09-24-25 - Revisiting The Bet John Made To Get A Mercury Tattoo If They Win The Championship

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness

Episode Summary: 09-24-25 – Revisiting The Bet John Made To Get A Mercury Tattoo If They Win The Championship
Date: September 24, 2025

Overview

In this lively and tongue-in-cheek episode, the crew — John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo — revisit a bold bet John allegedly made: if the Phoenix Mercury win a championship, he’ll get a Mercury tattoo. The conversation is filled with humorous skepticism about the Mercury’s chances, banter about the obscurity of WNBA players, and playful dread about the potential tattoo's design and meaning. Along the way, they riff on sports fandom, tattoos, and even veer into asteroid conspiracy territory, maintaining their irreverent, sharp-witted style throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Revisiting the Mercury Tattoo Bet

• Listener Reminders Stir the Pot: Early in the segment, John addresses listeners who recall him joking that he'd tattoo himself if the Mercury won a championship. He feigns forgetfulness and doubts the bet's legitimacy unless a timestamp can be found.

  • “I'm being told by several of you bastards with, like, these elephant memories that I opened my trap...said if the Mercury won a championship, I'd get a Mercury tattoo.” – John Holmberg (02:14)

• Legal Technicalities and Bet Authenticity: John tries to dodge commitment, claiming that unless he stamped a date and time, the bet isn't enforceable. His history with outlandish sports bets is discussed, including a past threat involving a Cubs/Diamondbacks tattoo.

  • “If I didn't do that, I don't think it holds up legally...I'll do that then. Then there's a timestamp and some authenticity.” – John (04:32)

2. Mercury Players and WNBA Obscurity

• No One Can Name the Mercury: The segment devolves into a riotous roast of the Mercury's current roster, humorously pointing out that even diehard fans would struggle to name players — a running joke interspersed with repeated fake attempts to name the starting lineup.

  • "Nobody knows them. No one. Women, men, children, nobody. You can't walk...go up to anybody in your office and go, name three Mercury.” – John (05:01)
  • “I could pick up the phone, right? Name a Mercury and people be like, I can't. It would be everyone. And most defensively to them would be the women. They wouldn't know any of it either.” – John (05:36)

• Staged Phone Calls and Game Show Idea: The group fantasizes about calling random people and offering money to name Mercury players, confident no one could do it.

  • "If our phones work, this would be great. Just flip open the phone book...‘all right, we got $100,000 for you. Name the starting five of the Mercury right now’...No one would get it.” – John (07:00)

3. Tattoo Design Speculations

• Ridiculous Tattoo Concepts: John floats ideas for the potential tattoo, leaning heavily on broad, comedic references:

  • "I'll have John Goodman from the Big Lebowski’s face with one of those thought bubbles that say ‘go Mercury World Champions 2025.’” – John (03:35)
  • “I can't have Diana Taurasi in my body. I'd much rather have the much more attractive John Goodman from the Big Lebowski...” – John (03:54)

• Placement and Public Display: Amid proposals from the crew, John insists if he must get a Mercury tattoo, it should be somewhere visible “if the joke is out, it’s going to be out there.”

  • "I would put it on my arm somewhere. Tramp stamp maybe on my forearm. I want it to be so people see it.” – John (09:38)

4. Mocking the Commitment to the Mercury

• Dubious Fandom: John jests he’d be the world’s only person (straight or otherwise) committed enough for such permanent fandom.

  • "I would be the only person in the world with a Phoenix Mercury tattoo.” – John (10:16)
  • “I don't even think the lesbians are that committed.” – John (10:40)

• WNBA’s Shaky Legacy: References are made to failed teams and the fleeting nature of the league, reinforcing how absurd lifelong dedication (in ink) would be.

