09-22-25 - BR - MON - Survey On Cancel Culture Perceptions - Iowa Has Officially Banned TPing - 75yo Bus Driver Facing Heat For Threatening Kids On Bus Sparking Our Bus Driver Thoughts And Stories

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 09-22-25 Episode Summary

Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, John Holmberg and his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Rick, and others on Arizona’s #1 morning radio show tackle a messy mix of topics: America’s obsession with health-tracking apps, bizarre and contentious new laws (including Iowa’s official ban on toilet-papering houses), generational war stories of misbehavior, the perils and personalities of school bus drivers, and a discussion around public perceptions of cancel culture. True to form, the show blends current headlines, local flavor, stark honesty, and plenty of dark–if not borderline–humor.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Obsession with the Yucca App and Food Ratings

• Theme: The team opens with a comedic lament about how health-conscious apps like Yucca have invaded their lives, turning every food choice into a stress test.
• Holmberg reads listener emails detailing their “worst meal” Yucca scores, with humor and self-deprecation:
  • “Nutella and cheese sticks for breakfast? That’s pretty bougie. …This is gonna make me a paranoid mess.” – John, [01:50]
  • Kirkland water's 65/100 rating ("It's just water!") vs Arrowhead's perfect score triggers disbelief.
  • “Don’t get this app. It takes over your life.” – [07:26]
• Notable moment: The team one-ups each other with the most “tragic” (or deliciously unhealthy) breakfasts and shares how the app has created household competitions—complete with a listener’s wife beating her husband with her 100/100 oat breakfast, compared to his 12/100 granola bar.

2. Arizona Heat and Outdoor Event Woes

• Heat Exhaustion Stories: John recounts people nearly passing out at a Charlie Kirk memorial event due to Arizona’s relentless heat. He criticizes the belief that going out early avoids danger:
  • “If you start something at 8 and you finish at 11, it got progressively hotter every second you were outside. …If you just go out when it’s 105, it’ll stay 105 the whole time you’re out and maybe even start going down.” – John, [03:27]
• Philosophy: Embrace the desert heat, don’t fight it—and never trust snacking choices in the morning.

3. Odd News and Fun Facts

• Redefining Seasons: The group mocks a viral social media proposal to redefine when seasons start based on “feelings,” not science.
  • “He does realize it’s all about where the planet is… Read a book. I bet you he’s a flat earther, this dude.” – John, [11:18]
• Factoids: Quick-hit fun facts about Lake Superior, Pong, Durex Condoms, and more.

4. Cancel Culture Perceptions (Survey Discussion)

• Survey Results (YouGov):
  • 51%: cancel culture’s gone too far
  • 13%: about right
  • 6%: not far enough
  • 29%: not sure
• Paranoia About Speaking Up: “29% don’t want to say just gets to get canceled.” – John, [16:57]
• Nuanced Take: They distinguish obvious cases of justified consequences from “witch hunts,” referencing Jimmy Kimmel:
  • “That’s cancel culture. Digging into their history with him 25 years ago. Nobody said anything then. …You can’t bring it up now.” – John, [17:26]
  • Critique of government/FCC pressure rather than an employer's decision alone.

5. Iowa Officially Bans Toilet Papering (TPing)

• Law Update: The tiny town of Jessup, Iowa, is the first to officially criminalize TPing houses.
• Panel Reaction: Jokes about whether this is genuinely new, or just an extension of trespassing laws.
  • “Has anyone gone to prison for toilet paper?” – John, [19:04]
• Escalation logic: Now, you can actually be arrested and charged, with possible charges including trespassing, criminal mischief, illegal dumping, disorderly conduct.
• Risk Assessment: John’s main warning: “The thing you gotta worry most about with toilet papering is getting shot.” – [19:07]
• Cultural divide: Formerly fun pranks now interpreted as bullying or escalated threats.

6. Bus Driver Meltdown and School Bus Stories

• News Story: 75-year-old Pennsylvania bus driver Harvey Slyker is facing charges for threatening to “cook” kids by turning the heat on full blast and closing windows, making it over 95–100 degrees inside.
  • “If you had to make me a bus driver, eventually I’d snap.” – John, [22:01]
  • “There’s…it’s a one strike policy when you try to cook the kids.“ – [22:23]
• Why Bus Drivers Snap: Panel hypothesizes bus driving is a last-resort job for many, and shares darkly funny analogies:
  • “If you’re driving a school bus, your life didn’t work the way you wanted. …Now you’ve got 31 angels sitting behind you, driving you nuts, and a cliff.” – John, [23:07]
  • “It’s, you know, the girls that work at strip clubs but won’t strip. …That’s a school bus driver as it kind of relates to a serial killer.” – [23:33]
• Personal Anecdotes:
  • John’s bus driver would speed over bumps launching kids (“tooth cracker” move).
  • Joking about the dangers and attitudes of “old school” bus drivers: “She didn’t care if you lived or died.” – John, [25:00]

7. Modern School Transportation and Social Codes

• Small Buses/Vans: The group riffs on how students now get picked up in vans, sometimes as a privilege ("charter school van"), but mostly the team leans into the “short bus” stereotypes.
• Mocking of “Special” Treatments: “That means two things. You’re either [special] or your parents don’t love you enough to drive you to the school they pay for you to go to.” – John, [36:28]
• Running Gags: The “VIP-tarded” label, and observations about parents' willingness to wait in long lines rather than put kids on the bus.

