the Kawa Ijen volcano in Indonesia is bright blue.

[John Holmberg]

It's also the lava from the Rico Blaze volcano. It comes out all white, baby. Mm.

[Brady Bogan]

There are at least 25 student athletes in America whose parents named them ESPN or Aspen. Seen that the highest profile one might be a Bowling Green University linebacker backer named Gideon Espen Lampron.

[John Holmberg]

He's been around for a minute too.

[Gemini]

But he doesn't like Espin.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't his Espen.

[Brady Bogan]

They spell it espn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Gemini]

They call him middle name, right?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But it's a word now.

[Gemini]

GROSS.

[Brady Bogan]

There are two songs in the history that spent 10 weeks at number two on the Billboard chart without ever making it to number one.

[John Holmberg]

Say it again.

[Brady Bogan]

Two songs that spent 10 weeks at number two on the Billboard charts.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. One is Bruce Springsteen's Waiting for a Girl like you.

[Brady Bogan]

Foreigner.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. 1981 and 82 was behind lady or Michael Jackson.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know the one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Jesus. That's the only interesting part of this. What was ahead of interesting?

[Gemini]

What year was it?

[Brady Bogan]

81. 82.

[John Holmberg]

Don't look at this. You're not. No, I want to be wrong.

[Brady Bogan]

Because you guessed Michael Jackson song.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I would have guessed lady by Kenny Rogers. He dominated because 1981. 82. 83. Was Michael Jackson really 80? He had eight off the wall, but nothing was really number one like crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

And then the other one is.

[John Holmberg]

But it doesn't mean that the same song was ahead of him the whole time. Something could have jumped from three, three to one, and it just never got over the top. But in the physical by Olivia, Physical was one that was number one. How long? How many weeks that kept waiting for A girl like you off the total of 10 weeks.

[Gemini]

It bounced back and forth, but a total of 10 weeks.

[John Holmberg]

So it never. But waiting for a girl like you was behind that the whole time.

[Brady Bogan]

The whole time. And then somewhere else. And the other one was Work it by Missy Elliott.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. 2002, 2003, 2002 and three. So the number one song. Well, that. Who knows what that was. That could have been anything. Once they. What was number one in 2002 and three that work. It was behind 2002. Do you have any months that happened? These are incomplete stories. Surprisingly.

[Brady Bogan]

It's just the fun fact that they were at number two for ten weeks.

[John Holmberg]

More fun fact is knowing what was keeping them out of the number one spot. Nobody.

[Gemini]

Year end chart was topped by how you remind me.

[John Holmberg]

But Nickelback, that was the. That could have been it. That kept Missy Elliott out of the top spot.

[Gemini]

Hot in here by Nellie.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so she got jumped.

[Gemini]

Use yourself, Amine.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, there you go. She didn't have a chance.

[Brady Bogan]

Hundreds of people named Ryan got together in New York this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Did they break the record? I heard they were going for it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, the Rytoberfest.

[Gemini]

Did you Brady go oh, Ryan.

[John Holmberg]

Not Ryan. Ryan. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

They did not break the record.

[John Holmberg]

The record. They're gon again though, set by a bunch of Ivans or there's.

[Brady Bogan]

It is Ivan.

[John Holmberg]

Is it Ivan's? Yeah, I know that stuff. Yeah, the Ivan's got together because I think that Ian. Was it Ian or Ivan.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it was Ivan and I think. Well, it was in a European city.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Those are the kind of details we looked.

[Brady Bogan]

Poland maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Poland is a great city in Europe. Yeah. The Polish Ivans all gathered together. They think none of that's right. It was probably in Wisconsin and it was probably dudes named, you know, Larry. Well, I don't understand why people like I would start it, but I've been pushed back and. But the largest. Like you need names like Dave or John or Todd to break that record. There's not as many. Like there are tons of us. Muhammad would crush if we could get the Muhammads together. In fact, I think the record breaks every single day somewhere in India or, you know, Islamabad is that you have more Muhammad's in one spot than anywhere. I guarantee you if you went down to Saudi Arabia, went to Riyadh, the Muhammad thing would be there'd be 10,000 of them in one spot.

[Brady Bogan]

It would be fun to see how many would rally up for Jesus fest.