  • “The first champion the WNBA had, four years in a row, they won the championship. Not even a team anymore. The Houston Comets.” – John (10:44)

5. Confirming the Audio Evidence

• Toledo Finds the Clip: Dick “Toledo” produces proof of the bet — a recent recording of John agreeing to the tattoo wager with a Mercury fan. The crew debates whether John was kidding, but John ultimately owns up to the risk — with a caveat.
  • “If the Mercury win the world championship, you and I go get Mercury tattoos. Oh, I'll do it.” – John (08:05)
  • “Oh, I mean, it wasn't serious, but I did. I'll stand by it. I don't think they'll actually pull this off, but who knows? Those women are so bad at basketball. Anything could happen.” – John (08:22)

6. Segue: Nuking Asteroids Like in Armageddon

• Quick Sci-fi Riff: The conversation veers suddenly into news about NASA’s plan to nuke an asteroid, with John riffing about Armageddon and the potential for unintended alien wars.
  • “We're gonna nuke an asteroid. This can't be bad...what are you, retarded?...throwing nukes out into space, the never ending space. It's not like they have an expiration date.” – John (13:07)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Betting Against the Mercury:

  • “I don't remember saying this...How did that slip my mind so quickly?” – John (04:20)
  • “Well, if I do have to get a Mercury tattoo, it'll...just get a tattoo of the planet that would. Now if I...gotta get it done. And I'll go as far as to say I'll just put 'lifelong fan.'” – John (08:44)

• On Tattoo Placement:

  • “If I get found at wreckage and that would be the one thing people like. Unidentified body was found at the bottom of Camelback Mountain. Did have a Mercury tattoo.” – John (09:02)

• On WNBA Fandom:

  • "Show me your Mercury, Steve...I would be the only one.” – John (11:31)
  • “Deep down the lesbians know not to lifetime. Commit to the Mercury. Maybe buy a shirt, get one of those henna hemp things, wash it off. But you don't go to perms.” – John (10:44)

• Final Acceptance:

  • "I do like to be the person that, you know. If I said I'd go do this silly thing, I'll do it.” – John (12:31)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• [02:14] – John references being reminded of the bet
• [03:35] – Discussion of outlandish tattoo designs
• [05:01] – Mercury's current roster obscurity
• [07:00] – Game idea: random people naming Mercury players
• [08:05] – Audio evidence of bet resurfaced by Toledo
• [08:44] – John insists on the bet; jokes about how bad the team is
• [09:38] – Where the tattoo would go and ensuring visibility
• [10:44] – The folly of lifelong WNBA tattoo fandom
• [13:07+] – Tangent: Nuking asteroids and sci-fi speculation

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Tone & Style

The hosts approach the topic with dry sarcasm, playful self-deprecation, and quick improvisational humor. John’s skepticism about the Mercury’s championship odds is matched only by his willingness to entertain the bet for the show’s sake. Off-the-cuff jokes, local sports roasts, and digs at WNBA recognition keep the discussion light and laugh-heavy, true to the “entertain, question and disturb” promise of the show.

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For new listeners: This episode is a prime example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness’s trademark blend of sports banter, tongue-in-cheek challenges, and fearless local comedy. The Mercury tattoo may remain hypothetical — for now.

Transcript

[Brett]

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[Brady]

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[Dick Toledo]

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[Brett]

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[Kevin Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. This thing's flying. I have been alerted. I sort of remember this. I'm making fun of the Mercury earlier that I said I actually did. So Toledo has to find this. I don't remember the date. If he doesn't find it, it didn't happen. But I'm being. I'm being told by several of you bastards with, like, these elephant memories that I opened my trap a few months ago and said if the Mercury won a championship, I'd get a Mercury tattoo. Now, I did this a couple years ago from the Diamondbacks, where I said if they did a certain thing, I would renounce my Cubs fandom. The bastards did it. Then I said, if they won the World Series, I get a tattoo of Brady naked on my chest wearing a Diamondbacks hat. Sons of bitches took it to five. I got a little nervous. They were in that thing for a minute. I was rooting for the Rangers. I'm not gonna lie.

[Brett]

Toledo's trying to mush you too.