8. Other News Bites and Listener Interactions

• Funny Listeners: People sending in their own bus driver war stories and “VIP van” memories.
• Plane Airbag Idea: Short segment on a “Project Rebirth” experiment to add massive external airbags to planes for crash survivability, which the team finds both hilarious and implausible.
• Marching Band and Viral Video Commentary: They skewer videos of both bullfights gone wrong and college dance team routines, riffing on “whore dancing” and the overabundance of viral fat-guy dance clips.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Yucca App Ruining Lives:
  “Don't get the Yucca app. Even though all of you already have. Every one of you. …It takes over your life. It's just not. It's not fair.” – John Holmberg, [07:26]

• On Arizona Heat Events:
  “If you just go out when it's 105, it'll stay 105 the whole time…There are no, it, it doesn't increasingly get worse. I don't get that mentality.” – John Holmberg, [03:27]

• On Cancel Culture Paranoia:
  “I don't know. I think your question's dumb. Cancel culture is subjective. ... But there are certain people that definitely do stuff. …And then there’s some where you’re like, that just seemed to be a witch hunt.” – John Holmberg, [17:03]

• On TPing (Toilet Papering) and Getting Shot:
  “The thing you got to worry most about with toilet papering is getting shot.” – John Holmberg, [19:07]

• On the School Bus Driver Crisis:
  “If you’re driving a school bus, your life didn’t work the way you wanted. ...After a while of driving someone else’s kids to school, every wall looks more attractive. ...How did I become a school bus driver?” – John Holmberg, [23:07-24:09]
  “There’s a reason why in rich neighborhoods you don’t ever see buses dropping kids off.” – John Holmberg, [26:43]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Yucca App and Bad Food Choices: [00:55–07:26]
• Heat Exhaustion at Events/Arizona Weather: [01:49–05:14]
• Brady’s “Hitler Bathroom” and Bizarre Home Decor: [05:17–06:50], [13:06–14:56]
• Fun Facts & Odd State Laws (marrying cousins – Connecticut): [12:12–15:48]
• Cancel Culture Survey, Kimmel, General Take: [16:29–18:06]
• Iowa’s TP Ban Discussion: [18:06–21:13]
• The Perils of School Bus Driving: News Story and War Stories: [21:25–26:43]
• School Transportation: Vans, “Short Buses”, Social Status: [36:00–38:22]
• Listener Stories and College Band Video Gag: [34:22–36:00]

---

Tone & Delivery

The hosts keep the show fast-paced, blending biting social commentary, local color, and a never-ending stream of irreverent and sometimes controversial humor. No topic is deemed too small or too taboo for a punchline, and the conversation regularly swings from relatable daily gripes to outlandish analogies (strip club cocktail waitresses = bus drivers), with banter often bordering on the inappropriate. Listeners unfamiliar with the show should expect offbeat takes and little in the way of political correctness, but always with audience engagement at its core.

---

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness delivers a whirlwind tour through America’s current obsessions, anxieties, and absurdities—one inappropriate joke, rowdy survey, and lost bus driver at a time.

Transcript

[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Ad Host]

Audible's Romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you when it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood. The latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com Wondery Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Let's see. Hey, this one's working. Dave is a magician. He came up here and he got it done like right away. This is pretty impressive stuff. And we're. Wait, now yours is not working. All right, good. There it is. All right, that was my fault. Okay, I'll take the heat on that one. We're going to keep, we're just going to keep pushing until we get this right. Eventually it will all pan out. We'll get to that in a second. Before though, because we were in a, you know, you had people working and moving stuff around so we didn't get to really get you people of. I told you. What did I say? The Yucca app will ruin your life. What they do, they all download app and now they're telling me it's my fault they've made bad choices. This guy says I'm snacking on low fat cheese sticks and some Nutella with breadstick bites.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

It is 7:30 in the morning. What are you doing? Nutella though.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Dipping it into chocolate in the middle of the. Starting your morning with some cheese and chocolate. That's pretty bougie. Says I'm thinking to myself, this is kind of a healthy snack. 12 out of 100 for the cheese, 34 out of 100 for the Nutella. This is going to make me a paranoid mess. Well, yeah, I told you. This guy says my wife got the Yucca app and I knew things weren't good for you. But holy crap, it's so much worse than I could ever imagine. Nothing scores over 60. It's true.

[Rick]

You got to know your line, your Mason Dixon line on how low you can go. And the good.

[John Holmberg]

If you're trying to be healthy, you just eat stuff that grows in the ground and water. That's, that's it.

[Brady]

And enjoy your boring life.

