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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now.
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Brady
What the hell is wrong with you?
John Holmberg
And that's a Friday morning sign. This music starts and we're ready to go with the Guadalupe Squares thrillers here. Hey there, belly full of banana that I had to watch him eat. Why did you sit there?
Brett
That's the spotlight to sit in.
John Holmberg
No more. Okay? That's off limits to thriller, especially if you're gonna.
Shan
That is quite the sight line.
John Holmberg
Well, it is. I'm trying to look at Brady and, you know, just get an eyeball on him. And I got. And he's not eating it like a human cuz. Oh, come on. You had two hands on it. And okay, it's not that heavy. And he's slow working it in. And it would go in his mouth and it would take a second, then he'd bite a little Off. Yeah.
Shan
Two hands is a no. No on a banana.
Brett
Okay.
John Holmberg
Double handed banana. You're a man. You dangle it over your face and you bang it off your nose a couple of times.
Shan
So much better.
John Holmberg
Anyway, it was weird.
Brett
Okay, I'll take note of that for next.
John Holmberg
Are you a big banana eater?
Brett
Consistently?
John Holmberg
Yeah. Don't do it in front of me anymore. Okay. I can't explain the erection to the others and I'm wearing sweatpants today. Are you ready?
Brett
Yes.
John Holmberg
All right, ladies and gentlemen, here is the host of said Guadalupe Squares, Mr. Thriller Banana's wall.
Brett
Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin. Top of our square. Oh, the main show. Adam Corolla. Starting off.
John Holmberg
It's Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel. But Jimmy's not allowed on any FCC regulated broadcast. Yes. Effect. It's almost as if the FCC has decided to say we're done with normal people and we're going to move on to just a bunch of Thrillers eating bananas for entertainment on the air. And that'll be. Actually, I think that's the most grotesque thing I've ever been a part of. Banana jocks. Banana jocks. I don't want to listen to the. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what. That's what Thriller told me. His radio name is Johnny Come, and he wants to be bananas, and I don't think you can even say it, but that's what he likes to eat. I don't. I don't. I'm not comfortable on anything but a podcast because matter of time before you guys get leaned out of here and don't come calling to me, you'll end up over there on Thriller's Nobody Listens station. That's the safest place to work in radio right now.
Brett
All right, then we won't bother you there, man. Let's hop on over now in Tomodo Square on Kamala Harris. What are you doing?
Val
I'm on a book tour. I'm on my book tour right now.
John Holmberg
You're telling everything. You're on a baton.
Val
I'm on a book tour. I didn't hire the gay excerpt in my book. I didn't want Tim Walls. I wanted Pete Buttigieg, but I didn't.
John Holmberg
It's.
Val
I tell you, looking forward and looking back are two things that I wish I'd have done better.
Brett
What's that?
Val
What I said.
Shan
So you're a divider, not a uniter.
Val
I am a person afraid of gay. I'm gay and I'm a person who was gonna go with Pete, but he's too gay. I'm a black woman. He's a gay man. So I went with.
Brett
Didn't you hear?
Shan
He's not gay.
Val
He's not. And that changes everything. Also, Joe Biden shouldn't have done nothing. I wanna bring back the dodo.
John Holmberg
The what? The what? The dodo bird.
Val
The dodo bird. Uh huh. Okay, listen, how are you gonna do that? Can you imagine had I won president this every week? I don't either.
Shan
You're a bit like a female Shannon Shark.
Val
Listen, that's my attractive laugh. I was asking America to elect a black woman with a gay vice president. And I'm married to a Jewish white man. The south would have risen again.
John Holmberg
Well, some would say they did.
Val
So in hindsight, even though it's crazy, I think you made the right choice because at least we still have Atlanta.
Brett
Speaking of that choice now, Tom Brisbane, President Trump, here I am.
