Episode Overview

Title: Listener Took Too Long At Stoplight Making John Yell At Him - Automated Balls/Strikes Coming To MLB - Rock Wars - Song For John’s PHX Mercury Tattoo
Date: September 24, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg (D), Brady Bogen (B), Bret Vesely (A), Dick Toledo (E)
Main Theme:
This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness dives into a typically irreverent mix of local gripes (John’s meltdown at a slow pedestrian), passionate baseball talk with a tech twist (robot umps in MLB), debates over the fate of America’s pastime, and the week’s “Rock Wars” song contest—this time themed around John’s potential Phoenix Mercury tattoo.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holmberg's Stoplight Showdown (01:15–04:21)

• Incident Recap: John vents about a listener who crossed the street so slowly he missed his green light at 68th St & McDowell.
  • The crosser recognized him and called out his name, making the encounter even more aggravating for John.
  • The crew jokes about “mean mug crossers” who walk extra slow and claim the road as their own.
• Notable Moment:
  • “If you’re in the crosswalk, you’re not badassing anybody. Just get across the road.” – John (02:34)
• Humor & Local Color:
  • The story becomes a launching pad for a rant about people who “run the crosswalk” and a few gripes about extreme Arizona heat: “You got four DUIs, that’s why you’re walking in 108 degrees.”

2. The Coming of Automated Umpires in Baseball (04:21–07:13)

• Robot Umps Discussion:
  • John transitions to MLB implementing automated balls and strikes, first as a challenge system and eventually likely as a full replacement.
  • Arguments for automation: Improves fairness, removes notorious “wide” strike zones when umps want to hurry up games, and aligns the field with the accuracy TV viewers have come to expect.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Baseball's dying a slow death, it needs to be organized better for the next generation… and computers are going to be part of it.” – John (04:35)
  • “You miss the screaming at Angel Hernandez, Joe West... that’s the real fun of the game.” – Brady (07:06)
• Counterpoint:
  • The crew admits part of baseball’s charm is hating umpires by name but concedes that consistency and technology are winning.
  • Discussion veers into changing viewer habits and the struggle to get younger generations invested in baseball (06:33).

3. Valley Sports and Fan Woes (07:13–09:03)

• MLB Local Scene:
  • John laments the D-backs’ playoff push being overwhelmed by Dodger fans, emphasizing the difficulty of building genuine local loyalty and generational support for Arizona sports franchises.
  • “They’ve done a pretty good job with the Diamondbacks of getting kids to like them, but they’re not passionate about it.” – John (08:20)
• Humorous Tangent:
  • “What we need to have is robots helping you across the goddamn street.” (08:43)

4. Rock Wars: Theme Song For John's Phoenix Mercury Tattoo (09:03–16:33)

• Background: John drunkenly promised to get a Mercury (WNBA) tattoo if the Mercury win the championship. Cue the need for a themed “tattoo soundtrack.”
• Song Picks & Justification:
  • John's pick: “I'm the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge—chosen for Mercury fans’ love of Melissa; “I would be the only person in the world with a Mercury tattoo… Melissa’s their hero.” (13:38)
  • Brady's pick: “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls—suggested jokingly in reference to how often John will admire (or possibly regret) the tattoo.
  • Bret's pick: “It’s A Mistake” by Men at Work—plays off the risk (and possible regret) of John’s bold tattoo bet. “I think you know this could be a huge mistake. We’re hoping not.” (15:32)
• Rock Wars Winner (via trivia tie-breaker): Bret (“It’s A Mistake”) wins after swift trivia (“Green Eggs and Ham”) answer (17:01).
• Memorable Moment:
  • “I’ll put it out there, I am literally, I’m the only one to have that. And I think the only person that can say it and make Mercury friends understand is their hero, Melissa Etheridge.” – John (13:38)
  • “Don’t like lesbians, huh? See how it is?” – John ribs Brady after “It’s A Mistake” wins (17:25)

5. Banter, Callbacks, and Offbeat Humor

• Crosswalks & Mean-Mugging: Circling back, John calls out listeners who cross streets antagonistically—or recognize him mid-meltdown.
• Mercury Parade Dress-Up: The hosts half-heartedly pledge to attend a Mercury victory parade “dressed as Mercury fans—in dresses,” then wriggle away from committing (13:13).
• Random Phone-Call Memories: John reminisces about prank-calling random numbers as a kid, hinting at future bits.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Sluggish Pedestrians:
  “You’re not badassing anybody. Just get across the road.”
  —John (02:34)

• On robot umps and baseball evolution:
  “Baseball's dying a slow death, it needs to be organized better for the next generation… and computers are going to be part of it.”
  —John (04:35)

• On fan passion and the D-backs:
  “They’ve done a pretty good job with the Diamondbacks of getting kids to like them, but they’re not passionate about it.”
  —John (08:20)

• Tattoo Theme Song rationale:
  “I’ll put it out there, I am literally, I’m the only one to have that. And I think the only person that can say it and make Mercury friends understand is their hero, Melissa Etheridge.”
  —John (13:38)

• On regrettable bets:
  “I think you know this could be a huge mistake. We’re hoping not.”
  —Bret (15:32)

• Final jab after Rock Wars:
  “Don’t like lesbians, huh? See how it is?”
  —John, needling Brady after his song loses (17:25)

Timeline of Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |:-----------|:---------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:15 | John’s crosswalk rant: The listener who stalled him at a light | | 04:21 | MLB robot umpire discussion begins | | 07:06 | Human umpires, tradition, and fan rage | | 09:03 | Introduction of Rock Wars segment | | 13:07 | Mercury tattoo bet and parade dress-up convo | | 13:38 | John selects his theme song (“I’m the Only One”) | | 14:55 | Brady’s quirky song entry (“I Touch Myself”) | | 15:32 | Bret’s entry (“It’s a Mistake”) | | 16:51 | Trivia tiebreaker; Bret wins Rock Wars | | 17:25 | Playful post-contest teasing |

Summary Table – Rock Wars (Tattoo Song Entries)

| Host | Song Choice | Rationale | |:---------|:---------------------|:-------------------------------------------------------------| | John | Melissa Etheridge – “I’m the Only One” | For Mercury fans & tattoo uniqueness | | Brady| Divinyls – “I Touch Myself” | Teasing John’s pride in his tattoo | | Bret | Men At Work – “It’s A Mistake” | Commentary on risking a regrettable tattoo bet |

Tone & Style

• Language: Playful, sharp, irreverent, with a streak of classic morning radio sarcasm.
• Atmosphere: Has the feel of a lively, unscripted bar conversation among quick-witted longtime friends, peppered with Arizona sports culture references, local color, and lots of self-deprecating humor.

For New Listeners

This episode is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: local gripes, sports talk with a twist (robot umps!), irreverent song contesting, and banter that veers from personal confessions to collective ribbing—always teetering on the edge of the inappropriate, yet ultimately grounded by the hosts' camaraderie and deep Valley roots. If you missed the episode, this summary delivers the best of the jokes, debates, and community flavor, minus the commercials and station promos.