[John Holmberg]

Enjoy your miserable life. Meanwhile, I'm gonna be crushing some raw beef says, well, I guess I'm gonna die because my breakfast was Funyuns. It was a four. Yeah, you should send us the worst possible meal that you've eaten. A yucca nightmare. Kirk emailed. He said, man, I was at the Charlie Kirk memorial yesterday. It's a dude sitting next to me had a full on seizure at the top. We were in the nosebleeds. Paramedics had to come snatch him away. I saw that they had a huge problem with heat exhaustion from people standing in that line. People, older people stand in there for five hours, four and five hours trying to get into this thing. Then you know, in the heat you add the temperature every. I've always said that I don't understand eupho nations. It's hot here. We know that, right? Check that box. I think we can all agree, yeah, it's probably a, probably going to be kind of hot today. So there it is. If you. And we're all like, well, if I get out there early in the morning. If you start something at 8 and you finish at 11, it got progressively hotter every second you were outside. It is miserable. It is. It started okay, then it wasn't okay, then it got hot, then it got hotter, then it got hotter. And your day ends with you being miserable. If you just go out when it's 105, it'll stay 105 the whole time you're out and maybe even start going down. There are no, it, it doesn't increasingly get worse. I don't get that. That mentality. So people think, well, it's early, it's fine. But as it gets hotter and hotter, you kind of adapt slowly. Next thing you know, you're sitting there in a fireman's asking you your name and birthday. I don't get it. I say embrace the heat. Embrace the middle of the day. Screw the morning, it's the worst time. You should be eating your, your healthy cheese bites and dipping them into that Nutella. Who starts their day with that? That's a bigger thing. See, what do we got in the fridge here? Eggs. Yuck. No, that's not Him. Ooh, sticks of cheese. A Nutella. That's gonna start my day off proper. Don't get the yucca app. Even though all of you already have. Every one of you. Said the guys at game day. Men's health told me to get this stuff a couple months ago. I love it, and I also hate it. Yeah, I didn't even find out through game day, but my buddy Chris told me about it and has since ruined my life.

[Brady]

Screw that guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's the worst. Oh, now I'm getting contests. Rochelle is just fired over her her breakfast versus her husband's. And she won. Hers was 100 out of 100. She had organic white grain. This already sounds bad. I'm already out on this. Organic whole grain rolled mini oats. Minute oats. Ugh, Sounds terrible. And then he had crunchy peanut butter granola bar. She was 100 out of 100. He was 12. That's a big win for you. It's a big win. It's disgusting. I'm also getting a lot of pictures about having Hitler poster in my bathroom, and I believe I started an accidental trend. You can frame it, though, make it look legitimate or pin it to the wall of a room you don't want people in. Never mention it. I've made the mistake of mentioning it because I'm a good person. I'm trying to help you guys, but if anybody goes, hey, why do you have a picture of John Wayne Gacy as the clown in your bathroom? You're like, why are you in my bathroom? Get out of there. It's on them. You suddenly have turned the table. It's genius. It's flat. Brilliance. That's what I tells you. Anyway. Everything seems to be working. This has been more of a test run than anything else. I think we're in good shape, boys. I think we can. I think we can start our program. Excellent work. No. Come in here and start touching stuff. Purified Kirkland Drinking water is 65 out of 100.

[Rick]

What?

[Brady]

It's water.

[John Holmberg]

Arrowhead was 100 out of 100. Yeah. The bottled water for Arrowhead was perfect. Yours is Waterloo. It depends on the flavor. Is mostly one hundreds.

[Rick]

Yeah, those are.

[John Holmberg]

It won't take it because your. Your phone is shiny here. Did you say it's shiny? There we go. Yeah. Raspberry nectarine sparkling water. Lewis. 100 out of 100.

[Rick]

You'll have to be drinking. Looks like we'll have to be drinking. Kroger gallon jug of water.

[John Holmberg]

That's the best one for water.

[Rick]

100.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's yeah, that was my arrowhead. There's a bunch of different arrowhead was 100. But Kirkland evidently. Somehow or another their water turns out 35 points lower than perfect. And it's just water. Don't get this app. Don't. It takes over your life. It's just not. It's not fair. Starbucks premium Instant Coffee is 90 out of 100. Nice job, Toledo.

[Brady]

Better be for the prices.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's right. Now they can start saying it's crazy. That's amazing. This guy says, I work at a hotel. We had a hundred hundreds of people last night drive to Arizona, start lining up at 2 in the morning. Not everybody was a Phoenix local. I know. And it's too hot for them. They should drive their cars home and get out of our city immediately. As fast as possible. Again, this place is nothing but illegals, rednecks, and they fight constantly. Every time you turn a corner, they're they're battling at some car show. You can't have a nice day here. I'm sorry, tourists, time to go. I hope you enjoyed your day. You got lucky. It didn't turn into a big mess of illegals and hillbillies fighting. It's what we live with. You're gonna hate it here. Time to go home. Phoenix is full. It's time now for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's the place you go to make something in your backyard a little bit more like what's inside your house. You can add some shade to that deal on a day like this. Morning's getting the wind whipping up a little bit. If you forgot last night, sitting out in that shade. Beautiful. And it's cutting the glare off your TV on your back patio. And you had a beautiful evening watching football. Whatever it was you were watching forgot to put them in. Well, you know what? They've got a little technology on them too. It'll roll it right back in when the wind gets going, which is fantastic. And you cut the glare off your patio tv. Basically make your patio another room of your house. And that adds property value. The more you do to your house that's good, the more money you just made. AllProchade.com they'll come out and give you a little estimate and some ideas and the next thing you know, you'll be living in a shade. It's beautiful. Allprochade.com Brady Reporter Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Rick]

Hello, world. We've made it. Happy national ice cream. We Had a big weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Still not Friday.

