Summary5 min read

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 09-19-25

Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness centers on a heartfelt and comedic attempt to lift the spirits of the Falcone family, who recently lost their patriarch. Host John Holmberg, with his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, balances sympathy with irreverent humor, responding to a request from listener Kevin Falcone: “my father just died. I told my wife to turn you on because I need a laugh” [06:50]. The show offers quirky stories, awkwardly dark jokes, and a special round of “fireside chats,” all in an effort to honor Kevin’s wishes and find laughter in grief.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Reflections on 9/11 and Personal Loss

Holmberg recalls the recent 9/11 stair climb and the somber events of the prior week, reflecting on the passage of time since 9/11 and paralleling how some listeners’ kids view it as distant, similar to how his own generation sees JFK’s assassination or WWII.

“Twenty-four years later, we’re coming up on a quarter century, having had 9/11 in our history… That’s a long time when you start looking at it in that kind of scope.” — John [04:23]
Kevin Falcone's email sets the episode's emotional tone, asking John for a shoutout (and some laughs) to help the family cope with loss.

“It’s my job to make you laugh the day your dad dies. … When Brady’s dad died, he didn’t go, ‘Hey Torp’s gone, got any good jokes?’” — John [06:50]
The challenge of finding levity in loss: John recalls being asked to speak humorously at a funeral, highlighting the uneasy line between comedy and mourning.

“I know fun is in funeral, but … his last cogent phrase to me before he passed away was: ‘You’re the clever one. Figure it out.’” — John [07:30]

Ballpark Antics and the Dirtiest Joke Attempt

Baseball suite story: John and Brady recount a humorous outing to a baseball game. They’re joined unexpectedly in a suite by a high-spirited young woman, whose “dark, dark humor” sets the table for the show’s attempted jokes.

“Brady and I… decided to go. Well, I got a call from Doug Hopkins… TV’s Doug Hopkins, who says, ‘Hey, I just got a suite. You guys wanna come?’” — John [10:20]

The Infamous Priest Joke

A moment of comic confusion unfolds when the woman in the suite tells a misremembered version of a notorious joke:
- “What’s the difference between a priest and a mosquito? The priest waits till you’re twelve to…on your face.” — Unknown woman [13:40]
- The group realizes she meant the pimple version, launching some morbid wordplay in honor of the Falcones.
“Sarah, you should turn the radio off… That’s the best I’ve got today. I’m sorry for your loss, but…priest, pimple, on your face. Remember it this day.” — John [16:00]

Fireside Chats: Callers Try to Make the Falcones Laugh

The show opens its lines for listeners to contribute their best (and worst) jokes for the grieving family. John and the crew vet jokes live, sometimes aborting calls as they veer into inappropriate territory.

Notable (and Not-So-Notable) Calls

Scott’s Marooned-Buddies Joke [24:15]
- Scott: “There’s a German guy, an American guy, and a Japanese guy on a boat…they get marooned…”
- John: “We know this joke. This isn’t an old one. This one has a bad payoff.”
- Scott pivots to another bit but is unceremoniously cut off as jokes fall flat.
Desiree’s Setup [26:10]
- Desiree: “A black guy walks into a bar…”
- John: [cuts off, wary of where it’s going] “You don’t know that one? No, I guess we’ll tell you off the air.”
Jacob’s Failed Save [27:20]
- Jacob: “Why are black people so…” — John and the others intervene before he can finish, concerned about broadcast standards.
Michael’s Superhero Joke [28:32]
- Michael: “Superman and Green Lantern are flying around… see Wonder Woman in a field, butt naked…”
- John: (interrupts, semi-panicked) “Oh no…is this safe?”
- Laughter as the show acknowledges how quickly these calls can derail.
An actually safe joke from an email:

“What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad beat me.” — Unattributed [29:45]
- John: “That’s what we’re looking for here!”
Brett’s favorite:

“Why is parking a car like dating? All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in a disabled one and hope nobody finds out.” [32:33]

Host Reactions to the Chaos

The hosts express mild exasperation and amusement at how challenging it is to keep the crowd (and callers) within FCC guidelines, and at the limits of what’s funny or appropriate amidst tragedy.

“We thought we had a moment… The Falcone family is in turmoil. Terrible. Oh my God.” — John, laughing and groaning [30:10]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

“I’m glad Kevin’s dad’s not here to hear this.” — John [29:50]
“Sarah, I highly recommend you don’t leave the radio on for the Falcones today and just mourn…” — John [09:40]
“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Kevin’s dad.” [16:50] — A dark but requested bit, making even Kevin laugh.
“We’re a community—everybody wants to try to make the Falcone family laugh as you’ve asked for.” — John [22:23]

Listener Responses

Kevin’s Feedback: Despite the dark and rough humor, Kevin writes in, appreciative of the attempt.