[Kevin Holmberg]

How so?

[Brett]

Well, before, when he was all like, oh, you remember?

[Kevin Holmberg]

Yeah. So, yeah, you guys are emailing in. Until it goes tattoo for the Mercury, you're safe. That can't happen. Like, well, yeah, Toledo might as well just put their name on the. Engrave it now. Let me rent the buses for the parade to Nobod. So I suppose we should start talking design. I don't know if I got into that.

[Brett]

No, I don't think so.

[Kevin Holmberg]

I'll have. I'll do this. I'll have John Goodman from the Big Lebowski's face with one of those thought bubbles that say, go Mercury World Champions 2025. And then a little Mercury logo like. Or he's in a tank top, and.

[Brady]

I'll put that tarasi in the yellow lips.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Oh, I can't have. I can't have Diana Taurasi in my body. I can't. I can't. I'd much rather have the much more attractive John Goodman from the Big Lebowski than either of those two on my body at all. And I mean that. I mean that in real life, physically, I would rather have John Goodman on top of me on my body than I would either of those two. Not even talking about tattoos. I don't remember saying this.

[Brett]

Apparently, it was during the fireside chats to the guy that was a season ticket holder.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Geez, that was just a couple weeks ago. How did that slip my mind so quickly?

[Brett]

I don't know what that's. So, Chris.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Did I do my. My. My patented date and time when I stamp it?

[Brett]

I don't know.

[Kevin Holmberg]

If I didn't do that. I don't think it holds up legally because normally I'll say on this day, 9 24, 2025 at 8:51am I'll do that then. Then there's a timestamp and some authenticity if I just rattle it off. I'm not so sure that's. Boy, oh boy, I hope they don't win anything. Or I'll just get a giant Mercury tattoo somewhere visible. I'm not gonna minor the leng. Not doing any grinders at all. There will be no Grinder Merc. Nope. She's not even on the team, Brady. So we're not. That's true. It's funny. If they win the championship the year after the great Taurasi retires, so they have to rename that street after one of the unknown players they have now. Nobody knows them. No one. Women, men, children, nobody. You can't walk. Go up to anybody in your office and go, name three Mercury. And they're like. I was like, wasn't that the mission Current team?

[Brett]

I don't know.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Was it current team nothing? Buzz Aldrin. And no, no, not like those Mercury. Not that. No, not. Not NASA, Jim. Level three current Mercury.

[Brady]

Whatever.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Level. Aldrin, Armstrong. And there was another guy, Flip Orly. I'm not so sure I remember any of the Mercury. Nobody can name him. No one can name him. I could pick up the phone, right? Name a Mercury and people be like, I can't. It would be everyone. And most defensively to them would be the women. They wouldn't know any of it either.

[Brady]

You could call Michelle Timms and ask her to name a Mercury.

[Kevin Holmberg]

She would say herself. Awesome Mercury, mate. I played with a couple of them. I can't remember their names. Thanks, Mrs. Timms. Yeah, it's not how I identify, but.

[Brett]

All right, let's call Katie KB and see if Izzy knows.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Oh, man. Name five Mercury. We should call Katie Kimber. Hey, what's going on? Big fan, but employees. Name five Mercury. Let's just random call names that look like lesbian names. Is there a phone book still? And then just ask them, name five Mercury. I'll give you a million dollars. I wonder if we could do that.

[Byron]

We could do that.

[Brady]

The old game you play Mercury or.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, that Shane Gillis ruined that. We used to play that game here. But when Shane Gillis announced that the four time All Star that was in the crowd at the ESPYs and they. And the crowd clapped because they didn't want to seem rude, and he goes, that's just my friend's wife. None of you guys know. Yeah, we. Nobody knows a Mercury. Mercury porn star and something else. It was like nobody knew. Nobody got one right. And if they did, it was just a guess. I wonder if we could do that. I wonder if we go to Guerrilla Market. I've been wanting to do that old school radio stuff for a while. If our phones work, this would be great. I just flip open the phone book, I put my finger on a name, I call that person, and I'm like, all right, we got $100,000 for you. Name the starting five of the Mercury right now. You got to go. You can't look at your phone. You got three seconds to start naming names. No one would get it.