[Rick]

It's national Ice Cream cone day.

[John Holmberg]

Just the cone?

[Rick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No ice cream in it.

[Rick]

It's also the official start of fall.

[John Holmberg]

Just people eating cones. This is fall. Oh, that's right. Fall starts today.

[Rick]

And some guy went viral online. He's claiming that fall started weeks ago. He says the seasons are all wrong. He's proposing we redate all four seasons. Here's his new breakdown. Spring should start as soon as daylight saving kicks in.

[John Holmberg]

You know it's not man made these seasons. Right. We don't. We don't have the ability to just scoot them around.

[Rick]

Summer starts around June 1st.

[John Holmberg]

No, it doesn't.

[Rick]

And stops around August 31st. Mostly because the never ending plague of summer is irksome and we should shorten it a bit.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's what man feels summer is.

[Rick]

Which is September hits. Fall starts.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the idiot that came up with this?

[Rick]

He says Even if it's 95 degrees, winter begins on Black Friday.

[John Holmberg]

And goes until.

[Rick]

Because he says fall doesn't end on December 22nd.

[John Holmberg]

It ends Thanksgiving way before then. Winter begins. Start talking about snow and Santa and stuff.

[Rick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He does realize that it's all about where the planet is.

[Rick]

Equinox and solstice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The planet's positioning and it's trip around the sun. Read a book. I bet you he's a flat earther, this dude.

[Rick]

It could be. Couple of basis fun facts. There's enough water in Lake Superior to cover the entire land mass of both north and South America. Depth of about. I said that last week. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Lake Superior would cover all of the, like all of us, north and South America in a foot of water. That's amazing.

[Brady]

Is that where the Evan Fitzgerald went down into. Was that Superior?

[John Holmberg]

It might have been. Might have Michigan or Superior. I think you're right. Now I gotta think of that song. Damn you.

[Rick]

I'm. I'm going with Superior.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I think if it's a Jeopardy. Question, I'm comfortable with Superior.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. It's a song.

[Rick]

The correct word for a female dude is not dudette, dudeen.

[John Holmberg]

Or just dude.

[Brady]

Just hang yourself, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's gonna say this is an issue. Just nobody's ever gonna. Yeah, this is something. You're like, don't call me dude. I'm a woman. Calm down, Dudeen.

[Rick]

Pong was never supposed to be released. A developer at Atari made it during a training exercise. But Atari's founder liked it so much, decided to take it Public good move.

[John Holmberg]

Very smart.

[Rick]

Durex created the first latex condom in the 1920s, the first condom with lubricant in the 1950s, and the first condom company website in 1996.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. So, John, your Hitler bathroom is a great place to take in Auschwitz.

[Brady]

Same Brady Bogan.

[John Holmberg]

That was a good one. Don't. Brady didn't. That was a good one. I like that. Do you sit in your bathroom and just. Do you sit in your bathroom and write and see? That was what Brady would do.

[Rick]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

See what he did? He took the good joke and he made it the progressive Dr. Rick joke.

[Brady]

I hope these mics stop working again.

[John Holmberg]

Said you sit in the bathroom and write in your diary. I'm allowed in my bathroom. Anybody comes out of there goes, so you Hitler thinking about, oh, yeah, guess you were wandering around it somewhere you shouldn't have been. This guy says his grandma had a room that you weren't allowed in, and she would put pictures of people up with racial slurs in the photo. And then someone would come out and like, laugh or say something about it. And she'd be like, you're not supposed to go in that room. And it was a dead giveaway because kids can't not see that and say something. Then again, grandma probably shouldn't have pictures so quick at the ready with racial slurs on them. For that idea, I was given a gift of one of Hitler's books. And it was a framed cover. It's about his. It's a history book with him on it. And I'm like, this is good, because it's not bad. It doesn't celebrate him, but it definitely is off putting to wander into my bathroom and see Adolf.

[Brady]

Totally missed it.

[John Holmberg]

Which is a surprise. You're so used to it at your house, that stuff.

[Brady]

Get in, get out.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you're so used to it at your house that you don't even notice when Adolph's on a hanging on a wall.

[Brady]

Now Mussolini would have been something different.

[John Holmberg]

I noticed him, but I should put him in. Who said they'd probably just think it was me.

[Brady]

It's a ball kind of dress.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a ball. It's a bald guy.

[Rick]

You know, if you're from Connecticut, you've got 12 days left to be able to marry your first cousin. The law is going to change.

[John Holmberg]

The bald can't marry a cousin.

[Rick]

No, if you live in Connecticut.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you said if you're a bald guy.

[Rick]

No, if you're from Connecticut.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Rick]

But there's 14 other states that you can still marry your first cousin. Arizona is not one of them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, well, you shouldn't do it anyway. Your parents should be stopping that. Not the law. West Virginia, I'm guessing you can marry anything you want.

[Rick]

D.C. i saw a list of a couple of California.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's legal to marry a cousin.

[Rick]

First cousin.

[John Holmberg]

You looked into this?

[Rick]

Well, it's curious because it said in you know, that article is saying but there are 14 other states where it's still on the books as being legal.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever have a cousin you thought was hot? Yep. That answers yep. That pause means yeah.