[John Holmberg]

Fun.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Not a lot of yard Work getting done that day, but fun.

[Brady Bogan]

See good posters up there. You know, Jesus Fest.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus is coming. Yeah. Over and over again. And then people would protest because that sounds bad. Jesus can't stop coming. That's one after another now. I want to do that one, but if somebody named John, and I'm not doing it, put together a festival like that and somebody named Muhammad. I wonder how many times Muhammad's break that record and don't even know they're doing it. There's probably a mosque. What are they.

[Gemini]

They all pointing to each other in a meme.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know how do you know how many Muhammad in our room? They'd be like, holy cow. Could be like a record. Like 8,000 of us. We're only Muhammad. I'd be only impressed if the record was held by Khalils or something. Holmberg's morning sickness. Ivan's are over 2300 at the one spot. Yeah. Thank you, Brad. Bosnia in Bosnia Herzegovina.

[Gemini]

Poland.

[John Holmberg]

It's close. Brady was right when he said Europe. And then he tried to narrow it down to the city of Poland. I wonder how many Joses there are. That's a big one. We could put this together. Mexicans could win this fight. Mexicans and Arabs and. I think that's how you say it now. I'm not commenting.

[Brady Bogan]

The official tally in Japan for people over a hundred, 100 years old, 99,763.

[John Holmberg]

That bomb did nothing. Well, it didn't. They're all worried about the nuclear fallout. There's 100,000 100 year olds. Yep. It caused longer life, evidently.

[Gemini]

No, I was saying woe to Jose.

[John Holmberg]

I have how many Jose?

[Gemini]

2.5 million in Mexico.

[John Holmberg]

Just in Mexico.

[Gemini]

Approximately 3.16% of the population.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm guessing that number's going down.

[Gemini]

Well, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Suddenly there's 2.2, 2.122, 1.9 million. Oh my God. They're just flooding. So now how many Joses are here?

[Gemini]

Oh, they're not here. They're getting sent back.

[John Holmberg]

Not anymore. They're here. Not anymore. That's right, Brad. We got him. That's right. Look at that number grow down there with the Jose factories flying high. Look at them. There used to be 2 million Joses. Now there's three down in Mexico. And suddenly our numbers are dropping. There's. I bet you there's. I bet you there's 2 million Joses in Texas.

[Gemini]

The number one name in Mexico is Santiago.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Gemini]

And then Mateo.

[John Holmberg]

Is that the Braden of Mexico? Could be Mateo. That's just Matt. Yeah. Let's get the Joses together. I think we can do this. Everybody go to the Home Depot today and gather as many Joses as you can. We're breaking the record. And I bet you that mosque in Tempe or that one down there off the i10 just drive by there and go Muhammad. And have all 8,000 people. Yes. And then you broke the record. Congratulations, boys.

[Brady Bogan]

Doctors have developed special eye drops for people with long sightedness that could replace the need for reading glasses or surgery.

[Gemini]

Long sided, isn't it?

[John Holmberg]

Farsighted. That's what I thought.

[Brady Bogan]

No, they're saying long side.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're saying it. You got to stop saying that.

[Brady Bogan]

You wouldn't have these. You wouldn't have to be constantly lubricating your eyes or even dropping the solution right before reading. You use it twice a day. Say one when you hit your first drops, it can last up to 10 hours.

[John Holmberg]

So do you know what long sightedness is?

[Brady Bogan]

Is reading things up close?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm asking you. I don't know. You're the one. This is the first time I'm here.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like instead of you won't need reading glasses, basically, readers put the eye drops in and you have it on. They last for 10 hours and hit it again.

[John Holmberg]

So it's like glasses, drops. Yeah, but what the hell is long sightedness?

[Brady Bogan]

Go ahead. Richard knows.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have an answer?

[Gemini]

Long sightedness, also known as hyperopia or farsightedness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's.

[Gemini]

FAR is a common refractive error where the eye focuses light behind the retina instead of directly on.

[John Holmberg]

Why are we changing the name of that? It's always been far, near and far.

[Gemini]

Third vision for close objects. Eye strain and fatigue, headaches and difficulty focusing on screens or small print.

[John Holmberg]

I learned it from Grover. Near, far, near. He didn't say near and long.

[Gemini]

Nope.

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers at the Ohio State.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because short sightedness is a personality problem.