John Holmberg
The right choice. You heard it here from the crazy lady over there. There. That the word salad had continued on. And you know, I'm not a word salad guy. Thriller. I get, I say the sentences I make. All are good. Yes, that's what I say. Good grammar. I'm good at grammar. People say it all the time. He's good grammar. That guy's good. Good words. He puts out those. That's what they say. And I'm flying all over the place. Quiet down. I'll have the FCC knock you on your ass. Neck suspended. Then Seth Meyers and those cows on the View. I've got it lined up. The list is ready. I'm like Santa Claus or Schindler, I don't know which. But I've got a list and I'm knocking them off one at a time.
Shan
What if they let you host snl?
John Holmberg
I would host again and I would go out there and I'd be like, this sketch is bad. Fired. Fired. And by the end of the show it would be over. You don't want me there, that's for sure. Brady, I'm looking at you. You're safe. I think we're okay here. I think your Brady's going to be all right. Thriller, I'm not sure about you. I'm going to have to get rid of most of kdkb. Pretty sure their agenda is not good for the community. Pretty sure they're doing is threatening to everyone who doesn't eat bananas with other men in the room. That's all. Yeah, Kind of a weird thing, but yep. FCC is looking for you fat cows. The View. And I know a Lot of people are smiling because that's what is probably going to happen. And I don't think anybody would be really too mad about the whole freedom of speech thing if we shut those broads up. Brett. That's what I'm saying. I know. I got a. I knew I had a guy. I knew I had a guy. A guy in the room. Thank you, Brett.
Brett
You always have an ins.
John Holmberg
Always have a Brett. Always got you, bro. There's always a Brett in every group. There's always a Brett who fight for the freedom of speech. Unless it's a bunch of cows.
Brett
All right, now over to the Middle east where Jimmy Fallon. How are you feeling, man?
Brady
I'm feeling great. Oh, my God. The president is here. The president is here.
John Holmberg
Happy birthday.
Brady
Oh, my God. It's my birthday, too. I'm 51 years old. Please don't fire me on my birthday. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Tonight we're gonna have all the Republicans from the House.
Brett
Okay.
Brady
And we're just gonna give them gifts. It's gonn. Wait. I don't want my show to go away. And we're gonna have a tribute to Ronald Reagan and we're gonna have George Bush. You just do it all. We're gonna have everybody on this show. Tonight's show is gonna paint everything. We're gonna paint the town red.
John Holmberg
I like this new Jimmy Fallon. This is good.
Brady
We're gonna have you on too, sir. It's gonna be amazing.
John Holmberg
What about Blake Shelton?
Brady
Okay, if you say so. Why don't you just book the guest, sir?
John Holmberg
I like the idea. I'll book all the guests tonight. Tammy, Lauren, Sean Hannity and Will Kane on the Jim Talentless man program. That's what we call that.
Brady
Whatever you say, sir. Talentless man.
John Holmberg
That's it.
Brady
Oh, my God. Brett, did you see what?
John Holmberg
What? What?
Brady
Last week Flo died. Nobody was talking about Flo from Alice.
John Holmberg
It's a national tragedy, Flo's death. And we're going to have a big. We're going to mention it at the vigil on Sunday. The loss of f holiday. People forgot.
Shan
But staff next week.
John Holmberg
Yes, Jimmy. We're going to bring something on. I think Jimmy's going to leave. We got Gutfeld and then we got Gutless. We call him Jimmy.
Brady
Oh, my God. That's such a good joke, sir. What a great. Do you want to be a head writer on a Tonight Show?
John Holmberg
Only if they bring back Carson.
Brady
Let's do it.
John Holmberg
I'll do Carson the entire show, sir. Now we're cooking Birthday toast.
Brady
Happy birthday. A birthday toast to me. I drink the whole bottle. Toast. Hey, that's so funny.
John Holmberg
Salute, Jimmy.
Brady
It's so good. Okay, that's great. Okay.
Brett
Yeah. You just get home safe. Now. Let's hop on over to the middle square. We have extinction expert Brady. What's going on?
Brady
Do you have any animals that you're.
John Holmberg
A f of my dog.
Brady
Well, that have gone. You didn't let me finish. Oh, you're just like my wife. I never get to finish.
John Holmberg
There. Brady.
Brady
Good stuff.
