09-24-25 - Listener Took Too Long At Stoplight Making John Yell At Him - Automated Balls/Strikes Coming To MLB - Rock Wars - Song For John's PHX Mercury Tattoo

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: Listener Took Too Long At Stoplight Making John Yell At Him - Automated Balls/Strikes Coming To MLB - Rock Wars - Song For John’s PHX Mercury Tattoo
Date: September 24, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg (D), Brady Bogen (B), Bret Vesely (A), Dick Toledo (E)
Main Theme:
This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness dives into a typically irreverent mix of local gripes (John’s meltdown at a slow pedestrian), passionate baseball talk with a tech twist (robot umps in MLB), debates over the fate of America’s pastime, and the week’s “Rock Wars” song contest—this time themed around John’s potential Phoenix Mercury tattoo.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holmberg's Stoplight Showdown (01:15–04:21)

• Incident Recap: John vents about a listener who crossed the street so slowly he missed his green light at 68th St & McDowell.
  • The crosser recognized him and called out his name, making the encounter even more aggravating for John.
  • The crew jokes about “mean mug crossers” who walk extra slow and claim the road as their own.
• Notable Moment:
  • “If you’re in the crosswalk, you’re not badassing anybody. Just get across the road.” – John (02:34)
• Humor & Local Color:
  • The story becomes a launching pad for a rant about people who “run the crosswalk” and a few gripes about extreme Arizona heat: “You got four DUIs, that’s why you’re walking in 108 degrees.”

2. The Coming of Automated Umpires in Baseball (04:21–07:13)

• Robot Umps Discussion:
  • John transitions to MLB implementing automated balls and strikes, first as a challenge system and eventually likely as a full replacement.
  • Arguments for automation: Improves fairness, removes notorious “wide” strike zones when umps want to hurry up games, and aligns the field with the accuracy TV viewers have come to expect.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Baseball's dying a slow death, it needs to be organized better for the next generation… and computers are going to be part of it.” – John (04:35)
  • “You miss the screaming at Angel Hernandez, Joe West... that’s the real fun of the game.” – Brady (07:06)
• Counterpoint:
  • The crew admits part of baseball’s charm is hating umpires by name but concedes that consistency and technology are winning.
  • Discussion veers into changing viewer habits and the struggle to get younger generations invested in baseball (06:33).

3. Valley Sports and Fan Woes (07:13–09:03)

• MLB Local Scene:
  • John laments the D-backs’ playoff push being overwhelmed by Dodger fans, emphasizing the difficulty of building genuine local loyalty and generational support for Arizona sports franchises.
  • “They’ve done a pretty good job with the Diamondbacks of getting kids to like them, but they’re not passionate about it.” – John (08:20)
• Humorous Tangent:
  • “What we need to have is robots helping you across the goddamn street.” (08:43)

4. Rock Wars: Theme Song For John's Phoenix Mercury Tattoo (09:03–16:33)

• Background: John drunkenly promised to get a Mercury (WNBA) tattoo if the Mercury win the championship. Cue the need for a themed “tattoo soundtrack.”
• Song Picks & Justification:
  • John's pick: “I'm the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge—chosen for Mercury fans’ love of Melissa; “I would be the only person in the world with a Mercury tattoo… Melissa’s their hero.” (13:38)
  • Brady's pick: “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls—suggested jokingly in reference to how often John will admire (or possibly regret) the tattoo.
  • Bret's pick: “It’s A Mistake” by Men at Work—plays off the risk (and possible regret) of John’s bold tattoo bet. “I think you know this could be a huge mistake. We’re hoping not.” (15:32)
• Rock Wars Winner (via trivia tie-breaker): Bret (“It’s A Mistake”) wins after swift trivia (“Green Eggs and Ham”) answer (17:01).
• Memorable Moment:
  • “I’ll put it out there, I am literally, I’m the only one to have that. And I think the only person that can say it and make Mercury friends understand is their hero, Melissa Etheridge.” – John (13:38)
  • “Don’t like lesbians, huh? See how it is?” – John ribs Brady after “It’s A Mistake” wins (17:25)

