09-24-25 - BR - WED - Brady Struggles w/The Math On Weekends Left For Different Stages Of Life - Video Of Man Farting In Window Scaring A Grandmother Has Us Dying

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness

Episode: 09-24-25 - BR - WED
Date: September 24, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Theme: Hilarious misadventures in math, viral fart videos, and the everyday absurdities of life

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness captures the show at its funniest: riffing through odd scientific "facts," botched arithmetic about life’s remaining weekends, and losing composure over a viral video featuring a fart in a stranger’s window. The hosts’ trademark banter, good-natured roasting, and digressions on everything from ancient dating to cat reactions make this a quintessential installment for fans of comedy radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Yucca App & Healthy Living

Timestamp: 02:25–04:47

• John recounts a listener using the Yucca nutrition app, realizing most habitual food choices score poorly.
• The hosts riff on how the app demystifies the last pounds to lose—"It’s not the last five pounds, it’s you! Everything you eat is bad."
• Discussion on how natural foods (e.g., whole milk, peanuts) are rated more highly compared to highly processed "healthy" alternatives.
• Memorable exchange about milk:
  • Brady: “What surprised me was whole milk.”
  • Holmberg: “It gets a garbage rating?”
  • Brady: “No, it’s excellent. It’s natural, it’s good fat.” (03:47–03:57)

2. “The Brady Report” & Fun Facts

Timestamp: 06:01–08:07

• Celebrating obscure holidays: National Punctuation Day and National Horchata Day.
• Fun animal science: Only humans, bonobos, and dolphins have sex for pleasure. (Leads to Jay Mohr’s dolphin encounter story.)
• Fast food trivia: Grimace (from McDonald’s fame) was originally "Evil Grimace" who stole milkshakes.

3. Math Mayhem: How Many Weekends Do You Have Left?

Timestamp: 08:07–13:17

• Brady shares a stat: At 18, you have ~3,160 weekends left; at 40, only 2,015.
• The group spirals into confusion as Brady struggles to convert weekends to years, conflating weeks and weekends, much to the delight (and frustration) of the others.
  • Holmberg: “If I’m 40 and I’ve got 38 years left, I don’t have 38 years of weekends!” (11:27)
  • Brady: “I meant weeks—no, weekends. I was basing it...” (13:17)
• Dick Toledo tries to clarify (“If you live to 75, you’ve got 783 weekends left”), but Brady's calculations keep looping.
• Running joke: Brady’s new nickname—“Pythagoras Bogan.”

4. Viral News Stories & “I Survived” Tangents

Timestamp: 18:54–22:18

• The hosts spotlight a DoorDash driver’s heroics: A customer in Texas ordered trash bags, zip ties, and other suspicious "murder tools." Driver notified police, who rescued a hostage (who then was arrested on their own warrant).
• The group shares a deep distrust of classic TV crime re-enactment ("I Survived"), debating the wild scenarios people endure/live through.
• Wildest injury story: A tow truck operator with a hook in his neck, saved by his own call.
  • Holmberg: “She thought it was a fishing hook. He goes, ‘It’s a big hook!’”

5. World Record Catch & More Math Jokes

Timestamp: 23:03–23:46

• Little Falls, NJ: 1,179 pairs (2,358 people) set a Guinness record for the largest game of catch. Brady immediately tries to do more math—others plead, “Don’t start doing math again!”

6. Video Segment: Farting in a Stranger’s Window

Timestamp: 30:42–38:54 (Recurring)

• The show’s highlight: A listener submits a night-vision video of a man trying to quietly fart in a stranger’s (elderly woman’s) window.
• The hosts lose it watching the woman react (“Hello? Hello?”) after the fart, pondering the bleakness and hilarity of such a lonely moment.
  • Holmberg: “If I’m ever so weak and miserable in life that I hear a fart and greet it—hello? That’s the last day I want to be on this planet.” (36:16)
• Ongoing jokes about “old people greeting farts,” cats witnessing the act, and what the cat thought.
  • Dick Toledo: "That cat only has 15 weekends of life left!" (32:01)

7. Other Notable Viral/Insane Videos

Timestamp: 24:41–33:34

• They react to:
  • A “fitness star” with an odd physique.
  • Police takedown bodycam footage: suspect in cuffs runs directly into a brick house.
  • Home improvement fail: a man collapses his own porch by overloading it with roofing shingles.
  • Dangerous stunts: a redheaded kid falls attempting to jump from a roof (foot stuck, lands on his head).
  • An explicit video involving a naked woman urinating on her partner, to their horror and amazement.