John Holmberg
Kind of racy. Brady. A little racy, a little blue. I liked it. I liked it. But we're very close to canceling. Brady. I. Very close. Keep it up.
Brady
Anyway, name an animal that's extinct and I'll tell you where they used to live and what they weighed.
Brett
Let's say Taiwanese Red Panda.
Brady
Specific, but yeah, I don't know where it's from or what color it is or where it lived. Hmm.
Brett
Are you sure?
Brady
Isn't that a nickname for the Indian?
Brett
No, no, no, no.
Brady
I think that's it.
John Holmberg
The first chats are over.
Brady
I thought that was. What do you call a drunk Taiwanese red panda? An Apache. I don't know if that's correct or not. I am an expert on extinct animals and there are plenty of Indians. I see them every time I go down the 101.
Brett
Ah, stop in.
Brady
You know, we brought back the. The US Brought back the buffalo.
Brett
Oh, really?
Brady
Yeah, it was extinct for a while, but go to a Walmart, you'll see there's beasts all over the place. And watch the View.
John Holmberg
Brady are on. Brady gets a raise. FCC chairman. Brendan, go give him a raise. That's what we're looking for in broadcasting. Right there.
Brett
Well, you are the expert now, but let's hop on over Middlebrand Square. James Gandolfini. How you doing, sir?
John Holmberg
You're pretty good. It's my birthday. You didn't mention it was my birthday. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. You know what?
Val
Hey, Brett.
John Holmberg
Hey, how you doing? I can't believe you're still here. You haven't heard your journey song yet, have you? No, no. Eventually. I think it's coming. It's right around the corner there. Kid, don't worry it about keep it up, you're gonna have some fat broads standing there taking a poke at you. Eventually. You never thought you'd nail one, but one's about to nail you. You keep it up with that stuff. Anyway, happy birthday to me. Yeah, let's go to the Bada Bing. I would love to go to the Bada Bing. Why don't we get out of here right now? Go take a look at the Bada Bing. Let's take it in the back. That's where Vito did. Hey, he's got a family.
Brett
Top on now. Bottomless square. Britney's secret square. Give us a hint. Hi, everybody.
John Holmberg
What? It's been a while since you heard from me. I'm a lead singer for the Mamas and the papas. I would have been 84 years old today, but I didn't choke on a chicken. It's a girl. I died in my sleep. She leads. All fat people think that this woman didn't choke on a ham sandwich, but because they want to believe that that's not possible. Ham would never do that.
Brett
Don't get me wrong.
John Holmberg
I was at a brunch earlier that day. You were eating ham in your sleep and choked on it. And people want to say she. All big people want to say she died. Yeah, that's right. No, you don't.
Shan
Don't eat lying on your back.
John Holmberg
Is that. Just don't eat that much. You're going to chok. Ham kills.
Brett
All right, now, over to the bottom of the square, Pat Mahomes.
John Holmberg
We got a game this weekend. We got a big game this week. Owen 2. We gotta get better than that. And I think maybe I have to have a better lucky song.
Brett
Okay.
John Holmberg
We gotta start wishing on prayers and having things like that happen. So I figured I'd. I'd have a better song for y' all this week now, you know. You know, the Kansas City Chiefs being on, too, it's shocking to everybody. But I'm pretty sure this will fix it. Patrick Mahomes. Gotta have good game plan this weekend. Get the ball. Travis Kelce and that Pacheco character, I like him a lot as well.
Brett
Xavier Worthy's back.
John Holmberg
Xavier Worthy's back. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? What's on the other side, Andy?
Brady
Brie.
John Holmberg
Take it away.
Brady
Rainbows or nuggies?
John Holmberg
But only nuggies. Rainbow. They're not nuggies, Andy. This is why we're distracted knowing too right now. Come on, everybody. So we've been told that the Chiefs are gonna lose it, but I think we're just getting started. Who do we play this weekend? Someday we'll find it. Oh, Detroit, the end zone. Oh, we're gonna lose that one. All right. Never mind. I didn't know that we had that tough a game this week. We're 0 and 3.