[Gemini]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So long and short.

[Gemini]

See what you're saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Gemini]

Long.

[John Holmberg]

You're short sighted.

[Gemini]

The opposite of that. Or you're hopeful.

[John Holmberg]

We're hopeful. You're caring. Hopeful and giving. We're. Short sightedness is like you just don't have time for it. That's all BS is what I think. So short sight. All right. I guess that's a new thing.

[Gemini]

Where's that ICE facility, John? They've said.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true. Alligator Alley Prison or whatever they call that place. Yeah, Alligator Alcatraz. They've got more Joses and Muhammad's in there than we can down there in Guantanamo Bay. I bet you we got over 2300 Muhammad's in there still.

[Gemini]

I thought there was only like 40 people.

[John Holmberg]

One point.

[Gemini]

Oh, yeah, check the ledger.

[John Holmberg]

We've broken this record accidentally several times now. Chads. We've broken the record of chads in one place every time the cowboys play.

[Brady Bogan]

Some dude was in Lake Buena Vista in Florida, put on some scuba gear, swam up to the Paddlefish restaurant at Disneyland. Or not Disneyland. Disney World. Took off the scuba gear. It was at 10 o' clock at night and basically robbed the place. Got about between 10 and 20 thousand.

[John Holmberg]

Dollars in scuba gear.

[Brady Bogan]

Took the gear off, went in the restaurant, put the staff up against the side and the managers as they were, you know, basically figuring out what they made for the night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Gemini]

Then he had took all the cash.

[Brady Bogan]

Put the gear back on and left in the water.

[Gemini]

It takes a while to get on scuba gear.

[John Holmberg]

He had time to put a wetsuit back on.

[Brady Bogan]

Some people are like, this could be an inside job. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The guy put a scuba. Now wait a minute. Did he have the full suit or just the tank? Probably you could strap the tank.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, it says scuba gear.

[John Holmberg]

That could just be the tank.

[Brady Bogan]

The breather manager's office. So that's what I'm thinking because if.

[John Holmberg]

He had the full like box, I wouldn't do the.

[Gemini]

Where was it he'd leave the bodysuit.

[Brady Bogan]

On in Buena Vista Lake. The Disney World.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, the water's warmer.

[Brady Bogan]

Paddlefish is that riverboat restaurant they have there.

[John Holmberg]

Water's warm enough that he could swim. And just a pair of trunks with the scuba gear on. He didn't need the full legs. Yeah, I had to wear the full suit in Australia. Took forever to slide that thing. Worse still, it took forever to come off.

[Brady Bogan]

You'd want some flippers.

[John Holmberg]

Definitely, but those are easy slip ons. You pop those right on. Seems like a lot though. He didn't get away either. So it wasn't a good idea.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, he got away.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, but they caught him. Nope, he's still on the lamp. Figured they'd catch him. That's in the news. That would. So we're looking for a guy in a scuba suit, recently committed some money.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you scuba dive? I do. Do you love Disney World? That too. It's your new Lamborghini outside. It is. I think you did it.

[Gemini]

20 grand in a Lambo.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Maybe not a brightest first one.

[Gemini]

Maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe he's done four or five of these.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna quick. Wild America. America Wild America. Hello, my friends.

[John Holmberg]

Jeez.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady Bogan with your Wild America and Land o Lakes Florida.

[John Holmberg]

Danny Wright Butter. It's where the butter's made.

[Brady Bogan]

She and her four month old shih tzu Dax were walking along stagnant creek behind her house when a five foot gator struck. Grabbed a hold of Dax's collar, got where his air tag was and clamped it and started trying to pull him back in the water. She punched the gator?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's a Florida girl.

[Brady Bogan]

And it released.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it released all over her.

[John Holmberg]

My God. I didn't know that's how you did that with gators.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, they punch him in the right spot.

[John Holmberg]

I guess so.

[Brady Bogan]

So the dog Dax survived no injuries.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't a stagnant creek just a puddle?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm thinking it's like a Swiss or a swamp. Yeah, kind of. I did see the interview with her. She lives in the back of the house.

[John Holmberg]

It was the dump. She lives in a swamp. Well, no wonder you take her little shih tzu and a walk in a swamp. Odds are pretty good that you're gonna get it eaten.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your Wild America.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It looks like Tick tock might survive after all the deadline.