“He already texted back—the knock-knock joke made my wife gasp and me laugh.” — John quoting Kevin [18:05] “You know me better than you think because those jokes always get me—the Brett ones…” [34:10]

Notable Timestamps

04:23 — John reflects on 9/11’s legacy and the stair climb.
06:50 — Kevin’s email sets up the day’s emotional challenge.
10:20 – 17:00 — Ballpark story and failed joke telling in the suite.
16:50 — Knock knock, “Not Kevin’s dad” joke.
22:23 — Listeners encouraged to call in for the fireside chat.
24:15 – 30:30 — Callers’ jokes and the hosts’ “live editing.”
32:33 — “Parking a car like dating” joke.
34:10 — Kevin’s appreciative final response.

Tone & Style

The episode is marked by irreverence, quick-fire banter, and an underlying sincerity. Holmberg and crew openly struggle to navigate the task of offering comedic relief in the face of death, vacillating between gallows humor and genuine compassion for Kevin and his family. The tone is bold, often “pushing it,” but always with a wink toward the difficulty of their assignment.

For listeners: This episode captures the unique role that comedy and community can play in coping with loss—brash, a little uncomfortable, but underscored by genuine care for their listeners.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:00]
A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUP listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com Audible's Romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery you thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. 98. What the hell is wrong with you? I got an email, you know, last week I did that 911 stair climb. Remember that? And it was fun. I really enjoyed that. It's got a lot of heart and a lot of meaning. It kind of took on a different tone with the events of the week last week. And I'm not talking just about Charlie Kirk. I mean, it was 911 week. 24 years later, we're coming up on a quarter century, having had 911 in our history. That's further away for school kids today than it was for Brett and I with Kennedy and borderline. I mean, I was born 25 years after we bombed Japan. That's a long time when you start looking at it in that kind of scope. So it was a big week. It was. It was. You Know, they had the girl on that train, which was horrible. And. And then the Kirk thing. And then nine, 11. It was kind of a downer week. So the stair climb was great. And I had the pleasure of doing that with that guy Kevin, who was a good person to meet there, and he was a nice guy. Turned out he was a fan of the show. And we started chatting away about all the stuff that's going on. And then he introduced me to his son, Yogi Falcone. The greatest name of all time. Awesome. So I had a nice experience with that, and Kevin emailed me this morning, you know, making me. I mean, this is. Says, hey, John, can you give a shout out to the Falcones today? My father just died. I told my wife to turn you on because I need a laugh. I told Sarah to have you tell her to keep you guys on the whole day, okay? That's a lot of pressure, Kevin. It's my job to make you laugh the day your dad dies. I mean, it's. When Brady's dad died, he didn't go, hey, Torp's gone. Got any good jokes? I don't know what to do at that point. I was told by a man years ago who I cared very much for, that he wanted me to speak at his funeral, and he wanted me to be funny. And I'm like, that's hard. I know fun is in funeral, but that you're at. Well, what do you want me to say? And his last cogent phrase to me before he passed away was, you're the clever one. Figure it out. And that's the last thing we said. I had to be funny at a funeral. Now Kevin's making me dance on the air. I don't know. Let's bring. At least you're not Toledo. I guess that's a good joke. I mean Toledo. I mean, days like this, you kind of wish you were Toledo so you wouldn't have to go through the sadness of losing a father. He did that as a baby. He doesn't even remember it. Sarah, I highly recommend you don't leave the radio on for the Falcones today and just mourn the loss of the guy that died. I. Brady, you got any good jokes for him? Sorry for the videos earlier. You want to listen to a dude eating diarrhea again? That's all we've got. Kevin, I know I'm a professional jackass, but this is pushing it. My dad just died. Make me laugh. Here's a video of a man eating diarrhea. That's the best I Can do. I really want to kind of check out of this, but, Kevin, I'm sorry for your loss. In the falcones, Yogi Sarah, the whole gang. The only joke I can think of is gone. Mosquito and a priest. Yeah. Okay. So Brady and I were at a baseball game on Tuesday, and a ballerina who almost fell down was walking in front of us to get it. Well, here's how the thing was. Brady invited us to a game. Brett said yes the day before and then bailed, and Toledo had a dental. Go back through it. You'll see that I never answered. Somebody said, this is golden. That's not better. Yes, it is. Oh, wants to go to a ball game with me. I'm gonna let him stew on it. So Brady was kind enough to say his neighbor gave him four tickets. You guys want to go? And I said, if everybody's in, I'm in. I was in anyway, because I think that