8. Loose-Ends & Signature Banter

The group tangents into the role of old people in society ("old people having blue bloods"), ancient Roman dating tips from Ovid (“Don’t look like a slob; clean up, get new sandals!”), and cat behavior.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Holmberg (on the Yucca app): "Grass and water—it's the only way to make it right. And who wants that?" (03:24)
• Brady (math meltdown): “If you’re 40, you have 38 years of weekends.”
  Holmberg: “It cannot be, because that would—then you’re 78 years old of weekends. What are you doing the rest of weeks?” (10:36)
• Dick Toledo (deadpan): “Brady has 783 weekends left if he lives another 14 years.” (09:57)
• Holmberg (on fart video): “You’re so lonely that a fart seems like good company. ‘Hello!’” (36:16)
• Dick Toledo: “That cat only has 15 weekends of life left!” (32:01)
• Holmberg (on old age): “If I ever greet a fart with ‘hello,’ just end it for me.” (36:16)
• Holmberg: “I like when I fart on a pussy. It’s kind of funny.” (Cat in window) (32:01)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:25 — Yucca App & Nutrition Realities
• 06:01 — Brady Report: Fun Facts
• 08:07 — Weekend Math Breakdown
• 18:54 — DoorDash True Crime Heroism
• 23:03 — World Record Game of Catch
• 24:41 — Viral Video Reactions Begin
• 30:42 — Fart in Window Video Discussion
• 36:16 — Old Age Loneliness/Fart Greeting Rant
• 32:01 — Cat Has '15 Weekends' Joke
• 33:34 — Explicit Video Segment

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Tone, Style, & Listener Experience

The tone is irreverent, quick, and heavily reliant on banter, sarcasm, and comic misdirection. The cast plays off Brady’s confusion and naiveté, propelling both inside jokes (“Pythagoras Bogan”) and public ridicule into laugh-out-loud moments. Their comfort with absurdity, juvenile humor, and shock video content is a huge piece of the episode’s unique flavor.

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For New Listeners

If you didn't catch the episode, expect a blend of local Arizona flavor, oddball headlines, viral video commentary, quick-fire mocking, and the spectacular unraveling of simple math facts. Signature segments like "The Brady Report" and the group’s raucous video viewing guarantee laughs, especially for fans of self-deprecating humor and wild digressions.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady]

It's Brady from the HMS Crew. For Game Day Men's Health, the Valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should do what I did and schedule a complimentary appointment which is quick and easy. You'll meet with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you, whether you need more energy, medical, weight loss or sexual health treatments. Game Day Men's Health Clinic is a true game changer. Go to game day gameday phoenix.com and schedule your complimentary appointment today. Get back in the game with Game Day Men's Health.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from the Morning Sickness for our friends at FanDuel who want you to know that every NFL Thursday is your chance to hit the jackpot. Because with FanDuel's Thursday Touchdown Jackpot, you can win a share of $2 million in bonus bets each week. And to get in on this Thursday's action, all you have to do is place an anytime touchdown scorer bet before the game kicks off. And if your player scores the first or last TD of the game, you'll win your bet plus a share of bonus bets. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to take your shot at the jackpot. That's FanDuel.com KUpd for your chance to win a share of $2 million in bonus bets. Play your game with FanDuel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL 21 and President Arizona. Opt in must apply Profit Boost Token on select market prize pool to be split equally among all eligible participants who made the correct first or last touchdown pick. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire 21 days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next- step or text next step to 53342.

[John Holmberg]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millimeter hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it sounds like MMP Guns is providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th street in Indian School or online at mmpguns.com.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Something in my teeth.

[Brady]

Nothing a little Waterloo can't fix.

[John Holmberg]

Professional broadcaster. 100 out of 100 on the yucca app. That Waterloo, big fan. Got a guy who emailed me and said, all right, I downloaded the stupid yucca app because the six things I do every morning were all bad. Everything you do is bad on the Yucca app. It really learns you that you're. You know, everybody says those last five pounds are the toughest to lose. No, it's what you're put. It's you. It's you thinking that what you're eating is organic, healthy nonsense. Yucca teaches you if it comes from the ground or grows off a tree, it's good for you. And if it's just water, just drink water and eat grass. That's.

[Brady]

That's like.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of people would get salads, but then they put all that dressing and salads or cheese, candy bars.

[Brady]

Cream is a tough sell. Anything good that's like cream based or cream cheese, all that you want, you. There's not a product on there that says excellent.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, you got to get it. You can't eat it. If you're trying to be good and you're truly trying to do it. That cream is like the word shouldn't even come out of your mouth. You're not getting any healthy creams. Grass and water. It's the only way to make it right. And who wants that?

[Brady]

What surprised me was whole milk.

[John Holmberg]

What about that? It gets a garbage rating.

[Brady]

Excellent.

[John Holmberg]

No, it does. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's natural. It's good fat.

[Brady]

85.

[John Holmberg]

It's like peanuts. It's like good fat. Good this because there's no. The big thing that that yucca thing gets is additives and the preservatives and nonsense we put into stuff. It's the man made additions.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Milk comes out of a cow's can. Not that way. That would be awesome. Chocolate milk. I guess that's. But yeah, the yucca app will ruin your life, but it actually is very.

[Brady]

Helpful to a wormhole. It's awful.