Brett
I've heard some folks say 2 and 6 halfway through.
John Holmberg
It doesn't look good. I don't like that. We need another song for Patrick over.
Brett
Now the bottom right square are looking. Lord and savior. Tripp Reeb.
John Holmberg
Hello, sir. Keep it down. Jeez.
Shan
What's happening?
Brett
What are you doing?
John Holmberg
FCC is listening today and they're messing around, man. They're coming at you. I'm not a big fan of this. I don't like what happened to Jimmy, okay? But I worked with Jimmy Kimmel at Krock for 12 years. So Kimmel.
Brett
Was he funny for you?
John Holmberg
No, he was never nice to me. Screw that guy. But I still don't like what happened happen except for it happened to Jimmy. So I'm torn. Yeah. It would be like if, I don't know, they fired Larry. Oh, that would be awful. Bye, Larry. This is a tragedy. No, I love Larry when he's walking away. That's what the KDKB guys.
Brett
Yeah. Are you staring?
John Holmberg
That's what they all say. They like Larry. From a distance. From behind. Yeah. Morning sickness Magnetic upd.
Shan
Holmberg's Morning Sickness podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Back to school. Workplace upheaval. Relationship stress. Deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Toluto from Holmberg's morning sickness for BetterHelp. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me a way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. With Better Help, you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button and switch therapists anytime to help you fit therapy into your life where it's best. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a broad array of expertise. So give yourself a helping hand and talk it out. With Better Help, morning sickness listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com homebirth that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Holmberg.
John Holmberg
Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Get on with it.
Brett
We lost our girl.
John Holmberg
What? So we can go blind? Somebody else. All right. Go blind and get it. Get them on there. Jumped out. Our phone's dumping everybody. I don't know.
Brett
Lenny's here.
John Holmberg
Lenny, are you there?
Brett
I'm here.
John Holmberg
I'm here. Lenny's here. Let's see who this is. Hello? Who's this?
Lori
Hi, my name is Lori.
John Holmberg
Lori. Is it the same one? Oh, Lori's back. All right, Lori's a girl. Lori, you've got. You've lucked out. And you get to play. Brett's taking his headphones off because. Lori, Brett's had it with you. What did you do to Brett? Other than this? Several times. Laurie. Oh.
Lori
Oh, hi.
John Holmberg
Oh, for God's sakes. This is why Brett's all right. Brett wasn't wrong. Woo. All right, keep it together, Laurie. Pick a square and don't be an idiot this time.
Lori
Okay, I'm picking the secret square.
Brett
Okay. Secret square. What is this?
John Holmberg
Give it a guess, doll.
Lori
Well, the answer is. The answer is. Mama Cass Elliott.
John Holmberg
Exactly.
Brett
Right.
John Holmberg
Now give me my ham sandwich.
Val
See?
John Holmberg
She's doing good, Brett.
Brett
Good start.
John Holmberg
That's not over yet.
Brett
Over to Lenny. Go ahead and make your choice. Actually, wait, no. What's the new name?
John Holmberg
Lenny. Lenny.
Brett
Lenny. Yes. Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, Lenny. My bad. I'll take extinction expert Brady.
John Holmberg
That's right.
Brady
An extinction expert Brady. You know, it just went extinct a couple weeks ago.
Brett
What's that?
Brady
My kidney.
John Holmberg
He's on one today. Bring it back.
Brady
I'm rolling Y to recreate that in a lab. Hey, how frustrating do you think it is for a guy with one kidney that I gotta read stories about bringing back the dodo bird before they figure out how to get me a new kidney? I do. You guys know about the Auricox Aurora Cox?
Brett
We don't share those.
John Holmberg
Aurora drip's not gonna like that.
Brady
It's extinct. Our cocks are extinct. That's what Ronnie tells me.
John Holmberg
Me.
Brady
So that's just one. No, she said that about.
Brett
When you're married. It's all ours.
Brady
Yeah, that's right. That's. There's all theirs.
Val
Trust me.
Brady
Talk to a lawyer. All right, go ahead.
Brett
All right, question for you here. Swearing at work will lead to increased productivity and communication.