[Brett]

Beth does it with her phone, a friend or whatever that thing is.

[Kevin Holmberg]

It's all fake, though. No. Yeah, yeah. Ours would be real because people would be like, I don't know. And I'm going to sue you for putting me on the air. Like, all right, have a nice day. Bye, Katie. K.B. never forget. Never forget who you're listening. Oh, no. You have it. All right, go ahead. Where is it? Toledo's got it. This is my proclamation. Does it count? All right, WNBA tattoo. It's just the 12th of September. I did that just a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember this at all. How about this? Yeah, Kevin, how about this? If the Mercury win the world championship, you and I go get Mercury tattoos. Oh, I'll do it. Yeah. I have two sleeves. I have all kinds of tattoos, so tattoos are fun. Crying out loud, does that count? Is that a thing?

[Brady]

Did you say it was kidding at the end of that?

[Kevin Holmberg]

Oh, I mean, it wasn't serious, but I did. I'll stand by it. I don't think they'll actually pull this off, but who knows? Those women are so bad at basketball. Anything could happen. I mean, there's no real pick in them. I don't even think they allow you to bet on it in Vegas because they're like, we don't know what's going to happen. They're. They're terrible. Ball goes flying all over the place anyway. Well, if I do have to get a Mercury tattoo, It'll, ah. This guy said just get a tattoo of the planet that would. Now if I. If I sailed, I gotta get it done. And I'll go as far as to say I'll just put lifelong fan. I'll have that tattooed over it. Where. Where would I have to put this? I'd have to put it in a visible space next to your heart. Well, yeah. God, I'd have to die with that. I get found at wreckage and that would be the one thing people like. Unidentified body was found at the bottom of Camelback Mountain. Did have a Mercury tattoo, I think, underneath the wrist. No, people would know the second. I mean, I would never not be identified. What's on your wrist there? I lost a bit.

[Brett]

Just pull a flip barley and do it right on your crank.

[Kevin Holmberg]

No, It'll be the first time a Mercury's seen a crank, though. I would put it on my arm somewhere. Tramp stamp maybe on my forearm. I don't. I want it to be so people see it. I don't want to have to. You know, if the joke is out, it's going to be out there and it's going to be all right. I don't really think we have to worry about it. Is there anyone good?

[Brady]

You could do like an anchor and then the center of the anchor is the. The logo in there. Why Mercury sailor?

[Kevin Holmberg]

What's the matter with you?

[Brady]

People won't question it sometimes.

[Kevin Holmberg]

People would constantly.

[Brady]

He's the Navy.

[Kevin Holmberg]

He's in the. In what, World War II. I don't think maybe I still do that.

[Brett]

Get a can of Starkist on your.

[Kevin Holmberg]

On your Mercury. If that's my only tattoo again, though, I would be. It would be embarrassing on the news. If the police want help in anything of identifying this body. It was headless, but it had a Mercury tattoo. Be like, oh, that's Holmberg. He's the only one in the world with one of those. I would be the only person in the world with a Phoenix Mercury tattoo.

[Brett]

Straight male.

[Kevin Holmberg]

I think anybody. I don't even think the lesbians are that committed.

[Brett]

We need to go to check out.

[Kevin Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't think you've. I don't think they're that committed. Deep down inside, they know this business model is not good and it might fold up and the last thing you want is like an Arizona Sting tattoo. Knowing that this thing's gonna close up shop someday. I don't think they do it. The first champion the WNBA had four years in a row, they won the championship. Not Even a team anymore. The Houston Comets. They were the first ones. They won four in a row. They were like, amazing. It couldn't even keep it together long enough to stay afloat. Deep down, the lesbians know not to lifetime. Commit to the Mercury. Maybe buy a shirt, get one of those henna hemp things, wash it off. But you don't go to perms. I'd be the only one. I would be the only one. In fact, show me your Mercury, Steve.