[John Holmberg]

And you know, it's funny. It's my buddy Chris told me about. It was like a three fingered monkey paw he gave me. When I give you this, it will also ruin your life. Like what it will grant your wishes and give you everything you've ever wanted. But it will also ruin your life. It's just an app, man. Big deal. I find out what? Oh my God. I found out. I might as well just go outside and just.

[Brady]

How have I lived this long?

[John Holmberg]

Just eat some dirt and then everything you look at should just have a skull and crossbones on. When you look around, you realize why everybody is fat. The el cap lets you know immediately when you deal with realism and you don't make excuses, that thing kicks your ass. It's time now for you guys to hear all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade TV on the back patio is going to become a huge thing in this city. We've got indoor outdoor living. And if you've got a patio that's on your on your wish list and you want to put a TV and a little living room out there, it's a huge thing with new homes. They basically build an outdoor space for you to have. You got to get shade or your TV's useless and you're just gonna be sitting in the sun. So if you've got an area that gets too much sun that you'd be using more, all Pro Shade can fix that. And they'll do it in a way that beautifies the area, doesn't just add some giant thing to the side of your house like old awnings used to do. These are beautiful. And they're electronic. They've got sensors on them. They've got all sorts of technology and they'll make it look good and add value to your house. AllProchade.com They've been around for a long time because they know what they're doing. Now let them do it to you. Allproched.com Brady report it good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Punctuation Day.

[John Holmberg]

Or Happy National Punctuation Day.

[Brady]

National Horchata Day.

[John Holmberg]

National Punctuation Day. I'm changing all the punctuation. National Punctuation Day. An ellipsis for no reason.

[Brady]

Excellent.

[John Holmberg]

Not really.

[Brady]

Couple of basis phone facts there are. At least. I think we've done this one before. But just going over it again, there are at least three animals that have sex for pleasure and not just to reproduce. Humans, bonobos and dolphins.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? That's it. We're the only ones that do it for fun.

[Brady]

Well, I'm sure they'll discover another one eventually, but they're saying at least three. These are the three that we know.

[John Holmberg]

Of that are just, you know, randy and amorous and goofing around. Go at it. Little time on the weekend.

[Brady]

Jay Moore used to have one of his comedy routines. Talked about when he went on his honeymoon and got.

[John Holmberg]

The dolphin tried to rape him. Yeah, that's awesome.

[Brady]

They warned him, do not touch this area.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he rubbed the dolphins thing and it got on him.

[Brady]

Grimace was originally evil. In 1971 he was called Evil Grimace. And his goal was to steal milkshakes. But by 1972, turned him into a purple monster who's a good guy and not very bright. Did some electrotherapy on him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like they did to your grandma.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They shocked him into submission and made him one of the. He was a dope at the end. Ronald. Ronald ran a tight ship there. It's like you're not gonna. You're not gonna. Hey, step into my office there, fat ass. You're messing stuff up.

[Brady]

Drill some holes.

[John Holmberg]

Get this goddamn Hamburglar running around. That's bad enough. I don't need you mucking about stomping on the fry guys. So put this in your mouth and we're gonna electrify your brain. You're gonna come back dumb and nice.

[Brady]

Based on the average life expectancy in the U.S. if you're 18 years old, you only have about 3,160 weekends left in your life.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, say it again. How old am I?

[Brady]

18.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Brady]

3160 weekends.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good.

[Brady]

Your life. If you're 40, you only have 2015.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do this. Go on.

[Brady]

That's all the.

[John Holmberg]

So how many from 18 to 40? You still have 2,000 left at.

[Brady]

You have 2015 left at the age of 40.

[John Holmberg]

So you burn through a thousand every 20 years.

[Brady]

Basically, I think it's like 78 years old. That would be. It's 28 years or 38 years when you're 40. Wow. That's 38 years of weekends.

[John Holmberg]

That can't be right, Brady.

[Brady]

I gotta phrase it right. That would be if it's 20. 15 weeks left.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing, Brad? Everything. Go get a pen and paper. Yeah.

[Brady]

Based upon seven day, week, weekends, that's. That's 38 years.

[John Holmberg]

If you're 40, you have 38 years of weekends.

[Brady]

Yeah, Brady, I did. I. Based on 38 years.

[John Holmberg]

How do you have 38 years of weekends on seven.

[Brady]

I'm just basing on seven days. You have 38 weeks or 38 years of weeks. Geez, you guys are throwing me.

[John Holmberg]

We're not growing you. Oh, come. We didn't say. Hey, here's an equation you should work out. You started throwing numbers at us.

[Dick Toledo]

So if you live to 75.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, don't do this.

[Dick Toledo]

You have 15. I just did the calculation. Thanks, Gemini.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

783 weekends left.

[John Holmberg]

You have. If you live to be 75.

[Dick Toledo]

If he lives to be 75, he's got 783 weekends left.

[John Holmberg]

Brady has 783 weekends left if he lives another 14 years.

[Dick Toledo]

15, if he lives to 75.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. For 15 years. Yeah, but he thinks that he has 38 years of weekends if he's 40.

[Brady]

No, I meant weeks.