John Holmberg
You better not do it, Brady. Swearing at work will get you kicked right off the air.
Brady
You guys heard about the pacifier pigeon?
John Holmberg
No, it's extinct.
Brady
It was the original swallow. It sucked and it swallowed. See what happens there?
John Holmberg
Bird of love.
Brady
The pacifier. Fireface is the bird of love. Swallow. That means that bird loves you. What was it?
John Holmberg
What?
Brett
No, it's a. Does swearing at work increase your productivity and communication? True or false?
Brady
Let's see.
John Holmberg
Fudge, poo. Nanny. No, you're not.
Brady
More productive Pooters.
Val
No, I got nothing.
Brady
I don't think that's. I Think that's false?
Brett
Alright, you're saying false now. Lenny, do you agree or disagree? I disagree.
Brady
Correct.
Brett
Oh, circle right there in the middle.
Lori
Okay, now my turn, right?
Brady
Yeah.
Lori
I'm gonna pick the. The upper, upper left hand corner.
Brett
Okay.
John Holmberg
Adam.
Brett
Carolla.
John Holmberg
That's the man show sans Jimmy Kimmel. Talentless knob. You should have never had him. How could you have a man show with Kimmel on it? I mean, clearly. You know what? I asked myself that quite a bit there, Thriller. How in the world am I friends with Jimmy Kimmel when we have such opposing viewpoints? And it's because he gives good handies. I guess that's where we'll go with that one. That's the only thing I got about Jimmy. He's not allowed on the show or on television anymore because of FCC violations. And that's, I guess, gonna be the fate of everyone soon. All right, go ahead there.
Brett
All right, question for you. If you get bitten by a Brazilian wandering spider, you'll get a four to five hour erection. True or false?
John Holmberg
Jimmy wouldn't that drink my man Gria. Cuz he thought it was of man. He thought that we were making it with our own seed. But it turned out he didn't know the meaning. He just saw the word man and he guzzled it. That's a great joke right there. I like that one about Jimmy Kimmel. Like I can suck it. That's what I say, suck it, Kimmel. You talentless tool. No ratings. That's why he's off. That's it. Not because of me. You get bitten by a Brazilian wandering spider, you get a four hour erection.
Brett
True or false?
John Holmberg
Wow. I wish I knew the answer to this from personal experience, but it's almost like having a prostitute. That won't finish you off though. Four hour erection. I'll say that's false. I think you're supposed to call a doctor or something.
Brett
All right, you're saying false now. Lori, do you agree or disagree with false?
Lori
I would say that I agree.
Brett
Incorrect. Then.
John Holmberg
Ed. Spider.
Brett
Oh no. So right now, Lenny, you can get the win here with trust. Trip. Come take a trip. All righty.
John Holmberg
Yeah, let's not go crazy. You know, I worked with Adam as well. Oh yeah? Yeah. He made me the highest paid part time employee in Los Angeles radio. Wow. That's right. You're welcome. A whopping saw. Buck an hour, $10. I got a Hamilton every hour I put in while he was out at Bel Air golfing with the leader of the Viet Cong or something. Talking to communist leaders and Taking all of my money. $10 an hour. I went to him, I said, how much do I generate? All I'm asking for is what's fair. And then he said, I don't know. Talk to my assistant. Unfortunately, his assistant was some lady he met in Vietnam. I wish I was making that up. I can't argue one fact. Always. That's just that they taught me that the art of the deal trip. Always have an assistant that speaks a crazy language that no one knows. And then he can just go golfing all day long. Biden did it. Biden couldn't even golf. He putt, putt. Horrible, horrible geek English. We had a teeter number two that could.
Val
Was that Val shot at me? Brett, is that a Kamala joke? Because I'm looking forward about looking back. Back to the center.
John Holmberg
She doesn't make any goddamn sense at all. I can't believe I voted for that, bro.
Brett
All right.
John Holmberg
Yeah, okay. Yes.
Brett
Neurotic and stressed people use a long.
John Holmberg
Come on.
Brett
All right. Neurotic and stressed people live longer on average.