[Gemini]

Always gonna survive.

[John Holmberg]

It's too big a deal. Not to.

[Brady Bogan]

The deadline for its parent company in China to sell to someone in the US was this Friday. But the White House announced the framework of the deal is in place. So it looks like it's going to happen. Insiders think Oracle founder Larry Ellison.

[John Holmberg]

No, he bought him. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Might be involved in this, but it's been pushed back two or three times.

[John Holmberg]

So people making good points about a Muhammad meetup. Maybe not the best idea because they'd have to fly in and a lot of airports clog up traffic. We've got too many Muhammad's flying to one place raises some flags. Here in the States people don't like to say that, but if you had a load of Muhammad.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's go up to Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

The Dearborn probably has a pretty good deal, but then again, decent band name. Load of Muhammad's pretty good band name. Not bad.

[Gemini]

I like that one.

[John Holmberg]

But if you like all of a sudden had, you know, like 30 Muhammad's leaving Dallas on the same day and Denver.

[Gemini]

And if you got on that Southwest flight.

[John Holmberg]

Well, first off, like not going to Detroit. Second, if I'm going to Detroit and the whole place is loaded with Muhammad's, I ain't getting on that plane. You call me a bigot all you want. I'm Alive.

[Gemini]

At least you'd see it at the gate.

[John Holmberg]

And I would immediately smell it before you seen it. All right, all right. He's not wrong. They eat a different type of food. They smell us, too, in fairness. Well, no, they're. That's a different group. That's all over there. More goat? It is a sweatier culture. They smell us, though. They taught me that in Australia. Yeah, you were saying that Americans stink anyway. Yeah, you can call me a bigot. You'd be wrong. He's one.

[Gemini]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa, whoa. I get on a plane to go someplace in the States and there's more than nine people named Muhammad on my flight. I ain't getting on it. Are you?

[Gemini]

Oh, yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course.

[Brady Bogan]

You meet new Muhammad strangers.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. What are you guys up to? Michaelakaha.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's With a Stranger Day.

[John Holmberg]

Please don't talk to me on the plane if it's driving me crazy. You're not gonna do anything here, are you, Moe? What?

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, Mo.

[John Holmberg]

I see.

[Gemini]

Oh, that's it.

[Brady Bogan]

Piss him off as soon as you meet him.

[John Holmberg]

Good. He just reads Jihadist Today the whole time. Holmberg's morning sickness just puts it right. He says magazine up over his face. What you read in there? Jai Hat. Jai Hatties today. Yes, I am having a book. I am very interested in the articles. Please, this guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Leave me alone, old woman.

[John Holmberg]

Nice sandals. Yes. They remind me of Jesus. Don't start that.

[Gemini]

Let me tell you about my Lord.

[Brady Bogan]

Did I get you some honey and locusts?

[John Holmberg]

Are you familiar with my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ? Quite. Quite familiar with him. Not a big fan. Suddenly I am Triumph.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a woman in California. She's fighting the DMV because they're trying to take the personalized license plate she's had for the past three years. It says, I am Isis.

[John Holmberg]

Is that her name?

[Brady Bogan]

Her name is Isis.

[John Holmberg]

She's allowed.

[Brady Bogan]

Isis, Warden, is her name. She applied for the plate in 2022.

[John Holmberg]

That's unfortunate.

[Brady Bogan]

DMV approved it. But now they've come back three years later to say she can't have it anymore.

[Gemini]

Brady might be the only one that would keep that one since he wouldn't denounce Isis.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. There's some good ones.

[Brady Bogan]

She says her parents named her after Isis, the Egyptian goddess of motherhood.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they got that. Got ruined. Adolf used to be a good name, too. But.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm proud of my name.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not a lot of people can be called that. Orenthal. Also probably off the list. A lot of People not doing that. Adolf. Isis. I don't know what Al Qaeda used to do. That used to be a name before. What was that company that was called? Isis something or other. And they hung on for dear life for a long time. And then they finally. They changed the spelling once. We'll do it this way no one will notice.

[Gemini]

Like you always bring up aids.

[John Holmberg]

AIDS used to be a weight loss truck. Yep.

[Gemini]

It was a Y ds, right?