[John Holmberg]

You have 38 weeks of weekends.

[Brady]

They're saying weekends. I was basing it when I was saying if you're 40, you have less.

[John Holmberg]

Than a year's worth of weekends left. If you're 40.

[Brady]

That I don't understand.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you said. Welcome to the club. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm doing your math.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You said you've got 38 weeks of weekends remaining if you're 40. That's what you said.

[Brady]

If you're 40, you have 38 years of weekends.

[John Holmberg]

It cannot be, because that would. Then you're 78 years old of weekends. What are you doing the rest of weeks? That means you'd also have 38.

[Brady]

Well, it's 38 years left of. Of. So. So I took 38.

[John Holmberg]

So you're gonna live times seven. No, no, but you're gonna be seven.

[Brady]

Then divided it by 365. Basically, it comes out to 38 years.

[John Holmberg]

You have.

[Brady]

So you have 38 years, 15 weeks times seven.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. No, no, don't do that. Because you're.

[Brady]

That's what I did. And it was.

[John Holmberg]

But you only have 38 years total left.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What are you saying?

[Brady]

If I had. I understand what you're saying. As far as saying how many weekends is that?

[John Holmberg]

If I'm 40s. If I'm 40.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I've got 38 years left. I don't have 38 years of weekends. I have 38 years.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

What's.

[John Holmberg]

Is he doing? That's it. Yeah. Check in with it. Yeah.

[Brady]

So you'd want to know how many.

[John Holmberg]

How many weekends are in 38 years?

[Brady]

That's what you're saying. Or I had 700.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's what you're trying to say is how many weekends are in 38 years?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. And no one knows. It's an impossible equation.

[Brady]

I think that's why I just went seven days but you did.

[John Holmberg]

But then you came up with 38 years of weekends, which would mean you have over 70 years of weeks left, which means you're going to live to be 160. It's pretty impressive. That would be pretty good in Brady's world. I'm not going to live through this show if you keep this up and you're certainly not going to make it. Toledo.

[Brady]

How would you first.

[John Holmberg]

How would I phrase it? I wouldn't.

[Brady]

If you had 38 years left, enjoy those 38. Your weekends of 38 years.

[John Holmberg]

But you don't have 38 years of just weekends. You have 38 years, right?

[Brady]

I.

[John Holmberg]

How many. You're trying to say I know how many weekends are in 38 years.

[Dick Toledo]

1982.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. You have 1980 weekends left.

[Brady]

Which is how many years.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, it isn't. No. Yours are different than weekends, though. That's there.

[Brady]

How many week. If you had 1938 weekends, that's. How many years is that?

[John Holmberg]

We're not trying to figure that out. If we already know we have 38 years left, there's no reason for it. 38. That's what. That's. Yeah, you can't. No, we knew the 38. You're trying to get back to the thing we already knew. If you. If you're telling me I've only got 38 years left, I have 19.

[Brady]

Enjoy your weekends.

[John Holmberg]

I have 1900 some weekends remaining. That's all. Jesus Christ.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Nick Delito from homework's morning sickness. For our friends at FanDuel. And by now you know the FanDuel sportsbook app is your home for all your favorite NFL bets from straight up Moneyline bets on who's going to win yards to touchdowns. With FanDuel, any play can be the play of the game. And right now FanDuel is giving all customers a 50% profit boost token tonight on either game of your choosing. So maybe you want to take the Buccaneers over the Texans on the money line or maybe you like the Raiders to upset the Chargers. Emeka Igbuka for an anytime touchdown score. Lad McConkey to go over the number of receptions or Justin Herbert to go over his passing yards total. With all these bets you can make FanDuel your go to app for any snap. Just visit FanDuel and play your game with FanDuel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL 21 plus and President Arizona Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount see [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Byron. I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes, sir. MMP Guns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, there's no backorders? Nope.

[Byron]

We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com need wood? Oliver, with 84 Lumber, has more planks than a pirate ship and will price match any competitor. Call Oliver at 480-23-6558 or Oliver Starr. S t a r r lumber.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Holy smokes, man. You've got one weekend.

[Brady]

Enjoy your weekends. Of the 38 years, I hope.

[John Holmberg]

I hope I only have one weekend. Enjoy your last next 38 years.

[Brady]

The next survey someone asked is, is it rude to say yeah instead of yes?

[John Holmberg]

Some people hate that 5%. Yeah. Some people get weird about yeah.

[Brady]

95% say yeah, it's okay. Here's some dating tips from 2,000 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Someone found this poet in ancient Rome named Ovid.

[John Holmberg]

Two thousand years ago, you just grabbed her by the head and drug her around. There were no grab your club and knock her over. The heading tips. Yeah. Jesus's day. Like, court her, girl.

[Brady]

They weren't clubbing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they weren't clubbing. Women didn't have any. Right. Right. They didn't have any rights. You picked one. You grabbed her.

[Brady]

Well, this is what Ovid had to say.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Ovid told men they shouldn't expect their soul mate to just magically appear. You have to put yourself out there. She will not come floating down to you through a. Through air. You got to go out and seek them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You can't.