John Holmberg
Neurotic, stressed people live longer. I would say that's probably not true.
Brett
Are you neurotic and stressed?
John Holmberg
No, I'm completely relaxed and I'm over a hundred. I'll say false.
Brett
All right, you're saying false. Now, Lenny, for the win here. Do you agree or disagree? I'll say. What did he say? That it's false. He said false.
John Holmberg
Take your time. Because the only thing that happens if you answer fast as Larry comes on.
Brett
I agree. Incorrect. Oh, X gets that square. Yes. Now, Lori, you could go for Pat Mahomes for the win.
Lori
I'm gonna take the middle bottom square.
Brett
Wonderful.
John Holmberg
That's me. Patrick Mahomes got her own little map. Three time champion. Am I All pretty much three time champion, but three week loser. If we're playing alliance this weekend doesn't look good for me. I think I'm gonna probably lose that game this week in the Lions and then we'll get going after that.
Brett
All right, well, question here for you before the big game on Sunday.
John Holmberg
Sorry, go ahead.
Brett
You use more of your mother's DNA in shaping who you are than your father's.
John Holmberg
Travis Swift's girlfriend roughed this for me. I don't like when Travis Swift's girlfriend stands next to my wife. Because then I realized I just got a Kansas City 5. I say that's probably true. I'm not sure.
Brett
Okay, you're saying true. Now, Lori, for the win here, do you agree or disagree with true?
Lori
I would say I agree Incorrect.
John Holmberg
Come on.
Brett
Okay, next one wins. Although if you want it. Kamala. Yeah, Lenny, you could go for Kamala. For the win here outright.
Val
I always choose Kamala.
John Holmberg
Yep.
Val
Yeah, right.
Brady
Good challenge, Lenny.
Val
Just like back in November.
Brett
All it took. November was more than every other option.
Val
Being November back when you chose Kamala. Okay.
Shan
Did you say anything?
Val
Sounds like I did. I said everything when I said what I said. And that was where we went with that. And how that happened was clear, not. Okay.
Brett
I got a question for you.
Val
Thanks for your vote, Toledo. It's good to know that you don't need word structure to have a president.
John Holmberg
And that's what he got. He got a president with great word structure. Structure words all day long. Some people say I build words better than I do buildings, and that's a lot.
Val
Okay, go ahead. Thriller. How do you voted for me? Thriller? If I was president, you'd be cured by.
Brett
I don't think that's.
Val
But now that I'm not, you aren't.
Brett
Okay. All right, question here for you. Men can take a pregnancy test to see if they have testicular cancer.
John Holmberg
True or false?
Val
Tim Wall says that men can have babies through their testicles, and that's why they need tampons. Doug has been pregnant three times. Doug doesn't take pregnancy tests. We're big abortionists.
Brett
Oh.
Val
I just get him knocked out. And then we just drill it out. Okay.
Brett
Like a burger chain. In and out.
Val
That's right. That's right.
John Holmberg
I told you she was into that. Montel ain't gonna like that.
Brady
No, he's not.
Val
Why does it ever have to go back to who I dated in the 90s? Okay, Brad, I had sex with Montel Williams, not Montel Jordan, who I thought it was for about a year. And when I brought up the song, he didn't know it. And I'm with the wrong Montel. So I started dating a Jewish man who probably owned the rights to Montel's publishing. And it's been lovely. No pain. Oh, I say that's probably true.
Brett
Okay, you're saying true.
Val
Okay.
Brett
All right. Now, Lenny, do you agree or disagree? I disagree.
John Holmberg
Incorrect.
Brett
But Lori gets the win.
Brady
Lori gets the win.
John Holmberg
Oh, Patrick, I screwed up. You're playing the Giants. This now we're gonna win that one. That's good. All right, well, Rainbow Connection worked. Then it's all more than an illusion.
Brett
It was the lion's soul.
John Holmberg
Right now. That was close. I thought we were playing the lion. Sorry, my bad. I've been practicing for the wrong squat. You know, Just raise it up a little bit.