5. Banter, Callbacks, and Offbeat Humor

• Crosswalks & Mean-Mugging: Circling back, John calls out listeners who cross streets antagonistically—or recognize him mid-meltdown.
• Mercury Parade Dress-Up: The hosts half-heartedly pledge to attend a Mercury victory parade “dressed as Mercury fans—in dresses,” then wriggle away from committing (13:13).
• Random Phone-Call Memories: John reminisces about prank-calling random numbers as a kid, hinting at future bits.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Sluggish Pedestrians:
  “You’re not badassing anybody. Just get across the road.”
  —John (02:34)

• On robot umps and baseball evolution:
  “Baseball's dying a slow death, it needs to be organized better for the next generation… and computers are going to be part of it.”
  —John (04:35)

• On fan passion and the D-backs:
  “They’ve done a pretty good job with the Diamondbacks of getting kids to like them, but they’re not passionate about it.”
  —John (08:20)

• Tattoo Theme Song rationale:
  “I’ll put it out there, I am literally, I’m the only one to have that. And I think the only person that can say it and make Mercury friends understand is their hero, Melissa Etheridge.”
  —John (13:38)

• On regrettable bets:
  “I think you know this could be a huge mistake. We’re hoping not.”
  —Bret (15:32)

• Final jab after Rock Wars:
  “Don’t like lesbians, huh? See how it is?”
  —John, needling Brady after his song loses (17:25)

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Timeline of Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |:-----------|:---------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:15 | John’s crosswalk rant: The listener who stalled him at a light | | 04:21 | MLB robot umpire discussion begins | | 07:06 | Human umpires, tradition, and fan rage | | 09:03 | Introduction of Rock Wars segment | | 13:07 | Mercury tattoo bet and parade dress-up convo | | 13:38 | John selects his theme song (“I’m the Only One”) | | 14:55 | Brady’s quirky song entry (“I Touch Myself”) | | 15:32 | Bret’s entry (“It’s a Mistake”) | | 16:51 | Trivia tiebreaker; Bret wins Rock Wars | | 17:25 | Playful post-contest teasing |

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Summary Table – Rock Wars (Tattoo Song Entries)

| Host | Song Choice | Rationale | |:---------|:---------------------|:-------------------------------------------------------------| | John | Melissa Etheridge – “I’m the Only One” | For Mercury fans & tattoo uniqueness | | Brady| Divinyls – “I Touch Myself” | Teasing John’s pride in his tattoo | | Bret | Men At Work – “It’s A Mistake” | Commentary on risking a regrettable tattoo bet |

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Tone & Style

• Language: Playful, sharp, irreverent, with a streak of classic morning radio sarcasm.
• Atmosphere: Has the feel of a lively, unscripted bar conversation among quick-witted longtime friends, peppered with Arizona sports culture references, local color, and lots of self-deprecating humor.

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For New Listeners

This episode is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: local gripes, sports talk with a twist (robot umps!), irreverent song contesting, and banter that veers from personal confessions to collective ribbing—always teetering on the edge of the inappropriate, yet ultimately grounded by the hosts' camaraderie and deep Valley roots. If you missed the episode, this summary delivers the best of the jokes, debates, and community flavor, minus the commercials and station promos.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[D]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Rock Horse coming up a little bit. I forgot to tell you guys this story. This is good stuff. So yesterday I was driving back from. I had to make a left off of 68th street in McDowell. All right? And there's a Circle K right on that road. There's a dude who crossed the street so slowly in front of me that it screwed up my left hand turn and I got.

[B]

You're livid.

[D]

I wasn't happy. So I screamed out, come on. Because he was dry. I mean, it was snail's pace. And he looked at me and I'm like. And I gave him the look because.

[B]

It wasn't like it was an old person. No, Walker, normal dude.