sounds fun. Let's get everybody together, do a little show run, right? And Brett's not interested in that. Toledo's got stuff to do. So Brady and I decided to go. Well, I got a call from Doug Hopkins on the way to the game. TV's Doug Hopkins, who says, hey, I just got a suite. You guys want to come to the game today? I'm like, brady and I are already going. Oh, you didn't say it was a suite. Hell, I would have went. Now take it, snob. I didn't want to be out in the bleachers. And I meant to bring this up yesterday with Dale, because you didn't invite him to even think to, which is even more hilarious. So end up in the suite with. I don't invite people who never invite me. That's a nice move. Well done. Nice little subtle, passive aggressive left hook onto Dale for no reason. But I like it. So we're walking through to go to the suite, and this girl is with some guy in front of us. And she's in good. She's a pretty girl. She's in good shape. She looks nice, but she's acting a little jackassery in front of us. She's doing a little bit of performing. She's. Well, she performed. Or she was being herself because she turned out. I think it was. Yeah, it was a combo. A bit of a jackass. So I was even performing for us. She was trying to knock. Knocked the guy over. So she did that. Reach behind with your leg to try to trip the guy next to you. Move where you kick him in the head. But she missed. And then Almost took herself down and then threw her water down. Her water fell, and she was real clumsy. So we're laughing at her. She didn't know that we're LAUGHING. We're about 35ft behind her. We go into our suite, and there they are in our suite, and they're talking to Hopkins and going on and on, and the girl starts saying some wildly inappropriate stuff. Like immediately upon meeting her, she's saying terribly when. Dark, dark, dark humor. Dirty. Doesn't know us. We don't know her. I mean, not. No, not your dark. Like, dark. Like, maudlin. Yeah, look it up. So she starts to tell this thing, and then she goes, you guys want to hear a joke? And this is for you. Falcones on your day. What's the difference between a priest and a mosquito? Right. Yeah. Brady and I are looking at each other, and I'm like, brady's good at this, and I don't think she's setting this up. Right. This could be a new one. Yeah, that's what I thought. And she goes, the priest waits or the mosquito waits till you're 12 to. On your face. I'm like, that doesn't make any sense at all. Mosquitoes don't. Mosquitoes don't do that. They suck. I'm like, I think you mean. And then we're trying to dance around like, oh, wasn't it like, Michael Jackson? Or Michael Jackson. But that wasn't right either. And it was a. Oh, it's a pimple. It was a kid. What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple waits till you're 12 to. On your face. I see now that's how it was. So that's for the Falcones and Yogi and Sarah this morning. What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple waits till you're 12 to, you know, on. On your face. She was talking about doing a podcast in the name. Two lady buttons and a dick. Yeah, but she wasn't saying lady button. She was using the Dirty sea Dolores. I'd listen. Yeah, the. Dolores. Would you listen to that? Oh, that's c. I thought you're. Yeah, and a dick is hilarious. I would listen to that. But no, not the other one. Look out, Rogan. That's number one. But two other C's, right? Yeah, yeah. The invisible seas. Hard to find ones. The elusive seas. The Charlottes. Oh, yeah, yeah, That's. We didn't know her name. And then she'd be like, I'm gonna start a podcast called Two and a Dick. Because his name's Dick. I'm like, that's great. Classy. Obviously, I made the right decision. Yeah, I know. But then she left. And they just left. Okay. They were actually pretty fun people. But, yeah, she was sort of a daunting introduction. She was funny. I used to be a ballerina. Okay, what's going on anyway? Falcones. That's the best I've got today. I'm sorry for your loss, but. Priest pimple on your face. Remember it this day. We'll live with you forever. Sarah, you should turn the radio off. Nice to meet you. Yogi. Get to school. I don't know if you're old enough, but just go stand at a school. He's. He's there already. Get away from the radio. I hope. Yeah, just don't. Just don't. Your dad's doing a bad job today. He's. And he's not. You know, he's out of sorts. Tough day. But, Kevin, we're thinking about you. Sorry about that. Oh, how about this one? Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Kevin's dad. Not Kevin's dad. Sorry for your loss, Kevin. Thanks, Kyle. That was a good one. I like that. Anyway, let's do a quick fireside chat. Let's see what we got, since our comedian friend is now also late. Oh, wait, here's another one. Oh, geez. That's not a good joke at all. No, Kyle. Well, I like it. No, it's not racist. Look on the bright side. If you guys have any. Let's do that. If you have any jokes for Kevin's dad, for Kevin and the family, Kevin's dad won't hear it. But if you have any jokes for Kevin's family, call us up, 585-9800, and we'll try to cheer up the Falcones, because I did enjoy my time with Kevin last week hiking with him on the stair climbing. Now he's asked for this. Well, you asked for it, buddy. You're gonna get it. Dad just died. You can call us with the jokes for to bring the Falcones back to. Oh, this would be a good fireside. This is gonna be a good fireside chat. You tell us what you want to talk about, end with a joke, or just give us the joke that might be. There you go. 585-9800. And we'll scream it together. I don't know what we're doing right now. It's 98 KUPD. Get the chat seat on the morning sickness. Holmerg's Morning sickness podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Back to school, Workplace upheaval, Relationship stress, Deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Tolito from Holmberg's Morning Sickness for better help. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me a way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. With BetterHelp, you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button and switch therapists anytime to help you fit therapy into your life where it's best. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a broad array of expertise. So give yourself a helping hand and talk it out with BetterHelp. Morning Sickness listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com that's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com Holmberg Holmberg's Morning Sickness. All right, we. We don't have our comic today, so we can go right into the fireside chats, which today is for the Falcones. My new friend Kevin, who I hung out with all last Saturday evening at a wonderful event, lost his father and asked us to be funny. He said the knock knock. He already text back the knock knock joke. Made my wife gasp and me laugh. I'm not going to call in for the fire sign side chats. Yogi's already at school. I don't want the future champ to stress out. Thank you. Well done. You've gotten it. Well, we're not done yet there, Kevin. And the Falcone family, we got people who want to help out. We're a community. We, we. We've talked about it for years. Everybody wants to try to make the Falcone family laugh as you've asked for. So let's see what we can do, starting with line one. You didn't screen any of these? No. Let's roll. Get your money. Get your button on the finger on the button. What if they're horrible human beings? That would be great. The FCC is on a rampage right now. No, it's terrible. This one's Scott. Scott, is this racist or anything? Terrible. You guys hear me? Yeah. Can you hear us? All right. You know, music so loud. Oh, is it gone now? Did we fix it? Yeah. Okay. All right. Scott, is this racist and awful? Only Slightly. Oh, gosh. I think it's all right. All right. It's within the range of acceptable. For whom? For me? No. Then the answer is no. This isn't happening. You didn't screen any of these. Oh. All right. Scott, I'm blind. Don't get us kicked off the air. Scott, go. I can't believe you. All right, all right. I don't know what's going on. Okay, this is for the. And remember, when you say dad, it's Kevin's dad we're talking about. Okay? So there's a. A German guy, an American guy, and a Japanese guy. They're on a boat. They get marooned on some deserted island. Now they got to survive, right? So the American steps up. Natural born leader, says, I'm in charge. The other two agree. They're like, okay, American starts delegating. German guy, you're a good engineer. You're in charge of engineering. Japanese guy, you're from an island nation, very resourceful. You're in charge of the supply. So by the end of the day, we know this joke. All right? Is that it? Yeah. I don't know it. This is the surprise joke. Well, you can learn it later. All right, tell me the punchline later. We know this one. This isn't old one. And this one has a bad payoff. Surprise. Okay, well, how about a quick little funny gem? Is it horrible? I just thought. No, it's not. I will hang up on them. No, no, go ahead. No, I won't hang up here. Go ahead. Yeah, I just want to remind everybody about what happened earlier this year. I think it was this year when the Mexican Navy showed up to New York and crashed the boat. That's it. I don't get it. What did they do then? Why? I told you I should have hung up. You cut the good one off. This is why you got to screen these people. Oh, no, no, no. Come on. All right, we got a girl online, too. Oh, you want. No, she's on four. Oh, four. Yeah, give me four. Give me the girl. Girl joke. This is safe. They don't tell good jokes, and they're never bad or. Desiree? Desiree, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. All right, do this for Kevin and his family. Right now. They're going through a lot. They need a laugh. Hopefully it's good. Okay. A black guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, oh, my God, that's beautiful. Where'd you get it? Are we cutting her off? Do we know this one? Yes. You don't know that one? No, I guess we'll tell you off the air. All right, how about Jacob. What? No, don't you finish? We're good over there. Stop. Jacob, Toaster, say to the slice of bread, this. This I don't want to hear either. I want you inside of me. All right. That's pretty hot. I like the other one. When people emailed in the. I got a lot of them that