[John Holmberg]

You got to leave the house. You got to go to the bars, hit some ladies.

[Brady]

You probably. The. The second advice is you probably won't find them at a bar.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they weren't allowed.

[Brady]

You won't choose the right person if you're drunk. That was the Advice.

[John Holmberg]

They weren't allowed to go to places without a guy. Some 2am cows are there. They're still there. Well, I don't know if they had 2am cows in Jesus's day, but they had to. And they had. Oh, all of them were stinky.

[Brady]

They partied. They partied.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they weren't allowed in bars without a guy. So you're wasting your time going to a bar. There wasn't ladies nights back then. Those were whores. They'd get stoned to death if they screwed up.

[Brady]

Most bars it seemed like at least it was in Pompeii. They're just on the side of the road.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're talking about Rome into 2,000 years ago.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So they were still like making ladies walk around the outside of the city every time they had their menstrual cycle.

[Brady]

I'm not sure about that, but it.

[John Holmberg]

Was the Old Testament stuff they had that the new one hadn't come up yet. Two thousand years ago, they didn't get that. Didn't get to that for a couple hundred years. So those ladies were getting stoned to death on the reg.

[Brady]

Yeah, but I don't know if that was a Roman deal.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure that they were.

[Brady]

I thought that was.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that they had super. Yeah, they didn't have super advanced broads in Rome at 2000 years ago, like ladies that had jobs and stuff and CEOs. It wasn't happening.

[Brady]

Third piece of advice is don't look like a slob.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Clean yourself up, get some new sandals, nice robe.

[John Holmberg]

Head over to the sandal shop, get those things fixed up. New flow hose, you know, you'll be fine. And then go beat the tar. The first woman that you like, drag her back to your house and make her your slave.

[Brady]

His. His main thing on the slob. Hollow your nostrils, huh? Clear the bears in the cave.

[John Holmberg]

No more boogers hanging out your nose. Hollow the Nostrils is a good band name, especially if you put a comma hollow the nostrils. It's like two people hollow and the nostrils start a band. Today you've only got 38 weekends left.

[Brady]

J.D.

[John Holmberg]

Power. No, no, it's different.

[Brady]

That's 38. Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

38 years of weekends. Just think about what that we were saying.

[Brady]

I did. I like it.

[John Holmberg]

You're the only one.

[Brady]

On Monday morning, a door dash driver alerted police after making a very strange delivery to a motel in Sweetwater, Texas. The complete list of items hasn't been released, but word has it the delivery included trash bags Zip ties, bleach, a hatchet and more. Police say a 42 year old man named Neil Cooper placed an order on doordash for these kidnapping and murder tools. When the cops showed up at the motel room, Neil refused to leave and warned the officers he was armed. Cops forced their way in and found a hostage inside.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

The hostage was rescued but was later arrested on an outstanding warrant. There's no word on the their identity, but it sounds like the warrant was drug related.

[John Holmberg]

Kidnapped and they have a warning.

[Brady]

Neil was arrested for aggravated kidnapping. There may be additional charges. It's unclear what he planned to do with the victim.

[John Holmberg]

Kill. It sounds like you owe them money.

[Brady]

Drugs.

[John Holmberg]

You either escape or you die. They never let you go.

[Brady]

A lot of people praise the driver for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Good work.

[Dick Toledo]

Never. That's why that whole high survived show exists.

[John Holmberg]

And they escaped.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Very rarely is he like, off you go. I've never seen an I survived end with, well, I'm done here. We have any questions?

[Brady]

Enjoy your day.

[John Holmberg]

Off you go. There's the door. Never happens. They have to escape or somebody shoots them or they kill themselves. It gets even more grisly.

[Brady]

Yikes.

[John Holmberg]

Very rarely is like, let me get your keys and here's your wallet. You can go now. I survived scares me sometimes. I was watching that the other night. It was up late. They have that whole channel now of I survived. And I've seen a few of them, but lady's just sitting in her house and she heard a rattle.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait a minute. There's so much that they can occupy 24 hours with.

[John Holmberg]

You rarely see double downs.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

So she got up to go.

[Brady]

I think people are trying to get on that.

[John Holmberg]

You think so?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

That's how they make their way.

[Brady]

Yeah. They keep the episodes rolling.

[John Holmberg]

You think that's their star turn? That's their goal.

[Brady]

To go viral.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna be a star. I have no skills in acting. If only someone would violently rape and beat me and then leave me to tell a tale. And they do. One dude had the other day I was watching and he's a tow truck operator and he got called to a car on the side of the road in a dark road. And he slipped and the. The hook, the line wrapped around his neck twice. And the hook went in.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Into his neck. No. So.