[D]

I swear to God, Holg. Like, you gotta be kidding me. You just go. I was gonna run him over the car. He knew. He listens to the show. And I mean, he had to see me at my worst. Livid. Let's go, Holmberg. I'm like, how did you do that? How did you do that? I am Just a lunatic in a Jeep. That's it. Gives me this and just keeps walking like, you mother. So to that guy who. Mother. Speed it out. Go. Don't do that. If you're in the crosswalk, you're not badassing anybody. Just get across the road. Those people that. That mean mug you when they cross the. They look at you like, this is my road right now. Like, no. Then they. I. I run this. No, you don't.

[A]

Did you yell that out the way.

[B]

I run that out every morning?

[D]

He said, in here. Oh, these guys, these construction guys, they've gotten so comfortable, they don't even look for cars anymore. But that was pretty impressive that he. He identified me immediately. And, I mean, I shouted as loud.

[B]

No pleasantries. No, I was.

[D]

I was still. And then he said it. And then a few seconds Later, I'm on McDowell, laughing just like, what the hell was that, Holmberg? Irrelevant. Go. We can't, man. I'm in the crosswalk, and we all know that I gotta be this way. And if you're within 25ft of a crosswalk, just go to the crosswalk. Some dude crossing, like, he's almost to the crosswind. He starts running across, and he's, like, dodging cars. And he said, we're all stuck. Like, what are you doing? Go up. Go. Cross that. Is there anything you people won't cross legally? Come on. So to that guy. Thanks for listening, but seriously, go yourself. You screwed up the whole light. What?

[B]

I've got 25 seconds.

[D]

He didn't. He was crossing against her. I wouldn't have cared if he was going when he was supposed to, but he was in the middle of the road. Cause I was supposed to. The lagging yellow flashing thing went, go, go. He'd been crossing for an hour.

[A]

You didn't lay on the horn or anything.

[D]

I was close. I almost went to the horn when he said Holmberg. Now, I don't know if he said Holmberg or you. It's one of the two. I'm pretty sure I heard Homer. There's that. And also, we were talking about this off there, and it's on my mind. The robot umps are in baseball, and I'm getting emails about that. And people are like, what are you doing? Come on, baseball. Baseball's dying a slow death, and it needs to be organized better for people of the next generation to enjoy it. And computers are going to be part of it. I. Brett. And I was saying this off there. We hate the human element being gone, but it's actually Going to make the game a little better. The problem once again is us. If you watch baseball, you see the strike zone on a little computer screen. While you're watching the game, they have the little box and you know when the computer. Because you're watching with the computer and you get mad when the ump misses the call. Oh my God. It was just, it was on the line. Like you see the computer, what the computer would be calling and when the misses it, you get angry. And so what they're going to do now is have an umpire that's kind of a robot that. That will. You're allowed to challenges a game to say, that was clearly a missed call. And you go up. Eventually it will be. This is just the precursor to what's going on in minor leagues. Eventually all balls and strikes will be called by a robot. That's. Yeah, they should be. It has to be. And it's better because there's certain umps.

[B]

When you watch the games. I just remember that though they like.

[D]

A particular spread in the strike zone.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah. When they widen it. Well, they used to do it to speed games up, the Thursday games. The coaches knew, the umpires, they talked about it like, I'm going to call a wide strike zone today. And this ball, this game's going to go. So, you know, a lot of times guys are going to take pitches that are 7, 8 inches off the plate. That's still going to be a strike today because we got to hit planes at five o' clock and we got to get out of the stadium because the traveling days. So eventually the robots. And it's because if nobody does anymore. But when you watch a baseball game, they have. It's like when they, you know, when you see the first downline in a football game and they mark it, you're like, it's not even. Nobody on the field can see that. So. And now they've got that thing in football where they can pretty GPS predict. It's weird that, but it's still dependent on where the ball gets placed. So it's still up to the, you know, they can't do anything until the ball gets placed. Then they know if it's first down or not.

[B]

Tennis is coming around.

[D]

Tennis has robots all over it. I mean, all sports are kind of going that direction. And it's better that way. When we can watch with great accuracy as viewers what the actual call should be and nobody on the field has that technology, we. We get mad like, well, they should. But then we. But we still want the human Element. But you don't really. You really don't. You're actually. They've changed it. That's indoctrination in its finest. Give them the computer over and over again until they start saying, well, we just have to switch to this because this guy misses call after call. And there's certain umps that do that.