[Rick]

It was on my dad's side of the family. It was like a third.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm not asking third. I'm asking like pretty immediate.

[Rick]

Not a direct.

[John Holmberg]

No like an R word. Baby's coming out of this.

[Rick]

Yeah. No knowing that I wanted to make you know.

[Brady]

Yeah, I know.

[John Holmberg]

Do Brady started your journal would be called Minecraft. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Let the Auschwitz joke live on its own. You don't have to top it. You can't.

[Rick]

YouGov asked people do you think cancel Cancel culture generally has gone too far? Been about right. Not gone far enough, not sure. 51% said gone too far.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Rick]

That's all 13% said about right. 6% said not gone far enough. 29% aren't sure.

[John Holmberg]

29% don't want to say just gets to get canceled.

[Rick]

If I answer this, either way, am I gonna get. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I think your question's dumb. Cancel culture is subjective. It gets out of hand because we lose our minds over it. But there are certain people that definitely do stuff. You're like, whoop, that's gonna get them done. And nobody really argues with it. And then there's some where you're like. That just seemed to be a witch hunt. Now they're.

[Rick]

Now they're piling on Jimmy Kimmel. Look, as far as all the stuff in the past, like, stop it.

[John Holmberg]

That's cancel culture. Digging into their history with him 25 years ago. Nobody said anything then. That made it so you got then you can't bring it up now.

[Guest/Caller]

Also, this is like the fifth time we brought up all that.

[Rick]

It is. Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, everybody wants to get on this was. Yeah. And fire him all you want, abc, but you were cowards and you got strong armed by the fcc. This one's different. No problem with anybody having their boss go, we don't want you here anymore. But when the government says, hey, boss, you should get rid of that guy or else we're going to start hitting you to changes everything.

[Rick]

The town of Jessup, Iowa has announced that it's banned. TPing can no longer toilet paper houses.

[Guest/Caller]

Or isn't it banned everywhere?

[John Holmberg]

Pretty sure that's not.

[Guest/Caller]

It's like criminal vandalism right there.

[Rick]

Well, the problem is it's a popular town of a population about 2500 and it's the same people that are getting TP wants turned into bullying. But it's not on the books as far as being illegal. So you're allowed to do it trespassing and get maybe hit or fine on that.

[John Holmberg]

So it is then because you can't do it without trespassing. Well, they can't tack on a charge for toilet.

[Rick]

Yeah, now they can. They can say you'll be arrested and charged with things like trespassing, criminal mischief, illegal dumping, disorderly conduct.

[Brady]

I was thinking about moving there too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like city. We should get in wrecked. Has anyone gone to prison for toilet paper?

[Rick]

Yeah, I've never even heard of anyone being.

[John Holmberg]

I think you get a ticket for it. You can get wrapped up, but the thing you got to worry most about with toilet papering is getting shot.

[Rick]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's changed the home. Has it? I. I think so. I'd consider taking a plug in somebody who started messing up my front yard.

[Rick]

Yeah, we never, you know, as kids when you, when you're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rick]

Usually it's to a friend's house or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's never been the case. I don't know when or why that happened. Why you would toilet paper your friend's home.

[Rick]

We used to get it if you're on a team, like the football team or they had football your house or TP your house. Who though the enemy Friday before the game. Know that.

[John Holmberg]

Why.

[Rick]

Why would you do that celebratory thing?

[John Holmberg]

The cleanups. Horrible. Yeah, no, it's nothing about that should be between friends. That's an enemy based activity.

[Brady]

The worst is when you. If you're really ballsy, you jump out and get the garden hose and spray down too.

[John Holmberg]

Never coming. Oh yeah, I've heard about it.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying statue of limitations is up on this one. So we, we. I used to be part of it because I could throw.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I like toilet paper. And then I just didn't like what it did to people. And we would pick nights where it was supposed to rain and then like it's toilet paper night. And then the guys would Go. I didn't get into that too much because I didn't feel like the risk was worth it. If you get caught doing. I just always thought if I was a homeowner and I saw this going on, at the very least, somebody's getting hit with a pellet gun. I'll just, I'll, I'll again, I'll leave one story. I'll plug away and say that, you know, they were banging on my windows and they were. I'll lie to the police because the kid that I left in my lawn can't talk. Oh, he threatened my life. I got so scared. Then he started to vandalize everything. I, I never thought it was worth it. Not because of the cops, because you don't know what unhinged nightmare lives inside the house you're doing, but if you're.

[Rick]

Doing it to be a 50 foot tree all the way up there, you're not.

[John Holmberg]

You might set off a dude from Vietnam or, you know, he's an Afghani veteran. You don't know, don't do it. You find out the hard way and it's not worth it.

[Rick]

Got a 75 year old school bus driver in Pennsylvania named Harvey Slyker. He's facing charges after police said he threatened the children he was driving. Punished them by cranking the heat up. Parents say their children got off the bus crying and extremely sweaty. Harvey demanded the kids close all the windows. Then he turned the heater on full blast. It was 74 degrees outside, but inside there, saying it was like 95 to 100. He allegedly told the kids, I'm going to cook you all.

[John Holmberg]

That's what would happen if I was a bus driver. If you had to make me a bus driver, eventually I'd snap.