[John Holmberg]

I think so. But they were smart enough to just go, we lost this bat.

[Gemini]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Last thing we.

[Gemini]

Time to reformulate.

[John Holmberg]

There's another aids. And you lose weight even faster on that. Unless you're magic.

[Brady Bogan]

Got some pretty videos.

[Gemini]

Or Charlie Sheen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's way late, though. He looks good.

[Brady Bogan]

First one.

[John Holmberg]

There we go.

[Brady Bogan]

Belly flower.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. A guy just jumped out of a tree into a terrible river swim.

[Gemini]

I don't see two heads popping up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. He. Another guy popped out of the water while he was in the air. And he landed on the guy with the red shirt.

[Gemini]

Didn't. Didn't pop back.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. The guy that jumped in or the red shorts.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. How do you know who pops up?

[Brady Bogan]

The guy in the gray.

[John Holmberg]

I can't tell. Oh, man. The dude jumping out of a tree onto another guy he didn't know was there. And his head pops up right before he belly flop lands. And that's. Oof.

[Brady Bogan]

Now let's take a look at the cow races here in India. I don't know what festival this is, but this guy gets the brunt of it.

[John Holmberg]

There's yellow. They're painted all the cows bright yellow. And they're dragging some carts through India.

[Gemini]

Dragged by all of them.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, this place is full.

[Brady Bogan]

What a weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. Wow. Wow. This place. You know, there's too many Indians. Look at that.

[Gemini]

There's too many Patels.

[John Holmberg]

There's a million people to watch yellow cows just trample one single guy. Oh, my God. It never ends. 15, 16 bright yellow cows. And they won't eat those, right? I mean each other. There are so many people at this. And they, you know, if they all just grabbed hold of a broom and some whatever makes asphalt, they can make their roads not dirt anymore. There's enough of them to get that done.

[Brady Bogan]

The next one. Don't play the audio.

[John Holmberg]

You know where I don't ever want to go? I don't ever want to go to the Indian Home Depot paint department. What is a deal with their color combination?

[Brady Bogan]

So bright.

[John Holmberg]

It is just Mexicans look at that and go. That's too much. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the guy basically telling the other guys to stay off my porch.

[John Holmberg]

Two guys without their shirts.

[Brady Bogan]

He convinces them.

[John Holmberg]

On a porch. Yeah. One's on the phone and the other one is not.

[Gemini]

Careful with the audio.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not in playing it. One dude in jeans without a shirt and another guy in shorts always got a baseball bat. Shouldn't walk towards a guy mad at you with a baseball bat when you have. You have nothing. Oh, my God. He hits him square in the head. I don't know how he didn't see. And just keeps on his phone call, too. He's drunk, right? Because the dude pulls the bat. Yeah. I'm way behind his head. That's. You should have been able to stop that. He doesn't move and gets hit square in the face with a baseball bat. It looks like John Kruck raising that bat up, swinging it around his head and stuff, man. All right. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Next one's a little gas leak.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Are we back in India? It looks like we're by the floor pattern. That color scheme they've got over there is brutal. One Indian goes into a room, another one follows him, neither wearing shoes.

[Brady Bogan]

Something's happened.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Then it's just the room explodes for no reason.

[Gemini]

He comes out.

[Brady Bogan]

He comes out and takes off.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. He didn't even help the guy who got blown out of the doorway. He's dead. And the other guy just ran away himself. There's a lot of them. He probably looked at him and said, there are so many others out there.

[Brady Bogan]

This guy survived.

[John Holmberg]

I'll find another Muhammad. I will find another friend that looks just like you.

[Brady Bogan]

The fire flash just went by him inside.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what this time that first dude gets blown up and the other little guy comes out and goes, I'm going to go be a doctor in America. I'm getting the hell out of here. Don't leave me, Patel. Don't leave me. Thank you for calling Discover Cat. You are late on your payments. Kevin's running down the hall. My name is Kevin. I live in Phoenix. The hell's going on at Discover Cart? It's just a loud day here today.

[Brady Bogan]

Brent, I need your help.

[John Holmberg]

The only gas line in the entire country is blowing up. How was your day? I just lost a friend. I'm so sorry to hear that. Don't worry about it. I'll go outside and find five more just like him.

[Brady Bogan]

The last one's a. A girl that has a little trouble at the pep rally. She's part of the band.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Her panties just Fell off.