emailed and said, what's the difference between me and cancer? My dad beat me. That's a good one. See, that's what we're looking for here. None of this. Take that bread, people. That was a good joke. Cut two people off, a great one. No, this isn't even a girl joke. You don't even know it. I know. Black guy walks into the road next. Jacob, are you there? Yes, I'm here. How are you guys doing? We're all right, but we're worried about you, and I kind of trust you a little bit. Go ahead. Okay, well, you know, I got. I got two, but I'll start with the Brett one because this one's shorter. No, don't start with the Brett one. Stop. No, no. How bad is it? This one's safe. This one's safe. This one's actually safe. I heard this one recently on a pretty good one. This one's safe. Okay, okay, okay. So why. Why are black people so. Okay. No, that is not the safe one. What's wrong with you guys? You give him an inch? Are we hanging up on him, or do we want to get his other one? No, I don't hear anything. Jacob's study. That's his safe one. What? Come on. It was probably good. Brett. Danielle. Michael. Brett. Knock, knock. Oh, don't, don't, don't. Dill. Dill who? Dildo oh, my God. Don't. You're making. You know, let's go back to Jacob for that. That was good. All right. Daniel's. Or. It says Daniel. Who's on the line? Who is this? Michael. Michael, are you gonna be the first one that makes the Falcone family proud? Well, I hope. All right, good. Is it terrible? It has Superman and Green Lantern in it. That's not bad. All right, let's go ahead. All right, so Superman and Green Lantern's out flying around one day, and they stop. Green Lantern looks at Superman, says, man, you see that over there? Oh, no. Superman says, yeah, I can see Wonder Woman over there in the field, butt naked. Green Lantern's like, yeah, I wonder if we're able to go over there, fly over There. Her real quick. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. No, it's safe. John. The F word. Is this safe? Yeah, it's good. Superman. The Green Lantern. Good one. Okay. The Falcons must feel great about themselves, right about. I'm just glad Kevin's dad's not here to hear this. Maybe I should send him some videos to make him feel better. Man, oh, man. Man. Ah. What happened? We thought. We thought we all had a moment. Some good ones lined up, and you made me hang up on. The Falcone family is in turmoil. Terrible. Oh, my God. So sorry. To the Falcones and the family and everything else this guy says. John, you can't repurpose the old Toledo jokes. That's all poor Dick has in life. It's true. The only thing we have is that Bubba bastard gets hit every once in a while. Well, that was just atrocious, you people. It was great. No, they didn't help. One. One thing. It's because you cut the good ones. This one's a problem. Yeah, no, it's Superman and the Green Lantern joke. Don't worry about it. So one of them starts to Wonder Woman. All right, you're all morons. Let's just. Sorry for the Falcones. What? We're grieving along with the Falcones. That's enough, jackass. I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, Good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most. Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs. All in one place with coverage that fits his business and box. Bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's all right. We're so far up here. Look at me. Take a deep breath. Oh, I'm good. So good. Get a commercial auto insurance quote today@geico.com and see how much you could save. Get more with Geico. Holmberg's morning sickness sounded fantastic. About a month ago over there at the PHX Arena. That was Bush. And they were with Shinedown. What a show that was New, people. Let's do another fireside chat. I've never said that before. I know. You've never once even alluded to doing more. He's inspired. This one says, brady, why is a parking a car like dating? Why is parking a car like dating? Says all the good ones are taken, so you stick it in a disabled one and hope nobody finds out. No, that's a good joke. See? We could have had more of that. No, we couldn't because these people can't control. It's good. It's the Green Lantern and Superman. There's nothing nothing worry about here. So. And then the. We had a Wonder Woman said her wide open and I that everything then this guy's ass was there. I did that too. We wouldn't you hang up with me for. Are you not paying attention to the news? Everybody got hung up on. Emailed me the punchline. Yeah, I know they're all firing it back to you. There you go, man. You're just gonna love this. Well, Kevin has emailed back and he said where did it go? Says you must know me better than you think because those jokes always get me the Brett ones. See? Have Brett send me his videos. Yeah, send the one to him with a guy eating diarrhea. Well, that's good for when you lose a parent. I can't say that. Sorry, Kevin. Have a lovely. Have a lovely week. Do the best you can think of your family. I hope you're all right. We got an entertainment drill coming up in just a little bit. We'll do that next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com savings. Very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.