[Rick]

Also threatened to bring a paddle the next day. Investigators say the students were between ages of 5 and 12. Harvey was charged with simple assault, reckless endangerment.

[Guest/Caller]

Kindergarten through sixth or. Yeah, sixth grade.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rick]

And they decided he won't be driving in the district.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's, he's lost it. That's, there's, it's a one strike policy when you try to cook the kids. You can't come back and. Sorry about that. Friday got a little iron.

[Rick]

But it's unclear. They say what set him off in the first place.

[John Holmberg]

A busload of kids.

[Rick]

He thought the mobile sauna would accomplish.

[John Holmberg]

The discipline calm him down a little bit. Plus he, he looked around and said, American kids are all fat. Let's, let's help them out. Yeah. The bus drivers that lose it, they can't come back. There's no if you snap, it's like a concussion. It happens once, it's going to get a lot easier to start snapping and eventually their lives. By the way, if you're driving a school bus, your life didn't work the way you wanted. You're teetering on the brink, and now you've got.

[Rick]

That's why they're always looking for drivers.

[John Holmberg]

Now you've got 31 angels sitting behind you, driving you nuts, and a cliff. I think there's two things I'm thinking about. Like I'm making a statement and I'm ending my nightmare. How did I become a school bus driver?

[Guest/Caller]

What if that's his step up out of the. Whatever he's been in?

[John Holmberg]

No one that's his first step is happy with their life trajectory.

[Rick]

Curious about how long Harvey has been driving.

[John Holmberg]

If you're driving kids that aren't yours to school, it's you. You are. You're almost. You're kind of want to be a special person. It's the. It's, you know, the girls that will work at strip clubs but won't strip. They'll go to table to table and they'll be dressed a little like the cocktail wedges, but they won't strip. Yeah, that's a school bus driver as it kind of relates to a serial killer. They want to live in that world, but they don't really want to pull it off. But at any moment now, they could snap. And most of those cocktail waitresses eventually go, I'm going to just take my time.

[Brady]

You throw enough Ben Franklin's.

[John Holmberg]

Same with the school bus driver. After a while of driving someone else's kids to school, there's a. Every wall looks more attractive. Every single, like, feature that will destroy the bus is getting a little bit more sunshiny and rainbows. I can't imagine how long were I.

[Rick]

A buddy in high school, his mom drove school bus. Not in our school district. And another one was the only one she could do for like 25, 30.

[John Holmberg]

Only ones you can trust are bored housewives of rich men. That's it.

[Guest/Caller]

Our bus driver, Tim Gullison, would take us to McDonald's at the beginning of the year and at the end of the year, because we survived, our bus.

[John Holmberg]

Driver, Roosevelt Elementary School, helped us invent the how high can you fly on a speed bump? Oh, that was.

[Guest/Caller]

We'd go through the Wagon Wheel trailer park, and we'd do that jump on.

[John Holmberg]

The seats, and she would smash the gas and hit the. The speed Bumps on her way to Roosevelt and throw us. You'd hear kids hitting this. Bam. Ha ha ha. This is great. And she didn't care. Like made it known. I do not care if you live or die.

[Guest/Caller]

Was one day she just wasn't there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I got kicked off because I asked her when her baby was due. Wasn't pregnant. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Guest/Caller]

How old were you?

[John Holmberg]

13? 12.

[Rick]

12.

[John Holmberg]

12. No, 11 or 12. It was a good gag. Yeah, I knew. But she didn't love us. Like she was cracking spines. I mean, when we hit, she's looking in that big mirror while we're flying around laughing. Time of her life. If she'd have had a death on her hands, I think she'd have been thrilled. She was trying to kill us. There was a girl named Becky Beery who was tiny and she just shot across the whole bus. Like row 13 to row one. Wow. Almost hit the driver.

[Rick]

No injury.

[John Holmberg]

We all went to school, everybody got off the bus, everything was fine. And then all she wanted us to do was sit calmly as we kind of got within eye shot of the school's parking lot. We could do whatever we wanted on that bus. It was awesome. But then I realized later, this woman didn't care about life. She didn't like her own. Why is she gonna protect mine?

[Guest/Caller]

So wait, Hansel was taking kids to grandmother's house to be cooked?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That basically was cooking the kids. Yeah. School bus drivers are. There's a reason why in rich neighborhoods you don't ever see buses dropping kids off. But there's a four and a half hour pickup line. Each parent will gladly pick their truck because they know those people.

[Rick]

They're not getting on there.

[John Holmberg]

It's rich women of husbands who have real good jobs that they think they're giving back to the community. And even they'll snap eventually. Or grandmas or something like that. But if it's a dude that's driving your school bus, he's one shaky car ride away from taking them all the way to the Grand Canyon and seeing the bottom of it the hard way.

[Guest/Caller]

John, our bus driver, gave himself plausible deniability because as soon as we'd approach a speed bump, he'd slam on the brakes and we' go flying into the seat in front of us. Did it on purpose.

[Rick]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Our. Our. The woman that, that hated us called that the tooth cracker. Yeah. Cuz if you. If you weren't. If you weren't good.

[Guest/Caller]

You eating the seat.

[John Holmberg]

You're eating that seat right in front of you. And it was a metal bar.