[A]

Oh, you miss the screaming at Angel Hernandez, Joe west, and, you know, stuff like that.

[D]

The real fun of the game.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Is hating the umpire. And when you get to know their names, you pile. You wreck the 04 series, you piece of. And they hear it. And now it'll just be less emotion, which baseball doesn't need. In fact, what they should do with baseball is have the catcher call the balls and strikes. You'd have fights every game. It would be amazing. But, yeah, people are email. Baseball is. Baseball's in trouble as far as its future. It has it. It celebrates its upticks, but it's really not. The arrow's not pointing up too high for baseball, and it's got a lot of great players. I'm going tonight, and I can guarantee you the Diamondbacks are fighting for a playoff spot. It's going to be mostly Dodger fans. You said Kirby went last night. It was almost all Dodger fans. It's pathetic, and it's hard to get a new generation invested in that. So they've done a pretty good job with the Diamondbacks of getting kids to like them, but they're not passionate about it. I don't know that robots are the answer, but it definitely does. And it'll speed it up even more. You won't have silly things happening with balls and strikes. There's that. And then what we need to have is robots helping you across the goddamn street. I want you to email me, whoever the hell you are, if you know me well enough to point me out of the street light that I'm yelling at you, then God damn it, listen to what I'm saying and cross the road like a human being. Oh, there's nothing worse. Mean mug crosser. You don't have a car. You've got four DUIs. That's why you're walking in 108 degrees. Don't yell at me, St. Brownham. Next time I. Shut up. I gotta go. What are you getting? I just gotta cross the street. Oh, Holmberg. There he is right there. No, I'm kidding. It's some weird dude in a large Waldo outfit walking across our parking lot. It's 9:22. Is it my Rock Wars I think I got it. Oh, did you? All right.

[A]

It's typo negative.

[D]

Oh, that's right. All right. Well, are you ready? Sure. Fire away, Brett.

[A]

All right. The song that John is listening to while getting his Mercury tattoo and a.

[D]

Theme song for my Mercury tattoo. All right. All right. I like that. And I don't think it's gonna happen, but just in case, we'll have a whole on the Internet, we'll play the song and you'll watch that thing go right onto my body somewhere. Yikes. Go Links I say I've never been a bigger Minnesota Lynx fan in my life. If you have any suggestions [e-mail] you can text 97936. We'll find out what we've got for you next Rock Wars Coming up.

[E]

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[F]

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[D]

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[A]

He missed that one.

[B]

I missed it.

[D]

You sure did, big time. You've only got 38 years of weekends left. Brady, what are you doing with your time? Brett had the win last week, so he picked the topic this week. And we discovered through the incredible memory of the audience, that I had made a proclamation that I will get a Mercury tattoo if they win the world championship. I don't remember doing it, but then Toledo found the tape, and sure enough, I did say that, so I gotta stand by it. They beat the Minnesota Links last night, and that's the team that's favored to win it all. We looked it up because nobody knew. And I'm still gonna get a phone book and I'm gonna call. You know what we used to do when I was a kid? Me and Mike Burkhart used to pick up the phone and just dial seven numbers. And our. Our. We had. He was an 838 and I was an 8, 3 1. And Tempe. He didn't have area codes. It was all 602. So you'd have to worry about it. So we'd just do eight, three, one, you know, and then four random numbers, and somebody would pick up, and we'd met. Hello. But almost always got some old lady who just answered a fart. Hello, friend or foe? Ahoy. Ahoy and I. And then we'd do something. We got to do that again. Just randomly dial out a number. Nobody picks up their phone anymore, but if somebody does, we just ask him. Who's number 25 for the Mercury? Oh, geez. I'll give you a million dollars. Oh, man. How much time do I have? That's. Time's up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

None of this before you go to the phone. Yeah, we can't. If your phone rings and it's us, you don't know the question. Name a Mercury player. So if I get a tattoo, it would be pretty remarkable. That means they've won it all, and Brett has to go to the parade with me.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[D]

I never.