[Brady]

Or whoever, the guy you said, let's get him together.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Oh, he would have one with me. But I'm never gonna. I'm not seeking him out. If he wants.

[Brady]

Well, then you're out then.

[Kevin Holmberg]

If he's not getting it, nobody cares if he gets it. I'll just go show up constantly. He'd show up for it. Sure.

[Brett]

Especially since he's sleeved already.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll just blend in with the rest. But I'm by myself on this anyway. Well, not that I have to tell the city to do this, but if you care at all the Mercury. And nobody's rooting for him anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Yeah, people keep saying that. Do the dick tattoo. Why would I put myself through that?

[Brett]

You can hide it then.

[Kevin Holmberg]

Already got it. Yeah, but. Well, you're saying nobody's ever gonna see. That's probably true. No one wants to see that thing anyway. No, I'm not going to do that. All right, we'll see. But thanks for remembering, you jerks. Everybody out there has got that on their mind. These people never forget. Brady, we can't.

[Brady]

That was a casual. It's not a proclamation.

[Kevin Holmberg]

No, yeah, it wasn't.

[Brady]

But I did say it this.

[Kevin Holmberg]

I do like to be the person that, you know. If I said I'd go do this silly thing, I'll do it. And while we're on the topic of silly things and art imitating life. And life imitating art. I don't know if you guys saw this. There's no cat. There's an asteroid headed directly towards the moon. Have you seen that? No. And they're worried about it. You know what the solution is? We're gonna nuke it.

[Brett]

Just send up a bunch of rigors.

[Kevin Holmberg]

We're gonna send the rigors. So our plan is exactly like the bad movie they are taking from that terrible Armageddon movie. And they're gonna send just its course.

[Brady]

Right?

[Kevin Holmberg]

I don't know what it does, but we're gonna nuke an asteroid. This can't be bad. You know what's going to happen. We're going to miss one. And a nuclear weapon is just going to sail through a wormhole, shoot over into an existing universe, leave a trail, blow something up. And they're going to be like, who the did this? And then they're going to get in their spaceships and come back and kill us. We've been ignoring you dummies for a long time. We've known you were here. You just threw a bomb at us trying to nuke an asteroid. What are you, retarded? Our parents took Tylenol. Yeah, we told you not to do that. We knew that. Then they're going to come over here and dominate us. Yeah, throwing nukes out into space, the never ending space. It's not like they have an expiration date. If it doesn't hit anything, it just goes till it does. And all likelihood it'll hit something that'll get pissed off and show up, but yeah. So that's our plan. That is our awesome plan. And it isn't, you know, it's not Trump. Trump, you'd think would say, what if we nuke it? Like, I think he says that in a lot of meetings and people like, Mr. President, we can't nuke everything. Disneyland. Nobody even likes it. Yeah, they do, actually. You're wrong about that. What if we nuke that? This is a suggestion from astronomers. That's their best idea. So I want to see it. But if we miss, we better have a rope on it to pull it real or back in. Anyway, it's 901. Somebody just sent me a terrible text. That's hilarious, though. I'll get the tattoo if they win, but I don't even know who they're playing the links right now. I don't even know who's good, like, who's standing in their way that you're like, they'll never get past them. No one knows.

[Brady]

Liberty.

[Kevin Holmberg]

The limu. Emu. I think they're all right with that. Is that a team? Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. No, wasn't the New York Liberty. I thought you were just talking about the insurance company with the bird. Either way, maybe. Did they handle them or. I think they already beat them.

[Brady]

Is that who they beat in the first round?

[Kevin Holmberg]

I don't know, Brady. No one knows. These are questions only God can answer. But we'll see. If I end up with a tattoo, it's because of you pricks. We got a Rock wars coming up in a little bit. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No, membership fees. I've heard enough of this.

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[Kevin Holmberg]

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