Holmberg’s Morning Sickness

Episode Summary: 09-24-25 – Revisiting The Bet John Made To Get A Mercury Tattoo If They Win The Championship
Date: September 24, 2025

Overview

In this lively and tongue-in-cheek episode, the crew — John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo — revisit a bold bet John allegedly made: if the Phoenix Mercury win a championship, he’ll get a Mercury tattoo. The conversation is filled with humorous skepticism about the Mercury’s chances, banter about the obscurity of WNBA players, and playful dread about the potential tattoo's design and meaning. Along the way, they riff on sports fandom, tattoos, and even veer into asteroid conspiracy territory, maintaining their irreverent, sharp-witted style throughout.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Revisiting the Mercury Tattoo Bet

• Listener Reminders Stir the Pot: Early in the segment, John addresses listeners who recall him joking that he'd tattoo himself if the Mercury won a championship. He feigns forgetfulness and doubts the bet's legitimacy unless a timestamp can be found.

  • “I'm being told by several of you bastards with, like, these elephant memories that I opened my trap...said if the Mercury won a championship, I'd get a Mercury tattoo.” – John Holmberg (02:14)

• Legal Technicalities and Bet Authenticity: John tries to dodge commitment, claiming that unless he stamped a date and time, the bet isn't enforceable. His history with outlandish sports bets is discussed, including a past threat involving a Cubs/Diamondbacks tattoo.

  • “If I didn't do that, I don't think it holds up legally...I'll do that then. Then there's a timestamp and some authenticity.” – John (04:32)

2. Mercury Players and WNBA Obscurity

• No One Can Name the Mercury: The segment devolves into a riotous roast of the Mercury's current roster, humorously pointing out that even diehard fans would struggle to name players — a running joke interspersed with repeated fake attempts to name the starting lineup.

  • "Nobody knows them. No one. Women, men, children, nobody. You can't walk...go up to anybody in your office and go, name three Mercury.” – John (05:01)
  • “I could pick up the phone, right? Name a Mercury and people be like, I can't. It would be everyone. And most defensively to them would be the women. They wouldn't know any of it either.” – John (05:36)

• Staged Phone Calls and Game Show Idea: The group fantasizes about calling random people and offering money to name Mercury players, confident no one could do it.

  • "If our phones work, this would be great. Just flip open the phone book...‘all right, we got $100,000 for you. Name the starting five of the Mercury right now’...No one would get it.” – John (07:00)

3. Tattoo Design Speculations

• Ridiculous Tattoo Concepts: John floats ideas for the potential tattoo, leaning heavily on broad, comedic references:

  • "I'll have John Goodman from the Big Lebowski’s face with one of those thought bubbles that say ‘go Mercury World Champions 2025.’” – John (03:35)
  • “I can't have Diana Taurasi in my body. I'd much rather have the much more attractive John Goodman from the Big Lebowski...” – John (03:54)

• Placement and Public Display: Amid proposals from the crew, John insists if he must get a Mercury tattoo, it should be somewhere visible “if the joke is out, it’s going to be out there.”

  • "I would put it on my arm somewhere. Tramp stamp maybe on my forearm. I want it to be so people see it.” – John (09:38)

4. Mocking the Commitment to the Mercury

• Dubious Fandom: John jests he’d be the world’s only person (straight or otherwise) committed enough for such permanent fandom.

  • "I would be the only person in the world with a Phoenix Mercury tattoo.” – John (10:16)
  • “I don't even think the lesbians are that committed.” – John (10:40)

• WNBA’s Shaky Legacy: References are made to failed teams and the fleeting nature of the league, reinforcing how absurd lifelong dedication (in ink) would be.

  • “The first champion the WNBA had, four years in a row, they won the championship. Not even a team anymore. The Houston Comets.” – John (10:44)

5. Confirming the Audio Evidence

• Toledo Finds the Clip: Dick “Toledo” produces proof of the bet — a recent recording of John agreeing to the tattoo wager with a Mercury fan. The crew debates whether John was kidding, but John ultimately owns up to the risk — with a caveat.
  • “If the Mercury win the world championship, you and I go get Mercury tattoos. Oh, I'll do it.” – John (08:05)
  • “Oh, I mean, it wasn't serious, but I did. I'll stand by it. I don't think they'll actually pull this off, but who knows? Those women are so bad at basketball. Anything could happen.” – John (08:22)

6. Segue: Nuking Asteroids Like in Armageddon

• Quick Sci-fi Riff: The conversation veers suddenly into news about NASA’s plan to nuke an asteroid, with John riffing about Armageddon and the potential for unintended alien wars.
  • “We're gonna nuke an asteroid. This can't be bad...what are you, retarded?...throwing nukes out into space, the never ending space. It's not like they have an expiration date.” – John (13:07)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Betting Against the Mercury:

  • “I don't remember saying this...How did that slip my mind so quickly?” – John (04:20)
  • “Well, if I do have to get a Mercury tattoo, it'll...just get a tattoo of the planet that would. Now if I...gotta get it done. And I'll go as far as to say I'll just put 'lifelong fan.'” – John (08:44)

• On Tattoo Placement:

  • “If I get found at wreckage and that would be the one thing people like. Unidentified body was found at the bottom of Camelback Mountain. Did have a Mercury tattoo.” – John (09:02)

• On WNBA Fandom:

  • "Show me your Mercury, Steve...I would be the only one.” – John (11:31)
  • “Deep down the lesbians know not to lifetime. Commit to the Mercury. Maybe buy a shirt, get one of those henna hemp things, wash it off. But you don't go to perms.” – John (10:44)

• Final Acceptance:

  • "I do like to be the person that, you know. If I said I'd go do this silly thing, I'll do it.” – John (12:31)

Key Segment Timestamps

• [02:14] – John references being reminded of the bet
• [03:35] – Discussion of outlandish tattoo designs
• [05:01] – Mercury's current roster obscurity
• [07:00] – Game idea: random people naming Mercury players
• [08:05] – Audio evidence of bet resurfaced by Toledo
• [08:44] – John insists on the bet; jokes about how bad the team is
• [09:38] – Where the tattoo would go and ensuring visibility
• [10:44] – The folly of lifelong WNBA tattoo fandom
• [13:07+] – Tangent: Nuking asteroids and sci-fi speculation

Tone & Style

The hosts approach the topic with dry sarcasm, playful self-deprecation, and quick improvisational humor. John’s skepticism about the Mercury’s championship odds is matched only by his willingness to entertain the bet for the show’s sake. Off-the-cuff jokes, local sports roasts, and digs at WNBA recognition keep the discussion light and laugh-heavy, true to the “entertain, question and disturb” promise of the show.

For new listeners: This episode is a prime example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness’s trademark blend of sports banter, tongue-in-cheek challenges, and fearless local comedy. The Mercury tattoo may remain hypothetical — for now.