[A]

I never stepped up on that one.

[B]

Proclamation.

[D]

9:41. On September 24th of 2025, Brett and I and Brady and Rich as well, promise to go to the Mercury's parade in dresses, identifying as Mercury ladies, and watch the parade, stress the way I'm dressed. Yeah, that's exactly right. We'll go as Mercury fans, which I currently am dressed exactly as a female Mercury fan. All right, Brett, who would you like to go first.

[A]

Go ahead. Since it's your side, Let me go first.

[D]

Well, I said this before. I'll say it again. If I do have a Mercury tattoo, I would put it out there that I am. I am literally, I'm the only one to have that. And I think the only person that can say it and make Mercury friends understand is their hero, Melissa Etridge. I am the only one. I would be the only person in the world with a Mercury tattoo. People would hear the song and go, he's the only one. Plus, on the video, in the interest of business, while they're doing the tattoo, if we're playing this song, the Mercury fans will, like, light it up. It'll. It'll be ridiculous. And then I'll say that I am number one in the city with Mercury fans, and it'll drive them crazy. Melissa's their hero, so there you go. That's me. All right, ready?

[B]

I think you'll be listening to this song. This song's perfect for you. Getting the tattoo not only from the.

[D]

If it's up, up and away, the.

[B]

Artist doing his work and how you'll feel combo, it's every time afterwards, you'll always want to feel this tattoo, and you'll be excited.

[D]

What? They're not making sense. 38 years of research, saying words.

[B]

Just saying words. You're gonna touch that tattoo a lot.

[D]

You think?

[B]

Yeah, I think you'll be excited about it. The vinyls I touched.

[D]

Oh, I touched myself. It was a long way around the mountain. It really was. We ran out of gas twice. We had to pull over for that to land.

[E]

That was John Denver's plane.

[A]

They want to know if we have to go to the parade. Are we renting a Subaru Outb. Go.

[D]

God damn it. Okay. All right. We gotta get there. Oh, maybe Waymo will have a Subaru by then. She's dead. We should throw this in the. There you go. I'll throw that out to the voice. Get the divinals going. All right. I touched myself. I don't understand it. Brett, you're up.

[A]

Well, I think you know, this could be a huge mistake. I'm making this bet. We're hoping not. And I think Colin Hay and the men from Men at work said it the best. It's a mistake.

[D]

Don't think we move too slow. He Toledoed you. He did.

[A]

I said 56.

[D]

Or is it 56? I said there we go. It's a mistake. It definitely would apply. Oh, man. It's a mistake. Great show. I wanted to go to this, too. You went. You liked it?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, there you go. All right, John, we're running out of time. It's going to be up to you right now. Come on over here. My Mercury tattoo theme song will have to be decided. Well, we can see before final call. Write this down. Okay. Final call. John Gordon and trivia. Those are the three. One through three. You got to pick a number. He's writing them down randomly with numbers. John Gordon.

[B]

Here it comes.

[D]

He throws the three at us. What were you putting down for three? That was trivia. Somebody will win today with trivia. And Toledo's got to break out his trivia book. Buzzing with your rock wars name. Damn it. Brady might win.

[A]

I know.

[D]

Although I do like that song. All right, here we go.

[E]

Quick one.

[D]

All right, let's go.

[E]

Pay attention. Buzz in with your name. Featuring a rather odd breakfast. What 1960 Dr. Seuss book uses only Brett Brady?

[D]

Damn it, Brett.

[A]

Green eggs and ham.

[D]

Bingo, man. Son of a bit. Oh, Green eggs and hams. A big winner. Brett wins with it's a mistake by men. It's a great song. Not complaining about that at all. All right, we'll take a break. We'll come back with a little minute work and do the entertainment drill. Brett wins. Rockworse. Who are you going to choose, John? You're going to choose It's a mistake as well. All right. Don't like lesbians, huh? See how it is? I see how it is around here. All right. There you go. Congratulations, Brett. Minute work wins this week's rock war. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[E]

No membership fees.

[D]

I have heard enough of this.

[B]

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[F]

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[D]

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