[Brady Bogan]

She just fell down. But she kept. The show must go on.

[John Holmberg]

She's got the batons. Oh, she thinks. She thinks about picking them up. How did the fat girl's underwear come off? All that elastic is just stretched. Elastic would get just qu. Her underwear didn't fall off as much as it did go on strike. Like raising canes before she went to band practice. By the way, that's the only time in high school anybody got her underwear off. Nobody was trying. Holy smokes. Do the girls who twirl the batons and wear the. They wear the fezes know that they're a laughingstock or. Yeah. What's the purpose of baton work in high school.

[Gemini]

Flag team? John? It's the spirit team.

[John Holmberg]

They don't have flags. They've got batons. And you know what I think? They don't march enough. That's obvious. They're certainly not marching past a Wendy's. That's positive.

[Gemini]

Well, they're only marching in the. On the basketball court. That's not enough steps.

[John Holmberg]

You could take that girl's underwear and fumigate a house.

[Brady Bogan]

The comments are encouraged.

[John Holmberg]

You're brilliant.

[Brady Bogan]

You handle it beautifully. She's so brave to continue brave.

[John Holmberg]

Need to zip tie them up there next time because the elastic just.

[Brady Bogan]

They're so glad she decided not to.

[John Holmberg]

Suspenders for his Chevy. No one reacted either. It's like, ugh, I'm not touching that. Not one of her friends used one of those batons to lift it back up for her. Also focused on getting through this routine.

[Gemini]

That would have been a skill if she could have bent down.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're professional baton twirlers.

[Gemini]

Get it back up with the baton.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not seeing a whole lot of impressiveness with the batons either. Stuff I could learn right now. There isn't a single move in this routine that I couldn't pick up today.

[Brady Bogan]

Three minutes. She could have that routine down.

[Gemini]

Three.

[John Holmberg]

Three. I've got it already. I've watched it for one. I haven't even. I don't even know where to buy a baton. Where do you buy batons?

[Gemini]

Great question. I have no idea.

[John Holmberg]

Before the Internet.

[Gemini]

Milano's doesn't sell those, but they sell on Amazon. I'm sure.

[John Holmberg]

The good thing about. Here's one good thing about this. If you ever went baton shopping with your daughter, you never have to worry about teen pregnancy. That's a fact. Because if she's on the baton team.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Especially if the drawers falling down like that. She's not Getting pregnant and her underwear doesn't even want to be close to it. I'm sorry to all the girls out there listening who are on the baton team, but you were hilarious. Yeah, rhythm as a dancer is a great version of that, too. Yeah, real relevant nowadays, too. Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

What are you playing that for?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I make a mistake? I apologize. My apologies, guys. I just thought I saw a hippo with batons. All right, here's it. Here's. Here's how you know you're never getting laid in high school. Here's your fez. And your ringmaster's jacket and baton. Thanks. This is your celibacy kit. Here's your zip ties. Keep your chonies. Where's your zip ties because your underwear is gonna quit. Why do you say that? Trust me, I've been doing this for a long time.

[Gemini]

What kind of baton would you like, John?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I know the Internet would sell me batons, but where did you used to have to slink in with no pride and buy a baton for your daughter?

[Brady Bogan]

Bag, too.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean?

[Brady Bogan]

You don't have to just carry your baton around, put it in a bag like a pool.

[Gemini]

Are you guessing?

[Brady Bogan]

No, I just looked up on.

[John Holmberg]

A baton tote. That's horrible. That means you're a virgin for life. You're never. Just end it. This is how sad it is when you're a baton twirler for high school. As you're probably fat, that's for sure. And even the black guys won't bang you. I mean, this is how bad batons are for your sex life on the morning sickness. Bloomberg's morning sickness. And you also notice there are never any people of color in the baton team. It's always the big white girls the HBCUs have. HBCUs don't do what I just watched. Oh, they don't do that. They put on a shit. Yeah, this. Are they giving scholarships away for that?

[Gemini]

Yeah, I think so.

[John Holmberg]

You can.

[Gemini]

I think NAU has a marching band that has a couple of. Come on, knock it off, Spirit team members.