[Guest/Caller]

Metal bar, yeah, before the old pad.

[John Holmberg]

I remember those. Somebody got a tooth cracker. I told you guys, Butcher. She was warning us to put our hands on the seat in front of us. That was how she wanted us to ride because she just occasionally wanted to smash the brakes. We had like a mile drive that was. It might have been less than that. And she tried to kill us every morning. And we loved it.

[Rick]

You weren't allowed to walk.

[John Holmberg]

We had to cross Southern Avenue.

[Rick]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

So the school frowned on that because it was a pretty busy intersection. There was a lot of us. So, yeah, we could ride our bikes, you could walk. But, you know, fourth, fifth, sixth grade, they didn't want you hoofing it across Southern. There was no 101 then Southern was a pretty main run. So they drag us across the street.

[Rick]

Two engineers are working on something called Project Rebirth. They're investigating what would happen if airbags were added to planes. But not on the seat backs in front of you. Their image is like the airbag would be on the outside of the plane.

[John Holmberg]

It just explodes, and the plane goes into this giant in two seconds.

[Rick]

Giant, like mission Michelin plane.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's a big man. My fear would be that everything looked.

[Rick]

Like it would work.

[John Holmberg]

Well. Yeah. But it. You're. Then you got this rolling plane going down the road because they did an.

[Rick]

AI powered crash survival system. Basically. AI would detect the engine failure, activate it, and it's emergency protocol. It would inflate the external smart bags right before impact. Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

So but how would that work with the one that turned, rolled over? Wouldn't the ground just scrape them all off?

[Rick]

It's big enough.

[John Holmberg]

I think you gotta see this.

[Rick]

Higher than the tail.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Well, it's. It. It takes up at least the picture that I faces, and then. Yeah, but it's before impact. So if you're doing another plane, it's.

[Rick]

Not fully encased, but you know when you put people in those bubbles.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rick]

And they collide and they run around.

[John Holmberg]

And bang into each other. I'd just be worried. It would be like, folks, you look at the right side of the airplane, most of you can see that our airbags have deployed. And this flight was going just fine, but now it's not where we're going down. It's over. I would. The malfunction of the airbags just going off the awful. So, yeah, it looked neat. In the AI recreation that I saw over the weekend, I'm like, that's pretty cool. However, it would have to Be a very specific crash. For it to be anything more than just said.

[Rick]

All this would just be an effort to mitigate a once in two decades crash.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the other thing. Prices would go way up. And it's the same as the seat belts on a plane. Seat belts on a plane are designed to keep you from floating around during turbulence and keep you in your seat for identification purposes. If it does go down.

[Rick]

You want the puff plane.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be in a bag. So it'd be a little easier for them to just kind of make sure that nothing's flying all over. It's easier clean up. Really. Because I don't see a plane nose diving into the earth with airbags and everybody just walks off. That's tons and tons of weight hitting the earth. I'm not sure if we can make airbags that good. Let's do it and cover ourselves in it and we'll live forever.

[Guest/Caller]

Exactly. John, can I give you my point of view as a school bus mechanic for 15 years?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest/Caller]

The truth. As I see it. Most bus drivers are incapable of having normal jobs.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Guest/Caller]

They can't work a straight eight hour shift even at a Walmart. So what do they do? They work for two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon because that's all they can handle. There are some older people who are smart and intelligent who just want to do something to get out of the house. Those ones are great. They show up every day and you never have to worry about them. The others take a picture.

[John Holmberg]

I'm right. Yeah. Get a photo. Get to know their names, where they live, find the bodies. This guy said, we had a bus driver at Landmark Junior High. His first day he got on the bus, he's like, all right, everybody sit down and shut the up. My name's Chewy. Business went on. He used to swerve to try to hit cats. But he listened to 98 KUPD. Different world, man. So those were the Pratt days. Yeah. I liked it when bus drivers used. Well, that's Ottoman from the Simpsons. Everybody related to the bus driver on the Simpsons because we all had that. And then the crazy one on south park with the bird in her hair. Bus drivers. You scare me. Not city bus. You tolerate too much. You guys are salt of the earth. The most patient people alive. Can you imagine?

[Rick]

I know in our neighborhood there are a handful of buses, but most of it is like a van.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Rick]

14 kids. Because they're going now. You can go to so many different schools. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But you Spent your whole entire parenthood teaching your kids not to get into vans.

[Rick]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

And then the school provides one. Yeah, mixed message. Speaking of, how was Kirby's homecoming? Did she come back that's smelling like orange spray?

[Rick]

No, I didn't. I didn't stay up for her return.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, too late. Oh, so you didn't.

[Brady]

Did you go past nine? So, yeah, prom dress.

[Rick]

She got in around midnight.

[John Holmberg]

So you should go with her to get the prom dress cleaned just to hear how come it smells so much like orange spray? Why you do here for orange spray on all your dress? Hey, man, it's just an orange perfume. No, it's not. It's air freshener. Airway Orange spray. I recognize her date.

[Rick]

Woke up the next morning, stood in line for the Charlie Kirk thing.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Did he stay the night?

[Rick]

No.

[John Holmberg]

That's a pretty good excuse. Hey, look. Thank you.

[Rick]

I'm getting up early.

[John Holmberg]

I'm getting up early. I gotta go chop you up.