[Brady]

And he survived.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it ripped his jugular open. He's holding it and he calls the. He called his wife first. She ain't doing nothing. Call the police. And he calls the police and. Or the ambulance. And she's like you have a. She thought it was like a fishing hook. So later I was like, sorry, can you get the hook out? And he goes, I don't think you understand. It's a big hook. And she goes, I don't. And he could barely. What's going on? Gets there. And then they had pictures of it. And you've seen a tow hook.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This thing is huge. And it's just sitting in his neck all the way across. He's just staring at the camera like, I can't believe ligature marks from the. The cable man. And I'm like, oh. And all it. I think. I don't remember if it snapped or if he fell or whatever. Just. Just went right around his neck and dug in.

[Brady]

Well, we have another survive episode. This bizarre traffic accident happened in China, the city of Chengdu. This guy was on an electric scooter and he ran into a temporary traffic light and got his head stuck in the traffic light.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brady]

Firefighters were called to the scene.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

And they get him out. It's like a little.

[John Holmberg]

He looks like that.

[Brady]

So he popped the pole out and the head stuck.

[John Holmberg]

He looks like daft punk or deadmau5. He's just wearing a traffic light as a head. He could be a club DJ looking like that. That's hard to do.

[Brady]

This is pretty cool. This happened in Little Falls, New Jersey.

[John Holmberg]

It's dead mouse. It's almost perfect. It didn't dent or anything. No.

[Brady]

Last weekend, 2,358 people paired off on the field of the Yogi Berra Stadium to play catch. Set a Guinness world record.

[John Holmberg]

Where's that?

[Brady]

Little Falls, New Jersey.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

It's the largest game of catch in.

[John Holmberg]

The history of catch.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

At the end, everyone was like, that was not worth it.

[Brady]

So if you can come up with. Well, that's a total of 1179 pairs of people.

[John Holmberg]

Don't start doing math again.

[Brady]

That's 38 years of people.

[John Holmberg]

That's over 38 years of people. Or the drinking. Liquid death, too. Yeah.

[Brady]

What's that stuff called?

[John Holmberg]

Now I have to hear that. I'm getting it. There it is. This is Brady's great storytelling skills.

[Brady]

A couple days, liquid death produced 11 packs of. What's it called? Liquid Death.

[John Holmberg]

You're a gem.

[Brady]

There can only be one.

[John Holmberg]

Thank God for that. I just talked to Brady's mom. She just guzzled Tylenol like crazy when she was pregnant. And I told you.

[Brady]

Got a couple of pretty videos. First one's a fitness star. I don't know about star.

[John Holmberg]

But you said it.

[Brady]

Trying to go viral.

[John Holmberg]

Who's arguing with you? Making a fight with yourself?

[Brady]

I think she has a decent amount of followers.

[John Holmberg]

He just made that up because you called. All right, she's got. No, she's a fitness lady.

[Dick Toledo]

She's got 263, 000. So he.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he made it up. I mean, he said he called her a star, then he said, I don't know if she's a star. And then he backed. Then he just made something up. She is a monster of a woman with gigantic fake cans. What's her name?

[Dick Toledo]

Barbara.

[Brady]

Karita.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing's gonna happen here. We're just looking at an ugly person.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's all right.

[John Holmberg]

Steven Tyler would fake his freaks are going the other way.

[Dick Toledo]

I knew what was going on there.

[Brady]

The freaks are.

[John Holmberg]

You just have a fetish. You have a freak fetish. You don't really. Nothing has to happen in the video so long as the God's mistake is talking. God's mistakes breathing. Neato. I'm gonna share this with the boys. All right, go ahead.

[Brady]

This is a pretty good police takedown here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this guy running from the cops. Got his handcuffs on. He pushed him off into a brick house, back of the chimney. And I mean, this guy gets.

[Brady]

He was dumb.

[John Holmberg]

While he's running, he's running directly into that house whether that guy pushes him or not.

[Brady]

Trying to trip and kick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's not done yet. I don't know what his next move was going to be when the house showed up. Right, but the cop had an easy push. When you look at it, that was going to happen if he pushed him or not. Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett.

[Byron]

I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com need wood? Call Oliver Starr with 84 Lumber. Price match guarantee. Oliver is an expert in the lumber industry. Call 480-236-5578 or Oliver Starr s t a r r lumber.com It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. Getting used to chronic pain is something that we can all find ourselves doing and not realize we're doing it. And I needed four procedures. I had a lot going on. Two shoulder replacements and yes, at my age, even two hip replacements. But you know what? I'm better today than I've been in 20 years. And now I'm back. Basketball, pain free, running, pain free. Throwing a baseball or football, pain free. And I can box again. It's exciting because I look forward to the things I love. You don't have to live with pain anymore. Go to the core institute.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. When this starts over, watch this dude still fight. Yeah, but tell me where he's going. He's still got a lot of fight left in him. That's that damn PCP that he's gotta.

[Brady]

Be because he slammed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they've got his legs folded up. That's a good move right there. Those back legs. And Lena, he's gotten three of these.

[Brady]

Got one shoe.