[John Holmberg]

Quit it. Cancel that. If tuition is 40 grand for an out of state person to come here and some of that goes to the baton team, I can cut back on some stuff. That's not fair. You're not going anywhere with this. There's never been a professional baton twirler at the Phoenix arena performing before Nine Inch Nails. It's not a thing. You think Dan would have took a day off work to go see Your sister doing baton work? No, no, because my sister wouldn't have done it. I got to give her credit for that. She at least knew that was for the girls who were. Well, she was not one of those gonna get laid. That's pathetic. Sorry about all that. But if you've got a baton twirling daughter, all I suggest is that you take that from her and get her some social skills.

[Gemini]

Gemini could have put these in alphabetical order, but it says the top three. Three schools for baton twirling scholarships are University, Alabama, Auburn University, and the University of Arizona. They offer scholarships for majorettes and feature twirlers as part of their marching band programs.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Gemini]

Additional organizations like aau, Baton Twirling Alcoholics, Twirling Unlimited also provide scholarship Twirling Unlimited.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm getting Kirby about.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't do it. Well, she'll stay a virgin. That'll keep you happy. She'll never, ever, ever have to worry about. You'll never see a boy in the house ever. You're gonna see a lot of Wendy's wrappers, some Frosty cups, but you're never gonna see because she's gonna eat away her pain. And that she might experiment with another big baton twirler.

[Gemini]

And some of these scholarships may not be full ride.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing about the girls are full ride. Nobody's getting rid. There will be no riding on that at all. The flag girls and the baton girls and God forbid you have a baton boy, though.

[Brady Bogan]

My God, it's increasing.

[John Holmberg]

Baton boys willing to walk out onto the football field, twirl.

[Gemini]

Mountain View had two, I believe, baton boys. At least one, I think. Yeah, wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

He's a soft fella. He's a fancy. He's a fancy lad.

[Gemini]

When Chris was drum major, I believe there was one. Yeah, there was a couple. Couple of boys on the spirit squad. And I think one of them was. Was a twirler.

[John Holmberg]

They had a fancy lad in the spirit squad.

[Gemini]

He was definitely fancy.

[John Holmberg]

What was the uniform? Because, Dobson, you didn't go to Dodge.

[Gemini]

We had spandex, usually of some kind. The girls were like sparkly spandex, like.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of glitter. But it was a lot of COVID up too.

[Gemini]

But, yeah, the face glitter was a lot. I don't remember if the. If the gentleman had face glitter.

[John Holmberg]

Like, if a girl told you that, it's like you were on a first date with somebody. And like, I used to be a baton twirler in high school. You'd be like, oh, my God, how much you've Lost so much weight. How did you know? Oh, come on. Otherwise you'd have been a cheerleader giving big girls something to do since 1947.

[Gemini]

John, why are you such a hater? Didn't your sister work some brown batons?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she works in batons, all right. Couldn't twirl them. They were peninsulas. They weren't really batons. All right, Brett, what do you got? All right. Sorry, but the baton thinks. Such a waste of time. Start off with some ear action. Oh, we're in somebody's ear with a little baby ear. I have one of these cameras, by the way. There's gonna be. Oh, she got ticks in her ears. Oh, is that eggs? How's that happen? Yeah, that looks otherwise, that ear. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

They're just pulling it out because it sucks so much.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. The thing is, it's full. It's got a belly packed full. And they're using little tiny, like, tweezers inside the ear.

[Gemini]

The rest of them fell down further in.

[John Holmberg]

Won't let go.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I think that's tick poop.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. Oh, it's just feeding on the inner ear. I can't look at this much longer.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotta get that head out of there.

[John Holmberg]

Pull it out. Oh, Lord. Oh, man. How did you know you had it? It had to be driving you crazy. Hearing. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Might block some of the hearing.

[John Holmberg]

While that was block, all you'd hear is the sucking sound. Here's one of the. Be like being outside my sister's bedroom. Here's a video of the baton. Guys nowadays. The dude with huge cans, that's a woman.

[Gemini]

Is it a eunuch?

[Brady Bogan]

That's a dude. That's a mustache.

[John Holmberg]

Where's the penis, Brady? It's a man's head.

[Brady Bogan]

There's something weird about.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it's just gone.

[Gemini]

He's a eunuch.

[John Holmberg]

He stuffed it up inside. I don't know what this is.