[Rick]

I got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Rick]

First one's another bull fight that didn't last long, but it's a quick back breaker.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, here we are in some terrible town with.

[Rick]

Yeah, I don't know if this guy. This guy's definitely an amateur matador. Because he's shirtless.

[John Holmberg]

It's Mexico. Because there's some church mission. Oh, the bull just flipped him. It does look like old Tucson flipped him into a. Like a middle of the fountain. Like a stupid two foot brick fountain and just snapped his back. Wow.

[Guest/Caller]

That saltillo tile fountain that they have.

[Rick]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they don't have still pavement. Every one of those towns is awful. That.

[Rick]

That could have been the safety circle for the regular bullfights. You run into that next one. John, I know you're not a big fan of the marching bands at college, but this is a pretty good little.

[John Holmberg]

Did they fail? Is it bad?

[Rick]

Got the girls dancing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. The band is up there.

[Guest/Caller]

It says asu, but this is Alabama State.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Alabama State's dancing away some of the. Oh, man. They've got like a stripper up in front of the marching band and the girls are whore dancing. And now it's just gone over to a fella who's also the mean machine whore dancing as well. All right. Really, Brady? This is what I had to watch.

[Rick]

It's a good one.

[John Holmberg]

No, it isn't.

[Rick]

It's a good one.

[Guest/Caller]

It's the last one you saw before you came to the studio this morning.

[Rick]

It's all it takes. You sent it to me.

[John Holmberg]

At 6.

[Rick]

19.

[John Holmberg]

Good one. That was a dumb one. That was terrible.

[Guest/Caller]

That's non plus.

[John Holmberg]

I liked the horror version. I thought that was gonna go somewhere. And then the camera swung over to.

[Brady]

It was Brady's video.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. That's true. If it was yours, that girl would have taken her clothes off.

[Brady]

Brady's seen a rosebud or something.

[John Holmberg]

Some fat guy starts dancing. Yeah. There's no rosebud.

[Rick]

Yeah, I leave that to Brett.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, college Rosebud is a hell of a band name.

[Guest/Caller]

Oh, like it?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I was rooting for. I'm like, oh, this is going to get saucy. Nope. Just a fat guy being. Attempting to be sexy. And you know what? It's. It always is funny when a fat guy starts dancing. But we've got almost too many videos of it now.

[Guest/Caller]

F you guys. I was on the eight passenger school bus. It was yellow still. It wouldn't go over the speed bumps.

[John Holmberg]

Someone else points out Brady. You know, when the kids take the van to school, it's special. That is true. No, keep shaking your head.

[Rick]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's usually what the little vans were. The little buses.

[Guest/Caller]

Is that bougie ua short buses.

[Rick]

No, I'm just talking the kids that are going to a different school. The bus won't go out of that, you know, into another.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Rick]

Chandler school. They provide a van to pick those kids.

[John Holmberg]

That's what they tell those little angels that this is your special ride. You don't get on the big bus, the academy.

[Guest/Caller]

If you're. Well, that's again, that's a charter school. That's you're paying for charter or bottom.

[John Holmberg]

Line is you get on anything smaller than a regular bus.

[Guest/Caller]

Get that.

[John Holmberg]

Anything smaller than the regular bus. And that's what it is mostly GO thinks you're retarded.

[Rick]

That's basically charter and private school van.

[John Holmberg]

Or you got to be wheeled into one. Yeah, I agree with that. You get a tiny car to come pick you up instead of a regular bus. That a means two things. You're either or your parents don't love you enough to drive you to the school they pay for you to go to. They have to hire out the short bus. My goodness. There something's wrong with you. Your special angel bus is here. They love me because I'm special. That's right. It's only for VIPs ours.

[Guest/Caller]

Vipers.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, we call it the Viper Butts. You're VIP tarded. Yeah. You notice all those rich kids, Brady in that van making blowfish face on the windows of that bus as it goes by. That's for the rich kids. Nope, nope, they didn't do that.

[Rick]

They just licked.

[John Holmberg]

Brett. What do you got?

[Brady]

Nothing. Can't compete with Brady's last.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, Stop it. You got plenty.

[Brady]

You know, the boys took the weekend off.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brady]

Out of respect.

[John Holmberg]

What a disappointment.

[Brady]

Well, you finished with the big. The big black guy doing the sexy dance on Brady's video.

[John Holmberg]

What a disappointment.

[Brady]

Hey, Brady finished it. What do you want me to do?

[John Holmberg]

We were count Counting on you.

[Rick]

Do your own research is what it is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

If that's research, I quit.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm with you, man. Oh, man.

[Brady]

I don't think I have any leftovers.

[John Holmberg]

That's okay if you don't want to.

[Guest/Caller]

I don't want you digging through the trash.

[Brady]

Well, it's not going to be too difficult.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point.

[Brady]

That last one.

[John Holmberg]

Jeez. Anyway, good luck out there, everybody. And if your kid's getting in that van, the school doesn't think much of them. You can shake your head at that all you want. That's a known thing.

[Guest/Caller]

I do like Vipers, though.

[John Holmberg]

The Vipers, they're very important people. Retarded. The arvips. And there you go, everybody. That was your Brady report.

[Rick]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Rick]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard enough of this P. Day.