[John Holmberg]

Look how strong he is. And he's skinny. This is definitely drug related strength. I watched a dude get pit maneuvered on OP live the other night. Didn't pull over for a car. A cop, he's driving, putting him in a picture. Drives about six miles, gets pit maneuvered and then he goes, what I do? I didn't see your lights. He's like pit maneuvered you. And he goes, I didn't know I was getting pulled over. Like I pitted you. Why you gotta do all that extra like what? I didn't see no reds and blues. You gotta give me that. It's like you pulled over once, then you drove away again. I didn't know that was. I didn't know that's what you wanted. When I was. When I was hitting your car and pushing in the side of the freeway, were you thinking, am I being pulled over?

[Dick Toledo]

Why you gotta be all.

[John Holmberg]

Why you gotta do all this extra. I didn't do nothing. Like you've been running from me for an hour. I didn't do. I didn't know it was you.

[Brady]

Then the cop said, I run this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's. It didn't say that. When he started to run away, he was running directly into that home anyway. By the way, that's a nice neighborhood. That's a beautiful brick home he runs into. I really like old style brick. Tutors like that. Pretty good stuff. Do we know what he did? I Mean, here he goes. Here's the beginning again. Look at him running. Tell me what his next move is. He runs. He's going into that house no matter what.

[Dick Toledo]

He was catching the corner of that house, even on his own.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, he didn't have time to make a right turn there. He was going into that.

[Brady]

It's like, I'm almost home.

[John Holmberg]

But he doesn't. But there was no door or ingress. He was not going in a thing. It was. He was going into the side of that house. No matter. The cop just made it faster.

[Dick Toledo]

I've never seen that contraption they put him in. They put him in a suit that, like, hog tied.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's pretty awesome. I don't know what they call that, but I've seen those a few times, man. The spit guard and all that.

[Brady]

Yeah, the last one.

[John Holmberg]

You know how hard it is to run with handcuffs, too? Maybe that's why you just couldn't make moves. If you try to run with your hands behind your back. Yeah, you're all over the map.

[Brady]

Last one's a guy that's gonna put new shingles on his roof, his cabin outside. So he's bringing up all the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's coming up the stairs with shingles on his shoulder. They're not light. Does the whip. This whole thing's going down. Yep. Oh, my God. He was on the second floor. But that's too much weight. He's putting it all in one spot. And he took down a beautiful deck, which is putting too much weight on it by one.

[Dick Toledo]

That's when a six hour job turns into a six month project.

[John Holmberg]

That's horrible. I'm just torching the house at that point. I'm done. I'm getting a little insurance. Lightning going on there. Stupid cameras. Gonna ruin it, though.

[Brady]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, what do you got? All right, connect this one they sent over just for Brady. Can we call Brady Pythagoras now? Is that People want a new nickname for you? Pythagoras Bogan. I tried to fart quietly into a stranger's window while on a walk. This says, and there's just a night vision of a window. They sent this over for Brady. Okay. And it's a beautiful. Oh, my God. I know what's gonna happen here. He's going up to the window to fart.

[Dick Toledo]

He gets shot.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's gonna poop on the window. I bet there's a basement window. So he goes and bends down. There's a family inside. They're Just watching tv. And there's a cat looking right at him in the window. And his old man sitting in his chair. Window's open, so the screen's there. Yeah. And the old man sitting in the chair. Is that a woman? That's an old. That's an old widow, I guess. Hello. She says the fart. Hello. All right, now let's get to the real stuff here. Hello. That's how bad aging is.

[Brady]

I didn't see the cat react.

[John Holmberg]

That's not important. Come on, replay it. Yeah, I like to watch him. I like when I fart on a pussy. It's kind of funny.

[Dick Toledo]

You know that cat only has 15 weekends of life.

[John Holmberg]

Well, cats only live to be 19, which is if you're 11. Then they got eight years a weekend and then another eight years of weeks, that cat's gonna be a 7,000 year old cat. I'm Pythagoras Bogan, divided by seven. Pythagoras Bogan knows all that stuff. Correct.

[Brady]

12. The 20s. Biggest hotels in the world.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly how I do numbers. All right, let's go.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

It's FF time. They call it finger F time. I don't know what this is. Oh, my God. What is that? Oh, my God. It's a gigantic rubber finger. This woman is sitting on this thing is a Good.

[Dick Toledo]

Is she 3ft last week?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Dick Toledo]

That's the one from last week.

[John Holmberg]

Good Christ. Wow. It's two and a half feet at least. And it's just. Well, yeah, she measures it. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Shows up to her heart.

[John Holmberg]

What's the measurement that? Almost 14 inches. Oh, that's okay. It's smaller than I thought that. It's thick, though. But it does go up to her cans. And she's short because it's only a foot from her thighs to her chest. Why is she eating that soup that way? All right, all right. Don't show that. All right, here's an idiot jumping off a roof. Okay, you can already see where this is. A kid.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Ginger head leaping off the side.

[Brady]

It's been a while.