Val
It's very similar to this girl here. I'm on the same voice.
Brett
Wait, is that his girlfriend talking or is that.
John Holmberg
No, my girlfriend. Sounds like a hillbilly. Yeah, she's from Kansas City. I met her. I thought Kansas City 9. And then Travis brought his girl around. I'm like, oops, Kansas City 5. She looked good in KC until Taylor shows up. Then you can see she kind of cross eyed. She got them bangs. Nobody fan of them bangs, Brady. Nobody likes those. You got bangs right now. You enjoy your tanless ring finger. It's not gonna stay that way for long. You gotta get that off. I got rid of mine a long time time ago. Yeah, you shouldn't. You look GR had bangs. It looked like Ralphie Wiggin from the census. I gotta go.
Brady
Hold on.
John Holmberg
He's gotta go. Get ready for them Giants.
Brett
Yeah, give it your all.
John Holmberg
All right. Another day in the books for you guys. The FCC won't crash down on you quite yet. Cuz I'm looking around the room and I don't see one fat annoying broad. And that's what I'm after right now. Is there anywhere in the building.
Brett
Don't think so.
John Holmberg
I'm not saying anything new.
Shan
Don't go down to the other.
John Holmberg
What does Shan man look like?
Shan
A woman, actually.
John Holmberg
Well, he's got long hair. Is he fat and annoying? Because they're gone. I'm getting rid of all of those. Yuck. I'm doing what men have wanted to do for years. Unloading the fat annoying ones.
Brady
Go away.
John Holmberg
All right, that's it. Let's get out of here. Sha. Shall we? Thriller. Big weekend.
Brett
Yeah. We have NAU Football and Rising tomorrow.
John Holmberg
You weren't kidding. You said big. You weren't kidding.
Brett
And Raiders on Sunday.
John Holmberg
Raiders and who? Forget what their opponent.
Brett
Darn it.
John Holmberg
All right, that's it. Let's get out of here, shall we? We're done. Yeah, I don't think we're doing anything this weekend either. Right? Funeral not going to last. I'm not doing that. You're not going all the way. Don't. Stay out of there. They're playing the Commander Skins.
Brett
Ah, yes.
John Holmberg
Okay. In Washington. Washington.
Brett
Solid. That was next week.
John Holmberg
All right. Well, there you go, chief. Giants not playing the Lions. But boy, if they were, they play the Lions soon though, don't they? Yeah, that's good. They're not going to be good. That's. That's troubling. Start. That's it. Larry's coming up next and we love Larry. So you guys be nice to him, and he'll be nice back to you. And we'll see you on Monday right here in the morning sickness. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Can you repeat it? And, Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us.
Shan
Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty.
Brady
Liberty. Liberty.
John Holmberg
Liberty Savings Ferry Unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.
Shan
Excludes Massachusetts.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Guadalupe Squares
Date: September 19, 2025
Episode Theme:
A comedic round of the "Guadalupe Squares" game featuring the usual cast of John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, along with a lively array of celebrity impressions. The episode revolves around irreverent banter, pop culture riffs, outrageous impersonations (including Adam Carolla, Kamala Harris, Trump, Jimmy Fallon, and more), and squares-based trivia with live callers.
Guadalupe Squares Gameplay:
The episode centers on the comedic Hollywood Squares-style contest, with each “square” occupied by a different celebrity impression or in-show persona.
Pop Culture Satire:
The show lampoons political figures, late-night hosts, and current events, blending local and national pop culture references.
Listener Participation:
Callers “Lori” and “Lenny” join in the game, attempting to win by answering the hosts’ humor-infused trivia.
Outlandish Impressions & Banter:
The cast’s rapid-fire impersonations satirize everything from political divides to football woes to random animal facts.
Each square features an impression or absurd character:
The episode epitomizes Holmberg's blend of smart-alecky, irreverent, and rapid-fire morning show humor. Impressions are brash, topical, and knowingly politically incorrect. The camaraderie between the hosts bubbles through as they riff relentlessly, mock each other, and involve listeners with ridiculous and risqué banter.
[End of Summary]