[Gemini]

You think he stuffed it all the way in? I think it's called.

[Brady Bogan]

I think that's.

[John Holmberg]

I. He's got implanted breasts and it's a bad job. It's like makeup days in Job. No. And then he's had liposuction or something to where the stomach fat is gone, but the skin is still there. And then he's fiddling his little tiny dot. That's not a. Oh, now he's taking a giant penis. Oh, no. He's putting inside his mangina. Oh, he's just working it, Brett. Why? I don't know. Oh, thank God. That's what in the world? Oh, my goodness. That's one of the weirder ones. Oh, yeah, that's saying something. All right, here's a lady with sagging breasts, and I mean, very sagging. She's not fat, but she's measuring them on a door frame like you do a kid's height. And she wrote 2018, and it's about a foot up where they used to be. Boy, those things are way there. That's pathetic. All right, here's a guy says, eating in the restaurant, he's got a pizza delivered. And the guy goes to put some cheese on top of his. Oh, and it cuts to a lady on the subway doing one of those foot shavings, and she has about a pound of parmesan on the bottom of the subway floor, and not a soul cares. New York. What is that called? That thing? That's a cheese grater for the back of your heels. I hated that when I was trying to, like, pedicures for, like, a month before I realized it's just legalized slavery they'd take. Have you ever done one? Yeah, and they shaved that thing in the back. And it tickled. I didn't like it. And the lady just kept gripping my toes. And she goes, he's so spy. You're so funny. I'm like, no, it's. It's ticklish. My feet are ticklish. So when they were going to town, I'm like, whoa. Oh, you calm down. I'm so ticklish. You have to stop. No. So much dead ski. Like, I don't care what you want me to do. Just paint my nails and get me out of here. I have to wash. Wash my feet, paint my nails, and send me on my way. I'm not into this. Chicks like it because they like legalized slaves. I'm not into this. I'm against slavery. I've taken that standard. I'm pretty strong with it. Most white women in Paradise Valley are not. If only I could have a foreigner with a thick accent wash my feet. That would make my day so relaxing. Any other time some Asian lady just grabs your feet and starts washing them, you wouldn't call it relaxing. But when you go, put them to work. How your day? It's good. Don't talk to me. Okay? Just wash a wash grub, a dub dub. All right. Is that it? You got one? Oh, we can do this one for no reason. No, no, no, it's not a monster. Just think of this next time you see your grandparents. Oh, it's Grandma. She's got her legs spl spread wide open. And she is just riding grandpa. Oh, she does have a fun haircut. She looks like Jane lynch and that corpse she's riding. Oh, God, she's opening her shirt. She's gonna open her grandma shirt. And there's a. Those are nice for grandma. Those are the granny cans.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my gosh.

[John Holmberg]

This is happening in hospices all over America.

[Gemini]

Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's reaching down to put that thing in there. Oh, yeah. Oh, it stopp right as she does the penetration. All right, we'll just end there.

[Brady Bogan]

Grandma is the best.

[John Holmberg]

Grandma is grinding on grind grandparents day, too. No, it's sit with a stranger.

[Gemini]

That was Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Or sit on a stranger day, evidently. You can stop scrubbing my feet now. What do you want me to do? I know you're talking about me. The petties. Can't wash your own feet anymore, you lazy, lazy woman. I like when a foreigner does it. That's horrible. Wash your own feet. It's better when they do it. Convinced. This was five years ago. Megan convinced me that they had specialized training with massage. And the dude I got because they were busy, just got done changing the lights on a ladder while I was waiting my turn. Then he came in my room like, he's gonna change the lights. Careful how you say that. Well, that. Yeah, he showed up in my room, hits his knees. That's right. Grabs my feet and starts washing. I'm like, aren't you the maintenance man? I'm the owner. You can do it all. And then he just starts squeezing my calf. And I'm like, he didn't go to school. You got the dude. Yeah. Oh, man. You painted my nails. Pick a cara. I did black, a gold. Oh, I see what you do here, Bumblebee. Painted my nails black and gold. That's right. I boom. I've go fix the plumbing. Okay, I'll wait here in my silk bath. Be right back after I prune's turret. And he came back and worked my feet for another few minutes. I hated it. Never going back. I can wash my own feet. There you go, everybody. That your Brady report? It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.