[John Holmberg]

He's a ginger, though. This is. He's evil. He could live through the. Oh, his foot got. Totally got. And he landed directly on his head. And he'll never walk again. Oh, man. Yeah, his spine is pointless at this. At this juncture. He's now eating through straws. Oh, my God. That. That was hard to look at. Don't jump off roofs without any confidence. You have to at least commit to it. His foot got Stuck in the gutter. Flipped him right over and went head first. Oh. Oh, my God. Here's another lady with a clown. Whoa. It's a corn. A cob in her butt. Yeah, she likes. She's an Indiana gal. All right. It's hitting the corn. They followed out the corn as well. Oh, that's where Joe Pesci got buried in the end of casinos. This cornfield. That's the second worst thing that's happened there. I won't listen. That one's. All right. We'll just. We'll just go for the grand finale. Or it's two girls in a car. Careful when you rent that car. Passenger, driver. Oh, that's a guy. I never know what happened. Didn't. It's a guy with long hair. The girl is in the passenger seat. She's taking off her clothes. She's very pretty. Oh, she's. She's popping her head out of the window. And she's naked. And now she's moving her genitals close to the driver's face. Oh, she's peeing on the driver's face. Oh, there you go. Driver's face. And he's got his mouth open. He's enjoying it while he's driving. I can't text and drive. That's illegal. And these guys are. Nobody's pulling this over.

[Brady]

That is concentration.

[John Holmberg]

And her head's out the sunroof. She's standing up and she can't drive her, though.

[Brady]

She's focused.

[John Holmberg]

She also drank a gallon of Gatorade. That's an awful lot of urine. Are you. Yeah. Are you kidding me? You are wet enough. Okay. That is a classy couple of Americans.

[Brady]

Jeez.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. We'll in there. All right. Just for Brady sakes, can we watch the cat's reaction to the fart? Really? Well, I am kind of curious now that he brought it up. I didn't. I was paying attention too much to the old lady. I like the guy. Sneaks up to the house too. I tried to quietly fart in a stranger's window. Grandma's just down there. She's not running the air because it's just now nice out. She's got the screen. There's the cat. Notices the intruder. Lives on kind of a busy road. It sounds like we're bending over into the screen.

[Brady]

Oh, the cat. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It kind of gets cat spooked when Grandma spooked. Hello? Hello? Fart. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus, are you there? Wouldn't it be great if Jesus gasped one out? And that's how you knew the last thing you always hear is Jesus's joke. Christ.

[Brady]

The heavenly horn.

[John Holmberg]

That's how helpless you are as an old person. Someone takes a on your house and you say, hello. You're so lonely that a fart seems like good company. Hello. Welcome. I've got Werther's. Of course you do. Please suck some with me. I love when Grandma says that. Suck this. Here, put it in your mouth. Suck it. Hello. If I'm ever so weak and miserable in life that I hear a fart and greet it, hello. That's the end. That's the last day I want to be on the planet. Lady, I just took a in your house. Hello? Who's there? Are we friends? Friend or foe? Comes back to that. Who's at my door? Who's who's friend or foe? Identify yourself. Fat. I said, hello. Poor old woman. This is when it's all come down. And she was probably just sitting there thinking to herself, well, Tom's been gone for a while now. And I said, hello. Hello, Tom. He's back, you see. He visits me in the night. There's a ghastly apparition, Grandma.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not real.

[John Holmberg]

Your father came and saw me again last night in the window. Oh, God. I did what he did to me the last four years of our marriage. He hotboxed me.

[Brady]

I think I heard from him last night.

[John Holmberg]

I bet she was crying. Oh, I remember when he used to hot box me in Dutch oven. And oh, I miss him so. That was one of your father's farts. I know his brew. Dad, if you're coming back and farting on mom at night, please stop. He's not even dead. They've just been divorced for 20 years. Oh, I miss your. Your father used to fart on me. Sound like Pat McMahon. Good farts just find me. Oh, I love the fart. She was watching a Matlock with Kathy Bates just enjoying Elspeth on cbs. No, no, those are done. That's old. Old people. Elspeth is the new Murder, She Wrote. They love that thing. Csi. Oh, that ncis. That's old people having blue bloods. Forget it. You can't peel an old person away from blue bloods. They see that Tom Selleck is still handsome. Tom. Hello, Toledo. Farts every morning. None of us ever go, hello. Greetings, friend.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady has sometimes.

[Brady]

I wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Hello.

[Brady]

Well, the one the other day, I'm like, that was it? I wasn't sure.

[John Holmberg]

It sort of sounded like he was dragging a chair across a concrete floor.

[Brady]

It was extended.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was a long one. And I. I greeted it with Geez Louise, what was that? I think Toledo farted.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

What did the cat do? I just ran away. Hello? Hello? Every time you farted, an old lady blasters herself against the window. Hello, friend. Identify yourself.

[Brady]

I noticed the construction crew walking down. They're all scattered.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, they run pepper and soap. That's it. There goes your brainy report. It's 98 KUPD. Hello? It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Wherever you go, whatever they get into, from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Credelio Guattro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit credelioquattrolabel.com consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cornelia Quattro and visit quattrodog. Com.